chapter 1. Hello!
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 1. Hello!

*Beep beep beep*

I throw my arm out on reflex to shut off the alarm that wakes me every morning, habit driving my motions more than any conscious thought. However the lack of a button in my fingers, coupled with the sound of the alarm hitting the floor hard make me roll over and force my eyes open to look down at the clock that shines “9:00 AM” for a moment, before flickering out.

That’s not good.

“Oops,” I whisper.

My long hair drapes in front of my eyes as I lay my head back down on the bed. I have to fight the urge to drift off to sleep, or at least try to get comfortable enough to, and lift my arm up to bump against my bedside desk. The nudge is enough for my computer mouse to pick up as movement, and the dual screens light up, flooding my half of the room with light, carefully aimed not to shine on Julien’s half of the room.

Nonetheless they are bright enough to hurt my eyes, which I squint and blink, trying to adjust to the change in illumination. After a moment of motionless blinking and yawns, I am able to see the screens properly, and count the number of calls they say I have received for work.

Five calls, excellent pay but certainly a busy day. It looks like I was right about this being a week of hard and dull work. Though I note with a smile that all of them are in California, which means I will likely receive less snide comments about my profession and gender being at odds.

I reach up to move the mouse, so I can click on the first ticket, but instead of grabbing the mouse I manage to knock it off the mousepad, not feeling anything more than a pressure on my hand.

I look down from the screen, but instead of an arm I see a pale yellow sausage. A fuzzy pale yellow sausage.

Then I realize it is attached to my shoulder.

With a yelp, I fall backwards, away from my computer. For a moment I am frightened by the thing following me, until I try to look down at myself to try figuring out why I feel a pain in my rear, and all I see is a huge nose filling my vision.

“No! Nono, what the hell?!”

I turn my head to the side to see around my vision obscuring muzzle, and I see a yellow furred body, the legs kicking as I try to push myself away from what I am seeing. Worst of all, I can feel every breath I take, as I watch this foreign chest rise and fall, quicker and quicker.

“No!” I shout, unable to think of anything else to say, unable to comprehend what is happening to me.

I end up screaming, face buried in my blanket, until the shouts and screams in what I now can tell is not my voice subside into whimpers and sobs.

It takes me a very long time to force myself to confront the fact that this is not a dream. This is not some insomnia fueled nightmare, and the pain in the base of my spine stopped as soon as I rolled onto my stomach.

I pull my head out from under the covers, panting, trying to wipe the tears off of these cheeks with my new stubby limbs. I can feel ears on top of my head that catch on the blanket, that hurt from how hard they are being clamped against this head that isn’t mine.

Blinking away the haze of tears, I look up to see that Julien, my roommate who shares my room, is still asleep, not a single one of my outbursts or shouts having been loud enough to wake him up.

As I brace myself upright, I look down at what has replaced my arm, trying to understand it, or at least see what it is.

The limb ends abruptly in a layer of cartilage, covered with soft yellow fur almost to the tip, and a soft palm area. After a few moments I realize that I am looking at a hoof, though unlike any I have ever seen.

I cannot place what kind of animal would have such a structure, despite years of my mother’s horse obsession bleeding through into family life. In addition to the odd hoof, I notice that I am able to flex the arm with even greater range of motion than my arm had before. I sniffle once or twice as I sit back on my haunches, examining these many, drastic changes.

I look down at myself, the light of my computer shining like a lamp as I realize that I am about the size of a large dog, not horse sized at all. My hind legs are the right bone structure for a horse, but all wrong in the hooves. Then, poking out from between my legs, I notice a swoop of pink hair.

I turn to look behind myself, and see a curled soft pink tail sprouting from my hindquarters, and above it I see a wing.

I stare at this wing, twitching slightly as I take a quick breath of air in shock, my mind finally putting the pieces together as my eyes grow very wide.

I am a small equine with a quiet voice, yellow fur, a pink tail, and wings.

I am Fluttershy.

Fluttershy, being a character from the My Little Pony TV show, naturally does not exist. That would be absurd. My reality does not seem to agree, however, and I continue being Fluttershy right on through a panic attack.

I have a ton of work to be done, I’ve been turned into a pony, and I have not managed to gain either magic or social skills in the process, as far as I can tell.

I try for a bit to steady my breathing, my legs shaking a little with nerves as I stare at my computer screens, clearing my thoughts. What can I possibly do about this? How could I fix this, or at least cope with it? At least I still have my friends...

They can help me. I take one last deep breath through my nose, letting it out slowly before moving to walk across my bed towards Julien’s side of the room.

As I reach the gap between our beds, my legs lock up, and I feel another panic attack coming on, just from looking down at the dark chasm between the bedframes.

“J... Julien!” I call out, my own voice sounding to my ears like a stage whisper.

“Julien!” I manage to speak this time, but I now sound like a little girl trying to wake up her parents, not a grown-ish woman trying to wake up her roommate.

With a groan, I reach across the black abyss to lay my forelegs onto his mattress, a quick hop and pull landing me on my stomach on his bed, and also on his foot, which jabs painfully at my ribs.

“Julien!”

This time I get a reaction, and his foot pulls away, the covers eventually being brushed aside as he sits up, towering over me, and staring at me in utter confusion.

We stare at eachother for a little bit, both unsure of what to say. He reaches up to brush a hand across his face, muffling a groan.

“Did you wish, really hard?” he asks, after a few half formed words are stifled by his hand, his hand falling to reveal a raised eyebrow and a half smirk.

“W... What? No!” I protest, crossing my forelegs in a defensive pose. “I had nothing to do with this, and it’s terrible, and I don’t understand what is going on!”

He just grins, shaking his head, in part from amazement and somewhat in disbelief.

“You go from being the goth girl to a pink and yellow pony. You’ll never live this down,” he teases, as my face reddens.

In my flustered state, more concerned with myself than him, I don’t give his quick acceptance of my transformation much thought.

“Thats not important. I woke you up because I have five calls to do today. I need your help.”

He gawks for a moment before he realizes I am serious.

“You’ve become a pony, a flying pony, and your first priority is to go to work?” he says incredulously.

I look down at my hoof and twitch my wings nervously, trying to think up justification for my determination to go to work, rather than deal with the problem at hand.

“If I miss these calls, I won’t be able to cover the rent that Dakota will inevitably miss, and I won’t be able to afford the cat food,” I say nervously.

Debt and a hundred other things are on my mind as well, but those two easily top the list.

Julien sighs, swinging his legs off the edge of his bed and resting his head in his hands to get his bearings. “Ok, ok. I don’t doubt those needs but can you even do your job?”

I nod quickly as I scoot a little closer on his bed, trying very hard to ignore the feeling of my ears rotating forward in a chipper and attentive position. “Thats why I need your help!”

He scoffs. “You want me to do your work for you?” he asks incredulously.

“Only the parts I can’t do as a pony,” I say confidently, trying to smile, but feeling more like crawling back under my blankets.

After staring at me for a second, he swings his legs off the side of his bed and stands.

“You take apart computers, so you can’t really do any of it on your own. But I’ll help.”

As he calls into his own job to let them know he won’t be able to come in today, I scoot back to my own bed, and across my sheets, trying desperately to block out these strange sensations that are assaulting me, as I try to move a body that isn’t mine.

I would say a silent prayer if I thought it would do any good, but I do smile a little in relief. Due to my habit of sitting on my bed while I use my computer I moved the desk to the side of my bed a week ago, roughly. If it weren’t for that lucky break I would probably be trying to balance on a swivel chair right now.

The first obstacle I face is actually the mouse, which I find fits pleasantly in the frog of my hoof, though I have to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths so I don’t starts losing it again, from feeling this appendage where I should have a hand.

Once I get over that, I have to confront my keyboard. Looking over the keys, I realize I might not have it so bad, as my keyboard’s keys don’t need to be pressed all the way down, and are nicely spaced. This convenience isn’t enough to justify the amount of money I spent on it, but at least I am able to peck out individual letters and numbers with the tip of... Well, I guess I cannot avoid calling it “my” hoof.

It only takes about ten minutes for me to sort through the electronic tickets I have received, and figure the route I will be taking through Truckee in California, about half an hour away.

Julien walks back into the room, his hair wet, but ready to leave.

“Already receding back into the world of computers? Am I going to have to drag you away?” He laughs as I just frown, scooting away from my keyboard and looking off the cliff that is the side of my bed.

After being awake for over half an hour, I now have to get out of bed for the first time as a pony. The concept is daunting enough to make me grab my blanket, pondering the upsides of living on welfare while hiding under it’s fluffy green covers. I do force myself to stand though, on the squishy bed.

At least on my bed it won’t hurt too badly if I fall over. The feeling of standing on all fours comfortably is confusing, and it feels as though I am sticking my butt into the air, even though I look back and see only that cutie mark that I now recognize so well.

I shiver even though I’m not cold, and take a few bouncy steps, thinking for some reason about how foals are able to walk within hours of being born. The thought slips away, and I bounce a little harder, my light frame barely making an indent in the covers and cushion.

I hear Julien chuckle, and my face feels hot, my bounces slowing until I am just walking again.

“Don’t forget flying. If the show is any indication you should be able to hover with very little effort,” he reminds me.

I look back at the clumps of feathers on my back, trying to remember all those times I have dreamed of flying. Cautiously, I stretch my back, feeling and watching the wings unfold and lay at my sides, like arms at rest.

“Hm...”

I manage to find the muscle I have to twitch to raise them, and with some trial and error I have a basic stroke figured out. Whole wing goes down, pull front edge up, level out, and then the full wing goes down again.

My first strong flap sends me careening across the bed, bouncing gently off the wall. It is at this moment that I realize that I probably weigh less than twenty pounds, light enough to fly with very little effort. The next flap pushes me up about three feet, before slowing my fall with flared wings. The pattern repeats until I manage to stay roughly a foot above the bed, straining to keep myself up.

It reminds me of swimming, stroking arms through the water.

I look off the edge of my bed and glide carefully to the floor, stumbling and catching myself before I fall on my nose. I am able to quickly gather my work tools in my old orange backpack. The backpack is one of the last good things I have left from my life at my parent’s house, but the nostalgia isn’t enough to overcome the sour taste of the metal zippers.

I decide quickly that if everything tastes this bad, I’ll have to find some way to use these hooves to manipulate things, though that concept on it’s own is daunting.

Zipped up and full of tools, I offer it up to Julien, who slings it over his back while I exit the room, and meet with my latest obstacle. A set of stairs.

But it doesn’t take much time for me to realize that I can essentially cheat, by hovering down sideways. Julien chuckles as he follows me down to the ground floor.

“Lazy.”

“Nuh uh!” I object, smiling despite myself.

We sneak past a roommate sleeping on the living room bed, and we are out of the front door, into the silent world.

Gravel that I usually just run over grunches like glass under my hooves, and I look around at the buildings that line this road, curious what each one would think of me now. I wonder if any of them would still treat me like me?

A jingle like chimes brings me back to the current situation, and I see Julien is holding my keys, the rainbow dash keychain swinging too and fro.

“I think I should drive,” he says bluntly, not expecting me to object. I droop a little, realizing that I cannot even do the most basic thing required for my job anymore. I cannot drive.

I sigh and nod, climbing reluctantly into the passenger side seat, and strap in after some struggle with trying to grip the buckle.

“If we get pulled over you can just use the stare on him,” Julien says, chuckling.

“I wonder...”

When he turns back to face me, I’m doing my best to stare him down, but instead he just mimes a heart attack. “Too... Cute... Aaaarghhlbrbrb...”

I pout, crossing my forelegs in defiance. Julien just laughs as he pulls the car out of the parking spot and turns towards a giant yellow M on the horizon.

“We’re early enough, I figure some breakfast is in order.” Julien is right, really we left earlier than we have any reason to, and I start wondering if Fluttershy’s stomach came empty, as I feel a sort of stomach ache fading in.

“Good idea, I don’t know how long I’d be able to go without food.”

The drive through is thankfully open, without any cars filling the lanes, and he places his order with no hesitation, leaving me to stare blankly at the menu, before defaulting to my normal order.

“Hotcakes with sausage and orange juice,” I rattle off as I start fishing for my debit card in my work bag.

Once we get up to the drive through menu, and I pass my card to Julien, I get to see someone else’s reaction to this form for the first time. He seems to freeze, staring at me in a mix of confusion and disbelief. Luckily the cashier snaps out of it when he accidentally drops my debit card, and soon we are getting all of our food in crisp white paper bags.

Julien parks us in the mostly empty parking lot, under the shade of a small tree, before asking me “Are you sure sausage is a good idea?”

I stare at the brown-grey disc that sits next to those fluffy pancakes, trying to figure out why I ordered it. I can’t come up with a reason, but I do manage to find some flimsy justification for my actions.

“Well... I know that my mom has fed her horses meat before, in limited quantities, maybe it won’t hurt.”

Slowly, I take the plastic dish in my hooves and lay it on the seat, starting to really wonder about that sausage.

So of course, I try it first.

The car door pops open and I roll out, retching and gagging as I try to spit all of the nasty grease puck out of my mouth, while trying not to pay attention to Julien’s laughter.

“That’s not sausage!” I squeak in horror, moving back to the car so that I can drown out the flavor with orange juice, in between coughing.

“That’s just terrible...” I grumble, tossing the rest of the sausage out of the car, trying to forget the overwhelming taste of grease and bad salt.

“Won’t hurt, eh?” he echoes as I grumble.

“Pour me my syrup.” I demand, haughtily.

“Say please.”

This time The Stare seems to work, and I have my syrup.

No one messes with Fluttershy.

Author's Note

This is the rewrite of the first chapter, let me know what you think, when I finish the rewrite of the second chapter I will take down the original first chapter and edit the name of this one to not say "rewrite"

chapter 2: Mind games
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 2: Mind games

Considering my new digestive tract, taste buds, and quite possibly brain, the pancakes' taste is unchanged. This is remarkable enough but due to a bit of apprehension and maybe some fear I don't want to spend too much time thinking about how much I've changed. How much I'm not me anymore, but Fluttershy. It's striking, to see her nose out of the corner of my eyes. I wonder if she woke up in Equestria with my body. How frightening that must be.

But I feel an unusual drive to my actions this morning, to keep going and keep trying instead of regressing into self pity or contemplation. Like, is Fluttershy okay? Not a question I should be addressing at the moment, as cruel as it seems to leave it behind. So I take a deep breath and sigh before turning to Julien, who has finished his own breakfast and was watching me.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

He doesn't start the car, and I frown a little.

"I need to know where to go."

"Right!" I chuckle, before guiding him back onto the main road and towards FedEx.

As we drive, he does pause a few times to look me over, and I cross my forelegs and return his appraisals.

"Don't you feel odd not wearing any clothes?"

For some reason that hadn't been one of the questions on my mind, and I looked Fluttershy's body over curiously. Most of the bits that humanity has deemed inappropriate seem to be non visible, and I'm not about to start prodding.

"Um... I'm not really in my own body, I guess I'm detached from the whole thing?"

He shrugs and takes a turn to pull into the parking lot, before he stops to look at me, his hand on the door handle.

"You know, do you want to just hide in the back? I don't know if they'd believe that you are real."

Without any debate, I slither into the back seat and huddle down out of sight.

"Good?"

"Yeah, you should be hidden."

He left and closed the door, while I waited. But after a minute of waiting I couldn't just lay there anymore, it was giving me far too much time to just think and ponder what has happened to me, and that's not really productive to staying calm. So I poked my head up over the seat to watch him waiting in line, a few other customers also waiting. None of them talking. I wondered if lines were supposed to be semi private, with no one talking to eachother, all bubbled inside of their predetermined task. The rumble of tires on asphalt alerted me to another car pulling in, and I ducked down under the seat again, heart pounding.

I couldn't hide forever, someone would eventually see me, especially if I intended to do my job for much longer. As if I had a financial choice.

Cautiously, I looked up again. The new car had two kids in it, both of whom were occupied with their smart phones, though one of them saw me and looked up, eyes growing wide. She didn't say anything though, as her brother kept focusing on his phone. She snuck up a hand to cautiously wave at me, and I waved back. Raising her phone, she seemed to wait for my approval to take a picture. I climbed up onto the spot behind the back seat, and sat down like I had seen the ponies do in the show, legs tucked in, neck straight up, smile. She tapped the screen and then mouthed "thank you" to me.

It felt weird, being thanked for a picture, but I didn't have any more time to think about it as Julien left the shipping center and I hopped back down onto the seat, soon joined by a pile of boxes.

"Hey, you okay?"

I grin and hop back into the front seat.

"Yeah! I was just making friends. They had all the boxes?"

He nods and gets into the driver's seat, starting the car.

"Oh? Did you talk to them?"

"No, I just waved. They didn't seem as surprised as I thought they would be, though."

Julien just laughs and gets us onto the freeway, headed towards California. It takes a few moments of giving directions and starting the navigation on my phone before we got back to our idle conversation, but he is the first to speak.

"So, how is this going to work?"

With my new-found determination, I straighten my back and turn to face him.

"I'll have to go inside to help, so we can just hope they are understanding. I hope they don't have any dogs."

He doesn't argue, and we ride in silence. Nevada has been my home for the past four years, but I didn't come here because I liked the idea of living in a desert. In fact, I'd much rather live almost anywhere besides the sage brush coated rocky hills that make up the eastern sierra. I came to Nevada because there was a girl I loved, and I valued being closer to her more than I valued my surroundings. We had an odd romance, she was in school with her life in track while I was working full time, just trying to stay afloat. The relationship lasted a few years but I turned out not to be what she needed after all. She needed a "Real woman."

I wipe a few stray tears away from my eyes, the recent heartbreak still painful even to think about, and look out of the window to see the towering trees and greenery of california encroaching on the road. My heart soars. I don't know if this is because of the body I'm inhabiting or because I'm just so sick of the brown, but I tap on the window to get Julien's attention.

"Julien, can we pull over? We got an early start, I just want to relax for a bit."

He doesn't reply, but the tires hum as they hit the rumble strip along the side of the road, we stop with the right side of the car resting in soft brown soil. The car isn't even in park when I pop the door open and leap, wings open.

It's so different, the air here. I wonder if Rainbow Dash feels that slight change in the moisture and altitude like I do, I'll have to ask her if I ever meet her. But the glide takes me down the embankment and a few beats of my wings slow me down enough to land on my hooves. A successful little flight, I think. The grass crunches pleasantly under-hoof, though the swish and roar of cars behind me reminds me that I'm not as deep in the grip of nature as I'd like. I'm just at it's very edge. I feel like it's a violation of the tranquility I'm looking for, except that the trees are still here. They've survived. These trees stood for a hundred years before asphalt and steel became their neighbors. I can certainly survive being near the road if these trees can.

I curl up under the boughs, the moisture soaking quickly into my coat as I lay my head down on my forelegs. It's such a profound feeling of safety, despite all that I've been through. Julien watches from beside the car, checking the time on his phone and looking up at the clouds overhead. I wonder at this simple scene, is it the pony or the person that has the right idea? I cling to nature and look up only to see what is right in front of me, the majesty and power of the earth, while he stares up into the sky above and its endless possibility.

Humanity has scaled the highest peaks and flown above the breath of the world, but we seem by so many accounts to be miserable. Ponies live every day in bliss and friendship, but the highest they have flown might gather frost on the feathers of their wings. The greatest tragedy of humanity is that it fuels its creations with its own misery. Cars were invented because someone was miserable with their inability to get around quickly, the very rubber in the tires was the product of war.

How many times has this one piece of land I sit in been fought over? How many people had to die before it became a strip of trees next to a freeway? It begs the question, when did humanity stop caring for each other? Ponies never stopped, they would give up their possessions in a second if it meant that others would be happy. I interrupt my own musings with another thought, when did I become a philosopher?

With a sad chuckle, I roll around in the grass a bit before cantering back to the car.

“Ready to go?” Julien asks.

“Yeah, I think so.” I chime, before hopping into the front seat and finishing off my orange juice.

“Into the great beyond, chauffeur.” I say with a silly grin as I point my hoof off into the distance, and the metal machine grinds to life to pull us forward into the flow of traffic.

Author's Note

Rewrite of chapter 2. Sorry it's not a new chapter, but I want to continue work on this.

chapter 3. Mr. Mccluskey
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 3. Mr. Mccluskey

Out of the five tickets I received, the first one who had asked for a morning appointment was a man named Nilo Mccluskey. His home happened to be in Truckee California. We take the appropriate exit before taking the small streets up to a hill where larger houses seem to preside, looking over the Truckee river below, and the majority of the city. We stop in front of one of the nicer homes. Two stories with a double garage and a shed that is about the size of my entire apartment. The driveway has strips of tile running across it, and the front doors are a pair of oak things with stained glass and a digital keypad style lock in addition to a deadbolt. All of that gives the impression of excess, and opulence. I'm normally pretty good at hiding my gripes with the rich, but my newfound reluctance to be seen by them is harder to overcome.

"You know..." I point out the box we are going to need, but hesitate as he opens it to reveal a motherboard in it's shiny antistatic packaging.

"You could probably fix it, I'm sure. That's just..."

He sighs and shakes his head. "A motherboard. But just because I know what it is, doesn't mean I know how to replace one. You have to go in with me."

My ears actually droop, and I pout in a futile attempt to get some amount of mercy from him, but it only takes a moment for him to take hold of my fluffy pink tail and give it a gentle tug. I hop out of the car and limply follow him.

"Fine..."

We walk up to the massive door and Julien raps his knuckles on it. I take to hovering a few feet off the ground so that I am eye level with the average person. The door opens and I put on my best customer service smile.

“Hello Mr. Mccluskey, my name is Erica, I’m here to fix your computer.”

The man looks at us with the ghost of a sneer, before closing the door. I descend to the ground, already feeling a bit sick. Julien knocks again, harder. A minute later a woman opens the door. Julien doesn't bother with a smile.

“Hello, we are here to fix a computer," he states simply.

The woman, who I assume is the customers wife, looks me over for a few moments before speaking.

“Is that... what is that?” She asks curiously.

“I’m a pony. Well, I am right now. I woke up as a pony, specifically a pegasus, this morning. But I still want to fix your computer! If that's okay.”

I'm not meeting her eyes, and I'm still nervous, but after a bit she seems to have a revelation of some sort.

“Oh! like on the news!” She says, a bit more collected.

I immediately meet her gaze, ears tipped forward to catch every word.

“What?” I ask breathlessly.

“On the news, they were talking about some people becoming animals, but they were still able to talk and whatnot. Started a few days ago. Come on in!” She leaves the door open and turns to walk inside.

I turn to my smirking roommate. Julien doesn't seem to even be sorry for keeping me in the dark, just amused.

“We... We are going to have words.” I vaguely threaten him as he snickers, leading me into the house.

I touch down once inside, landing on a plush carpet, and trot after him. As we head for the computer, Julien looks back at me with a smile.

“Whatever you say, Fluttershy.”

Once we reach the richly appointed office, I hover next to Julien's shoulder while directing him to turn the computer on, make sure that it really is a Motherboard failure, and then unplug everything. He has to clear piles of paper from the desk in order to have enough room to lay the computer out. Once he takes off the side it's just a matter of safely removing components.

“So. Take out the RAM first. lay all the sticks over here. Then the video card and LAN card. Put them over here.” I explain.

“Do I really have to put them where you usually put them? Its not like they will get lost.”

As he puts the parts to the side I have to restrain myself from putting them back where I would normally place them, along the top of the desk near the monitor. But since the parts aren't touching and are still on the antistatic mat, I suppose it's not so critical. Just not really tidy. That part of my order of operations is something I've developed from years of computer repair.

“I... but.... I suppose," I sigh.

After a half hour of taking apart the computer and reassembling it, the computer turns on and gets right into windows without any problems. Thankfully, packing up my tools is a lot simpler and I'm able to help scoop them into the case as I hear someone approaching the office.

“What is that thing doing in my house?”

I turn around quickly, clutching my tools to my chest as though they could offer some protection, to see Mr. McCluskey pointing at me as he faces Julien, seeming to avoid looking at me at all. Normally I think I would be offended, but I can't even feel angry, just recoiling from him in fear.

“She is the computer repair tech," Julien insists. "If you’d just watch the news, ordinary people have been starting to turn into Ponies."

“Ordinary people, huh? I heard a bit of a different story.” The man moves threateningly towards us. “Sinners and those punished by god are the ones being changed, I’d say she probably deserves it. No better than an animal now.” He points to the door.

“Get out. I’ll be calling the computer people about this, you can be sure.”

Julien looks like he is about to shove a screwdriver through the man's head, but I just press my hooves against his back and we both stumble outside, just as the tears start to spill over my cheeks. I can hear the door behind me slam shut, and I try to scrub the tears away, but I'm not quick enough to prevent my cheeks from being matted wet. I collapse. I haven't cried like this since my first love left me. I’ve bottled up all this emotion, pain, and confusion for so long that I didn’t know what it felt like anymore, or how to deal with it.

I cry for what seems like forever, Julien patting me on the head and I’m sure wondering what to do. All he has to do is be here. A friend in time of need. I cry until my breathing becomes ragged gasps and my eyes don’t have any more tears. Julien doesn’t tell me that it will all be ok, he doesn’t throw words at me to stop the flow of tears. I need this. I need to let out the bottled up pain and for that release I will grow.

I grow every second of every day, each time I open my eyes I learn how wrong I was just a moment ago. I see the world in a new light and a new darkness. But in this moment of pain, too blinded by tears to be reflective or level headed, I feel as though I was all wrong. From here, the wrong side of that burning emotion, it's all I can see in the world. Humanity is not fueled by Misery.

Mr. Mccluskey will angrily call the company I work for. His anger will get him free things and get him what he wants, making others suffer to make himself feel better.

In a moment of darkness it feels like humanity must be fueled by Hate.

How glad I am to not be one of them any longer.

chapter 4. Ken and Ms. Conley rewrite
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 4. Ken and Ms. Conley rewrite

After my extended crying session, Julien passes me his cola, which I sip from while alternating sniffles.

“You going to be ok?” He asks me quietly.

I’ve never heard him try to be gentle when it comes to emotions, but he really seems worried.

“I’m sorry, I just... What if hes right?” I mutter.

“You know thats not a good way to think. You can’t let people like him be right in your head. If we didn't have other jobs to get to, I would be fetching some gasoline and burning this wretched house to the ground.” He says with a gesture to the elaborate garage we are still parked in front of.

His anger is sharp, but I can't imagine him following through with his threats.

“You’re right, sorry.” I say quietly.

“Stop saying sorry, you’ve done nothing wrong. Come on lets get going.” He starts the car and pulls out of the driveway, and we make our way back to the freeway to delve deeper into the forest.

“I didn’t forget about us needing to have a chat. What was that about other people being ponies?” I finally ask as we turn onto the off ramp.

His sheepish smile elicits an almost mewling growl from me before he starts talking.

“So you’ve been really busy for the past 4 days, 5 calls every day and you barely had time to write and work on your own computers before passing out. During that time there have been some interesting developments in the outside world. At first I thought it was a joke. Turns out it wasn’t.” He explains as he pulls over in a Starbucks’ parking lot and he pulls out my laptop.

“You are going to have to explain this better. Please.” I say, confused.

He pulls open a webpage and plays a video that, at first, I think is a Pony Music Video but I quickly realize is an actual press conference.

"If any of you find yourself to be an Element of Harmony, I need your help. You need to come to New York." Princess Celestia’s voice rings clear through the small speakers of my abused laptop.

“That was Sunday. Today is Thursday. The fandom has been in a buzz, guessing that between five and eight ponies exist now, but none of them but Faust and Tara have made themselves public.” He continues.

I stare at the digital image of Celestia, and lower my gaze towards the floor of the car. I now have to face the fact that, as of a few minutes ago, I don’t particularly feel like “solving” this situation.

“Something wrong?” Julien asks.

“Lets go to the next call.” I say quietly.

He doesn’t talk as we make our way to the next house. Fairly run down, the house is single story without a garage at all. We park across the street and pick out the box without checking to see what we would have to do, and silently make our way to the door. This time Julien does the talking right off the bat.

“Hi, my name is Julien. We talked on the phone this morning? We are here to repair your computer. This is Erica, she is the actual tech and I am her assistant.” His tone is forceful, outlining the rules of interaction with an iron fist.

The customer raises an eyebrow but lets us in, guiding us to the laptop on a dining room table. They have dogs, and immediately upon seeing me I expect them to start barking and freaking out, but instead they sit placidly behind their little gate, panting.

“Hello.” I say nervously.

I am quite conscious that one of them could easily rip my wings off. One of them puts his paws up on the gate to get closer and I fly over on our way to the dining room, patting him on the head and giggling. I either inherited some mystical powers from this body’s owner, or the dogs really like yellow. I do feel a closeness to them though, my apprehension vanishing as soon as I get close enough to see the dog's eyes. We start taking apart the laptop, my hooves guiding his hands, until the customer returns with a smile on his face and two cups of water.

“In case you two are thirsty.” He says in a relaxed tone, sitting on the other end of the table and flicking open a paper with Celestia’s image on the cover.

I suddenly realize that I didn’t bother to remember this customers name and feel absolutely rude. As Julien removes the cracked screen, I turn to the customer.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” I say as I pick up the cup between my hooves. It has been wrapped in a cloth that was duct taped to the cup itself, making it easy to grip.

“Kenny Crese. Don’t worry about it.” He says kindly, waving aside my apology.

“Mr. Crese, thank you for the water, and wrapping the cup... By any chance have you been following what has been going on with the ponies?” I ask curiously as I take a sip.

“Call me Ken, and I’m a brony, so yes. I assume you woke up like this?” He asks, amused. “I’m jealous.”

I flush a bit and scratch the back of my head with one hoof.

“Not to belittle what you’re going through, I’m sure.” He says, nodding to me. “I assume you are going to be heading out to New York soon?”

My silence answers him as assuredly as though I had gone on a tirade about the injustices of Humanity.

“Sorry, I didn’t...” He starts.

“No I...” I interrupt. “I am still... thinking it over.” I explain.

He nods and the rest of the repair continues in near silence.

“Thank you for the water, Ken. I hope you have a great weekend.” I say as we gather our things, having made sure the computer was fixed and functioning fully.

“Not a problem, here’s something for the road, if you decide to go.” He hands over a pair of glasses.

I give him an odd look as I cradle them in my hooves.

“I used to be a trucker for a while. Long drives and lots of time to think taught me that sometimes the brightest lights hurt to look at.”

I let julien take the glasses and hover up to give Ken a hug. After a moment of hesitation, he returns it, careful not to get in the way of my buzzing wings.

“Thanks Ken.” I say finally, as we return to our car and pull off towards our next destination, sunglasses now mostly covering my slightly red eyes.

“That was nice of him.” Julien comments as we make our way down bumpy back roads.

“Yeah.” I whisper, looking out the window at the nature around us.

I wonder for a moment if hate is not necessary for us to understand kindness. On any other day, I would have responded with scorn at Ken’s generosity, berated him for being “creepy” or “out of line”. He just wanted to help, and he did. We pull up to the cabin in the woods that is home to another customer, and another computer in need of a new motherboard. This time I hover ahead and knock on the door. Hooves are impressively suited for this task and very soon the door is answered by an elderly woman.

“Good afternoon Ms. Conley.” I say confidently. “My name is Erica. I’m here to fix your computer.”

For a brief moment I think she is going to scream, but an entirely different noise comes from her.

“Oooh dearie you are just a sight! Did you know you are a horse?” She asks, as though asking a child if they knew their shirt was on backwards.

I almost fall over in surprise.

“I... um... Pony, but yes.” I finally stammer from behind my sunglasses.

“Oh, well do come in. This darned thing has been giving me so much trouble since....”

Just like that, it becomes a normal service call. I even get in some practice using my hooves to hold a plastic scribe and pop the palmrest off since this model of laptop is a pain like that. I can’t hold a screwdriver, but I practice anyway. Ms. Conley makes small chat, and we end the appointment with goodbyes and wishes of well being.

“Was she blind?” Julien finally asks.

“I really don’t know, but she was able to see enough in the beginning and then she just... stopped caring,” I say, confused.

“I guess she just got over it,” he says, laughing.

We share a laugh and resume our day, my pose in the passenger seat much more upright and forward, for the first time today I really feel like I can do my job and get through this. Tomorrow.... I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

chapter 5. Reaching out.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 5. Reaching out.

The apartment door pops open and we stumble in, immediately collapsing on the bed of my roommate who lives in the main room.

“I didn’t know that your car could take that kind of abuse.” Julien says in an air of disbelief.

“I’ll have to start checking google maps on satellite view each day to see if they live on the side of a mountain.” I groan.

We had managed to get the car stuck on our last call, walking the rest of the way to the customer’s house and getting help from his truck to pull the car out after we were finished. Besides the hike through the woods, which I didn’t mind, and learning that cats really really like me, the rest of the day had been fairly uneventful. Two more computers fixed, two more happy customers. That point in my thought is about when Dakota stops halfway down the steps and mutters; “Ponies...” before stalking back upstairs. I realize that Julien and I are sprawled out on a bed and look like quite a mess. We both burst into laughter and get up.

“Hey, I’ve got a little extra money, want to get some food?” He finally asks.

I nod, and we go upstairs to my room (going up stairs is much easier than hovering down them) to close out my calls on my computer and let Julien get dressed in less work-and-hiking-apparently clothes. While I am waiting I pull open a few articles on the Lauren Faust situation. Apparently she has largely refused to become a scientific experiment, and the world seems to mostly respect this. If I was dealing with a creature that may be capable of moving the damn sun, I wouldn't piss her off either. Then I get into thinking, what if Celestia actually rotated the Earth? It would certainly be easier, with our limited perspective it would look the same. It was also a possibility that didn't involve the sun smashing through orbits like some sort of cosmic baby. I have been thinking on it for a while before Julien interrupts my thoughts.

“I don’t think that face is supposed to get that serious. You’re going to break it.” He quips.

I chuckle and shut down my computer, before spotting my baby blue baseball cap I always wear to keep my hair out of my eyes. Oddly enough, even though my hair is just as long in this body, I have yet for it to get in my freakishly large eyes. But I really do love this baseball cap. So I use my hooves to jam it down on top of my gently curled pink mane, but it smashes my ears. I enlist Juliens help and shortly the hat has two holes in it just the right size, and I have my good old hat on. Yay for self identity. So, pastel pink and sunglass-wearing, we make the arduous 5 minute journey to Denny’s. The only place that has booths large enough for me to sit in, I imagine. The looks we get are impressive, and despite knowing me fairly well the serving staff has a moment where they wonder if I count as an animal, and thus cannot come in, but I think the hat and glasses convince them. Either that or my sniffles and whimpers. I am really not on an even emotional keel today, am I? We are seated and a server I recognize takes our orders.

“So... what happened?” He finally asks.

“I just woke up like this. Minus the accessories of course.” I explain, resting my head on my forelegs on the table.

“Well, I hope everything works out for you, we don’t care if you come back as a vampire, we will still serve you.” He jokes.

I wonder for a moment if being a vampire would be easier. I just wouldn't talk and wear lots of black. Wow, apparently my “deal with being a vampire” strategy is the same as my everyday life. That's a depressing thought.

“What are you thinking about?” Julien chimes in.

The waiter has long left and I seem to have been staring at the table since.

“Not much.” I lie.

“Not thinking about New York?” He asks casually.

Well not until now, god dammit.

“I am, I guess.” I concede. “I’m still not sure how we would even get there.”

He points out at the car parked outside.

“Or how we would explain away a week long absence.” I continue.

“You are a pony. We can quite literally prove this.”

“Or how we could afford lodging and food all the way there.”

“I have some extra money, we can ask the Brony community for help, and we do have tents.”

He lists off these things in rapid succession, and I am left drawing a blank on other reasons why I don’t want to go.

“I... I don’t want to change back.” I finally say meekly.

“Thats pretty selfish of you.” He says, gently but still it cuts to the bone.

“Well I’m not god damned Rarity, now am I?” I growl.

“Thats not very kind either.” He points out.

I struggle to find some way that he is wrong, that this is anything but a selfish grab at an escape from my own species, letting all the others down. I can’t find one. I slump in my chair, staring at my hooves for the hundredth time today.

“You’re right.” I say. “You are completely right, I need to get over this. We... we have to go to New York.” I finally say, a small edge of determination seeping into my voice.

“Good. So I set up a Facebook account for you, called Erica Fluttershy. That's how I am hoping to get help in crossing the nation. If we wait until tomorrow before setting off, hopefully a brony in Utah, Wyoming, or Colorado will have befriended us and offered a place to stay the night.” He says as our food is delivered.

I’m in shock. “You did what? Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, in a bit of a huff.

“You weren’t willing to even go until a few minutes ago.” He says pointedly.

I can’t really argue so instead I dig into my salad.

“I will need to call in to work and we have to pack tonight.” I say, using my hooves to pinch up a piece of lettuce to nibble on as I think.

“So the journey of three thousand miles begins.” He says dramatically.

“Just eat. You don’t do the whole epic one liners bit properly, I’ll show you how its done.”

I wave my hoof in the air, pointing to the ceiling.

“And thus, my epic journey of self discovery and magic began!”

“It’s just cute when you do it. And you said almost the same thing.”

“Shush.”

chapter 6. Soap Suds
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 6. Soap Suds

We finally get home, laughing about the Dennys’ people asking me if I can really fly and being freaked out when I could.

“Well, that was great but I need to take a shower.” I say with a cringe.

After a full day of trotting around in the sun in fur and exerting myself quite a bit to hover all around, I smelled. Not bad, I don’t think ponies can have a “bad” smell, but I still smell of animals. That's right, the infamous shower scene, its gotta happen, it really does. Julien just laughs and goes into the bathroom, moving the brush, soap, and conditioner from the shelves down to the edge of the tub.

“I would recommend a bath.” He tells me. “But its your choice.”

I nod and he closes the door on his way out. I take off my hat and sunglasses, then stare at the daunting white tub. This thing doesn’t have a non slip mat, but my hooves have pretty good grip on most surfaces so far, maybe because of my minimal weight. I climb into the tub, awkwardly scrambling not to fall over as I slip over the edge and slide towards the drain. Luckily I do find purchase on the floor of the tub, but not in the form of a mat. Laying in front of me is a rubber drain stopper. I scoot it and its relative, the rubber hair filter, so I can step on them if I start slipping around.

“Ok. Now for the water.”

I brace myself and use my hooves to slowly turn the hot water on. It pours out cold at first but quickly turns scalding hot as I try to balance it with the cold. Hooves are not good for fine-tuned knob turning.

Eventually, soaked in alternating cold and scalding water, I get an even mix that is pleasant to the touch.

So I stick my head under it. I love the water running over my ears and down my neck, washing away the soreness that comes from subconsciously holding yourself at attention all day. I need a bath, just to relax. That much is obvious, but I need to clean first.

I then find out very quickly that bottles just don’t WORK with hooves. I try holding it in the crook of my leg as I use the other to try and open it, I try using my mouth to hold it and try to pop it open with a hoof, every attempt I can’t get it open.

“Julien!” I shout, although it sounds more like a mewl from a kitten.

The door cracks open a moment later, and Julien looks me over with an amused grin.

“Having trouble?” He asks.

“I need you to open these bottles.” I say over the gurgle of water.

He complies and leaves, chuckling; “You just yell again if you need any help.”

I huff but once he leaves I tip one of the soap bottles over, letting enough drip onto the sole of my hoof to easily work into my fur before I tip it upright. I manage to lather myself up pretty easily, although I avoid my wings like the plague. I have no clue what harsh soap will do to the feathers. Then I have to get the shower to turn on, so I can rinse off. This involves pulling up a little tab above the faucet, just like any other shower. But with my hooves covered in soap, I just can’t pull it up. So now I have a soap covered metal tab. I don’t want to call Julien so I do my best to pull it up with my teeth.

The showerhead spurts to life and I spend several minutes getting the soap off my hoof and then trying to scrape and gargle the soapy taste out of my mouth. The rain-like water falling over me is amazing once I get the bitter taste of soap out of my mouth, and I flit my wings experimentally, sending water droplets everywhere. I open them slower and let the water work its way through the feathers.

After working shampoo and conditioner through my mane and tail, I feel like I’m ready to get a good night’s rest, and I turn off the water, watching the last bits drain out of the white tub.

I watch the almost hypnotic flow of water for a bit.

What would it be like to fly in the rain? to dance through the water filled sky as lightning dances around you? To put your life on the end of a fishing line and tell the world “fetch”. That wasn't me, that will never be me, but that doesn't mean I don’t wonder what it would be like.

Finally I break myself out of my little trance to hover out of the now empty tub and onto the bathmat.

Drying myself off is a lot more complicated than I thought, drip dry isn’t a viable technique anymore since my fur holds the water to me. I pull down three or four towels and drape one over me, laying the others on the ground. I then proceed to roll around on them like a dog.

Hey, it works. Don’t judge me.

I finally am dry, and once I pop my hat back on, I take my glasses in my mouth and stare at the bedroom door. Right, doors. How did I go all day without dealing with doors?

I figure out very quickly that two hooves are needed, and shimmy my way backwards while pulling the door, right about then I remember I have a tail, that I stepped on, and that was making me fall backwards.

With a dull thud I fall back onto the tile floor as the door swings the rest of the way open, revealing my other roommate, Derek.

“Hey there.” I say from the floor next to the toilet.

“Hey. So... you’re a pony, huh?” He asks with an amused look on his face.

“Eeyup.” I say, deadpan.

Before I can react, he has his phone out and has taken a picture of me sprawled out on the bathroom floor, and is running down the stairs.

“Hey!” I struggle to get onto my hooves and sprint after him, but stop at the head of the stairs. “You’d better delete that!” I holler.

“This is revenge for taking pictures of me and my boyfriend while we were asleep!” He shouts back.

Huh, I suppose that did come back to bite me in the flank. I sigh and make my way into my room, flopping down on my bed.

“You kind of deserved that.” Julien chimes from his bed next to mine.

“I know.” I mutter.

“I set my alarm for 8AM. So far no one has friended the facebook account I set up, so we will be camping outside of salt lake city unless something changes.”

I nod, while wondering if I still wanted to go. Admittedly I couldn't live like this, not my current lifestyle, but how many times had I wondered what it would be like to find a meadow somewhere... To grow my own food and ignore all the terrible things in the world... But I would be turning my back on others. I would be letting suffering continue for my own selfish desires, and I couldn't do that.

“Ok.” Is my only response. I don’t know what else to say. I scoot over to my computer and pull up some music, turning it up until Julien looks over to me with an eyebrow raised.

I don’t want to think. I don’t want to realize how wrong my own thoughts are, how opposed to everything good and right they are. But in the chaos of the drumbeats and techno upticks I feel something.

I feel peace, I feel the order and rhythm of the world. My heart beats in time with the thumping of the sub-woofer as I turn the music back down, to a more tolerable level.

Everything will be ok.

A long time ago I made up a saying that I have let guide my every action since. It has never let me down, and it has given me only hope.

In the end, everything will be ok. If things aren't ok, its not the end.

I hold onto this saying because it promises a better future. It doesn't matter if I’m a butter yellow pegasus, doesn't matter if a few days from now I will be back to my ordinary life, uninspired and directionless, because it will get better.

Everything will be ok. I promise.

chapter 8. Concerns
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 8. Concerns

Without any offers of help so far, we fill up the gas tank at Costco and head out to the east. I have driven to Arizona before, but I have never stayed on the eastern roads any further than Fernley. The drive serves to remind me how used to the desert I have gotten, the dead dry expanse stretching on and on into the distance, I take a sip of my water and adjust my hat.

The energetic music pumping from the speakers serves to keep us alert and upbeat, a must on long car rides.

“So, question.” Julien interrupts my thoughts abruptly.

“Yes?” I turn away from the window, taking another sip through the straw that Julien had acquired for me.

“Is Fluttershy still in there somewhere?” He asks, giving me an appraising look.

“We have co authored some pretty brutal stuff about losing yourself and mind control and what not, so far I can’t tell if your being replaced by her personality or if you are just still in shock from waking up as a pony.” He continues, his eyes returning to the road.

I honestly hadn't given a thought to that, I hadn't had any weird black outs or gaps in memory, my reaction to being called an animal was genuine, I had felt like I was helpless, on top of already being confused and scared.

It really does all go back to fear, doesn't it? I almost drift onto a tangent of thought but bring myself back.

“I don’t think Fluttershy’s mind is here or anything. I mean, as the element of kindness, wouldn't she be hesitant to warp my mind against my will?” I theorize.

“If she had a choice.” Julien corrects. “If the effect of being in her body was you simply became her over time, you would effectively die so she could take over.”

As unsettling as the thought is, and as likely as it may be, it just feels... wrong.

“I can’t explain it, but that just doesn't feel right. I can’t imagine Fluttershy destroying another mind even to save herself.”

An unbidden thought makes its way to the surface of my mind.

What if I had accidentally killed her? My eyes went wide and I ran through the scenarios in my head, if I had somehow taken over her body and she had not put up a fight, I could have killed her outright. If Fluttershy was dead...

I didn't have a chance to follow that train of thought, as a sudden peace came over me. Like a warm hug or a pat on the back. I just got the strongest feeling that I didn't need to worry about that.

“I don’t know, but I think it will all work out.” I said confidently. “I’m sure Fluttershy is fine.”

Lets just say I am not normally the most optimistic person, so this sudden declaration surprises both of us.

“At least I'm not turning into rainbow dash.” I point out with a smirk.

“Aaaand shes back.” Julien says with a laugh.

Our drive carries us into the depth of the true desert, civilization peters out and in the midday light it all seems surreally natural. So ordinary and simple it starts seeming like someone designed it to look just like that.

The little shrubs along the side of the road are spaced apart, just far enough that you're never out of sight of them but never too close together, the hills on the horizon seem strategically placed to pop up just as you expect the whole place to finally level out.

The dead boredom of the place quickly overwhelms me and I turn back to my only conversational partner i’m likely to have for several days.

“So I know you don’t like to drive,” I start; “So why are you suddenly okay with a three thousand mile drive across the country?”

He laughs. “I don’t drive very often, if at all, because its boring. Boredom isn't really a problem now since you've become a pony. I can’t really complain about being bored without taking care of that first.”

I start to open my mouth to thank him but he continues.

“Not to say I won’t complain about it endlessly after all this is over.” He quips.

My words die in my throat and I sigh. “I am sorry about all this, maybe I did something to cause all this craziness.” I try to reason out how I could have triggered ponification, but I really have no clue.

“You are totally becoming Fluttershy if you are going to start apologizing for the possibility of a magical catastrophe you had nothing to do with.” He points out.

I flush red for a moment. How could he say I’m losing myself to Fluttershy? Then again I could see it happening. I chuckle, gaining yet another questioning look from my driver.

“You will be assimilated into the Flutter collective, yay!” I say in my delicate voice.

We spend several minutes laughing at my expense before turning the music up and blasting down the road.

The surrounding world starts to grow greener as we pass through a few more towns. Certainly this isn't California, but it is a far cry better than the dead dry world we had just left behind.

The hours drag on and I let my mind wander, from things I've read or written about Fluttershy, to what this all means for reality itself, to flying.

I have always wanted to fly, I considered becoming a pilot but it was simply too expensive for me to look into seriously.

I twitch my wings against the warm seat back. I wonder if I could keep up with the car? No, that’d just be silly, I can barely hover. Although in the show, Rainbow manages to hit mach one, which is over 700 miles per hour. We are barely going 70. Despite my lack of practice and my relatively weak wings, that seems well within the range of pegasus ability. I suppose I should learn how to fly normally before that though.

“You look like you’re itching to get outside.” Julien comments, as he stretches a sore arm, the other still steady on the steering wheel.

I hadn't realized how uncomfortable I was until that moment. Like a building itch I suddenly needed to scratch, I needed to get out of this car.

“Y... yeah.” I stammer, rolling down the window and feeling the whip of the wind tear over my face.

The wind slows until its nothing more than a breeze, and when I open my eyes we are in the parking lot of a pizza factory in a small town called Carlin.

I pop open the door and hop out, flapping my wings until I am floating above the burning pavement, then landing and shaking out my mane.

As I let my withers slump, and take in the warm air circulating around me, I feel a tug at my head. My eyes snap open but it is only Julien, brushing my frazzled and wind swept hair back down into its smooth curve that marks me as the demure Fluttershy as surely as my wings.

“Feeling better?” He asks, taking the brush in both hands and examining the pastel pink hairs caught within.

“Yeah. Sorry, I didn't even realize I was getting antsy.” I explain nervously.

“You seem to be claustrophobic, possibly an effect of becoming a pegasus, or an effect of being assimilated.”

His attempt at humor falls a little flat, but I appreciate it anyway, rewarding it with a small chuckle.

I don’t see any people around, so I suddenly take a running start before leaping into the air with a mighty flap of my wings.

Flying is not hovering, not by a long shot.

Luckily I get a face full of dirt instead of asphalt, but it hurts as though I had been forced face first into a cheese grater. I force myself back onto my hooves and wobble for a moment before Julien arrives at my side.

“Shoulda practiced more.” I mumble, trying to use my fetlock to rub the tears off my stinging face.

“Shh, Its fine. You wanted to fly, it didn't work out. You can try again later.” He reassures me, applying water to a rag that he got from god knows where, and patting down my face to get the dirt off.

I eventually take the cloth in my hooves and scrub my face as though trying to rub the fur off. I’m not delicate. I may look it, and sound it, and for all intents be a timid pony with a complete lack of knowledge on how to function on my own, but I refuse to be fragile.

After a bit more snuffling and wincing Julien assures me that I look fine and we make our way into the pizza factory.

The first thing I notice when we get into the building is that the only other customers are a middle aged woman and her kids.

The kids spot me and for a moment I think they are going to run over to me and tackle me to the ground. Maybe its the fear in my eyes or her fear of me but the mother stops her children with a few demands to sit and eat their food.

Even though it is fueled by fear, I don’t mind this development.

Julien orders for the both of us and collects a plate of veggie pizza for me as he fills up on an all meat plate.

With that demure prelude, this is when I find out that pizza is amazing. Remember when I made the mistake of trying sausage? Well there is a sort of good greasy, salty taste and then a bad one. Equines really love salt if its the right type and something about this pizza just fills every desire my little pony mouth could ask for. Before I realize it, I've consumed every last bit of my pizza and have ordered seconds.

Admittedly I only consumed pancakes the day before. Its not surprising that I am ravenous, but the moment I finish my second plate I groan. My stomach feels like it is going to explode but I feel more content than after an entire day of internal dialogue and introspection.

I lean across the table and look into Julien’s eyes with a dreamy smile.

“Kill me, I wanna die happy.” I say with a giggle as he shakes his head in amazement, finishing off his first and only plate.

chapter 9. Buck
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 9. Buck

Shortly after finishing off the pizza and paying for it, one of the kids finally approaches with her mother in tow.

“Hello, can I help you?” I ask, much happier and friendly than I was a moment ago.

“Hi. My daughter thinks you are a cartoon character called Fluttershy.” The woman says with a bit of edge in her voice.

“Well... I sort of am, my name is Erica but I woke up like this and we are traveling to New York to figure it all out.” I try to explain, scratching the back of my head with one hoof.

“She wants to hug you.” The woman rolls her eyes as though the little kid is being stupid. I frankly think that the woman needs to get over herself.

“I don’t mind.” I say, spreading my forelegs in a welcoming gesture.

The kid runs up to me and with the aid of the chair we are roughly on the same viewing level. She has a sparkle in her eyes that I recognize, something that makes me chuckle a little as I embrace the bouncy little kid. Hope. Once again, hope overcame fear to bring two people, or ponies, together. Today is really turning around. A few minutes later we are walking out of the restaurant, nodding and waving to the now fairly friendly patrons as we depart.

“I feel a lot better now, I want to try flying again!” I say exuberantly.

“Oh no you don’t, I don’t want to find out what a hospital would think of you. You can try that later.” Julien says as he grabs my ear, pulling me along towards the car.

I can’t get a good angle for The Stare so I settle with just whining.

“Please! I promise to be careful! We can lay out pillows!” I plead.

“Tonight, when we get to the campground, you can try to fly.” He tells me, opening my door for me.

I hop in with a grumble and the door closes behind me, just after I pull my tail in behind me.

“Fine.” I agree after he gets me into the passenger seat.

Our tires rumble across the rough side street until we regain the main road, once again making our way east.

“So you’re not going to have a panic attack with the window closed, are you?” Julien asks, his eyes on the road.

I don’t answer. He finally tears his eyes off the ribbon of black ahead of us and glances over to me, I am passed out already, curled up in a little pink and yellow ball on the passenger seat. When I awake an hour later, he is all too eager to show me the pictures he snapped on his phone of me snoring away. Apparently my snoring is no longer bothersome because its too damned funny to get upset over. As we banter back and forth about my insistence that he delete the audio clip he had recorded, the slight greenery suddenly and sharply gives away to the flat dead white of a true desert. The playa stretches on into the distance on every side of the road, and the eerie silence of the tires on the nearly perfect straight road stops our conversation as surely as a blanket thrown over us would. It is an impressive sight, to look out on the void of nature and see this solitary silver speck that is our car zipping across it with determination. I roll down the window again and stick my head out, feeling the rush of adrenaline as I feel the roar and chaos of the air force my ears back flat against my head. After my head has gotten so cold I start to shiver I pull it back in and close the window, grinning.

“Having fun?” Julien asks, clearly bored with the plain surroundings.

“I see why dogs do it, a nice rush of sorts.” I say as I get the brush out of the back seat, the squishy handle soft on my teeth.

“Ah shudn do i’ oo mush.” I spit out the brush and sandwich it between my hooves.

“I don’t want to have to brush my mane out every ten minutes.” I explain as I start straightening the again tangled mess.

“Yeah...” Julien seems lost in thought and I don’t want to pester him, so the last few hours of our sunlight and our drive peter away to the tune of some blues station we found.

We arrive at the campground at 9 PM, paying the gatekeeper $10 to give up a grassy spot away from others. The gatekeeper looks me over and obviously has questions but the beauty of humanity is that most people will put aside all but the most pressing oddities in the face of cash and a smile. We park and set up the tent, as I bounce around, trying to get forward momentum out of my hover. Flying really isn’t like swimming, that’s a terrible comparison. I think a far closer simile would be skipping. As my wings move, the rest of my body moves in response, you get up a good skip of the wings against the air and each time you start to fall, your wings return you to equilibrium. Though by my failures at it, I’m not nearly as talented at it as I am at skipping. During the following hour, Julien gets the tent set up, gets me a soda with a straw, and lays out the bedding in the tent. During that time I only accomplish a collision with a small tree, getting grass stains on my hocks, and getting yelled at by a squirrel as I try to run away. Julien rescues me from the squirrel (see: doesn't run away from it, and the squirrel felt outnumbered) and we sit down in the tent with a flashlight and our soda.

“Scary campfire stories?” Julien proposes.

“Meep!” I reply between sips of non caffeinated rootbeer. For those of you from other countries, rootbeer is sassafras soda, and it is the best soda that doesn't have caffeine.

“How about we just sleep?” I suggest.

“Blasphemy! you may have suddenly changed your sleeping schedule, but I am still used to staying up until 4 in the morning.” he reminds me.

“I however am very tired.” I counter, laying down with my head on one of his pillows since I had obviously forgotten to bring one.

“Fine, fine. I’ll try to force myself to sleep.” Julien sighs, before laying down with his back to me.

“Goodnight.” we both chime, before I close my eyes and drift off into the darkness.

I awake some time later, still quite dark out, but with an arm around me. I don’t know how to feel about my new life as a teddy bear, but I can’t exactly complain when the cold outside is seeping in through the tent walls, making the prospect of being without a blanket daunting. We happen to be laying on all the blankets, to make the ground easier to rest on.

I drift back to sleep with the arm over my side, and return to my dreams of flying.

Finally I awake to the sound of chirping birds, quite a change from a buzzing alarm clock. I attempt to get up but am impeded by Julien’s arm, which I suddenly realize is a stark white in the early morning light.

I turn and come face to face with Shining Armor.

This raises the delicate question, as I wait for him to wake up, who the buck is going to drive the car?

chapter 10. Hello!(again)
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 10. Hello!(again)

Julien awoke slowly. Without an alarm to wake him up he gradually becomes aware of my yellow form inches away from his face, smirking.

“What are you...” He stops his sentence short. His normally subdued growl now the breathy boyish voice of Shining.

“You been ponyfied.” I say, rolling away and getting up. “Which is interesting, that you got Shining Armor, at least you’ll have magic.” I comment, fetching a drink for him as he continues to lay there in a stupefied trance.

“This is where you try and walk, and freak out a bit.” I instruct helpfully.

He looks up to me with sorrow in his eyes.

“I’m white. Like really, really white. I’m going to get stained so easy.” He complains.

I smack myself on the forehead with my hoof.

“Shush, you. Get up.”

He stands up much quicker than I had when I was changed, and within short order we have him trotting and cantering around.

“It helps that I've been watching how you do it for the past two days.” He says cheerily.

“Yeah, one big problem though, how do we pack up and drive the car now?” I ask, worried.

Julien stops and sits down on a pillow to think. Within a few moments he is staring at a nearby empty soda can, focusing with a vengeance.

I don’t want to make him explode or something, so I leave him alone, packing what I can into the bags and doing my best to take apart the tent.

“Got it!” I hear Shining er-- Julien call from the other side of our campsite.

He has beads of sweat running down his forehead as the empty can floats in front of him.

“Very cool, hey can you fetch me that blanket over there?” I ask.

“Oh yeah, sure.” He says, still focusing on the can as the blanket folds itself into a neat square and lands on my back. I stare at him incredulously until he sort of looks over to me as though remembering something.

“Did I just...”

“Yeah, you’re really trying too hard.” I scold him as I continue to pack.

By the time I've got most of the things packed, Julien has figured out how to use his magic roughly as hands, folding up the tent and its poles back into the original package. He looks exhausted though.

“You okay?” I ask him as I drag the tent package to the car.

“This stuff really tires me out. I mean, I feel like I just ran a marathon,” he pants.

“Shining is better at making shields in the show, maybe that’d be easier.” I suggest.

A moment later, Julien walks up to me with a small cloud of floating shields the size of playing cards.

“This is so cool!” He says exuberantly.

“I’m sure, think you can still drive?” I ask.

“I can’t do the steering wheel and the shields at the same time. Too much concentration required.” He says as the shields all vanish in a pop except for two.

“But I can do gas and brake.”

“That will have to do.” I say bravely. At least, this is my version of bravery.

It is around 9 when we finally depart, having packed everything up into the car and assured we left no trash behind.

As we make our slow way out of the campground, the gatekeeper looks at me, standing on my hind legs in the drivers seat, with an expression akin to terror. From his point of view, we are taking over the world.

Julien and I wave in a friendly manner before we make our way out of the campsite and back onto the main road.

Having to call out our speed every few moments to keep us on the speed limit is confusing but eventually we get into the swing of things and Julien is the one staring out the window. He can hold the gas at a specific angle without much effort so I imagine it gets pretty boring, what with me holding the wheel on course and paying attention to the signs.

“Are we taking 80 all the way there or are we going to jump down to 70?” Julien finally breaks the silence.

I glance over, he has managed to get my phone out and is manipulating it with his magic aura. So unfair.

“80 goes through Nebraska and is the most direct route, and 70 is more southern, cutting through Kansas.” He continues.

“Well...” I ponder the options for a bit, last time I was in either of those states I was a child, though my memories of Kansas are more accepting and modern than Nebraska.

“We don’t have to decide until we get to Cheyenne” He reminds me, and the quiet of the drive resumes.

Now that we've passed the salt lake desert, the landscape becomes mountainous and hilly. The sun hangs almost perfectly above us as the car eats up the miles.

We already had to refill in salt lake city, before we made camp. I have to wonder if it is safe for Julien to use magic to pump gas. Maybe a brony attendant will be forthcoming.

After my terrible experience on my first day of being a pony, I had been enraged at people in general. Lately its less anger and more a sort of frustration. I feel I can hardly be angry at them for their fear of the unknown, without being just as cold as they are.

The twisting road keeps me from thinking too hard as we carefully time our acceleration and steering to make it down the freeway.

We stop for a much needed break on the side of the road four hours in, Julien simply not using his magic to give his new powers a chance to recuperate, and me laying down in the back seat to give my haunches a rest since I had to rear up to see out of the windshield properly.

After resting for almost an hour we resume our tedious drive, with renewed energy. Unfortunately we are a little overzealous on the gas when coming down into Laramie, going a bit faster than we really should. The flashing lights in our rearview mirror confirm that sneaking suspicion, as we pull over and realize that neither of us look like our drivers license photos.

“I wonder if the ‘I have a different haircut’ approach would work here?” Julien says darkly.

“Hey, maybe he won’t notice.” I say, tapping my hooves together in front of me.

Thank goodness I’m not supposed to be the element of honesty.

chapter 11. Due Process
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 11. Due Process

The evening sun makes it hard to see out the rearview mirror, but Julien and I wait, nervously, for the officer to approach my car.

After what seemed like hours, I heard the crunch of boots on gravel as he approached my open window.

I could tell he was studying me through the side mirror, even though he had sunglasses on. It was an odd feeling to be scrutinized so closely.

“I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the car, Ma’am.” He says, standing back a little from the car and holding a clipboard in one arm.

I ponder for a moment why he would want me to get out of the car, but I obey. Julien uses his power to pop the door open and I hover down onto the gravel, before looking up to the officer who now towers over me.

“Can I have your name?” He asks, very calmly.

“E... Erica Grey.” I say, before realizing I was saying it too quietly to be heard by anyone not cupping their ear to my mouth. “Erica grey, sir.” I enunciate this time, making my voice as clear as I can.

“Thank you, and which... um... pony are you?” He asks, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, well I woke up as Fluttershy.” I say quickly.

He flips to a second sheet of paper and I am able to read on the first; “Emergency procedures and guidelines”

“You’re one of the 6 important ones, right?” He asks, checking a box on the second sheet and flipping back to the first.

“Um... Yes, yes I am.” I confirm, nodding eagerly.

He gets down on his knees to be on my level. Something I am grateful for but didn’t expect in the least.

“According to our orders, we aren’t supposed to fine you for not wearing your seatbelt, and a bunch of other stuff, but it doesn’t say anything about not getting a ticket for speeding.” He explains.

I nod nervously. “I understand.” I say quietly.

“I am not, however, going to be giving you a ticket. I am sure you have a lot to worry about without that bogging up your tires too.” He says this bit with a tired smile.

I get the feeling that there are other motivations behind his actions, but this is far more than I expected out of a run of the mill police officer.

“Thank you, sir.” I say genuinely, not sure if a hug would be appropriate.

“Not a problem, and as for the unicorn in the car, what is his name and pony?”

I explain who Julien is and which pony he has become, and the officer marks this down as well.

“Just let him know that if he uses magic in any crimes it will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We don’t want any of that fancy mumbo jumbo to get to their heads and make them think they are above the law.” He says sternly.

I nod eagerly and he actually salutes me before heading back to his squad car and turning his flashing lights off.

I jump back into the car and explain to Julien what had happened, we bump hooves and pull back out into the traffic.

I am feeling quite warm and bubbly after that, if police officers are willing to handle us without resorting to abuse or treating us as animals, I have a great deal more hope for this journey.

We enter Cheyenne a few hours later, and pull into a Dennys before hopping out and heading inside. It is hilarious to be the size of a large dog and have people pretty much bowing to you. We get a seat in a corner and order salads. Julien is sorely tempted to try meat, thinking it must just be my poor constitution that made me retch but thankfully I manage to talk him out of it.

Our salads are wonderful, although I have to hold the utensils in the crook of my forelegs to eat, and let me tell you that cramps after a while.

Julien gets it easy with his levitation and magic and whatnot. I start to see how unicorns could have easily beaten the other two tribes if not for the teamwork and straight up toughness of the earth ponies.

I have to wonder at this point, of course, if the stories and shows are more real than we give them credit for. Once upon a time I subscribed to the belief that the more you have faith in something, the more real it becomes. I wonder if several million humans hoping, wishing every day for a better place couldn’t summon it into reality.

I wonder if our dreams take flight when we are asleep and create whole universes that our descendents will travel to and marvel at in wonder.

I wonder if i'm going to keep spacing out whenever I ponder the intricacies of life.

I’ve managed to stare off into space for long enough that Julien has finished his meal and I have barely started on mine.

I zone out from time to time, that is true. I also know that when I am stressed it happens more often. The question then remains, is this me?

The answer I find, while shoveling lettuce and spinach in my mouth, is unexpected. I don’t care. If Fluttershy wants her body back, I will give it to her. If this simply lends me a new perspective on life, then I will be forever in the debt of whoever made it possible.

Once we finish our food and the sun has almost entirely set, we make our way back to the car and manage to move it to the edge of town, finding a quiet spot off the road to set up our tent.

I don’t know why I don’t trust hotels and such, but this saves money. Considering how little of it we have to start with, this is a very good thing.

We pitch our tent with surprising speed thanks to Julien’s telekinetic powers, and soon we are curling up on opposite sides of the tent, wishing each other a good night and drifting off to sleep.

Now I am sure you are wondering if it is my shy nature that allows my best friend to sleep in the same bed, hug me, and live in my room without being in a relationship. A valid question although a bit personal. I am, as you would say, a fillyfooler. Julien is my confidant, closest friend, and on occasion, my wingman. You just don’t jeopardize that sort of relationship for a night of play, even if you are in new bodies and your entire life has just exploded.

I am content to know that, as my friend, he was willing to begin this journey with me, and he will follow me to the end of it.

chapter 12. Cracks rewrite
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 12. Cracks rewrite

I awake to the familiar badoop sound of a cell phone alert, shaking me awake.

The dim light of early morning has become a comforting sight as I stretch in the morning, filling the tent with my wings for a moment as I splay them wide. I finally take the time to look for my phone, which I have been unable to use for a while now.

With a few gentle pokes, I manage to get the screen to display.

Three Facebook alerts? Maybe that plan of Julien’s wasn't all bad. I very carefully press the minuscule buttons, getting past the password and navigating to the Facebook app.

Two friend requests and a post on my wall greet me. I immediately accept the two requests, one from someone named Reid, and then someone named Markus. Markus had a profile picture of a very realistic Rainbow Dash with two humans next to her. No need to guess who that was, even without seeing the wall post that came up next.

“Hey there, your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash here. Well, sorta Rainbow Dash. You get the idea. Can't wait for you to get here! Good luck on your journey.”

I wonder if I would get to meet up with her? I realize I had assumed Rainbow was female, but Markus is a fairly masculine name. Sure enough the profile says male. So I wonder if I would get to meet up with him. I feel suddenly dizzy, blinking a few times to clear my vision. There is a message on the screen, that I swear I didn't write.

"Hi Dashie. I really hope you are okay. I'm doing just fine. My human is taking good care of me, we are driving to New York. Do you know where we are supposed to meet in New York? Has anyone seen Angel Bunny? He's probably back home. Take care of your human. They seem to need a lot of help."

I gape at the screen, looking around a little bit before whispering to myself.

"Fluttershy?" I whisper.

I feel my hoof twitch of it's own volition, then my jaw clench. Carefully, I lay down on the floor and close my eyes. Immediately I am standing, as my human self, in front of Fluttershy. She has to crane her neck to look up at me.

"Oh! Hello!"

I just keep staring at her, baffled by suddenly knowing that Fluttershy herself is in front of me, not just her hooves at the end of my arms.

"Are you okay? I can't tell what you are thinking when we are dreaming like this," she says meekly.

I nod, flexing my fingers and sitting down to be on her level.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine, are you okay?"

Fluttershy returns my nod, and smiles.

"Yes. I'm doing okay."

It's like having my alarm go off next to my ear, I wake up abruptly, looking around and panting. I'm in Fluttershy's body again, sitting in front of my phone, Julien in the sleeping bag to my right. The tent is rippling in the slight wind. I slow my breathing and lean forward to see that the message Fluttershy wrote is still there. How long was I unconscious? Did more happen than I remember? I press send on the message on my phone, and turn to poke Julien's shoulder.

“Whoza wat now?” He mutters, crawling to his hooves and looking around with askew eyes.

“Wake up. We need to get going.” I say firmly. “You're plenty well rested.”

That wasn't very nice. That thought just kind of bubbles up to the front of my mind.

“Sorry, I’ll get stuff packed up, let me know when you are ready to go.” I say, a bit more gently.

Packing up isn't as hard as it had been before, we didn't take out nearly as much stuff, and I am gradually learning how to manipulate things with my hooves. I am now capable of “grabbing” some things by setting my hoof on them and tensing the frog up as though pinching something. The sole of my hoof has a lot more feeling and use than I had given it credit for.

After getting everything but the tent packed up, I poke my head back into the tent. Julien had fallen back asleep, and I let him rest. Every once in awhile a car whizzes by. I check my phone’s GPS to see where we ended up, and it points out a small field to the south of town.

I can’t explain it, but I have a feeling that pulls me to the south. I feel like I am avoiding Nebraska, and admittedly my early childhood is not something I would like to relive. But since when am I so strongly affected by my past? It all goes back to fear.

Even ponies can be driven by fear, whether the show is entirely accurate or not, this is a fact. Every living creature seems driven by fear and hope, but that's where my guesses and hypothesis run dry. I don’t know how to use that knowledge in the current situation.

So I am afraid of my past. Why should I run from it? Why delay us by several hours just to cut through a different state? Would Julien even be okay with it? That last one is easy to answer. I know he would be okay with it, he asked what I thought when the subject first came up. Well, if he wanted my opinion, then it was to cut through Kansas.

“I will just have to go on my hunch, isn't that right, Angel?” I look down to my right, almost expecting to see something.

A cold shiver runs down my spine as I stare at the dirt. I stand and turn away from the spot, eyes wide. What a way to start a day. I turn on the car but don’t start the engine, flipping on the radio.

I stare across the desert and hills that surround us, my mind lost deep in thought.

“Can you lie next to her, and give her your heart, your heart? as well as your body.” The radio croons to me as I feel the sunrise bathe me in heat and life.

“And can you lie next to her, and confess your love, your love? As well as your folly.” The song picks up a bit of energy as a blue sedan blows past me, the dust it kicks up forming a corona around the sun that is almost fully emerged from behind the mountains.

“And can you kneel before this king and say ‘I’m clean’, ‘I’m clean’?”

The music stops abruptly as Julien emerges from the tent.

“Depressing music for seven in the morning.” He remarks, his horn glowing as the channel changes to some modern pop.

“Heh... What do you... I mean...” I can't even stammer out an explanation or excuse to him as the radio channel surfs through to some heavy metal but the volume turns itself down to a background noise.

“Isn't that right, Angel?” He says somberly.

I visibly wilt under his gaze.

“I don’t know why I said that, I just... It just came out. I’m still me!” I end this shouting at him, wide eyed.

I know that I am trying to convince myself as much as him, but there is a new step in this equation now.

“I’m not angry. I know how you feel. First thing I wanted to do when I got up just a bit ago was run laps around our campsite. I hate running.” He says, laughing as he shakes his head.

His electric blue mane scatters messily across his eyes before he brushes them clear and looks out across the surrounding desert with me. I don’t want this silence to end, I know what is coming and oddly enough it is not a symbol of hope as it should be. I am afraid of the words I see working towards the surface.

“We need to put an end to this.” He says quietly, and I wince.

I stare down at the dirt for a while before the silence is broken by a truck rolling past.

“Let’s go south.” I propose.

“Good as any direction, I suppose. I won’t ask why, but I have a feeling you've got a reason.” He says, much more guardsman like than I would expect.

We pack the tent and get into the car, an awkward silence falling as he pushes down on the gas with his shield, and I turn us onto the road.

We make it into Denver around 9 AM, swinging through a drive through for pancakes and juice, our new comfort food.

Julien dispenses the syrup and we eat with a backdrop of Metallica playing just loud enough to discourage talking but not loud enough to actually stop us.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Rainbow dash, whose name is Markus, friended that account you set up. So did another person but I can’t tell if they are a pony or not. Markus seems nice enough,” I tell him.

I show him the message I received. I tell him how it's jarring to imagine Rainbow Dash identifying as a guy, and we share some laughs over the potential names a transgender Rainbow Dash might pick. Hopefully we can get this all sorted out before it matters. That's what I am supposed to hope for, right? We pull back onto the road, heading east now.

“And can you kneel before the king and say ‘I’m clean’, ‘I’m clean’?” the radio croons as we are carried down the road in the midday sun.

Several hours later we are passing through the edge of Goodland, watching farmland speed by on both sides.

“To think, almost all our food comes from the middle of the U.S.” I ponder, resting most of my weight on the steering wheel as we roll down the straight road.

“The bread basket.” Julien nods, the engine revving slightly as he inadvertently pushes down on the gas pedal.

I look down at the gas pedal, taking my eyes off the road just long enough for an upcoming curve to escape my attention.

“Erica!” Julien shouts. Since he can't change the course of the car, he does the only thing he can do, and depresses the brake.

As he makes the wheels squeal, I look up and yank the wheel to try and put it back in line with the curve of the road, but the sudden deceleration slips me forward and off the seat itself, so I am hanging off the steering wheel, pulling it sharp to the left.

The screech of tires finally fades as we come to rest diagonally in the middle of the road.

Neither of us see the truck from behind desperately trying to stop, but just before impact I let go of the steering wheel, falling to the floor of the drivers side of the cabin.

Airbags are not friendly when you weigh less than a hundred pounds and have hollow bones. The glancing blow dealt by the other car spins us around so we are facing the opposite way we had started out in, the airbag deploying over my head with a sound like a gunshot.

I am flung against the drivers side door and everything goes dark.

The darkness around me swims nauseatingly, a kaleidoscopic spray of colors that can all be described as "black".

For a moment the darkness parts and cracks of shimmering light appear around me. It is beautiful. Have you ever seen the art they make by breaking glass and then putting all the shards back together? It really is nothing like that at all, but its the only thing I can think of as the shimmering light swallows me whole.

"Oh god, we killed Fluttershy." I hear someone shouting.

First off, I just look like her. Secondly, I'm not dead unless I was catastrophically wrong about ghosts existing, in which case I really hope I get to keep this form as a ghost, that'd be wild. Lastly I would love it if people weren't shouting when my head is trying to crawl out of my eyeball and make it in the big city. The offending eye opens and I blink a few times. Well I'm not dead. Dead people don't get tingly hooves when they pass out on them at the wrong angle.

"I'm not dead!" I holler, at barely a loud enough whimper for my own ears to hear.

"She's not dead." Shining Armor's voice says from somewhere nearby.

"How do you know? Your a guard, not a medic!" The unidentified voice continues its unnecessarily loud ranting.

"I am not Shining Armor. I just look like him," The now-confirmed-as-Julien voice quips. "And her name is Erica." I feel a light touch on my forehead. "Can you hear me?" He asks calmly.

"We got in a car crash." I say, trying to focus past the pounding in my head.

"Yeah, but it looks like we are okay. Car is even still running, just the back is smashed up a bit." I hear the engine cut out and Julien getting out of the car, trotting around to me.

"Come on, lets get you out of there."

I really don't feel like moving, but as I turn my head to see a tear streaked teenage girl and what looks to be her boyfriend, I realize that I can't let them see me all messed up, That'd ruin their day. Well, more than it already is ruined.

I get out and sit down on the side of the road as they move the cars out of the way of traffic, even if traffic happens a whole of once every ten minutes. I wish I could help them move the cars but they keep telling me to stay put.

Once the cars are moved, I am handed an aspirin and a bottle of water, I consume both quickly and lean back against the wheel of my car.

"We are so sorry, we didn't see you stopped and... and..." I hold up a hoof to stop the girl's flow of words.

"I took my eyes off the road. That's why all this happened." I say, looking down at the ground.

"I'll give you my insurance information, so you can get your car fixed." I continue, trying to remember if I have the little insurance cards in the glove-box.

"No need." The boy finally speaks.

"Huh?" I reply, confused. "Why not?"

He simply points to his truck, which looks as good as the day it rolled out of the factory. It's steel bumper only bearing a smudge of silver paint.

"My dad's an auto-body mechanic. I'll have him take a look at your car," he says. "Make sure it's safe to drive. Least I can do."

I slowly notice the guy is wearing a jacket, even though it is pretty darned warm out, and he keeps pulling it shut, I don't know why I take a particular notice of this, but his nervous twitches finally move the jacket just enough for me to understand why.

I start laughing, giggling, snorting.

Julien looks at me like I've gone mad, the girl just looks confused, but the kid, his face goes crimson.

On his black shirt, is an image of me with the italicized scrip beneath it. "yay"

(song: Here )

chapter 13. Oasis edit
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 13. Oasis edit

His name is Edward, or Ed. He had actually been on his way to work when he and his girlfriend saw us pass by. Out of sheer curiosity to see if I had actually been the real Fluttershy, they had turned around and followed us, trying to get a better look and hoping that we would stop in town. All this was explained in an attempt to give us a reason not to think he was stalking me, what with the shirt and all.

I could care less, I am just quite pleased that he has the girl drive us to his house in their truck while he drives ahead of us in my car. At least the girl is willing to chat with us.

“So what’s it like being a pony? Do they talk to you in your head and stuff?” She asks curiously.

I am fairly sure she means the question innocently enough, but the answer isn’t going to be simple.

“It’s different. I woke up like this first and had Julien's help getting used to it before he woke up as Shining. Hard to drive a car, that's for sure.”

Julien laughs. “Hard to drive is an understatement, I am really surprised we lasted as long as we did.”

“For the second question... Well.” I think for a moment how exactly to answer it without scaring her.

“We sort of... Feel the same way they would feel. Not to the point where I can’t talk to strangers but I am a bit more prone to becoming scared, and such.” I don’t feel like going into detail about the Angel incident, or the brief dreams I'd had.

“Oh, well that doesn’t sound fun at all.” The girl says, and I realize right about then that I don’t know her name.

“My name is Erica, by the way, I never got to introduce myself.” I say, leaning forward a bit from the back seat.

“I’m Jessica. Ed’s sister.” She replies.

Well, I sure missed the mark on that one, didn’t I? Although this is Kansas... No, I will just have to admit I was wrong. Julien doesn’t seem nearly as surprised, I imagine he had figured it out before I woke up, or maybe I was just oblivious.

The rest of the drive goes quickly, as I stare out the front window at the back of my car.

The drivers side of the trunk is smashed in a quarter of the car’s width. I can only pray the tent within is undamaged, we still have several nights to spend in it. The brake light is pretty much gone, and the little sticker from the dealership that I never removed is all that is keeping a chunk of the bumper on. I never named my car like some people do (see: other roommate), but we shared some good times.

Driving from place to place to fix computers, before that the daily trek in to work from my friend’s house in cold springs, and before I moved to Reno there was the 1000 mile drive up from Arizona to visit...

My thoughts sort of stall out, as I withdraw into myself. Julien notices, but doesn’t say anything as we pull off the paved road onto gravel, then shortly dirt roads. The jostling of the truck doesn’t shake me out of my tumultuous thoughts, however. Julien’s hoof does.

“Erica, we’re here.” He says as I look up in confusion.

With a weak chuckle, I jump out of the truck, making a short glide down to the ground before trotting over to my car.

“Can you pop the trunk please? If you don’t mind.” I ask Ed. He pops it open and my hopeful smile crumbles.

The tent was closest to the rear of the car, and the poles ended up acting as a brace between the two sides of the trunk as they collapsed. The tent is ruined. The soda cans have mostly exploded, soaking Julien’s now useless clothes as well as half the bedding.

The food seems to have come through it mostly intact, having been on the right of the trunk and flying into the blankets during the crash.

Looking at the clothes, I suddenly take notice of an oddity I hadn’t noticed before.

“Julien, the night you were changed, you went to sleep wearing clothes, right?” I ask.

The point of the question dawns on him and he sighs. “My favorite pair of pants, gone forever I suppose, then.”

I chuckle but turn back to the trunk. “We lost all the drinks, the tent, and we need to wash our bedding at a laundromat.”

“I have a washing machine, or... My dad has a washing machine you can use.” Ed corrects himself.

Oh great, parent figure that has to meet me as a pony, in Kansas of all places. The stereotypes run rampant in my head. I can’t help but wonder if he will think of me as an animal too, but I can only hope that I get lucky.

“Thank you.” I make a little bow to him as I grab my own small bag with my brushes and such in it. “Ca’ oo ‘ab ‘ah ‘ohne, Ju’ien?” I say around the handle in my mouth. He nods and grabs my backpack, phone, and a few of his things in the shimmering rose-colored magic. I am quite sure even thinking the word pink in this context would upset him.

After setting the backpack in between my wings, Ed leads us to the house.

The sparse farmland around us fades the closer we get to the two story structure, grass and small but carefully attended trees take its place. The building itself is painted a faded blue with white trim. The door stands open as if beckoning us in to get out of the sun, and all I can think is that all this wonderful scenery is a great prelude to being kicked out on my flank.

But hope drives me onward. I throw a pretty decent smile on my face and try not to think too hard on how much of my face is hidden by my mane. I might not be afraid of meeting strangers by default, but strangers that could easily stop my journey with a word? That is a different matter.

Upon stepping into the house, I feel an air of relaxation descend on me like a blanket in the cold.

Pots of flowers center on tables and shelves, paintings of forests and white-capped mountains adorn the walls. Entering the room and being led by his daughter, is a mountain of a man. I don’t just describe him such because I am so small, either. He stands easily seven feet tall. His kind blue eyes meet mine and he chuckles in a low bass growl and shakes his head.

“Well I’ll be damned. Ponies.” He says as he takes a seat next to a nearby table.

As he sits I can clearly see that the length of his right leg poking out of his shorts has been reduced to a stump and curved spring-like piece of metal. It looks brand new, and I piece together his daughter helping him into the room with this, determining that it must be a fairly recent injury.

“Well lass, I’ve been told you can speak, my name is Ron. You’ve met my boy, Ed, and my daughter, Jessica.” He gestures to each.

I shake myself out of staring at his leg and drop the bag out of my mouth.

“My name is Julien. This is Erica.” He beats me to the punch.

“Um... yeah, sorry.” I apologize.

“I’ve also been told you are in need of some automotive work, due to my boy’s tailgating.” He says with a somber look at the boy.

“Oh! No, it was my fault, I took my eyes off the road, and then we stopped so suddenly, and he didn’t have time to stop, and it was all my fault, it really was!” I finally stop to catch my breath and look back up to see the man smiling and shaking his head.

“You’ve been driving a car?” He looks at me like I am insane, which I probably was for the idea anyway. In answer I just smile and shrug.

“But it takes two to tango, lass. Either way I aim to make it up to you. You can stay here in our spare room until we’ve fixed the car. With my injury I haven’t had many cars to work on. Customers are less agreeable to bringing their cars to me, so I have been cooped up in here, as he,”
The man points an accusing finger at the boy despite keeping his grin.
“Has been watching ponies every day on that netflix thing, nothing else. Have to say, I woulda thought the pink one would be the one tearing down the road and smashing into things.”

I nod quickly. “Thank you so much! it really means alot to me!” I say eagerly, bouncing up and down a little.

“One thing though.” The man grows quite a bit more serious. “You will eat dinner at the table, just like the rest of the family. You will say grace with the rest of the family. You will not swear.” He lists off. “Bedtime is nine. Got it?” His stern expression scares me more than the car crash did.

“Y... Yes sir.” I stammer.

Julien gives a nod, his eyes every so slightly narrowed.

“Very good.” Ron’s face shines with his smile again and he stands, carefully. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour.” He says as his daughter helps him out of the room.

I am a tad shell shocked by the sudden change of mood, but once he is gone, Ed just chuckles.

“Don’t mind him, let me show you your room.” We are led up the stairs to a hallway and the first door on the right is opened to show a spacious room that looks like it was designed for twins. Two small beds sit, one per window on each side of the room.

We set down our things and I pull open my work backpack, nudging open my laptop to happily see the screen is still intact.

“Wireless password is rainbow dash, no space.” Ed says with a smirk.

“Your favorite pony is rainbow dash?” I ask curiously as I slowly manipulate the keyboard to sign into the wireless network.

“No offense. You, or Fluttershy I suppose, doesn’t have the speed that Dash does.” He says, leaning against the door frame.

“Oh I understand, I tried doing more than hovering, got a face full of dirt.” I wrinkle my nose in remembrance. The moment I log on I hear my phone do it’s familiar badoop alert tone. I don’t bother with the small keys of my blackberry, and instead I go to Facebook with the laptop.

“So is Fluttershy like, in your head?” I am asked for the second time today.

I sigh and look to Julien for help.

He flips a lock of blue hair out of his eyes. “We are being slowly fused with the ponies whose bodies we share. I am thinking more and more like Shining Armor would, she is thinking more like Fluttershy.” He explains in blunt and simple terms.

“Oh.” Ed thinks on that for a moment before drawing his conclusion. “Thats f***ing terrifying.” He says with a sympathetic look towards me.

I am a bit distracted with reading a message I received on Facebook from the mystery friend “Reid”.

It becomes more and more apparent as I read that this is Pinkie Pie.

“Heyo heyo! Hail to the fellow hoofed adventurer! I'm tracking my map and yours too, are you headed to Kansas? Cause I am! Maybe we should meet up in Kansas City for a shuffle. Puns and tropes, tropes and puns. Anywho, gotta cut this short, there is a horse here looking at me.
GO SEE A HORSE FLUTTERSHY. IT WILL BE AWESOME. Laters!”

I realize two things as I finish reading. Firstly, I am not sure what exactly a trope even is. That frightens me since I fancy myself a writer. Secondly, others are making the journey I am, which is a sort of relief. I’m not sure why I didn’t think more on that, I am not alone. For what that is worth. Thirdly, A white hoof is being waved in front of my face.

“Wha?” I look up to see Ed and Julien both looking at me with concern.

“You okay?” Julien asks.

I nod. “Yeah, Pinkie-Reid sent us a message. Apparently we could meet up in Kansas City, and join up for the rest of the trip.” I explain.

Julien sighs. “Pinkie Pie. The least responsible of the ponies, and that's the one we get to travel with?” He says in an exasperated tone, turning back to his stuffed dragon and his one clean pillow.

“Yeah, I know. Something about seeing a horse... I dunno.” I type out a quick message asking for clarification and send it off, before noticing a friend request from someone named “Joshua Bucking Hart” who has adorned their wall with more Pinkie Pie than I could possibly enjoy. Kind of odd since that means I can’t guess which pony this one is, if it is one.

I finally close the laptop with a sigh, stretching my forelegs.

“Hey, if you want to take a bath or shower before dinner, you look a bit ragged. Bathroom is at the end of the hall.” Ed says before leaving our door.

I look to Julien to see if he wants to call dibs on it.

“I am still fabulously clean despite my bleached fur. Don’t know how that’s possible but I will figure out the shower situation after dinner. You go.”

I nod and make my way to the end of the hall, opening the door and closing it behind myself with a sigh. The bathroom is a much darker blue than the rest of the house, and the walls are painted. Not just a solid color but a mural of a castle overlooking the sea. I stare at it for some time before making my way into the tub and cleaning myself in the slightly chilly spray. I really needed it to become more aware. My head hurts, one of my wings aches a bit, I have a scratch on my back right leg that I can’t remember getting, and my eyes feel heavy.

By the time I dry off, I can hear Ron's thundering voice calling out for everyone to come downstairs.

I shake out my wet wings and trot downstairs, as usual avoiding the stairs by hovering. The little group, including Julien, seems to have been waiting for me. As soon as I sit down next to my friend, everyone closes their eyes.

Right, grace. I suppose the fact that I don’t know how that works is obvious by how long it takes for me to close my eyes and bow my head, but luckily they don’t notice.

“We thank thee Lord for food and drink, In Jesus' name we pray” Ron rumbles. I keep my head down until I hear the tinkling of silverware.

I look up and see everyone looking at me with grins as I flush red.

“Never said grace before, lass?” Ron asks with an amused wave of the fork.

“Um... I... Well you see...” I can’t think of anything that doesn't make it seem like I’m a heathen or something, but he holds up a hand.

“You’re not gonna make me angry, It’s a house rule. Don’t worry about what you do at your own table.” He explains.

“No I haven’t. I don’t mind though! It was kind of nice, bringing everyone together for dinner.” I say, looking at the plate of salad in front of me eagerly.

“Well what’s the purpose of dinner but to bring the family together to eat?” He asks rhetorically. I hope it was rhetorical because I am far too busy shoving lettuce in my mouth to answer with anything but a smile and a nod.

The rest of dinner goes smoothly, with Ron asking us where we were from and Ed talking about ponies. Jessica remains quiet most of the time until I ask about the paintings and she speaks up. Apparently she has been painting since she was a kid, and the bathroom was a recent project of hers. Julien mostly watches Ron, and towards the end of dinner he asks about money for repairing the car. Ron waves it off.

“My friend has more junk cars than he can deal with, I’ll get some spare parts from him and fix it right up.”

After dinner we make our way to our room and collapse.

What a day, I wonder what my insurance company would think about a pony driving my car?

chapter 14. Twisted Metal
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 14. Twisted Metal

When I wake up, I slowly take in the interesting sight in front of me, giving myself time to figure out what exactly I am looking at.

Jessica is sitting on a chair with a sketch pad on her lap, pencil furiously scratching across it’s surface. Ed is trying to be as quiet as possible while laughing behind his hand, and Julien looks self satisfied and smug.

My foreleg twitches and I roll away from them.

“Lemme alone.” I mumble. I can’t quite remember what I had been dreaming about but I know it was a good dream and plan on resuming it.

“You get what you need?” Julien says.

“Yeah, I can paint this. You sure she won’t mind?” Jessica asks nervously.

“She used to take pictures of all her roommates sleeping and post them on Facebook. She deserves this.” He says with a chuckle.

I drift back off to sleep.

I am laying on my side in an endless white expanse of clouds, my wings laid out behind me in a relaxed position. In front of me is Fluttershy, in a mirror of my own pose.

“I’m scared.” I whisper, resuming our conversation that had been so rudely cut short by reality.

“I know. I know it’s scary and I’m sorry that this has to happen, but It’s the only way to stop him, it really is.” Fluttershy promises me, reaching out a hoof to touch my cheek.

“Am I... Going to die? Will I fade away?” I whimper.

“Oh no, not at all. You’ll be different, just like I will be different when this is all over too. But you wouldn’t be here if we weren’t already really close. At least, that’s what Twilight said.” She is really doing her best to comfort me, I can tell.

I look up with a bit of humor in my eyes. “So does that mean you’re a fillyfooler too?”

In answer, she leans in to hug me and I think she is about to say something when....

“Erica.”

I jolt awake and immediately scream my rage at the untimely demise of either an extremely interesting dream or the weirdest form of inter dimensional communication I’ve ever heard of.

Of course, my scream of rage is some petite snarling and tossing a pillow at the offending white and blue pony, but I feel I get the message across.

“You’ve been asleep almost half a day. I know that you need your beauty sleep to keep up that pink mane for your imaginary lover, but still.” He smirks.

My eyes go wide. “Was I talking in my sleep?” I ask, embarrassed beyond all reason.

“No, but you were smooching and cuddling this.” He says, levitating the partially drool soaked pillow up and flinging it back at me.

“Oh, yeah...” I really don’t feel like detailing what just happened, so I turn to my computer to avoid his gaze.

It has been plugged in and is flipped open to my new Facebook page, A new friend request awaits, as well as a message.

I accept the friend request from an Isaac, whose profile picture is Twilight Sparkle with the caption “Deal with it”.

He seems to have forgotten that he set his profile picture as such though, since his message wants me to guess which pony he is.

“Hello, fellow pony! Another pony here, who has retained quite a bit of their personality, but still has slight personality problems! See if you can guess who I am from this sentence: The quantum anomaly detector has sensed 3 threats within 6 parsecs of Earth. See if you can!”

Mixing star trek and Doctor Who references? I think so but can’t be sure. Either way, this Twilight seems to be less along in the “melding” than I am, I can see where the logical bits of Twilight could influence techno babble but the attention to detail is lacking, since he didn't remember his profile picture. Also 6 parsecs is a huge range, and unless "threats" was taken as only the most serious of dangers, there would have to be more than 3.

I wonder if the spirit of our pony gets to pick how the meld works, Fluttershy would naturally want to be kind and gentle, not harming my mind any more than necessary, whereas a pony like Twilight would likely try to “teach” the human mind what it needed to know. By shoving information into it like a panicked schoolteacher. I don’t envy that poor fellow.

I type up a reply as well as a short bit of inspired writing and throw it up on my wall before closing my laptop and looking back to Julien, who has been playing with my phone.

“I texted my parents, let them know what is going on. Directed them to a few news articles.” He explains when he sees I’m no longer busy on my computer.

“I would have texted yours too but... I don’t know if you want to tell them.” He floats the phone over to me.

I sigh and look over the list of names, picking out my father and brothers. “Go ahead and send the links to them.” I say quietly, nudging it back towards him.

“Lunch is on!” Ron shouts up the stairs, and I trot down with Julien following behind shortly.

The meal is a fairly simple collection of apples and bread with butter for Julien and I, while the others chow down on leftover bacon from breakfast (which I slept through), ham sandwiches, and their own fruits. I feel a little queasy from the smell, but Julien watches with rapt attention, drooling slightly at the sight of the bacon.

“Don’t try it, it isn’t worth it.” I caution him.

“But... But it is bacon! Bacon is the best thing ever!” He complains.

“Yeah, I don’t think you want to push your luck, son.” Ron says with a chuckle.

While I eat I start to notice that Ron seems more upbeat than he was yesterday, a wider grin on his face and a certain bounce in his step. After eating, I mention that I would like to get some things out of my car, and I am led out to the garage where the car sits, the rear end mostly disassembled.

The pile of dirty clothes and the like sits off to the side, next to a ruined tent. I shuffle through it all but don’t find what I am looking for. Eventually I make my way to the front of the car, and I find my sunglasses and hat on the floor where I had fallen during the crash. The pastel blue hat rejoins my head, but when I pick up the glass I see a crack running across the bottom of one lense.

“Aw...” I feel like I am going to start tearing up but I just sigh instead, putting on the sunglasses and closing the car door.

When I turn back to leave, I see Ron has come out to resume work on my car.

“So how bad is it?” I ask curiously.

“Frame is fine, mount for the trunk is bent but I can bend that back. The rest of it is largely cosmetic.” he explains, taking a wrench to a mangled piece of metal that used to be part of the side panel.

“Thank you again for doing this for me.” I say as I move closer and rear up with my hooves on the side of the car to get a better look.

He chuckles and leans back to sit on a nearby stool.

“You are doing me a favor, lass. I had an accident a while back, lost my leg and my wife at the same time.” He says this with his gaze on the ceiling. “I spent a bunch of time refusing to deal with that, cooped up in a hospital or in my room, waiting for my life to piece itself back together.”

He looks back to me. “But it doesn't work that way. I haven’t got this far because I sat on a couch and ignored others. I got this far because I got up and got to work. Work helps me more than you’d think, and I haven’t had much to do lately.”

He points to my car with the piece of metal in his hand.

“Every broken piece of this car I fix, is a part of me that I am getting back.” He concludes, nodding solemnly.

chapter 16. Nightmare
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 16. Nightmare

After a few very slow, very careful test trips around the house in the new seat, I finally get the car shifted into park and rocket out of the seat belt to hug Ron.

“Now don’t get all clingy on me, just had some ideas of how to keep this from happening again.” He says, giving me a quick squeeze before letting go.

“Thank you so much you have no idea how worried I was and all I could do was hope that we got lucky but now we will be able to drive and everything will be okay and I’m so relieved and...” The torrential flow of words is stopped by a white hoof.

“Breathe.” Julien says. He is smiling as much as I am though, not only is our car almost fixed but now we can drive it with less risk of a catastrophe.

“We really do owe you a lot at this point, Ron.” Julien says after I resume my breathing without resuming the endless flow of praise.

“Isn't nothing that I wouldn't do for anyone else in your position.” Ron replies.

By the time my brain has caught up with the triple negative and figured out what he meant, the group is starting to head inside.

“I’ll be in shortly.” I say and they nod or affirm that they heard me before slipping into the house.

With a few flaps of my wings I get myself to the top of my car and fold my legs underneath me. I have never been a religious type. I just can’t find it in me to put my hope in something that has caused so much fear in the past. But watching the sunset tugs at my heart and I close my eyes, presumably to pray or something like that.

I can’t think of the words so instead I just breathe as the world around me grows darker. This world is so beautiful. Every tiny miracle that we shrug off each day is a blessing. Not from a god, person, or pony. Just a blessing, as if reality itself had taken notice and patted us on the back to say “It will all be okay. I promise,” and after so many years of running from the world around me, being scared of the pain it could inflict and bitterly shutting it out of my heart, I am finally starting to believe that saying.

I finally open my eyes to see the last sliver of the burning sun slip behind the hills to the west, lighting that portion of the horizon in a shimmering red glow. Above me the stars start to peek through that curtain of light and cover the sky. I always hated big cities. Reno was even too big for me. Out here in the middle of nowhere, the sky is full of stars. Each constellation has a background of milky way or highlights of accompanying stars.

How did I ever feel alone? I look up into the sky, full of stars, full of promises that all of existence holds life, and I feel a warmth inside that brings a smile to my face.

A hop, skip, and a jump carries me into a glide down to the ground. In the distance I hear a car start up and a dog bark. Humanity has stamped itself indelibly upon the surface of this planet. But I can’t blame them for that. Humans fight, bicker, and hurt each other. But they also carry such an immense love for the world around them.

I am still torn on whether I would like to be human again, I still feel at home even as I am “assimilated” into this body and mind. My whole life I have yearned for comfort from others, but perhaps what I needed was comfort from myself. A safe haven in my own mind.

I head back into the house, and we all eat dinner together. According to Ron, the car should be ready to go sometime in the afternoon tomorrow. This means that tonight is our second and last night here with our new family. Ron pours us all apple juice instead of wine, and makes a toast, to the future and to kindness.

I suppose he watched more of the show than he let on. I get all teary eyed after drinking my apple juice, and we all group together for a hug before filing off to our respective rooms.

“Julien, how is your mental state?” I ask him as we wait for sleep to claim us.

For a bit I think that he is asleep already, since it takes awhile for him to answer.

“I am doing fine. I still have the urge each morning to start running laps, and I can’t so much as look sideways at Jessica or any girl without feeling a surge of guilt, but all in all I don’t feel like I am being forced into anything. How about you?” He asks, concern lacing the last sentence.

“I really want to buy a bunny.” I say, fiddling with the sheets. “I talked to a horse, and I keep wanting to find something to give Ron in repayment for all he has done, but I don’t know how much of that last bit is me or Fluttershy. I had a dream where I talked to her, but I am inclined to think that was a figment of my imagination.”

“Well... we can buy a bunny. Once we get to Kansas City.” He says.

No sarcastic joke? No poking fun at my dream or asking about talking to the horse? I am really worried for him now. He seems more serious, more reserved from simply speaking his mind. Just like he did with me, I wonder if this is the stress of the last few days.

There is no way of knowing for sure.

In the midst of my thoughts, I begin to dream. I am trotting along through ponyville, the streets are empty, but I am not afraid. I make my way through the buildings and parks until I reach the edge of town and the winding road to my cottage. The trees that shield it from view are changing color as I walk past them, green leaves flashing to crimson, yellow, brilliant orange before fluttering to the ground in my wake. I realize I am galloping along the path, tears streaming from my eyes. When did I start crying? Why am I crying?

The door of my home flies open as I approach and once I am inside it slams shut with the finality of a coffin hitting the bottom of a grave. I feel trapped but I feel that something else is worse than being trapped, that there is a danger I cannot possibly imagine lurking in every shadow, but I do not turn on the lights or light a candle. I don’t want to see this thing I am so frightened of, I do not want to bring my fears to life.

One hoof after another, I move across my main room towards the sofa, but I stop as though struck when I reach the point halfway across the room.

I look up at the hint of movement, and I see my reflection in the tall mirror propped against the wall.

This is what I am afraid of? This butter yellow pegasus? I am too pathetic to scare even myself, yet I look on my image with fear. I slowly move closer to the pane of glass, and as I get closer I realize something is wrong. Something is very wrong. The reflection is smiling. I am not. The smile grows wider and wider to show sharp teeth and a snakelike tongue. I scream as I back away, scratching the floor and throwing a carpet askew as I flee to my room, slamming the door.

No mirrors here, no mirrors. I am safe. I turn around and I am greeted by narrowed teal eyes.

I am screaming, thrashing, lashing out at the monster.

“This is a dream.” The monster says, relentless and unmoving.

“Once you realize this is a dream, it will stop being scary.”

I am curled up in a ball, sobbing.

“Focus, your name is Erica.” The beast prowls around me as I watch with pinprick pupils.

“No! My name is Fluttershy!” I squeak.

This gives the creature pause. “Your name is Fluttershy?” it repeats. “Well, what a coincidence. so is mine.”

“You are my reflection! Of course you have my name.” I shield myself with one of my wings.

“Oh you are having that nightmare, okay. I need you to remember before this, what were you doing before this?” She asks. Her voice is not nearly so terrifying since I can’t see that evil smile.

“I... ran. I was running.” I say, my voice shaking.

