Spike's Pinkie Pie

by MallaJong1

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Romance, Spike, Comedy
Length: 4822

Spike and Pinkie Pie date.

Spike has developed a crush on Pinkie Pie. He's been able to keep it hidden pretty well. But when the truth of his affections slips out, Pinkie Pie's reaction befuddles everypony. She offers to go out with him! Why? Because it could be fun! Can Spike survive Pinkie Pie's spontaneity? Or will he collapse under the madness? Who knows?!

(Party Of One Alternate Route)
(Contains Adult Humor)

Published 2012-10-23 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-29 07:02:15 UTC

Confess!

What do we have here? Another story I need to tell? Sure, sure. Go ahead. Keep making me spend my precious time on these little tales. It’s not like I have anything better to do in my spare time, right? I mean, I’m the narrator, right? That’s all I am to you, right? Right? Right? It’s tough, I tell you. I didn’t sign up for this. Having to dispense this many stories. Ah, whatever. Complaining gets me nowhere, I guess. I just need to do what I’m told, because if I don’t I’m out of a job. And I need my job. I got a narrator family to feed and whatnot. We’re called The Narrators. Get it? You get it?

Hmm, might as well get started. So what story do I have to tell now, huh? It most likely has to do with Spike the baby dragon, I’m betting. Seriously, it’s like I’m just tied down to that kid or something. Spike’s this, Spike’s that. At this rate, we’re going to have a whole harem lined up for just Spike. Lucky bastard.

Whoa. Wait a minute. What was that? Oh, hold on, you want me to tell you THAT story? Really? Hah! Then why didn’t you say so earlier? That story is hilarious! Okay, I’m pumped now. I can have a lot of fun with this one. And I’m not going to hold back. I’m going all out with my narrating skills. If it’s about Spike’s romantic adventures with that pink party pony, then there’s nothing but a fun time ahead. Because, let’s face it, when it comes to Pinkie Pie…

That bitch is crazy.

Spike’s Pinkie Pie

Spontaneity had always been a dominant characteristic of Pinkie Pie. She was the great party pony of Ponyville, after all. Quite possibly the most festive creature in all of Equestria. Randomness was the name of that pink pony’s game, and there was never a second when Pinkie Pie’s behavior faltered from the line of unpredictability. It was an aspect widely appreciated, because oftentimes her actions produced an array of smiles and laughs. Hosting a new celebratory bash ever few days, singing and dancing at any opportune moment, and providing fresh entertainment to audiences all around made up most of Pinkie Pie’s daily life. And she was proud to be able to distribute her services. For the world deserved to be as happy as she was.

However, at this current time, Pinkie Pie was not so elated. The pink pony’s close friends were acting rather secretive around her. And if that weren’t enough, they were also spewing out obvious lies in order to cop out of a party she had recently planned. Gummy’s After-Birthday Party was going to be an absolute blast, but it seemed nopony wanted to be a part of it. But why? Why didn’t anypony make an effort to attend the after-party? Did they actually dislike her parties? Were they sick of them? That must have been it, right? Her friends must have hated her parties! Despised them, even. Then that meant they also despised Pinkie Pie as well! That was the only answer to everypony’s surreptitious conduct.

Of course, as we all know, that was in no way the case. Because unbeknownst to the paranoid pony, her friends were in the middle of preparing her surprise birthday party. Pinkie Pie coming up with another party during the same afternoon was an unfortunate occurrence, but the rest of the gang was sure she’d be satisfied with a bash dedicated to her. They’d have to attend Gummy’s After-Birthday Party at a different date. As long as Pinkie Pie ended up stunned at her very own surprise party, everypony will have done an exceptional job of concealing its existence. Oh, the shock on her face!, Twilight Sparkle, the original planner, thought. Priceless!

