Kanji Tatsumi: Equestrian Bad Ass

Kanji slowly began to feel senses return to him. The first thing he noticed was a smell akin to...cotton candy? Huh? Warbled voices began to float into his ears and with each passing second the words became clearer and clearer.

“Hey hey hey hey! Lookit! I think Mr.Kanji is finally coming to!” An extremely giddy voice shouted out to Kanjis left.

The teen groaned as he slapped the palm of his hand to his face. The teen slowly opened his eyes to find ten pony faces leaning over him, anticipation in their eyes. Ponies? What the hell?

Kanji blinked his eyes furiously as gears turned in his head. Oh yeah. Pony wedding. Getting the shit knocked out of him.

Kanjis gaze settled upon the mare of the hour, the one that was in...a tattered wedding dress? On her wedding day. Oh hell no!

“Oh hell no!” Kanji said aloud. The looks of merriment on the ten pony things surrounding immediately drooped into looks of deep depression.

Kanji shot up into an upright sitting position, grabbing at the tattered wedding dress. “Give me that. Damn thing is torn to shit.”

Said mare blinked in confusion as she allowed the human to tug her out of the dress. Every one of the pony things surrounding him stared at him in utter confusion.

Kanji reached into his pants pocket pulling out his emergency sewing kit. “What? I like to sew things.”

The teen cleared his throat before he yelled, “ DO YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!?!” A particularly amazing phenomenon occurred as the human yelled. His head seemed to grow to excessively massive promotions as a pair of veins popped on his forehead in the shape of an 'x'.

All of the ponies surrounding him immediately shook their heads 'no' rapidly. Instantly, Kanjis head returned to a normal size. “Good. Now give me some space while I-”

Kanji cut himself off mid sentence as his eyes grazed upon...a particular orange mare.

Said mare gulped audibly, before pulling her stetson off of her head. “Ah'm mighty sorry pardner. I never meant to kn-”

The orange mare never finished her sentence as Kanjis fist flew into her snout. The mare yelped as she flopped back onto her back, rubbing her snout furiously.

“Now we're even.” Kanji simply said as he turned back to the dress.

That's when the human finally noticed he was still on the floor. Damnit, he wouldn't be able to work sitting like this! The human stood and seeing no where he could comfortably sit, he simply set to work. The teen ignored the looks of amazement as his hands effortlessly began to mend the ripped wedding dress.

While Kanji worked he noticed two things out of the corner of his eye. One of the ponies from earlier, the one with the primped up purple mane regarded him with extreme interest as he worked. The other was a pony he hadn't seen earlier. This one was like the other princess in the fact that she had both horns and wings. Her mane flowed in an ethereal wind just like the other but that's where the similarities ended. This one was a dark blue with a mane that looked like the night sky, and the tattoo on her ass was the moon.

Wait, what?

Kanji blinked as he stopped his work mid stroke. The human looked around at each of the ponies surrounding him. And yup there they were. Each and every one of them had a tattoo on their ass.

“What the hell is with the tattoos on your asses?” Kanji asked plainly as he went back to his work.

The lavender unicorn that Kanji recognized from earlier chortled, “These aren't tattoos silly. These are our cutie marks! It appears when some pony gets their special talent!”

Complete and utter silence reigned as the information given to the male human teenager processed in his brain head thing. And then he started laughing uncontrollably. The ten ponies surrounding gave him looks of confusion.

The maniacal laughing eventually subsided and Kanji realized he had been working on the dress during the entire fit of shits and giggles. The human ignored the looks the ponies around him gave him as he eyed his work. The teen held aloft a completely renewed wedding dress...that was still filthy.

“Gah! You can't have a wedding with a dirty dress. THIS MUST BE FIXED BY A MAN OF MY MANLINESS!!” Kanji roared as he darted off in a random direction down the hall. After a minute of running, Kanji realized something. He had forgotten something terribly important. So the teen ran back.

“Ummmm. Where the hell can a guy wash a dress around here?” Kanji asked completely serious. All ten ponies in the circle laughed hysterically. Kanji at first was confused but as the laughter continued, the troubled youth got, well, pissed.

“Hey! This isn't damn funny! I'm being serious!” Kanji fumed.