“Before that?” She asks. Her voice is now positively soft, and I lower my wing to see Fluttershy sitting there, a worried expression on her face.

“I... Was thinking about buying a bunny and naming it Angel.” I whisper sheepishly.

She smiles a gentle smile and nods. “I had that nightmare for weeks after I had a... bit of trouble with a confidence coach.” She explains.

I slowly sit up. “I suppose that proves that I don’t need to try and convince you to prove you aren't just a figment of my imagination.”

“Oh I still could be.” she says eagerly. “Don’t rule out the power of imagination, but I am pretty sure I am mostly real.”

“What were you about to say when the last dream ended?” I ask curiously.

“Oh, not to worry about it. Stuff like that can change so suddenly in a dream that there isn’t a point to worrying about it.” She waves a hoof and her cottage swims into view around us.

I curl up on the sofa and she pulls up a cushion to sit on.

“So I am dreaming right now? I have never been able to lucid dream.” I say, poking at the sofa.

“The key is not to question it. When you start questioning the dream then it falls apart. I had to learn to dream like this to get over a bunch of my nightmares.” She explains.

We are silent for a bit as the imaginary wind whistles outside the nonexistent windows.

“What is it like in my head?” I ask suddenly.

She chuckles. “It isn't boring, that’s for sure. More than that, I can’t really say. I still think I could be just a figment of your imagination, a coping mechanism to deal with all this. But just like the other stuff, there really isn't a point in worrying about it.”

I chuckle and open my mouth to ask another question, but I find a pillow in my mouth instead.

Opening my eyes, I see the sun peeking through the bedroom windows, and spit the pillow out of my mouth.

“Side effect of lucid dreaming, eating pillows.” I grumble.

chapter 17. I hate Marsdays
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 17. I hate Marsdays

I wake up to our first, and hopefully last, Marsday. I don’t understand why even Discord would put so much effort into turning a week into a year since the strict measurement of time remains the same, but I am loathe to pretend that I have all the answers.

With the sun coming up, I look over to Julien. Being Shining Armor’s duplicate means a lot about him as a person. I have to say it matches him quite well. Julien has always been staunchly protective of his friends and family, honorable, and kind. I could have imagined him becoming one of the Apple family due to his honesty and hard working nature, but he isn't into hard labor or being turned into a chick so that eliminates most of the family that makes an appearance in the show.

I ponder trying to take a picture of him in revenge, but I can barely turn on my phone and unlock it, much less lift it up and press the camera button while holding it still.

Since the house is quiet I have to assume everyone else is still sleeping, but my growling stomach insists on being attended to first. I open the bedroom door and fly down the stairs to a landing on the living room rug.

“Good morning,” Ron says from the kitchen doorway, nearly giving me a heart attack.

“Oh! Hi there. I just came down for an apple, if that's okay.” I say with a small smile.

“Sure thing. Let me get one for you.” He moves silently back into the kitchen and comes back out with two. “You sure are up early compared to yesterday.” He points out.

I chuckle and take the apple in my forehooves. “I wasn't recovering from a car crash.”

“You still are, and you will be for a few days. Don’t stress yourself too hard.” He reminds me.

“I won’t. What are you doing up?”

“You think I got so much work done on your car by sleeping in?” He asks with a raised eyebrow and a chuckle. “I wake up with the sun, go to sleep with it too most of the time. If you want to chat, I’ll be out replacing panels.”

He takes a bite out of his own apple and nods to me before walking out the door. Again I feel hard pressed to describe how huge the man is. Despite slouching some and leaning on things to keep his balance with the new prosthetic, he nearly brushes his hair on the top of the door frame.

I chuckle and hover upstairs, putting the apple into my bag along with the laptop, then carrying the bag down and out to the garage.

“I need to check my computer to see if anyone is trying to reach me.” I explain to him as I set up the laptop on a toolbox.

“I don’t mind. Hope your parents didn't take all this too hard.”

I don’t reply, and that speaks volumes. My phone had not received a reply from my father or brothers. Likely they had taken it as another joke or some snippet of writing. I could imagine my dad offering his help but my brothers would likely dismiss it out of hand.

“Do you want to talk about it, lass?” Ron asks as he bolts a panel into place.

“No... sorry.” I say quietly as I open up facebook. Immediately I am assaulted by four new friend requests, and five messages that I had received yesterday evening.

First I confirm the friend requests and look at the wall photos they have. All of them are cosplayers. I have had issues with cosplayers before and I do not look forward to being the object of their obsessions. But any help is help and I really don’t want to make them upset just by not replying to their messages.

The first I got was from the cosplayer who had a wall full of Fluttershy look alikes. Creepy from my point of view but I am sure they were all done with the best of intentions.

“Ginny: Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh friending and following ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!”

I really have trouble figuring out if I should even reply but I don’t want to hurt her feelings if she is already obsessed with Fluttershy.

“Hi there! I really like your cosplays.” I send that off, hoping she doesn't get a huge ego. But if she likes Fluttershy and not Rainbow, that's less likely. Then there is a Rarity cosplayer.

“Jacqueline: Friended, Followed, and Fortunate. If you need me to make you a dress so you look presentable, I can accommodate. Just ask Linda.”

I’m tempted to feel offended at the idea that I’m not already presentable, but I can’t stay angry at someone who is just trying to help.

“Thank you for the offer, but I should be okay.” I reply, hoping to decline it in the gentlest way possible. Third is a Derpy cosplayer, which I actually think has done an excellent job with her outfits.

“Linda: Hey there! Do you mind if I Friend you? I saw the pictures of you snoozing in the car, so adorable... Derpy is best pony though. Just saying.”

So with that I realize that Julien has posted a few pictures to my profile, great. I whip up a quick response.

“I think Derpy is best pony too, I don’t think it’d be very kind of me to assume I am the best.” I get a picture of Fluttershy winking off Google and tag it onto the message before sending it off. Lastly is a man who seems to dress as Pinkie Pie most of the time.

“Harold: Hey! How ya doing Shy? Pinkie here says you got in an accident, is everything okay? I've friended you so if you need some protection... *cracks knuckles* you've got a black belt ready and waiting.”

A black belt Pinkie Pie cosplayer following the real Pinkie around? That has “bad idea” written all over it.

“Thank you!” is all I can think of to say before finally I get to Pinkie-Reid’s message.

“Your horse talked? Wow. Mine just gave me uncanny valley twitches....
....Maybe it's because you're the Shy one. Or maybe it's because I'm trying to avoid the Pink one's influence. I thiiiiink the unique powers of the individual pony become accessible the deeper you sink into the body's personality. You're still you, right? Rephrase: Rough guesstimate, how much is You and how much is the Shy one?
Also, happy Marsday! On this day two thousand and five hundred years ago, the god Mars declared war on the gods of Egypt. Or at least that's my excuse for the new name. Discord can easily be encapsulated by logic and harmony, the show just has it a bit more literally. Search "Best Pet Win in G Major" for a perfect example.
In other news, I acquired a group of cosplaying stalkers yesterday. They're actually fairly nice, aside from the whole fan thing, and I kiiiiiiinda sorta maybe might have possibly promised them that when we met up you would pose for pictures with them. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.... Though to be fair, there's that pic of me cuddling Figment in bed that went viral. Pinkie has good taste in PJs.
May the force be with you!”

I think on how I want to reply as I eat my apple. Once I am done I take to the keyboard slowly. First I watch the video she/he had referred to, explain what it is to Ron as he leans over curiously, then I reply to the message.

“I would say I am about sixty percent Erica and sixty percent Fluttershy. I don’t know how that works. Why would you make me watch that video? I’m going to imagine myself talking like that for days now! Lastly, did you at least charge them for pictures? I may be kind but I know an opportunity when I see one.”

I chuckle, thinking of how much could be made by simply posing or taking pictures with fans. I could end world hunger just by charging $5 a shot. But then if it was a kid or they didn’t have money, I couldn’t just turn them away... In the end the idea sounds more greedy than helpful but I already sent the message so I can’t undo it. So instead I send a second one.

“Scratch the charging for pictures idea.”

Right about then, Ron tosses his wrench into a nearby pile.

“Done,” he says proudly.

I can tell the parts he used are not leftovers, and he must have spent a small fortune getting them all shipped overnight, but my car looks better than it did before.

“Oh thank you so much Ron!” I jump up to give him a hug, having to hover twice as high as I normally have to.

“Not a problem, lass. This project has given me some time away from the past, and I am pretty sure I am feeling up to working on my own truck again.” His eyes seem distant and I don’t question which subject is occupying his mind. It simply isn’t my place to know.

For now we head back inside to join the others at the kitchen table.

My little family.

Thank you all for your input and comments so far, without it I would not be enjoying this nearly as much. Please keep up the comments and let me know if something doesn't make sense to you!

chapter 18. Duality
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 18. Duality

I join the group at the table for breakfast and eat my apple while they chat. I didn’t get much idle chat as a kid, so it is refreshing and new to listen to them.

“So the customer starts yelling at me because the food is taking too long, and just as the food is finished and I am handing it over, he asks for my manager!” Ed is saying, in between bites of cereal.

“So I call for my manager, and we didn’t know that it was her last day, but she had been drinking. She stumbles out, cusses him out, and hands me her badge. Tells me I’m the new manager and walks out.” he says with wide eyes, shrugging. “That’s how I got promoted.”

Julien laughs, shaking his head. “I work at a restaurant too, but since we are family owned I can pretty much tell them to go buck themselves if they annoy me.”

I look over to Jessica. “You go to school or work?” I ask curiously.

“Oh I am still going to school, senior year of high school. Hoping to get an arts degree when I graduate.” she says, smiling to her dad.

He just nods, chuckling. “It’d be a waste not to. You’re damn good at what you do.” he tells his daughter.

I tear up for a moment. That’s what I was missing. I fall silent as the others chat between themselves. I had been missing something in my little philosophical theory. I had been missing love. I don’t mean that all we do is motivated by sex, I mean we all need love to live. Love for ourselves, love for a sibling or friend, love to a significant other.

Fear and hope drove us away from or towards love. I wondered how long it had been since I had loved myself. I was happier and more comfortable with myself now than I had ever been in my life. For a long, long time I hadn’t liked myself at all. I considered every idea I had to be terrible, I looked to others for guidance on every bit of my life.

I hadn’t even believed it when Dash had told me that I shouldn’t listen to bullies.

I had been bullied all through high school until I met him, and Ben had gone on to help me learn how to stand up for myself.

We drifted apart over time, even though we were such close friends. I still had his phone number, but surely he wouldn’t have time to listen to my ramblings. He had been the first step in my self discovery. He taught me that being strong doesn't mean being cruel or cold.

I look up and see that the table has fallen mostly silent, Julien looking at me expectantly.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask, looking down at the wooden tabletop.

“Not a problem, I had asked you if you needed more supplies for the trip.” Ron said, without skipping a beat.

“Oh I’m sure we will be fine.” I say, smiling.

“And by that she means that we are broke and any help will be appreciated.” Julien adds.

I wince. “We aren’t that bad off...” I protest.

“Uh huh.” Julien says, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean, I’ve still got some space on the credit cards.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Most of the food is still good!”

“Uh-huh.”

“If anything we can stop at the side of the road and eat some grass...”

“Uh-huh.”

“Stop it!”

“Uh-huh.”

I stop talking and just glare at the smug unicorn.

“Uh-huh.”

“AAAAAHHGG!” I scream in rage, and jump across the table, knocking him off the chair as Ed starts laughing over his sister’s gasp.

A moment later, Ron pulls me off the uninjured and laughing white and blue blur.

“Come on now, you two. Cut it out.” Ron puts me back on my chair and helps Julien up onto his.

“I just got assaulted by a cloud. Pegasi have no weight at all. But good try.”

I just bury my head in my forelegs and start crying.

“Woah, woah, calm down. What’s wrong?” Julien’s tone goes from jovial to worried in the space of six words.

“I... Don’t want to take more of their money... and I’m so scared because I don’t know which thoughts in my head are mine anymore, and I’m so far away from home...” I succumb to the tears and just whimper.

“Hey, it will be okay.” Ed says as all four of them move over to hug me in a big group.

I feel warm, safe, but my fears aren’t all gone.

“Who am I?” I ask quietly.

“You are you. No matter the name, shape, or place, you are whoever you want to be. If you want to be Erica, then be Erica.” Julien says, putting a hoof under my chin to look into my eyes.

“I know how you feel. I know how scary it is...” He swallows and looks away for a second before looking back.

“I feel like I need to get to New York right now, because my job is to guard Celestia. I feel like every second we are here I am failing at my duty, but I know it will all work out, okay? Smile.” he coaxes.

I pull a smile and everyone hugs one more time before letting go.

“I suppose you both had better be heading out sooner rather than later then.” Ron says with a firm now to Julien.

“If that is okay. I wish we could just stay here but we have a trip to make.” Julien says, smiling.

“I understand, how bout you go get your things together, lass.” Ron points to the stairs and I nod, heading up them.

On my way up, I hear Ron’s voice carry easily through the doorway. “For food and gas, and here is our number if you need anything else.”

chapter 19. Duality
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 19. Duality

I am looking out a window at the countryside passing us by. Yellow and red leaves swirl across the road as we roll across the endless plain that is Kansas.

I look down at my hands. My hands are shaking for some reason as they clutch at my skirt. A tear falls from my eyes and wets the dark blue fabric. Looking to my left I see a white unicorn sitting on a booster seat, steering the car. My whole arms are shaking now. I feel a pit in my stomach as I brush a strand of blonde hair out of my eyes.

"Where is Fluttershy?" I whimper, confused.

Julien looks over to me. "What?"

"Where did she go?" I ask, my eyes wide as my fear digs deep into my chest, covering my heart in ice. "I feel so empty. I am so cold... Where did she go Julien?!" I scream, grabbing his foreleg in my clammy fingers.

"I'm not..." He starts, looking at me with worry.

"No... No you're not Julien, you're Shining Armor. I... I lost my spark, Shining. I lost Fluttershy. I need her back! She made me happy..."

I'm not in the car anymore. I am standing in a featureless field, an empty space. I see Fluttershy trotting away from me.

“Come back!” I shout, but she doesn’t hear. She starts to canter, spreading her wings as I run after her, desperately grabbing at the air in between us.

“Fluttershy!” She takes to the sky and within moments she is gone. I fall to my knees, sobbing. I feel like my heart has been taken out and crushed, like every hope I have ever had is dead. I let myself collapse into a curled up ball on the ground. All I can say again and again is "I need her." In a wavering voice.

I watch this through the eyes of a canary yellow pegasus who sits next to me.

"Oh Erica... I'm so sorry." She whispers, invisible to me.

I jerk awake with a cry, and the first thing I see are my yellow legs curled underneath me. I gasp for breath for a moment before looking over to Julien who looks concerned but undisturbed from the road ahead.

"Bad dream?" He asks.

"Yeah." I whisper. The scene outside looks disturbingly similar to the dream, but I suppose all of Kansas looks the same.

We had left the house after saying our tearful goodbyes. We were planning to stop for supplies soon. I remembered these things and, at some level, it comforted me that I could.

I leaned forward on the seat to extend and stretch my wings as much as the space in the car allowed. It felt wonderful but still the pit in my stomach remained. Typically I did not remember my dreams beyond a rough sketch of what they had been about, these dreams lately were far more detailed and lasting. The car was warm but not overly so, allowing for comfort in the chill air whistling past the window.

"I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was talking to Shining Armor, and all he did was give me orders and instructions. Silly huh?" He says with a hollow chuckle.

My expression does nothing to lighten his fears, I am sure.

"I don't think these are normal dreams." I say as I push my hat down against my head, as though it will protect my brain.

We ride in relative silence again, as I slowly drift off to sleep again.

I do not dream.

I wake up and move my hooves to sit up, looking around wide eyed.

"Oh my. I did not mean to do that." I scold myself.

"What, lay down?" Julien asks, chuckling.

"No. Um... Knocking out Erica and taking over her body." I say, blushing. "Er... My body I suppose."

Julien looks shocked, as I expected, and pulls the car over before putting it into park.

"So you are Fluttershy." He tries to clarify.

"Um... Maybe. I could be a separate personality created by Erica to cope with the stress of being turned into a pony, but I have the memories and personality that would be expected of Fluttershy so..." I take a breath. "Yes. Sorry."

Julien turns towards me. "Is Erica hurt?"

"Oh no, just asleep. More asleep than normal." I try to explain.

"Is this going to happen to me as well?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

"It shouldn't, like I said this was an accident. I just wanted to talk to her to calm her down from that last dream, but I think I climbed into her consciousness somehow."

I really hope this makes sense to him, since I have no idea how I did it, and I really don't want to upset him.

"Okay. Do you know how to fix all this?"

"I only remember we had to get ourselves here in order to stop Discord, but besides that I don't remember much. Sorry. I know that doesn't really help." I really feel bad that I don't know more.

"That's fine, go ahead and see if you can get Erica back, but before you go, thank you for what you have done to make this easier on her. I know it could be worse.” He says with a small smile.

“Everything will be okay.” I say with the warmest smile I can. “I promise.”

With a tug at the back of my ear, I fall back into the darkness that has become my reality.

I am crying, as I hug myself, whispering gentle words. The words don’t calm me

“I’m here.” I whisper in my own ear.

The split perspectives hurt me, looking down at myself and looking at my own hooves at the same time makes the ache in my heart worse.

“Let me in.” I urge.

I know every detail of what this entails. I know I will be baring everything to myself, as if there was ever any other way. I have always been fragile. I have always been too delicate to let the healing begin. Here is the glue to mend the shattered mirror. All I have to do is let it. With the slow motions of a wounded animal, I embrace myself, and we begin to heal.

chapter 20. One plus one
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 20. One plus one

I slowly make my way out of the blindingly bright land my dream had become, to the gentle grey of the real world. Then again, the real world is as much an illusion as whatever just happened. I look over to Julien and smile sheepishly.

“You were out for a few hours there. How are you feeling?” He asks curiously.

I can see the hidden question, one which I do not feel inclined to answer in my current state. I ponder the surface question though. How am I feeling? Well, I feel like my heart is on fire. I feel a wonderful warmth and closeness that brings me a smile even as I think over the feeling. I feel like I could do anything, solve any problem. I feel like I could sit in one place, close my eyes, and truly be at peace. I feel wonderful. Yet I have a nagging feeling that I have forgotten something, like leaving the stove on. I've never owned a stove though. Apartment to apartment living doesn't give someone time to own a stove.

I realize I have been pondering the glove-box for some time now, and turn back to Julien with a chuckle.

“I’m fine, sorry.” I say with a giggle.

“Okay... Who is fine?” He finally asks. Then I finally figure out what I had forgotten. My name. That really is an awful thing to forget, isn't it? I am pretty sure I cared a great deal about it awhile ago. But now it seems like I forgot to get a receipt or something like that.

“Me! I’m fine. Doing great.” I say with a smile, clearly avoiding the question.

“Right.” Julien looks at me with a bit of concern, but turns back to the road to resume the drive.

I resume my diligent study of the glove-box. I really hope I hadn't made Julien upset by avoiding the question, but I have a pretty good feeling that answering it with “I have no idea” would be worse. I really don’t want to upset him. He has already been through so much, after all. He has had to help me through this as well as deal with his own change.

“Thank you Julien.” I say, turning to him and leaning closer. “You’ve really helped me alot.”

“Not a problem Fluttershy.” He says calmly.

I stop for a moment, that's my name. I’m pretty sure it is. I turn back to the glove-box with a confused expression.

“So you aren’t Fluttershy?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” I say finally, defeated as I slump down in the seat and hang my head off the edge. “I don’t know, but I was telling the truth, I do feel fine.” I say, trying to convince him that I am okay. It really wouldn’t be nice to make him worry.

“I believe you.” He finally says, not taking his eyes off the road.

I turn to him happily. “Really?” I ask, excited.

“Yes. You haven’t really smiled without looking sad or worried at the same time for the last week or so. Since you woke up, that worry is gone. Even if you aren’t sure which one of my friends you are, you are happy. That’s what matters.” His eyes flick over to meet mine for a second and he gives me a warm smile.

I take a moment to look back on the last few days. I had always had an undercurrent of fear, of tension pulling at me even when I was jumping up and down with joy. Now I felt like a weight had been lifted off my back and I was able to smile without that shadow weighing me down.

“I do, however, think you should pick a name.” He amended. “Erica, or Fluttershy. Which should I call you?”

I mull over the two names, like flavors of ice cream. You couldn’t just pick between mint and banana, it was like asking to pick between computers and bunnies. They just weren’t comparable. I have memories tied to both.

“Erishy.” I say with a smile. “Short for Ericashy.”

“Okay.” He says simply, and we continue the drive.

There really isn’t much to do while driving besides listening to music, talking, or thinking. Since the music we were listening to wasn’t keeping my hooves from bouncing up and down on the seat in boredom, Julien was mostly restricted to one word answers in our short conversations, and I had already been thinking about my current situation more than I really think any pony or person should, I decide I wanted to fly now that I remember how.

So I jump out the window.

Not nearly so dramatic, but I roll down the window, and start to climb out.

“No! What are you doing?!” Julien shouts, slowing down the car to a crawl as I jump out and start flying around the car.

“Race me!” I say excitedly, my heart pounding. Half of me knew how to fly but didn’t want to. The other half had never flown but had always had it as a secret desire. With all my fears burned away with this wonderful energy I want to be that crazy mare that gets pulled over by the cops for racing against a car. Shoot, I am totally mixing memories aren’t I? I really don’t mind. Makes for amusing imagery. Julien has finally stopped trying to convince me to come back into the car and started to accelerate slowly. I land on the roof of the car and bounce on it while laughing.

“Come oooooon!” I squeal eagerly.

We get up to highway speed and I am really stretching myself, getting to feel my hair whip behind me as I speed alongside the silver Chevy. I don’t know why I never flew this fast before. I suppose I was so scared of falling. But now I feel like I can’t fall, like I am invincible. Naturally, I won’t take any risks since I was still worried for my safety, but this feeling of being free from fear for once in my life is glorious.

Finally I slow down and land on the roof of the car until Julien stops the car, and I hover next to the driver’s side door.

“Could I drive? I’m sure you need to rest.” I suggest, worried he could be tired from driving for so long.

“Okay.” He shrugs. “Just make sure not to speed. Here is a water bottle with a straw, and let me know when we enter Salina. We will stop by a store there and get what we need.” He puts the car in park and climbs over to the passenger seat.

I pop myself into the drivers seat, throw my sunglasses back on, and grin before shifting the car back into drive and taking off with enough force that the door shuts itself, and Julien throws up a quick shield to keep the water bottle from falling out of the cup holder.

“Hehe... sorry.” I say sheepishly as I ease up on the gas to level out at 65 mph. He gives me a tired look but soon curls up on the seat and falls asleep.

I love being able to drive on my own again. It had taken up so much of my life when I became a computer tech, that I had really missed being in control of the vehicle.

“I will call you Angel.” I whisper with a smile. “I think he would appreciate it, seeing as this is one tough car.”

Angel. I remember raising the little bunny, all the times he has been my comfort when otherwise I would have been alone. I was never really alone now though. I wonder if I can be embarrassed of seeing myself using the restroom? I am pretty sure the Fluttershy part of me can still become a separate entity if we defeat Discord, since she would have to go back to Equestria. Then I wonder if that dark and scary dream had been something that would come true.

For a moment, my smile fades to a frown before returning. No, that dream couldn’t be real. No matter if part of me had to go someday, I am sure I can hold onto this feeling. I am sure I can remain whole even if I lose a part of myself.

For several miles, I think on that. I ponder how painful the separation will likely be, for both parts of myself. But my family on Earth needs Erica, and my friends in Equestria need Fluttershy. I cannot let them suffer just because I am afraid of some pain.

I cannot hold my own comfort over the happiness and well being of others.

The city of Salina has a single Walmart that I quickly find and park in front of. It is easily large enough to have all the things we need, so I wake Julien.

“Oh, hey. We here?” He mumbles, looking out the window.

“Uh huh. How much money did Ron give you for groceries and stuff?” I ask curiously.

He pulls a wad of twenties out of his bag in the back seat. I look at it in shock.

“That looks like a lot.” I say, worried.

“It is about three hundred dollars.” He says calmly.

“Three hundred?!” I squeak.

“Yup. I’d say we will only need about a hundred.” He peels off five of the bills and uses his magic to tuck the rest into the bag again.

We both hop out and Julien uses his magic to lock all the doors as we walk away. Very convenient since my car is one which you have to lock each door on its own normally. We make our way into the store, attracting quite a few stares and whispered conversations. I am sure my sunglasses don’t help my appearance but I really do not feel like having to meet the gaze of all these suspicious or confused people.

Once inside, we grab a cart. By that I mean I get into the cart and Julien pushes it around with a shield he has lodged against the handle. This works surprisingly well, and several kids wave to me. I wave back, naturally. We head straight for the food section, stocking up on cereals (no milk though) and a few carrots. I also grab a head of lettuce for lunch.

Julien points out Lunchables, but I can’t even imagine opening the package, much less preparing the little pizzas, so we compromise by getting bread and some meatless spaghetti sauce to spread on it in a cheap imitation of a pizza. Then we head for the drinks section.

At this point, I can hear the click of camera phones, and I can tell some people are keeping a very close eye on us, but I don’t pay them any attention. We get some soda, lots of straws, some tea, and lastly two big containers of water. I am now standing on top of a layer of products, trying not to fall over each time he moves the cart.

On a whim, we decide to swing by the toys section to look at the My Little Pony toys.

We didn’t expect to see the area taped off with caution tape.

Looking past the yellow and black streamers, I can see that someone has taken black spray paint to the MLP section of the shelves, covering almost everything in a generous application of the stuff. We stand there for a bit, and I can practically feel the stares around us getting heavier, and Julien’s anger getting hotter.

I hop out of the cart, and slowly move under the caution tape, up to the shelves. I really appreciate the sunglasses as I see my own image covered in black paint. I pick up a Fluttershy plushie, a new model since the transformations began. It’s right eye and half it’s mane has been dyed black.

“I’ll call you Mrs. Buzzy.” I say softly, before carrying it back to the cart and motioning to Julien to push onwards.

The crowd follows us with their eyes, most in shock. A few select ones in anger.

We check out through the first register we find, the 20 item or less lane. The cashier gives us an odd look but accepts our money without a fuss. I hover along, hugging Mrs. Buzzy as Julien pushes the cart out of the store.

“Two of them are following us.” He says darkly.

“Let them. Everything will be okay.” I say, nuzzling the doll as if to comfort it.

Julien growls, looking back at the two middle aged men who are stalking along at a distance. They both are wearing shirts that say “P.A.P.A.” on them. I look back to our car. Two more of them await us there. I do my best to steady my breath as I see them, Julien just snarls as he narrows his eyes.

We get close enough that the four have us practically surrounded.

“Well, I suppose these ponies don’t know the law around here.” One of them quips to his friend.

“We haven’t done anything wrong, we just want to leave with our groceries.” Julien says in a voice laced with venom.

“The law...” The thug continues. “Says that if one of you uses your magic against a human, then the human can defend themselves. I say we find out what it takes for him to use his magic, eh boys?” The thug pulls out a knife, as do his three companions.

Julien is, at this point, a hair trigger away from doing his best to crush them all into a fine paste with his shields, regardless of the law. Then one of them grabs me from behind, pinning my wings to my sides as I hug Mrs. Buzzy tight, tearing up. My sunglasses fall from my head and shatter on the ground.

Julien snaps.

In a split second, the passenger door of the car is open and a familiar black case is on the ground, ripped open by his magic.

A 9mm pistol floats in front of him, the slide racking backwards to load a round as he points it at the nearest thug.

“Drop her now.” he demands.

“No... Julien...” I whimper. This isn’t how it is supposed to work. This won’t solve anything. I know it won’t, but he can’t even hear me.

The thugs back away but the one holding me has tightened his grip and I can barely struggle now.

“Put that down or we’ll gut her!” One of the men snarls.

“Julien!” I whimper again. “Don’t!”

“Drop her!” He shouts again, advancing on them threateningly.

Time seems to slow. I see his magic surging around the weapon, and I know what is about to happen. I twist and Mrs. Buzzy offers just enough room for me to slip out from under the man’s arms. I hit the ground and fling myself towards Julien, trying to stop him as he looks down the sights at the man who had spoken before.

“Noo!” I scream.

The discharge of the weapon is deafening. I don’t expect to live. I think to myself that this was all so nice when it lasted, that the world is such a beautiful place, and maybe. Just maybe I made it a little better.

I feel the impact, but not the piercing. not the pain. Just the force of being flung backwards and landing on my back, dazed.

A metallic ringing has filled the air, and I look down at my chest, where a pink and gold necklace with a small dent now rests.

Then I pass out with a vengeance.

chapter 22. Pinkie-Reid
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 22. Pinkie-Reid

After sitting, laying, and hopping in the tent for almost half an hour, I hear a car pull up. For a moment, I wonder if one of the news vans had gotten brave enough to try and get an interview. Thus far we had been lucky and they have only wanted to take pictures from afar. Julien peeked around our foliage shield and chuckled. "They're here." And like that, I was off. I jumped through one of the bushes. "Pinkie!" I squealed happily.

The pink pony spun on the spot and spread her arms wide, smiling gleefully. “Flutter--no wait. Erishy!”

With the force of a small cannon, the Pink fluff ball shoots towards me, knocking me out of the air and through a small bush.

“Ohmygosh it's so good to see another one of us! Finally somebody who understands! You don't look hurt so I'm guessing you're not ohflarkyouareskreepingadorable.” The flow of words suddenly stopped as I was flipped over and one of my wings were taken in her hooves and rotated gently.

“Radial motion of about 168 degreeees...” She mutters before flipping me back over and resuming the tight hug.

The words also resume. “I was just so scared when I heard the news and now you're here and you're safe and we're together and your necklace looks neat why aren't you wearing any clothes?” She once again fails to give me time to reply as she pokes me in the chest and started counting my ribs, which was a bit odd since it felt more like I was being gently caressed than examined. Terrible thoughts.

Finally, Pinkie-Reid mumbles; “Hmmm... I'll count mine later.” and I have a chance to interject.

As I hugged the energetic pink pony tightly, I did my best to answer her. "It's so nice to meet you! I mean, I kinda remember you but more pinkie you. From before all this."

I don't really have time to sort through tenses or to decide which things would freak other people out.

"Wha... Hey, are you all okay? You look like you all have seen a ghost." I say cheerfully, as Julien joins Reid and I on this side of the shrubs. "Clothes aren't really necessary, I figure. I didn't wake up in any."

The abundant flow of words resumes. “Anyway it's just superfabulotastic to finally see you in person and oh my gosh I know this is totally Pinkie talking but we should totally have some sort of small party and.... wait what?” Her attitude stalls for a moment and she looks at me as though I had said something terribly confusing.

Her brother sighed and put his face in one hand.

“You... see me as Pinkie.” She says quietly.

A very quiet pause fills the air before she speaks again. “Oh. Okay. I can handle that, makes sense.” She mumbles before clearing her throat.

“Um... Right!” She seems at a loss of what to say.

I shrink away a bit from the seeming accusation. "Can we all go sit down at the tent? It's really awkward just standing out here."

“Sure, hold on.” she says as she steps aside, allowing me a clear view of his group. “Ginny, it's your turn.”

"My number one fan." I say with a grin to the scared girl.

She rushes to me and picks me up, wrapping me up in a bone crushing hug and swinging me side to side.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” She squeals.

Linda holds out her phone, smiling innocently and chuckling “Just look at that decibel count.” She got a gentle swat to the shoulder from Harold.

I return the tight hug as best I can, trying to show Ginny I really am okay. "You okay? I know you must have been scared." I whisper to her.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh” She whimpers in between her tears.

“Oh hey there Shining.” Pinkie says to Julien. “Or... whoever.”

I do my best to wipe away a few tears from her cheeks. I remember being this scared, or worse, only a few days ago. I can always spend more time comforting people in need.

"I'm okay, I promise." I tell her, smiling. Julien had been watching silently, but turned to Reid with a small smile. "Julien. Shining seems less... eager to jump inside my head. Less need to." He explains calmly, while watching Ginny.

“Yeah...” Pinkie said quietly as he glanced to the side. “Need.”

“Ginny, Darling, I know this is a wonderful moment for you... and us all... but I'm pretty sure Fluttershy needs to breathe.” The Rarity cosplayer said with a chuckle.

“OHMYGOSHYOU'RE RIGHT!” My unwitting captor said, gasping. She let me go and I did my best to land on all fours with a smile.

“I am so so so sorry you have no idea are you okay I didn't hurt you or anything...” She rambled.

I chuckle and I flutter my wings happily. "I've had worse." I say happily. "Now Pink.... er... Reid. You seem scared." I say, switching to serious and concerned face.

“What really?” He said nervously.

“Everyone can see it.” His brother chimed in.

“What really?” The pink pony repeated.

“Yep.” Harold said, nodding.

Jacquiline confirmed my feeling as well. “I had my suspicions.”

Linda decided to add even more weight to my argument. “You were terrified.”

Naturally, poor Ginny was the outlier of the group. “I didn't notice anything.” she said in a dazed manner, looking between her friends.

“Yes, but you were distraught, darling.”

“There, see, Ginny says I wasn't scared. Right Figment?” Pinkie-Reid actually turned to a nearby stuffed dragon, looking a bit frantic.

She, or I suppose he, looked close to tears, eyes wide and forelegs hugging himself. I want to tell him I was wrong, that it’s okay and he isn’t scared, but that would be lying. That wouldn’t fix anything. On a moment of inspiration, I spread my forelegs wide and cheerfully say; "Group hug!"

I can't fix Reid. I know what he is going through and it isn't something that can be made better with talking.

“Wait what?” he looked for a moment like he was going to sprint, before the group grabbed him and we all joined in a happy hug. It really did make me want to squee but I was pretty sure I needed to be able to breathe for that.

After a bit, the hug eased up enough that we could talk, and Reid immediately tried to calm us all down. “ ...okay, fine, I'm feeling better now.” he mumbled.

As we are all smooshed together in a hug (and I swear I feel someone caressing my wings in a disturbing way) I lean in to Reid and whisper;

"It's okay to be scared. I know how scary it is to have these other thoughts, and how quickly it can seem like you are losing it, but it isn't bad. I promise, everything is going to be okay." and with that I break apart the group hug.

The stare that ensues is far more intense and filled with unasked questions than I would have liked. Finally the pink pony turns to his friends, motioning towards me and back to himself.

“...Do you peeps mind if the shy one and I have a little private filly talk?”

Linda just nods, a small smirk on her face. “So long as it doesn't descend into rule 34 I'm hip.”

Julien chuckles. "I've got bread, come on everyone." and he forcibly leads them away to the tent, leaving us alone.

Alone with eachother, our thoughts, and our fears.

chapter 23. Pinkie's pain
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 23. Pinkie's pain

I would like to thank you all for your continued support of this story, It means a lot to me and I hope to continue writing this story through to the very end. If you have the time, please take the time to read a few other stories out of the group.

This chapter is the longest so far out of this story, and has quite a few tears in it.

Stay happy!

“Alright. Fine. Scared. Accepted. Moving on to more important matters....” Reid started off, flinging his forelegs in the air in exaggerated panic. “ERISHY?!?”

"Hold on." I stop him.

“Really?!” He squeaks.

"Scared can't be just moved past. I know that as well as just about anypony else. You have to understand your fear and confront it. You aren't allowed to deflect to me." I point a hoof at him. "You are scared, because you don't want to let pinkie in."

“Oh, so now you're a therapist. Fair enough.” He muttered. “Yes, letting Pinkie in is dangerous. Just like letting Fluttershy in is dangerous. So I reiterate: ERISHY?!”

I feel like I am being called dangerous. I wonder for a split second if he is right. In the end, fixing all this is more important though, we can’t dwell on the possible suffering we may feel later if this all goes wrong.

"I'm your friend. Or, half of me is Pinkie’s friend. The other half fancies herself a therapist but knows she couldn't cut it. I... I gave in. I was scared, and alone Pinkie. I mean... Reid. I needed Fluttershy to help me, so I let her in. It didn't hurt." I try to explain.

“Alright, let's try this from another angle. Who were you? Before this.” He asks, sitting back on his haunches.

I stare at him, the grass, a tree or two. “...Take your time.” He says in a slightly softer tone.

I finally find the courage to speak, and I just talk. I don’t really think about what I am saying, I just need him to understand.

"Who was I? Before I let Fluttershy in you mean? A scared girl named Erica. I had been lonely all my life, and I had spent so much time giving my own happiness to others that I forgot how to be happy."

During this bit I sort of hide behind my mane, not wanting him to see this expression of oh so human pain on Fluttershy's face.

"I was kind to the point of hurting myself. But then Fluttershy showed up in my head. I showed up in hers. Either way I feel better now. It's like the pony part of us knows what the human part needs, and they complete us." I say, looking up with a genuine smile. "I sound like a nutcase, don’t I?"

“Yeah but so does everyone....” He said contemplatively. “So Fluttershy knew what you needed?”

"I am Fluttershy, and Erica. That's why I choose a new name." I explain. "But it's more like the pony just is that missing piece. It wasn't a conscious decision to comfort Erica, that's just who I am. Pinkie is happiness and laughter. I'd say you need that pretty bad."

He seems to switch tracks suddenly, and I worry that he is trying to get away from the subject. “...Here's a random question. Back when you two were dreamfasting, what did Erica look like?”

I try to figure out what he is talking about for a moment before he pipes up again.

“Oh wait, you don't know what dramfasting means. Dream talking. That... sort of thing.”

I take a moment to ponder the question. "Depended on the time. She looked human in ones where she was scared or confused, like Fluttershy when she was embracing it."

“Pinkie told me that I looked like a pair of hands.” He said, before looking down to his forehooves which had rubber bands wrapped around them.

“I... want hands...” He whimpered.

I didn’t know what to say, so I took a shot in the dark.

"Well. If I was going to guess, and I am not qualified in the least for this, but I would say you were trying to take control. You were scared of losing control. Hands gave you control over your life."

After a moment of staring at me, he started to laugh. “Pfffffthahahahahahaaaha! Sorry, sorry, I get what you're saying but.... A wise man does not plan. A wise man steers. Control is not something I'd ever want. Too much paperwork.” He says.

I chuckle, thinking that he might not even realize he feels like his life is out of control. "If I can get you to laugh. It doesn't matter if I am wrong. But if you didn't want control, why not let Pinkie in?"

“Actually... do you remember your face?” He says, eliciting yet another confused look from me.

“I'm totally going somewhere with this.” He assures me.

I shrug. "I remember I had blue green eyes, blonde hair, and I don't like my nose. I remember what I looked like in a mirror, both as Erica and as Fluttershy." I say, poking my now larger but more appropriate nose.

“Yes but do you remember your face? How it felt?” He asks this like a dying man asking for a cigarette. The desperation takes me off guard.

“Because... I don't think I ever learned how mine felt....”

That is what this is. Identity crisis. I suppose I hadn’t thought of this because my identity had been second to my loneliness and fear for so long. My ‘self’ was tossed aside in the face of having some sort of simple comfort.

I look at Reid with a mixture of pity and sadness. "Reid... This isn't forever." I say gently, moving a step closer. "This is only until we beat Discord. After that... we will deal with whatever comes then. Together. okay?"

“....yeah. That...” he says darkly. “Who is Reid anyway? I think that's the question here.”

I don’t know what to say. I always knew who I was, and I never found value in that. He needed to find himself, and he was too busy being turned into a pony.

“Sorry, that's a tangent. Maybe we should head for the tents.”

He tried to move past me but I poke the pink pony. "A good friend of mine once said, that You are whoever you want to be. If you want to be Reid, then you can be whoever you think Reid is. If you want to be a mix mash like I become, then do that. It's up to you." I am practically begging him to understand at this point, not sure what else I can say.

“But who is Reid?!” he cries out, whirling around to face me. “You know what I do all day?” He asks, his voice cracking a little. “I write. I draw. I MAKE.” he stomps his hoof with each sentence, drilling these core parts of his soul into the earth in a panic.

“And everything I make has a self, a backstory, sometimes eons of it! I have made nations, worlds, species, families, wars, peace, stars, magicks, dragons, and things that the english language has NO NAME FOR! And every single one of them...” He stalls, one hoof paused halfway into another punctuative stomp.

He shakes his head, looking down. “I mean... That's what I do. It's all I do. I... I don't even dream normally. I just use it to plan out more stories. And if Pinkie comes in, all that's going to survive... but I don't know where I will be because I don't know what I am.” he says.

I finally stop fighting the urge to hug him. I pull him close like a mother tending to her child.

"Reid. Ask Pinkie. Close your eyes and ask her. She is in your head. Ask her who you are." I say, hugging the pink pony tightly.

He seems like he is about to argue, or cry, or run, but after a deep breath, his eyes close. I hold him and stare off into the dark woods. In the distance I can hear voices, I can see the flash of lights through the trees. For once though, noone is going to mess this up. No car crash, no thugs. I close my own eyes and see nothing but the peaceful darkness.

I can recall how scared I was when I accidentally turned to a little bunny that wasn’t there. I remember waking up in a dark place without a body and being so terrified that I nearly lost my mind.

Fear had not won though. Hope had. Hope had to win for this to all work out, otherwise Discord would scatter us and run rampant across this world until the end of time.

I look down on the comatose Pinkie. I wonder how much laughter has had to come forth to keep the poor pink party pony happy in this situation? She always handled crazy stuff abnormally well, but this had to hurt. She had been stuck while a scared boy piloted her around.

She may have enjoyed it, she always did enjoy helping others. I wondered if, as Erica, I would get to know Reid once this was all over. If we were able to fix it, of course.

Lastly, just before he opened his eyes, I reflected on the lie I had told. “This isn't forever.” I knew it was a lie. If I lost Fluttershy now, I would be a wreck. If I didn’t... Then I had lied. So I really hoped I had just lied to one of my new friends. What a great thing to hope.

“...that was one well choreographed musical number.” He finally said, opening his eyes.

I giggle, shaking my head.

“Of course she would use a musical number...” He chuckles. “I... Yeah. I think I should think on this. But... thanks for listening anyway.”

"Do you feel a bit better?"

“Well... I feel, anyway. That's a start.” He says. That is far too dark for having just talked to Pinkie Pie.

"Smile." I coax.

“Nah, maybe later.” he says with a smirk.

"Smiiiiile."

“You're going to keep this up aren't you.” He complains.

I start assaulting the pink pony's sides with my hooves in my best attempt at tickling. "Smile!"

“GAHhahahaHA OH FLARK why is PINKIE so TICKLISH?!” He cried out, squirming away from me.

"Because you’re supposed to smile." I say with a smile of my own. "Everything will be okay, I promise." I have to wonder if this one is a lie or not.

“Meh. I prefer to make everything okay.” He says ambiguously. “Speaking of, what's the plan from here on out?”

"Get to New York. I may be pretty decent at talking with people but I am not a planner. not by a long shot." I sneak in another tickle to his ribs.

“Gnffft--Okay I get that you are trying to cheer me up but can we please stop with the tickling? I prefer more refined humor. And anyway, what I meant was who's in what car? We got three now...” He says, putting a hoof to his chin.

"Refined humor is a waste of time when it doesn't actually cheer you up. If I was pinkie I'd be able to pull balloons out of nowhere or something." I say with a shrug.

"As far as rides, I don't know if the cosplayers all tagging along will be safe. They could get hurt, and they don't have one of these to stop a bullet for them." I tap the necklace with a hoof.

“Ginny would follow us anyway, Jacquiline would stay with her to make sure she was all right, Harold is dead serious about protecting us, and Linda caves to peer pressure. And I don't have one either.” He says, looking at my necklace curiously. “How did you get that anyway? I thought it was a manifestation of personality.”

I sigh. "I've already gotten so much help, I feel guilty about accepting so much more. As long as they realize we need our space to sort... This" I wave my hooves at both of us. "out. I got the element because... I basically tried to take a bullet for someone who I didn't think deserved it."

“Oh.” He takes that in a far calmer manner than I thought he would, so I start to count in my head.

one.

two.

three.

four.

“Wait. Stop. Say that again?” He says, ears laying back and eyes going wide.

This confirmed for me that the full details of what happened hadn’t got out yet. They likely still thought that the thugs had been the ones with the gun.

"I stopped a bullet to save someone?" I say again, raising an eyebrow.

He looks like he is going to have a heart attack.

“...so you, without any knowledge of what was going to happen, still under the influence of Fluttershy, and no prior military training to my knowledge, jumped in front of a gun. Completely unarmored.” He completed the now familiar ritual of pressing a hoof gently against his face in an attempt to make the world make sense.

“Excuse me, my paternal instinct is linking up with Pinkie's maternal one and trying to figure out how to react here. You're not going to go Nightmare Whisper on us, are you?”

I look down at the ground.

"If that gun had gone off and killed that man... The entire world would have cried out in pain and anger. A pony kills a human. That is all anyone would see. I would give my life to preserve the future."

I look back up, a fire in my eyes. "I was not under the influence of Fluttershy, At the time, that bit had already happened. The point is, it worked out."

Another lie. It could have gone so wrong. How could I keep lying to my friends? I take a deep, shaking breath, as I start to lose my composure I had been holding so well for the last few hours.

"I was so scared." I whimper, admitting that everything was not okay, both to myself and to him.

“Whoa! no no no, no tears...” He says quietly, pulling me close and wrapping his forelegs around me like I had a few minutes ago for him. This time, though, I wasn’t going to a dream land to make everything better. I was here, both of me, and both of me were terrified of what had happened.

“We're here now. Okay? The scary things are gonna have to get through me.” He says, rocking me back and forth.

I let loose the floodgates. I don't know how I lasted this long, but I let myself cry for a few minutes, in Pinkie-Reid's arms. "I... I don't know what to do. I can't figure this out... I don't know how to fix this." I sob quietly.

“...what is there to fix? Life happens. What the hay. You just need to do the best you can.” He says with a thin smile.

"Everything. I don't want to lose the Fluttershy part of me, you don't want to gain the Pinkie part of yours... Julien seems upset or scared or something, I don't even know... and we aren't even halfway to New York."

“Problems, problems, problems... seems the human race has a lot of them.” He mutters.

“But somehow... we made it to the moon... built great towers of glass... help out the homeless where we can... What I'm sayin’ is, no matter what's wrong, there's always something right.” He says. A spark seems to fill his eyes as the corner of his mouth twitches upwards.

“Am I right... or am I left?” He asks, still deadpan serious.

I snort through my tears, and start to giggle at the terrible joke. "W... What?"

“What what? Cheerio pip pip. Stiff upper lip, there's a good lass!” He says in a terrible accent, poking me on the lip as he does.

My giggles overcome the sad little hiccups and I look up to Pinkie Reid with a smile. "You going to break into song now?"

“Well... hold on, what time is it?” He asks, looking up at the darkening sky with me.

"About 6 I would guess. We’ve been talking for a while." I say

“Cause I did write this lullaby back before everybody became everypony. It's kinda sad but I think you need shleeples, right? Long day and all that. Or I could do the whole Pinkie number. I want to be original though. Oh wait, I totally forgot. I can't do original numbers without a youtube audience. I promised my mom...” he rambles. I am still stuck back on the lullabye bit though.

I blush a bit at the idea of being sung to sleep by pinkie pie. "A lullabye?" I ask, confused. "Like for kids?"

“Mmmyeah... I was role playing a sort of dark scary unicorn who just happened to be a mother but she kinda hid that fact so.... yeah. It's only four verses though.” He tries to explain.

"You are silly. I really hope you and Pinkie get along..." I say, a worried expression crossing my face as I finally get up, sitting next to him.

“Yeah... I...” he winced, as if remembering something. “....yeah, um, I've never been comfortable with crowds. At all. Pinkie's way too comfortable with them...”

“But hey, all couples have their arguments, right?” He says, shrugging.

"You aren't in a crowd right now." I point out.

“OH GEEZE I just said we were a couple.” He said, sticking his tongue out in distaste. “I haven't even dated before! Oh geeze that would mean you and Fluttershy are a couple!! Oh geeze, what is this, a double date?!”

"And yes you did." I giggle. "Luckily we can't see what you do in your head with your wifey wife." I snort. The number of times he can say “Oh geeze” without wearing it out is astounding.

After an awkward pause, Reid decides to fill it with more awkward. “.....you know I did RP a clop scene for a married pegasus once or twice.”

I sigh. "Not helping either of our mental sanity."

“Sanity's a lie anyway, it assumes a norm.” He says, sticking nose into the air before cringing and looking back to me. “Aaaaaaand now mind-pinkie is making eeeeew sounds.”

The silence resumes. I don’t think either of us are quite ready to return to the group. “Curious, can you break the laws of physics?" I ask.

“Well.... I sneeze confetti, have a super flexible neck, and apparently am able to stick a whole pillow into my mouth while sleeping. Also I have Pinkie sense, but beyond Twitchy Tail I can't interpret it.” He says, then after a moment he comes up with more to add to the list. “And I survived multiple electrical shocks. So... I think I'm on the edge right now. I'm not counting the IHOP incident.” he said darkly.

I had heard something on the radio about the implausible event but had thought it an exaggeration. Pinkie being involved would make sense in an odd way. "I thought that had something to do with Discord. I mean, That sort of thing just couldn't happen without magic, right?"

“Years of watching Mythbusters has taught me not to doubt the ingenuity of fools and physics.” She says with a giggle.

"Anyway, thank you for cheering me up. I really needed it." I say, hugging him.

“Hey... I was just returning the favor.” She smiles.

We make our way back to our respective tents, vans, and such to settle in for the night.

I lay in my sleeping bag, staring at the night sky through the mesh above us. I had nearly died today, I had gained a magical artifact that I did not feel like taking off even when sleeping, and I had met my counterpart who needed more help than I did.

I couldn’t help but wonder, as I fell asleep, if success was even possible against such odds.

chapter 24. Discord
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 24. Discord

“What are we going to do today, Discord?” John asked slyly.

“The same thing we do every day, John.” The god replies with a dark grin as he spins to face the human.

“Take over the world.”

As the lights fade out, John mutters; “I don’t think I appreciate this reference.”

Lauren sat awkwardly in the back of a large van. If only she had made Celestia the same size as the rest of the ponies, she might be able to ride in a normal car.

Lauren had spent the past several days trying to get over crippling headaches and an ache she could only guess came from a build up of unused magic.

The second morning she had woken up to a note in elegant script that read;

“Try not to use magic, I will do my best to keep myself contained to your subconscious, I am so sorry. -Celestia”

Lauren could guess the reasons for most of the note. Using magic could quite possibly empower Discord, and after her first meeting she felt quite powerless against the chaotic being already. Celestia, according to the story Lauren had created, was thousands of years old. A mind like that clashing with her own could destroy her, or change her significantly. The one part she could not understand was the apology, why would Celestia apologize? None of this could be her fault, Discord had done this.

The pastel magenta eyes flicked up from the carpeted floor of the van, looking to the driver who was also one of her assistants.

“Thank you for your help, Andrew.” She said, the regal and powerful voice that came from her made her feel like she was demanding something from the man even by thanking him.

“Not a problem, Lauren, I figure you need as much help as you can get.” He said with a chuckle.

Lauren closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her wings flicking agitatedly.

“What did you do with Andrew?” She finally asked, eyes opening with a dangerous gleam as she surrounded herself with a glowing golden shield.

“Oh, darn. What gave me away?” The more gravely voice of Discord said through the man’s lips in the driver’s seat.

“Andrew is fairly new. He has called me Mrs. Faust no matter what I do for weeks.” She said, glaring at the small image in the rearview mirror.

“Oh well, I didn’t intend to keep it up for very long anyway.” Discord chuckled, revealing himself with a snap of his fingers, the illusion ripping itself apart with a spray of fake blood that smelled and tasted of strawberry jam.

“What are you going to do to me? I know you can’t touch me directly. I wrote the show, I know your limits.” She pointed out as the van pulled off the freeway and down the main road for some insignificant town.

“Oh dear Lauren. You don’t even know what is happening, do you? Celestia hasn’t bothered to explain things? I don’t need to affect you directly. Not here.” The van picked up speed as they began down the road towards a bridge that spanned a deep gorge.

“I can save myself. Celestia’s magic is far beyond a drop from a great height killing her.” Lauren retorted.

“No, but once again, I don’t think you see the big picture. I don’t need to affect you directly here. Because here, Celestia is no longer untouchable. Here the one in charge of her body has weaknesses.” He glanced back at her with a malicious grin.

“To be more specific, a single, ruggedly handsome weakness.” With that, the god of chaos vanished, allowing the van to smash through a guardrail and plummet to the stream below, exploding comically into a fireball as Lauren floated above the bridge, panic in her eyes.

“Craig.” She whispered in horror, and with a bright glow she vanished, to appear with another flash in her home. She didn’t care how much magic she burned through now. She may be a novice in the use of these powers, but nothing would stop her.

She tore apart her home in a rage, screaming her husbands name as she blew doors off their hinges and tore open boxes. She wondered if Discord had turned Craig into something, hidden him as a joke. She couldn’t find him.

She sat in the middle of their bedroom, staring at a picture she had inadvertently smashed, A picture with her own face in it, smiling, under the reflection of Celestia’s terrified face in the glass.

“Looking a little grey there, Lauren.” Discord’s voice growled from right next to her.

The white alicorn lashed out, slamming the mismatched figure to the floor and pinning him there. “I will end you, Discord.” She hissed, eyes wide and full of panic.

He frowned. “No you won’t. Let me tell you what is going to happen. You are going to let me up, you are going to sit down, and you are going to let me do what I want. You know why?”

Lauren just snarled.

“No, of course you don’t. You are going to do all that because I have your precious husband. Until you start doing what I want, he is watching you die. A hundred times. You know me, you know explicitly what sort of being I am. I won’t kill him, but I will make him wish I had.”

Lauren glared at him as she slowly backed away.

Discord stood, brushing dust off him that turned to sparks and faded before touching the floor.

“You know, it is almost sad to use something so base as kidnapping to gain this victory. Oh right! there was a bit I forgot.” He moved towards Lauren as she backed away, frightened.

“As I defeat you, as I take over this world in all it’s chaotic glory, I want you and your precious princess to realize something. Those walls of calm and collection can’t last forever. When they fall, your mind will be torn apart like oh so much confetti. That will be the true victory, watching my former nemesis and fellow god lay on the floor of an alien building, twitching like a foal. I look forward to it.” He vanished with a zipping sound and Lauren was left alone, tears falling from her eyes to dot the floor, streaking across her light grey cheek.

John stood over a cage that held a very angry looking white bunny, who was glaring up at the human.

“Oh come on, you really expect me to stand by and not do anything while Discord romps around in my world? I had to get in on it somehow, if that means joining forces with him, so be it.” John said, shrugging.

The bunny chattered angrily, stomping a foot a few times in frustration.

“Oh, I know it’s all very terrible and bad, but the end goal isn’t all that unpleasant. Besides, he isn’t actually hurting anyone... Too badly.” John smirked.

The bunny beat against the cage bars with another tirade of chirps.

“Oh Lauren will be fine, I’m sure. I think he said something about tricking her into staying home through it all.” John waved his hand dismissively.

With the sound of an unzipping tent flap, Discord popped into existence next to them.

“You can understand him?” Discord asked curiously.

“No, I just make a rough guess of what he would be saying and usually I am right.” John said. “How did Lauren go?”

“She agreed to stay home.” Discord said simply, slithering over to the screens lining the walls. On one of them was a very badly drawn cartoon of Celestia getting beheaded again and again.

Discord smirked at the image and turned back to the center screen which showed the dark princess of the night gliding above a layer of clouds, her eyes closed and face creased with worry.

“I think I should pay Tara a visit, don’t you?” He said with a grin, before turning off the monitor and vanishing.

Tara felt the wind rippling across her wings, and she truly felt them as her wings now.

She had spent days meditating and trying to clear her mind until she was able to communicate with the reclusive Luna. The princess had been concerned about the well being of Tara’s mind, but they had managed to gradually close the gap until they were able to think together without crippling headaches.

Luna was eager to help defeat Discord, but at the slightest mention of Tara’s concern for her family, Luna had insisted they depart to check up on them in person, or in pony as the case may be.

The moon above lent her a sort of calm power she had never felt before, an assurance that she let calm her during her glide over the California hills. She could feel every sleeping mind below her, as though watching a tapestry of small glimmering lights. It was not her place to touch upon the dreams of others, however. This was the wrong world for that.

Her own concerns were on the forefront of her mind when she became aware of a dark form gliding silently beside her.

She turned to see the Draconequus sipping a drink and peering at her through sunglasses as he backstroked through the night air.

“I assume you have already seen to my sister, Discord.” Luna spoke, as Tara watched and listened curiously.

“Why would you assume that? I mean, yes. But besides that, why would you assume it?” Discord asked, tossing the glasses to the side to become a sunglass-shaped cloud.

“I am the princess of the night. I am often seen as being alone and fragile. I assume you mean to isolate me.” She said calmly.

“Oh ho ho, so you’ve actually begun to merge with your host so soon! Very interesting, tell me. Does poor Tara know that you are slowly destroying her mind and soul?” He asked nonchalantly.

Silence fell between them as Luna and Tara conversed behind her crystal blue eyes.

“That would be a lie, to say we are being destroyed. That she is being destroyed. Altered, yes. But so am I. I would not put anypony, or anyone through this without carefully considering all of the options. This is the least damaging of them.” Luna said carefully.

“Oh, so sure of yourself, are we?” Discord chuckled. “Very well then, if this is truly the best option, why am I still here? What is your great plan for stopping me? So far you have watched the other ponies wasting time as you fret yourself over keeping little Tara in one piece.”

“I would not tell you my plan, regardless.” The lunar princess smirked. “I am no fool.”

“Ah, but that is where you are wrong. You are a fool. If you were not, you would have returned to Equestria and left this world to rot. I have defeated Celestia, I have slowed the gathering of those precious ponies to a crawl, and you don’t even know the best part.” He grinned.

Luna did not say anything, simply staring at him.

“I destroyed Twilight Sparkle.” He said.

“No!” Luna gasped. “She was fine, Isaac was unharmed when we left!” She said quickly.

“Oh no, you didn’t notice anything... off? You didn’t realize that wasn’t Twilight? Not all of her, at least. I managed to split her right in two. Broke her like a vase smashed across a tile floor. The second half of her won’t even have enough magic to get herself to your little meet up. As long as I can slow them down, they will get together far too late to stop me. I’ve already won, princess. You are just the final death struggles of a dying world.”

He bowed. “Spend some time with your children, they don’t have long before the world turns itself inside out anyway.” and with that he was gone.

The dark figure floating alone in the clouds struggled, turning back and forth before finally speeding off towards Tara’s home, the blue in her coat fading ever so slightly to a dark grey.

chapter 25. Theories
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 25. Theories

I awoke to silence. The world around me sleeps in the pre-dawn peace. Dragging myself to my hooves, I pull the tent flap open and take my first few steps into the chilly air. The darkness is comforting. I once spent nights awake, reading and writing by candlelight. I suppose I have always been a lover of the night. As a pony I would wake early to catch the night before it ended, and as a human I would spend more time awake during the night than the day.

The grass was cool and comforting against my legs, but I felt like something was missing. My sunglasses were shattered in a spray across a Walmart parking lot, my hat was back in the tent, Angel was a universe away. I finally remembered Mrs. Buzzy. The stuffed model of myself I had purchased from that same Walmart just before the attack.

I slowly stepped through the dew covered grass to the car, struggling with the handle for a moment before popping the door open and fishing the black, yellow, and pink plushie from inside. The door closes with an echo, unimaginably loud in the still air.

I turn back in preparation to return to camp, but I hear a series of footsteps growing closer. “Hello? Is someone there?” I call out nervously. I had been shot yesterday, and how could I know if anyone was part of that group?

The figure that stepped from the shadows did not match my fears. The unnaturally skinny man was wearing a hat with blue ears sew onto it, and a “20% cooler” shirt. Obviously a brony.

“Oh, hello.” I say with a smile.

“Oh, hey there Fluttershy, um... I’m part of the night guard, wanted to make sure no one was breaking into your car.” He said with a tired smile and a shrug.

“Night guard?” I ask, confused.

He chuckles, pointing to a pin with an image of a Lunar Guard on it. “Yeah. When that stupid Papa thing started, a bunch of us got together. Made a Solar Guard and a Lunar Guard. Not many of us, but we made it our goal to organize help for traveling ponies when we can. I happen to live nearby and when I heard what happened I got a bunch of people together, there is a roadblock we set up, with some police help.” He explains, leaning against a tree.

“Thank you. I was worried we were defenseless in the park...” I hug the plushie to my chest.

“Hey, the world is a happy place. I’m sure you all will be able to beat Discord. See you later.”

He abruptly turned and left through the trees. The beam of his flashlight cutting through the still darkened trees as he went.

The sun was starting to brush the sky ever so slightly blue as I made my way back to the tents. I had not thought about Discord since the change of the calendar. He was a god, he had power I could only imagine through the one time I had met him. He had twisted my mind with just a touch, and I had nearly destroyed any chance at defeating him just by being cruel.

Sitting down in front of our tent, I hugged Mrs. Buzzy tightly, closing my eyes.

If we could get the elements together.... If we could gather and befriend each other... If we could somehow corner him long enough to use the power of the Elements to return this all to it’s rightful order....

So many hypotheticals that I have to wonder if we have a chance.

I open my eyes and I look at the sun starting to make its way into the sky. We have to, there isn’t another option.

I see Reid climb out of his tent with a neutral expression on his face. It really is odd to see Pinkie so melancholy. Without warning he starts to hum, and then shortly, sing.

“Wake up in the morning, it’s a brand new day ahead...” he sings quietly.

I giggle at the upbeat tune and lyrics. “You always so happy in the morning?

A small and dark smirk steals over his face as he continues. “...the sun is bright, and the clouds smile down, and all your friends are dead.... but the ocean is so friendly, the big bright blue diamond stratosphere, and you know you’re going to have buckets of fun, as soon as you can get out of here...”

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head, amused. “So.. no. Not happy in the morning. That is a pretty dark song to be singing.”

“I didn’t write it!” he says quickly. “And hey, it has a nice beat. Come on.”

He continues cheerfully as I watch the sun still rising. “Runnnning from Skipper Plumbthroat, last night he murdered all of your friends... hiding, from, Ski Per Plumb Throat, Gottaaaaa run from your end....”

Admittedly the upbeat tempo is energizing, and before I know it I am humming along to the morbid words. I can’t help but smile at the absurdity of it, shaking my head as I do.

As he rolls up his sleeping bag, a new verse of the song begins. “He came last night while you were all asleep, and you narrowly avoided death.... you hid behind a rock while he got to work, now there’s no buddies to tangle with...”

During the song, my thoughts have gotten badly side tracked, I am thinking of the kid who was part of the Night Guard, and his assurance that we would be able to succeed in our little quest. I interrupt the song. “Quick question.”

“Do you think we will be able to defeat discord?” I ask.

“Defeat.... Hmmm. What do you mean by defeat? Stop? Kill? Turn to good?” The last bit he chuckled at. I had to admit that was less than likely.

“Stop. I just want him to stop hurting people,” I explain.

“Ah. Well, probably. Assuming we’re in the subprime, anyway, but there’s no evidence we’re not. You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?” he says.

I sigh, I had a decent knowledge of multiple universe theories, and my best bet was that he was referring to such. I lay back on the grass and look up at the now light blue sky.

“I imagine you are staying so calm through all of this by assuming some sort of multiple universe theory. Sounds like something Pinkie would do. Subprime would mean we aren’t the true reality, and you would be assuming that the primary reality ha...”

He waves his hooves frantically. “STOP WHOA! NO TRUE REALITY. Okay. Rewind.”

He takes a deep breath and starts to explain his theory. “Yes, there are primes that sing louder than other universes and cause echos, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Everything happens somewhere, right?”

I smile and look over to him sadly. “Semantics.”

“Not so! To assume writers create is to attribute godhood.” For a moment I get a mental image of Pinkie in a suit at a chalkboard trying to explain physics.

“You are a pink pony. Talking about multiple universe theories,” I point out.

He very pointedly ignores that bit. “You ever play the Myst series?”

I nod but then I look away with a hint of confusion. “Well... I remember them, keep in mind I also remember raising Angel bunny so I don’t have as tight a connection to my memories as you do.”

Apparently this is good enough, as he continues. “Atrus versus Gehn. Gehn says ‘WE MAKE THE WORLDS!’ Atrus says ‘Nah, we just link to them.’ That’s my point here. Everything happens somewhere, so everything is fictional, depending on where you stand.”

“So you are saying that you assume our world or existence is going to be one where we stop Discord.”

“I assume that for us this is real and that for somebody in another universe this is just fanfiction,” he corrects me. “Or heck, original fiction and the whole MLP FIM phenomena was constructed for the sake of the plot. It all depends on where you stand. This could even be recursive fanfic, you know....”

“My point is, the ‘Are we going to’ question can only be answered by action.” he clarifies.

I sigh, yes he technically answered my question, but it raises a host of others. “Reid... I have spent a lot of time hurting. I have spent a lot of time trying to find reasons for that pain. If I start to think that some being in some reality somewhere caused it directly? I will lose it.”

His eyes go wide and he shakes his head quickly. “NO, this is not what I am saying. Okay, you write, right?”

I shrug. “When I can, yes.”

“And your characters always suffer something, major or minor. Are you inflicting it on them? Or are you just recording it?”

I look over to him, not wanting to answer that question since I feel sick just thinking about it. “I never said I was a good person,” I say quietly.

“You never said you were a bad one either.” he says helpfully.

I shrug and return my gaze to the sky. “I don’t think I could write anymore. not as a mix of these two minds. It would be too painful. When I wrote in the past, I gained a certain.....”

“Apathy?” he suggests.

“Catharsis,” I correct. “I was able to take my pain and inflict it on a fictional character. I was able to release it and have some construct deal with it.” I wonder if some of the terrible painful things I had written were inflicted upon some poor creature somewhere.

“And in this universe, they are a construct. But, given the sheer nature of infinity, they existed both prior and after your writings. What happened to them, BY CHANCE, matches up to what you wrote. And they also happen to have more experiences.” He says confidently.

Personally I think he is making an excuse to avoid the moral sinkhole that such a theory would spawn. Does a writer have an obligation to treat their creations kindly since somewhere a true being is lining up with their character?

“I think Pinkie is rubbing off on you a lot more than you let on.” I say with a small chuckle.

“Nah, I did the whole multiverse thinking before Pinkie. Hmmm. Okay, take Fluttershy.” He still is trying to get his theory to work, to make it anything more than a terrifying idea.

“I am Fluttershy.” I point out.

“EXACTLY! So do you have any memories not from the show?” He asks with a sly grin.

For a bit I almost want to say no, but the more I turn inward, the more I realize he is right. “Yes. I remember, for example, the nightmare that Erica shared with me. I remember my childhood which was never shown.”

“That’s my point. The fandom only knows Showshy, because that’s all that was written. But you are more than that. Therefore all characters are.” His theory begins to make more sense.

“So since I existed and came to this world in which I was created separately, it proves your multiverses.” I clarify.

“More importantly it proves that writers do not control the written. And, um, speaking of memories native to another universe....”

He is suddenly interrupted by a very angry white unicorn.

“SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO SLEEP STILL!” Julien shouts from the tent.

Reid lowers his voice to a whisper to continue his line of questioning.

“....yes, anway. Ahem. Me and Pinks still haven’t fully synthesized, so... there are, ahem, details that... I need to know... since, you know, male before, different species...” he says this all with a blush I can see even through his naturally pink fur, looking at the grass and rubbing the back of his head with a hoof.

“Just in case it comes up. You know.”

I smile and let a little giggle at his expense slip out before I take him away from the tents and into the rest of the park. Standing among all the trees, we find a comfy spot in the early morning light and settle down for a likely embarrassing conversation.

“What do you need to know? Besides the most obvious bits.” I ask curiously.

He snorts. “Since I have a different definition of obvious than most people, let’s start with ‘Lady bit maintenance’ and go from there.”

I roll my eyes. Is cleanliness really that abnormal for guys? “You wash yourself. Besides that, mares go into heat once a year and you just either take lots of cold showers or steer clear of any stallions. Not a problem here. well, less of one.” my eyes shoot over to the tents as I hope that this doesn’t last long enough for that to be an issue.

“Many fics suggest regular artificial relief might handle that problem.” he says with an awkward cough. Oh celestia, he is totally imagining pony masturbation isn’t he?

I smile a little too wide and tilt my head to the side. “Hi, my name is Fluttershy. Not sure if you've ever watched the show or thought about what total recluse means, but I sort of never even thought about it. That time of the year I just spent a lot of time cleaning my house.”

“Okay then. Good to know that.” he says with a small shake of his head.

After a small pause, he speaks again but I do not expect him to say, of all things, “Lesbian pony sex.”

I flush red and turn to him in surprise. “W...what?”

“The pegasus I mentioned was married to a unicorn mare.” all I can think is that is one hell of a thin excuse to randomly say Lesbian pony sex. “Oh, random question: Transgender pins, real or fake?”

I finally realize he is talking about fanfictions, and I take a deep breath to center myself before listing off points.

“Are you talking about fanfictions? Um, okay so in order. There is homosexuality in Equestria, but sexuality in general is sort of a subdued thing compared to Earth. We don’t throw it around or make others pay attention to it.”

“I don’t either, I just RPed it for the sake of the characters.” I am sorely tempted to roll my eyes at this, but I realize that I am just as guilty.

“I know... I know, and Erica did that too. I did that, whatever. But in the end, Equestria is full of friendship. Most of the time couplings are based as much on how close and friendly two are then some sort of contract. Marriage is only around to give a legal basis for adoption and family structure, but it doesn’t mean anything different than close friends.”

“You... do realize there’s more than one kind of close friend, right?” He points out, smiling as though I am missing some great joke.

I shake my head. “Not in Equestria. A close friend is a close friend. Sexual interactions are so rare that usually a friendship doesn’t change after such a thing, since the friends were so close. Regardless, Transgender pins don’t exist because there are no Gender Identity issues in Equestria.”

“Yeah, the fanfic basically had them as an excuse for the lesbian mares to actually have kiddos.”

Another awkward pause and cough from the pink one.

“Sooooooo just to be perfectly clear on where I stand: No sex before marriage, too many potential side effects, but okay with close friends.”

I nod. “Sex before marriage is like driving a car before buying it. Not supposed to but it happens all the time.”

“Should I mention I don’t have a driver’s license? I do have this though.” He says as he pulls the Element of Laughter out of his PJs. PJs which are quite snug and did not have a bulge underneath them when we started talking.

“Where did you get that? I mean, you weren’t holding it a second ago.” I point out.

“Um. I am wearing a shirt. A PJ shirt, but... it was under the shirt.” He says, smiling and shifting his eyes in a comical manner.

I narrow my eyes and lean in a little. “Uh huh.”

“Look, I can bend the rules of physics, okay? I don’t have the hammerspace yet but I’m getting there. More importantly, though, magic bling.” He waves it eagerly.

“Yeah, it is good you have that. I wonder if the others have got theirs yet.” I can’t help but wonder if we would have trouble with that as well. Reid and I have been through hell to get ours, what were the chances that all four of the others would be so heavily assaulted as to earn theirs?

Meanwhile Reid has been caressing his chin thoughtfully. “I think I got mine around ‘Cheerio Pip Pip.’” He says with a smile.

Jacqueline walked up as we were staring at eachother, and interrupted our little reverie with something of far greater concern. “Linda won’t come out of her tent.” She said nervously.

“What? Why?” I ask, worried for one of my newfound companions.

Reid follows behind us, smiling broadly as he does his best to make me facehoof at my own question. “Well given the rash of mad hoof’s disease I’m guessing our Linda woke up this morning with a big fluffy tail...” He says, reminding me more of Pinkie than any human I’d ever met.

“Har-de-har, I’m tired, okay?” I say, despite my grump, I do chuckle a little when he isn’t looking.

chapter 26. News flash
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 26. News flash

The scene starts out with a reporter sitting at a desk with “Fox news” behind him.

“Good afternoon, my name is George Reddel, today we have some shocking news to report, the leaders of the pony movement, Lauren Faust and Tara Strong, have gone missing during their respective trips home across the United States. This begs the question, why would they abandon their ponies? We have held many interviews over the last week with....”

The channel changes.

“...Without fatalities. We have yet to hear from any of the so called ‘mane six’ despite repeated requests for interview. Many of the wealthy are offering cash assistance to help get this issue resolved, saying that they have children or friends who are now stuck as ponies until this is fixed.” The woman at the desk gives the camera a genuine look of concern. “One has to ask, what chance do they have now that their princesses are gone?”

Another channel change.

“With the presidential race reaching it’s peak here in the United States, both delegates are having to deal with a new demographic entirely! The pony demographic, which is growing as we speak. Senator Obama has a definite lead in this race due to the sympathy generated by his daughter’s appearance on stage as a pony.”

The shot changes to show a hyper white and purple pony next to the senator. “Ponies rule!” She squeaks into the mic.

A new channel.

The screen displays a grainy picture of Discord, standing nearly over a newly revealed Chrysalis while offering a golden apple to her and grinning.

“This shocking sight was captured by a viewer with a cell phone camera. Here we have mythology expert, Tom Davinport to shed some light on the situation.”

The camera switches to a very nervous looking brown pony.

“Um... Hello everyone. So Discord appears to have a basic understanding of our mythology, and is making a very clear offer to Chrysalis, his apple signifies a practical marriage to him, as well as a seed to a greater conflict. Can I get off this uncomfortable chair now?” He whispers off camera.

The channel changes one last time, to show two ponies sitting at a newscaster desk.

“We have word from the FBI that the disappearances are being investigated as a missing persons situation. We can only hope that our princesses are safe.”

The two ponies bow their heads in a moment of silence, and the screen goes dark.

Discord leans back in his own chair, smiling as he swirls a chocolate milk in one claw.

“I love this world, don’t you?” He says to the human seated on the other side of the room.

“I’ve always found it a bit boring.” John says, with a relaxed shrug.

“Curious that you haven’t asked to be sent somewhere else, then.” Discord says with a smile.

John looks at the mismatched creature with his voice.

John had woken up to Discord standing over him, laughing jubiently. Discord had offered him a deal, help him take over and John would get a single wish that could do anything. It was quite the offer, and one that John had nearly turned down until he realized that Discord did not know much about him, or about this world. John had been able to guide Discord away from the most damaging and chaotic parts of Earth’s culture, instead convincing him to focus on his ponies and taunting them.

“My wish won’t be nearly so blase.” John chuckled, sure that Discord would appreciate the thought of a particularly fun or novel wish.

As the god turned back to his many screens, John contemplated his steepled fingers. This was a gamble of epic proportions.

chapter 27. Not a morning pony
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 27. Not a morning pony

“I’m just a bit tired! Stop bugging me already!” That voice... The voice that come from the tent sounded so familiar, I just couldn’t place it.

“Hey, Linda, we’re here if you need us.” Harold says gently through the tent fabric.

Reid turns to his brother. “Sitrep.”

“Are you my CO now?”

That voice... I feel like the name is at the tip of my tongue.

“No, I just want to know what’s going on.” Reid retorts.

“Linda won’t come out of her tent.” Ian points out helpfully.

“You could just open the tent... It’s a tent.” I say, gesturing at the fabric structure.

Ginny shrugged. “Yeah, but.... you know, if we just did that... it would kinda be making light of her problems, and, that’s not like nice and shit. I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt her.”

I stare at the ground, thinking and thinking until something clicks and I look up to the tent with a smile. ”Hey Linda.” I say finally.

“I get that you’re going to say we’re all suffering through the same thing but can I have a few minutes to myself while I try to figure out how to WALK?!” She says in a panic.

“In that small tent?” Reid says with a smirk.

“I wasn’t going to say that, good guess though. I wanted to tell you that you’re lucky to have both magic and wings.” I say with a wide grin.

“Wait, how would you--Oh. Oooooooooooh.” Reid gets it and smirks along with me.

“What? No. Obviously not, this is just the voice of, um, an OC of mine!” Linda says, trying to make her voice deeper.

“I listened to ‘this day aria’ on repeat for three days, I could recognize that voice anywhere.” I say with a little bit of pride.

“Wait, are you saying she’s...” Ginny starts.

“NO! I mean, no! I mean, er, I...” Linda starts coughing and hacking exaggeratedly. “I’m feeling light headed...”

“Try saying the word ‘perfect’ without it being all sing-songy.” I suggest, trying not to laugh.

“Okay fine, I’m her, what more do you want?” Ah, there is the voice I was so used to hearing.

“How many ribs do you have?” Reid asks suddenly.

Everyone outside the tent turns to Reid. “What?”

His brother simply facepalms.

He keeps talking despite the unanimous reply of confusion. “Cause I totally have this theory that Cadance has a pegasus ribcage because she’s not actually an alicorn, just a winged unicorn...”

I sigh. “Not the time.” I remind the energetic Reid.

“In all seriousness,” He says. “Why are you hiding in the tent?”

Julien trots up beside me. “I think that may be my fault. Also, good morning. It is hard enough to get sleep when my body wants to wake up at the crack of dawn.” He grumbles.

“OH GOD HE’S HERE!” Linda cries out. “Don’t look at me I don’t even know you I don’t want this to happen....”

Julien sighs. “listen, Shining understands. He wants me to guard you with my life but he knows that you aren’t Cadance.” I hear him mumble just loud enough for me to hear; “At least, not yet.”

“In other news I have eighteen pairs of ribs to Fluttershy’s fifteen.” Reid resumes yet again.

Linda speaks up. “...okay, the part from Julien was comforting, but Reid what are you thinking?”

“I suck at actually comforting people so I’ll just go on a random tangent?”

“....fair enough...”

“Also, if you keep hiding in a tent, you’ll never realize that another Cadence just posted a picture of herself on Facebook. Raising a very interesting question. Which one is real.” Julien says calmly.

“I am pretty sure we have the real one.” I say, sitting back and regarding the tent with an expression of curiosity.

“Um, infinite realities being what they are, I have to indicate by default they’re both real.” Reid points out helpfully.

Ian manages to catch up to the sudden change of track quicker than the rest of us. “I think they mean who is the imposter.”

“Figment could sniff them out. Right Figment?” Reid looks to his stuffed dragon, making us all worry for his mental stability. I mean, I have Mrs. Buzzy but it isn’t like I talk to her or anything.

I stare at my own squishy companion, then to Figment, then to Reid. Admittedly I think Reid needs a scapegoat for his fantasies a bit more.

“Aaanyway,” I finally say. “I think we have the real one, because I haven’t felt any instant love for her, and a chrysalis version of Cadance would be syphoning love away from others.”

Ginny looks to me in confusion. “Wait, is that how Changelings work? I thought they just consumed the magical vibrations generated by love.”

“I thought that they had to mask themselves.” Harold said/

“I thought they were ugly.” Jacqueline said bluntly.

I raise a hoof to grab a bit of attention. “I happen to be half Fluttershy. I know exactly how they feel. You suddenly become attracted to them when they use their power.”

“I thought they were pretty cute.” Raid chipped in.

“Okay sorry, I’m still having a panic attack here but now it’s worse. Will the other Cadance want to kill me?!” The tent said nervously.

Reid still seemed to be thinking about changelings a bit more than our present situation. ”I have a Changeling OC, from the tribe of sorrow....” He pondered.

I feel almost like I have a headache but just under the surface. I really want to just tell someone else to deal with it, and on top of that my stomach feels like it is folding in on itself. “Hey, she is sad. get in there and give her a musical while I go get everyone breakfast.” I prod him.

“I dunno, I don’t think this is musical number kind of sad and I’m still in my PJs.” He says with a small frown as I turn to walk away. Hmm... Tea maybe. Tea and pancakes.

“PJ’s make everything better. Getting food now.” I say, flicking my wings with a bit of agitation that he won’t just go in and sing a song. Hmm, I wonder where this grump is coming from all of a sudden?

“Then why don’t you wear them?!” He hollers, as though asking the secret of life or something.

I turn to shout over my back before grabbing my phone in my teeth. “Because they are itchy on fur!”

Jacqueline followed me, thankfully, and helped me into the Drivers seat which was now designed for pony inhabitation, before I realized my phone was blinking it’s little red alert light and, in fact, buzzing.

Jacquiline was kind enough to unlock my phone and let me know that I had just received a friend request from someone named Cale.

Shortly after accepting, I received a message from him.

“Downed in New York forest. Shot. Gilda.”

I want to panic, the idea of someone else being shot is far more terrifying than my own near miss. Jackie manages to calm me down though, helping me compose a calm message.

“If you can make it to the factory outside of New York City, Rainbow and Twilight should be there. If you cannot make it there then message me back with your location as best as you can and I will try to send help. I am so sorry.”

We sit staring at the phone for a moment before we receive another message.

“Hurt. Blood everywhere. I.don’t know where I am that well. Forest.”

I started to tear up. There was nothing I could do for him, for all my success and kindness, I simply could not help this stranger I had not even met yet and it tore me up on the inside.

Jackie composed the next message as I whimpered and sniffled.

“You need to get to a road or something, your best bet may be calling the police for help, I have a lawyer here who would help you out if you need legal defense.”

“Tell my parents I’m sorry.”

Is the last response we get.

“She will be fine... It’s okay, look there are other messages here from people offering help, and from Markus.” She said quietly, wiping some of my tears from my cheek.

“But... Gilda is all alone, and we can’t help her...” I whimpered.

“We can help her by doing our best to get to New York.” Ginny spoke up, trying to comfort me.

“I... I suppose... But I feel so terrible going out and getting food when someone is... is stranded in a forest... maybe even dying...” I sniffle.

“Your parents used the whole ‘there are starving kids in ethiopia’ bit on you, didn’t they?” Ginny says with a small smile.

I smile a little, they had used that line on me all the time. I had learned guilt over others’ pain very early on. Now I was feeling torn up over what could be a prank message when I just needed to go get food.

“When is the last time you did something for yourself, darling?” Jackie asked gently.

I can’t honestly remember. That makes me wonder, have I been neglecting myself to help others? The answer seems to be that I have. I have not done something specifically to make myself happy in a very long time.

“It’s been a while...” I admit.

“Is that why you haven’t bothered to ask us for anything? I mean honestly, you need a shower, and I am sure you’d feel better about yourself if you had an outfit or two to wear, even if you aren’t as obsessed with clothing as Reid seems to be.” Jackie says with a grin.

“I.... suppose I could try to find a place to take a shower, and I could buy some clothes and pay you to modify them.” I offer.

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of charging you, and I enjoy making clothes far more than modifying existing ones, so I’m sure I could design something for you with the fabric in the van.”

I blush, not used to the kindness I try so hard to display being shown in return. “I... What do you mean? Would it be black? I like black. and green, well I like green a lot more now than I did before, or do I like black more than I liked green? I HATE KEYS!” I finally kick the steering wheel column in a huff, flailing my arms a bit more than “morning grump” really called for and setting off the horn, making myself jump as much as everyone else.

Jacqueline continued unabated. “I could do black vines on a green background, if you like it. Or vice versa. Or, you know one of each.”

Reid, Harold, and Ian arrived at the side of the car at this point, giving me a few weird looks but thankfully not asking me why I was so upset over a darned key.

“She totally could, I looked over her deviant art. Have you seen her Nightmaren outfits?” Reid says cheerfully. “Top-notch!”

I have no idea what he is talking about but I smile anyway, luckily he doesn’t give me time to make up some lame excuse of why I haven’t ever been on DA.

“So I take it you’re going to drive this car?” Reid observes.

I looks at the steering wheel, then the seatbelt, then Reid. “Um... I would really like to. I really want tea for some reason, and I’m hungry. But I can’t get the key to work.” I complain.

Ian simply reaches over and turns the key. Damn thumbs. “So now that we have four ponies, what’s the plan? Pony per car?” He asks.

“Maybe pony per car not counting drivers? I need to get dressed first anyway.” Raid says.

I find it absurd that he won’t go to fast food in his jammies. I have gone everywhere in my pajamas before. Work, fast food, fancy restaurants...

“We are just going to a fast food place to grab breakfast. Get in.” I coax.

“What, without getting dressed first? Here, Figment knows what I like.”

He tossed his imaginary fluffy scapegoat into the car, making me wonder how much of this was Pinkie missing Gummy, and how much was Reid desperately trying to make his shattered and broken world make sense.

“See you when you get back!” Reid says, assuming we were going to tear out of there now that the brave and amazing Figment was on board.

I stare at Figment before looking to the rest of group. “You all coming along?

Ginny seemed split, bouncing on her feet, looking between the campsite and me. “I--uh--ye--ma--GnNNNNNNN!” She sounded like she was going to explode or something.

Jacqueline intervened before it got to that point. “I’ll stay here and help Linda out.”

“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” The hyperactive girl hopped into the car as Ian shrugged.

“I’ll come too.” Reid’s brother said, getting in as well and pointedly moving Figment out of his seat.

Harold smiles. “I’ll stay and protect the ponies. And Jacquiline of course.” I can practically see the top hat and monocle.

Jackie had a similar thought, smiling to the pink pony imitator. “You are the perfect gentleman.”

I have to wonder what would happen if a Pinkie Pie cosplayer really was the world’s definition of the perfect man. Scratch that, I am not imagining that.

“Well, I’m headed to the Pinkiemobile to get changed.” Reid finally said, heading off to the silver pinkiemobile.

“Why do you wear clothes as a pony? It’s so weird.” I effectively ask his flank.

“Pockets.” He says confidently.

I really can’t say pockets aren’t useful, so I only sigh and put the car into drive.

Tea. I need tea.

chapter 28. Drink and drive
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 28. Drink and drive

I got my tea, and I have to say, that tea was by far the best tea I had ever had. I don’t know if it was the fact that it was the first pot that McDonalds had made, or because it was so cheap that it was good, but I cherished it for far longer than anyone at the table felt comfortable staring at me sip tea.

After small talk and a breakfast of pancakes with some lettuce on the side, we returned to camp and doled out breakfast to everyone else.

The morning progressed to midday before we were all ready to leave, and the riding situation has become significantly more complex.

I sit, staring at two vehicles, three ponies besides myself, and a bunch of humans. We sort it out so that Linda could ride in the van, and Julien in the pinkiemobile with all the stuff that had to be moved to make room for them in the backseat of my car. This left the guys in one car, the girls in the van, and Pinkie riding with me. I mean Reid.

That is starting to bug me.

We all pile in and set our GPS to meet up at another park in Kansas City where the Night Guard said there would be a few people willing to keep watch for us. They could not travel with us since they lived here, but they offered us some spare money and snacks for the road, including some sort of drink which Reid took with great enthusiasm.

As we pull onto the freeway, Figment and Mrs. Buzzy sit on top of the pile in the back seat, embracing as awkwardly as stuffed animals are prone to.

I listen to the wheels hum along the road. The car is quiet, the radio is still off because I don’t want to listen to news broadcasts. Several of them keep mentioning me, and that makes me uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t they mention Gilda? She is in need of help as much as I am... but noone knows about her! I make a mental note to post something on facebook to the others so they know that she needs help.

My thoughts drift to the pink pony next to me, who I keep having to remind myself isn’t about to throw me a party. His name is Reid, and I don’t know him. He is a stranger. But that smile, his laugh, is all pinkie.

“How... How is pinkie doing?” I finally ask, trying not to make the question more awkward than it already is.

“Hmm? Hold on....” He closes his eyes.

I stare at him curiously.

“...well, I’m getting an image of her bouncing around happily in Halo style body armor so I’m guessing she’s okay?” He says with a smile.

“Oh... well that’s good I guess, tell her hi for me.” I say with a nervous smile.

“You do realize we share a set of ears, right?” He says with the classic pinkie “duh” look.

“Yeah but if I just say ‘Hi Pinkie’ then I’ll feel like I’m being rude to you...” I explain.

“Oooooooo..kaaaaaaaaaay.” He says slowly, confused.

“But... but I just remember how weird it was, being stuck without a body and I wanted to know that she was okay but I don’t want to make you upset and I really don’t know how you feel about it because I don’t know you as well as I know Pinkie then again I only knew pinkie for maybe a.....” I start rambling, my nervous mode kicking into overdrive as I verbally fling all my worries at him.

He replies by sticking a hoof in my mouth. It tastes like lemons for some reason.

“I know what it’s like to worry too much about impressions, okay?” He says gently. “Don’t worry. I don’t judge.” He thinks for a moment. “Except when it comes to art. Then I’m overly critical of everything.” Finally he removes his hoof and I smile.

“...So, anyway. I just realized something.” He says after a bit more silence and tire noises.

“We’ve got, what, four ponies in this little caravan of ours now?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I confirm.

“And I’m the only genderbent.” He says with a neutral expression.

I shrug, unsure what he wants me to say. “Erica was a lesbian, Fluttershy was straight, sort of a mismatch there but yeah you’re the only one in our little group who swapped genders.”

“Yeah, wonder what that says about me... you were, uh, how to put this, homosexual?” he asks. “So... you’re bisexual now or....?”

I wonder if I can really explain it properly. “Well... are you straight? like, you like girls?”

“I was more asexual then anything, but I could find attraction to females where I could not to males, yes.”

“Well... I guess you might not understand as well, but I feel like half my attractions and reasons for those attractions are gone. I look at... A female, and I feel a certain attraction, but a part of me sort of pulls away and is like ‘bleeeeh’ so... I don’t know...” I kind of peter out, watching signposts whiz by.

“Are we talking human females or pony females?” He tries to clarify.

I feel my face get a bit hot. I won’t lie, I had checked out Pinkie. But I wasn’t sure just how that would go over with the current state of things. “I... whatever. Stuff. Wow I just can’t talk about this stuff since I merged with Shy.” I say, using myself as an excuse for the first time out of what I am sure will be many.

“Ah... hmmm. That could be a problem, seeing as I’m looking at your facebook profile and seeing five or six separate marriage proposals.” For a split second I am about to panic, before I remember that this is Pinkie at some level. She had pulled a similar prank on me where she told me that some stallion had been singing about how hot I was in the town square. Or was that a nightmare?

In the end, I roll my eyes. “Uh huh.”

“Was it really that obvious?” He pouts.

“I know my own character well enough to know that a fluttershy obsessed fanboy... or girl, wouldn’t be so forward.” I say with a grin, thinking of fairly reserved Fluttershy fans romantically bringing me flowers or writing me poems. That could be nice.

“Er... Erica... I don’t know how to put this gently but... Well... some of them actually are.” He says haltingly.

“What?!” I shout, trying to grab at my phone, causing the car to swerve out of the lane before I get it back under control. “What do you mean?!”

“Okay first: EYES ON THE ROAD, EYES ON THE ROAD, EVEN IN SHOCK EYES ON THE ROAD. Second, I’ve read some pretty... well, interesting fanfics. The well written ones cut to black, but a marriage proposal is not forward. Sudden, but not forward.”

“Hey, fanfics and reality are two different things. Thank goodness.” I say in relief.

“Oh, yes. I said so, back at the camp.”

I think on that for a moment. If our conversation back at camp was valid, that meant that every version of Fluttershy from every fanfic existed somewhere. I shuddered at the thought.

The silence grew for several minutes until Reid smiled mischievously. “Did I ever tell you I met Discord once?”

“Really? my memories of my one meeting with him kind of blur into a cloud of hate and spite.” I say with quite a bit of regret.

“Oh I’m not talking about Pinkie. I’m talking about Reid.”

“Oh... in a fanfiction?” I clarify.

“In a dream. Granted, a dream about a fanfiction, but you know, still counts.” He says.

I get the feeling he just wants to get the story off his chest, so I ask the inevitable question. “What happened?”

“Well, I’d spent the previous night staying up and reading the latest arc in the Pony Point Of View series--you know about those?” He asks me.

“I’ve never been big on fanfictions.” I admit.

“Huh... well... anyway, this latest arc took place in an alternate timeline where, let’s be blunt, Discord won. So you know, bad place all around... interesting fact, Liarjack eventually awoke as the new Element of Kindness. Anywho, so I spent all night reading this, then I went to bed, and I had this dream where a part of me basically hopped around and gave the characters in the arc bits of cryptic advice. And the last stop was Discord.”

I have to note that he finally stopped to breathe. Seems Pinkie is at least helping him with that bit.

“Basically I taunted him, he got mad, and he snapped his fingers so I couldn’t dream of that particular world any more. I woke up, PMd the fic’s author, he asked me to record it, and I blogged about the whole thing. Here, let me find it...”

“Driving, remember?” I gesture to the road.

“I’ll just Facebook you the link.” He says as he uses his iPad to deftly send me the link. First time in my life I have wanted a touch screen device.

“Okay. Well, whether that was part of a multiverse thingie or not, back to the genderbent issue, why’d you bring it up, you having trouble with it?” I ask, concerned.

“Sorry what? I think I lost the trail of the conversation here. Why’d I bring what up?” He asks in a distracted way.

“You mentioned that you were the only genderbent pony.”

“Oh. Yeah, I was just, you know, pointing it out. Like ‘oh hey, that’s a bit weird, does it mean anything’ kind of way.” He said dismissively.

I raise an eyebrow at Reid. “So you aren’t at all weirded out by losing your masculinity?”

“Read waaaaaaaaaaay too many webcomics. Had mental schemes for a number of random events. It’s odd, but hey.” He says with a shrug. “Of course most of these schemes had me having hands, ya’know?”

I make a fake retching noise. “Is that really every guys first plan in the event of transgendering?”

“....wait, what?” He says, genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”

I feel my face get warm again. “Wait... what were you talking about, with the having hands bit?”

“The keyboard for the internet!”

I stare at the road with wide eyes. “Right. right, keyboard. yup, that was my thought too.” I say quickly.

I can feel his eyes on me as he starts to smile. “Not that I’m not curious, you understand, I just didn’t want to get my hands dirty and it’s a rather pointless line of questioning.”

“Pointless, yup. So what does Pinkie think of having a guy’s brain in her body?” I quickly change the subject.

“...Er.. Ya know, I don’t think she’s thought about it....” He closes his eyes for a bit. “She says she sees nothing different than having a girl’s brain in her body. It’s all about the person.”

I nod. “So... Just curious... what’s keeping you two from fusing?” I really should have thought about how rude that sounded before just saying it.

“Excuse me, miss diveboard, but we are synthesizing. In a slow, and comfortable manner. I prefer to walk into the pool.” He says firmly.

I wince. “Okay, sorry... I hope it didn’t offend you... I just feel better since it happened.” I confess.

“No, I get it, I just... you know, don’t like people looking over my shoulder when I draw, so... work on my own time... it’s a thing with me.” He says before he sips his drink again. Every time he takes a sip of the darned thing he keeps glancing over to me, as if to show me how amazing it is.

“You seem to be eager for me to ask what you are drinking.” I point out.

“I... do?” Admittedly it would be a very Pinkie thing to do, and it may have been an accident.

“It’s... lemonade that has been warmed to the point where it steams.” He says with a grin.

I ponder it for a moment. “That.... sounds almost as good as lime and cucumber gatorade.” I concede.

“Having never tasted that, I’m going to go on a limb and say it’s a lot better.” He says smugly.

“Limecumber is awesome!” I say with a grin. I feel better, this is the kind of light banter friends are supposed to have.

“To each their own. Rallying cry of humanity.” He says as we continue our drive with the sunset behind us.

chapter 29. Kinks
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 29. Kinks

“...how do you deal with the kinks in your tail?” The long and relaxed silence is broken by a sudden question.

I could go into a very long explanation about how, when I was a kid, I wore a fox tail for halloween and discovered how annoying it was to shove it behind you, but instead I just point down at my tail draped off the edge of the seat in front of me.

“Sit on it, don’t shove it behind you.” I say.

Reid blinks and seems to ponder my ingenious methods for a moment..

“I... am not going to touch that one, I’m not that kind of guy...” He says.

I grin. “Oh come on, no jokes from pinkie on that?”

“...huh, apparently she never went to that part of comedy class. Weird.” He says, looking up to the top of the car in thought. I notice he doesn’t have to close his eyes to talk with Pinkie anymore. I wonder if he notices.

I smile for a moment, then pause. “Can Pinkie take over or have you two not gotten that far yet?” I ask.

“Actually, the way my mind is structured, Pinkie could have taken over from the beginning. She just doesn’t do it often. Says it’s rude.” He explains.

“Do you think its rude if she takes over?” I ask, wondering if he is reluctant to have Pinkie shoving him to the back of his mind.

“I have no clue. I’m deferring to her judgment on that one.” he says, defty avoiding the point of the question. “Is this going to descend into one of those deep philosophical conversations?”

“It could...” I admit.

“Oooookay then. You go first. Deep question. I answer. Go.” he says it like a race, and I want to chuckle for a moment but I reign myself in to think of a question.

“Okay, deep question. You and Pinkie were paired up for a reason, what do you think it was?” I ask.

“On my side, confidence. On her side, restraint. That was easy.” He says, surprisingly quickly. “Alrighty then: If a man and a woman meet and fall in love, but it turns out the man is infertile, should they get a sperm donor or adopt?” He asks me.

“Well... science has made that obsolete, you can make sperm out of skin cells, but the philosophical part of that... I think they should adopt. The third party can cause so much pain... taking a hurt child in can mend more and do more good than the other option. Unless the woman only wants to have a baby to give birth... then she needs to think over her priorities.”

I had thought a lot about having kids. I had thought about having foals.... I had to wonder if there was a difference to those thoughts. I had the same reasons, my memories of the times I had thought of it were blurred and smashed together in a kind of haze that made me realize that I couldn’t even be sure that the memories I was thinking of were genuine? What if one thought and another that were unrelated had been combined to make me think something different?

“We’re in agreement on that bit. Parenting is not at all related to birthing and is a much bigger responsibility. Less painful though, I think...” Reid nodded.

“My turn?” I ask quietly.

“Go ahead.” Reid says, turning to me.

“Okay, my question is, if I am both Erica and Fluttershy, how do I know my own thoughts are still mine? How do I know my own mind isn’t skewed by the process?” I ask, my voice starting to waver towards the end of my question.

“A mind constructs itself from its components. If you are two made one, then your thoughts are your own. Is there an alien influence? Are there two in that skull? Or are you really merged? If you are really merged, then your thoughts are your own because you are the only one in there thinking.” He says, I don’t know if I feel better or worse. Discord indirectly caused all this, and if he had a claw in this merging....

“I wonder who I am now... I sometimes feel like I am leaning one way or another but...” I start.

“Hey, I had that before I met Pinkie. Trust me, that’s just you weighing the options, er... processes. Hmmm. What I’m saying is... Even if you’re leaning, you have to have a fulcrum, a starting point, right?” He says with a friendly smile.

“Y... yeah... your turn.”

“Should I ask a deep question or a ridiculous one to cheer you up?” He asks.

I smile. “Ask whatever you want, Pinkie.” I realize the moment after I said it, that I had said Pinkie, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“I just did, your turn!” She giggles.

I laugh. “Okay, okay. have you started planning your first party?”

“Hay no. Improv is the name of the game. There’s no guest list and no supplies. Although, tomorrow is halloween....” She ponders, sticking a tongue out of the corner of her mouth contemplatively. “Hmmm. Well, your turn anyway.”

“That was my question.” I pointed out.

“I told you, I didn’t start planning...” She says, looking a bit dazed.

“Are you trying to trick me into asking all the questions?” I ask with a sly smile.

“....Yes, yes, I am and I’m not trying to cover up a sudden lapse in pattern memory, nope. But if you like, I can ask a question.” She smiles.

“Yup, its your turn.”

“All right then. Aside from the horse, have you talked with any animals?” She asks.

“No, I haven’t tried. Though in Equestria I wasn’t able to talk to them so much as... I sort of knew how they communicated. which chirps meant hungry or scared.” I explain, thinking of Angel Bunny.

“Yeah, I’m that way with cats. Grew up learning from Disney... was convinced I was part cat for a while.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“You are so pinkie.” I say with a grin, waiting for her to hop up and say that she is and that she wants to throw a party right now in the car.

“Pinkie’s social. I’m not.” Reid points out. My point of view snaps back to his current reality.

“Maybe that will be a benefit of the merge, you'll be happier around others.” I prompt.

“....do I really want to stop being an aspie though? It feels like I’m betraying the whole autistic community.” He says sadly.

I am quite surprised and I look to him with wide eyes. “Aspergers? You have aspergers too?”

“Er... yeah? It wasn’t, you know, obvious?” He says, much more subdued than a bit ago.

“I was diagnosed at the age of eight. well, Erica was. apparently I ‘grew out of it’ somewhere around the time that I lived on my own for 4 years.” I explain.

I never really found it a fair diagnosis. A kid who loves reading and doesn't find any comfort at home or in other people doesn’t feel like making friends, must be something wrong with her.

“You don’t grow out. You adapt... learn to tolerate. People... they have this.... radiation or something, I don’t know, and when they focus on you it’s like they’re shooting beams of radiation....” He says.

“I understand. I really do. But imagine how much of an inspiration you could be to others, you’re the party pony! you could show them that there are good gatherings.”

“Do you know I read a book that actually suggested brainwashing as a cure for autism? I’m not even kidding. Some sort of copper wire treatment, I can’t remember the details. To be fair to the author, she herself wasn’t autistic and just wanted her daughters to have a normal life, but... I don’t think she realized what she was advocating. I’m sorry, I just have a kneejerk reaction to people saying ‘Here is how to be normal.’”

