Kanji Tatsumi: Equestrian Bad Ass

Kanji groaned. God damn. He felt good. But...but what the hell smells like cotton candy? The teen opened his eyes to a bright pink and poofy mane in his face.

…

“Good * yawn * morning Mr.Kanji.” The tired voice of Pinks reached Kanjis ears. The mass of mane turned over revealing a tired Pinkie Pie rubbing her eyes with her forehooves.

“ * Yawn * Thank you.” The party pony said as she gripped Kanji in a bear like grip. The human gasped as he struggled for breath.

“I-it's not a prob Pinks, but you're crushing me.” Kanji gasped out painfully.

Pinkies grip loosened slightly as the mare buried her snout into Kanjis jacket. “I...I don't think I can face my friends again.”

“What the hell are you talking about Pinks!? They're your damn friends. They'll stick by you know matter what happens. No stop talking non-sense and get the hell up. I bet your friends are out there waiting for one of their best friends.” Kanji rapped his knuckles on the Pinkies head.

Pinkie unburied her snout to look at Kanji with the biggest smile hes seen from her yet. The party pony saluted before shouting, “OKIE DOKIE LOKIE!”

“BREAKFAST HERE WE COME!” Kanji roared as he and Pinkie charged towards the exit of the room.

With a mighty bellow party pony and human carefully opened the door instead of breaking it down this time. The human and the mare spilled out into the hall shouting battlecries, startling the guards.

Weird. Kanji thought for sure that their roaring would notify the guards that they were awake. The human shrugged mentally as he pointed a finger menacingly at the guard to his right.

“YOU! WHERE'S BREAKFAST!?!?” Kanji roared...as Pinkie roared the same thing at the same time as he did.

The guard quickly pointed a hoof down the hall to the left.

Kanji roared at the top of his lungs and Pinkies own roar over lapped his own. “CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!” The pair roared as they began a full on sprint down the halls, leaving two very bewildered guards.

…

“Did you have a good sleep Naoto?” Twilight Sparkle asked the human sitting next to her at the massive banquet table. Splayed in front of them was a massive meal the likes of which the teenager had never seen together.

Naoto eyed the delicious looking, although vegetarian, platter arrayed before her. The detective shook her head no. “I was kept awake most of the night by the various questions buzzing through my head. The food however looks and smells delicious.”

Celestia smiled from her end of the table, “Try it dear Naoto. I'm sure you'll find it just tastes as good it looks and smells.”

“Yeah, the castle chefs are some of the best in all of Equestria.” Princess Cadence said from her aunt's side.

“Wait a moment.” Shining Armor called to the table.

“Does anypony else hear that?” The guard captain asked.

Everypony stopped and listened. And sure enough they heard....something. “What in tarnation is that-” Applejacks question was cut off as the doors to the banquet hall slammed open. Which was a feat in itself considering how massive the doors were.

“BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAKFASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!” Kanji Tatsumi roared from within the doorway.

…

“PRIVATE PINKIE PIE!” Kanjo roared, staring down the assembled group of ponies...and Naoto.

“SIR YES SIR!” Pinkie popped up from Kanji's left.

“YOU HAVE UNFINISHED BUISINESS WITH YOUR FRIENDS MAGGOT. YOU'RE GONNA FIX THAT!” Kanji screamed, holding his hands out in front of him, palms up.

Pinkie simply cocked a salute before jumping up and into his extended hands. “PINKIE CANNON READY TO FIRE SIR!”

Kanji hefted Pinkie Pie over his head, her had her front hoof extended and the rest of her body angled so that she should fly forward like a bullet.

“GO TALK TO YOUR FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDSSSSSSSSS!” Kanji roared as he threw Pinkie Pie across the room.

Okay heres a simple math problem for you dumb asses out there. Take Kanji's massive strength. Okay do you have that in your head dumb ass. Now add Pinkie's ability to ignore the laws of physics. What do you get? A bullet Pinkie Pie you dumb ass, now study up for that quiz this coming Friday you losers. King Moro- I mean Mr.Moroaka out...you dumb asses.

Bullet Pinkie soared through the air....straight....at....Twilight Sparkle. The lavender unicorn barely had time to scream before bullet Pinkie Pie tackled her to the ground in a massive bear hug.

