Equestria Noir
Side Story
“That’s Amore”
Perspective: Queen Chrysalis
Those vile traitors! That vile doctor and his lackey turned my entire hive against me! I had to use every bit of my magic to escape from that cocoon!
It won’t be long until I have my revenge on those fools. I will create a new hive to destroy these ponies forever. I will destroy everything and a new world will rise.
If only this Everfree Forest wasn’t so damn confusing. I swore that those fools back Hoofington said Ponyville was this way. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked them in my true form and taken their blubbering for directions…
No matter. I shall find Ponyville and feed on the love in the town. Once I do everything will be mine! Mine!
Muahahahahaha!!!!
Growl…
Perhaps I should look for some sustenance first…
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Perspective: Potso Roll
I looked over at the zebra, Zecora, next to me with a smile. “Thank you so much for helping me find herbs for my recipes.”
"Helping out isn't too much trouble for me," she looked over at me, her blue eyes twinkling mischievously, “as long as you bring me that baked ziti.”
I laughed, glad for a distraction, Soon, however, I found myself looking around at the forest and wondering how anypony could possibly live here. We had zebras in Bitallia, but they were a reclusive bunch that never ventured out of their lands. To see a zebra way out here is molto raro.
I looked over at a nearby herb patch. “Sage, the herb of my home,” I said, smiling at the memories of Tuspony.
I was pulled from my pleasant reverie when Zecora suddenly stiffened and looked at a nearby bush. I raised a brown eyebrow at her, “Is everything all right, Zecora?”
The Zebra shook her head and looked over at me, “We should leave here, something evil is lurking near.”
I nodded and walked out with her. Something was strange about the air here, I felt like I was being watched…
_______________________________________________________
Perspective: Queen Chrysalis
That foul striped pony almost saw me. No matter, my camouflage worked well to conceal me in the bushes. Finding Ponyville should be easy now, with her leading that fat pony.
The fat one, I can sense he is a pony willing to give love. Perhaps he can be useful. Did he say he was gathering herbs for something called… ziti, and pizza?
That’s where I will look once I reach Ponyville.
Once I do everything will be-
Growl…
Stupid stomach! How dare you interrupt my scheming! ___________________________________________________
Perspective: Potso Roll
“A little to the left, sorella!” I said to Linguini, who was hanging the sign. Her long green limbs moved the sign on top of our pizzeria according to my instructions. Hopefully this sign will cause everypony to take notice of the new place.
This place used to be a simple fast food restaurant. It went out of business after an outbreak of Parasprites, a year ago. It was relatively easy to convert the place into a proper Bitallion Pizzeria. It was the only pizza place in town. I couldn't wait to introduce everypony to proper Bitallion food.
“Like this, fratello?” Linguini asked from her perch on the ladder. “I’m getting very worried about my footing here.”
“That’s good, Linguini!” I replied, smiling up at her. “Now come down before you-“
Too late.
Linguini fell from her perch. Luckily, I caught her with my back as she landed on top of me. She smiled at me, “Thank you, fratello! You saved my life!”
“No problema.” I winced, trying to mask the pain in my back. “Well, let’s make it official.”
Linguini got off my back and I picked up the scissors. I noticed ponies gathering around to see what the place famous for selling greasy hay fries was being turned into. I shall make it into place where ponies off all kinds can enjoy some fine Bitallion Cuisine.
The ponies formed a small crowd around me and Linguini. I spoke loud enough for everypony to hear “Ciao i miei compagni di pony. Welcome to the grand opening of The Rotolo di Pizzeria, where the customers are kings, and the food fit for such. I hope you all enjoy what my sister and I have to offer.”
The ponies around me cheered as I cut the ribbon, allowing them to enter a true Bitallion paradise.
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Perspective: Private Eye
“Looks like the place is doing well,” I observed, as Twilight and I looked at the newly opened Pizzeria.
“Now we don’t need to travel to Manehattan to get some good pizza,” Twilight said with a smile.
“You just hope that that cheese will pull us into the kiss again.” I grinned at her. “That night was like a Disneigh movie.”
Twilight moved closer to me, “Yeah. Well, I shouldn’t need a pizza to have an excuse to kiss you, should I?”
“No, I guess not.” I said, moving closer to her,
Our lips were about to touch when….
For this…is the night!
It’s a beautiful night
And we call it bella note
“Potso!” I said, looking up at a nearby tree. My best friend was there with his trademark accordion smiling down at me. “Shouldn’t you be dealing with your customers?”
“All the pizza is cooking now,” he said with a smile. “Besides, you are customers. I felt I should provide romantic music for the two of you.”
“Typical Potso.” I rolled my eyes. “That romantic attitude of yours always gets you into trouble.”
