Derpy Delivery

“ALL ABOOAAAARRRD!” the train conductor yelled, his booming voice somehow rising over the conversations of dozens of ponies waiting for the train. The doors opened and classy ponies filed in one by one, who turned to find a suitable room aboard the train. The colts wore top hats and expensive suits, while the mares were adorned with flashy jewelry. Eager for their trip to Canterlot – the center of high society – they took their seats. After everypony was inside and situated, and the conductor had given a loud last call for passengers, the doors shut and the train let out a howling whistle.

Classy ponies poked their heads out of the windows to wave their goodbyes to family members who came to see them off. Other ponies relaxed, ordered a drink, or read their newspapers. The conductor took his seat at the front of the train, operating the controls. He didn’t envy the conductors of the train that took ponies to Appleoosa. His own train was one that carried passengers to Canterlot – the capitol of Equestria – and thus was able to afford an engine powerful enough to pull the raging locomotive. His cousin however, wasn’t afforded such luxuries and had to pull the train himself all the way out into the wild west.

The conductor got the train moving forward, and sat back to enjoy a good book. “Yeaaaahh…this is the good life,” he sighed.

The train roared to life and slowly began chugging ahead. The engine strained to get the cars moving, but as momentum built up, its pace quickened with ease. Ponies called out to their loved ones, saying their final goodbyes, and pulled their heads back into the train to begin their journey to Canterlot.

The ponies that remained at the station watched as the train slowly disappeared into the distance. When the locomotive at last faded from sight, activity changed from tearful goodbyes to a bustling exit from the station. As the ponies made their way back to their carriages, a gray pegasus descended from the sky and landed gently on the platform.

“Phew! Looks like I made it just in time,” Derpy said to a monocle-wearing unicorn who was getting ready to leave the station. “It hasn’t even arrived yet! And here I thought I was gonna be late.” Derpy giggled.

“Um, pardon me miss, but I do believe the train has already left for Canterlot,” the unicorn stated.

“What? When?!” Derpy whined.

“It departed but two minutes ago, my dear.”

Derpy facehoofed and groaned. She took flight once more and zoomed down the tracks.

Derpy’s eyes watered as the wind assaulted her eyes. She flapped her wings frantically, trying with all her might to propel her faster and faster. As of yet the train still wasn’t in sight, and the pegasus wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep this up. Her muscled ached with the strain of flight like this. For a moment she wished she was Rainbow Dash, who surely would have thought this caliber of flying to be a breeze. Just be like Rainbow Dash, she thought to herself. She recalled the pony’s fierce expression and tried to mimic what she thought to be Dash’s thought process while flying at such high speeds.

Intimidate the wind, Derpy. Intimidate it! Grr! Derpy growled at the howling wind, and put all of her focus into defeating it, propelling herself forward even more rapidly.

As the mare snarled at the wind, at last the caboose of the train came into sight. Derpy gasped with glee and continued on to catch up. After another minute of zooming above the train tracks, she came up beside the roaring locomotive.

Inside a window, Derpy spotted a red uniformed pony sitting quite relaxed while reading a paper. She waved frantically at the colt, struggling to keep herself aloft and at speed alongside the window. After what seemed to Derpy like minutes upon agonizing minutes of flapping, the pony at last noticed the exhausted pegasus hovering beyond the window. Folding his paper and setting it down atop a table, he walked over to the door. He slid it open and held out his hoof to Derpy.

“Ticket,” the colt said expectantly, eyes closed and seemingly bored with the unusual interaction.

“Uh, I don’t have a ticket!” Derpy cried over the howling wind. The uniformed pony’s face went from bored to annoyed as he glared at Derpy from inside the train. “But this letter is to Pri-”

The colt slammed the train door shut, and Derpy’s right wing with it. The pegasus yelped in pain and pulled with all her might to remove her jammed wing from the door. After a few tugs, she gave a final pull and at last tore herself from the train. Derpy landed hard on the ground and tumbled for several seconds before finally coming to a stop.

Derpy dislodged her head from the ground and shook it, to regain her senses. She watched as her ride to Canterlot faded into the distance, a particularly smug red-uniformed pony watching her from the caboose of the train. “Ugh! Rude pony!” she cried at him, sticking her tongue out. Derpy dusted herself off and checked to make sure the scroll was still in her bag.

Canterlot rested on the side of mountain, far in the distance. “Wull, guess I’ll just have to walk,” Derpy sighed. She rested her mailbag atop her back and slowly made her way along the side of the tracks, still catching her breath.

