Maybe she should have made him the sandwitch.
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The Brony that hits Women
Maybe she should have made him the sandwitch.
It was November the ninth, and Nigel van Crowstein was sitting at home. He had just got finished watching a trailer for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Season 3.
"Damn it Vicky, make me a sandwitch!" he demanded. Vicky replied immidiately
"Im a little busy right now, give me a minute or two."
"I can't take it anymore. I need new pony material. Why cant it be tomorrow?" He said, as if she ran the Hub.
"I don't know Nigel, maybe we can just waid a day. It will be soon." She said calmly. She had always loved him, but ponies bring out his bad side every once in a while.
"Yea, well soon ain't good enough this time." he said rising to his feet. He smacked Vicky across the room, sending her flying into a wooden chair, completely shattering it. At that exact moment, Princess Celestia dropped whatever it was she was doing and used her magic to hone in on this disturbance. She looked at the viewing globe and saw Nigel, hitting his wife. Celestia was all pissed and shit because she's a woman and he was hitting a woman. Naturally, she assembled the Elements of Harmony by sending a letter to her student, Twilight Sparkle. She showed up about ten minutes later, along with her friends; Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and the useless one. She then spoke to them.
"Theres no time to explain, get in the van." she said. They all jumped in the van and Celestia used her Jesus Swag to open a portal to earth. After they landed, Celestia pointed out the house in which Nigel lived. She then said to them,
"Normally I would solve this myself, but I need to fuck bitches and make money. So, you know, do your whatever thing. Good luck." As she drove off, she began to do the Macerena, as she opened the portal like a hot knife searing through a stick of butter. The portal closed and they all looked at Applejack who was standing in the back. She didn't mean to lack but she was at the bottom of the pack. The odds began to stack and her luck went a bit off track. She then began to quack as they pushed her through the door. She looked up to see Nigel standing over Vicky with a cube of dirt in his hand. He was hitting her and it was up to Applejack to stop him. She began quacking at him. Naturally, he stopped hitting her and turned his attention to the small horse with duck lungs. He drew close to see if she was ok, giving Vicky a few seconds to recover. Nigel bent over the pony to see if she was okay and she kicked him in the chest. Nigel was infuriated.
"Thats it, your turn." He picked up Applequack and suplexed her into his flat screen. She immediately began bleeding. She had to do something, then she remembered.
"QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!" she blurted. The sound echoed through the house and reached Twilights ears.
"Thats the signal! Move out!" Twilight yelled. The rest of the group frollicked in. They seen Applequack on the groung in a pool of her own blood. She was still alive, but she would probably never quack again. Rainbow Dash was somewhat rustled, but only because Applejack couldn't do her homework anymore. Fluttershy on the other hand, was just about ready to kill the large, Czechoslavacian man. She began sprinting, gently flapping her wings to give her some more speed. All of the mane six, save Twilight and Applequack, who were either bleeding on the ground or playing a game of solitare, were in awe. Nigel saw the incoming threat and acted quickly. He grabbed her at the chest and flipped her in a windmilling motion out the window. Of course, the window was open, so she was fine; that is until nigel threw his overheated toaster trailing after her. She had am major third degree burn on her side. Nigel quickly looked back at the rest of the Mane 6.
"Two down, one to go." he said, his face asmirk. Before Twilight could comment on his math skills, he bodyslammed her. She was a bit distraught from the attack, but was mostly ok. He then grabbed her from her tail, and began spinning in a circle. Now moving at least 20 miles per hour, Nigel let go, sending her flying into Applequack, stabbing her with her horn. Pinkie pulled out her party cannon and fired it at Nigel. Unfortunately for her, it was only loaded with confetti. Although it had a tremendous amount of efficiency on changelings and other ponies, it wouldn't have much power against a human. Nigel kicked Pinkie into a wall and wheeled the cannon back to where he was. He grabbed Twilight and used her as ammunition. He realized it would be useless to shoot at Pinkie, so he fired at Rainbow Dash, who uses Rarity as a meat shield. Rainbow went flying full force at Nigel, who wasn't expecting much. She had to do her worst, and sonic rain-boomed him through his wall. He was hurt but could still fight. He used his weight against the small pony, dragging her down, slowly descending into the pool. Rainbow was soaking wet and couldn't fly. Nigel seized his opportunity and began striking the now much heavier blue pony. He looked up and seen twilight standing with a blood covered horn.
She picked him up and sent him flying through a wooden fence. Twilight pulled him back to her while putting on a pair of brass horseshoes. When she dragged over to him, she began jumping on him, kicking in all the wood chips splinting into his body. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Twilight began beating him with Japanise Kenabo clubs, breaking bones with every hit. He began to beg for mercy,
"Please, comrade, stop." Said Nigel. They stopped for only a second, allowing themselves to regain full stregnth. Twilight nodded and she had Rainbow Dash sonic rain-piss in his face. Fluttershy then walked up and poured fruit juice across his whole body. It seemed wierd at the moment, but then she pulled out a mason jar full of red ants.She broke it on his shoulder and let both glass and ants cover his entire body. At that moment, a mail delivery truck being driven by a small group of blind orphans came crashing through the front door.
