Our story begins with the playing of the big band song "Luna's Moon" inside the casino of the Clopy 38 as we observe a crooked portrait of the hotel. Let us move back a bit and observe our surroundings. Slot machines, one-armed bandits, tables for roulette, blackjack, poker, and craps. We shall now proceed to exit the casino, picking up pace as we tours the New Pegas-us Strip while "Luna's Moon" slowly becomes fainter amidst the background of the carousal about the street. As we continue further to the perimeter of the auroral city, we observe several more slightly less regal casinos, dozens of patrons, soldiers, and several Cycloptron security golems en route to break up a drunken fight. As we pass over the city's great wall - what's this? A unicorn in all-black armor and a black duster coat fires a well-aimed bolt of precision magic fired with the help of the magical red hologram projected in front of their eyes. A lethal shot at an armed fiend just beyond the confines of New Manehatten; splattering his brain and fragments of skull to the surrounding cobblestone street.
In the distant hillside, a scout observes the hotbed of activity beside a flag bearing the mark of a reared-up golden griffon. Legionaries passing behind him as a veteran commander gives them calculated orders. Once more, the let us proceed even further from the city; now distinguishable only by its glow amidst the dark, night air. We are now atop the Ponyville cemetery, presently active with a small group of consisting of members of the drug-running gang, the Great Clops, digging a shallow grave intended for an unconscious courier, and an unimpressed-looking former prince standing only feet away. What is there to be said about this gristly scene?
War. War never changes.
When the fires of hate consumed Equestria, those who survived did so in great, underground caverns- named safeholds. When they opened, their inhabitants set out across ruins of the old world to build new societies, establish new villages, form new tribes.
As decades passed, what had been the Equestrian capital city united beneath the flag of the New Canterlot Republic, dedicated to old-world values of democracy and the rule of law. As the Republic grew, so did its needs. Scouts spread east, seeking territory and wealth, in the dry and merciless expanse of the Appleoosan Desert. They returned with tales of a city untouched by the wars that had scorched the rest of the world, and a great oasis containing a power long thought to be lost.
The NCR mobilized it's army and sent it east to occupy the oasis, and harness it's resources. But across the mountains, another society had arisen under a different flag. A vast army of pony slaves and their griffon conquerors, forged from the conquest of 86 tribes: Gilda's Legion.
Four years have passed since the Republic held the oasis - just barely - against the Legion's onslaught. The Legion did not retreat. Across the desert, they gathered strength. Campfires burned, training drums beat.
Through it all, the New Pegas-us Strip has stayed open for business under the control of its mysterious overseer, Mrs. Ranul, and her army of town residents and police golems.
She was a courier, hired by the Appleoosa Express, to deliver a package to the New Pegasus Strip. What seemed like a simple delivery job has taken a turn…for the worse.
"You got whatchu were after, so pay up.” said a voice.
“You may as well cry in the rain, commoner.” said another.
Ditzy Doo stirred, her vision was blurry. It took her a moment before she realized her hoofs and wings were bound.
“Guess who's waking up over here?” a third voice said, this one scratchy and somewhat high-pitched.
The grey-coated courier looks up to see a regal-looking unicorn with a long blond mane and a checked suit. He took a puff from the cigarette he smoked, dropped it, then patted it out with his hoof. “Time to cash out.” he said, Ditzy recognized his snooty snake-like voice as the second one she heard after she came to.
“Would you get it over with.” an earth pony asked impatiently. Ditzy swiveled her eyes towards him, recognizing him as the deep first voice she heard.
“Perhaps you filthy Great Clops kill ponies without looking them in the eyes, but some ponies around here actually have standards, hmm?” Shot back the unicorn. His eyes locked with pegasus's as he proceeded to levitate a small jewel from his coat pocket, and flash it in front of the courier. “You've made your final delivery miss.” He continued as he concealed the gem back inside his coat, removing another item in its place. “Sorry you became twisted up in this scene.” Ditzy sat in stunned horror as she watched th stallion charge up magic from the tip of his horn. “From where you're kneeling it must seem like quite the run of bad luck. But the truth is ... the game was rigged from the start.”
*BANG*
A loud crack, a flash of magical aura ... then nothing.
"You're awake. How about that?"
Ditzy Doo's vision swam as she slowly opened her eyes. She looked up at a ceiling fan from her position on a comfortable bed. As she attempted to get up, she felt a gentle hoof rest on her shoulder.
"Whoa, easy there. Easy. You've been out cold a couple of days now. Why don't you just relax a second; get you're bearings. Let's see what the damage is. How about you're name? Can you tell me your name?"
The courier rubbed her head and eyes as she thought for a moment. It was...
"Derpy." she finally said.
"Huh." mused the stallion in front of her, "Can't say that's what I'd have picked for you but if that's your name, that's your name. I'm Doctor Whooves. Welcome to Ponyville. Now I hope you don't mind, but I had to go rooting around there in your noggin to get all the bits of magic out. I take pride in my needlework, but you'd better tell me if I left anything out of place." The good doctor reached under his seat and handed Derpy a magical mirror that allowed her to see 360 degrees around her head.