Caramel watched as his friend Lucky stuffed his face with a double-decker, mustard drenched, lettuce, tomato and sunflower burger with cheese. Ketchup leaked from the burger and splattered all over Lucky’s blue coat. Lucky, who seemed oblivious to the look he was getting from the colt sitting opposite him, finished the thing in likely record time. He then took several deep gulps from his supersized soda, before proceeding on to the hay fries.

Ignoring the spectacle unfolding before him, Caramel leaned his head into his hooves and groaned, “Uuuuuggggghhh, what am I going to do, Lucky?”

In between gulps of his fries, Lucky answered, “Well for starters, you could stop trying to get with the slowest mare in Equestria.”

As an answer, Caramel gave Lucky a swift punch in the shoulder, causing him to choke on his meal. “She’s not stupid!” Caramel yelled as his friend gasped for air. Nearby ponies gave strange looks at their table for all the commotion they were causing. At last Lucky swallowed down the hay fries lodged in his throat before sucking in an enormous gasp of air.

Caramel rested his face on the table. “Look, ‘Mel,” Lucky started, still panting, “there are plenty of other sea ponies in the ocean.”

“But I don’t want a sea pony!” Caramel cried, before slamming his forehead into the table once again.

“Well then just what exactly is stopping you from just talking to her?”

“I’ve tried…sort of…but every time I walk past her or something I chicken out! I’m a whimp! A chump! A loser!”

“That’s it? That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“That and…well when I was at Sweet Apple Acres earlier today, I heard granny talking about Derpy flirting with Bic Macintosh…” said Caramel quietly, lowering his chin to the table once again.

“WHAHA?! BIG MAC?! Oh sweet Celestia dude, you are screwed!” laughed Lucky heartily. Caramel gave Lucky a pathetic, hopeless look, and Lucky’s laugh cut short as he saw his friend’s anguish. “Well…uh…maybe it’s not that bad? I’ve heard there are mares that are actually into awkward, dorky, shy, sad skinny colts like you.”

“Thanks Lucky. You’re such an inspiration,” Caramel said through his teeth.

“No, really! Maybe she’s not into him.”

“You…you really think so?”

“….No…not really. This is Big Mac we’re talking about here. If I had muscles like that, I’d might as well be an alicorn I’d be so awesome.” Caramel’s ears drooped. “Then maybe I would be the mare-stealer,” Lucky grumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing! Anyway, just go talk to her. I guarantee you can’t possibly fail any harder talking to her than you can not talking to her.”

“Tried that. I brought flowers to her house and everything. And turns out, she just left for Canterlot.”

“Oof. Tough break. You know what you should do?” Caramel lifted his ears and looked at his friend. “You should go to Canterlot dude! Go sweep her off her hooves! Mares like that romancy junk.”

“Heh. If only.”

“If only what?”

“I can’t pull something like that off. Knowing me, I’d probably get lost. Or when I got there, she’d be all over some other guy. I don’t have the kind of luck with mares like you do, Lucky.”

“Ha! Luck? Caramel, it is aaaalll skill. Might as well call me Skilly!” Lucky peered around, looking for an opportunity to show his “skills” off to Caramel. He spotted Raindrops walking past the restaurant, and grinned. “Watch and learn, dude.”

Caramel rolled his eyes. “Here we go…”

“HEY RAINDROPS!” Lucky hollered, not intending to be loud enough for the restaurant and four neighboring blocks to be able to hear him. It definitely caught her attention and she glared at him from across the road. Lucky blushed and lowered his volume. “We should get dinner tonight! You, me and a bottle of sparkling cider, whaddya say?”

In response, Raindrops hollered with laughter, and flew off – barely able to contain her fits of condescending giggles.

Lucky – stunned – felt his face get hot with a fierce blush. “Eh, oh well. It’s just one mare right? Not like that’s gonna stop you from getting a date in twenty minutes,” Caramel laughed.

Snapping out of his funk, Lucky faked a yawn and agreed with the pony.

“Well, I’m gonna head home,” said Caramel. “I need to write up a script about what I could possibly say to Derpy once she gets back from Canterlot.”

“Yea…yea…I’ll see you later, Caramel,” Lucky replied. Caramel trotted off, leaving Lucky to sit alone at the restaurant table watching Raindrops continue on into the sunset – still laughing audibly.

