Breathtaking

by fiXDbayonets

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 117779

A security contractor dies, makes a wish, and is transported to a world he could never imagine.

After being assigned to a simple contract escorting a US State Department Rep through hostile Afghanistan, John Marshall is shot and killed by an enemy combatant. Experiencing subconscious delusions, he makes a wish upon a falling star. A wish to leave the planet he grew up on and start a new life in a more peaceful place. Before he knows whats happening, he's thrown into a world where humans don't even exist in the first place: Equestria.
Hurt and confused, John must learn to trust these "ponies" or die. Can he, a product of the violence only too abundant in his world, learn to live in this bright new one? After all... he wished for it.

This will be a good sized fic by the time I'm finished. May even make it a series depending on how well its received.

Prereading by GunsmithPete338, 671grnsOsubtlety, Derpypony22 and Ghosty Pony

Dramatic Reading by Ghosty Pony: http://www.youtube.com/user/VinylScratchQ01

Cover Art by 671grnsOsubtlety

Published 2012-11-08 11:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-22 16:49:36 UTC

Free Falling

The state department representative we were tasked with escorting was an asshole, but that was ok. We didn't have to listen to his shit, we just had to keep our eyes open and make sure he didn't die. On US military bases in Afghanistan, you were relatively in good shape safety wise unless the bad guys decided that day was a good day for mortars. Even then you were ok. Not a lot of folks got hurt in mortar attacks these days. After they figure out where the firing is coming from, Americans will light it up with artillery, air support, whatever. Seems like no one wanted to explode the entire time we had been there, so it was still a pretty uneventful job.

We left a post in the southern part of the country and the convoy headed north. We were just three trucks, but the insides of these black Suburbans are what counts. Ten men, armed with assorted weapons were guarding one. All of us ten were warriors by trade; there was slim chance of anything out there being able to take us down. I sat in the third truck with my buddies, Dublin, Rainmaker, and Mr. Piggy. We used code names in theater, mostly because referring to someone over the radio in a hostile area by name is usually a bad idea, second because it sounded cool. I was, naturally, called Cowboy. We sat in the truck, laughing and having a good time while Dublin drove. Telling stories about life back in the States helped us keep our sanity. Piggy was telling us a story he heard about a US Marine.

"Well, there was this Marine see? He was deploying out to Iraq early in the war. His girlfriend promises him, she says 'Babe, I promise I will talk to you every night!' Well, at first she does and they're fine, but eventually, her messages and calls get farther and farther apart. She starts getting distant and not sending care packages like she used to.

"One day, after a whole month of not hearing from her, she sends him a single message. 'Ive been seeing someone else. I want you to send me back all the pictures of me I sent you.' The marine was heartbroken for a moment, but he knew what the right thing to do was. He went around the post, collecting old unwanted girlfriend pictures and porn he could find. And like any good marine, he stuffed them all into a manilla folder with a short note. The note says "I can't remember which one you are, take your pictures and send the rest back."

The inside of the truck filled with laughter. I shook my head and smiled. I heard it before, but it never got old. Also, I was pretty sure that was in an episode of MASH. Oh well, I won't kill the fun. We continued down the road for a piece, still swapping jokes and laughing. I chuckled and started telling a funny story of my own, involving a bottle of vodka, a can of spray deodorant, and a lighter. I'm just getting to the part where I light myself on fire when a huge explosion rocks the area.

Our convoy stops and I get out. Lead truck was still in one piece, thank God. I ran up to the front to find out just what in the hell was going on. Fox, the team leader stepped out of his seat in the lead truck and met me halfway.

"IED just up here on the road. They must have buried it too deep cause all it did was make a hole. Everyone's good. Head back to your truck and sit there while we figure this out."

I turned to head back and took a step just in time for a bullet to fly out of the hills nearby and hit the SUV I was standing next to. At about head height. What the fuck?! We're under attack! After that first bullet came in, the hills came alive with muzzle flashes from rifles and smoke trails from rockets. All of the group jumped out of their trucks and trained their weapons on the hills, shooting at anything that moved.

The crackle of gunfire was deafening. Explosions from incoming RPGs were louder. The bosses expected us to wear hearing protection, but when you were trained to return fire, worrying about a little hearing loss came secondary. Later. When your ears stopped ringing. So, we returned fire from various positions around one of our black Suburbans. The additional steel plating in the doors and body made it a good place to at least KIND of feel safe.

From the hills around us came streaks of incoming tracers and we fired back in kind. Our capabilities of returning fire, however were limited. The company we represented might have given each of us 10K to buy whatever the hell kinda weapons we wanted, but they said we couldn't buy anything automatic... Something about civil liability issues. I didn't pay much attention. I was drooling over the damn check and thinking about what I could get with it.

Our rounds were going off as comparatively slow pops. Theirs were coming in with about three hundred more every minute. Fox was on our radio trying to get support from a nearby military base. After all, we WERE escorting a U.S. diplomat. No big deal right? Fox tried in vain to hail someone over the radio.

"MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! WE NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY! ZULU CONVOY IS BEING HIT! UNITED STATES HVIs ARE ABOARD, SAY AGAIN! IMPORTANT FUCKING AMERICANS HERE!"

He tried it again twice more, but must have gotten no response. He threw the handset at the dashboard with a look of disgust.

"WE'RE FUCKED BOYS AND GIRLS! TO THE MAX!" he yelled.

I spotted some movement up closer. It was a bad guy about 60 meters out carrying yet another RPG into the fight. I shouldered my rifle, pulled it onto target and fired as fast as the trigger would let me. I watched as the rounds found their mark, but not before he acquired the lead truck and pulled the trigger. The rocket took flight and flew straight at Fox's vehicle, impacted the rear-passenger door and exploded in a bright flash. The big SUV lifted off the ground and rolled through the air, landing on Fox's legs and bringing an ungodly scream into his voice.

"COWBOY! HELP!"

I jumped up immediately and started the short run up to him. He screamed again and shouted for help.

"COWBOY! I NEED YOU TO-"

Unbeknownst to me, one of the enemies was a helluva shot. Or maybe just lucky. The Russian-made bullet zipped out of the hills, through the fading light and into my neck, exploding out of the other side in a vicious spray of blood. I staggered forward a little, and fell face first to the ground; the strength leaving my body as fast as my heart pushed blood from a severed Carotid artery. In seconds, I lost consciousness and everything went black.

No one really knows what death is like. People guess. They think they know about it from accounts of folks who were 'brought back' after being pronounced dead. My human physiology class taught me that your heart stopped pumping, your brain stopped getting oxygen and it slowly died. Like over the span of a minute or two. The 'lights' people see are explained away as hallucinations from an oxygen starved mind and random neurons firing, eliciting combinations of memories and sensations.

I was in pitch black. The feeling of falling asleep and your heart is in your throat and your stomach turned upside down and the smell of chicken-fried steak...

Yep.

I might not consciously realize it, but a 181-grain piece of lead cut me down like a weed. Visions of my life shimmered before my eyes.

My first love.

High School graduation.

A party with friends.

A fight with family.

A long forgotten boxing match in which I took a helluva beating.

Graduating college.

Joining the Army.

Hah, getting kicked out of the Army.

Fox's truck exploding.

I felt myself land softly on my feet and realized my eyes were closed. Opening them slowly, I immediately knew right where I was. I was back in Texas. I could see the Davis Mountains off in the distance. Home sweet home. The first think I really noticed though, was the sky. That huge Texas night sky; stars as far as the eye can see. I always liked looking up on a cloudless, moonless night out there in West Texas. The closest city was easily 50 miles away and that meant no light pollution. You could stand on a small mountain, look up and see everything. Shit, you could even see the Milky Way with no effort.

I found a bright star and focused on it. You could sometimes pick what looked like a star and focus. After you realize that you're actually looking at a cluster of stars, you try to look past and find more. So beautiful. Shit, it was majestic. I finally looked down at myself. My uniform was gone. My vest was gone. My rifle, my pistol, my gloves.. All gone. I was in my faded Levi's and Tony Llamas. Oh look, my favorite shirt! It was a simple, dark blue cotton shirt that I loved to wear. I was in a comfortable bliss. Looking back up, I saw a short meteor shower. A dozen little streaks traced white lines across the sky. It was a quick reminder of the firefight I had just experienced and I retreated to another time back in my childhood. When was the last time I wished on a falling star? Aloud, I gazed at the heavens and asked:

"I wish... I wish I went to a world where there was peace. A place where a man could make a life without worrying about being killed for pocket change or a silly ideology. I wish I could just wake up and be there. I wish I could find peace in this place." I gazed at the sky just a little longer. I watched as a bright star, I'm not sure which one, winked at me and faded out of existance. My eyebrow raised.

"Huh."

Another winked out. And another. They started disappearing by the dozens, hundreds, thousands until the night was black and I couldn't see a thing. A rough jerk somewhere in my stomach caused a queasy feeling to develop, then the feeling of falling again. I screwed my eyes shut and held on... well, to nothing.

I felt like I fell for hours. Just a constant feeling of downward motion pushing around my insides. Gradually, I felt warmer. Like the sun was on my back. A breeze began to blow softly, at first, then it slowly picked up and began howling in my ears. Oh, this felt familiar.

Airborne School. My first jump out of an airplane.

I cracked my eyelids open and saw the Earth rushing up to meet me. My eyes snapped completely open in a panic as I realized I wasn't wearing a parachute. I reflexively reached for the handle of a reserve chute anyways, but when I came up empty handed, I realized I was screwed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I impacted the ground with a solid thud and the world went black again.

Runnin' Like the Wind

When I came to, I was in a sterile hospital room. An EKG monitor beeped steadily next to my bed. The first thought that crossed my mind was "I'm alive?" What happened to Fox? Dublin? Obviously someone got out alright; how else would I get moved to a damn hospital? I reached up to touch the place on my neck where I took the shot and felt a large scar on both sides. How was this already healed?

I scanned the room around me, trying to get my bearings and found nothing out of the ordinary. I had the window on my right letting in what I would guess would be a pleasant afternoon sun. The windows were open. I must be somewhere further south; it was cold as shit in Afghanistan during the winter months. I kept turning, a purple unicorn sat in the visitor's chair across from me reading a book, to my left was the privacy curtai- WHAT THE FUCK? A PURPLE UNICORN READING A BOOK!?

I quickly made a double take as the unicorn looked up from its reading and made a similar movement, as if expecting me to still be asleep. It started to smile when my vision was immediately replaced by pink. A pair of powder blue eyes stared back into mine as the pink mass gasped and practically yelled into my face.

"OHMYGOSHYOUREFINALLYAWAKEWETHOUGHTYOUWOULDBEHEREFOREVERLYINGINTHISBEDANDHURTANDNOTOK!FLUTTERSHYSHOULDBEHERETOHELPYOUSHESREALLYGOODWITHANIMALS!OHBUTYOUDONTEVENKNOWFLUTTERSHYDOYOU?!ORMEFORTHATMATTER!IMPINKIEPIEANDTHATSTWILIGHT!YOUREINGOODHANDSBIGGUY! JUSTHANGINTH-"

I groaned and pushed the pink creature away from me. Struggling against the plethora of wires and tubes surrounding me, I tried to get up and leave. That's when I started noticing the- OH MY FUCKING GOD THE PAIN. Remembering what happened was hard enough, remembering how to walk properly with several obviously broken ribs and an additional break below my knee in a cast while in some intense amounts of pain is worse. They must have beaten me worse than I thought. The formerly sitting purple unicorn was now up and yelling in a distinctly female voice. Yelling? She (just a guess) can talk?

"WHERE IS THE VETERINARIAN? THE CREATURE IS UP! SOMEONE HURRY!"

All of the sudden her horn started to glow bright purple and I couldn't move. She was restraining me! What the hell!
She looked up with a pitying expression. Could unicorn's feel pity? All of the sudden the orderlies trotted in (Yes, trotted in. Because they had hooves and were probably... yep, I'm gonna guess horses) to help restrain me. The doctor.. veterinarian... whatever came in with a syringe in her mouth. She stuck it into my right leg, straight through the patient garb they had me in. Where the hell were my clothes?! MY GEAR! MY GUNS! WHAT IN THE FUCK!? The vet opened her mouth and started talking.

"Its ok big guy! Shhhh, you've got lots of broken bones and you need your rest!" She turned to the orderlies and said "Restraints. We can't have it escaping before its completely healed and cataloged. Whatever it is."

Well, whatever they had in that syringe was fucking amazing. It didn't take long before I had a silly grin on my face and was letting the orderlies tie me down to the bed, no sweat guys I'll be good for ya. Just lay back and relax, hell yeah I can do that. The purple unicorn and her pink friend stood over the side of my bed watching my eyelids start to droop. It took all of my effort to look into the purple one's eyes and point with my finger.

"Hehe... Horsey."

They gasped as my eyelids closed again.

I woke up a few hours later. It was dark. Night. My friend. I peeked over at the corner where the unicorn was sitting before and saw nothing. Opening my eyes, I looked around the room, checking to make sure there was no one around to question me. There wasn't. Night time in the hospital was dead. I heard snoring coming from nearby. Probably from a few beds down. I tried lifting my arms, but there was no possible way to move; the restraints were still on and still snug.

I needed out.

Now.

Looking around at the room, I tried my best to find something. Anything that would be instrumental in my escape. The bedside table was to my left between the privacy curtain and myself. I guess the doctors were polite enough to pull the curtain so the other patient didn't have to look at the 'creature.'

Yeah.

The creature.

Me.

I turned to look at the table next to my bed and saw nothing. Nothing except for a picture in a frame with a glass pane in front of it. Glass. Now we're talkin'. I leaned as far over as I could without help from my hands. I inched closer and closer to the picture frame, until I felt a stabbing feeling in my chest. The broken ribs. A sharp gasp escaped my mouth and I fell back into the bed. No. You've been through worse, John. Remember SERE. Remember when you actually gave the Army PERMISSION to break bones. I gathered myself and leaned again. The stabbing feeling intensified, but I kept leaning. Moving closer. I finally was able to grab the picture frame with my teeth and lay it over.

Thank God these beds were narrow and I was flexible. Most other folks probably couldn't do this in a normal bed, broken ribs or not. Giving myself a couple of seconds, but not daring to relax lest I give up on fighting the pain, I listened to the other guy in the room. His soft snores still coming from the other side of the curtain. Good. Gathering what strength I could muster, I smashed my forehead against the glass pane, doing.... exactly nothing. I hit it again and again, coaxing a snort and a rustle from a couple of beds over. I froze. I can't wake it up or else I'm screwed.

I prepared myself for one last hit. When I heard the snoring again, I swung my head as hard as I could. Crack! The glass broke. Excitedly, I chose the largest shard, carefully lifting with my tongue and manipulating it with my lips. I could feel it cutting into the sides of my mouth, but it didn't bother me. I was so close. Turning and relaxing in bed, the shard of glass still in my mouth, I carefully spit it out onto my lap. Some blood went with it. No mind, just concentrate. Turning my hips to the left, the large shard of bloody glass slid off my lap and into my open hand. YES! Immediately I began sawing on the cloth restraints. It wasn't perfect and it was slow work, but it still severed fibers. Each one was a step toward freedom.

Fifteen minutes passed. I was still sawing.

Twenty minutes. Tenacity at work.

Twenty-five minutes. 'Constant dripping hollows out a stone.'

I was almost completely through the restraints when a light came on in the hallway and I could hear hoofsteps. The hoofsteps got gradually closer and closer. Clop Clop Clop. The overhead light just came on. They were in the room. Panicking, I hid the glass under my ass and pretended to be asleep. Oh shit.. the blood. Throwing myself forward, I grabbed the blankets with my teeth, ignoring the pain, and pulled hard. when they were up far enough, I leaned back forward, effectively turning down the sheets and covering the bloody patch. I laid my head back down quickly.

The hoofsteps got louder and closer until they arrived next to my bed. I heard a shuffling next to the EKG and ventured a quick peek. Another one was in here. Not a unicorn, just a horse. I was sure they were horses, now. White with a pink mane and tail. This one also had a red cross tattooed on her hindquarters. She must have been the resident nurse here at the hospital. She continued to check the monitors and look busy. I closed my eyes again and started a soft, fake snore. It sounded like she jumped a little. I could feel her eyes on me. Just watching. After a moment, she chuckled and spoke a little to herself.

"Such a strange creature... Hands like a griffon or a dragon. No fur except his face. A short mane. You're a strange one, you are. Can't wait to find out all about you."

Yeah, I'll bet you can't lady. I'll bet as soon as I'm all better I'll be transferred to some random prison. Never heard of Carcel Modelo in Panama? Yeah. 'Model Prison' my ass. That place was a fucking hell hole. Kwan-Li-So number 22? We pulled a guy outta that place a few years back. Worse than the stories I heard of Carcel Modelo, and I'll be damned if I find out what horrors they have in place for me here.

She turned to walk out. Satisfied with her equipment checks and procedures, she turned the light out and went back down the hallway, her hoofsteps growing faint with each passing second. After listening for a minute or two to make sure she didn't come back to check something else, I retrieved the glass shard from under me and resumed the cutting. Just a few fibers more. Another two minutes of cutting and I would be done. Half an inch of fabric, COME ON. Finally, the restraints gave way and I had my left arm free. Oh, thank Jesus.

I reached over to my right hand, grabbed that restraint and untied it before removing what was left of the other one on my wrist. Hands free, I leaned forward excitedly, undoing the straps holding me at the ankles. I threw the covers off, swung my legs out of bed and stood up once again.

The pain in my leg wasn't as bad as before when it was relatively non-medicated, but the after effects of the liquid Ms Vet shot into my leg must still be goin'. Detaching tubes and getting used to the pain of walking, I looked around one more time to figure this place- What the fuck was I wearing? Looking down and finally realizing what the hospital gown looked like, I almost gagged. It was a light blue with rhinestones around the hem and some kind of elaborate pattern on the front. The sides were open, presumably for easy access.

It was expertly sewn for a custom job. At least I'm assuming it was a custom job. Like the nurse said, there ain't never been one of me here before. I flung it off in disgust and headed towards the closet. Inside, hanging up, were my jeans and on the floor were my socks tucked neatly into my cowboy boots. What in the hell? What happened to my khakis? What happened to my shirt? My gear? Where the fuck was it all? Why was THIS shit here? I hastily pulled on the jeans and socks. No underwear. Just as well, it probably would have smelled like shit. I took great care to shift.. ehem.. myself... to the side so as not to rub against the zipper on my fly and turned to sit down. I pulled the socks on, but left the boots off; no sense in announcing my presence to everyone with the usual clunk-tap. I gave one last look around my area and took off in a crouching run.

As I came up to the door, I noticed the hall light was off again. Excellent. Like a cat stalking through a barn, I was stalking through this hospital. I passed doors leading off to other rooms on either side of the long hall and I looked for an exit. As I neared the end of the hall, the lights popped back on. FUCK! I started with a half sprint- half limp, ignoring the increasing burn in my leg and the pain in my chest from the exertion of my lungs.

"WHAT THE BUCK!? SECURITY! SECURITY, ITS ESCAPING!!!"

Casting a glance over my shoulder, I spotted the good nurse flanked by two rough lookin' horses with badges galloping hard for me. Dammit, I can't outrun them. Not unless I can get to a place where agility means more than speed and stamina. I hooked a hard right at the end of the hallway and found myself in an identical hallway. I could start to hear shouts of patients in other rooms, calling to find out just what in the hell was going on. I had to decide. Right or left? Oh, now wasn't the time for guesswork, but it damn sure wasn't the time to sit and think either. The sunlight was coming in on my right earlier.. I just turned right.. Damn myself for not looking out the window when I had a chance.