Meanwhile, at a festively decorated Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was readying herself to interrogate an individual whom must have been in the loop. Yes, it was Spike. According to Pinkie Pie, Spike knew exactly what was going on with their friends, and she was going to find out everything once and for all. She just needed a reward for the young dragon. Give him an incentive, and he’ll talk!, Pinkie Pie figured.

“Wow. Nice spread!” Spike rubbed his hands in anticipation, eyeing the pan of jewels on the table before him.

“It’s all yours, Spike.” Pinkie Pie confirmed, smiling innocently.

Spike was very happy. Yup, as simple as that. The reason he was so happy didn’t ride solely on the fact that a spread of glimmering stones awaited his tongue. It was basically due to Pinkie Pie’s seemingly benevolent intentions that Spike’s heart palpitated. Truthfully, Spike liked Pinkie Pie. And I mean he liked-liked Pinkie Pie. He wasn’t in love with her, unlike how he was in love with Rarity. But he was definitely attracted to Pinkie Pie. And it had taken a long while for Spike to finally admit this to himself.

Spike had fallen in love with Rarity at first sight. The purple-maned unicorn was the crème de la crème of his life. The ultimate beauty of the entire land. To the baby dragon, nopony could come close to comparing to her in terms of majesty. Though there were ponies that came close to coming close to comparing to Rarity. Pinkie Pie wasn’t elegant. She wasn’t refined or stylish, neither was she fashionable in any sort of manner. But there was a certain grace about the pink earth pony. Spike could see it. Every little thing she did was exquisite its own way. Whether they were her bright smiles or her intermittent bouncing, Pinkie Pie was flawless in her execution. Spike had noticed, and after two months of their first meeting he found himself a little nervous when he was in her presence.

She was also cute in her own way. Spike found her messy, raspberry mane to be kind of adorable. And her large, light cerulean eyes were always so catching.

Yet these sentiments baffled the baby dragon. It’s not like he was going to pursue her, not like for Rarity. Because the first prize was on his agenda. He desired the gold! Not the silver. So when it came down to it, Rarity the unicorn was his love, while Pinkie Pie the earth pony was his interest. And that’s how he wanted it to remain. But right now Spike was being offered a whole variety of mouthwatering stones! It was so difficult to not find Pinkie Pie’s sudden generosity attractive. No wonder he liked her, right?

Again, as we all know, Spike’s a sucker. Because he was completely ignorant of the situation he was in. Instantaneously, his tail was caught in Gummy’s toothless jaws. After the lights mysteriously dimmed and a blinding lamp stared directly into Spike’s face, Pinkie Pie began her grilling.

“All you have to do is talk.” Pinkie Pie said sternly.

Wait. What did she just say? All Spike had to do was talk? Talk about what?

Spike rubbed his eyes to adjust to the lighting. “Uh, I don’t get it. What do you want me to talk about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. I know you know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you talking about what I know you know what I want you to talk about. So talk!” Pinkie Pie demanded.

What was this all about? Spike had no idea. All he knew was that a dish of jewels were aching to be in his stomach. So he might as well start talking.

“S-sure. I’ll talk.” Spike stood up on his chair, contemplating. “Um, okay. I got one for you. Did you know that when you swallow chewing gum it stays in your digestive system for seven years? That’s a lot of years, huh? I read it in a book just recently.”

“Really? Cool! I swallow all my gum! So I guess there’s a little gum party going on in my belly right now!” Pinkie Pie giggled for a second before shaking her head vigorously. “No! No! You’re in serious mode, Pinkie Pie! This is an interrogation, remember?”

“Interrogation?” Spike repeated, watching Pinkie Pie reprimand herself.

“Yes, an interrogation! Now start talking!” Pinkie Pie readdressed her attention towards Spike.

“But I’ve been talking!” Spike defended himself worriedly.

“Talk about something else!” Pinkie Pie gritted her teeth menacingly.

“Okay, okay! Uh, how about this?” Spike racked his brain for a new topic. “Knock-knock.”