“Macintosh…!” he grumbled, shaking his hoof.

With a huff of exhaustion, Derpy knocked on the thick wooden door. It was crudely made and didn’t quite fit the doorway properly. She could see the warm lantern light pour from beneath it and between the splintery planks of wood that it was comprised of. From inside the inn, she heard festive songs, and the sound of ponies laughing heartily. The crowd inside paid her no attention so eventually she gave up knocking and slowly pushed the door open.

Derpy wondered at all the diverse ponies singing folk songs at the main table, and the two small bearded colts dancing in circles on top of it. As she made her way to the counter, she noticed a group of griffins in the corner talking quietly amongst themselves. One noticed Derpy watching and gave her a dark glare. Derpy immediately broke eye contact and hurried to meet the innkeeper at the counter.

“Welcome to the Canterbury inn!” greeted the innkeeper warmly. He was a gruff skinny colt with a thick moustache. One ear seemed to have a chunk missing, but overall he seemed to be friendly and Derpy’s nerves calmed as he welcomed her.

“I need a place to stay,” Derpy said groggily – her eyes falling shut even as she spoke to the colt.

“I’d be happy to oblige yeh miss, if yeh’ve got the bits,” he replied. Derpy reached into her mailbag for the coins and left them on the counter. “Right then” The colt grabbed a key from underneath the counter and handed it to Derpy. “Enjoy yer stay! Third room on the left.”

“Thank…you…” Derpy slowly walked to her room, ignoring the still-rowdy group of inn patrons singing their favorite drinking songs. She walked to the room, entered it and leapt onto the springy bed. As she felt sleep begin to take her, she took a few moments to remember her day – one part in particular in fact. Despite the letter, Boxxy Brown, the train, and the Canterbury Inn, she found herself being brought back to that moment standing on the road watching Caramel pick the petals off a sunflower. The breeze, the birds, the smell of apple pie from the Apple family farm. While she recalled the sensations, blissful sleep at last washed over her and her dreams were full of wondrous fantasies of romance and fame – none of which she would remember in the morning.

Meanwhile, Caramel too found himself drifting off into dreamland. After wracking his brains for several hours on how to win Derpy when she returned – whenever that would be – he finally gave up and went to bed. He resigned to sleep and dreamt of himself being more like Lucky, who at the time dreamt of sweeping Raindrops into his forelegs, who dreamt of being swept into Big Macintosh’s forelegs, who dreamt of eloping with his secret lover – Fernando the unicorn.

The mailmare awoke, rubbing the tiredness from her eyes. Her legs and wings burned from the extensive walking and rough flying she had done the day before, but a glance at the sealed scroll tucked safely inside her bag reminded her how much it was worth it.

A rumble in her tummy notified Derpy of her impending hunger. Breakfast was free for inn patrons, and so she decided to take advantage of it. Derpy tossed the mailbag over her back and happily trotted into the hall.

“HA! Full house! Pay up dweeb!” cried a gruff voice from the dining hall. A few other voices laughed. Derpy timidly crept to the counter, trying her best to avoid eye contact with the crowd. It was the same group of griffons from the night before. The rest of the patrons seemed to be resting the day away, likely in effort to avoid the splitting headaches caused from their activities the night before.

“Oh good mornin’ to ya lass,” the innkeeper said, smiling brightly. “Up bright an’ early I see. I can only guess ye mus’ be hungry, what with goin’ to bed without yer supper last night.” Derpy nodded, charmed by the colt’s friendly demeanor. “Aye then, what can I get for ye?”

“Do you have any muffins?” Derpy asked, smiling wide.

“Muffins? Aye, we’ve got muffins!” the innkeeper replied, disappearing into the kitchen. After a brief moment, he reappeared with a plate with a small pile of muffins stacked on top of each other. “Enjoy yer meal now!”

“Thanks!” cried the pegasus, taking the plate and rushing over to one of the tables to devour her prize. She noticed from the corner of her eye one of the Griffons staring at her again, making her feel uneasy once more.

“Holy smokes!” the griffon yelled, startling Derpy and nearly causing her to choke on her muffin. “Derpy? Derpy Hooves is that you?” the griffon laughed while making her way to Derpy’s table. The pegasus turned to the griffon, and a wave of relief washed over her upon seeing somepony she was familiar with.

“Hi Gilda!”