Hoping against hope there wasn't some kind of courtyard in the middle, I turned hard right into another room before the trio of pursuers could catch sight of me. Sprinting through the length of it, provoking angry shouts and gasps of fear from the occupants, I made a wild dive through the window. Oh, sweet Jesus, please don't be on an upper floor. All goes back to looking out the fucking window when I had the chance. Dammit, John, don't tell me you're already dull again.

I landed softly on the grass outside with a slight thud and an 'oomph.' OH, THANK YOU. I kissed the ground several times and struggled to my feet, looking around the area with purpose. My leg gave another painful twinge. There, the woods. Freedom! As quickly as I could, I made for the treeline. Alarms triggered in the hospital as other staff members were alerted to my escape and joined in the search for the hairless wonder. I made it into the treeline, thankful for the extra cover and concealment.

I continued my run, further into the forest wanting to at least make it a couple hundred yards in before I stopped to make some camouflage and bed down for the rest of the night. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. The pain I felt in my side was too much to bear and I let myself fall into the grass and leaf litter, panting and cringing from exertion. After a few minutes, I struggled upright to look around. Finding a stick, I stuck it into the ground, a jutting branch pointing in the direction I entered the forest. Hopefully. I did an awful lot of running, but I was relatively sure it was in a semi- straight line. I finally pulled on my boots as I thought about what to do next.

First order of business: defense. I didn't want to be without a weapon if a wolf or something happened along and found me all tasty lookin' and shit. Looking up into the tree I was under, I found the perfect candidate. A slender limb, about 7 feet long and already falling off the tree was calling my name. I took a flying jump upwards and grabbed the end, bringing it all down to my level. Quickly breaking off the extra branches growing on the sides, I hefted the limb. It was good sized, but too long. I leaned it against a tree and delivered a solid kick with my good leg. I could work with 4 feet. Picking up a good, flat rock, I went to work turning the stick into a simple spear. Not much, but it'll have to do.

Next, I needed fire. Just something to keep me warm and cook over, nothing big. I can't give my position away or else it'll be the stockade, so I found some dried twigs and a couple good sized logs. Perfect. Reaching into my jeans pocket, I happily found my zippo (I wonder what the hell that's doing here) and my cigarettes. Eagerly opening the box, I was disappointed to find most of them broken, probably from the escape. Oh well, what are ya gonna do? I selected one that was badly bent, but unbroken and lit it. Oh, sweet nicotine, I fall into your embrace.

Happy as a clam, I was. Lighting the kindling I had gathered and holding my makeshift spear tight, I sat under the tree, watched the fire start and puffed away on my smoke, deciding what to do next. I could worry about food in the morning. That, and I really didn't feel like running down a deer at the moment. I stared into the flames as the sounds of the wild came to my ears. A wind began blowing the foliage above me and crickets began chirping in earnest. I couldn't sleep now, not with a fire lit and burning, but my thoughts took me away from the area anyways. Back to times and places best forgotten.

I hated guard duty with a passion. It was worse when you had to work checkpoints, and there I was, a lowly infantry grunt, so naturally, when there wasn't anything else to do, our platoon got saddled with this. The US Army operated quite a few of these checkpoints on the roads of Afghanistan, mostly to help cut down on the amount of weapons being transported around the country by vehicle. My squad never saw a whole lot though; we were mostly just surviving the heat.

This evening however, we were ordered to set up a little impromptu roadblock along some obscure road "The Brass" thought was being used to transport arms. Whatever. The road we were on was pretty dead that night; no pun intended. I stopped to eat an MRE when I spotted headlights coming down the road. My brow furrowed. Great. The first one of the night and it was interrupting my dinner. Standing up and setting the beef ravioli on the crate behind me, I hollered for attention.

"Hey, y'all. We've got us a visitor."

There were about 20 of us, give or take. Those that weren't already situated climbed up into their designated spots. Philips, a good guy out of my squad started walking forward, chem-light in hand. He was to stand out to the side of the road and swing it on a rope to get the driver's attention and direct him where to pull over. Someone else would flip on a spotlight and let the vehicle know we were there. Simple.

The vehicle got closer. It was a small car, moving at a good clip. I signaled to the man with the spotlight to flip it on and point it at our flag we set up. Hey, Americans here. Stop the fucking vehicle, please? Philips began swinging his chem-light. We could hear the car's engine pick up and increase in pitch. Shit, he was gonna run it. I grabbed our megaphone and started yelling what I could remember in Pashto.

"WADAREGA YAA DEE WULIM!!!! WADAREGA YAA DEE WULIM!!! STOP YOU SILLY SUMBITCH!!!"

The car still increased in speed. I turned to look at our .50 gunner.

"Warning shots."

Seven rounds left the M2, two of which were tracers fired directly over the vehicle. It continued its increase in speed.

"MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT! TAKE IT OUT!"

As one, the entire group lit up the little car. Sparks flying, glass shattering, and smoke rising from the engine, the car careened off the road, hit a small sand hill and rolled five times before landing upside down a mere twenty-five yards away. Philips was still swinging his chem-light. I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him. If the look on his face wasn't just fear, it was "I think I shit myself."

I grabbed four other guys to go with me to the car and search it. We started the slow approach; rifles at the ready and both eyes open. As we neared the vehicle, we heard a cough. I ran forward, not understanding why at first. Maybe because it didn't sound like a normal man cough? I leaned my head down and looked at the scene of chaos before me. A mother and father in the front seat. Both riddled with bullet holes from our barrage. In the backseat were three children. Two were dead. Same story as the parents. The little girl in the seat closest to me was still alive, but barely. I reached inside to pull her out and hold her in my lap. Tears streamed down my face as the little girl went slack in my arms. I woke up screaming in a cold sweat.

I wasn't the only one screaming though; a yellow horse with a pink, flowing mane and wings (wings now? Seriously) stood on the other side of the smouldering ashes of my fire, screaming in fear of the creature before her.

Fade To Black

My screams began as sorrow. After opening my eyes and seeing the frightened horse in front of me, they transformed into a bestial bellow, a war cry that would be heard for a thousand yards on a clear day. Momentarily forgetting about my broken leg, I lept to my feet with the spear in my hand. The poor creature in front of me continued to scream, but didn't run; apparently she was paralyzed by fear.

I leaned forward to charge, but my leg gave out. The pain was incredible. Now, with no IV and no magical solution to inject, the effects of my injuries came back with a vengeance. My yelling stopped as I fell on my face. Son of a bitch. Pushing myself up with the spear, I looked up just in time to see her scamper off into the brush. Gone. I sat down with my back to the tree, spear still at the ready and pointed in the direction she left, panting softly through the pain.

After what felt like an hour, I dropped my arm and relaxed. She was gone and nothing was coming to retrieve me. I was still relatively safe, wasn't I? It was already the middle of the day. I was surprised at how chilly it still was, it must still be early in the spring months here. I thought about what to do now. I couldn't move, that much was obvious. The pain in my leg was too great to put weight on and my ribs could realistically crack further and pierce a lung. I was stuck.

Dammit, what is your choice now, John? You gonna choose freedom over a hospital bed? I coughed. Man, this itch in my throat sure cropped up fast. I struggled to get to a more comfortable position. Fact of the matter is, when you don't have a shirt on, bark isn't all that comfortable. I tried stirring the coals in my fire back to life, but I had no luck. Something kicked dirt over them, snuffing out the flames and ending my warmth. I heaved a loud sigh. At least I wasn't being poked and prodded by some kind of mad scientist, right? I found another unbroken cigarette in the pack and lit it with my zippo. If I could gather materials, a new fire would be easy, but no, things never work out according to plan, do they?

Several hours of pure, unadulterated boredom later my cough was worse and I was a lot colder. The sun was not yet falling below the horizon, but I could tell it was getting closer to the evening. I hoped I could survive the night. If not, then who cares. I'm not going to die on an experimental lab table and that's what counts. I felt sleepy. All I wanted at this point was a bed and a cup of coffee. Warm coffee would do me some wonders right about now.

While sitting under this tree and wishing for things that won't happen, I came to the realization that I wouldn't live much longer. I silently closed my eyes and took it. The things I've seen and done.. Well, lets just say the world would be a better place without me anyways. Life was empty. What little money I had, what little life I had, what little relationship I had with my family; it was all just a drop in the bucket. My material possessions, my girlfriends, my "accomplishments" were all meaningless to anyone else. I never made a difference to anyone in my life and it was pointless to even think that I thought of anyone but myself. These thoughts burdened my soul until I was too tired to keep my eyes open.

I woke up again in the middle of the night. Protection from the elements should have been my first priority, but I guess I didn't think enough to prepare correctly. Now, I was cold, miserable, and not dying fast enough. The cast on my leg was poorly constructed and falling apart already, meaning flexing the leg was easier. Of course, this meant further injuring the leg was easier and my ribs still hurt like a son of a bitch. What a miserable way to die. Now, I really felt sick.

My breathing was as ragged as my coughing and I had a headache to boot. There wasn't much I could do about it though. Twenty four hours in the cold with a possible infection in my leg, yeah, it'll be soon. Without food or water, my body was beginning to shut down and exposure to temperatures at least below 60 were killin' me. Metaphorically, of course. Unless I developed hypothermia, then it would be literally. As I wallowed in my self pity, once again going over what I did to deserve such a fate, I failed to notice a small white rabbit run up. When it saw I hadn't taken notice, it kicked the living shit out of my bad leg.

"OH HOLY SHEEIT!"

The pain was incredible. Nothing like a jolt to your system to remind you that you're still alive. It was just out of reach now, scowling at me. Yes, the rabbit scowled at me. Oh, Mr. Rabbit.. if you only knew how much you look like supper right about now. Hasenpfeffer, yum. I lifted my hands and mimed shooting it with a pistol.

"Pow."

The rabbit smirked at me. Son of a bitch. Then, in a maneuver I can only describe as magic, it produced a large carrot and held it out for me to take. Man, either I was hallucinating or this was the coolest rabbit I have ever seen. I reached out to accept the gift of friendship, but it jumped back out of reach, cackling at the wonderful trick he pulled on me.

"Yeah yeah, real funny asshole."

The rabbit smiled again and ate the entire carrot like a connoisseur would sample a wine. Just ate the whole thing. I felt my empty stomach as my thoughts reverted to eating the little beast.

"You know, there's a special place in Hell for critters like you."

Ohhh, it knew it too. Laughing again, it threw the uneaten carrot greens in my face before running off into the bushes. Little devil. Oh well, carrot greens are edible too. I slowly munched on them, wishing to hell they were washed on account of the amount of dirt I was chewing up. I lowered my head and started to shake it back and forth.

What was I doing? I thought I already agreed to let death take me? The temperature was well below 50 now and I was shivering like a newborn puppy. I recognized this as my body attempting to maintain temperature, but it wasn't working. Before long, I was falling asleep again amidst another coughing spell and chest pain.

I still don't remember the details. My eyes opened for a brief spell and all I could see was this big eyed angel with a soft voice. I had been outside for another day, exposed to the elements. At that point, my body broke. I wasn't storing warmth, not creating energy, not getting water. I was dying. The hypothermia set in sometime during the third night, but I was expecting death from dehydration before exposure.

From what I can gather, I was loaded into a hay cart or something and pulled away from my impromptu campsite. I don't remember what she said, but she sure sounded nice. And she had a pretty voice. We arrived, presumably at her home before I realized she was the pegasus that I threatened my first day in the woods. My consciousness still wavering in sickness and pain, I had no control. I couldn't escape if I tried. Besides, at this point, resistance was futile.

I finally awoke completely in a small bed set up in a country cottage. My leg and ribs still hurt, but the cough was gone. Immediately, I was formulating a plan for my escape. Suddenly, I had an epiphany. Why was I still running? Why was I bothering with escape and evasion? This isn't right. I'm not dreaming, that's for sure. I've been here too long to be dreaming. Shit, I've gone to sleep and woken up at least 4 times now, right? Can't be dreaming, but I still found three talking horses, a unicorn and a pegasus, not to mention a rabbit that was meaner than a copperhead snake.

This wasn't Germany. This wasn't Kazakhstan. This was another place. A place where there were brightly colored ponies that lived, breathed, ate, spoke and apparently ran hospitals. This sudden realization of truth hit me like a ton of bricks. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over the side of the bed, vomiting on what looked like beautiful hardwood floors. At least they were at one point. Now, they looked like they were covered with two days worth of tomato soup and crackers.

Through the sounds of my retching and the resulting splash, I heard a flurry of movement from the next room. In flew the yellow, winged angel. My savior. She immediately began cooing and fussing over me and the mess I made.

"Oh, you poor thing, just look at this. I thought for sure you were going to keep your food down this time. And you ate it so good for me, too. Let me clean this up and I'll bring you something to make your tummy feel aaaall better."

I shook my head and tried to stand.

"Oh miss, you don't have to do that, let me handle it. I'm perfectly capable of- AHHHHH!!!"

I fell back into bed with pain flowing freely up my leg. She must have not expected me to talk because a slight squeak escaped her lips before she darted behind a rocking chair in the corner of the room. I immediately felt guilty. This pony took me into her home, fed me, helped me until my fever broke and here I was, scaring the shit out of her again. I slowly sat back down and apologized as she poked her head out, eying the door and myself as if contemplating escape.

"I'm so sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to scare ya like that. I just don't wanna see ya go to all this trouble cleanin' up after me and such. If you could please get me a washrag or somethin' I could go ahead and clean it up myself."

With that, she edged out from behind the chair, looking at me with intense curiosity. She spoke softly, trying to make herself seem as harmless as possible. Or maybe she really was this harmless. She took a step forward.

"My goodness, I didn't realize you could speak so well.. Twilight said you had some kind of voice, but I didn't know she meant as good as us."

I stopped for a moment, trying to remember the events in the last few days before answering.

"Well, if I remember right, the only word I've said since I got here to anyone was 'horsey.' "

She giggled a little bit. Good. She was starting to relax. "Well, no wonder they were treating you like an animal. Oh, by the way, what are you? I mean, if you don't mind telling me that is."

I remembered what the veterinarian said while I was being restrained. "Well, y'all don't have anything like me round here. Where I'm from, we're called 'humans.' "

"Wow! I've never heard of a human before!" She said excitedly. "Tell me, what is it like to be a human?"

"Well, sometimes it hurts a lot," I said ruefully as I held my chest. "We don't get hurt as easily as birds or smaller animals, but we aren't exactly the stoutest creatures out there. I'm pretty stout for a human, but my bones break just as easily as most others."

"That's terrible. What happens when you get broken bones?"

"Hah, it hurts. Alot."

"Don't you do anything about it?"

"If its bad enough, we find someone with the know-how to fix em. Y'all have doctors too though, don't you?"

"Oh, yes. We do." She looked at the ground, embarrassed for some reason. Did she think she offended me? She must be incredibly shy, so I decided to ask for her name.

"My name's John. John Marshall. What's your name, miss?"

"Oh, silly me, I should have introduced myself. My name is Fluttershy. You might not have noticed, but I tend to be a little shy." Oh really? I had no idea. Keeping my sarcastic commentary out of our little dialogue, I continued on.

"Well, Miss Fluttershy, I wanna thank you very much for your hospitality. You certainly didn't have to come and... well save my life like you did after I scared the hell out of ya." She blushed and started to kick at the ground.

"Well, I just couldn't see an animal suffer like that. I have a passion for helping creatures. N-Not that you're an animal or a creature, I just mean-" I halted her in mid-sentence with a reassuring smile and a chuckle.

"You're fine miss, don't you worry. I'm not easily offended. When you live in a place like I have, gettin' mad at everyone that offends you would take forever, now, if you don't mind, I'll clean this up if you'd be kind enough to bring me something to clean wi-" Now was her turn to stop me in mid-sentence.

"Oh, no. I couldn't let you do this in your condition. You need to lay back down and heal. Besides, I don't mind helping you. Why, if all humans are as nice as you, I would feel just awful if I didn't help."

I flinched. If only she knew just how 'nice' humans could be. Yeah, because we always stood over folks with a huge smile on our faces and found a polite way to end their lives. I withheld this from her. Shy as she is, I don't want her in fear of her life while I'm here. She looked quizzically at my arm.

"That sure is a strange cutie mark." What? I decided that I had to ask.

"What's a cutie mark?" She looked at me like I had just slapped the shit out of a small child.

"You don't even know what a cutie mark is? How do you know your special talent? Everypony gets their cutie mark when they discover their special talent in life. Its how ponies know what you do and how you know what to do."

I thought to myself that these cutie marks sound an awful lot like my tattoos. Written on my forearms from wrist to elbow , right to left was my favorite Bible verse. John 1:5, The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out. It was just something that I liked to hear. Something I always thought would have a meaning to me later in life. I certainly wish it did now.

She walked out of the room as I settled myself back into the bed. How did all of this happen in the first place? How am I being grilled for information by a lemonade colored mare with a pink mane? I'm shot in Afghanistan. I remember that. I remember passing out and dreaming of Texas. I remember everything going black again. Then I fell out of the fucking sky. Into this place. I was drawing a blank as far as how this was even possible, but there had to be some way to find out what happened. I pondered this and more questions in silence. Fluttershy returned shortly with a rag. And a familiar face. The white rabbit I had affectionately thought of as 'Satan's Asshole' was sitting on Fluttershy's back. I looked up and adopted a twisted look of anger on my face.

"YOU!"

Satan's Asshole pointed right back at me and chittered something in rabbitese. Fluttershy looked back and forth at us

"Oh, yes, you've met Angel before. I had him take you a carrot the day before I finally came to get you. He's such a good bunny, yes you are, Angel!"

My eyes narrowed at the rabbit. You bastard. Fluttershy's eyes cut towards me, expecting praise, but the look on my face must have spoken volumes. While her back was turned, Angel's expression changed completely to one of pure apology and pleading. Yeah, I know your angle.

"Whats the matter John? Don't you remember Angel?"

I gave both of them a winning smile and said "Oh, of course! How could I ever forget the bunny that gave me the hope to keep going! He truly is an Angel!" Fluttershy cleaned up the vomit with her rag and walked off to rinse it out. Angel bounded up to me and looked at me thankfully. "Yeah yeah, guy. Guess what? You owe me now." Angel held out his paw for a handshake. I accepted this as his word that he would do me one favor. Oh, what a powerful tool to have in a strange place.

There was a flash of lighting and a thunderclap outside. I loved watching thunderstorms go across the prairie. I wanted to run out there and be outside with the elements. What I needed before anything else thought was to get my leg fixed. With the help of Fluttershy, I was liking my chances of survival more and more by the minute.

*footnote: This chapter was hard to write for some reason or another. Forgive me if it gets too wordy, awkward. repetitive sounding, etc. Any suggestions are welcome.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

It had been a month since Fluttershy took me into her home. I was pretty irritable for a while. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her I was out of cigarettes. 'Well why didn't you say something!' She had said. Her next trip into town brought back a huge pouch of pipe tobacco bought at some high class emporium. Forget being indebted before, now there wasn't a doubt in my mind this mare deserved thanks. Rolling my own cigarettes was a hassle and pipe tobacco was rough, but I made due. Hell, I even cut back considerably. One of these days I'll quit.

After that month, my ribs were healed, my leg was better and I was already up, moving around, and helping her with the animals. It was awe-inspiring. Not the taking care of animals, I did that at home too; it was her kindness. She was a sweet soul, giving care to them like this out of the goodness of her heart and asking for nothing in return. It didn't even matter what kind of animal, be it birds, mice, rabbits, bats, anything. It wasn't long before I discovered this extended to ALL parts of nature.

We were walking through her yard going to her chicken coup to feed the hens. Fluttershy was talking to me about her chickens and how they all had names and came when you called for them, when we came upon a snake in the yard.

I shouted out loud, "FLUTTERSHY! STOP!" and ran forward to kill it.

Before I could get close enough to stomp on hits head with my boot, Fluttershy put herself between it and myself.

"WAAAAAIIIIIIIIIT!!!!"