“Who’s there?” Pinkie Pie replied automatically.

“Beats.”

“Beats who?” Pinkie Pie’s right eye twitched.

“Beats me. Heh, heh.” Spike shrugged. “Get it? Because I said ‘beats’, and then you said –“

“NO!” Pinkie Pie screamed, frustrated. “You’re not understanding me! I want you to confess!”

“Confess?” Spike pushed himself against the seat.

“Confess!” Pinkie Pie pulled the lamp closer to Spike.

Spike knew he had been caught. He couldn’t believe she had found out. How did she even know? How was that even possible? He made sure nopony knew about it! This couldn’t be happening! Was Pinkie Pie some sort of mind-reader? Why was she so adamant on pressing Spike’s buttons, anyhow? Did she really care this much?

Spike spat it out. “I have a naughty magazine hidden in the Library! I look through it almost every night, and sometimes I rub in between my legs until something appears and grows really big! Somehow deep down I knew Twilight wouldn’t approve, but I just kept rubbing and rubbing until some stuff came out! I’m so ashamed!”

“And?” Pinkie Pie pressed on.

What did she mean ‘and’? Wasn’t that what she wanted? Unless…Oh, no. Not that. There’s no way she knew about that! Never in his life did Spike even consider confessing about that! Pinkie Pie must have known all along. It was over for Spike. There was no escape in sight. Only the sad reality of his pathetic admission.

Spike spilled the beans. “I have a picture of Princess Celestia’s butt that I secretly took! I stare at it constantly, and I pasted a photograph of Rarity’s head on the butt! I mean, her butt’s so huge! How can you not just take a second glance at it? I know! I am disgusting! She is our Princess! If she finds out, I’m going to be banished! And Twilight! She’s going to freak! Please, don’t tell anypony! I beg of you!”

“AND?”

She wasn’t yielding, was she? Pinkie Pie’s unrelenting questioning exasperated Spike. The only other secret Spike kept to himself was…his interest in Pinkie Pie. That was it. And that was what she was most likely after. The time to lay out his budding feelings was now. Knowing Pinkie Pie, she wasn’t going to give up her inquiring until Spike confessed. He realized that if he had to do it, then in solitude with Pinkie Pie and Gummy was probably going to be his best case scenario.

Are you sure you want to say it, Spike? Once you do, there's probably no turning back.

Spike broke under the pressure. “I like you, Pinkie Pie! I like-like you! I think you’re really cute and funny! I’m sorry if that bothered you! I didn’t know you were going to find out!”

You chump. You're in for it now. Welcome to the insanity that is Pinkie Pie.

There was silence. Pinkie Pie’s mouth gaped, thoughts racing through her mind at exponential speeds. Spike liked-liked her? She didn’t expect that. But as surprising as it was, she didn’t really mind it. This was the first time anypony had ever confessed to her. What was she supposed to do now? Pinkie Pie wasn’t so sure.

“You really like-like me, Spike?” Pinkie Pie pulled the lamp away. “You’re not lying to me?”

“I’ve already told you everything else, so why would I lie now?” Spike answered guiltily. “I know, I know. You probably hate me now.”

The brightness in the room returned to its previous state, illuminating their surroundings.

“Silly Spike! I don’t hate you.” Pinkie Pie beamed. “In fact I’m flattered!”

“You’re…flattered?” Spike asked in disbelief.

All day Pinkie Pie felt she had been deceived by her so-called best friends. Therefore, receiving a sincere truth at this specific moment was satiating. Pinkie Pie’s anxiety levels were dramatically lowered by Spike’s unexpected announcement of his affections, and she experienced extreme thankfulness towards the baby dragon as a result.

It could have been the stars having been aligned correctly. It could have been Spike's pheromones going wild. It could have been Pinkie Pie's own tendency to be impulsive. It could have even been, that at a time of distress for Pinkie Pie, Spike confessed at just the right moment. Maybe Pinkie Pie needed some support for her troubles. Either way, what the pink earth pony said next to the baby dragon still renders me dumbfounded.