I look over to Reid sadly. “There is a difference between hope and... and that. You can have hope in growing.”

After an awkward pause, Reid shrugs. “Eyes on the road, please. Your turn.”

“Okay...” I return my eyes to the road.

“I... have decided, or at least... in my opinion, we are all driven by Hope and Fear. with Love as the exception. What do you think?” I say, proposing my theory to another person for the first time.

He stares at me before starting to laugh.

“....snrk.......pffffffft........heh, heh heh, hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I start to feel hurt by the laughter, my little theory that I took comfort in being shot down so quickly by just giggles.

“I’m sorry, I, I’m sorry, but... okay, hold on, let me gather myself here.”

I frown at the not-so-serious pony. I really shouldn’t have expected more.

“Okay. Here it is. Nothing drives humanity. Actually scratch that: Humans drive humanity.”

“Well... I like being able to peg things down.” I say defensively.

“Alright, how about we start at the very beginning. Human children come into the world and what do they know? Eat, sleep, breathe... Cry when you’re upset, make dirty diapers... and there’s one other thing. Guess. Go on, guess.” He prompts.

“I would say they are afraid.. because they don't understand their surroundings.” I say, trying to use my only theory so far.

“Nnnnnno. You’re on the right track though. Try again!” He says eagerly.

“They are hungry?” I say, lost completely.

“Aaaaand you lost it. They have one other instinct, Erishy, one other ability. What is it?”

“They know love... the love of their family...” I really want my theory to work.

“As much as I want to say yes to that, because that would be awesome, I’m going to have to call three strikes. They know how to learn.” He says, a little condescendingly.

Let your auntie pinkie pie take care of it. Echoes in my head.

“But why do we learn? We learn because we hope for the future, or we are afraid of what we don’t know.” I argue.

“See, you’ve got it backwards. We need to learn hope and love and fear, just as much as we need to learn to walk and talk. A human is constructed by its own mind; it is the product of its environment insomuch as it decides to be. Humans make themselves, and therefore every individual human has their own set of drives.” He says.

“...in fact... I think that’s why humans tick off Discord so much.”

He has a point, I can’t say he doesn’t, but this is one of those things I think we have to agree to disagree on.

I smile. “I think we are both right. Humans are a big contradiction.”

“Paragons of chaos, and yet we have embraced harmony! We should all be at each other’s throats, but love is the guiding concept of many civilizations! Ha! Discord can’t accept that! Wimp.” He chuckles.

I smile with him as we keep driving, I can see the exits for Kansas City coming up, shouldn’t be too much longer now.

“Oh, your turn.” I remember.

“Okay, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood measured in metric tons?” He asks, and again I wonder how much Pinkie there is in that question.

chapter 30. One minus one
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 30. One minus one

Thomas walked down the rough streets of New York towards his apartment, whistling the My Little Pony theme song. It is a good time to be a brony. With people turning into ponies left and right, the show no longer a social stigma, and the possibility of meeting one of the mane 6, life was good.

Twilight had gone missing recently, as well as the Princesses, but the mane 6 were supposedly heading here. He already had a picture of himself next to some OC pony who had been charging $5 per picture, but it had been worth it.

Thomas was a simple guy, who had simple wishes, and one of his fondest wishes was to meet Twilight Sparkle.

Today, Thomas would get his wish.

Twilight watched a man pull a gun, pointing it at her with a sneer. "Well, I see that some pony has decided to come out. Good thing I was here to stop it," He snarled, before a deafening blast rang out.

In a moment of desperation, Twilight’s magic tore out from around her, all she wanted was to run, to be free of this fear and her attacker, but the barriers of Discord’s magic kept her from returning to Equestria, and the magic knew no other outlet but to send Twilight someplace, or sometime else. Two days later, she fell to the ground in the middle of a blast of magic.

Thomas slipped off a glove to pull his apartment key from his pocket, fumbling with it in his numb fingers before finally getting it in and opening the door. Just as he opened it, an explosion of purple light and noise ripped through the building, sending dust and debris howling through the hallways, and knocking him onto his back.

Despite the ringing in his ears, Thomas crawled into his apartment, only to be greeted by a crater just outside of where his back wall had once been. The rubble of the wall was strewn across the room, and some of it was still falling into the hole. Thomas crawled up to the crater and peered down into it, trying to see if a meteor had fallen or something.

At the bottom of the crater, laying in a puddle of blood, was a small purple pony.

The camera swings up from staring at the cement, to show a windswept and dazed reporter.

“Live, channel seven news, we are here on the sight of a massive explosion that rocked the area just minutes ago, an ambulance just left with the missing pony Twilight Sparkle on board. We have a man here who claims to have found her, Thomas, what happened?”

The camera pans over to a very pale man, whose hands are coated in blood. “S...She just appeared, and there was so much blood...” He said, barely loud enough for the camera to pick it up over the wind.

“Hey, hey, that witness needs to be sitting down and recuperating, cameras off.” A police officer came up, forcing the camera crew to pack up and leave.

“So much blood.” Thomas whispered again, as the cop led him back to a seat next to his destroyed apartment.

The news broadcast resumed from a desk. "So there you have it, the missing pony has been found, apparently assaulted and injured, causing massive property damage in the process. What will the ponies do now? We have watched as they have lost their leaders, as well as one of the so called 'mane 6', at this point we have to ask if victory is possible, or what victory even means.This is Al Terrance for channel seven news, signing out."

The bustling emergency room was unusually quiet, whispered conversations communicating as a unique pair worked on the pony in question. The best Veterinarian in New York, and the best surgeon in the hospital.

"Anterior Cerebral," the surgeon said calmly as he clamped a blood vessel closed to prevent bleeding in the brain.

"We'll need to shave this section clean," the vet replied as she peeled the skin back, already planning for stitches and recovery.

A nurse handed her a simple razor and she shaved the area clean.

"I'm not seeing the same muscle groups as I'd expect in an equine normally," the vet admitted.

"Not quite human either," the surgeon nodded. "In between, I'd guess. But similar enough. Do you think that normal fillers would work to fill cranial voids?"

"Should work fine, the healing process is the same. But considering the size of these eyes we might want to make sure we aren't obstructing or severing facial muscles. They've got to be concentrated around the orbit but there's not much room."

"Well of course not, she's a cartoon character," the surgeon huffed.

They both paused, locking eyes as they tried to take stock of the situation.

"Blood type is AB+," a nurse interrupted. "Switching from O to AB+."

The blood bag was changed out, and the surgeon sighed, looking back at the pony on the operating table.

"She's going to make it," the Vet said conclusively. "At least alive, but I can't judge how bad the brain damage is."

Her conclusion prodded the surgeon back into the process as he applied a special patch to seal the hole in the blood vessel, and then unclamped it to allow blood to reach that part of the brain again. He then began checking, methodically, for other bleeds.

"I've seen children with this level of damage recover fully," he concluded. "But it's unpredictable. Comas are common, and sometimes some functionality is lost."

"She's not a child, I don't think," the vet murmured. "I'm just going by comparisons to equines I've seen but despite her size she's at least breeding age."

The surgeon looked up with a raised eyebrow and the vet shrugged, exasperated.

"Teens, late teens. I'm a vet so that's not typically a controversial thing to say."

"Fair point," he sighed as he started filling small voids with a special kind of stuffing the body could dissolve harmlessly over time. "So a late teen, the risk is a little higher of lost functionality, but still not too bad. A few weeks of rest, and she might be up and walking again."

In the observation gallery, Discord sat alone, watching the procedure, frowning. He tapped his clawed fingers against the desk, and after a moment he stood.

"I don't kill," he muttered angrily as he turned away. "And I don't think I like this shooting business either."

In a flash he returned to his lair and stormed across the room towards the wall to wall banks of monitors, still scowling. He snapped his fingers and summoned a figure made of shimmering black and white flecks. It tilted it's head.

"I'm not supposed to exist."

"Well no," Discord said with a roll of his eyes. "Probability isn't supposed to be a tangible thing, math isn't supposed to have a mind, but here you are."

He grabbed it around the throat and pulled it close.

"For the period of time that this world is mine, not a single pony will be killed or maimed by a bullet, do you hear me? Scrapes and limbs, I don't care. But no more of this brutality. I'm done with it. It disgusts me."

Probability gulped and nodded. "Uh... Ok, I suppose... I'll make that happen. Can you let me go now?"

"What's the probability of me letting go?" Discord asked with a sudden wide grin.

"Eventually? 100%. But I'd prefer you let go now, which is a 21.888889% probability."

"You round your decimal places?" Discord asked incredulously.

Probability giggled sheepishly. "Occasionally. It's just easier."

Author's Note

Rewritten last third

chapter 31. Subliminal
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 31. Subliminal

I open my eyes too soon. Waking up at dawn, or this close to it, is not my preference, but Shining seems to be in control just enough to make that particular part of my daily schedule compulsory.

Outside I can hear ponies and people talking. Immediately, Shining notes that his wife is one of the speakers, which makes me want to bury my head in the pillow so much more, but I notice a red blinking light from right next to the fluffy face shield.

Erica’s phone, I pull it close with my magic, not bothering to get up. A few facebook updates, messages that offer help but are either out of our way or from people I think are a bit creepy, so I dismiss them.

Finally I get to a new friend request, which is from Mi Amore Cadenza. I wonder for a moment whether the one I hear freaking out one tent over really managed to setup a facebook account before even learning to walk.

After accepting the request, I notice that this Cadance is in another state, and appears to be with a different group of people.

A bit of mental cursing later, I realize I am going to have to deal with this a second time.

I mean, Shining will. Yup, totally caught myself there. Anywho, Shining would have to deal with this craziness for a second time, but at least this time he wouldn’t be under a slew of mind control spells.

I slowly get up, brush my mane and tail mostly straight, and trot out to greet the group.

“In all seriousness,” I hear Pinkie say. “Why are you hiding in the tent?”

I wonder for a moment if royal guards are compelled to make dramatic entrances, or if that’s just Shining. “I think that may be my fault. Also, good morning. It is hard enough to get sleep when my body wants to wake up at the crack of dawn.” I say with a small frown. At least the urge to go jogging had let up a bit.

“OH GOD HE’S HERE!” Cadance shouted. “Don’t look at me I don’t even know you I don’t want this to happen....”

I look to the tent with a bit of exasperation and sigh. “Listen, Shining understands. He wants me to guard you with my life but he knows that you aren’t Cadance.” I think for a moment on that, and how close to lying it comes, and mutter quietly; “At least, not yet.”

“In other news I have eighteen pairs of ribs to Fluttershy’s fifteen.” Reid says. I have no idea what he is talking about, so I just assume it makes sense somehow.

Cadance, or Linda I suppose, speaks up. “...okay, the part from Julien was comforting, but Reid what are you thinking?”

“I suck at actually comforting people so I’ll just go on a random tangent?”

That actually makes a good amount of sense, and is yet another similarity between Reid and Pinkie, if the show is an example. All those songs can’t seriously be on topic.

“....fair enough...” Linda concedes.

I figure its time for my big dramatic ‘which one are you’ scene, if anything just to get it out of the way.

“I am pretty sure we have the real one.” Erica ponders. I would ask her what she means but I’m pretty sure she will tell us anyway.

“Um, infinite realities being what they are, I have to indicate by default they’re both real.” Reid points out helpfully.

I have no idea what they are talking about, but Ian seems to. “I think they mean who is the imposter.”

“Figment could sniff them out. Right Figment?” Reid looks at his stuffed companion, and I wait to see if it will talk before I remember that it isn’t Spike. Don’t know why I thought it was for a moment.

“Aaanyway,” Erica says. “I think we have the real one, because I haven’t felt any instant love for her, and a chrysalis version of Cadance would be syphoning love away from others.”

Yup, explanation was bound to happen.

Ginny looks at her in confusion. “Wait, is that how Changelings work? I thought they just consumed the magical vibrations generated by love.”

“I thought that they had to mask themselves.” Harold says

“I thought they were ugly.” Jacqueline shrugs.

Erica raises a hoof as if she is in school, wanting to answer a question. “I happen to be half Fluttershy. I know exactly how they feel. You suddenly become attracted to them when they use their power.”

“I thought they were pretty cute.” Reid chips in.

“Okay sorry, I’m still having a panic attack here but now it’s worse. Will the other Cadance want to kill me?!” Linda starts to panic.

Reid excels at one track thinking, as he continues unabated. ”I have a Changeling OC, from the tribe of sorrow....” He says.

“Hey, she is sad. get in there and give her a musical while I go get everyone breakfast.” Erica says, looking like she has a headache, or simply wants to toss something off a cliff.

“I dunno, I don’t think this is musical number kind of sad and I’m still in my PJs.” He says with a small frown as Erica turns to leave.

“PJ’s make everything better. Getting food now.” Erica says.

“Then why don’t you wear them?!” He asks, as confused as I am at Erica’s newfound grump.

Erica turns back and shouts from the other side of the campsite. “Because they are itchy on fur!” Then she grabs her phone in her teeth and leaves.

Reid smiles after a moment. "I get it." Ian looks at him curiously. "Sorry, thinking out loud." Reid says.

After a moment of thought, Reid scrabbles at the tent zipper for a few seconds before Ian, helpfully, opens it for him. Then Reid tossed in his necklace, and I wonder for a moment where it came from.

"OW! What the--?" Linda says from the tent before pausing for a moment. "Wait, is this the Element of Laughter?"

I decide I want to be in on this conversation as well, and quickly teleport myself into the tent. Stealth teleporting would be difficult except Shining seems to want me to try as many different spells as possible to keep his skills sharp.

"Yeah. And Shy has the Element of Kindness. And to my knowledge Chrysalis has no changeling army, or supercharged love magic." Reid says with a shrug. "So basically the tables are turned and stuff like that."

"She also is probably a human, just as scared as we all are." I suggest.

"WAAAA!"

Linda's wings flare in shock, closing her eyes and turning away from me. Reid looks a bit annoyed at my sudden appearance. "Okay seriously, I’m the teleporting one, how did you get in here?"

I grin. "Literal teleportation. I am a guard with guard magic. and a unicorn. You'd be surprised how many attack spells an Equestrian guard is taught."

"Five?"

I smirk. "Six." Actually, thats only the nonlethal ones, but those are the ones Guards are allowed to talk about.

Reid nods, tapping his chin. "Oh, right, the Harmony number, should have spotted that."

Linda, meanwhile, was cowering in the corner, even though the tent doesn’t have a corner, she was doing a remarkable job of it. "I’m not looking, I’m not looking, I am my own mare--WOMAN! My own woman!"

I really want to laugh because it is such an amusing sight, but she doesn’t need that now.

"Never thought I would have women desperately trying NOT to fall to my handsome charms." I say, noting I sound a bit more upset at that than I should be.

"...Yeeeeeeeah not touching that one." Reid says. "Anywho. Linda, you have to look at him sometime. Better to do it when you’re prepared. Julien no sudden kissing to mess with her."

I hadn’t even considered it, thanks for the mental image, Reid.

"I’ve known her less than a day. Sorry, but I’m not that type of stallion." I say.

She braced herself as though about to be hit by a gust of wind, and opened her eyes before starting to turn her head. "I... am in.... control."

Reid smiles and pats her gently. "He’s over there. Just turn your head to the right. Sloooooooowly....."

She nods and takes a few breaths before turning. "I... am in... con..."

When she finally turned far enough to see me, she seemed to freeze, staring at me with a blank expression. I smiled nervously.

A tense silence fell over us.

"...damn." She said, almost sounding disappointed.

Reid leaned in towards her. "What?"

"I hate to say this, but it’s something we both agree on." She said, and I started to worry that she was about to say something really nasty.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." Reid actually had to take another breath just to keep this up. "...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?"

"....he’s totally smoking hot." She said breathlessly.

Face, meet hoof. Hoof, meet face.

Reid regarded Linda with a determined gaze. "The punster in me wants to go pyro... But more importantly, can you control your urges?"

"I..." She nodded, glancing away from me, to my regret. "Yes. Yes. I’m okay now. He is hot, and this is a fact, and it is not effecting my decision making process."

I smile before standing. "Okay, good. Now I’ve got to start taking down our tent." I say before turning and trotting quickly out and over to our own campsite.

A moment later, Linda tries to get out of the tent, but ends up falling on her face with a loud enough thud to rouse me from my riveting job of trying to force a tent into a manageable shape.

I stop folding up the stubborn tent and look over to her with concern not only from Shining, but my worry as well. "You okay?"

"Aside from the stickers on my snout? Yes." Linda said sourly.

Reid grinned. "It onleeeeeeee, takes, a moment..."

Linda groaned. "Oh noooooooo..."

I sigh and stop the music with a hoof after trotting over from my tent. "No. Sorry, I know its funny but we have enough issues right now." I look over to Linda, who looks genuinely distraught from all the morning’s events, and I have to try not to give her a Shining-induced hug.

"Try walking small steps first, it’ll be fine, took me an hour or two." I say while pulling bits of grass and thorns off her nose with my magic.

"And count your ribs," Reid added.

Linda glared at Reid before starting to take her first few steps. "Ignoring you now."

Reid giggled mischievously. "Fair enough, I’m going to go pester Erishy."

After Reid left the campsite, the newly ponified cosplayer and I were left alone to learn to walk and finish packing up camp, respectively.

After several minutes of awkward silence, during which Linda managed a few feet of progress through the campground, I finally decided that talking was preferable to whatever annoying song was stuck in my head at the time.

“Try alternating opposite legs, front left and back right, followed by the other two. If you try to move the same side at the same time, you’ll end up on your side.” I pointed out.

Linda flushed with a bit of embarrassment but nodded with determination, before putting my advice into action.

It took her a bit to get the rhythm down, but soon she was making a gradual circle around the tents, with a pleased expression and her head held high. Better than a royal recluse any day.

“So what's it like having a royal guard in your head?” She asked with a chuckle on her next pass.

“Stressful.” I deadpan as I can practically feel Shining laughing in the back of my head.

Try boot camp. Shining quips.

“I wonder what it will be like to have Cadance talking with me, or do you think that it happens to everyone?” She asked with a bit of hope in her voice.

“I can't say for certain, but by looking at the other ponified members of our little group I can guess that it depends a lot on how close you are to your pony. Erica has merged with Fluttershy as much as I think they can, pinkie and Reid seem to still be at arms length, Shining and I have kept pretty compartmentalized, except for me using words like compartmentalized, but I don’t know how long that will last.” I say, as I roll up the tent and began shoving it into the carrying case along with some chunks of grass my shields pulled up. Still getting used to magic.

On her next trip around, Linda seems thoughtful. “Cadance only really got a few minutes of screen time anyway, right? Who's to say that she is at all like me? I could stay my own person for a while.” She ponders out loud.

Shining decides that's the moment to list to me a few dozen similarities between Linda and his wife, just off of observing Linda for a day.

I decide that delaying the inevitable freakout until others are around to help contain the frantic princess would be a better idea than having her run off or something.

“Shining says he hopes that goes over well.” I say with a bit of sarcasm.

Linda stops her jog around the clearing, and sits next to her tent, looking at me with a fair bit of worry.

“Do you think that Cadence is okay? I mean, I haven't heard her talking to me or anything. I hope shes not scared.” Linda says, kicking the grass with one hoof.

“I’m not sure you’ll get anything from her in the first day, all that I got from Shining on the first day were some strong urges to keep to his code of duty and honor. He didn’t seem frantic when he started talking to me though, so I am guessing it’s not too bad.” I reassure her.

Linda smiles and slips into her tent, coming back out with her purse in her teeth and setting it down in front of her.

“So! Magic.” She says far more gleefully than I really think is safe for a newly christened magic user.

I chuckle and levitate a rock over to her. “I would try this before you try making anypony fall in love.” I say meaningfully. “For.... Reasons.” I add before standing back and throwing up a pretty strong shield between us and the rest of the campsite, tinting the whole area in a rosey glow, which if Erica ever refers to it as pink, I will kill her.

Linda raises an eyebrow at the love spell comment, but smiles and turns her focus to the rock anyway.

I watch as she glares the poor rock into submission, and for a moment I wonder if it wont start floating just to make her happy, but alas, it has no emotions.

“Try visualizing what you want to happen.” I suggest.

She nods and closes her eyes, taking the moment to imagine what she is trying to do with the rock.

I take that same moment to look over the scene. A week ago, I never would have thought that teaching a fairly attractive pony princess to levitate rocks would be on schedule someday. Secondly, I wouldn’t have organized my day into a schedule mentally. I can thank the guard pony for that.

I realized just as I was starting to zone out, that a light blue aura was surrounding the stone. Of course the pink princess would have blue magic, and I would have rose colored (not pink!) magic. Gotta love fate.

“Congratu....” That was about as far as I got before Linda shot her eyes open and jumped from the sudden noise of my voice, shooting the rock off to the left and ricocheting off my shield to impale itself into the ground an inch or so.

“....lations.” I finished with a chuckle.

She pouted and pushed me with a hoof. “Hey, you startled me, its not my fault.” She complained.

“I know, I know, but good job! Practice on some more rocks, and you’ll be back on your phone in no time.” I say with a friendly smile as the bubble dissipates around us.

About this time, Reid, Harold, and Jackie returned to the campsite, helping Linda learn how to actually prance. I thought this was a little unnecessary, but who am I to stop a Pinkie clone from giggling madly as the potential alliteration of the situation.

There was quite as bit of talk amongst the group over whether or not the last two humans currently in the campsite would become the ponies they liked, which was doubtful since I know for a fact Erica liked Derpy a lot more than Fluttershy.

The chances of the cosplayers getting their favorite ponies were slim to none, but I was too busy actually packing up camp and sneaking glances at Linda per Shining’s “orders” to contribute to the conversation.

Reid gives me a sidelong glance. “Soooooooo, sexy rating, one to ten.”

“Eleven, thats not even a fair question.” I say with a smirk, out of earshot of the others.

“And what about Julien, hmm?”

“That was julien, Shining is still locked up in here.” I say, tapping the side of my head.

“Uh huh. You absolutely sure that none of his sexual preferences are seeping into your subconscious as you unknowingly merge into.... Wow, your names are bad for portmanteau.”

“I know, hasn’t been a problem before. In response to your question, how are you doing?” I ask with a smirk. There is no way that Reid can’t see how unanswerable his question is.

“Well.... Pinks and I are both decentralized thinkers, so I’m handing her some of my trains. Of thought. I think about multiple things.” He tilts his head. “Which reminds me, here’s a fun little awkward question: Shiney and Cadance are newlyweds, yesno?”

“That would be an affirmative.” I say, wondering which of the many awkward questions I have already asked shining is going to be brought back up.

“Sooooooo Newlyweds do newlywed things, and you know, newlywed things lead to small cute things, which is why I’m wondering whether we should be expecting any small cute things in the future. Actual concern here. Not joking.”

“No. Shining and Cadance were waiting until they sorted out some upcoming issues before going for kids, so they cast some spells, I didn’t go into specifics. Basically, no.”

“Oh thank God. Thank the Holy God for his mercy. This is me, thanking God. This whole thing is incredibly weird as is. Although.... did they do any newlywed things?”

“More than you can possibly imagine.” I say with a smirk, which quickly reverted to a grimace. “There was a bit of Shining for you, heh.”

“Rrrrowr.” Reid taps his hoof as we watched Linda work out her magic some more. “So... prior to gaining hooves, what was your opinion on the intimate relations of colorful quadrupeds?”

“I made it a point not to concern myself with it. I didn’t care. Now, it is a more pressing matter, obviously.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Ah. Hmmm. Point.” Reid stares at nothing for a while. Then he turns to me. “So were you and Erica, you know, a thing?”

“No, I am her roommate and her friend. To be honest, I think she needs a friend more than a guy or girl anyway.” I say.

“Hm. Well.... I guess I can try to be that. We are vocal sisters.” He says with a friendly smile.

Yeah, maybe that will work out. We can hope, right?

chapter 32. DDP
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 32. DDP

After a few more silly questions, we fell mostly silent. I have decided that not talking is harmful to my health, since my thoughts immediately turned to the darkest of possible subjects; Family.

As a human, my family was distant. My father worked, my brothers dug into their own interests, and my mother stood guard over us all, enforcing her ideals with an iron fist.

As a pony, my parents were simply absent. To this day, without a back story from the show, I can only assume that I was left as an orphan, since my earliest memories are from cloudsdale orphanage. Our past wasn't a subject brought up often, and as the most timid of the bunch I never asked.

I suppose my lead hoof really shows when I am deep in thought, because I appear to have gotten us to Kansas City far ahead the rest of the group. Oops, I suppose I should be glad we didn't get pulled over, but I would have welcomed being pulled over if it had interrupted my chain of thoughts.

We made our way into the parking structure of the hotel we had picked out, they had assured us over the phone that they would not mind ponies in their rooms, and would in fact give us enough of a discount to make the whole group’s stay feasible. Yay for sleeping on a bed for once.

As Reid unpacked his things, I lay on one of the beds, staring at my backpack. I should get out my laptop, I should check to see if Gilda made it out of the forest in one piece, I should get on and thank all the people who offered help, I should email my dad to let him know I am okay.

I should, but I don’t. I can’t tell if Reid realized how lost I was or if he took it as boredom when I laid my head down on a pillow and sighed, but after a moment of contemplation, and a few looks out the window to see if there was a pool or something, he suggested we go to the mall across the street.

I normally refuse to ever go to a mall unless I have money to buy something, but this is something Reid wants to do, and though I am inclined to curl up under the covers even though it is only afternoon, I want to make my friend happy, so I agree quickly.

We make our way down and across the busy street, getting quite a few stares and one woman’s idle comment of “Why is pinkie wearing pants?” before finally making our way into the mall proper. The place was busy, and for a moment I had to fight the urge to run and hide under a nearby bench.

“We can do this, ‘Shy, it'll be fine,” I whisper to myself as a shopper almost kicks me by accident.

I heard Reid saying something, but I was in the middle of trying to keep my breathing regulated, and not flying out of there fast enough to cause a flutterboom. Those don’t exist by the way, I have never gone that fast in my life, and I don’t plan on it.

“Lookit! Looklooklook!” He says, a hoof on my withers and a grin on his face.

I really don’t want to look, its probably a my little pony store, or a news crew, or a MLP store with a news crew in it. Breathe, breathe.

“Okay seriously. I’m a gamer... or immersed in gaming culture anyway. So most of my cultural identity has been stripped away. But there is something here I can still do as a pony. Can you please accept my enthusiasm?” He says.

This is important to my friend, I can’t just ignore it. I turn to look with a small, awkward smile on my face.

“Okay, okay, what's up?”

“DDR!” He said with the biggest grin. “I didn’t really like it before but now it’s THERE! And I have four legs! And it’s one of those duet set type things! And... well, there are two ladies up there already, want next round?”

I was a bit more interested in a computer store, since my laptop had a dead CD drive, but admittedly I had played DDR before, and with four legs it might be a different experience.

“Wings allowed?” I ask with a smirk.

“I wanna say ‘Hay no’ but I have a better idea.”

He makes his way up to the two women and I can almost see a top hat appear as Pinkie’s voice takes a formal and very canterlot tone. “Do excuse my interruption, but do either of you have live-stream capable devices?” He asked, and I let the panic attack hit me. Luckily someone else was having a bigger one at that moment.

One of the women, who I will forever think of as ‘Fluffy’ had begun to freak out as soon as she saw Reid. “OMG its Pinkie Pie!” She practically screeched. The rest of her words were a jumbled mess of rambling and mumbling as she did her best to swoon and hyperventilate at the same time.

The other lady rolled her eyes. “Ignore her, she’d do that even if you weren’t her favorite pony. Yeah, I’ve got it on my phone.” She said, pulling fluffy aside.

“Oh goody! Shy get up here, I am just about to be brilliant. And evil. But mostly brilliant.” Reid said, hopping onto his pad.

I sort of stared at mine like it was a live cobra that wanted to eat me.

“...Please? I’m not forcing you to do anything but... well... I... don’t want to dance alone.” He pouted, making my heart really ache at the thought of a sad faced pinkie DDRing alone.

I giggled and got up onto the pad. “Your supposed to say ‘may I have this dance’ but that will do.”

Reid grinned. “Right. Livestream on?”

“I do this all the time for the library. Livestream on.” The more sane lady said.

Pinkie seemed to take over with a vengeance as the camera was turned on, completely leaving behind any nervousness or apprehension, while I was shaking in my hooves. “Hey there everybrony! Fluttershy and I have decided to hold a little Q&A for all of you peeps that are watching our progress. But just watching ponies answering questions would be boring soooooooo... We’ll be dancing while we’re doing it! Say hi, deary.” She said before turning to me.

I smiled best I could and waved, still hiding behind my mane a bit. “Hi!”

“Our lovely assistant, who you can’t see because she’s holding the camera, will be reading off your questions. Our other lovely assistant, who is currently hyperventilating, will be putting quarters in the machine. So! Without further ado...”

The machine started up and I bounced twice to switch my difficulty to normal instead of easy, and to select the VS mode. I scroll through the songs until I spot one I recognize and start the song just before the first question comes in.

Stamp on the ground.

“Question from twentypercentusa, What’s it like being a pony?” The lady asked.

I get the feeling that Pinkie is less than equipped to answer the question. “It’s like being a pony.” She says with a smirk.

“Oh come on now, I’ll take this one.” I manage to spin around to face the camera while still hitting the arrows. “It’s weird! like suddenly having six arms or something, but the pony whose body you get helps you out if you let them.” I said before turning back to the screen.

“Oh you just had to mention that bit, now they’re all going to panic...” Pinkie pointed out.

“Featherlover: What do you both think of Gilda?”

“She has a bit of an issue showing her feelings as she feels it would lead to people taking advantage of her. But aside from her urgent need to prove herself superior and remain in control of the situation, I think she’s mostly a nice gal. Issues. But cool.” Pinkie rambled.

Seeing as how I don’t know if Gilda is still alive, and I feel terrible about not checking, I don’t answer. Instead I simply focus on the game with a mask of guilt on my face.

“Anon- How do you feel about getting shot?”

Of course this question had to come up. It hurt, it was scary. I don’t want to think about what could have happened, even though I have worked with guns long enough to know that the bullet would have torn through my lightweight body like a fish through water.

“Well, the photoshoots are always stressful, right Shy?” Pinkie says, bringing a bit of my smile back.

“Yeah, to be honest, I’m just happy noone got hurt.” I say softly.

“And the internet already knows how I reacted. I’m pretty sure the image is memetic by now.” Pinkie said with a sigh.

“Fluttershy are you and Rainbow a couple?”

We both laugh, since we had both likely thought the same thing at some point. “Not in Equestria, not here. Sorry to disappoint.” I say as I draw ahead of her in the game.

“And to dissaude everypony, Rainbow and I are not a couple either. Nor are Fluttershy and I a couple. Nor is Pinkie romantically interested in anypony. NOR IS THE MOON MADE OF CHEESE!” I wonder if Pinkie is powered by absurd statements, as the cheese moon bit seemed to drive her back to a level score with me.

“What’s going to happen in New York?”

“Hmmm. Either we’re going to take care of Discord, or we’re going to take care of--wait, did, was the whole Discord thing public knowledge? Frick. Okay, so if you see anything that has a goat’s head and looks like a snakey... amalgam of animals, smile and walk away calmly.” Pinkie says, seeming worried that people watching a pony livestream won't know who Discord is.

“Or they could google Discord.” I point out with another giggle.

“Yeeeeeeeees they could...”

“Okay, that’s just a shock question... ah! Does Pinkie sense work?”

“Technically. However we are still working on translating the manual to Earth. So... yes.”

“Oddly enough, earth seems to have a lot less stuff randomly fall out of the sky.” I say with a grin.

“But hey, Shy here can talk to animals! We really have to get you to talk to a cat or an octopus or something.” Pinkie says eagerly. “Oh no no no wait. Fluttershy, can you speak whale?” She asks.

I roll my eyes. “I talk to one horse and you assume I can talk to all animals. Although if we stop by an aquarium I could try it out.” I admit.

“Octopus AND whale! Two for one! Alley cats too, those have to have some fun thoughts.” She says. “Not dolphins though, they’re psychotic.” I really don’t get that, but whatever.

“Here is one from Antibrony, says ‘are the ponies trying to take over the world?’”

“Most of the ponies are scared, and want to keep Discord from taking over this world, so... no? I don’t think so.” I say with a bit of a shrug.

“Definitely no. Waaaaaay too much paperwork. I mean I guess I could take over a small city if it would validate your views.” She said generously. “Which city though...?”

“Lets take all of nevada, take about as much effort as a normal city.” I say, taking a shot at my home state.

“But Nevada looks like a car door! Can’t we take a cool-shaped area?”

I ignore that bit as I focus on the song.

“MLPhead: I turned into my OC pony, and I can hear her voice in my head. What's happening?”

“Well first off, I set the majority of my OCs 20 years into the future.” Not to helpful to someone who is already a pony though.

“My guess would be... and this is from a theory that Pinkie made, so take it as you will, but I am going to guess your OC wasn’t made by you. It’s a real pony from Equestria who happens to match what you wrote. Don’t tell your pony they aren’t real, because they are real.” I say, hoping that will keep them from hurting their pony.

“And certainly don’t mention what you write about them. Actually do... no... Shy, what’s the proper thing here?” I feel a bit of unusually strong pride that Pinkie would turn to me for advice, and for a moment I have to fight not to lose track of the beat.

“The truth is, they will find out eventually anyway. Tell them the truth, that they are real and you happened to have written things that matched up with them by cosmic chance.” I advise.

“Above all, DO NOT PANIC. Take things calmly and rationally and rationally calmly. Some of you may have turned into non-ponies--we have confirmed Changelings out there--but make sure they do not do anything detrimental to the general public.” Pinkie adds.

We stop, and I am panting, wings drooping as the song finishes. We both get an A. “Yay!”

“And you may want to take advantage of your OC’s skills. I mean I was a horrible dancer before... no actually I was pretty good, just horrible in public. Next question please!” Pinkie scrolls through and picks a song at random.

Cartoon Heroes

“Ooooh I don’t know this song.... “ I say as I nervously hop around on the pad.

“Neither do I.” She says with a smile as she rotates on the pad.

“How can a pair of earth ponies have a pegasus and unicorn child?”

“Ooo! Can I field this one? I mean I know you know better but I wanna see if my guess works.” Pinkie says excitedly. I wonder if Reid is drawing on Pinkie’s knowledge at this point, though I am pretty sure I took more biology classes than her.

“I’ll correct you if you're wrong.” I say simply, as I focus on learning the patterns to this song.

“Okay so: Everypony starts out in the womb as a winged unicorn, right? But after a bit of time, their personal magic activates. You know, the same thing that will eventually give them their cutie mark?” She starts.

“So if the personal magic says they’re not going to be a pegasus, the wings fold back in to become extra ribs, and if they’re not going to be a unicorn, the horn sort of dissolves into the bloodstream.” Again with the ribs, I chuckle inwardly.

“Of course at this point the fetus’s “Personality’ is determined mostly by environment and genetics, which is why there’s a trend for earth pony families or unicorn families, but the more mixed your heritage the more likely you are to be of a different tribe. I think the choice kinda has something to do with the ennegram system, but I’m not sure.”

“More of a biology answer than a practical one, but pretty much, Earth ponies are so strong because none of their energy went into growing wings or a horn. The Cakes had mixed kids because their families had been just Earth ponies for so long, there was a buildup of magic, rumors will fly though.” I say with a shrug, the poor Cakes.

“Oh that makes sense, I guess.... but my theory also explains Cadance.” Pinkie points out.

“Here’s a question from... anon. ‘Can I give you a hug?’”

“Me? oh, sure I guess, after I beat pinkie.” I grin. Priorities, people.

“Oh come on, don’t leave the audience hanging!” Pinkie says, hugging me and throwing me onto her pad, which is at a lower score due to her focus being more towards the questions. I suppose I deserve it for not telling her I had played DDR for months before getting bored of it.

“Eep! Not fair!” I proclaim as I try to catch back up to her.

“I’m laughter, I’m never fair!” She cackled.

“How are you playing DDR with four legs, and Does it help?”

Pinkie then proceeds to prove just how little I know about pony biology, by rolling onto her back and still hitting the buttons.

“Don’t ask me how that right there is possible, but the hard part is not pressing all four buttons at the same time, I can hover so really I have an unfair advantage. Keeping all four legs straight is really tricky.” I say, sticking my tongue out the side of my mouth as I focus.

“xEricFisherX asks: What's it like being an element of harmony?”

“Well, the obvious answer would be that I am forced to be kind. But it is more than that. I literally can’t think of being unkind, there’s a mental block there. For example, I have been trying not to use my wings because I feel like I could hurt Pinkie’s feelings.” I explain before using my wings to hover just above the pad, tapping each button as it comes up with almost comical ease.

“As for me...” Pinkie starts before getting back right side up. “Well, Kindness is pretty easily defined. All the elements are... except Laughter. Laughter can be used for the dark purposes more easily than any of the others, I mean, just look at the Joker! And every day, every hour, every minute, I have to watch myself constantly to make sure my sense of humor doesn’t go down that path, knowing that I am one misunderstanding away from turning into.... Pinkamena. I will admit when I heard the news about, um, Fluttershy’s assault, I did consider making cupcakes....” This I did not know, and makes me worry a bit for Pinkie. “It’s actually stressful when I focus on it.”

“So I don’t focus on it.” She says with the pinkie-est grin ever.

“Not sure about this question, but it might as well be asked, does Pinkamena actually have a basement reserved for cutting people up?”

“Not in this world.” Pinkie says, drawing a combination glare and worried frown from me.

“Come on now, theres no way pinkie would resort to that. she’d probably tie someone up in streamers and torture them with bad music.” I say with a bit of sarcasm.

“Back when I was human I used to eat turkey marrow!” She says with a very Reid grin.

“What was it like turning into a Pony?”

“Er what? I woke up pink and in PJs. That’s... pretty much it.” Pinkie says.

“Now getting out of bed... I have a loft bed. Luckily I had prior experience falling from tall beds.”

“I stayed on bed till I figured out how to walk mostly, my secret is I haven't walked down stairs yet, I just hover.” I say with an apologetic smile.

“Not sure if scared, or just lazy.” Pinkie says with a suspicious glance at me.

The song finishes and I sit on the pad, seeing that I got a “B” which makes me pout a bit.

Pinkie also got a B thanks to her clever use of cheating. Admittedly, cheating can be clever.

“New song, milady?” Pinkie asks.

“Hard one.” I say with a daredevil grin as I pick the hardest song I know I can pass. Max 300, and I am only on normal mode.

“And here’s an anonymous comment. ‘I really like your mane.’”

Max 300

“Well thank you!” I say quickly as the flood of notes starts to rain down the screen. I have to say, hovering makes it so much easier.

“I dunno about my mane. I mean it’s a complete mess, AND it doesn’t grow out like human hair. How does Twilight DO that thing with her bangs?” Pinkie says as she watches me, timing her hoofsteps to mine as best she can.

“Do wingboners really exist? Oh, sorry...” The lady says as she realizes what she asked.

“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been in a situation where it has been called for.” I say, or at least I wouldn’t admit it if I had.

“They do exist. I have seen them. That is all.” Pinkie says, likely leading the internet to make all sorts of jokes about Pinkie examining wingboners.

“How do you plan on stopping Discord?”

“Secret plans, not allowed to talk about them.” I say, as an excuse not to admit that there are no plans, we have no idea what we are doing, and we are probably all going to be turned into bunnies. That wouldn’t be so bad I suppose.

“But you can help! Simply make a donation to... whatever charity is helping us get to New York, and... Is there a charity like that?” Pinkie asks.

“I don’t think there is one. If anyone sends paypal donations to erica2734@gmail.com it will help us get to new york.” I comment, hoping maybe some financial aid can come in.

“How are you? That... that’s a question.”

I drop to the pad for a slower bit of the song, and only give the question a moment of thought. “I’m okay I guess. Pinkie?”

“Wondering if ‘okay I guess’ is supposed to be a reassuring deflection.” Pinkie says pointedly. I could say that her own answer just now was a deflection, but I don’t want to argue.

“I’m kindness, remember? Not honesty, and I don’t want to worry all the nice people who have been helping us.” I say with a sad smile.

“Just don’t go Nightmare Whisper. Okay? We all worry about you anyway. Least you could do is give us some way to help you.” Pinkie says touchingly, smiling back as I take advantage of the moment to hit a few notes she missed.

“Don’t let me win, I’ll feel like I cheated.” I say as I start hitting buttons rapidly, the ending of the song coming up. Yay for distractions.

“You think the PINKINATOR would throw a GAME?!” Pinkie says in mock offense.

“How does Pinkie knows Vinyl...and how does Rarity knows Vinyl? Scratchfan9989.”

“Well, I know her through the PARTY NETWORK OF EQUESTRIA! And Rarity knows her... um... I dunno... Maybe they’re related?” Pinkie says as her legs start to blur together.

“Rarity met Vinyl during a gem convention, Vinyl was making a new type of sound system using mana gems, Rarity helped enchant them.” I explain as I continue to dance, my wings and legs starting to ache a little.

“I thought Mana was an energy snack.” Pinkie says.

“Can Pinkie outfly Futtershy on her flying machine?”

“Never tried. What do you think?” Pinkie asked calmly, showing no exhaustion at all.

The song ends and I collapse on the pad. “Yup, i’m sure she could. I have no endurance at all, as you can see.” I say with a smile.

“Don’t be a silly filly, you just have Bernoulli Syndrome. If you get going fast enough you can outrace Dashie!” She said as she helped me up.

“The problem, of course, is building up enough speed in the first place.” She finished.

“Hehe, if you say so Pinkie. Well, I’m done for the night.” I say as I wave to the camera.

“It’s.. not even four.” Pinkie says in disbelief. Hey, I can decide my own bedtime, thank you very much.

“Yup! I’m tired though, and hungry. Maybe we can find a buffet!” I say with a squee.

“I saw a Soup Or Salad around here. Well, goodbye adoring internet fans! This is Pinkie Pie signing off on our inaugural random livestream Q&A. Join us next time, where we may be bungee jumping, playing chess, or perhaps just sipping our drinks.” Pinkie says, and I am about to agree until I think over that list of possible activities.

“Wait, bungee jumping... wha....” I start, before the camera is turned off.

chapter 33. Panic button
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 33. Panic button

The nice lady turned off phone before turning to us. ”So, that went well. Got about a million views already, I’ll slap an ad on the page and pay for my rent for a year.” She said with a smile.

“What, only a million?” Pinkie objected, seeming to think we deserved more.

“Most views come after the recording goes up and word spreads, you got a million views in the space of roughly 15 minutes. That is insane, with no prior announcement except my facebook post.” She explained.

“Age of the internet. Half the phones in this building are following us. Your friend seems to be catatonic.” Pinkie pointed out.

The first lady, the one who had been freaking out earlier, is now staring at Pinkie with an expression somewhere between lust and psychotic stalkerdom, making me really worry for our safety.

Pinkie didn’t seem to notice or maybe not care. “Shy? You okay? The whole internet thing isn’t getting to you is it?”

I noted the concern, which I appreciated, but I pointed to the scary lady instead. “That scares me more. but yes, I will probably curl up and whimper in the shower when we get to the hotel.”

Pinkie looked to the lady, and for a moment I thought she was going to do something reasonable, have a talk with her, or something, but all she did was reach out a hoof and gently touch her nose. “Boop.”

I had to resist the urge to whimper at the thought of how Pinkie would react to a mugger, if a crazed woman merited only a boop.

She turns back to me. “If it makes you feel any better... um... they aren’t you know, judging you when they’re watching. They’re actually just making sure you’re okay.” She proposes, and for a bit I am distracted from the woman.

“I know, I know. I just have to get used to people... watching me. I freaked out for a good day in Erica’s head without her knowing when I found out I was on a show watched by millions already.” I say, tapping my hooves together nervously.

She shrugs. “I think we’ve hit the billion mark... not sure. Point is, people here don’t watch in the same way that... I’m not being very comforting am I.”

I have gone back to staring at the very scary lady. “Not really... She’s still staring at you.”

At this point, the lady has started to tangle her fingers gently into Pinkie’s curled mane, a blissful smile on her face.

“And? I mean, there’s this cat that wanders into my backyard a lot, and he doesn’t mind the attention. Except when it interferes with him hunting.”

Pinkie finally looks to the lady. “So out of curiosity, how far are you going with this mane thing?” She asks, quite reasonably.

Unfortunately the obsessive fan either doesn’t hear her or feels that further breaching of social barriers were more of an answer than speaking. She slips off the bench to pretty much land on Pinkie, hugging her and burying her face in the cotton candy mane she had been stroking previously.

“Eep!” I hop backwards a bit, away from the couple.

“Ok, come on Sara, enough of killing the pony.” The nice lady says, moving closer to try and figure out how she is going to separate them.

“Hey, I had a kid try to ride me. This is cool, so long as she keeps it platonic and PG.” Pinkie says, tempting fate a bit more than she really should.

The creepy lady then whispers something into Pinkie’s ear that causes her to look a little scared, maybe sick. I can’t really pin down the emotions that flash across her face, since I have never seen them on Pinkie’s visage.

“...sorry, I’m assexual.” She eventually replies.

The nice lady raises an eyebrow and moves to take hold of the scary lady’s collar, lifting her single handedly off of Pinkie. “Yeeeah I’m not going to allow her to completely ruin your night.” She says as she begins dragging the stalker lady away.

“Nice meeting you though! Don’t give up hope! The right pony is out there somewhere!” Pinkie says with a smile as she waves.

She then leans towards me and whispers; “Back me up here Shy.”

Sara decides to interject at that moment. “I will watch you from the shadows, pink mistress!” She shouts from down the hall.

I really can’t think of any way this situation could be solved except that woman being in a padded cell, so I shout back “Take medicine!”

Pinkie seems less than thrilled by my approach, and speaks from around her hoof. “Not what I meant by backing me up.”

“You will find your soulmate if you stop scaring them off!” I suggest.

“No, see, you have to redirect the urge, not try to eliminate it.” Pinkie advises as the two ladies are lost in the crowd.

“We didn’t even get the nice ones name, did we?” I ask, disappointed.

“Marian, madam librarian. That’s my guess.” Pinkie says. The scary thing is, she is probably right.

“We can ask her on her youtube account later.”

I look at the crowd, and my self conscious nature decides to kick in. “Should I go shower before dinner?” I ask, smelling my foreleg. “I.... I smell like pine needles... what the hay, I never noticed that before!” I say, confused as I sniff myself again.

“I smell like... sweat. Weird. Um... maybe it’s.... I got nothing.” Pinkie says with a few sniffs of her own.

“Smell me!” I say as I extend my leg towards her.

She sniffs my fetlock and ponders the aroma for a moment.

“Hmmm. I dunno, it’s more of a ginger then a pine.” She comments.

“So weeeeiird.....” An ache in my stomach brings me back to the present. “Anyway I am starving.” I say as I start to trot towards the buffet.

“I wonder how much I can pack away?” Pinkie ponders.

“Judging by your pinkie nature, I think we might get kicked out. Pinkie looks so weird with pants on, by the way.” I point out.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Pinkie says.

“Weird, unusual, not ordinary. You were such a troll before becoming a pony, weren't you?”

“I beg your pardon! Trolls seek out provocation for the sake of provocation. I did no such thing. I was more of a... detail oriented individual. Still am.” She says with the refined air I would expect from Rarity.

“Then you look silly. Table for two please.” I say, forgetting that we have more on the way.

“Well of course I look silly. Can we up this table to eight please, the rest of our party isn’t here.” Pinkie corrects, getting us led to a much larger booth.

“I’m a pink pony with helium for a voice. Silly is something I can’t avoid. But this way, I make silly look good.” She said, again reminding me of Rarity with her fashion obsessions. I ponder if Rarity would ever be caught dead wearing pants.

I smile at the silly image as I sit down. “So how do we get the rest of the gang here? I can’t use my phone or hold a plate.”

I am then nearly scared off my seat as Pinkie lets out an ear splitting cry, for a moment I think she must have been shot or bit by a snake. “AILILILILILILILILI!”

“Learned that from my mom.” She says as she finishes.

Impossibly, the entire group just shows up right then. Somehow, either pure coincidence made it so that the group would arrive nearby right as I asked about them, and Pinkie just happened to be in earshot of them, or it was just Pinkie.

“I.... I’m not going to question it. You are Pinkie, so very much Pinkie.” I finally decide.

“No, that’s a legitimate Priddy call.” Her brother commented. Or, I suppose, Reid’s brother.

“Ah, but the timing. Nopony but Pinkie could time it for the moment I asked about it.” I point out

Pinkie seems baffled by my deduction. “...why would I call before you asked? I think your logic here is flawed.”

“I think I’m hungry.” Ginny says.

Julien grabs a couple of plates, and takes my order before trotting to the buffet. Pinkie just requested veggies of any sort, and the rest of the group left to the buffet on their own power.

As Shining grabbed the food I requested, I looked over to Pinkie. "Hey, while they are getting food, I need to have a quick chat with you." I did my best to inconspicuously pull her aside. "What are we going to do when we get to New York?" I asked in a shrill voice, trying not to panic since I had realized how valid the Q&A question had been.

"The funny reply would be 'Be tourists.' I know this really cool thing in Brooklyn--" she starts before seeing how worried I really am.

She then shakes her head. "Sorry. Well, way I see it the goal is to beat Discord. The EoH have proven useful in that regard. Hopefully by that time..."

Her fear is obvious as she contemplates the necessary steps that need to be completed. "All of us will have... synthesized and earned our elements so it should be a simple manner of unleashing a rainbow blast. After that comes the part where Twilight 'I have a spell for everything' Sparkle figures out how the ponies got here and develops a way back, plus some boring paperwork and negotiation between Equestria and the UN..."

"We have yet to hear from anyone but rainbow dash, and Twilight. But twilight seemed.... Off. Is that just me worrying? She didn't seem like she had merged at all." I say, tapping my hooves nervously. "What about AJ, and rarity? They could be anywhere...." I try valiantly to fight off a potential ‘hurricane shy’ level panic attack.

"They'll crop up. AJ is dependable, and Rarity is too. As for Twilight, I dunno what's going on with her, mostly because I've been letting you handle most of the contact side of things." Pinkie says as she takes out her iPad.

"I mean I took the initiative to calm down Chrysy, but--" She finds what she is looking for and her forehead creases in worry.

“...oh. That's... not good, I need to take this." She says ominously.

chapter 35. Discordian philosophy
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 35. Discordian philosophy

I let the light from the box flash across me in the dark room, my toothy grin shining bright to it’s only other occupant, my apparent voice on this plane.

Light is such an interesting thing, and one I support wholeheartedly. Wave, particle, miniaturized gnomes? Even in a place a thousand or more years ahead of Equestria in the exploration of science can’t say.

Such a wonderful display of discord, a scientist with a problem they can’t solve. A student with a book they can’t finish, a teacher with a student who will not cooperate, a principle with a teacher who cannot give him the numbers he wants, a board of directors who cut funding because the numbers don’t add up, a library forced to buy outdated books due to budget restraints, and the cycle of disharmony continues.

A common misconception I am forced to correct, usually by strategic application of confusion and pudding, is that I am the embodiment of Chaos.

Do they even watch the show? The pipsqueak trio guessed as much, and were corrected even then. I didn’t even have to correct them. It was that boring schoolteacher. I really dislike teachers. They force harmony through the standardization of even the thoughts of their children. Talk about twisted.

But I am not the embodiment of Chaos. I like Chaos, I sure as hay cause it, but I am much more than that. I am Discord.

Nice to meet you.

No, not you. The other one. It’s not nice to meet you at all.

I cause Discord by breaking of bonds between beings. The pink one would love that bit. Regardless, I do not like to kill, or maim, or even hurt people or ponies. That would be far too simple. Imagine I kill your friend. Do you suddenly dislike that friend? Is that friend no longer a friend? No, killing does nothing for me. Not to say I haven’t tried.

Killing thousands did not make me as happy as breaking the bonds of friendship between those six meddling mares. Then when I do finally try to kill somepony, they go and destroy the curious creation I had decided to use for the job. Not my best idea, that.

I suppose you are wondering why I have decided to explain this all to you. In truth, I have not decided to do anything. I simply understand the situation. I am a creature from a cartoon show that some silly woman made without realizing that I could be as dangerous to her as I am to her ponies. My thoughts, if interesting, may become part of the larger picture. Which would serve me just fine.

My gaze travels to another glowing box. This one is still looping the animation of Celestia being decapitated. I was able to use that little trick to force Celestia, or Lauren, into hiding. I have kept my eye on her, and I have to wonder why she has chosen to hide there. Maybe it is similar to Equestria in some way. It certainly is remote. With her out of the way, I can rule over this city, and this world, as I see fit.

The most powerful rulers never raised a finger to fight, but simply convinced those under them to do what they wanted. I could stride into that hospital and destroy the magic bearer myself, but that would accomplish nothing. If I must kill, if I must do something so base in order to gain my desire, then it must also break somepony.

Why would I kill her without any witnesses? No, I will wait until it would do the most damage, then she will be dealt with.

The voice coughs and rolls his head to the side in his sleep. He is an enigma, my counterpart I suppose. Dangerous. I like dangerous things. I have promised him a wish, a single wish, and I may interpret it however I want. I am sure he has thought that bit over. I wonder what he will wish for.

In my brief time here, I have done quite a bit of looking around. These channels of shows, among which I have appeared apparently, have given me some excellent ideas for distractions and inconveniences to send out into the world. Ancient folklore, modern shows, even a few of my fellow cartoons.

I have asked John for help, to get him into the spirit of the thing, but he seems reluctant to leave things to chance, only suggesting things that would be almost harmless. Though I may take him up on the Tribbles.

The shows that are on bore me, and I wave a claw to turn it off, before making my way to the balcony. This world is beautiful. Skyscrapers pierce the sky like jagged teeth amidst a cacophony of noise and light. The stars themselves are drowned out by the residual light flung into the sky, how Luna would rage.

Looking down on the city, I can see the vehicles they value so much, grinding from one place to another. A population a hundred times the size of Equestria, smashed into a single city, and not a one of them looking to better the lives of others, only their own. This could truly be my home.

But I am not stupid, nor am I naive. I have been the villain for a very long time, and after finding out I was created by the minds of these primates, I now have an insight into my own nature. I am doomed to failure. I am the “bad guy” so I am doomed to fail. Perfect.

The one thing that used to bother me, during my thousand years or more of sleep, was what I would do if I won. It is absurdly easy to break the bond between two friends, but what if there was never one there to break? Would I be content with a land full of chaos and nothing else? Now I don’t have to worry about that. I don’t need to hold back. After all, I don’t have to deal with the future.

That is their problem.

chapter 36. WTF
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 36. WTF

As we make our way out of the mall after checking the computer store, Pinkie seems determined to keep up conversation despite my recent bout of depression, or possibly because of it. “So I’m thinking of writing a song about this whole thing, but I can’t decide whether to call it Pony Earth or Becoming Ponies. What do you think?” She asks the group.

“I like becoming ponies.” I say with a small smile.

I am not paying attention, so I honestly have no idea what is happening as I am suddenly airborne, sucked through a tube of some sort, then deposited onto some sort of large metal platform in a box along with the rest of the ponies. Needless to say I am hyperventilating and very near to passing out.

A strange and scrawny man with a spiky poof of brown hair leans in towards Julien and Linda, holding two rings. “Wait wait wait, I have the perfect thing!” He said in the most terrifyingly off pitch voice I had ever heard. He put the rings over their horns, negating a spell Julien had been in the middle of casting. “See? See? I even made them wedding rings!” The gangly man crowed.

Julien seems much more level headed than me, somehow managing to continue the previous conversation. “Yeah, Becoming Ponies sounds better.” He says with a blank face before starting to struggle against the box he was now stuck in.

“Wow, you’re stronger than I thought.” The man mutters as I get the familiar feeling of being pushed upwards, meaning we are flying or floating somehow. He then presses some kind of obnoxiously red button. Giant metal arms pop out of the metal floor we have landed on, grabbing a thrashing Julien and dumping him into a large hamster ball, which worries me as we are now floating in the sky, apparently. Though, still in the box, he can’t exactly roll it around much.

“I’m sorry about the poor quality of the trap but the shops in this dimension are just not suited for proper evil. I mean I had to go to these RIDICULOUSLY expensive places just to get half the electronics I needed to build this hover platform. You have no idea--” The man starts rambling, before Linda has the perceptivity to speak up so I don’t have to keep thinking of him as “The scrawny creepy guy.”

“Who are you?” She asks with a worried look towards Julien.

“Oh right! Introductions, sorry. I am DOCTOR HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ, soon to be RULER of the ENTIRE TRISTATE AREA!” Doof says triumphantly.

“Um... excuse me.” I finally speak up, having relearned how to breathe, talk, and generally function.

“Oh my gosh you’re so adorable!” He says before rubbing my chin with a finger. I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel amazing. “What do you want sweetie?”

I really don’t want to die, so I decide to convince him to take this little... thing, elsewhere. “You are operating a flying vehicle in the landing path of an airport, per new regulations since 9/11, you may be expecting inbound fighter planes soon. Can we continue this on the ground so we don’t all get blown up?” I ask as politely as I can. Having a father who is an air traffic controller does wonders for your aeronautical knowledge. I seriously doubt Doof filed a flight schedule.

“Wait, really? I thought they nixed that law!” He squawks while rubbing his oddly pointy chin. “Well, I guess that could work.... Oh look, an abandoned warehouse!”

“For unidentified objects and commercial airplanes, the law no longer applies, but your... floaty thing is pretty conspicuous.” I explain, sad that I was no longer getting chin rubbings.

“Right, I’m landing this thing on the roof then.” He says definitively, before moving the platform and bringing it to a rest on what I can only assume is a warehouse. “Thanks for that! Anywho, where was I....”

“You were going to be untying us so we could have a civil discussion?” I ask hopefully. Hey, it worked once.

“One, we’re not in knots. Two, we can have a civil conversation while trapped, this is Doofenshmirtz after all.” Pinkie says, as though that explained everything.

“Oh, you’ve heard about me!” The villain says gleefully. Though at this point I have to wonder firstly if he didn’t just introduce himself, and secondly how he missed the insult implied.

Pinkie continues unabated. “Yeah, so... what are you doing here anyway? And what’s that big cannony thing over there?” She tilts her head towards a previously unnoticed big cannony thingie.

Doof laughs maniacally. Actually it’s more of a weak chuckle but I am sure that is what he is going for. “I’m glad you asked. BEHOLD, THE PONYTHROWINATOR!”

Dramatic music starts to play from nearby speakers set into the metal floor.

The purpose of the thing being entirely too obvious, I feel I have to point out how much I don’t like it. “This sounds like the worst of the ideas.” I say with a frown.

Julien’s only reply is to struggle even harder, managing to fall over in his plastic sphere, still struggling against the confines of the box. His snarls of frustrations are muffled by his prison.

Linda smiles. “I dunno, a pony launcher sounds kinda cute.”

Doof claps his hands together excitedly. “EXACTLY! You see, back in my home town of Gimmelshtump there was a time where I was forced to wear dresses.”

At this point he seems to get a little embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck before continuing his story. “See, my mother had been expecting a daughter and we got Roger instead and cloth was hard to come by--anyway, the point was that all the boys in town laughed and pointed at me,” he says plaintively.

As he is talking, I notice I have quite a bit of wiggle room, as I twist and turn inside the box. Combined with my sudden urge to give the sad man a hug, I manage to squeeze out of the top, before hopping over to wrap my forelegs around him, pinning his arms to his side. “I’m sorry.”

“Aw, thanks!” he says genuinely, hugging me back. “I’m sure my daughter would like you... well I think she would anyway, I guess. Um, would you mind getting back in your trap so I can complete the backstory though?”

“You can complete your backstory, but as long as I am hugging you, you can’t launch anypony. By the way, Pinkie, he apparently designed these traps with an earth pony as the base model, you were right about the ribs.” I say with a smile, knowing that she won’t stop talking about it anyway, I might as well add some credence to the idea.

“WOOO!”

“...well alright, but it is a major breach of tradition.” He releases his hug while I keep holding onto him. “See, normally it’s backstory, then Perry the Platypus escapes and foils my evil scheme, but since you’re not Perry I guess it’s alright. Now... where was I?”

Linda helpfully reminds him; “Wearing dresses.”

“Right! So anyway, the boys pointing and laughing was bad enough, but then they started throwing stereotypically feminine articles at me! Makeup! Cleavers! And combs too!”

From inside of hamster ball, Julien shouts in order to be heard through the thick plastic; “One of these things, is not like the others!”

“Hey, combs are feminine! But the worst of all were these little plastic ponies that some of the kids stole from their little sisters. I got one in my eye once, not fun. I mean I could do something with makeup and combs and cleavers but the ponies were just humiliating! Um... no offense.” Doof complains, apologizing to me and looking down since I am roughly level with his shoulders.

“None taken,” I said with a small smile. “Hey Pinkie, do you have a cell phone I could borrow?” I ask, in hopes that she would suddenly pop out of the box to fetch one or something.

With evasive eyes she made her face scrunch up reminiscent of Liarjack. “No, nope, I don’t keep a cell phone in my breast pocket, no--oh, wait, you were trying to use that line to exploit my cartoon abilities, weren’t you.” She said with a frown. I nodded sadly.

“Hey, are you even paying attention? I haven’t explained my Ponythrowinator yet! I put a lot of work into--” Doof starts. Sadly Julien’s patience is running thin with the cartoon antics.

“IT THROWS PONIES! END OF STORY!” He shouts.

“...SOME people don’t appreciate true evil.” Doof said grumpily as I shifted to hold onto him.

“Yeah that was the idea.” I say to Pinkie. “What if you try to summon the party cannon?”

Pinkie chuckles. “Trust me, Doof is harmless.”

Doof doesn’t take this well, turning to face her with a grimace. “EXCUSE ME?”

“Dude, you were defeated by a potted plant. Not even a mobile Little Shop Of Horrors plant. A little plant, with three leaves, that did nothing but obey the laws of physics.” Pinkie points out, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, that was only one time! And it was wearing a hat!” Doof complains.

Pinkie then completely misses the idea of this whole thing by conceding to him. “....point.”

I sigh and look up to him. “If I keep hugging you, will you let my friends go?”

“Um... see, I can’t use the Ponythrowinator without actual ponies. I mean I could just make plastic ponies but the bigger they are the less feminine they are, and plushies just don’t leave enough of an impact.”

“I think I am dying from all the stupid over here. Someone put me out of my misery.” Julien growls from his hamster ball.

Linda looks dazed. “I wanna know who drugged my coffee this morning. Seriously.”

“Okay, change of tactics. If you let my friends go, I’ll stop hugging you.” I say as I start to squeeze him tighter.

“OW! Hey what are you--Oh. Ooooooh, so you’re threatening me? Ha! Like I care, I’m evil.” Doof says snootily.

I smile innocently. “Even evil people pass out when enough blood is cut off from circulation.”

“Oh, right, that thing. Well you forget one thing.” He somehow manages to slip out of my forelegs and hop over to the cannon thing, I can honestly say I don’t know what went wrong. “YOU ARE NOT WEARING A HAT!”

“The one time ever that wearing a hat would have saved the world, Erica, and you miss it. Bravo.” Julien says with a smirk as he rocks back and forth in his bubble.

Pinkie swoons dramatically from inside her box (still not sure how that works) “Oh if only somebody thought to bring a spare fedora!”

Adam Savage is helpful enough to hold out a fedora towards me. “Here you go.”

Lucky for me, Pinkie decides to ask the obvious question before I could. “...where the hay did YOU come from?”

Adam gestures to a beret wearing pony with far too many muscles and tiny wings. “Jamie and I were headed for New York when we caught sight of you flying overhead.”

At this point I can hear the dull thuds of Julien banging his head against the hamster ball repeatedly. “Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this?” He groans.

“Well, your clear lack of appreciation for insanity is probably part of the problem.” Pinkie says with a grin.

Adam gently put the Fedora on my head. Though I have to lay my ears back it makes me feel.... empowered. With a leap I attach myself to Doof, pinning his arms to his sides.

Doof flails wildly in an attempt to throw me off. “AAAAAA! I AM BEING DEFEATED IN A STRANGELY ADORABLE MANNER!”

Linda looks over to Julien. “No seriously. Who drugged my coffee? Cause I’m seeing a mad scientist, Adam Savage, and Fluttershy.”

I start scooting up Doof, using my wings for balance until I can wrap my forelegs around his neck in a chokehold. The cartoon scientist seems fairly experienced in close quarters combat, as he manages to pull my foreleg away from his throat far enough as not to be deprived of oxygen. To counter this, I start flapping my wings as hard as I can, putting my weight against my legs as I lift him slightly off the metal deck.

“ERK!” Doof gags before tapping his ever present remote.

Those giant robotic arms spring from the platform to try and grab at me, forcing me to fly higher. I really don’t want to hurt Doof, regardless of what he has done. “Call off the robot arms or I drop you!” I shout, though I am sure he can barely hear me over my wings, the robot arms, and the fact that my voice is barely louder than a whisper.

“I’ve fallen from higher heights!” He says, raspily through the choke hold.

“Um, guys...?” Pinkie says.

Doof cackles. “Not even a pony in a fedora can stop my evil scheme!”

“You may want to--” Pinkie tries to interject.

Doof taps another remote and the boxes grow mechanical legs to start walking towards the ponythrowinator.

“WAIT!” I land and step away from the villain. “I’ve been going about this all wrong. Pinks, how is Doof normally beaten?”

Pinkie looks over towards the cannon. “Either with a self destruct button or just disassembling his latest Inator, which by the way the mythbusters are already doing.”

Doof takes one look at Adam Savage, elbow deep in the machine. “Wait what? Hey, get away from there!”

I manage to shoot out a leg to trip Doof before he can get far, and then I do the only thing I can think of to keep him there, which is sit on him. “You should calm down. We could all go to Dennys or something.” I propose, hoping idly that Doof will just relax and we can all sit down to talk it over.

“You know, aside from me being in a box. Hey look, I’m a blind bag!” Pinkie giggles. For a moment I wonder if she is referring to the common theme of remolded, color swapped ponies and how it reflects on our imitative nature of ourselves, but I am pretty sure she just found it amusing to be boxed up.

“You know what, screw it. Julien, you want to go on a date?” Linda asks the hamster-ball pony as he struggles against his bindings, causing the ball to rock back and forth gently on the metal surface.

“Yes, but not the time, seeing as how I am trapped in a giant hamster ball.” he finally replies.

Pinkie grins. “You two are totally going to get married again.”

At this point, Doof remembers he is a villain again and has those danged metal arms grab me so he can get up.

He stands up and I can practically see him stomping his feet in frustration. “Well no matter! I still have the ponies! I could, I don’t know, just drop them on people!”

“Yeah!” I chime in. “Drop me on the hamster ball!”

“Wait, is this the part where you try to use reverse psychology on me to get me to do what you want? I never really liked that part, it just seems so... ugh.” He groans, looking to me with disappointment.

“Well.... yes.” I admit sadly. “That is this part. But if you don’t play along, I could always use the Glare. I really would prefer not to.”

“Wait. You’re challenging ME to an evil glare-off?” He says with a happy grin.

I shrug despite the metal arms holding me tight. “Mine isn’t evil. But sure.”

“KILL THIS WHOLE SITUATION WITH FIRE!” Julien screams through the plastic bubble.

“Calm down, it’s just two saturday cartoons and the mythbusters having a crossover.” Pinkie says, as though this is all a normal day for her. Then again... Maybe it is now.

"Okay, so any rules to our glare-off? Because I out-glared a cockatrice, I wouldn't want to hurt you." I say nervously.

Doof just turns to face me, pointing out his eyebrows as the metal arms let me go, so I can hover in place at his eye level. "Well, usually it's whoever looks away first. And you may have bigger eyes but I have these humongous eyebrows, so--"

Pinkie interrupts with a question I really should have thought of earlier, what with my non aggressive problem solving approach. I suppose I am just having an off day. "Hey, out of curiosity how did you even get to this dimension?"

"Some... strange snakey thing brought me here and told me to take care of some ponies." He replies.

"...Discord does not take us seriously, does he." Pinkie says with a disappointed expression.

"You are Pinkie pie. I doubt he takes anything you do seriously. So.... Go." I say as I turn to start glaring at Doof, a small bird behind him passing out and landing gently on the platform with a poof of dust and a squeak. I start hearing ominous chanting in the background as he stares back.

I can tell the others are talking, saying something. I have trouble convincing myself to pay attention as my eyes and his lock onto each other and the air between us seems to be filled with a haze. I hear a popping sound followed by my vision turning a nice pink color as the chanting fills my ears and the world around seems to grow less and less important, the Glare becoming all of my focus as he raises his eyebrow in a smirk..

I hear Julien say something and a moment later the eyes in front of me tint slightly red over the pink, Pinkie’s voice replying to something offscreen. Is this not how we see all of our lives, as pictures on a screen that we cannot see past? The actors off the pane never to be discovered, a DVD without director’s commentary. Maybe that is why I was not so surprised by being analogous to a cartoon character of sorts, all of life is a show put on for the actors themselves, with roles too well practiced to break away from.

After all, is Erica not a character as well? A construct of auditions to parents and scenes played out to friends on the dead of night, character cues given by regret and reward?

A high pitched explosion shakes me out of my reverie, as an even higher whine fills the air. I keep my glare locked onto his eyes up until he is yanked away by the sudden vacuum being created by his machine. For a brief moment I see relief in his expression. A moment of clarity comes to me, Doofenshmirtz wouldn’t know what to do if he ever won. He may curse his fate and grumble about his past, but if he wasn’t defeated? If he was given everything he wanted? He wouldn’t know what to do anymore.

Then he is gone, and his voice in the air cries out a curse to me, but it almost seems jubilant to me.

"Curse you, Fluttershy the Pooooooony!" he shouts as he fades into a speck in the distance.

"....I think you won." Pinkie says with a chuckle.

"Oh....” I almost want to apologize for a moment, this was the hollowest sort of victory, in which the villain was taught nothing, and the cycle would forever continue, but he seemed happy in his life, for all his gripes. “Yay!" I finally say, smiling with a squeak that I think is called a squee.

"This is all just... Just so wrong." Julien mumbles.

Pinkie rolls her eyes. "What, were you expecting some epic boss battle or something?"

As if responding to Pinkie’s command, the metal platform shifts, rolling us all onto the roof of the building before morphing into a giant robot man who is oddly dressed as an office worker.

The robot then looks around, confused, before asking us; "Excuse me, but have any of you seen my father?"

"Um...." Pinkie starts, wide eyed.

Linda just says "Wut."

Julien, however, seems to be quite upset over this latest development, and put his new unicorn powers to use. "NO! None of that! Shame on you!" He growls, casting a spell that causes the robot to vanish in a rose colored flash of light. "No more of that stuff. Big spells are coming out."

"Poor robot man..." I mumble sadly.

"....he ran on squirrel power, you know." Pinkie says, glaring at Julien.

"Sorry, what?" Linda asked, confused.

"There was a squirrel in his chest that ran in a little hamster wheel and--" Pinkie explained.

Julien cut him off with the wave of a hoof. "He's fine, I sent him to Nevada. Noone cares about Nevada." He started to break apart the box holding Linda.

As they take care of that, I scoot up to Adam Savage, taking advantage of the moment of confusion. "So... So do you have plans for the evening?"

Adam Savage takes it well, giving me a friendly smile. "Well my wife and kids wanted me to take them to the local amusement park."

"I personally just want to spend time relaxing in the hotel with my own wife.” Jamie, a.k.a. Roid Rage, says.

"Erishy, weren't you just complaining about wanting to get out of the public eye?" Linda reminds me helpfully.

"I think we should all postpone whatever until we talk with the police. I'm still a blind bag, by the way.” Pinkie says with that same old ‘auntie pinkie knows best’ tone. Honestly I think she just keeps me in check so I don’t go off the deep end someday and vice-versa.

"but... But Adam Savage!" I argue concisely and reasonably.

As sirens sound in the distance, Julien begins ripping Pinkie out of her packaging. "I have to ask, why no party cannon?"

Pinkie stretches for a moment, after having been stuck in the box for a while. "I... hold on. I..."

After debating it mentally, she finally says “You know what I'll let Pinkie explain it." Which catches me off guard again because I've been thinking of him AS Pinkie this whole time, which is terrible. I realize he has always been careful to use the right name for everypony else, making me feel like an even worse friend. Does he even think of me as a friend? I mean, I know that Pinkie and I are friends, without a doubt, but Reid could hate me for all I know! But he wouldn't, he couldn't. Not if he is the human version of Pinkie, he would tell me if I had done something wrong...

“....way that way these ways and those ways bust not this way, plus in order to get my party cannon completely correct I'd have to sync to the sympathetic party matrix located in the main barrel but because Reid such a scardey pants I don't have full walkaround in my wronkers and... Right, so basically dimensional limitations based on psionic potential... Hey! Don't interrupt me with my own mouth!”

Pinkie had devolved into yelling at herself... or Reid was yelling at Pinkie. I understood the gist of it though, a pegasus can’t fly with it’s wings strapped down, despite their innate magic, so it makes sense her own capabilities would be limited when tied up in a box with pants on.

"Look, you were confusing Erishy, I summed up... But that only explains some of the reasons! What about the... Do you really think they need to know about that? The only reason I know is because you were think... Well SOMEBODY might need to use the cannon sometime and...”

Linda finally cut them off. "Will you two please stop bickering?! This is confusing enough as is!"

I smile a little. At least Reid won’t know I have been thinking of him as Pinkie, I will be so upset if he does, he would probably hate me. "I found that a lot funnier than I should have. It's okay though, I understand.." I say.

"cops are here.” Julien says, looking over the edge of the roof. “This is what, our third police encounter in our adventure?"

"yeah." I confirm, nodding. Luckily they had all been good encounters, at least the parts with the police.

"Second for us." Lida says

Adam Savage raises a hand. "Fifth for us."

"....Fifth? Really?" Pinkie, I mean Reid asks incredulously.

“You really don't want to know." Jamie says with a glum look.

Linda kicks around some small rocks and takes a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry, just to clarify: Fluttershy defeated a mad scientist by staring at him so hard his inventions rebelled against him?"

"Invention, singular." Pinkie points out, shaking her head.

Linda sighs. "I'm only going to ask this one last time: Who in the name of God drugged my coffee?"

“Wasn’t me, but I understand the feeling.” I say with a sad smile, shrugging.

chapter 37. I don't even
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 37. I don't even

Chapter 37. I don't even

The police officer scratches his head. “So... He is a cartoon character,” He asks, looking from me to his notepad.
“Yes, I do think he is from a cartoon...” I nod, trying to smile.

“So, you ponies are at war with his cartoon world?” He bites his pen.

“No, ponies aren't at war with him, that is the changelings... but not anymore... I'm sorry, I know it's confusing...” I say nervously, as he shakes his head and walks away, fed up.

This questioning had been going on for a little while, and I am sure the confusing and unbelievable story had bothered the officer to no end, since he now had to report to someone else. I really feel bad for him. I make my way over next to Pinkie, or Reid, and look up with her at the gathering clouds.

“Looks like it's gonna rain...” She says simply.

I smile a little as I reply. “I hope it does, I love the rain.”

I can hear Julien a ways away practically growling at the officer who had been questioning him for just as long as I had been hounded. “Yes, I sent the robot about fifteen hundred miles west. I think it was easier than normal due to it being unreal like we are. Also, I used up pretty much all my energy.” He says simply.

Reid starts to talk about rain; “Rain makes me sleepy. Don't know what it is, I just burrow down and listen to that pitter patter on the roof...” But then she sits up a bit straighter, that perpetual smile coming back before she continues in a slightly more chipper voice. “Well it may not make you sleepy anymore.”

Then the pitch drops a little and her smile turns into a small concerned frown. “I don't think we want to do the Gollum act in front of the cops, Pinkie. No offense... Hey, if anypony's gollum here, you're Gollum. This is my body. So I'm Smeagol... So I get to say creepy things and try to convince you to turn to the dark side? Bakses the cupcakes, precious, theys taste of good fishies!” She says with a smirk.

With a disgusted face but a wide grin, Pinkie giggles. “Ew!”

I laugh and the whole thing reminds me of a video I had seen once. “Have you seen lord of the rings enacted by ponies? I forget if I even make an appearance,” I sigh as I remember how many videos I had seen in which I made an appearance. Once again I am reminded just how well known I am. “I can't wait to get home and just relax.”

“No, not really. I don't go too much for the custom animation... My youtube connection sucks. I can barely get the new episodes,” Reid says before putting up her hood.

Julie is still in a heated debate with the persistent officer, and I can tell the officer has managed to use up all the patience he has to offer. “No, if I was going to send you to Nevada, I would have by now. Not like I had anything else to use my magic on, since we've been wasting time crawling at a snails pace across the states, the world will probably end by the time we get there. .. No, what would make you think I was upset? I've answered all your questions, haven't I?”

On the other side, the pink pony princess is chatting quite curtly with her officer. “I'm sorry sir, I only transformed this morning. I don't think I could use my magic in such a manner... Well I do feel a little tense, but that's from being cramped in a box.”

While staring up at the cloud banks, Reid seems to have come up with a question, which he asks in a very un-pinkie sort of direct manner. “By home.... which home do you mean?

For a moment I don’t know how to reply. Every reply seems laid with spikes and pitfalls for me to fall into, that would imply I don’t have a home at all. “Are we friends Reid?” I finally ask timidly.

I am not looking at him, but I can practically feel the sudden tension my question triggers. “Friend. What an interesting word.... I had very few friends, before the pony thing. Even after most of my friends were online. But...” I look back to him in hope, and he nods with a small smile. “I would like to think we are friends.”

Julien is getting to the point where the officer is just an annoyance to him. “No. Yes sir. No. Are we done here?” He snaps.

“What? Oh... fine. Julien, this nice officer wants to take a picture of us with him for his little girl,” Linda says with an apologetic look.

“You know, home's a very strange word too,” Reid continues. “I've always felt comfortable anywhere, really. Just so long as I had a quiet nook to retreat to. I don't have a home, because... I feel the whole world is my home.”

“Yeah...” I agree, feeling much better about my definition of home now. “In this situation, when I say I can't wait to get home, I mean anywhere where I can be safe, with my friends.“

“Fine,” Julien says, turning away from the officer who had been antagonizing him. “I'm done with this one anyway.” He says simply, moving to stand next to Linda with a painfully hollow smile.

Linda’s smile is a bit more genuine, and the officer who had been talking to her stands next to them as the other one reluctantly takes a picture of them.

“Friends and family. Pretty much the same thing. ...We got to meet the Mythbusters. That's always fun.” Reid says with a grin.

“Yeah... They left really soon though, I probably scared them off...” I say, tapping my hooves together anxiously.

“Great, now I suppose we can head to the hotel? Did the rest of the group catch up with us?” Julien asks, obviously wanting to leave so he doesn’t have to deal with the police. I wonder how much of his aggravation is from Julien and how much is from Shining’s guard training conflicting with how this whole thing is being handled.

“We were flying, so... hold on.” Linda takes out her phone in a blue shimmering glow and dials a number before floating it up next to her ear with a nervous expression. “....pick up pick up pick up....”

“You? Scary? Heeheehee.... hmmm. Maaaaaaaybe.” Reid chuckles.

Someone picks up on the other end of the phone call and Linda’s face lights up. “Hey Ginny. Yes, we're all right.... Nopony's hurt, the cops are here... no, I don't think she's traumatized.... We'll be heading for the hotel soon. No. Yes, I know that. What, really?”

Reid sighs and shakes his head. “Here we go, a short conversation extends to half an hour...”

“Rawr!” I say in response to Reid’s doubt that I could be scary, holding up my forehooves threateningly.

Julien just rolls his eyes as he watches Linda on the phone.

Reid grins and fights back with a vicious meow and a light tap of his hoof against mine.

“Ugh. Just... just stay in the lobby,” Linda instructs the phone. “I promise we'll be right there.” She hangs up and looks over to us. “Hey you two! Stop playing around, we need to get a cab back to the hotel.”

Reid looks like a kicked puppy, laying his ears down in a chagrined expression. “Mrrow?”

I decide the best way to cheer up Reid is a tactical distraction. “Rawr.” I then boop him gently on the nose. he scrunches up his nose in a familiar expression of befuddlement that reminds me of Ponyville.

“What's up sweetieeeeaaaiiIII mean Linda.” Julien says, his face a mix of horror and shock, looking at Linda as though she is about to kill him, which for all I know she might.

“Wait, what?” Linda finally says.

Reid grins and growls seductively, which is something I never thought I would hear from Pinkie’s mouth. “Meeeerow.”

“You know what, I'm just gonna...” Linda seems as baffled as the rest of us. “Let's... let's just head downstairs.” She turns away and heads down the stairs before us.

Once we all make it down the treacherous stairs, which I glided down of course, Reid pulls out his iPad and opens up google maps. “Alright, nearest taxi service... Um... what was the address of our hotel again?”

“No idea, but if you look up our DDR video I bet they have the name of the mall.” I suggest, unsure of where we even are.

“I'll call up Ginny... again...” Linda says, exasperated.

We wait in silence as the phone rings, then Reid turns to me. “...Here's a random thought. If you're the complete fusion of Fluttershy and Erica, are you their daughter?”

I immediately go to thoughts of a filly or colt refusing to eat their food and starving to death because I can’t figure out what they want in time, thoughts of a child accidentally slipping out of my hooves and hitting their head. It is a terrifying idea, me having a child. You can’t always be kind to a child, you have to be firm and yet gentle, kind yet at times heartless, just to get a child through their younger years alive.

“I don't have the backbone for motherhood.” I finally squeak. “I mean, I have a hard enough time saying no to angel, and he can't even speak.”

Julien chuckles. “So does that imply that Pinkie is going to be a parent in some twisted way?”

Pinkie snaps away control of her body from Reid so quickly, I swear her eyes spun. “There was a whole EPISODE devoted to me learning to be a good parent!” She objects.

“A good childtender. Not a good parent. There's a difference, Pinkie.” Reid replies, an expression of discomfort on his face, which then goes back to an incredulous one. “Oh come on, what's so weird about me being a mom?”

Reid resumes control and looks more nervous than upset. “One, I'm here now. Two, a true parent ensures their child has... a future. I've thought a lot about this. Three, you're more the crazy auntie then a mom.”

“Look, I want to have kids SOMEDA... We are not talking about this. But-- Nope. Maybe--” Finally the pink pony starts meowing to the beat of nyancat, keeping Pinkie or Reid from saying anything. I just watch with concern.

“Guys! I'm on the phone!” Linda growls.

Compared to my own aversion to having a child, Reid seems to be having a much harder time of it. “You are far more interesting than my internal problems. Don't worry, I think you could make a great parent someday.” I finally say, giving him/her a tight hug.

“If she doesn't give it diabetes first.” Julien snarks.

“It's the whole... eleven months of being preggers that gets to me. Mostly cause, you know, I used to be a guy.” Reid tries to explain. “Stallions are wusses.” Pinkie smirks.

“I've RPd birth, Pinkie, I'm just not ready for that yet. Heck I'm not ready for marriage yet... Oh fine, I'll wait.”

“Uh huh. Okay.” Linda finally hangs up the phone. “The address is 520 Minnesota Avenue.”

I can see Reid entering the address into the tablet from my convenient vantage point with my head on his shoulder.

“....I appreciate the concern, Erishy, but I think that it would be best for everypony if we just moved on from this.” Reid says firmly.

I realize I had probably been leaning on him, and let go. “Sorry... I like hugs.” I try to explain.

“Taxi is that way.” He gestures up the street, and a moment later the taxi rounds the corner.

I notice that Reid has us all get in so that I am sitting in between him and Cadance, or Linda, and then Julien on the other side of her. “Hey, we all like hugs. I just... that was a rather...” The door closing and the rustle of everyone getting situated drowned out the last bit of his sentence. “You know what, I have no idea. Subject change.” He finishes once everyone is settled.

“Rather what and what? Sorry I didn't hear you.” I say, concerned I might have hurt him or offended him.

“Yeah, just.... forget it. It's a thing, it's past.” He says, waving a hoof.

“That's the oldest trick in the book.” Linda says, and I turn to see Julien has put a foreleg around her.

“That's why it works.” He says with a smile.

“Oh, okay. So we were gonna work on costumes tonight, still on you think?” I ask, turning back to Reid.

“Yeppers. Can't let Dissy's shenanigans distract us, right? Otherwise he wins.” Reid says with an authoritative nod.

“I'm sorry, I'm... still getting used to this.” I can hear Linda say on the other side of me.

“Sorry.” is all Julien can really say in response.

“That will be nice, its been at least a few days since I had something constructive to do.” I continue, to Reid.

“Mmmm. Doing things. Interesting how useful it makes you feel.” He says with a smile.

“...Look, Julien. Or Shining, if you're there. I woke up this morning in a strange body, spent the entire day having a strange... impression in the back of my head, and I was just kidnapped by a mad scientist. Right now, all I want to do is relax and avoid the big questions. It's... it's not you, it's me.” I can hear the confusion and fear in Linda’s voice.

I am too busy watching Reid watch the rain through the window. Rain is like a blanket that sometimes is laid across the world, and it curiously reflects what you want in life, in my opinion. I want to feel safe, so rain makes me feel like the world has grown calm, and being safe is much easier in a calm and restful world. Pinkie was never bothered by the rain, because she has everything she wants. She has her friends, she has the whole world to dance through, the rain is just a different backdrop to a different party.

“Yeah...” I say quietly, having to sort of lean on Reid to look out the window myself at the grey and blanketed world.

“Hey, I understand, I'm just saying sorry because I don't want to make it harder on you than it already is.” Julien is saying to Linda.

“Just--Look. Just don't say anything!” Linda says, flustered.

I watch Reid close his eyes, though her doesn’t seem upset.

“....I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap...” Linda continues.

“Golden rule, Linda. Treat others as you wish to be treated. You want quiet, be quiet.” Reid says calmly.

“Do you want a hug, Linda?” I ask, turning to face the upset princess.

“...I... Ugh. Sure, why not...” She says with the tone of someone who has been defeated.

I turn and scoot a little to hug Linda tightly, laying my head on her withers as the rain grows louder, and we grow quieter. I think linda needs some time to think, and for a while, she is given that quiet time as we all ride in silence through the peaceful hush of the world in a small yellow cab. A point of bright color in a dim setting. Contrast, lets us see the truth.

chapter 38. When it rains...
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 38. When it rains...

“So something happened to the others?” I finally ask as the Taxi stops at the curb outside the hotel. Oddly enough this same place feels so much more friendly and safe compared to just hours earlier when it hadn’t been raining. The world is easier to keep track of when it is smaller, I suppose.

“Well, they were worried when we were kidnapped, but they couldn't do anything but call the cops,” Linda explains. “They've been waiting for us ever since then.”

Reid opens the door and trots out into the rain, the water immediately darkening her, or his, clothing and turning his mane into a dense matted sheet of curls. I ponder on how hard it is to keep thinking of Reid as male as he adopts more and more of Pinkie’s mannerisms. Then again, how adept am I really at reading masculine body language? I was hardly interested in one life and straight off disinclined from men in the other. Leaves me balancing on a sort of oblivious fence, doesn’t it?

“Well then, let's head in,” Reid says with a tone of determined finality. His tone reminds me of Angel, an assuredness in it I have never been capable of.

I hop out of the Taxi and close my eyes as the rain snaps across me like a sheet being drawn back in the morning, and I feel so very awake. My wings feel cramped and dirty despite having kept excellent care of them lately, and I enjoy the spray bouncing off my feathers for a moment, my mane being weighed down like a shawl across me. Opening my eyes proves to be a mistake, as I see several pedestrians stopped mid stride under umbrellas and awnings, looking at what surely must seem like a strange sight.

My wings snap shut before I even feel the panic seizing me, and I find myself cowering next to Pinkie, I mean Reid.

As we head into the hotel, I can see Julien helping Linda out of the Taxi, though nice of him I start to wonder if Julien on his own would ever have done that? Then again, does it matter? Our behavior now is as much our own choice as the choice of our components, so I guess if anything he is simply learning to be more chivalrous. Hopefully that doesn’t get him into trouble.

We make our way into the warm and quite welcoming lobby, which is conspicuously empty aside from the rest of our group. I have to say I am tempted to call them our family.

Reid shakes himself off like a dog and I am close enough to be sprayed by much of the water coming from that cotton candy mane, but really not much more moisture than I had accumulated outside, no harm no foul.

“Hey guys, you miss me?” Reid asks calmly.

Jacqueline was the first to speak, sounding much like a mare whose foal had gone missing at a park. “That's it? You were just kidnapped by who knows who and, and, and--”

“And it happened,” Reid said with a reassuring smile. “and it's past, and we're all together again.”

“Shy... It’s okay, everything is over with, everything is fine, okay? Everypony is fine and you helped sooo much.” The voice says from the other side of the bedroom door.

I find it hard to reply through the choking sobs as I barricade the door with my own body. The windows have been covered and my patio door has a dresser partially blocking it, casting me into comforting darkness. The world can’t hurt me in here.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She says for the hundredth time. “He was controlling all of us, and in the end everything worked out, okay?” I can hear her trying the handle of the door, but not pushing. She would never try to force herself into my room, just check to see if I had opened it yet.

“You know, you managed to catch Dashie, that’s pretty cool. Then you helped banish the most dan...”

My sobs at the thought of the draconequus doubled, as I began to shake in fear.

“Oh... Shy, how many Discords it takes to screw in a lightbulb?”

My sobs are interrupted by my confusion.

“He doesn’t screw them in, he plants them and gets light-tulips!”

The ensuing giggle from the other side of the door is infectious and soon I am interspersing tears and weak giggles.

“Knock knock.”

“Wh... Who’s there?” I whisper timidly through the oak panel.

“I am.” She replys, a smile in her voice.

“I am who?” I reply.

“You forgot who you are?! Oh no!” Pinkie giggles and I join in, though punctuated by hiccups.

Finally I open the door.

She has been there for hours. I wouldn’t talk at first. We are both surrounded by used tissues soaked by tears and runny noses.

She opens her arms and I fling myself into them, crying anew as she runs a hoof through my mane and rocks me back and forth. I don’t talk to anypony about myself, my past is my problem, and nopony should have to worry about it, but just once I let myself be comforted.

My tiny ego and my crushing fear of judgement leave me, and Pinkie rocks me back and forth as I cry myself into a stupor. I wake up in the morning to a cup of somehow still steaming hot coco and a note. “Friends stick together. Smile!” In loopy hoofwriting.

“Anyone want hugs? Hugs help when facing the scary and inexplicable.” I propose, back in the present.

Ginny grabs hold of us first, wrapping us in a hug until the rest join in, excluding Ian and Harold who ceremoniously stand guard.

“Yay! So now we can all go to the rooms and relax right? I like the idea of relaxing.” I comment, imagining a quiet night of stitching and tea over small conversations about the weather or something equally stress free and ordinary. Though I suppose conversations of the weather here would have less of a “What can we do about it” quality to them.

“O-Of course, darling,” Jackie assures me. “It's just... We were all so worried about you...” She says as she lets go of the little ball of hugs.

“He didn't hurt you, did he? If he did, I swear I'll--” I could only imagine what little Ginny would do to a giant robot, and it wasn’t pretty.

“Just my pride.” Reid says with a sigh as he gazes at the floor dejectedly. “I don't know if it'll ever recover though...”

I giggle at his antics. “We are fine, I kinda feel bad for the poor guy...”

Ginny seems baffled at my display of blind kindness. “What? Why?”

“It was Doofenshmirtz.” Raid growls.

“Who?” Ginny asks. “You're kidding.” Reid’s brother groans.

Linda takes a shot at explaining Doof to Ginny. “He was... basically a cartoon mad scientist, called himself evil and had a giant machine for throwing ponies at people.”

“You're fucking me.” Ginny says in a tone of incredulity. I worry that she is getting the wrong impression, as Doof didn’t actually throw anypony.

“He was nice, I mean besides the evil scientist thing, he was okay....” I pitch in.

Julien shrugs. “Well he probably died from the fall. Or bounced, I dunno.”

“Not. Funny.” Reid snarls. I have a brief image of Pinkie and Shining fighting, something that breaks every rule about friends and family I can think of.

“He probably had a jetpack...” I propose, remembering the plethora of mechanical oddities and impossibilities he seemed to have at his disposal.

“He's probably alive, anyway. Don't joke about his death.” Reid punctuates each sentence with a clop of a hoof against the hotel tile, which brings the lobby to an eerie silence for a moment, which I feel is as fragile as glass.

Jackie finally breaks it. “Well!” She clears her throat gently and composes herself. “I have the costuming cloth station up for anybody who would like to help me with it. I already carved out your Midna helmet, the paint just needs to dry.”

“Wow! Can I see it?” Reid exclaims, practically bouncing over to her.

“Anything I can wingstitch?” I ask hopefully, unfortunately causing another moment of awkward silence.

“I... don't know.” Jackie finally says.

Reid rolls his eyes. “Let her see what you have, she can decide if she can do it.” He instructs, before Jackie agrees and leads us to the sewing room which is just one of the bedrooms that has the other two hotel rooms attached to it by passthrough doors, turning three rooms into an excellent sort of living quarters for a large group like ours.

I manage to find some simple pieces that need to be sewn together and bring them to a corner, trying to remember the pattern for wingstitching through half shadowed memories. Needle in outer primary notch, secondaries grab the cloth and hooves to tension, pass from right wing primary notch to left wing, using the shaft to add pressure to penetrate the cloth, and repeat. When you get into the motions it feels like you and banking right and left through the air, as one wing dips in just before the other, and vice versa.

I hear Reid or Pinkie giggling about the helmet, and for all I know I could be sewing part of her, or his outfit, but once you get into a pattern with wingstitching it is easy to let flight instinct take over, and all you do is move the fabric in time to the beat.

“Quite random, isn't he?” Jackie says, shaking me out of my meditative daze. I give her a small smile as she watches me stitching away, doing my best not to catch my mane in the stitching. “You're... actually very good at that.”

I try not to blush from the simple compliment. “Thank you, nimble feathers help. I don't think Cadance... Er... Linda would be able to do this with her curled feathers. Sort of reminds me of flying.” I explain, humming a familiar tune.

“But I've seen her wings, they're... you know what, I'm not even going to ask. You're the expert, at least until we get Dash here.” She says, and I think for a moment whether or not what I said was true, and I have to admit to myself I only assume that Cadance has more curled feathers because she has a tightly curled mane, for some reason I associated the two.

“Are you actually an adult or are you a teenager or... what?” Jackie rouses me from my reverie again.

“Well.... Erica was twenty two, Fluttershy was eighteen, but just barely. I think.... I think we missed Pinkie's birthday.” I say, remembering that I am just a bit older than her, and wondering how we could have possibly missed it this time around. I feel like I have committed some great crime. Did we forget? Or did we celebrate and I forget that we did? It would be so rude to ask whether we did or not and turn out we did... It would imply I didn’t enjoy it!

“So... twenty two and eighteen? Does that make you... forty? Or would you prefer to average it?” Jackie asks with a small smile as she pins and adjusts Julien’s outfit.

“I would prefer an average, twenty sounds about right.” I say guiltily, not wanting to seem old.

“Of course darling. Twenty it is!” Jackie chuckles.

From the other room, a moment later, I hear Reid’s voice call out, though it sounds oddly muffled. “Hey, Erishy, could you come here for a second?”

I carefully set down the half finished work, fold my wings after giving them a good stretch, and trot into the other room.

“Yes....” Is it Pinkie, or Reid? Reid or Pinkie? Will one be upset if I call them the other?
“Reid?”

Whichever it is, the pink pony has the hood on his or her hoodie up, and a towel wrapped around like they had taken a swim and were waiting for their mane and tail to dry. Turned away from me, I can’t see if the brilliant sapphire blue eyes are bright and sparkly or serious and strong.

“Could you, maybe, shut the door?” Reid asks.

“Y... yes?” I push the door shut gently, as not to slam it and bother the others, or startle Reid. “Are you okay?”

“....So, you’re the element of Kindness, right?”

So no answer to if he or she is okay... did they finally merge? Did it hurt? Do they have a concussion or some injury we didn’t spot that they are afraid of revealing for some reason?

“Well... yes,” I finally answer. “I gained it again so I suppose I am... are you okay? did you get hurt?” I probe, moving to sit next to him.

“Well, you know how oblivious Pinkie can be, sometimes, and.... as an aspie, I often quipped that I lacked the natural empathy others had. So, you know, kindness is something that.... it’s very easy for me to be unintentionally unkind. Can I get some advice?”

I move closer, trying to see any visible injuries, but he is still facing away from me.

“Well... Being blunt or being oblivious isn’t unkind. I mean, Pinkie didn’t mean to make cranky upset, she just wanted to help him. A mistake like that isn’t mean, but if she had simply started breaking things on purpose, that would be. You... Um... You blame yourself a lot, don’t you?”

I ask this last question looking away, wondering how close I am getting to offending him, or causing more damage than I already might have.

“I blame myself for what is my fault. I’m intelligent enough to recognize what isn’t. But... this isn’t about that.” He turns to look at me and I can see he has been crying, a lot. Echoes of a long lost night on opposite sides of a door come back to me. His mane is straight as a ruler, and he looks miserable.

“If.... If you discovered something horrible, learned about a terrible event just after coming out of something else that was pretty bad, and your friends didn’t know... should you tell them? Compound their worries? Or just keep it close to heart?”

He looks so hurt. He looks so lost and scared, and damn it all if I don’t feel like I am looking in a mirror. This is my time to pay it back, all the times Pinkie has helped me, this is what all those imaginary I.O.U.’s I catalogued are for.

“Oh Reid...” I whisper, pulling him close in a tight hug. “You can’t be alone. There are six of us for a reason. nopony, noone should ever be alone, especially when dealing with something terrible... what happened?” I ask, my concerned gaze meeting his tired and hurting one.

Surprisingly, he chuckles, though weakly. “Yamato Nadeshiko.”

I can tell that it is Japanese, but beyond that I have no clue. “....Gazunteight?”

He rolls his eyes. “It’s japanese. You know parts of the fandom have declared you honorarily japanese? It would explain the eyes, I can never draw your eyes... Anyway, I learned about the term from TVTropes. Yamato Nadeshiko, japanese wildflower. A cultural ideal of womanhood: Softspoken, elegant, but with a core of iron.”

I look back to him incredulously. “I am not elegant. You know why I decline going to dinners? I can’t hold utensils. No idea. I try really really hard but I’m always afraid I’m going to drop them.” I explain, holding out my hooves as if sandwiching a fork.

“Mmmmhmmm, and you were a model and pretty much everybrony thinks making you cry is a federal crime. But... it’s not the elegance I was referring to. It’s the iron core.” He says in a sad tone as he hands me his iPad. “Because you’re going to need that.”

Unicorn Hospitalized, Princesses Missing

Twilight has been shot. The princesses have vanished on their ways home to visit family. All our dreams have died. Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

A deep breath banishes the dark thoughts, at least for the moment. Will Twilight pull through? She has to, there is simply no other option. The alternative is unthinkable.

Will the princesses be found? Of course, they are deities in their own right, human tagalongs or not. Hope has to carry us through this. Hope and fear, hope and fear, it is the polarity of life, and right now I am scraping at the bottom of the barrel for more of the former.

“T...Twilight? We need to get to New York.... I...” My thoughts finally catch up with my mouth and I give Reid a squeeze, as much for my own comfort as his. “We can’t let her be alone either. We need to leave Reid.... We need to leave now.” I urge, eyes wide in an equine panic.

“Why? If we leave now... we look like we’re panicking. We look like we’re panicking, and the world panics. I hate it, Erishy, I hate being stuck here, but right now... right now, things are dark, and the world needs a little laughter. I think we should... still go trick or treating tomorrow, just so everybody knows we still have hope.”

The truth is often the most painful and bitter leaf to chew. We are the champions of the world, and the world will run if we run. Our herd is at the edge of a cliff, and not all of them have wings.

Author's Note

Thank you to everyone who has helped me get this far, over a hundred likes this is my most popular fic and by far my longest running, I have enjoyed writing this immensely and hope to continue until the very end.

This is the music I wrote this chapter to:

chapter 39. Finding the stars
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 39. Finding the stars

“...W...Wow. Hee... tears. How do they work...” Reid finally asks as we both reach the end of our tears. In a clinical way I avoid the crux of the question which would be better summed up as “Why do tears make us feel better?” or “Why do we cry?” and instead focus on the literal question.

“Pain turned physical I suppose?” I wipe some tears from her cheeks, leaving the tear tracks on my own face. “ You are right though... We have to go on, we've got to keep up hope...”

Reid suddenly laughs before quickly tilting her head to the side in a confused expression. “Huh. Wow, so that's what that feels like. Sparkly,” she comments.

“Huh? What's wrong?” I ask, worried that maybe despite all this she does have an injury that needs to be tended to. I do realize I go a little one track minded when ponies might be hurt.

“Oh you wouldn't believe me if I told you,” She chuckles. “Just file it under Pinkie being... Reid being Pinkie. Being Reid being Pinkie. Ad infinitum. Actually just file it under distracting self.”

