Breathtaking

It wasn't a hard place to find. Hell, you could see some of it from town, it was so big. I came walking up the dirt road through the main gate. It was just a little past dawn and already the lights were on in the house. I stepped up to the front door of the main house and knocked. An elderly voice called from the back of the house.

"HOLD YER HORSES, HOLD YER HORSES! Ahm a'comin'!" A smaller, young voice called from nearby.

"Its alright granny! I got it!" Little hooves ran to the door and opened it quickly. A small filly, sort of creme colored with a red mane stood there in the doorway.

"Howdy!" I said with a smile. All I got was a gasp and a slamming door in my face. Ok, what did I do wrong? I could hear voices on the other side of the door.

"Granny Smith! Its that human Applejack was tellin' us about! "

"What in tarnation d'ya mean?"

"The human! That John feller that you been seein' in the paper!"

"Oh gracious! He's supposed to be workin' out in the south field with yer sister!"

"Well he ain't! He's right here at the door!"

"You run on and git back on those chores, youngun. I'll take care o' him."

"But granny..."

"Nooooo buts!"

The door opened again slowly. An elderly mare (she had grey hair and wrinkles. I assumed she was elderly) stood in the doorway eyeing me like I was a mischievous teenager. I smiled and introduced myself.

"Howdy, ma'am. I'm John. I believe your... granddaughter, Applejack, told you about me comin' to work for y'all, didn't she?" The green pony frowned.

"She sure did, but ya shoulda been here three days ago to start!" I bowed my head and explained.

"Well ma'am, I got real busy with some important business. I'm awful sorry about that, but y'all don't wanna hear excuses. I'm here now, an-" She interrupted me.

"And late! What kinda work you done all yer life where ya can just show up whenever it struck yer fancy?!" Shit... Granny was serious. I shook my head.

"No excuse, ma'am. If you'd kindly point me in the direction of your granddaughter, I'd happily work the rest of the day for free to make up for it."

She went back to sizing me up, one eye bugging out of it's socket, trying to take in everything it could. She reminded me of my grandmother. If they were anything alike, Granny Smith would start shouting something about how we needed to get the guns because the yankees would be coming up the drive any minute now. She just turned and went back into the house.

"Don't be silly, you'll git paid fer yer work. South field. Be ready fer some rough work, youngun." I turned and looked around. With the sun at my left shoulder, I started off towards the expansive apple orchards. It was warming up nicely and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was almost summertime. The birds were out and singing and the rolling green hills were a sight for sore eyes.

I came to the first row of apple trees and to my surprise, there was already a full crop of apples waiting in the branches. I lit a smoke and started my way through the acres of apple land. Eventually, I could hear thumps, the sounds of hooves against tree bark. Moving towards the noises, I had to wonder what was in store for the day. She had said 'applebuckin'' but I knew I couldn't do that bullshit. So, climbing? Not in these boots. What then?

I came around one row of trees and was met with the visage of a huge draft horse. The big muscled stallion casually lifted a back hoof and kicked the apple tree behind him, causing every ripe apple in the tree to tumble out of the branches and into the bushel baskets placed around the trunk. If he noticed me, he didn't show it.

Casually shaking his mane and chewing on the piece of grass in his teeth. He finally started to walk over to me. All of the other ponies I had met here (princesses aside) had their ears about level with my chest. This guy was at eye level and looked like he would enjoy pulling the Budweiser carriage solo for an afternoon stroll in the park. And he was still coming my way.

I stood my ground. There was no way he didn't see me. Why was I stressing about this so much anyways? Maybe because he looked like he could kill me with a pinkie finger... Or a hoof. Whatever. He probably knew I was coming up anyways. He came to a stop about two feet away from me, just looking at me. This seemed to be a common theme for meeting the Apple family.

"Uh... Howdy?" I said with a smile. All he did was nod. "I'm John. The uh... guy AJ hired to come on out here and help out?"

"Eeyup." So... he can speak.