And I'm the freakin' narrator, for crying out loud!

“Let’s make it official then!” Pinkie Pie nodded excitedly. “Spike, I’m your marefriend now!”

“What now?” Spike sputtered blankly.

“Let’s have a lot of fun, okay?” Pinkie Pie bounced giddily. “Gummy, did you hear that? Spike and I are going out!”

“Huh?” Spike went slack-jawed.

“If we’re dating now, then we have to go on a date soon! Oh, I know! We’ll have a party! A party announcing our new relationship! There will be music and cake and dancing and singing and everypony’s invited!” Pinkie Pie shrieked animatedly.

“Eh?” Spike’s eyes glazed over.

“What do ponies usually do when they date? Kissing is always a sign of dating, right? We’ll start it off with some kissing, and we’ll work our way from there!” Pinkie Pie put a hoof to her chin, pondering aloud. “Yes! Yes! There’s a whole new world out there for us to explore! This is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!”

Spike finally snapped out of his daze. “H-hold up, Pinkie Pie! What are you saying all of a sudden?”

“We’re dating now, Spike!” Pinkie Pie peeked over to Gummy. “Gummy, let him go now. He’s free to go.”

Gummy released his bite on Spike’s extended tail.

“L-let me get this straight.” Spike put a hand up to Pinkie Pie. “You want to be my marefriend? Just like that?”

“That’s right!” Pinkie Pie laughed. “If you don’t believe me, you can just ask the narrator! Isn’t that right, narrator?”

She’s not jerking your chain, Spike. Get on that ass.

Spike looked from side to side, confused. “W-Who are you talking to, Pinkie Pie? There's nopony here but us."

Acting like I don't exist, huh? Sometimes I just want to punch your teeth in, Spike. Jerk.

Help!

Okay, okay! I get it! It’s time to get back into it, right? The narrator needs to hurry up and start narrating! That’s what you want to say, right? I know you’re all thinking it! To get off my ass and start narrating! That’s it, right? Right? Fine! I’m here. I was taking a nice little nap, but then you all started sticking your dirty little fingers in my face, ordering me to wake up and take a shower. Well, I’m showered, everypony! I even used conditioner, so now I smell like roses! Are you happy yet? Are you all satisfied, oh, dear audience? Because I’m disgruntled right now. But that never mattered to you, did it? Narrate this. Narrate that. It’s all the same with you bronies.

Alright, I’ve calmed down a bit. Whew. Sorry about that. I just needed to vent.

So where were we again? Oh, that’s right! Spike the baby dragon and Pinkie Pie the earth pony have just entered a new relationship. Hah! Every time I look back to this particular story I laugh. So much occurred it’s insane. You can imagine the kinds of misadventures Spike and Pinkie Pie had gotten themselves into. The hilarity of it all never ceases to blow my mind.

Let’s analyze the current situation, shall we? Spike had unwittingly become the victim of Pinkie Pie’s senseless frivolity. That’s not too surprising, though. The pony’s affinity to her Element was painfully apparent. Therefore, when Spike confessed his growing attraction towards Pinkie Pie, he should have known that an event such as becoming the party mare’s special somepony was an entirely probable consequence. No question about it. He should have known.

Laughter was without a doubt the proper response to this circumstance. Regarding Spike’s predicament, how can one NOT laugh like a hyena on mushrooms? I know I couldn’t fight it the first time I witnessed his dilemma. To put it frankly, Spike had gotten himself into some pretty deep shit. Yet, by the will of Pinkie Pie, it was shit that she didn’t mind frolicking in.

And did she frolic? You bet your ass she did. She didn’t just frolic in it, she was swimming in it! She was downright having a blast in that shit!

She was having so much fun she didn’t even notice Spike drowning.

