The Horrible Truth

by Cloudhammer

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 1470

Princess Celestia takes unusual measures to deal with her immortality

How does an immortal deal with the crushing burden of living forever? Of seeing friends, lovers, and everything else age and leave her behind? By indulging in the finer things.

Published 2012-10-26 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-26 03:20:01 UTC

The Horrible Truth

The lounge in the Guard barracks was always crowded, Private Dawn Spear thought as he wove his way through the press of armored bodies to the table his friends had saved for him. The unicorn slid into his seat with a sigh and the popping of stiff joints

“There he is! Glad to see the old ironflank finally let you get some time off!” Sergeant Guillotine shouted, tossing back a swig of cider. Dawn had no idea what a guillotine was, but the look he’d gotten when he’d asked had persuaded him not to ask again.

“So what’ve I missed?” Dawn asked, waving a hoof to get the attention of the bartender, who filled a flagon without even looking, a fuschia field surrounding it before it was flung across the room. Dawn instinctively caught it in his own magic, not a drop of cider spilling. He grinned at the feat, remembering how embarrassed he’d been the first time the barkeep had drenched him.

“Not a whole lot, just sharing some old stories from the last time Celestia got in one of her ‘moods’,” Guillotine said as he took another swig. The room immediately quieted down, the jovial attitudes vanishing like morning fog.

“What do you mean?” Dawn asked, ears half back at the sudden shift in the mood.

“Well, ‘bout every decade or so, Celestia gets in a ‘mood’. Starts snatching anypony she can, and drags ‘em back to her chambers,” Guillotine explained, setting his mug down. “Nopony knows exactly what she does to ‘em in there, but Luna knows it can’t be good.”

“I heard that she does... things to you. Horrible, perverted things..” Another guard, Gale Song, spoke up nervously, his wings fluttering. “It was one of those Night Guards, Dusk, who told me. Apparently she caught him the last time. He never explained more, just kept repeating how terrifying it was.”

The other Guards in the room all nodded, raising their mugs in salute. “To Dusk.”

“S-so what happened to Dusk?” Dawn asked nervously.

“Hmmm? Oh, nothing. He retired what, like, five years back?” Gale looked around, receiving a chorus of nods. “Heard he has a nice little patch of land down near Fillydelphia. Not sure what he gets up to now.”

“Didn’t he open a smithy?” One of the other guards asked.

“I think so, he did have a knack for field repairs.” Another chimed in.

Dawn snorted. “Come on guys, stop pulling my leg. There’s no way Princess Celestia abducts ponies and tortures them, or anything else like that.” He swallowed as the other Guards turned their gazes to him. “I mean, surely somepony would have mentioned it.”

Guillotine shook his head. “That’s part of the Guard’s duty, kid. We make sure that at the very least, the civilians can get to safety. There’s a special alarm that is triggered. When it goes off, our job is to evacuate the castle, and ensure that Luna escapes to seal Celestia in, along with any of the ponies she captures. Above all else, we must not allow her to take civilians.”

Dawn narrowed his eyes. “Come on guys, seriously? This is all just a load of horseapples and you know it.”

It had been too long since the last time. She could feel it, pressing in on the corners of her mind. The howling black, seeking only to seize her and drag her down into the darkness with it. Rising to her hooves, she slowly made her way to the door. This time, she would need four. Maybe five. Yes, five would be just... delightful.

The conversations had swung back to more mundane topics: who was sleeping with who, how children were doing, the state of the kingdom and the surrounding nations, when the sound began. It was a dull thrumming, one almost felt rather than heard. The guards froze, ears flicking wildly, eyes widening as the implications of the sound made themselves known.

“...Alright you fillies, you know the drill. Divide up to your patrol sectors, escort the civilians to the nearest exit,” Guillotine said as he rose to his hooves. The other guards followed suit, nervously muttering to each other as they secured their armor. “Private Spear, you’ll be accompanying me.”

