Twilight plays D&D

by Dragrace

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 3746

D&D isn't a game of simple rules. Twilight knows that fairly well.

Everypony has imagination to a certain extent. It may not seem like much, but the bookworm actually has the most, she doesn't stick to facts alone. When her friends walk in on her playing a strange game, they want to join her. Of course, there are rules, limitations, and of course, a lot of imagining. Will Twilight be able to handle her friends' attempts to play this game? Or will all efforts fail, and Twilight hide in her closet for the rest of her life?

Published 2012-10-27 08:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-27 08:30:02 UTC

But what about the rules?

The silver unicorn swiftly jumped behind a pillar made from stone, as she had been doing repeatedly ever since she had entered the crypt. The small etchings across the pillar were still clearly visible, practically telling the unicorn that this area was still frequently patrolled. A torch floated by somewhere behind the pillar, casting a small shadow of the hidden unicorn. The unicorn quickly extinguished the light on her horn as the hoof steps became much louder. Adjusting her cloak to make the shape blend in with the surroundings, the unicorn carefully analyzed the area around her. She was in some sort of main room of a crypt, incredible artwork littered both the roof and the stone walls. The floor consisted of large stones, most of which were uneven and of varied heights. As the torch light died down, the unicorn's light spell lit up once more, allowing her to see where she was walking. Each step echoed through the room loud enough to awaken the undead around her; however the cross she wore around her neck maintained enough holy power to keep the undead from rising. As she continued to wander down the halls, the eerie silence was broken by the sound of knocking on wood.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

The unicorn darted behind the pillar once more in attempt to hide from whatever was approaching, however she tripped over a raised stone and face planted onto another. As she slowly rose from the ground, she felt one of the rocks beneath her slowly sink into the ground, and she heard the loud grinding of gears. Attempting to avoid the trap, she quickly sprinted down the hallway she had-

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

The ceiling quickly began to crumble, and the entire crypt began to collapse overhead. Attempting to read her scroll of teleportation-

"Hello? Anypony home?"

Twilight snapped back to reality, rubbing her hoof against her forehead. She was rarely disturbed at this time of night, as Spike was usually asleep and nopony seemed to leave their own home at this time. Rolling her eyes, she trotted towards the door just as it swung open, barely missing the startled mare.

"Oh, hey Applejack." Twilight stated quite blandly. "What brings you here at this time of night?"

"Ah was jus' comin' tah town tah borrow ah book for Applebloom." Applejack said, practically emphasizing her drawl. "Says she's gonna be ah research pony. Not sure that's ah good idea and all, last time she borrowed ah book she almost burned down the entire library! But enough about mah problems, what took y'all so long tah answer the door?"

"Oh, I was just doing a bit of roll-playing, Dungeons and Dragons is one of my favorite games!" Twilight replied, a grin spread across her face.

"Dungeon an' what now?"

"Dungeons and Dragons. It's a game where you explore perilous dungeons, avoiding traps while killing monsters, and grabbing all kinds of interesting loot! I still think it would be more fun with more ponies though, playing by yourself can be a little boring at times..."

"Uh, well, ah guess ah could give it a shot for ya, Twi. Ain't mah kind of game, though, but it might be more fun than pickin' apples all day!"

"Thanks Applejack! I've always wanted to be the DM, of course, not playing against myself, there's too many spoilers I know of..."

"Well, ah'll be sure to invite the others as well. So you wanna play tomorrow or somethin'?"

"Yeah, sure, just after noon. Oh I just can't wait! This is going to be so much fun!"

With a small squee, Applejack took that as her queue to leave. Barely remembering why she had even left, she had already begun to regret wanting to play that darned game with Twilight, especially since Twilight is very rule-oriented. From the sounds of things, there was going to be plenty of rules to follow...

Morning came swiftly, and Twilight was already preparing the Library for the game of Dungeons and Dragons. Spike was going to be out all day; she had given him a large list of groceries to collect as well as some extra money to spend for himself. Twilight had moved all of the furniture out of the way and shoved it in the basement to provide maximum space. Sometimes, she would end up a little too into the game, and act as if she was the level 17 Wizard, destroying all the hordes of zombies and orcs before her. Carefully pulling out her trusty rule book, she placed it between the Dungeon Master's guide and the Player's Handbook. Making a few final adjustments to the books to ensure they were properly lined up, she head knocking at the front door.

"Come in!" Twilight chimed, as the door swung open revealing the five mares behind it.

"Sorry we're late, dear." Rarity said. "It would appear that Rainbow Dash startled poor Fluttershy this morning by crashing through her window... Again."

Rarity glared towards Rainbow giving a displeased look. Fluttershy cringed a little after the reminder of what had occurred, and Rainbow Dash forced out a nervous smile. Pinkie was dressed up in an extravagant dragon costume, the green scales shined brightly and the fangs looked almost identical to those of a real dragon. The costume was far too large for Pinkie, but she still managed to happily bounce around the room and maintain her balance.

