The Adventures of Dinky Doo
Bonbon looked up from her magazine as she heard the gentle ringing of her store bell. In the doorway she saw Lyra Heartstrings, her best friend since kindergarten. Bonbon was quick to notice that the mint green unicorn was levitating an unwieldy object behind her. It looked to be some kind of thick cylinder wrapped in green cloth, and from the strained look on Lyra’s face, it also looked to be heavy.
“Hello Lyra,” said Bonbon as she blankly stared at the object, “What do you have there?” The earth pony winced as the unicorn dropped the object, which landed on the floor with a loud thud. It was not so much because of the noise, but because Bonbon had just finished waxing the floor earlier that morning and had no wish for it to become scraped again.
“I have something that’s going to blow your mind!” Lyra panted as she wiped the sweat from her brow, “I mean it, Bonbon, what I got here is amazing! You’re never going to believe it!” Bonbon stared in anticipation as the unicorn began to unwrap the green cloth from the object. The earth pony’s expression of apprehension turned into a dry frown as it became visible.
“Lyra,” she said flatly, “That’s a piece of wood.” Indeed it was a piece of wood. It was a stout log of pine, just a little thicker than a log one might put on a fire.
“I know!” Lyra cried excitedly, “But it’s not just a piece of wood! It’s a talking piece of wood!” Despite her claim, the log did not speak, even though it had ample opportunity to during the awkward silence that came afterwards.
“Please tell me you didn’t pay money for that,” Bonbon sighed.
“No, really!” cried Lyra, “It talks! Here, let me introduce you! Log, this is Bonbon. Bonbon, this is Log!” The unicorn grinned as she pointed a hoof back and forth between the two. Bonbon’s unrelentingly flat look remained as the log remained silent. Lyra turned to the log, grabbed it in her forelegs, and gave it a good shake.
“Come on, talk!” she muttered under her breath, “What gives?! You wouldn’t shut up on the way here!” The mint green unicorn turned back to Bonbon, her confident grin turned nervous.
“Lyra,” sighed Bonbon as she looked back down at her magazine, “It’s a piece of wood. It doesn’t have a mouth. It doesn’t have vocal chords. It doesn’t even have a brain. It’s not capable of speech.”
“But I heard it talk!” cried Lyra, “I heard it with my own ears!” She whirled around to face the log, now looking a bit miffed. “What’s your problem? Are you trying to make me look stupid?”
“If it is, it’s succeeding,” said the stoic earth pony. The mare’s eyes suddenly grew wide as an unfamiliar chortle sounded off. She looked up to see Lyra once again grinning joyously.
“See!” she said as she pointed enthusiastically at the unmoving piece of pine, “It laughed! I was right!”
“Hold on,” Bonbon said as she raised an eyebrow, “How do I know that wasn’t you?” Lyra’s beaming smile fell, and she opened her mouth to offer an explanation she didn’t have.
“Uh…”
“I thought so,” replied the earth pony as she went back to her reading. Lyra let out a frustrated groan as she slammed her hoof on the log.
“Ow!” cried the log , “That hurts!” Bonbon looked up again. Again, the unfamiliar voice had spoken.
“That’s a pretty good voice, Lyra,” she said, “I’d wish you’d use it for something more constructive.”
“It’s not me!” cried the unicorn, “It’s the log!”
“Sure it is,” Bonbon replied stoically. Lyra wrung her hooves exasperatedly and pulled at her mane. She got down on her knees and eyed the piece of pine pleadingly.
“Please!” she begged, “Please talk! I know you can! I can get you things! Varnish! Sandpaper! Just one word! One!”
“Not to you,” replied the log, “To her.” A near-manic grin spread across Lyra’s face as she scooped up the log in her forelegs, ran over to the counter, and dropped it right on top of Bonbon’s magazine. The earth pony looked mildly frightened as the unicorn began to babble.
“It wants to talk to you!” the ecstatic mare thundered triumphantly, “See! I’m not crazy!” She beamed down at the log. “Alright Log, go ahead!” Bonbon sighed and rolled her eyes, but decided to indulge her friend despite her better judgment.
“Alright, ‘Log’,” muttered the earth pony, “What did you want to say?”
“You’re fat.”
Both Lyra and the log subsequently went flying out the front door of Bonbon’s sweetshop. Lyra finally stopped when she crashed into a fruit stand, sending pears all over the street. The log, however, made a safe landing in a cart full of wool. The cart’s owner, a unicorn from Coltucky, remained unaware of the stowaway and so continued his journey out of the city square. In the space of an hour he was on his way out of Ponyville altogether, and the log would have traveled all the way to Coltucky had it not been for a pothole that evaded the unicorn’s vision. As he pulled his cart over this pothole, it suddenly lurched sideways, catapulting the log into the air and out of the cart. It tumbled down the walkway of a nearby house until it came to a stop right outside of said house’s doorstep. Shortly afterwards the door opened, as the commotion had stirred its resident.