All at once nine ponies stopped laughing while a particular white princess pony continued to softly chuckle. A brilliant golden light surrounded the wedding dress aswell as said ponies horn. After a minute the glow began to subside, revealing a sparkling clean wedding dress. Said dress lightly tugged away from the humans hands until he let go. The dress floated over to its owner who quickly put on the dress, a grateful smile on her muzzle.

“The dress may be a little tighter than before, I only have so much thread in my emergency sew-” The human was suddenly cut off as the pony in the dress engulfed him a hug. She nuzzled into his chest humming softly, “Than you so much Kanji.” The hug persisted for a minute while Kanji awkwardly returned it.

The pony backed off, “I think I speak for both of my aunties...no all of Equestria when I say you are welcome here in Canterlot.”

Nine other ponies offered a chorus of cheers at the statement before all them, the princess' included, beelined for him and ensnared him in a massive group hug. Kanji stood there, wide eyed in shock as a group of pastel colored ponies hugged him as if he were their best friend.

After a minute of silent hugging the group dispersed allowing Kanji room to breathe. The group stood in happy silence for a moment before an overly excited pink pony began jumping up and down. “OOOOOOO. We know Kanjis name but he doesn't know ours!”

Said pink pony tackled the human to ground her muzzle touching the tip of his nose. “HI MY NAME'S PINKIE PIE!”

Kanji smirked, “'Sup Pinks.”

The pink pony clamored off of the human, allowing him to stand again. The lavender unicorn stepped up, “My name is Twilight Sparkle.”

Before Kanji could do or say anything in response,  a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane flew into his face. “My name is Rainbow Dash! I'm the fastest pegasus in Equestria and future Wonderbolt extraordinaire!”

The white unicorn from earlier popped into his view, extending a hoof to him, “And my name my dear, is Rarity. And as a fellow stitch worker, I am excited to talk to you further.” As the unicorn drew back a certain orange mare trotted up, her face surprisingly unbruised, “And ahm Applejack. And again ah'm mighty sorry abo-”

Kanji cut her off, “Listen, if anyone can take a punch from Kanji Tatsumi and not drop like a sack of rocks is okay in my book.”

Applejack smiled warmly before spitting on her hoof and extending it to Kanji. The human smirked as he spat on his hand and shook her hoof vigorously.

The groom unicorn trotted up, “My name is Shining Armor and thank you so much for saving my wed-” Kanji cut him off by grasping him in a manly hug. “No problem bro.”

The human whispered quietly in the ponies ear, “ I hope she rocks your brains out tonight.” Shining Armor blushed furiously as he stepped out of the bear hug.

Before Kanji could even blink the mare of the hour tackled him in a blur of motion. “My name is Cadence. Thank you sooooooooooo much for what you did for Shining and I today.”

Kanji smirked, “No problem.” The human leaned into the hug and whispered into her ear, “ Make sure Shining has the night of his life tonight.” Kanji expected her to become shocked, aghast or even angry. He didn't expect her to shoot him a coy smile, “I had already planned on it so don't you worry.”

Kanji blinked as Cadence stepped back. And then he began to laugh hysterically as the dark pony princess stepped forward.

“Hello. Our- I mean, my name is Luna. Princess Luna. I must say I am intrigued by you.” Kanji shook her extended hoof.

Luna backed up as Celestia stepped forward, “My name Kanji Tatsumi, is Princess Celestia. Co-ruler of Equestria and I speak for all of us when I say you are welcome where ever you go. By the end of tonight, all of Equestria will know what you have done for us.”

Kanji smirked as he stood at attention, before he giving her a military salute, “YESSIR MA'AM!”

Celestia chuckled at the humans antics before asking, “Now Kanji, have you ever been to an Equestrian wedding?”

“Wait, Princess. Fluttershy never introduced herself.” Twilight called out.

Kanji blinked, Fluttershy?

Kanji finally noticed a cream colored pegasus hiding behind the group and her pink mane. The human fought so hard, no, he struggled to not admit that there was only one word tht could accurately describe her.

Adorable.

“K-kawaii.” Kanji managed to stammer out despite his mental protests. The human slowly approached the mare who hid behind a wall of mane.

“H-Hey Fluttershy? Can I ask you something?”