She gazed into the mirror at herself. Same grey coat. Same blond mane. Same Hazel eyes. Wait ... Her eyes ... she looked deeper into the mirror and saw that her eyes were each facing quite the opposite directions. She sighed deeply. 'Well I've just been shot in the head, guess I couldn't expect no side effects.' she thought. Hoofing the mirror back, she gave a defeated smile and shook her head. Doc Whooves however, saw the disappointment in her eyes (literally) and smiled.
"Well I got most it right anyways..." he sighed as he rose from his seat and helped Derpy do the same. Her vision seemed to stretch in front of her for a moment before normalizing. "... stuff that mattered. Okay. No sense keeping you in bed in anymore. lets see if we can get you on your hoofs." Derpy steadied herself on her four legs using her wings for balance. "Good. Why don't you walk down to the end of the room? Over by that vigor tester machine over there. Take it slow now. It ain't a race." He followed as Derpy made her way to the machine in the corner of the room. "Ooh ... looking good so far. Go ahead and give the vigor tester a try. We'll learn right quick if you've got back all your faculties."
Derpy placed her hoofs around the small cylindrical rod protruding from the machine; a blush escaping her cheeks for little more than a second. She squeezed tightly as the machine rated her attributes. The shutters inside spun and spun and finally came to rest on a list of seven words and seven numbers.
Strength = 10
Perception = 01
Endurance = 10
Charisma = 06
Intelligence = 03
Agility = 04
Luck = 06
"I guess that explains how you're still alive." said the doctor as he peered over Ditzy's shoulder at her score, "You're built solid as an oak." Derpy was less thrilled though. Sure, she'd never been the most clever, or the most graceful of ponies; but at least her eyesight had been average. She sighed as the doctor walked past her into an adjacent sitting room. "Well we know your vitals are good. But that don't mean that bolt didn't leave you nuttier than a draconoques dropping. What do you say you take a seat on my couch and we go through a couple questions? See if your dogs are still barkin'..." He directed her towards a shabby-looking sofa and motioned for her to sit down. When she did so, he took a seat in the hoofchair across from it. "All right. I'm gonna say a word. I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind." Ditzy Doo nodded at the instructions, prompting Doc Whooves to proceed with the evaluation.
"Dog." He began.
"Muffins." She responded.
"Moon."
"Muffins."
"Night."
"Muffins."
"Light."
"Muffins."
"Bandit."
"Muffins."
"Courier."
"Mailbag."
"Okay. Now I got a few statements, I want you to tell me how much they sound like something you'd say. First one: Conflict just ain't in my nature." Ditzy Doo shrugged. "Alright: I ain't given to relaying on others for support." Ditzy gave a non-commital grunt. "Okay: I'm always fixing to be the center of attention." Derpy shook her hoof in an 'undecided" gesture. "Almost done here." said the earth pony in a somewhat exasperated tone, "What do you say you have a look at this? Tell me what you see."
Ditzy studied the ink-blot picture that the doctor set upon a nearby lectern. She hated to repeated herself and sound like a foal, but she could literally not think of anything other than...
"Muffins."
"Of course; how about this one?" asked the doctor setting up another picture and removing the first one.
"A fluffy bunny." replied Ditzy Doo, prompting the doctor to raise a single eyebrow. 'Wait for it...' "Holding a muffin."
The good doctor face-hoofed as he removed the second picture and propped up the next. "Last one."
Derpy studied the picture for a moment. She wanted badly to say that it looked liked two Ursas high-fiving; but for some reason felt that wasn't an option; so she went with: "A bearded stallion."
"Well, that's all she wrote. It all seems *ahem* 'relatively' normal." he scanned his notes before murmuring, "All right that about does it. Come with me, I'll show you to the door." He got up and began to walk down a hallway, Ditzy following suit. He just just short of the door and turned to the pegasus again. "Here, these are yours." The beige earth pony hoofed her a small purse of bits and a saddle bag with a piece of paper sticking from it. "Was all you had on you when you was brought in. I hope you don't mind bu I gave the note a look; thought it would help me find a next of kin, but it was just something about a fancy gem."
"Thanks for patching me up doc!" smiled Ditzy Doo.
"Don't mention it." he replied happily, waving a hoof. "It's what I'm here for. You should talk to Zecora before you leave town, she can help you learn to fend for yourself in the wasteland. She'll likely be at the pub. I reckon some of the other folks at the pub might be able to help you out too. And the scaly fella, Spike, who pulled you out of your grave. "Anyway, if you ever get hurt out there, you come right back. I'll fix you up." He held the door open for her and smiled before saying, "But try not to get killed anymore."
Ditzy Doo took her first steps outside and looked out upon the small half-destroyed village of Ponyville...