"Oh! I am soooo looking forward to role-playing! Since we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, I decided that I wanted to be the dragon! I didn't really want to be the dungeon; I didn't have enough time to make that sort of costume over night! That and I don't really know what a dungeon would do, other than sit around really, and I don't think that would be fun to just sit around while everypony else role-plays!" Pinkie exclaimed, never stopping to take a breath.

"Pinkie, it's not called Dungeons and Dragons because you play as a dungeon or a dragon..." Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes, "It's because of the atmosphere, and it usually takes place in a dungeon where you slay dragons."

"I didn't think you were the kind of person to role-play, Rainbow." Twilight said.

"I don't. I already promised Pinkie I'd spend the day with her, and I didn't know she was going to come here to play a stupid RPG." Rainbow said with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"I still find it odd how you know so much about Dungeons and Dragons. I didn't think anypony else in Ponyville knew about it!"

"I've met my fair share of nerds in the past. I know a lot of dorky stuff."

There was a pause in the conversations, as Fluttershy finally stepped forward.

"I really hope we don't have to hurt anything... I just don't think I could do something like that! Even if it is just imaginary, I couldn't imagine hurting an innocent creature! Sorry if that ruins the game..." Fluttershy said sheepishly.

"Oh no, don't worry. You can be a Cleric or Druid and focus on animal skills and healing. That way you could help us without hurting anything." Twilight responded.

"Oh, thank you. Does that mean I can have animal friends?"

"I believe so, Fluttershy." Rarity said. "From what I remember, you can summon plenty of creatures to help you."

"Rarity, you've played D&D before?" Twilight said, quite surprised.

"No, but I've had plenty of clients bore me with their adventurous stories. I don't mean any offense to role-players, of course, but sometimes they can get a little too into their silly games."

"Well I guess I moved the furniture for nothing..." Twilight mumbled.

"What was that, dear?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking of a back story, and you should get to creating your characters! If you need any help, just used the Player's Handbook here." Twilight said, levitating a dark blue book over to the group. "Oh, and make sure you don't all pick the same class, you want to have variety, a little spice! Mix it up, it'll be fun, I promise!"

"What does this mean? Why are there numbers everywhere? Can I use magic as a pegasus?" Rainbow asked, pointing to multiple different pages in the Handbook..

Meanwhile, Pinkie was jumping around the room, now free of her dragon costume, while Fluttershy and Rarity were both scribbling down their character information on paper. Applejack was still scratching her head as she tried to solve the equation for determining her Armor Class.

"Any class can cast magic in Dungeons in Dragons, Rainbow, it's just that unicorns have significant intelligence and wisdom bonuses, making them much better caster characters." Twilight said, carefully planning out her map on a piece of grid paper.

"Caster what now? I just want to be super speedy and strong, and take out all the enemies really fast!" Rainbow said as she flew throughout the room.

"Well, pegasi do make good rogues..."

"Sweet! I'll be a rug or whatever!"

"A rogue, dear, and you may want to fill out this character sheet to keep track of all the information." Rarity said, levitating a piece of paper over to the cyan mare.

"Oh, umm... What do I do with this?"

After a brief facehoof, Rarity trotted over to Rainbow and began explaining the mechanics of the game. Twilight was carefully planning out her dungeon, ensuring there was a balance of traps, enemies, secret areas, and neutral NPCs. Pinkie was still hopping around the room wildly, apparently she had completed her character sheet within seconds after receiving it.

Another 15 minutes passed before the group had finished setting up their characters. Rainbow Dash had decided to be a rogue, despite the fact she was going to charge head first into most combat situations anyways. Fluttershy would be a Druid for the strong animal abilities, as well as taking the much needed support role. Rarity had decided to be a Wizard and she had come up with a spellbook filled with enchantments to make herself look her best while destroying her enemies. Applejack was to be a Vanguard, to serve and protect her allies. Then there was Pinkie Pie. She had decided to be a Ninja-Paladin-Sorcerer-Warrior dragon. Yes, she still wanted to be a dragon, and Twilight eventually gave in saying she would have to be a smaller one, probably just a little larger than Spike. After pulling out a large list which Twilight had filled with various possible events and notes, she began to create a small tower in a transparent magical aura.

"The king has sent you to-" Twilight began.

"Oooh! Oooh! Who's the king? What's his name? How did he become king? Can I be queen?" Pinkie asked.

"Pinkie just let me finish the background story, so you know why you've embarked on this quest." Twilight replied.