But the human couldn't hear what Pinkie Pie was babbling the unicorn she was sitting on top of. Kanji couldn't hear the group of friends as they all gathered around Pinkie's face, expressions of naught but friendship painting their faces.

He could only see and hear two things. The delicious looking food, and the empty seat next to...Naoto who kept blinking her eyes rapidly as she tried to process the information as to what the hell just happened.

Kanji pointed a finger at Naoto, who blinked in surprise. “FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” The troubled teen roared as he charged headlong into the room.

The teen slammed down into the chair next to Naoto and immediately began to shove food down his starving gullet. As the human inhaled (the delicious) food, he noticed something. Laughter. Fits of whooping laughter were coming from...Celestia? And her sister too. Even Cadence and her husband were laughing, tears very visible as they streamed down their muzzles.

“Oh good sir Kanji. How thine antics amuse us.” Luna managed to wheeze out in between labored breaths from laughing so hard.

“Did...haha...did you really just launch Pinkie Pie at my most faithful student like a cannon?” Celestia panted in between her own fit of laughter.

The newly wed couple however were laughing far to hard to even think of saying anything at all. This made a goofy grin plaster itself on Kanji's face as he continued to shovel delicious vegetarian food

“Mumhpph mumph arhg meathsh?” Kanji asked at Celestia.

Said princess wiped an tear from her eye, “I'm sorry Kanji could you repeat that please. Without food in your mouth.”

Kanji swallowed, “I asked if you guys have any meat laying around here?”

Naotos eyes grew wide in shock and the detective punched Kanji as hard as she could in his shoulder. “You imbecile!”

The detective turned towards the princess',” I am so...terribly...sorry about....Kanji?” The apology turned to a question as the detective finally realized that the sisters were laughing again and the newlyweds were laughing even harder than before.

“Oh...Kanji... I'm sorry I didn't notice that you were an omnivore sooner. Alas, as ponies we're herbivores and the idea of even preparing another animal for food is abhorrent to us. So my chefs have no idea or desire to prepare meat. I can tell you the same thing I tell the griffons when they're here. You have permission to hunt in the Everfree forest if you desire but only if you prepare and eat your kill in the forest. Understand?” Celestia finished her speech with a chuckle.

Kanji simply shrugged his shoulders while eating. That's when the normally oblivious bad ass realized something. He could no longer hear the babbling and crying from the mares behind him...but he felt like he was being watched very closely.

The human slowly turned his head to face...all six of them diving onto him at once in a pile of pony. The human drowned in the sea of pony as  chorus of shouts and praise came from them. “Thank you soooo much for saving Pinkie!” “Your so cool!” “Will you rub my belly again if that's okay with you that is.”

Kanji flailed his arms frantically as he fell backwards in the chair. The laughter from the royal end of the table escalated to an all time high. And Naoto's laughter joined in. Her voice...her laughter...so heavenly..... Naoto in lingerie...

The teenager couldn't stop staring at his angel. She'd be his...one day...one day...

“Oh my gosh, Kanji are you alright? Your nose is bleeding!” Twilight exclaimed as she untangled herself from the pile of pony hugging Kanji tightly.

Everypony in the pile gasped, “Kanji!” A collective chorus of the word called out worriedly. The teen sighed, a blush on his cheeks as he looked anywhere but at Naoto.

“I'm fine, just give me some napkins and it'll stop.” The boy said simply...as he noticed Rarity glancing between himself and Naoto. Again. And Again. The biggest shit eating grin adorned her face when the realization hit her.

It reminded him of that one time he watched

that American cartoon...what was it called again? Squarepants Spongebob? Squarebob Spongepants? He couldn't remember. American cartoons were weird anyway. But that wasn't important. What was important was she began to move amongst the princess' whispering quickly.

And soon enough...ALL three of the princess' AND Shining Armor had that same exact shit eating grin. The way Rarity moved amongst the shadows and her friends and all without Naoto noticing too. It made Kanji think she was a flipping ninja.

Kanji watched with growing horror as each of the ponies that surrounded him with worried expressions shifted to that shit eating, knowing grin.