Disreguarding the orphans, Vicky came around the corner with three large Pit Bulls on leashes in one hand, and meat seasoning in the other.
The Brony that hits Women
It was November the fifth, and Mitt Romney was sitting at home. He had just got finished watching one of the presidential debates.
"Damn it Obama, make me a sandwitch!" he demanded. Barack replied immidiately
"Im a little busy right now, give me a minute or two."
"I can't take it anymore. I need to be president. Why cant it be tomorrow?" He said, as if Obama ran the country.
"I don't know Mitt, maybe we can just wait a day. It will be soon." He said calmly. He had always loved him, but becoming president brought out his bad side every once in a while.
"Yea, well soon ain't good enough this time." he said rising to his feet. He smacked Barack across the room, sending him flying into a wooden chair, completely shattering it. At that exact moment, Princess Luna dropped whatever it was she was doing and used her magic to hone in on this disturbance. She looked at the viewing globe and saw Mitt, hitting Obama. Luna was all pissed and shit because she's black and he was hitting another black person. Naturally, she assembled the Elements of Harmony by sending a letter to her "nigga," Twilight Sparkle. She showed up about ten minutes later, along with her friends; Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and the useless one. She then spoke to them.
"There's no time to explain, get in the van." she said. They all jumped in the van and Luna used her Kony Swag to open a portal to earth. After they landed, Luna pointed out the house in which Mitt lived. She then said to them,
"Normally I would solve this myself, but I need to fuck bitches and make money. So, you know, do your whatever thing. Good luck." As she drove off, she began to dougie, because she is black, as she opened the portal like a hot knife searing through a stick of butter. The portal closed and they all looked at Applejack who was standing in the back. She didn't mean to lack but she was at the bottom of the pack. The odds began to stack and her luck went a bit off track. She then began to quack as they pushed her through the door. She looked up to see Mitt standing over Barack with a binder full of women in his hand. He was hitting him and it was up to Applejack to stop him. She began quacking at him. Naturally, he stopped hitting Obama and turned his attention to the small horse with duck lungs. He drew close to see if she was okay, giving Barack a few seconds to recover. Mitt bent over the pony to see if she was okay and she kicked him in the chest. Mitt was infuriated.
"Thats it, your turn." He picked up Applequack and suplexed her into his flat screen. She immediately began bleeding. She had to do something, then she remembered.
"QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!" she blurted. The sound echoed through the house and reached Twilights ears.
.
"Thats the signal! Move out!" Twilight yelled. The rest of the group frollicked in. They seen Applequack on the groung in a pool of her own blood. She was still alive, but she would probably never quack again. Rainbow Dash was somewhat rustled, but only because Applejack couldn't do her homework anymore. Fluttershy on the other hand, was just about ready to kill the rich, mormon politician. She began sprinting, gently flapping her wings to give her some more speed. All of the mane six, save Twilight and Applequack, who were either bleeding on the ground or playing a game of solitare, were in awe. Romney saw the incoming threat and acted quickly. He grabbed her at the chest and flipped her in a windmilling motion out the window. Of course, the window was open, so she was fine; that is until Mitt threw his overheated toaster trailing after her. She had a major third degree burn on her side. Mitt quickly looked back at the rest of the Mane 6.
"Two down, one to go." he said, his face asmirk. Before Twilight could comment on his math skills, he bodyslammed her. She was a bit distraught from the attack, but was mostly ok. He then grabbed her from her tail, and began spinning in a circle. Now moving at least 20 miles per hour, Mitt let go, sending her flying into Applequack, stabbing her with her horn. Pinkie pulled out her party cannon and fired it at Mitt. Unfortunately for her, it was only loaded with confetti. Although it had a tremendous amount of efficiency on changelings and other ponies, it wouldn't have much power against a human. Mitt kicked Pinkie into a wall and wheeled the cannon back to where he was. He grabbed Twilight and used her as ammunition. He realized it would be useless to shoot at Pinkie, so he fired at Rainbow Dash, who uses Rarity as a meat shield. Rainbow went flying full force at Romney, who wasn't expecting much. She had to do her worst, and sonic rain-boomed him through his wall. He was hurt but could still fight. He used his weight against the small pony, dragging her down, slowly descending into the pool. Rainbow was soaking wet and couldn't fly. Mitt seized his opportunity and began striking the now much heavier blue pony. He looked up and seen twilight standing with a blood covered horn.
She picked him up and sent him flying through a wooden fence. Twilight pulled him back to her while putting on a pair of brass horseshoes. When she dragged over to him, she began jumping on him, kicking in all the wood chips splinting into his body. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Twilight began beating him with Japanise Kenabo clubs, breaking bones with every hit. He began to beg for mercy,
"Please, comrade, stop." Said Romney. They stopped for only a second, allowing themselves to regain full stregnth. Twilight nodded and she had Rainbow Dash sonic rain-puke on his face. Fluttershy then walked up and poured fruit juice across his whole body. It seemed weird at the moment, but then she pulled out a mason jar full of red ants.She broke it on his shoulder and let both glass and ants cover his entire body. At that moment, a mail delivery truck being driven by a small group of blind orphans came crashing through the front door.
Disregarding the orphans, Obama came around the corner with three large Pit Bulls on leashes in one hand, and the political polls in the other.