"I still think it's stupid that I can't just charge into the enemies and kill them all before they even know what's going on. That's what I would do if this thing was real!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"It's not real, get over it. So, back to the story-"

"Umm... Sorry to interrupt, but did we meet any animals that I could befriend on the way to the tower? I want to have as many animal friends helping me as possible, if that's okay."

"Okay, you met... Umm... A small robin on the way, and you befriended him and all that jazz."

"Oh, what's his name? How big is he? It is a male robin, right? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions."

"You can make up whatever you want, Fluttershy, but can you please let me finish-"

"Oooh! Oooh! Do I get to say something while you're talking too?" Pinkie said, as she continued bouncing happily around the room.

"Well, seeing as you just did-"

"Woo! This is going to be so much fun!"

"It would be more fun if I could actually finish..." Twilight muttered under her breath. "So, as I was saying, the king has sent you all to Starswirl's tower after his recent discovery. He had created a magical amulet that has the power to ascend a single pony into a god-like state; however an imp had stolen it and became a Demon Lord. In attempts to stop the demon, Starswirl was encased in stone, and the demon escaped into the labyrinth below the tower. It is up to your small group to stop the Demon Lord and save Starswirl from his statue state!"

The room was silent for a few moments, before Twilight finally spoke once again.

"So are you going to do anything in the tower, or just stare blankly like you are now?"

On that queue, everypony began talking at once, and in attempts to be heard their talking eventually turned into yelling. Fluttershy cowered in a corner, shaking in fear as the volume of chatter increased. Slamming both her hooves against her ears, Twilight shook her head. She already regretted playing this game with others.

"QUIET!" Rainbow yelled, forcing everypony to stop talking. "Can I do something now?"

"Uhh... Sure?" Twilight said, removing her hooves from her head.

"Alright! I want to kick a hole in the wall!"

"What? Why?"

"Why not!"

"Alright then... Umm... You'll have to do an attack role I guess..."

"What? I have to roll a die? That's stupid; I know I can break it so why can't I just break it?"

"Rules are rules. I also have to roll a defense roll as well, seeing as it's a wall."

"Ugh. This game is already making my head hurt. Why can't I just break stuff?"

"Ummm... I'd like to go next, if that's okay." Fluttershy said.

"Of course, Fluttershy, anypony can go, just as long as everything stays in order, and everpony doesn't start yelling over each other again."

"Okay. I'll get Benny to scout the forest around us. There's a forest around the tower, right? Otherwise I'm sorry and I'll think of something else to do."

"Oh, you're in a forest, and sure, I'll do a D20 roll to determine what you find from my list..."

Encasing the 20 sided die with her purple aura, Twilight sent the die flying through the air as it bounced several times before eventually skidding to a stop.

"Seventeen. Let's see here... Okay, so, according to my list, your bird sees a mountain in the distance with a strange shape upon it. From this distance, it's difficult to determine what the object is, but it definitely is not something natural."

"Oh, okay, I just thought I would find more animals, but that works too."

Letting out a long sigh, and with her hope almost completely gone, Twilight finally turned her attention to Rarity.

"I'd like to go next, please." Rarity said.

Twilight just nodded in response.

"I'd like to search the tables, desks, drawers, any sort of furniture for potions or scrolls. Anything of use on the adventure ahead, please.

Surprised by Rarity's knowledge of how the game worked, she carefully observed as the white unicorn picked up and rolled the 20 sided die.

"Oh, an eight. Let's see..."

Twilight then proceeded to roll six more dice, two of which were d4, two of which were d8, a d10 and a d20.

"Okay, now let's just take a look at this chart..."

The massive script Twilight held in front of her quickly shuffled up and down as Twilight analyzed the numbers. Her eyes quickly scanned the paper for the results of all of the rolls.

"So, in the tower you manage to find 3 scrolls of identify, two potions of cure moderate wounds, seven potions of cure light-"

*SNORE*

"What was that?" Twilight said, slightly startled by the loud noise.

Looking up to the window, Twilight saw that she had already lost one member of her group. Rainbow lay in the open window, snoring like a little filly. Closing the window slowly with magic, she returned her attention to the rest of the group.

"Okay, so that was everything. What do you want to do, Pinkie?"

"I want to decorate this entire place with all kinds of confetti, and streamers, and a big sign that says 'Welcome Back Starswirl, even though you never really left but we're going to celebrate you not being a statue anymore!" and then throw a huge party!"

"Pinkie..."

"Oooh! I'll throw in cake, and cupcakes, and pie, and ice-cream, and punch! It just wouldn't be a party without the punch!"

"Pinkie..."

"And we can all wear these awesome party hats!"

Without any notice, Pinkie pulled six party hats out of absolutely nowhere. Shocked by Pinkie's sudden creation of party hats, Twilight lost her train of thought and forgot what she was going to say to Pinkie. As Pinkie placed a party hat on herself, she placed one carefully on the crumpled up dragon costume as well.

