Handcuffed To Pinkie Pie

Chapter 1- Punishment P

“Hehe… stupid Bronies… I mean, come on! A shirt flub up and they are getting all crazy about it? Pft… There are better things in this world to rage about!”

It was about the fourth time so far that I had been on the computer this sitting and saw an article about the new culture of people of there, these… these… “Bronies” as they called themselves. I mean, really! Is that the best they could come up with?! Though… these fandoms do have some weird names…

Sighing, I reclined in my chair, rubbing my hand over my face in an attempt to clear out my mind. Letting my hand slide over my prickly chin, it reminded me that I needed to shave soon, putting that note on tabs in my mind. All my thoughts were trying to figure out why some people liked this oddity of a show. It just didn’t make sense! How could grown men like such a lame show?

I shook my head, fixing my gray shirt a bit as I leaned back towards the glowing monitor. Looking around my dorm room, I was very happy I had been able to get a room alone. The only problem, I had come to realize early on, was that there was nobody egging me to get the place cleaned up, so the floor was usually cluttered and trash often piled up in the waste bin. Sometimes I wondered how I navigated the room, but I always found that the best mess is an organized mess!

And my mom would probably whap me upside the head for saying something so stupid…

Looking at the screen, I pondered at the several links I had tabbed in my browser, all of them leading to several sites about Bronies or the show. Smirking slightly, I cracked my knuckles and began to do what I had begun to love doing to these self proclaimed “Bronies”… Troll.

Troll like no other troll could troll!

Now, some trolls would get dispirited by the whole “love and tolerance” phooey that these Bronies followed, but I never have! I was both insistent and smart; I poked at things that would be touchy to this fandom. Many times, I would be able to get one or two Bronies to explode on me, and I immediately was able to retaliate, finding weakness in their arguments.

Trolling was a fine art in my opinion, and only after toning the ability for awhile could one truly troll the right way. Nicknamed “The Paraspriter” as a nod to the fan reference, I often danced my way through a site to corrupt and dispirit its inhabitants. Cruel and sadistic? Well…

Hell fuckin yeah!

Not even 10 minutes in, I had already found one unfortunate soul who I was able to pick off of on a Brony blog, and soon the commenting commenced. I dance around his comments, along with several others who came in to defend the person, and retaliated with smart and fairly cheeky remarks in retort. Soon, some of them escalated and even the famous Brony motto failed them, claiming me the victor as I laughed quietly to myself.

This went on in a repeated process until I noticed the time on my computer. It was late, or rather very early. “Damn… 3 o’clock… Ah well, it was starting to get boring anyways…” Sighing once more, I shut down my laptop, closing it up to get a good night’s sleep.

After getting dressed for bed, I yawned, going over my list of classes for the next day, realizing that I had only one class later in the day. Smiling, loving how the day closed up for me, I rolled on into bed with a lazy flop. My building was rather cold at times, so the extra blankets were always a nice treat on colder night like these.

Snuggling into bed, I shut my eyes to let my body drift off into dream land. Totally content with myself, I let everything go and smiled, hoping that tomorrow would be a good day like today. I always hoped, but never expected, which kept me quite sane.

Well sane enough, as I soon would find out…

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“Wake up, ingrate!”

I yelped in pain as metal met cloth and skin, jabbing me in the side. I sat up from my stone flooring and rubbed my eyes a bit, still a bit groggy from lack of sleep. Yawning, I headed over to my stone bowl sink and splashed a bit of water onto my face, taking care to slip into my non-existent slippers. I picked up my alarm rock, shaking it a few times to try and get it to work. Unsuccessful, I sighed and moved the prodding spear to my right, trying to open my cell door so I could get to the bathrooms before the angry guard stallion could. It was locked though, and I-

Wait…

My hazy vision scanned across my cell, looking at the dank walls, the cold floors, and the tiny accommodations. My mind was a few seconds late in connecting the dots, but they eventually started to wake me up. Turning around to face the stallion, I murmured with a confused look on my face at him.

“I don’t think this is my room…”

The guard stallion rolled his eyes overdramatically and shook his head. “Holy horsefeathers, are you really that slow? And I thought this trial was a bunch of hooey…” He snorted once and unlock the door using a levitating key which only numbed my brain some more. I also noticed the spear aimed at me, levitating as well, although in quite a menacing way that sharpened my mind out of fear.

“Well whatever. Your trial begins soon so hop to it!” He took a jab at me, making me jump away, my mind fully alert now but entirely not understanding what in the world was happening. Somehow, I was a prisoner in some place, on trial, and being poked with a big spear by a talking horse-

Waiiiiiiiit…

I looked behind me and gasped mentally at the small stallion. He has that thing on his butt! And he’s a unicorn! And he’s little… for a horse anyways! Suddenly, I smiled and stopped walk, leaning on the wall casually, laughing a little.

The guard behind me stopped abruptly to keep from impaling me and snorted once in frustration. He poked me once, my only reaction a sly long grin on my face. “Mmmmmm good mornin’ gov’ner!”