“What’s up Derpster. Haven’t seen you since flight school,” Gilda casually responded. She grabbed Derpy’s chair and pulled it out from underneath her. Derpy fell to the floor, knocking over her plate of muffins and sending them flying into the air. Gilda laughed loudly as she dragged the chair back to the table where the other griffons were waiting. “Classic Derpy, ha ha!” laughed Gilda. “C’mon, sit over here with us.” Derpy collected her scattered muffins and ambled over to the griffons’ table.

“This is that one pony I was telling you about before, fellas” A couple of snickers escaped the griffons, who bumped elbows. “Derpy, these are my pals Griff, Greg, Gabby, Gus, Gloria, Gunther, and Burt.” Gilda pointed to each griffon as she named them, each one waving with a smothered giggle, with the exception of Burt, who just looked confused.

Burt pointed a talon at Derpy. “Wait, I don’t get it. If this is the pony you were talking about then why are you being so friendl - ”

Gilda stuffed a clawed hand into Burt’s mouth. “JEEZ Burt, don’t be such a dweeb.” Derpy cocked her head, unsure of what to make of interaction.

“So Derpy,” said Griff, a cool steel-blue griffon with blood-red eyes and a greasy, slicked back head of feathers, “how do you and Gilda know each other?” His voice was in a word: chill.

“Derpster and I,” Gilda interjected, before Derpy could answer, “went to flight school together. I tell ya, this pony is the ultimate klutz. Never was able to make it into the Junior Speedsters, but not for lack of trying, right Derps? Yeah, she failed the entrance course…how many times was it?”

“…fifteen…” Derpy mumbled feebly, as she felt her face heat up.

Gilda exploded into another bout of raucous laughter. Some of the others joined in, though if only to laugh alongside Gilda. She wiped a tear from her eye with one of her sharp talons as the laughter died down and said, “Ohh man. I think she may even still have the record for failed attempts. I got in on my first try, naturally, but my old friend Rainb-“

“No you didn’t,” interrupted Derpy. Gilda angrily glanced sideways at her.

“What did you say?”

“You said you got in on your first try, but you didn’t, remember?” Derpy cocked her head. “You failed four times and after the fourth, you got really drunk and tried to make out with Rainbow Dash. And that didn’t work well at all considering you have a beak!” Derpy giggled at the recollection. “And then you tried to pour cider into the bathtub and swim in it, which got you the nickname ‘Gilly Gilda,’” Derpy had lost track of herself by this time, telling the story. “And then when everybody else left, you and I talked about love and ponies not loving you back and I told you that I knew exactly how you felt and you said you appreciated it a lot and that’s how we became such good friends!”

Derpy snapped her wandering eyes back forward to see that Gilda was red in the face, and glaring at her like nopony had ever glared at her before. The other griffons looks surprise, some of them even giggling.

“Gilly Gilda?”

“Isn’t Rainbow Dash that dweeb you said ditched you while you were in Ponyville?”

“You tried to make out with a pony?”

“Tongue and everything?”

Gilda was on the verge of exploding. A vein in her forehead was pulsing dangerously. She mumbled, barely moving her beak, “she’s lying.”

Derpy was confused. “No I’m not, that’s what happened. Don’t you remember, Gilly?”

“My name is not ‘Gilly.’ And you better stop spreading rumors before I pound your dweeb face into the dirt.”

Tears began to well up in Derpy’s eyes. “But…but that’s what…”

Gilda got up and moved slowly toward Derpy, who backed up to avoid having the Griffon’s glaring face pressed right up against her own.

“I’m sorry…d-did I embarrass you? Do you want me to lie?” Derpy’s eyes were stinging hotly, and she could barely get the words out of her mouth.

“No. I want you to tell the truth,” Gilda said harshly.

“But I am telling the truth!” cried Derpy, the tears now flowing down her gray cheeks. Her face burned as all eyes in the pub were turned upon her.

With Derpy’s hind legs backed up against a corner, Gilda made to grab her. Derpy ducked just under her arm and bolted before the door, before realizing the lack of the reassuring weight of her mailbag. She whirled around.

“Looking for this?” chuckled Gilda dangerously, as she held up the mailbag.

“Give it back, Gilda!”

“Only when you start telling the truth, dweeb.”

“No!” Derpy cried, unable to come up with much else to retort with.