"Ummm... Shouldn't you complete the quest before the party?" Twilight asked, still absorbing what had just occurred.

"Hmmm... I guess you're right, but we can still have a 'We're going on a quest' party!" Pinkie responded, as she resumed her hopping.

"Pinkie, can you please try to play the game like described in 'Sample Adventure 5' on page 365 of the Player's Handbook, 3rd Edition rules?"

"Okie Dokie Lokie! Let's be all serious now."

Instantly, Pinkie dropped to the ground, lay on her forehooves, and stared menacingly towards the tower-like hologram Twilight had conjured with magic.

"As head of the Ninja-Paladin-Sorcerer-Warriors, I shall carefully examine the area for any potential entrances to the dungeon which the Demon had escaped into." Pinkie said, with an abnormally deep voice and soothing narration. Quite similar to the narration of Morgan Freeman.

Picking up the 20 sided die, she threw it, and without even bouncing (literally stopping dead as it hit the ground) it landed on a 20.

"Oh... Well... You instantly notice there is a large spiral staircase in the center of the tower that goes both upwards and downwards. You didn't have to roll the die, you know..."

"I know, but I just wanted to!" Pinkie said, returning to her normal voice.

Rolling the 20 sided die once more, the exact same event occurred where the die did not bounce and simply landed with the 20 side facing upwards.

"Why did you roll that time?"

"Oh, I wanted to check the staircase for traps!"

"Really? Well there aren't any. Why would a peaceful Wizard ever trap something he would use every day?"

"You never know, he could summon a giant one eyed changeling or something that would try to eat him, and the trap could save him as he fled up the stairs!"

"Pinkie, please allow Applejack to have her turn, she hasn't quite gone yet."

"Hold on ah moment, you can go on ahead again Rarity, Ah'm jus' tryin' to figure out what mah darned Armor level is."

"Applejack, you've been trying to calculate that for more than half an hour! You want any help?"

"Of course not! Ah passed all mah filly classes, an' ah plan on figuring out these fancy mathematics mahself!"

"I'd like to go, please. If that's okay with you, Rarity." Fluttershy whispered.

"It's 14! Just write down 14!"

"Nah, it can't be. Y'all forgot tah include this here thingy."

"Weapon damage doesn't count in you Armor, Applejack. Write down 14 already!"

"O-Okay... So I'd like to ask my bird if he knows anything about the dungeon... A-And if there's anything scary inside." Fluttershy said to Twilight.

"Okay, just roll a 20 sided die."

Picking up the die like a new born filly, Fluttershy threw the die no more than an inch away, where it silently bounced one on the wooden floor before coming to a stop.

"Twelve... Your bird doesn't know anything about the dungeon; he has never been inside this tower before."

"Oh, well I think that's a little mean of Starswirl, not letting poor little Benny inside for a visit. Oh, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings Starswirl, but you should treat everypony equally you know. That includes animals too."

There was a loud crash, followed by the sounds of several branches breaking. Instantly Twilight looked towards the window where Rainbow had fallen asleep, to find she was able to clearly see the tree's branches without a pesagus blocking her view. After a couple of 'Ow's and some more branches breaking, the noises finally came to a stop. There was a brief delay before the front door to the Library slammed open, in it stood a cyan mare with destroyed hair and twigs throughout her mane and coat.

"Hey, Rainbow! Are you some kind of leaf monster that has come to stop us from saving Starswirl from the evil Demon Lord? Or are you a wood nymph kind enough to grant us a wish in order to help us save Starswirl?" Pinkie asked.

Twilight, now turning her attention towards Pinkie, noticed that somehow she had gotten changed into an outfit which fit her role perfectly. She was wearing the dragon costume once more, but had a ninja mask on top, as well as a silver shield, a pointed wizard hat, and a long sword attached to the claw. If Twilight would ever meet a Ninja-Paladin-Sorcerer-Warrior dragon, she pictured it would be something like that.

"Ah think it's 64." Applejack said.

"How did you get such a large number!? Did you multiply something?!" Rarity said, her mane beginning to frizzle from dealing with Applejack.

"Ah don't know what y'all mean by that, but I just did this thingy to this doohickey here, an' got 64.

"I am going to KILL whoever pushed me out of that window!" Rainbow yelled.

Without much resistance, the arguing in the group ignited once more, and Twilight found herself beside Fluttershy, cuddled up in a ball shaking profusely in a corner. She was certain that it would have been a better idea just to play Dungeons and Dragons by herself.

Author's Note:

I still have no idea why I wrote this, it was just an idea that was stuck in my head and I wanted to get it down somewhere. What better place than here, I know some of those D&D fans will enjoy my basic knowledge of the game (and probably ridicule me too, or just outright hate it, but hey, it was fun to write!)