Spike’s Pinkie Pie

“Spike, aren’t you as excited as I am?” Pinkie Pie squealed happily. “We’re a couple now!”

“Pinkie Pie, you’ve said that like ten times already.” Spike groaned, rubbing his temples stressfully. “I don’t get what’s happening anymore. I need to think.”

“Why think when you can just do?” Pinkie Pie pushed her nose into Spike’s, grinning. “It’s much, much more fun that way!”

Spike reeled back in shock, covering his snout. “T-that’s fine and all, but why are you so set on being my marefriend all of a sudden?”

“You like me, don’t you?” Pinkie Pie continued grinning. “Wouldn’t this be the right solution to everything then? You get to cuddle with me, and I don’t end up alone.”

“C-cuddle?” Spike blushed furiously, blinking. “W-wait. What do you mean you won’t end up alone?”

“Oh, that.” Pinkie Pie waved her hoof dismissively, giggling. “That’s all in the past. It’s just going to be you and me from now on, Spikey.”

“Hold on. Hold on.” Spike shook his head and stood on his chair. “I still don’t understand what’s going on, Pinkie. What are you–?“

“Spikey, Spikey, Spikey. That nickname’s too boring!” Pinkie Pie cut off Spike. “We’re lovers now, so we should have special nicknames for each other! I need to start thinking of a new one for my little Spikey-poo.”

“Spikey-poo?” Spike grimaced.

“No, that doesn’t work. How about Spikey-boo?” Pinkie Pie thought aloud, tittering joyously. “Spikester? Spikeman? Spiker The Biker? Spikenstein? Spikey-Me-Likey? There’s just so many options to choose from!”

Spikenstein? Nice one, Pinkie Pie. But I think Spikey-POO is most suitable at the moment.

“I can’t wait to tell everypony at our announcement party, Spikenator!” Pinkie Pie jumped, playing around with more nicknames. “It’s going to be the best party we’ll ever host EVER!”

Pinkie Pie had reserved Sugarcube Corner’s party hall specifically for her pet’s After-Birthday-Party. She had decorated the room with a rainbow of streamers, ribbons, balloons and an ample supply of festive adornments. The colorful quarters could only produce refreshing smiles for any who entered. At least that is what Spike initially believed after having been invited by his pink companion. Of course, that was no longer the case for our little protagonist. Because after once again being bombarded with Pinkie Pie’s extemporaneous antics, an expression of sheer panic and confusion remained plastered on his round mug. And to make matters even more stupefying, Pinkie Pie wasn’t allowing Spike any chance to contemplate his situation.

Pinkie Pie was not trying to perplex Spike on purpose. It was just part of her nature to take things in stride and move on untouched. Why think when you can just do, right? A commendable plan to stick to, I’ll admit wholeheartedly. Though it seemed only the most charismatic were able to successfully live by this law of behavior, hence Pinkie Pie’s triumph in life. On the other hand, Spike wasn’t cutting it. He’s been Pinkie Pie’s special somepony for only five minutes and he was already suffering from a mental breakdown. His brain cells were cooking like eggs on a skillet.

Pinkie Pie was his marefriend? Spike had a marefriend now? Ridiculous! But wait! Why not observe the benefits? Because now that Spike thought about it, this instantaneous development was also kind of…cool! Wait till Snips and Snails heard about this!, Spike imagined. And Twilight! Spike anticipated the day when he could rub it in his mother figure’s face. She had always labeled Spike’s affections towards Rarity as childish and immature. Though now that he was with Pinkie Pie, she’d be enlightened by his very mature decisions…right? But wait again! Thinking about it now, how would everypony actually react to the news? What was Rarity going to think? Would she care at all? And did Spike truly see Pinkie Pie as a potential marefriend in the first place? Did he like-like her that much?