“Well then, I suppose it’s mine. Let’s have a look, shall we?” Gilda opened the bag and pulled out some of Derpy’s bits. “Money, mine,” Gilda said as she tossed out the coins. “Socks, mine,” she said as she ripped out a pair of comfy woolen pony-socks. Gus snickered. “Oh? What’s this?” Gilda pulled out a tightly rolled scroll, bound by a bright red ribbon and stamped with a fancy looking seal. Derpy’s scroll. The one that Twilight Sparkle needed urgently delivered. Derpy’s ears drooped.

“This looks a bit fancy for a klutz like you, Derps. I wonder what’s in it”, Gilda said as she raised a talon to the ribbon.

“NO!” Derpy screamed, launching herself at Gilda. The griffon had no time to react besides a small exclamation of surprise before Derpy was upon her, kicking and biting. The other griffons got up to pull Derpy off of their fellow, but had difficulty prying the pegasus off of her.

Gilda yelled at her assaulter, “Let…go…you…crazy…ARGH!” Derpy had bit Gilda’s taloned hand, causing her to drop the scroll. At last the mailmare released her hold on Gilda and dived for the scroll, ducking beneath the griffons that struggled to catch her. Grabbing the scroll with her mouth, Derpy made for the door, only to be blocked by a swearing Gilda.

“You’ll pay for that, dweeb.”

Derpy whirled around. The griffons were encroaching upon her. The barcolt was yelling, “Oi! Leave her alone why don’t yeh. Yer scaring the poor girl half to death!” Up at the top of the stairs that led toward the rooms, there was a window open. Derpy launched for it. Yet another griffon blocked her path but she rocketed right into his gut. Gunther fell over, coughing, as the other griffons tried to impede her progress to safety. Derpy leapt up from the floor, landing on Gabby’s face and zoomed right up the stairs and straight through the open window, scroll safely between her teeth.

Behind her she could hear lots of yelling. Gunther and Gabby groaning in pain, the barcolt shouting at the griffons to get out of his inn, and Gilda screaming “GET AFTER HER! DON’T LET HER GET AWAY!”

Derpy only now at last felt the absurd amount of adrenaline rushing through her veins. She gave one last shuddering sob and let her nerves calm. She made for Canterlot once again, thankful to be out of that place, and thankful to have escaped with her letter.

Caramel pulled carts. That was what he did, that was his job, that was his talent. Whenever somepony needed a cart to be pulled and didn’t have the strength or didn’t want to do it themselves, they hired Caramel. Sometimes he pulled carts or carriages for other ponies simply to be nice, as he had done on several occasions. Often he pulled the cart for his family, the apples, who owned the apple orchard.

It was from there that Caramel pulled a large cart full of bright and shiny red apples which needed to be brought to the apple stands in Ponyville. This was the beginning of the apple harvest season and Granny Smith had asked him to help Big Macintosh. There was no other business to be had that day, so he accepted. Caramel pulled along the heavy cart with his head low and his ears drooped. His dreams the night before had not given him much respite from his mare troubles. Things did not look bright for Caramel in recent days when it came to girls. His last girlfriend – Sassaflash – had cheated on him with the Ponyville doctor.

“He looks just like you!” was her defense.

“He wears a lab coat. When have I ever worn a lab coat? And furthermore, when has my cutie mark been a heart monitor?!”

And now Caramel was crushing on a mare he knew full well would rather be with his cousin, Big Macintosh – the strong, handsome farmer.

As Caramel lamented these things – his eyes cast downward – he failed to notice the group of ponies gathered in conversation in front of him, and unceremoniously barreled into one of them.

“ACK! Get offa me!” yelled the mint green unicorn he had accidentally assaulted. The same one who he knew to be Derpy’s roommate.

“Oh! Jeez. I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. Sorry, I’m so clumsy,” Caramel said, helping Lyra back up to her hooves.

“Well our residential klutz charged off to Canterlot but it’s a good thing you showed up. I was worried there would be a shortage of painful accidents in my life,” mumbled the annoyed unicorn.

“Lyra, be nice. It was an accident,” Bon Bon chided as she elbowed Lyra in the rib. “I’m sorry about her.”

The little filly that had been talking to looked up at Caramel curiously. Her coat was a light purple – her hair blonde. Caramel noticed she looked a lot like Derpy, though she was a unicorn.

“Oh don’t be, that was my fault entirely,” Caramel replied, blushing. He rushed to go replace some of the apples that had fallen out of the cart, anxious to dodge away from the embarrassment. As he cleaned them up, he overheard their conversation.

“So, Dinky, what was it you wanted to ask us?” Bon Bon asked sweetly.