All but Naoto who had actually gotten down to Kanji's level on the floor to more appropriately examine him. Before Kanji could even blink, the detective had shoved two rolled up napkins into his nostrils to stop the bleeding.

But the teenaged girl didn't stand up. No, she pressed her hand to Kanji's forehead, his deep blush turned him into a tomato. “Kanji, it feels like you have a fever. Are you sick?”

The detective leaned in closer, he hot breath on his face drove Kanji mad. “You seem really, really red. I think you should see a castle doctor Kanji.”

As if on a cue, “Hey Naoto, why don't you  come with me. I want to show you some of the more historical parts of the castle. And discuss how Equestria was founded.

Naoto perked up at that. “I'd love to come.” The detective turned back to Kanji, “You shoud probably get some medicine and some bed rest.”

The teenage girl got up and eagerly fell in behind Shining Armor as he left the grand feast hall. Almost in the blink of an eye, the six girls fell atop one another forming a tower of pony each sporting that knowing, shit-eating grin.

Even the princess' had it, but Luna...she was giggling like a school girl. Nononononononono.

“So Kanji dear. Why don't you tell us all about your deep love for Naoto Shirogane?” Rarity asked, batting her eyelashes.

“W-what the hell are you talking about? I-I-I don't have a crush on anyone.” Kanji stammered out as he crossed his arms and looked away.

Everypony in the room giggled evilly except Celestia. “Come now darling, you can't fool somepony like me when it comes to love. You are irrevocably and undeniably in love with her.” Rarity gasped out as she held her hoof aloft dramatically.

“You may as well spill it Kanji. Just tell us about it.” Rainbow Dash said with a light chuckle.

“That is if you don't mind that is.” Fluttershy squeaked.

The man that oozed bad assery sighed, “Alright, alright. It's a long one though. We may run out of time.”

“Non-sense, I have Shining give Naoto a FULL tour of the castle. It'll be a few hours at least.

Kanji visibly slumped. “Alright...” The bad ass began his tale.

One embarrassing explanation as to how he met Naoto and the defeat of his shadow later...

Rainbow visibly flinched, Rarity looked upon Kanji with the face of pity and every pony else but the princess' looked simply downtrodden.

“So you really thought Naoto was a guy?”

“We all did?”

“Ouch that hurts bro.” Rainbow patted Kanji's shoulder.

“Thou must not lose hope Sir Kanji.” Luna's voice pierced the awkward silence. “The night is the realm of love. Lovers embrace in my beautiful nights, mares are swoon and virgins undone in my night. There is always hope.”

Luna ignored the exasperated looks from the other ponies and continued, “ I am a master in love. In mine olden days, those who desired a lovers embrace would turn to whispering into my night for hope, and advice. And this is exactly what I shall give thee brave Sir Kanji. He who may be homosexual.”

“Hey!” Kanji shouted hotly.

Luna held aloft a hoof, “Homosexuality is not something to be ashamed of dear Sir Kanji, love is love no matter between whom. But I warn thee, I will often whisper directly in thine head Sir Kanji. We hope thou doth not get offended.”

Kanji blinked, and then sighed. “Sure, sure. So...what happens now.”

Many Hours Later Aboard a Train to Ponyville...

Pinkie bounced around Kanji and her friends excitedly, despite their being . “OHMYGOSHTHISISSOEXCITING!WEGETTOHAVEKANJIAAAAAAAANDNAOTOSWELCOMETOEQUESTRIAANDWELCOMETOPONYVILLEPARTIESALLATTHESAMETIME!”

“Geez Pinks calm down a little. We're still a ways off aren't we?” Kanji absconded.

Pinkie just beamed at the human. “I know, I'm just so superduper excited.” The pink pony darted all around the small cabin, giggling merrily the whole way.

Sitting next to Kanji, and causing him some discomfort, was Naoto. The girl let out a soft yawn. “I hope you all don't mind I'm simply exhausted. I didn't get much sleep last night so if you'll excuse me I'll be sleeping during the train ride there.”

Kanji turned his head to look out the window he was seated next to. He didn't want to think about Naoto sitting next to him ( which was awesome), so he backtracked to the days events. It had been Twilights idea for Kanji and Naoto to come back with them to Ponyville. There wouldn't be much for them to do while Celestia researched a way for them to be sent back home.