There is a short pause while I think over how she is acting. Confused looks, unable to pick a name, have Reid and Pinkie finally become one?

“So.... what happens now?” She turns to me.

I giggle, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. “It happened huh? So are you male or female now because that's been bugging me to no end...” I look away, feeling quite silly and simple-minded. “I keep feeling bad for thinking of you as one gender or name.”

“What? Oh. Nonono, we're still we. But for the gender thing, um.... Male on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, female on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Sundays we're neuter,” She rattles off.

As crazy as it is, this would have helped greatly, if Discord had not changed the names of the week. So for now I just assumed it was monday, being the first 7th of a new week.

“Um... I... Okay. So I guess we tell the others? Maybe find a better way to tell them than showing them a picture of Twi in a hospital bed?” I ask, deciding to deal with the gender issue later, if ever.

“Yeah...” She nods. “To be honest, though, I have a lot of faith in the medical system. Mom's a nurse. Reidmom. Wow, I have two mommies.... How am I going to explain this to mom? I mean, you know, Pinkie's mom, I mean...” she sighs.

“My point is, she'll be fine because my mom's a nurse. I'm more worried about the princesses of the day and night.” She points out.

“They have so much power though...” I protest. “Do you think they are actually in trouble? And if they are what could we do about it? We don't have Spike to send her a letter, and I doubt Cad... Linda or Julien would know how to locate them.” I wince at again confusing Linda and Cadance, knowing the princess a bit better than the human made it hard to keep them straight.

“Yeah. Princess of day and night.” Reid nods, looking contemplative. “Princess of the night.... Princess of the Night?” She says it with more and more energy before grabbing me around the withers and grinning like a madmare. More accurately, grinning like Pinkie. “PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!”

I raise an eyebrow and slooooowly reach up to boop her on the nose. “Yes. Princess of the night.”

“HAHA! PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!” She hugs me a bit hard before running for the door and slamming her face into it. “Ow.”

I had followed her, and I help her up before standing between her and the door. “Explain, then I’ll let you run out there like a madmare.”

“Princess... of the night.” She says, tapping her own head and looking at me as though I was missing something blatantly obvious. “What do you do at night, hmm? Well, I mean in general, not, aheh, if you're with another pony or incontinent or.... I'm rambling, aren't I.”

I ignore the comforting familiarity of the rapid fire thoughts. “Dream, but... Are you sure? I mean, the chances of Princess Luna wanting to visit one of our dreams....”

“Infinitesimal. Which is why I need to ask Jackie for some tin foil. And antennae, if she has those.” She smiles with the hope of somepony who has a thread and needs a rope. “Every road can be walked two ways.”

“...you want to hijack your dream in order to reach out to Princess Luna? Well, I suppose its better than not trying anything at all.” I say, bowing out of the way.

“Yeah, I know it sounds weird. And insane. And maybe a little bit...” She pulls the element off her neck, or from thin air for all I care, and twirls it around her hoof with a smile. “Silly?”

I laugh and can’t help but hug her close. “I missed you.” I say gently, very nearly regretting the words from how much emotion they contain.

“Well, the idea was Reid's. I just added the tin foil hat. Everything works better with a tin foil hat.” Pinkie says with a kind smile, before Reid looks down, a bit of a blush on his cheeks, that I assume is just from not being used to hugs.

“Not to split you ladies apart, but we don't have the tin foil hat yet.” He points out.

“You know you like the hug, Reid.” Pinkie says.

“Yes, I do... fine, two minutes and then we go back to being silly in a serious way.” He sighs, laying his forelegs around me in a comforting gesture.

I hug a little tighter. “We will get through this, won't we? Everything will work out okay.”

She hugs me back just as close. “Yep. Because we're the ones working on them.”

I look up to the smiling pink pony, and I smile back as she meets my eyes. A curious mix of sparkling energy and solid confidence.

"I... I feel safe here, Pinkie... Reid.... Both of you, I feel like home. Don't go anywhere okay?" I plead, not wanting to see my closest friend leave, hoping that it isn't taken the wrong way. I'm not trying to force her to be my bodyguard or anything.

"I... well, I won't stay away," She says. "I mean for small things like the bathroom and splitting up car rides or stuff like that... I'll probably stick in a ten mile radius and...” She rolls her eyes. "Reid, you're over thinking things again." She smiles down at me. "I'll keep him on a tight leash.”

She chuckles as I lay my head against her and sigh contentedly. Safety, has been such a fleeting thing in my past. Maybe things could work out this time. Maybe I can be safe for once.

Before I know it, my eyes are slowly drifting closed as I cuddle up against Pinkie, a gentle hoof brushing through my mane.

"...um... Erishy?” Reid starts. "While I'm thinking about it, I have something to tell you..."

"Hmm?" I look up under half lidded eyes, a sleepy smile on my face. Everything seems so warm and soft and sleepy. How long has it been since I got a good nap? I suppose I slept well last night but....

"Well, Figment was wondering if you could give him any dating tips with... what was her name, the striped Fluttershy plushie?" She asks.

I giggle a little, still in a half asleep stupor. "Mrs. Buzzy. He should just tell her that he likes her. I mean, she's a plushie. I'm sure she would love to have somepony to hold her and keep her safe and... And..." My mind has started furiously working on something, but I don't know what, it's like I am missing something important.

"...and as much as I honestly hate to break this up, it's been two minutes and I really need that tin foil hat to contact Luna." Reid let go of me and turns away. "And you promised to help Jackie with the costumes, right? She wouldn't keep you up all night, but you should probably still help her."

I am shaken more awake by the hug ending and my brain starts to pick up the pace. "Pinkie I... I mean Reid... Did you mean..." I start to say as she turns to the door.

Click Pinkie has always been close to me, I have often wondered if she had any interest in me, despite my inexperience. Click Reid is becoming one with Pinkie, and I may have scared him or hurt him by being so close with her. Click I just almost fell asleep in his or her arms, and I felt safe.

It all falls into place, and I feel like I just stabbed Reid. How could I be so dense?

"Pinkie was pulling a little prank. You... helped me out of my shell, and the last girl who did that I had a... I thought I had a crush on. But I never asked her out, and looking back it was more joy that somebody understood me then anything romantic." She sighs, looking hurt and dejected beyond measure as she looks to the door. "I don't want to make that mistake again. I don't want to confuse... well, like I said, there's more than one kind of close friend."

Pinkie and I both winced at the implication, though I am more worried because I feel like I have forced him further away from me.

"...I'm confused, and I can't say yea or nay yet. And of course I don't want to hurt you, and of course there's things more important, yadda yadda yadda. Don't you hate it when you're reading a story and the answer's so obvious you want to yell at the characters to do this or that or whatever and they just don't?" She looks up as though at a camera or to the sky. "Well, relative fictionality notwithstanding, maybe the audience can start yelling at me."

I smile a little, surprised and flattered by even the potential of somepony being attracted to me, but so very cautious. I am not without my own emotional scars. "Well... I..." I take a pause to collect my thoughts. "You've helped me a lot Pinkie. You too Reid. So... I don't mind." I say hopefully, simply not wanting her to think I don't like her.

"...Like I said, I never dated. So I don't know. And if... if it isn't what I think it is..." She bows her head. "If it isn't what I think it is, and I hurt you, I don't think I could see you again. Not without losing my element." She sighs, the weight of the moment filling the air between us.

"...I just need to figure this out. Later. For now, it's time to be seriously silly." She turns and kicks the door open. "Hey there Jackie! I want to catch a few hundred extra channels. Got any tin foil?"

chapter 40. Insomnia
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 40. Insomnia

I watch her leave and sigh, staring off at a wall blankly. I have had bad relationships before, crippling ones. I had a good one too, one that fell apart because I have... Or "had" so many self image issues, that I could not give what my partner wanted.

Now half of me looks at all that in confusion, but I understand it. Pinkie is everything I have looked for in the past. Decidedly optimistic, forgiving, caring, or am I simply compiling a list of things that happen to match up?

Pinkie is right, that a failed relationship between two of the elements could be catastrophic. But if it worked...

I put it out of my mind and move quietly back to the work I had been in the middle of, and resume the small and precise stitches across the fabric edge.

“Uh--Yeah, I have Tin foil, but... I don't think that would work--” Jackie objects.

“Yeah that's cause you're human. If you're a pony or a time lord it works fine. Right Shy?” The pink pony turns to me with a steady smile.

I smile back. “Yeah, some tin foil and the magic of friendship.”

Jackie raises an eyebrow. “I... seriously doubt it works like that.”

“And that's exactly why you're not me.” Pinkie retorts.

Jackie doesn’t seem impressed. “...what?”

“Okay, this is like the parasprites. I need a tin foil hat, preferably with antenna. I don't care about quality, but I need it in the next... oh... ten, twenty minutes?” Reid instructs.

“...what?” Jackie repeats.

“I would recommend just trusting her this time.” I pipe up from the corner.

“...Alright, but I want an explanation. A real one.” She says as she starts folding tin foil into a pointed triangular hat.

Reid looks confused. “What do you mean? I said I wanted--”

“Yeah, I've been traveling with you for a while Reid, and your randomness is the kind without a point. When things have a point you aren't random.” Jackie says.

“It’s a theory Jackie... One that needs to be tested before it is explained. If we explain it now... It'd be bad. Tomorrow okay?” I plead as I continue stitching.

“Very well, darling. Here is your... hat.” She hands the tin foil over and Reid takes it in hoof.

“Thank you. Really. And now... TO NAP!” She turns and walks back into the other room to go to bed. I am envious, as I feel pretty tired as well.

“I hope it works!” I call out to her and giggle a bit before setting aside the finished piece to pick up the next.

“...Okay seriously, what?” Jackie says. “And was his mane straight?”

“Tomorrow. We will worry about all of that tomorrow.” I say, as much to reassure myself as her.

“....alright. You might be interested to know you're working on your own costume for tomorrow.”

“Oh?” I examine the black lace and blush, being reminded of frilly things from Rarity’s shop, and sadly of nothing but lingerie from earth. Though with the second layer of fabric it looks quite elegant. I drape it over my back to check the fit. “Its so nice, did the material cost much?”

Jackie chuckles. “Don't worry about price. I learned long ago how to hunt for bargains and, well...” She gestures to herself with both hands. “Male suppliers.”

“Oh!” I laugh. “You seduce your suppliers? Naughty Jackie!” I admonish her.

“Well, usually I just tease but a few, yes. That silk actually came from one of my more stable relationships, we meet up once every two months.”

“Well that's nice....” I am not sure how to react to relationships being used to supply materials. So I take the piece of fabric off and resume my work. “So... I don't really know you that well, tell me about yourself.”

“What's there to tell? I grew up as the rich girl in a small town. I learned how to make costumes when I decided to become a fashion designer, and learned to make friends when I realized that my ego was the reason I was so lonely.” She finishes adjusting the Aragorn outfit on the makeshift dummy. “Now, Linda... she's had an interesting life, and that was LONG before the pony thing.”

I nod to let her know I am still listening as I stitch.

“See, she used to have a little brother. He... well, her father was a bit of an alcoholic, he was seven months old, and the old man didn't look out the rear window before backing out of the driveway...” She sighs. “That was thirty two years ago. She was five and her sister was six. The worst part was that their mother just forgave the man, can you believe it? So of course the girls ran away.”

“That's terrible... How did they survive on their own?” I ask curiously,

“Well, it was a small town, and back then it was... well, more hospitable to homeless children. They couldn't get jobs, of course, child labor laws got in the way, but Irene--Linda's sister--well, she was talented with art, took commissions and sold them. That's how I first met her, actually, standing outside the school with a sketchpad after hours. She asked if I could model for her. Of course the police were quick to put them in a foster home, but... well, the people running that home were a bit oblivious. Loving, but oblivious.”

“Thank Celestia they found a home...” I say sadly. “So being on this trip isn't causing some terrible disaster with anyone?”

“...well... Irene's been confined to the house for months now. She had.... you know, maybe I shouldn't be talking about this.” Jackie cuts herself off.

“I'm so sorry I didn't mean to pry, what else can we talk about?” I say, desperate not to make anyone upset.

“I don't know... Well, I suppose we could talk about you. The, um, human you, not... We're going to have to invent new pronouns, aren't we?”

“Erica is fine. Well, I was born in nebraska, moved to kansas when I was four, moved to hawaii when I was ten, then when I was 18 my mother told me pretty much that they would get me to arizona then if I came back home I could sleep in a tent in the yard. That was a bit of a motivation not to have to go back. Then again I'm comparing this on the other side to not having parents at all, it really wasn't that bad.” I point out, realizing how much my parents really did for me, despite all my reservations and tendency to being upset about it.

“I take it your parents were one of those... high hopes, high expectations kind?” She asks.

“Well... I was diagnosed high functioning autistic at the age of 8, and my mom used that as a sort of excuse as to why I acted the way I did, any sign of rambunctiousness or disobedience was because I wasn't taking my pills. I never went to college because my mother said it would be a waste of time, and she might have been right.... It took a lot of learning to get where I am now, and not school learning. Sink or swim learning.” I finish the bit I am working on and sigh. “My dad and mom did their best. They were only human.” I think about what I said and giggle.

“Mmm. Irene was... is, autistic. Sorry. Not high functioning though. Very quiet, always... humming.” She smiles. “She'd notice things, though. Ladybugs on the wall. She'd see when her sister was sad.... none of us can actually tell when Linda is sad, do you know that?”

“Probably because she tried even harder not to let it show through. She's had to be the one in charge the whole time, hasn't she?” I ask, remembering my own lessons in emotional control when I started living on my own.

“Maybe. She led by example. That's... why she became a lawyer. So she could avoid anything like... her brother happening again. Prevent it, even, and help others out. Heh, and they say lawyers have no hearts...”

I immediately recall a few lawyer jokes. “Well she is very nice, and maybe Cadance will give her the calm and love she needs.”

“....maybe. Just... out of curiosity, besides the whole sun and moon thing... are there any special abilities Alicorns are supposed to have? Anything new and exciting for Linda to look forward to?” She asks with a giggle.

I ponder it for a bit, trying to remember lessons I sat through as a filly. “She has the power to cause love, and to mend relationships. Besides that she can fly, use unicorn magic, and probably live to be several hundred years old. Usually alicorns are said to be more mentally stable as well.” I point out.

“I see.” She says with an unreadable expression.

“...Well now! I'll admit I haven't designed for wings before, for rather obvious reasons. Still, I think that I've done a fairly good job of it. I'm still not sure about the skirt though, I suspect you don't want to be accidentally flashing everyone in midair.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “That's why I've got a tail, but a skirt would be nice, as long as it isn't long enough to trip on.”

“Well, the skirt is an essential part of the lace fairy costume! How many fairies do you know that don't wear skirts?” She asks incredulously.

“I dunno.” I shrug, not wanting to reveal that I don't know much about fairies. “So did you wanna fit the skirt on me before sewing it? If you make a zipper down the front, or bottom, I can put it on myself without too much trouble.”

“Well, I suppose if it would make you more comfortable...” She puts down the flowing dress that she is working on and walks over to me in order to fit the skirt. “Do you think we should dye your feathers? Not all of them, just a few.”

I nod. “Sure, as long as it is temp dye and pretty thin, it shouldn't keep me from flying.” I blush as the seamstress sets the skirt on me and she tests the fit, running her hands over me without a hint of modesty.

“You know, this is actually half an inch longer than it needs to be. Anyway, I was thinking of striping the costume with pink and green, while we dyed your wings with black stripes and some black and green in your mane and tail. That would give it a sort of... growing out of you, sort of feel, you know?”

“Yeah that’d be great.” I squeak as I am practically felt up.

“Alright then.” She says cheerily, taking the skirt and adjusting it as I calm myself down and hide my obvious blush behind my mane. I am certainly not used to being marehandled.

“So... What got you into watching ponies?” I ask after a moment.

“Oh, you know how it is. You're browsing deviant art, and all your favorite artists are suddenly drawing ponies. You remember when your mom let you watch it once,” She fakes a gag. “So why are these people so interested? So you take a trip to youtube and... the rest is history.”

“And I am guessing Rarity is your preferred pony?” I ask with a smile as I turn back to face her.

“Why however did you guess?” She asks, rolling her eyes and smiling.

“I know, easy guess. Maybe you'll get to meet her!” I say happily.

“Really? That would be fabulous... Oh! You, well, half of you knows her. What's she really like?” She asks curiously.

“She is often portrayed as being snobby, but she really is in touch with everypony else. I've always suspected that she ends up donating a lot of her dresses instead of selling them but I can't be sure. Besides that, she is funny and attentive.” I say, remembering all that Rarity has done for me.

“Well... she sounds like a nice lady to know. How did you two meet, anyway?”

“Well her family technically owned the cottage I started living in, and I claimed it by squatters rights. Instead of trying to get it back, They helped me fix it up and brought me a 'welcome to the neighborhood' basket.” I smile, remembering the first time we had met.

Rarity had been bringing her new friend up to see the cottage that her family owned, thinking that it could be a clubhouse for them, and expecting to find a derelict shack. Instead they had found me, watering newly planted flowers outside. She had asked who I was and why I was there of course, but when I had explained I had nowhere else to go, she had completely turned around, promising not to tell her parents. Of course she ended up letting it slip when they had been talking about renting the place out, and they came to visit me. They talked it over and decided that I could stay if I paid it off later. By the time Twilight moved into town I had managed to pay the cottage off entirely.

“That was... fortunate for you, I suppose.” She holds up the now properly trimmed skirt. “You want to try this again?”

“Oh, I'm sure its fine.” I smile nervously, not really wanting to be molested again.

“If you say so. You know, I was rather surprised that Reid agreed to be Midna.” She says as she resumes her work on the other dress. “Most of that is basically skin paint.”

“Maybe it's the thought of bare fur, or hair as he insists, that bothers him. I know Pinkie was never big on dressing up a bunch or anything.”

“Mmmm, yes. Quite a few people seem to be nervous about showing up with exposed skin. I never had that problem, of course, but I know some people who insisted on measuring themselves.” She says, rolling her eyes as though it was odd to want some privacy.

“Speaking of Reid... is he alright? His mane was straight, and the last time I saw him like that was... well, right after he heard you were shot.” She asks.

I look away, full of worry. “No, things are not alright, but they might be better if he can contact the Princess....”

“Wait.... what?”

I realize what I said and bow my head. “Ooooh dangit. I... He is trying to contact Luna through his dreams.” I admit.

“...is that why he needed the tinfoil hat?”

I nod hopefully. “It might actually work, for all I know.”

“And... why doesn't he just e-mail Tara Strong?”

“Because... She isn't available on email.” I say, the terrible lie apparently slipping past her.

“Celebrity security, I guess... Still. Why does Reid need to contact her at all?”

“Because something bad happened... That I can't talk about yet but that we will be able to deal with once he finds out where she is... I mean gets ahold of her.” I slip up again, wincing.

“I watched that DDR video as it was streaming. Didn't he tell you not to go Nightmare Whisper on us?” She chastises me, and I start to tear up a little, sniffling as I run a hoof over the skirt.

“I won't! It’s just... If he can't get ahold of her, then the whole thing is just... I'll start losing hope, so if we wait until we know what's going on with the princesses, it won't seem so bad...”

“You don't even know what he meant by that, do you?” She asks gently.

“N... No...” I admit, trying not to cry. “I won't hurt anyone though... I would never....”

“...It's... from a very popular fanfiction. Nightmare Whisper, kindest of lies... took all the world's pain and suffering into herself, intending for ponies to live the rest of their lives out in peace. But she was transformed into... well, a dragon-sized alicorn with claws and massive butterfly wings, and spiked manacles chained to... well, a gem that had burst out of her chest. Kindest of lies. She chose that, not out of insanity, but out of love... and in the end, the princesses agreed that to hide that suffering from the world was the wrong decision.” She explains.

“She is the only Nightmare in that fanfiction's central continuity. Pony POV deals with alternate realities where other members of the Mane cast go nightmare, but... aside from Nightmare Mirror, who didn't come from the central world, all the other nightmares are just visions.”

“I think what Reid was trying to say was that it would be better to tell us the painful truth and let us help you then to..” She gestures at me. Me being a small butter yellow pegasus who is trying too hard not to let anyone else hurt or be scared, while shoving herself deeper into the darkness.

“Twilight was shot, in... In the head.... She might not make it.... Both the princesses have gone missing.... There's... There's nothing I can do Jackie!” I cry out, sobbing as she pulls me close in a comforting hug. I seem to need those a lot, don’t I?

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry...” She mumbles.

I don’t know what she is apologizing for but I can’t stop, I need to tell her everything. “and... And if Reid can't get ahold of Luna, then the princesses could be dead for all we know! Equestra will fall apart, boiled alive by a dying sun!” I whimper, shaking a bit.

“...N...no, I think... I don't think Celestia would let that happen. Even if she disappeared, she would have... plans in place... I know it's a lot to accept, but... you have to trust that.... that she's got a handle on things.” Jackie says, patting my mane down as I cry.

I hear hoofsteps followed by Linda’s voice. “Hey guys, pizza's here, and what the hell? What's wrong?”

I hide my face as I choke out; “B... Bad things.”

“...That isn't very--” Linda starts before Jackie does the dirty deed for me.

“Linda. Twilight is... she... she's in the hospital.” She says gently.

“WHAT?!” Linda cries out.

I mumble “Bad things" again as I whimpers and sniffle into Jackie’s shirt.

“I... I gotta...” Linda stammars.

“Linda--” Jackie raises a hand to try and calm her down.

“NO. Nonono. That isn't happening. Nope.”

“Linda.”

“...I'm... I'm just...” I hear the bathroom door open and close, before the deadbolt closes.

“I can't do anything... I'm sorry...” I whisper, feeling useless.

“Don't you EVER think that. Just being alive means you can do something. Linda is just...” She sighs tiredly. It is a weariness I forced her to bear. But this is what she asked me to do... “She's just taking a moment to compose herself.”

After a moment she reluctantly breaks the hug. “...do you still want to help me with the... costumes?”

I look to the bathroom door. “After... After we help Linda....”

“...Alright.” She gets up and goes to the bathroom door, knocking on it softly. “Linda?”

There is nothing but silence as we wait for a minute or so.

“...If you need anything...”

Again, nothing.

“...well, so long as you're in there, maybe you should take a relaxing shower.” She says. This seems to get through, as the shower kicks on a moment later. We wait in silence for a little while.

“Should we tell Shining... We should, shouldn't we?” I ask.

“I... guess. Ugh. I'll go down and--” Jackie starts, but is interrupted by a voice from the shower.

“Not yet. Let me... let me clean up. We'll tell him together. We'll... tell them all together.”

We wait as Linda showers, both going back to our sewing. At least we can get some work done despite being hopelessly crushed. The shower turns off and Linda speaks through the door.

“...what did Celest--Faust. What did Faust have to say about it?”

I mess up a stitch at the mention of Celestia and put the work down, sighing. “She has gone missing. Reid is trying to contact Luna now.” I say in a vacant voice, lacking even the energy to cry.

“He.... he's apparently doing it using a tin foil hat. And a nap.” Jackie explains.

“I... see.” There is a moment in which we are all silent. “Okay, this is awkward and a little random, but how do you clean feathers? I've... never cleaned feathers.” Linda asks me.

I smile a little at the prospect of doing something simple. “Can I come in? I'll show you how.”

She unlocks door with her magic. “Well I suppose it's alright if you see me naked.”

“I've seen you naked before, Linda.” Jackie smirks.

“Don't remind me...”

“Ponies are always naked.” I say as I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

“So...” I spread my wings as far as they will go, and explain how to straighten out and clean the feathers, and how not to wash them with anything more than water and thin soap since they have oils on them that are necessary. I end up showing her how it works on my own wings.

She tries to clean her own feathers but I can see that she is twisting them the wrong way, “Do you need help preening or do you think you'll be able to do it?”

“I think I've got it-- OW!” She pulls a feather a bit too hard and sighs. “I don't got it.”

“If you want, I could show you how... I should warn you that it will feel... Odd to have someone preening you.” I offer.

“...odd as in erogenous?”

I realize I have no experience with it and am working on guesswork. “...it can feel such, imagine it like someone stroking your arm. If it is a doctor or something you won't feel that way, but if its a lover.... I've heard it can” I blush.

“...Alright, Doctor Shy.” She extends her wings and I get to work, carefully and with the utmost professionalism.

She watches me carefully for a while before speaking again. “....when you... when you mentioned Twilight... my first thought was that my sister was in danger. I thought of her as my sister....”

“Yef, ish difconsherting ishnt it? Bu ih dun fink ish a bad fing.” I mumble around feathers.

“Yeah, but you already did it. Me? I... What would it do to help either of us?”

I stop preening. “You don't know until it happens. But I promise you, it is a good thing. It gives you a dual perspective, let's you look at everything from a more steady point of view. This thing with Twilight though... There's no good way to feel about this... I'm trying not to fall apart too...” I admit.

“I... This is a lot like Irene, and--You don't know who Irene is, do you?” She asks.

“I am terrible with names, I might’ve heard of Irene, who is she?” I ask, knowing that Jackie said the name but not in what context.

“My little big sister..I don't want to talk about it.”

Another bit of silence falls between us as I continue preening her wings.

“.....you know, most of the weirdness of all this has been coming from my mind, but there's one thing about this body that really gets to me. Crotch boobs. I mean, why do I have nipples down there?” She asks with an air of disbelief.

“Because you are paying attention to it. But realistically, it is far easier for a foal to nurse while the parent keeps an eye out for danger in a herd environment that way.” I explain, instead of the answer I was tempted to use, which is “Well why do humans have so many fingers?”

“I guess I can.... I'm just trying to distract myself.” She sighs. “We.... should go downstairs and tell the others.”

“Yeah....” I look away nervously. “its not going to be easy... I'm scared of what Julien or Shining will do...”

“Me too. I think, between us, though, we can keep him from doing anything... too rash.” She says hopefully.

I put a few more feathers back into place for Jackie before nodding approvingly. "There, should be able to fly if you want to. Keep your wings exercised."

She smiles sadly. “I don't feel like flying.” She then exits the bathroom, still damp. “Jacqueline? We're ready.”

I follow with a small sigh, nodding to Jackie.

The three of us head downstairs to where the rest of the group are sitting around a table, enjoying quite a bit of pizza.

Ginny seems to be in the middle of some sort of explanation. “...telling you, my favorite is the Smoker. I can just camp from the balconies and strangle the survivors. Oh hey guys, saved you some pizza!”

I smile weakly. “Hey... I'm not really hungry... Thank you though.”

They get a moment to take in our somber expressions, and Ginny looks to Jackie first. “...Oh God. That's the bad news face. Jackie, why do you have the bad news face?”

“Where's Reid?” Ian asks quickly.

Julien stands, looking quite serious and looking to me for answers. “What happened?”

“Reid is trying to contact the princesses, both of them went missing today. As well as... Something bad happened to Twilight.” I breach the subject gently, but I can see his shock.

“What happened?!” Julien asks, a bit louder than I would have liked.

Linda steps forward. “...she's... in the hospital.”

“...what?” Ginny asks breathlessly.

“I haven't looked at the article myself, so I don't know how bad it is, but--” Linda is cut off by Ginny breaking down.

“Oh no... nonono...” She collapses into her chair, covering her eyes and sobbing. “Nononononononono....”

“C...Come here....” Jackie hugs Ginny, rocking her gently. “Sh, sh, sh.... we're all here...”

I can’t bring myself to look at them, staring at the floor. “Reid is pretty sure she will be okay. We can make it to New york in three days if we leave immediately after trick or treating and take driving in shifts....”

Out of the corner of my eye I can see a bright red flash as Shining tries to cast a spell, before almost falling over from pain. “Damnit Julien. If you hadn't used up all that energy.... And what, I am supposed to be able to see the future?!” He started shouting at himself.

“Strategy! Moderation in use of force!” The white unicorn stopped talking, closing his eyes and growling angrily as he fought with himself.

“Oh, not you guys too... Both of you, stop it! Would Twilight want to see you tearing yourself to bits when there's nothing you can realistically do?” Linda chastised.

“...You guys too?” Harold asked, in a concerned tone.

Linda nodded. “Yeah, um... Pinkie and Reid were doing that earlier--”

“Wait, what?” Ian looked back to Linda instead of watching Shining.

“Wasn't... weren't they doing that before?” Linda asked, her own worry increasing as well.

“No!” Ian exclaimed simply.

“We can't waste time trick or treating if Discord is using deadly force now.” Shining says coolly, opening his eyes and looking at me for whatever reason.

“But if we panic, then everypony else will panic...” I try to reason, remembering Pinkie’s words. Hope...

“And you don't think they are already?” He asks. “The leaders of Equestria and one of the element bearers are incapacitated, I would say panic has come.”

Linda takes a step towards him, almost snarling. “THIS ISN'T EQUESTRIA! This is Earth! Our soldiers don't sit around and look pretty when we're attacked, they take their training SERIOUSLY and they certainly don't run off HALF ASSED INTO A SITUATION THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!”

We all stopped moving, talking, even breathing while Linda took a deep breath.

“...if you really want to help, at least read the article. And... and see if you can talk to the military about this.” Linda instructs.

Shining nods. “Sorry dear, you know how I get.” We collectively wince and he realizes his mistake. “I mean....”

“Okay. Both of us? We're upset, we're pissed, and right now we think it would be best if you just sat down and shut up.” Linda hisses.

Jackie looks as shocked as the rest of us feel. “Linda!”

“Fine. Please sit down and shut up.” Linda says again, tears streaking down her face, accenting her anger.

“Linda....” Jackie says.

Linda turns away. “...whatever. There's got to be a water fountain around here somewhere.” She finally just leaves, her hoofsteps hard on the carpet.

Shining just sighs and stares down at the floor dejectedly.

Harold turns to me after a few seconds. “.....sooooooo. Um. Reid's.... contacting the princesses?”

“She...” I have to correct myself since Reid’s brother is right there. “He is trying to contact Luna through his dreams. A theory in progress. We need to let him sleep.”

“Is... can she do that? Luna, I mean. Can she talk to people in their dreams?” Harold asks hopefully.

“No idea. Reid said it might, and without Spike its our only hope.” I sigh.

“I.... see.” Harold says, and the awkward pause returns.

Jackie sighs. “....I'm still going to finish the costumes. Even if you don't put them on, I won't leave a project half finished.” She says with determination.

“I’ll wear mine... I can keep he...” I am cut off by a jaw aching yawn. “...lping...”

“...oh no.” Ginny stands up, wiping the tears from her eyes. “No. You, missy, have had a very long day and you're... going to bed right, right now.” She insists.

I move over to hug her. “Its been a long day for everyone...” I point out.

“Shut up.” She says in the kindest tone I’ve ever heard. She then picks me up and cradles me like a cat, carrying me back to the bedrooms. “Honestly, if I wasn't watching out for you would you even take care of yourself?”

“Probably not...” I conceded, laying my head against a conveniently placed pillow and closing my eyes.

I can feel myself drifting off to sleep as I am placed into a bed and covers are drawn over me, before Ginny starts to sing quietly.

“Let the worries of the world, slip away, slip away.... let your eyes close and end this long and busy day... feel the warmth as your blankets cover your body so tight... and may peaceful, lovely dreams fill your mind's sight...”

I could swear there is more to it, but I am asleep and gone into the land of dreams.

chapter 41. Implosion
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 41. Implosion

The night is calm and cold as I walk, and I start to sing.
“As I walk the Everfree, I cannot stop the thought,”

I begin, looking at the dark and foreboding trees that surround me.
“Who shall think of me? When all comes to naught.”

I turn my eyes from the forest and keep them to the path ahead.
“My years I have spent, fighting darkness within.”

There is nothing in this forest that could truly hurt me.
“Where my fear went, I visit again and again.”

But it contains so many things that remind me of who I am.
“A mask I have worn for so long...”

“What will happen when I am gone?”
“Shall I be the warning tale of a creature too scared to fly?”
“Shall I be the pretty vale, in which no creature is said to die?”
“Or shall my friends see only the shadow I cast...”
“Is my darkness the only part of me that shall last?”
“I sing to the moon, in hope and in pain.”
“I wish only to see my own light again.”

I come to sit next to a chilly pond in the smallest of clearings, and dip my hoof into the shimmering water, watching tiny ripples echo outwards.
“my reflection is twisted, can’t you see?”
“I am told by nature what I am to be.”
“I am driven and hidden in turn by my heart”
“I only hope, I can stand for my part.”

The world of dreams falls away, and for a time I wander through figments and fog before the next dream occurs.

I set one hoof in front of another, keeping my eyes on the ground in front of me. If I keep counting, if I keep drilling the quartet of steps into my head, I won't hear the screams. Ahead of me lay all the good in the world, the elements and the means to wield them, everything I need to defeat Discord.

I had planned and calculated, and I know he will prey upon my kind nature, so for this one time I must be cruel.

As the world around me burns, I have to steel my resolve, lock away my emotions as my slightly curled mane drags in the grey dust coating the pavement.

I have a short moment to wonder if the powder has dyed my mane grey or if I have already succumbed to Discord's magic, but I can't focus on it, I can't let myself dwell on the sense of loss and suffering that is weighing me as though a lead saddle on my back.

One....two...three...four How many steps would it take to reach the dais that holds the elements?
it seems like an eternity that I count, flinching each time a mortar or grenade would shake the ground nearby.

They are all illusions, none of it is real and all of it will fade as soon as Discord is defeated.

"One...Two...Three...Four...." Does my voice really sound so scared? does it shake like that everytime I speak?

"One...." Twilight had been ripped in half, sacrifices had been made, nopony could be blamed for that... Why do I feel like I was the one that held the knife?

"Two...." Applejack had shown up out of nowhere, proud and powerful, our backup leader when Twilight fell, she fought with all her might, why do I feel like my help could have made the difference between victory and her still form in the rubble behind me?

"T...Three...." Rainbow Dash had been loyal to the end, not only brave but steadfast in the face of overwhelming odds... Why did I see a glimpse of hate and fear in her eyes before she left my side for her own fateful battle?

"F..." I can't finish the word. Pinkie Pie. She had smiled and laughed in the face of death itself, she had scored blow after blow against enemies that should have ripped her apart... Why can't I hear her laughing anymore?

My mouth won't make the words I want so badly to repeat, and I fall out of rhythm. I stumble and my knee scrapes the ground, leaving a drop of vivid red. Rarity... Rarity had stuck by my side, a living shield as I cried and whimpered. She had let me get this far, but the blood.... I forced myself to stand.

I finally looked up to the dais.

I was only hoofspans away, my eyes narrow and my heart cold. "Is this what you wanted Discord?" I scream

"Is this all you ever wanted, to see us broken?"

I don't hear anything. The howling wind is my only answer.

Of course this is all he wanted. I take the last few steps onto the Dias and the illusions behind me fade, but the memories do not.

My bloodied leg drags across the stone as I approach the delicate wire frames that hold up the elements.

I slowly take the element of magic, and let it fall to the ground.

Discord is behind me, but I don't turn around.

I raise a hoof above the crown, and Discord clears his throat.

My hoof comes down and crushes it, and I keep stomping until the element of magic is nothing but dust.

Then, when my grizzly task is finished, I finally turn to face Discord.

I have never seen a god look so frightened.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I whisper.

"You have some serious issues, sister." he says. no props or quips, just his opinion. I take a step forward. He steps back.

"Isn't this what you wanted?!" I scream. "To reduce us to the monsters you can't control? Chaos! You seem to love chaos. But you know what I just did?" I shout, as I drive him back against a wall.

"I just did the kindest thing of all." Suddenly I am whispering, and the mismatched creature has to lean in to hear me.

"I just gave you what you wanted." I continued. "Game over, you win." I smirked, and I turned to walk away.
and slowly, with the creeping corrosion of rust, I made a god cry.

Again, I wander through this confusing and deceptive place, before the next dreams grabs ahold of me.

I am standing on a plush carpet, for some reason the feeling of the fibers against my hooves puts my hair on end. It feels like a horn against a chalkboard. I raise my head wearily from the floor and look at the steel surgical table that has appeared somehow in the middle of my living room.
Erica’s living room. So why is a surgical table imposed upon this half remembered environment? Because I am performing surgery of course.
An injured bear lays on the cold metal, with vermillion blood dripping from a deep stab wound in it’s side.

I am not alone in this operation. A pony stands to each side of me, one a monochrome, the other the grisly incarnation of Nightmare Whisper that had been described to me.

“Morphine, to dull the pain.” She hisses, as my grey copy sneers. “If it doesn’t hurt, the animal will only hurt itself again.” Is her reply. Both of them are wrong, by definition they are evil, but why do they both make so much sense?

I block them out and apply a local anesthetic, before opening up the wound and seeing that somehow the wound is much worse than I could have thought, internal organs may be bleeding.

“End it, let him sleep...” The whisper advises, full of mercy, tainted by a desire to end all suffering no matter the cost. “Open him up, if he dies at least you will have learned how to help the next one.” The grey version of me says, putting “Help” in quotation marks with her hooves and smirking.

I struggle to go on, my stomach churning and making me feel light headed as I carefully open the bear’s side, moving deeper to find the perforated liver, which I immediately start to work on, desperate to finish this, to rid myself of these two unwanted helpers.

“He will likely die already, the recovery would be painful....” From one side. “You don’t need to bother with him, it will only be a waste of time. Even if he makes it, he will just get hurt again.” From the other.

I repair the gash, sweat dripping from my face and my stomach heaving despite my experience as a vet in the past. I know how to do this, I have done it before, but I feel like I am making a terrible mistake.

“He will be a cripple, unable to live a full life.” My cruel reflection snarls. Nightmare whisper shakes her head. “He will be in pain all through recovery... There is still time to put him to sleep.”

“It’s not sleep!” I finally cry out, spinning on her, my voice cracking. “It’s death you are talking of!”

Silence, and I retch and vomit, coughing and gagging as I release my stomach onto the terribly scratchy carpet. “D... Death...” I gasp, before turning back to the two inscrutable shards of myself.

“You two are sickening!” I scream, my legs shaking. “How could you... Take other people’s self determination away from them! Life... Life is precious.” I pant, glaring at them. “Just as precious as self determination.”

They simply watch me, impassive as granite.

I look back to my patient and all else vanishes. Reid lays on the table, eyes open in a dead stare, blood soaking his clothes and pink fur.

“NO!” I scream as I awake.

chapter 42. To look upon ourselves.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 42. To look upon ourselves.

I wake screaming, the image of Reid on that table still fresh in my mind as I look upon her, so alive, so precious, so staring at me in as much shock as I feel. Then I realize I am clinging to her, and by the warmth that surrounds us in the blankets that just barely cover us, I am going to guess that she did not climb in to comfort me of my nightmares.

"...um... hello." she says with a small smile, her adorably askew tin foil headgear offsetting the austerity of her jacket and her now concerned expression.

I try to rub away my tears and sniffling nose as though those terrifying dreams hadn't happened, but I have no luck when it comes to reality. "H...Hey..." I mumble, withdrawing from the hug that I am sure is unwelcome.

"...soooooo," she starts, a very blatant casual tone in her voice and I can only imagine her anger or her disgust or fear, how many ways are there for one pony to hate another? I must have exhausted the list of fears before she finished her thought. "Don't take this the wrong way, but... do you remember us sharing a bed?"

So she thinks I would violate him, or she thinks that I tried to, she will never trust me again, she will hate me until the day I die. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't...." I start to cry, the emotions of the dream still pulling at me and dashing any hope of reason or calm to the winds. These aren't dramatic tears, screaming or hollering, just silent and bitter sobs as I try to gather my thoughts to me.

"Heyheyhey..." she grabs ahold of me, and doesn't hurt me, doesn't take out well deserved anger, but pulls me close. "I, I'm sure nothing happened, okay? This is... this is the element of Laughter, having a little prank at our expense, you know, we panic for a bit and then it all turns out to be completely innocent," she explains, stroking my mane and absolving me of all blame for the current crisis in one fell swoop. "I didn't mean to implicate you, I'm sorry."

With my mind somewhat steadied the dreams come back to me. "It's not that Reid.... I had... I had a terrible nightmare... You were dead Reid, and it was all my fault." I choke out between the sobs.

"...I had a dream like that once. A cat was... basically falling apart in my hands, no matter how hard I tried to stuff the organs back in. There wasn't any blood, and the cat actually seemed kinda calm. It was more sad than scary, really..." she rambles, but I don't care. Her heart is beating, her body is warm. She is alive and my dreams were unfounded. "Everypony--and human, heh, has dreams like that. The dreams don't make you a monster."

I feel like this is a confession, I am spilling myself out to see if she finds any darkness, anything to fault or purge from me. "Nightmare whisper was there... And the grey me... And they just wouldn't go away... I'm sorry, I shouldn't... Shouldn't be dumping this on you...."

"You know, I have to disagree with you there. You want to know why?" She asks with an ever so small smirk, a twinkle of laughter in her eyes.

"Why..." It's not much of a question, since her own was rhetorical, but my confusion gives way to a small smile and a childish blush as she starts to sing.

"When I was a little filly and the sun was going doooooooooooooooooown...."

"Pinkie.... The others are sleeping still...."

Her smile only grows. "The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frooooooooooooooooooown..."

I giggle and, in an attempt to get her to stop, throw out the only other thing I can think of. "Pinkieee.... The others are gonna think things..."

She stops just before the next verse. "Wait, are you serious? I mean do we want them to think things like that when I'm not even sure and--and, um, just a moment--" She attempts to roll off the bed but forgets to throw off the sheets, and ends up hanging off the side of the bed in a bedsheet cocoon.

"I was lying, I just didn't want you to wake them up." I admit, before trying to help untangle her, and ending up falling with her to the floor, landing on top. "Um..." I feel my cheeks burn.

"...well." She says with a chipper smile. "This is awkward. I've been pinned by a naked woman."

I gasp and pull myself into the air, hovering over her with my best impression of a grumpy and disapproving face, but by default failing horribly with my blush and trademark lack of any threatening qualities. "I'm not naked, I've got fur," I protest.

"Well, so do humans. And it's not fur, it's hide." She says, standing. "Technical detail, I know, but I like to quibble on those things." As she stands, I notice a grey streak down off the side of her head, which I first think is a piece of tin foil, but quickly identify as a lock of her mane.

I quickly put aside my issues and fly over to her, grabbing the bit of grey hair in my hooves. "What happened?! Reid, are you okay?"

"What do you mean?! Is there a mysterious marking on my face in an eldritch script?! Are my eyes bleeding GATORADE?! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE PANICKING!" She snaps, and for a moment I wonder if I had insulted her or if she was joking, and flinch away from her before I put it out of mind.

"You... You have grey in your hair... I thought..."

"Oh?" She pulls it down in front of her eyes and examines it for herself. "Oh huh. Weird. And it's still straight." She smiles to me reassuringly. "That's just Dissy trying to get my goat, a little parting gift after I talked to Tara and Luna. Don't worry about it, totally under control."

"Are you sure... I mean... I could give you a hug if it’d help..."

"If anything, I think it's a measure of me winning if the villain has to resort to dying my mane." She says with a grin.

"Wait wait, you did it?! You talked to Luna? What happened?" I ask, squeeing as I anticipate a solution to all our problems.

She raises an eyebrow curiously. "....seriously, how do you get your dimples to squeak like that?"

"It's not my dimples, say 'weee' then try doing it without opening your mouth. It’s that but higher pitched and while smiling. BUT YOU TALKED TO LUNA! This is great news!" I say, rambling off an excuse off the top of my head for why I make that sound whenever I am happy.

"No, I swear whenever you smile like that, your dimples squeak." She shakes her head, giving up that topic for now. "Anyway, to business: Luna is going after Celestia after she... helps Tara calm down her family. Long story. Also, apparently that's not Twilight in the hospital... exactly... Well, it's Twilight's MAGIC but not her MIND. Dissy did something while she was coming through so we still have to find Twilight. And also, I'm starving. Does this hotel serve pancakes?"

I wonder if Reid and Pinkie switch topics as a sort of deflection. If no one around them can process one subject before they switch, it won't be examined, questioned, and the painful bits won't bite as hard. So Luna is going to find Celestia, hopefully the princess of the night will be capable of bringing her sister back from the haze that is Discord's influence.

Twilight's magic and mind have been split, so will Twilight be able to gain the element at all, or will the sixth element be somehow different?

I ponder the situation for a moment as she anxiously yearns for the door and the mythical pancakes beyond. "Before pancakes, we need to get Shining and Cadence. They were... Very upset last night," I explain.

"Let's not," Reid says with a shrug. "It would be awkward to walk in on sympathy sex. I can NOT believe I just said that."

"No..." I pause for a moment to reflect on the fact that just days before Reid had said she was asexual, or maybe that was Pinkie, but what did that mean with us waking up in bed together... "No its worse than that. I'd be surprised if they even stayed in the same room." I finally finish, forcing myself to stop thinking about the confusing signals and the grey streak in her hair.

"...angry sex? Brain, stop thinking about sex. Where is this even coming from?!" She says with frustration as I start to wonder if something is seriously wrong. In the end my confusion takes second chair to the current situation though, and I force myself to put aside mental images of Shining being dominated by a furious Cadance.

"I don't know, but they were so angry at each other they wouldn't even speak." I point out, trying to get across just how bad it had been.

"Oh." She ponders for a moment. "Wow. Okay, um."

I don't try to say anything as Reid thinks it over. "I... don't think I'm qualified to handle that situation. Can I just back out like a coward and wake everybody else up?"

"I don't wanna deal with it either," I admit with a grimace. "Let's go wake them all up then they can help deal with it."

“That's a good plan. I like that plan. I am proud to be a part of that plan.” Reid says with a smile, fervently going along with the option that doesn’t involve us having to deal with that particular mess.

We make our way into the room where we had been making costumes the night before, and walk in on Jackie, passed out across a pile of scraps and papers. She makes for a sort of poetic scene, whereas we had been so busy with our personal problems and drama, she had finished all the costumes and carried through on her promise without fail.

Reid looks on her with a smile. “I vote we let her sleep.”

“I agree. Ginny then?”

“Mmmmmyep. You get Ginny, I'll get Ian.” She says as she bounces off to her brother’s room and I make my way into Ginny’s. Cracking the door open, I spot her splayed out across the hotel bed in a carefree sprawl. I manage to climb up onto her bed and nudge her arm with a hoof.

Her response is not one I had anticipated. “...no, Angel, don't make me wear the maid outfit...”

Now I know she is a fan of my own character and that might extend to fantasies about Angel, but it makes it no less awkward or embarrassing. I nudge her again.

“...thanks for the help dusting, miss squirrel...” Okay so that is much more acceptable and less... confusing. I finally grab hold of her arm and give it a hard shake.

“Wha?!” Before I know what is going on, I’ve been put in a headlock, which doesn’t really work on a pony since our necks are thinner and built differently than human necks, but still being put in a headlock is a bit sudden for so early in the morning. “Who are you, what-- OHMYGOSH I'MSOSORRY!”

She lets me go and backs up against the headboard of the bed, panting. “I, I swear it was just reflex, I didn't hurt you did I!?” She asks me, as though I would typically admit to being hurt even if I was.

“Of course not. I'm too soft and huggable to be hurt by you.” I say with a small giggle and a smile.

“Oh. Well that's... good, I guess.” She says with a good amount of hesitation. She then tilts her head in confusion and looks behind me at the door. “Um... what's that sound?”

I hear what sounds suspiciously like the whistle of an incoming rocket, but I’m not in Iran so that can’t be it. Reid bursts into the room a moment later holding a small yellow pony with a big bow in her hair and a dazed expression full of tired thoughts.

“...eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LOOKIT!” She sticks the filly into my face as though I needed to check her mane for ticks or something. The realization that Apple Bloom is here triggers a reflex driven by my last experience when dealing with the ubiquitous CMC members, and my panic mode engages. Which for me is the equivalent of mild distress.

“Are the other two here? Hide the Women and Children! Wait, no that was back in Equestria. So who is she really?” I ask as I examine the slowly awakening pony.

Reid tosses Apple Bloom into the air before catching her carefully. “Oh man oh man, AJ is going to FLIP! Hahaha! We're semi-half sisters now!”

“REID! PUT ME DOWN!” In some way it frightens me that Apple Bloom, or someone speaking with Apple Bloom’s voice, can sound more commanding and assertive than I do. Then again it really isn’t a surprise.

Reid blinks a few times and sets her brother turned pony down on the bed. “Right, sorry, I couldn't help myself. Calm. I'm calm now.” She takes a few deep breaths, still smiling.

“Glad that's over--” Ian starts before being swept up in a second, tighter hug by none other than Ginny.

“OHMYGOSHYOUAREADORABLE!” She shouts as I chuckle and do my best not to get jealous of the little and unquestionably cute pony.

“Be careful, I had to replace three tables, four chairs, a hammer, and a window after they stayed one night. Dangerous yet adorable.” I point out.

“Like cats!” Reid says, somehow staying on topic while completely switching the subject.

Ian squeaks out “Can't... breathe...” before Ginny lets him go.

“OHMYGOSH I'M SO SORRY!” This girl really needs to work on her volume control.

“That's alright, Ah'm fine.” He pauses, apparently noticing his accent for the first time. “Wait. Why am Ah talken' like this?”

“Well you didn't think Erica talked like Fluttershy before, did you?” I ask, smirking a little. The amusing thing is, I almost did, my volume just went down.

“Ah... guess not? Hold on, yer big. Bigger then me, Ah mean... am Ah some sorta midget?” He puzzles, looking himself over as best he can.

“Ah... you... don't know who you got?” Reid asks with a little amusement and a dash of worry.

“Let's see, Ah wake up when mah brother turned pony suddenly pounces on me and rushes me through tha hall. Ah get flung around a bit, find out Ah have a lousy acksent, and Ah haven't even looked in a mirror yet. So, no, Ah don't know who... Ah...” His rant ends with even his bow seeming to droop out of angst and sadness. “Ah'm that moepony, ain't Ah.”

“Mmmmmyep.” Reid confirms.

“Moepony? You are Apple Bloom.” I say, not getting the reference.

“A.K.A. Moe pony.” Reid confirms again.

“So not only am Ah a girl, Ah'm a little girl.” He says with the most heart crushing look of sadness I’ve ever seen on a filly.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Reid nods, pausing for a moment before looking at her brother in shock. “Oh skreep, you can't drive anymore!”

Ian seems less than happy with that being one of the first concerns. “Ya think?”

I pick him up and give him a hug of my own, still thinking that hugs can solve everything. “It'll all be okay, don't worry. We still have Harold, Ginny, and I can drive my car.” I explain. Even if he would rather be focused on another problem, at least that one is manageable for now.

“...is everyone goen' ta hug me now?” He grumbles, prompting me to set him down and back away sheepishly. I hadn’t meant to upset him.

“I feel your pain.” Reid says sympathetically. “The emasculation of switching genders and suddenly being cute. To be fair, though, Apple Bloom does some pretty intense stuff, so after the first hug people should treat you normally.”

Ginny looks at the large collection of ponies in her room nervously, most likely feeling a bit violated in an entirely non sexual way. “...um. Not to interrupt, but... why are we all still in my bedroom?”

“It smells nice in here. Is that... persimmon?” Reid asks on another ‘tangent but still on topic’ that I seem to be noticing more often.

“Aheh heh... yes...” Ginny admits sheepishly, turning away and trying to straighten out her bedhead.

“I came in to wake you up. Pinkie has news.” I say, turning to Reid with a smile, hiding the burst of guilt and panic I get from using that name again.

Reid doesn’t seem to notice. “News... which I shall inform you of.... OVER PANCAKES,” She declares.

“That sounds all right.” Ginny agrees, getting up off the bed.

“You get to wake up Julien and Linda,” she says with a smile, as if calling shotgun.

Ginny doesn’t seem amused. “What the fuck man?!”

“Language! There are fillies present!” Reid protests, barely fighting off her smile.

“Yer gonna milk this fer all it's worth, aintcha.” Ian grumbles. “Ah'm twenty years old!”

Thinking it over, I never asked Reid how old he was, and he never said. Is Ian his older or younger brother? Am I trading glances with and thinking of a kid or a peer? I know Pinkie’s age but not his and it really is goign to bug me if I don’t find out.

“That reminds me, we need to get you a booster seat!” Reid keeps antagonizing her brother relentlessly.

If I just ask, then she will find the question odd. What if she is young but likes to act older, and would be offended by a physical age? Why do I have to worry about things like this when noone else does? Finally I think of a way to get at the subject.

“Wait so my average between shy and erica is 20, so what does that make you reid?” I ask as we start to make our way down to the cafeteria, and Ginny goes up to the royal bedroom.

“Let's see, twenty two and seventeen... Four hundred and sixty three.” She says with a happy grin.

Okay so she is the same age as me. Or she is lying so I don’t make a big deal out of it. Or she just finds it funny, or...

“Nineteen an' a half.” Ian corrects Reid, probably thinking of his own now severely deminished age average.

“Right, forgot to carry the five.” Reid laughs, before noticing that Ian had tripped and lay on the carpet, looking close to tears.

Reid picks him up and sets him on her back. “We'll work on walking later. For the bathroom, though, you're on your own.”

“Aw, don't be mean to poor Apple Bloom.” I giggle before realizing I had said the wrong name again.

“I'm giving her a ride, how is that mean?” Reid points out.

“Ah get that this is funny ta ya, but Ah just woke up like this. Can ya'll at least keep treating me like Ian?” He begs, pouting in a very Applebloom way.

“...My apologies. It's just been a stressful few days and... well, I take the funnies where I can.” Reid explains as we trot together into the relatively deserted cafeteria. “OH YES PANCAKES.”

I immediately feel like a jerk for effectively dismissing him entirely. “I'm sorry Ian... If you need any help let me know, okay?” I offer as I grab some apples, and a bowl of oatmeal, watching Reid get her own food and pondering how noone had noticed the grey streak in her mane. My offer of assistance turns out to be needed sooner than I thought as Ian can’t reach the counter and looks to me plaintively.

“Uh.... Erishy?” He points with a tiny hoof at the pancake section of the table.

I grab a plate with a spare wing and pile two pancakes on. Not too much since he is a filly now, after all. “Here you go ian.”

“Thank ya.” He says, trotting over to the table and mumbling around the plate, “Thish ish just sho embarrasshing...”

Jackie seems to have shown up in a Photo finish cosplay of some sort, and stares at Ian in shock and joy. “...oh that is just too perfect.”

Ian set down his plate and looks like he is eager to dig in before Jackie has fillynapped him and runs off up the stairs.

“ ...I would be more worried about this if I didn't know Jackie.” Reid says, and I decide not to point out that he has only known Jackie for a few days now.

chapter 43. The Briefing
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 43. The Briefing

We all fall silent as Julien walks in, unannounced and for a few moments unaccompanied as he snags a banana and a plate in a rosy glow, that seems much more cheerful than he is. He takes a seat away from the rest of us and is carefully peeling the banana when Linda enters the room. I look to her but quickly look down at my plate as she sees her pseudo husband, snagging an apple in her own glow before sitting across from him, head hung low and wings drooping.

“...listen. About, um, yesterday...” She starts. I try to block it out since I am not part of the conversation, and I feel like I am intruding, but the cafeteria is so quiet I can’t help but hear, and finally look up timidly to watch.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you that, I'm dealing with....” Julien gestures to his own head, not quite looking at the princess.

“...I, um, kinda lied a bit.” Linda says, rubbing the back of her head with one hoof. “See... I said, um, we both wanted you to... ya know... that, uh, that was just me.” Linda looks away, blushing a bit. “Cadance just wanted a hug... and... yeah. I was being a bitch.” She admits.

I feel a nudge to my shoulder but i'm in some other realm of thought as the two royal ponies make up in front of me, a place long ago, back when I was still just Erica...

“It’s not your fault, it really isn’t, I’m sorry okay? Is that what you want to hear? I’m just a bitch. it’s all my fault, blame it all on me so you can pretend like you are perfect.”

The words flow off me like tears in the rain, just a few more drops of teenage angst to join the flood.

“Jerrica...” I start, reaching up a hand, that I can’t help but notice is shaking slightly. “I didn’t...”

“Yes, you did! You never loved me. All of this was a waste of time because you didn’t have the decency to tell me that you didn’t love me.”

The worst part is, I can’t say she is wrong. The worst part about being kind is, you forget about what you need, what you want, until someone sits down and drags it out of you. She must have asked me a hundred times a day how I was feeling, and it was always the same answer.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Every day.

I didn’t realize that I was hurting, I didn’t even notice that I wanted to cry every night because I felt like everything was paper thin and ready to fall away.

Well here it was, closing time. The end of the charade I had been accidentally putting on to please everyone else, when they didn’t even want me to.

The worst part is, I don’t regret it.

The memory of my failed relationship is a sharp counterpoint to the successful one I see in front of me. Even half strangers, with all the world going mad, they can put their pain aside.

I have to choke back a sob, but I’m smiling.

“...Actually, I just wanted to make sure, you know, Cadance and Shining weren't... breaking up because of me....um. Soooooo. You... were going to take me out on a date today, right?” Linda asks, plainly full of regret for ever putting a wedge between them.

Then a literal wedge in the form of a pink pony who had just been right next to me suddenly appears between them, having just stepped out of my sight for a moment.

“Right after trick or treating, I believe that was the plan! Cause we're totally still doing that.” Reid says enthusiastically.

Linda looks at her in shock before shaking her head. “What? Where did you come f--?! No. Never mind, I've heard that joke too often. Ugh.”

Julien looked a bit relieved despite the sudden pony appearance. “No, of course not. No argument could do that. And yes, I figure after trick or treating and getting to the next town, we can sneak off to go on a date.”

“And then make up sex!” Reid suddenly exclaims joyously, to the surprise and confusion of everyone in the room.

I have to wonder if Discord is really to blame for the sudden preoccupation she seems to have gained with sexuality, or if the flood gates have simply been opened, exposing her to the new and wondrous land of the adult world. This leads me to thinking about Pinkie launching some less than appropriate things out of her party cannon while laughing wildly. Luckily this train of thought is cut short by Linda’s reaction.

“WHAT?!” Really a simple reaction, but appropriate.

“..you know what, I'm going to blame Discord for that.” She explains as she shows them the grey streak in her mane. “Ever since I woke up, I had this, and a strange obsession with sex. Strange for me, anyway. And since Dissy is responsible for the streak, I'm blaming him for that too. Excuse me, pancakes.”

The sudden departure from the conversation hides her blush from most of the room as she makes her way back to the table and resumes eating her pancakes, an unusually quiet breakfast for her.

After a moment, Harold speaks up. “Where's Ian?” he asks, looking anywhere but the center of awkwardness in the room.

Ginny looks like she is about to answer but can’t see the missing human either. “I... don't know.” She finally admits.

I decide to fill them in and give a small warning to prevent more grumpy cutie mark crusader syndrome. “Ian is now Applebloom. And he is not comfortable with being adorable.”

“Thank Celestia I stayed a stallion.” Julien chuckles from his corner.

“Ooooookay. That still doesn't explain where he--” Harold starts to say before being interrupted by Ian, the very pony he is searching for, held aloft by Jackie dressed in what looks to be a Photo Finish cosplay. Ian has a plastic sword in one hoof and a shield in the other, but what tips me off to the costume’s design is the world renown pointy green hat and green tunic.

“DARLINGS! BEHOLD!” Jackie says proudly, as Ian struggles a little.

Ian Bloom just growls miserably. “Why is everybody treaten' me like a doll?”

I want to motivate Ian to accept his new form and start working towards becoming friendly with Applebloom and the easiest way to do that is distract him from his problem. “But you wanted to go trick or treating, didn't you?” I ask.

“Ah didn't...” ian pauses and seems for a moment incapable of countering my flawless distraction. “Ah mean, Ah didn't care either way!”

Reid holds out a hoof to pause our conversation, pondering the costume with a critical eye. “Wait wait wait. I'm Midna, and he's Link? JACKIE YOU ARE AMAZING!” She declares.

The cosplay guru seems quite smitten by the compliment and for a moment I feel a surge of jealousy before I quell it. “Oh, well, I made this for some rich brat who decided it wasn't cool at the last minute. Still, I'm glad you like it.” She says with a smile.

“Please. Put me down.” Reid’s brother and/or sister begs.

“Oh! Right! Sorry.” Jackie says, a bit insincerely, before setting him down.

Still on my crusade of fixing people’s personal problems without their permission, I lean down to offer a compliment. “I think your outfit looks great, and it hides your Bow too.” I point out to Ian.

“If you lovebirds would come over to the main table, I'd like to tell you all some important things!” Reid suddenly shouts, almost startling me, but I manage to avoid a flip-and-faint maneuver by mashing my ears down against my head to dull the volume.

Linda seems less than pleased with the new moniker. “WE ARE NOT oh forget it, she's going to keep at it no matter what we do.” She sighs, trotting over to the table, royal wings fully splayed out as usual. I have to wonder if that is a posture thing like how royals are supposed to walk a certain way, or if their wings are simply built differently. But then I fear that I am verging on being as obsessive as Reid and his ribs.

“At least yer not short.” Ian chimes in, sitting in front of his lone pancake he had been dragged away from.

Everyone and everypony takes their seats around our pink commander, looks of concern or confusion mixed with tired half open eyes and yawns.

“Alrighty! So, Erishy has already heard what I'm about to tell you all. Now, last night I discovered the princesses were missing and had a brilliant idea on how to find them.” Reid declares proudly.

Her brother just rolls his eyes (or, he rolls her eyes seeing as how he is in Apple Bloom’s body? I don’t know.) “She told us about tha tin foil thang. And about Twilight.”

“..right.” Reid seems sort of dazed for a moment before continuing after a shake of her head. “So anyway, I did manage to get in contact with Luna and Tara. I didn't come out entirely unscathed, Dissy was there too, but I managed to scare him off. So, Luna and Tara are, well, making amends for what happened with Tara's family while they were Discorded, and then they'll go find Celestia.” She explains, showing everyone the grey streak in her mane.

Ginny nods in agreement. “That seems like a good idea...”

“BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! Luna told me of a few things Dissy let slip.” Reid says dramatically, sipping a glass of orange juice that looked familiar, almost like it had been back in the food room a second ago. “The fact is.... Twilight Sparkle was not shot.”

“Oh thank Celestia.” Julien says in relief, before looking back to Reid. “So what, did Discord fake that picture?”

“Nope! A purple unicorn, who could pass any genetic test you want, got shot and is now in the hospital.” Reid explains, making us all a bit more confused as we look between ourselves sleepily, as though one of us might hold the answer.

Jackie is the first to speak up, voicing what we are all thinking. “...But... that couldn't... what?”

“Now now, Jackie, know thine enemy. What fun is there in making sense? Twilight did get shot. Twilight also did not get shot.” Reid ‘explains’.

Julien seems to get it before the rest of us do. “No... He can't have... He made a bunch of Twilights? And I thought one was a pain... But that still means we need to get to Twilight.” He says firmly.

After a bit Reid nods. “He split Twilight in two. The one in the hospital has her magic. The one we haven't found has her mind. At least, that's what he told Luna in order to discourage her. And then he had one shot. So they must both be important, from a purely strategical perspective.”

“Alright. So... what do we do?” Harold asks.

“We have two responsibilities. One: Locate and gather ALL the bearers, hopefully with the elements on them. Two: Keep the population calm. Shooting Twilight is terrorism, plain and simple, Discord's trying to get us all in a panicked state of mind.” Reid smiles and looks to Julien. “Lucky we have a way of fighting that. Julien! Where's the next city on our trip?”

“Columbus, Ohio. We can get there in a single day if we leave at sunup or we can do it overnight, taking turns at the wheel. Or, wheels. Wait, we don’t have multiple drivers anymore except for Erica's car, since it has been... modified.” He ponders.

“Yeeeeeah we're going to have to cut that journey in half. We need to be in a town by this afternoon or evening.” Reid says, looking worried.

“Why?” Harold asks.

“Publicity. Or rather, counter-terrorism methodology. Because that's what putting Twilight in the hospital is, terrorism. It's meant to terrify us, and I guarantee you the MOMENT we walk out that door we will be assailed by news cameras and whatnot.” Reid explains, gesturing to the hotel exit.

I can see Ginny look towards me with concern, concern I must admit I probably need.”That... probably isn't good.” Ginny says.

“We need to divert their attention from the tragedy while also reassuring them that we still have hope. SO! We'll tell them that whatever town we end up in next, Hasbro has arranged a public talk show interview with Erishy and I. Hasbro will have to arrange the interview then, since we're basically their flagship salesmares copyright or not... Anywho, then we tell them that all questions WILL be answered on the talk show but that we intend to celebrate Halloween no matter what, because we're not going to cower in fear.” Reid declares, a sort of bravery in her voice that bolsters my confidence.

“Where are you getting these ideas?” Harold asks.

After a bit of a pause, Reid answers with an expression of bitter distaste. “...history. Recent history, actually...It... happened eight days before my birthday. I was born on talk like a pirate day, did you know that?”

For a moment I don’t get the reference, until I remember that talk like a pirate day is in september, and that is all the hint I need. To remember that, and that we are taking tips from that sort of event, can I really take my fears as a valid excuse to delay a resolution? Has it really gotten that bad?

“Don't worry about me, I can... Suck it up, and deal with my fear later. This needs to happen.” I say quietly.

“Then we need to leave now. I'll start packing.” Julien says, getting up.

“Wait wait wait, what about Trick or treating?!” Reid gasps, as though we were going to miss gummy’s birthday party. “That's a vital part of the plan! We can't let Dissy send us into a panic, otherwise he wins!”

Linda just observes this panic with incredulity. “Are you sure you don't just want candy?”

“That's a side benefit and you know it.” Reid says, though everyone in the room knows she’s lying, or at least stretching the truth.

“We could trick or treat after the press conference.” I propose.

“Or we could do it before, spreading the word.” Julien chimed in, as I pondered pamphlets or something.

Reid seems stunned that we didn’t already understand what she meant, gaping at us. “That's what I'm saying!”

“I agree to this plan.” The half asleep costume maker says, standing alongside Julien.

“You see? Sense!” Reid declares.

“I prepared the body dye and we need to get it on you soon if you're going to be Midna. Give me twenty minutes to apply and ten minutes for it to dry... and I think Erishy can handle helping the other ponies into their costumes and applying her own makeup.” Jackie adds as she turns to leave back to the rooms.

“Wait, I thought you were making a bodysuit?” Reid asks, looking like a deer in the headlights.

“Nope. Body paint and colored contacts. And hair dye. I don't half-do things. Now finish those pancakes missy!” Jackie demands before walking to the door.

Reid looks between the leaving woman and her pancakes, panic and indecision filling her face before finally swallowing the entire meal of pancakes whole, in a way that can only be described as pinkie-ish, then bounds off to get costumed up.

“... that's just freaky.” Ginny comments.

“But if we do it in kansas city not many of the locals will be able to make it. If we get to the next city and trick or treat there, the publicity will be put to better use.” I hear Julien pondering.

“I think what Pinkie is... was trying to say, before Jackie dragged her off, is that by announcing HERE that we're going to have a press conference in the next city, we prepare everyone online to ask questions.” Linda explains.

“Reid. His name is Reid.” Ian practically growls. We all look at him for a moment, unsure how to respond.

Finally Linda just nods. “...right, sorry.”

Harold turns to his fellow cosplayer. “Ginny, do you think we should clean up our cosplay costumes? Jackie's been rather busy with the ponies'.”

I can hear them talking and what sounds like packing as the cosplayers leave, the two royal ponies off in a corner and everyone else indisposed, I am left alone. I really should go get my costume on, but I have been staring out the window for a while now. My thoughts are stuck in a loop of the dreams I had last night that stuck so vividly in my mind, and of the comfort Reid provided me when I awoke, was that an instinctual reaction to a crying filly, or does Reid really care about me as more than a Friend? It’s a question that cannot be answered without destroying the relationship in question, it’s something I can’t do. Not again. But then beyond that are the dreams themselves.

I hear a sigh and the light tapping of our new filly companion moving up beside me. “...Okay. Since Reid's not here, Ah guess it falls ta me ta ask: What's up?” Ian asks me.

I keep staring out the window for a moment before I speak. “You know, there's this theory... I forget where I heard it... But there's this theory that the more you worry about something happening, the more likely it is to happen. Like... If you are scared of heights, you are gonna end up being stuck in high up places a lot....” I look around to make sure we are alone, my thoughts spinning. I finally look back to the tiny pony. “Or if you like being tall you'll end up becoming short or something.... I'm really, really, really worried that Reid is going to die, Ian. I've been having nightmares about it...”

“...Reid specifically, or just all tha bearers of tha elements?” Ian asks.

I smile sadly, admitting to myself that the whole group had fallen in one dream. “Well, both. But Reid is the only one I've dreamt of dying more than once.”

Ian nods. “Ah think it's just cause yer worried. And have spent time with him tha most. Ah mean, if ya met up with... Rainbow Dash, that was tha other pegasus, right? If ya had met up with her, ya'd be haven' nightmares bout her. It's just fear, Erishy. Horrifyen'... but in tha end harmless.”

“I sure hope so Ian. I'm sorry about the hugs, I would've hugged you no matter what pony you turned into.” I say, hoping to mend some of the anger I had inadvertently caused.

“...It was less tha hugs and more tha whole... kid... thang. Um. If Ah'm getten' this... Apple Bloom girl, should Ah childproof mah mind? Oh gawd that sounds weird...”

“She is more mature than any foal I've ever met. Just look out for impulses and doing things without thinking them through. Apple Bloom really wants her cutie mark, but she understands that this is a very tricky situation. I bet she is just as scared as you.” I caution.

“Ya know if Ah had become a pony on tha first few days Ah'd be scared, but right now Ah'm more annoyed then anythang.” Ian grumbles, the accent coaxing a giggle out of me.

“You know, maybe some of Apple Bloom's adventurous spirit and energetic optimism will rub off on you.” I propose, still pushing for him to embrace the change.

I can hear the packing of things slow down and Linda speaks up. “Look, Julien... Shining... Whatever, we can think up a good name later. I know Jackie, and if we don't have our costumes on by the time she's finished with Reid we are going to regret it. So can we please get a move on upstairs?”

Julien sighs. “sorry, I just... I thought that getting in matching costumes might... Not make you happy. I'm really trying not to make this any harder on you.”

“You're an arrogant sap, you know that?” Linda says in an oddly kind tone. “Hey Erishy! Come help me drag this depressed lug into Aragorn's armor!”

I turn away from Ian. “Well, I have been summoned.” I say, waving to Ian before trotting off and up to their room to help them into their costumes.

Author's Note

Thank you for anyone who has stuck out this far, hoping to pick up the pace and get the plot rolling. Had some delays with authors joining then failing to write for extended periods of time, which causes us all to wait for them to continue.
edit: the start of this chapter has been edited 3 times, let me know if it is confusing and if so what needs to be changed.

chapter 44. Sins of our Fathers
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 44. Sins of our Fathers

We troupe of three make our way into the costume room and are greeted by the sight of our costumes carefully laid out on handers and ponnequins in all their resplendent glory.

“....and she goes for the gossamer gown. Oh whatever.” Linda carefully wraps the flowing and gold hemmed dress in her blue glow and picks it up to admire the work. I was never a Lord of The Rings buff, but Arwin’s dress is an impressive piece of craftsmanship. “Hey, where's Reid?” She asks curiously, noting all of Reid’s clothes hung on a hanger in the corner.

“Probably getting changed in private. I don't blame him.” I reply softly as I examine my own outfit. Jackie is quite skilled in order to take the phrase “Gothic fairy” and turn it into something like this. The soft green and black outfit is adorned with lace and gentle curves across its form. I can feel myself flush a little in embarrassment, all this work for me and it looks so elegant, I have to wonder if I can live up to the beauty it portrays. Nevertheless it is by far the nicest costume I have ever worn.

“Painted, you mean. Remember what Jackie--” Linda is interrupted by a sudden shout of surprise from the bathroom.

Linda smiles and calls out towards the closed door. “Jackie! Don't feel him up, that's lesbianism and arguably bestiality!”

“You have a problem with those?” Jackie retorts.

“No on the gay, maybe on the animal!” Linda replies, looking over to Julien with an amused expression as she finishes slipping on the white gown. “Does it count if we can think?”

Julien grimaces, sensing a trap of some sort. “I am not touching that issue, not even for fun. I really don't want to think about it.”

For now I leave my dress on its stand and help strap on Julien’s armor, the cardboard and foam board material surprising me with how lightweight yet realistic it looks.

“Well, somebody has to. Whole new world and all that.” Linda says as she settles an elven tiara onto her head.

“It's been touched on in loads of fics, a few of mine included. Multispecies is generally considered fine if both parties are consenting.” Reid says from the bathroom. “Heck, I've even heard of YEEEEP!” She is cut off by another sudden shout.

“I know it tickles, just hold still!” Jackie pleads.

“Trying!” Reid continues. “Anyway, like I was saying, I even heard about a woman who married a dolphin... somewhere. Dunno where, but, you know... dolphins.”

I decide to chime in my own opinion, more out of curiosity than anything else. “I suppose but it just seems... Like someone could have a relationship based on physical state more than a deep connection that way.”

“Well, as long as they are consenting, I don't see anything wrong with it. But I don't think Reid is consenting to anything in there.” Julien says, smirking.

“Excuse me, this is fully consenting. I have worn makeup before.”

“Really?” Jackie asks, incredulously.

“Yeah, back in high school. Theater. I wasn't EEEE! I wasn't on the stage, but I was handing out tickets. My job was to say "Pleasant dreams" in this really creepy, monotone voice, and the makeup plus the red robe and hat made EEEHEEEHEE THAT TICKLES!” Reid shouts.

“I know, I know, just hold STILL!” Jackie tell her as I get my outfit off its stand and examine it carefully.

I can almost hear Reid squirming. “I am trying, really! Anyway, so there I was with a white mimeface, red robes, red hat, staring at everyone passing by and wishing them Pleasant Dreams ominously.... and of course the play was Actor's Nightmare.”

I giggle at the idea of Pinkie trying to be scary, my legs slipping into the leg holes of the outfit, and laying the layers of cloth over my back and flank, pleased to note that the skirt still allows me to fly and trot easily. I think over my own story for a moment, mixing it with this outfit and imagining myself as a fairy lost in the everfree, becoming one with the wild and scary and ruling them as their princess. That is, of course, a very funny thought and it kicks up my giggles a bit.

“Wow, Erishy, that certainly looks fetching on you!!” I hear Linda say.

“Why thank you! I really like it, Jackie did such a great job, and I can't wait to see how she does my feathers..” I ponder how that is going to work.

“And the lace, I always thought lace was scratchy but she found some that is soft, imagine that!” I add happily.

“Yeah, Jackie's always been great with finding...” Linda pauses for a moment and I hear Julien make a noise like a strangled puppy. “...Soft things.” Then I can hear them walking out as I finish putting on my costume, braiding strands of lace into my mane.

“Now just hold out your ankle, and I'll paint this final symbol....” Jackie instructs.

“Okay. Sorry for being so twitchy, it's... just that I'm pretty sensitive. Sensitive skin.” Reid says as I sit in my wonderful costume and listen to them, wondering if she would be more comfortable with me leaving before she comes out or not.

“And..... done. You can't put on the helmet and bands yet, the hair dye still needs to dry, but I can give you your contacts and teeth now.” Jackie says.

Reid can be heard admiring the handiwork. “Wow, where did you get these things? They're huge!”

“Made them myself, last night. Open your eyes.... now your mouth... and done! As soon as your body paint dries you can put those things on, stay in here until I tell you to!” The bathroom door opens and Jackie steps out with a handful of supplies. “So, before I dye your feathers... are there any safety tips?” She asks, looking me over.

“As long as it is water soluble, just don't pull them out hehe.” I chuckle nervously.

“Alright, Could you stretch out your wings, please?” Jackie asks.

“ARGH! Sorry, my brain seems to be really perverse today. I am still blaming it on Dissy.” Reid declares from inside the bathroom still.

I laugh a bit at Reid’s situation before splaying my wings out as far as I can. Jackie then takes one of my wings in hand and starts to dye alternating feathers with a nice black water based dye. It is a sort of soothing feeling, like being preened.

Reid gets bored and calls out to us “....What's happening out there? When can I come out?”

“Wait a bit!” Jackie insists as she moves from my primaries to my secondaries.

“I'm getting my feathers dyed. So how are you doing Reid?” I ask.

“I am covered. In. Paint.” Reid says with an air of surprise. “It is both disturbing and strangely relaxing.”

“I can imagine, sort of... Well not really, but I understand!” I say.

Ian trots into the costume room to check on our progress. “Soo, Have ya'll got mah brother painted up?”

“Yes, dear. I'm just working on miss Erishy here while he dries out.” Jackie says as she starts on the tertiaries.

“...’dear?’ Oh fer the love of--” Ian starts, before a muffled scream startles us, my wing barely staying out as I fight the urge to clamp them shut.

“What was that?” I ask, worried.

Jackie holds my wing still and looks towards the hallway. “That sounds like... Oh, dear. Linda's probably just having a breakdown.”

“Should we go see what's happenen'?” Ian asks.

“No.... she probably just needed a little release. She should be okay soon.” Jackie says.

“Am I dry yet?” Reid whines from the bathroom as Jackie dyes the last feather on my right wing and switches to the left.

“Hold on.” She tells the impatient pink pony. As my feathers are individually laid on foil and brushed gently with dye I start daydreaming about my house back in equestria. Quite a difference from an apartment. My gardens and my animals... Before I can notice that I am humming a tune, Ian speaks up.

“Where's ya learn that tune anyway? Ah mean, it's not like somebody came from Earth and started singing that thang in Equestria.”

“According to one legend I heard, it was the lullaby Celestia and Luna heard every night when they were young. That's... That's a Pinkie I.” Pinkie says.

“I have no idea,” I admit. “But I think Pinkie is right.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Jackie says as she starts brushing out my mane to dye it as well, the gentle curl not giving her much trouble.

After a bit, Ian nervously talks to the bathroom door. “So, ah... Reid, are ya, ya know, still.... Reid?”

“Yes. And, um, no. Gollum Smeagol thing. We can switch out whenever we want, and talk to each other in our heads.” Raid says, just as much awkward tension in her voice.

“Is there something keeping you two from merging?” I ask curiously

“Merging is not the only form of synthesis. It's just one way. There are many paths.” Reid says sagely.

“Ya'll have no idea, do ya.” Her brother accuses.

“I have too many ideas, more like.” She says with a small sigh.

As Jackie finishes with my mane, I think she is done until her hand takes hold of my tail, making me blush and giggle as she starts running a brush through it.

“Wait, what's going on out there?” Reid asks.

Ian looks down at the floor, blushing a little as well. “Ah am not seein' this.”

“What?” Jackie asks as she starts separating strands of tail hair to dye.

“Nothing, she's just playing with my tail is all.” I say with a mischievous smile.

“WHAT?!” Reid shouts from the bathroom, surely fighting the urge to run out and see what is going on.

“I'm dying her tail. Like I dyed yours.” Jackie says simply.

“Oh.... WHAT?!?!” Reid shouts again.

“Yah did that tah mah brother?!” Ian asks, probably fighting between being amused or disgusted.

“He did ask for it.” Jackie points out, amused. “And I wasn't anything but professional. There, all done. You should be dry now, Reid.” She says as she releases my tail and stands.

“Hey, why are you all acting this is a big deal? I think that Jackie was quite professional about it.” I say, admiring her work and checking over the lay of my feathers.

“Well it just looks suggestive, I guess, I mean when she was...” Reid steps out of the bathroom and we lock eyes, staring at each other as she tries to finish her sentence. “Doing... me.... It... kinda tickled....”

As I stare at the previously pink pony in surprise at how different she looks, I hear Ian make some snippy comment before being grabbed by Jackie and carried off, leaving us quite alone. Pinkie looks nothing like the innocent and candy-centric pony who I had watched leave the cafeteria. The contacts and teeth lend a certain predatory savageness to her now pale features, now orange hair swept back and a brilliant splash of color against her black dyed body.

I realize that I am blushing quite a bit more now, and that we have been staring silently for a while. “Um... Hey... You like the outfit?” I ask timidly.

“Um... yes. Uh....” She looks down at herself. “Aheh... do you like the... uh... runes?” She asks, drawing my eyes to the angled blue lines that only serve to accentuate her bare legs.

“Yeah! Very stylish. Um... Very... Are you sure you are okay with not wearing anything? I mean... You seemed so worried before..” I point out, trying not to stare.

“I am completely naked with dry goop on my skin and alone in a room with a a mare I may or may not have romantic feelings for who is wearing what is quite frankly a very alluring outfit while still coming to terms with the fact that I am a mare myself and on top of all that Discord has seen it fit to make me think of sex constantly. Not become aroused by it, just think of it. So no, I am not comfortable, but really I took this path and I'll stick to it.” She says in a rambling pinkie-style rant that only makes me wonder which of them is talking at the moment.

It also makes me dwell for a while on “Very alluring outfit” while she dons her faux-stone helmet and rings that go over her tail and mane.

“....believe it or not, wearing this makes me feel a lot better.” She says with a breath of relief.

“I.... Um.... I.... Well.... Thank you?” I say, trying to look anywhere but the very close pony.

“You're welcome. And thank you for only noticing the compliment in that.” She says with a smile before heading for the door. Halfway there she suddenly facehooves and turns around.

“FLUTTERSHY! Of course, FLUTTERSHY, why didn't I see it before? I am such an idiot.” She exclaims.

“You're doing that Pinkie thing again, where you get excited without explaining it to others.” I say with a chuckle.

“What happens in Las Pegasus STAYS in Las Pegasus. And Fluttershy is a Las Pegasus name, good and soft, not like the Cloudsdale pegasi. Rainbow Dash, Spitfire, I heard Spitfire named her kid Lightning dust.... ACTION names, lots of oomph. The ancient pegasi were militaristic, but not idiots, they divided everything up! Soldiers, craftsmen, bakers, all with names describing their actions! Hurricane names his daughter Pansy so she can stay at home gardening, overprotective from the moment she's born HA! Fast forward to the farming settlement on the west coast, lots of soft names related to gardening even after it's no longer a garden town, and guess what? Fluttershy! That....” Her eyes soften, pity filling her face. “That's.... probably why you were left at the orphanage. Because you... weren't born from.... real love.”

By the end of her rant, I have sat down heavily, my face a mask of shock. My entire life I have felt I must have done something wrong, it somehow had to be my fault, I must have been a bad filly, or I must have been an expense at a time that my parents couldn’t afford to care for a child. It had to have somehow been my fault, and that guilt had lived with me, a serpent wrapped around my heart, telling me that in my core I was somehow bad.

I feel her forelegs wrap around me and pull me close. “I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...” She whispers.

I feel like I need to forgive her, to say it will be okay, but for once I don’t feel like lying. I don’t want to say that I am okay when I’m not. Because I never really was, was I? I cling to her, like a life raft as I start to cry. Wracking sobs that shake my whole body. For some reason the only thought in my head is that I don’t want to get my tears in her hair, because that would be rude.

“I.... I'm such an idiot.” She whispers, stroking my mane comfortingly. “Um.... bright side, bright side... M-Maybe you're, um, Rainbow Dash's half sister? That could be a good thing, right? O--o-or maybe your father was visiting from Neighpon, a-a-and you're the long lost princess of, I don't know, Neighpon's number one, um, rabbit... place.... They have rabbits, right? I should just shut up.” Her voice is filled with regret and defeat, and I just want her to smile again. I don’t want to be her raincloud.

I force myself to talk through my tears, struggling against the choking sensation. “B... Bright side.... I don't have to be alone anymore. It wasn't my f.... f.... fault...” I sob.

“Hey.” Reid holds me away from her just a bit, making me cringe even though it isn’t a hostile action. “You are never alone. Got that? I don't care about where you came from or where you're going, I care about where you are right here, right now. And right now, I swear to you with the power invested in me as Pinkimena Diane Pie: You are never alone.” She promises, and that really does help. I feel that crushing feeling lifting a little and my tears slowly dry up as I pull her back into a hug.

“Thank you. Both of you.” I whisper hoarsely.

“....you know what we need? We need to show off our costumes to the world!” She declares, pulling away and giving me a huge pinkie smile that warms my heart. Hopping to the door, she holds it open for me with a small bow.

I bow in return and quietly leave the room, scrubbing the tears out of my eyes at the last moment before looking round to see if anyone is in the hall.

As Reid trots up behind me we spot Jackie and Ian chatting down the hall. “Hey! Jackie! Before we head outside, Erishy and I want to give the world a little preview of our AMAZING outfits. Can you help us with that?” Reid asks, as we make our way towards them.

“Of course! I wouldn't be Photo Finish without...” She pulls a very nice camera from her bag, “A Photo Camera. Smile for facebook, ladies!”

I feel Reid’s foreleg wrap around my withers, and I realize that the question I had been so worried about just hours before was worth asking, if not in words, in action. I turn and kiss Reid on the cheek just as the camera clicks.

I can hear Jackie giggling as Reid stands still as a statue.

“...Ya know what, yer both adults, even if he don't act like one.” Ian mumbles.

I can’t help but start laughing as I taste the bodypaint on my tongue, sticking it out and trying to scrape the taste off with my hoof.

“...aaaaaaum. Ahem.” Reid finally speaks, blinking and shaking her head.

“Well, I'll just post this to--” Jackie is interrupted by Reid in a small scale panic.

“NO! No, um, shippers! Shipping wars are legendary. Don't tease the shippers.” Reid gasps breathlessly, with a grin that seems more confused than anything else. “Let's... take another photo.”

“...Ya haven't been kissed before, have ya.” Ian asks.

“No. No I have not. This is a reaction to my first kiss, and therefore cannot be analyzed for definitive emotional content.”

I have to keep laughing as I realize that I had been his first kiss, which means that any kisses afterwards will seem amazing compared to mine. Finally I strike up a normal pose for the camera. “You are so funny.” I chuckle.

“I'll just take that as a compliment.” Reid says with her own smile as the shutter clicks.

chapter 45. Shining nights
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 45. Shining nights

I roll in my sleep, unable to repress the nightmare I know is coming.

::What's disturbing you, Julien? Another dream? Not eager to chat?:: Shining Armor's quiet thoughts in my, apologies, OUR head go unnoticed as the night overtakes me.

I awaken to the norm of the dark recesses of my mind, a sight that has become well known to me the last few days as a surrogate pony. My mental form is blurred, indistinct as that that I remember. A grey stallion with no identifying features. Nopony. Shining Armor stands next to me , weathering the wasteland winds and pains of my dreaming mind. His presence is the only indicator of a lucid dream, but I am familiar with the one plaguing us this night.

His tone is upbeat, if dour due to his wife's comment earlier that evening.

"Do you really think Cadance is angry with me?" He sounds worried, poor thing.

"I'm sure it was just Linda's nerves, Shining. I mean we were gawking at her quite a bit.. but that’s a discussion for later."

"What's the matter, Julien? It looks drab but normal in here." He shudders as a passing dream of longing lifts his mane and chills his spine.

The 'ground' shudders and shifts to a foggy street in a warm night, the grey pavement only lit by the dim street lamps. Luna's masterpiece above twinkles brightly as her avatar lights the wisps moved only by phantom breezes. All around is the smell of seawater and sand, palm trees and early rain.

Shining looks around, the Florida neighborhood street familiar to him.

"I know this one! It’s those nights spent walking your uncle’s dog, isn't it? These foggy nights remind me of those first dates as a corporal with Cadence." He smiles in memory. My sad eyes lock onto his.

"This is not a happy memory, Shining." I look over at a bend in the road, whereupon two human teens turn the corner, laughing and taking joy in each others presence. I smile at the the pair. One is myself, eight years younger and quite a bit more hope lingering in his eyes.

The other.. Sharon. My goddess, my muse, my life and soul.

Shining stares at them. "Thats you? I haven't seen this before."

"I haven't shown you Shining, and there's a reason this is a nightmare." I mutter, glaring at a black road ahead of the couple. They are no longer distant from us, and we can hear their conversation well.

".......want to sit on the shore, or watch the moon from my room?" She asks the boy.

"Anywhere that you are is fine, you know that, silly!" He swings their clasped hands like a pendulum, making her inadvertently skip.

"Ooh! Well aren't we romantic tonight?" She worms in under his arm to plant a kiss on his cheek, coloring his face rosey.

Shining glances at me, questions rising in his eyes. "Who is she? A friend or.." He cocks his head at me, raising an eyebrow.

"She was my everything, Shining. My soulmate, at least thats what I can fool myself into thinking. I never told her how much I really cared.." My voice trails off as the couple keep getting closer to the dark road I had been glaring at.

"What happened? You look happy. She didnt break up with you, did she?" I only cringe and wait for the inevitable.

"Watch, Shining. Know why you must never let evil befall her." He looks confused and watches the two expectantly.

Sharon twirls ahead of the past Julien stretching her arms out as she crosses the street. "Chase me! Come on slow..." her voice is drowned out by the blare of a horn and a flash of white. The past Julien's scream is joined by Shining's gasp as a large black SUV tears around the corner, swerving madly all over the road. The whites in his eyes are easy to see from our distance as he is frozen in place, and she glances back to meet his gaze one last time as it breaks her, her fragile form disappearing underneath it for what seems like forever. The SUV pulls to a stop a short distance away, as my past self runs to my love's crumpled and bloody form and to take her into my arms.

Her head is a mess of blood and bone, her blood quickly staining the shirt that I wore.

"OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD.." He yells, clutching her to his breast. Her eyes still seem so bright as she spasms in my grasp.

Her lips part and she utters the last words I hear from her. "Be.. a stro.. prot.."

As the last breaths escape her I cling to her more and stare blankly at her. "Be what!? Be a strong what!!? Sharon! Shhhharon! SSSSSSSSHHHHAAAROOOOON!"

The driver of the murderous vehicle stumbles out, waving what I perceive as a brown glass bottle. Shining's intake of breath is almost a hiss. "That foul brew.."

The driver stumbles over, trailing a long party streamer. "Oh shit, that looks bad dude... You should.. urrrggghh.. Go to a hospital her somethin, yourggghh.. youuur blleedin everywhere.." With shock surging through his whole body, my past self can only stare as the man drunkenly flops back into his vehicle and drives away, leaving him to sob over her.

I turn away from the memory, waving a hoof as it recedes into the nothingness, leaving only the wasteland of rocks and memories.

"Thats why they're important to me, Shining. Erica, Reid, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Cadence, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twili.." I begin to shake with barely contained rage, my face turning scarlet.

"I won’t.. ever let any cruel sons of bitches.. hurt someone I care about again.. They’re all I have left..." I release my withheld breath, looking up as Shining wraps a comforting foreleg around me.

"It won’t. We’ll be.. A strong protector for them, ok?"

I smile weakly and nod. "Thanks Shining. I guess.. I guess I’m ready. We'll protect all of them. Together."

He smiles back. "There we are! A strong soldier in the end. Now what was that about us gawking at our wife's flank?"

I chuckle, and let the bliss of sleep overcome me.

Author's Note

This chapter was written entirely by Julien, making all the more touching and meaningful.

chapter 46. The world's ears
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 46. The world's ears

It's like the scene from a movie where the hero looks out on overwhelming odds before charging in bravely. Except I am no hero, and I am by no means brave. I learned my lesson, and I will not pretend to be something I am not. This is not my environment, and I am not comfortable with it, but I would speak in front of the entirety of the world before I let my friends down.

We trot out of the hotel doors and manage to get down to the stairs before the gathered throng of reporters gets over our costumes and quick exit, Reid senses the oncoming storm just before it hits.

"Soooo. Here we are, in the middle of a crowd of reporters and--" She gets off by the sudden shout from the first of the mob.

“WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE PRINCESSES?” The first question is quickly followed by more, almost screams to be heard over each other. Like rabid animals scrambling for a fresh kill, I am tempted to tell them off, to explain to them just how primitive and savage they are, but I don't think they would even hear me.

“Do you think that the purple unicorn is dead?” The second question, meaning that the world already knows of Twilight's injury, and that it will likely be one of the main topics of conversation in any interviews to come, it makes me sick that they would use this as a talking point to draw in an eager and bloodthirsty crowd.

“How do you intend to repair the damage to the calendar?" Then there is plain old ignorance. Blame the clearest target for the problem, and hound them until you get a good story. Pathetic.

“Are you intending to take your fans to Equestria?” Now that is a good question. I can imagine hordes of brony tourists descending on my little cottage. I wonder if I can hire a unicorn bodyguard to teleport them all into the lake.

“All questions will be answered later!” Ian tries to say, though his small voice is ignored just as much as mine would be, unless...

I stop and take a deep breath, turning to face the reporters and steadfastly ignoring them, focusing instead on a white shape behind them, in order to keep the rising panic at bay.

“Unfortunately, due to some scheduling difficulties, we are unable to take the time to answer your questions at this moment, however we will be holding a press conference in another city, and details will be released shortly.” I say, getting flashes and cameras practically shoved up my nose as I can feel my legs shaking slightly.

I turn to continue our walk but almost run into the monochrome pony before she speaks up.

"But I do have a statement I’d like to make." She then turns to whisper into my ear, "Just follow my lead...”

Then the strangest thing happens. I feel a beat in my head, the rhythm for a song that Pinkie then begins to fill in with words, and I recognize almost instantly.

“Boys and girls of every age.....wouldn’t you like to see something strange?”

I don't even have to dig through my memory for the lyrics, they just come to me as I open my mouth. "Come with us, and you will see, This our town of Holloween!”

Ian seems less impressed. “Really?”

Linda rolls her eyes and joins into our song. “This is halloween, this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night!”

But then the world goes sideways, I spot a griffon shoving its way into the crowd of reporters, heading towards us. Gilda.

“This is Halloween! EVERYBODY MAKE A SCENE.” She shouts as she sends the crowd stumbling with rough shoves.

I can feel myself involuntarily backing away in fright, my instincts telling me to run, my dual memory telling me that there is no need, that Gilda is not a threat. I have to struggle not to dash into the safety of the hotel.

Reid takes that moment to jump onto Gilda's back, smiling as though it were just another pony and continuing the song.

“Trick or treat, till the neighbors come and die of fright!”

“It's our town, everybody scream! ...in this town of Halloween.” Julien adds.

"I am the one hiding under your bed, Teeth ground sharp, and eyes glowing RED!” Reid grins to show off her fake fangs and her red contacts.

I am compelled to continue my part of the song despite my fear and confusion. “I am the one hiding under your s... stairs, feathers like snakes and spiders in my hair.”

Gilda hears me and flashes me a smile, or a sneer, I can't tell.

Linda and our remaining human troupe pick up the chorus, “This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!”

Then Julien and Ian start the next verse as I back towards my car, eager to leave but still urged by the beat to remain in the sudden song and dance number. “In this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song!”

Suddenly Reid is next to me and pirouettes while singing her line. “In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise!”

My voice joins in, somehow audible despite the music of questionable source. ”Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can, Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll...”

“Scream! This is Halloween, Red 'n' black, slimy green!” most of our group shouts, scaring me into practically clinging to Reid in fright.

“Aren't you scared?” Gilda asks as she pushes away the persistent reporters.

Linda replies; “Well, that's just fine!” Before taking to the air. “Say it once, say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice! Ride with the moon in the dead of night!”

“Everybody scream, everybody scream!” Harold demands.

“In our town of Halloween!” Ginny dances with him, just before we all join into the song together.

“This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!”

Ian seems to have somehow made it onto Julien's head; “Tender lumplings everywhere, life's no fun without a good scare.”

“That's our job--” Reid starts.

“--but we're not mean!” I continue, before continuing in a duet with her; “In our town of Halloween...”

“In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise!” Julien calls.

Then I hear Gilda above me, flying with Linda as they sing. “This is Halloween, this is Halloween,Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!”

And of course, Apple Bloom... I mean Ian joins in from the ground. “In this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song.”

Then we all fall into the final verse as we somehow end up in a pyramid with Ian on top, and thankfully Gilda on another corner from me. “La la la, la-la la la la, la-la la la la, la-la la, la-la whee!”

I take a few breaths as the remaining reporters and passer by clap and cheer, and we slowly disassemble our structure, returning to the safety of the ground. I carry Ian down and set him on the sidewalk gently.

“Oh, and also, we’ve decided to go around this city and ask for candy while wearing funny costumes. Is that alright with everyone?” Reid asks, likely expecting it to be a hypothetical question before Gilda speaks up.

“Hell no. Let’s talk.”

“Um... so yes, we will be trick or treating, thank you everyone!” I manage to pull our group away from the clutches of the media and to the parking lot, where we gather in between the van and my car, the entire time my mind whirring, trying to figure out how Gilda got here, why she would come here of all places if she was already in New York, and how she was in such remarkably good health when her last contact with me was to tell me she had been shot.

"So... You said you got shot in that message.” I start, looking at her with concern.

“I did. I got better.” She says, leaning against the van in a carefree and careless manner, smirking as she looks me over. “Why? You worried, Flutters?”

I can't answer that, I know it's just meant to tease me, but it feels like she is stalking me, trying to trap me in anything I say.

But I don't want others to get upset at her either, I realize as Julien jumps to my defense. “Why are you here? You should be headed to New York with everyone else, or headed somewhere else instead of coming here to antagonize Erica.”

Reid holds out a hoof to stop us. “Hey, what? She got shot? Wait wait wait, sorry, back up here. When did this happen?!”

“Doesn’t matter.” Gilda grumbles, looking away with something akin to regret in her eyes. “I can’t exactly let you get to New York, you see. Pretty obvious trap.”

I believe that I am the only one that notices her clenching her talons out of nervous reflex, the same thing she did when she left Sugarcube Corner, claiming that Dash was in the wrong.

“Yes. I get it. Dissy’s playing a fun game.... you got any better ideas?” Reid counters, not aggressively as much as exasperated.

“It does matter,” I interject. “When did you get shot? Because if it was when you sent that message, it was only two days ago or so.” I know it hasn’t been very long. I also know that a bullet wound of any sort, even low caliber, can leave muscle damage that lasts for weeks.

Gilda seems taken aback, looking more surprised at my time frame than my willingness to confront her. “Only two days? Felt a whole lot longer than that, Shy. ‘Sides, I had it treated. Found a friendly ranger...” She shakes her head, almost as if stating someone was friendly is toxic to her. “Really, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Nothing matters anymore.

“Uh huh. Alright, you can play tough girl for a little while longer, but if you start hurting from your obviously makeshift healing... whatever, you tell us or I get to bop you on the head.” Reid said happily. “Welcome to the caravan by the way!”

I feel unfocused, as though I am not listening to those around me as well as I should. I blink a few times and regain my perspective, seeing a cocky and pleased Gilda blinking back.

“...Caravan? The...” She shakes her head, as confused as I am.

“We have three cars and three drivers... well, four if you can drive.” Harold points out our situation, probably in the hope that Gilda’s human would assist us.

Ian huffs and crosses his adorable little forelegs. “Ah was one of tha drivers... till this mornen.”

I can see Reid sniffing curiously as Gilda leans against the van and asks “...What’s a car?”

The cosplayers and Cadance stare at Gilda with a mix of bemused and baffled expressions. I feel like I am being choked, like I can’t speak for a moment as Reid interjects.

“....where’s your human?”

I finally find my voice and bring myself to focus on what is going on in front of me, “A car is one of these. A cart that moves when you press a pedal. But really, what happened to your human half? We all had to go through it, no need to be embarrassed, Gilda.”

My attempt at kindness only earns a growl and glare from the griffon. “I’m not embarrassed. I have no idea where the hell he is,” she finally admits, looking a bit disturbed. “Where the hell is that ungrateful shard monger...”

Such an ungrateful pony you are.

I hear muffled talking as I try to focus on my surroundings again, to bring myself back to reality.

Everyone falls silent for a moment and I look around, wondering if they had asked me a question.

“Yeeeeeah.” Ginny says with an awkward look at Gilda, a telling sign that I am off the hook.

“Wait, just a second. There was a human mind there, and now it is gone?” Julien clarifies, a look of concern on his face.

The griffon seems less concerned, shrugging nonchalantly. “Look, he just hasn’t done anything in a few hours. I’m sure he’s just sulking or something. He does that.”

Ian puts a hoof to his face with a grimace, just before Reid speaks up.

“....you’re in heat aren't you.”

pretty much everyone places a hoof or hand against their head in a solid sign of disbelief at Reid’s oblivious outing of Gilda’s state.

“Shut up. Really. You gotta tell everyone here that? Dweeb, maybe I DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW?” She shouts, looking as furious as the day she was pranked during her welcome party.

“...actually, on second thought, nothing I could say could fix this situation, so I’m wiping the last half minute from my memory. Let’s go trick or treating!” Reid says with an oblivious smile, summoning a pumpkin Halloween basket and skipping off in a carefree manner.

Nothing could fix this situation.

I give Gilda a hug, not caring if I may get smacked or yelled at, I just grab her and hold her with my forelegs.

“Come trick or treating with us. please?” I beg.

After sitting with an expression of befuddlement and aggravation on her face for a moment she finally replies. “... The hell? Seriously? Fine,” she says, flinching away from my embrace.

“Sorry ‘bout him... he was awkward before tha whole... Pinkie thang.” Ian says, his newfound girly twang amusing me at some level.