“Speak for yourself, mister ‘soldier of love’,” Twilight said, smiling at me. “I think it’s nice that Potso is willing to go out of his way for us.”
“See my friend?” Potso beamed at Twilight. “You were right to keep disa one, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”
“Speaking of heads,” I said, with a smile, “you’d better get back before Linguini rips yours off for leaving her with all your customers.”
“All right, I’ll get back to business.” Potso climbed down from his tree.
“Potso certainly is a character, isn’t he?” Twilight asked, once he was out of earshot.
“He’s always been enjoyable,” I shrugged. “Problem is he tends to get into trouble more often than not”
“Does he do that accordion thing for every couple he comes across?” Twilight asked.
“Usually.” I rolled my eyes “After a while you just get used to his antics, sort of like a certain pink party pony.”
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Perspective: Potso Roll
“I’m sorry Linguini, but the accordion called,” I explained, as I reached in with the banjo wheel to get the pizza out of the oven.
“You were always the crazy romantic, Fratello,” Linguini said, as she came in with more orders from the customers. “I cannot believe you would so easily forget about customers just to play that fisarmonica maledetto.”
“Language, dear sister,” I gently chastised.
“I am twenty two, brother, not six!” Linguini retorted. “I am old enough to swear.”
“I promised Papa and Mama I would get you to act like a proper young lady” I said, imitating my papa’s tone of voice.
“You treat me like a child, but I am only three years younger than you,” Linguini complained, rolling her eyes. “I can handle myself.”
“Sure you can sister. So, have you found any interesting stallions in Ponyville?” I teased, as I walked out to hand the pizza to a strange cross eyed pony and her daughter. I accepted the bits, and met my sister’s blue eyed glare.
“What I do is none of your business,” she retorted. “I am not some flirtare vagabond, you know.”
“So there is somepony!” I exclaimed, pointing at her with an accusing hoof. “All right, fess up, sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not telling!” My sister tossed her mane, and flounced back to the kitchen to fetch more pizzas.
I rolled my eyes “She claims to not be a child anymore, but she sure acts like it at times.”
I heard the order bell ring and walked to the counter, where I saw a pair of ponies arguing. The pair appeared to be a couple, one a grey pony with a four leaf clover on his flank. The other was a young yellow mare, with what looked like a burning wheel cutie mark on her flank.
“For the last time, Lucky, I’m trying to cut back!” The mare complained loudly. “This place will get me fatter than a pig!”
“I try and take you somewhere nice, and this is how you repay me?” The stallion called Lucky griped back at her. “Wildfire, why can’t you ever just do something fun, for once?”
“I do fun things!” She fired back. “I just wish you could be a little more considera-“
Thisa calls for an accordion…
I reached under the counter, pulled out my trusty accordion, and began to play for them. The couple stopped fighting to watch me play this romantic music. I smiled at them “Please, do not fight here. He’s just trying to do something special for you. I know it seems sometimes we stallions can be inconsiderate, but we only really have you on our minds when we do things, my fair mare.”
Wildfire smiled at her coltfriend, who smiled back at her. I kept playing the music and the couple hugged in reconciliation. I look their order, smiling proudly.
Potso, you still got it after all these years.
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Perspective: Queen Chrysalis
I sat, disguised a simple unicorn, at a table in this “Pizzeria” or so the ponies call it. I witnessed that fat pony playing a strange instrument, and that couple immediately stopped fighting. Is this pony some Alicorn disguised as a simple fat earth pony?
No, it couldn’t be. There were only about a dozen Alicorns known to be alive after the cataclysm fifteen hundred years ago. There’s no way this fat pony could have such magical power. I must investigate when this place closed.
Growl…
First, though, I must deal with this infernal hunger.
I looked over at a nearby table and saw a couple sitting there. I recognized the mare as that cowardly Fluttershy. With her sat the biggest stallion I’ve ever seen. He smiled, looking at her with rather mellow green eyes.
“Shy, is something on yer mind?” He asked the Pegasus.
“It’s just, um,” she stared down at the pizza between them. “We’ve been together for a while now, and it’s just, um...”
“Fluttershy, ya know ya can tell me anything,” he reassured her, reaching a hoof over to touch hers.
“Well, um, yesterday, I started wondering what brought you to me. I mean, if it’s embarrassing, you don’t have to sa- oh my…” she trailed off, looking down, allowing her mane to hide her face.
He smiled simply and moved her mane to reveal her face “I came ta ya because yer just the sweetest pony I’ve ever met. I’m happy to be around ya.”
“You really mean that?” she asked in a quiet voice.
“Eeyup,” the big stallion said with a smile.