I stopped. "WHY?! They're DANGEROUS! GET AWAY FROM THERE!"

As if to illustrate my point, the snake coiled up and hissed, rattling its tail and producing a sound I was all too familiar with. Calmly, she tried to reason with me about it.

"You don't EVER hurt creatures like that! What did he ever do to you?"

I was dumbfounded. Well... I... Its a snake, right? A snake that bites you and hurts you. We just kill snakes like that. While I was having this internal conflict, she trotted right over to the snake and spoke to it. Talking to a snake? Really?

"Now, Mister Snake, could you please leave? My friend is scared of you and I don't want you to be hurt by him. Besides, this isn't your yard and you should go back home."

Then the snake did the damnedest thing. It relaxed and slithered off. Well.. No shit.

"Fluttershy.. How did you DO that?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"That snake... You talked to it... and then it listened to you."

"Do you remember when I asked you about your cutie mar- I mean your 'tattoos?' " I nodded.

"Well, I got mine when I discovered my passion for helping animals. All animals. My special talent for helping them has given me the ability to talk and reason with them too."

It made sense to me. I met people that could talk to their animals, you know, like dogs, cats, horses and so on. But snakes? I had to accept this was a different world and move on.

We finally made it to the hen house. The fence had huge gaps in it, the roof had damage, the walls were nearly caving in, the thing was in such disrepair. I looked around at the rest of the property and noticed similar things wrong with the main cottage and shed as well. As we started spreading chicken feed, I asked her about it.

"Fluttershy, how often do you have someone come to fix the buildings round here? I noticed you might need a little help maybe fixin' some of 'em up."

She paused and thought for a moment.

"Oh, its not often I have someone come out. I have a friend that is really good with things like this, but she's really busy with her farming and I don't want bother her with my problems. Really, its not that important anyway."

"Fluttershy, there's a hole in the roof of the hen house."

As if on cue, a chicken stepped out of the coup, soggy and shivering from the rain we got the night before. I looked at Fluttershy, my eyes saying 'see, I told you.'

"Oh. Well, I'm sure I could find something to cover it with. Its not a problem."

"Fluttershyyyyy... You helped me so much over the last month, it would be my pleasure to help you take care of the place and clean it up a little."

"Well, only if you don't mind," She said. "That is, if its ok with you?"

"Of course its ok with me, hun, I did offer to do it in the first place."

"Oh. Well, ok."

"Why are you so hesitant about takin' help from folks?" I asked her bluntly. She started to kick at the ground.

"Well, I just don't want to be an inconvenience to others. I wouldn't feel right."

"Then think of this as me repaying you for all of your help and you know, saving my life and all." She blushed at that. "Now, is there anything around her that needs work done?"

"Well," she started. "There are fences that need mending and in the woods a little ways are some dead trees that need clearing up. Other than the things you already mentioned of course."

"I'll get on them first thing, as soon as I can." As soon as I said it, a light breeze kicked up. The cool wind bit into my skin, causing me to shiver slightly. "You know, Fluttershy, is there any way I could get a shirt or something?"

She paused and thought for a second. "I've been thinking about that myself. I have a friend that is really talented with fashion, specifically making clothes. I'm sure she could make something for you."

I frowned. My presence at Fluttershy's house was still a closely guarded secret. Every time her friends came over I would either hide in a closet or slip outside into the woods to smoke and wait for them to leave. They always asked if someone was there or who Fluttershy was talking to. She would always say it was her talking to the animals, but the friends were starting to get suspicious. I'd almost bet they figured she was seeing someone and keeping it a secret. Now, we have to bring someone in on the truth. She seemed to think it was a good idea, and I needed a shirt. Reluctantly, I agreed.

"Ok, Fluttershy. I trust you. Can you trust them?"

"Oh, don't you worry," she said. "My friend Rarity is the most generous pony in Equestria. She would do anything for someone if they needed it." I laughed.

"She sounds just like you! If that's the case, I like her already." This was amazing. How could this place be like this? So much good. It just shocked me how such a place could even exist. She piped up again.

"Besides, if she Pinkie Promises, she won't be able to tell a soul."

At first I smiled, but I was quickly confused.

"But, y'all don't have pinkies."

"Well, no... We just have one. Pinkie Pie!"

I shook my head. I didn't want to hurt my brain today with too much thought. "If you say so." Fluttershy and I finished feeding animals and she left for town.

When she left, I decided to go inside and clean up a little before her friend (whoever the hell that was gonna be) came over. I was just finishing up dishes when I heard voices. I could hear Fluttershy and a voice I could only describe as "40's era movie star" moving closer to the cottage.

"Fluttershy, I still don't understand WHY you need me to come all the way out here to mend your dresses. It would have been MUCH easier if you could just bring them to my shop and let me work THERE, darling!"

"Oh Rarity, I know, but I needed you to come home with me... Some of the dresses are very valuable to me and I wouldn't want them to get damaged on the road."

"Fluttershy," the voice started flatly, "they're already damaged. Why else would I be coming to your home?"

I heard the ponies stop outside the door. "Rarity, before you go inside, I want you to Pinkie Promise you won't tell anypony what you see here, today."

"Darling, this is ridiculous..."

"PLEASE Pinkie Promise?"

"Well, alright. Cross my heart and-"

"Do the motions too!"

I heard a heavy sigh of exasperation and resignation.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- OWW!"

"Ok. Remember, you Pinkie Promised."

A vengeful voice spoke up from an unknown distance and location. "AND NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!"

"What was that?" I heard Fluttershy say.

"Oh darling, you know Pinkie Pie." How that explained things was beyond me.

The front door opened as I closed the door to the guest bedroom behind me, shutting myself away from the ponies entering the house. I heard the front door close as the sound of hoofsteps traced their way through the room.

"John, you can come out now."

I opened the door slowly. Before me was a beaming Fluttershy and another mare, this one white with a well-styled mane and tail. The look on her face went from concern and curiosity to one of sheer terror. She swooned and landed square on the floor in a dead faint.

"Oh my." Said the yellow pegasus.

Fluttershy was fanning Rarity, trying to get her to calm down. After coming to and fainting for a second time, Fluttershy and I agreed that I should probably step out and let her collect herself. I was still in the back room when I heard voices again.

"Oh Rarity, I'm sorry, I should have warned you about him."

"FLUTTERSHY! ALL OF PONYVILLE HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR IT! It escaped the hospital, vandalized the place and scared the patients half to death in the process!"

"Oh, but Rarity, He was hurt in the forest. I had to help him."

"OH BUT RARITY NOTHING! IT could be DANGEROUS, Fluttershy!"

"No, he isn't! No more dangerous than my bears or a mountain lion!"

I heard Rarity sigh. "Fluttershy, those are some of the more DANGEROUS CREATURES IN THE FOREST! You NEED to tell the town!"

"No, I just couldn't! And neither can you! You Pinkie Promised!"

The room was quiet. Apparently, promises were kept in this world. That's a nice change. I decided that was when I should go ahead and interrupt. Opening the door and stepping out, I saw Rarity begin to flinch and ready herself to beat a hasty retreat.

"If I may, madam," I interjected, silently thanking all of the hoity-toity parties and bullshit formal dinners I had to attend there in Chicago, "I may be dangerous, but unlike the larger creatures your friend cares for, I am fully capable of rational thought and self-control. I promise you, I am indeed no threat to anyone."

The white mare looked at me with an expression of incredulity and surprise. Composing herself rather quickly and adopting an air of slight disdain, she looked down her nose at me.

"SO. It can speak. And it seems it has SOME semblance of manners and respect as well."

"Yes, ma'am. In fact, I am rather cultured for a man of my supposed status in your world. Might I persuade you to stay and listen to Fluttershy while I bring you something to drink. Lemonade, perhaps?"

She hesitated, but my charming (at least I thought so) personality finally worked its way through.

"Well, I suppose I could stay for just a few minutes.' she said with a sniff.

"Wonderful. I'll go fetch you both something to drink and be back shortly." With a slight bow, I retreated from the room. Hah, all those "girlfriends" dragging me to bullshit finally paid off. I went to the refrigerator to retrieve the jug of fresh squeezed lemonade. I could again hear voices coming from the living room.

"Fluttershy, I still don't understand why you took him here."

"Please try to remember Rarity, when he woke up, he was in a strange place. He's not from our world and he doesn't know how he got here. He was scared and hurt and he would have died if I hadn't saved his life." There was a slight pause before Fluttershy continued. "He came here with nothing but the clothes he's wearing. He has nothing, not even a family anymore! I had to help him." Another pause. I peeked around the corner and looked at the two mares. Rarity's face had changed. It wasn't a look of shock or worry for Fluttershy, but a thoughtful expression.

"That... That is horrible. I can see why he would be scared and run."

"Exactly." Fluttershy said. "And he hasn't told me anything specific, but apparently in his world ponies don't talk. he thought he was dreaming when he first woke up and saw Twilight in the hospital room and when he left later. Also," she said in a whisper, "his world is nothing like ours. He said its dangerous for people like him."

"What, you mean like he could be a criminal?" Rarity whispered back.

"No, he's not a criminal, he just said that there are a lot of bad things, but he won't tell me what they are. Please Rarity, he needs our help."

That seemed to be what changed her mind. Her face a picture of resolution, she jumped to her feet (uhhh.. I mean hooves),

"Well, then we must help! What did you say his name was?"

"John. John Marshall."

"Oh Jooooooooohn, could you come in here, please?" Carrying three glasses of lemonade, each with a straw sticking out, I strode into the living room.

"Yes ma'am?" I said, passing the glasses to the ponies and keeping one for myself.

"You can drop the 'proper' tone, though your manners are quite appreciated. Also, you may call me Rarity."

I smiled. "Its a pleasure, miss." I extended my hand in greeting. Instead of offering her hoof, Rarity looked at my hands.

"Oh my, you don't have hooves either. Like monkey hands."

I laughed at that. "Well, I don't mind. Fingers are good for a lot of the stuff humans do."

"Oh?" she said, lifting an eyebrow. Oh yes, lots of things. "Well," she continued, finally extending her hoof. "then I suppose that's fine." She squirmed when I wrapped my fingers around her hoof and gave it a light shake. Must be a helluva experience for a pony to have, shaking the hands of what was pretty much an alien.

"Well, I have decided to keep your secret safe and help you in any way I can. Fluttershy told me some of your story and I must say, I don't blame you for your reaction. I would also like to extend my hoof and say that if you need anything, I am right here to help you."

"Thank you. So much. Fluttershy told me you were the most generous pony around these parts. I had a hard time believing her. She was already more generous than I've ever seen, but I figure shes right! At any rate, she said that you were quite an accomplished fashionista and I desperately need some help in that department."

She looked confused. "Oh. Not to be frank, but you don't seem to be the type to go to formal functions around here."

I forgot. Fluttershy already explained to me that clothes served no purpose other than dress attire here.

"Well, you mighta noticed, but I don't exactly have fur." I said, looking at the hair on my chest. "Well, what I mean is A LOT of fur, like y'all. I lose too much body heat through my skin when its not covered by something. Apparently, I nearly died from exposure a couple of nights after I escaped."

She looked shocked.

"That must have been terrifying." I waved her concern off with my hand. I didn't want to get into how I pretty much wanted to die anyways at that point.

"What it all comes down to is I need a shirt. Something to cover up with while I work outside for Fluttershy." Rarity got straight down to business.

"Well, I'm going to need your measurements if I'm to make your wardrobe."

"Whoa whoa whoooaaaa... Wardrobe? I only need a shirt!"

"Well its not like I'm going to let you live on with only the change of clothes you happen to be wearing!"

Fluttershy stepped in and whispered in my ear. "I promise you'll be happy with the result. Besides, if you ever do decide to head into town, you'd be the best dressed there!"

I threw my hands up in resignation. "Why the hell not?"

"Excellent!" Rarity said, happy as a little schoolgirl. Fluttershy looked at me confused.

"What does that mean? I know you've said it before." I stopped.

Thinking quickly, I turned to her and said "It means yes where I'm from." Fluttershy nodded in understanding as Rarity began thinking of the task ahead of her.

"You will be more difficult to design for than the usual clientele, but I do enjoy a challenge. Now, measurements. Take your clothes off, now. Go on." I stood still. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go on."

I started to blush a little. "Well, you have to understand, in my culture, there's a modesty thing." She laughed

"Sir, I am a grown mare and in the interests of professionalism, there is no reason for you to worry about modesty."

"Okay. Fluttershy, could you step out please?" She kindly left us alone and mentioned something about relocating a family of bunnies. I pulled my boots off and dropped them on the floor. Rarity eyed them suspiciously.

"What are those made from?" I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped abruptly. "Uhhhh.."

"Fess up now!" Her tone got severe quickly. "What are they?"

"Well, you have to understand, see, where I come from, they're normal-"

"Tell me."

"You can't tell anyone. I don't even want Fluttershy to know about this. Either she'll be hurt or she'll hurt me!"

"Is it what I think it is?"

"... Leather?" She gasped. In a quiet whisper, she explained everything to me.

"THAT IS A HIGHLY ILLEGAL MATERIAL HERE! WHY, IF ANYONE REALLY KNEW WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE, YOU COULD BE IMPRISONED FOR YEARS!"

"I had no idea... They were waiting for me in the closet with my jeans while I was in the hospital!"

"That's probably because not a living soul has seen real leather in a century! You HAVE to get rid of them!"

Our hushed argument over my keeping the boots went on for another minute or so. In that quick span of time, the white mare learned just how frustratingly stubborn humans could be.

"Look, my boots are valuable to me. They're like the only thing I have left that is truly reminds me of home."

She thought for a moment. Sighing in exasperation, she finally admitted defeat and offered a little advice.

"Well... Its not likely, but if anyone asks, I've been working on a leather substitute and that's what you have, okay?"

"THANK YOU."

"Now, you can owe me. Down to business."

I hesitated just a moment longer. Finally, throwing my reservations to the winds, I removed my jeans and and turned to face her. Her eyes immediately falling to below the belt, so to speak.

"Oh my. This is... new."

"Yeah..." I laughed nervously. "Hehe, uhhhh I realize that I'm not much compared to a pony, but you don't have to stare."

She laughed, herself. "You would actually be surprised in that case." A tape measure materialized out of nowhere and floated towards me through the air. "Okay, so... waist, 32. Inseam, 36. My, you have some long legs." She continued like that for a few minutes as I stood still for her.

"So, what are these markings all over you?"

"They're tattoos. They're kinda like y'all's cutie marks except they don't just show up. We take a needle and ink and put them in our skin. Lots of humans got them. To some, they meant something to the person. Of course, there were always folks that got them just because they liked the way they looked."

"Sounds painful. What about yours?"

"All of mine have some meaning to me. The writings are different sayings and the pictures are my heritage."

"What does the writing say?"

"I don't want to lie to you."

"Then don't."

"Okay." I stood silent.

"Well, fine. If you don't want to say, don't. That's fine." I sighed. It was going to come out at some point or another.

"I was a soldier at one point. Very dedicated to my life and purpose. The writing on my back is Latin, a language from a long time ago. It reads, 'If you want peace, prepare for war.' The world I come from... Its a violent place. War comes to those who don't want it. More often then not, it came out of unnecessary violence. We all wanted peace, but there was always someone that tried to take life. In order to have peace, war was usually what it took."

"My goodness. Your world sounds like Ancient Equestria. It must have been a scary place."

"It was normal for us." I said with a shrug. "We never knew any other way."

"I'm scared to ask you about the ones on your arms."

I laughed. "Hah! Well, that one's actually a little more noble. A verse from a holy book." I could tell she was curious, so I continued. " 'And the light shines on in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.'"

"Much nicer."

"Well, thank you. I thought so too. I've always believed that good would conquer evil... At least I did for a while."

Rarity's tape measure snapped into a small roll and landed at her feet. Looking me dead in the eyes, she put a hoof on my chest and told it to me straight.

"Never think anything different from that. In this world, good does always win." Good to know. I looked into her eyes and could tell she was serious. Like she knew from experience.

"Okay."

She started to walk off as she spoke to me. "Now, I already have a diagram in my head for your shirt. I'm thinking something bead-"

"NO. NO BEADS."

"What!?"

"No beads, no sequins, no sparkles. Just a plain, dark blue, cotton shirt."

"Well that won't be fun to make at all." She said glumly.

"Also, if you could, I would really appreciate it if you could replicate the material and style of these." I held up my jeans and socks for her to examine.

"Simple enough. The material is denim, is it not? Old fashioned, but functional and possible. Could I PLEASE do you a suit?" She pleaded.

"Well, if you really want to. It'll just be modeled after the local style, right?" She nodded. "Okay, but no beads or jewels please. I'm still having nightmares about that hospital gown I woke up in." She looked offended.

"I MADE THAT SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU! The doctors needed something and they didn't have anything that would fit correctly, so I made one practically on the spot! I thought you needed a little sparkle."

"Well it was a nice gesture. Thank you. Now, are there going to be rhinestones on the suit?" She shook her head.

"No, formal attire here is quite understated unless you're royalty or a snob."

I relaxed. Before she turned and started to leave, I had a quick thought.

"Oh yeah! If you could please, I would very much like if you could make me some underwear. Just a few pairs of cotton shorts to put on under the jeans, ok?" She looked at me like I was strange.

"Why would you need clothes UNDER your clothes?"

I looked at her. Then to my crotch. Then back up at her before answering. "Friction."

She chuckled aloud "Sure, I can do that. It should be simple. If you'll give me a few days to take these to my home, I'll have the first copies out quickly. I'll bring them all to you by the end of the week."

I was overwhelmed. I was about to have my own clothes again.

"I really do appreciate this, Rarity. Your generosity is amazing to me."

"Oh please," She said. "This will be simple enough. I just have to adapt my usual style. I design for high class and divas constantly. Designing for a new friend will be a nice project." She called me a friend. Really?

She stepped outside as I stood naked in the cottage. Apparently, Fluttershy was waiting outside. Excited tittering and giggles were heard before Rarity left for her home. Quickly, I ran into the bedroom and jumped under the covers. I didn't want Fluttershy to stare too. She came in to the guest room with me and blushed.

"Ummm... So, how did everything go?"

"Just fine. What were y'all talking about outside?"

"Oh... nothing."

"Fluttershyyyyy." It never took much coaxing to get her to spill the beans.

"Well, Rarity said that after meeting you and hearing about how you plan to help around here, I should keep you hidden. She says that the rest of the mares in town would be all over you if they got to know you well enough."

It was my turn to blush.

"Whooooaaaaaaa... No. No no no... No." She smiled reassuringly.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me, you're a good friend. I just couldn't think of you like that."

"You say friendzone, but what about the fact that we AREN'T EVEN THE SAME SPECIES?!" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh John, that's no big deal here. Ponies will even date gryphons if they love each other." I sat there. Dumbstruck.

"Did you just say... Gryphons?"

Fluttershy's giggles could be heard throughout the glade as I wondered to myself. Just what in the world was in store for me when I finally showed myself to this town? I shook my head and tried to forget it. One step at a time, John. One step at a time.

That Don't Make Me a Bad Guy

"Helloooooo? Is anyone hoooome? Jooooohn, I have something for youuuu!" Rarity called from the front step. It had been a long couple of days for me on account of I refused to get out of bed when Fluttershy was around. When I heard Rarity's voice, my heart lept into my throat. Oh, thank Jesus.

I jumped out of the bed, taking the sheets and wrapping them securely around my waist. I streaked for the front door, wrenched it open and pulled Rarity inside quickly.

"OH MAN, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE! ITS BEEN HELL!"

"Wha--" She began before I grasped her in a huge bear-hug.

"I've been stuck in bed since you left!"

"You really must come to terms with the fact that everyone is naked here, darling."

"Not the same."

Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, Rarity shrugged off her saddlebags. In one side were four pairs of blue jeans and some socks, in the other were four pairs of shorts and the shirts I asked for.