"Uh... Well, where do I start?" The horse of few words pointed with a hoof towards the tree he just kicked.

"Put the baskets in the cart. Put the empty baskets next to the next tree." I nodded.

"You got it, boss." I bent down to start picking up the baskets and lift them into the big cart. The red stallion just watched me work.

In just a few minutes, I had the baskets empty and set around the next tree. He gave me an approving nod before pulling the cart over and moving to kick the apples to the ground. One casually placed hoof later and the baskets were full of apples once again. Sensing a long day of silence coming up, I tried to strike up some polite conversation.

"So, AJ never said anything about you. What's your handle?" He looked over at me, slowly chewing on the piece of grass hanging from his mouth.

"Big Macintosh." he replied simply.

"Big Mac, huh?"

"Eeyup." This was going nowhere. A couple of trees later, I tried again.

"So is there anything fun to do around here?"

"Eeyup."

"Like what?" He brought a hoof up to his chin and thought for a moment. I nearly held my breath waiting for a sentence longer than a couple of words.

Then he just shrugged.

"You don't talk a whole helluva lot, do ya?" He smiled.

"Nope."

"Why not?" After a few seconds, he answered me.

"Don't have much to say."

"About anything? You don't have any dreams? Hobbies? Girlfriends? NOTHING to talk about?" Again, he scratched his chin in thought. Then, kicking a tree and sending the apples cascading to the ground, he simply said.

"Eeyup. But I don't know you all that well." Well shit.

"Fair enough." He smiled again and we set back to work.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was right above us when we finally heard the dinner bell. Big Mac harnessed up the cart for the third time that day and we started towards the house. After working all day, I wondered how much time we could get for a lunch break and how fast I needed to run to Fluttershy's in order to get a meal.

"Hey Mac," he looked up, "How long do we have lunch before we get back to work?" He frowned.

"Couple of hours."

If I jogged there, I could eat and sit for a few minutes before coming back. Nothing I haven't done before, right? I will say this, two hours was a generous break. We got out to the main house as Granny Smith was out ringing the bell again.

"Soups on, younguns! Git yerselves on up to the house and cleaned off afore it gits too cold to eat!" Applejack came out of the orchard behind us. I waved to them before heading towards the gate.

"I'll see y'all here in a few."

"Now, just WHERE do you think yer going?!" I stopped and turned in time to see Granny Smith scowling at me. "You git yer caboose in ta this here house RIGHT NOW, MISTER!"

"Pardon?" Did I do something wrong?" AJ laughed at the confused look on my face.

"Oh come on, John. Granny went ta all uh this trouble ta fix up some grub and y'all won't stick around?" I was taken aback. Shit, everywhere else I've worked didn't feed us except for special occasions.

"Well, sure I'll stay if y'all are offering." Granny scowled again.

"Well, of course we're offerin'! I done tole ya that already!"

Applejack smiled as she held the door for Big Mac and myself.

"You won't be disappointed!" she said.

The kitchen was alive with movement and the smell of cooling food. Two huge apple pies sat in the middle of the large table surrounded by loaves of fresh baked bread, jugs of milk and other assorted dishes that smelled just as good as the last. In short, I was standing before one of the best spreads I've seen since I'd been there.

I took a seat on one side of the table. Immediately, the young filly I met at the door that morning jumped into the chair next to me. Granny Smith sat at the head of the table, Applejack sat at the opposite end and Big Mac sat across from me. A good family meal plus one.

I pulled a small napkin off the table and laid it in my lap. The bread was passed with a pat of butter and everyone chatted and joked with each other. I couldn't help but smile at the whole thing. Granny Smith must have noticed my face.

"What're yew smilin' at, boy? Aintcha never seen what a dinner table looks like?" I laughed aloud.

"Not at all, Missus Smith... Its just been years since I've had the pleasure of sittin' down for a good meal with good folks like this." The elderly pony shook her head and muttered something about ponies these days. I just smiled and ate. The youngest Apple was staring intently at me, but I did my best to ignore it.