“W-where are we going, sir?” Dawn asked nervously.

Guillotine took a deep breath. “The Royal Chambers.” He turned and trotted for the door. “Come on Private, time’s a-wastin’!”

Startled into motion, Dawn hurried after him. “Sir, yes sir.” Exiting the lounge, they galloped across the training field and into the castle proper, already seeing civilians exiting the castle as guards efficiently organized the evacuation. Glancing up, they could see Luna and her personal Night Guard pegasi arrowing toward their designated staging area, soon lost as they passed through a large stone archway.

“Now remember, Dawn,” Guillotine whispered as they made their way down the normally busy halls, “no matter what she does to us, we’re stallions of the Royal Guard. We do not yield to anything.”

Dawn nodded as they approached the next four way corner, Dawn could see one of the castle staff cowering against the wall, the mare looking like she’d seen a nightmare. Dawn began to hurry forward when Guillotine held up a hoof. Pausing, the stallion’s ears flicked as the sound of hooves on stone rang out. Glancing around the corner, both guards froze in horror at what they saw.

Celestia hummed to herself as she half-skipped down the hallway, the tune somehow a note out of sync from being a cheerful melody. Her mane had nearly doubled in size, the prismatic cascade rippling more vigorously than normal. Four shapes squirmed in it’s grasp, and Dawn nearly shouted as he realized that they were fellow guards. The roiling mane petted one gently as he squirmed more in an attempt to escape. “There there now, your Princess has you. It’s all going to be alright.”

Guillotine gripped Dawn’s shoulder tightly, preventing the unicorn from making any move whatsoever. Putting his muzzle close to Dawn’s ear, he whispered quietly, “That’s our duty. Now, let’s get her out, and regroup with the others.” He turned back to the mare, waving urgently for her to cross the junction and join them. She hesitated at first, but after another giggle from Celestia, she chose to lurch into motion, moving quickly across the hall. However, the second she entered the intersection, Celestia froze, even her mane stopping its incessant roiling.

“I can seeeeee you!” the alicorn called out in a singsong voice as she turned her head, her eyes wide to almost impossible proportions. “Won’t you come play with me?” The mare shivered in fear, stopping dead where she stood.

“Move! Come on now!” Guillotine bellowed, the two guards charging into the intersection. The mare twitched toward them, but was still staring in terror at Celestia as the alicorn pranced toward her. With a growl Guillotine grabbed her and started to drag her back the way they came, while Dawn prepared a barrier spell and placed it between them and the crazed princess.

Celestia didn’t even slow down as she walked right through it. “Come now my little pony, Shining Armor’s shields can’t stop me, so yours won’t either.... all I need is one more, just one more for the fun to begin...”

Dawn gulped, risking a glance over his shoulder, seeing Guillotine continuing to drag the mare down the hallway. “Get her out of here.”

“Are you insane? You know what she’ll do-”

“Just go!” Dawn shouted as he turned to face Celestia directly, preparing himself mentally for whatever she might unleash. He closed his eyes as the mane came for him, allowing himself to at least feel pride in knowing that he’d done his duty.

It was much worse than he could have ever anticipated.

“Tell me, would you like some more tea, Milady Tootsie?” Celestia asked the pegasus seated next to her with a cheerful smile. The princess was wearing a frilly dress that looked to be about eight hundred years out of style. The guards hadn’t fared much better, though Dawn Spear counted his blessings that he at least was in a suit.

“Yes. Of course, Princess,” Gale Song managed to grumble out.

“Now now, no need to be cross Tootsie, I’m sure you’ll find somepony to take you to the Gala,” Celestia said with a cheerful smile. “Would anypony else like some more tea?” At the silence from the other guards, she bounced up from her seat and trotted over to the opposite corner of the room, where a small teapot sat on it’s burner.

Once he was sure she was out of earshot, Gale leaned toward Dawn and the others. “So, she violated all of us in the worst possible way, right?”

“Right.”