"I took great care in pre-stressing these pants so they would feel right... Go ahead, try them on."

Now, with a pair of boxers covering my nakedness, I reached for the slightly faded counterfeit Levi's. Wouldn't you know, they fit like a charm. I tried out the socks too. Perfect. And the shirt? Like I just bought it off the rack.

"Rarity. Did I ever tell you that you're amazing? Because guess what? You're amazing." I told her, every note as sincere as the last.

"Yes yes, well you haven't even come CLOSE to seeing the best piece. Your suit is still in my boutique. One of these days, you will have to come by and see it." She said slyly.

"Miss Rarity! You tryin' to lure me into your home and never let me leave?" That evoked a laugh.

"Ha! Well the thought had crossed my mind. You are what many around here would consider a catch."

"Yeah, that's what Fluttershy was sayin'. Guess I oughta get used to the idea of gorgeous mares hitting on me, hmm?" I said with a smile.

"Oh, you!" She grinned and hit me playfully, but her face and tone changed to concern. "How much longer do you plan to stay hidden like this?"

I had to think for a moment. I honestly didn't think much of even going into town. Fluttershy's cottage was perfect. I could be her live-in help for as long as she needed me. That being said, I didn't feel right. I was pretty much being a mooch, taking advantage of her free care... food... shelter. I needed to get out from underhoof so to speak.

"I don't know, hun... What do you think I should do? I don't have any money. I don't have a job to make money. I don't have a place of my own. I'm kinda at a loss for what to do."

She paused. "... Let me think for a while. In the meantime, you have your clothes, so do what it was you wanted to help Fluttershy with. We'll figure this out."

With a crisp salute and perfect about-face, I marched off outside to start work on the fences and buildings. Rarity followed me to the pile of tools and supplies Fluttershy kindly gathered for me over the last couple of days.

"Well, chica... What do I take care of first?" Rarity looked at me quizzically.

"What did you call me?" I paused and thought.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry. Another language from my world. I don't speak it very well, pero se un poco espanol."

"It sounds like the language they speak in Maredrid. You fascinate me, John Marshall."

Shrugging slightly and wondering how in the world languages are created like this, I picked up a can of paint and started towards the house. The cottage itself didn't need anything but a little touch up, but where it did, the paint was chipping and falling off badly. Regardless, the walls didn't take much longer than half an hour or so. The problem came when dealing with the chimney. Climbing up there in cowboy boots would be difficult enough without a ladder, staying UP THERE was going to be a different problem altogether. Luckily, Rarity was still there. The unicorn. With magic. Perfect.

"Hey, did I ever tell you how awesome you are?" I said, being painfully obvious that I needed help.

"Only twice today. What do you want?"

"Lift me up there for a couple minutes?" I gave her a big smile, but she shuddered.

"Look, first of all, stop that. Its... Unsettling. Your teeth... they are very intimidating. Second, you will have to tell me I'm "awesome" quite a bit more than just in passing for me to do you such a favor. These things do take effort, you know?" Ok ok... the predator can't bare his teeth... sure sure.

"Please? When I become rich and famous throughout Equestria I'll invite you to all the social functions... You could be my arm candy!"

"Oh please. I am above such superficial duties."

"Ok, Miss High Class. I'll be your arm candy then. Whenever. Just ask and I'll show show up with bells on." She laughed.

"I haven't a clue what bells will accomplish, but I suppose that is acceptable."

Using her magic to lift me to the roof and move me around the chimney, Rarity made the chimney painting a hundred times quicker (and safer) than it would have been. Slowly lowering me to the ground, she released the spell and stood dazed for a moment.

"Oh my, that took more out of me than I thought it would. How much do you WEIGH?"

"Just a hundred and eighty pounds. Why? Too heavy?" She shook her head and blinked, trying to shake away dizziness.

"Whoa. John, a little assistance if you please." I jogged forward to catch Rarity before she fell. Bending over, I put my arms around her to carry her insi- WHOA! With a slight grunt and shaky legs, I carried the surprisingly heavy mare inside. Throwing her on the bed I normally slept in, my muscles screamed with relief.

"No offense, darlin', but remind me not to try that again unless I absolutely have to. I don't think I could do it with a larger pony if I tried."

"Humans must not be very strong creatures if you can't handle little ole me." she said with a smirk.

"Oh, we're strong. Just not in the same ways." I said with a wink. "I'm gonna head outside and start workin' on Fluttershy's shed." Mentioning the shed brought forth a frightened look from Rarity.

"Did she say it was alright?!" She asked. "Normally, she tells everyone to stay out!" I shrugged.

"She knows I'm fixing a hole in the south wall and part of the roof. I'm sure she won't mind if I head inside." Rarity shuddered.

"Look, just be CAREFUL. I've only been around it a couple of times, and both times it either gave me the shivers or I smelled... I don't know what I smelled, but it was horrible." Rarity ended with another shudder. I was starting to worry about the contents of the shed, myself. If a pony had such horrible thoughts, well they couldn't be blatantly false could they?

"I'll be careful. Get some rest." She looked worried.

"Please come back in one piece? I may need my hoof candy soon."

I started out towards the shed, making sure I had all of my tools. I took a saw, hammer, nails and a couple of long two-by-sixes to replace the boards I would have to rip out and set them down just a few yards away before I smelled it. God DAMN, Rarity wasn't kidding. Once you've smelled rotting... well, rotting ANYTHING, you don't forget. Its a distinct smell, like weed or burning hair. The smell emanating from Fluttershy's shed was nothing short of death. It had to be. I approached with trepidation, the hair rising on the back of my neck and my stomach doing nervous flips.

What in the hell was she doing in there? Why would she be keeping anything DEAD? Why would she want her friends to stay out of the shed I was about to go into? These thoughts raced through my head before my imagination ran wild. She's one of those crazy ass axe murderers that looks fuckin' innocent on the outside, but secretly they've been taking tramps home with them and chopping them up to sate their thirst for blood, oh dear JESUS why was I going in there still?!

Slowly I reached for the doorknob. Holding it for a few seconds, I finally gained the nerve to throw open the door. There was no lighting, but bright shafts of sunlight fell through the gaps in the roof. I nearly heaved up my lunch when the full force of the smell was unleashed from the structure. Half a dozen rotting deer carcasses hung from various hooks in the ceilling. They were recently cleaned and dressed like a hunter would before he threw them in his freezer.

"Oh my holy fucking Chri-"

"Oh my... I didn't mean for you to see that." said a small voice behind me. Panicking, I spun around and threw myself against the wall. There she was. An embarrassed smile on her face with an axe in her mouth. I knew it. Holy shit, she was gonna kill me!

"Listen, Fluttershy... I'm really sorry. I don't know what to... say? OH DEAR SWEET JESUS DON'T KILL ME!" Her face went from embarrassment to shock... to laughing. I knew it, that filly was gonna butcher me like a-

"Oh John, I'm not going to hurt you. You didn't let me finish."

YEAH. I HEARD THAT BEFORE. THAT'S WHAT JACK NICHOLSON SAID BEFORE HE WENT APESHIT, TOO.

"The families of these poor deer donated them to me." Wait what? "They were sick or old and died in the forest. Their families told me that they wanted to be given back to nature, so I keep them here. There are so many orphaned cougars, and hungry bears that needed food, I felt it would be a good idea to keep them and bring them out as needed."

I froze... "Th-then what are you doing with the axe?!"

"Oh! I'm sorry... I just thought I would bring it for you so you could cut up a few trees. There are a couple of fallen oaks out there we can stash away for firewood later on."

Well, now I just felt stupid. Of course this pony wasn't an evil axe-murderer.

"Uhh.. Thanks, I guess."

"Umm.. Your clothes are very nice. Is Rarity still here?"

"In the house. Check my bed."

"Oh... Oh my goodness!" I facepalmed "NOT LIKE THAT, FLUTTERSHY." She just laughed as she trotted to go see her friend.

Still shaking from the shock to my system, I closed the shed door and moved to the back. Replacing these boards was going to be easy as pie, but I couldn't think of food with the smell as it was. With the incentive of fresh air soon, I hurried through the work and put as much distance between myself and the hanging venison as I could.

A couple days later and the trees were cut, the house was painted, the shed was fixed and the fences were mended. All that remained was the chicken coup. Thinking ahead, I built the walls and roof on the ground first. That way, I didn't have to assemble anything while being up high. Rarity came by to visit again. I could swear that pony just came by to watch me work, but I knew she was too much of a lady for something like that.

I was in the process of putting up the new walls for the chicken house, when I noticed a lone cloud in the sky. That wasn't there before... I thought to myself. A few more moments of observation awarded me a glimpse at a hint of rainbow against the blue. Another pegasus like Fluttershy, this one with a light blue coat and multicolored mane and tail. I turned back to my work. If its up there, its already seen me. This is it.

I started to nail the braces to keep the walls standing, but kept my eyes roving.. Yep.. still there. After a few minutes, I took my eyes off the cloud for half a second and it was gone. Well shit... here it goes. Shaking my head and driving in another nail I didn't notice the blue pegasus fly into Fluttershy's cottage. Once I heard raised voices, I stopped to listen.

"WHAT IS THAT THING DOING OUT THERE!?"

"Rainbow Dash, calm down!"

"CALM DOWN MY FLANK! HALF OF PONYVILLE IS LOOKING FOR IT!"

I heard some inaudible sounds. Most likely Fluttershy's soft voice trying to get the mare to calm down.

"YOU GUYS ARE HARBORING A MONSTER! Twilight's gotta know about this."

"PLEASE, RAINBOW DASH! LISTEN TO US!"

Without further words, the rainbow-maned pegasus shot out of a side window, making a beeline straight for me. I couldn't even think of trying to knock her out of the air, she was so fast.

"Cat's out of the bag NOW, ya monster!" She stuck her tongue out and took off like a shot towards town. Rarity and Fluttershy came out to find me, both with worried looks on their faces. Fluttershy was the first to speak.

"Oh John, I'm so sorry. I should have tried harder to get her to listen." I hung my head.

"Fluttershy, its fine. You didn't do a thing wrong. I'm just glad I got a chance to finish the chores before I got carted away."

"Darling, if there's anything I can do to help, please tell me." said Rarity. "I'm not what one would call a fair-weather friend, you know?"

I reached into my pocket for my lighter. I'll be damned if it was empty. Should have known that wasn't going to last much longer.

"Well, darlin', can you magic me up some fire so I can light this?" I said, withdrawing a smoke from my boot. Rarity focused her magic until sparks erupted from her horn. Touching it to the tip of my cigarette, it ignited quickly.

"Thanks, hun." Pondering what would happen next, I couldn't help but think to go on the run... But where would I go? No, it was time to stand and take it. I have two new friends now that can vouch for me and hopefully make it a little easier on me. It wasn't like I was set for execution, right? From the looks of things, the ponies around here were probably too nice to think of lethal injection.

"Ladies... It was fun." Fluttershy shook her head and took flight.

"I'm going to try to talk to them before they get back. Maybe if I explain some things, they won't be so apprehensive." Good idea. Can't hurt, right? I sat calmly, watching Fluttershy disappear over the cottage, heading towards town. Rarity looked back at me.

"You know, this is going to turn out right, don't you?" I looked at her; confused about what she meant. "You still haven't gotten a chance to see your new suit." I smiled and jumped off the hen house to get comfortable on the grass. Rarity came over and sat next to me.

"Pants and all, huh?"

"Yes, of course. Pants and all. I daresay those boots of yours would go well with it if you put a little shine on them."

"Well, one of these days I guess we'll have to find out. You know, if the town doesn't have me drawn and quartered for scaring the tar outta them." She laughed.

"Oh, I don't think it would be all that bad. Twilight is a dear friend of mine. She's also not one to just jump to irrational conclusions about what or who you are."

"What, you mean like you did? Or Fluttershy did? Or even Rainbow Dash for that matter? I mean shit, look at me. If I smile, y'all get the shivers. Everything about me is strange to this world. Could you blame them if they didn't listen?" She thought for a second.

"Well, I know the truth. It might not count for much at the moment, but I do." She nuzzled my head reassuringly. "Besides, you'll be granted an audience with the princesses for sure after everyone relaxes a little, I'm sure of it. They'll be just as curious as the next pony to find out just where you came from and how you got here." That might not be too bad, really. "Hah, and if it goes better than you're expecting I can show you around the town. Perhaps you might meet some eligible bachelorettes, hmm?" She said with a wink. I just wanted to change the subject. And fast.

"Haha, thanks doll. I figure you can help me beat 'em off with a stick, how about that? Hey, how much time do you think we have before they show up?"

"Half an hour. Twilight will want Applejack to come as well. As for Pinkie Pie, who knows?" Standing up, I offered my hand to her in assistance.

"Well, let's see if we can't get the new roof on the chicken coup at the very least. Its not like I can leave the job half finished, right?" Accepting my hand and smiling, Rarity stood up and helped me finish the last bit of the work. Stepping back so to see take in the full effect, I asked Rarity what she thought.

"So? Not too shabby, eh?" She was thinking. Hard.

"It still needs something. AHA! IDEAAA!!!" Before I could say anything in reply, she ran for the house and disappeared. I started to think she wasn't coming back when I heard the hoofsteps behind me.

"What do ya got for me, hun? Gonna beautify this chicken house in ways I've never seen?" I heard a throat clear and a voice behind me speak in an accent not that different from my own.

"Feller, you move a muscle and I'll buck you into next season."

Oh.... Shit. Slowly rotating around, I was greeted with a startling sight. Rainbow Dash, an orange pony with a stetson I had never seen before and the lavender unicorn that was sat in my hospital room were all standing in Fluttershy's yard. The yellow pegasus herself was nowhere to be seen. She probably didn't even get a chance to talk to them.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle." said the purple mare. "If you decide to come with us on your own, I won't have to make you."

Well, there goes my plan for the afternoon.

Bleed Red

I gave myself up. No way in hell I was gonna tempt fate by running. The purple one (Twilight she called herself) could stop me in my tracks with magic, Rainbow Dash could move faster than the wind, and the orange one was a pile of muscles. Not good odds for me. I slowly raised my hands, palms out. I didn't want to look more intimidating than I probably already was. Looking around at them all, I decided to speak up.

"Y'all sure know how to roll out the welcome mat 'round here."

Twilight stood fast. Her face was a picture of resolution and determination. The other two looked at me like I was an oddity worthy of a place in the Ripley's Believe It or Not...

"Folks, can we at least be civil, here? My name is-" All of the sudden a voice called out nearby

"Oh Joooooohn!" Thank God, someone in my corner.

Rarity came around the side of Fluttershy's cottage supporting a bag and a couple of paint cans with her magic. When she noticed the rest of the mares staring me down, she dropped everything.

"Girls, wait!"

The orange pony spoke up. "Rarity, I know y'all are friendly with it, but now ain't the time fer a debate!"

"But Applejack, you don't understand!"

"I understand y'all been hidin' this critter from the rest of the town!" She said. "I cain't believe y'all wouldn't even tell yer own friends!"

At that moment, a very winded Fluttershy came flying over the lawn.

"Oh girls, please don't hurt him... He's not dangerous!" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Fluttershy, stay out of it!" Fluttershy cowered. Poor thing never really could establish dominance.

This sparked an all-out argument between the four of them. I just rolled my eyes and stood there. The only pony still paying a lick of attention to me was Twilight. Well, let's see what I can do here. I walked forward and extended my hand.

"Miss Twilight, my name is John Marshall. I'll go with y'all, but let's stop the fightin' and get on with it."

She straightened up, nodding in agreement.

"Girls?" The fight was still going.

"Girls?!" And going.

"GIRLS!" She finally shouted and in unison everyone's eyes were on her.

"We are headed to the library. Perhaps you would like to join us?" They were all quiet except for Rarity, who tried to say something.

"But Twiiiiliiiight..." She whined.

"Not now." the lavender mare stated simply. "John Marshall? Please follow me."

I did as I was asked. The rest of the group fell into step behind us, either with their heads hung in embarrassment for their squabble, or eying my back suspiciously. If I said I wasn't a little nervous about heading into town, I would be lying.

I usually deal with awkward silences quite well, but once we came into Ponyville proper, things got downright uncomfortable. The town was bustling with activity when we came through, but almost as one, every living soul that could see stopped what they were doing to get a good look at "the creature."

Some ponies were just curious. Most others were frightful. Young foals were whisked away by guarding parents and as soon as a lot of folks got a good look, they ran for the hills. Excited whispering and gasps of shock were heard occasionally as I felt my face redden with embarrassment. Dammit John, what do you have to be embarrassed for? I asked myself. God knows this wasn't the first time a town greeted me like this.

I couldn't be more thankful when Twilight led me into a building carved out of a huge tree in the center of town. Once we all made it inside and the door closed, I felt better, but not much. Rarity and Fluttershy kept trying to flash me reassuring smiles as if to say 'its gonna be all right!' Regardless, the tension was palpable.

"Spike!" Twilight called out. Almost immediately, a purple lizard ran down a staircase off to my left.

"Did you find it Twilight? What's it like?!" Wow. Talking lizards. This is new. He got to the bottom of the stairs before he noticed me.

"Oh, wow!" Struggling with trying to figure out an appropriate reaction, I just smiled and waved. The lizard's eyes grew in size. Twilight walked forward into the library gathering books, parchment and quills.

"Spike, take a note." She said. Apparently, he didn't hear. he was still in awe of the new animal in front of him.

"What... IS it?" he said, squinting at my face. I laughed.. mostly because I didn't know what else to do.

"I should be asking you the same question, Spike. Can't say as I've ever met a talkin' lizard before." If he was in awe before, then it changed. The look he gave me was one of disgust.

"I am NOT a lizard. I'm a dragon!" Ha ha ha ha... what? "So you can talk too?" he continued. I just nodded dumbly. A dragon? No fuckin' way. I had to ask.

"So... can you breathe fire?" Before he had a chance to reply, Twilight cleared her throat loudly.

"AHEM. Spike?" Briefly snapping back to reality, the little purple liza- I mean dragon looked to her.

"Notes?" She asked simply. Spike smacked his forehead.

"OH!" He ran forward, grabbing a bottle of ink, a quill and a scroll to write on. He found himself a comfortable spot to sit and waited patiently for the questioning to begin. The other girls slowly spread out through the library, settling in for what was sure to be a long interview.

"So... John?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to take some measurements and ask you some questions. Do you mind?" Twilight asked. I shrugged in reply.

"Not at all. Go ahead, please." She wasted no time in making a plethora of observations on her new subject. When I saw the happy smile start to develop on her face, I couldn't help but wonder if she was enjoying this too much. Like I was a new play thing she wasn't sure to be bored with too quickly.

"What are you called?" she asked.

"Well, I'm what we call a 'human.' "

"Height, roughly 6ft. How much do you weight?"

"About 180 pounds I think... I know I've lost a little weight since coming here." She thought for a moment about that.

"Ok, eye color, hazel... No coat or tail.. Mane, brown... Bipedal and has hands similar to a monkey or minotaur... So interesting!" She continued talking about me, but not necessarily to me. Something about her excited remarks reminded me of being in high school biology class. I guess if you like something enough, it can be just as fun as it was the first time.

The rest of the ponies listened intently to the 'research.' All except for Rainbow Dash. She fidgeted something awful and kept whispering to Applejack. Twilight then struck up a new topic of questioning.

"Could I see your teeth please?" I showed her and it almost looked like she flinched. "What does your normal diet consist of. Judging by your teeth, you seem to be an omnivore." Great. Sorry, Fluttershy.

"Well, recently its been mostly vegetables and eggs, but you're right. Meat is important. Common food for humans is... well, pretty much anything that moves." When the gasps subsided I continued. "But I've never eaten a pony before and don't intend to try." They seemed to relax. Twilight nodded knowingly.

"Do you supposed your weight loss could be due to a change in diet?" I shrugged.