Spike’s mind was muddled with these types of bewildering questions. There was absolutely no clarity to any of them either. The more he dug, the most lost he ended up. And Spike didn’t like being lost. Not appropriately comprehending the magnitude of the present condition was dangerous. Unlike Spike, however, Pinkie Pie enjoyed straying from the regular path. Why? Because it was just another adventure to take on. The lack of predictions for the future was all part of the excitement, too! There lay more surprises ahead!

Throughout his entire exploration into the realm of volatility, Spike finally came upon a decision. Pinkie Pie was about to blab to all of Equestria about their sudden relationship, and Spike felt he must refrain her from doing so. For now at any rate. He just needed time to think. First think, then do. There was no way he was abiding by Pinkie Pie’s philosophy just yet.

It was the only answer he could figure amid the chaos within his membrane. Just because one side said they were both in a relationship, did that mean it was true? Or was it unrequited? To Spike, he had an obligation to stall for time. This conundrum would have to be drilled extensively. Only then could he solve it.

“Spikey-Bob-Thorton, let’s have the party tonight!” Pinkie Pie hugged Spike tightly, pressing her cheek into Spike’s. “Oooh! And it can be a sleepover, too! A double party! It will be the greatest sleepover-fiesta in history!”

“Uh, Pinkie, about that–“

“We’ll call it the Great Equestrian Sleep-Date! Every mare and colt’s welcome to join in!”

Spike blushed harder. “Or we can call it something else. But we should also wait until–“

“I got it! We’ll call it the Ultimate Sleepover of Love!” Pinkie Pie pumped her hoof in the air.

“I don’t think that–“

“No, this one’s better! Spike-And-Pinkie’s Amazing Lovefest!

How about calling it The Best Sugarcube Fun-gasm?

“Pinkie Pie, if we’re going to have a party, then it should be another day!” Spike finally spat out.

Pinkie Pie released Spike, bouncing back. “Why, Spikemeister? I think we should come out to everypony as soon as possible!”

“But…” Spike searched for excuses. “Don’t you think we need time to invite everypony? We could at least give it a day or two.”

Pinkie Pie contemplated Spike’s words. “Hmm. It is pretty late. We could have the party tomorrow, I guess. Is that what you really want, Spikey-Dykey?”

“Nothing would make me happier.” Spike sighed in relief. “Please, promise me you won’t tell anypony about us until the party, okay?”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my–“

Pinkie Pie was about to finish her famous Pinkie Promise. She was literally half a second away from completing the ritual. And if she had, you can be sure that Pinkie Pie would have stayed true to her principles. Unfortunately for Spike, she was interrupted by a certain cyan pegasus. Who was this pegasus? You got it: it was Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash had been sent by the rest of the gang to pick up Pinkie Pie for her surprise party. Little did the pegasus know, though, was that an even bigger surprise was on the horizon. A surprise that was sure to slap Rainbow Dash right upside that polychromatic-maned head of hers.

“Hey, there, Pinkie Pie. Sorry I was in such a rush earlier. Had some place to be and I couldn’t slow down and say ‘hello’. You know how it goes.” Rainbow Dash said sheepishly.

“I know how it goes, alright.” Pinkie Pie snapped back, gritting her teeth.

Watch out, Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie thinks you hate her. Better step back.

“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash looked away ashamedly. “So, why don’t we head on over to Sweet Apple Acres? Oh, hey, Spike. Didn’t see you there.”

“Hey, Rainbow Dash.” Spike waved nervously, noticing Pinkie Pie’s angered state.

Spike could sense Pinkie Pie’s hostile aura from a mile away. Rainbow Dash could detect it as well. And as a result the two assumed only trouble was afoot. Well, they were correct in that assumption.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not with you, anyway.” Pinkie Pie wrapped her hooves around Spike. “I’m staying here with my little Spikey-doo-doo.”

“Spikey-doo-doo?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, looking to Spike.