I release Gilda and look to the assembled ponied. “Oh yeah, so the human halves... Pinkie’s human half is named Reid, mine was named Erica, This here is Ian, in Applebloom’s body. Cadance’s human half is Linda and This is Julien with Shining Armor’s body.”

Linda winces at the mention of Julien. “Actually, Julien and Shining are... um... the same, now...”

“Oh yeah, forgot to make an announcement, But anyway...” The white unicorn rubs the back of his head with a hoof, seeming unsure how to address it.

I wonder if he will be different now, but of course he will. I barely knew Shining Armor as Fluttershy, only meeting him once and for a short time at that. Julien I knew well as a roommate and a friend. it makes me feel a bit sick as I realize that he must have gone through the same thoughts when I merged, and I did nothing to try and help or communicate it. Everything will turn out fine, everything will be okay...

I turn away as Gilda takes on an expression of illness similar to what I feel. “The same? That h-happens?”

“I know how you feel... Look, no offense against you, GIlda, but you’ve got to figure out what happened to your human before you lose him entirely.” Linda points out with a frown, as I sneak away to look for my pink pony, maybe everything will be okay with her around.

chapter 47. Karma's Pendulum
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 47. Karma's Pendulum

I’ve never been brave.

My life has been led with care, caution, and precaution. I cannot think of a time when I saw a danger I could not defeat and still challenged it. Erica had lived a life of early defeat, leading to a sense of determination not to allow it to take place again. Fluttershy... Well, she was designed to be meek, wasn’t she?

As I trot towards the parking structure that flanks our hotel, I ponder the name I made for myself. I am not ignorant of it’s sound, and the fact that the god of chaos for our own world is named Eris. She was the original curator of the golden apple, after all.

I wonder if my attraction to that name is based entirely on its combination of my two old names, or if something more akin to fate is at work. I would really like to not fear my own name, thank you very much.

“Ya’ll see him anywhere?” Ian asks, suddenly next to me with the stealth only a filly can manage. Then again I am quite distracted.

“No, but to be honest I didn’t expect to,” I admit. Then, in a rare case of just talking without thinking over the question, I ask; “You really don’t like the idea of Reid being fused with Pinkie, do you?”

I hear the aforementioned pink pony call out from where we just left. “ERISHY! IAN! Aren’t you guys coming with us?”

“Ah... it’s complicated. Is he back with tha others now?” Ian deflects easily. Why do I worry about the hard questions in life when it is so simple to deflect the question and never answer it? It’s complicated...

“I think so. Want a ride?” I ask, kneeling to let him on.

With a sigh, he nods and hops on, folding his legs under him to more comfortably settle as I trot back to the group. Once we reach them, we collectively start moving down the street towards the residential area, accompanied by a few determined reporters.

Ginny is the first to speak up. “....sooooooo. Um. Griffon, huh?”

“Yeah. Griffon. Got any other smar-” Gilda pauses, as though suppressing her urge to be her normal aggressive self when surrounded by calm pastel ponies. I wonder for a moment if she has ever eaten a pony. “Any questions?” Not curious enough to ask though.

“Fucking sweet,” Ginny says with a grin.

Pinkie pipes up from the front of the group. “Language! Fillies present!”

“TWENTY! AH’M TWENTY!” Ian shouts in a furious filly voice. I was 23 as Erica, so now can I claim to be older than him? If we average ages out like before that probably makes him 14 or something, but I don’t think his ego needs that blow right now.

“I mean, you must be a real badass, right? Fighting dragons and sh--stuff like that,” Ginny continues, undeterred.

“Yeah. I guess,” Gilda mumbles, an unusual show of humility for a creature that would have declared victory over celestia herself if offered the chance. “Never fought a dragon.”

In the bit of silence that follows, I realize I am trotting almost alongside Pinkie. I wonder what the etiquette of the situation is, I suppose I shouldn’t stare at her since I don’t know how comfortable she is with me yet, I can’t walk too close to her since I might accidentally brush against her and that could be misconstrued, but staying away from her could be seen as acting distant...

“....Hey Ian, wanna trade spots?” Pinkie asks with a smile.

For a moment I don’t get it until I realize that Ian is on my back. I feel my face growing red as I smile a little. Of course she would be able to tell that I was acting odd, and of course she wouldn’t mind.

“Yer way too heavy fer her.” Ian points out. I have to debate that point internally, trying to figure out if I could carry Pinkie on my back or not.

Pinkie turns on Ian angrily. “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

Ian Bloom just nods. “Eeeeeyup.”

“From the mouth of babes...” Harold says with a chuckle.

“You do have a bit of pudge, but you pull it off quite well,” Jackie offers.

Even Gilda jumps into the conversation. “Look, you’re not fat, Portly Pie.”

“I... Do you want a ride, Pinkie? I mean, I’ve carried Twilight before and that wasn’t too bad... You are skinnier than Twi after all...” I offer, just wanting to make Pinkie happy.

She doesn’t seem convinced and trots forward, in front of the group. “You know what? I’m WALKING.” She tosses her mane in a rarity-esque fashion as she happens to trot right in front of me, making me stare at the ground as to not be rude.

“You know they’re right, Pinkie.” She says before replying to herself, “Hush you.”

“Excellent observation, Pinkie, you are walking. We all are walking. You also happen to be giving the entire caravan a great view of your painted posterior. Jackie, that your handiwork?” Julien says with a light hearted smile.

Gilda covers her face with a hand and turns away with a faint blush, my own blush deepening as Pinkie flees to the back of the line.

“... You guys are worse than the ranger was.” Gilda comments.

“Dear, don’t tease her.” Cadance says in a calm and regal manner. I start to wonder what happened while I was gone as we approach the first house. It feels odd trick or treating so early in the day.

Jackie chuckles. “She was quite twitchy actually.”

“SO! Gilda! Would you like a funny hat?” Pinkie asks.

The griffons only reply is; “Hat...?”

“Halloween! Costumes!” Pinkie says enthusiastically.

As they try to decide what to do with Gilda for a costume, I fly myself up to the first door and knock gently, not wanting to startle anyone who may be inside.

“Um... Trick or treat?”

Gilda walks up after me and takes a much louder and direct approach, pounding on the door with her balled up fist.

Her voice doesn’t carry the same force though. “Trick or... Treat?”

I smile a little as I hear Reid trot up behind us. “Stand aside, let the professional handle this.”

She knocks a pattern I almost think I recognize before, on the last beat, the door opens and she falls flat on her face with a thud. I wince and quickly move to her side.

The owner of the house looks down on us incredulously as Pinkie gets back up.

“...uh hi! So, um...” Pinkie starts, as the man finally speaks.

“Is this heaven?” He asks it with a chuckle, looking over our little team like a found gem.

“No. If it were heaven, we’d actually be coming in instead of mooching off candy.” Pinkie points out, holding open her candy bag hopefully. “But you can appease heaven’s angels!”

The man laughs again and looks up to the semi-paralyzed Gilda.

“Dude, Gilda? Wow, You guys are amazing, and in my town too... Just a sec.” He backs away and into the house, leaving the door open and giving us a view of the beautiful house inside. It makes me happy that not all of our fans are basement dwellers.

The sudden burst of negativity catches me off guard and I blink a few times before I decide to dwell on the bright side instead.

“Oh this is so nice... Getting to meet new people.” I say as I stick close to Pinkie.

“...I never understood how these people know about us.” Gilda says nervously.

Pinkie just deflects the question, “I’ll explain later, just smile and wave for now.”

The man comes back with a massive container stuffed to the brim with all sorts of sweets, and portions out expected handfuls to each of us.

But, when he reaches Gilda, he doesn’t just give her a handful, but instead slowly dumps the entire bowl into her bag before looking up to her with a smile, “Don’t let the dweebs get you down.”

Gilda just looks between the bag and the brony in confusion before stuttering out “Sure. Go on... being cool and stuff. Yeah.”

I try not to chuckle at her adorable expression of naive joy as we all trot and walk towards the next house down the block, the brony waving us off.

“I should forewarn you, Gilda, you’re a... controversial character and some of the peeps may not like you at first. If that happens, let me do the talking.” Pinkie offers. I have to wonder if Pinkie really thinks she can fix everything like that, or if it is just to keep Gilda from lashing out.

From my side, Julien suddenly speaks up in the worst impression of a pushy drill instructor I have ever heard. “The enemy will be subdued, with candy and cute ponies!” Though admittedly, it is an amusing thing to hear a military pony say.

Cadance chuckles. “Are you counting yourself in that group, honey?”

“No, the cute ones are pink, darling,” he retaliates.

Pinkie smiles and speaks up as well. “Pink and yellow.”

I feel my face light up in appreciation of her color choice, and momentarily ignore my ego. I start to wonder what Pinkie thinks of me, but then I am brought swiftly aground as Ian speaks up, reminding me that the element of laughter could be simply pulling another joke.

“...Fahn. Ah’m cute. Ah get it. Moven on,” Reid’s younger brother says with a grimace.

Cadance just smiles and carries on. “I dunno, honey, I think a certain soldier may qualify too.”

“Character. There’s that word again.” Gilda finally responds to Pinkie’s offer with nothing more than confusion.

Reid decides to field the question. “Relative fictionality. Basically, from their viewpoint you’re a storybook character that hopped out of a book. But you’re real too, so don’t have an existential crisis, okay?”

“Wait. So what did they see, exactly? In this, book thing?” Gilda asks, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“Ah... technically, all the main characters are ponies....” Pinkie reveals, her trot shifting uncomfortably.

I try to add more, thinking that I can offer my help as well. “They saw the one visit to Ponyville Gilda, but with me here... well the main reason why some of them get upset with you is because you yelled at me, which is stupid, I mean I was in your way and everything.” I realize just as I finish that my whole bit probably was even worse than saying nothing at all.

“Shy? Just...” Pinkie hides her face behind her hoof. “Nevermind, that works.”

Gilda looks away, her voice cracking as she mutters “Let’s keep going.”

I hear that crack and I feel it like a blow to the chest. I had truly damaged her, and there was no way I could fix it. Of course, a small bit of warmth is brought back to me when Pinkie brings up the most inappropriate thing she possibly could, but something that needs to throw us off balance anyway.

“...a lot of them assumed you were, um... had a thing for Dash,” she says with an air of informative neutrality.

“Drop it.” Gilda growls.

“...hey, they redeemed Nightmare Moon, you... probably... I’m making this worse, aren’t I.” Pinkie peters out just before Julien barks out an order.

“Hey, you bunch of emotional layabouts, front and center, door!” he creates a rose colored sheet of magic and shoves Gilda towards the front door of the second house.

“For the record I fucking loved that episode and how you acted in it. Aside from the yelling at Shy thing.” Ginny points out.

Gilda’s door knocking enthusiasm seems to be completely gone, as she gently taps against it with not even a ghost of a smile. “Trick or treat,” she mumbles.

The door swings open to my nightmare. A man in a black shirt with white lettering. P.A.P.A. The man looked over us with barely bridled rage. I am a split second away from fleeing, grabbing hold of Pinkie and flying as hard and fast as I can, running from the phantom feeling of the impact and ringing sound against the element which suddenly hangs heavy against my withers.

“...and this is the part where we run!” Pinkie echoes my thoughts, but Gilda seems to find her strength suddenly.

“I’m a griffon. Fuck off.” She says aggressively, still standing right in front of the man with an expression that says “I don’t give a shit.”

The man looks from us to the griffon in his way, his dense and empty skull practically smoking as he tries to process an animal that he was not specifically told to hate. “Yew... yer not ah pony?” He asks, the stereotypical accent only cementing my mental picture of him even further.

Somehow Gilda stands her ground and just bobs her head in an affirmative. “Give me your candy and I will make sure no pony comes to your door. Fair deal?” She proposes the idea with the confidence of someone who is in a position of great power, honestly impressive.

I can feel Pinkie backing away but I can’t will my hooves to move.

“Shoot, sounds good nuff fer me, yew griffuns ain’t bad as dem ponies,” and it is over before it has begun. How such a situation could not result in my death baffles me. Gilda is provided with a handful of cheap candy and the door swings closed as she turns away.

“There we go. Go back to sleep.” She says dismissively.

I start to smile at the idea that this can all work out, the thought that sometimes life doesn’t have to throw you a curve ball. So then I turn and naturally run into Pinkie in my eager rush to continue, knocking her over and landing on top of her.

My mind doesn’t even have time to process what just happened, before I hear Julien pipe up from a few feet away.

“Wait.. I wanna see which one explodes first,” he says, with a smile to his voice.

I am suddenly incredibly aware of the soft red blush spreading across her cheeks, her soft body under mine...

A halfhearted but confused laugh comes out of her and I snap out of it, scrambling to stand and step away from her, a fake cough and a lame “Oops!”

I hear Gilda groaning from one side, “Get a room you two.”

Then Pinkie from the other side, “You’re one to talk,” she says as she stand. “Stinking up the place with--”

Cadance cries out in anger. “Pinkie!”

“ARGH STUPID BRAIN SHUT UP! Right. Candy? Candy.” Pinkie turns and leaves, the blush hidden as she turns tail. “We all like candy. Candy is nice.”

Gilda doesn’t take it well, holding her claws out as though she is choking Pinkie to death. “Shut up, Pie.”

“Look, can I help it if Discord forced me to keep thinking of sex all the time? No. I’m trying to hold back, okay?” Pinkie turns back, her cheeks still rosey.

Gilda’s face contorts in an odd mix of confusion and anger. For a moment she is quiet but finally she just mumbles his name. “Discord?”

“Yup, god of chaos and master of annoying the hell out of us himself, apparently has decided to turn Pinkie into a perv. So now we have two pervy pink ponies.” Julien chuckles as Cadance swats him, also with a smile.

Ian Bloom seems less than pleased. “Ah’m tryen tah childproof mah mind fer when this Apple Bloom pony gets out, can ya’ll NOT do that?”

Gilda blinks and seems to suddenly want to drastically change the course of the conversation. “So, what’re your stories?”

We arrive at another door, and Pinkie starts her traditional greeting just before spotting a sign on the door which states “NO CANDY” clear and in bold font.

“...huh.” She shrugs and we continue onwards towards the next house.

I decide to start the storytelling, since nopony else had taken up the prompt from the newly acquired griffon of the group. “I was a computer repairperson then I woke up as Fluttershy, drove here with Julien, kinda became just Erishy along the way. Nothing exciting.”

Ian takes the next slot. “Mah brother woke up as Pinkie, Ah agreed tah drive him up ta new York, we picked up these four,” he waves a tiny yellow hoof at the humans of the group. “On tha way, then we met up with Erishy... AFTER she got shot.”

I wince, for a moment I had actually forgotten that moment in my life, as though it hadn’t happened.

“That is a pertinent detail.” Harold points out.

Gilda doesn’t speak, just continues to walk along with us.

“Yesterday mornen, Linda turned inta Cadance, and taday, well...” Ian points a hoof at himself, less than pleased.

Julien notices the new door and barks out, “Ian Bloom, front and center!” He turns and stage whispers to Cadance. “Maybe we should throw him at the door, instead of having him knock. Think he would squeak?”

“Really?” Ian rolls his eyes, exasperated with the level of teasing going on.

I start to realize that he could really be hurt by all of this, he seems to be taking it well but he could be hurting. I decide that I need to find a way to help him.

Reid suddenly appears next to her brother, smiling happily. “Hey. Caaaaandy.”

Ian Bloom just repeats his complaint, though not very articulate. “Really?”

“Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie.”

“....fahn....” Ian gives in and trots up to the door, knocking on it with an expression of having given up. “Trick or treat...”

The oak and stained glass door swings open to show an older woman with frayed and tattered grey hair, her eyes and forehead creased with decades of worry and pain. She looks around at us in a sort of daze before looking down to Ian, and smiling brightly.

“Oh my, you are just... The most adorable thing. What is your favorite type of candy, dear?” She speaks with a breathless, tired tone.

Ian Bloom looks up to her with a shrug. “Ah don’t actually--”

“She likes it all!” Reid interrupts.

Ian looks to his sibling with one eyebrow raised. “....would that actually work?”

The elderly woman takes up her bowl of sweets and looks it over. “Well I have to save some for the other children, but here is some candy.” She leans down and puts a packed handful of candy into Ian’s bag. The portions she provides to the rest of us are smaller but still generous. Even Gilda gets some.

“We thank you most graciously for your donation.” Pinkie chirps as Ian nods in awe at the candy now in his possession.

“Yeah, it’s mighty nice of ya to--” Ian is interrupted by a quick hug by the woman, who picks him up and holds him close.

I can hear Gilda start humming a mournful tune, Death cab for cutie, a song I once spent hours listening to. I will possess your heart. The song nearly brings tears to my eyes, but my worry for Ian being treated like a doll and the potential damage he could be feeling overrides that.

“Aw, thats very nice, we do have to go though, Ma’am, I’m sorry.” I say it gently, trying to convince the woman to let go as Gilda whispers the lyrics to the song behind me, making for a poignant scene.

“...Ma’am...?” Reid steps forward, the lady still not letting Ian go, as we all notice tears in her eyes as she holds the man-turned-filly.

I watch Ian look to us, silently pleading. He isn’t struggling, but he looks scared.

“...you know... um... we’re on this big cross country trip and, uh, we’re running low on drivers...” Ginny starts, but she falls silent as Ian shoots her a glare.

“The potential, of you and me...” Gilda continues the melody, oddly enough it seems to fit, and doesn’t stick out to me at all. The old woman takes a shaking breath to steady herself before she starts to explain her actions to us.

“My son... He watched you ponies all the time.” She set Ian down and wiped a tear off her cheek with the back of one hand, looking over us in reverence. “He said it helped with his depression... He even got a job after he got into it, really turned his life around...”

Pinkie moves forward and hugs her as I sit there like an idiot, unsure of what to do. Normally I would just give her a hug as well, as it is implied something terrible has happened, but it just doesn’t feel like I should interrupt. Meanwhile Gilda continues quietly singing her song, and Ian joins his sister in hugging the sad old lady.

“What happened to him?” I finally ask, as I look between Gilda and the distraught woman.

“After... all this started.... a pegasus filly, I think her name was Archer? She came through town and... those PAPA people... he pushed her out of the way of their car and...” She couldn’t continue, her tears telling the rest of the story as I turn away, hiding from the emotional pain like a coward. Jackie moves over to join in the group hug, and I can see Julien bowing his head in remembrance of the fallen brony.

I take a few steps over to Gilda, rubbing my eyes with the top of my hoof and whisper “Are... are you okay?” Knowing full well how silly I sound asking her that.

Gilda just shakes her head, not meeting my gaze. “Y-yeah. Just... regretting some things. You know, just things.”

I can hear Julien offering the woman her condolences as I work up the courage to continue my conversation with Gilda.

“Gilda... I forgive you, and I am so sorry, what happened wasn’t right. You never should have been treated the way you were...” I offer this sign of peace in the hopes that I can finally stop worrying about the creeping feeling that Gilda is bad news.

“To be honest. I’m a little scared,” she admits, still shaking her head slightly.

I try to clarify. “Scared of losing part of yourself?”

“...She mentioned her son was depressed,” she starts. “Cale... is, or was, or whatever, depressed. What if he like... is trying to, or has, or whatever, what if he is trying to kill himself for me?”

She really seems worried, which deflates my own concerns. For a little bit I feel like she is just another friend, not some monster.

“Then you need to convince him to hold on. You need to convince him that everything will turn out okay,” I say as I relax a bit, the group still talking to the woman behind me.

Gilda just looks away again, not normal for a predator. “... I don’t even know where the hell he is...”

“Well Gilda, you will have to hope he is okay, or when you go to sleep, try to find him. I know before I merged dreams were an easy way to talk.” I explain.

She looks like a scolded cat, ducking her head. “Mostly, we just yelled at each other.”

I sit silently, unsure what to say, but in the moment of silence I hear Pinkie.

“...wow.... um. Just... wow.”

I turn to the stunned group, confused. “What happened?”

“I think we are going to be flown to New York.” Julien says, smiling.

Cadance adds, “Because one man stood up for a little filly...”

Gilda looks like we had told her that she is being sent to jail. “Um. No. Nonono. You know what they have at airports? Guards. With guns. GUNS.”

“This has something to do with you getting shot, doesn’t it?” Reid asks, trotting up beside us.

“Well excuse me. When was the last time you got shot? Huh? Did you ever feel your blood gush out of you and have nobody to blame for it but yourself? HUH?” Gilda snaps back, furious and panicking.

Reid cut her off with a sudden embrace. “I don’t like guns either... If you like, some of us can stay behind and just drive to New York with you.”

“We won’t let you get hurt Gilda. You are our friend.” I say earnestly.

“...Friend?” She looks oddly disturbed, like I had said something hurtful, an expression I can’t quite place. “I REALLY don’t think we should fly there.”

“Well, at the very least you’re a fellow frightened fantasy character, so there.” Reid sticks out her tongue. “We’re here for you.”

Then, as we continue on our way, I realize what I am seeing on Gilda’s face. Something that hadn’t come up when I mentioned our history from the show, but now has come up when nothing new against her has been brought up. Guilt.

chapter 48. The Calm
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 48. The Calm

After making our way through most of the neighborhood and collecting quite a bit more candy than I honestly feel that we could consume, we finally arrive back at the hotel. The lobby has several reporters who do their best to get more information out of us, but we bypass them and head up to our rooms. The majority of the group head into the main bedroom to start sorting candy and chat. I hang back a little, but I don’t notice Shining standing nearby until he speaks.

“Erishy, is everything ok with you? We do not talk as much as we used to, so if there’s anything wrong, you know you can still tell me, right?” He speaks with such proper phrasing, clipped and professional. I wonder how much he has changed. I also wonder how much I lost. Was part of me so insignificant that it had gone without my noticing?

I put that all out of my thoughts and force a smile, nodding to him. “Of course. I know it’s just... Something is wrong with this whole thing, Julie... er... Yeah, Julien. Something is wrong with Gilda and not just being Gilda or her human missing, something is out of place and I don’t know what. I’m worried she might hurt Pinkie.”

Oddly, even though it is just the first thing I could think of to distract from my self examination, this really does worry me. I think about Pinkie or Reid being in the same car as Gilda and I can only see blood.

“You know I wasn’t just talking about right this moment.” He points out. “This whole time.. I haven’t heard a whole lot from you, and we used to talk all the time. I know this whole situation can be hard, but we can still talk right?”

He is right, of course. I have been shut down in a way. The best of plans will fail if I don’t communicate properly.

“Of course.” I say again. I wonder if I am scared of him at some level. “I just don’t have much to talk about... that would be constructive. I’m afraid. I really don’t know if this will all end well, or if this is one of those things that noone can fix,” I finally admit.

”Come on, ‘Shy! After everything You’ve been through, you really think there is going be something we can’t fix? There is always hope, long as we have good friends.” He looks to me meaningfully. “And we can always count on each other, right?”

“Yes, and that’s why I haven’t brought it up. Now that I can see myself from an outside perspective, I’m wondering how much of this is valid worry and how much is just... Fluttershy being Fluttershy.” I sigh, pondering my self image and how much of it has been written in. A footnote saying “Acts meek” attached to a script.

“Suppose everything does go wrong. Are you afraid of what being what you are now will bring you?” He asks.

I shrug, not really wanting to think about everything going wrong any more than I already am. “I will deal with that as it comes. If everything does go wrong then I will do my best to ensure the world does not fall into chaos like Discord wants.”

”Sorry, I meant after we win. It is kind of inevitable. This whole fear of what Discord will do, can do and has done is just a load of doubt that I would rather not bring myself to shoulder. We won’t fail because, for us there isn’t failure.” He says it with a certainty that I find easily confused with arrogance.Perhaps he is saying that any outcome is workable. I smile a little at the thought of a silly chaotic world where people go to work at call centers by riding one legged elephants.

“Well... Then after we win, I will settle down in my cottage and try to figure out what to do next. How has Cadance been?” I ask, partly to change the subject and a bit out of curiosity regarding Julien and Shining’s perspective on the princess of love.

He smiles and seems to relax a bit as he thinks of her. ”It has kinda been like meeting her new all over again. It has its ups and downs, but having someone like that is.. a blessing.”

“Are you going to come on the plane?” I ask.

“Yeah for me I guess it depends where Cadance is going... And if she is comfortable with me there. I suppose personally I would not mind going either way.” He shrugs, resuming his upright military pose.

I frown, trying to remember the last few hours of conversation unsuccessfully. “I think there was some concern over whether or not Cadance would be able to fly. Not sure. But you would be able to drive the car if needed.”

“Like I said, I’m not too worried. I will just keep an extra eye out for wherever we happen to be. Where are you headed?” He asks in return.

“I will probably fly. I really enjoy planes, and I can start coordinating the ponies already in New York.” I ponder looking out the window at the fluffy clouds, thirty thousand feet above the ground. It must be the joy that Rainbow gets from flying, but my fears have kept me from it. Maybe some day I could overcome them.

“So how many does that have going by car?”

I answer by instinct, not really thinking about the answer as I still play through the open sky in my mind, accompanies by a pink pegasus that doesn’t exist. “One of the humans, You and Cadance, Gilda, and Pinkie maybe.”

“Sounds good to me.. And Erishy?”

I look up, almost surprised by the continued conversation. “Yeah?”

“We will get through this, ok? No matter what. So no more tears, ok?” He says this with an expression that attempts to reassure me. I wonder for a moment whether or not he understands that I cry because I would fall apart under the weight of my emotions if I didn’t. But it doesn’t matter in the end, I cannot keep myself from crying any more than Pinkie can keep herself from being silly.

“I’ll try not to. Thank you, all of you.” I give him a quick hug before turning back to the rest of our group, to see what they are doing and how I can help.

Gilda and Pinkie seem to be in a fairly close conversation, judging by their volume, but I make an educated guess that Gilda likely doesn’t care about the conversation itself and wouldn’t mind an interruption.

A few steps and I am standing right next to them. “So shining says that it would be best if you two came with him to the lady's house, and I can start preparing for the trip, putting the vehicles into storage, um... are you okay?”

Gilda growls, seeming ready to just leave or possibly lash out, but I put my hope into her control over her own emotions, hoping that she will be willing to talk it over.

“Perfectly fine. Pinkie just told me to ram my head into the wall,” she snarls.

I note that it doesn’t sound like something Pinkie would say, but rather a well intentioned Reid. "Suggested. Not told. I also suggested meditation. Or talking to a mirror, that could work,” she protests.

Ian chimes in, apparently with the intent on communicating with Apple Bloom. "Ah might just take ya up on that suggestion. This whole foal thang is gettin' on mah nerves... not tah mention tha accent."

"I hear ya bro.” I have to say, that is not a phrase I ever imagined coming out or Pinkie’s mouth, ever. “It only gets weirder from here on out though. Especially when you talk with your pony partner--griffon partner in Cale's case, although Cale's... not... here... this metaphor is labored so I'm eating candy. OH! By the way, I got a facebook message for you Ian!"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and shake my head, but instead look to the griffon. “Well that is less mean. If you want, I could help you with meditation, gilda.”

She lets out a sort of sigh, looking away for a moment in denial. “Seriously, I'm sure he's perfectly fine. No need to be so concerned for someone so completely useless. Can we please just move on? Maybe talk about our plans, devour our massive stashes of ca- no wait, you probably ate it already, Pie. Talk about our plans...?”

“Give me some credit, I have some restraint.” Pinkie pouts, examining her remaining stock of candy while I let out a small sigh of my own. Why can’t everypony just get along?

“Way Ah see it, we need ta figure who's flyen' and who's driven'.” Ian points out, in the most adorable fashion. Then again, anything she does is adorable.

I then spend a few moments while they talk yelling at myself figuratively for thinking of Ian as female, and wondering if he would be upset, or maybe we need to get a bunch of gender therapists to talk to all the crossgender ponies, since they must be going through a confusing time at the very least, or a personal nightmare at the worst. What of people who woke up as ponies of the opposite gender, and ended up becoming pregnant during their time as a pony? The nightmare of having a child and either having to explain to the child that part of you wasn’t a pony, or even worse somehow separating and feeling the deep loss of losing a child, when the mare takes the Foal back to equestria.

"If you really want to rid a plane, I can stay with the ground crew." Reid says to me, shaking me out of my thoughts of suffering, just in time to hear Gilda lash out in anger.

"TROUBLE? TROUBLE?” She snarls, eyes wide and claws gripping at the air compulsively. I quickly recognize the signs of a cornered animal. “HOW ABOUT YOU DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO BREAKS YOUR LEGS, PIE. OR MAYBE SOMEONE WHO BREAKS SHY'S WINGS? HUH? HOW DO YOU THINK IT FEELS?"

I want to say something, I want to diffuse the situation, but my mouth won’t work, my body frozen still.

"There once was a mare that covered the land in eternal night. And I forgave her. I'll protect my friends, Gilda, but I'm strong enough to trust that I can change my foes." Pinkie, or Reid counters, her face somber and focused.

“Did you honestly just compare Cale to nightmare moon? Really? What does that make me, Luna? Are you going to banish me to the bloody moon, Celestia? Huh? HUH?” The griffon steps closer to Pinkie with each additional challenging word. Pinkie’s response is to stuff a hooffull of candy into her beak, likely just enraging Gilda further.

“Go talk with Shy, kay?" She says it casually, as my legs finally unlock, and I blink away the frightened daze. Gilda snarls angrily, but after realizing that the candy in her mouth prevents her from continuing her rant, she lets out a frustrated huff, and follows me over to another room, where I take a quick look out the hotel room window at the sparse patches of green mixed through the city.

Turning back to her, I try to smile. I feel beaten, tired, and sad, but no tears today.

“So, tell me what you are feeling. Scared, sad, angry? Just tell me. I can take it,” I start, sitting across the room from her.

She just chews, staring at me and most likely pondering how easy it would be to break my wings.

"You want to know how I am feeling?" I ask, really just talking to comfort myself instead of help her like I should.

She raises an eyebrow, or eye crest, whatever you call an eyebrow made of feathers. "...Sure?"

“I am absolutely terrified. I am pretty sure that I am the weakest link of this whole thing, and my human half just gives me more information to assure me that I am out of my league. But I can’t tell anypony. Because they would panic. Now it’s your turn.” I look up to the griffon with a small smile, feeling oddly better at having let out my own fears.

She waits for a few beats before speaking. “... Fine. You really wanna know how I feel?” She looked around in a mix of paranoia and an attempt to protect her ego.

I nod. “Yes. I really do. Remember, I am fluttershy. You could be tossing me off a cliff and I would still ask if you were okay. Bad analogy what with my wings and all but... yeah.”

“...Fine.” She slumps, losing her bravado in an instant, her predatory aura fading to the point where I feel a calmness around her. “I have no idea what’s going on, I barely know who I am, I barely understand how I’m alive and every single thing is making me just...” She bows her head, in a way illustrating the weight of her life crushing down on her. “You know? It’s like... I want things to matter... and they aren’t anymore.” But instantly she is the fierce eagle again, claws out.

“Tell nobody,” she demands.

“I would pinkie promise but I don’t want to somehow summon her. I won’t tell anyone. So you feel like noone matters. you have parents still?” I ask a bit out of my own curiosity, since I know almost nothing about Gilda.

She hesitates to answer, but does with regret in her voice. “... Not that I talk to...”

“You have Rainbow as a friend still, any other friends you stay in touch with?” I ask.

Again, her reply is tempered with cold and hurt. “... No.”

“Then your only friends are Rainbow dash, us, and Cale.” I point out. “Why be so cold to him?”

“...Do you really want to know?” She seems to be fighting herself internally, struggling against every part of her character that has always told her not to open up, not to make herself vulnerable. Her claws clench now out of frustration with herself instead of aggression.

“Only if you stop acting like I am attacking you. I am trying to help. I will offer up some detail about my personal life if you want, make this an even exchange,” I offer.

She seems to calm a little at the idea of this being a simple exchange. “You first.”

“Okay. Fluttershy is an orphan. No parents, and according to Pinkie’s best guess probably the child of a Las Pegas hooker and a passing stallion. Erica has slight contact with her father but has never really had a family she could feel safe in. That’s why I’m so sickeningly sweet, I am constantly trying to turn the world into my family.” I admit this all quickly, trying to rush it out of my head before the sickening taste of self loathing can set in. I don’t have time for that now.

“... Cale... Well. We exchanged memories... sort of... and I didn’t like what I saw. It’s against honor, you know, to well... uh...” She skirts around the issue of suicide and it’s attempts before seeming to let go of yet another internal barrier holding her back from truly communicating with me.

“Fine.” She says with the shake of her head. “Point blank, he’s far too much like me and I hate it because he’s weaker than I am.”

“Yeah. So when something is weak you destroy it right? So how am I still here?” I ask curiously.

“When something is weak you build it up. When you are weak and you don’t want to be built up, you lash out. When you lash out, people get hurt. When people get hurt, you get weaker. When you get weaker, you want to get better, but you can’t, because you won’t build up.” Her logic makes no sense to me, but I don’t see emotional vulnerability as a weakness, I see giving up as a weakness. But my view in this way could only hurt Cale and Gilda right now.

“You know, what if instead of waiting for him to lash out, you sat down and figured out why he doesn’t want to get stronger,” I offer.

“It’s because he thinks he’s worthless.” She says this with finality, permanency. Not saying that he feels it, but that it is a core part of him.

“So, you are in his head, why does he think that?” I ask, sitting up a bit straighter.

“Because I told him he was worthless.”

I stare at Gilda in confusion, not sure what the problem is if she can let go of her past mistake, and tell him she was wrong.. “So tell him you were wrong when he gets back.”

“If he gets back,” she says in a defeated tone.

“Well... Do you want him to come back?” I ask her, waiting patiently for her to dredge up her answer from ages of denying any and all feelings.

“...yes,” she finally sighs.

“Well. What you should do, is while we are packing, you should meditate or nap. While you do that, think repeatedly that you want him to come back,” I reccomend.

“... Whatever. What do you want me to do now?”

I trot over to her and give her a hug, my forelegs only really wrapping around her neck. “Relax. Even if tomorrow has scary things, even if we fail, spend a little time just relaxing and trying to find some peace.”

“...Alright...”

“Sorry for the hug. it’s instinct,” I say with a sheepish smile. “I’ll leave you alone now, let me know if you need anything.”

“...Thanks...”

“You’re welcome... Friend.” Then, I leave the room to let Gilda have a few moments alone. Unfortunately I walk in on the tail end of some story by Pinkie involving a ceiling fan and no identifiable plot or characters.

For a bit, I stood off to the side while everyone just stared at her in baffled confusion. So, in other words, everything was normal for a few seconds.

chapter 49. Discord's Lament
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 49. Discord's Lament

“Oh Tia.” He whispered, setting his paw against the portion of the warm plastic screen that showed the cheek of a white alicorn.

“Why did you have to be so easy? Why didn’t you put up a fight?” He pondered, sounding regretful, disappointed.

The image shifted ever so slightly, the only way of knowing that it was a live feed and not a picture. The pony of the sun sat on a patch of faded green grass under a tree in some long forgotten park, outside of a city whose population had declined to the point that few would need the park, much less visit it and disturb her rest. Another tear tracked down her greyed cheek and landed among the blades of grass while Discord watched.

“You didn’t give her much of a chance to fight, not with her morals.” His voice echoed from another body standing in the shadows.

“Morals, morals! Why do they, you, all insist on clinging to them when they only serve to decay this world into an even more pathetic doldrum of perpetual repetition? The bad guy does something bad, the good guy does something good, it’s so...” Discord paused, and the other occupant of the room finished his rant.

“Predictable.” John de Lancie stepped from the shadows to stand next to the draconequus. “You hate how they never deviate from their character, yet you pen them into situations in which they have to rely on their past in order to persevere.” He looked at the monitor and chuckled. “You act as though you are disappointed, but you have exactly what you wanted, don’t you?”

“Yes, but what fun is there in making sense? I don’t really want anything.” Discord mumbled, turning to another computer screen, on which a playlist of music is pulled up.

“What is all that about?” John asked curiously, not having heard any music playing.

“Just a thought, we will see if it plays itself out. For now though, I do think I owe a client of mine a visit. Tata for now.” With a snap of his fingers, the force of nature was gone.

John stood still for a moment before turning and making his way into another room of the complex, in which a table held a cage, and in one cage sat a very angry looking rabbit.

The human took a seat on a folding chair next to the cage, pondering the doorway he just came through. “I think I might finally have a step up on him,” he says after a moment, the rabbit perking up immediately.

The white captive chittered a few times but John just held up a hand. “I can’t understand you, and you know it. I’m sorry, but this is one way communication. Regardless, he has given me a single wish to fulfill to the best of his ability, and I think I’ve finally found a way to have him grant it to me trouble free, and use it to fix all this. But it depends on my appearance as an ally of his remaining until the very end. I’ll help you, and your wife.”

The rabbit sighed and hung his head, before holding out a paw. John shook it with a chuckle.

“Hopefully by the end of all this, I’m not one of the bad guys.”

Author's Note

Just a bit of a side chapter, to let everyone have a quick peek into the background plot workings of our main villain.

chapter 51. Tray tables up
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 51. Tray tables up

I pull Angel the car out of the parking lot and swing it around the corner to head into the residential area, my mind still abuzz with distracting thoughts of the future, which are made less relevant by the fact that we haven’t figured out the current crisis yet. As I drive and Pinkie fiddles, I decide to speak, to at least carry on some sort of conversation.

“So... how are you both doing?” I ask curiously.

"Me and Pinkie? Or me and Reid?" She laughs, giving me that beaming smile that I’ve found I miss, since many of my friends are more uptight here on earth.

"We're... well, I dunno, we're okay. If you're asking how our mind is... I don't know how to put it. We're syncing but separate, I guess?" Pinkie looks back at the other vehicles, who are slowly making their way out of the parking lot we left behind. I ease up on the pedal just in case I’m going too fast.

"Do you think Cadance and Linda will... are they going to be alright, do you think?" I ask, concerned that my new friends could be in a conflict we can’t see.

"I think they need to learn to respect each other, but I also think that Linda needs a guiding force, someone that can take charge, to make her feel secure. Cadance can do that, I'm sure,” Pinkie says definitively, and I feel that I can trust this judgement call.

"Are you worried about Ian?" I ask after another moment or two, glancing over at her.

"He moved out of the house before I did, he's got a console, and he reigns over a small empire of cats. With a roommate, true, but he was doing fine before this." Pinkie shrugs. "If he'd been caught up early I'd be worried but as is... I think he'll handle himself and Apple Bloom pretty well. I don't...."

She sighs. But it isn’t a sad sigh, more one cautious from being judged.

"I don't usually worry... about people or things. Is that bad?"

I quickly equate “worry” with “care”, in a very me-ish fashion.

"Well, you could learn how to. You just have to find a reason to care." I say as we pull into the driveway of our mysterious benefactor. Pulling the shifty lever into park, I relax a little, ready for a good chat.

"Oh it's not that I don't care, it's just... I don't worry,” she clarifies, as I lean back into the car seat and take a deep breath in, letting it out in an attempt at settling the jitters about my confusion about the pink mare right next to me.

"Ever been homeless?" I finally ask, looking up through the windshield at the sky.

"No and yes," Pinkie smiles cheekily. "Guess which is which."

"Pinkie has been, I'm pretty sure. Right?" I ask as I turn my head to engage more fully in the conversation.

"...good guess," she admits grudgingly. "Look... I want to make this clear. I don't actually worry about things I can't change... usually. I worry sometimes but it's... not something I control you know?"

"I know." I reach over to put a hoof over hers in what I hope is a comforting gesture. "It's okay. I need to stop worrying in general,” I admit.

"I think it's less you need to stop worrying and more you need to stop... being chained by your worries."

Chained by my worries... Chained by all of what I am, chained by my feelings... I look down at my hoof resting comfortably on hers, our coats brushing together in a soft pinkish mix.

I pull my foreleg away, as the proximity of our position makes itself apparent.

"Y... yeah,” I mumble.

For a bit we are silent, both looking out the windows.

She speaks first, as my heart pounds in my chest, frustrating me. I can’t keep calm, I can’t stay in control of myself.

"....sooooooo. Um. We're all going to sleep here tonight... right?" She asks me in a mix of hopefulness and concern.

"I don't think so. With everything packed, I think we will fly out tonight, and you all will drive to the next city. Time is of the essence, you know?" I reply gently, feeling at fault for something, though I know not what. It’s painful to sit here. It’s painful to not know what I feel, and even less know the reception any such feelings would actually have. All I can do is wait.

"Well... if you think that's best," Pinkie says, definitely disappointed. "You'll e-mail me when you land, right?"

"Sure."

We trade our contact information in a sort of rushed social obligation, when it should be a moment for quips and silly jokes about getting somepony’s number.

Again we sit quietly.

The car is warm, but only from the sunlight still filtering through the bugs that pepper the windshield. Outside the wind slowly pushes a few branches, carrying with it winter winds. Just as I would have an excuse to beg for physical comfort, to sleep in the same tent as somepony I seek comfort from as more than a friend, in a deceptive but desperate ploy for attention, I am whisked away by circumstance. I could stay here, I could keep traveling, and fulfill my own desires, but we have a goal that will not wait for us.

I cannot help but wonder if I am the wrong pony for this position. Is this a task that Twilight, with her brains and skill would be fit for? Is this the sort of public power that Rainbow would wield so much better?

But this is not a moment in which I can call on them. This is a moment for me to do what I can. This is my dragon.

I let my mind wander for a little longer before it hits back upon Gilda.

"So... Gilda is probably learning to drive,” I mention, as a reason to fill the space outside of my mind with words, just to keep myself aware of the equally nervous and likely confused pink pony beside me.

"Or remembering." Pinkie shrugs. "I... like I said, me and vehicles don't talk."

"Well... cars don't talk,” I point out with a giggle. "not yet, at least."

"Sure they do! I mean, a lot of people say animals don't talk but you can talk to animals, right? Same thing here!" Pinkie pats the plastic and rubber barrier between us emphatically, before spotting the aforementioned Griffon and rolling down her window to wave.

I wave to the group too, before turning off the car, after realizing it was on the whole time, and getting out.

As we make our way towards the group, I can see that everyone really has arrived, and Gilda does not seem pleased. That alone is enough for me to slow down and let Pinkie arrive at the group first. I may have become Gilda’s friend, but I make it a long standing policy not to present myself to an angry predator. After all, I am a quintessential prey animal.

Shining, or Julien, is talking to the princess of the party as we approach.

"My dear, you are fragile as well, but I understand. I'm hoping it can be enjoyable for both of you." He says as we all gather together.

Pinkie points at Julien, halting the conversation. "Right, so as I understand it the plan is you and... you?" Her gaze and pointing hoof select Cadance next, waiting for an answer.

"No, Linda's not back yet,” she says simply, dismissively.

"Right, well. Those two will go on a date while the rest of us set up a sleepover and hash out tomorrow with the old lady." Pinkie looks around at the gathered group. "Am I wrong?"

"No...." Ginny says cautiously, looking at Pinkie with possible concern that she may need help, which upsets me for some reason. "I thought that we all knew the plan?"

"I like confirming things," Pinkie says, shrugging as the group starts to mobilize.

As Ian rolls his, or her eyes and turns to face her, or his brother, or sister, Julien gestures to my car, and leads Cadance to it so they can be on their way. The rest of us wait until our defacto leader in pink goes up to the door and knocks.

Gilda actually sticks towards the back, near me. For a moment I worry, but I realize quickly that she is just trying not to become the center of attention, and who am I to deny someone that?

The elderly woman answers the door after a moment, and smiles out on all of us, spreading a warm feeling of appreciation and friendship.

"Please, come inside, it's so nice to see you all." She says in a warm tone, making her own way to the main room which is covered in pillows and sofas.

I wait for the rest to go in before me, to make sure there will be room, but suddenly Pinkie is behind Gilda.

"Gilda, don't make me push you in there," she says firmly. "I will do it, and it will be embarrassing for you."

Ian heads into the house as we socially inept hang back, quickly followed by a less-than-pleased-with-Pinkie-Pie Gilda, and Pinkie. I head in after them as Ian starts to speak.

"Thank ya kindly fer setting us up on tha plane. Um... would it be okay if we stayed tha night?"

"Well dear, I had thought that time would be important, so I figured we could fly out tonight. Oh my, I didn't introduce myself, my name is Samantha Grent." She holds out her hand, crouching slightly to make it easier on the tiny pony.

Meanwhile I make my way into the room, slipping onto a cushion halfway between Pinkie and Ian, out of fear that being too close to Pinkie could upset her, or possible being too far away could upset her more.

Ian shakes the proffered hand carefully, nodding before turning to look at the rest of us.

"Ah'm Ian. And... well, apparently there's been some planning complications..."

Pinkie nods in agreement before speaking, her smile apologetic. "Yeah, some members of our crew have legitimate Hoplophobia and can't stand to be in the terminal for very long. So, we decided to split the party, which is something I thought I'd never say."

Hoplophobia... Would Pinkie have ever said that word? Would she have needed to? Does it matter?

My ears flick towards the door as Ginny walks in, giggling at the ‘split the party’ reference.

I continue to watch Pinkie as I hear both of the girls sit down and Harold follow them into the room after closing the door. I turn to look for just a moment to see him take one of the chairs, where he can see us all. Like a guard, or a mother hen.

To avoid staring, I look around the room. Warm colors, a comfortable home but unattended. Small portions of the desk, table, and wall space used. It’s almost like she is waiting for somepony... Someone else to come home and fill in the empty spaces. Of course she is, and for a moment I hang my head and ponder death, despite the inviting and cheery decor.

"Dearie, if you want something to do while we talk, my son's room is back there, feel free to use his computer,” the elderly woman calls out to Gilda, who apparently had started to wander off. “The password is axemurder, no spaces."

She smiles and turns back to the gathered ponies and humans.

"I think that we could still make it out tonight, even if we wait for your friends to be ready to leave. I could even give them the house keys so that they could stay here when we leave." She offers, relaxing into the well worn green velvet chair, which seems like a burst of life in this red and brown home.

"That's... actually pretty reasonable," Jackie says.

"The Key thing or the Axemurder thing?" Pinkie retorts, with a sheepish smile, as though knowing she is off kilter, her usual impeccable timing askew. Am I off as well? Have I been ignoring inconsistencies which make me some other creature, not all of the good and all of the bad, like I had thought? Too much dwelling on such things would be bad for a pony.

Jackie gives Pinkie a scolding glance. "The keys. I'm sure Nathan had his reasons."

I hear Ian speaking to Gilda, and they slip out of the main room as the human lady discusses the particulars of getting this all figured out and planned in such a short span of time.

So short... A week now? Somewhere close to ten days of life just slightly off? It feels like so much longer, years even. It feels like a lifetime for somepony like me, who would rather go home, feel safe, and sip some tea while finishing some little project that makes me smile.

I count my hours in stitches and words on paper, and my months in completed projects, so now time stands still for me.

Except for one pink pony who seems to make it all go so fast...

I look up. She is looking at me. I wonder for a moment if the myth of a soul being captured by a camera would allow me to hold onto that look of playful innocence from animation stills and fan art made by humans who never met her. I wonder if I could find Pinkie again, somewhere deep inside of this pony in front of me.

Pinkie looks away from me, and back to Mrs. Grent again before speaking.

“Listen. We really do appreciate this. And that's why some of us are going with you..." She leans forward with uncharacteristic sincerity. "But... there are scared people out there, and I kind of promised to hold a... sort of press conference interview thing, I don't know the real term in this case. So, only the ladies here and the yellow ponies will be joining you on the plane. It's not because we don't appreciate this--we really do--it's just... as tragic as your son's death is, I've been forced into a sort of leadership role here and I've got to think of everyone. So... yeah. I'm... going to be staying behind...."

She rubs the back of her neck with a hoof, seeming lost for a moment. "And... that's pretty much it, actually. Um."

"Don't sweat it, dear. I'll go ahead and purchase the tickets for those of us who will be flying, the house key is on a hook in the kitchen." She says, going back to squinting at her computer, while I return my gaze to the element of laughter around Pinkie’s neck.

She relaxes, and it shifts to settle a little more naturally around her neck, softly shining like my own necklace in the lamplight.

She then looks to me, and I choose to speak rather than wait for her to come up with a question.

"you sure Ian will be okay without you?" I ask in a whisper.

"He lives on his own, he'll be... okay, the filly thing might get to him, but I'm sure he'll be okay." Pinkie looks at me with an odd expression I can’t place, something more than pity, but almost confusion. "I'm more worried about you, actually... although that's probably..."

For a little while, the tap of laptop keys is the only sound beside talking in the other room.

Then, of course, she randomly sits up straight again, the wind once again beneath her wings.

"So! Anyway. Um. Miss Grent, just... what do you do, I mean, usually?" There's a self appreciative giggle. "I mean, it's hard to believe you're just a philanthropist. Or would that be philequinest? Is it the target or the giver that counts here?”

I look away, and back to one of the many hallways leading into this empty home, a sad thing, really. Somthing I would try to remedy if I were not so lost already.

"You're the pony, you should know,” Harold replies as I look at the corner of the door where Gilda vanished off to.

"Well, I was a school teacher, and later on I became a professor of philosophy. What do you do in your pony world, dear? I do remember my son saying something about sweets." She says, and I look back t her to see a warm and inviting smile. I really must be projecting to see this as an empty home. She seems so peaceful.

Pinkie blinks in the short pause, seeming taken aback, or maybe switching places in her head. "Well, I... do work at a bakery, confectionery shop. My primary 'job' is actually more setting up parties for everypony." She smiles and rolls her eyes. "It's actually a lot more intensive than it sounds, you have to be ready to celebrate anything at the drop of a hat. Even a drop of a hat! But you also have to judge when a party is needed and when you just need to say something encouraging."

Ginny nods in agreement. "Judgment can be hard. I mean, I teach martial arts and for the longest time I couldn't figure out who was developing at what rate, I just put up monthly tests for each level. Harold here helped me with that."

The man shrugs off the compliment. "I used to be a green belt, but I thought I could jump the ranks. So I took the test early, a test a week. Now I have a black belt in karate."

Pinkie nods. "I have a black belt in closet,” she says with a straight face.

Jackie clears her throat, an eyebrow raised. "You... what?"

"...In my closet! That's... I have a black belt in my closet." Pinkie blushes a little in embarrassment. "That is what I said. It's a belt and it's black."

I giggle a little at the thought of fighting with a closet door. "Black belt in closet, hmm?"

Pinkie’s cheeks seem to burn, bright red, as she quickly switches the topic.

"So what's the dinner plan?"

"Well, we will have to leave for the airport very soon, in order to deal with the security issues we will have to face." The kindly old woman says, as she rises from her armchair, leaning on a cane, and pulling a large navy blue suitcase from behind her chair.
"We can get our food in the airport."

I nod, trying to remember where my things are, for some reason completely forgetting, finally just deciding I must have put them in Pinkie’s car.

"My things are in the pinkie car, or Priddy car, um anyway I think we are ready to go."

Ginny nods as she stands. "I'll go get Ian."

Pinkie rubs the back of her head. "That sounds good for you guys, but... me and Harold and Gilda are staying behind. Should I just raid your fridge or...?

"Oh of course, wouldn't want any of it to go bad while we are gone." Mrs. Grent chuckles, moving her luggage to the door, before turning to a coat rack to put on a coat. "Take anything you need, my dear. It's the least I can do."

For a moment, looking at Pinkie, I want to say that I’ll miss her. I want to ask her if she will be okay. I desperately want to beg her to come with us, to fly to New York together.

But it lasts only a moment, and I turn my back, and listen to the tap of my hooves on the wood flooring, all the way to the door, and the click of cement until I reach their vehicle, and tug my bag out from the mass of bags and supplies.

I can hear her trot up next to me as I slump against the backpack that holds my laptop and various personal effects.

I can’t tell her the truth, what is really bothering me. I can’t tell her to hold me because everything feels wrong. No, instead I pick another topic of concern out of my long list of worries.

"Relative fictionality. It should make me feel better, it really should. I should be happy that we might be able to fix this..." I whisper, my fears showing through as my frown turns into a look and feeling of despair.

"This is a very vague word," Pinkie says, unemotionally, which raises the hair on the back of my neck. "Are you referring to Discord, the mental merge, our potential relationship, the oil crisis, your car's hubcaps, my persistent insanity...?"

Despite my reservations, I feel my worry go, a small smile take it’s place. Maybe this isn’t exactly the Pinkie I knew. But maybe this Pinkie can still make me feel better.

I roll my eyes, letting that bit of apprehension go.

"In order; yes, kind of, I'm too scared to address that, that is something I've stopped worrying about because I don't think it would do any good, what the heck is wrong with the three hubcaps I have left? Oh, and you aren't insane. Silly pony."

Behind her, Gilda and a few of the cosplayers exit the house, apparently setting up some sort of pose for the griffin on the roof of a car.

"No matter what the crisis is, there's always one person who's willing to do a photoshoot,” Pinkie says, rolling her eyes as well.

I stand up, feeling better, though still a little nervous, I smile.
"A spot of normalcy."

Mrs. Grent follows the picture taking group out of the house, rolling her bag and carrying a large purse that seems to be decorated in stitched clouds and planes. I silently thank Celestia that the woman didn’t grab a leather bag, or one with fur on it. It’s hard enough to know that in one life I have worn leather. I would rather not have a pile of it sitting around.

"The taxi should be here soon, all ready to go?" She asks us, a motherly bit of concern.

"Right, that's good!" Ginny says from the car-top photography studio, as she snaps a picture of Gilda.

Ian shrugs. "Let me get mah things... er... Ah may need help with that." She droops a bit, and I silently note to try to figure out a way for Ian to feel more comfortable with this whole thing, but sadly it seems like it will have to wait for a while.

"I'll do it," Pinkie offers, crawling into the car hatch without a seconds hesitation and pulling out suitcases, her tail twitching side to side as she digs through the pile. Happily she didn’t seem to shove her tail down her shorts this time. "That's yours, that's mine, that's yours, that's yours, that's yours..."

The last few cosplayers exit the house, seeming a bit out of breath and flushed, as Gilda hops down from her perch, asking what a tire is, apparently. But everyone seems occupied with their goodbyes.

I look from them to Pinkie, then I feel my cheeks grow warm as I look away, and see the checkered white and black taxi arriving.

"Well it looks like we are out of time." I whisper, looking back to the pink pony, and her awkward smile, her awkward shirt, and her silly shorts. Yet I smile.

She takes a gasp of air to brace herself, puts the rest of the bags down, and moves up to me, looking around as though to make sure no one is paying any undue attention to our farewell.

Then she nuzzles me. A nuzzle, is so soft, so intimate. I feel her breath on my cheek in the slightly chilled air, as she murmurs “Good luck.”

"Thank you... I'll see you again, soon." I whisper, leaning forward to keep that contact as long as possible, but so soon she has moved away. I don’t even flinch when the crazy griffon blows a tire and the gunshot noise echoes between the houses. I just sit there, watching Pinkie to go show her how to replace it.

All too soon, we are riding away in the taxi, and I can’t even bring up the strength to fasten my own seatbelt, as I stare at the seat-back in front of me.

chapter 52. Seatbacks in the full upright position
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 52. Seatbacks in the full upright position

I lean against the van wall, staring out the window with one hoof resting on the seat next to me, and the other one gripping my seat belt.

I listen to them all talk, as I watch a grey city rush by me, and my mind dwells on a pink shape I keep expecting to see out of the corner of my eye.

“So.... airplane,” Ian says as a statement of fact, from behind us. The back seat of the taxi van is occupied by the cosplayers and a lone tiny pony. A filly who isn't a filly.

I nod, pondering that last nuzzle, trying to hold onto the memory of her cheek against mine.

"Well, have you flown before, dear?" Mrs. Grent asks, as I hear her shift to speak with Ian face to face.

"As a human, yeah. Like this... Ah just woke up this mornin' like this, and Apple Bloom ain't even awake yet. Ah'm just a teensy bit concerned she might have a panic attack if she wakes up in... ya know about tha, um, dual pony mind thing, right?"

"I've done some research, though I don't know much more than the papers have said." She says. "So there are ponies and people in your heads?"

"It's..." There is a short pause as he seems to search for the right words. "Ah think it's different fer everypony, but... yeah, from what Ah figger our human minds get kinda overlaid over tha pony's minds, so it takes a bit fer tha pony's mind ta wake up. Erishy here has more experience with tha whole thing, but... actually, um, are ya comfortable talking bout this?" He asks me as though I would even admit if I was bothered by it.

"Oh, it's not a big deal, I'm fine," I whisper, looking away from the passing buildings and down at the floor. It doesn’t bother me, really. I feel as though it should bother me, as though I’m some oddity to be studied, but I wouldn’t care if I was, as long as I could stay in one place for a few minutes, and catch my breath.

"So, what is your pony like?" The lady asks ian.

“Ah don't know, AH haven't really gotten tha chance ta talk with her yet,” he admits.

The van falls quiet, with only the hiss and crackle of the Taxi driver’s radio punctuating the empty space. For once I wish someone would talk. Not to me, but just talk. It feels like I’ve done something wrong, like this.

Luckily, Ginny asks a question.

"Sooooooo. You must have seen some of the show, miss Grent. Who do you think is best pony?"

She thinks on it for a moment, as I shift a little so that my wings can stretch. "Well I do really like the queen, the big white one. Very proper, yet she seemed nice."

"Is that one a bad choice?" she asks after another bit of silence, concerned.

I keep looking at the floor. Really, I don’t have anything to add, I could speak about my longing to go back. I could tell them how I don’t want to go anymore, and would rather just return to Pinkie and the others, but I know I shouldn’t.

"Technically, she's a princess," Jackie explains.

"The only queen on the show... is a queen in the sense of an ant queen," Ginny adds.

"Oh so the princess then, the one that controls the sun. So far she is my favorite." She says, her voice upbeat, amused. Such a happy person, despite all her suffering. Truly an example to us all.

"Well, she is a very likeable character," Jackie agrees.

Within moments of this awkward conversation concluding, we finally reach our destination, and begin unloading from the taxi with all of our belongings. Mrs. Grent pays the driver and we start to make our way into the check in area for our airline of choice.

I watch the check in lady call over a manager, before we have even reached the front of the line.

The tired and frustrated looking manager waits patiently until it is our turn, and steps forward.

"How can I help you?" the man asks in an annoyed tone.

"Well, we need to check in for a flight." Mrs. Grent says firmly, handing him the pile of tickets.

"I will need photo identification,” he says, without even looking at the papers she had given him. Despite knowing what he is going to say, I pull my wallet out of my backpack with my teeth, and let Mrs. Grent take the Id card out and provide it to the uniformed grouch.

He glances once at each one, taking Ian’s and mine in one hand and holding them back out to her.

"Those two don't have proper identification, they can't be let on board." He says, turning away to call over the clerk to check in the other bags not accompanying a pony.

"Son, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation." Mrs. Grent says, frowning as she gestures to me, making me cower a little.

"This pony is one of the few that can help fix all this. Whether you like ponies or not, she is part of the solution." She says, stepping closer to him, making me wonder if she is really as tame as I had thought.

He turns around angrily and looks like he is about to say something, when a man in sunglasses and a suit steps out of a back room door and taps him on the shoulder. They have a quick and whispered chat, before the suited man steps up to the counter.

"Have a wonderful flight." He says quickly, giving them the last two boarding passes.

He then turns and leaves, and the clerk goes to help the next group.

"That was... odd." Mrs. Grent says, frowning.

I look over to Ian, who is just staring at his pass, as I rack my brain to come up with some explanation for what happened. Then I remember something that Julien had said.

“They can only offer limited oversight, due to the scope of the problem. Though I have been promised that there will be an undercover agent on our flight.”

The CIA must me helping us along, making sure that this all goes as planned...

I shake my head as Ginny puts a comforting hand on my back.

"The CIA has to watch us, to make sure we get there safely. That has to be who he was,” I explain.

I notice that Ian has been pushed towards me, and I give him a quick hug, his expression confused, worried.

I have to lead. I know what is going on, and I must make this work. With a quick intake of breath, I pull on my backpack and look to Ian to make sure he is going to follow me, and then I start my way towards security. I cut an impressive path through the throngs of passengers. As I trot briskly, they all seem to stop, move out of the way, and stare. I have to fight my urge to flee.

Finally we reach the security area, and almost immediately we are approached and asked as a group to move to a separate screening area, where we are finally alone. The others sit down on provided seats, while I slump against one of the chairs, glad to be away from the incessant crowd.

Ian rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "So... just ta be clear... have any o' us done anythang illegal at any point?"

Jackie shrugs. "Not in the criminal sense." Ginny rolls her eyes, and Jackie gives her a look. "What? It's true!"

"It will be okay." I mutter softly, leaning against the chair that Ginny sits on, my ears drooping, eyes fixed on the floor.

"I'm sure it will be. They can hardly turn us away now." Mrs. Grent says, frowning with her arms crossed.

Ian starts to fidget a bit. "So... how long do we have ta wait here?"

"Well I imagine...." Mrs. Grent says, just as the second door opens to reveal a middle aged woman in a security jacket, who pauses halfway through closing the door.
"Well, I'll be. Sorry to keep you all waiting, instead of clearing the security checkpoint normally, we have a police officer who is going to interview you each one at a time, and we will xray your bags normally." She says, smiling apologetically.

I just nod as Mrs. Grent sighs, rolling her eyes.
"Let's get this over with." She stands, volunteering herself to be first.

"Um..." Ian awkwardly raises a hoof. "Ah... may need ta stop by the, ah... ya'know..." He gestures vaguely, blushing.

The security lady points out the door she came in to show Mrs. Grent where to go, before gesturing to ian.

"I can take you, we have pony friendly restrooms down the hall."

I just keep staring at the floor, wondering if I have messed up, leaving the rest of the group. What if they are attacked? What if Pinkie gets hurt and I could have done something if I had stayed?

"Um... See, this is actually mah first day as a pony, and Ah haven't... um... done that yet, so, um..." By now Ian's face is as red as his mane.

Ginny coughs. "I'm sure that Erishy wouldn't mind helping you."

At my name, I jump a little, being reminded that I have people and ponies to take care of, right here. I look around at the expectant faces, and a chuckle nervously, trying to smile, not sure what all I missed.

"Sorry... what?"

Ginny coughs, indicating an increasingly embarrassed Ian with a quick flick of her head. "Pony problems."

"Oh, sorry." I stands and gesture to my back, wanting to give him a ride in case he doesn’t want to walk.
"Hop on."

"....Ah'd... rather walk," Ian says, completely flustered. "Just... ya know..."

I almost hit myself, realizing just how stupid I am being.

"Right, I'm sorry. Come on, I'll help you." I gets the directions from the security officer, and take Ian to the restroom.

It is awkward, and it takes some explaining, but eventually he is relieved, and trots out of the stall with a very red face.

“You can head back to the group if you want, I need to go as well,” I say with another of my famous awkward smiles.

"Right... er." I watch as Ian backs out of the restroom, and I take my turn. After I am finished, I trot over to the sink, carefully washing my hooves of the grime and dirt from a day of walking on sidewalks and hotel floors.

As I do, I think about the situation I am in.

It’s not that bad. Pinkie can take care of herself, like no other pony possibly could. She could even take care of the rest of my new friends. Ian seems to be doing okay, and Mrs. Grent seems quite willing to help us resolve this. Things are a lot better than I give them credit for.

I feel myself smiling as I paw at some paper towels to dry my hooves, and I close my eyes, realizing that really, I’ve been working myself up over nothing.

I hear a small pony trotting up to the door of the bathroom, and slip inside.

"Oh, would you mind if I used your phone, Erishy? Just to send a message to my brother,” Apple Blooms voice asks, though I notice Ian is doing a very good job of subduing the accent. He must have been practicing while he waited.

"Of course. It has a password, Buzzy,” I say as I finish drying my hooves and turn, only to see green fire fill my vision, and then I am staring at myself. I feel like I am staring into a mirror, except this image of me looks so much more gleeful.

"Thanks, Erishy."

Then she lashes out with a hoof, and I don’t even have time to scream before I see only black.

chapter 53. Now assume the crash position
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 53. Now assume the crash position

I wake up to the feeling of pressure against my back, uncomfortably flattening my wings against me.
Instinctively I move away, though the motion causes a spike of pain to shoot from my temple through my head to my left ear, making me cringe.
The pressure against my back subsides long enough for me to notice that my legs are bound in thick, uncomfortable rope that has already managed to bite through my coat and leave the skin beneath raw, aching.

And I cannot see.

My nose picks up the taint of car exhaust and oil, a bitter smell that repels me, but I can also smell clothes, freshly washed, along with a hint of leather that makes my stomach churn.

I take a moment to prod around with my bound hooves and discover that I am not covered by a blanket, but rather a nylon container that strikes a stunning resemblance to…

“I’ve been stuffed in airline luggage.” I groan, laying my head down and doing my best not to cry out when another shock of pain strikes. Rather I just hiss, drawing a slow breath through my teeth as I clench my jaw.

The pain subsides and I bring my forehooves up to gnaw on the rope, the natural fiber surprisingly good tasting, considering the state of affairs.
After several minutes, I manage to get myself a bit of freedom, and poke around the inside of the luggage prison, finding no way to unzip myself or rip the thing, without inducing another terrible headache.

So I let myself lay there on a bed of what I have now identified as clean t-shirts, and contemplate my situation.
Another pony who looked just like me had been able to sound enough like Apple Bloom for me to give her the password to my phone. Then she had knocked me out. This does not bode well for being the one who would bring the ponies of New York together, and plan a daring victory over Discord.

No, instead it sounds exactly like something that would happen to Fluttershy. It sounds exactly like the sort of failure I’ve come to expect of myself.
I let the silence overwhelm me, as I whimper myself back to sleep, unable to gather the strength to escape, unable to find the sorrow to cry.

I wake up again, but this time to a pressure against my hind legs. I stand on them shakily, and realize the bag is being rolled, forcing me into a standing position to stay right side up.
This is it. I have to escape now, or they will discover that I’ve freed myself… partially.
I move forward enough to grab the siding in my teeth, and begin to chew.
Immediately I gag, as the taste of dead skin fills my mouth, and the bag stops, being laid down as I struggle to breathe, coughing despite knowing that I need to remain silent.
The bag opens with a raspy zip, and I look up, teary eyed, at my captor, through a flood of light that assaults me with the new opening in my darkened prison.

He is a big man, but not from excess. This is the sort I would expect to see in a bar room brawl, or pulling a plow if he had been a pony. His eyes are sharp and they scrutinize me carefully: he notes my partially open mouth, and the bite mark on the side of the bag, he notes the frayed ropes, and he notes my tears.
All of this without emotion. Like a wolf looking over carrion and judging it’s worth as a meal.
I look away, knowing there is nothing I can do, as his rough hands grasp me around one foreleg, and he lifts me out, cautiously looking at my element, though making no attempt to take it or touch it.

As I am taken out of the bag, I can see where we are, but not enough to help. We are in the entryway to a run-down house, the brown tiles that speckle the floor half ripped up, and the wallpaper peeling. I can hear a dog barking in the distance, the only thing breaking the silence of the night, which makes me feel even more isolated. The Earth’s moon peeks through a window, the only observer of my plight is an alien orb.

I dangle like a dishcloth from his hand, and my weight might as well be as insignificant, as he lays the bag down and takes me around the barrel like a dead dog being carried at a distance. He then takes me to a closet that appears to have been outfitted for this purpose.

“One night here, then we will leave. No screaming, and there won’t be a gag. No hurting yourself, and you will have blankets and a pillow. No trying to escape, and you will have food.”

He sets me down on the lone pillow on the bare wood floor, and he crouches to my level.

“Do you understand?”

I nod, and whisper in reply. “Y… yes.”

He nods in return, flipping a switch on the other side of the wall, which turns a light above me on. He then closes the door, and a deadbolt is slid into position.
I look around, thinking maybe there might be something here, anything to give me hope.

The closet is empty except for the pillow and myself.

I take a shuddering breath, closing my eyes and imagining Pinkie, Rainbow, Spike, Rarity, AJ, and Twilight in New York, without me.

For some reason, it still seems like a full picture. I can’t even imagine being missed.
So I sleep.

The click of the lock wakes me, as the man stands in the open doorway, his wiry frame covered by jeans and a loose shirt which seems almost designed to hide the gun he has tucked in his waistband. From normal human eye level, I would never be able to see it.

“It’s time to leave. Give me your arms.”

It takes me a moment to realize he means my forelegs, and I stick them out for him.
He ratchets a pair of handcuffs into place, tight enough that my inflexible hooves cannot slip back through. Then he padlocks a heavy chain to them.

“Come.”

I obey him, shuffling on my hind legs, using my wings to keep balance as he pulls me along towards the car, like a disobedient pet.

I take a moment to look around, and I realize that the dirty home we had been in is abandoned. Like so many houses you see in large cities these days, it sits empty and has its back to an alleyway. The only other houses I can see are either abandoned or walled off by tall cinderblock barriers.

No wonder no one found us.

He leads me to the now open trunk of the car, which I can see is a fairly new sedan, silver and well beyond the purchasing power of such a classic thug. Then again, stealing a car would not be beyond him, I would guess.
It’s a bleak feeling, to be chained to a spare tire twice your size, all the while counting the ways your captor has succeeded in hiding you away.
I also notice the pile of clothes that were roughly tossed out of the bag I had been in, and lay down on them in the trunk of the car, as he shuts it and starts the next leg of my abduction in motion.

I bounce uncomfortably as the car rolls through dirt roads and pothole infested suburbs for hours, losing track of the turns and the stops.
I give up on blaming myself, and I start to feel something I rarely feel. I start to feel angry.
However, I am at a complete loss as to what I could do with that anger, so I let it drift to the back of my mind for now.
Around noon, for all I can tell, the car stops and the engine cuts out. The trunk is opened by that massive man, and he removes the spare tire from the trunk. I do my best to fly alongside it, as he seems to enjoy the moments when I get flustered, falling over or tripping on the chain.

He sets the spare tire down by the side of the road and stares at me.

I stare back.

“Can I write a note to my family? To be buried with me?” I ask, voice wavering.

For the first time he seems genuinely confused, before shaking his head.

“I’m not going to kill you, pony. It’s lunch time.”

He gestures to the vegetation growing along the dirt road, as he pulls a cheeseburger out of a bag in the passenger seat, devouring it while watching me curiously.

For a moment I consider refusing, but I have to be honest to myself and admit that I have survived off of natural greenery before. It wasn’t that bad, and it can’t be that bad here, right?
I carefully select the tenderest looking stalks of grass and make a little pile on my hoof, before eating them, chewing slowly.

Besides having a metallic aftertaste, and a bit too little water in them, I can’t say they are all that bad. Certainly better than some things I have seen Sweetie Belle cook.
But then I notice the man is laughing, covering his mouth as he watches me.

“Hey, I didn’t actually expect you to do that, you are funny as hell.”

He then tosses me a bag with two fast food side salads inside.

While I eat the salads, embarrassed more than upset with the situation, I wonder what it says about me that I was so willing to be degraded, I imagine that only the bit of me that was human was really repulsed by it, by the symbolism of being forced to eat weeds.
At least it saved energy and money. Talk about living off the grid.
Once I finish the salads and put the plastic clamshells into the bag, I spend a moment taking a look around to see where we are this time.

We are in the middle of nowhere. I cannot see a single building for miles in any direction, and the dirt road we are on seems to go on into the distance forever.

I shiver a little, looking up at the sky, at the slowly drifting clouds. If only somepony was about to swoop out of them and save me. If only I could be that lucky.

chapter 54. Perseverance
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 54. Perseverance

I have taken to burying myself in the pile of clean clothes as a sort of shelter, as the rear end of the sedan rocks and jumps over the dirt roads that my captor seems to prefer. I would expect nothing less of a trained abductor, but I truly wish he would learn to appreciate smoother pavement. As the hours wind on, I try looking for a trunk release, only to find it broken off and the cable cut, leaving a sharp edge I accidentally spear my foreleg on, leaving a dot of red that I try to rub off on a dark navy blue shirt to hide my pathetic and useless attempt to escape.

Every time he takes me out of the car, I feel like good old Fluttershy again, unwilling to start an arguement, doing what he wants me to. But in the trunk, alone, I feel it come back in bursts, fury with myself, him, and the world. This isn’t a rage, or a hate, it is simply the accumulation of many years’ emotions suppressed, a frustration that burns me, and makes me wonder just how hard it would be to lift this spare tire.

Sadly, the answer is “very” and I cannot even drag it from one end of the trunk to the other. The next target for my anger is the lock that connects my chained forehooves to the anchor. The lock is sturdy, and any attempts to break it would leave obvious signs of an attempted escape, such as dents or heavy scratches in the layered metal. I decide then that the only way to get away is to be unchained. Every plan of escape I can think of involves the brute in the drivers’ seat unlocking me and giving me a chance to flee.

I don’t hold this as an especially likely possibility.

So, with no more avenues of egress available to me, I lay back and stare at the small crack of light coming in through the speakers that top the trunk space. It is late afternoon or evening, and my stomach growls at me, to show it’s disappointment that I’ve managed to miss afternoon tea as well as my usual snack around this time. But there’s nothing to be done about that.

I wonder what the goal of all this is. He hasn’t hurt me, so obviously this is not an information gathering tactic. He has passed many places by now capable of hiding a body, so I am not going to be killed, or at least not yet. So this must be some sort of capture and test situation, as far as I can guess. It would make sense, get ahold of the only element of harmony who could not defend herself, and see what they can do. Maybe they could find a way to remove my element, or turn it into a weapon.

I wonder what sort of weapon the element of kindness would make.

Despite the situation, I smile. It’s an amusing thought, a gun that gives ponies hugs or some similar nonsense. Though... The thought of what the element of magic could be used for in the same situation, banishes that smile quite quickly.

So this is a research mission, apparently. Or... The option I have not considered, and do not wish to consider, is a private bidder. Thanks in part to my human side, I have an intimate knowledge of the allure that a timid and kind female figure possesses, of any race or in any story. I could not survive this. I could be violated in ways I cannot think up in my darkest nightmares.

I have to stuff my head in the pile of fresh smelling shirts to keep myself from vomiting, my heart pounding painfully.

The fear grips me, and I spend several minutes trying to calm myself, until finally I can lay down, staring up at the light again.

“In the end, everything will be okay.”

For a moment, I don’t know who has spoken, before I realize that my own lips had moved. Speaking without thought, I completed the rest of the saying.

“If things aren’t okay, it isn’t the end.”

I let myself relax against the makeshift bedding, the chain laying across my stomach, as I try to remember where that came from. I shortly realize that it was a saying of mine from my days on messaging boards, trying to save every child in an abusive family, and put a smile on the face of every teen who thought they had nothing to look forward to.

Erica had been a hopeful sort, when she could be, and the saying had become her mantra in times of impassable sorrow. The idea was that everyone had to have hope, or they would fall apart. So, the saying was made to be easy to repeat, and simple to put your belief into. Carefully crafted to bring some small bit of joy to someone in need, whether they are religious, atheist, logical, or emotional.

The saying saved lives.

“In the end, everything will be okay. If things aren’t okay, it isn’t the end.”

I repeat it again, the late day sky reflecting into my cell giving my tiny world a soft orange glow. I brought to the front of my mind that image of my close friends standing in New York, keeping it safe for me.

Then the car stops, rocking on it’s wheels for a moment before I hear the door open and close, followed shortly by the trunk opening.

A rush of cold air makes me shiver, and the man ponders me as I look past him, at the “Econo lodge” sign that glows in the dusk sky.

“It’s too cold for you out here,” the sinister figure declares, as he takes a firm grasp of the chain, and unlocks it from the tire. Despite the bit of freedom, there is no way to run, and a quick glance around shows that we are at the far corner of an empty parking lot, mere feet from a hotel room door.

He tucks me under one arm, and closes the trunk before turning the key and swinging the off-white door wide.

Inside, I can see only darkness as I am carried in, the world vanishing and my heart racing before the light is turned on, and the door slams behind us.

I flinch away from the noise, but my nose is assaulted by the stale air of the ancient room, as well as the poisonous haze wafting from the man who holds me. He sits on the bed, chuckling to himself as he places me on the bedside stand.

As he speaks to me, he unshackles me, removing the cuffs from my raw fetlocks. “You’ve been good so far. No escape attempts. Don’t care what you are, I wouldn’t leave my dogs out in that weather.” His voice carries a small accent, but not one I can place.

“Thank you,” I whisper, more out of habit than any real appreciation, though he seems to take it to heart, looking at me curiously. I shift my wings, wishing I could just fly, leave this room and this man’s presence. The bulge at his hip convinces me I would not have time to open the door before being stopped.

“You’re going to have to sleep on the same bed though, can’t have you trying to slip out,” he says, not a question but an order. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise, my foregs unsteady as I do anything but look at him.

“O... of course,” I stammer, cursing myself silently for not screaming, objecting, or somehow turning him away. Everything feels wrong, the whole situation feels like it is only going to get worse.

He picks me up and sets me down on the relatively soft bed next to him, examining my element as it is at eye level while he moves me. Once I regain my balance, he taps it with a fingernail, making a small ping against the golden metal.

“Fancy necklace you got there. I’ve been told it’s magic, not to try to take it off of you. How does that work?” he asks me, as I try not to collapse from fear, wishing only to crawl under the covers and never come back out.

I don’t answer him, and he frowns, before smiling again, putting on an act.

“You can tell me, it’s just a piece of jewelry,” he says, still looking at the butterfly shaped gem.

I start to say something several times before I decide on the right words. “It’s part of me. It... It’s my element.”

Before I can react, the man has knocked me on my back, and is trying to slip his hand under the element, I’m so stunned by the sudden movement that it takes me several moments to realize that I cannot breathe.

“Damn, you’re... What’s wrong?” he asks, apparently baffled that he is so much stronger than me.

All I can manage is to use my last bit of air to whisper “Breathe...”

He jerks his hand away, and I heave my lungs to bring in air, making me extremely dizzy, so that I barely notice when he lays his hand back onto me, lower, resting on my stomach.

He seems to appreciate the feeling of my coat as I struggle to remain conscious, my head swimming. All I can hear is him murmur “Fur, eh?”

I can see him leaning over me, his face so close as my wings press hard against my back, clamped shut in horror as I realize I cannot move, or even speak, as he leans down, pressing his lips against mine.

I fight not to vomit, my stomach churning as I struggle, but even the light pressure of his hand holds me down, until it starts to move lower...

Before I even know what is happening, I am on the other side of the room, in the corner, sobbing. There is blood on my hoof, and the man is cursing loudly, his face and chin dripping blood from a broken nose. I cower as he tries to staunch the flow, a towel turning crimson as he glares at me, his eyes full of rage.

Tonight I sleep in chains, a new bruise on my cheek. It’s not okay.

chapter 55. Fury
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 55. Fury

I am done being afraid. I’ve cried all the tears I had left, and found that there was a blank slate that remains. This isn’t who I am, or who I want to be, but to survive, if I have to become somepony else to live through this nightmarish situation, then I will. I’ve been a nopony for as long as I can remember. So this morning I reinvented myself, in chains, and in blood.

He beat me when he woke up. Naturally he beat me with a rolled up newspaper, so it only stung and ached, without any damage to his precious cargo that he has been hired to transport. But he kept hitting me until he had to find a new paper, because he had shredded the first.

That was when I realized that he was scared of me. I’ve seen hunters lash out at their prey, and it is never a rational thing. A wolf tears its meal apart most enthusiastically when it was hurt or worn down in obtaining it.

I managed to hurt him.

There is no kindness I can give this man, and despite the pain I feel in my heart, I am no longer willing to care for anyone or anything that stands in my way with the intent to keep these chains on me.

But somewhere deep, I know it’s all just an act I am playing through in my mind, to convince myself that I am not going to die, alone and torn apart by these hunters.

The voyage takes on a breakneck pace, as it seems that he finally decides that some risks must be taken to get rid of me. Larger roads and swifter avenues whip the wind past the rear of my prison transport in a low howl, making it hard for me to sleep, or to ignore the bruises developing along my sides.

He has taken to tossing side salads into the trunk before tearing off again, leaving me with the plastic bowls and shells to do with as I wish. I’ve started a small collection.

What can you make with two sporks, three packets of ranch with a smiling face on them, and a small stack of plastic containers turned bowls? A low income family on the verge of collapse. But lucky me I don’t even have to work for the food so generously provided to me every 3 hours, roughly. I just have to lay here whimpering like an injured animal when he opens the hatch, and mumble to myself as though I could do anything, once he closes it.

Really, you’ve sure come a long way, Fluttershy. Went from being the animal caretaker of a small town of ponies who likely didn’t know your name, to a captive in a world that knows your life’s history and writes erotic fanfictions about you.

What an improvement.

My bitter speculation and overly dramatic self deprecation is cut suddenly short when I realize that I haven’t gone to the restroom in about a day, and my body isn’t appreciating that.

I hesitate for a moment before I pound on the roof of the trunk with a hoof, grimacing in anticipation of a less than pleasant interaction with Violent Mcbeatalot.

The car gradually slows down and pulls off onto a bumpy side road, only making the situation worse. Finally he opens the trunk with his own matching frown.

“What the hell do you want?”

I sit up. “I need to urinate. I would rather not do so in the trunk of a car,” I say clearly, hoping not to offend him by having a bladder.

He reaches forward and I flinch away with closed eyes, fearing that he might strike me, but the rattle of chains draws my attention to the spare tire I am once again chained to, which he is pulling out of the trunk.

I don’t really move quick enough, and I end up smacking my forelegs on the lip of the trunk, before gliding down to sit next to the wheel, rubbing the sore spots with equally sore fetlocks.

“Go then. I’ll wait.”

I notice that his nose is a painful looking purple-red color, with an interesting angle to it. He doesn’t seem to care that I am staring at him while I relieve myself, rather he takes it as a challenge to make it the single most awkward staring contest in the history of the world.

As I finish up, he decides to speak.

“I looked you up. Fluttershy. You’re supposed to be some weak little woodland nymph, not a brave bone in her body. So did we nab the wrong pony? Who are you?”

I’m tempted to roll my eyes, but I am trotting on thin enough ice as it is.

“I’m half human. All of us are half human. We got paired up, sort of,” I explain, without bothering to mention that I was no longer two separate beings.

He snorts, taking a step back and bending to pick up the wheel. “So what, the weak one get paired with some cagefighter?”

I laugh, before I can stop myself, earning a glare from him and a rough yank on the chain, sending me sprawling in the gravel next to the road, wings flapping madly to pull myself upright.

As he tosses me back into the trunk, I answer him. “My human is a computer nerd, a girl.”

He scowls, slamming the trunk shut without a word.

I take a deep breath, trying not to scream and throw a kick or two at the separating wall between me and him. After a few shaky steps I lay back down on my pile of clothing, staring at the sliver of light above me.

The car lurches into motion, and my trip resumes the howling progress, my eyelids growing heavy from exhaustion and weary mental collapse. Yet I somehow stay conscious enough to feel my anger simmering away, images of my hooves crashing into that bald head playing over again in my mind, the idea of Angel bunny biting his ear off making me smile a little.

“I wouldn’t mind feeding you to my wolves, mister,” I mutter, all sorts of gruesome deaths flashing through my mind. “There’s nothing good about you. There’s nothing worth saving.”

Of course, he cannot hear me, so he doesn’t reply.

I wonder what my friends would say if they found out I wanted a human dead. Truly, genuinely wanted to see him die. They would be horrified. They would think I was some sort of evil beast. So I let the shame and guilt wash over me instead. It hurts, to feel so angry, after years and years of blaming myself and trying to help everyone I meet.

Then I realize the pain is quite physical, and coming from my chest. I look down, and look in fear and awe at the now angry red gem on my element, the butterfly blood colored and warm, the heat painful to the touch. I pull the necklace off and drop it onto the floor of the trunk, watching the glow subside, and return to the soft pink color I am used to.

“Yeah... I suppose I deserve that,” I mumble, picking the element up and hugging it, as though that will bring some level of comfort.

“But I have to escape, I have to do something.”

I look at the element, noticing the dent where that bullet had impacted it. A bullet, and it only has a small dent. I wonder what it would do to a human skull.

At the thought, I can feel it warm up in opposition, but I hold it tighter.

“Next time he opens the trunk... I can do this. He must have the key for this lock on him. I can escape, I can see Angel again... My friends...”

The metal feels uncomfortably warm, like a fevered forehead against my hoof. I feel nauseous, a bit dizzy. But I cannot think of another way to get out of this, and to see my friends again.

So I cradle the sickened element, gripping it like a life buoy, and I sleep.

I roll from my stomach to my back as the car rolls to a stop, the short dream of holding Angel while we watch the sunrise fades quickly.

As soon as my eyes open, I am gripping the heavy metal necklace as tight as I can, crouching in the small space provided by the trunk.

My heart pounds, almost painful as I hear voices, and the crunch of boots on gravel move from the front of the car, closer, and louder. I have trouble breathing, as my pounding chest tightens up, the realization of what I am about to do hits home, and I can feel heat radiating from my element.

Then the lock clicks, and the blinding fluorescent light of a garage stuns me for just a second.

But I see him, leaning down to grab me, and I swing.

chapter 57. The good doctor
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 57. The good doctor

It was not worth it.

I still can’t stop shaking, even though I want to sleep or close my eyes, my whole body seems determined to force this tension through me forever. The adrenaline must have built up to such a degree that I now cannot bring it down to a reasonable level.

This thought does not calm me.

I look around me for what feels like the hundredth time, examining the mattress, the shackles, the metal chairs and table that remain bolted to the same floor as I am. Then, lastly, the doggie bowl full of stale water, next to a paper plate which holds two full leaves of lettuce, and a carrot.

My stomach growls, but I cannot reach the supposed meal, a fact that one of my captors had gleefully pointed out when I was locked up.

I suppose dying of starvation will be less gruesome than some deaths.

I wonder what Pinkie is doing right now.

She’s most likely in new york, with Julien and the rest of my friends, and I wonder if the copycat who took my place was able to deceive them. I suppose some level of ego pushes me to think that I am unique, and they would know, but really how unique am I?

Unique enough, I suppose. Unique enough to be in chains, captive.

I start counting my breaths, as my limbs still themselves, losing the rush and heat that had energized me for that short burst, and I let myself lay still, counting out the moments of my life, and remembering the good times I did have.

I must have fallen asleep, as I jolt awake when the door to my cell slams open. My heart races as a vicious looking thug with an AK barges in. I have time to notice that the frame of the weapon is crudely welded together instead of bolted, before he shouts.

“You have a visitor!”

I groan quietly, as I lower my head back to the grimy fabric of my mattress.

Then a new voice appears, reminding me of a dry towel being pulled along a dusty floor. I would say that it is an old voice, except his words are too precise. Too crisp for old age.

“I think she knows, Captain Davis, now could you please step aside and allow me in?”

“Regulations state I have to check the prisoner’s bindings first!” the supposed captain replies, too loud, triggering a pounding in my head.

Then there is silence, no footsteps, no voices.

“Then why aren’t you doing so?” the whisper-spoken man asks.

I have to try not to laugh at the absurdity of it all, though a pain in my back makes me wince, and ruins the smile I had started.

“Oh! Inspecting bindings now!”

I force my legs under myself so that I can stand, making it slightly easier for the oaf to inspect the shackles without touching me.

At least the worst possibilities I have been contemplating are much less likely in an organization that has a command structure, in fact my entire plan of escape through violence was probably the worst thing I could have done. With a militaristic type of organization like this there is red tape, bureaucracy, processes that I could have used to my advantages. Naturally, I would completely mess that u...

“Bindings are secure!”

The shout almost directly in my ear gives me a jolt, interrupting my thoughts and bringing my attention back to the present time. The supposed captain salutes and moves out of the way.

“As you were, Captain,” the voice says, clipped, to the point. The vague shape beyond the doorway seems to grow, the room losing some of it’s already limited light. Stooping, he steps into my prison. The man is tall, compared to me a giant. His clothes are wrinkled and dusty, but extremely nice. His wardrobe is probably worth as much as I used to earn in a year.

He doesn’t look at me.

“These conditions are abominable!” he protests, looking not at me and my situation but rather around the room, old bowls dirty in the corner, a dented and dust layered set of furniture. “How can you expect me to do my work with...these?”

“Those are the regulation settings for a Class 5 Interrogation, Sir!”

“What pathetic excuse of a gulag did you crawl out of, Soldier? This is the Twenty-First Century!”

I sit back, staring at this odd pair that baffle me. They seem not to even care that I am here, but rather be in some sort of silent struggle to prove each other wrong. Then again I am not surprised in the least that my conditions are unbearable to a wealthy suit wearing... Interrogator? I guess I will have to wait to find out what he is.

“Let me run down the list, shall we?” the rich man snaps. “First of all, the smell. Have you smelled what it’s like in here?”

“I try not to.”

I have to try not to laugh, despite myself. It does smell quite terrible, or it did when I was brought in. Now it has faded to a background irritant.

“Don’t get smart with me, it’s far beyond your pay grade.”

“Sir.”

I almost don’t notice I have started to speak, except that they both turn to stare at me, so I continue the thought.

“I will survive. If you are doing this for my sake, please do not punish the guard, who is simply following the best orders he has to follow,” I say, wondering if it is my exhaustion or my merged mind that is pushing me to be so upfront, but it doesn’t really matter now, does it?

For a few seconds, things are blissfully silent, my gaze somewhere mid-lapel, his boring into me like an aggravating bug on a window.

He then turns back to my captor. “I cannot conduct a thorough interview if I’m distracted by smells. It is no business of mine what manner of odors the prisoner cultivates in her own time. Second, what are these walls made of?”

Oh, thanks Mr. Suit, implying that I want to be here. But of course I cannot do anything about it, as the armed thug tries to figure out what the walls are made of, considering that they likely just took it over a few days ago.

“Granite? Um, marble? Something hard, and thick and...rebar! Yeah, I’m positive rebar is involved,” he obviously guesses, trying to placate the dark and imposing figure.

“Now think carefully, Captain. If I’m going to conduct an interview, an interview that will be studied by your superiors, it will need to be recorded...on a camera.” The tone he uses is a stunningly condescending one, as though he is determined to get a reaction out of the guard, trying to make him flip out in order to prove some sort of point.

Luckily the captain doesn’t lose his composure, just simply replying “Yeah, and so?”

“Where’s the camera going to go? In the granite? In the marble? Oh, I know, we’ll stick in between all of that wonderful rebar!”

I can feel myself getting angry, as the needless drama plays out in front of me. I almost wish that the suited man would choke himself on that expensive tie, but the cruel thoughts put an uncomfortable heat against my already scorched chest, darkening my frown further.

“You don’t have to be rude, you know,” the captain objects, causing his antagonist to sigh, resting his face in his open palms.

“Alright, you know what? I’m sorry.”

The captain, just as confused as I am, just says “What?” in a bit of a daze, before remembering his sham of a chain of command.

“I...uh mean...request for clarification, Sir!”

I just stare, confused and tired, I start to have trouble focusing on what has become a baffling conversation, my gaze dropping to the two dishes just out of my reach. The two men talk, but all I can do is open my mouth and close it, trying to imagine drinking some of that water. Their words make a sort of background hum, my aching stomach taking precedence.

Then the suited man openly kisses the guard, and I look back up, trying to figure out what I possibly could have missed to cause that, though the armed man doesn’t seem prepared for it either as he splutters, wiping his lips off on the arm of his jacket. I take this moment to speak up.

“Could I... have some of the water?” I ask, reaching out for the water dish, the chains stopping me just short of gripping the edge.

Suit looks at me and the bowls like puzzle pieces that refuse to fit, a minor aggravation, before he looks back to the captain.

“Captain, would it be terribly much against regulations to allow the prisoner to have her meal before out interrogation? It just wouldn’t do to have her pass out before I finish the questionnaire.”

“I...well...”

“Now, I understand that you boys might have been having a bit of harmless fun. But I need to do my job here.”

I try not to glare at him, knowing that he is the only chance I have to actually eat something and get some water.

After contemplating it for a bit, the captain uses the toe of his boot to push the dishes towards me, water sloshing onto the floor as I snatch it up.

“There, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” I hear the suited man say as I pour the water into my mouth, coughing after I manage to swallow most of it, and shoving two carrots in my mouth just in case they take the dish away from me, my breath quick, they watch me out of the corner of their eyes.

I watch them back, staring them in the eyes boldly.

The suited man’s arm twitches, and he turns away. “Okay, so the radio, two chairs and a table, a notepad, and of course the camera and the radio transmitter.”

The captain looks incredulous. “Radio transmitter?”

“In case I have to request anything from HQ,” the man explains smoothly. “All part of the procedure.”

“Oh. OK, that makes sense. I think I know where I can get all of that.”

“And I’ll help. I’m not above a little physical labor. Maybe a bit of a break as well. Let’s say we meet back here in 30 minutes?”

“Alright.”

As they walk out, oddly cheery, Suit turns and looks at me, casually, offhand.

“Oh, and if it’s not too terribly out of the way, please show some degree of surprise when we return. Regulations state we’re supposed to barge in here, put a black bag over your head, all kinds of other nasty stuff. Just leads to accidental contusions, in my experience. Don’t worry, I have everything figured out.”

I watch the door swing shut, and as it clicks I lay my head down, sniffling as I eat my tiny meal.

chapter 58. Forget me.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 58. Forget me.

I wake up to heavy boots on the cement outside, and the click of shined black dress shoes approaching my door. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, and what is happening. I remember just before they start shouting.

“Surprise interrogation of the prisoner requested!” the suited man shouts, stopping directly outside of the holding cell door. Then the voice of my captor brings back my now ever present headache.

“Surprise interrogation of the prisoner permitted!”

Then the door slams open. I struggle a little bit in an attempt to stand, but all I can do is glare as they snatch me up, trapping my wings to my sides as the shackles are removed, falling to the ground with heavy clangs.

“Apply hood!”

At this point I notice that they don't have a hood, and in fact the armed man shrugs helplessly, receiving only a conspiratorial wink from Mr. Suit.

“Um...hood applied!” the armed man yells, not actually covering my head.

Then he tries to tuck me under his arm, in the most awkward display of terrible coordination, while also trying to shove the muzzle of his gun into my mouth. At this range I can see that the rifle is in fact loaded, with the safety on, but a round chambered. hardly optimal for an escape attempt. So I hang limp.

“Um, I can’t exactly…” He nods towards his gun, and the suited man misunderstands, trying to take hold of the weapon.

“Negative!” the man carrying me said quickly, causing the Suit to back away a little. It’s hard for me to believe that he would misunderstand the gesture so badly as to try taking the weapon.

There is a bit of silence as they stare each other down.

The gun toting madman speaks first. “You are not cleared for operation of this weapon, are you?”

“I was going to finish training, honest. I just never found the time. I guess that means…” He holds out his arms, obviously meaning to carry me.

Before I can protest, he has wrapped his stick thin, bony arms around me, like a wire cage. I feel him shake, either from exhaustion or from pure revulsion at having to touch my body.

I can’t help but think that I must be horribly filthy, and maybe he has a hygiene obsession, which wouldn’t be the first for a psychologist... But no matter how small I have to make myself, I’m sure that I am offending him with my presence.

Laughing, the military themed man watches my new transportation specialist struggle not to drop me on the floor, as he snaps back.

“Don’t laugh! I haven’t been feeling that well lately. I think there’s something in the water,” he objects, as though he wants to start an argument over it.

I stop trying to find a good way to be carried, and go limp again, staring down at the peeling linoleum flooring.

“Just... Just go,” I sigh, wishing fruitlessly that they would let me take a shower before we start some process of farcical question and answer.

After struggling to carry me to a cart, finding out that the elevators were out of order, dragging the cart and carrying me up some stair, and talking idly about regulations that should have starved me to the point of being immobile, I am placed into the cart and they are finally quiet, and I can really think.

This suited man is a stranger. Not just to me, but to this place. He doesn’t seem to know why he is working with these people, and they don’t seem to trust him entirely. It’s almost comical how they seem to dance a fine line between being best friends and throwing verbal punches, all while cooperatively holding me captive.

For a moment, I look up at him and wonder if maybe he is a captive, like I am. It would explain a few things, but you don’t ask if someone is “cleared” for a weapon if they are your prisoner. You shoot them.

Then I go back to watching cardboard blacked windows move past me.

Suit is obviously safe, otherwise he wouldn’t have entered my room standing so tall, so proper, addressing everyone as a lesser.

Yet he seems to cave whenever he’s not explicitly in charge, whenever he isn’t in a situation of guaranteed safety.

Maybe he is playing an act, trying to trick me?

Yet there’s no reasoning to that. I don’t know anything, I can’t fight back, and I’m the weakest link out of a set of six. Maybe he just wants to mess with me for fun...

Except he’s not happy. He moves nervously, looking around a lot, trying to move past the curious gaze of each worker standing idle in a hallway or room. I start counting guns. It’s so much easier to imagine a bunch of murderous machines, than a crowd of people who individually have judged me worthy of death.

Gun man watches Suit, but not too close. He watches him casually, but keeps his gaze locked on the path ahead for the whole ride, his hands wrapped around that cheaply made Kalashnnkov with the ease of a businessman carrying a suitcase.

I wonder if he would actually shoot me.

There’s a reason why birds are hunted with a scatter of tiny shot that cannot penetrate, and doesn’t carry much inertia. The bones of a flight-oriented creature are hollow, and are designed for compression load, like an aluminum pole. My bones aren’t any stronger than a thick staff of balsa wood. One good shot, and the shock wave could shatter my ribcage. I’d be far beyond dead, yet he probably has no idea how weak I am.

Or maybe he knows exactly how weak I am. So what does Suit think of me? He doesn’t mind my status as a prisoner, yet he wanted to hold the gun, to threaten me with it.

I open my eyes as the cart stops, a door labeled “Interrogation Room #1” in the best labeling possible at such a primitive location, is next to us.

“Prisoner handover complete.”

Suit looks inside, before noting a camcorder on a tripod, pointed in through a mirrored window.

“Yes. Hey, why’s the video equipment on this side of the glass?”

“Power was turned off to the inner room,” Gun man says casually, “And we couldn’t figure out how to turn it back on again. I got you your radio, though.”

Then I remembered, the radio he had asked for, and how he had asked for it, as though he was slipping in cookies on his parent’s shopping list. He is trying to escape. The emotional flip flop, the desperate need to find power to hold onto, wanting to hold the gun...

The good doctor is going to try to escape, and he is going to get himself killed.

Also me, I will probably also die.

The Suit smiles. “I see that. Thanks for everything.” Almost seeming to tear up, he takes his hand, shaking it with a tight grip. “You know, you’re probably the nicest person I’ve met since being kid...starting here. So just in case we don’t bump into each other again…”

My ears flick towards him at the aborted word, wondering if he would really be stupid enough to talk openly about being kidnapped. But regardless, he can’t do this, he just can’t.

“There’s only the one cafeteria,” the soldier replies, staring at Suit as though he has lost his mind.

“Oh, uh...right. See you later, then.”

“Later. Like two hours from now, when it’s time to transfer the prisoner back to her cell.”

“Yeah, that. OK. At ease, or...something.”

Finally, the PAPA member leaves, leaving us just outside of the room, and even though I expect at some level for the Suit to simply make a break for it, I am still quite sure that I am being held captive. Until he speaks.

“Um... After you?” He says, making not attempt to grab me or move me.

I look up at him, wondering if he might suddenly turn sadistic if I don’t act like a prisoner.

“What? I... Can get up without getting shouted at?” I ask, noticing that he seems as nervous as I feel.

He just mumbles “Sure, I...guess?”

So I stand, without shackles holding me down for the first time in what must be a day or two, and step off the cart edge, my wings drifting open to carry me in a gentle glide to the floor, where I am immediately struck by an almost sickening scent of some sort of cheap fast food.

Once I’m back in Equestria, I’m definitely going on a few week long healthfood kick. Well, if I make it back to Equestria.

The room I have entered is just big enough for one table, a few plugs where a vending machine and fridge once were, and some cabinets that are now locked shut. There is a window on the wall that separates us from the hallway, and the mirrored coating is peeling a little at the edges. Though the sheen I can see a little red dot, glowing like an eye.

I move to the chair furthest away from the little red dot, facing it. On the table are the things that the Suit had requested, including a two way radio, which I take in my hooves, watching him close the door.

Then he locks it, and uses the other chair to wedge the door shut.

I don’t want to die today. My friends need me.

He turns around and faces me, face locked into an expression of terror.

“Could...could I please have the transmitter? I’ve been trying to get my hands on one of them for three months now, and this was the only way I could think of!”

I feel a twinge of pain in my chest as I keep myself from reacting, still cradling the device as I watch him calmly. “No. I don’t care what you’ve been through, your plan could not possibly succeed. I don’t want to die here. I have friends who I value more than I value your life or my own. My ability to help them depends on figuring out what is going on, and you aren’t going to get us shot in some escape attempt. Why don’t you sit down and play doctor, doctor.”

I feel like I am telling someone to jump off a bridge, but I know there’s no way an escape plan would work. It’s insanity.

He almost collapses to the floor, head between his knees, body quivering.

“Fine. Do...do whatever. But please, I’ve got to get out of here before they make me hurt anybody else.”