"Sure?" Straightening herself again, Twilight continued with more questions.

"So, where did you come from?" Well, that's not a hard question.

"Well... I'm... I'm from..."

"Don't you remember?" she said, alarmed.

"I remember, I'm just tryin' to explain it so you'd understand. I'm from Earth. My world. I have no idea if this is still the planet Earth, but I'm pretty sure its not. Multicolored ponies ain't exactly common back there. Shit, until I woke up in Fluttershy's place, I thought I was still dreamin'." She looked contemplative.

"Do you remember anything about your arrival?" I proceeded to describe to her in detail my experience. Everything from remembering being shot (which they were obviously confused about) to bleeding out and dreaming, to falling out of the sky. Twilight's face was the picture of stoicism through my story, her eyebrows raising only when I mentioned opening my eyes a couple hundred feet above the ground. She was pensive for a few seconds before finally declaring,

"Spike, take a letter!"

Spike, apparently her personal secretary, produced a fresh piece of parchment and sat, ready to write.

"Dear Princess Celestia," She began aloud. "I feel that I must inform you that the new creature discovered two months ago outside of Ponyville has been located and is currently with me in the library undergoing research. I have made basic observations and am including my preliminary notes in this letter to you. The subject in question is a male 'human' by the name of John Marshall, has a wide range of speech and seems to be intelligent. Further observations are forthcoming and I will keep you updated and informed on all developments. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. Go ahead and send it, Spike."

He rolled up the scroll, signed and sealed, then held it up as if to display it to us... before a gout of green flame from his mouth consumed the letter, turning it into a sparkling mist that flowed out of the window.

"Well, that answers that question.." I said aloud. He smiled in reply.

"So, John," Twilight started again. "What can you tell me about yourself as a... human?" I didn't know what to say.

"Well.. What do you want to know?"

"How many more of you are there?" She asked. I had to think for a second on that one..

"I'm not sure... I think six billion? Maybe closer to seven billion people." Her eyes bugged out of their sockets.

"THAT MANY?! I don't think there's nearly as many ponies in Equestria!" I thought for a moment.

"Well, Equestria is just a country right?" She nodded. "Then I suppose a better number to give you is about three hundred million. That's how many people there were in my country." She shook her head.

"My goodness that's quite a lot. It is safe to assume you have some form of culture then?" Rarity and Fluttershy knew a little about what life was like there, but only what I told them. Twilight wanted a full detailed description. One that I wasn't necessarily eager to give. Shifting in my seat, I tried to dodge the question.

"Uhhh, I'm not entirely comfor-"

"This is purely in the interests of science, of course!" she said cheerfully, trying to get me to open up. At least she was more relaxed. Rarity started up again, trying to get Twilight to leave me alone.

"Twilight, really, is all of this questioning necessary? You can obviously tell that he is not going to try and destroy Equestria, just-" Twilight interrupted her again.

"I'll leave it up to John whether he wants to continue." She looked at me expectantly... almost eagerly. I sighed.

"Sure, Twilight. But can we do this alone?" She nodded.

"Alright girls, could you leave us for a bit?" she said. "We'll meet up later and talk more about it."

The rest of the group got up reluctantly and left. Fluttershy and Rarity both put a hoof on my shoulder. I perceived a slight hint of jealousy from Spike. Mental note for later. Rarity made sure to voice her concern before she left.

"John, you really don't have to do this now. I'm sure that-" I had to interrupt her.

"Chica, its ok. Go." Looking a little put out at first, but smiling nonetheless, she bid her farewell.

"Um, John?" Fluttershy asked. "Are you going to come back to the cottage as soon as you're done? You know you're still welcome to stay as long as you need, don't you?" I smiled.

"Of course. Y'all take care now. I'll see ya in a bit." As soon as they walked outside and closed the door, I turned
towards Twilight.

"You have to understand, Miss Sparkle, that I'm obviously not home anymore. Do you mind?" I said, pulling a smoke from my boot and pointing at a candle.

"Of course, if that would make you more comfortable, feel free." She said.

"Thank you." I lit the cigarette and took a long drag. "You see Miss Sparkle, the place I'm from... We're a long way from Equestria. Sure, we've got great music, film and art like most societies. Huge advancements in technology, and serious leaps in medical care, as well. Hell, humans live sometimes for a hundred years. We've even gone as far as to create huge devices that propelled us from the surface of our planet into outer space.

"The problem with this... the problem is every American generation has seen war. Every generation. Our technological advances were mostly because of this war. Those rockets that took us to outer space? Built so we could gain access to space before our enemies. The idea was that we could destroy entire nations from space using these devices... and more dangerous ones. Before I was even born, there was enough destructive power amassed to burn the world dozens of times over, but that was considered "power" not carelessness. Cultures advanced by conquering others and even my nation, lauded as the last superpower and leader of the free world was built on the backs of slaves, taken from their homes and tossed into an unforgiving life of servitude.

"I was a soldier. In the name of my country and democracy, I was sent to a hostile land to defend them, but that's not how it felt to me. When I finally came home, people thanked me for my service and told me I was a brave man for fighting for their freedoms. People I know died at war. When they were taken home to be buried, people protested at their funerals. They used their freedoms that we "provided" to publicly denounce us. To say that when we die, we were to burn for eternity. That was when I lost my faith in humanity.

"I left the Army, but what was I going to do? What were my qualifications? I ended up doing more of the same. The only difference was I was getting paid more to do it. In the end, I was killed. My life was taken because my lifestyle was different than theirs. Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel, but I wasn't the worst humanity had to offer. Crime, violence, hate, discrimination... Those were the words of my culture and that is why I didn't want your friends to know. You're a researcher. Objective. Fair. Once I got in here and sat down, I knew you'd give me a fair shake. Now, I've got to tell you what I think about coming here to your world. I love it here, Twilight, and I can't go back. I wouldn't go back even if I could."

She was quiet. Judging from her reactions throughout my little story, she was not comfortable with me being so close. Spike stopped writing halfway through the notes and looked at me. His jaw practically on the floor. I just sat there, puffing on my cigarette and waiting for a new reaction. After what felt like forever, Twilight cleared her throat.

"I... I think that will be fine for the day Mr. Marshall. Thank you." I nodded and rose to my feet,

"Does this mean I can go... or am I still kinda under arrest?" She smiled.

"If you don't mind, I would like you to see me here in the next couple of days sometime. The princesses may want to see you, but other than that, I don't see any reason to keep you!"

I nodded and turned, ready to step out into the town again. I could tell that it was nearing the evening; the sun rays were slowly fading to darkness through the windows. I heard Twilight clear her throat behind me. "And John?" I turned around.

"Yes?"

"My brother is a member of the Canterlot Royal Guard. I imagine it is something comparable to your army. I know what its like for family to be sent away into danger and I know it can be scary for you. Just know, that if you find yourself a better life here... I'll be very happy for you."

I didn't know what to say. The calm understanding that took the shape of the lavender unicorn in front of me was... touching. It almost brought a tear to my eye.

"Thank you, Twilight." She smiled and nodded in answer as I turned back and headed for the door.

Stepping out into dusk, I dropped the remains of my smoke to the ground. Whew... that... was rough. I heard the clip clop of hooves coming towards me down the street. Looking up, and seeing Rarity trotting over towards me brightened my mood considerably.

"Finished already, John?"

"Yeah. Didn't take too long at all. Seems like I'm free to go."

"Is everything alright? You seem positively glum." she said.

"Well, I don't feel too hot right now."

"Come with me, we are in town, are we not? I'll show you around!" I couldn't help but smile.

"Alright, chica... Where to first?"

We wandered around the small town. Spending time just talking to each other about what happened at what times of the year and when the stalls were open. She laughed aloud when I told her about Walmart.

"You mean to tell me, that there's one store where you can buy anything... at a cheaper price than anywhere else... and there's thousands of them!?" I laughed.

"Oh yeah, and then there's fast food chains. They have the worst food imaginable for a person, but people still buy it. You know that corner restaurant we just passed? McDonald's would have been half the price, twice as quick to make the food, and eating it would have made you gain 3 pounds on the spot, but there's thousands of them. They're popular, too!" She was just rolling her eyes now.

"You don't have to exaggerate for me, John."

"Not an exaggeration, Rarity!" She shook her head. Looking around, she immediately perked up.

"Oh, darling, THAT is Sugarcube Corner, our local bakery. Come along and I'll show you where to get just about anything that comes out of an oven!" She trotted forward and opened the door disappearing into the darkened shop. Nevertheless, I followed her inside. Standing in the darkness for a whole ten seconds, I began to wonder if we were really supposed to be in here at this time of the evening.

"Uhhh, Rarity? Where'd you go?" All of the sudden the lights snapped on and a huge pink face filled my vision. Ohhhhhhh, flashbacks. Now that I wasn't trying to escape and not hurt, she was able to tell me just what was going on.

"HI! I'm Pinkie Pie! And I threw this party just for you! You didn't get a welcome party when you came into town, and that made me really bummed out. But I promised myself that I would make it up to you and throw you a party when you got better! But then you escaped! And I had to wait AGAIN! So this time I made SURE that you would get a party! Rarity brought you here and told as many ponies that she could that you were a great guy! SOOOOOOO, here we all are.. SURPRISE!!!"

My head was spinning from the onslaught of words. Looking around, a dozen or so faces showed in the crowd. I heard the door open. Turning to look, I saw Twilight and Fluttershy escorting in a grumpy Rainbow Dash and a wary Applejack. Looks like the party was about to get started.

Jack Daniels

Ponies around the room were drinking cider and enjoying the music. It was a simple, easy atmosphere... not over the top, just right. It didn't take long for me to relax into the flow of the sounds and presence of the ponies. It wasn't all that different from some of the little get-togethers I'd been to in college. Pinkie Pie showed me around and introduced me to a few new faces. She knew everyone- everyPONY in the town, so being the party organizer came easy to her.

"I think you're really gonna like it here! And all of these nice ponies showed up to meet you, so enjoy your party!" She said excitedly as she led me toward another couple of mares. "That's Lyra and Bon Bon. They're really nice and when they saw you come into town, they knew they HAD to meet you!"

I looked up at them. The aquamarine colored unicorn turned to her friend and began whispering excitedly into her ear as I started to walk towards them.

"Howdy." I started with a smile. "I'm John. So, how are y'all doin' tonight?" The unicorn just stared blankly with a weird smile. Her curly pink and purple maned friend looked at her and rolled her eyes; she was the first to speak.

"Sorry about my friend. She saw you when you came into town and drug me to the party... Lyra, are you going to talk to him or what?" Lyra turned towards her, a maniacal look in her eye.

"They do exist!" She whispered simply. I was alarmed.

"What do you mean?! I was told I'm the only human to ever be here!" Bon Bon shook her head.

"She had a dream a few years ago and just became obsessed with ideas about aliens and weird creatures. She says you were one of them. Everypony else just thinks she's weird. It doesn't help that I have to live with her. I'm Bon Bon, by the way." She said with a smile.

"Nice to meet you," I said to her. Quickly, I turned back to Lyra. "You had a dream about me? Tell me about it."

She started to snap out of her initial 'deer-in-the-headlights' look she had when I first walked up. At least she was talking to me, now.

"It wasn't you... It was something like you. It was covered in hair, too! All over his face and his arms! He had hands like you, he walked like you... It was amazing! Like a tall monkey!" I was crestfallen.

"Bigfoot. You had a dream about Bigfoot." She looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign language.

"Is that what you call yourselves? OH! DO YOU KNOW HIM?!" Motherfucking Bigfoot. I shook my head and downed the rest of the cider, ignoring her question. Shit, I needed a beer.

"Y'all keep around anything to drink with a little more... kick?" Bon Bon laughed and started looking around the room.

"I know she's here somewhere... BERRY! BERRY PUNCH, THIS GUY WANTS THE GOOD STUFF!"

All of the sudden, a bottle came flying through the air from across the room. Deftly catching it, I looked over at Bon Bon.

"Uh, Berry Punch?"

She smiled and gave a nod to someone across the room. There, laying across a table was a pink mare with a darker pink mane. She waved and smiled drunkenly before dropping her head with a clunk... passed out. The hell was this stuff? I read the label.

"Shit, y'all got corn whisky here?" Bon Bon smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, we figured that out a while ago. Enjoy!"

I looked back in Berry Punch's direction. She was still laying flat on the table, snoring lightly. Hell yes. Bon Bon must have guessed at what I was looking at.

"She usually just uses any excuse to get drunk." Ah. That's interesting. Alcoholic ponies. I tipped the bottle towards the pair of mares sitting in front of me.

"Thanks, ladies."

"No problem!"

I walked away through the room past the smiling party-goers. Grabbing a cup from the punch table and filling it with ice (generously provided by Pinkie Pie) I poured myself a drink and sat down against the wall to watch the scene.

Random conversations were going on around the room. Twilight was talking to another pony. Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were enjoying the music over in the other corner. Everyone looked like they were having fun. Sighing, I took a drink and kept scanning the room. Suddenly, my ears picked up a quiet argument nearby.

"AJ! What are you doing?!"

"I'm gonna go say hi to the human."

"What do you mean?! I thought you didn't trust him!" I looked around and spotted Rainbow Dash tailing Applejack as she walked over towards me..

"Look, Rainbow. Twilight says he's alright, Rarity and Fluttershy like 'im... I'll at least give 'im a chance."

Rainbow threw her hooves up in frustration and left as Applejack closed the distance between us. I took a sip of my drink and leaned back against the wall as she sat down a couple of feet away, facing me.

"Howdy." I said plainly.

"Howdy." She said in reply.

I sat for a couple of seconds sizing her up. A quick glance to her face told me she was doing the same.

"So," she said finally, "another cowpony, huh?" I smiled.

"Actually, not in a long time, but I do still enjoy the rodeo." She smiled that time.

"Sounds like y'all ain't too much different from us, then."

I nodded. "Yeah, surprisingly not. The name's John... Drink?" I said, offering her the bottle. She smiled and nodded.

"Sure. Name's Applejack, but my friends call me AJ. Welcome to Ponyville!" I laughed as I got up to fix her up with a drink and a straw.

"Well, you sure have lightened up considerably! Earlier today, you were ready to kick the tar outta me and now were havin' a drink like friends!" She laughed and took a sip.

"Well, I'm sure y'all can understand. I was a mite bit nervous seein' something like you turn up."

"Well, I hope Y'ALL understand, other than your friend Twilight, you're the only one that I was actually nervous about. You look like you could kick a hole in a brick wall!"

"Years of applebuckin' " she replied proudly. My face was a picture of confusion.

"Applewhatnow?" She chuckled at my ignorance.

"Applebuckin'! See, my family owns Sweet Apple Acres on outside 'o town. Huge apple orchards as far as the eye can see. We gotta get 'em outta the trees somehow, so we just kick 'em out! Don't y'all do the same?" I shook my head.

"Does it look like we can?" I said, slapping my legs. "Folks with apple orchards like that usually just end up hiring a bunch of random workers to pick 'em."

"Sounds like it would be expensive and take ferever." she said, sipping a little of the drink. Pfft. She's right about that.

We sat quietly sipping on the liquor. I felt like I should say SOMETHING about Rainbow.

"Uh, so... Your friend didn't seem too happy about you gettin' a little buddy-buddy with the alien, huh?" I said. She shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, that's just Rainbow. She'll come around, don't you fret. That and she's a dern loyal friend. Once you and her get friendly, there ain't nothin' that's gonna change her mind. She'd follow ya to Tartarus and back." I nodded.

"She sounds like a helluva friend. Sounds like I just gotta earn some respect." She nodded at that.

"Well, you got mine at least. I didn't get to see much, but from what Fluttershy says, you saved me a couple days work out at her place. Solid job." I smiled.

"Thanks."

She finished her drink and stood up. "Well, I have to get back to the house. Early mornin' fer me. Y'all have fun at yer party, now!"

I watched her as she walked away. I couldn't help but think that Applejack reminded me of someone... A cute barrel racer I met in Texas. Layne, her name was. Shit, I missed that girl. I felt instantly homesick as thoughts raced through my mind.

I wasn't going home.

I wasn't ever going to see it again.

I wasn't ever going to see my family again.

I'm living here.

For the rest of my life.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to DO with the rest of my life.

I drained my cup in one movement and poured another as Pinkie Pie bounced over, her normal bubbly self.

"Hey John! Enjoying your party?"

"Yeah, Pinkie. You sure put together one swell welcome." She beamed.

"GREAT! Whatcha thinkin' about?" She was more perceptive than I gave her credit for.

"Just thinkin' about my home. My family. Just feelin' a little homesick, but I'll be alright." Her smile faded from her lips. Jumping forward, she threw her front legs around my neck and squeezed hard.

"Don't feel bad! Ponyville can be your new home, now. And we can be your new family." Awwwwww... I smiled.

"Thanks, hun." She smiled back and bounced away. Off to talk to Lyra and Bon Bon again. I noticed Lyra was still looking at me, but the warning bells that normally would have gone off weren't ringing. Ahhh, alcohol. I continued to drink. Rarity came by to chat a little, but I couldn't quite hear her... Just smile and nod, John. Whatever she's saying has to be nice and eloquent. Such a nice pony. I poured another drink.

"Um, darling? Don't you think you should slow down a little?"

Smile and nod, John.

Smile and nod.

And drink.

"Oooookay?" Rarity, looked a me for a few more seconds and started to walk away, throwing worrying glances in my direction.

I drank a little more. Slowly, but surely, the room began to spin slightly. That's what I'm talkin' about. Jumping up (shakily) I yelled at the top of my voice.

"YEAH!!! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!"

The room swiftly turned sideways and everything went dark.

I woke up. In a strange place. On a couch. I started to open my eyes whe- OH MY GOD, SUNLIGHT. Shutting them immediately and falling to the floor, I quickly tried to remember the night before.

Lyra and Bon Bon.

Berry Punch.

Applejack?

Jack... Jack...

Whisky.

Fuck.

The smell of coffee wafted from the room adjacent to me. I low crawled to the doorway, groaning as I went. A voice called from the room; I could see it was the kitchen.

"John? John, are you awake?"

Groan.

"Oh John, you simply must learn your limits."

Groan.

"Oh, enough drama." Rarity said. "Get to your feet and come sit down."

I stood, balancing precariously on the balls of my feet and leaned through the doorway. She was sat over at the table, a cup and saucer in front of her and the day's newspaper floating at eye level. She looked at my disheveled figure from over the eyeglasses perched on her nose.

"What will you have to drink?"

"Hair of the dog." I replied.

"I have coffee." She said flatly. "I have no idea what dog hair would do for you, but you'll stay away from my cat if you know what is good for you."

"Coffee." I said. Ignoring the comment about the cat completely. Leaning forward at the table, I put my head in my hands and tried to wish the hangover away.

"You made the paper." She said shortly.

"Huh?" She tossed the paper onto the tabletop as she magically pulled a full cup of coffee from the counter across the room. The front page had a large picture of me with a whisky bottle in hand, dancing with a random pony. The headline read ' 'Human' Returns to Ponyville, Parties Hard.'

"Oh. Well, this is new."

"What is?"

"I haven't ever made the front page before."

"THIS IS SERIOUS!" She shouted. I winced.

"I'm sorry. It was... careless of me."

"CARELESS MY HOOF! Do you have any idea what you've done to yourself?! What you've done to ME?!"

All I could do is look at her with my eyes wide open. I don't think I've ever been chewed out by a pony before.

"Do you have ANY IDEA what it looks like for ME... Taking home the DRUNK HUMAN after last night's display?! Do you even REMEMBER LAST NIGHT?!"

"No." I said quietly. Looking at the floor.

"WELL," she started. "Allow me to FILL you IN. You got positively SOUSED, danced with THAT pony," She pointed to the unicorn mare on the paper. At a second look, I could see it was Lyra herself. "SHOUTED something about how you "used to ride ponies ALL of the time" AND THEN you shouted "FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY."

