Open Mic Night

by DreamWings

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1046

It's time for the annual pony comedians of Equestria night...with all of your favourites.

Come one, come all, to Celestia's Comic Canterlot Night, where we have all that Equestria has to offer. Relax on an uncomfortable flooring, lift your imaginary glass and listen in rapture (and occasionally fear) to the best comedy that Celestia has to offer. Acts include the legendary Twilight Sparkle, the overly excited Spike, and the always presentable Miss Rarity. It's sure to be a good (sort of) time for us all.

This idea was from Peregrine Caged... So let it be written, so let it be done.

Published 2012-10-27 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-27 15:30:01 UTC

Mares and Gentlecolts...

The stage was set; the lights were off and the crowd was in silence. The announcer and host of the evening pulled on his glow-in-the-dark nose and bow-tie. Did he look okay? Who was he kidding, he looked hysterical. Everything would go perfectly tonight; he was in charge after all. And perfection was what he did best (that and hula dancing, but he didn’t want to go into that at the moment).

He trotted up to the microphone by the side of the stage, pulling it down to his mouth with his hoof. It’s time to make the magic.

“Mares and Gentlecolts,” his loud voice announced over the system, “Filly’s and foals of all ages. Will you please put your hooves together for the greatest host this side of the building.” He paused, letting the joke sink into the minds of all of the ponies watching. “Mr Caged.”

He dropped the microphone in front of him and jogged onto the stage in a quick-paced manner. He smiled a white grin to the audience whilst they clapped their hooves together in great anticipation. Mr Caged was one of the top comedians in Equestria; you could always guarantee that he’d provide you with a few laughs, even when you didn’t feel like laughing. The spotlight swung onto the green-haired stallion, sparking into his glasses lenses so he had to squint slightly to be able to see.

‘Ah, perfect, a full house.’

“Well, howdy do there ponies, how are you all feeling tonight?”
Loud screams came up from the crowd shouting all kinds of random words that popped into their heads. They were clearly getting into the ambiance of the night already.

“Whoa ponies, you almost deafened me with that yelling.” The audience fell into raptures of laughter as Mr Caged reached his hoof inside of his ear and began pulling out a long plastic pipe of some sort from inside of his ear canal. He paused and stared at it in confusion.

“Well, that’s the last ‘straw’.” The ponies groaned in delight; a perfect joke to start the show with for Mr Caged. ‘Groaners’ as he called them, were always the best kind of joke to start an evening. They somewhat put the ponies at ease before the big event started. He was getting somewhere at least. Now it was time for a little bit of un-practiced humour; audience participation time. He laid down on the floor and looked towards the young mare sat in front of him.

“Hello there,” he simmered “What’s your name?”

“Bon-Bon.” The mare turned and tittered at her teal friend next to her in nervous excitement.

“And tell me Bon-Bon, do you make candy?”

The mare nodded. The rest of the audience stared enrapt in what was happening.

“Well I can tell you right now Bon-Bon, you’re looking ‘sweet’ tonight.”

The stallion stood up into his spotlight again, beaming around at the audience in front of him.

“You see that’s what I struggle with sometimes, the whole naming process in Equestria.” A few nods floated around the seats, still listening to what the young comedian was saying. “If we were to be named our special talent, before we get our cutie marks then why work so hard to get our cutie marks at all?”

A voice sprang out from behind stage, cutting off the hosts jokes in its haste.

“So that’s what we need to do to get ah cutie marks. Use ah names to find them.” Her two friends mumbled; of course that’s what they needed to do. “Well come on then.” A door slammed shut behind the set; the loud noise echoing through to the front seats.

“Well that was a little ‘filly’.” The audience giggled at the hosts joke, but not as loudly as he would’ve hoped. He felt it was time for his short act to close and bring on a few more of the comics in the area. It was an Open Mic night after all; he couldn’t hog all of the glory. The nervous acts were getting louder, anxiously waiting for their turn to come on, not sure whether they could make it. They checked on props and scripts like there was no tomorrow. It was almost like they believed they did not get a good reception then they would be shunned from the world and to the moon.

“Hello there Princess Celestia.” The white alicorn stared down at the host, smiling at him. If he made one Trollestia or Molestia joke, he would not be so cheery. Luna sat beside her biting her hooves in worry; she hoped nopony would make that mistake tonight, the same mistake she had made all of those years ago. The punishment was not a nice thing to live through. Luna shuddered, she would never do that again that was for sure. The host knew better than talking too much to the uptight Princess. She was always so eager for the night to begin when she came.

A loud crash came from backstage and a red and white drum rolled across to Mr Caged. He shook his head. These acts were certainly a rowdy lot.

“Now that’s what I call a drum roll.”

The crowd laughed at his spontaneous punning, but secretly wanted the next act to come in. They liked ‘testing’ all of the new comers. Their Princess liked testing them as well, she even found many of them throughout the Kingdom to perform. Though she herself had never properly performed at all… and possibly never would.

“Well with that we’d better get the show started.” The stallion did his characteristically shiny smile again, setting off a round of applause around the venue. Somehow that always made ponies cheer. Mr Caged had no idea why but he used it as often as he could.

“Without further ‘adieu’,” he chuckled, “please give it up for our first comedian. All the way from her Library, it’s the infamous Twilight S-S-Sparkle.”

He cantered off stage and signalled for the violet unicorn to wander on. ‘She looks extremely confident for a beginner’ he thought to himself. ‘I’m sure I had been a lot more nerve racked my first time.’

The spotlight flooded the purple mare’s face and the show began.