I recoil a bit, wondering just how sinister the Suit really is, despite his current state, if he has been hurting people.

“Hurt... anybody else? Who have you hurt?” I ask, not really wanting to know, but unable to stop myself from asking.

Then he begins to cry. He is shivering and his voice is choked off and wet.

“I see their eyes at night. I...I’m so weak! Why can’t I fight back? Why can’t I...end it all. Put this awful tool out of their hands once and for all.”

I can’t stand by. The radio goes back on the table, and I move closer, concern overriding my fear. “No... No don’t talk like that...” I whisper. “Please, we can make it, together,” I insist, draping a wing over his back, trying my best to comfort the poor man.

He doesn’t seem to be affected. “I’m a freak! That’s what they always told me, growing up. I didn’t want to believe them, but it’s true. I can see things...do things, that no normal person should be able to do. Should be allowed to do.”

Though the subject is odd, I recognize the words being used, the tone. These are the words of someone who has given up. Someone who wants to end their life. I’m not strong enough to save his life, he needs help...

But there’s no help to go get. There’s no helpline to call.

“It doesn’t matter. You need to persevere. You can use any... difference for good. Please don’t give up.”

He seems shocked, surprised that I am so passionately supporting him, which sort of surprises me as well, that I would go from one extreme to another so quickly, but I don’t feel there is a choice.

The room is quiet as he thinks about what I have said, and I sit back, letting him have his space.

“I...never thought…” There’s another pause, as he gathers his thoughts. “To build instead of to destroy...but no. Surely, they’ll catch me. I… I don’t know what to do,” he admits with a sigh.

“You have to have hope,” I smile, thinking of my friends, the possibility of seeing them again giving me strength, and the optimism to carry on. I’m beyond that closet in an abandoned house, and I am wiser than the mare who lashed out viciously in an escape attempt, but I am not oblivious.

That red dot is still firmly present behind the shining mirror.

But I can’t give up.

“You just have to have hope that things will work out, that there will be an opportunity for everything to end happily, instead of...” I hesitate as I think of what would happen if he were to try to escape, yet maybe trying to escape will move things forward, open up an avenue for progress... Yet if he knew, then he would think I am using him. “A bloodbath, or a suicide.”

He seems to look at me with a bit of inspired strength, a little determination to his voice.

“I need to fix what I have done,” he says as he looks down, the words directed mostly to himself. “But I can only go into one mind at a time. Where did they move the colts after processing?”

My thoughts stop.

He said “Go into one mind at a time.” In a way that would imply a supernatural ability to explore the consciousness.

A deep seated fear of both sides of me surfaces, that I am secretly destructive, that I hurt those around me, a danger to the health and safety of every pony and human I meet, a mental time bomb with an unknown trigger.

He could prove this wrong or right.

I have trouble speaking, articulating my thoughts without stammering.

“Wait, what are you... That is your power, you can enter ponies minds?” I ask, trying not to show just how eager I am.

He looks up to me with puffy red eyes, and I start to second guess this desire.

“I told you I was a freak. And it’s not just ponies. Or maybe it’s not ponies at all, but only human minds. I haven’t dared use it on an animal--I’m afraid that if I do I may never make it back out again,” he explains hesitantly.

“No, no it’s okay. This is a gift.” I hugs him a little closer, trying to hold him but also trying to hide the look of confusion and conflicted eagerness on my face.

“You’ve been given a way to heal the sick... in a way noone else ever could, I...” The cosmic chance that somehow provided this man with an ability to walk through the brain, and the same crazy odds that would put us in the same room, and plant in me a craving to be validated, those are not the odds that should be taken lightly. I hesitate, deciding that I cannot just ask him, it’s not what should happen.

“No... You have such guilt... You don’t need all this. Who were you planning on calling with the radio?” I ask, stepping away and looking back at that red dot, the recording video camera. Let us see if it is attended. If it is, and they can get through that door in time to stop me, then this should be enough to spur them into action.

“The police? The army? Whoever I could find, frankly. Surely this isn’t legal. They told me they were the government when they picked me up, but that’s obviously a lie. They’re just building their own private army out of unicorns and pegasi.” He laughs derisively. “It’s stupid really. A bunch of kids--how could they possibly think they could succeed?”

“Strength in numbers, throw enough expendable troops at a target...” I shudder, as I walk towards the table that holds the radio. The door should be rattled and yelling should be heard by now. They should be watching their secret weapon fall apart with great concern, but there’s something not quite right.

I get back up on my seat, and pick up the device.

They might just be waiting, but why? Why would they wait?

I turn the radio on, glancing up at the window again, my waiting taken as hesitation. The suit gets up and starts tuning the signal for me, this hiss of static moving through a foreign language conversation, and finding some sort of remixed pony song, it sounds like Rarity.

“You find the weirdest things at 1 in the morning,” he says as I smile a little.

Then we start scanning through channels again. Before too long we run across some truckers talking. Something about getting pulled over by a police officer last week.

“Stop.” I say, once I hear them speaking. “Let me talk, they should be sympathetic to a female voice saying she has been kidnapped. No reason to say I am a pony.”

“Alright, Erishy,” the man says, giving me the microphone, seeming to relax a bit. “I’m uh...I’m Nate, by the way.”

“Thank you Nate.”

I look at the button cautiously.

This is it. I am signing my own life away on a gamble.

Because I am making a big gamble with life. This all feels wrong, it feels like there is something big I’m missing. The door is still immobile, they are still watching, but what is the point of all this? Why risk the escape? What could they possibly want from me?

Obviously this is an interrogation, and Nate was supposed to go into my mind, but why not force it to happen? Why not break me just like all of the others...

I press the button.

“H... hello? I need help. I’ve been kidnapped. I’m being held in a farmhouse in a New York City suburb.”

Predictably, they keep talking, not hearing me at all. My first thought is that they must have known he would betray them. Of course they know, so why aren’t they marching in? Why leave him with me at all?

“They disabled the microphone...” I theorize, ripping the covering of the button off with my teeth, before checking the switch. It is making contact. Next I pop open the cover of the radio itself, aided by the fact that the screws were already stripped and nearly falling out.

This is where I see it.

The transmitting dial’s internals have been removed. Rather, a single wire runs across the empty void where it should be.

This device will only ever transmit to one frequency, and of all the equipment I have worked on, this is so far beyond me I don’t even know the terminology to explain it.

They knew.

They knew the entire time that this would happen, so obviously they don’t trust Nate, yet he has been given time alone with me, he only wasn’t allowed to have a gun out of some regulation, and he was on equal standing when this all started...

“No luck.” I lean back against the chair, sighing. “You have that fancy watch of yours? I could try to wire up an antenna, but to be honest I’ve never worked on radio equipment.”

I’m lying of course, there is no way that I could restore this.

There’s no way that I ever could have escaped. Because they have been watching, and now they have decided to act. The door handle is shaken a few times, before several sharp gunshots sound out, punching holes through the doorknob, and spitting chunks of linolium up from the floor and into the wall.

Nate is already moving in front of me, blocking me from the gunfire and the implied danger, but my eyes don’t move from the radio. It would have taken several hours to modify it.

But he had only requested the radio an hour or two ago.

This was all part of the plan. Maybe. But I cannot know for sure.

“Well, well, well,” the dark voice of a hateful man slithers into my ears, and I look up to see him, a massive man in military colors, but unarmed. His smile strongly suggests that he would laugh while choking me to death.

It’s unfortunate for him, that idea doesn’t scare me right now. At this moment, it’s nothing.

“I’ve long suspected it, but I finally have my evidence of disloyalty from our ever-eager mental specialist!” Behind him that first military man who brought me here, along with a second gun toting stereotype, march into the room, scanning between Me and nate.

I don’t know what to do, but I don’t have to do anything, as this leader smirks.

“Kill Hostage 37,” he orders.

“No!” Nate screams angrily, and I decide to make my move. I know what they want, They want me to be altered by Nate’s abilities. Fine. I will let him. I step up onto the table, speaking up.

“I forced him to do it!” I shout, and knowing they have no desire to actually kill me, I continue. “Kill me, I’m the one who is trying to escape. He was trying to stop me.”

He cackles, that stubborn smile plastered on his face. “Oh, this is perfect! My superiors have been trying to keep the two of you apart this entire time, afraid that vaunted ‘Stare’ of yours will counteract Agent Franklin’s Dreamwalking. Now I’ll get to see which one of you truly is the stronger.”

I fall back on my haunches, baffled that they think I would use the Stare on Nate, and also concerned that Nate is called an “agent.”

“I...I won’t do anything you tell me to do anymore,” Nate says, trying to act brave. How much of this is an act? “With her gone…”

“Well, she isn’t dead yet, is she?” he askes, a wicked smile on his lips.

Oh, that’s right. They might not just kill me, they might just torture me for a for hours. That’s not something I would pick over having my brain melt out of my ears. At least one of those lets me not take responsibility for my future actions, and in some way I prefer that idea, take a dream and never wake up...

Nate keeps shouting back, whether it is an act or not, it is enough. “Forget it!”

“Do it Nate.” I finally speak up, staring down the bald military man, hoping that I at least make him sweat. “If this is what they want, then do it. You’re just following orders.”

“I…” Before looking at me, Nate looks down to the ground. He looks defeated. He looks like he is tired and has given up, and maybe, just maybe he looks like he is at least trying to be honest with me. I smile a little as I meet his gaze.

I imagine that I am standing on the edge of a bridge, wings bound, and I am about to jump. It doesn’t matter how I scream at my captor, it doesn’t matter if I make him feel bad. It only matters for this short moment how I feel.

I’ve always wanted to die smiling.

I close my eyes, and take a deep breath, laying down as far as I know to be murdered in such an insidious way that I will not even know that I am dead.

I tone out the noise of their speech, the sound of the room, and I let myself relax.

I am picked up, limp and breathing slowly, and laid down on something soft and warm, and there is a prick on my foreleg.

Then I forget to remember.

Author's Note

This is a chapter made in collaboration with Mcpoodle, and is the counterpart to the latest chapter of Breakdown

Thank you for reading, giving feedback, and/or staring at the screen with a blank expression before asking yourself "What?"

chapter 59. Don't look down.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 59. Don't look down.

My dreams, as usual, are beyond my control.

But this dream is one I know by heart.

Maybe it is fitting that my biggest regret, the secret I sometimes hide even from myself would be my last dream before I pass away.
I am laying on a hospital bed, I was so young...

I am laying here, and in my forelegs I hold a shimmering form. It’s a filly, but that’s all I know. I never got to see her face. They told me that she would be given to a good family, and I heard in their voice, a better family. A real family. Not a family of two, made of a filly alone and a baby crying, but the sort of family I’d never had.

At least I could give her something I never had. But in this dream, I hold her, and she smiles at me.

These dreams are the ones that push me to care. What if that child is my daughter? What if that stallion is her new father?

Everypony is untouchable to me, because any one of them could be connected to my baby. But in this dream I get a short time to hold her, then she flies away, a willowisp on the wind, so I give chase.

Through hospital hallways, through cloud formed streets, through the air down to the ground, through the forest I chase her.

Then I’m answering the door.

I smile up at the human, Nate. I know his name somehow.

“Hello. My name’s Fluttershy.” I smile as I push the door wide open, to allow him in. “Welcome home.”

He has his mouth covered, whether to hide a laugh or to hide a sob, I can’t tell. But when he says thank you, and steps inside, it sounds like he is trying not to cry. I feel bad for him.

I lead him through the building, packed full of my friends. I wave to the girls who sit at a table talking about our past adventures, and I say hello to Julien as he passes by. Nate even waves to a few of the figures, though I think they were people I haven’t met yet.

“My room is this way, sorry if it’s dirty, it always seems crowded,” I explain, he chuckles along and waves a hand.

“It’s fine,” he assures me, and I truly feel that it is.

After opening the door, we step into the little room, and I take a few moments to wiggle a chair free from my project table for him to sit on, before retiring to my cloud bed.

I wait as he sits down, looking around at my room. “Hello Nate,” I say, smiling. It’s sort of like meeting him again, in a way.

“This is a very nice place you have,” he says, seeming to relax. “Cozy, friendly and safe. Reminds me of my brother George’s dorm room, before...”

I frown, just a little bit, before asking the dangerous question. “Before what?”

“Before he killed himself.”

We are quiet, and the hammer blow of fate that strikes with such admissions doesn’t come. Instead we watch eachother. He looks like he is too tired to cry.

“The signs were just so obvious, but nobody could see it coming,” he adds. “It’s why I became a child psychologist, to make sure that nothing like that ever happened again.”

I look down, at my hooves, as I remember my lost child... I’ve done so much in her name... Are we all motivated by loss? “You can’t save every child, Nate... Even I know that, as much as it hurts,” I mumble, looking back up to him.

“Well of course not,” he says, blinking as though trying to sort out his justification, and his pain. I wish I could help. “Nevertheless, his tragedy shaped my life, and in so doing, helped the lives of those who might not have had anybody to look out for them. Although,” he sighs in disappointment, metaphorically turning away from that topic, “it’s been a long time since I’ve taken on any patients that truly needed me.” Shaking his head, Nate looks back to me. “But this isn’t about me. This...this room of yours...I like it. Do you tend to spend a lot of your time here?”

“It’s a good place to spend some quiet time. To think about things and wonder. But out there with my friends and family, that’s really my home,” I explain, smiling.

He picks up one of my models, a toy rocket with little wings and tiny pots of flowers on board, a playful expression of adventure and of escape. Two things that I have become enamored with more recently. Nate smiles at the toy and puts it back down.

“Why can’t they both be? I’m not entirely sure about Equestrian ponies, but humans, especially American humans, need both society and solitude in order to function. At least...that’s what I’ve experienced.”

I nod in agreement, and really it does make sense, my animals served as a crowd for me even when I was too terrified to speak to a pony.

“Yeah. I need both. So, you comfortable?” I ask, laying back on my cloud bed and laying my wings over myself like a sort of feathered blanket.

In response, Nate reaches out into the air and I feel something I hadn’t expected, the feeling of a pillow on my back, a comforting pressure and soft plush, and then there is a pillow in his hand. It feels like it is supposed to be here, like it belongs in my room.

Nate tucks the black and white polka-dotted pillow behind his back. “I, uh, hope you don’t mind the modification to your dream. This is the least interfering that I’ve done in years.”

“I don’t mind,” I shrug, not worried about the good doctor’s minor alteration. “I can’t modify my own dreams, never have been able to. If you can then go on ahead. Oh! Can I have some pie? Pumpkin.”

“Pie?” he asks curiously. “Oh, are we going to be able to taste in this one? Senses are controlled by the dreamer, and most of the ones I have interacted with can’t manage more than sight and sound. But we can at least try.”

Standing up, Nate turns and where he was just sitting there is a nice little dining set with pie, forks, plates, and whipped cream. He serves up two slices and passes one over to me. Just then, I realize how small I am, just as big as I was when I fell from that cloud.

I put that aside for a moment, and I take ahold of the plate, setting it down so I can grab the fork.

“I, uh...think you can handle a fork, right?” Nate asks carefully, not wanting to leave me struggling. But I nod, gripping the fork and taking my first bite of imaginary pumpkin pie.

It doesn’t taste like anything, but there is a texture. I can feel the mealy soft and crumbly pie in my mouth, but there’s no realness to it. I wonder if that is the failing of my imagination, or if it has been so long since I have tasted it that there is no memory to draw from.

Regardless, I continue smiling, getting down to the last few bites of the pie, and deciding that it is wrong to keep him here, and force him to play this charade of a friend visiting a friend. I know why he is here.

“I could tell you how to break me,” I say calmly, thinking about it, it would be so easy, I would never have to worry again, I’d never be at fault again. I wouldn’t make any more mistakes. I would just drift away into the darkness.

“Oh, I don’t think we need to do that,” he says dismissively, “if you’re a good enough actress. I could simply tell you what you’re supposed to look like when my business is done, and hopefully that will fool them long enough for us to escape...or something.” He looks down at his plate, sorrow in his heart, but all I see is the barest tip of that emotion, a bit of sadness.

I look down to my plate as well, thinking about his sadness, wondering how I can help him, how I can make this easier. “Well... Sometimes the real thing is just better. Maybe I want to be broken. It might be easier not to control my own actions. An easy excuse,” I sigh, taking the last bite of tasteless food and licking the plate clean. I probably won’t have another chance to get that feeling, if this all goes badly.

He drops his plate into a wastebasket, and looks at me with a great deal of worry.

“Don’t...don’t say that, You’re somebody important, somebody with a destiny. If I break you, I’m not entirely sure I can put you back together again. I mean...I think that’s my destiny, but what if I’m wrong? I...don’t want to go down in history as the man who broke an Element of Harmony, who handed ultimate victory to...the bad guys.”

He won’t do it. But I don’t have a way out of this whole thing, I’m lost and I’m nearly alone, so all I have left to depend on is Nate. This doctor who doesn’t want to do what has to be done. I’m scared, of course. I don’t want to die, nopony does, but I know that this temporary sleep might be the only way for me to survive, for this all to end well. I’ll have to convince him to do it, force his hand, so that he won’t take the blame.

“Well that’s nice of you,” I hear a voice say as my mind drifts away, and I feel a bit of guilt. Tricking him into doing this, I am pretty much lying. It’s not a good thing to do, it’s not what friends do.

I feel my mouth moving, my legs moving, I am speaking but I can’t hear the sounds, the world goes quiet for a little while as the doctor explores my mind, and I rest, so tired after all that has happened, I let him stroll through my subconscious as I ponder what little future I have left.

Then I am standing in a garden, grass under my hooves, Nate standing in front of me.

He looks like he has been crying.

I wait attentively as he kneels in front of me, so his head is level with mine, hands behind my ears as though cradling my head.

“You are going to disappear, Fluttershy.”

I feel my heart catch in my throat, and I nearly pull away, but I manage to keep facing him.

“Disappear so that no one can hear you or see you.”

I feel a frightened little sob escape me, and I whisper “Will I be safe?” as I look into his eyes.

“Yes, yes you will be safe, and when it is time, you will come forth and do great things.”

With that statement, and the seeping cold that digs into me, I feel like I am falling asleep again, deeper and deeper...

I feel as though there is nothing left of me.

chapter 60. Eyes to the sky.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 60. Eyes to the sky.

I am standing on the side of a rocket that doesn’t exist, as beings made of imagination are wont to do. I can remember the talk with Nate, and the conclusion of it where he was led to a tunnel going down.

Simple metaphors, no need for complexity in the time of a crisis.

So I lean back and fall off the rocket, the wind of my descent whipping around me and buffeting this small grey pony body. No descriptive traits wasted on a temporary form, since subconscious doesn’t really need a form anyway.

I slow and stop as I reach the base of the rocket, buried in the middle of the sphere garden, and I press a button to open the blast chamber so I can enter.

The center of Erishy’s subconscious is a glass floored room, under the floor are the two halves of this new mind at rest. Above it as a ceiling is the nozzle for an imaginary escape shuttle. A bit heavy handed in the symbolism, but give a girl a break, it sounded like a cool setup.

Standing on this glass floor is a human man, Nate. He looks scared and maybe confused as he watches me climb down the ladder into the chamber, so I can stand next to him.

“Ah, I thought I heard someone. My name is Erica. Sorry about the...” I point at myself, shrugging apologetically. “Not enough time to work on it.”

he looks at me with more acceptance than I would expect. Then again I don’t know exactly how much to expect as an aspect of somepony’s subconscious.

“Well... I think it works. As an artistic tableau, that is.”

I feel a bit of a blush appearing as I turn back to the ladder, thinking of a way to redirect the conversation away from unexpected flattery.

“You give me far too much credit. Well... Too much credit in the wrong catagory. However...” I start back up the ladder, waving to him to follow me up.

As I reach the top of the first ladder, I can hear him following and I start up the one that leads to the top of the rocket.

As is convenient, the gravity shifts so that we are standing upright on the side of the craft once we are well above the blast chamber. Then finally we reach the cockpit of this device, where two seats are prepared for an implied evacuation.

“Got to think of the future!” I say, popping up next to Nate and tapping the metal hull excitedly, as I am once again in my element, talking about a project.

“Indeed.” He replies cautiously.

“Kind of poetically sad...” I muse, rubbing the spot I had hit, to make sure there are no dents. “That the rocket would have to burn away everything else here in order to take us into the future.”

I expect some sort of rebuttal, telling me that such an idea is unrealistic and needlessly destructive, but instead he nods. “Well, a viable future is something we are desperately in need of at the moment. If you are sure of yourself then proceed.”

I shrug, maybe he has been thinking of running away just as much as we have been, and gained some sort of understanding from that. Maybe he is playing a supportive role.

“It will likely never be used. This is one of many contingency plans, a mind afraid of the past will flee to the future. Do you like the little plaques? My idea,” I say proudly.

“I...I really don’t want you to give up your past,” he insists. “Somebody I knew had something like that happen to her. It…”

For a bit, he looks into the distance, filled with pain and emotional turmoil. I wonder what it would be like to jump into his head, and stroll around to see what he needs patched up. His powers could change the world, yet it seems he has been forced to use them on ponies. It’s a waste, really. We aren’t that important.

“I never want that to happen. Ever again,” he continues, shaking his head in sorrow. “Hm...” He looks aside, hiding tears, or possibly weakness itself. “What was that?”

“It’s a distraction, Nate. Do you burden yourself as some sort of arbiter between life and death?” I ask as I push some wires around, plugging in a coupling I had been working on before his appearance.

“Oh, uh, no,” he laughs, looking back to me. “I don’t believe anybody has that right. I concern myself with what happens in this life. With what we can control, and with learning how to withstand what we cannot, and maybe even emerging a bit stronger on the other side as a result of the experience.”

I hear the fervent denial of responsibility in his tone, but I also hear the reverence for life, and the pain of those who have lost theirs.

“But you were perfectly content with wholesale mind melting in order to save a few lives.” I point out, not looking towards him but rather looking at my own indistinct hooves, blurred and made by imagination alone.

“It’s in my nature,” he dismisses, after a short pause. “I have seen so many lives wasted through inexperience and the stupidity of youth. I have been given a power, yes, but I wield it wisely. I don’t waste it on the doomed, but only to rescue those that would do the most good. And I don’t use it lightly.”

I finally look up to meet his line of sight, and he seems to shrink away from me.

“But I am totally out of my league here. I have never encountered a mind like yours. It makes me feel tiny, petty and cruel. You need not fear that I’ll be forcing you to do anything. Not anymore.”

I can’t help but laugh. My mind isn’t unique, or powerful. My mind is just sheltered. I’ve been given the chance to dedicate too much time to imaginary rockets and gardens. Nonetheless I am curious as to why he won’t be trying to force us into anything.

“Why?” I ask, gently.

He studies his hands, instead of me, as he ponders his answer.

“Regardless of how I may have ended up in this situation with you, I am a free agent. At least for now,” despite this positive spin, he looks like it disgusts him, a frown becoming a scowl.

“I am not here to destroy you. I honestly believe that I can save you, save all of you, but so far nobody believes me. But...but looking around here, at your mind...I thought something vital was being destroyed when the two personalities merged, and, in at least two cases, that is exactly what happened. But not here. Both Fluttershy and Erica have survived, at least so far as I can see. That is all I seek to accomplish, to save two unique and deserving individuals from being thoughtlessly destroyed to bring a fatally flawed mish-mash in its place. I don’t...I… I need to think this out.”

With an all encompassing sigh, the doctor closes his eyes, and I move us into the glass floored room. It’s just less distracting to be here.

“You regret what you've done, don't you? That wasn't a lie," I point out, looking up cautiously at the rocket motor above. I then flinch as he raises his voice, shouting more at himself then at me.

“Done? Done?!” he shouts, “I’ve done nothing! I’ve spent my whole life hiding behind words. Will words bring back George? Or Gary? Or Danielle? No, they are dead, dead and gone because I failed to act.”

I wait, but he just sits, his face hidden in his hands, the quiet pressing in on us from all sides. I don’t want to argue, I really don’t want to confront him, it wouldn’t do any good.

"You regret," I say again.

He opens his eyes but stares at the ground. “Yes,” he says simply.

"Do you regret for the right reason, though?" I ponder, trying to prod into his reasoning, his sorrow that seems to stick to him and haunt him.

“They were my responsibility,” he almost weeps. “She asked me to be her therapist, and he surely would have asked if I had been there. They had let me into their hearts, into the sources of their pain. I should have known what would have happened if I left them alone. I never should have left Los Angeles.” He seems to struggle with this mistake, trying to find a solution, the magic bullet, an answer that would solve all his problems. Noone can solve all their problems.

“Or...failing that...but no, Danielle was very slow to trust. I never would have been able to talk her into trusting another with her fears.”

"So do you regret that you failed, or do you regret that they died? Two very different things, as I am sure you know," I frown, leaning in to try adding some sense of concern, since I’m sure he thinks that I am an apathetic third party.

He closes his eyes again, shaking his head ever so slightly. “I regret that I didn’t have the chance. When someone is facing the choice of whether or not to take their own lives, they need to have every argument, both logical and emotional, to convince them to reconsider. Just like…”

He stops mid-word, before steadying himself and starting over. “My argument was not present. It had never been offered, because I never conceived that the situation would get that bad that quickly. Maybe I would have failed even then. But at least I’d know that I’d done my best.”

"So in regret of all that, you have done... what? What are you here for?”

“This?” he asks, looking up and waving a hand at the glass floored room, the rocket above, and the mostly bare walls. “This was the pursuit of a delusion. The delusion that all humans sharing bodies were identical with Danielle and Gary. That they would all eventually be murdered by their ponies, deliberately or inadvertently. As I’ve just finished admitting, that belief was wrong. Now...well now I fix this mess, and maybe try to go home and fix my practice so I’m really helping ponies instead of trying to shape them to my wishes.”

"Well that sounds nice. Helping humans and ponies. How much of the escape attempt and the fellow victim thing was an act?" I ask curiously, relaxing as I can feel the heaviest part of the conversation pass.

He sighs and looks away from me, and admits what I had by now figured out. It was an act, put on for a very specific goal. “They are keeping ponies here, but for no other purpose than to remove them from society. This is PAPA after all, and their designs are not very deep. I talked my way in, and the escape attempt was supposed to end in this room, with your two personalities forcefully separated. I was informed that this was all that they wanted, that they would let you go if I succeeded. I was so determined to get what I wanted that I brushed aside any number of contradictions that must have occurred to you just hearing this.”

"Your motives have changed. I understand why you did what you did. I am sure that Fluttershy will too. In fact, I know she will. But now what will we do? A dream can only last so long. If you want, I can play the obedient slave quite well, a tiny kink of mine,” I laugh, feeling my cheeks warm at the idea, though knowing that I would probably get myself killed.

“No, that would waste time as they seek to prove that you’re truly broken. What I was thinking was more along the lines of a medical emergency. They are not going to risk getting caught with your dead body. I can put you into a trance so deep that only a professional would be able to tell that your heart is still beating. Do you trust me enough to do this?”

"If they thought I was dead, they would weigh me down with concrete, and toss me into the nearby lake. I would rather be broken than dead. If you promise to fix me. I’m sure you can make me obey you until we are free. I do trust you, just not their level heads in an emergency,” I point out.

“Alright.” He sits for a few seconds, rubbing his temples. “Alright,” he repeats, then he stands and moves us to the garden, and I am standing next to myself.

It feels so cold.

Author's Note

Hello everyone! So, as you can tell by now, these dreams and the dreams in the good doctor's story don't match up. In fact, certain things about Erishy's dream aren't accurate either. If you want to see what happened, truly truly, then please read it here: Dream

chapter 61. Quiet now.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 61. Quiet now.

We stand on grass looking to the doctor, waiting.

He approaches the conscious mind, the Fluttershy the world sees, and he lays his hand on her head, ever so softly as though comforting her.

“You are going to disappear, Fluttershy,” he commands, his voice echoing through our mind and wavering our resolve. “disappear so that no one can hear or see you.”

She bites back a sob, from fear, and whispers “Will I be safe?”

“Yes, yes you will be safe,” the doctor swears, the earnest dedication in his voice something new, something he had been lacking up until now. “And when it is time, you will come forth and do great things.”

She lets herself relax, hoping for peace and to see her friends again, as the doctor pushes her into the grass, melting into the blades like water and leaving behind a pony shaped yellow tint.

The doctor takes a breath, looking at the symbology, and gathering his strength, before standing.

“Now then.” Franklin moves quickly towards the other half, tapping her forehead with a quick motion and catching her before she can fall onto her back, in a trance not unlike that of a carnival magician.

“Erica, you will do everything that I say, and nothing that anyone else says. You have no will of your own. I take full responsibility for your life, and will do everything in my power to protect it, this I do swear.”

She fades, and drops away out of sight. Franklin leaves and all is smoke.

I awake, and I can only see smoke, a haze covering everything, but I am not scared. I know I will be safe. So I look ahead and wait, the smoke swirling and noises far off in the distance reaching me as muffled static.

Nothing is scary, or hurting me. I am just laying down. Everything is okay.

I hear three soft pops, like firecrackers, but I remain calm, the smoke swirling around me.

Then I hear a voice. It’s my voice, and I see myself standing in a doorway. Clearly it is time to go.

“Fluttershy, please come here,” I hear myself say. I get up from the soft cushion and walk to my duplicate’s side. She smiles, and then we wait for a time, muffled noises not bothering us, the smoke swirling meaninglessly.

She then moves away from me, walking around this small room, picking things up and making sure it is safe for us. The muffled noises get softer, so there is only the sound of our steps.

Then she gathers some things on a cart and goes away for a bit, but I wait. I know she will be back, and soon she is. Then she looks to me with a sad expression, a fearful one.

“We are awaiting your further orders,” She whispers, looking up to a new figure.

I turn to see a woman, all dressed up in shining silver armor, a sword in her hands. She looks down to me and freezes, staring at me in shock.

Maybe she’s never seen a pony before. I wait as she examines me. I wait...

There’s another murmur of static, and she looks away from me again.

“Right, thanks Are Jay,” she says before looking back up into the smoke. “You will stay here. I advise you not to touch that body. The rest of my team is en route. If you resist, we will do what is necessary.”

I try not to think about bodies. It will all be okay. He will make sure I am okay. She will make sure I am okay.

“Follow me,” she tells me, and I follow her out a door, a cloud of static following us, humming away while I watch my new leader.

“What was that about?” She asks, listening to the static hum away, before she sheaths her sword and turns back to Nathan.

“You’re my keymaster for now, Nate. Lock the door, please.”

He does so, and then they are talking, but I can’t hear them. It’s more static and I relax, looking off into the smoke and thinking about Angel bunny. I wonder if he has had any trouble handling the other animals.

“Fluttershy, please lie down,” the other version of me that feels like the nice doctor Nate speaks, and I lay down. The floor is cold, a little uncomfortable, but I’ll be fine. It’s not that bad. But I hear something in the static, and an orange glow in the smoke that makes me pause... Trying to examine the haze for what it hides...

Then I relax, and I almost imagine a familiar scent of apple blossoms and fresh cut grass, a touch on my cheek, and a warmth. I can almost hear a familiar voice...

“See you soon, ‘Shy,” it whispers. So, I whisper in return, pretending like she is there.

“Thank you, Applejack.”

Then, the darkness came back.

He completed his promise. Nate kept me safe, and brought me back.

chapter 62. Savior.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 62. Savior.

This time, the sphere is frozen.

Franklin appears in the same garden he had been standing in when he put me to sleep, with its fluttershy shaped yellowed mark, and the grey pony frozen in a block of ice. The grey pony looks like she is at peace, her eyes closed, and wings spread slightly through the clear suspension. A trickle of snowflakes drift down through the air, beginning to coat the garden in white fluff. Nearby, he can see a ladder that descends to a lower level.

Passively I observe him as he walks leisurely up to the block, and rests his hand on it a moment. “Spring has come,” he says. He picks up a watering can and irrigates the soil. “The sun arises, life has quickened, and Spring has come.”

I can feel a bit of life stir in me, a bit of energy, though I still cannot do anything more than watch him, as he moves on to the ladder, and begins his descent.

He whistles a happy tone, as he enters a room which holds a shadowy crowd of statues, figures, and displays. A plaque next to the door titles it, but a voice reads it for him.

“The room of fears. My name is Hope, I’ll be your guide for this room, but not beyond.”

The mare is tan with a purple streak in her mane, and she smiles cautiously.

“Lead on,” Franklin says, but Hope shakes her head, remaining in place. “A guide doesn’t always lead. Why are you here, surgeon?”

“Because the terms of the self-imprisonment have ended. Because the danger has been lifted, and one better suited to stand by your side has appeared. And because I’m about to be taken away to face the price of my mistake in judgment, and I will not do that without providing you the means to stand on your own. And perhaps I could do a mental lube, oil and tune while I’m here.”

He smirks with the last sentence, before shrugging and looking away in embarrassment. “That sounded so much less wrong in my head.” He starts walking around the statues, as Hope trails along behind him. They pass by boogeymen and childish angry faces, but the apparitions of fear become more defined the further they walk, more vicious, more dangerous.

“You want to make everything okay. That’s a noble goal,” she says with a small nod.

“I do what I can,” Franklin replies. “And usually, I know my boundaries. That is always the danger with a psychologist, that we betray the trust given to us to harm. Even when that harm might be done in cause of helping the patient.” He takes off his glasses for a moment to polish them. “I never asked the humans I wished to save if they were being exploited by their ponies. I simply assumed that the attraction of being part of being considered by so many to be superior would be overwhelming, and that only one end result was possible.”

Hope stops in front of a pedestal, on which a circlet of braided iron, copper, and brass sits. On each end which would normally rest on the temples are copper wolf heads. The plaque reads “Hubris”

“You are not alone in that mistake. Erica understands it. Fluttershy has been afraid of it all her life. So why is it that you think you are entirely doomed and unredeemable? Fluttershy would forgive you.”

“Yes, she most certainly would,” Franklin says with a smile. “Especially since in the long-term scheme of things I have done very little to impede her inevitable rescue. But my fate is out of her hooves right now. I am in the custody of the federal government, as an ally of a group that is very quickly proving to be a terrorist organization, with the unimpeachable testimony of the Element of Honesty to back them up. You are in a war right now, and there’s no room for gray in a war; only black and white; and I am far too dark gray for my own good. The best I can hope for at this point is to be locked away until tempers wane.

“On another level, a level more important to me, is how I feel about myself. I...I have failed myself. Badly. I have let my crusade blind me to my ideals, and as a result allowed those I was supposed to care for to come to harm.”

“For both of these reasons, my career is over. I will never be trusted to care for children again. Assuming I am allowed to keep a shred of my fortune and survive this encounter and ensuing prison sentence with my life, I will be forced to retire into some out of the way place where no one knows who I am. In short: I am finished.”

Hope nods and steps down the line, stopping at a platform on which a pistol rests, broken in half.

“You feel that you have betrayed yourself. It is still entirely possible that you will be considered an ally. Will your recovery of Erishy really make you feel like you have redeemed yourself? When you know more about the minds of ponies, and can do more to help them than anyone else, leaving them without your help could be depriving them of their only hope in some situations.” She stops, and looks back at him, one eyebrow raised. “You need to bring to them your prowess, no matter the cost.”

Franklin stops his survey of the cavern to look back at Hope. “You really still believe in me, despite everything I could do to you from in here.” He looks around him. “I certainly wouldn’t say the same, were our positions reversed; no man was ever meant to have this power.” He gazes down at his hand. “It may not be a power I entirely control.”

“I am sure that you have more hope in you than you are willing to admit.” Hope turns and makes her way to the end of the hall where a statue of Discord stands. “You are afraid of him, aren’t you? Fluttershy sure is.”

“I am his servant,” Franklin admits, his head bowed, before jerking his head back up. “I...I was actually not prevented from saying that! Huh, imagine that--a scenario he didn’t think of.” He looks over at Hope. “Discord discovered that I wished to prevent human and pony minds from merging, told me he wanted this himself, and gave me the power to enter minds in order to achieve that goal. He used my reasoning to explain his, that he couldn’t have his ‘fun’ with you if there was one mind in each body instead of two. Then he twisted my request that he not reveal our connection, into making me unable to tell anyone either.”

“It sounds like you thought you would give yourself to save the humans from us wicked ponies,” she says with a chuckle, polishing the plaque in front of Discord before moving on to a door, with a red warning label on it.

“Are you sure you want to bring Erishy back?” She asks, sighing.

“Yes,” he says with utmost earnesty, kneeling down and placing his hands over her hooves. “Everyone deserves the chance to live, the chance to realize their potential, the chance to work, to play, to live, to love! The chance to be the best Erishy you can possibly be!”

She laughs. “You are a cheesy bastard. This door contains her more recent suffering, things not yet made into solid fears. Beyond it is the symbolic door into her current feelings of fear and safety.”

“You know I can’t fix everything in one day.”

“No. You will suffer through this room. You will only leave ripples in your path. But it is how you will get to where you need to go,” she steps aside, so he can get to the door if he decides to.

“Of course,” he said simply, before rising to his feet. “Sharing our pain is the very essence of psychoanalysis. Friendship, too, but I have my professional pride to think of, so we’ll stick with psychoanalysis for now. Thank you for your time, Hope. It was good to speak with you.”

“And same to you, Surgeon. Have a... safe trip.”

The doctor smiles and nods once last time at his guide, before opening the door and stepping inside.

The door swings open with little to no resistance, as though the room on the other side is pulling at it gently. Beyond the doorframe is darkness, and in the far distance is a tiny rectangle of light, that is assumed to be a door.

The first step into the room sounds like the slam of a door, but the door is still open behind him.

The second step smells like a cheap motel, and a man’s sweat, while the sound of creaking bed springs echoes in his ears.

With each step he lives through the sensations that I had been most afraid of, in the last few days. They paint a dark picture in his mind.

“Oh, Erishy,” he says sadly. “I wish I could have been there to help you while this was happening. Actually,” he adds, growing thoughtful, “I’m not sure which therapy would be best. If you were entirely human, I’d give you the tools to track this man down, so that he might answer for his crimes. I’d get you into self-defense classes, so you could learn how strong you really are, so you know that if necessary, you could stop or even kill anybody who ever wanted to hurt you again.

“But as a pony, I suppose the better therapy would be to find this man and convince him to let us both into his mind, perhaps in return for reduced charges. You could find out why he is the way he is, and maybe show him that there is another way. Because if I understand ponies correctly, they could find it in their hearts to forgive anybody that stands any hope of redemption, a state that it takes a human in the same circumstances so much longer to reach.

“In any case, I would like to help you after all of this, if at all possible. I won’t be an easy process, and I’m afraid you’ll be doing far more of the heavy lifting than I will on this journey, but I will take whatever load I can. If not as your therapist, then certainly as your friend.”

Seeing no obvious response to his words, he continues to make his way through the room.

As his foot moves forward, a chuckle reaches his ears, and the feeling of handcuffs being removed from his wrists washes over him, though he hadn’t noticed them before.

“You’ve been good so far. No escape attempts. Don’t care what you are, I wouldn’t leave my dogs out in that weather.” The voice is accented faintly, and drawls as though fighting a lisp.

“Thank you.” Nate is forced to speak as his next step falls, though he hears my wavering voice.

The next step is a pause, though he can feel like he is being watched, and phantom wings on his back rustle nervously.

“You’re going to have to sleep on the same bed though, can’t have you trying to slip out,” the directionless male voice says firmly.

“O... of course,” Nate chokes out, a cold sweat breaking out, his hands feeling clammy and stiff.

The feeling of a pair of massive hands wrapping around his waist knocks him off balance, and it feels as though he is being lifted up, though his feet never leave the unseen ground.

He feels himself being laid down on a soft surface, and hears the ring of metal tapped by a fingernail.

“Fancy necklace you got there. I’ve been told it’s magic, not to try to take it off of you. How does that work?” The man asks, amused, as he can feel his legs go weak out of fear.

The next step brings only his own breathing, echoed back on him.

“You can tell me, it’s just a piece of jewelry,” he chides.

Nate’s expression is forced to match mine, as I had gone through that horrible experience...

One’s emotion is very strongly tied to the expression on your face--try watching a sad movie with a Joker-style rictus on your lips if you doubt this. But somewhere deep down, in the part of Nate’s face that was actually his face and not hers, was...well not much of any expression at all, really. It wasn’t especially easy under the circumstances, but he was remaining calm. Experiencing all of this, most certainly not ignoring or belittling it, but at the same time not doing what he wanted to do, which would be to burn this room and everything in it to the ground.

Because he knew it wouldn’t help. It would feel super special awesome, but it wouldn’t help.

A pulse of warmth shoots through the room, accompanied by the taste of apples. After the warmth leaves, the sensations in the memory feel slightly dulled, and Nate can suppress the urge to play along a little bit. Unfortunately the content of said memory does not change.

“It’s part of me. It... It’s my element,” he is forced to give in and explain the necklace to him, somewhat.

Next, a large and rough hand lays itself on Nate’s chest, trying to slip under the element, but all it manages to do is make it hard to breathe.

“Damn, you’re... What’s wrong?” The man asks, as Nate wheezes out “Breathe...”

The hand pulls away, before it lays itself more cautiously on his stomach.

“Fur, eh?”

Fluttershy’s voice doesn’t reply, her heart pounding, wings clamped against her sides in sheer terror.

The door looms close as Nate keeps walking, he can see the handle, and through a small window he can see a well lit room, but the memory isn’t done with him, and he can feel his steps getting shorter as the memory slows down.

He cannot see anything, but he can feel Fluttershy becoming more and more afraid, until an unwelcome kiss is forced upon her, unable to move as she is held down, and her captor presses his mouth against hers, her struggles useless as his hand moves down...

Then, with a slam and a riot of noise, color fills his vision and he is standing in a small room, safe, and free of the memory.

From the open doorway, Nate can see that every available surface besides the floor is filled with potted plants and small framed writings. Some of the writing is english, and familiar. Others are smudged graphite under glass, indecipherable even to it’s creator.

Sitting on opposing cushions are a pony and a human, who are both looking at the doctor with utter pity and sorrow.

“Do you think he survived? We can’t do much with a brain dead surgeon, can we?” The human says, sighing as she looks away.

“He’s fine. I know he will be, all we have to do is give him time,” the pony replies, still watching him.

The human is tall, for a woman. Her head is adorned with soft curls of golden hair. Her muddied green eyes dart from plant to plant, looking for anything but the newcomer to focus on. She is dressed in plain dark grey robes, that obscure most of her features.

The pony, however, is a riot of insane colors, that almost hurt the eyes. Her wings have feathers of every color or hue, though mismatched and disorganized. Her fur shifts from neon green at the tail, to green-brown on her snout, but her tail and mane are plain white. Her eyes are a piercing blue.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you. Do you remember your name?” The outrageously bright pony asks.

“I would say ‘George’, but that would be too easy,” the man replies, laughing at a joke that only he understands. “Call me Nate.”

“I see, Nate. You can call me Distraction,” the bright pony says, watching him with a smile.

“I’m Determination,” the human says with a sigh. “Because it’s a shitty joke.”

“Greetings to you both,” Nate says with a bow. “Although, if I knew in advance that I could be a personification, I’d pick Distillation: everything I touch becomes more concentrated. Not necessarily for the better.” The last bit is added under his breath.

“Oh come on now, what do you think they would have done with us if you hadn’t been available? Let us go?” Distraction laughs, shaking her head. “You aren’t the center of most worlds, you know.”

“Yeah, just the center of yours. I wonder if you are scared of what you would find if you went into your own mind, Surgeon.” Determination turns, her scowl lacking any real fire behind it.

“Oh I know what I would find,” Nate says with a cold smile. “You can’t become a licensed therapist without being thoroughly analyzed yourself. My mind is a magical machine that turns others’ misfortunes into my own guilt and determination, a desire to reach out and help others to atone for a failure to save my brother, a fault that is mine in my heart no matter how many arguments my brain conceives of to absolve me. It’s not especially healthy, but it’s functional, and in my business ‘functional’ is the best we can strive for.”

After a pause, the human looks away, her head in her hands. “Fuck.”

The pony just giggles, trying not to fall into a full blown laugh attack.

“He totally said it.” The human rolls her eyes, glaring at Nate again.

“He most certainly did,” Distraction says, smirking.

“I don’t get it,” Nate says flatly. “Not that that really matters. So, what’s next? Hundred-yard dash, or metaphorical dragon slaying?”

“No, you said her name!” Distraction crows.

“We get bored. We make up rules. Usually we make up rules for insane scenarios that could never happen, like a human in a suit wandering into our room. You said my name, so now I have to help you. You win.” She stares at him, as though waiting for him to do something.

“Huh. OK,” Nate says, at a loss for words. “Oh!” He reaches into his suit, and impossibly removes a small gold loving cup, which he presents to Distraction. “Here, have a consolation prize for not being stuck with me.” He then turns back to Determination and holds out an arm as an invitation.

She stands up, rolls her eyes, and takes his arm. “Where to, mon capitan?”

“The lower decks, I would think. It’s time to stoke the eng--wait, that’s even worse than the last time!”

“Oh, you want it to stop snowing? That’s easy. You just tell it to stop snowing.” Determination tries to snap a finger, but can’t get it to work, and ends up stomping her foot, which takes them to a spot floating next to a fluttershy made out of snow, who seems to be exuberantly tossing snow into the sky to let it fall down to the sphere.

“Stop that,” the girl demands, making the snow pony droop and mope as she starts to float away.

“Where to next?”

“Okay, that was just silly,” Nate said.

Determination raises an eyebrow. “You want an actual explanation? Okay. So Erishy is creative enough to want some other mode of being in stasis besides being in a coma or dead, because both of those scare her. The fantasy shtick of being frozen in ice is better to her than the alternatives, so she chose that way of representing her suspended animation. The ice would not have made sense on it’s own, so she added the idea of having snow falling in her mind.”

“Oooooh!” Nate exclaimed. “I can work with that. The primary function of a child psychologist is to be ridiculous, after all.” And with that, he began jogging around the block, chanting as we went: “Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be warmer than a jolly caucus race. Iowa! Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top…”

“Excuse me.” The human grabs hold of his arm. “Symbolism is not the same thing as insanity. If you want to melt and free Erica, and let Fluttershy grow back, you just have to tell them what they’ve always wanted to hear.” She looks almost bitter, or ashamed as she crosses her arms, looking away.

“You need to tell them that you forgive them. That it isn’t their fault.”

“But they never…” He stops himself, and sighs deeply. “I hold no animus,” he announced. “I forgive you for your insults, your assaults, your crimes against me both intentional and accidental. I wish to welcome you, with open arms, into the company of both human and pony society!”

Like a switch being flipped, the world around them lit up, and warmth washed over them.

“They will be waking up shortly, you may as well go so you don’t get swarmed by their apologies and gratitude, as you’ll get it all over again in person.”

“Alright,” Nate says with a laugh. “Thanks for your help!”

chapter 63. Too loud, too fast.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 63. Too loud, too fast.

When I open my eyes, all I can see is blurs and confusion, and then...

“Applejack?”

I’m laying on my side and I can see Nate sitting up in front of me, an orange pony that is intensely familiar to me leaning over my side protectively.

A grin quickly takes hold of her as her eyes water, from relief or from something else I cannot tell.

“‘Shy?”

“When did you get here?” I giggle a little. “Also, where did the scary men with guns decide to get off to? Did you kick them all for me?”

With a laugh she wraps her forelegs around me and twirls, managing to lift me up and spin a full rotation before setting me back down on my hooves. Her grip on me is as familiar as Pinkie’s laugh, something concrete I can remember and hold onto, and it doesn’t really matter where I am, or the aches and bumps. We’re going to be okay.

She lets go of me, still smiling, as I catch my balance.

“Dang, it’s good to see ya. I mean- Yeah, yeah. Just got here. And much as I’d like to take credit, we got some help on this one.”

“What the hell is going on?”

We stop, and look down the hall where the strange voice had come from. Six men just came around the corner. Armed and scowling at us, I freeze.

I look at them, almost confused, but the reality of the situation dawning on me. I must still be in the compound. Concrete walls, angry men, guns...

“RUN!”

It takes a second for me to turn, my hooves scraping the concrete and wings flailing. A steady orange hoof guides me, pulls me along.

“Don’t leave without the doctor!” I insist as he follows us, a scrambling tumbling trio. Running straight away from the half dozen who are now shouting after us, I can hear the ratcheting of slides, and bolts being loaded. Applejack surges ahead of us as a guide.

“Follow me!”

I don’t hesitate on that instruction, following her as best I can, my wings pumping to add a tiny bit of speed. AJ is shouting, but I can’t focus on her, the roar of adrenaline in my ears. We reach a split in the hallway, and AJ bounds off the wall to change directions to the side. Nate passes me and a moment later he is around the corner. My hooves beat out a trio of notes that become my tempo. For a bit I am scared the guards will start to fire, that I’ll be ripped to shreds, but then I hear a voice that I somehow recognize. As I round the corner, she shouts.

“Down!”

Halfway through a galloping motion, I am flying but for one hoof, my wings spread, no way to catch myself or do this gracefully...

I let the element of kindness take the impact, my wings pumping back for one more push as I slide into the wall and rebound from it, rolling to a stop, dazed. I can see AJ and some white-coated unicorn, and they’re reaching out for me. I crawl towards her and am soon in the midst of the herd, safe.

Safe until the gunshots ring out. I can’t help but look as the agent crouching protectively in front of us fires a shot into the first man who had been chasing us. He falls without a word, his pistol rattling across the ground, the shock in his eyes bitter, confused.

The second one is still looking at his friend in shock when the impact hits him, dead center just as the first one did, he spins slightly as he falls, as though trying to raise his rifle but failing to find the willpower. Another clatter and thud.

The third shot misses the man it was aimed for, and he ducks back behind the corner. My ears are ringing, my heart is pounding. I have never hated guns more than in this moment. But thank Celestia we’ve got one on our side.

“My name is Stephanie Chase. I am with the CIA.” The agent stood, and went from being taller then me to towering over us. It felt like meeting Luna for the first time, all over again.

I can hear the dying men whimper, maybe even sob.

“My team is converging on the premises as we speak. Put down your weapons, surrender and you will remain unharmed.”

“Oh, now you negotiate,” AJ mutters, and I have trouble telling if she is making a joke or genuinely upset at the death we’ve become a part of.

“Fuck you, lady!”

I groan inwardly and raise my hooves to cover my ears, but they still feel the needle sharp pain of being downrange of a rifle when it is discharged, three shots and I quickly look over the herd. None lost. Thank the stars.

The world is quiet as I look over these gathered ponies, they look weak, sick, they look like they hurt... They look like I feel. I am not alone.

“Are you okay?” I whisper, from one to another, slipping through the herd as I look them over, they look up to me as though I am an angel. They stand a bit straighter, they stop shaking just a little. There are so many of them...

AJ taps my back. “Come on y’all,” she whispers. “Real quiet like. Follow me.”

Two more shots behind us, from Stephanie. I can make out a few words but I’m not worried about them right now. The herd is hurt, they need help.

AJ leads me up to the front of the group, and gestures back at them. “Make sure they follow, we’re going to get out of this,” she murmurs, and we trot down the hall carefully. I whisper my thanks to celestia that AJ is leading, as I would be scared out of my mind to be the first rounding each corner.

I’m still terrified. But as we lead the herd through the hallways, I can’t stop staring at a white coated unicorn bringing up the rear of the group. She sounds like Rarity, she has Rarity’s cutie mark, but she just looks... different.

I turn away from her, back to following AJ, but at that moment I decide that she is still my friend. They are all still my friends, and I won’t let anything stop me from bringing them together again.

Chapter 64. Bullets and bravery
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 64. Bullets and bravery

I had been running a long, scared, silent marathon. I’d been alone, quiet, and wounded. I’d changed on a deep level who I was inside and out, and then I’d been brought to the lowest point in my life I’d ever been.

But I had the strength to run, and the strength to stand up just a little taller as some of the ponies following us looked to me, as though I was important, as though I mattered. It was a little scary. It made me want to run a little faster to grab onto Apple Jack, and not let go. But most of all it made me want to make sure I survived this. We all should survive this, and it made me so angry that we might not.

“Erishy,” AJ said as I got a little closer. “Some of our herd are having trouble, see if you can give ‘em a hoof.”

I nodded quickly, of course, and ducked back into the herd with new purpose driving me, making my hooves ache a little less. Whispers of “Quiet, quiet” echoed around me through the ponies as I hunted for the injured. The worst of them all was a unicorn mare that was unconcious. From exhaustion or injury, I couldn’t tell. Her eyelids would flutter, and her coat was dirty, but I couldn’t see clear bruises or cuts to give me a clue as to how badly hurt she was. Everypony else was huddled tight together in a herd and shuffling along as quickly as they could. The one that was having the most trouble was a stallion who looked to have a sprain in one hoof. I had him lean on me so that he could hobble along a little faster, and I felt just a little more useful. At least he would be in a little less pain.

The whole group shuffled to a stop as RJ turned to face us, a short flight away from an imposing door. I quickly slipped back to the head of the group, biting my lip a little as I got within earshot of RJ talking.

“-About to get extra strength hairy here. How’re we holding up?”

She was looking to me, since I’d been looking for the injured, and I felt a swell of pride that I could reply to her question without stage fright. A bit of confidence still existed under all my yellow fur, despite the journey.

“I’m okay,” I whispered, though I was whispering loudly, when it came to the scale of volume for my whispers. “Most of our ponies here seem okay too. Only one needs medical attention urgently, and she’s being carried.”

I felt brave. I felt ready for whatever we would face next, but some small voice in the back of my head kept whispering that I wasn’t as strong as I felt, and that sooner or later, my bravery would crack. I just needed to hold it off.

Then Rarity walked - no, strode up next to me. I looked to her like she was a moonrise over a dark forest. It didn’t matter that the world had fallen apart around her. It didn’t matter than some of her mane was in her face like stray reminders that her style had been altered by a golden streak through the purple. It didn’t matter that each of her eyes was a different color. It didn’t matter that she had been shot at, she had poise and grace. Nopony could take that from her, and it inspired a bit of awe in me.

“Well,” she started with a casual smile as she eyed the door beyond, her stance shifting side to side in the only betrayal of her true nerves that I could see. “I could go for a snack, dear. Or a full spa day. Are there more government agents outside?”

I was a little surprised, I had forgotten that we were probably in the middle of a rescue plan. For some reason I’d been thinking we would run out of the door, out into the forest, and I’d need to show everypony how to boil water from streams for a few days until we found civilization. Government agents sounded reassuring yet somehow at the same time terrifying.

“We got a guy out there,” AJ affirmed, though I caught notice of it being ‘a guy’ not ‘a freaking army’ like I’d hoped. “He’s, um, he’s keepin’ an eye on your sister while waitin’ for the the cavalry. We only gotta get past three more guards if we’re gonna get out of here.”

She looked back at the door before slowly smiling. It was rare for AJ to be mischievous, but when she was… Oh boy was she ever. She could be crafty, and subtle in her plans, when she needed to be. Though usually it was just surprising because it wasn’t normal for her. Rainbow plays a prank on somepony, we all shrug. AJ does something like that? Bewilderment.

“And I got an idea how to get past the first door.”

She gathered Rarity, Nate, and me around her conspiratorially.

“This is gonna be a trick, and we’ll have to be ready. Nate, we’re gonna need your jacket…”

We huddled together as we watched AJ walk up to and through the door, Nate following at a distance before hiding behind the doorframe, his coat clutched in his hands tight, ready to be used as a head cover.

I smiled just a little at the fact that we were literally about to black-bag someone. We were freaking ponies. It’s just not how things should be, really.

I could hear someone mutter something in the other room as they spotted AJ, and then AJ did something I didn’t expect at all.

“Moo.”

To be honest, it was a bad impression, but she probably had never had to speak to a cow in their native language before, so it was excusable, and frankly quite funny.

More mumbling, and another moo, and a hand reached down to grab hold of AJ’s element. It pulled her along and I could just barely see from around the corner, a kid with greasy black hair and a general air of “I want to be a sidekick to a villain” permeating his entire self.

He got another few feet before AJ leaned hard and pulled him to the side, while at the same moment Nate threw his coat over the kid’s head and pulled it tight, making it impossible for him to see or move much.

I was incredibly relieved to see that his pistol was jammed with the slide open, which meant either it had no ammunition or that something else was wrong with it. Aj came back into view as she smacked her head against the jacket-covered head of the sidekick, and he slimped.

I mentally ran the statistics for brain injury and internal bleeding, and how often knocking someone out was fatal, and decided that for once I was going to have to not care. Not even a little bit.

I was surprised to find that my element didn’t grow hot to the touch. It remained cool. Apathy, it turned out, wasn’t as bad as hatred in the eyes of Kindness.

“Sorry, kid. Can’t have you raisin’ an alarm,” she said as we all approached, the herd following us closely. “Rarity, can you pull his belt? I gotta tie him up before he wakes.”

I watched as Rarity pulled the belt loose and AJ tied him up, but there was something about the color of Rarity’s magic that gave me pause. I couldn’t place it, but I could have sworn it was a different color before. The problem was, I couldn’t really remember what color, due to not paying too much attention to magic colors. But blue-green didn’t seem normal. Much darker, maybe.

Also, I was a little jealous, Erica had all sorts of ideas of what to do with magic, and all I had were wings. Though I immediately mentally objected to the thought of giving up flying, no matter how rarely I did it. So I suppose I just had to be happy with the way it worked out.

A sudden burst of static came from a radio on the sidekick’s hip, interrupting my thoughts.

“Jimmy? You there? I heard a noise,” some man asked.

AJ looked towards Nate, then me, then Rares, before grimacing and grabbing the radio.

“Uh… everything’s fine,” she said with a twist to her voice, clearly trying to sound like the sidekick. “I just, uh, fell over.”

She looked as cringy as everyone else clearly felt, as we waited for a reply.

“Fell? Jimmy, are you high or something?”

“Nope!” AJ quickly replied, “No, I’m fine, I’m… All fine here now.”

She looked at me. I shrugged. She shrugged. She added a “Motherfucker” to her broadcast, and I had to fight really hard not to laugh as I heard AJ say “motherfucker.”

I covered my mouth to not laugh as the reply came. A clearly concerned older guy, confused.

“Kid, I’m coming over there.”

The walkie talkie went tap-tap-tap against AJ’s head, frustration clearly visible. “No! No need to do that! Seriously, I’m fine. Fucking fine. Just took a tumble is all.”

And as she closed her eyes tight, I realised that she’d ended her last word with a bit more accent, and a bit of upward inflection, and I grimaced as the response came back how I thought it would.

“Wait. Who’s this? You ain’t Jimmy!”

She turned off the walkie talkie and tossed it to me.

“Dammit. Boring conversation anyway. Hang onto that for me, Shy. We gotta stow Jimmy.”

As we gathered into the small hallway-room AJ paused, looking at something on the floor. I paused as well, following her gaze.

It was the kid’s gun. Honestly, I didn’t even want to say anything. I didn’t want to touch it, because touching it would be acknowledging the unspoken truth that it really was us or them. It was a matter of life or death, and having a gun could save ponies lives. No matter how much my self image would be tainted for providing the weapon that killed. But I had a skill. A skill that could help.

I stepped over to the gun and sat down.

Remove the magazine, make sure the breech is clear, safety is on, then comes the fixing of the gun itself. It’s methodical, a machine designed to do one thing and one thing only. Then I saw the problem. The locking pin that held the slide onto the body of the weapon had been pushed halfway out, jamming the slide in place. With the tip of one hoof I pressed it back in before pulling the slide back a little further so that the pin would clear the slide, then tapped the pin the rest of the way in and allowed the slide to rack back into place, looking for all intents and purposes like it was loaded, to an untrained eye.

I held it up to AJ with a nervous smile. “There we go,” I said as I held out the handle, the muzzle pointed up towards the ceiling in the safest way I could manage surrounded by ponies. “It was just jammed.”

AJ looked at me as though I’d said that I was quitting helping animals in order to build bombs or something, complete bewilderment and confusion. Rarity, standing next to her, smiled a little.

"Fluttershy fixing guns, I do believe I’ve seen it all,” she said with a little shake of her head, though she didn’t seem upset.

“I… used to work with guns,” I mumbled as I looked away. “Or, I mean, my human half did.”

“Uh. Yeah,” AJ said as everyone else murmured their shock, still looking at me like I was a crazy pony. “Thanks, ‘Shy. You read my mind. Just… unload it, too? We don’t want any accidents.”

I nodded quickly, and I used the top of my hoof to push each of the .38 rounds out of the magazine to fall with a soft clink on the floor, before putting the empty magazine back into the gun. I hesitated, looking at the bullets, and I took one. I held onto it. I don’t know why, but it seemed like it might help, tucked behind one ear.

Meanwhile, AJ and Rares were pushing the kid into a closet down the hall, and securing the door so he couldn’t escape. Then, they passed back by me to open the next door with the sidekick’s keys and keer through. I stepped up closer to whisper to them.

“It’s empty,” I said as I held out the pistol and Rarity took hold of it in her magic and floated it closer to her.

“Well, it looks good,” she said with a smirk.

“That’s all it has to do,” AJ said in almost a warning tone. “Look good.”

It was clear I wasn’t alone in not wanting to hurt anyone. AJ took another look out the cracked door before looking back at the rest of us.

“Alright y’all. We’re almost clear, but it looks like we’re gonna have company,” she said. “Shy, I need you to keep an ear on that radio. You hear folk comin, you let us know.”

I nodded very quickly as I grabbed the radio and clutched it close, flipping it back on so we could hear if anything was said.

“Nate, I need you to hold up the back of the herd, make sure we don’t lose anypony. Y’all mind the doc here. He’s tryin’ to help,” she continued as Nate headed for the back of the group. “Rares, you’re my gunmare. Anyone gives us the stink eye, you give ‘em a reason to step back.”

And when Rarity held up the pistol in her magic and grinned, I swear I heard camera shutters and cheering in the background. She definitely looked like a secret agent about to take down the bad guys. Of course, I knew the gun wasn’t loaded, the bad guys were twice our size, and Rarity wouldn’t know hoof to hoof combat if it socked her in the cheek, but it still looked awesome.

“Okay everypony, we just got two more yahoos to get by, and then we’re a five minute walk to help. Rares and I will be up front, but you mind Nate and ‘Shy, here. They’re gonna get you to safety if this goes south. And safety is outside,” AJ stressed. “Outside, then straight to the road, turn right. Outside, to the road, right. Get me?”

Everypony nodded, and I committed the directions to memory. We had to get out, this had to end. I felt like my heart could give out any minute. AJ met my gaze, and she seemed to know. She stood a little taller, looked a little stronger, and I knew. She’d keep me safe.

“Alright then,” she said as she gave us all the most wonderful smile. “We’re gonna get you out of here. That’s an Applejack Promise.”

She turned back to the door and pushed it open, as I looked back to the herd, and I tried to be brave, to nod to them, showing them they could follow me. In amazement, I saw several nod back, and we faced forward to start our journey to freedom.

Chapter 65. Run.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 65. Run.

We had only been walking for a couple minutes before AJ held up a hoof and we all stopped. AJ and Rarity went around a corner, and we waited for a few minutes until AJ called out.

“Nate? Need you to do the hands thing and unload this.”

We all moved forward as Nate looked over the back of the group with concern and then went into the room. I got the herd to gather tighter so I could more easily see all of them, since I was alone watching them. Me, alone, responsible for a big group of ponies.

Now is not the time for a heart attack, Erishy,

“So you’re the traitor!” a female voice snarled, making me flinch and almost cower before standing back up to listen to the rest of her tirade. “It’s just like I said. Just like I kept telling everybody: you can’t trust no goddamned pointy-headed Jews. So what part of the world did the ponies promise you, Jew-boy? Did you get your 30 pieces of silver for selling out the human race?!”

I could see her leaning towards him, into my view.

She looked like a rabid animal.

When I say that, many of you will assume that I mean she was frantic and angry, but most of you probably haven’t seen the effects of rabies. You should be thankful for that.

Rabies is the only disease that, when one of my animals was infected by it, was entirely fatal and immediately resulted in them being transferred out of my care to be cared for and then inevitably put down.

In particular, she looked like an animal under the excitative stage of rabies.

Rabies is designed to make the carrier as lethal as possible, you see, and the saliva is one of the primary infection vectors. When an animal, or indeed a pony or human, is infected they at first seem abnormally calm, tame. They stay up during the day even if they are nocturnal, and they stop talking. They then enter the excitative stage, where everything set them off, everything made them furious, blinding rage coursing through them with such energy that a dog would gladly try to fight a bear to the death.

That woman was practically snarling at Nate, just because he came into view. I could imagine her rough hair dripping in sweat, teeth bared and hands reaching out to claw, eyes wide but unseeing. I could imagine her beating someone to death just for being a race or type she didn’t like.

I shuddered.

“Have you even seen a Jew in your life, you microencephalitic moron?” Nate replied in a low growl. “My faith is none of your business, and I’m probably far more Aryan than you if descent mattered for anything, which it does not. But apparently having dark hair, an aversion to violence and an interest in knowledge its own sake is enough now to qualify me for the Synagogue.” He leaned forward. “And I’ll let you in on a secret: if the ponies did want to take over the world, with their numbers and powers, they would have done it already.”

But I was walking closer. The feral behavior, the anger… There was some history for that in me. I’d helped wolves, I’d helped monsters. Maybe… Maybe I could give her a way out, so that I could help her.

“Excuse me, miss,” I said, stepping forward with far more bravery than I felt. “Um, I just want to point out that we've never said we wanted to destroy anything. In fact, I haven’t heard of a pony attacking or hurting a human at all. Except… well, when captured or attacked first. But, you know, I think that’s reasonable. Don’t you?”

She was silent, but something in her eyes. She didn’t object. She didn’t scream.

See, one of the benefits of being weak is that rarely do wild animals think of you as a threat. Rarely do they feel cornered by a prey animal that cowers from loud noises. Rarely do they strike back when they don’t see a source of pain.

The silence stretched on, and she grit her teeth, but I truly wanted to give her this chance. I had to.

“We don’t mean any harm, we really don’t,” I said firmly as I looked up at her. “We just want to help out, then get on with our lives.” Erishy smiled. “Maybe you can help us? Come with us? Give up your hate?”

I knew that I’d made a mistake the moment that I said Hate. Animals don’t tense up when they decide to attack, sometimes. Instead, you see a sudden compliance. A moment of respite. All that moment is, is the animal making a decision. In that moment I saw her make a decision, and it was not to give up on anything.

“It’s not hate. It’s the truth,” She sneered as her face became a scowl of hatred. “Every human you damned ponies touch turns into a pony. They’re stripped of everything that make them human! Soon, there won’t be no humanity, just cutesy pastel freaks!”

She stood a little taller, defiant. “Just change me. Quit fucking around and make me disappear,” she said bitterly.

Even I had no words to that. It was such a deep fundemental misunderstanding of the situation, I couldn’t even begin to approach it.

“What… an impressive imagination,” Nate said, staring at her with something that looked suspiciously like pity. “It’s like she has absolutely no idea how reality actually works.”

I sighed, and shook my head before looking to AJ. “Let’s knock her out,” I proposed, giving up on the rabid animal for good. She was terminal, there was nothing I could do.

“No arguments here. Sleep tight, ya moron,” she said as she gestured to Nate, who raised the butt of the shotgun like a baseball bat, preparing to hit her over the head.

But the woman dodged, jumped, and tackled Nate. Fitting the rabid animal analogy quite well, she managed to bite Nate’s cheek before AJ slammed into her, forcing her off Nate and then slamming her forehead against the rabid woman’s head once, twice, three times.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been headbutted by an earth pony, but a single time is more than enough for most ponies to call it quits. A second time? Potential hospital visit.

I can glad not to see blood, but I did see Nate trying to pull a handkerchief from his pocket, hands shaking so badly he couldn’t even manage it. I went over to him and took it out of his pocket, pressing it gently against his cheek.

“Everyone okay?” AJ asked as she looked at the rest of us, her center of gravity lurching slightly as she stood and then centered herself.

I nodded quickly, before looking back to the doctor. He looked scared. Really, genuinely scared. I didn’t know what to say, but I felt like I had to say something. I smiled a little.

“Chicks dig scars, right?” I said weakly.

But I got a small chuckle out of him as he shook his head and adjusted his glasses.

“Not the first thing on my mind, dear Fluttershy,” he murmured.

“We’re okay, darling,” Rarity said in reply to AJ’s question. “How are you?”

“Fit as a fiddle,” AJ said as she stood tall and grinned. “I’ll have to thank Big Mac for showin’ me that trick. Never thought I’d have to use it so much. Alright! Somepony help me-”

“Applejack!”

Everyone turned to face a stallion at the far end of the herd. He was blue, but his face was pale, and eyes stricken. He looked terrified, and as we all went silent, we knew why. Angry shouts. Boots thudding against concrete, and the rattle of weapons clattering against walls and eachother.

“Run.”

We were all paralyzed for a moment, as AJ’s command rippled across us. Prey animals, frozen by fear, but AJ didn’t allow that. She took a deep breath and she demanded it.

“Run!”

A stampede broke out, and AJ immediately shouted “Shy, with them!” as I nodded and took flight, gliding over the group as I took them through hallway after hallway, before stopping in the first room, looking at Nate with the shotgun.

“Nate, they’ll think you’re a bad guy with a gun, one of the ponies needs to carry the shotgun, quick, anypony?!”

I looked around and a unicorn stallion stepped forward. He took it into his magic and I pointed at the safety.

“Leave that up, and it’s safe, put it down, and it can shoot. Keep the barrel up otherwise, okay?”

He nodded, and then the radio crackled to life.

“What is going on up there?!”

My heart could have beat right out of my chest, but I pitched my voice low, lower than it had ever gone without the aid of poison joke, and I barked back into the radio as though I had some authority.

“The ponies are headed for the basement, protect the records!”

Then I looked back at the hallway, just in time for gunfire to break out back from where we had come. I gestured rapidly and the group resumed moving just as Stephanie, AJ, and Rarity came running around the corner.

“Let’s go! I’m not leaving unless you’re all coming, as well!” I shouted before turning and resuming the chase after the herd.

“That’s the plan!” AJ replied with a reckless grin.

I took to the air, but I knew I was running on borrowed fumes, and my wings wouldn’t last long. I was gliding more than flying right now.

“They can’t be headed to the basement- we just saw a bunch head outside!” The radio called out, and I wanted to cheer as too many people started talking on the radio all at once.

“Guy on the door leading out,” AJ barked quickly. “Rares and…” he hesitated as he looked around and spotted the shotgun floating in midair. “Whoever has that shotgun, get ready to look like action ponies.”

The stallion nodded, looking like he was pretty sure he was in an action movie, as the group rolled forward at a trot. I was barely still airborne, but it was the only way I could keep an eye on everyone all at once.

We rounded another corner and a final guard stared in mute horror as a shotgun and a pistol were leveled at him. I was pleased to see the safety was still on the shotgun, as he had the pistol’s barrel tapped against his nose by a very angry looking Rarity.

“Don’t move, asshole,” she said in her posh accent, and I nearly fell out of the air right then.

Rarity had said asshole. Not in some other voice, either. Rarity had said the word “asshole” as though she was saying it to the queen of England. It was beautiful, and also sort of terrifying, because I had completely forgotten until that moment that my friends were merged.

Bad Erishy. Bad Erishy. Your friends also have head-humans and you haven’t even asked about them. To be fair, I’ve been fleeing an evil compound where I was locked up and tortured. So, maybe I’ll give myself a little break.

I landed as AJ (Applejack pending knowledge of a new name) instructed Stephanie, the friendly local CIA agent, to the front of the group.

She then ordered the guard guy on his knees, and I had a moment of panic as I wondered if she was going to kill him. Then she headbutted him, and he fell to the ground knocked out.

“I keep this up, I’m gonna grow a horn of my own,” she mumbled as I stared at the knocked out guard.

I kept thinking that she was going to accidentally kill someone, but maybe being pastel ponies allowed for cartoon style knock outs.

But finally, finally we were able to leave out the front door, heading out onto a wide grass lawn and following the herd towards the road. There was so much clamor all around us, so many ponies talking I could barely hear AJ saying “We’re clear. Let’s roll.”

Then there was a shout from behind us. A shout of pure rage and hate. A shout of someone that wanted to kill us.

“NO!”

As we turned around, my heart sank. A bunch of people with guns were charging around the side of the building, and leveling those weapons carefully at our little herd. The herd I was supposed to protect.

“Nobody’s going anywhere,” he said just loud enough for us to all hear.

I heard one of the ponies in the herd stard crying. Not wailing, but the soft gasping desperate sobs of someone who just couldn’t go on.

I turned, and watched AJ walk up in between the group of thugs and the herd. Rarity joined her.

I spread my wings and glided a few feet before landing, and feeling my hind legs almost give out. The pain hurt, but worse than that was the knowledge that we were about to die.

Support was too far away. I whimpered, but I stood, and I stood strong next to my friends. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. At least the herd would have a chance to run, when they started shooting.

“How’d you get out?” AJ asked, staring him down as though he’d just made a good play in chess, not recaptured an entire herd of ponies.

“Back door. This place is lousy with ‘em,” he replied.

AJ laughed tensely, smiling a little. “Wish I’d known that.”

“Put down the guns,” he said, his rifle gesturing between the pistol in Rarity’s magic, and the shotgun behind us.

After a breath, AJ turned her head and said “Do as he says,” without ever taking her eyes off him.

The guns both settled on the grass, and I almost wanted to laugh as I realized I still had a bullet tucked behind my ear. I flicked my ear, and felt it fall to the grass. Useless.

“Okay, good,” he said with a nod and the calm reassurance of a person in charge. “Now, everyone is going to march back inside, and we’re going to lock all the ponies up, and then deal with the agent and the doctor.”

We didn’t reply. I looked to AJ and I saw her set her hooves firm. She wasn’t moving, and I folded my wings tight before doing the same, staring at him in defiance.

We will give no quarter. We will not turn and flee. We will not surrender but a single soldier to the enemy, and we will not, I repeat we will not show fear. The enemy will have to provide the whole of it.

I didn’t know if it was a quote, or something I made up, but I let it become the steel in my spine, and I stood.

“I’m not going to say it again,” he said, the danger coming back into his voice.

We did not move.

Then someone in herd said “What’s that?”

“Does anypony else hear that?”

The man lifted the rifle to his shoulder, and he aimed it dead center at AJ, lining up his sights. AJ looked as firm as an old oak tree, and I only hoped I could look as brave once she’d been shot.

Then, the humming sound in the distance that I’d thought was a tarp billowing or something became a lot more recognizable.

It was a helicopter.

The sound jumped in volume as the craft cleared the treeline, and the man screamed as he raised his rifle up towards the helicopter. A voice boomed over the sound.

“Put down your weapons!”

Everyone looked towards the trees as a tough looking black man in a CIA vest entered the clearing, with Sweetie Belle on his shoulder, and AJ’s hat on Sweetie’s head.

Alongside him, a crowd of men in tactical vests reading FBI all appeared, with weapons drawn and aimed at the thugs, and for once we were on the side of the people with bigger guns.

The herd was going to be safe. I hadn’t failed them. The good guys had won, and everything. Everything was going to be okay.

Chapter 66. Strong enough to be Weak.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 66. Strong enough to be Weak.

There was only a moment of hesitation before the thugs dropped their weapons and put their hands up. As they were handcuffed and led away, I finally let myself sit down.

My legs were killing me, the muscles screaming “YOU ARE NOT ATHLETIC” at top volume while I tried not to listen, or acknowledge the trembling in my legs.

I briefly looked over the herd, as I saw the flashing lights of an ambulance rolling up the road and onto the grass. The worst hurt ponies were loaded up immediately, a few of their family and friends going with them, and that ambulance left.

A dark pain in my heart faded, knowing that they would be taken care of. But there wasn’t only one ambulance. Two more rolled in, just as the first left. The herd dwindled to about half its original size as many of them were shuttled off quickly, both to get them out of the area and to get them to the hospital where there were more resources.

I fought a little in my head with the realization that my brief stint as one of the leaders of the herd had gone fairly well. Nopony had died. It didn’t feel like a celebratory statement, but considering the odds we’d faced, it was a miracle that we’d all made it out alive. Even though many ponies were now on their way to a hospital.

Stephanie, the CIA agent, was the next to get pulled aside once the herd was drained of injured ponies. Then the doctor as well, Nate being very jittery and avoiding anyone’s gaze as they examined his hand, and bloodied knuckles and cheek.

Then a crowd of EMTs descended on us. Bustling us each to a different ambulance to be examined, something was mumbled about VIPs and I imagine because we are Elements of Harmony, they wanted to make sure we were okay first.

“Let’s get you taken care of, honey. Where does it hurt most?”

My EMT was a slender guy with dark hair pulled back in a short ponytail, and eyes that took in my face and expression before my injuries. He was caring for me like I cared for my animals. Make sure they will stay calm, relax them, then help them.

He helped me up onto a stretcher before I gave him my answer, and as I talked I realized that I hurt, all over. I must look terrible. One of my eyes was squinting constantly, my hooves hurt, my muscles hurt, I had a cut on my side that I didn’t remember getting, and a bruise forming on my side which felt like my ribs had been kicked by the thugs when they took me out of the trunk, which they might have. I didn’t remember.

While I tried to sort through my pains, he was wiping my hooves and fetlocks with disinfectant wipes, making sure the dirt and grime was gone.

“This cut here stings a lot,” I said as I pointed to the scabbed cut in my stomach area.

I spotted AJ looking towards me, and I tried to smile but I didn’t know if she saw, before the EMT applied something to the cut that made me whimper.

He was cleaning it, that was all. The scab wasn’t clean, so he had to dissolve it and put a clean bandage on it, before wrapping gauze around my midsection to hold it in place. Then, he paused, looking to me gently, waiting for me to continue. I could tell he knew who I was, or maybe he just genuinely treated everyone with this level of gentle patience. But I appreciated it deeply.

His nametag read “Tim” and while I pondered my injuries, he put a hand over my hoof, gentle enough not to hurt but enough to show me he was listening. That he cared.

“There’s a bruise in my side that is making it tough to breathe,” I mentioned, before carefully extending one of my wings.

It ached terribly, and I was very relieved when he put a hand under it so I could relax it, letting the slight weight rest on his arm.

He checked it over carefully, asked me some questions to clarify that I could move in certain ways and that breathing itself didn’t hurt, just the muscles, and eventually decided that I might have cracked a rib but not broken it. I would have to get an x-ray sometime soon, but I seemed stable.

It was comfortingly routine, and he kept his voice at the same volume as I did, guiding me through motions and how to check myself over. As I was explaining the hit to my eye and that I could still see, I looked back over to AJ and Rarity, and I saw AJ looking towards me.

Feeling a warmth in my heart, I smiled and waved. AJ waved back and gave me a tired smile. The EMT was gentle, and let me finish my wave before he tested my vision to make sure my eye was working okay even if the lid was swollen.

As he was having me lay down while he took my vitals, I heard a voice I recognized getting closer.

“Hardly an average evening, I’d say. It’s no wonder everypony is a tad on edge,” Rarity was saying as she approached.

I turned my head to see her coming closer, and smiled a little as I saw Sweetie Belle next to her.

“Yeah, but… Like… The agents could at least be nice to the fucking ponies, you know? We’re the good guys!”

My brain very briefly short-circuited at watching Sweetie Belle say “fuck” and Rarity’s only response being to chuckle. But I had to keep reminding myself, they’re merged. This stuff is going to happen.

People change, after all. That’s always been true.

Best friends stop having time, drift away, and forget your nicknames. People with the same hobbies find other people that share them, and who are more convenient to meet with, or better at it. Family grows older, and decays with the passing of years, the quirks that made them familiar fade or are magnified, becoming deeply buried flaws.

How could I possibly complain about people or ponies changing when I had changed so much myself? Fluttershy fixing a pistol. Erica risking her life for someone she doesn’t know. Fluttershy attacking someone else using her own element of harmony. Erica breathing deep in the moments of vulnerability, and allowing that weakness to become her, instead of fighting.

Oh how I had changed. I wondered if my parents or brothers would even recognize me.

“Shy! Erishy!”

Sweetie had hopped up on the ambulance’s bumper and was waving, I’d zoned out quite a bit but I looked down to her and Rarity with a little smile.

“Hey there… Um… I’m so sorry but I don’t think I’ve been told your new names?” I asked as gently as I could, feeling a bit of shame at not knowing.

But of course they weren’t upset.

“Raritony and May Belle,” the filly on the bumper said, pointing to her sister then herself. “And you’re Erishy right? Or Eris, I heard someone else say that.”

“Erishy is fine,” I chuckled, remembering briefly saying Eris to someone, but I couldn’t remember who.

“So, how is our dear Erishy faring, doctor?” Raritony asked as she looked to the EMT who was writing something down on a clipboard.

“She’s well,” he replied quickly after looking to me and getting a nod that I didn’t mind. “I’d advise all of you visit an actual hospital as soon as possible for xrays and evaluations, but I understand getting to New York is an urgent matter. Technically Erishy is able to travel, though I’d recommend a lot of fluids, rest, and slow movements. If we could find a wheelchair that she could operate on her own, I’d get one for her. But for now, maybe being carried or just being very gentle on herself. Also, I’ve got a cool pack for your eye, I just wanted to give it a bit of time to thaw so it could be shaped,” he said as he gestured to a blue freezer-pack looking thing on the shelf next to him.

But I was staring at him a bit more stunned than I’d expected. Wheelchair? Carried? I couldn’t slow everypony down. Not now, not when everything was so important. An image appeared in my mind of a nurse carrying me, limp and helpless, while the other five elements stood tall and proud.

“Erishy, dear?”

I came around again. Maybe I was just tired, terribly tired, or maybe I was a bit lost in my own head, but I’d been staring off into the distance too often lately.

“Yes, Raritony?” I asked as I did my best to smile as I looked back to her.

“We’re going to go tell Rae Jay what’s happening, we will be back in no time,” she said confidently, before reaching up and tapping my hoof with hers.

They then headed back towards the group. Leaving me laying on a stretcher with Tim, and my thoughts.

“I have a few minutes until this thaws enough, okay? I’m going to check in with some other patients and I’ll be right back,” he reassured me as he put a hand on my foreleg. “You stay here, no getting up. Let yourself relax and we will take care of you.”

I nodded numbly, as I watched one of the agents laughing from the bumper of an ambulance where she was getting her arm wrapped up while Raritony walked up next to RJ, saying something into her ear. I tried not to guess at what it might be. I wasn’t exactly holding up the team at the moment.

I recognized the agent as Stephanie, the one that helped us escape, and the black agent who walked up next to her was the one whose shoulder May had ridden in on, so I could guess they were our agents, meant to look after the team.

I looked at the element of kindness on the stretcher next to me. The burned spot on my chest had healed already, it was a little red but with some ointment and a wrap, it looked like it would be okay. But without that pink and gold armor, I felt a little empty. Like a hurt little pegasus without anyone to hold onto as I cried.

I shoved that thought away and looked back towards the clustered group of agents and ponies, as though watching them could make me feel like I was over there.

Then Rarity pointed away. Towards an SUV. Tears pricked at the edges of my eyes.

“No,” I whispered, hooves shaking as I turned onto my stomach, realizing I knew what was happening.

The mission had to be completed. They were going to the car. They had figured out I would only hold them up and they were going to get in that SUV and I’d be alone. Again. Forever. I knew, deeply, that I needed to be strong right now.

But the only strength I could find in that moment of fear and timid pain, was the strength to cry out when I was in need, instead of resigning to my fate.

“Wait.” I insisted, only loud enough for a nearby officer to hear, and look towards me quizically. But I wasn’t looking at him.

My heart was beating with a heavy thud, like it hurt to even have a heart at all. My lower jaw was trembling and the panic in my mind was overwhelming. A drowning tidal wave slowly rising over my head.

“WAIT!” I finally screamed, rising from a crouch to stand fully, wobbling and barely staying upright.

Everyone in the area froze, but more importantly I saw RJ and Raritony look towards me.

The stretcher was low, and I almost fell just getting down from it, my wings popping out to steady me before I stumbled out of the ambulance and onto the ground.

It hurt. It all hurt, every ounce of flesh and every drop of soul in me burned with shame and fear, and I accepted that it was all I was. There was nothing but this feeling in me, and I couldn’t fight it as I bit my lip, tried to blink away the tears, and staggered towards my friends.

“Wait!” I cried out a second time.

They seemed terrified, maybe even scared of me as I made my way across the grass, my legs barely holding me up, my heart beating out of my chest, and in a final bid to make them understand I called out from so far away.

“Don’t leave me! Please don’t!”

Author's Note

This was painful to write. This right here is the scene that was so emotional, so heartbreaking to me, that it stopped me in my tracks four years ago.
I hope that it doesn't break your heart. It does get better.

Chapter 67. Weak enough to be made strong.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 67. Weak enough to be made strong.

They ran towards me, and before I could fall over, RJ was putting her hooves against my chest, steadying me, and stopping me in my wobbly tracks.

“Shy! Dammit girl! You’re bleeding again!” she said as she looked me over, eyes creased in worry.

I could barely even think, tears pouring down my cheeks, I didn’t even care I was bleeding. I just cared that I had to be close to RJ, I had to be close to my friends.

“I don’t care!” I admitted, voice high and close to a sob. “Please don’t leave me!”

RJ looked almost scared, but she looked me in the eyes and spoke gently. Firmly.

“We ain’t leaving you, darlin’,” she promised. “But you’ll be leavin’ us, if y’all don’t sit.”

Trying to get my breath, trying to think straight, I decided that I believed her. How could I not believe her. She was RJ. She was my friend. She smiled, like she knew that everything would work out.

My head drooped. My heart slowed just a fraction, and I was able to nod. My hind legs gave out, and I sat on the grass, trembling and slick with sweat.

I heard a sharp intake of breath and looked up to see Raritony, grimacing as she looked me over. I was clearly not in good shape, which made my frantic run all the more idiotic, now that I had stopped enough to think.

“That looks bad.”

“It ain’t good, get an EMT?

“May’s on it.”

I tried to stop crying, I really did, but the tears kept flowing as Raritony put a hoof on my back. She carefully and softly ran it down my back to calm me, pretty much petting me. It worked, the tears started to abate.

When RJ put a hoof against the red blotch on my bandages though, I recoiled. In part from the stinging and in part from the realization that I’d made everything a thousand times worse by being an emotional idiot.

“Stop that,” she chided, gently but with a voice full of worry. “We don’t want you getting worse. And you wouldn’t be bleeding again if you had just sat still on that stretcher. What possessed you to try tearing after us, Shy?”

I leaned back against the pressure, knowing she was just trying to help.

“You were leaving me,” I mumbled, knowing it was a lie, knowing it was emotion and panic and adrenaline all tearing me up inside, and had nothing to do with them walking to an SUV.

“We were what?” Raritony asked, incredulous and sounding darn near horrified.

A large shape crouched next to me, and Tim’s chiding voice shook me out of my daze.

“Okay, this is the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do.”

I ducked my head a little more and mumbled my apologies as he moved to be in my line of sight, smiling a little.

“You have to be careful.”

He was reassuring me. Getting me to worry about my own state instead of being left behind. It was working.

His hands moved swiftly, unwrapping the bandages around my stomach and then applying something cool to the cut to slow the bleeding before rewrapping me with fresh gauze.

“Is she going to be okay?” Rarity asked, aghast at the sight of my tiny and largely unimportant wound.

“Yeah,” RJ affirmed.

“And she’ll stay okay if she doesn’t go over-exerting herself. Again,” he explained as he got in my line of sight again.

He was worried but I felt foolish and guilty as hell, so if he’d told me that I needed to lay down in some mud and think about what I’d done, I would have. Naturally, I let my mane fall in front of my face a little more to hide.

RJ promised they would keep me in line, putting a hoof to my shoulder, which I appreciated far more than I should have. I really just wanted to hug her, but I felt far too miserable and angry with myself. He put his arms under the front and back of my midsection and looked in my eyes, making sure I was ready before lifting me and placing me onto a nearby stretcher.

“Now, stay put until we get you moved. If you need to move, take it easy. And, don’t use your wings- you’re a high speed shuffler, at best, right now.”

I nodded, and he sighed. I wasn’t being cooperative or grateful enough, and I knew it. I wanted them to all give up on me, and leave me to wallow in my mistakes. It felt like I’d deserve it. But if I actually saw RJ walking away again I didn’t know what I would do.

“We got this,” RJ said as she stepped up next to me, like a guard almost, in her firm declaration.

“Good, I have a lot more ponies to get to.”

I had been occupying him, when other ponies were in need. Not very kind at all.

“Then you should do that, good sir,” Raritony said. “We can ensure our friend is tended to.”

He left, and I curled up a little tighter, the tears once again starting to flow. I just kept messing up. Making mistake after mistake, and all my friends could do was take care of me. I had to be better than this, I just had to.

I could feel a little nudge against my side and I almost thought it was one of my dogs, until I looked and saw May Belle, looking up at me with the biggest most honest smile I’d ever seen.

“It’s okay, Erishy,” She said, nuzzling my shoulder. “It’s okay. You don’t have to cry.”

“B-bu-but I didn’t- I didn’t-” didn’t think? Didn’t do anything worthwhile? Didn’t know how in the world I was going to be anything but a blubbering mess for the rest of time?

I couldn’t figure out how to finish the words, or breathe, or anything, so I just said what I felt.

“I’m so sorry!” I cried out as I tried to hug May but almost knocked her to the grass.

I felt Rares running her hoof through my mane gently, and RJ reared up to look at me over the edge of the stretcher. She looked so worried.

“Shy? Shy, there’s no need for apologies here. Just talk to us. What’s goin’ on darlin’? Why’d you think we were leavin’ you?”

She was being so soft, so caring, and I didn’t deserve it at all. I tried to focus on the question though. Why would I think they were leaving. Well, clearly because they should leave me behind.

“I wasn’t…” I paused for a moment, trying to rub the tears out of my eyes, sniffling as I tried to breathe. “I wasn’t strong enough. I let all of you down, so you were leaving me.”

I sniffled as the tears threatened to return at just saying those words out loud. “You were leaving me behind.”

She put her hooves over mine and slowly tugged, until I slid a little closer, so I was staring right into her eyes. Her smile was honest to the core, soft, and so understanding. She knew I’d been scared, and she wasn’t mad.

“Aw Shy, we weren’t doing anything of the sort.”

It was like she’d pulled the drain plug on my panic, and so easily it flowed away from me in a steady stream.

“But I saw you talking to the CIA, and you were all about to get in the car away from me, and-”

“And you let your imagination get away from you, darling,” Raritony said. “Like we’d ever leave you behind. We were merely making arrangements for our exit. You’re our friend, Erishy. We would never leave you.”

“I…” I was panicking and basically a scared animal flying blind, but I couldn’t say that.

“I…” I am so uncertain over my own value and importance that, despite having adored myself in the past as Erica, I still couldn’t see myself as special, but I couldn’t say that.

“I know that,” I concluded as I looked into her eyes, wishing I could speak the right words to convey the hole that I’d been nurturing in my heart for the last dozen years in two different lives.

“I do, but… But I was so helpless, and you had to save me, and you’ve merged so-”

“And none of that means we would ever leave you behind,” RJ interrupted thankfully, with iron in her voice. She would not waver.

I frowned. I shouldn’t have done any of this. I should have stayed calm, and I shouldn’t have been so emotional. Now, my friends were hurt because of me.

“Remember the dragon?”

When I looked back up from rubbing my eyes yet again, RJ was grinning, she looked so pure, so happy.

“You… Do you mean Spike?” I asked, trying to sort through memories as quickly as I could to catch up with the change in topic.

“Nah. I mean the big one. The one that was smoking up the whole town all on account of his nap,” she explained.

I froze for a moment before nodding, frowning a little at the odd sensation of both being dragged up a mountain and watching me being dragged up the mountain at the same time.

“I do. Two different ways, too. That’s still weird,” I admitted.

“Yeah, well, I only remember the one way,” she said tenderly as she pet my hoof to calm me. “Did I leave you at the bottom of the mountain?”

I shook my head, tilting it a little as I looked away. Of course not. Of course she wouldn’t leave.

“And has anything changed between us?” she asked. “Anything that would lessen our friendship in any way?”

I prodded the stretcher’s padding a little with my hoof, compulsively coming up with excuses.

“The merge might have-”

“Might’ve, but it didn’t,” she asserted without any hesitation. “I’m still your friend. Anything else?”

I was actually running out of excuses, which was simultaneously nerve wracking and quite happy. I was being forced to admit that things were ok.

I bit my lip, there was still one thing nagging at me.

“You looked shaken by what I could do with the gun,” I finally said.

“That I was,” she admitted. “But it doesn’t change that I’m still your friend.” She smiled, all sweet southern charm and unflappable honesty. “Are you noticing a trend here, sugarcube?”

I felt my cheeks get a little hot as I ducked my head and smiled. “I’m still your friend.”

“Got it in one. I didn’t leave you then, and I ain’t leaving you now,” she reassured me, and I believed her.

“Seconded,” Raritony said as she laid a hoof on the back of my neck.

“Third!” May added with so much energy I almost jumped, having forgotten she was there.

I scooted a little more and put my forelegs around RJ’s neck, laying my head in her mane, my nose against the back of her element. In relaxing, I sighed, letting some of the pain go with my breath.

“I wish I were strong like you, Rae Jay. You didn’t get kidnapped.”

She snorted, shaking her head slightly as Rarity laughed though tried to cover her mouth.

I was a bit surprised, lifting my head to look between them. “What? Did I- What’s funny?”

“Darling,” Rarity said sweetly as she smiled and resumed the stroking of my mane with one hoof. “If you think you’re the only pony to get foalnapped, you are gravely mistaken.”

That couldn’t be possible. Rarity? Kidnapped? She’d been there with the CIA agent to free everypony!

“What?” I finally asked, half stunned.

“I was spirited away quite a few times in my travels,” she elaborated. “Practically passed about like an old dress amongst friends, until I was left here.”

“And I got shot full of horse tranqs, then dumped in a dirty hotel room,” AJ added with the casual tone of mentioning that she’d been by Sugarcube Corner the other day.

We were all wounded, shook up, messed up little ponies, weren’t we? Even though they’d looked like heroes.

“But you’re- I mean-” I pointed to RJ. “You came in all tough and brash, and you-” I gestured to Raritony. “You were using a magical shield to protect us!”

“True,” Raritony nodded in agreement. “But one action-role does not an action-mare make. Sometimes life makes a damsel out of you, and as often as you try to save yourself, sometimes you need a knight.”

“She’s right!” May piped up. “I’m the one who had to rescue Rae Jay!” She grinned impishly at me. “So does that make me your goddamn knight, hayseed?”

I still felt like I had to reboot my brain every time May swore, but it was becoming somewhat endearing to me.

“Sure you are,” RJ chuckled as she mussed up May’s mane with a playful smile. “You have my eternal thanks, Sir Swears-A-Lot.”

“Oh, so that’s how it turned into a bird’s nest,” Raritony said with a raised eyebrow and a ‘big sister knows best’ nature that left no doubt in my mind that Rarity was still very much a tidy and proper lady when she wanted to be. “Get over here, sis. I cannot have your mane looking like Discord and Rainbow’s bastard offspring.”

With a roll of her eyes, May trotted around me on the stretcher and sat down to let Raritony tend to her mane. As she did, I tried not to start crying all over again. This time not because something was wrong, but because my friends were here. Taking care of me, calming me, and being themselves. It felt a little bit like home.

“We all got hoodwinked, Shy,” RJ told me as she squeezed my hoof and I looked back towards her with a shaky smile. “That ain’t anyone’s fault but the assholes who did it to us. You weren’t weak. You weren’t weak. At. All.” She squirmed up onto the stretcher and wrapped me up in a big tight hug. “Surviving what you did makes you as strong as any pony I’ve ever met.”

Nate walked up to the group, and then put a hand on the edge of the stretcher.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It was odd. I wasn’t expecting him to do anything unusual, but I just felt… More attentive, more focused when I looked at him. He looked into my eyes and smiled as he spoke softly.

“That you are alive, after what you’ve faced, speaks volumes. I wish I could have been as tough and strong as you.”

The words washed over me, and despite my usual reaction to such praise, I couldn’t disbelieve or doubt them. I was incapable of it. I simply accepted them, and in doing so I found that if those words were true, than so much of my pain was a bit lighter. A bit easier to push away.

“See?” RJ said as she nuzzled my cheek. “You’re tougher’n you know.”

When Nate looked to RJ, I felt like I should too, and as I did things felt a little more uncertain. I wasn’t hurting, but I felt a little more nervous.

I scuffed my hoof on the stretcher, and leaned against RJ as I tried to steady my breathing.

“Okay,” I said quietly. “B… But you’ll all stay with me so I don’t have to be strong alone, right?”

“Sure thing, sugarcube,” RJ said as she ran a hoof through my mane reassuringly.

“Of course, darling,” Raritony said just as firmly.

“You’re the best foalsitter ever, I’m totally sticking by you,” May chimed in, surprising me that she’d think I was that good of a foalsitter.

Nate chuckled, and let go of the stretcher and straightening a little. “I... will have to bow out,” he said.

“Really?” I looked back to him with a little concern, but that same reassurance came back when I looked at him. I wiped the last of my tears from my eyes.

“Sorry, my dear, but I have a lot of work to do. Ponies to help, opportunities to seize. I have a lot of work ahead of me now. And…” He flexed a bandaged hand. “I get to look forward to it. I wouldn’t be here if you and your friends hadn’t come along.” He smiled awkwardly at all of us. “So... thank you. For saving my life.”

My cheeks reddened as I realized I was actually part of that. I had helped save him.

“Thanks for bein’ a stand-up guy, Nate,” RJ said as she held out a hoof, which Nate shook.

“Thanks for coming to the rescue,” he said before looking to me.

I sat up a little taller.

“Thank you for listening to me,” I said as he and I shared a smile.

“And the same to you,” he said, nodding. His smile turned cheeky. “Now go on and save the world- doctor’s orders.”

He turned back to the crowd, and the bubblegum pink filly raised up her forehooves. Crouching down, Nate picked up the little pony, then disappeared into the bustle of EMTs, FBI agents, and ponies.

I relaxed against RJ’s side, and I could feel as Rares started tending to my mane like she’d worked on May’s.

It put me at ease, my breathing becoming easy, and the future feeling ever brighter.

Quiet together, we watched the storm of activity rage around us, the terror of the day fading into weariness. But the future held so much unknown. At least I knew that I’d face it by the side of my friends.

Chapter 68. The long road, friends by our side.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 68. The long road, friends by our side.

After several minutes of talking among ourselves and relaxing, my nurse returned and started wheeling me away, though my friends were following for a few steps before Stephanie Chase stepped in front of Tim, confident as a princess.

“She’s coming with us,” she said smoothly, and if Tim hadn’t been such a guardian angel, he probably would have immediately let her take me.

But Tim seemed to take his job so seriously that he would go toe to toe with the CIA for me, and I almost teared up again as an admirable amount of loyalty almost caused more fighting.

“She’s injured, and probably in shock,” Tim said with a raised eyebrow and incredulous tone.

“I know,” Stephanie acknowledged before I could protest that I wasn’t in shock, because someone in shock would be breathing rapidly, dizzy, and acting erratically.

It was a good thing I didn’t speak up, since all those symptoms had been present only a few minutes ago, and I wanted to maintain a bit of medical credibility.

“That’s why she’s coming with us,” Stephanie continued.

Tim turned the stretcher to roll me around her, but Stephanie side stepped to remain in front of us.

“You do know she’s CIA, right? One of the good guys?” RJ asked Tim from just behind me.

“I do,” Tim replied with a bit of anger. “I also know that this is an injured pony who needs further medical attention.”

“And if she were anypony else, I would so be out of your way like you wouldn’t believe,” Stephanie insisted as she put a hand on the stretcher next to my hoof.

They were going to fight over me, I realized, swallowing nervously. I was going to cause two very nice people to be angry at eachother. But I felt Rarity reach up and put a hoof over mine, calming me a bit.

“But this is a VIP,” Stephanie continued. “See that necklace she’s wearing? That’s magic. Serious magic. And we need it, and her, to stop that Discord guy in New York. Because if he isn’t stopped, he’ll be more than New York’s problem, soon.”

“Right now, the only problem I see is a bureaucratic busybody inhibiting my ability to care for a patient,” Tim said, voice sharp. “The threat can wait, she needs-”

“I’m fine,” I decreed, trying with all my might to sound like Princess Celestia, firm and unquestionable in my decision.

They both looked at me, taken aback, but I pressed on, sitting up a little.

“I only hurt a little,” I insisted, smiling just a little. “And other ponies and people need me. I won’t do much. Just walk a little. Mostly, I’ll sit still. I promise. Is that okay?”

And… I decided that more than anything, I needed them to believe me. So I perked up my ears just a little and I put the image of myself as a filly in my head. That little filly who was looking up at her mom and realized exactly how to get everything she ever wanted.

By looking cute.

I mean, it’s more complex than that. As a prey animal, a pony’s eyes typically aren’t easily focused fully forward, and when they are it’s easier to focus on a single point, but if I try, I can focus each eye on one of the eyes of the person I’m looking at, meeting their gaze fully. I also open my eyes so wide that the person looking at me is a bit overwhelmed for a bit.