"Well now," Granny Smith spoke up. "What dy'all have done so far fer the day?" Applejack looked up from her plate to me and her brother and back to Granny.

"We got bout a quarter of the back forty finished up before lunch. I figure with John helpin' out Big Mac, we're gettin' it done a whole lot faster than I woulda thought." Granny nodded slowly.

"You git the rest o' that half finished up and call it a day." She turned towards me. "Well, it seems like yer pullin' more than yer share o' weight out here, Mr. Marshall. How do you feel about 40 bits fer the day's work?"

I... well, I wasn't exactly sure how I should feel about that. I mean, just what was considered a fair wage around here, anyways? I looked at Applejack. She nodded and smiled. I looked at Big Mac. He frowned.

I turned back to a smiling Granny Smith and said, "Well sure, ma'am. That sounds just fine." The room was quiet for a few minutes while we all ate. Finally, the little one spoke up.

"So is everythang everypony says bout you true?" I stopped eating and smiled.

"Now, just what is everypony saying about me, little lady?" Applejack cut her off before she could say anything.

"Now, Apple Bloom... Its rude to ask questions like that!" I held up a hand.

"She's fine. Its ok. What were you sayin' now, Apple Bloom?" She grinned at her big sister before continuing.

"Well, somepony at school told me you were an ALIEN! You've got ten cutie marks and you eat ponies for dinner and you really REALLY like to get drunk and f-"

"APPLE BLOOM!" I could only laugh as the elder sister chewed out the younger. When everything quieted down, I turned to little Apple Bloom and smiled.

"Well, Apple Bloom... You can tell yer little friends at school that I AM an alien. I'm an alien from a place called Texas where we all talk like this and wear hats like yer sister's. We don't eat ponies, but we DO eat cows and chickens and pigs and just about everything else!" She gasped so I grinned and kept going. "I even ate a SCORPION once!"

"What about the cutie marks?" I rolled up my sleeve and showed her the shamrock.

"This? Isn't a cutie mark. Its a tattoo. Lots of humans pay to get them in their skin, but they usually don't have anything to do with a special talent." Her eyes got really big and I leaned back in my chair. "But drinkin' isn't something little fillies like you and yer friends should be worried about, got it?" She swallowed and nodded. Granny Smith stood up and started clearing up dishes.

"Alright, Apple Bloom. Help me git all this cleaned up and you can spend the rest of the day with yer friends." The little filly jumped up at her grandmother's call and set to work. As if remembering something suddenly, she ran back, jumped up and gave me a small hug.

"Thanks fer savin' my best friend, Scootaloo." She took off back to work before I could think to say anything in return. Memories of last night's dream flashed into my head briefly. Applejack and Big Mac smiled and started for the door.

"Hey John, we still got a little bit before we gotta git back to work. Come on out to the porch and sit a spell." I followed them outside and lit a cigarette. After a few moments, I noticed that the elder siblings were the ones staring this time.

"... What?" AJ answered me.

"Was that true what you said bout eatin' cows?" I took another drag.

"Yep." They looked horrified.

"That's... that's just..." I stopped them.

"Its normal there. We raised the cows and ate em. Nothin' personal, we just eat meat." Big Mac sat on the edge of the porch and looked off towards the fields as AJ shook her head. Finally, she looked up and asked another question.

"What about the thing about the hats?" I chuckled.

"Slight exaggeration, but kinda true."

"And... the scorpion?" I busted out laughing at the worried look on her face. Big Mac didn't look amused. In fact, they both started to look sick. Wiping a tear from my eye, I nodded.

"Yeah, haha... Yeah, I ate a scorpion once. Someone at work bet me a day's paycheck that I wouldn't do it. I took the challenge. We found a little brown scorpion under a rock later that day, so I took a knife, cut off the stinger and tossed it in my mouth out in one of the fields. Best sixty bucks I'd ever won!"

She looked sick. Big Mac shook his head. Finally, looking up, Applejack asked me one last question.