She didn't have to finish. The memories came flooding back.

With a vengeance.

"YEAH! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

I fell over to the floor. A couple of ponies helped me stand back up as Pinkie ran over to the stereo and cranked the volume up to ten, blasting a heavy-base techno beat. I started to jump up and down in the middle of the group of partiers. Lyra trotted up, threw her hooves up over my shoulders and started to move with the music.

Ponies started to stare, stunned by the show. I drained my cup in a few gulps and threw it across the room, opting instead for just drinking out of the bottle.That was probably what did it, right there. A camera flashed somewhere, but I didn't care. I kept drinking. And drinking. And drinking. Inhibitions gone, I started grinding against the mare in front of me.

"Hey," she said softly into my ear. "You wanna go back to my place tonight?"

I shouted my answer.

"SURE THING BABE, I USED TO RIDE PONIES AAAAAAAAAAALL THE TIME BACK IN TEXAS!"

Smooth, John. Real smooth.

I stopped dancing momentarily to drain the rest of the bottle. I took it and threw it on the ground, smashing it to shards
and yelled "FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY!" before promptly falling over. The world was hazy, but I could still see Lyra's horn glow and feel myself lift off the ground a few inches. Moving slowly, I was waving goodbye to the rest of the ponies in the room.

"LATER FOLKS! ADIOS! DOSVEDANYA! SAYONARA!" I stopped abruptly and hit the floor.

"Owwwwwww, babe.. you can't be droppin' me like that!" Looking up, I could see Rarity having a shushed argument with Lyra. She must have said something bad because the soft blue unicorn looked down at me, blushed and galloped off, Bon Bon following closely behind her.

Rarity leaned over me, her eyes darting nervously around the room.

"We need to get you out of here. NOW," she said.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" was all I could come out with. Pinkie cut the music and galloped over, telling everyone present what was up.

"Sorry, folks! Party's over! Take care and be safe! Bye!!" She finally made it over to us and whispered to Rarity. "What
are we gonna do with him?!"

"Help me!"

They threw my arms over their withers and and moved me out into the night. The moon was bright and full.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! OW OW OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! C'MON LADIES! HOWWWWWWWWL AT THE MOON!" Pinkie giggled.

"Hahaha! He sure is having fun!"

"My goodness" Rarity said "what he NEEDS to learn is a little self-control."

They carried me through the street into what I could only think of as another shop. Opening the door magically, they drug me through the door. I was singing a random song (poorly) that popped into my head.

"Aint it strange? Well, aint it strange? Well I had nooooo clue I'd... be the boooooy who yer... momma waaarned you about!" They looked at me like I was insane.

"Over here," said Rarity, summoning a couch from the far wall and leaving it in the middle of the room. The ponies heaved me off and onto the massive piece of furniture. I laughed and shouted some more.

"LADIES! ANGELS! My heroines... Thank you... Thank you from the deepest part of my heart for your KIIIIIINDLY ASSISTANCE!" Rarity shook her head.

"Yes. Thank us. Right. Say that in the morning when you wake up."

I didn't hear a thing she said. I was already asleep.

Rarity cleared her throat and brought me back to reality.

"Have you been listening to ANYTHING I JUST SAID?!"

"No, actually. I've pretty much just been reliving the night before, though. Thanks for that."

"NOW is NOT the time for jokes and SARCASTIC REMARKS!"

"Look." I said, reaching for her hoof across the table. Formulating my words carefully, I continued. "Last night... Last night was a moment of weakness on my part. I've been here for months just trying to figure out what I'm going to do here... I just... You know what, nevermind. I don't have an excuse. I'm sorry. I'm a drunk, I'm a flirt, and I'm worse when you combine the two."

She looked at me with her mouth open slightly. Finally, shaking her head and taking a sip of coffee, she went back to the paper. I drank my coffee cup empty, got up too fill it and grabbed her's as well.

"And just where do you think you're going with THAT?"

Wordlessly, I filled both cups and brought them back. She levitated a single sugar cube into her's and stirred the piping hot liquid.

"Thank you." She said through pursed lips.

"Welcome." I replied quietly.

After another minute of silence and reading, she suddenly slammed the paper down on the table and looked at me angrily.

"AND JUST WHAT IN THE HAY DOES 'I'VE RIDDEN PLENTY OF PONIES BACK HOME' SUPPOSED TO EVEN MEAN?!"

I froze. Coffee cup hanging in the air halfway to my lips. I didn't know what to do. So, I just started laughing. And I mean laughing. Uncontrollable, deep, belly laughter.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!"

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

I still couldn't just stop.

"I'm being serious. STOP. LAUGHING."

Wiping a tear from my eye, I set the coffee on the table and stood up, still chuckling off and on.

"Haha! Well, you see Rarity, hehehehheheeh.. I was a cowboy, you know? Like AJ kinda? And.. hahahhahhaha! And where I come from, we take horses and put saddles on 'em to RIDE 'em. I'm not talkin' about like... Ponies like y'all.. they were livestock. Different! Ridin' a horse in some places is just easier than the alternative."

She was not amused.

"Regardless! YOU said THAT to HER!" She shouted waving wildly at the paper. "WHAT is WRONG WITH YOU?!"

The laughter bled from my voice.

"Are you really that bothered by it?" She started to stammer.

"I... Well, I... No! No, I'm NOT! In fact, I don't care at all! HMPH!" I sat back down next to her.

"Chica, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have gotten snot-slingin' drunk. Especially after all the trouble you and Pinkie went through for me. It was a horrible choice and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I realize the stress I've put y'all through with what I did. And I am truly sorry. One of these days, I'll make it up to you... But I'm gonna go ahead and leave." Getting up and turning around, I started for the door. I reached for the doorknob and started to turn it when I heard her voice from the doorway.

"Aren't you even going to ask about your suit?"

I hung my head.

"It was made by you, darlin'... I'm sure it was perfection." I started out of the door.

"WELL IT WASN'T! IT WAS DREADFUL! COME BACK HERE!"

I closed my eyes and turned back around to face her.

"It was ridiculous," she started, "and the design I have NOW is going to require more. Give me your belt. And I'm sorry, your boots won't match the new design either. Take them off, I'll need them as well."

"What's going on?" I asked as I pulled off the belt and boots.

"I'm going to measure your FEET. You need shoes, don't you? And I'll be mortified if someone sees you walking around in anything other than the imitation leather I'm trying to create, SO I need your boots. Before you ask, YES, you will get them back, and NO, not right away."

"Just one more question..." I said as she started measuring my feet. "What do you know about making human shoes?"

Her measuring tape snapped together and was tossed to the other side of the room. The look she gave me said 'Really?' Moving away and towards another room, she started talking again.

"Shiny." (That one dripped with sarcasm.)

"Socks to match?" She sighed.

"NO. I thought you could just go BAREFOOT in them- OF COURSE socks to match."

"Do you know how to do laces?"

"Unicorns will wear laced boots from time to time. Magic makes them so much easier to tie. I'm sure I could make fine shoes."

"Are you sure this isn't a job for a shoemaker? Or a cobbler or something like that?"

She was visibly frustrated now. "I can do it just as easily HERE!"

"Okay..." I said in reply.

She continued out into another room, levitating my boots and belt behind her. After a minute of me standing at the door, she poked her head back out.

"What, you think I'm just going to throw it all together NOW?! OUT! You can have your things back later!"

Shrugging, I ran through the shop towards her, stopping when I was almost chest-to-nose with her. She looked up at me with a startled expression on her face as I reached over for one boot and pulled a cigarette out.

"Thanks, chica. For everything. AFTER everything. And I mean it. Thank you. I owe you one."

She laughed. "Well, no kidding. You just be thankful I'm more forgiving than most."

With a smile, I bent down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. I don't think she knew what to do. Turning quickly and running back the way I came, I opened the door and stepped outside, casting a glance back to see her frozen in the doorway with a slight blush. Grinning and closing the door behind me, I realized that I was barefoot, still slightly hungover, and standing in the middle of a busy market.

Hey everybody, look at the human.

Eyes looked up and heads turned towards me. I couldn't help but think to myself, Shit, John.. The day hasn't even started yet.

Heroes and Friends

I could feel their eyes on me as I made my way through the town. Ponies whispered behind their hooves as I walked through the market. I kept walking, outwardly unaffected by the whispers and stares, but on the inside I was cursing last night. One moment of feeling sorry for myself resulted in pushing the town away. Whispers gave way to suppressed giggles as I moved farther into the market. I noticed out of the corners of my eyes that everybo- PONY had their eyes either on me or a newspaper. I kept smoking and walking, looking for any faces that were halfway familiar. It wasn't long before the onlookers started to get bolder. As I looked at one of the stands, the owner scowled at me from over the top of his paper.

"Keep walking, drunk."

Nice. I heard another voice a little further ahead.

"Hide your foals, folks. Here comes the human!"

Great.

If I thought coming into town the first time was awkward, there wasn't a word to describe what today was. I needed out. Immediately. Scanning the crowd, I spotted a friendly face. Applejack had a stand set up out towards the opposite end of town from Rarity's. I half jogged up to her, hoping to get an idea of just how bad it really was to be me at the moment. I found my answer almost immediately.

"Hey, Applejack! I didn't know y'all ran a business out here..."

She almost jumped at the sound of my voice. Spinning quickly and looking around at the rest of the market, she reluctantly addressed me.

"Uh, hey John. Yeah, I been doin' this fer a while, now." I smiled at her.

"Dang..." I said. "Well hey, you mind if we talk fer a bit or are you too busy?"

She kept looking around, scanning the other ponies faces in the area. I knew what she was gonna say before she said it.

"Look, uhh... John. I know y'all are tryin' ta be friendly an such, but uhhh..." Her voice lowered and she leaned in closer. "Talkin' ta y'all ain't exactly good fer business today, ya know?"

I nodded slowly and cut my eyes downwards.

"Yeah... Yeah, I know. Well, uh... I guess I'll just make myself scarce then."

She smiled sadly and looked away, but I understood. Turning away and moving further through the town I spotted another familiar face. Lyra stepped out of a small building, spotted me and froze. I smiled weakly and waved, but she quickly disappeared. The smile faded from my face. Thinking quickly, I took off and headed out in search of the mare that could give me the best advice.

I threw open the library door.

"Twilight! Twilight, are you here? Its John!"

A nervous voice called from upstairs.

"Oh! Uhhh... John! No, I'm not busy at all, one moment, please!"

I heard what sounded like the end of a hushed argument and some books being thrown around. Twilight appeared shortly afterward, looking slightly disheveled and smiling awkwardly.

'Hey, John. Uhh... so how did your party go?" I shook my head and sighed.

"Horribly, but what're ya gonna do? I've actually come to ask for a little advice on what I should do now."

Looking up at the lavender mare, I noticed she wouldn't keep eye contact. Another pile of books could be heard toppling over upstairs. Frowning, I decided to ask about them.

"So, how's Spike doing? Doesn't sound like he's havin' a whole lotta fun up there." Twilight looked over again and sighed.

"He's just... upset. About being up so early. Yeah." I wasn't convinced, but I left it at that and asked her a question point blank.

"So about the party last night... I'm sure you know what happened by now." She bit her lip and started kicking at the floor with her hooves, still avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah. I knew I should have come back after I walked Fluttershy home. I'm so-" I had to interrupt.

"Look, what's done is done. Can't change the past, so let's not worry about it. I came to you wondering if you could help me FIX it." She came slowly down the stairs.

"I don't know, John. This is a small town... Word gets around fast and gossip travels even faster than that. Ponies don't forget a whole lot around here, especially after a display like last night."

"Great." I said, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "So this is it. I'm done here. No, scratch that. I'm done everywhere. The only human in this whole world and I've made an absolute ass outta myself."

Twilight's brow furrowed in confusion. I really needed to stop using language that nobody around here understands. Twilight trotted over to me and gave me a half smile.

"Look, everyone gets a little out of control sometimes. I'm sure there's something you can do to rectify the situation." She paused and cast a glance up where she left Spike before continuing. "So, how was Rarity this morning?" she said in a low whisper. A snort and more shuffling books came from upstairs. Ignoring it, I answered.

"Well, she wasn't too happy when I woke up, but I think she's gonna be alright." I said with a slight smile.

"Well, I'm not sure about everypony else, but you should probably lay low for a while." She started to pace back and forth for a minute, thinking of a way to help. I finally just started back out the door.

"I'm gonna head back to Fluttershy's then." Suddenly, she stomped a hoof.

"OH!" She exclaimed. "Fluttershy was expecting you home last night! I'll bet she's worried sick!" I nodded and started to go again, but didn't make it halfway out of the door before Twilight spoke up another time.

"Oh, I almost forgot! I have received word from Canterlot that the princesses want to meet you 'at your earliest convenience.' " Aw, shit. I almost forgot.

"Well, how's about we give it a little time? I don't think the princesses would be all that thrilled about being in the presence of the newly appointed 'party animal' at the moment." I said dryly. Twilight smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"As soon as you're ready I will send a letter." This time, books literally tumbled off of the upstairs landing.

"You'd better go help him out. It sounds pretty bad up there." I said to her as I stepped outside and closed the door behind me.

"Motherfucking, cocksucking, sonofagoddamn bastard..." I muttered to myself the entire way to Fluttershy's cottage. It was a fair piece outside of town and I was without my boots on a dirt and clechie road.

"I swear, if I ever have to go without shoes again, I'm gonna fucking murder something - OOMPH!" The words hadn't left my mouth before a rainbow-colored blur came out of the sky and drilled me right in the chest. Wincing and opening my eyes, I found I was nose-to-nose with none other than Rainbow Dash; the pegasus mare pinning me to the ground with her hooves pushing down on my shoulders. Glaring at her, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"NOW JUST WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" She glared with a look of pure malice and leaned forward, her eyes burning with hellfire. She spoke quietly, each syllable expressing her seriousness.

"If You... Ever... Hurt... ANYPONY... In This Town. I Will Make You Regret It." I started to struggle a little, testing her hold. Not that good. Maybe for a pony, but not for me.

"Jesus, its a fucking SAYING where I come from! It doesn't mean SHIT! Let me go!" She pushed harder and I started to relax.

"I don't care! You heard me and it still stands! You lay a hoof on my friends and you're done!" I smiled and a look of confusion and alarm flashed across her face.

"I don't have hooves, chica."

The way she was straddling me would have worked on another pony with limited reach, but lucky me, human arms have a helluva range of motion. Taking advantage of her relaxation, I quickly brought my arms up and slammed them down into the crooks of her forelegs, dropping her on my chest and forcing her to keep balance with her hind legs. I rolled over, brought my knees up to where her shoulders were and brought my arm down across her throat. I was barely into position when i realized this was a horrible idea. Just as her hold was compromised with me being a human, mine was compromised because she was a pony.

She flailed wildly with her hind legs and a hoof caught me square in the back of the head. Lights exploded in my vision and I rolled off of her, instantly putting my arms over my head and drawing my knees up to my chin. I felt a breeze kick up as Rainbow Dash propelled herself from the ground. Rolling again and jumping up, ready for another onslaught, I locked eyes with her and tensed. If looks could kill, I woulda been dead as a doornail. Eventually, her face relaxed and smirk formed across her lips.

"Not bad... 'human.' But next time, you're not gonna be so lucky... Remember what I said!" She took off, leaving a trail of rainbow and her warning ringing in my ears. I shook my head trying to get rid of the spots in my vision. Well, that'll be another concussion I thought to myself. Staggering off, I silently hoped Fluttershy's place was close.

Just as I was feeling about like my feet were going to fall off, I saw it. The cottage. Oh, thank God. I stumbled up to the door and knocked several times. No one came to the door. I knocked again. No answer. That was when the headache finally hit. I was almost expecting it sooner. One of the common symptoms of a concussion is a severe headache and this one was no joke. I was already still a little hung over; combining that with some brain damage is not a good idea.

I opened Fluttershy's door and stepped inside. Moving into the kitchen, I clumsily picked up a cup and filled it with water from the faucet. I downed it in a few large gulps and filled it again. And again. And again. With a belly full of water and a headache from hell, I was a sight to behold, to be sure. All of the sudden, a huge wave of pure exhaustion hit me like a brick wall. Oh shit, John. Don't fall asleep. That's the worst thing you can do now is fall asleep. The urge to crash and burn right there doubled with each passing moment. I stumbled into the bedroom I had been living in since I came here and fell to my knees on the floor. Before the rest of me dropped, I snagged the pillow off the bed and put it on the floor. The comfortable floor. It wasn't ten seconds before my eyes closed and I was comatose.

I finally opened my eyes. It was pitch black in the cottage. More surprisingly, I was in bed, tucked in with a large glass of water next to me on the nightstand. Good thing too because regardless of everything I drank earlier, I was still thirsty as hell. I took a long pull on the glass, draining half of it in a matter of seconds before I started to get my bearings. Not to mention the fact that I had a dire need to piss.

I got up out of the bed just fine and walked on outside into the yard. It was late at night or early morning; either way, I was a lucky bastard. Taking a few more steps out into the moonlit night and unzipping my jeans, I began to think about what was to come as I relieved myself. Concussion. A traumatic brain injury. Can't say I've never done that before. Out for at least 12 hours. Who put me into bed? Am I gonna be ok? The answers eluded me for the time being. Instead of thinking about it, I just looked up. The night sky was gorgeous and bright. Why ruin it with bullshit like this?

Smiling contentedly, I turned and headed back inside, but it wasn't long before my thoughts strayed back to my head. I remembered my last concussion. The aftermath was not good. Hoping silently to myself that there was no real brain damage, I laid back down to sleep. I glanced at the clock. It said 5:00. Shit John, 14 hours. Good thing you actually woke up. Shrugging and laying my head back down on the pillow, I let my eyes close and fell asleep again.

10 o'clock in the morning and I was awake again. "Well, I can tack another 5 hours to the coma-counter then." I said aloud to myself. I heard an excited squeal come from the next room.

"Oh my goodness, John!" Fluttershy exclaimed as she flew in and wrapped her forelegs around my neck. "I'm SO glad you're ok! I came home yesterday from Ponyville with Applejack. She said she needed to talk to you, but we couldn't find you anywhere. Twilight said she sent you to my home, but when we got here you were asleep and we couldn't wake you up. I was so scared!" She said, still hugging my neck fiercely.

"Fluttershy... Hun, I'm alright. Everything's ok." She continued like she didn't hear me.

"Applejack helped me put you up in the bed. That's when we noticed the big lump on the back of your head. Did you bump it on a rock or something?"

Yeah, you could say that I thought to myself.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. I've got a hard head." Her expression softened momentarily before becoming concerned again.

"Some of the ponies in town have been saying awful things about you. What happened that night?" She must have not read the paper. My head instantly went to my hands.

"I drank a little too much and did some incredibly stupid things. Chances are, everything the folks in town have been saying is right." She looked shocked.

"Oh... Oh my."

Yeah. Oh my.

Her shock turned more into a look of pity before she spoke again.

"Oh John, you know alcohol is not something you should fool around with. Drinking heavily is bad for you and it wont solve any problems." Really? "Most ponies drink like that to forget, but its only temporary and the consequences are never good." I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"I know hun. I know." In truth, I was just saying it to make her happy. She was right, but I never did stay sober for too long. She started talking again.

"Let's forget about it. Ponies do the silliest things when they drink too much. That's why I don't drink at all." She suddenly smiled. "But good news! Applejack wanted to talk to you about a job she found. That is, if you're still looking for a job?" she ended quizzically.

"A job? After all of that? Doing what?" She shook her head.

"I don't know, but she seemed to think that it was something you would really enjoy. She said you could meet her out at her stall today in the market and she'd tell you herself." I stood up and started to leave, moving steadily without any difficulty.

"Is she still out there?" I asked.

