Dash's Darkness
She was at peace now, for the most part. The water seeping through her coat and drenching her to the bone was refreshing, yet still she frowned. The question which found itself lodged in her brain almost constantly was at it again.
Is there really a way to move on? she wondered, just about every day. Her friends told her there is, yet they've never known love like she had. They've never held a pony in their arms, drinking in one another's company, at rest in front of a fireplace. Never have they been kissed like she had, more tenderly than a baby by its mother. Never before have they experienced all the joys and the thrills of love that she had. No, they did not know about lost love, nor did they have any idea whether or not one could move on.
Sitting in the rain in the streets, wallowing in her own memories, her gaze drifted to the library and home of her once beloved. They were treasured relics now, each and every book. Rainbow had read through most every single one, yet none had brought her satisfaction. The change she endured on a day-to-day basis was mind-numbing for her, yet there was but one continuity amongst all the change. There was a single thing that she felt at almost all times, something she had always felt for as long as she could remember, yet had never truly been.
Alone. When surrounded by her friends, her friends' friends, and even the Wonderbolts, they were unable to quell the feeling. She was alone in the world, without her love. A sigh escaped the gap through her lips and she felt herself shrinking down into the mud. She heard Pinkie Pie over in Sugarcube Corner calling her name, and lifted her head to see the other pony beckon her over with just the wave of a hoof.
Hailing Pinkie Pie from her position on the muddy path, she decided it would be best to avoid catching a cold and head in for the night. Her wings were too soaked for flight, and a night over at Pinkie's couldn't be too bad. She noticed the pink pony watching her as she trekked onwards through the rain, disappearing only when she had almost arrived at the front door. The door was flung open and Dash found herself at the entrance to Pinkie's bedroom but a few moments later.
The warmth from Pinkie's room was soon joined by the pink mare's own body heat, as she slid over and embraced Rainbow in a surprisingly gentle hug. She was quick to return it, nuzzling into the fluffiness of the pink mane in front of her. The hug was broken off quickly, and not a word was spoken as the two headed for the bed, falling asleep in moments.
Magnificent visions flood Dash's dreams, and she found herself at the library with the mare she so longed for in reality. The two stepped outside, the unicorn granting herself a pair of wings and crouching low to the ground. Dash grinned and mirrored her actions, ready for takeoff.
Skylines rushed up to meet her as she and her beloved spread their wings and soared into the sky, laughing mirthfully and chasing one another in a thoughtless game that brought joy to their hearts. They flew for what seemed like hours, finally stopping to rest on a cloud. Never tired, never out of breath, they simply wished for a reprieve with which to relax and enjoy each other's company. Twilight reached over and wrapped a single hoof around the cyan pegasus beside her, leaning in close as her mouth moved every so slightly. She was whispering.
Whispering so softly it was as though she were simply breathing out a heavenly melody. It was a calming, exciting phrase, repeated over and over to the point it was embedded in both of their minds.
"I love you," were the words, spoken time and time again in the fantastic world of the pegasus's dreams. They were as true as they had been in real life, Rainbow knew. She felt her lover shift, and turned to eye her with curiosity.
"Will you come back with me?" said Twilight, as she had every other night before. And just as it had every other time, the question would go unanswered. The unicorn bent down once more and planted a tender kiss on her love's cheek, lingering by her side a moment before retreating off into the night sky beyond. She was reached for by a lone, cyan hoof. She turned and gazed into Rainbow's eyes. "Always, Rainbow Dash...
"Always, will I love you. Always, will I care."
Love knew no bounds in her dreams, always sending the lovestruck pair onwards through a romantic adventure. Only when she woke was her trance thrown to the wind, and she sat up on Pinkie's bed, looking through the window at the still-dark landscape outside.
"You will always be my only, my one, my love."
Many times had the memories been played back in her head. Many times had a tear been shed as she reminisced at what she had remembered, and many times had she found herself losing her grip on those which she hoped to never lose.
Moments such as these were the norm for Rainbow now. Never did she mentally berate herself for wasting her own time, wasting her own energy, wasting her own effort, wasting her own mind and soul away on the past instead of the future.
Walking through the cemetery was almost always a solitary task for her, yet today she was accompanied by the orange mare that had been by her side ever since that fateful day. They had gotten closer, yet neither were willing to admit or deny it.