“I was wondering if you knew when Derpy was going to get back. She never said goodbye to me,” Dinky said, looking downward.

“Oh, Dinky, I wouldn’t worry about that. She was just in a really big hurry when she left. She was trying to catch the train to Canterlot, see,” Lyra said to the sad filly. “Derpy adores you, you know that.”

“Yeah…I guess,” the filly said, looking a tad brighter.

“And as for when she’ll get back – well we don’t really know. She didn’t say much about it, she just said that she had to deliver a letter to Canterlot. If she caught the train on time, it shouldn’t be more than a couple days,” said Bon Bon.

“Okay…thank you,” Dinky said, and Lyra and Bon Bon said their goodbyes to her.

Dinky paused for a moment, and walked around the cart to stare curiously at Caramel once more, who had been listening intently to the conversation while pretending to pick up apples. He noticed her watching him, which made him a bit uncomfortable. Hoping to break the awkward silence hanging in the air, he tried to start a conversation – though accidentally grasping onto the subject they had just been discussing.

“So…you know Derpy Hooves?” Caramel asked.

“Yeah,” she replied. Again the silence hung in the air for a few moments as Caramel looked around, wondering if she was going to say anything more. At last he decided that was it, and just as he turned back to his cart, she spoke again.

“Are you from the apple family?”

“Well, um, yes.” He tried to gesture to the apples casually, which he realized as soon as he had done it made him look rather goofy instead. “Yes I am.”

Dinky brightened. “Derpy always talks about one of the colts from the apple family. I think she’s got a huge crush on him.” She smiled wide, hopeful. “Is it you?!”

Caramel’s ears drooped. Just what I need to hear, thought Caramel. More ponies mentioning her crush on Macintosh.

“No, sorry. I don’t think she’s talking about me. It must be Big Macintosh she’s mentioning,” Caramel sad quietly, hoping he didn’t look too depressed about it.

“Oh.” Dinky took a moment to think, surveying him closely. At last she closed her eyes and said, “Well I think you’re much cuter.”

“Um. Thanks, I guess,” Caramel said. Dinky turned and trotted away casually. Unsure of what to make of the exchange, Caramel harnessed himself back into the cart and began pulling once more.

At midday, he returned to the Apple farm with the empty apple cart in tow. Once again he was depressed, his conversation with Dinky still repeating in his head. He left the cart next to the barn, and headed inside. Granny Smith, and his cousins Applejack and Applebloom were seated around the table. Applejack was telling the others some story, waving her hooves in the air and causing Applebloom to giggle and hiccup with delight. As the laughter died down, they took notice of Caramel.

“Back, Granny. Cart’s next to the house,” he said.

“Oh thank you dear. I appreciate it, why don’t you have lunch with us? I’ve got apple pie in the oven!” Granny said, pulling a chair out from underneath the table.

“No, thank you Granny. I’ve already made lunch plans with Lucky,” Caramel lied. He really didn’t want to be around anyone while in such a sorry mood. “I’m gonna head back to town.”

“Well alrighty dear, but don’t forget to stop by sometime!”

“Sure thing, Granny,” said Caramel half-heartedly, and turned back out the door. Outside he saw Bic Mac pulling another cart back to the house, with a yellow pegasus carrying a mailbag cantering along happily in tow. She seemed to be talking animatedly to Big Mac, who seemed not to be listening. In fact – he looked positively annoyed.

“Uh…look Raindrops, you probably shouldn’t follow me back to the farm,” said Macintosh. “I don’t want Granny to throw anything else at ya.”

“Oh don’t worry about me. I can dodge whatever that old hag can throw at me!” Raindrops said brightly, oblivious to the glare Big Mac was giving her for calling Granny Smith a hag. “Besides, it’s worth it if I get to spend more time with yoooou.” Raindrops fluttered her eyes at the stallion.

Then out of nowhere a large horseshoe whipped past Caramel, rocketing straight into Raindrops’ forehead, who collapsed in a pile of feathers and swears.

“WHAT A SHOT GRANNY! Twenty points!” Caramel heard Applebloom cheer behind him. He turned around to see Granny’s smug smile.

“And don’t ya come back now ya hear! I’ma watchin’ you Raindrops!”

“ARRRGGGHH! BY THE PRINCESS…CRAZY SON OF A…GAHH!” Raindrops groaned and whimpered and cursed, flying lopsided as fast as she could back the way she came. Big Mac put a hoof to his face.