Spike tensed up. What was Pinkie Pie spouting out now? She promised she wouldn’t say anything, didn’t she? Rainbow Dash was going to find out everything if this kept up! And why was she suddenly behaving so antagonistic towards Rainbow Dash?, Spike wondered. Was Pinkie Pie that clingy or something?

“Heh. She’s just saying stuff, Rainbow Dash.” Spike chuckled anxiously, shrugging. “You know how she is. Kooky ol’ Pinkie Pie.”

“Right…” Rainbow Dash replied, unconvinced. “Whatever. I just need Pinkie Pie to come with me. You can come, too, Spike.”

“Like I said, we’re not going anywhere with you!” Pinkie Pie growled, squeezing Spike closer to her body.

“P-Pinkie Pie, you’re squeezing me.” Spike grunted through squished cheeks.

“Come on, Pinkie Pie. Just come with me.” Rainbow Dash flittered forward. “We need to go now!”

“No! You can’t make us!” Pinkie Pie stubbornly stated, bringing Spike even closer.

“That hurts…Pinkie Pie…” Spike pushed back at Pinkie Pie, but to no avail.

“Oh, yeah?” Rainbow Dash’s patience was wearing thin. “Just watch! You’re coming with me whether you want to or not!”

“No way!” Pinkie Pie squeezed Spike harder.

“I…can’t…breathe…” Spike choked out, his eyes widening.

“Stop acting so stubborn! We’re going to Sweet Apple Acres!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

“Not. Gonna. Happen.” Pinkie Pie hugged Spike even tighter after each pause.

“Please…” Spike gasped.

“Yes, you are!” Rainbow Dash disputed threateningly.

“No, I’m not!” Pinkie Pie barked.

“Help…me…” Spike pleaded his last breath.

Here’s the thing, everypony. Spike wasn’t kidding. He seriously wasn’t able to breathe. To the ignorance of Pinkie Pie, she was embracing Spike so forcefully that he was beginning to black out. That crazy bitch was strangling the poor baby dragon! Spike clawed fervently at Pinkie Pie’s hooves, kicking about like a decapitated chicken. Alas, it was all for naught. His eyes popping and his trachea cracking, Spike’s body convulsed as he pathetically plummeted into the land of unconsciousness. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were too distracted arguing back and forth to take any notice. And when the baby dragon FINALLY ceased moving – when his eyes FINALLY rolled into the back of his head – Rainbow Dash FINALLY saw the warning. FINALLY.

“P-Pinkie Pie! Let go of Spike! I don’t think he can breathe!” Rainbow Dash gulped worriedly.

“I’m not listening to you!” Pinkie Pie turned her head away pigheadedly.

“Pinkie Pie! You gotta let go!”

“Nuh, uh! Not listening!”

“Pinkie Pie!”

“Lalalalalalalalalalalala!”

Rainbow Dash is a pony of instinct. Too bad her instincts kicked in too late, otherwise she could have saved Spike while he was sinking into a world of blackness. Nonetheless, the cyan pegasus started taking command of her role, and she shot forward full speed. Grabbing ahold of Spike’s legs, Rainbow Dash pulled with all her might. Using every ounce of her strength, the pegasus tried stripping the baby dragon away from Pinkie Pie’s monstrous grip. Pinkie Pie wasn’t planning to release him, though. First Rainbow Dash ignored her all day, and now she was stealing her Spikey-Me-Likey? Not a chance!

“Give him to me!” Rainbow Dash screamed, straining.

“He’s not yours! He’s mine!” Pinkie Pie’s face reddened in rage.

It was such a humorous scene. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were simultaneously pulling at Spike’s lifeless frame, shouting gibes at each other like balls rallying in a tennis court. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings violently while Pinkie Pie’s hooves remained glued to the floor. The two partook in a heated tug of war battle – the prize being Spike’s cataleptic body. It was a grand test of endurance, yet nopony seemed to be winning or losing. They were at a stalemate.

Two mares fighting for Spike? Typical. Spike gets all the bitches.