"What... Did it taste like?"

"Horrible, but it didn't ruin my appetite any, if that's what yer askin'." I laughed and followed the siblings as they moved out to the fields. Maybe we could finish work at a decent time.

It wasn't a few hours later before the day's work was finished. Applejack took me up to the house where she paid my wage and thanked me for the day's work. I finally found out what Big Mac was frowning about, too. I got outside and the big pony brought me a fifteen pound sack of apples to take home.

"You work pretty hard. We don't need these, so yer welcome to take em with ya." I smiled and thanked him as I left. I think I'm gonna like this job.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

My perception of the world continued to change. It was still heaven compared to home, but the new car smell, so to speak, was wearing off. I mean, as much as it COULD wear off. I was still in a different world inhabited by talking, magical ponies. I don't think that's ever gonna wear off. It was, however, starting to feel more... normal.

I made my way into town through the market goers packing up their wares and carts and heading home. I finally came to the place I was looking for: a little building I spotted a certain unicorn exiting the other day. The unicorn with the lyre cutie mark. Leaving my bag of apples just inside the door I stepped inside and looked around.

Pictures of mythical creatures lined the walls that didn't have windows or mirrors and the lights seemed a little dim. A bell rang against the top of the door as I came in and a flurry of hoofsteps immediately started in the next room. A light voice sounded from that area of the building.

"Come in and relax! I'll be there shortly!" The aquamarine mare eventually came out of a side door and stepped into the room.

"What can I do for you today? Haircut? Wash? Someth-" She froze when she finally spotted me. I smiled and stepped closer.

"Howdy, Lyra... I see ya remember me?" She didn't move, but a faint 'Uh huh' escaped her throat.

"I was told you ran the only barbershop in town, so I swung by." She looked surprised. "That and I came to apologize. That whole thing at the party... It was all my fault. I didn't mean to cause ya any embarrassment." She blinked a few times before finding the words she wanted.

"Uhhh... Well, uhh... Apology... accepted?" I smiled.

"Well that's good to hear." We stood looking at each other for an awkward amount of time before she shook herself into the here and now.

"Oh, how silly of me. You need... a haircut I guess, don't you?" She said, beckoning me towards a stool.

"Please. Its gotten a little long for my taste. I really need my face shaved too, but if y'all have a straight razor, I can do that." She nodded and pulled a cloth sheet over my shoulders.

"How much do you want off?" I looked at myself in the mirror and thought.

"Hmm... Leave half an inch on the sides and back... make it so the top is... Well, how about this, start with the sides and top and we'll go from there." She smiled and began to trim, We were quiet for a little while until I finally felt I should break the silence.

"So, you had a dream about me, huh?" I saw her roll her eyes in the mirror.

"It was more LIKE you really. Same hands and everything, but some things were different."

"How do you mean?"

"He was bigger. A little taller, but he looked really... I don't know. Stout. And much darker."

"Darker?"

"Yeah. Like he had more hair all over himself." I shook my head.

"I still think you dreamed up Bigfoot." She stopped for a moment.

"You said that at the party! What's a Bigfoot?" I laughed.

"Bigfoot is this huge ape-man that a bunch of people think is out there. No one's ever REALLY seen him, but everyone that 'has' basically says he's seven feet tall, hairy and walks on two legs. Like a monkey man." She laughed. "Bigfoot is just an old mythical thing... Like a lot of the creatures you have on the walls around here. Chimeras... Manticores... Minotaurs... stuff like that." She stopped and looked at me.

"What do you mean, mythical? I took those pictures myself!" Hahaha... Uh huh.

"Seriously, you're startin' to sound like all the other crazies." She started to get frustrated.

"Look, you don't have to believe me, but you can ask anyone else around here and they'll tell you the same thing."

Come to think of it, I was talking to a unicorn. A talking unicorn. A few days after I met the princesses of the land of the talking ponies. Which happened to mention the Griffon Kingdom. Yeah, its time for me to shut up.