“What was that about, Granny?” Caramel asked.

“Oh that’s that mailmare I mentioned to ya yesterday. She’s been tryin’ ta flirt with Macintosh. The floozy!” she yelped.

Suddenly, gears were turning in Caramel’s head. He felt an electric surge go through him, a fire lighted in his heart. Raindrops was the mailmare that was trying to flirt with Big Mac? Not Derpy? But didn’t Dinky say that Derpy had a crush on one of the Apple colts?

A realization hit him hard.

“Are you alright, Caramel? You didn’t look yerself back in the house. Everythin’ okay?” Applejack came up from behind Caramel. Her voice was concerned.

“I’m much better now!” Caramel yelled loudly, before taking off at top speed down the road after Raindrops.

Seconds seemed like minutes, and yet minutes seemed like seconds. Time went wonky for Caramel as he wondered. Could it be true? Is it really? At last he came back to the town, and ran frantically back to where he had talked to Dinky, hoping with all hope that she was still somewhere near there.

And sure enough, see could be found playing hopscotch alone near the market. He raced up to her as quickly as possible, and – without meaning to – put his face right up in front of hers. She let out a startled yell.

“DINKY! Remember when we were talking about Derpy and the Apple colt?” he said as quickly as he could.

After she regained her senses, Dinky responded, “Um…yes?”

“What sort of things has she said about him? Anything specific?”

“She said…he sometimes worked on the Apple farm?”

“What else?”

“He didn’t pay her much attention?”

“WHAT ELSE??”

“He lived next to the boutique.”

“SWEET PRINCESS HALLELUJAH!” Caramel cried as he picked up Dinky into his forelegs and swung her around him. She was confused, but didn’t mind the attention.

“It’s me, Dinky! I’m the one who lives next to the boutique! Derpy has a crush on ME!” he said as he held Dinky up in front of him. She looked delighted.

“I told you you were cuter!” Dinky chirped.

Caramel put Dinky down and began to pace. “But you’re right. I’ve always tried to look away when Derpy was nearby; I always tried not to be too obvious. Oh my gosh, she must have thought I was so mean! What do I do?” he asked Dinky, who shrugged, bewildered.

Another stroke of inspiration hit him. “Lucky’s right! I should follower her! Right? I should follow her to Canterlot and tell her how I feel! Don’t chicks like that romancy junk??” he desperately asked Dinky, who nodded excitedly. “But the train’s long gone by now and it won’t come until next week!” he shouted.

Dinky gasped. “I have an idea!”

“What??”

“Follow me!” Dinky cried as she raced off. Caramel followed, trying hard not to run too fast and pull ahead of her – her legs were much smaller than his, after all, and could not run as fast as he could. At last they seemed to reach their destination – Sugar cube corner. Dinky raced through the door and Caramel went in right behind her. A pink pony with an even pinker, curly mane waited at the counter.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How can I help you?” she asked, smiling wide.

Caramel realized instantly what Dinky meant, and hoped that Pinkie Pie would be willing to let him borrow the hot air balloon she had in her possession.

“Pinkie! Can I borrow the-“

“Sure!”

“…what? But I didn’t even finish-“

Pinkie Pie leapt around the pair and urged them forward into the kitchen, and out the back door. “No time! You gotta get going!” There sat the hot air balloon, already inflated and ready to go. Pinkie lifted Caramel and Dinky into the basket and began undoing the sandbags tied to the side.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Caramel said. “Dinky can’t come with me.”

“Why not?” said Pinkie and Dinky in unison.

“Well, she’s just a filly! I’m going to Canterlot and her mother doesn’t even know where she is right now! I wouldn’t take her with me without her mother’s permission.”

And as if on cue, another unicorn came out the back door of the pastry shop, stuffing her face with cupcakes. She was identical to Dinky, except for the fact that she was a fully grown mare. “She can go, sure. I don’t mind,” she said before stuffing another cupcake into her muzzle.

Pinkie turned back to Caramel and Dinky, the latter having been affected with an enormous grin. “Well, that settles that! Looks like she has permission!” Pinkie said as she untied the last sandbag, allowing the balloon to float upward.

“But how did you…?” Caramel wondered as they lifted up.

“This chapter’s already long enough as it is!” Pinkie cried up to the two of them. “We couldn’t waste any more time by explaining it all to everyone!”

And with that, the hot air balloon surged upward into the sky.