It’s cheating, at social interaction. Honestly, as Erica I’m not even surprised that Fluttershy found a way to cheat at social interaction itself.

Tim turned to protest, but met my gaze. Time seemed to stop, as he blinked a few times, just staring at me, befuddled.

“Fine!” he finally said, throwing up his hands and sighing. “Fine, I think she could use a quiet bed and lots of fluids, but what do I know?”

Chalk up one more win for the needy eyes.

“I understand,” Stephanie nods as she relaxes. “We’ll take good care of her. Is she okay to travel?”

“Yeah, yeah, she can travel, but you better make damn sure she takes it easy,” he said with an accusing finger pointing at Stephanie. “No more…” He just gestured at the insanity around us, clearly having given up.

“I’ll do my best,” Stephanie said, with a nod.

Tim turned back to me and lifted a lever under the stretcher, lowering it down to only a foot above the ground so I could get off.

Stephanie checked her phone when it went off and answered a call, stepping away as she said “Tell me good news.”

Rarity and RJ both came over to help keep me steady as I stepped off the stretcher and onto the soft grass.

“Thank you, Tim,” Raritony said. “We really appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me,” he sighed. “What she really needs is to not be in action right now.”

“And we’ll keep an eye on her,” RJ said firmly. “Promise.”

Tim shook his head, resigned, and took the stretcher away to help others. As he left, Stephanie returned looking cool and very professional.

“We have transport,” she told us. “So let’s get going.”

“We all gonna fit?” RJ asked as she performed a silent headcount of our group.

“Yeah. Alphonse got a federal SUV,” Stephanie said, lips pursing as she sighed. “Which means I’m now a CIA soccer mom.”

A rolling chuckle went through our group, the mental image just too amusing.

“Don’t laugh,” Stephanie said. “You’re the one with the backpack.”

“Can I have a juice box on the way to practice, mom?” RJ asked, and I almost cracked up right then.

“Oh god, my life,” Stephanie breathed, as she walked on.

She led us to a shiny black SUV with tinted windows and the little lights by the side mirrors. Alphonse, the man who Sweetie had been with when we escaped, was leaning against it like a royal guard.

“Ah, a fine carriage for a fine group of ladies,” Raritony said.

Alphonse barked a laugh. Then a thin looking dog sprung up from near the man’s feet and ran over to RJ, tail wagging happily.

“Hey girl,” RJ said, her whole bearing changing as she pet the dog almost as big as she was. “Holding down the fort for me?”

“Guard!” the dog said eagerly, sitting down in front of AJ and grinning.

“Oh, who’s this cutie?” I asked eagerly as I came up next to AJ, seeing the dog’s eager body language, like she was radiating joy.

RJ grinned. “Sam, Erishy. Erishy, Sam.”

“My Friend now!” Sam barked as she looked to me, and let me put a hoof to her head, rubbing her cheek a little.

I could see her ribs, and her nose looked like it had been dry for a long time and was finally wet enough to be healthy, but still had cracks and peeled skin.

“It’s a pleasure,” I said as I leaned in closer, examining her a little better. “Oh my, are you okay? You look so thin,” I added as I noticed that her fur was thin and patchy, and she had some cuts.

“She feeds whenever I’m hungry! Safe warm places! Best friend!” Sam said quickly, looking to RJ with admiration before looking back to me.

Of course RJ was taking care of her. That’s just who she was, AJ would make sure her animals were well taken care of, healthy, and loved. I felt like my cheeks might split I was smiling so much.

“I’m so glad to hear,” I told her. “Apple- Rae Jay is great like that.”

I scratched behind her ears, and enjoyed a calm moment with her happily leaning into my attention.

“You still got a knack with animals,” RJ said, approvingly.

I ducked my head a little, smiling as my cheeks felt warm. “I couldn’t lose my special talent, could I? My animal friends need me.”

I didn’t mention that I’d been so afraid I would lose all my skills, all my sense of self when I became one person. Erica had thought she would somehow corrupt me, take away the parts of me that made me good. Now, I was so happy to be able to prove to myself that was not true.

“We gotta book it. C’mon, my little ponies,” Stephanie said, with a smirk.

Raritony and RJ shared a look before laughing and following Sweetie into the car.

“What’s the rush?” The filly asked as she hopped up from the floor of the SUV onto the seats. Several backpacks were already on the floor in front of the seats, convenient storage since we wouldn’t be dangling our legs off of the seats.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” RJ agreed.

“On the road,” Stephanie said. “I promise I’ll tell you on the road. Where it’s quieter.”

We settled in, Sam and I at one window, RJ next to me, then Sweetie, and finally Raritony at the other window. Sam seemed quite happy to be in between RJ and me, and as Stephanie got into the car and put on a pair of shades, I leaned against Sam, relaxing my shoulders.

We drove away from that warehouse and the memories attached to it, and the Doctor’s words echoed in my mind.

“Save the world, Doctor’s orders.”

I shook my head slightly, feeling a little dizzy. I had to figure out how to fix everything that was wrong. We were meant to be a team, us girls. We had to find the others. We had to help Twilight somehow. We had to put it right.

“Okay. What… do you guys know about Twilight Sparkle?” Stephanie asked quietly.

As everyone else in the SUV curled in on themselves like leaves in fall, RJ rolled her eyes. “All kinds of stuff. You might wanna get out a pen, because it could take a while.”

We all looked at her, stunned, nervous. She was about to learn what we’d learned on our own.

“Rae Jay, you… you don’t know?” Raritony said softly.

“Woods,” RJ said, worry and a bit of fear creasing her normally calm and friendly face. “I’ve been hiding in the freaking woods, after smashing my cell phone! Does nobody believe me? I’m wearing the gol-darn Element of gol-darn Honesty and everything!”

As the silence was drawn out longer and longer, RJ sank into her seat, looking down at her hooves.

“Alright, fine. What’d I miss this time? Did Pinkie get on Youtube again? She and Twilight doing a conga line at a Waffle House in Idaho?”

I realized in that moment that I needed to deliver the news. I was kindness, and this news needed to be given kindly.

“She…” I took a breath, steadying myself. “She was shot,” I said softly, turning to face RJ a little more.

Everything was quiet except the hum of the wheels on the road. In a way it was our own period of mourning, a quiet painful time as we all took in the cold truth.

“She was… Wait, you were shot too, Shy. Was it,” RJ stammered.

I shook my head as Stephanie spoke.

“She was hit in the head. She’s in a coma.”

I put a hoof to RJ’s back as Raritony put one on her leg. Comforting, a bit of physical presence.

“God fucking damnit,” RJ finally whispered.

“Yeah...” Stephanie said, her voice tight. “So, the hospital has her stabilized, and I made sure they kept her tiara near her, but… Well, we’re on our way there. You’ll see for yourself.”

The silence stretched out again, and I could feel that pain settling in deep. It had been so easy to run away from it, to ignore it all.

“When did it happen?” RJ asked.

“A while back,” Stephanie said. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. We were… kind of preoccupied.”

RJ nodded. “What about the others?”

The others, that meant Rainbow, and Pinkie. I had a lot of complex feelings around Pinkie Pie. Some romantic, some friendly, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of them.

“Do you know where Pinkie is?” I asked, softly, hopefully.

“Not... exactly,” Stephanie admitted. “She took off to do something with Shining Armor, and we haven’t heard from either of them for a while. If they don’t check in soon, we may have to take more action.”

“And Rainbow?” RJ asked.

“She was en route to Pinkie, last I heard,” Stephanie said. “She busted out of the same sort of situation we were just in, actually.”

RJ laid her head back against the seat, and we all were quiet.

I wondered, in that moment, if I was going to die.

I suppose that sounds a lot more dramatic, or not very dramatic, depending on your point of view, but explaining that moment of feeling might reveal just how much I had changed in the last few days.

In the past, as Fluttershy, the possibility of death was ever present. Not in a horrible way but in a simple fact. I cared for animals, after all. Some day, by injury or weariness, we pass on. It did foster a minor panic in me when I grew close to that risk, when I was being dragged up a mountain to face a dragon, when I was falling from the clouds, or when I was flying up in front of a loaded gun and my best friend’s rage.

As Erica, I was more afraid of the death of self, losing my personality. Losing my creativity, or being changed by my experience so dramatically that I would betray the things I held as important.

But now, as Twilight Sparkle was laying in a coma and we were riding in an SUV on the freeway towards her with no plan and no clear path ahead of us, I was coming to the realization that I may, in fact, lose it all. All my hopes and dreams, all of my sense of self, and maybe even my life, because we weren’t promised a happy ending this time.

I wondered, if Hasbro didn’t have to sell toys that looked like me, and they had a fan base that was as out-for-blood as DBZ or GI Joe, how many times would I have died? Been murdered or blown up, and brought back to life? I’d been protected by the audience, and now… Now I didn’t have an audience anymore. No fans, watching over me, ready to write angry letters if I was badly hurt or even killed. Maybe the Fluttershy fans would mourn me, but it wouldn’t be enough to bring me back.

I wasn’t protected by the bounds of fiction anymore, and I had to act like it.

“Okay,” RJ said softly and firmly.

“Okay?” Raritony asked.

“Any way we can reach out to Pinkie or Dash?” RJ asked, her voice firm.

“We’re working on it now,” Stephanie said.

“I hope they’re okay…” I sighed.

“They’ll be fine, hon,” RJ said. “It’s Pinkie and Dash, for Celestia’s sake.”

“I know,” I sighed, but it was hard to believe it.

Twilight had been hurt so badly, I couldn’t believe that any of us were beyond harm. But RJ put an arm across my shoulders, and I leaned into the bit of comfort.

“Given how dire everything is, and what we just survived, I’ve secured authority for a straight shot into New York, and the hospital where Twilight is,” Stephanie said. “No traffic this time. If anyone gets in our way… well, they better not get in our way. I’ve had one hell of a day, and Alphonse hates traffic.”

Despite the dire mood, we all chuckled. The mundanity of it, but still the care. The idea that all the troubles in the world were nothing in the path of a stern man in a suit, and his SUV full of ponies.

“Everyone settled in?” he asked.

In unison, truly like a car full of schoolchildren, we all said “Yes,” and another round of chuckles rolled through the SUV.

“Nonstop to New York, no more interruptions,” he continued as we finally rolled onto the highway, entering the flow of traffic, as Raritony started to squirm and held up one hoof nervously.

“Um… Is it possible we could have… One more interruption?” she asked sheepishly.

“Of course, what do you need?” Stephanie asked, turning back to see Rarity a little better.

“Well, I may need to… Use the restroom,” Rarity said awkwardly.

RJ’s sharp laugh made me flinch at first, but I was still grinning with amusement as RJ cackled and Raritony’s cheeks gradually became more and more red.

“Yes, we can stop, of course,” Stephanie reassured Raritony over the sound of RJ losing her mind.

RJ’s guffaws faded to giggles and chuckles until we pulled into a gas station parking lot and Raritony hurried out into the bathroom.

“Are you ok, RJ?” I asked her, trying not to smile too much as I got out of the SUV.

“Fine, fine, just… Ah, it’s just too much on occasion, y’know?” she said as she followed Raritony to the bathrooms.

I nodded in agreement, before leaning against the SUV’s running boards and catching my breath. Lowering myself from the SUV to the ground had felt like I was climbing a mountain in reverse, and the small aches covering every inch of my body were blooming like roses under my skin, every effort wearing me down.

“Tired or hurting,” Stephanie’s soft voice asked as she approached from around the SUV, looking down to me with sympathy.

“Hurt,” I sighed. “I’ll be ok, though.”

“But if we head it off at the pass, you’ll be able to go further, do more,” she said as she kneeled in front of me. “I can carry you into the store if you’d like, but we should look at something to help. I heard you know a bit about animal medicine?”

I chuckled a little and stood. “I do. Enough to know what I need. And… I can make it. The walk is easier than climbing.”

Stephanie nodded and we made our way into the gas station convenience store. My first thought was that it was definitely a place for truckers. Little statues, radios, inverters, comfort items were up front and center, including picture frames designed to hang from rearview mirrors, which made me smile. It was a sort of sentimental object that I had an appreciation for. In my human job I’d driven many many miles and seen places like this. They tended to feel a little lonely by proxy of so many lonely people walking through them. But a few fresh flowers in vases on the counters and the picture frames made this place feel a bit better.

“So, what sort of pills would work for you?” Stephanie asked, keeping me on track.

“Ibuprofen,” I sighed. “Ibuprofen would be best, least side effects and it’ll help with muscle pain the most. I should also get some bandaids and… They won’t have Comfrey, but if we can get a cream or something that has vitamin C, I can put that under the bandages to help the bruises go down faster.”

“Ok. What’s Comfrey, is it something I should have someone bring us?” Stephanie asked curiously, gathering a bottle of Aspirin and a box of bandaids.

I chuckled, smiling a little as I imagined an emergency helicopter dispatch for a jar of Comfrey salve. “It’s just an herb that helps bruises, and I know it works well for ponies, I’ll be ok.”

Stephanie nodded, and we searched for a while before finding an aloe cream for treating sunburns that had enough vitamin C to help. As we shopped, I watched the others buy their own snacks and treats.

“You can get something to, you know, we’ve got a decent budget for taking care of you all,” Stephanie chimed in.

“Oh, no, you’re already buying all this medicine, I couldn’t,” I said quickly as Stephanie crouched in front of me with a fond smile.

“In today’s episode, Erishy learns to accept the kindness of others and treat herself, hmm?”

I blushed, and scuffed the floor with one hoof, but I couldn’t help from smiling. “That’s a dirty trick to play, agent.”

“Oh, wounded, Erishy called me agent,” Stephanie chuckled as I fetched a bag of plain potato chips and a bottle of mountain dew.

“Sorry,” I said as I hoofed the items up to her. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t. Come on, let’s get you back to your friends.”

She paid, then we put some dots of ointment on my most painful spots before covering them with bandaids. Finally, we went back to the car, Stephanie lifting me a bit so I could stand on the running board and climb up from there in time to hear Alphonse speaking to the others.

“And we need to make sure she’s okay.”

“I’m actually doing pretty well,” I said as I got up onto the floor of the SUV and then up onto the seat itself.

Silently, I added “considering that I thought I was going to die.”

I buckled in as Stephanie put the bag of things she’d bought for me on the floor in front of me, easy to reach.

“You sure on that, sugarcube?” RJ asked, as Alphonse turned the engine over. “Tim back there was pretty intent on you taking it easy.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said honestly as I looked to RJ and Raritony gratefully. “I have my friends with me, so I’m already doing loads better.”

RJ’s worry vanished from her face and she gave me that warm happy smile that always set the world right.

“Bring it in, Shy. That’s hug worthy material.”

“Is the show always like this?” Alphonse asked Stephanie as RJ wrapped me up in a gently hug.

“Quiet, Al. Ponies are being heartwarming,” Stephanie said, smiling back at us.

We all laughed as we pulled back into traffic, the lightheartedness of the moment feeling like one more weight pushing against our anxiety and fears.

Author's Note

My book is nearly published, and I've been missing everyone on this site, so I took the time to create the next chapter! If you've read Newborn Mare, you'll know I'm following her script fairly closely, of course with my own perspective. The next chapter however might take just as long as this one, due to it being a very heartfelt and meaningful dialog between Erishy and Pinkie. A dialog that was never written, and which has changed on the reflection of time.
I look forward to putting the words to it anyway. Thank you.

Chapter 69. Nice (Like, the synonym to kindness)
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 69. Nice (Like, the synonym to kindness)

“Thanks, Steph,” RJ sighed as we settled in. “We needed that.”

“Well, Pinkie Pie isn’t here, so I figured…” Stephanie shrugged. “Someone had to bring the funny.”

“It’s appreciated,” I admitted as I slowly let go of RJ and leaned against the back of my seat to relax. “I miss her though. I really hope she’s okay.”

“Aw, you know Pinkie,” RJ said. “She’s always-”

A soft beeping started, six quick beeps, then silence.

“What the…” RJ said, looking around.

It wasn’t from the agents, and I didn’t have my phone either.

Another six beeps, this time RJ homed in on her own bag and her cheeks pinkened.

“Oh! That’s me,” she said. “Probably my friend, Max. Yeesh, I haven’t called him since Stephanie first picked me up...”

She opened her bag and pulled out a simple flip phone before frowning at the small screen on the back. For a moment I thought she wouldn’t answer before she set her jaw and flipped it open.

“Hello?”

All I could hear was a vague squeaky tone on the phone, not enough to make out the words, but RJ blinked in surprise before grinning.

“Pinkie Pie?!”

Throughout another very long rant from the other end of the line, RJ looked more and more happy, until she sat up a little straighter and shouted at full volume.

“Rainbow Dash?!”

“I don’t care what I call either of ya, it’s darned good to hear from you two. Here, I’m puttin’ you on speaker,” RJ said as she blinked away happy tears and fumbled with the buttons until it came alive with Pinkie’s bubbly happy voice.

“Hey guys! Hello hello hello!”

“Heya!” Dash added.

“Greetings, oh Pink and Rainbowed ones!” Raritony cheered.

“Hey Rainbow! Hey Pinkie!” May squealed.

“Hi Rainbow,” I echoed before my stomach turned in that weird, half uncomfortable half thrilling confusing way, and I almost whispered, “Hi Pinkie.”

Silence.

After a moment, Rainbow snickered a little.

“Uh, girls?” RJ asked warily.

“Erishy’s with you! That’s great!” Pinkie said, but instead of sounding like her normal joyful self, she sounded… strained, nervous.

Was she as confused and nervous as me?

“Yeah, it is,” RJ nodded before looking to me.

My cheeks burned. I didn’t know how to handle any of this.

“Well yeah because she’s-” Pinkie coughed. Awkwardly. Raritony and RJ shared a look. “Actually, you know what? I’m glad all of you are a-okay! But I may just be the teensiest tiniest bit more glad because Erishy’s okay. Because... reasons. Wanna talk to Dashie?”

Why would she be more glad I was ok? I mean, I understood, I knew on some level why, for the same reason why I wasn’t as excited about my childhood best friend Rainbow Dash being ok as I should have been, but why would someone be as concerned about me as I am about them?

“Oh no, you got this one, Pinkster. Totally,” Dash said. “I can wait.”

Then, as though someone had whispered in their ears, Raritony, RJ, and May all looked at me, as my blush darkened, and then back at the phone.

“Uh, Pinkie? Would you like to talk to Erishy? Alone?” RJ asked with sudden calm.

They all knew, I realized, and even though I was so nervous I was trying to hide behind my hooves, I couldn’t stop grinning. It was Pinkie! I could talk to Pinkie! I just hoped that she knew what to do with these feelings, because I didn’t.

“But- but- but you just put me on speaker phone!” Pinkie said. “I mean, I’m here with Dashie and other ponies, and-”

“And we’re glad to hear that, and we will definitely address it, but it sounds like you and Erishy need to talk,” RJ said. “So we’ll let you do just that.”

She turned the speakerphone off and hoofed the phone to me with a silent smile. I nodded to her as I accepted it, and then turned towards the window, huddled around the phone like a lifeline.

“Hi Pinkie,” I said softly, smiling. “How… How are you?”

“I’m…” Pinkie hesitated over the phone, the switch from an audience on speakerphone to a direct conversation dramatically changing her tone.

“I was going to say fine but that would probably be a lie, except I’m not like, not fine, I’m in that state where I acknowledge my worries are irrational but they’re not going away if that makes any sense, and it’s not like I’m in danger anymore so.... yeah?”

“I think we’re having the same sort of day,” I sighed, leaning my head against the glass of the window and sighing, but my smile didn’t fade. “I… I spent fifteen whole minutes chasing down Rae Jay and the others, freaking out because I thought they were leaving me behind… Like, talk about irrational fears. None of you would ever leave me behind, and… I… I know that.”

“Your head knows, but your heart doubts, huh? Yeah... I can get that. I mean...” Pinkie giggled. “Remember that time you told me you and Rainbow were house-sitting for a bear, and I... kind of lost it?”

“You thought we were gonna have a goldilocks scenario play out, I still remember ‘don’t sleep in the medium bed, Shy! Pick the softest ones, smaller bears are nicer!’” I giggled softly, grinning.

Reminiscing with Pinkie. How badly I'd missed this, how deeply it helped me feel a little bit more normal. My giggle trailer off, and the quiet persisted a beat before she spoke.

“I... hope you’re not having exactly the kind of day I’m having. Cause that would mean you spent a bit being held prisoner by crazy racist terrorists. You... didn’t, did you?”

I felt my grin slowly fade, and I nervously cleared my throat. “Um… Very very similar day,” I admitted with a weak laugh.

“Oh.” Pinkie sighed. “Wow. Yeah, that’s... wow.”

“I… I broke someone’s arm with the element of Kindness, and somehow, somehow I didn’t immediately die from irony,” I muttered, remembering vividly the sharp snap and trying to remember if it had been the man's arm or ribs.

I couldn't remember.

“Cruel to be kind, I guess...” The tone of Pinkie’s voice made it clear that it was meant as a joke, and that Pinkie realized halfway through it wasn’t funny, backpedaling with a stammer. “Sorry. I...”

But I was already chuckling. The bit of dark humor, and the reference to our past talk about Nightmare Whisper, it put into perspective how much worse things could be.

“Cruel enough to break a jerk’s arm. I mean… He was genuinely really a bad person, and I’m starting to believe that enough not to be upset with myself now. I… I’m kinda proud of giving him a butterfly shaped scar on his cheek. I… I made it back to my friends, and I’m proud of that.”

“...I...” Pinkie swallowed. “Shy... I think... we’re both rattled, and it’s probably wrong of me to want you to reassure me right now.”

“Let me,” I whispered, insistent, desperately. “Let… I haven’t done anything kind for days, can… Can I comfort you? Is that somethi--”

“Shy... I... killed somebody.”

The phone line was silent both ways, as I tried to process that simple statement. I’d seen people die. I’d attacked someone, but the first and foremost thought in my mind was that Pinkie must have been taken to her absolute breaking point to kill someone.

“And you’re still able to talk to me, and I’m sure you’ll tell me some day why it happened--”

“It’s not... No, it’s... The thing is, sure, it was the middle of fighting for my life, and sure it’s supposed to hit me later, but... I don’t think it has. I don’t think it will. I killed somebody and...” Pinkie sighed. “It’s not... I feel bad about it, but I don’t feel horrified. If that makes sense. ‘Oh no, I killed somebody, and that’s wrong,’ but not ‘oh god oh god I have blood on my hooves.’ And... I’m not sure--”

And I realized what I was hearing. Erica was a writer and a DM for Dungeons and Dragons, and I was hearing a moral crisis from lack of characterization. Pinkie didn't know the person who died. Not enough to matter. Pinkie couldn't feel the person behind the face, so there was nothing to mourn. But how to convey that to her?

“Was he an NPC?” I asked flatly.

“That...” Pinkie managed a weak chuckle. “Sure. Yeah, let’s go with that. I just... what if that’s how I’m like? What if, I just...”

“What if Fluttershy breaks someone’s arm and scorches a red hot element of kindness into their cheek because they chained her to a spare tire?” I asked, a bit dismissively but I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice.

“...Oh.”

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“No, you’re... it’s okay.” Pinkie was quiet for a moment, before she chuckled grimly. “We’re both traumatized, aren’t we.”

“We’re ponies in a fu… da… a darned shootem up game,” I chuckled. “And… And despite watching people get shot today, I’m more worried about cursing. Isn’t that messed up?”

“I... yes and no? Like, you want to return to normal, which is no cursing... or something.”

“Fuck,” I whispered, before snickering.

“Well I would but you’re not here.” Pinkie inhaled sharply. “I mean--uh--”

I barked out a sharp laugh before covering my mouth and apologizing to the rest of the car, phone down from my ear for a moment before putting it back.

“I think that’s your equivalent of swearing, isn’t it? Dirty brain syndrome?” I asked with a smirk.

“...yeah. Yeah, both of me repressed that part of ourselves...” Pinkie sighed. “Also, should mention, in order to escape, I uh... merged.”

“Yeah?” I asked, suddenly curious. “So uh… What’s it like being… Half Reid half Pinkie?”

“Pinkimena Reid Diane Xansta Priddy Pie. Priddy Pinkie. Some people have many trains of thought, and now I have an entire subway. Eat fresh.”

I giggled before sighing. “So many names, I shortened mine a bit. I couldn’t… Too much me for me I guess. You’re like a balloon, expanding to take on more you all the time! Appropriate I guess.”

“And stretching myself thin in the process.”

My smile faded. “It’s… tough, isn’t it? Just… existing? Balancing it?”

“Well, kinda, sorta--wait am I deflecting because I don’t want to worry you or because I haven’t thought about it?” Pinkie hummed thoughtfully. “Or some other reason... I don’t know. See, this is what I meant, I used to be able to track my trains but with the station the riders can switch tracks and sometimes they do it without paying tickets and the tracks are on the inside of a balloon and I’m mixing my metaphors and I think I’m rambling so I can’t actually stop myself from talking--”

“And rambling is fine,” I interrupted. “It’s ok. I could… Honestly? I could listen to you talk for hours. But I… I want to help, somehow, and the only way I can think of to help is to ask you what would help you. I… I know Erica would press an issue. Ask probing questions, dig in. But… I’m ok with listening, with you telling me what would help.”

For a moment, the phone is silent.

“You know... I don’t know what would help, but I could really go for something to eat. Maybe... we could meet up somewhere. At a restaurant. I know Linda’s probably stressed--”

“We’re on the way to the hospital to… To see Twilight,” I sighed. “We just aren’t catching breaks, are we?”

“Nah. I mean, Linda had to go to the press conference alone... on account of me and Julien being kidnapped.” There was a pause. “Um. And... about Julien, actually, he... he’s... still technically alive, it’s just...”

“Is he hurt?” I asked, unsure why I was so nervous, since Julien couldn't possibly be out of the race.

He had to be ok.

“Badly. Like... he hasn’t woken up for two days.” Pinkie sighed. “They knew he was a soldier in the show, they didn’t want him... yeah. He’s a mess.”

I sat back against the seat and laid my head back on the headrest, taking a deep breath. My best friend. My roommate and the guy that’d been by my side for the whole start of this journey. He was in a coma.

“Thanks for doing what you could with him,” I said quietly. “Like, I’m glad he’s not dead. I hope he’ll wake up soon, I… How’s Applebloom? I mean Ian or… How is everyone?”

“Right, the plane. Um... well, the government people figured out you got kidnapped right before getting on the plane so they put eyes on Ian the moment the plane landed and... I haven’t quite figured out where he is beyond ‘he’s safe and nowhere he can be hurt’ which is kind of annoying. And worrying.”

“Good. Annoying, but good,” I sighed.

“Oh, did you tell Rae Jay her little sister is my younger brother?”

“Not yet,” I smirked. “I think she… here, let me do it properly. ‘May jus’ have a dern apoplectic fit’ over being directly related to ya,” sI giggled.

“Hey now, don’t lay the accent on too thick, what’re you two talkin’ bout?” RJ asked from the other side of the SUV.

“Nothing! Tell you later,” I said through giggles.

“When we meet up,” Pinkie said firmly. “I have to see the great Applejack’s stoicness fall to bits personally.” She paused for a moment. “So... I guess we’ll meet up at the hospital Twilight’s at, right?”

I sighed. “Yeah… That’s where we’ll meet up. I...“ I stopped, not sure how to ask the question in the back of my mind.

“So... it’ll be... good to meet up. Compare notes. Check elements...”

“Did Pinkie love Fluttershy?” I whispered, tears at the edges of my eyes as I finally found the thing I was hung up on. “Memories are fuzzy, I tell myself, friends are friends and Pinkie was always so gentle with me but I don’t know what things actua--”

“Hey! Hey... hey. I...” Pinkie hummed quietly. “I... think back in Equestria, I... there was this image of love I had. In my head. And it was childish. But... looking back... I think I might have started to like you as more than a friend and didn’t... know it. You know? I don’t know. I’m confusing myself. But there was... something.”

“Thank you,” I said softly, head leaning once again on the cool glass. “For… For helping me believe that… That it wasn’t all in my head.”

“To quote a famous wizard: ‘Of course it was all in your head. But why shouldn’t that mean it wasn’t real?’”

I brought the phone away from my ear to stare at it, grinning. I then put it back.

“Hey now, quoting Harry Potter at me is cheating. That’s like, nerd cred level 1, you’re level 90 and we know it,” I said playfully

“I multiclass. Nerd, geek, party animal...”

“Pink bard,” I added. “Had to make your own class because there’s no way you’re not a bard, but also Pink?”

“Bard of the Pink. Yeah... should I mention that I’m kiiiind of only half familiar with D&D?”

“Oh, I will have to help you become acquainted,” I said eagerly. “I’ve been playing D&D for years, and--”

“Am I really hearing Fluttershy brag about her nerd cred to Pinkie Pie?” May Belle asked from next to me, grinning.

“It’s more than just nerd cred, D&D is a passion,” I said, doing my best to sound like Rarity.

Luckily the white unicorn herself seemed to approve, chuckling to herself and giving me an amused smile.

“Something something passion is lust, and I’m ignoring my brain now.”

I could feel my cheeks go hot, and everypony who was looking at me raised their eyebrows, clearly curious.

“Sorry, ahem,” I hid my face behind my mane again, lowering my voice. “Pinkie, you need an outlet, and I have no idea what outlet it is, but either own your dirtiness so it isn’t embarrassing, or find a way to discharge it in… Non… Dangerous directions? Now I sound dirty,” I said as I stuck out my tongue.

“Maybe I like thhhhhesaurusus! Yep, definitely like you’re not buying this are you.” Pinkie groaned. “Yeah, that’s good advice. Sorry.”

“I… I don’t know how to be dirty on purpose,” I admitted after a moment of thought. “So even though I find this whole potential…”

I looked around and whispered even quieter.

“This whole potential romance exciting and confusing and overwhelming, actually doing it on purpose sounds like becoming an alicorn. Over my head, you know?”

There was a moment of quiet.

“The phone didn’t pick up that last bit.”

I whimpered before speaking slightly louder, directly into the phone.

“Romance, I don’t… I don’t know if that’s what this is? Or… or what? But I’m not good at it I don’t think and I don’t know how,” I said before putting it back to my ear.

“I’m not good at it either. I mean I have no idea what to do. Like, seriously, neither Pinkie or Reid dated at all, and... yeah. Maybe... maybe we can be stupid at romance together though?”

“I think that would be nice,” I said, nodding a little, smiling. “Especially if… If our stupid at romance includes D&D and lots of me hiding behind my mane.”

“Hiding behind your mane... would that be a stealth check or a seduction check?”

I giggled, cheeks once again pink. “Why not both? Both is good.”

“Yeah, both is good. And... Rainbow is doing the thing where she’s pretending not to be impatient--”

“I AM NOT!” shouted another voice in the background.

“Well, I’m very glad she’s doing well enough to be impatient,” I giggled. “But thank you Pinkie. This… Thank you.”

“And... thank you for not... just brushing off Pinkie being Pinkie.”

“There’s always a reason that Pinkie is Pinkie,” I said, smiling fondly. “Like… Do you remember when you kept asking me if it was a good day for a picnic? Like… Ten times one day? You just… You hadn’t done a picnic in the forest before. You wanted to know. You just didn’t have the right words for the question.”

“Yeah, I remember that! That was--”

“I’M NOT IMPATIENT!”

“...weeeee should probably switch back to speakerphone.”

I laughed before gesturing to the others that I was turning the phone back on speakerphone, and pressed the button.

“Hellooooo darlings,” Raritony said with a chuckle.

Comfortably, I fall back into the background as my friends reassure each other and plan, finding a certain type of joy in the comfort of each other's voices as I sit in the background, smiling, wondering what it would be like to be loved.

Author's Note

This chapter includes a great deal of input from Masterweaver, and in order to continue the story I will be occasionally consulting with TonydBrony and Freescript the Bard, Rarity and Rainbow Dash respectfully. I'd also like to remind my readers that Freescript began the PEV idea, and I will forever be thankful to him for his pioneering and characterization.

Chapter 70. The real treasure is the friends we found along the way.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 70. The real treasure is the friends we found along the way.

We watched through tinted windows as the traffic jam outside of New York stretched on for miles and miles. Our SUV rolled quickly past it all in the space between the center divider and the left lane, lights blinking to show we were allowed, but I watched all the people sitting in or even getting out of their cars, watching us.

They looked worried. They looked confused. Their world was a finale episode of a dramatic television show, and they knew the stakes were high for them.

We were just a bunch of ponies who never truly lost in our battles with evil or chaos.

But I still held hope that we would triumph, as we always had before.

We passed through a police checkpoint at the border of the city, where they were trying to convince everyone they could, to go somewhere else. Anywhere else than here.

But New York was not the wide open city of fast moving people that I’d heard about. Instead it was a knotted maze with cars that drifted in midair like lazy pegusi, candy-striped buildings, and people who seemed entirely prepared to make themselves as troublesome as possible to eachother.

After a brief stint of yelling at pedestrians that were casually striding across a mid air death trap of a crosswalk, which looked more like a curled ribbon of asphalt than a proper walkway, Stephanie rolled up her window, grip tight on her steering wheel and scowling.

“Great. Discord must’ve gotten to the populace, already,” she groaned as she rubbed her eyes.

“Nah, they’re just being New Yorkers,” RJ said with casual certainly.

Alphonse chuckled as he scrolled through messages on his phone, looking for any new information that would help us get to the hospital despite the bizarre chances to the city.

“So. Element of Honesty, you’re certain that Pinkie and Rainbow will meet us at the hospital?” Stephanie asked, tapping her fingers impatiently on the dash.

“We’re in a crisis,” RJ said with all the confidence in the world. “They’ll be there. Certain.”

She, like the rest of us, was looking out of the window at the strange city passing by.

“And Pinkie,” Alphonse started, as every pony in the car grinned a little, knowing what he was going to ask for the tenth time. “Will get there by hopping on passing cars.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Rainbow’s a very strong flier, but carrying Pinkie that far would really wear her out. It’s better for Pinkie to… hop.”

I couldn’t help but smile, imagining Pinkie bouncing along the tops of cars, skipping by all the people and traffic with boundless energy.

When I looked up, I saw Al staring out the windshield with a sort of… Stricken incredulous discomfort.

It reminded me a whole lot of Twilight, the first time she’d tried to figure out Pinkie.

“The show didn’t exaggerate her… energy,” Raritony piped in. “Pinkie really is that, well, Pinkie.”

“And you guys deal with all that… how?” Alphonse asked.

RJ shrugged. “The same way we roll with anypony else. It’s just who she is.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No, Al. Really,” Stephanie said with a bit of a smirk as she finally got to be the more knowledgeable person on something during the long drive. “Fan of the show, here. Just… any buts, or qualifiers or anything you’re trying to figure out, just don’t. She’s Pinkie. Just accept that she’s like a Looney Tunes character made real, right here on Earth.”

Alphonse grunted, and went back to his phone. I looked forward to him meeting Pinkie, it’d show him the collision between impossible and funny. I hoped he found some joy in it.

But finally, he received a message that guided us out of the endless mess of tangled roads and into a small channel of streets which were passable, until we reached the Hospital.

Bright white and standing out starkly against the grey river and grey sky behind it. But in front of it, as though trying to push it off into the river, were people. A mob, a mess of a mob which contained every stretch of humanity, from the protestors that held simple posters of ponies with crosses through them, to very personal signs of support.

My eyes caught a sign with Twilight’s Cutie mark on it, two words underneath it. “Keep breathing.”

I could feel tears in my eyes. Raritony was speaking, but I couldn’t hear. Finally I wrenched myself away from the flawed split world outside and met RJ’s questioning eyes.

“Can I have a hug?” I asked, my voice thin.

“Sure, sug,” she responded quickly, scooting over to wrap me up in her embrace.

I tucked my head under my mane, and I breathed slow as we wove through the barricades and finally rolled into a dark parking garage. I felt tension leave me and RJ as the shouting faded away.

The SUV finally stopped and doors quickly opened.

“Okay. I’ll go check on things, and make sure you guys can get in without any trouble,” Stephanie said.

RJ nodded in agreement. “Thanks, sugarcube.”

Stephanie headed off as we started climbing out of the car. I was very very focused on not pulling any of the muscles that were aching. But as I finally stood on solid ground, I heard a very distinctive whistle. A pegasus aerobraking hard.

“Hey! You! Guuuuuuuuys!”

I turned, grinning, just in time to see Dash touch down and skid nearly twenty feet on three hooves to end up standing next to us, and flip her mane with a grin.

Her eyes were a little lighter, less confident, and she had a bandaid on one cheek. Yet she looked like the hero I wished I was. She was inspiring, just standing there in her bomber jacket with a slightly fluffy collar.

“Dash!” RJ called out with a smirk. “Nice jacket. You raid the Top Gun set, or something?”

“You wish you were this cool, Rae Jay,” Markus Dash said with another toss of her mane and all the pride in the world, one hoof brushing nonexistent dirt from the front of the jacket.

They paused, reveling in their rivalry and competitive spirit, before finally they hugged eachother, hard. Their friendship was expressed physically, a sense of strength and power in tension.

“Damn good to see ya, Dash,” RJ said, whisper-soft and urgent.

“Likewise, RJ,” she replied, in the same tone.

“Rainbow! I mean, Dash! Sorry,” I said, shocking myself out my grinning stupor to limp closer to them, Raritony following me and clearly trying not to fuss over me too much.
Dash looked at me like I’d just cussed her out.

“Celestia’s Beard, Shy! What happened to you?” she asked, her tone suddenly soft, worried.

I looked away and hunched my shoulders a little.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I demurred. “Just a few-”

“Whoo-hoo!”

In a blur of motion, something pink and quick-moving slammed into RJ, tumbling with her across the concrete until finally she landed on her back, with Pinkie standing on top of her.

“Ta-da!” Pinkie crowed from her pony perch, raising one hoof like an acrobat sticking a landing.

She looked…. Just like Pinkie. Well, Pinkie with khaki cargo shorts, a black T-shirt that said “I’m Not Tech Support” and her element around her neck.

“Pinkie, get off!” RJ grunted, wiggling underneath her.

She hopped down, sheeks a bit pink. “Whoops! Sorry about that, RJ! I was going for a two-point landing, and I got an Apple-point landing instead. Oh, look! Everyone’s here! And Shy Shy!”

Pinkie was suddenly right in front of me. Nose inches from mine as she took my hoof in hers.

“It’s good to see you again,” I whispered, looking down at her hooves.

She smiled too, but the smile faded after a moment, that worry showing through.

“You got hurt really bad, didn’t you?” she asked softly, touching my cheek.

“I’ll heal,” I replied quickly, meeting her gaze.

There, in her eyes, I saw a struggle. One she voiced as she frowned.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt,” she said. “But I like seeing you. This is a very confusing feeling. Do you have an energy drink?”

I blinked a few times, the sudden change of topic confusing me.

“Um… no?”

“Drat,” she sighed as though slightly inconvenienced. “I’m gonna take a quick nap then. Say, did you know-”

Then she keeled over onto the ground with a soft whump.

“Is… she dead?” May asked.

I stepped back, wide eyed, as everyone rushed to check on her. It was a little reassuring, really. I wasn’t the center of focus, and I sat there watching everyone meet eachother, Stephanie meeting Dash, and everyone talking for a bit. But I was deep in thought.

Pinkie and Reid were acting as one, but something was hurting them. The moment they got confused, emotional, they passed out. But maybe… Maybe she was just tired, right? It could just be from hopping all the way here.

Or maybe it was because of me… Because she was close to me, something had short circuited in her brain, and she’d passed out.

Maybe, just maybe…. I was looking for any excuse to feel bad.

I sighed, and steadied my breathing as RJ hoisted Pinkie onto her back. She twitched a little and mumbled something, prompting me to come closer, standing just next to RJ so I could be close to Pinkie, brushing her mane out of her eyes.

She was smiling in her sleep, calm.

“Sam’s gotta stay outside,” Stephanie said.

“She can keep me company,” Alphonse offered as he scratched her behind the ear. “Dogs are good.”

Sam seemed quite happy, tail wagging as she looked to RJ.

“You be a good girl for the nice man,” RJ told her.

“Yes!” Sam barked eagerly, with all the energy a doggie could have in it’s body.

I couldn’t help but smile, as RJ looked for me, for a translation. It was kind of funny, how everypony wanted a translation, some straightforward English series of words for the feelings in an animal’s soul and voice.

Like, I could easily say that Sam had said ‘Fuck Yes, please, he’s petting me right now, and it’s so great, and I’m happy, and I wanna stay, and I’m so happy to have a family’ but would that be accurate? No. It’d be hilarious though.

“She will,” I said, still smiling. “She promises.”

“That’s my girl,” RJ sighed, rubbing her side before turning and stepping closer to the hospital door, shifting Pinkie to make sure she was steady. “Okay, y’all. Let’s do this.”

We entered an elevator, and then a clean white hallway.

Hospitals were familiar to me, not comfortable, but… A place of healing. A place of care.

But I didn’t know what I was going to find in this hospital. Before, I was getting help for somepony, or for an animal, or I knew I would feel better soon. But now…

The quiet and the stern expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, which briefly turned to wonder or hope when they saw us, made me realize that they were relying on us. If we didn’t help Twilight, if we couldn’t save the world, noone could. Back in Equestria, if we failed there was always the hope that if we failed, the princesses or someone else could still help.

Maybe we’d been the last hope this whole time.

All of my theories about how humanity was driven, or how we developed were ultimately unimportant. They were just theories, and results were what mattered.

I leaned a little against RJ, but she carried Pinkie and my slight weight without complaint. She seemed like she would carry us all to the hospital room, if she had to.

There was some groaning from a nearby room, someone in pain. We were in the parts of the hospital where they kept patients in need of intensive care. Twilight was deep in the scariest parts of this place.

Her door had two police officers stationed outside, who checked Stephanie’s credentials, before stepping aside.

“I’ll stay out here,” Stephanie said, voice soft. “I figure you guys…”

It was our time, just for us as a team, as friends. She knew we needed some time, and I deeply appreciated that, the care she showed even as an agent with a mission.

The door was pushed open by one of the officers, and we all walked inside, to see Twilight.

She looked like she was dying, was my first thought. Tubes and wires everywhere, IV lines snaking from her forelegs and neck, and she did not move even a little bit.

“O… Oh my…” I whispered, trying to hold back tears as I looked over the scene.

We were all frozen. How could we not be? Here was our leader, our friend who had gotten us through impossible odds time and time again, and she was just… a broken unicorn laid out on a hospital bed.

I twitched, and forced that movement to become a step, and then another, inching closer and then to the chair next to the bed. It was easy enough to climb up onto it, so I could be closer to her.

Everypony else started moving too, settling in close to Twilight, Rainbow hovering nearby, Raritony and May getting the other chair so they could sit opposite me, while RJ settled Pinkie down on the bench by the window.

After a bit, I spotted Twilight’s hoof, mostly unburdened by medical equipment, and took it up in mine, lifting it to rest against my cheek.

“Oh Twilight…” I sighed, wishing I could tell her to stay strong, and for it to actually matter.

RJ finally climbed up next to me, and I glanced over to the bench where Pinkie lay, smiling a little in her sleep.

But I was thinking about how Twilight had been alone. Utterly alone, her friends so far away and unable to help her. Did she wonder why we weren’t there? Did she call out to us in her last moments, only for noone to answer? I was crying, but silently, tears wetting my chin.

“She looks so fragile,” May whispered.

“I’m sorry,” I said, to Twilight as directly as I could manage. I was louder than I meant to be, but if there was any time for Fluttershy to speak up, it was now. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

RJ’s arm around me helped, as she held me to her side.

“Nothing you could do, sugar,” she said. “We were scattered like seeds in a field.” Her voice was rough, and I wondered if I would see the farmpony cry for the second time since I’d known her.

“Well, we should have done something,” Raritony said, her eyes glassy. “This is no way for Twilight to be. So pale. So… weak.”

We all nodded, we all whispered sad words, but then it was quiet and still again, until May sniffled and spoke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do my horn exercises,” she blurted out. “I’ll start them again really soon, I promise.”

Raritony hugged her sister, stroking her mane. “It’s okay, dear. I think Twilight will forgive you.”

“I’m sorry I was too busy, last Thursday, for tea,” I added, squeezing Twilight’s hoof tight.

RJ turned to hug me more fully.

“Sorry I crashed into the meteorology section,” Dash said, sniffling. “It won’t happen again. I promise. But…” She wiped fiercely at her eyes. “You gotta wake up. Or I won’t make any promises for biographies.”

But of course, Twilight didn’t move or speak, she was just still.

“We miss you,” Raritony said, her voice whisper-soft. “Please come back to us.”

Those words seemed to actually stir something in us though, a soothing warmth working its way through my chest, my element glowing a little as was everyone else’s.

I couldn’t help but smile along with everypony else as our elements lit up in unison, Pinkie giggling in her sleep as her pink light joined ours.

“We’re all still connected,” RJ said with the confidence I wish I had. “She’ll find her way.”

“She better,” Pinkie yawned and sat up, stretching herself and cracking her neck. “I still owe her a party. Hey everypony, what’s--” she paused, locking eyes on Twilight. “Oh. Oh yeah.”

She slid down to the floor and trotted over, before rearing up to stand braced against the foot of the bed, frowning.

“Yeah. That’s… pretty bad. Wow. Oof. Right in the feels.”

I shifted, trying to see how I could get down. Pinkie didn’t have a pony to hug her, and that seemed wrong at the moment. But RJ hopped down instead, stopping me.

“Hey, Pinkie. Trade?” she said.

She blinked at me, before smiling a little and slipping up onto the chair next to me, so I could put an arm around her and a wing too for good measure. I met RJ’s eyes and smiled, wishing I could thank her without feeling like it’d be awkward.

But Pinkie’s smile faded as she looked at Twilight closer up.

“She has too many tubes going into her,” she said nervously. “Like, how did they fit them all?”

“Carefully,” RJ said in monotone.

I tried not to giggle.

“Well, duh, but…” Pinkie sighed, shaking her head. “Nope. I got nothin’. Hey Shy Shy.” She nuzzled me. “We having a rave?”

She nuzzled me. Had Pinkie ever nuzzled me before? I couldn’t remember. It’s one of those pony actions like a hug, that ponies do a lot without thinking about it. But was it different now? Was it the same but just I was overthinking it? What if I was overthinking everything that everypony did, was I going to be some kind of Super-Fluttershy, even more reclusive and confused than before?

I managed to mumble a “huh?” through my confusion.

She tapped her element, still glowing pink. “We’re all glowy. Why isn’t Twilight glowy?”

Raritony was the first one to spot the tiara sitting on a nearby table.

“Well. It couldn’t make things any fucking worse,” she said with a shrug.

Her horn lit up and the tiara was surrounded in magic.

“New color of magic, huh, Rares?” Dash said with a smile, as Raritony floated the tiara over to Twilight. “I dig it.”

Raritony smiled at Dash as she settled the tiara on Twilight’s head. When it didn’t light up like ours, I flinched. Everypony else kept on a brave face though.

“Well… she looks better than she did before,” May ventured, after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” I agreed softly.

Pinkie sighed, frowning. “This really stinks,” she said, her eyes narrowed. “This wouldn’t have happened if we’d woken up in the show.”

RJ snorted, her smile not quite as genuine as it could have been. “Yeah?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “How ya figure that?”

“Weeeeee-EEE-eeell,” Pinkie said. “Our humans would’ve merged with us and we’d have been like, ‘Whoa, new friend in the head!’ rather than blaaaagh pony arms how do? Then, we’d have a morning of shenanigans while we talked about iPods, and cars, and Belgium! Then, Twilight would’ve explained what’s going on, and we’d figure out a way to get the people out of our heads who didn’t want to be ponies, and those who wanted to could stay.”

“And we’d learn a lesson, and there’d be friends,” I said, smiling through my tears at Twilight.

“Instead, there’s just…” Pinkie gestured at Twilight, still beeping, and breathing thanks only to mechanical assistance.

“Real life sucks,” Dash said, flatly.

We all nodded.

“Well then,” RJ said, smirking defiantly. “I guess we’ll… just have to bring a little more of Equestria here.”

She tilted her head back, flashing a great ‘everything’ll be alright’ grin. “We got the necklaces. Maybe we can try showing ‘real life’ a little pony magic.”

I smiled, looking back to Twilight and remembering the first time I’d watched her on the TV. That magic that felt more powerful and real than anything else I’d felt in my life as Erica.

“I used to wonder what friendship could be…” I began, singing a little off key but thank goodness I had a better voice as Fluttershy than I had as Erica.

Pinkie took my hoof and continued the song, her voice absolutely impeccable.

“Till you all shared it’s magic with me!”

Dash and RJ linked hooves, forming more of a circle around Twilight’s bed.

“Big adventure,” Dash said, chuckling.

“Tons of fun!” Pinkie added eagerly.

Raritony smiled brightly, hooking a hoof in Dash’s. “A beautiful heart.”

Everyone looked at RJ together. “Faithful and strong,” she added in a gentle sing-song.

“Sharing kindness,” I sang, remembering Angel bunny in the intro to the song, absolutely demolishing a carrot.

“It’s an easy feat!” May crowed.

She wrapped a hoof around Raritony’s, then touched her hoof to Twilight’s. The whole room lit up in purple, so blinding that I closed my eyes and turned away, but I didn’t break my grip on Twilight or on Pinkie until finally it faded.

Dash was pointing at Twilight and I was stunned to finally see Twilight’s element lighting up, just as bright as ours, though it was emitting a low hum that reminded me of, of all things, a microwave.

Then there was a horrible wheezing gagging sound. We all paused, taken aback, until Twilight opened her eyes and made it again.

“She’s awake!” I said, shocked, as Twilight looked around at us all, and then gagged a third time.

“She’s intubated!” RJ shouted, and I nearly smacked myself with my hoof at how obvious that was.

“On it!” Raritony said, magic enveloping the tube in Twilight’s mouth.

“Wait- Rares! We should call the-- or we can just let you do it,” RJ said, sounding a little defeated as she watched the tube pull free.

Twilight tilted forward, half sitting up and retched, a bit of spit landing on her chest but otherwise she seemed of as she shuddered and laid back down, breathing on her own. Alive.

“Twilight?” Pinkie said, leaning close.

Twilight wheezed in, then out. She smiled. When she spoke, her voice was hoarse and rough, but clear.

“And magic... makes it... all complete,” she said.

We were all grinning, tears in all of our eyes and I was hugging Pinkie so tight.

Rainbow wiped her eyes and looked down at RJ.

“I can’t believe that worked!” she said. “That was the corniest thing I’ve ever done in my life!”

We all giggled for a bit before finally we quieted as Twilight looked around at us all.

“Hey guys,” she said, sounding exhausted. “Am I... in a hospital?”

“Yeah,” RJ said, taking her hoof. “You got hurt. Bad.”

“Hurt? She got shot in the head!” Dash said.

I flinched, and frowned at Dash.

“Mar-kus Dash,” I hissed.

Twilight’s eyes widened. A hoof drifted to her head and she gingerly touched it, wincing. “Wow,” she said. “I’m not… And I’m alive?”

“Yes. Yes you are, darling,” Raritony said, rubbing her shoulder.

Twilight nodded. “Well… guess that explains the headache, huh?”

We chuckled slightly. Twilight smiled a little more. “No, seriously, can somepony get me some aspirin? I have the worst headache,” she said.

We all laughed at once. Like something out of a cartoon.

“Okay, not joking guys,” Twilight said. “I really need ibuprofen or something.”

Pinkie ran off to get a doctor.

Author's Note

Well, one year between the last chapter and this one, almost to the day! That's not good, hehe.
Nonetheless, I still want to finish the story, and will keep chugging away. I strongly recommend anyone interested in the universe to read Nanashi Jones's "When the Mare Comes Around" and "Newborn Mare" for the only complete story in the setting, and the one which I am using as a template to finish mine.

Chapter 71. Wherefore Art Thou, Discord?
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 71. Wherefore Art Thou, Discord?

I sat in the corner of the room as the hum of activity descended on Twilight, doctors swarming through the room allied with veterinarians and nurses.

I’d deflected a bullet with the Element of Kindness. The Element of Magic had brought Twilight… Whoever she was now, back from the brink of death. What else were they capable of in a world full of fear and strangeness?

Pondering it, I touched my chest with a hoof, feeling the raw spot where the element of Kindness has scorched me, in the middle of one of my darkest moments. It was comforting that the Elements had limits, lines they would not cross, where they would push back against us.

Maybe then, if I was really really a bad pony, then the Element of Kindness would show me, stop me. It was probably not okay that I liked the idea of a magical device able to see into my heart and evaluate my worthiness, but it was a sort of comfort to me.

A pulse of blue magic flowed through the room, grabbing my attention as Rarity shoved the doctors out of the room.

“We’ll call you if she feels worse, thank you!” she shouted angrily before slamming the door and turning back to the rest of us, her smile stiff. “I fucking hate doctors sometimes,” she growled.

“Thanks, Rarity,” Twilight sighed, relaxing a bit more in her bed. “Normally, I’m all for the pursuit of knowledge, but it was just so… repetitive!” She laughed, and looked all of us over. “How’s Earth been treating everypony?”

Everyone rushed in to hug her as I got down from my chair and trotted closer, smiling.

Pinkie, or Reid, I’d noticed was zoning out almost as much as I was, as we’d drift into our thoughts and lose focus. But both of us got up for Twilight, as the bed became a pony pile pretty quickly.

Twilight grunted out another laugh. “That good, huh?” she gasped. “Easy. Easy- ow!”

I hovered next to the bed while everypony else pulled back to give Twilight room.

“Sorry, Twi,” RJ said. “It’s just- well, it’s so good seeing you awake.”

“It’s good seeing you girls, too,” she said. She looked at each of our faces, then her brows knit in worry. “Still no Spike?”

We shared a look among the group, none of us had been actively hunting for him, but we probably would have heard about him if he’d been found.

“Sorry,” I said gently, landing on the bedside chair. “None of us came across him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Raritony said, patting Twilight’s hoof. “He’s a tough little dragon. I’m sure he hasn’t run up against anything he can’t handle.”

“I still worry,” Twilight said, ears drooping.

“I know how you feel, Twi,” RJ said, taking her other hoof. “I only just heard from Apple Bloom. But she was safer than Big Mac’s doll collection. I’m sure Spike is doing just fine.”

Twilight nodded. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” she said. “Look at me, worrying about who isn’t here when I have all of you!” She reached forward, giving Raritony and RJ little side hugs. “I missed you girls!”

“We missed you too, Twilight!” Pinkie said. “Well, we missed talking to you. Because we were totally here with you, before, but you were all… bleeeh, beep, beep, but now you’re all awake! Which is sooooo much better for talking.”

Twilight chuckled. “Yeah Pinkie. Kind of hard to talk in a coma.”

“I know, right? You were worse than Dashie in the middle of a nap.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” Dash replied, with mock affront.

We all gave her a look.

“Okay, maybe I am, but it’s not a coma,” Dash said, gesturing to Twilight.

“Yeah- you girls managed to wake me up from my coma. We’ve yet to find the thing that’ll wake you from a nap,” Twilight joked.

That earned a ripple of laughter through our little group.

“Oh... how sweet,” commented a cruel masculine voice from behind me.

None of us were laughing anymore, as we turned to see the TV bolted to the ceiling, which turned on it’s own to face us, revealing the monster himself.

“Discord!” I gasped, already as far away from him as I could be, practically cornered against the bedside stand and the bed itself.

“Hello, my little ponies,” he said, all teeth. “Enjoying Earth so far?”

We’d lost, I was pretty sure. Discord was too strong. He’d been too strong all along, although we did have the elements again…

With my new perspective, I knew what had happened last time Fluttershy and Discord had come face to face. I’d tried so hard to show him the truth of who I was, to show him that I cared, that my weaknesses weren’t painful to me, they were just another facet of who I am, and then he’d reached out and he’d been in my head.

Discord had walked the halls of my mind, and laughed at what he saw. He’d torn Fluttershy apart by just asking her a simple question.

Why did she bother trying so hard, when noone else did?

Then he made her feel it. Every time she’d seen cruelty, every time she’d been hurt, every time her brother ignored her and trampled on her needs and feelings, every time a friend didn’t notice her pain.

Now, I wondered what question would tear me apart? What horrors would make me the weak point that lost Earth to him?

“Discord,” Twilight growled.

“In the flesh! Well, in the electrons for now, but this is still so much better than digital animation, don’t you think?” He popped his head off, rolling it down one arm and lifting it in his claw. The skin and fur melted away from his face, leaving a goat-like skull in its wake. “So realistic. It’s like it’s in three dee!”

Then he shoved the skull through the screen. It swept around the room, looking at all of us.
“I can start throwing lettuce next. I want you to have the full experience, after all,” he crooned, then snaked his skull back into the TV.

“What do you want, you fucking varmit!” RJ snapped, standing proud and firm against his threatening imposition.

“Tut! Temper temper, Rachel,” he said, while resettling his head in place. “There are fillies present.”

Then Sweetie Belle shouted a string of curse words at Discord that genuinely made me wonder if us humans had absolutely ruined ponykind.

It seemed Discord agreed as he raised an eyebrow.

“And the fillies are rather knowledgeable,” he declared before snapping his fingers, creating a padlock over May’s mouth.

Of course, she immediately began pawing at it, trying to get it off her face in a panic while Rarity gasped, picking her up and holding her close.

“May!” she gasped.

“Undo it, Discord,” Twilight said, her tone hard. “Your fight is with us.”

“Ah, David. Always so tough,” Discord said, smirking at her. “But you do cut straight to the heart of the matter.” He jammed a spear through his chest, then snapped his fingers.

The padlock disappeared and May gasped, working her jaw up and down.

“You know, this world is quite fascinating. Quite fascinating, indeed. I’d have thought the second you annoying little ponies took over your humans, that’d be all she wrote. Nothing but sugary, friendship-minded Equestrians as far as the eye could see.” He batted long eyelashes at us.

“Yet… I can see the human all over you. And it’s just so… interesting,” Discord said, leaning down, pressing his face against the screen. “Especially Reid,” he added, grinning at Pinkie. “Are all the naps helping, Reid-i-kins? I bet subconscious life is treating you sooo well.”

Pinkie blew a raspberry at him, and I wondered if us humans were band-aids, just keeping the ponies together so they could do the real work, how much was I hurting… myself?

“What do you want, Discord?” RJ snapped, stepping forward to defend us all.

“What does any pure manifestation of chaos want when they’re plunged into another dimension?” He twirled around, donning an ermine cape and crown. “I want to rule. You can keep Equestria and your silly ponies- America. Now here’s a country ripe for planting chaos.” He tossed the cape and crown away, sliding on a copy of AJ’s hat. “And I’m jus’ the chaos-poke to farm it!” He spat, then slid a wheat stalk between his snaggley teeth. “Once I get all these hyoo-mans on board, a ‘course.”

“So go on and do it,” AJ challenged. “What’s stoppin’ ya?”

He sighed, and the hat and stalk caught fire and burned away.

“What else? You,” he said, glaring down. “I mean, let’s be honest, Honest Rachel, the score is Elements of Harmony 2…” He scribbled it on a chalkboard behind him.

He poofed out of sight, and reappeared as a circular number on his score board. “Me? A big. Fat. ZERO!” he screeched.

“And is that fair? Is that just, I ask you?” he moaned, turning back to a draconequus and throwing the chalkboard offscreen. “Is that any way to treat someone such as I?” He flung an arm over his face, a violin playing in the distance. He looked upon us forlornly. “Nay,” he whispered, sniffling as a tear trickled down in a dramatic, black and white closeup.

The violin screeched to a stop, and he plopped into an armchair. “So, per the usual, we will play a game.”

“The usual?” Pinkie said. “How is that chaos-y?”

“Because, sweet Reid,” Discord said, grinning. “No one sees chaos coming the same way twice. And it’s a different game, so nyah.” He stuck out his tongue.

“What... game?” Twilight asked, eyes narrowing.

“Can it be Jenga? I’m really good at Jenga!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down.

“As much fun as tottering buildings with you would be, Reid, I have something else in mind,” Discord said, pulling out a sand timer. “Something that will be fun for everyone.”

“Discord, we ain’t here for any of your games,” RJ growled, stepping forward. “Whatever you’re thinking of- don’t.”

“Or you’ll what? Get yourself kidnapped again, Rachel?” Discord sneered. “Really, you’re so useless here. All of you are. And I’m going to prove it.”

He flipped the sand timer.

“You have sixty minutes, one hour, to find where I am. To make it easy, I assure you, I’m somewhere in New York.” He waved, negligently, at a map of New York City. Tiny, waving Discords, in Where’s Waldo get-ups, appeared across the city.

“What- what happens if we don’t find you?” I asked, swallowing my fear as I realized that Discord always operated like this, the games, the more we played his games the more power he had.

“Fail to locate me and…” He snapped his fingers, and the map poofed into a picture of a red apple. “I turn New York City into the biggest apple of all.”

He cackled as he gestured at the apple, clearly enjoying himself quite a bit as the apple spun, shiny and juicy looking.

“Hm. And I think, yes, I think all its residents can be the worms.” Several of the tiny Discord Waldo’s popped out of the apple, spinning worms like party favors. There was confetti.

“And if we find you, then what?” Twilight asked.

“Then I don’t turn New York into an apple with all its residents as worms,” he said, snapping his claw and vanishing his visual aid. “I thought that was obvious.” He snorted. “Really, there’s just no talking to some ponies.” He slid on a pair of sunglasses and an “I <3 NY” cap, and said, “You lot have have fun! I’m off to see the sights! Ta ta!”

The screen faded to one of those old black and white disrupted broadcast cards, with Discord in a feathered headdress in the center. With a groan, the TV broke free of the ceiling mount, then scuttled out the window, on legs of wire.

We all stood in silence.

“We are so fucked,” May whispered.

Author's Note

This will be the last chapter which I use Nanashi's Newborn Mare as a template, as I'm about to go off the rails by a pretty wide margin. Her story will still form the framework to the ending of this journey we've traveled, I realized that I had to make it new and strange to recapture my writing spark. So here we go everypony. Strap in. 8 chapters max till the end, and I intend to finish them all this year.

Chapter 72. It's almost over, it's just begun.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 72. It's almost over, it's just begun.

As the door to the hospital room burst open and government agents swept in with weapons drawn, we all froze, me and Pinkie putting our hooves in the air with my heart frozen in my chest.

This feeling was hounding me, coming back second to second, crushing me when I wasn’t expecting it, attacking me every other moment.

“We heard something,” Stephanie said, scanning the room. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah. We’re fine Steph,” AJ said, slowly. “Ya’ll mind not waving those around?”

I could hear the bite of restrained anger in her voice, and I realized I wanted that too, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to be furious. I wanted to let myself break for a moment as I’d been keeping myself together for too long. Crying in my friend’s arms wasn’t enough to cope anymore.

As they lowered their guns, I set my hooves back on the tile, and looked to Pinkie, who was still holding hers up.

“I… think you can put your hooves down, now, Pinkie,” I whispered, the tightness in my throat telling me that I was close to crying.

It was a clinical, numb observation. I was going to cry soon.

“Sorry,” Stephanie said, voice ashamed and stepping back but I couldn’t see her face, fixed on her shoes. “It’s clear. You can resume your post.”

But as the agents turned to left, I followed them.

“Shy?” RJ asked, alarmed as she tried to follow.

“I need a moment. I just… I need a moment a… alone,” I said through the cracking of my voice.

Somehow, they didn’t stop me. Somehow I wasn’t dragged back and chained to the bed so I would do my job as an element of Harmony.

I heard Stephanie, the agent, apologizing as AJ said something about a plan. Pinkie’s voice whimpered in the background, asking if it was something she did.

But I was in the white hallways by then, far enough away that I could see only doctors and nurses. No bright pony colors, nothing familiar.

I opened my wings, and a nurse cursed softly as I took off and flew out of the doors into the parking garage, barely enough room to manage the turn before flying out and into the open air.

“Why?!” I screamed as I climbed, punching the air and feeling childish even as tears blurred my vision.

“Why can’t it just stop?! Why do I have to be important!”

“Woah.”

I dodged and flapped my wings frantically to hover as I wiped tears out of my eyes to see who I’d nearly run into.

It was a pegasus in a suit, carrying a rifle and looking very worried.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” I whimpered.

“Let’s land on the roof, it’s alright.”

As he guided me to the roof of the hospital, which looked like a military encampment from how many people and tents were set up, he touched the earpiece in his right ear with a hoof.

“Halo four leaving position for asset escort.”

He winced at whatever he got in response, as I touched down and hung my head.

“Goldenrod secured.”

I closed my eyes tight, and as tears dripped down my cheeks I shook my head.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, more angrily. “I just… I thought I could be alone for a few minutes, I…”

“You can be,” he said firmly.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, as he moved his rifle onto his back in between his wings and turned away.

“I don’t… But you stopped me,” I whimpered.

“Only because I thought you were in danger,” he said as he looked over his shoulder. “I’ll leave you here, go back to my post, and you can have some time to yourself. That’s fine.”

I nodded, and he took flight.

After a moment, cheeks covered in tears and hooves shaking, I kicked the rough surface of the roof, in a weak gesture of anger, before sitting down.

The anger was gone, and all I had now was pain. Was I ready to Be Fluttershy? To be the Element of Kindness? I didn’t feel like it. I’d never felt like it. When we defeated Nightmare Moon, maybe. But I’d had so much time to build doubt in my mind since then. Now…

Now I kept having guns put in my face. I kept getting into situations where I was helpless.

What would I have done before I was merged?

Cry in Pinkie’s arms. Not exactly better than running out of the room. Was it better? Was I getting worse? No, the problem was feeling helpless. How were the rest of my friends dealing with all of this, I wondered, when they were all going through the same thing? They’d been hurt by Discord too.

I looked up at the pegasus who was hovering over the edge of the roof, doing his best to not make it obvious he was keeping an eye on me, but if there was one thing I was good at, it was knowing when I was being watched.

I waved a wing at him, and he broke formation again, saying something into his mic before landing in front of me.

“Yes, miss Erishy?” he asked softly.

“My codename, you… You called me… Goldenrod,” I said, just as quiet.

He nodded. “Do you like it?” he asked, with a slight smile.

I chuckled wetly and sniffled.

“Um… What… What should Goldenrod do?” I asked him, my voice wavering. “What’s her… What should the asset Goldenrod do? To make everything okay?”

He took in my tone and appearance, and he set his rifle aside behind an AC unit on the roof before stepping a bit closer to me.

“The asset with the codename Goldenrod is well known to need the presence of her friends, and a feeling of safety, in order to enact the purpose of the artifact she possesses,” he said simply.

It was probably right out of a situation report, if I had to guess. The magic of friendship, put into military strategy.

I looked up into his eyes but I didn’t see a military evaluation of me. He was worried about me. I would be worried about me too.

“I’ve been shot at… more than a dozen times in the last few days,” I whispered as more tears gathered at the corner of my eyes.

“Can I have permission to hug you?” he asked softly.

I nodded, and he pulled me close, holding me firmly. He wasn’t a friend, he wasn’t family, I had no feelings for him beyond appreciation. But he wanted me to be okay. He was being kind, and I refused to treat that as anything less than genuine.

I cried yet again. It’s all I could do, was cry. I didn’t have the energy or anger to struggle or rail against the injustice of it all, my bruises and healing minor wounds left me weak, and I knew it. But the random agent I only knew as Halo Four didn’t worry over it.

Eventually, I pulled away slightly, and he let go.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.

“Well, Discord’s not likely to shoot you, so at least you won’t have to worry about that threat,” he said casually, fetching his rifle again.

“He’s putting on a game,” I told him. “Where we have to find him, or he’ll turn New York into a giant apple.”

He laughed, before he saw how serious I was, and his laugh petered out.

“Well,” he said, thinking about it. “That sounds bad. So you’ll have to go find him.”

“Except Twilight’s still too weak to stand, and Pinkie keeps falling asleep and I’m broken,” I whimpered.

He put a hoof on my shoulder, and waited for me to look up at him before he spoke.

“Being there for your friends doesn’t mean physically being there,” he told me. “If you have to be there over a radio, if you need to support them in your own way, that’s fine. But we’ll be here to support you all. If we need to get you to them quickly to use the elements, we have a helicopter nearby, we have several pegusi and griffon agents like myself. We will help you.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t looking at him anymore, I had a thought.

Maybe merged, I could be even more helpful than I had been in the past?

“Um… could… Can I get an escort to a Best Buy?” I asked with a sudden hopeful smile.

He seemed a little taken aback, but nodded as he started planning over the radio, as a plan was coming together in my mind.

I was a techie. I knew how to make things work. Maybe that would help.

As I trotted back into Twilight’s hospital room, after washing my face, the first thing I heard was May’s voice.

“Thirty-eight minutes.”

“Erishy!” RJ said as she spotted me, grinning.

Twilight looked very relieved to see me as I walked in, as well, but she was in the middle of talking to everyone else.

“Using Earth’s magic is a good idea, and we’re definitely hanging on to it,” Twilight said, quickly. “But, we also need physical protection.”

“Shy Shy! You… Woah,” Pinkie paused as I opened the bag I’d had on my bag and dumped out a bunch of boxes and tactical harnesses that the agents had already adapted for ponies days ago. “Shy Shy went shopping!”

I blushed a bit as I opened a box and took out a small smartphone, activated it, and opened the video chat program I’d loaded onto them all during the flight back. I then strapped it into the harness so the camera would face forward from the shoulder, and then I held it out to Rainbow Dash.

“Oh sweet, bodycams?” Rainbow asked, slipping it on.

“Good thinking, Erishy,” Twilight chimed in, smiling thankfully. “That’ll help the agents keep an eye on us from afar.”

“It’ll help you, me, and Pinkie be there, when we can’t be,” I said softly but firmly as I made a second harness and it became clear I only had three sets and a laptop.

RJ nodded, setting her jaw as Dash scoffed.

“We work as a team!” Dash objected.

“No. You and Rares are with me, everypony else needs to stay here,” RJ said firmly.

“What?” Twilight squawked. “After what I just told Dash about sticking together?!”

“That’s fine for planning, Twi,” RJ said. “But in the actual fight? Twilight- look at yourself.”

Twilight didn’t, instead pointing at RJ’s ear. “Look at me! Look at you! You got shot, too!”

“A graze. Already scabbed over. But, how many painkillers are you on, Twilight?”

Twilight’s eyes darted briefly to the IV drip keeping the worst of her aches away. “So we’ll tape it to me,” she said. “We’re not breaking up the team.”

“And what about Erishy. And Pinkie?” RJ said.

I kept working on the third vest, and setting the laptop up, setting it to that only Rainbow’s speaker would be active for us to talk out of, but we would get audio from all of them. But I knew that Twilight was looking at me, and Pinkie as she tried to stifle a comical yawn.

I knew how I looked, too. I was beat up, I was bandaged and aching everywhere. I felt my cheeks hot from the embarrassment of knowing I was weak.

“Erishy’s almost as banged up as you, Twi,” RJ said, putting my shame to words. “And I was all set to bring Pinkie with us, but I don’t know when she’s about to take another power nap. I know you wanna help, and I know we need to stick together, but that ain’t the smart move here.”

RJ sighed, and pinched her eyes shut while we were all quiet.

“The smart move is y’all staying put, Twi,” RJ said, her voice rough. “You, Erishy, Pinkie- you’d just get in the way. Ya gotta get better, sugarcube. And ya gotta let Rares, Dash, ‘n’ me-”

“And me. I’ll go with you,” Stephanie said.

“Okay,” Twilight whispered. “Okay, I can… I can see reason. But… we need more than what we have here. We need physical protection, and anything we can do to protect your mental state from Discord’s tricks.

“Ooo! OOO!” Pinkie squealed, waving a forehoof excitedly. “I know! I know! We should- Oop! Naptime again!”

Then, she flopped over, and instantly started snoring.

“Didn’t she just take a nap?” RJ said.

I took the third vest and approached Raritony as Twilight and RJ talked over spells.

“Sorry it’s not very stylish,” I said apologetically, smiling a little.

“Darling, fashion has a time and place, and for this little mission? Well, you’re the finest of fashionistas this time around,” she said gently, putting the vest on before hugging me with one arm.

“Thanks,” I sighed as I went back to the laptop, muted and deafened it, and connected to the video call.

Three images came up immediately, from three different locations in the room, giving me an easy view of the whole room, and I finally relaxed a little, smiling.

“How about enchanting a riot shield from one of the officers outside?” Raritony offered. “Play on the sympathetic magic angle?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “That’s… a really good idea, Raritony!” she said.

She chuckled wetly, wiping tears from her eyes. She was still struggling with having to stay behind, choking back her arguments over it, but she had something new to focus on.

“Too bad we don’t have the shield of Barricade Safety,” she continued softly.

“Barricade who?” Raritony asked.

“Earth pony soldier, from way back,” RJ explained. “Bigger’n Big Mac, and twice as sturdy. Never used a spear or sword, just his shield.”

“Oh right! Quite the dashing figure, as I recall,” Raritony said.

“He was,” Twilight said. “And his shield was famous for protecting all the citizens of old Equestria. Legend says, it once helped him save an entire village from a flight of dragons, breathing their hottest flame.”

Dash whistled. “Nice,” she said.

“Yeah,” Twilight agreed. “If we had Barricade’s shield, I’d only have to do a fortification spell with a sympathetic magic booster. The legend surrounding it would do the rest of the work.” She sighed. “But we’re a long way from Equestria’s National Museum.”

Stephanie came back in. “I think we got him. There’s a skyscraper ten minutes from here that has more chaos manifestations than any other site in the city. You guys ready to check it out?”

“We can’t all go,” Twilight said, her voice low. She had her hooves balled up in the sheets, her eyes glassy. “Fluttershy, Pinkie, and I will be staying. But in addition to Erishy’s body cameras, we need a more robust way to communicate.”

“We can set you up with a rescue radio,” Stephanie said. “I’ll make sure we have a private channel.”

Twilight nodded. “Can you also get… four riot shields? I need to do a quick spell.”

Stephanie cocked her head. “What for?”

“To protect you guys from Discord’s magic,” she said, rubbing at her face. “Though, again. I wish we had Barricade Safety’s shield.”

“Barricade Safety?” Stephanie said.

“Think Captain America, but in the medieval ages, for ponies,” RJ said as I scurried out of the room, fetching a flat screen TV that I scooted inside and started setting up so that Twilight could see the body cams clearly without hunching over a laptop.

Stephanie nodded, vaguely. “And… his shield would be better, why?”

“Well, to use your Ghostbusters metaphor, again…” Twilight started. “It’s like the Statue of Liberty from Ghostbusters Two. It’s a symbol. It’s something that appeals to the best in each and everypony. That gives it a lot of inherent power that the right spell can wake up in no time.”

“Would… a replica work?” Stephanie asked.

Twilight tapped her chin. “Hm... you know, it probably could. Scientifically speaking, it’s the idea that has power, moreso than the actual shield. I mean, I’d have to tweak the spell a little to compensate, but… yeah. Why? Did a Canterlot gift shop appear in the city?”

Stephanie grinned. “No, but I may have something just as good in my apartment. Is this a spell you could teach to Raritony? Something she could do en route?”

Twilight nodded. “Well, yeah. It’s a pretty low-powered spell. No offense, Raritony.”

“None taken,” Raritony replied, tying her mane back. “I’m fully aware that when it comes to magic, I am much more suited to detail. I leave lifting the big eff-off rocks to you, Twilight.”

“Twenty-five minutes,” May said.

“Crap! We gotta get moving!” RJ said, waving everyone toward the door.

Stephanie nodded and pulled out her weapon. Aiming it away from us, she checked her safety and clip. Dash pulled me into a hug, and tucked her head against my neck.

“We’ll get him, Shy,” she whispered. “We’ll get him for you, I promise.”

Then she pulled away, as I sniffled and felt very very small, in between a sleeping Pinkie and the hospital bed holding Twilight.

“Wait! The shields!” Twilight said. “Raritony could do one replica, but four high-level shield strengtheners in quick succession needs my endurance!”

“Then we’ll just have to make the one I have in mind count,” Stephanie said, as she holstered her gun.

RJ leaned down to Pinkie and kissed her on the forehead. “Take care, sugarcube,” she whispered.

“What could you have that could possibly compare to Barricade Safety’s shield?” Twilight said, flopping her forearms exasperatedly.

Stephanie grinned as Dash flew over to Twilight’s bed. “You’ll see. It’s ‘something pure,’” she said, with a wink.

“Well- What about mental shielding?” Twilight shrieked.

“I’ll teach my trick on the way, Twi,” Dash said, dropping down to hug Twilight tight.

Twilight bit her lip while she and Dash held one another. Her eyes darted to each of us. “I don’t like this...” she squeaked.

“Neither do we, sugarcube,” RJ said, trotting back to her bed, rearing up on her hind legs so she could see Twilight better. “But this is the hand we’ve been dealt. We gotta use it.”

She wrapped her forelegs around her. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” She swallowed audibly. “Good luck, RJ. I’ll keep working on my end. Maybe I can provide some remote magical assistance.”

“Thanks, Twi. We’ll keep ya in the loop,” RJ said. “Promise.”

RJ dropped back down, and I walked up to her, wishing we had more time to prepare, but all I could think was I wanted them to come back safely as RJ hugged me.

“Be careful,” I said weakly.

“You too,” she replied.

“Heh,” I chuckled. “It’s not hard to be careful in a hospital, RJ. You’ll be doing all the real work, as usual.”

RJ pulled back and gave her a look. “Now, you know that ain’t true, ‘Shy. You gotta keep an eye on Twilight and Pinkie. That’s a hoof-full if I ever heard of it.”

I giggled. “I guess you’re right. Oh! What about Sam?”

Her eyebrows shot up in realization. “Crap,” she hissed. “In all the excitement- Hey Steph?”

“Yeah?” she said.

“Think the hospital’d make an exception to Sam staying in this room?” she asked. “I don’t want her in the fight anymore than these three. Erishy’ll keep her in line.”

Stephanie scratched the back of her head. “Um. Maybe? I’ll… probably have to call in favors,” she said. “Maybe they can say she’s a recovery helper or something.”

“She’d help me feel better,” I offered. “Animal friends are just as comforting as, if not more comforting than, my pony ones.”

“I think I can swing that…” Stephanie said, her tone telling that she’d warmed to the idea. “Hang on.” She pulled out her cell phone again, and stepped just beyond the doorway.

RJ smiled at me. “See there? You’re already helping.”

“Okay, okay. Good luck, RJ,” I said, my cheeks hot.

“Gonna need it.”

We released each other, and RJ walked over to May, patting her on the head as she smirked up at RJ. “Watch the shop. Right?” she said.

RJ smiled back at her. “You know the drill.”

May put her phone down again and hugged her tight. “Stay safe, hayseed,” she said.

“Promise, squirt,” RJ said, hugging back.

They parted, and RJ joined Stephanie, Raritony, and Dash at the door.

“Alright y’all,” RJ said. “Let’s do this.”

Just as they stepped out the door, Pinkie woke up with a gasp, scrambling to stand. “Wait! I’m awake! And I remembered my ideaaaaaa!”

Chapter 73. Are you feeling nervous, are you having fun?
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 73. Are you feeling nervous, are you having fun?

I sat at the laptop while Twilight stepped through magical exercises, laying in her bed. She was juggling pills, testing herself to see how many she could hold up at once, in a complex pattern.

I could see through their cameras, as my friends were riding in a black suburban, on their way to the location they were pretty sure contained Discord.

“Look, I’m only gonna say it once!” Dash said from off screen.

“Oh? Say what, Dash?” RJ asked, full of fake innocence.

“I’m super jealous! There! Happy?”

RJ chuckled. “Now, Dash. Why’d y’all be jealous?”

RJ’s camera went dark as she moved something in front of it for a moment, and in Rainbow’s camera I could see the brilliant red, white, and blue of a round shield catch the light.

“Because, you have a working version of Captain America’s shield,” she said, pointing at RJ. “I mean. Come. On! How cool is that?!”

RJ smirked, shifting the shield, the way it moved betraying how heavy it had become once enchanted, making RJ the only pony capable of carrying it in battle.

“Won’t lie,” RJ said, smirking. “It’s pretty freaking cool.”

Twilight was watching the TV as she juggled pills, smiling.

“It better be,” she said into the USB headset mic she wore. “It’s now effectively the shield from legend, or in this case, the movies and comic books, powered by humanity’s belief in it as THE shield.”

The ear buds that Stephanie had provided us with, hooked up to radios, were much better than relying on cheap cell phone microphones, and I could hear everything clearly without any echoes.

“I told you I had it covered,” Stephanie said as her own bodycam video came up on our screen from the front seat of the SUV. “Sorry I didn’t have more.”

“No,” Twilight said. “Just the one is probably best. If there were two, it’d diminish the spell’s power. See, sympathetic magic is-”

“Can the lecture, Twi?” Dash asked. “I’m trying to get in my awesome-headspace, and it’s tough enough when RJ has the really cool thing that I don’t.”

“Ya still doing that Earth-style mental shielding thing?” RJ asked.

“Hey, it’s Discord. If Pinkie’s plan doesn’t work out, I want a backup,” Dash said.

Pinkie Reid fiddled with her microphone adjusting how far it was from her mouth with precision while tucking her cell phone into the pocket of her cargo shorts.

“It’s okay, Dashie! I’m not offended. I’m only mostly sure my plan’ll work, too,” She chimed in. “But I am totally sure I’m gonna take another nap, now.”

Then, looking like she was surprised by what she'd said and with a moment of panic filling her eyes, she collapsed onto her side and started snoring.

Sam, RJ’s dog, walked over to Pinkie and licked her cheek, whimpering sadly.

“That’s really starting to freak me out,” RJ commented.

“Seconded,” Dash said.

I walked over to her, and carefully moved a pillow under her head, before brushing her curly mane out of her face, trying to keep my emotions in check.

“I’ll, um, talk to the next doctor who comes in,” I said softly. “Maybe they can run some tests?”

“Yeeeeeah,” Twilight drawled, sarcastically. “Because running tests on Pinkie Pie worked so well for me, last time.”

“She has Reid merged with her now. Maybe she’s more testable?” I offered, pleading with the universe that Pinkie Reid was okay, even though I didn’t ever pray.
.
“Oooooo! Good point,” Twilight replied. “Ugh, now I wish I had my equipment with me.”

“How’re we on time?” RJ asked.

“Fifteen minutes left, by May’s phone,” Stephanie responded.

“Great, great,” RJ said. “You sure about this place, Steph?”

“As sure as we can get,” Stephanie replied. “Out of everywhere in the city, this building has the most chaos manifestations near it. Then they spread out in this… kind of wobbly-looking circle.”

Raritony chuckled. “Even in chaos, Discord makes a bit of order. It must gall him so.”

“Or he gets off on it,” RJ said, shrugging.

“Everything looks good on my end,” Stephanie said. “Do we have all the live feeds up, Twilight?”

Twilight looked to me, and I checked everything one more time, making sure all the video feeds were active and we didn’t have anything left to do. Then I nodded to her.

“We have visual from all four of you,” Twilight said, grinning.

I was helping. This was proof, I was doing everything I could, and ignoring the pills I’d been fed fifteen minutes ago which were helping me ignore the pain in my ribs from my little flight.

Stephanie smiled, turning to face the back of the car and Dash waved to us.

“Hey Twilight!” she said.

“Hey Dash,” Twilight responded, with a giggle.

Stephanie turned back towards the windshield, and her good humor faded. “Alright, my little ponies,” she said. “We’re here.”

The cameras captured the building, a massive skyscraper, abandoned as far as anyone could see, with ominous strange clouds hovering above it, pink and purple and bruised blue.

“I really hope the elevator works,” RJ mumbled as agents barked orders and the building loomed massive in front of them.

Dash snorted. “Eh. Who needs it?”

“Excuse me for being born with sense, instead of wings,” RJ shot back.

“Tactical will set up a floor below you,” Al, one of the agents, said from off camera.

“No. They stay down here,” Stephanie said sharply. “This is Discord. All our intel says extreme caution. And I’ve watched the show, so I’m adding extra healthy paranoia on top of that.”

“Stephanie,” Al said incredulously. “You’re kidding right? Protocol for this sort of thing means we follow you all the way up, and establish a tight perimeter.”
She sighed, and her audio cut out. Tense silence covered the airwaves until a loud “Dammit Steph!”

I could see as Raritony turned, catching the scene on her camera, the agents facing off, Steph unwilling to budge on something, Al furious.

They were almost nose to nose, arguing urgently, until Al stepped back and gestured to the armed squad behind him.

“Which is why you need backup!” Al shouted.

“Which is why I am the backup!” Stephanie shouted back.

Chests heaving, Stephanie and Al glared at each other.

“Look, guys…” RJ ventured. “Maybe now ain’t the time for-”

Stephanie held up a hand, palm out to her. “This is between me and Al, RJ.”

They went back to arguing more quietly, but Raritony could hear better than our microphones, and spoke up.

“She’s right,” Raritony said, reluctantly.

Al looked at her. “You can’t treat Discord like… well, like something rational, “she continued. “He isn’t.”

“He makes everything crazy,” Dash added. “And you guys’d… well, you’d kinda be an easy target. No offense.”

Al frowned. He looked at RJ. “Well? You got your two cents?”

RJ sighed. “Like I said back at the hospital. Keep it simple. You put a backup team up there, it ain’t as simple, and it’s more folks could get hurt. Sorry, Al. That’s the truth.”

“Al, please,” Stephanie said. It drew his gaze back to her. “Stay down here, and hold the perimeter with the backup team. Because if we go down...” She shrugged.

Al sighed, and rested his hands on his hips. He looked up. “Goddammit,” he muttered. He looked back at Stephanie. “Alright. Fine. But I’m going on record that I don’t like this.”

“There’s a lot of that to go around,” Twilight said from her hospital bed, looking at the IV in her arm.

“Thanks, Al,” Stephanie said, smiling gratefully.

He waved her off, facing the squad, who watched him. Raising his eyebrows, he yelled, “Well, you all eavesdropped enough. You know what to do! Do it!”

They scrambled, and RJ chuckled while the group split up, Al clapping Stephanie’s shoulder with one hand and wishing her luck bitterly. Her bulletproof vest went on, and finally all four cameras turned on the glass doors of the skyscraper.

“Sorry about that,” Steph told the others.

“It’s fine, darling,” Raritony said. “Pre-Discord-fight jitters and all.”

“Yeah,” Dash agreed, flying up to pat her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. You had to make things right with your bud- we get it.”

Stephanie grinned at us lopsidedly. “Can I go on save the world missions with you guys all the time?”

“Sure thing,” RJ laughed, sliding the shield out of view and onto her back. “We’ll even get ya a brightly colored t-shirt that says ‘honorary pony’ on it, so bad guys don’t get confused. Now, c’mon. We’re dallying.”

Unholstering her weapon and holding it at ready position at the bottom of her bodycam view, Stephanie nodded. RJ took the lead with Raritony and Dash just a little behind her. Stephanie watched their backs as they crossed the street, ignoring a parking meter that bounced like a pogo stick, and then looking in through the lobby windows.

It looked ordinary enough, there was a bank of elevators, and a large, wooden security desk.

“A-hem.”

RJ turned towards Raritony, who was looking at her expectantly. Then at Dash, who was also grinning.

“What?” she said.

“I’m not trying to delay us any further, but… you do have the shield, RJ,” Raritony said. “And, well, you did perform that marvelous speech, back when we were fleeing the bunker.”

“Yeah! Raritony told me all about it,” Dash added, excitedly. “C’mon. I wanna hear a stirring RJ speech.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “You know, a few… well-placed words would help further the magic in the shield…”

I giggled a little, covering my mouth with a hoof.

Sighing, RJ turned to face them all more firmly.

“Alright y’all. This is it,” she said. “I don’t like speeches. None of us like Discord. Let’s go kick his ass.” Turning, she strode purposefully toward the door.

“Not exactly ‘let slip the dogs of war,’” Raritony commented, not quite aside.

“You kidding? That was awesome,” Dash said, flying just above and behind her. “Total Commander Hurricane material.”

Stephanie snorted. “Go Team Applejack.”

And so, they opened the glass doors and walked inside, as I held my element tight to my chest, heart racing.

Chapter 74. Don't over think this, look in my eye.
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 74. Don't over think this, look in my eye.

The cameras saw the glass doors open, and then they stepped forward, and the lobby dripped like a watercolor painting, warping and pooling as Twilight gasped behind me.

“No,” she hissed, her pills hitting the floor with a clatter as the cameras blinked off one by one, tears in the corners of my eyes.

It hadn’t mattered, my help didn’t do anything.

Then, a new image appeared on my screen, and chills ran down the back of my neck.

It was a third person view of Raritony, Markus Dash, and Rae Jay in cartoon style, with a cartoon Stephanie behind them, gun drawn and at the ready.

“Is this accurate?” Twilight asked me, but I could only shrug, looking helplessly between the cartoon I was watching and my friend in her bed.

“Well yeah it is,” Pinkie mumbled as she watched with one eye open, from where she was laying on the linoleum. “It’s what I see sometimes. It’s…”

“The fourth wall,” I finished.

Pinkie smiled a little and nodded before slowly and carefully getting up, rubbing her head.

“Hey Shy?” she asked, as our cartoon friends confronted a cartoon discord, the scene occasionally cutting to a cartoon scene of us, reacting in a less aware way.

I could hear my own voice saying “Be careful.”

“Yeah, Pinkie?” I asked, biting my lip as I tried not to look at the screen to see what was happening.

“It really… It hurts, to know and see too much, but… but at the same time… Not enough.”

I paused, trying to parse what she was saying, before giving her my full attention and stepping a little closer.

“I don’t understand,” I admitted.

“It’s alright,” she sighed, closing one eye and rubbing at it with a hoof before pulling her mane back. “I… I was really really scared that I’d break me. Both… It’s like dropping a hot glass into ice water.”

“Did you… You only just now merged?” I asked, wide eyed and confused.

“I’ll never stop. I’ll never get that far,” she said firmly. “Because I read the script, and… and now that I know how this ends, I figured it out. But I can’t say it all. I can’t, it’s the rules. Right now, we’ve got to do this, together.”

She took my hoof firmly and my heart skipped a beat.

“We’ll be okay, Shy,” she said firmly before looking up to Twilight. “We’ve got this, right Twi?”

Twilight looked at her, expression conflicted, and oddly jealous as she nodded.

I looked back to the image on my laptop.

“Can’t you see that I’m busy?” Discord said, hunched over a table. “Come back later. The receptionist will take your names.”

“You’re busy?” Dash growled.

“Of course I’m busy,” Discord scoffed. “Why, I’ve been watching these little ponies try to get to me. It’s been endlessly fun. They keep doing the most fascinating tricks. It’s like my own little Japanese game show!”

“Excuse me, but you called us here,” Raritony said, through gritted teeth.

“I did?” he said, sitting up straight. He turned back to us with an expression like we’d just run into him at a party and he was trying to place our faces.

“Yes, you fucking did!” Raritony snapped.

“Oh! Oh my,” he said. He glanced back at his table, then smiled at us apologetically as he pressed a paw to his face. “Well, this is embarrassing. I really do apologize. I was just so caught up in my little maze I completely forgot about you. You know how it is. New world, new rules, so many ponies running around- work, work, work. So easy to get distracted.”

With a snap of his claw, the table and whatever was on it disappeared.

“But right! To business!” He snapped a claw.

The lights dimmed and his chair spun to face the ponies, Bond villain style. AJ slid the shield off her back, holding it at ready. Dash hovered in the air. Raritony’s horn crackled with primed magic. Stephanie raised her gun, just below being centered on Discord.

Discord slouched and waved a bored hand at us. “So, little ponies. What is up?” he said.

Everypony shared a look, AJ looking to the others there, me looking to Pinkie. Dash shrugged. Pinkie giggled before trying to look serious.

“Uh… we beat your game,” AJ said, stepping forward. “We found you.”

“Yes you did! Bravo on the detective work. Do you want a treat?” he asked, and a dog biscuit appeared in AJ’s mouth.

She spit it out. “We want you to clear out,” she said.

“Hm,” he said, putting a claw to his chin. “No, I don’t think so. Like I said before, this world is just too too fascinating. Brimming with chaos- how could I turn away? It’s like dangling candy in front of me and saying no!”

A pony piñata appeared just above his head, and he tried snatching at it. It grew a pair of helicopter blades and flew out of reach, then out a window.

“See?! Isn’t that just heartbreaking?” he said, wiping at the tears pooling in his eyes.

“Discord,” Stephanie said, stepping forward. “As a duly-designated representative of the City, County, and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.” She leveled her gun on his center of mass with a grin. “Now.”

Discord smirked. “Pointing guns? At moi. How… predictable.” He snapped his claws, and the image went grainy and melted again, switching from My Little Pony style animation to a still image of an Applejack toy half run over by a truck tire.

“There, that’s much better. It even lights up and makes sounds!” Discord’s voice continued.

“I lost visual!” Twilight shrieked, making me wince at the sudden volume.

“Dammit, Discord, you leave her out of this!” AJ snapped.

“But, Racheeeeeel! She started it! Quoting movies at me, in a bid for authority, makes me break out in hives,” Discord whined. “Besides, it’s not as if you three will provide me with any entertainment, before I take over the city.”

“You aren’t taking over the city,” Dash said. “We found you. And you said it yourself- we find you? Game. Over.”

“Yes, you found me,” Discord said as I frantically tried to get the cameras working again. “But if you recall, I used the inclusive you when I set the challenge. So…”

I gasped and looked to Pinkie, then to Twilight, tears gathering in my eyes.

“If only half of you show up, and not the entire you I intended, that’s hardly my fault. I mean, I know I wasn’t big on specifics...” He continued. “But I figured you ponies would be able to parse a little English, hmmm?”

“We’re here! We’re here!” I shouted into the microphone. “We’re just remote! That should count!”

Sam barked next to me, he could tell something was wrong and he wanted to help. Just like I wanted to help. But I didn’t think it was going to work.

“You... lousy, no-good-” RJ growled.

“Temper, temper, Rachel,” Discord said, his tone nasty and cruel. “You already messed up by keeping your friends ‘safe.’ Don’t want to make it any worse, do you?”

We heard the snapping of a finger, and a thumping sound, then nothing for a moment.

“What did you…” Discord said incredulously. “You didn’t.”

“Did,” AJ said with renewed confidence. “Wanna try that again? You lousy, no-good sidewinder.”

“Oh please. You have but one shield. And I have four targets.” He snapped again.

Four more thumps came through the audio, and I grinned through my tears. At least we stood a fighting chance.

“Unofficial dodgeball champ at Northridge Middle School,” RJ said. “And that was before Rachel teamed up with AJ’s body. We’re in a lot better shape than Rachel ever was.”

A whoosh, a bong, then a meaty thunk could be heard before RJ yelled “Now!”

“What’s happening?!” Twilight asked frantically, still staring at the still image on the monitor.

“I don’t know!” I admitted. “I think… I think they’re beating him up maybe!”

Then a roaring whistling crash came through the audio, and the picture on the laptop flickered back to life, revealing everyone laying on the floor, just standing up from being knocked down, Discord standing in the middle of the room, panting.

“Visual’s back!” Twilight cheered. “Oh no… are you girls okay?”

“You know…” Discord panted. “I don’t think I like what this human world’s done to you ponies. It makes you so-”

CRACK!

Discord wobbled, then fell over.

“Violent?” Rarity suggested, sweetly, a chair leg held in her magical grip.

“That is so hot,” Dash said. She jerked upright and looked quickly around. “Wait. Was that out loud?”

Discord groaned. “Ah, so we’re playing that game are we…” he grumbled.

“Get him!” RJ shouted.

The floor rumbled, making Dash launch into the air while the rest of the group tried to steady themselves. As Stephanie grabbed at a pillar, Discord slowly sank into the carpet. Dark red fuzz rolled up and over his body, absorbing him, while he grinned and waved at everyone. In a second, he was gone, and so was the quaking.

“Look out girls,” RJ said. “He’s on the move. Don’t-”

Upholstered, clawed hands burst from the carpet, grabbing them by their throats, then shoved them up, up through a blur of concrete, piping, other rooms, and then all we saw through the cameras was sky.

The building’s roof zipped away below them.

“They’re going to fall! We need pegusi to fly there to catch them!” Twilight shouted.

Then RJ’s camera showed a flash of red, white, and blue before she fell and tossed the shield, cutting Markus Dash free, who flew to Raritony to try and free her as RJ landed on the rooftop with incredible grace. I couldn’t imagine falling so far and not breaking at least a couple bones.

“RJ!” Dash shouted, still struggling to free Raritony.

“On it!” she replied, flinging the shield and we watched as it arced through the air and cut the arm of carpet-Discord free, before gliding back to RJ, just for her to throw it one more time to free Stephanie, who fell and landed on RJ’s back.

“You know, I have to give Twilight credit. That little shield is all kinds of problematic. Ten for ten, would use against me again. However, it’s really slowing down my scheme for tri-state area domination, so it’s gotta go,” Discord said as he un-melted from the concrete, rising to stand amidst our friends.

“Like to see you… try,” RJ wheezed at him.

He popped his eyebrows at RJ. “Don’t mind if I doooo!” He snapped his claws, and wicked, black, thorny vines burst out of the cement, wrapping tightly around all of them. Discord clenched his fist, and the vines tightened around RJ more.
I covered my mouth with my hoof, horrified as I watched the shield falter, and then fall with a ringing thud onto the rooftop.

Discord bent over and picked it up delicately.

“My, my, my. Such fine craftsmanship,” he said, turning it over in his claws. He buffed the surface with an elbow, and grinned at his own reflection. Then the reflection turned it’s head and addressed Stephanie, as Discord continued to gaze into the shield. “Where did you get this, Agent Chase?”

“Bite me, Q,” Stephanie spat, struggling against her bonds.

Discord looked up, and his reflection waved before it vanished. “Really, why is everyone so hostile in this place?” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “What happened to banter? What happened to ‘You’ll never get away with this?’ I mean, if we’re just going to be brutal about everything….”
He held the shield in both claws. Strange, blue-plaid magic crackled along his arms and with a resounding SNAP, the shield broke in two.

I gasped, and Pinkie put an arm around me, as Twilight cursed up a storm, struggling as she stood and started taking her IV off the hanger.

“Duct tape!” Twilight roared, and I was shaken out of my horror.

“Then, really,” Discord said, dropping the broken pieces of the shield. “Let’s be brutal.”

I dropped the laptop and ran outside, finding medical tape in abundance and leading a nurse back to our room.

“She. Can’t. Go,” the Nurse said firmly, looking at Twilight with wide eyes.

“If she doesn’t we’ll all die,” I lied to her, hoof on her arm. “Please, help her. Tape it to her.

“Fuck,” the nurse whispered, before taking Twilight’s arm and frantically wrapping the bag’s top and bottom in tape, securing the bag around her left foreleg firmly.

“Hello Rachel,” the Discord in front of RJ purred. “Enjoying your newfound equinity?”

“Sonava-!” Discord hissed over the mic, several echoed curses from his voice coming through.

“You can’t do that! I broke your shield!” he protested.

“But you didn’t break us,” RJ said.

“But how…?” he asked.

“You can thank Pinkie Pie,” Raritony said, as Pinkie beamed from next to me. “She’s the one who had the idea.”

“What idea?” Discord spat. “A new cupcake recipe to throw at me?”

I turned to take in the scene, he’d tried to break them like he’d done before, clearly, and they’d rebutted him, they stood strong though tired on the rooftop, in a semicircle around him.

“Nope!” Dash said. “Just a little spell we like to call: No Discords Allowed.”

“No Discords Allowed,” Discord mocked, miming Dash with a sock puppet. He set it on fire, and folded his arms in disgust. “Pshaw! I’m always allowed!”

“Not when you’re up against the same spell Twi used to get you out of our heads, the first time,” RJ said. “And a little of Earth’s own magic to make sure you didn’t notice it was tied to our Elements.”

Dash grinned. “Just like Enterprise,” she said, puffing out her chest. “Shields. Up.”

“Go team!” Pinkie cheered. Grinning as her own element shimmered blue.

Discord glared, pointing at Stephanie. “Well, your pet hyoooman is under my thrall, so nyah!” He stuck his tongue out and raspberried at us, sounding like a party noisemaker.

“Actually, I’m not,” Stephanie said. She reached under her shirt, and lifted my Element into view with one thumb. Like the rest, it glowed softly. “An act of kindness. From a friend.”

Discord’s eyes turned blood red and steam shot out from his ears. He took a huge breath and then slumped back, looking peevish. “I hate all of you very much,” he said, flatly. “And I’m so bored of this little game. So, you’re all going away. NOW. Ta!”

He dropped open his maw, and a torrent of blue-plaid-octarine magic shot across the roof. Straight at them.

But the nurse had finished wrapping the IV, and for the last few seconds, the hospital room had been glowing purple, brighter and brighter as Twilight fixed her gaze on the image on the TV screen, before finally she vanished in a flash, and appeared right in front of the group, a purple shield blooming into place to protect everypony.

Discord’s magic slammed into it, flaring around the sides. Twilight groaned. Her horn sparked and the shield flickered. Raritony ran over, leaning against her. Her horn’s light joined Twilight’s, but Twilight still looked pale and shaky. She couldn’t do this long.