"Well, Bigfoot ain't from around here and you had a DREAM about it!" She laughed and kept cutting my hair. With the back and the sides done, she stood back and looked at her work.

"Ok, what am I doing here?" I looked at my head.

"Well basically, I want more hair on the top than the sides, so you have to cut it so it kinda gradually gets longer as you go up. Think of it like the difference between a hill and a cliff." She nodded and set to work, magically lifting her clippers and comb to trim the hair.

"So what's it like where you're from?" she asked. "Is it kind of like here?" I spent the rest of the barber session telling her about Earth and life in the good ole U.S. of A. She laughed... and gasped, but mostly laughed.

"So now, we come to the next part. My face..." She looked at the beard growing wild on my neck, cheeks, and everywhere in between.

"You know, you could probably leave it and no one would care. Its not like we have any other humans to base it on."

"Good point," I replied. "But I would still feel weird going to something like I am."

"Going to something? Where?"

"I've been invited to the Midsummer Night's Ball by the princesses themselves." Lyra's eyes got big.

"Wow! Its definitely no Grand Galloping Gala, but still... Good job, man!" I smiled.

"So you can see why I needed to look... Presentable?" She smiled.

"Of course." Digging in a drawer, she found an old razor and started to sharpen it.

"So who are you taking with you? Twilight? Applejack?"

"Rarity, actually." She paused briefly, but continued working.

"Oh... Well, duh. Figures, the way she talks about you." I turned in my seat.

"You know, I just don't get it. She's the type to chase sophistication and class. Where I come from, I'm practically the bottom of the barrel. Folks like me are either found drunk in a bar, working shit jobs, or PNG'ed everywhere else... What does she see in me?" Lyra brought over the newly sharpened razor.

"You apparently have more class and sophistication than you think. She says you speak more than one language. Do you?"

"Actually, I know only bits and pieces of a few different ones. I learned Spanish a long time ago and forgot most of it. Still know a few words, here and there."

"Do you at least have basic manners?" I sighed.

"My mother taught me everything she could as far as etiquette goes. Said one day it could help get me married off."

"Well, it seems like its working." Lyra said with a grin. I shrugged and she continued on, passing me the razor and watching as my fingers manipulated my face to make the cuts clean.

"Aren't you some kind of soldier? Soldiers are like the next best thing to royalty around here. In fact, one of the princesses married the Captain of the Guard a while back."

"Yeah, but I was enlisted. We were the guys always goin' to the pub and gettin' into fistfights." She thought for a moment.

"One last thing: How do you treat her?" I paused.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, Rarity and I aren't exactly gal pals or anything, so I don't know stuff that Twilight or Fluttershy might know, but from what I hear, her last few coltfriends were real jerks. They showed up, wowed her with some glitz and she jumped into their hooves without really thinking.

"Long story short, they were all really bad coltfriends. I think now, she's just ready for a good sir knight to come galloping into town to sweep her off her hooves. Seems like you've had the luck of being him, so far. Saving Scootaloo, fixing up Fluttershy's place, audience with the princesses... Mystery and heroics are pretty attractive to some ponies."

I thought for a bit while slowly ridding my face of hair. Cheeks... Neck... Thinking twice, I asked if I could borrow a pair of scissors. A few short minutes later, a well-groomed man sporting a conservative haircut and a short goatee stepped out of Lyra's.

I paid the mare the going rate, plus a tip. Ten bits. No wonder Big Mac threw a sack of apples at me. Probably thought I would run out of money before I made it once through town. I stopped outside the door and called back inside.

"Hey Lyra!" she came to the door with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"What did Rarity say to you that night at the party?" Lyra laughed a little and blushed.

"You ask her. I'm just gonna forget that night happened!" I smiled and waved.

"Alright, y'all have a nice one, I'll see ya again before the ball for a trim!"

"Bye!"

I turned and headed through the town, feeling halfway fresh and groomed. Now, I was on to Rarity's.