Ditzy ‘Derpy Hooves’ Doo looked down at the log from the doorway of her quaint little house. She seemed pleasantly surprised, if not bemused, to see it.
“Huh,” she said as she reached down and picked it up, “What are you doing here?” The walleyed mare chuckled to herself, as she was not expecting an answer. Scatterbrained as she was, even she knew that logs couldn’t talk. So her immediate surprise was understandable when it replied.
“Hello,” said the log. Ditzy cried out in surprise and dropped the log. It landed on the doorstep with a loud clack, followed by a yelp of pain from the piece of wood.
“Ow!” it screeched, “Watch it, featherbrain!” Ditzy stared at it as best she could, so amazed she didn’t even react to the insult. The Pegasus mare rubbed her yellow eyes, took a deep breath, and shook her head to clear her senses before speaking again.
“Did…did you just talk?” she breathed nervously.
“No,” said the log. Ditzy continued to stare at it, not entirely convinced.
“A-are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Ditzy raised an eyebrow and craned her head closer to give the log a scrutinizing look. Her curious gaze ran up and down the length of wood, inspecting every grain and knot. She leaned in even closer and rested her ear against its rough surface. She remained deathly quiet as she listened for anything that might have been hiding inside. When she heard nothing, she drew back and smelled it. Nothing but the powerful scent of pine. Perplexed, Ditzy sat on her doorstep and scratched at her scalp, still staring at the log.
“Hmm…” she murmured as she rested her chin in her hooves. She continued to gaze at the log, and couldn’t help but notice two large knots that seemed to stare back at her. Ditzy began to imagine those knots as eyes, and along with the eyes, a face came into mind. The Pegasus pulled the log closer, and her suspicious stare gave way to a thoughtful smile. The smile became a grin as she suddenly had an idea.
“Hey,” she said, “You’re just what I need for my final!”
“What?” the log muttered. But Ditzy didn’t seem to notice, as she quickly picked up the log and rushed inside, slamming the door shut behind her.
Ditzy’s eyes narrowed in determination as she lowered her safety goggles over her eyes. The log now sat on a table within her kitchen, along with a variety of woodworking tools. The Pegasus gave a long look at the piece of wood before turning down to stare at a her notepad. Scribbled with on the lined paper was her design for her final. It was a little uneven as she had drawn it herself, but one could clearly see that it was meant to be a puppet or doll of some kind. The mare went and propped it up on the table so that she could see it while she worked.
“Alright Loggy, time to get to work!” she cheerfully muttered as she picked up a hammer and chisel.
A short while later, she had hewn two large, staring eyes into the log. Like her own they were a little uneven, but Ditzy did not worry because they turned out far better than she had hoped.
“There we go,” she said with a satisfied smile, “Now you can see your mama.” She leaned over to grab a different chisel, never taking notice that the eyes blinked and followed her movements. Next, she moved onto the rest of the face. After crafting the mouth and nose, the Pegasus mare noticed a small growth in the middle of the forehead that looked like it was once a branch. Ditzy carefully chiseled it off. Just as she pulled back her tools, her eyes widened. The stub spontaneously grew back. Frowning, the blonde equine chiseled it once more. Not only did it return, but this time it grew back even longer. Ditzy stared at the stubborn growth, unsure of what to do. But in a moment an idea came to her.
“Okay,” she said as she carved a spiraling groove down the length of the tiny branch, “I guess you’re a unicorn now.” From there she continued to work on the head, carving out a pair of ears before working down to the neck and torso, and eventually creating four sturdy legs for her project to stand upon.
When at last it was finished, Ditzy stood back and looked at her project. Where a log had been only a few hours ago was now an articulate puppet in the shape of a unicorn filly. Thick, yellow strands of yarn formed the mane and tail, standing out against the pale violet coat of paint that gave the puppet color. The eyes had been painted yellow, just as their creator’s, and seemed to stare back at Ditzy with wonder.
“Now then,” mused the Pegasus as she dropped down in a chair, “What shall I call you?” She sat and though for a long while, a long list of words churning in her mind.
“How about…Muffin?” She looked at the puppet, as if it were capable of replying. It was, but chose to continue its
charade of being inanimate because it thought it was playing a great joke.
“No, no,” Ditzy said, “Ponies might try to eat you if I name you muffin. Let’s see…You’re small…Maybe I’ll call you…Dinky…Dinky Doo. Do you like that name?” The Pegasus smiled as she pretended to hear an optimal response. “You do? Well then, it’s settled. Hello, Dinky Doo!”
“Goodbye, Mama!” cried the puppet as it suddenly leapt from the table, flew across the room, opened the door, and fled out into the world.