“Help. She needs help!” Dash said. She looked at RJ. “We have our magic, too!”

“But that ain’t unicorn magic!” RJ yelled back.

“But it’s still magic. Pour it into Twi! She needs the help!” And Dash zipped to Twilight’s other side, pressing her hoof against her barrel.

To everyone’s surprise but Dash’s, Twilight’s color improved. The shield actually shone brighter too. Shaking her head, AJ joined in, hooves on Twilight’s cutie marks.

After what felt like an eternity, the light show stopped. Twilight’s shield flickered away, and the ponies clustered around her caught their breath. Twilight panted too, looking a bit grey beneath her coat, but she grinned fiercely.

“That… the best… you got?” she gasped.

Chapter 75. Don't be scared, don't be Shy.
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 75. Don't be scared, don't be Shy.

“Oh... come on!” Discord panted. “You... were shot… in the head! You… should’ve been… laid up... for weeks... at minimum. I made sure of it! Ultimate... chaos... chess player here!”

He fumed, kicking dust and dirt, lamely flailing his arms about, and generally pitching a fit on par with a five year old.

“What’re you doing here, sugarcube?” RJ hissed at Twilight.

She grinned at RJ, looking maniac in the camera frame on my laptop. But Pinkie was eyeing the TV and the image, before moving it to a certain position, lining things up with… something.

“Pinkie?” I asked her nervously.

“Nah, Reid’s got the lead on this one. Time for a good old fashioned frame-skip!” she giggled as she backed up, out of the room, still in line with the TV.

“Sorry, RJ. I couldn’t… just sit by… and do nothing,” Twilight said.

RJ shook her head. “And y’all call me hard-headed. How do you feel?”

“Like... I just cast two major spells while being doped to the gills,” she said. “Don’t ask me to walk; I really can’t right now.”

“We’ll hold you up,” Dash said, leaning against her.

“And what was that anyway!” Discord ranted on, pointing at us. “That- that magic thing you did. That you all did. How did you do that?”

“Power of friendship,” Raritony said, sticking her tongue out.

Pinkie Reid started running, galloping at full speed, right into the room and leaping off the bad, and I winced as I expected her to slam into the TV but instead she went into it!

“Oh, that’s it. You’re all topiary!” Discord said, stretching both arms out, ready to snap at the group.

“CANNONBALL!!!”

Discord whirled around and Pinkie slammed into his face. The impact slammed him into the surface of the roof, and left him partially buried in a crater. Pinkie hopped over the rim, and slid over to us.

“Wee-ee-eeee-heee!” she giggled. “Whoo, that was fun. Naptime now!” She collapsed on the spot, cuddling a convenient exhaust vent.

“Still?!” RJ groaned.

Twilight shook her head. “I think she’s narcoleptic,” she said. “It’s got to be better than how I feel, though. Ugh. I think I’m gonna throw up…”

“I think she killed Discord,” Stephanie said, carefully peering at Discord’s head at the bottom of the crater.

“Keep back everypony,” RJ said. “He might still be dangerous.”

“Oh please,” Discord drawled from behind them.

I was pacing the hospital room, watching but only halfway, shaking, biting my lip.

How long would it take to fly there? Stephanie had my element, could she stand in for me, if needed? Surely they could do something, help!

Then, the phone on the bedside stand rang.

I paused. That was David’s phone, Twilight’s phone, not mine. But…

I hovered up to it, answered the call, and put it to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked, still shaking.

“Fair Fluttershy, it is I, Princess Luna. Are we too late?”

I held back a sob as tears began to fall from my eyes.

“New York City, we need help as soon as you can get there, please… I’m hurt so I’m not there…”

“Say no more,” she said gently. “We are in touch with those who have been aiding you. We will be there as quickly as we may. Our sister shall be meeting us as well. You must thank your friends, all of them, for reaching out to us.”

I nodded quickly, sniffling. “We… we wanted you back,” I pleaded.

“And we shall be. Goodbye, fair Fluttershy, we shall see you shortly.”

“Stop it Discord!” Twilight shouted in my ear. “Just… stop!”
I looked over at the TV, RJ was covered in tuna cans, and Discord looked remarkably in good shape for having taken a Pinkie to the face, in a golf outfit with a tweed jacket, and a golf club in one hand.

“But I’ve only just begun, David!” Discord squealed. “See, I always tried to attack you from the outside, because well. It’s outside. I’m outside. It’s just easier to hit!” He shrugged. “Besides, friendships break from the outside all the time! You stop calling, you don’t hang out, soon you’re just awkwardly trying to pretend you’re not at the same bar mitzvah- I just ushered things along!” He snapped, holding up a poster portraying the six of us: grayed out, miserable, avoiding looking at one another. The tagline read: My Little Ponies: Friendship is a Hassle.

He whisked the poster through the air, tying it around himself like a cape. “But you’re all soooooo… devoted.” He spat the word. “Pesky power of friendship protecting your outsides. Booo.” He thumbs downed us. “So, my only option was to find a place where your friendship left you open. A spot where I could get… inside.” He grinned.

“Where would friendship possibly leave us open?” Raritony said, haughtily.

“Hmmm. Another pop quiz for all of you.” He produced Trivial Pursuit, My Little Pony edition, and slid out a card. Scanning it, he giggled, then read: “What happens when you little ponies are all so annoyingly emotional and can’t think of any better way to express yourselves?” He looked at us expectantly, eyes dancing in delight.

Twilight perked up, smiling. “Oh! We sing!”

“Yes. In harmony,” Discord said. He reached for a laptop next to him on a stand, and hit a key.

At the same moment, the hospital’s PA system crackled to life and music began to pour into the room.

I could almost feel Discord’s hands on my shoulders, his claws on my cheek as tears poured down my face, his mind in my own.

The only way I could describe it was as if my heart and mind were being hollowed out, leaving just a silhouette of who I once was.

Then, the noise sharpened, gaining definition and power. It picked up a relentless rhythm that forced my heartbeat to match it. So slow, so broken and sorrowful that I ached in between each one. A piano soft and haunting in the back of my mind seized me, and I collapsed onto the linoleum.

“Ms. Grey?”

I looked up from the artificial wood grain of the table, at the judge behind her podium.

“I’m so sorry,” I said softly. “Could you repeat the question.”

The silence in the courtroom was oppressive, although far in the distance I thought I could hear a piano playing. I felt so tired, so very tired. I couldn’t feel, numbness covering up and smothering my heart.

“Do you have anything to say in counter to the request that Ms. Pie has made for a restraining order?”

I looked across the aisle, at the lawyer half hiding the pink pony behind them. She didn’t look towards me. She looked like she’d been crying. Finally, I looked back at the judge, resigned.

“No, your honor. I do not believe I have a right to force my presence on others, so I will not.”

The rest of the talking was mercifully quick, and simple. Two hundred feet, no communication by any other method, if I wanted to contact Pinkie I would need to go through her lawyer. I took it all in silently, signed where I needed to, and finally I was able to leave.

The worst part of all wasn’t Pinkie not even looking at me. It was the steps of the courthouse.

Protesters spread out in a semicircle, and as I came into sight they began screaming.

“Liar!”

“Trans monster!”

"Harbinger of Discord!"

“Remove Erica from Fluttershy by force!”

“Jesse, thief of harmony!’

“Sicko!”

They held signs. Breaker of harmony, Kindless, Corrupted Shy, and many more.

I wasn't that important, I kept telling myself. I wasn't a monster. But these people sure thought so. I was bad enough for two dozen humans and ponies to show up to let me know how they felt.

They didn't stop me, and I was able to get into a taxi. The ride to the portal building was quiet, mercifully, except for the tired groaning of violins in the back of my mind. I was beginning to feel like a shell of a pony. An outline, and nothing more.

After paying my driver, I walked into the large official looking building, and went through security. It was like an airport really, but only I was going through. Alone, in the quiet dark halls.

The portal itself was a shimmering blue, and as I stood facing it, I realized that Equestria held no more hope and love for me.

“Is it over yet?” I whispered to myself. “Will I ever smile again?”

There was no answer, not even an echo to remind me of what I once was, and I stepped through. Memories spun around me as I fell through the worlds.

Every mistake I'd ever made, every heart I'd ever hurt. All set in stone. I couldn't trace them back and write a better ending. This was it.

I landed on all four hooves on the other side of the portal, blinking away my tears.

The royal guards that stood on this side didn't even look at me as I passed by. The two ponies going through security whispered to each other in quiet tones as they watched me walk.

Every eye except for the eyes of care upon me. Every mind filled with my failures. Every voice ready to repeat my crimes.

I wiped my tears away and stepped out into Ponyville. Once my favorite town in any world. Now, just another place where I was reviled. Ponies avoided me on the street, and just as I was nearing the road to my cottage, I came to the Sweet Apple Acres sign.

I paused and, with a thin thread of hope, turned onto their path, only to have Rainbow Dash land hard in front of me.

“Hey Shy,” she said briskly, standing over me as I shrunk away.

“Hi, Rainbow…” I whispered. “Is RJ…”

“She's… busy. I don't think she'd enjoy company right now, you know?” Rainbow said, flipping her mane out of her eyes.

“I… I don't know,” I admitted in a bitter tone. “I don't… Nopony will talk to me…”

“Yeah, well maybe they weren't so thrilled to find out that Erica was lying to everyone,” Dash said, rolling her eyes. “Or that Fluttershy kept up the lie. I get it, you want to be kind, but you aren't exactly doing yourself any favors. Maybe… if you'd been honest in the first place Discord wouldn't have won."

I couldn't stop the tears, as I backed away, whimpered, and finally galloped off down the path to my cottage, heartbroken.

I was just a silhouette. Just the image of who I once was, nothing more.

Every step, I was abandoning them to save myself. If I got rid of myself… if I broke myself in half, then I could just end--

I arrived at the door to my cottage, but there were no animals to greet me. No birds, no Angel. All gone. Every single one of them chose to leave. Some over lying. Some from me not being quite the same. Some just admitted that they only stuck around because their friends were staying with me.

Angel… Angel just told me that I wasn't worth the trouble, and hopped away.

I opened the door, and found the one creature that stayed by my side.

Julien. Shining Armor. He was sitting on the couch, watching some show on TV. He patted the spot next to him, and once I dried my tears I sat with him.

“Julien, I…” I started, voice wavering.

I felt like a dam that might burst. Like I was dying in a hundred different ways all at once. I had to get it out somehow.

“Hold on, Shy, this part is good,” he said casually, without even looking at me.

I stared at him, mouth open in shock. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't care. He was the most caring person I'd ever known, and no merge could change that. I could beat someone to death, and he would have my back. He'd said countless times he would be my best man at my wedding when I found a woman I loved.

He'd literally held me on the couch as I cried myself to sleep before. Somehow, through episodes of ham-fisted drama and the twisted knife in my side that was being told I was fictional, I could believe that every pony friend could drop me like trash on the street. I could convince myself that Equestria could be corrupted. But not him.

And here he was, ignoring me.

“You aren't Julien,” I whispered.

“You're right, I'm Shining Armor,” he chuckled with a raised eyebrow. “And I'm sorry, but can you put off this whole crying thing for like… ten minutes?”

I turned away, and I walked out of the back door.

I was hurt. I was tired and drowning in my sorrow, but everything about him felt so wrong it made my skin crawl.

No matter how horrible my life became, I could not believe that no more kindness remained in the world.

I walked out into the tall grasses, closed my eyes, and decided that the world I was in wasn't real.

I took the first true stand I’d taken since this merge began, and I decided that I deserved for this not to be real, and nothing would convince me that it was.

I would be kind to myself, and give myself a better world.

Everything warped, the piano faltered, and the world shattered around me.

Author's Note

I'm not sure how music and Fimfiction go now, and I don't want to risk my story being flagged or removed. If anyone is curious what song is being used on Erishy here, the title is "silhouette" but you'll have to hunt it down yourself! hehehehe

Chapter 76. Come on in, the water's fine.
View Online

Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 76. Come on in, the water's fine.

I woke with a gasp, trying to place the music that was playing all around me as I wiped my face clean with the bedsheets of Twilight’s bed.

Besides the music, everything was eerily still. The cameras showed that everypony was laying asleep on the building roof while Discord laughed to himself, swinging his finger side to side like he was conducting an orchestra.

I got to my hooves and went to the door, which opened easily, revealing a bunch of nurses and doctors running around frantically.

They looked busy. I closed the door again and looked back to the TV screen where my friends were all motionless. Why wouldn’t they get up?

The music, it had to be the music. I covered my ears and listened through the earbud, finding a clash of many different songs on top of eachother, clashing horribly.

So each one of them had a different song which was keeping them knocked out. How could I fight that? How could I stop his music?

I took the earbud out of my ear and covered my ears so I could think over the music still blasting over the hospital PA system.

Music was intrinsic to ponies. He used that to break us, but there wasn’t a way to shut off music. However, I remembered a few times where ponies had used music on purpose to raise their spirits.

I set the laptop aside and grabbed Twilight’s phone before I went outside, down the hall and outside again, looking above until I found him.

“Halo Four!” I shouted.

He looked down, wide eyed, and immediately flew down to where I was perched on the edge of the parking structure.

“How can I help? I heard your friends are all at the location now…”

“I need to convince everyone in the city to sing,” I said firmly, face set in an air of confidence I didn’t feel. “Because Discord’s using song to stop us. Everyone needs to sing together.”

“Alright, but sing what?” he asked, landing next to me.

I stopped and realized I hadn’t even thought that through.

“It… has to be pony, has to be happy, has to be… A True True Friend,” I finally concluded, the words and melody coming to mind easily. “From that sneak peek they released, we just repeat the section they showed.”

“Okay, can you start it if I get you on a radio?” he asked, and I nodded quickly.

He stepped away, and my heart was racing as he spoke over his earpiece. I was about to lead New York in song. What if I froze up and couldn't speak? What if I said the wrong thing? What if it didn't work?

I closed my eyes and focused on my friends, laying there asleep, imagining all of them supporting me.

Then I felt a wing cover my back, and I opened my eyes.

Celestia was sitting next to me with a calm smile, and Luna was in front of me.

"H… hi," I whispered.

"Hello Erishy," Celestia said. "We're here to help."

“That’s good, that’s really good,” I chuckled nervously. “Because… I have an idea, but I think Discord’s going to figure it out really fast, and… Stop us.”

“Then we shall have to keep him occupied,” Luna said, sounding pleased with herself.

Celestia nodded, before looking back at me. “What is your idea, Erishy?”

“Discord is using songs. Specific songs to… get in our heads. I woke up by my friends are still trapped, and… If we sing something else, something hopeful, I think it will help. That, and destroying the speakers he’s using to put out his music.”

Luna spread her wings and took to the air, looking off into the distance at the skyscraper all of the noise was coming from, before landing.

“Tia, if you fly past him, and get him away from the rooftop, I can carry Ms. Erishy to the location.”

“But we may want to start the reply song first,” Celestia added. “But we will need to be singing the better song as we do it…”

“The city will be singing, your highness,” Halo Four said as he landed and held out a radio to me, which I took very gently.

“It’s on a frequency which will be broadcast through as many methods as we can. When you press this button on the side, just tell them you’re ready, and they will switch it all on, and tell you that you can start singing, alright?” he asked me as he held my hoof in his, just making sure I understood and nodded before he let go of the radio.

“So… I should… just start,” I said softly, looking around at them. “Then we can rescue my friends.”

Luna nodded, as Celestia put a wing over my back again.

“We’ll be here to help,” Celestia reassured me.

I took several deep breaths before holding down the radio’s transmit button.

“I’m ready,” I whispered, before letting go of the button.

There was a moment of silence, a pop and hiss on the radio, and then a voice said one word. “Go.”

I closed my eyes, and I focused on the words as I held down the button, and sang, hoping dearly that at least a few people would join in.

“A true true friend helps a friend in need,
A friend will be there to help them see,
A true true friend helps a friend in need,
To see the liiiiight,
That Shiiiiiiines,
From a true, true, friend!”

I sang it out with all my heart before I opened my eyes, and I heard my own voice in the streets below fading on the final note, and then softly I heard an echo. A hundred voices maybe, scattered throughout the city, were raising their voices in return.

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I smiled and Luna picked me up, the radio slipping back into Halo Four’s grip, and then I was soaring effortlessly in the safety of Princess Luna’s arms, as a song spread throughout New York city like a rising tide.

It was a simple song, critically and necessarily simple, but it carried more than just a message of friendship with it. Love, care, joy, and hope rose on the tunes of a simple song being sung by more and more and more people by every passing moment.

Then an explosion shook me out of my happy thoughts, and I looked up to see Discord slithering into the sky as Celestia threw up golden fields of magic around herself, deflecting whatever horrible things he was trying to do to her.

Luna sat me down on the rooftop and pointed to the laptop.

“I believe that is what you seek. We will keep him busy.”

Then she flew off, and I saw all of my friends laying out on the rooftop, while Stephanie was trying to wake RJ, shaking her gently.

“Agent Chase!” I shouted as loudly as I could.

She turned and saw me, before jogging over. “What is this?!” she shouted over the noise of the speakers. “I unplugged them but it didn’t do anything!”

“The song, it’s forcing… It’s bad!” I replied before running to the laptop and looking at it.

The screen was just a blank blue square with an ASCII image of Discord dancing back and forth.

“I… I don’t know… how to fix this,” I admitted.

Stephanie gestured for me to move back and aside, and then drew her pistol, unloading four shots into the laptop.

Popping and flaring like a blowtorch, the battery ruptured and then finally the music cut out.

“Yes!” she cheered, as I laughed and turned, seeing Twilight and RJ sitting up and blinking away tears.

“Twilight, RJ!” I said as I ran up to them and pulled them into a hug.

“Erishy?” Twilight laughed. "What just… happened?"

I grinned and pulled away a bit from them to look them in their eyes, wiping tears off my cheeks.

“You were all asleep thanks to…”

Then I stopped.

Over their shoulders I could see Raritony, Dash, and Pinkie. Still asleep, twitching in pain. Pinkie looked like she’d been emotionally broken, her mane and tail flat sheets spread around her like a halo, her coat dark, a scowl on her face.

“Oh no… Why… Why didn’t they wake up?” I whimpered as I looked between all of my friends. “You two woke up, so it works, so why didn’t they… Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no!”

If stopping the music and providing a better song didn’t work… What did that mean? Were they trapped forever?

“Easy, Shy, easy sugarcube,” RJ said, stroking my back gently. "What didn't work? What happened?"

"Discord hit you guys with a magic whammy, and you all passed out, cold," Stephanie explained.

"Clearly," Twilight said, lighting up her horn. She went over to the napping group and passed it slowly over each pony. "But what kind of magical- Ah! Found it." After a moment, she nodded. "Well, whatever counterspell you two came up with, it is working," she announced "I think it's just going to take some more-"

Raritony sat up abruptly with a little snrk! noise.

"-time," Twilight finished.

Raritony blinked blearily, and smiled up at us. “Oh good. You’re all real again,” she said.

As Twilight and Stephanie helped Raritony to her hooves, we were all watching Dash and Pinkie, who were still very much asleep.

"Where is Discord?" RJ asked.

"The Princesses are keeping him busy," Stephanie said, pointing over the roof.

At that moment, the three of them zipped overhead with a whistle and whoosh, as Discord shouted “stop calling me Q!”

Princess Luna taunted him, as she flew behind him and tossed an electrical burst across his tail that briefly illuminated Discord in black and white, revealing his skeleton like an old cartoon.

He turned and chased her as she shot off towards the horizon at an incredible speed.

Twilight looked gobsmacked. “Did Princess Luna…?”

“Eeyup,” RJ said. "But, I don’t think we have a lot of time."

"We don't?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah," RJ said, motioning everyone over to Pinkie and Dash. "We gotta speed this thing up. 'Shy? Steph? What'd y'all do to wake Twi, Rares, and me up?"

Raritony yawned hugely. "Mostly awake," she muttered.

"We sang," I told her proudly.

"Sang?" Twilight said, as Stephanie nodded in agreement.

"Alright y'all," RJ said. "Time to get our song on."

"Can I have coffee first?" Raritony asked.

"Song first, defeat Discord second, coffee third," RJ instructed.

"Slave driver," she replied, but she smiled.

We all gathered around Pinkie and Dash, and looked at one another expectantly.

I knew the song, it was flowing all around us, but I’d already led all of New York and I felt it deep in my heart that I needed one of them to take the lead, so I could follow this time. I needed to know someone else had the reigns.

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need," RJ finally sang, her voice soft and reverent.

"A friend will be there to help them see," Twilight picked up.

"A true true friend helps a friend in need," I added, as my heart leapt for joy..

"To see the light," Raritony belted out.

"That shines from a true, true friend," Stephanie finished.

I giggled and we all looked to Stephanie, who was blushing. "Felt right," she muttered, scratching the back of her head.

Before anyone could reply, Pinkie’s snores stuttered and stopped. There was an audible sproing! as her color brightened and her mane and tail curled right back up. Her eyes snapped open, and she grinned up at us.

“C’mon everypony,” she said, bouncing onto her hooves. “I wanna see you smile!”

"It's so good to see you!" I said gleefully as I pulled Pinkie into an all-encompassing hug.

“Whoo! You too!" Pinkie said, matching my enthusiasm. "Wow, did you know I had the worstest worst dream I ever dreamed? Well, aside from that thing with the falling apart cat. And the one where the sea whale lizard thing--no, that was actually a pretty good dream it just had a sad ending. Oh but I guess the dream with the frozen-car scrapyard and the wizards was pretty bad...”

"Uh, what just happened?" Dash asked as Pinkie kept rambling, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"A lot, darling," Raritony said, fluffing Dash's mane. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, but I had this wicked- Incoming!" Dash shouted, pointing to the sky.

A spiraling white and blue meteor screamed toward us, only to pull up at the last second as it skidded across the roof. The light faded, and the meteor became Princesses Celestia and Luna. They jerked to a halt on shaky legs, standing sweat-streaked and panting.

The Princesses looked around, then sighted on us. It took her some effort, but Princess Celestia smiled at our ragtag group of just-woken ponies.

“It worked?” Princess Celestia asked.

I nodded quickly, standing as tall as I could with bruised ribs. “Yes, your Highnesses!”

“Good,” Princess Luna huffed, lying on her stomach, wings splayed out. “I feel like plot. Fighting Discord sounded better before we actually had to do it.”

"Question," Raritony said, raising her hoof. "What exactly, worked?"

"’Twas fair Erishy’s plan," Luna said, pointing to them.

“I had help from Stephanie!” I insisted, letting her stand in place for her whole agency who had gotten the song started with me.

"Wait," Twilight said. "You two cast the spell that woke us up?"

"Nooooot exactly," I replied with a soft chuckle.

"Erishy figured out that Discord got to you guys through the whole pony music magic thing,” Stephanie said, which made Twilight’s eyes widen.

“Holy…” Twilight murmured. “That’s… ingenious. Awful, but ingenious.”

“You mean, totally Discord?” Dash said, as RJ jostled a drowsing Pinkie back to full wakefulness. “So you guys just sang to us and we woke up?"

I grinned and looked to Stephanie. “Not quite," I said. "We figured it was going to take more than that."

“I heard the plan unfolding over the radio,” Stephanie explained. “Erishy and even a few others singing together wouldn’t have done it.”

"And since the Princesses needed to use their power to keep him distracted…" I added.

"The team figured the best way to break Discord’s music magic was to get the ponies and the humans to sing together," Stephanie finished, proudly. “So… the agency got the whole city to sing.”

Blinking, Twilight, Raritony, Dash, Pinkie, and RJ looked at each other, then out at the city. As they did, I could see them picking out the melody, feeling it, and all the harmony that came with it. The entire City of New York, ponies and humans alike were singing together.

RJ whistled in appreciation. “Damn, girls," RJ said. "That’s... pretty amazing."

“Wait! Where is Discord now?” Twilight asked.

“New Jersey,” Princess Celestia replied, with a tiny smirk. “But he’ll be back soon. And angry. We managed to prank him quite effectively.”

“Myyyyy idea,” Princess Luna sang lightly, bobbing her head with a grin.

"How angry is he?" RJ asked, squinting in Jersey's direction.

"Very," Princess Celestia said.

"Good," RJ said, with a decisive nod. "'Cause I got an idea of my own. Think y’all can make a little light show? Shoot some magic at him and keep his attention on you a little while longer?"

Princess Celestia laughed, as Twilight cocked her head at RJ. “I... think I can do that much," the Princess said. "But why?"

"Because y'all are gonna be the light to Discord’s bug," RJ said. "And we're gonna be the zappers." she tapped her Element by way of explanation. "That sound good to you, Highness?"

Princess Celestia laughed. "That sounds good to me. How about you, Sister?”

“Indeed!” Princess Luna said, joining my side. “‘Tis a grand plan in its simplicity. I can’t wait to see the look on his stoned face, when all is done.”

“Thanks, y’all,” RJ said. “We’ll set up just behind ya. Shouldn’t take too long. We got some good fightin’ music going here.”

“Work quickly. I see him,” Princess Celestia said, pointing to a pinprick of light that was getting bigger, fast.

“On it!” Twilight said. She pulled her tiara out of her hospital gown. With Raritony’s assistance, she got it on her head.

The Princesses' horns glowed brightly. They shot some very obvious sparks of blue and white-gold across the city at the oncoming Discord comet. Discord responded to the prodding with a roar that sounded like a hippo that ate a tuba.

As my friends assembled, Stephanie kneeled down in front of me, taking the element of kindness off her neck and carefully putting it back over my head.

“I think I’m probably the luckiest fangirl in the world, to get to be saved by Fluttershy,” Stephanie admitted softly, making sure the element rested firmly on my shoulders.

“You and your team saved us in return,” I told her, hobbling forward to hug her. “Friends?”

“Friends,” she laughed wetly. “Now save the day, Erishy.”

I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt, as Dash landed next to me, letting me lean on her as we finally assembled. The Mane six together again. Battered, beaten, worn down inside and out, but still standing and standing proud.

The Element of Kindness shimmered and glowed as Pinkie hopped up next to RJ and we were all facing towards Discord, off in the sky over New York City.

“You know…” Twilight said to RJ said, gaze forward. “I usually make the battle calls in times like this.”

RJ blushed, glancing down a little. “Heh. Sorry Twi. I guess I let the shield go to my head,” she said, with an apologetic grin.

“No, no. It’s fine, RJ. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Twi said, her own smile widening, her Element pulsing with power. “I’m just glad I can count on you.”

“Feeling’s mutual, Twi,” RJ replied.

Another roar broke into our moment, and Discord was here.

He slammed into the Princesses' interlocked blue-white magic, reaching out to grab at us. The Princesses’ horns blazed bright as stars as they held him with a net made of multicolored light. Teeth bared, he pushed so close to us, we could feel the heat of his breath, see the blind rage in his eyes. Then their magic snapped down and yanked him back.

“Let me go! Let me go! And quit singing!” Discord spat, wildly contorting himself in midair. “What is with you aggravating little ponies and all this singing?!”

We all smiled at one another. “It’s a friendship thing,” RJ said. “Because…” she pointed to Twi, who picked up, right on the beat.

“A true, true friend helps a friend in need,” Twi sang, her Element shining like a new sun.

“A friend will be there to help them see,” Dash and I added, our Elements glowing bright as well.

“A true, true friend helps a friend in need,” Raritony continued, her Element joining the light show.

“To see the light!” Pinkie and RJ crowed, their Elements rounding it out.

“To see the light!” Luna, Celestia, Stephanie, and the city echoed.

“That shines!” we sang.

“That shines!” they echoed.

“From a true, true friend!” we all sang.

Harmony peaked, flowing out of us, the world righting itself as pain became beauty, and the future became real.

Author's Note

This is it, the last chapter which adheres to Nanashi Jones' excellent fic, The Mare Comes Round.
This is, honestly, where you can stop reading if you're in this story for pure escapism and completing the decade of writing I started so long ago.
But the story isn't done for me.
Once more into the breech, dear friends, before we may find rest.

Chapter 77. We’re gonna go where everybody knows everybody
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Becoming Fluttershy

Chapter 77. We’re gonna go where everybody knows everybody

The rain fell over my face, my hair matted down against the back of my shirt, cool and refreshing.

Someone was laughing nearby, as someone else shouted, but it didn’t sound urgent.

Slowly I opened my eyes, and Fluttershy was looking back at me, her mane flat down the side of her neck from the rain.

“Hey Shy,” I said softly.

“Hey Erica,” she replied without hesitation. “I’m here.”

My lips pressed tight together tight and I looked back up into the clouds as my tears were hidden by the drizzling rain, my throat tight and hands shaking.

Then she hugged me, wrapping her arms and wings around my middle, and slowly I returned the hug, careful not to muss up her feathers.

“You’re free from me,” I whispered into her ear.

“I could say the same to you,” she replied, pulling back just enough to meet my gaze. “We… We made a good team, Erica. You know you’re going to come to Ponyville, right? Guest of honor. You saved me.”

I laughed, but I was crying too much to even see her expression through rain soaked glasses as she moved to sit next to me, someone approaching us.

“You must be Erica.”

I looked up. It was a heavyset woman who looked for all the world like a nerdy friend I’d get along with well, but she was grinning, and that smile felt familiar in a way I couldn’t place.

RJ was behind her a little ways, watching her, until I realized that no, that wasn’t RJ. That was AJ.

“Rachel?” I asked as I looked back to the woman, smiling a little.

“Sure is,” she said as she put her hand out and I took it.

She pulled me up to a standing position and I realized two things at once. For one thing, I was shorter than I had expected, and secondly my body felt very very different. Whereas before I’d worn tight clothes to squish my body into the shape I wanted, and I was saving up for a surgery I thought would never come, now… My body felt as natural as Fluttershy’s had.

Fluttershy had given me a gift, somehow.

I looked back to her, shocked, before someone called out.

“Come on, into the stairwell, you’re all getting soaked!”

It was Celestia, smiling, standing next to Luna and two women who I vaguely recognized as being deeply involved in the creation of My Little Pony.

But I was too dazed to pay too much attention to that as we were ferried down the stairs and into an office hallway.

“Roll Call!” Twilight said, pointing at people and ponies, getting their names before moving to the next one.

We had Twilight, Fluttershy, AJ, Pinkie, Dash, Rarity, Luna, Celestia, and then the humans.

Tony was a tall friendly looking man with short cut hair and a scruffy beard who kept crouching next to Rarity to whisper things that made her laugh, covering her mouth daintily. He looked untroubled, happy and relaxed. He was dressed for work of some kind, a shirt and jeans with boots.

Rachel, who stood next to AJ, rounded and soft but confident and quiet in a way I admired. Her sharp nose and gentle eyes put me at ease a little. She was wearing a blouse and khakis, and had her brown hair cut in a bob just under her ears.

David, a bookish young man in jeans and a long sleeved shirt who wore glasses and was sticking close to Twilight, focused on the conversation above all else with an intensity that made me wonder if he was looking for something in particular.

Reid, a gangly guy with mad-scientist hair and a quirked smile, his hands in his cargo shorts pockets and eyes taking everyone in with vast curiosity.

Markus had longer hair than the rest, a golden brown and a patch of fuzz on his chin, but a haunted look in his eyes as he kneeled next to Rainbow Dash to catch his breath, wearing a green canvas jacket over tattered jeans and a tshirt.

Then there was me. Erica, blonde and a bit shorter than everyone else which was new for me. I found I was wearing slacks and a button up blouse.

Lauren and Tara, both of whom I could swear I knew from somewhere, but just introduced themselves quietly from next to the princesses.

And of course our agent, Stephanie, who was looking at the crowd in awe, before putting her hand to her ear and listening to some sort of broadcast.

“Alright,” Twilight said firmly. “It looks like everyone is here except Discord.”

“I believe he was hovering over open space when he was turned to stone,” Luna said.

“Oops,” Lauren added, grinning.

“He’s survived worse, I’m sure we’ll find a statue at the base of the building,” Celestia shrugged. “But he will need to be contained until we can construct a portal to return to our world and bring all the ponies through.”

“And our humans,” Rainbow Dash said, jumping up into a hover and crossing her arms. “No offense Steph, all of you, but this world sucks big time. Markus should be able to come visit.”

“And Erica,” Fluttershy added, looking up to me with a smile.

“And--” Rarity was cut off as Twilight held up a hoof.

“Okay,” Twilight said, looking at Celestia who nodded. “We will make sure the portal supports humans coming through too. But right now we need a game plan, what’s our status Agent Chase?”

Stephanie held up a finger, listening for another moment or two before speaking into her radio.

“Agent Chase checking in, all assets accounted for, evac for Seventeen needed from the site.”

She then looked back to the rest of us, expression a bit strained.

“It looks like Discord was holding back a storm,” she explained. “A big one. Now that he’s gone, the storm is coming in. We need to get you all out of New York right now. But I need to wait to see what evac method is--”

She stopped as someone spoke in her ear and I could see Rainbow Dash sizing up Markus to see if she could carry him.

“There’s a chopper inbound, big enough for all of us, five minutes,” Steph declared, relaxing a bit.

“Nope,” AJ said as she looked down the stairs. “All our friends are at the base of this here building. Ain’t leavin’ them behind in a chopper.”

Steph looked between AJ and the rest of the group, who was siding with her slowly, if not in words in the way they were setting their shoulders and confidence.

“Besides, Fucking Sweetie Belle is down there right now,” Tony said. “Rarity can’t leave her behind.”

“He’s right,” Rarity said softly.

“I’m always right,” Tony said, grinning.

“Okay, okay, so... Halo Command, is there a ground landing site here? Assets will not evac without their accompaniment,” Stephanie said before waiting, listening, smiling a little. “Okay, go go go, there’s enough room for the heli to land a few streets over but we have to go now before the wind picks up.”

Just like that, we went from standing still to running, down stairs and then out to find an elevator bank, which didn’t take too long.

We all loaded into the various elevators, heading down to the lobby far faster than we could go down the stairs.

I had a feeling Rainbow would have flown down if not for Markus, and wanting to make sure he was okay.

The elevator doors opened in the lobby and we flowed out into a cheering celebratory crowd.

The sudden mood change made us all pause, and take it in before we started to spot people we knew.

Rarity ran through the crowd to Sweetie Belle, pulling her into a tight hug as Raid spotted his brother and gave him a high five, both of them taking in the crowd before AJ found Apple Bloom.

Then I saw Julien. He was aside from the bulk of the group, next to Shining Armor, and he gave me a little wave with an amused smile.

Fluttershy came with me, as I went up to him and hugged him.

“Saved the day, nerd girl!” he laughed.

“Yeah well, kinda!” I said as I gestured to Fluttershy, who waved to him. “Took a bunch of ponies and now we need to evacuate! A storm’s coming!”

Shining Armor stepped up, focused on what I’d said. “So why aren’t we deploying pegusi?”

I paused, and looked at him, before turning and finding Stephanie Chase in the crowd, pointing her out.

“She’s handling the planning! I didn’t even think about it!” I admitted.

By the time we were being led into a hotel far enough away to be certain we were safe, the storm was largely under control by the pegusi who had volunteered to help. Stopping such a huge tropical storm wasn’t feasible but guiding it was, and we’d been given minute by minute updates as the storm was nudged away from New York, and the strength of it diminished gradually.

The flooding was minimal, and finally the sun set on a day that could be counted as an unqualified success.

But I knew as we all sat in the hotel lobby that this was probably the last time we’d all be together. The humans in the group all had lives of their own, some of them weren’t even adults yet which scared the heck out of me, and all the ponies were going to be returned to Equestria.

“I, for one, am glad not to be a pony anymore,” Tony announced as Rainbow came back from a radio call with the Storm Team.

“Darling, you know you enjoyed my style,” Rarity said, flipping her mane to the side.

“Sure, but I’m a bit attached to my D--” Tony was cut off by Rachel, clearing her throat.

“Weren’t all bad,” Rachel said firmly.

“Don’tcha mean Wasn’t all bad, Sugarcube?” AJ said with a smirk.

I giggled, and realized Fluttershy was giggling at the same moment, and we both blushed a bit and looked away.

“Okay, that’s so cute,” Pinkie exclaimed, gesturing at us. “That’s like… too cute, right? Shrinking Violet trope come to life!”

“Sure but Erica is more Cute Bookworm,” Reid said, looking up from his phone briefly, smiling at me, and then looking back to his phone.

“I thought that was my role,” Twilight chimed in sarcastically.

“Turn it up to 11,” Reid and Pinkie said at the same time before snickering in unison.

“Okay, but like… what now,” Rainbow asked as she flopped onto the back of a couch near Markus, who was biting his lip and focusing on his phone with the air of someone who wasn’t having a good time at all.

“Well, the princesses will be building a portal to take us home, then we will have to establish diplomatic relations with Earth, normalize our interactions, ensure we’ve left Earth in good shape considering their very low natural magic level, and then we could see eachother again!”

“Would we become ponies when we go through the portal?” Rachel asked curiously, seeming much calmer than the rest of us.

“Most likely,” Twilight nodded. “Or some other local creature.”

“Oh, we could totally race, Markus,” Dash said, prodding his shoulder with a hoof.

He chuckled and nodded, relaxing just a tiny bit.

“Alright, bedtime My Little Ponies,” Celestia said as she strode into the lobby. “We’ve got a big day tomorrow, rescuing and performing a census, before getting home. You all need your sleep!”

She ushered us off but as I stopped at my door, next to Fluttershy’s, we shared a look.

I opened my door and stepped aside, letting her trot in before I closed it behind me.

“You’re not a bad person, Erica,” were the first words she said to me once the door was closed.

I laughed, already my eyes feeling achy and tears on their way. “Can’t you let me order room service or something before we get into this?”

“Oh, of course, I’m hungry too,” she admitted as she hopped up onto the bed and laid down in that way ponies can lay on their stomach and still look attentive.

I ordered quite a bit on the government’s tab before sitting down next to her.

“Why… am I not a bad person?” I finally asked her.

“Because being bad is a decision you make. You do good as much as you can. You do good, and you just feel bad because of things you can’t help. Like being transgender.”

“Am I even… anymore though?” I laughed wetly, touching my chest. “I… I feel so different… My voice, I used to struggle to keep this tone but…”

“The Elements of Harmony can be Kind,” Fluttershy told me gently, putting a hoof on my leg. “If they have to build a body from scratch anyway…”

I nodded and dried my eyes.

“Okay,” I sighed. “Okay, I’m not… I’m not bad. But you’re not helpless either!”

She looked away, and I grinned.

“Come on, it’s the end of our journey, don’t I get to do the same thing to you?”

She giggled softly and nodded.

“So… You’re not helpless,” I repeated. “You’re scared, but when you need to you can do so much. We sang in front of all of New York!”

“Okay but we couldn’t see them,” she pointed out quickly.

I nodded. “Sure, sure, but it still counts. We did so many scary things.”

“We beat a man with the Element of Kindness,” Fluttershy said, wide eyed and a hoof over her mouth.

“I’m pretty sure that was just me,” I said, waving a hand dismissively.

She gave me a Look and I knew it hadn’t been just me. I blushed a bit and sighed.

“Yeah, we did that. Pretty brave of us,” I concluded.

She nodded, and for a little bit we were quiet. Until she shifted.

“You kept thinking about what Humanity really is. Throughout the adventure, we would come back to that question. I think Humanity is Potential. So much Potential,” she told me.

“I think we’re Change. Whatever it is, we cause change,” I countered.

“Potential Change,” Fluttershy said, smiling.

“Yeah,” I sighed happily. “Cloudy with a potential for change.”

Author's Note

And that's the end. Ten years, 180k words (roughly) and an insane amount of learning along the way.

Be on the lookout for some bonus chapters in the future when I feel like writing them, possible chapter ideas I already have are:

Two years later Fluttershy

Three years later Erica

Five years later Fluttershy

Ten years later Erica

Alternate ending, The Madness

Alternate ending, Discord Wins

Two years later, Fluttershy
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Becoming Fluttershy

Two years later, Fluttershy

"So are you finally going to ask her out?" Rainbow asked, annoyed, as she carefully cut her hayburger in half and added hot sauce to one half.

Her eating habits had definitely gotten more complex and adventurous since she'd started visiting Earth every week, and I couldn't help but be a little amused by the whole ritualistic process. But she'd asked a question, and I didn't want to annoy her.

"Ask who out?" I asked obliviously.

She put the hot sauce down and stared at me, leaning forward a little.

"Shy. Between ordering and getting our food, you've been staring at AJ the whole time. Sure, maybe you're just really jealous of her Sister Day lunch with Bloom, but I kinda doubt it!"

I felt my cheeks heat up as I snuck another glance at AJ, chuckling at something that Apple Bloom had said.

"Just because I'm... Looking at her doesn't mean I want to date her," I objected.

"And just because I'm a walking pride flag doesn't mean I'm gay," she retorted. "But oh boy howdy I seem to only like guys who self identify as twinks, and girls who could choke me out. So come on, own up to it."

I reached over to shove her shoulder a little, cheeks crimson red by now.

"Stooop," i whined. "I've already promised Pinkie a date!"

"Oh no," Rainbow groaned. "Pinkie, who probably thinks you're just lonely and need a friend? Please please don't make me reveal Pinkie's sexuality to you. I was having such a good day."

I blinked several times, confused until the pieces clicked together.

"Pinkie is straight?" I finally asked.

"As a lollipop stick, as she said," Rainbow said with a grimace. "Last week she spent an hour telling me about how every time she sees Cheese Sandwich, she gets the 'tummy firecrackers' or something. It was nauseatingly cute and also hypnotically heterosexual."

"I don't understand," I admitted, confused and trying to focus on my own untouched hayburger.

"She wants you to be happy, Shy," Rainbow says a bit more gently, scooting her chair closer. "So she offered a date as like... A friend-date thing. I know Erica was a shipper, don't let her rub off on you."

I could remember Erica's obsession with stories, the way her mind spun everyone into characters, all the possibilities of how they could get along and be close spun out like unspun cloth.

Taking out my phone, I sent a text to Pinkie.

[Hey Pinkie, is it okay if I'm interested in AJ romantically? We can still be friends?]

The reply came back almost instantly.

[Duh! I'm straight as a lollipop stick, like Rainbow said! Shoot your shot, shy Shy! Still on for movie and dinner on Thursday?]

I relaxed. My friends had my back. I texted her back saying yes, and put my phone away, as Rainbow Dash looked very smug.

"Yeah?" She asked me as I ate my hayburger.

"It's fine..." I mumbled.

"Damn right," she nodded firmly. "Now, next chance you get her alone, you ask AJ out, no excuses!"

I nodded, my stomach already turning from nerves, as I snuck another glance at the orange farm pony, as she left with Apple Bloom by her side.

Erica, 3 years later
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Becoming Fluttershy

Erica, 3 years later

22 years old.

She was driving through the desert, the endless stretch of mountains and sagebrush out to the horizon of rural Nevada, on her way to a customer location to repair a computer.

That's right, three years of working at the same job since briefly becoming a pony, and things were... oddly the same. Well, Erica had a company van, instead of using her own car. She made one dollar an hour more, despite being a "senior field engineer" and every once in a while she....

Every once in a while I thought about dying my hair pink, but I never did.

The things that really changed weren't related to my job. I still typed out stories while I drove, and I still had a figurine hanging from my rearview mirror, Gilda standing ironic vigil over my vehicle. But my body had changed, and so had my heart.

I still gave to people when I could, of course, but it was more than that. I no longer tried to contemplate the why or how of myself and others. I didn't try to puzzle out the damage. That was the biggest casualty of my transformation, the cynicism and ego needed to look at myself or others and say "I just need to understand you, and I can fix you."

And, as life tends to do when you let it flow around you freely, I began to understand myself and others so much more once I stopped trying to force that understanding to happen.

The nature of humanity? I still agree with what I said to Fluttershy in that hotel room. Change. We want and need change, even if we don't understand it. But the nature of humanity touches on some key points outside of that. We are, and forever will be, a vast community of siblings. Of creatures more alike than not.

Organized religion may scare me, but the individual people, I can now feel kindness for. If their hearts are open to the concepts of a god looking over them, caring for them in a world where they have been left bereft so often before, I can't fault them for embracing it. I can understand that, I can be kind to them. Even a priest, a man of god, I can sit side by side with him and appreciate the beauty of the world, holding my heart firm as it stands open and caring, without compromising myself or demanding an impossible concession from him.

The man who Fluttershy and I beat with the element of kindness, that scared miserable man who was now in jail for kidnapping (among other things) thought that he was fighting off an alien invasion. How many movies have we watched, where defending earth was so pure and good that it could excuse murder? I can understand him, even if I am sorrowful for the choices he's made.

So, three years on from being a pony, and my life is better, but also I still have a long way to go. I'm lucky that I can go visit Equestria once a month, it's a lot of fun and I get to become a pony for a bit! When I go through the portal, I'm an earth pony. A particularly clumsy earth pony who has basically no magic, but... I feel this deep connection to others, just like when I'm a human.

I think we're going to be okay, and so I go on, humming down the highway across the desert.

Author's Note

I want to do these updates, so I'm doing my best to capture my mindset and state of life at each milestone time, hope it's entertaining!
If you enjoy my writing, check out the last few fics I've published for various contests, they're relatively short and were a blast to write!
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/527214/the-siren-call-of-sunset
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/496894/seconds-to-spare

chapter 0. Erica
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 0. Erica

Wednesdays have always been a busy day for me.

Today is Wednesday the 24th of October 2012, and I have a very boring week to look forward to.

I coax my silver 2007 Chevy Cobalt out of it’s parking space, which does its best to look like something between an abandoned gravel pit, and a shallow grave for whatever trash my landlord feels like disposing of. The newest addition, an old AC unit that I’d had the pleasure to hear dying a few nights before, took that moment to fall onto its side and smack into the rear panel of my sedan.

I put the car into park, and lean my forehead against the dashboard, closing my eyes for a moment and loosening my ponytail. I don’t have a lot of pride in my car, but it carries me across the state and through dangerous situations, so I try to take care of it. Sadly I know next to nothing about cars.

The door pops open, and I step out of my car. The slightly chilled air tugs at my hoodie as I jog around the car to observe the damage. Luckily there is no damage done to the wheel or tire, but the gouge in the side panel is ugly and definitely beyond my means to repair.

Slipping on gloves, I heave at the cooling unit, dragging it onto the sidewalk, and out of my direct path. Before my landlord or neighbors can pitch a fit, I jump back in, and slip off into the morning traffic.

Reno, NV is not a small town, certainly not when compared to the rest of Nevada’s cities, but nonetheless I have become familiar with the back roads and cracked blacktops that make up the majority of my working days.

Less pleasant still, is the radio options in the area. Due to a mix of political and religious themes that make it hard to stay calm, much less stress-free, I have made my car a zone of comfort and calm. Hanging from the rear view mirror I keep a figurine of a brown and white griffin from a fairly popular TV show by the name of My Little Pony. Sure, the name implies and is correct in that ponies make up the majority of the cast, but the lone griffin who storms off and loses one of her friends is a constant reminder that losing ones temper can cost a lot more than it can solve.

In a job where I go into people’s houses to fix their computers and TVs, it’s easy for things to become hostile, so I have to remind myself to stay calm, and collected.

Instead of listening to the radio as I drive, I tend to read. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I can have my laptop read text, good enough for a 2 hour drive to a customer location, and an easy way to keep up on My Little Pony fanfictions.

It took me a while to let myself enjoy the show, and with it the fans, as many of my friends and relatives knew only of the show from their childhood. Luckily I was able to enjoy this new version with less judgement than most of the fans, as I happen to be female. How gender can determine what entertainment is appropriate for consumption is beyond me, but I gather it has something to do with men being afraid of their boys being turned gay.

You know, because having friends and being a decent person turns people gay, apparently.

With a sigh, I pull into a customer’s driveway, and pause the program that had been reading me some crossover story that was impossible to follow.

The laptop is closed, put into my orange backpack that serves as a toolbag, and I grab a small brown box that I had picked up two days prior, before opening the car door.

The wind bites at me again, and though it is not as cold as it was an hour prior, it is just as annoying. I flip up my hood and lock the car door, before shuffling up to the door.

I notice as I knock that the paint is peeling, and around the walkway lay several piles of boxes, old bird feeders, and other random crap. This is not a good sign as to the cleanliness of the house I will be soon stepping into, but there isn’t much I can do about that.

Finally, the door opens.

“Hello, my name is Erica, I spoke with Frank on the phone yesterday about fixing his laptop?”

The woman at the door squints for a moment before nodding. “Of course, yes. He left for work, but he left it on his desk.”

She turns and takes a few steps before looking back at me. “Please, come in.”

I close the door behind me, and immediately I am hit by the stench of dead plants and mold. Sadly, it isn’t bad enough for me to claim unsafe working conditions, and I soldier on through the dank entryway.

“So, the notes on the call can be vague, why don’t you go ahead and explain what has been going on with your computer?”

My phrases are almost scripts, now. In the past six months I’ve refined out phrases that get the answers I need as quickly as possible. Most of the time they work great.

“No idea, the darned thing just stopped working. Here you go.”

I grimace as I am shown the desk. Besides being covered in papers and other objects, the laptop is sitting on top of a dirty towel that looks like it might be damp.

“Do you have a table I could work on?” I try to ask as delicately as possible, knowing that every other table I had seen on the way in was buried.

“No, I’m sorry.” The lady frowns, looking truly regretful of the meager space I’ve been provided. “But I can move some of these things.”

After a few minutes of shuffling things around, I finally get to work, opening up the computer and slipping in a new hard drive.

“So, do you have any important information on this...”

Before I can even finish, she is nodding. “Oh my yes, we definitely need to get some things off of that. All of our photos are on there.”

I rub my eyes with one hand while I nod.

“Of course... Let me just call Dell...”

An hour later, everything is as it should be. Despite a growing headache, The laptop is on the desktop, she has the little brown box with the return label and a fifty percent chance of getting her photos back, and I am walking out of the peeling blue door.

“Thank you, dear. I thought some big man in boots was going to be stomping around, but you were very pleasant. I do hope you have a good day.”

When I turn back to thank her, she is holding out a five dollar bill.

“Thank you,” I say with the first real smile of the day, shaking her hand and taking the money before heading out to my car with a bit more bounce in my step. It looks like I get lunch today.

“Oh yeah, hell yes,” I chuckle as I open the plastic bag to pull out a handful of tacos, warm and aromatic.

After consuming them, I lean back in my car seat and sigh, smiling. Not too bad of a day so far, two customers and the second one had been a settings issue, change the TV menu and fixed the problem. I love when things are simple.

Just as I am about to put the car into drive and leave, I spot a man sitting on the median of the road running past the restaurant, a sign in his hands.

“Oh, come on Erica... It’s your last dollar,” I mutter to myself, looking at the paltry change in my cup holder. My own guilt and feeling of obligation overcomes my objections, and soon I am dropping the coins and an old granola bar into his hands, smiling sadly.

“Sorry I don’t have more...”

He smiles back, his smile etched with the sun and wind.

“God bless. Thank you.”

Without another word, I leave. I don’t know his name, I don’t know his story or how he came to be holding a brown cardboard sign on McCarren Avenue, in the city of Reno, NV. We all have a story, but some of us never get to tell it.

Here is my story. If it is okay with you, I’d like to tell it. Even if I can only tell it to one person, if it brings a glimmer of light to one life, then it was all worth it.

Author's Note

This is a retro chapter, as a sort of preface. I am rewriting the first few chapters, so some of the conflicts between this one and chapter 1 will be resolved. Thank you for your patience and please let me know what you think.

chapter 7. Sunrise
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 7. Sunrise

I wake up to the soft static of the fan cooling our room. When did I fall asleep? I must have nodded off to the sound of my music around 10 or so, since I usually sleep 9 hours and it is 6:45. I close my eyes for a moment, thinking that I can get back to sleep, but when this pony wakes up, she means business. My hooves start getting antsy and finally I drag myself out of bed, looking around at the still dark room.

I have never been a morning person before but this body seems rearing to go at this early hour, which is a little disconcerting since I don't really know what to do with myself.

I casually drag some things that will be nice to bring, such as a sleeping bag, tent, and my work backpack with laptop in it out of the closet, but after that I sort of sit there fidgeting.

Finally I decide I need to be outside, the house feeling stuffy and too dark.

The crisp air outside wakes me up further, a very gentle breeze wafting over me. I sit on my porch for a while, watching cars drive by in the early morning, their engines humming or growling along through the darkness. The sky begins to grow ever so slightly lighter, shade by shade. How many months had it been since I was up this early, I wonder? My habit of seizing an idea and draining it of life until I am too incoherent to think has always kept me up so late that the sunrise is scant hours away.

This sort of busts up my “humanity is fueled by hate” theory. Not entirely, but I can’t help but wonder if fear isn't a better driver. I have always been afraid of losing my mind, losing what makes me, me. I thus put every thought I have, every inkling and pondering down electronically or on paper. Heck, I even bought a parchment book and quill to do my more serious writing with, because I was afraid.

War is a practice in fear, who can fear the most? Who can be so paranoid as to outguess the enemy and destroy them, ensuring that they can never, ever hurt you again? Technology is fueled by our fear of being inadequate, science by the fear of the unknown.

Fear is the shadow we stare in the eye and dare to move just by living.

So does that mean that a person without fear is lost, or found? I don’t presume to know that, heck this theory is fueled by an overactive mind and a beautiful sunrise, although marred by a neighbor’s tree.

I decide I want a better view and look up to the roof of our apartment. It will just be a really high hover, right? As long as I keep telling myself that, I shouldn't panic at least.

After a few false starts, I make the 30 foot vertical climb to the roof of our apartment building, and settle down on the edge of the tar paper expanse.

Much better.

This sunrise may not be pulled from the depths of the night by Celestia, but it is beautiful, perhaps more precious for being a cosmic coincidence. I look upon the brilliance of the day starting itself and my gaze follows the rays of light down to the city below.

The city is alive.

Slowly awaking from its restless slumber, cars begin to move at a more aggressive pace through the arteries and veins of concrete. I watch an elderly woman walk out of her house in her bathrobe and let her little dog scamper about on the lawn before wetting a patch of grass and fleeing inside.

The woman stands for a bit in the morning light, her eyes half closed and a tired expression tugging at the corners of her mouth as she smokes a cigarette, polluting the air with the solemnity of an undertaker looking at a long list of measurements and names.

She will pass away some day. This is a fact, as sure as the sun that just rose and the air that tugs at my mane. But she gets up every morning, she lets her dog out, and she enjoys the world.

Fear cannot drive such actions, fear cannot drive a terminal cancer patient to open their eyes and smile when the doctor walks into the room with bad news.

Fear can certainly drive us to some things, working at a dead end job for years past its expiration, driving to work every day knowing you will come home in a more miserable state than when you left, I have been there. The stench of poverty hangs heavy over this city, over many cities I would imagine, but as a child who has soiled themselves and looks to their parents with shame even though they have done nothing wrong, all this city needs is someone to hold its metaphorical hand. Or hoof.

With a sigh I lay my head down on my forelegs.

That whole train of thought sort of fell apart at the end, didn't it? I suppose that's what I get for comparing a city to a toddler.

But the point of all this, as I start up the gears in my head again, I remember it was hope. We may be driven by fear, on occasion it may be all we feel, but the smallest glimmer of hope is always there, and when we really need it, it can pull us up out of the darkest moments.

I spread my wings and leap off the building, gliding in a wide circle out over the street, over my car, and back to my porch.

A tapping sound heralds my landing and I beam in pride of my first successful almost-flight.

After depressing the lever of the front door and shimmying it closed again I make my way upstairs, to see Julien packing a large duffel bag full of things.

“You get lost on your way to the restroom?” He asks jovially.

“Har-de-har, I watched the sunrise.” I explain, before realizing that I really did have to use the restroom. “Be right back.” I turn and trot across the hall to the bathroom, closing the door on Julien’s laughter.

Hovering makes the whole thing easy, I simply hover onto the seat and nothing else really changed. Except toilet paper and no hands. Right, how did I forget that?

I reach out with a hoof and paw feebly at the toilet paper, unraveling a long string of it onto the floor.

The rest of the operation involved tweezers, a blowtorch, and a calculator.

No, I’m not going to detail my embarrassment for your amusement. Deal with it.

I emerged with a victorious smile and ignored the mountain of toilet paper on the ground as I enter my room.

“you look way too happy. Thats just indecent.” Julien quips, moving a black plastic case into the bag.

“I succeeded in... Is that my pistol?” I ask in a slightly higher voice than normal. (and thats saying something)

“Yes.” He answers simply, popping open the black case to show the 9mm semi automatic ruger with two full magazines.

To explain why I own a pistol, for those of you who may be less than inclined towards weapons, I once worked for Ruger. Ruger manufactures firearms and although my time there was fairly short, I became proficient in that model’s use, maintenance, and I daresay I like the look of it.

So I bought one a year after leaving the company. I keep it around for home defense, and every great once in awhile I practice with it, but largely I just keep it working and it provides me memories of a time when I was fresh out of my parents home. Living alone, scared. and starting to figure myself out.

“Why are you bringing that?” I ask curiously.

“You are an adorable and well known fictional character, that some less decent people would be eager to try and abuse. I have made jokes about selling you off or whatnot before, but as your friend and a general all around not insane person, I’m not going to let that happen.” He says darkly, closing the case and stowing it away.

“That's... admirable but I don’t have hands, and if its in the trunk the whole time, it won't be on hand for you either.” I point out.

He thinks for a moment before he takes it back out of the bag.

“I will stow it under the front seat then.” He says triumphantly.

I can tell I’m not going to dissuade him from this, and I don't mind the extra bit of protection even if it is extreme, so I leave him to his packing which is far more thorough than mine.

Socks, shirts, shoes, shorts, pants, underwear, toothbrush, toothpaste, three pillows, two blankets, a folded up tarp, three flashlights, extra batteries, a small stuffed dragon, iPod, two jackets, playing cards, soda, water, crackers, four MRE’s, first aid kit, a lighter and matches, hammer, a pocket knife, extra toilet paper, another hammer (mallet, technically).

“I like hammers.” He says defensively.

The duffel bag looks like it is going to explode with all the stuff he has stuffed into it.

He grabs a much smaller bag and into it he tosses two brushes, one of which is a boar hair brush, a few my little pony figurines, and my favorite blanket.

“That's your bag.” He explains as he settles it on my back between my wings.

“You ready?” He finally asks.

As I nod, Derek and Dakota peek into our room.

“What are you guys... things... doing?” Dakota asks in a very tired and very grumpy voice.

“We are going on a cross country adventure to keep you all from meeting the same grisly fate as I have.” I say with pride.

“God damned ponies.” Is the only answer I receive as they leave to their respective beds on the assumption that “Cross country” means “no longer making noise”.

chapter 15. Horses and Blindfolds
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 15. Horses and Blindfolds

I leave Ron to his work and wander around the outside of the house with my hat and sunglasses now firmly back in place. I can’t help but wonder about the dream I had, and it has been on the edge of my mind ever since I woke up.

Was that really Fluttershy? The real one? Was it a figment of my dream?

If it was a dream, it would say a lot about me that I would seek comfort like that. Admittedly, having the mind that is slowly taking over yours say that everything will be fine isn’t the best of proof but what else do I have to go on?

I haven’t been watching where I was going and I almost run into a steel pole sticking out of the ground. I wonder for a moment why there is a steel pole before I see that it is attached to another and another, it is a fence. Just on the other side of the fence is a large dapple-grey horse staring at me curiously.

“Eep!” I shoot up about a foot and back away from it in fear.

I had wandered to the edge of Ron’s property and a neighbor's horse seems to have taken an interest in me. It is Kansas after all. I should have expected this the moment that Pinkie-Reid had mentioned horses. The chances of one being next door are... well, once again we are in Kansas. So the chances were fairly high.

The animal reaches his head over the fence and sniffs experimentally before opening its mouth and whinnying.

“Hi!” Is what I hear.

“Holy cr** you can talk!” I shout, stepping back again.

“Food?” He asks.

“What? I don’t have any... Can you understand me?” I ask, my eyes narrowing.

He nods.

“What is your name?” I move a bit closer.

“Food?” He asks yet again.

“You are just an animal, huh? I can understand you but you can just barely understand me.” I move close enough to rub a hoof on the bridge of his nose.

“Herd?” He asks, taking me by surprise.

“I don’t have a... Oh, that’s like a name for you lot isn’t it? Or a family would be more accurate. Um... I don’t have one.” I admit.

He stares at me for a bit before shaking his mane out and trotting away. Decidedly weirder than the dream. I go back into the house in a sort of daze to see a half completed painting of myself hugging a pillow on an easel. I stare at it for a bit before the painter returns. Jessica sees me staring at the painting and immediately assumes the worst.

“I am so sorry, Julien told me it would be okay, and you were so cute, if you want me to stop I will...”

I just laugh. “You make hugging a pillow and drooling look far cuter than I really was I’m sure, if anything I’ll just point out his magic is pink or something to get back at him.” I wave at the painting. “By no means stop, I don’t think there is going to be much else left to prove what happened after all this.”

She nods and resumes painting as I nab an apple and head back upstairs, eager to write back to the pink one about my horse interaction.

I don’t see Julien around and assume he is with Ed somewhere. Flipping open the laptop brings up Facebook and I check the new message. Twisaac appears to have replied to my message as well as Pinkie.

“New York. Anyway, I thought you'd notice the profile picture, and guess immediately from that. Kind of obvious.” is the first message.

Ooh, a bit touchy. I must have offended him. I think for several minutes what to say, trying to piece together an apology, without sounding sarcastic or rude. I have so much trouble trying to find something to say, and still distracted by the horse incident, I simply type “Ok” and send it.

Then I move to Pinkie’s reply.

“Is it really that obvious? I was repressing her for the last post. It was meant to be a big surprise. *Grump grump grump* Oh well, Kansas City Shuffle it is!
And I mean see a horse. You are now a pony on a road trip. You need a few random shenanigans before I come along. It's practically required. And as a pony, you should see a horse.
Skreep and ratzors!”

Finally I open up a new message to Pinkie and start typing.

“I saw a horse. SO WEIRD. I could understand it but it just knew the most basic stuff. Asked me what herd I belonged to or something but I don’t have one so it just trotted off. I have a feeling they aren’t any more intelligent than dogs. Anyway I wrecked my car and a friendly car repairman is fixing it, letting us stay here while he does. US! I didn’t tell you, my friend who I am traveling with woke up as Shining Armor. Hoping to be leaving here in a day or so and head towards Kansas City. DON’T TRY DRIVING.”

Well that took the better part of an hour to type. Hooves are not conducive to typing. I drift off into thought, mulling over speech to text systems as well as the kind of eye movement thing Stephen Hawking uses. Ponies could easily manipulate those systems. Then again those were expensive and needed a lot of work before they could be put into use properly.

“...Drifting off into thought all the time, have to wonder if it is brain damage or her real self showing through.”

I turn my head to see Ed and Julien staring at me like a museum exhibit.

“I am not brain damaged.” I say in a huff.

“Yeah, your right. Nothing with brain damage can be that adorable.” Ed says. “Got your stuff all washed while you were bonding with my dad. Also we got you two a new tent.”

He drops the much nicer and (coincidentally) easier to assemble tent, still in its package, next to my bed.

“How much did that cost?” I ask, worried.

“About a hundred bucks. I think that painting is worth at least double that though. You did see the painting right?” Julien says, chuckling.

“Yes, and I think I look rather fetching in it.” I say, crossing my forelegs and turning away with my nose in the air.

“Uh huh. Next thing we know you are going to be asking her to draw you like one of her french girls.” Ed says.

I gape at the two for a moment. “I think you are rubbing off on him, Julien.” I say before sighing.

“One of you was enough trouble.” I grumble, before going over to the tent and tearing it out of the package with my teeth.

“He bought us the one that has nice big pull tabs for the entrance. I know you didn’t like the tiny ones.” Julien pipes up.

Admittedly, after the first few hours I had stopped paying attention to the terrible taste of all the stuff I had to nom on to continue my day, but those little metal pull tabs were hell to open when tired and needing to get outside to use the bush. This level of generosity though, this is Rarity level stuff. I mean, I didn’t expect my car to be fixed much less a new tent provided.

“Thank you so much.” I hover up to give Ed a hug and he gives me a hug back.

“Time?” He says suddenly.

“What?” I ask, confused.

“Yeah.” Julien says with a glint in his eyes.

“What is time?” I ask, struggling as Ed carries me out the door.

“Help!” I squeak as they blindfold me and carry me downstairs.

After struggling for a bit I catch on that this is some kind of joke. “Har har, Julien.” Ed sets me down and it feels like dirt.

I struggle with the blindfold for a bit before finally pulling it off and looking around dizzily.

On one side stands Julien, Ed, Jessica, and Ron.

To the other is my car minus about half its rear end, plus a bunch of shiny new parts ready to go on.

It seems a bit much for just showing me they got the parts, but I don’t want to seem rude.

“Th... Thank you for fixing my car...” I say, confused.

“Look in the drivers seat.” Ron says, gesturing to the garage.

I move closer to the car and finally squeeze around the new parts to see that the seat has a riser on top of it, the seat belt had been moved a bit, and two carefully constructed extensions run from the pedals to just about where my hooves would hang if I sat in the seat.

I swear to Celestia, I did the squee noise.

chapter 21. Being famous
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 21. Being famous

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Julien is standing next to me, firearm pointed down but safety off and face a mask of cool fury over his face when I awake. I hear sirens in the distance, getting closer. For a moment I wonder if there is a fire somewhere before I remember that there was a very public discharge of a firearm.

I sit up and look over to the guardpony. “You okay?” I ask.

“I’m fine. Sort of upset I didn’t get to shoot them, but your element managed to knock them out or something. I’m not about to shoot an unconscious combatant, even if Shining wasn’t yelling in my ear not to.” He looks over to me with a great deal of worry. “Are you?”

I nod, getting carefully to my hooves to survey the situation.

Two police cars are pulling up next to my car, as Julien lowers my pistol down to rest on it’s case and raises his forehooves. Spread around us are four unconscious thugs, all wearing matching shirts and all uninjured besides being knocked out. My black and yellow mini me is sitting next to the one that had grabbed me, and I grab it to hug before the police get out of their vehicles.

“Please state your name and the name of your pony.” One of the police officers says.

They are staying back, likely to determine if we are a threat before advancing.

“Julien, and Shining Armor. This is Erica, and she is Fluttershy.” I really don’t think I should correct him about my name, since the police have enough to worry about already.

“We were assaulted, and we defended ourselves without use of my magic except to lift and fire this weapon.” He points at the pistol.

“I am going to approach you to secure the weapon.” One of the officers removes the magazine and clears the cartridge from the chamber. Another collects a lone casing from the ground and puts it into a small bag.

“I don’t see any wounds, who did you shoot?” The one in charge asks.

I raise my hoof.

“Yes... Erica?” He asks.

“He was going to shoot them but I stopped it. With this.” I point at the dent in my necklace.

“You stopped a bullet with a necklace.” He says dubiously.

“The necklace knocked them all out, too.” Julien points out, as a fourth officer is rolling the thugs over and handcuffing them, an ambulance showing up a few moments later.

“Okay, so you were going to shoot them, why?” The officer is holding his head as if to ward off a headache.

“They had grabbed her and were threatening to physically harm her. Those knives were theirs.” Julien explains.

“Okay, so they grabbed her, why didn’t you knock them out with your necklace?” He asks me wearily.

“I didn’t have it. It just showed up when I jumped in front of the gun.” I say, hugging Mrs. Buzzy tighter.

The officer takes a deep breath and sighs as the thugs are loaded into ambulances and another cop starts taking pictures of my necklace around my plushie.

“So. You were grabbed by those men, threatened with lethal force, he drew his weapon and then a magical necklace appeared which stopped a bullet and knocked out four people while leaving you two unharmed?” He clarifies.

“Well, she was knocked out for a short bit too. About a minute.” Julien says, shrugging.

The officer just covers his face with his hands.

“I’m going to take this off, okay sweetie? You’ll get it back after we take a few more pictures.” The female cop who has been taking pictures of it asks me.

I nod and move my arms as she tries to slide it off. After a few moments, I am dangling in midair by the necklace.

“Wow you are light. Sorry.” She puts me back down.

“I suppose it’s not coming off. That’s fine, just hold still.” She takes a few more pictures and I am pretty sure the boss policeman is sobbing into his hands and looking over the shattered wreckage of his day in dismay, wondering where it all went wrong.

“Are we free to go?” I ask timidly.

“I can’t arrest you, since those four were wearing shirts with the logo of a suspected terrorist organization that is anti-pony. I could bring you in for questioning but I don’t want to cause an incident. We have to confiscate the firearm and you may or may not get it back, depending on how the investigation goes, but in the end I just need a way to contact you two.”

We give him all our information and within a few minutes we are standing next to my car, bewildered and a little confused.

“Lettuce?” Julien floats the green ball over to me.

I nod eagerly and consume half of it before giving it back. Lettuce is amazing. Right about then, news vans start to pull into the Walmart parking lot, and we rush into our car and take off. Only a few end up following us, and they seem persistent. We decide we need a bit of down time before we start driving again, so we make our way to a Starbucks and park outside, connecting to the internet as Julien sips a root beer. The news vans park a safe distance away and seem to watch us like wild animals stalking prey.

I rest my laptop on my legs and lean it against the steering wheel before logging onto facebook to a friend request and a big stack of messages.

The friend request is from “Danielle Derpy” Which is interesting, I hadn’t thought about other ponies besides the mane six contacting me.

I go to her message first.
“Hello,
I heard that you are going to new York, I was wondering if me and my good friend Octavia/Ethan could join you. ~ Derpy/Danielle”

I chuckle, Derpy is my favorite pony incidentally, and reply.

“Certainly! Though we are headed towards Kansas City, and not likely to be here too much longer. You will probably have to catch a flight or train to get here before Thorsday night. I am really tempted to call it Tuesday just to spite Discord.”

I send it off and hope they make it in time to travel with us, before we have to leave Kansas City.

Next up are the cosplayers.

“Ginny: You really think so? YAY! I didn't do the dress but Jacqueline (my friend) did it and I got the wings and the hair dye and oh my gosh I just can't believe it's really you! *Internet huggles* “

I chuckle at the series of “yay” pictures she attaches to the message, and type up a quick message back. “Can’t wait to see you all. Hoping to be in Kansas City tonight.”

“Linda: Good to know! But seriously, I know how hard it is to leave your friends and family. I hear you're traveling with Shining Armor now, and that begs the question: since you're both ponies, is he hot?"

This one I have to think over. I don't feel inclined to address the first bit, but for the second... Part of me thinks that Shining Armor is pretty attractive but married, the other part is a lesbian. “You’ll be able to judge that for yourself when you meet him. Don’t flirt though, I’m pretty sure Shining is still in there somewhere and he’s a married man.”

“Ian: This is Reid's brother. I just thought you'd like to know he bought a pair of foam Hulk gloves while giggling like a maniac. Just so you aren't surprised when he gives them to you.”

I shake my head but smile. Hulk gloves, really? I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised.

Right about then, a flood of new messages begin to come in, sending my count skyrocketing. I suppose the news finally got out.

I look behind me at two cameras with newspersons in front of them, pointed in my general direction. I duck back down and open a notepad on my computer, upping the font size until it could easily be seen at a distance, and typing a short message.

“I’m okay. Thank you everyone.”

I put the laptop on the little flat spot behind the back seat and dictate my responses to Julien as he types them on my phone.

“Jacqueline: We just heard the news. Are you okay? Ginny's a complete mess.”

“I’m fine, tell her that I am okay.”

“Harold: I know you don't know me that well, but I am willing and able to keep this from happening again. Are you okay? And Shining Armor?”

“He wishes he could have finished them all off, but we are both okay.”

“Linda: Heard the news. I'm a lawyer, if you need one. Are you okay?”

“From what I can tell, we are being given no blame for this. The four that attacked us were part of an anti-pony group, and we didn’t even hurt them except knocking them out.”

By the time we had typed up all of this and sent it off, we got two more messages.

“Reid: I just heard about what happened in Salina. We're all coming. I'm not going to ask if you're okay, that's not something you can just be okay about. But if you'd let me know how you're doing.... well, I can listen, anyway.”

“Ian: Reid is doing his "Stoic Man" thing. I think he's really scared. I know you've probably heard this a lot, but are you okay?”

I take a deep breath and dictate a message to both of them, through Julien.

“I am fine. In the heat of the moment, I managed to gain the element of kindness and it not only stopped a bullet but knocked out the thugs as well. If anything I feel a bit better than I did before. Also, call me Ericashy. I’ve sort of... progressed. Sort of. I feel excellent, and I’m not scared or worried, really. Can’t wait to see you all.”

After that, one last message trickles in. From my number one fan.

“Ginny: Oh god tell me you're okay please I'm so sorry those f*****s did that oh god they didn't hurt you too badly please just stay where you are did the doctors tell you if you'll survive oh god”

I don’t know how to reply. I think over a hundred ways to try and comfort her or convince her I am fine. Finally Julien and I take a picture of ourselves smiling and waving, before sending it off. In the picture, the necklace is clearly visible.

Finally I update my facebook with my location and a little joke. “Achievement unlocked: Element of Kindness” and we pull out of the parking spot, carefully avoiding the news vans as we make our way to Costco.

As we fill up on gas, there is only a solitary news van still lurking behind us, and we then make our way to a park on the edge of town. We set up our tent, out of sight of the road, and finally can get some rest.

The shot opens to a woman standing outside of a Walmart, sharply dressed and obviously a reporter.

“Hello America. In the last few days we have heard from people who are for ponies, against ponies, and even a few that have become ponies. Today we regret to report the first sign of violence between ponies and humans.”

The shot cuts to a police officer who looks like he would rather be anywhere else.

“We are still investigating the incident, but two ponies appear to have been assaulted by a group of four ‘P.A.P.A’ members. The group is currently under investigation as well. So far it seems that the incident resulted in the discharge of a firearm but all parties involved are uninjured and the ponies were allowed to continue their journey east.”

An off camera reporter speaks up.

“Officer Derryl, can we have a statement on which ponies these were?”

The officer pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes for a moment.

“Fluttersomething and Shining Armor.” He finally remembers. “Those are their pony names, we will not be releasing their actual names until we have concluded the investigation. No more questions please.”

The shot changes to one with a new reporter to the right and the back of a silver Chevy Cobalt to the left in the background.

“After being questioned by officers, the two ponies have come here to a local Starbucks, it seems, to use the internet connection. We are staying back out of respect for the trauma they have suffered, but we will continue to...”

The cameraman appears to have pointed at something and the camera moves to zoom in on a butter yellow pegasus placing a laptop under the rear window, smiling and waving, then ducking back into the front seat.

The computer screen reads “I’m okay. Thank you everyone.”

“Well there you have it. After being brutally assaulted, they appear to be in good condition and thanking everyone. This is Andrea Moris for channel five news, signing off.”

chapter 34. Mommy issues
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 34. Mommy issues

"What's wrong?" I ask Pinkie, frowning and running through all the potential disasters that could have befallen the changeling queen. "Is she okay?"

The group came back to the table, and I only get a silent worried look from the pink pony before everyone is seated and starts to eat.

Pinkie gets all of our attention and looks around the table solemnly. "Ladies and gents, Discord attempted to recruit Chrysalis."

My first thought is that Discord is actually getting personally involved now, that can’t bode well for our little group. We do not have the elements yet, and I have to wonder how much he has already interfered with our journey.

Ian catches onto the subtleties of the declaration first. "Attempted?"

"Well, from the message I think she refused, but he decided to do it while she was standing in a room full of little girls." Pinkie seems to understand how painful that would be to the changeling, and looks down to her iPad. "And force her to demorph there too... She's putting on a brave face but I'm going to send her some assurances anyway."

She kept typing on her tablet device. "Point is, Discord is not playing nice."

At this point, I just look down to my food as I eat, pondering this new development and what it will mean for us all.

I get the feeling things are a bit over my head, but I notice that Julien is keeping an eye on the doors and others in the buffet with the intensity of a guard. I suppose he is getting to the point where he is becoming as much a guard as a fast food worker. Though I am sure he would enjoy that job more anyway.

"Hey, you could put up a public announcement from us that Chrissy is on the side of good..." I suggest with a smile.

"I don't know how to do that." Pinkie tells me as she sends off another message. "I never really used facebook before all this."

Cadence pulls her phone out of her bag with a blue glow surrounding it. "I'll do it."

"Hey whoa, you got magic down!" Pinkie comments.

"Telekinesis. It's a basic skill." She says, but I can see a bit of pride on her face. Shining nods approvingly to Cadence as well.

Pinkie smiles, still impressed by the control Cadence had developed. "Mmhmm."

I was going to say something about their luck in having magic, but it feels like I would be seen as being incredibly racist. Thinking over it, unicorns have quite an advantage, especially from my mostly ground based point of view.

"Hey Cadence, can you manipulate clouds?" I ask, looking up and getting a few looks verging on warning glares. "Oh! I'm sorry, Linda, I didn't mean to...."

Linda sighs, hey eyes on her plate as she sets down her phone. “No, I... I should probably get used to it...” She says, being far more generous to me than I really deserve after that comment.

"I... well, actually, I've been poking around my head and I can... feel Cadance, but there's this... bubble. I can't understand her, she's not talking to me, or she is but the connection's all fuzzy. So I don't know." She says with a tone of defeat.

"Makes sense," Harold points out. "You were a lawyer before, and she was a princess... or something. Both of you had to isolate yourself from situations pretty regularly."

"So what you're saying is that there are two bubbles," Pinkie says with a smile. Oh joy, another puzzle for her to solve I suppose. "The mind is a complicated realm indeed. So complicated in fact that I could spend all day speaking about its complexity and the little doohickies in the corners."

Ginny groans and rolls her eyes. "Oh, not philosophy again, it's absolute bullsh--"

"There are children watching us," Pinkie says.

"But I really didn't mean to imply...." I start, trying to patch up the faux pas I have stumbled into.

"She gets it, 'Shy." Shining says. "Don't freak out, it'll only make things worse."

I nod meekly and kept eating.

"So, if Cadence is not communicating with you, she might be worried for your mental safety, or scared. Let us know if we can do anything to help you." Shining says, diplomatically phrasing his statement to apply to both Linda and Cadence.

"Thanks..." Linda shrugs. "We can hear each other, but it's not anything defined. Like, we're talking from across the room." She gestures a hoof at the ceiling. "I think we just... need to concentrate."

"Lucid dreaming," Pinkie says helpfully. "Until you're totally internalized the initial contact would be difficult. Be ready for a bad case of pillowmouth though."

For a moment, the table is quiet. I have enough time to zone out a little as I eat.

I wonder where Angel is, if he is doing okay. He has a lot of responsibility when I am away, though he has never complained about it before. I wonder about my roommates back in Reno, how they have been functioning without me to give them rides and buy them food. In the end there isn’t a whole lot I can do about any of that, just fix this. How exactly I was supposed to fix a dimensional breach was well beyond me, but the Elements had done amazing things before, like giving Celestia back her sister. I wonder how Luna is doing. I will have to ask Markus over Facebook sometime.

Pinkie breaks the silence, naturally. I think she is afraid of things being quiet for longer than a few minutes. "So, what do you think will happen in the season 3 premiere?"

"Well, nothing big was going on before we left, but from the previews that came out, some empire? I wonder if our reality isn't connected or matching up with the written show anymore." I ponder as I ate a few bites of corn bread.

"What I know is that the Evil King Sombra made the crystal empire disappear for an eon and Cadance is supposedly the crystal princess." Pinkie lists.

"Oh great," Linda says miserably. "More pressure."

"So my theory," Pinkie continues as though uninterrupted, "is that the crystal ponies are robots. Or the magitech equivalent. They gained intelligence and self awareness, but their maker King Sombra was all 'Oh no, you will obey me!' So then Luna and Celestia go medieval on his flank, but he grabs the robot's power source and runs. Fast forward to now, and we get Sombra's descendent--a certain pretty pink princess--stumbling across the power source. But in order to acclimatize the crystal ponies to the modern world, Twilight and crew have to host a sort of... fair or something that they prepare before the power source is plugged in."

"You just want there to be robot ponies," Ian says, making a very valid point.

"Robot ponies are awesome." Pinkie countered, with a slightly less valid point.

"I think we would know if Cadence was a magical construct, er.... Robot pony." Shining says with a raised eyebrow. "I'd know, at least."

I had, shamefully, known less about the premier than they had already pointed out, so I stay quiet. Assumably the premier would air regardless, and it would be very very odd to see myself on screen.

“Nonono, Cadence is completely organic. She’s just a descendant of Sombra, who made the robot ponies.” Pinkie continues.

Linda coughs and eyes Pinkie warily. “I’m not comfortable talking about this.”

“Fair enough," Pinkie says. "Let's talk about something that makes somepony else uncomfortable. Tomorrow's Halloween, Erishy, will you be participating in the festivities?"

I open my mouth, assuming by my own nature that I would say no. But at some level I rebel against the idea that my behavior had to be so rigid.

"Yes." I say, to my own surprise as much as anyone else. "I'll need some hair dye, a trip to hot topic, and some magical assistance." I continue, coming up with an idea on the spot.

"A... And I'll want someone to stay close to so someone doesn't try to ponynap me." I finish, looking down at my mostly empty plate.

"It was assumed we would be doing things as a group, though I never was one for handing out or going for treats, so I will probably just tag along." Shining says.

"Why submit to mass market costumes?" Jacqueline says eagerly. "I have hair dye and I've been known to make four outfits in less than two hours."

"Truefax," Linda says supportively. "I timed her, and the costumes were very high-caliber."

"We could confer tonight," Jackie continues. "I already got your measurements from our first meeting."

Pinkie looked a bit confused. "I didn't see any rulers or tape measures--"

"Oh, no nono. I'm a... hmm. Tactile measure? I put my hands to the person, it helps me predict how their clothes would move." She explains.

"I was thinking a gothic 'shy? Sort of like the fanbase imagined emoshy, but a bit more spunk." I say, pleased that the cosplayers were so eager to help me out on my first ever participation in the holiday.

"Gothic, gothic..." The cosplayer breaks into a wide smile. "Lace fairy!"

Ginny sighs. "Lace fairy? Really?"

Jackie smiles happily, certainly in her element. "If I combine a green base with black vines... layer some frills... makeup, hmm, how would makeup work with fur--"

"Hide," Pinkie corrects her. "Fur has multiple layers. A hide just has one."

"Powder instead of liquid." I suggest. "Maybe a watered down hair dye?" I am really getting excited at the idea of being done up in green and black gothic for Halloween, whether out of a newfound sense of ego or my newly discovered fame, the prospect of being disliked or shunned seems more remote now.

Shining just chuckles and rolls his eyes.

Pinkie immediately notices his dismissive attitude and homes in on him like a party cannon on a drab house. "Oh, we need to talk about your costume too! After all, if we're all going to do this--"

"You're going to make us do a couple theme aren't you," Linda interrupts.

"Oh come on, at least let me work up to the punchline!"

"Hmmm. How bout no?" Linda proposes.

"If you make me do a costume, it has to be functional. I won't be wearing binding clothes or fake weapons. Now if you get your hooves on an actual shortsword...." Shining says with a grin.

Jacqueline pauses, examining him with a careful eye. Her eyes glitter as a wide smile begins to grow on her face.

Linde snorts. "Oh come off it, Jackie, the only sword you have on hand is the one that Harold used--" She suddenly stops, mid eye-roll, as she remembers something. "Oh no."

"But it's so perfect, darling!"

"No no no. No. We are not doing that. No."

"And you would look elegant, refined...."

"You know how I feel about that! Okay? No!"

"You sure do say no a lot," Pinkie snarkily interjects. "Does it come from being a lawyer?"

"What?"

"What are you two talking about?" Ian asks.

"Well, I've been in the costuming business for a lot longer than ponies, you see, and Harold agreed to model this absolutely--"

"I was Aragorn." Harold explains.

I am beyond lost, but Julien seems to get it. Linda just hides behind her forehooves.

Pinkie gave them a malicious smile. "Perfect. Perfection incarnate."

"So.... Linda would be Arwen? I... Don't particularly hate this idea. Though the mixing of memories at this point is a bit disconcerting." Shining says with a mix between a smile and a frown.

"I... Am more knowledgeable about D&D than Lord of the rings." I admit with a chuckle as I finish off my last bits of food and ponder if my life will ever be sane enough to play a session again.

"But I know Aragorn would be a cool outfit, although rushed to put it on a pony." I finally say.

"I hate being pretty," Linda practically sobs. "I'm not a pretty girl. I'm a practical girl."

"You're a very pretty pony," Pinkie says, twisting the metaphorical dagger.

I suppose Linda decided to fight back, since she smiles back. "And what about you, Reid? What are you going to drape your pink body in?"

"Low blow, missy, low blow."

"Question stands."

Pinkie ponders the question. "Hmmm. Something ridiculous yet funny... Preferably simple... I could just plunk on sunglasses and go as Gangsta Pinkie."

I smile a bit more than I should have at the opportunity to cause a friend to suffer, and I put forward the suggestion of doom.

"You should go as the joker." I say eagerly.

"Mane under a slicked back wig, fake scars. And you could do the jacket too!"

"Too close," Pinkie says, her dark look making me want to go on the frantic apologizing spree again. "Part of being an actor is knowing exactly how closely you can skirt the line between acting and being. That's too close. If I dressed up as the Joker, I would BECOME the Joker. He's too close."

I droop my head. "Sorry...."

Pinkie sighs. "No it was a good idea for a normal... person..."

"Retro pinkie. Pink afro and parachute pants." Shining says as he sips some soda through a straw.

Pinkie shrugs, obviously unenthused. "Yeah, I can't style the mane. And Retro's funny, but not in the All Hallow's Eve sort of style..."

“What about elvis? Or you could do the dragon fighting costume from that time you got swatted around wearing a box and flippers.” I propose hopefully, trying to redeem myself.

“Still don’t have hammerspace.”

Jackie pipes up; “I could do that dragon thing, though.”

“Nah, too unoriginal.... POOKA! I could go as a Pooka!” Pinkie’s eyes light up as she says ‘Pooka’ as though it was the most awesome thing ever.

“How about dressing up as birdo? He and or she was pink.” I suggest, thinking a video game theme might do the trick.

“Too obscure, but a vidgame could be a decent concept. Hm. Oh no wait... MIDNA.”

Again I am lost. Despite being in computer repair for 5 years, I have never been a video game junkie, only playing a few games in between my life falling apart.

“Oh my.... That will be difficult, but I suppose if I pull an all nighter I could get all four of you your costumes.” Jackie says, determined.

“You pull all nighters often?” Ian asks.

Jackie nodded, leaving quite a bit unsaid but confirming she had likely spent a large portion of her nights awake, working on random stuff. “Yes.”

“Don’t mess yourself up for the sake of a little fun. We are in the middle of a worldwide crisis as well.” Shining points out, the guard in him keeping an eye on the prize.

“But... the goth costume, I could help with if that’d make it easier.” I say, excitedly tapping my forehooves together at the idea of getting to spend time sewing and creating something.

“How did you learn sewing anyway?” Ginny asks.

Suddenly I regret speaking up at all, since I am suddenly the center of attention. “Me?” I squeak.

“You.”

“Which you? You you or you you?” Pinkie asks.

“You you.” Ginny clarifies unnecessarily.

“Ah, that you. I’ve always wondered about that too.” Pinkie says, turning her gaze on me as well.

I take a steadying breath and keep my eye on the back of a distant chair. “Well... My mom wanted a girly girl, and tried to teach me to sew, that was Erica. As ‘Shy, I um... I used to sew little things to sell when I lived at the orphanage to have extra money.”

“Wait, you lived in an orphanage? I thought that Lieutenant Barricade was your mother!” Pinkie says in shock.

“....no, sorry, Reid thought that. Pinkie didn’t think anything.” She corrects herself.

“Yeah... There was a reason why falling from a cloud and finding a home on the ground didn’t trigger a country wide search for me. I wasn’t exactly missed.” Listening to the words come out of my mouth, that was a lot more bitter than I meant for it to be, I think as I close my eyes.

The whole group was soon hugging me, and for a moment, I really feel better. If I can get friends like this, if I can survive and thrive on my own, the pain of the past might fade someday.

I notice as I open my eyes and smile in the warm group hug, that people all around the restaurant have actual cameras as well as phones and I think I saw an HD video camera in one corner. Naturally we are the focus of attention.

“I don’t like being a celebrity. Anypony else wanna go to sleep?” I say, just wanting to leave.

“No.” Pinkie says simply.

Jackie releases the hug and looks to her watch. “I need to stay up all night.”

“No offense to Cadance, but I want to postpone our inevitable dream meeting.” Linda says.

Ginny just shrugs. “To be honest, I’m not tired at all.”

“I was in the marching band, this isn’t even exhausting.” Ian comments.

“I actually saw an interesting computer store on the way here.” Harold looks towards the exit, trying to spot it.

So I am the only antisocial one, not surprising. Though I suppose with my friends I could survive the public for a while longer.

“Or go back and sew and stuff... I just wanna get out of the public spotlight for a bit.” I say.

The only detractor is the computer store visit before heading to the hotel, and we will have to go that way anyway. After the meal is paid for, we make our way into the mall.

I hate malls.

chapter 50. Fasten your seatbelts.
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Becoming Fluttershy

chapter 50. Fasten your seatbelts.

"I must have missed something,” I declare, finally approaching the group. “So how is the planning going?"

I heard gilda’s paws and claws (Which should really be the name of a restaurant catering to the changed, now that I think about it) on the carpet behind me as she slowly makes her way into the room as well.

"Weeeeeeeeell... It... hasn't happened any further then what you know." Reid looks down, scuffing her hoof against the carpet.

I smile a little, not overly surprised by the lack of structured planning. "Oh... well I think so far it sounds like gilda, cadence, shining, pinkie and one or two humans will drive, but cadence and shining could fly,” I say with a relaxed shrug as I try to mentally count off all of our group while looking around to see if I missed anypony.

"I can't drive,” Reid says quickly, and Ginny pipes up too. “Neither can Jackie."

Jackie frowns immediately. "Oh come on!" She protests.

"Remember when we first met?" My number one fan crosses her arms, not budging on the subject.

“Wait, driving?” Gilda asks, completely lost, as I sort of zone out, lost in the hubbub as they all talk over each other.

"So... Jackie would fly with us?" I ask during a short lull in the many people and ponies talking.

“I'm not that bad of a driver,” she protests again, restarting the conversation.

After a few more moments, Gilda rolls her eyes and grumbles. “Listening to you guys talk makes me feel like someone is walking over my grave.”

I resist the urge to laugh. "It's called banter. I'm terrible at it too."

"I already knew you were bad at driving.” The comment barely registers in my mind as who it was from, but I bow my head a little and lay my ears back in regret. One car crash and my years of being a great driver mean nothing... Pinkie probably would want to be nowhere near my car. Or me.

"So that's Shy, Ian, and Jackie definitely going on the plane, and probably Ginny because she's Shy's number one fan. Me and Shiny on the ground with Gilda... and Harold, because we need a driver."

"And since our elderly patron will probably fly, I'll stick with the ground crew." Pinkie says, as Gilda nods in agreement.

"Sounds fair,” she says.

I think over the plan, pondering the way it will all work out. "So gilda and the rest will get there a day later? Should give me time to start organizing and trying to get in contact with the princesses."

"...I guess? I dunno, I'm terrible with schedules.” Pinkie just shrugs, and the group starts to mobilize.

Ian speaks first. "Let's split our stuff up." He turns to head towards the pile of things we had prepared to go. "Check ta make sure all tha stuff you have is going with ya."

"I'll go with you, you're... kind of short now and somebody could run you over by accident." Cadence seems blunt, like she is talking to a foal. Definitely Cadence and not Linda. Linda would have been more understanding of Ian’s situation.

I see Gilda looking around with a look as though she had tasted something bitter. I wonder if she is unsure what to do, but I don’t have anything left to pack, so I cannot delay it any longer.

With a shrug, I speak up. "You just have Cale's stuff right? I could show you to the car so you can decide which vehicle to ride in."

"Actually, with the way things are set up, she's going to need to learn how to drive." Harold stands. "I'll move everything from the van to Ian's car so I can teach her."

Pinkie shivers and sticks her tongue out. “Driving. How normal people do it I'll never know... I tried once, but... it was... wrong."

Gilda just looks at us like we are all crazy. "... You want me to drive?"

Harold pantomimes holding onto the steering wheel of a car. “You have hands. Talons. You can grip the wheel.”

Gilda was less than convinced, still seeming to have an aversion to our plan and our technology. "And that's a good reason in what world?"

I was about to say “This one,” when I remembered something. Motivation to drive is most often self sufficiency, but Gilda has no real need for that type of transportation. So the other motivation to own a car comes into play. The coolness factor.

"Hey! Let me show you something." I trot over to my backpack and pull my laptop out by the edge with my mouth, before dragging it over to the conversation and opening it. After a few moments of awkward silence while I search for a video on Youtube, I find what I want.

The video is of a corvette, the most “Ego driven” car I can think of. In the video someone is taking it down a track at high speeds while the sun sets.

"That's what driving a car is like,” I lie. “There is a speed limit but you get to guide this huge machine on the road, and if you can drive then you can help out the others, letting them rest. I drive a lot and let me tell you, it is really wonderful when someone can take over to let you rest. It would mean a lot to us if you could help."

I end my plea with a nervous smile, hoping that somehow she will not only drive safely, but happily.

"Also, apparently Pinkie can't drive. And between Linda and Cadance... one is still getting used to her body, and the other probably wouldn't have a clue. You though. You have the eagle eye, the instinct to keep that car safely on the road. Trust me, you'll need it." Harold adds this and I grin. Compliments to win a girls heart.

"Eagle instinct, eh?" Gilda rolls her eyes while she looks away, trying to think of any reason to decline our request. "Fine. I don't even know if Cale knows how to drive."

I smile and chuckle under my breath as I put my laptop away. "Who is going to meet with the lady. I'm assuming that shining would want to, you pinkie?"

"Well... we should all meet up and explain why we're splitting up. That sound okay?" Pinkie proposes, and I nod.

"Okay let me get shining." I zip up my backpack and trot away to find Julien, looking in two rooms before finding him leaving the restroom.

“Hey. So we have done a little planning, sort of. Ready for a gathering?” I ask with my trademark smile, it feels like my only expression is nervous hopefullness.

“Yeah. Hey, before we go, this may be the last chance we get for a little while to be... discrete.” He talks as though we are discussing the weather, but I can tell this is much more serious.

“Of course, what’s up?” I ask after a brief pause, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ve been in contact with the CIA. With the ongoing crisis, I figured we should be in communication with the highest authority I can get my hooves on.” He stops, gauging my reaction.

“Makes sense. Have they offered protection, or help of some sort?” I ask, a bit concerned that he doesn’t seem to want to tell everypony else, but I understand that the captain of the guard likely knows better than we do how to handle a situation like this.

“They can only offer limited oversight, due to the scope of the problem. Though I have been promised that there will be an undercover agent on our flight. They have also given me diplomatic immunity, which I can use to take care of some problems that have been bothering me.” He stops again, this time more meaningfully.

“W... What is it?” I ask, more worried now than anything.

“I got this back.” He floats out the black case that I immediately recognize as my pistol. Popping it open in his shimmering magic field, he shows me that it is loaded and cleaned.

“You have special permission to carry it in your carry on luggage, as a guarded member of a diplomatic envoy. I know it won’t be easy for you to use with your hooves, so I have also got you these.” He floats over what look like two metal plates, which fit into the frog of my forehooves snugly. They are rubberized and one has a metal protrusion, which fits into the fingerguard of the pistol, so that I can pull the trigger. I take them off and set them down.

“I can’t.” I say it simply, looking away.

“It’s okay, just wanted to give you the option,” he says softly.

“I just...”

“It’s okay, Shy. I understand.” He puts it all into his bag with a smile. “If anything, it will be less paperwork when this is all over.” He gives me a hug and we trot out into the other room, in which I can hear Pinkie shouting.

"BECAUSE REASONS,” she squeaks at a defining pitch.

I move forward and they notice I have returned. "You two okay?" I ask.

"The reasons are?" Gilda continues, undeterred.

Pinkie turns to me with the worst “liarjack” face I have ever seen. "Hey there Shy we were just talking about Gilda's most embarrassing secret."

Gilda seems caught entirely by surprise, meaning that they weren’t talking about anything of the sort. "...Secret?"

"You should be happy Applejack isn't here," Shining calmly points out.

Everyone else makes their way into the room, until we have a packed bunch of ponies and humans. I look over to Ian quickly to see that he is still in charge, and still unhappy, before looking back to Pinkie.

"So. Take the floor, pinkie. What's up?" Julien asks.

"Well, you know.... things. And stuff. And birds--OHMYGOSH SHY YOU NEED TO TALK TO A PIGEON." Pinkie looks to me, but I have no idea how to respond. Before I can though, Gilda interrupts again.

"Pinkie... Tell me what my secret is..."

"No. It's secret."

“PIE! Tell me already, dang it!" Gilda snarls.

"...I... actually don't know."

The two glare at each other in aggravation and frustration, before Gilda gives up on the whole thing. Then I have to wonder, why would Pinkie be talking about secrets at all if Gilda didn’t have any? I look over to the pink mare with an inquisitive face.

"So, if Gilda doesn't have a secret, what's your secret, pinkie?" I ask.

Everything is silent for a moment, until she replies with a dismissive; “”I... am actually a big fan... of cats."

I raise an eyebrow, but after a bit of everyone sitting around, staring at me and her, Julien raises a hoof. "Well. Go ahead and explain the plan."

"We all drive over to our benefactor's house, and explain why we're splitting up. Then you, your semiwife, Gilda, me, and Harold continue the road trip while everybody else flies." Pinkie lists the plan in rapid succession, which is curious because a moment ago she had no idea what the plan was.

"Great. I'm packed, as is Shy. I think we are ready to go. This will be the last chance to get in some good hugs, take advantage of it,” he points out, before turning away.

I look up to pinkie, a thought shooting through my mind. “If only she would hold me. Everything would be okay.” Of course it is absurd, but it is a thought I have trouble banishing. I look away with a faint heat across the bridge of my muzzle, and a bit of moisture in my eyes.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...." She sounds like a computer locked up and rebooting. I step a tiny bit closer, shuffling my hooves on the gritty carpet.

"Hey,” I whisper.

"....hey,” she replies with a slight red tint to her face, that I am sure I am matching. "Uh... I... think I should, uh... maybe wash off this paint and get dressed before wegosoI'mgoingtodothatnowbye!"

For a moment, her forelegs wrap around me, and I can feel my coat brush against hers, her warmth surrounding me, and then she is gone.

I sit, staring at the carpet for a bit, vaguely aware of the dialogue around me.

"....Ten bucks says they don't start daten' till after this whole thang is fixed,” Ian says.

Gilda shrugs. "Ten bucks they're already thinking about banging."

Ian frowns. "No deal. Discord gave mah brother that whole sex thinken' thang, and ya just mentioned it now front of Erishy so of course she's thinken' bout it."

"Shells. Well, you saw through that plan." Gilda shakes her fist in mock frustration, and I move over to a corner, with my backpack. After unzipping it and re-zipping it at least ten times, I get it onto my back and pass by the cosplayers on my way to the parking lot.

"You know kung fu, you'll be okay." I hear Jackie telling Harold.

"There's room in my car, if you want." I tell Gilda, forgetting about the whole driving lesson in my rush to get someone into my car, someone to be near me and to talk to.

Harold remembers, though, grabbing Gilda before I can take her to my vehicle.

"Oh no, I've still got to teach you how to drive." He takes her to the van that all the cosplayers have been using, and they start to go over the mechanics of driving, and I stand alone by my car until Pinkie comes out with her clothes on. I can’t get over how odd it is to see her with jeans and a shirt on.

"We sharing a car again?" She asks, immediately giving me a feeling as though my chest had been stomped on repeatedly.

"You... don't have to... I could take shining and Cadance... you should go with the rest." I whisper, trying not to look up, trying not to imagine the scorn and disappointment she must have on her face.

"...hey, this is the last time we'll be together till we hit New York,” she says with a bit of regret in her voice. “Awkward emotions aside, I'm not letting you sit in that car alone. You are my friend at the very least.... and, um, I'm still figuring out the rest."

I try not to smile, any bad feelings soothed by the fact that she is willing to ride with me, to be close a little longer.

"Yeah... I guess I'm driving then... I'll try really hard to be safe... I promise,” I reassure her, getting up into the booster seat and taking the steering wheel in my hooves.

"I'm just really sensitive to acceleration. That's all,” she reassures me.

And so we leave the hotel behind, and with it all possibility of an uneventful trip.

Author's Note

I would like to thank all my readers, whether they like my writing or not, for sticking with me this far.
In one of the comments back towards the start of this whole thing, I theorized that I might get to New York by 20 chapters.
Since then I have taken over the group, created 50 chapters, and helped organize more than 20 separate stories into this worldset.
For those who have asked, we do have a goal, a plot, and a set timeline. These things simply take time and a lot of energy.
Also, we lost the old group page. This sucks, but we can recover. A new group has been created, link in my story description.