Silently, the duo continued through the path. They were not silent out of respect for the dead, but for the fact that no words need be said that hadn't been said before. Many times had they walked through this path, and old topics were now dry.
By the time the sun was beginning its descent, they had arrived. The mound of dirt was a familiar sight to the two, and no longer did they have any spare tears to shed. They stayed still and silent for hours, before both turned to each other and nodded.
Work would not wait for either of the two, so they stood simultaneously and followed the path out of the cemetery. They looked at one another and nodded once again, turning to face opposite directions and heading off to where they were needed.
"Wonders In the Clouds," Rarity called them, so Rainbow was happy to shape the clouds for her friend. Often were they complex shapes that somehow inspired the unicorn, her eyes positively sparkling as a brilliant idea revealed itself to her.
If only the same inspiration would visit Rainbow Dash. She had gazed at her own creations time and time again, yet no solutions to her life's problems would show themselves. Almost all of her troubles had stayed with her, despite her fading memories.
Only when they were gone would she be free again, she reasoned. After all, if you couldn't even remember a pony, your past with them could trouble you no longer. She hoped that day would never come, though; her happiest moments would be forgotten.
To forget true love, true happiness, and true belonging all at once... That would be devastating for anypony. Dash wasn't about to let that happen to herself, yet she knew she had no way of stopping it, would it come to progress, yet still she would try.
Damage caused to her memories would forever remain unfixed, and she would have no way of even remembering she had experienced them. All she had done and all she had enjoyed would be for others to remember and tell, but not for her to know.
The hole in her life would leave her a shell of her former self, a ghost of a character, puny in comparison to her zenith with her love. It wouldn't matter in the end, and even she couldn't tell how it would turn out. She knew it would happen, though.
Memories would have to be reconstructed off of second-hoof retellings, and only her greatest achievements would have any written evidence. Her new self would be molded by those around her, and she wasn't sure if that would be a good thing or bad.
Held back in her own subconscious, she hadn't noticed the pink mare beside her shift and mutter in her sleep, nor did she realize the sun had risen but a moment before. Her life would be a hazy, undecided mess eventually, and there was no point sulking.
Most of those memories were left intact, though, and she was determined to remember them for as long as she could. Just how long, she couldn't tell, but she would make sure to live life to the fullest, for as long as she could. Be it hours, weeks or years, she would.
Dearly beloved, Twilight... she thought, glancing at her pink bed-mate, who was now hugging her side and gazing up sorrowfully into her eyes. I will never forget you, with our friends by my side. You will always be my only, my one, my love.
Whispering tears of her memories frowned savagely at her every being, seeking only to rid themselves of their confines in the pegasus's distraught mind. They had long been running, struggling, striving for freedom from their prison, and they were getting closer and closer to achieving it with each and every passing moment.
Tormented bodies cried out for their beloved pegasus, shouting to not be forgotten, fighting against the tears which so fervently pulled them from their homes. The uphill battle of memories was drawing to a close, and the tears were winning with relentless force.
Shadows formed across the newly-created cobwebs of Dash's mind, filling the gaps in her life with those of an elaborate façade meant to do nothing but hasten the destruction of her psyche. They ensorcelled her consciousness with promises of remembrance, only to aid in the burning of memories and the ruination or her mind.
Ravaging the body was not needed to complete the metamorphosis; only the mind, the memories, the experiences, the achievements, and the desires need be removed. A certain amount of self-destruction to the body was unavoidable, however, as violence is often the product of forgetfulness. The changes had not come only in personality and memories, but those of her subconscious as well.
Her dreams were no longer vivid and filled with unicorns of purple, or skies of blue or a world of colors. They were but a blank nothingness, as her mind was so weak it could not create images for her sleep, suffering from the withdrawal of her life. The emancipation of her imprisoned memories was violent, both mentally and physically, and she could tell it would end soon.
Body parts were strewn lazily across the battlegrounds, all being swept away in the tide of tears as it traveled the final distance to freedom. The last of the unicorn was brought to a close; she no longer knew what she was missing, only that she was missing something.
Will alone would see her days in search of the missing pieces of her mind, yet never could she fully obtain then. She could gain portions and parts, bits and pieces, oral retellings and written events, yet never would they fill the void in her soul. She was but an empty body, living itself out to death, with no emotions or feelings to control it.