Love, pure unadulterated love! Oh it tastes so sweet! I absorbed the love into me and allowed it to strengthen me. This was certainly easier than invading the town by force with an army of changelings. This pure love could feed a small hive for a month!
It was a good start, but not enough; I must have more love, if I’m to be strong enough to take over Equestria.
Luckily, I know just how to get it…
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Perspective: Potso Roll
I waved goodbye to the last customer and turned the sign to closed. I looked over as Linguini finished wiping off the tables. “That should be everything out here,” she said wiping sweat from her brow. “You finish up in the kitchen, I’m turning in for the night.”
“Sleep well, sorella,” I said, as my sister left the restaurant. I picked up a broom and began sweeping the floor. Thankfully this shouldn’t take long as the customers-
Clang!
The sound came from the kitchen! Somepony must be trying to steal our food. I held the broom like a spear as I entered the kitchen. I looked around for the source of the clang. I saw nothing unusual at first. When I got to the pantry, however, I spotted a large black creature standing there. She looked a little like one of the princesses. She had a long blue mane and a black insect like body. Her wings were like that of a fly and they buzzed in agitation.
“Where is that thing!? It should be here!”
“Sorry madam, but we are closed for the evening!” I said, pointing my broom at the creature.
She turned and looked at me with green eyes. She hissed and pounced on me like a cat knocking me over. “You! Tell me where to find that magical accordion!” She ordered, while pinning me down with all four hooves.
“Magical accordion? What are you talking about?” I asked, confused. “I don’t believe it’s magical or anything.”
“Do not play dumb with me revolting pony!” She glared at me “I shall feast on you if you do not tell me where it is!”
Potso think fast. This thing is going to eat you like a pizza roll if you do not think of something!
Wait, this one is a woman…
I smiled a little “You would damage those large teeth of yours were you to feast on me.”
She hissed again, not willing to play games.
“I mean, white sparkling teeth!” I corrected. “I know you probably hear this all the time from your food. You must bleach or something, because that is one dazzling smile you got there!”
She blinked in utter confusion and repulsiveness at being flirted with by a pony “You speak nonsense pony!”
“I mean it,” I gave her my brightest, most sincere smile. “On top of that, your eyes are as beautiful and sparkling as emeralds on a sunny day. Why, I would imagine anypony in town would go for a…”
“We are Queen Chrysalis!” She declared, glaring at me. “You will cease this useless prattling, and tell me where your accordion is!”
“I would be happy to play it for you if you would let me go,” I offered looking at her with bright blue eyes. “All you have to do is politely ask.”
“I will not stoop to ask anything from your putrid race!” Chrysalis retorted. “Now tell us where it is or I shall suck you dry of every ounce of love you have in your body!”
“At least I will die seeing something beautiful in my last moments,” I gave her my most charming smile.
She blinked again and buzzed in irritation, “You irk me pony! You are a fool!”
“Ah, but am I really a fool to hope that I could earn a smile from your gleaming white teeth again?”
Her cheeks turned a little green and she shook her head “That is enough pony! Cease this insane prattling!”
“I will do so if you release me, and allow me to get my accordion.”
“If it will get you to shut up then do so,” she hissed, climbing off me.
I walked over and pulled my accordion out of its secret compartment. I smiled and began playing it. She looked ready to pounce on it but stopped mid pounce as I began to sing:
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine
Like you've had too much wine
That's amore
“Amore?” She asked, tilting her head.
“Love, my beautiful creature,” I replied, smiling. “It's the Bitallion word for love.”
I kept playing as I kept singing:
Bells'll ring
Ting-a-ling-a-ling
Ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play
Tippi-tippi-tay
Tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella
“You are now singing useless prattle,” She crossed her front legs in obvious annoyance, though the faint blush on her cheeks was noticeable.
When the stars make you drool
Just like pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreamin', signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore
I winked at her and she looked away from me. I was getting to her!
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie, that’s amore!
“I will admit,” she said slowly, “this amore you speak of does sound… appetizing.”
When the world seems to shine,
Like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore!
“Love is the food for the soul” I said as I played around her, she was trying desperately not to look at me. I could tell she had not experienced this before. All the more reason to continue…
When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool
That's amore (that's amore)
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreaming, signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore…
Just then she flew out the window before I could finish the song. Was I too much? Well, it kept her from stealing my beloved accordion, so I guess it worked.
I wonder why she seemed so set on stealing my accordion? You’d think it had magic powers or something?
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Perspective: Queen Chrysalis
I had to get out of there. That fat pony had me powerless under his vile magic! These emotions must be that damned instrument’s doing!
At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
Truth is, I was touched by that music…
Amore hmm?
I wonder if this is what drove the drone to rebel?
I flew back into the Everfree forest and found myself singing softly.
That’s amore…