Thunk.

Heat rushed to Kanji's face as it stirred against his chest. The teenage badass slowly looked down to find...yep. Naoto had fallen asleep...and her head fell to rest on his chest.

WHAT ON EQUESTRIA ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?!? SIR KANJI HOLD HER NOW! Lunas voice raged in his head. Kanji practically jumped a put a hand around onto Naotos shoulder awkwardly. That's when Kanji notice Rarity had gotten up from her seat and trotted over.

The unicorn took Kanji's arm from Naoto and slowly and carefully guided his arm to wrap around the sleeping detective and set his hand to rest on her belly. Next the fashionista took Kanjis

head in her front hooves and slowly lowered it so his face was resting on Naotos famous hat.

Kanji couldn't stop the pleasant and stupid smile from gracing his features. Now fall asleep. When Lady Naoto awakens she will find you have embraced her in your sleep. It will be another step to claiming fair maidens heart.

Yet the princess' advice fell on deaf ears, (or is it a head?) Kanji was already embracing sleep as he smiled happily into the embrace.

…

“K-K-Kanji!?!” Naoto's voice raised him from his peaceful slumber. He felt the heat that was her body resting against him get up. The teen opened his eyes to look up and found Naoto at the far end of the bench, blushing a deep red like a tomato.

“NOTHING HAPPENED!” Naoto practically shouted before turning and leaving the small cabin. Kanji blinked before the despair set in. He had failed....miserably. “Don't worry 'bout it none sugarcube. Ain't as bad as it looks. 'Sides, we're here!”

…

Kanji didn't like it. Everypony stared at him wide-eyed in fear. That certainly did not improve his mood. Nor did the Naoto who walked as far from him as she could help his sour mood very much.

That is until three very loud, earsplitting gasps resounded throughout the market square that Twilight and his friends were leading them through.

“Oh no.” The six ponies guiding them said in unison.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PERSONA HERO CATCHERS...GO!” And with that three colored blobs darted over from somewhere and crashed into Kanji's legs...with enough force to simply make him grunt in annoyance.

The teen looked down to see three little fillies wrapping their forehooves tightly around his legs.  All three raised their flanks in the air and turned their heads to peek at it. “Drat. No cutie mark!” The three fillies exclaimed in unison.

But then the three gazed up at Kanji with humongous smiles on their faces. “AWESOME! You just gotta do you rok...rokuphlem moth thing again!” An orange filly with a purple mane and ail said.

“Yeah! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!” Begged the white filly with the purple mane streaked  pink and white, and the other filly with the butter coat and red mane with a ridiculously large red bow.

Kanji couldn't help but grin. They're smiles were contagious! Shut the hell up! The human opened his mouth and began to tug on the familiar power when some pony tapped him on the back. “Let me do something first Kanji, then you can persona away.” Twilight asked from behind him.

“Attention Ponyville!” Twilight called out. Kanji expected the ponies to all mill about their business, giving Kanji a wide berth. But the human was surprised when they actually turned to listen to Twilight.

“I know you're all wondering about this big guy here wondering around with us, so let me introduce him! This is Kanji Tatsumi! The guy who stopped the changeling invasion in Canterlot and saved Equestria!”

At this the ponies that regarded him with fear, suddenly changed disposition and began to whoop and cheer for the human. “And he's going to demonstrate the power he used to save Equestria!” And with that Twilight rapped on Kanji's back.

Kanji felt hundreds of eyes boring into him as he grinned. The teenager reached deep within himself, tugging at that familiar power. The human roared at the top of his lungs, “PERSONA! ROKUTEN! MOH!”

Kanji didn't need to look behind him to know. The 'Ooohs' and 'ahs' from the crowd did that for him. Not to mention the three fillies below him clapping their hooves excitedly.

But Kanji's mood was cut short when a familiar voice began to laugh. Oh no. Not again. And not her.

“Awww look at the little persona! Too bad he isn't powerful enough to take me on. Little Kanji Tatsumi. Always a loser, never a true warrior.” The chilling voice of Shadow Fluttershy resounded throughout the town square.

To be continued...

I don't know how to put pictures in...damnit! I had the perfect picture to show you when I mean "Shit-eating grin" le sad face.