The mare responded with a squeak.

“C-can I pet your mane?”

The wall of mane parted an a single teal eye peered out, “W-w-what?”

“I would like to pet your mane. Its beautiful.”

“W-w-well if you want to.”

Kanji stepped even closer his hand hovering towards his goal. Until his fingers dove into the soft, heavenly soft, hair. Kanji began to scratch and the moment he did all of Fluttershys, well, shyness seemed to melt as she nuzzled her hand into the scratching fingers.

Kanjis other hand absent mindely began to pet her back and the pegasus whinnied of all things as he pet the cream pegasus. The levels of kawaii that Fluttershy irradiated...Kanji...despite all of his manliness...was powerless against it. The human wrapped both arms suddenly around Fluttershy lifting the surprised pegasus off the ground. Kanji hugged the pony tight, while his hand stroked her mane.

“My name is Kanji Tatsumi. And this pony is absolutely kawaii. Also, there are many ponies. And many of them are adorable. But this is one mine to hug and pet. And hug her and pet her I shall.”

Fluttershy, surprisingly nuzzled into Kanjis chest as the teen continued to stroke her mane while his other hand cradled her like a baby.

“DO ANY OF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!?!?” Kanji roared, while his head expanded to an impossible size.

….

Kanji stood off with Twilight and the others watching as the ceremony started. As the couple began to recite vows...

Vows of love..

The human couldn't stop it and the tears began to flow freely at the beauty of this singular moment. The man ignored the scoffs of Rainbow Dash and was surprised when Rarity offered him a spare hankerchief.

Kanji dabbed at the tears that flowed freely from his eyes, there was no shame in crying at something so beautiful. Something wrapped around Kanjis waist and the teen looked down.

Rarity was attached to his leg, sniveling as she watched the closing vows. When the happy couple of Shining Armor and Cadence kissed, the dam broke and Rarity began to bawl.

“I-i-it's so b-b-beautiful!!!” Rarity cried out as sobs wracked her form.

Kanji bent down and hugged the mare, tears streaming down his own face, “I-I-I k-k-know!”

Together, the alabaster mare and human teenager hugged each other tightly as they sobbed tears of joy for the lucky couple.

…

Kanji took another sip of the absolutely delicious fruit punch. The human looked down at Vinyl Scratch. “Those are some damn cool shades girl.”

Vinyl laughed, “And that's one sweet flank jacket dude. Where'd you get it?”

Kanji blinked, “This jacket is just part of the school uniform. We have to wear it.”

“What!?!? Dude!!! Why can't other private schools have a nice uniform like that?” Vinyl groaned, slapping a hoof to her forehead.

“You finally done crying yet Kanji?” A certain cyan pegasus snickered as she flew over to where the human stood idly by the D.J.

“It was a beautiful moment between a man an- I mean a stallion and a mare Rainbow. Do you have a problem with that?” Kanji growled barely above a whisper.

Whatever jokes the pegasus head left her head as her face visibly sagged. “Uhm, yeah no problem at all. Heh heh. I'm....just...gonna...go over there now! CYA!”

Vinyl scratch laughed out loud, “Holy shit dude you can be scary as anything when you want to!”

Kanji couldn't help but smirk. “Yeah I guess I can, can't I?” The human gave his cup another sip before a worried Twilight trotted up.

“Hey, have either of you seen Pinkie Pie? I haven't seen her in hours. It's not like her to  skip a party.” Twilight said nervously, shuffling from hoof to hoof.

As if on cue, a massive pool of shadow slowly began to swirl into existence in the center of the  courtyard. Every pony frantically galloped away from the growing blackness. At an agonizingly slow pace, a point began to emerge from the swirling darkness.

Steadily a massive...pink...building complete with a Gothic spire emerged from the swirling pool. The massive building looked akin to a Gothic castle....except it was pink...and the above the massive entrance gate was a humongous....T.V?

Said T.V flickered into life as a straight maned Pinkie Pie appeared on the screen. And the thing that scared Kanji the most....her eyes with black with yellow slits.

To be continued....

Sorry for the delay, but Hurricane Sandy ( I think thats its name) has had me running around like a headless chicken on my parents beckoning to gather supplies for when it hits. Next one will come up quicker, I can promise you that.