Flutterrape

    Another day waking up in the small, overpopulated town of Ponyville. Everything is fine, but you don’t quite feel yourself - you don’t feel like P. Diddy. You sigh and shrug it off, slightly bothered that the day won’t quite be as dazzling as you had expected the night prior. You lay in your bed for a few moments, staring at the ceiling, wondering how magnets work as you do every morning. As time passes, you get bored and decide that magnets do not exist and are only a figment of your imagination. Content, you lazily throw your legs off the right side of the bed, putting on the fuzzy grey slippers that Rarity made you. Dumb bitch made the one for the left foot too small. You walk down your creaky stairs, weedily as ever, and plop yourself down at your empty & cold oak wood table. You grab the colorful cereal box that was sitting in the middle of the table and open it, uncaringly shoving copious amounts of AppleJacks into your mouth.

“How do ponies use boxes?”, you ask yourself. Amidst your ritual morning feast, you hear soft hoof knocks on your front door but don’t acknowledge them - the sugary, wheat cereal was just too good to give up. Minutes passed with more and more frequent knocking, but you chose to continue to ignore it anyways. Eventually, the knocking gets louder. You sigh, throwing the nearly empty box down on the table imperviously. You waddle yourself over to the door and open it. Outside you can hear Fluttershy’s faint voice, timidly whispering to somepony else.

    “Here we go again...” you sigh.

    You turn the knob, and look down to see none other than Fluttershy… and Twilight?

    “Hello, what can I do for you this morning?”, you ask, almost sarcastically

    Fluttershy simply smiles and nervously kicks her hoof back and forth, skimming the ground.

"Well, you know, I... I have been trying to find your fetish for um, quite some time now and I... I decided to get some h-help...", the mellow mare said, even more quiet than usual. You sigh and turn to Twilight Sparkle, who is clearly holding back gratuitous amounts of laughter.

"What's your excuse?", you ask.

"Well, Jeremy, I've been hoping to study human sexuality, and, well fetishes are a big part of it all. So I'm going to use my magic to help Fluttershy here... whether you like, erm... love it or not."

Of course. Twilight just HAS to have a "For SCIENCE!" reason for everything. The custard-colored mare before you grins and releases a screechy "SQUEE!" noise.

"Oh, Isn't this great, Jeremy? We can go through so many fetishes now, and we can make you try them out--"

"Yeah, uh, no."

You grab the door and slam it shut.

"T-That's okay, we can still show you the fetishes from outside of the window, and y-you'll have to come out eventually, mister..."

"No! I am not coming out! Especially when Twilight, of all ponies, is out there helping you!"

You can very faintly hear Fluttershy say something to Twilight, however, you can not understand it. You had expected her to speak again, but instead, Twilight spoke up just loud enough for you to hear it.

"Fluttershy here wants me to teleport in your house, but I won't do that. Instead we'll find a fetish so great you'll want to go outside!"

"Great.", you think to yourself. You walk back into the kitchen and grab your cereal box. You take a pen and a sticky note. You write on the sticky note:

THINGS TO BUY AFTER FLUTTERSHY STOPS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU

1. More Cereal

2. Milk

3. Pants

You walk to your living room, with your trusty cereal and the sticky note in hand, and begin to push your couch towards the window. You sit right in the middle, and begin shoving more cereal into your mouth. Watching and laughing, you watch Twilight pull out "The Big Book of Possible Fetishes" from her saddlebag. At this, your face turns to the most perfect poker face ever seen. You realize where Fluttershy must be getting her ideas from. You add another section to the sticky note:

THINGS TO DO AFTER FLUTTERSHY STOPS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU

Burn all copies of "The Big Book of Possible Fetishes"

You think for a moment before yelling through the window.

"Try all you want, I am not coming out.". Although you know it isn't true, you are content to keep yourself isolated inside for as long as you can. Sitting and watching, realizing how many fetishes must be written on each page, you sigh. You know that you have things to do, and sitting, watching horses guess your sexual fetish is going to intervene. You stand up and walk over to your kitchen and sit down, reaching your hand back into the cereal box. It is empty.

"Fuck!", you scream, powerfully as ever. You kick off your slippers and throw the box at the wall. A toy ring fell out. "Hey, I didn't know there was a toy in here!"

At this, your day is instantly better. You slide the small plastic diamond ring onto your finger. You smile. You run up the stairs and into the bathroom. You undress and step into the shower. You lather yourself in soap and then rinse. You shampoo your hair. You shampoo it again because you forgot if you shampooed or not. You did. You rinse and turn off the shower. You put on your clothes. You are sexy. Walking back down the steps to your living room, you look through the window to see Fluttershy and Twilight still hard at work to find your fetish. Suddenly you realize that you have shit to do today, but you still can't and won't go outside. You sigh and plop yourself down on the couch again, it creaks badly under your weight despite being light. Looking back at the window, you see Fluttershy, who is the size of your house, looking directly at you with enormous, adorable eyes.

"IS MACROPHILIA YOUR FETISH, JEREMY?"

"No."

"OH."

You watch as a lavender aura forms around the giant horse, and she disappears in a small flash. Twilight stares at you for a second, but her eyes seem to be slightly fixed elsewhere. You wait for Fluttershy to appear again, but she never does. Minutes pass before the smart, purple mare approaches the window and, with her hoof, holds up a rather small Fluttershy who stares at you nervously yet hopefully. You shake your head, and giggle at the pathetic attempt. If only Twilight had realized that your fetish was tiny Twilight Sparkle. Tiny-shy was overtaken by the purple glow again, as she was returned to normal size. Fluttershy falls out of a sudden burst of light, and topples over onto Twilight. Both look dazed, however, you can see an optimistic grin appear between the two mares.

"Oh fuck, they have an idea. No! Not an idea!", you say to yourself worriedly.

You are taken by surprise when you see Twilight lean her head up to Fluttershy. You almost puke at the sight of Twilight Sparkle, of all ponies, trying to kiss Fluttershy, of all mares, seductively. Twilight pulls her head away after only a few seconds. Twilight glances your way to look for your reaction. Maybe this would be hotter if they were human? You stare, but try and look as disinterested as you possibly can. You squint your eyes, frown, and pretend to gag. Twilight looks at you, sighs and throws Fluttershy aside like she's a comforter. They look in different directions and spit. You can't blame them, that was pretty gross. A violet aura appears around the fetish dictionary as it is lifted to Twilight Sparkle's face. You watch Twilight drop the book. She rubs her chin for a moment, and then another flash of light appears. It lasts longer than before. As it fades, you see Fluttershy, who is now a gooey and opaque jello version of herself. She slowly trots over to you, jiggling with each step. Twilight licked her tail. As Slimershy approaches the window, she manages to slide herself up onto it and continue, like a slug. You have Fluttergoop all over your windows. Twilight looks at you extremely hopefully. You just laugh. Damn these ponies. You tap the window, and both ponies eyes fix upon you. You mouth the word "NO" towards Twilight. She is more disappointed than ever. Her ears are pushed back and her eyes and mane are beginning to droop. Fluttershy is standing, anxious for the next fetish. You lean your head back on the couch, and close your eyes.

Today is going to be a very long day. Fuck.