Send the broken mare out to work, and she would work. Send the broken mare out to party, and she would party. Send the broken mare out to search for the truth, and she would search. Send the broken mare out to enjoy herself, though, and she would never accomplish the task. She was too tired from her losses to enjoy anything, and she could not even remember what her losses were.
Her psyche gave up on the traitorous tears long ago, after realizing they would not soon return. The new ones were suitable replacements, just not as lively or complete. But they would do, for they had to. She, herself, did not see the logic in that reasoning, and she found herself searching constantly for anything that could help to ease her pains.
Mind would battle body, day in and day out. The mind sought forgetfulness; the body, remembrance. The two would never see eye-to-eye, locked in an eternal impasse of which there was no middle ground to be settled.
To say she was a broken mare would be an understatement. A broken mare could be fixed, given time, patience, friendship, and love. She was beyond the point of no return and would never see daylight for what it could be, but what it might have been.
Oblivion was the new constant in her life; loneliness had long since left her. She would stay up until the twilight hours of the night, stargazing through the telescope atop the library balcony, hoping she could find answers in the heavens above to questions she did not know to ask.
The longing with which she attached herself so loyally was soon be replaced with regret. Rainbow had begun to view, along with daylight, the world around her for what it might have been, not for what it had been or could be. She would travel to the cemetery with her friends more and more often, as they tried and failed to relate the stories of the unicorn to her. There was always a slight pause as she stood at the entrance to the desolate land, for she knew she could never remember no matter how many times she heard.
Gates of rusted iron would welcome her and her friends in to their embrace, the latter ever so happy to fill her head with tales of grandeur that she could never quite piece together. They were draining stories, telling her of all she had accomplished and could never remember, and she was finding herself no longer looking forward to hearing them.
Will alone allowed her the strength to survive, yet even that last reservoir was draining. Again and again she had thought of leaving the town, starting anew someplace else with no forgotten memories holding her down.
Always had she said she would not let them get to her, and always she lied as she said just that. She had broken promises to hear stories from Pinkie Pie many a time, and she was grateful the pink mare had never called her out on it.
"Be there at three," she had said to Pinkie many times. And the time would come when she was scheduled to arrive, and the pink pony would wait eagerly, fresh snacks and goodies laid bare on the floor, for story time in her room. She would be patient during those days, waiting for her guest to arrive until well after the moon had risen.
Wanting an escape from the stories, the tales and the memories, she had shut herself inside her own house. The others would always find her there, and again she would run to hide in the shadows, and sleep.
Eternal darkness dominated her slumber, a welcome reprieve from the torments of color and life. Deafening silence would ease her mind for hours on end, and her mood would always elevate to relatively profound heights under sleep's veil.
Salvation from the darkness would always come in the form of the necessities of life. She would eat and work, then sleep some more, until somepony came knocking at her door to rouse her into action. She practically lived in her bed now, and no longer did she find the will to live.
Let the husk of a mare out to work, and she shall work. Let the husk of a mare out to eat, and she shall eat. Let the husk of a mare out to indulge her friends, and she shall indulge them. Let the husk of a mare choose to do what she wants, and she shall do nothing. There was no longer life in her body with which to exercise free will, and no longer did she even bother to care for herself.
Darkness was the only reprieve from her torment, so she no longer ate or worked or communicated, save for when somepony would ask her to. Her friends had new schedules just to ensure she would eat every day, but never did they complain.
Grow crops, do chores, work the farm, feed Rainbow. Such was Applejack's daily routine, and she was always happy to help a friend in need. She would have been more happy if she did not have to force-feed a fully-grown pegasus, but she would do it nonetheless.
And she would do it with a smile on her face, each and every evening. She would stay for an hour to ensure Dash ate her food, and she would head back home for a dinner of her own shortly afterwards.
Light would shine through the light cloud cover that always loomed over Ponyville, never quite reaching the dark corner of Dash's bed. She liked it that way, so she would always be woken be a friend or visitor. "The dark," she had once said to Applejack when asked, "The darkness always... It always stays with me. It never leaves me, like my memories did. It never fades. It never... It never...
"Fades away, like my memories did. It'll never leave me, no matter where I go. It is, and always will be, my best friend."
Into the night, she would repeat that last line. She would hide under her covers, watching the darkness as it ran around her, frolicking under the blanket. Applejack stayed with her, one night, and she watched the lost pony gaze into nothingness for hours on end, sleeping only after her eyelids could no longer support themselves.
Nothing could ever take the darkness away from her. She would never let it go.