The stallion cocked an eyebrow, a bit confused now. “Wha…?”

“Oi, it’s all just a dream, laddie!” I could feel my head spin a bit, starting to panic as a slice of realization already hit me. “If I’m just dreaming, and I know I am, I can just drop a piano on your head and continue on…”

If I know this is a dream, I can control it! Yeah… I was able to do it before, and I flew around an entire city I made up! Yeah… just a dream…

We stared at each other in silence, waiting for the piano to come by and smash the pony to bits. He coughed. I scratched my head.

“Well… this is awkward…”

“Get moving already! And no more delays! We’re late as it is…” He jabbed my butt once, making me speed up and glare at him, but he only gave me a menacing look back. Whether I wanted to or not, I was in the world of My Little Pony, and it looked like I was going to stay here for quite a long time…

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“We’re going to send him home, simple as that.”

“Wait, what?!”

I put my hands on the railing in front of me, shouting out now in frustration. After about two hours of shock, awe, and legal standards, we had gotten to the verdict and sentence. Pony Court wasn’t much different from a regular court room, except being filled with ponies of all kinds of course, so I knew enough about what was going on…

But being sent home after all this crap?! WHAT THE HECK?!

A large white pony with a constantly flowing multicolored mane stood in the judge’s stand, smirking under her calm gaze. A murmur was flowing through the crowd, many of them in shock at the sentence I was given. One in particular, a purple pony whom I identified as Twilight Sparkle, had thrown her hoof on the table. I remembered her from all the insulting Twilight crossover memes I had produced and initially had chuckled when I first saw her.

As the prosecutor now though, I was kind of peeved at her.

“Princess Celestia! You CAN’T be serious! This is one of the most annoying and insulting trolls against the MLP community! We need to do at least something about his crimes against us!”

The Princess on her judge’s stand chuckled once and nodded. “Oh, yes, I know Twilight. He is going to be punished, but I am still sending him home after the trial. Maybe simple as that wasn’t the right wording…” She put a thoughtful hoof to her chin as the crowd babbled amongst itself in relief.

Relief! Of all things!

“Stupid ponies…” I murmured.

Celestia now looked over at me and smiled widely, looking more cruel than benevolent at that moment. I shuddered under her gaze, wondering what they would do with me now. Give me a fine? Steal one of my body parts? Convert me to a pony-loving freak? I stood there, nervously gripping the rail in front of me.

“I think Punishment P would suffice well enough for his crimes.”

A gasp ran across the entire crowd and even Twilight was shocked at the news, her mouth dropped. She shook her head and looked back up at the Princess, cocking an eyebrow in puzzlement. “Princess… I know he was bad, but… Punishment P? That’s a bit harsh for anypony…”

I looked around in confusion, although mainly worried about this ‘Punishment P’. What could it be? So far, it didn’t seem to be something very pleasant… Not very pleasant at all. Now I was really sweating. “What is this, uh… Punishment P?”

Celestia’s creepy smile returned once again, making me shudder somewhat. “You will see, Mike Holstein. You will see…”

Before I could retort back on the subject, she slammed a gavel on her stand, shouting out, “MEETING AJOURNED!” In the next second she smirked at me and shot out a beam of golden magic from her horn towards my chest.

It was the last thing I could remember of the pony world.

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Warmth. It felt so nice under a cuddly blanket. It felt even better after having such a crazy ass dream about ponies! The cloth over my body brought me back into a sense of reality that was lacking during my dream state. I didn’t care that I couldn’t control my dream somehow… I was just happy to be back in my warm, soft bed!

Although the headache sucked a bit…

“Urgh… My head… Such a splitting headache…”

“Splitting? You should get some glue to repair it! After all, if it keeps on splitting, its not gonna do your head any good!”

“Uh… I don’t think that glue will help much. I need some Advil…”

“Anvils? How would THAT help silly?”

“No, not ANvil, ADv-“

I froze, my tired mind catching up to reality. Slowly, I opened up my eyes, looking over to my left towards the middle of the room. At first, I couldn’t believe it. But after the crazy night I had had, I suppose anything was possible…

But why her?

The vividly pink pony beamed at me, her cotton candy-like mane and tail bouncing about on her head. She was really happy. Too happy for me, and it sickened me as she began to bounce around the room like a rampant pogo stick. Eventually, she got over to me and smiled broadly, putting two hooves onto my tall bed.

Now face to face, her blue eyes fluttered a few times before she cracked a huge grin. Her mane had a slight scent of cotton candy and bubblegum.

I hate cotton candy…

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie aka The Party Pony aka Cupcakes Meister aka Pinkamena Diane Pie aka Punishment P! I can’t wait to have so much fun with you for the rest of your life!”

A/N:

So, another story I made up~ I got the idea from one of them Birthday game things and it happened to align to being handcuffed for life with Pinkie Pie! I thought the idea so blasphemous that I just HAD to write about it!

Hopefully, you enjoy it as much as I wrote it! If you find any mistakes, please tell me so I may fix them! :)