"For a few more hours, I think. I'll go with you!" I stopped her.

"No, that's alright, Fluttershy. I'll be fine going by myself." She walked me to the door.

"Oh, are you sure? I was so worried the night before when you didn't come home. I'm glad Rarity found you." I paused. Did... Did she just...? After everything over the last few days, did she just reference this as my home, too?

"Is something wrong, John?" I smiled and opened the door.

"No, hun... Nothing at all."

It was business as usual in the market. Folks were going on about their business buying, selling, and trading their goods around town. And looking at the human. There were certainly fewer overt complaints about my presence today, to be sure. Ponies for the most part merely saw me and rolled their eyes. Well, that's nice. At least I'm not getting stoned to death, right? I thought to myself. I approached Applejack's stand and waved in greeting. Naturally, she nodded and smiled in reply, but continued to look around.

"So, AJ... Fluttershy was sayin'-" She held up a hoof to interrupt.

"Not here. Meet me over on the other side of town," she said, jerking her head in the direction she meant. I sighed. I guess things weren't really all that different just yet.

I walked through the rest of the town contemplating life around here and what this new job could be. What is she gonna do? Couldn't possibly be anyone else looking for an employee; no one in their right minds would hire the drunk, so it had to be a job working for her. An orange filly zipped past me on a scooter. Man, she was really bookin' it.

"Shit, I need a cigarette." I said to myself. I started to near the edge of town when I heard hoofbeats coming up behind me.

"Hey there! Wait up!"

At the edge of Ponyville was a cliff overlooking the land, an amazing view to say the least. As we neared the edge of the cliff, Applejack started to explain a little.

"I'm so sorry bout the last couple uh days, but y'all ain't exactly the most popular in town at the moment, iffn ya catch my drift. I mean, I got a family ta help feed." I interrupted her.

"Don't worry about it. I understand completely. I ain't exactly the best behaved person round here anyways, right?" She smiled and shook her head.

"You know, usually when I start ta buzz a little, I'll stop drinkin'. Maybe y'all aughtta try-" The rest of her sentence was cut off by a loud scream.

"OH THANK CELESTIA, HEEEEEEEEEELP!!! SOMEPONY! ANYPONY HEEEEELP!!!"

Applejack and I both lunged towards the edge of the cliff and dropped to our stomachs, leaning over the edge of the side to find the source of the scream. Looking quickly told me everything I needed to know. The filly on the scooter had gone over the side and she was hanging on for dear life, hooves wrapped through a root system about 20 feet down the side. She was a pegasus, but her little wings didn't look like they could do much to help her on up. Shit.

Applejack and I straightened up.

"HAYSEED!" She shouted. "I DON'T GOT MAH DERN ROPE, EITHER!" The cries from below got more frantic.

"I'M SLIPPING!"

"Look," I said, thinking quickly. "Get your rope. I'm gonna climb on down there and grab the kid, you pull us up when you get back!" She nodded and took off like a shot from a cannon back towards the town as I started feet first over the side. The voice in my head couldn't help but make itself heard. Boy, of all the half baked bullshit you've pulled over the years, climbing unharnessed and barefoot over a damn cliff face has to be the worst fucking-

My feet, still in the socks found a rock and promptly slipped off. Cursing my lack of forethought, I pulled the socks off with my toes and let them fall. Now, able to catch some grip with my bare feet, I continued to lower myself down. Looking momentarily to make sure of my route, I started to move closer and closer to the poor kid.

Panting slightly from the combination of trying to keep myself attached to the rock face and fear, I pushed everything else from my mind and kept going. My right foot tested another rock and I put some weight on it, only to have it crumble under me. Pulling myself back up and holding on for dear life, I started to laugh.

Oh, if only I had my piss yellow PT belt. As long as you had one of those on, you were fuckin' invincible! All of this was said in my head sarcastically. Damn new age Army and their damn safety rules. Still laughing nervously at my little quip, my hand lost a little purchase, sobering me further.

"So," I said to myself out loud. "What did you do today, John? Oh nothing, I just climbed barefoot down a cliff side without a rope to save some kid from a really shitty death, how about you?" I finally came down next to the little filly.

"Hey sweetheart, what's your name?" I said with a deceptively calm voice and smile.

"Suh-suh-suh-suh-scootaloo...." she stammered, obviously paralyzed with fear.

"Well Suh-suh-suh-suh-suh Scootaloo, I'm John. I'm gonna need you to hold on as good as you can, ok? Applejack is coming here pretty quick with a rope and were gonna be just fine, ok?" She nodded.

"Ok." I said simply. Looking around, I searched for a good place to hold onto for a while if I had to. I ended up finding something better. A strong root, leftover from a tree that was no longer standing was right there in my face. Wrapping one arm through it, I let the rest of me relax, silently thanking the 50 pull ups a day I did for 6 years. I looked back over and noticed Scootaloo slip a little farther.

"Oh sweet Jesus." I said aloud. "Look sweetie, I need you to trust me, ok? You gotta give me your hand- I mean hoof." She looked at me like I should have been institutionalized.

"NO WAY! I'LL FALL!"

"No, sweetie, you're not gonna fall, cause I'm not gonna let go of you, got it?" She still seemed unsure. "Look here," I said, frustrated. "I didn't climb my happy ass down here just so's I couldn't save you from fallin', got it? Now, you be a good little filly and trust me." She looked down and back to me. Shaking with fear, she finally nodded, but started to slip again.

"Ok." I reached out to help her, but in her panic, she didn't just give me her hoof, she unwrapped both legs and lunged for me.

"SHEEIT!!!"

My fingers grabbed onto her little cannon, the part of her leg just below the knee. She screamed in terror as I strained hard to try and pull her up to my chest. She wasn't very big, maybe the size of a large dog, but the filly's sudden jump caught me unaware, making me strain just a little. A couple of rocks came tumbling down from above and hit my shoulders. Looking up, I saw the most beautiful sight of the day; AJ was lowering her rope, looped and ready for us like a sling being lowered by a helicopter.

"GET SCOOTALOO FIRST!" I shouted up. The rope moved a little to the side and went past me.

"Ok sweetie, put your hindquarters through the loop. We're gonna get you out of this yet." She did as she was told and I hollered up for AJ to start pulling. With her midsection safely looped and held tight in the lasso, I let go of her.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU SAVED ME!" She yelled, almost with a hint of denial in her voice. Yeah well, surprise... I'm good for something.

"No problem, sugar. Be careful next time." With her headed to safety, I was able to look away and finally let the confident expression give way to what I was really feeling.

Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck...

I could feel myself slowly slipping from the root. My own weight wasn't a problem, but her weight combined with mine on one arm was. I looked back up and saw her go safely over the edge. Good. Awesome. Good deed for the day done. Now, get me the fuck outta here.

Applejack called down, "JOHN! ROPE'S COMIN' BACK DOWN, HANG ON!" My snide remark slipped before I could contain it.

"Oh no rush, darlin' whenever you're ready... I'm just enjoying some iced tea while my life flashes before my eyes, no big deal!" I reached up with my free hand and grabbed hold of the root in order to help steady myself before the rope got back down. Apparently, it was the wrong move. The root, in the ground for no one knows how long, finally gave way under my weight and pulled free from the ground. The first thing to pop into my head was an old joke.

In 1996, the Department of Motor Vehicles placed black boxes inside several hundred cars across the United States. 98% of the time, before a collision, the driver would say the phrase "HOLY SHIT!" before hitting the other vehicle. The other 2% of cases originated solely in the State of Texas, where instead of cursing, the driver could be heard saying the phrase "Hey, hold my beer and watch this shit."

Why this popped into my head, I will never know. Probably because this idea was fucking stupid to begin with. All I knew was I was feeling relatively the same as I did before I got here. The wind whipping through my hair, the sun at my back, the rainbow shooting past- wait a minute... Rainbow?

Suddenly, I felt a pair of legs snake up under my arms and I decelerated rapidly. See John, that's what a parachute should feel like I thought, silently thanking Rainbow Dash for saving my ass.

"So, I see you finally showed up to save the day, eh?" I said softly looking up at the pegasus.

"Well, I couldn't let you have ALL of the fun!" She laughed back, steadily beating her wings and bringing me back up over the side of the cliff and to safety.

Celebrity

Rainbow Dash brought me high up into the air over the small crowd, apparently formed when folks realized Applejack was hauling ass to take care of an emergency. At any rate, Scootaloo was waiting excitedly for us to finally land. She was also yelling to anyone that would listen to her.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT WAS AWESOME! HE SAVED ME!"

I could already see the skeptical glances from the ponies formed up around us as Rainbow touched down. The moment she let go of me, I plopped my ass down to sit. I might have already died once, but that didn't make me an expert in calmly taking it. I wasn't sitting for more than two seconds before the orange filly lunged into my lap.

"YOU WERE SO TOTALLY AMAZING! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CATCHING ME!"

The adrenaline was bleeding off a little, causing some shaking, but I could still smile down at the filly.

"No sweat, hun. Just be more careful, ok?" Rainbow Dash trotted up and Scootaloo looked up at her.

"DASH! DID YOU SEE IT?" The words hardly left her mouth before Rainbow had the filly in her forelegs, hugging her fiercely.

"I should have been there, squirt! It should have been me that found you first!" Rainbow looked like she was almost in tears. "I SWEAR, I'M NEVER GONNA TAKE ANOTHER NAP AGAIN!"

I noticed AJ wink and whisper to another pony I didn't recognize.

"Huh, I'll bet ya ten bits that one don't last a week!"

Dash looked back at me. With a grateful look and tone I most assuredly did not expect, she spoke.

"Thank you, John. Thank you so much. You too, AJ. If you guys weren't here... I don't wanna think about what would have happened." She shuddered visibly and went back to her hug.

"No problem, Rainbow Dash." I said. Before anyone could say something else, a loud shout could be heard.

"He did WHAT?!" Uh oh.

I looked up in time to see Rarity pushing her way through the crowd. Breaking into the center, she looked around wildly until she spotted me.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"Hey, chica. How's your day goin'?" She charged up to me and threw her forelegs around my neck.

"FIRST, YOU LEAVE ME STANDING IN MY BOUTIQUE WITH THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A KISS, THEN I DON'T SEE YOU FOR A DAY AND A HALF, THEN I HEAR ALL AT ONCE THAT YOU HAVE A HEAD INJURY, ARE OUT OF A DAY LONG COMA, AND JUST CLIMBED DOWN THE SIDE OF A CLIFF TO SAVE A FILLY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" All I could do was sigh.

"Yeah, I'm a crazy bastard, I know." I winced as she bumped against the knot still on the back of my head, but I did my best to mask the pain.

"If a pathetic excuse for a kiss left you speechless, I'd hate to think of what a real one would do." I said with a chuckle. She rolled her eyes and hugged me again.

"Speechless is hardly always a good thing." She said simply with a small smile. "I trust you won't be risking your neck for a while, correct?" I nodded.

"Correct." She stepped back and began to walk away. Casting a subtle glance backwards, she gave me something to think about for later.

"Good. Now, I would like you to come by the shop as soon as possible. I have something for you." Hmmm... Not sure what to think of that. I stood up, though a little wobbly. You're lucky to be alive, John. Start acting like you could have died and you may just enjoy your time here a little more. Saving folks isn't always worth dying again. Said the little voice in the back of my head. Uh huh, no kiddin'?

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash was calling me. "Hey, John!" I turned to see what she wanted.

"Yes?" She looked... almost embarrassed? I didn't think anyone could shame that pony.

"I just wanted to say thank you. Again. And... you know... sorry. About the stuff..." Applejack cleared her throat loudly and Rainbow rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Oh, come on! I don't apologize like this... well... EVER! Look, I'm sorry for being a jerk and mean to you and kicking you in the back of the head, ok?" I stood still looking at the mare before me. Thinking for a few seconds, I nodded.

"Sure, Rainbow Dash. Its all good." She took flight, Scootaloo holding tight to her back.

"Hey, my friends call me Dash. Consider yourself one of them!" She said before disappearing. I smiled and started walking, but my movement was blocked by a ring of ponies.

"Alright folks, show's over. Trust me, just cause you're starin' like that doesn't mean I'm gonna do a backflip." A few ponies laughed and started to leave. One of the onlookers finally spoke up as he was walking away.

"Hey guy, you need a job? I got some-" He was quickly interrupted by AJ, who ran forward and put a hoof on my shoulder.

"Actually," she started, "Mr. Marshall is already in the employ of Sweet Apple Acres fer more an hour than YEW can pay! Sorry folks, but he's workin' fer me!" The stallion frowned and turned away as I smiled and whispered to AJ out of the side of my mouth.

"So when do I start and how much are we talkin' here?" She smiled at the crowd and similarly voiced her reply.

"Ya can start tomorrow, but don't get yer hopes up. Just cause I said I was payin' yew more don't mean its all in bits, if ya know what I'm sayin'." I chuckled.

"What did I expect from a businesswoman? I'll be there tomorrow, bright and early."

I waved at the ponies and started to walk away. Most of them gave me an approving glance. Others just left. A few more clapped me on the back as I started to make my way through the group on the way towards Rarity's. Now doesn't this feel familiar? Walking barefoot through town and having a bunch of folks stare at me? That's been happening a lot this week.

Stepping into the boutique again was nice. It was calm and slightly darker than the harsh outside was. My eyes felt relief from the headache beginning to form, but it was short lived. I made it about six steps inside before the lights flicked on and Rarity came trotting up from a side room.

"So, I take it my suit's done?" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, heavens no, I'm just done with THESE." She magically summoned my boots and floated them towards me. A smile spread across my face when I realized how badly I needed a smoke, but then I saw them up close.

"Rarity... Rarity, what did you DO?!" Her eyes narrowed.

"What? Is something amiss?"

"They're... They look... They look brand new!" I wasn't lying either. The stitching wasn't faded anymore and the boots had a slick shine you only got from extensive care or something just off the rack. Hell, the random rough spots and missing chunks were even gone. Rarity smiled slightly and put her nose in the air.

"Well, I AM a mare of fashion. Magic, darling. Repair and restore spells are a staple when you operate in my field." I shook my head in awe.

"Darlin'... this is just... You know how long I've had these boots? Fifteen years. Fifteen long years of constantly getting repaired and resoled. I was hoping to get maybe another five out of them. You have no idea how... Just... Words can't describe." She laughed.

"Yes yes, I know. I am 'awesome' as you like to say so much." I shook my head.

"That may be a little bit of an understatement in this case, hun." She took a step closer to me, dropping the happy tone and sounding quite concerned.

"John, in all seriousness, I was frantic when I found out what you were doing. Please, for the love of Celestia, PLEASE learn some self-control. Please learn to think things through. Even the bravest of stallions would have balked at what you accomplished today." I looked up at her. The pleading sincerity was there in her eyes. I just shook my head and shrugged.

"Hun, there's gonna be some things about me that most folks, including you, could spend a lifetime trying to understand. Call it insanity, but when there's trouble or someone that needs help, I try my best.. There's some folks you can't do anything for, but others just need a little help." Rarity's eyebrow raised slightly.

"I don't believe you." My eyes narrowed at the remark.

"What, you think I'm lyin'?" She shook her head.

"I don't know what to believe. First you say that the human race is this monstrous, bloodthirsty machine bent on destruction, but how can you all be that if there are stallions- I mean MEN like you?" I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped. How did she know I said that?

"I don't know, there's exceptions to every rule I guess. Hey, how did you know that's what I said?" Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Twilight is one of my best friends." Ah, of course.

"At any rate," I concluded, "Its just who I am."

"Hardly the cold-hearted soldier some of us thought you were." I smiled.

"Well, there's a hopeless romantic buried somewhere deep down in here!" That brought forth a laugh from her as I sighed. "Well, I guess I aughta let you get back to it then, huh?" She smiled and nodded, shooing me out of the door.

"Twilight wanted to see you, anyway. Just remember what I said, John. Think more before you act." I pulled on my new/old boots and snapped a sharp salute.

"Yes ma'am!"

Twilight was rummaging through a stack of papers when I stepped into the library.

"Hey Twilight. How're the books treatin' ya?" She barely acknowledged me in her rush to find something.

"URGH! I can't find it anywhere!" I stepped inside, puzzled. "I can't seem to ever find it when I need it and now I need it the most!" Her frustration mounted and she finally called for her assistant. "SPIIIIIIIIIIKE!"

"Its over here!" a small voice called.

"Oh, thank you!" She magically summoned a stack of notes and started to sift through them. Finally, she seemed to notice me.

"Oh, John! So good you came to visit us. I was just about to review some notes over you and your kind. Do you think I could continue the note-taking?" Remembering Rarity's words earlier, I smiled and nodded.

"Didn't you send those notes to the princess?" Twilight grinned and readied a quill with her magic.

"Always make copies! You never know when the worst will happen and your research goes missing!" I chuckled a little wondering if she prepared for everything.

"Well, what would you like to know today, Miss Twilight?" She jumped in immediately; obviously she had been thinking about this quite a bit in the few days since our last chat.

"I would like to talk about your origins. Where did 'humanity' begin? Last time we just jumped in, but let's go back to the very beginning." I thought for a moment, choosing what I wanted to say carefully.

"Well, no one really knows how we started, but there are theories." I pulled out a cigarette. "There is evidence all over that kinda points to a couple of things, but then there's separate religions that all have their own story. It can get pretty confusing for someone that doesn't spend a lifetime either studying all of it or living it. Basically, the most popular thing to say as far as creation is the 'Big Bang' theory." Twilight used her magic to furiously scribble notes.

"Shit, I don't even know the whole idea of it, but basically there was this super-hot ball of stuff, mostly gases just hanging out in space. All of a sudden, it expanded really fast like an explosion and started to cool. When it did, the stars and planets and such formed.

"Anyways, from there, its only more theories. Basically, Earth was just a huge mess of volcanoes and such, but it eventually cooled off, water formed, tiny things started to grow and live and breath. They evolved into something more complex, which evolved into something more complex and so on. After a couple BILLION years, you get us." I finally said. Twilight was still writing furiously.

"Hey Twilight, doesn't Spike normally take your notes? I know I heard him earlier. Is he just not helping today?" Twilight briefly paused in her writing, a look of alarm traced across her face.

"Uh, Spike is just... Busy. Yeah. He's busy with some of his other responsibilities." I rolled my eyes.

"Look, Twilight. He's been like this for a couple days, now. I haven't seen him since I got here and every time I ask about it, I get an awkward, nervous answer. What's going on?" Twilight finally looked up at me.

"John... Its complicated." I shook my head.

"It can't be that complicated."

"No, really John. It involves a lot of-" I stood up in the middle of her explanation and started up the staircase.

"Spike? Spike! Hey guy, come on out and talk to me for a minute." I heard a voice come from above.

"Go away! You're not allowed up here!" I rolled my eyes again.

"Oh really? You're gonna pull the 'restricted section' excuse on me? C'mon over here and tell me."

"No! Go away."

"Look here," I finally said. "Whatever problem ya got with me ain't gonna get fixed if ya don't tell me what's wrong!" Finally a row of green spines appeared over a stack of books followed by a scowling face. He was obviously angry about something.

"YOU look!" he said. "As soon as you got here you've been flirting with the mare of my dreams. I don't want to talk to you now or ever!" I searched my brain for information. The last time I saw Spike was the party. He was put out because... Oh, Rarity. He continued to explain.

"Then, you get drunk and spend the night at her house. HER HOUSE. You're a total jerk and all of the sudden she's letting you stay there!"

"I don't think you've got the whole picture here." I started. He swept it aside and kept going.

"You wake up that morning, put her to work on MORE clothes, KISS her and then take off without another word! But she was EXCITED about it!" I was shocked. The dragon knew a lot from just being in here and listening.

"Spike... I've got a question. Have you ever TOLD her about this?" He stopped.

"Well, not really. She wouldn't let me finish. But I KNOW she knows!" I shook my head.

"Ok, bud. Come sit down over here. Hey Twilight?" I called down. "Do you think you could give us a few minutes?" I heard the front door open as she gladly escaped the area. "I promise to finish the notes with you later."

"Sure," I heard her say. "I needed to go to the market and get more paper anyways." The door closed behind her. I looked at my cigarette. Almost nothing left. Now, that won't do. Not for the chat I'm about to have. I used it to light the next one.

"Ok, Spike," I said to the purple dragon sitting next to me. "How old are you?" He kind of looked at the ground.

"Well, I'm only a baby dragon. I'm 8 years old."

"Right. Ok. And Rarity is?" Spike looked up for a moment.

"Almost 25 I guess?"

"Ok. And that's ok. I always say age is just a number. That doesn't make it different for everyone else, right?" He nodded, but looked curious. "I mean. You are a BABY dragon, though. Don't you think that's a little weird?" He shook his head.

"But I really like her!" I sighed and took a drag.

"What if I told you I was in the same situation you are at one point?" He shook his head.

"No way."

"No, seriously. Maybe not exactly, but I was madly in love with a woman that didn't love me back." Spikes ears perked up a little.

"Hey, how do you know she doesn't-" I stopped him.

"How many times have you talked to her in the last month?" He looked up trying to calculate the number.

"I don't know... a bunch."

"And what do you do when you spend time together? Go to the movies? Meals? Walks? Do you ever just sit and enjoy each other's company?" He thought for a moment.

"No. Usually I'm helping her out. Finding gems, working in her shop, other stuff." I cringed.

"Yeah man. Exactly the same situation. Look, when I started to grow up a little and figure things out, I met a gorgeous young lady. Very nice girl, but she was in love with someone else. I sat down and introduced myself to her and we seemed to hit it off. A few days later and we were inseparable. After a couple of weeks, I told her what I felt. She was amazing in every sense of the word and the guy she was fawning over was a total dick, but she pretty much ignored me.

"I let it go. Figuring that there was a better time and I spent a lot of our time together helping her out with things. We might have been close, but it was a different kind of close. One day, after a whole YEAR of me chasing her, I realized what was wrong. When I came into her life, she didn't need another boyfriend. She needed a best friend. I stopped chasing her. I started being a friend. I told myself that if she needed a friend, then I would be the best damn friend I could be."

"But..." he started. "But I... I really love her." I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I know, guy. I know. And its gonna break your heart, just like it did to me. Girls will always be breakin' yer heart; that's just a fact of life. But one day, you're gonna find someone that doesn't want to do anything except fawn over YOU." He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah right."

"No, seriously! You know, I'm full of stories about this stuff. This one time, I got a message from a buddy of mine. He was in tears. His girlfriend had just broken up with him and he said he really needed someone to talk to and make him feel better." I took another drag on my smoke. "He was lookin' for someone to listen to him cry. Someone to say 'oh man, I'm so sorry. Things are gonna get better.' " I laughed and kept going. "He tried the WRONG DAMN GUY!" Spike looked at me like I had just murdered one of Fluttershy's rabbits.

"What did you DO?!" I smiled and kept going.

"I told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear. The truth is, this girl he was dating was just childish. She left him for some guy that was better looking and more popular. I didn't say that to him though. I DID say that he needed to quit the cryin', pick himself up, dust himself off, and cowboy the fuck up. By the way, don't repeat that, ok? Anyways, if you spend all of your time pining for a woman that doesn't want you, you won't see everyone else that walks by." I took another drag and continued.

"Oh, he was heartbroken and hated me at first, but I told him all that and he started to kinda see what I was talkin' about. So he listened to my advice. You know what happened?" Spike shook his head. "A month later, he met a girl. Beautiful, kind, charming... Two months after that and they were engaged to be married." His jaw dropped.

"REALLY?!"

"Yes. Really. Look man, things will happen. You'll grow up and you'll find someone you couldn't imagine your life without. Then, you'll look back on your life and see this... and you'll laugh at yourself. Or be embarrassed. Either way, things are gonna get better." Spike looked down.

"But I really do love her. It hurts to try and forget." I gave him a quick hug.

"I know, boss. I know. That's why they call it a crush. Eventually, it does. Rarity and I are just friends right now, so you really don't have anything to worry about as far as me, but it sounded like you really needed someone to talk to you like this." He nodded slowly and sniffed back a tear.

"Yeah, I guess." I patted him on the back.

"I know you don't know me all that well, but if you ever need anything, you can talk to me, got it? I ain't goin' anywhere for a while." He nodded.

"Alright. I'll talk to you." I smiled.

"Cool." I held out my hand to him. "Buddies?" He shook it.

"Buddies."

"Hey, keep your chin up and smile. Never let life get you down. Don't ever sweat the small stuff... cause its ALL small stuff." He scoffed.

"Even dying and appearing in a world like you did?" I thought for a moment.

"Yeah. Even that. Cause look, my life on Earth is over. Done with. There isn't anything I can do about it, is there? So, I get up, dust myself off and keep goin'. Now look! I've got a new home, new friends and a new life. Hell, after saving Scootaloo, I'm not on Ponyville's shun list anymore!" Spike looked alarmed and jumped up to his feet.

"What?! What happened to Scootaloo?!" Well, that was an interesting reaction.

"Well, she nearly fell off the cliff outside of town. I climbed down and grabbed her before she fell and Applejack pulled her up with her lariat rope." Spike looked overly relieved.

"Wow... That's good."

"Probably more good than you know just yet, big guy." He was puzzled but I just kept laughing.

Twilight came back about half an hour later. She had a load of groceries that magically found their way into the appropriate cupboards before she realized Spike was writing down all of my notes on the origins of man.

"Hey Twilight! I was just finishing up notes for you." She looked surprised, but slightly annoyed.

"Oh, I really wanted to hear all of that for myself."

"Its OK, Twilight," I said, "if you have any questions, you can always come and find me." She nodded. Just then I remembered something.

"Hey Twilight... You remember the princesses? I think its time that I got to meet them." Twilight smiled widely.

"The princesses will be very happy to see you, especially after earlier today!"

"You heard about that?"

"Of course! That was the first thing I heard today walking through the market. You certainly are becoming quite the celebrity around here, John. You still have to pick what kind of celebrity you want to be, though. Fillywood bad-boy or respected star?" We both chuckled a little before she continued. "Spike! Take a letter!"

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I am pleased to inform you that John Marshall, the human that recently came to and now resides in Ponyville, is ready to meet with yourself and Princess Luna at the earliest convenience. In addition to making several friends already, John Marshall has also completed a great service to the community by aiding in the rescue of a young filly in need. It is my pleasure to finally send you word signifying his readiness to meet with you. We await the details of our departure and the time of the meeting.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle."

Spike ignited the letter and sent it on its way.

"Are you ready to go, John?" Twilight asked. I thought for a moment.

"Shouldn't I be a little more dressed for the occasion?" Twilight laughed.

"You're already dressed up! What do you need now, a bow tie?" I shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

"I guess I'm ready then." I heard Spike belch loudly and a gout of green flame erupted behind me. Twilight magically seized the scroll that materialized, opened it, and read it aloud.

"My Dearest Twilight and John Marshall... A chariot is on its way from Canterlot to bring you to the castle. Luna and I eagerly await seeing you as soon as you arrive, Princess Celestia." Twilight looked surprised.

"A chariot? My brother must have offered a guard escort. He must know about you coming and be ready to meet you as well!"

"Did you tell him about me?"

"Of course. Just that you yourself were a soldier and he might like to meet you." I nodded quietly, but I was worried about what he might ask. What if they want me to work for them? What if they get ideas from me? What if they see me as a threat?

"John? John, is something wrong?" I looked up.

"No, nothin's wrong. I'm fine. When is this chariot gonna get here anyways?"

"Probably a couple of hours. It doesn't take very long for them to fly over here." Wait. Fly?

"Uh, ok. I'll be right back then." I left the library and headed for Applejack's stand. Walking around the town, I got a lot of looks, most of them approving. That was a nice change. A camera flashed somewhere nearby and I picked up the pace.

The chariot was an interesting experience. If I had to equate it to something I've already done, I would probably say it was like riding on the side bench of a Little Bird helicopter. Small, light, speedy, open. I wanted to hang on for dear life, but I had to trust the pegasi guards in the gold armor. The good thing was the lack of noise. Other than the wind whipping through my hair, there wasn't the sound of rotors or an engine. Very nice.

I chewed on the apple AJ had given me before we left, thinking about what was to come. I wonder what the princesses are like. Twilight seems pretty friendly with that Princess Celestia. Course, it seems that the royalty is more relaxed than you would think. What if she isn't? Shit, I should have dressed up nicer. With what, John? Just relax and enjoy the ride.

Twilight started to explain the area around us and our destination: Canterlot. The trip passed surprisingly quick for how far away it really was, but I didn't complain. Flying always has it's advantages.

"Canterlot Castle has been standing for a little over a thousand years under the rule of Princess Celestia. Her sister, Princess Luna, now shares the crown and responsibilities of changing the days. Years ago, Princess Luna was banished to the moon for her increasing hostilities and selfish desires which transformed her into the creature known as Nightmare Moon. After her thousand year imprisonment on the moon..." Twilight's voice faded out as my brain caught up with what she was saying. I turned towards her slowly with one eyebrow raised.

"Did you just say a thousand years?" Twilight smiled .

"Yes, yes I did! Finally, using the powerful magic artifacts known as the Elements of Harmony, my friends and I defeated Nightmare Moon and restored Princess Luna to her normal-"

"You WHAT?!" I said incredulously.

"Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and I used the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon." Twilight repeated. I shook my head in disbelief.

"Y'all must be heroes!" She shrugged.

"I'm not so sure. Its not a big deal. Everything is pretty much just as normal as it was before that day." I tried to wrap my mind around that tid bit of information. So, the princesses are at least a thousand years old and my new friends are like... Superheroes? Applejack and Twilight... Rarity? Really? Better yet, FLUTTERSHY?! A mental image of the yellow pegasus mare in a cape fighting injustice and saving woodland critters made me chuckle as the chariot made its descent into the city and towards the castle grounds.

Ace in the Hole

Twilight and I stepped out of the chariot in a courtyard onto the castle grounds. Thanking the guards for their help in getting us to Canterlot, we went into the castle, making our way through the large open corridors. She seemed to know the way, so I let her take the lead as she talked.

"I haven't been back here in so long... It feels good to come through here again!"

She excitedly trotted her way through the halls, pointing out places she remembered and where she spent time while living here.

"Over there are the dining halls. The princess and I had meals in there every day before lecture and magic study."

"No wonder y'all seem so friendly." I remarked. She smiled and kept walking.

"Here we are... This is the reception hall. Here, the princesses hold court and meet dignitaries."

"Dignitaries?" I hoped I wasn't considered some kind of ambassador. The last thing I needed was an official title. Using her magic to open the large doors, she stepped into the adjoining hall with me following closely.

Reception was a lot smaller than the other areas we had explored today. The princesses weren't seated but fifty yards away and I noticed them immediately. The pair were seated next to each other in high backed thrones. The larger, snow white sister acknowledged us right away.

"Twilight! It is so good to see you. And this must be Mr. John Marshall?" Not knowing what else to do, I offered a low bow to the sisters.

"Yes, your highness. It is an honor and a privilege to be here before y'all today."

Straightening back up, I noticed the smaller, darker princess give me a satisfied expression, but Snow White was smiling and shaking her head.

"Please, Mr. Marshall. It is just the four of us. Your respect and formality is appreciated, but not necessary." I stood awkwardly in front of the royal sisters.

"Well, ma'am... Its a pleasure to meet y'all."

"The pleasure is ours, Mr. Marshall. I am Princess Celestia and this is my sister, Princess Luna. Welcome to Equestria."

Her voice was soothing to the ear. When she spoke, it was smooth as silk and comforting. Princess Luna at one point stood and stretched her wings- wait... Wings? I looked in astonishment. So far, I had met quite a few folks in my time here in Equestria. Unicorns... Pegasi... even regular ponies, but someone with a horn AND wings? Celestia must have noticed my reaction because she stopped what she was saying to explain.

"Oh, Mr. Marshall, forgive me. You see, we are alicorns. We possess both the powers to manipulate magic AND fly. I suppose I should also mention, while our responsibility to this land is to rule Equestria, my sister and I are also responsible for raising the moon and sun, respectively." My eyes widened.

"Are y'all like... some kind of... deity? Twilight already told me of your incredible lifespans..." Celestia smiled.

"Nothing so trite. We were placed in this position by the Great Creator and so we serve." Interesting... The princess returned to what she was saying. "John, we are pleased to have you here, finally. When you did not reply immediately we were afraid something had happened." I decided to fess up.

"Yes ma'am, ya see, my first day with the folks of Ponyville was... less than admirable. I'm sure y'all already heard what-" The princess raised a hoof to interrupt me.

"Yes, we heard all about the get-together in Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie Pie always has known how to throw a good party." I don't know why, but I hung my head in shame. I never felt like this. Then again, this was the first time royalty has ever been informed of my random acts of debauchery. The princess continued.

"In spite of this, we welcome you to our land with open hooves. It is hard to leave everything and everyone you know and come to a place you have never been. My sister and I trust that any... questionable acts will be far outnumbered by the good you do for our world."

I didn't know if I could do that, but I still straightened up, smiled confidently and gave her my reply.

"Yes, ma'am." She smiled.

"Good." The white princess relaxed a little into her throne. "So, Twilight tells me you are a soldier where you come from." I shook my head.

"Well, ma'am, I WAS a soldier. Eventually, I went to a company that paid more money than my country did." Her eyes narrowed.

"A company? You mean to tell me you were a mercenary?"

"We preferred the term 'private contractors'. The word mercenary just has a... bad connotation."

"That seems a little disingenuous," the princess said with a calculating look.

"Not at all, ma'am. Mercenaries will work for anyone if there is money involved. A private military contractor like the company I worked for still had standards and morals to uphold... Even if it was just to give a good impression to the press."

I was stretching the truth a little bit. I had always heard of companies getting into some bad shit when they were out on jobs, mine included. I've even met with folks that were paid to escort high profile terrorists. Thankfully, I didn't play witness to too much of the bad stuff. At any rate, the princess seemed satisfied with that answer. She stood and flexed her wings before moving towards a side door.

"I would like you both to join us for lunch in the study. I'll have the guard find someone in the kitchen to bring up something." I almost forgot. My stomach was already killing me. The apple I ate on the way didn't last very long and I would probably eat anything at that point.

The princesses led us up a flight of stairs and through another hallway before coming to a simpler set of double doors. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice how BIG the alicorns were. Much larger than the regular ponies and certainly taller than me. Another difference between them and their subjects. The guard on duty in front of the study pulled open one of the doors and allowed us in. He eyed me warily at first, but adjusted his gaze forward when Celestia addressed him directly.

"We will be taking lunch in the study. Please have the wait staff bring up some sandwiches and cider." The guard snapped a salute and took off through the labyrinth of passageways. The princess then turned to Twilight and I. "Please, make yourselves at home."

I stepped into the room and was in a state of instant awe. The room was much smaller than the reception hall, but it was still huge. The walls were lined with bookshelves holding thousands of volumes of information. Twilight must have noticed my face because she walked over.

"This is one of my favorite rooms in the castle during winter. Thousands of books to read and all day to do it." She whispered as she gestured towards a large, but simple fireplace. "Coming in here and reading next to the fire while the princess worked was my favorite way to spend an afternoon."

I smiled at the thought of a young lavender filly curled up on the floor with... What was this first row of books? Tax law. Yes, a really young Twilight Sparkle happily reading tax law by the fire. I chuckled to myself as the princesses chose seats in the middle of the room.

"Please sit. The food will be here shortly." Twilight and I chose a pair of cushions to sit on. Of course, it was Twilight who began talking.

"Princess, it has been so long since I've seen you. How are things here in the Castle?" The princess sighed.

"It has been quiet recently... Exactly how we like it. The Griffon Kingdom continues to be an excellent ally and our national economy continues to grow. Times are good for Equestria." The princess turned her attention to me. "John, have you found many differences between your home and ours?" She smiled before adding "Other than the obvious ones of course." I thought briefly before answering.

"Quite a few, ma'am. For one, we weren't ruled by an immortal alicorn, that's for sure." Twilight and Celestia chuckled a little, but Princess Luna remained silent, watching me intently. Celestia asked another question.

"What was your country like, back on Earth?" Well that's an easy question.

"Well ma'am, I'm sure Twilight told you everythin' she had in her notes about it's size?" The alicorn nodded. "Well, our government was a representative democracy. Our leaders were always elected since winning independence from a corrupt and oppressive crown." The princess shook her head.

"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. As rulers of Equestria, my sister and I do try and stay fair to the people." Luna's eyes flashed towards her sister for a split second before returning to me. What was she doing? I decided to continue speaking to Celestia.

"That was a long time before I came around. Our country may still be young, but two hundred and forty years is still a long time for us. Now, we're called the last superpower and our president is known by some folks as "The Leader of the Free World." I'll say this about your home, though. I've yet to notice any crime whatsoever. Its rampant where I come from, as is war. Your peo- I mean ponies are a peaceful, cooperative group of folks." The princess smiled.

"Thank you. While what you say is partially true, you have but to look closer and you will see the imperfections. Even our country has an army, and our castle has a guard." I thought about this for a few moments. What about this world requires anything resembling an army? My thoughts would have to wait though.

"I hope things never get as bad for you as they did for us, princess, and I mean that with all sincerity." The princess looked as though she would ask about it, but there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" She called. A pair of unicorns trotted in with trays and jugs levitating before them. They placed them all on a table in the center of the room, bowed and exited as quickly as they came. Celestia sighed as she poured a glass of cider.

"I wish they would stay with us for a little longer than that every once in a while." She said ruefully. "It does get lonely now and then."

After an hour of eating and talking, things between Princess Celestia and I warmed. She was exceedingly friendly as opposed to her sister, who merely sat and watched me the entire time, laughing quietly to herself every once in a while. That was starting to creep me out. Just a little. Eventually, Celestia looked around the room and began talking to Twilight about the castle.

"It really hasn't changed that much since you've left. We've recatalouged much of the castle library and made a few additions to it, but really-" Twilight interrupted her mentor excitedly.

"ADDITIONS?! How much more have you added to it?! It was already the largest collection in all of Equestria!" Celestia smiled.

"I could show you if you like, but first..." She turned to me. "John, the Captain of the Guard would like to meet you himself. I'm sure Twilight would be more than happy to-" Twilight interrupted again. She looked as giddy as a schoolfilly on the first day of kindergarten (I assumed).

"Ohhhh, nonononono, Princess. I'm sure Shining Armor won't be going anywhere any time soon. I can meet up with him later!" Celestia looked unsurprised, but she continued still.

"Well, John can't just be left to find his way on-"

"I will take him myself, sister." We all looked to Luna in unison. She hadn't said anything all day, and now she was volunteering to escort me through the castle. Celestia smiled.

"Well, that does settle things, doesn't it?" Luna smiled reassuringly and as one we rose and headed for the door. Celestia and Twilight were already chatting happily to each other as they walked out. Luna and I turned away from them and went through another hall. I barely opened my mouth to speak before she stopped and turned to me.

"You are exactly as I remembered." I smiled and kept... wait. I froze in my tracks, mid-stride. Blinking a few times in confusion, I turned to face the princess. Unable to think of anything to say, all that escaped my mouth was a thickly accented

" 'Scuse me?"

She stared at me as my mouth hung open dumbly.

"You honestly thought you just fell into another world? You made a wish upon my night sky, do you not remember?" Realization hit me like the 7.62x54mmR bullet that killed me.

"That was a dream!"

"Many things are possible in dreams. The complexity of the situation notwithstanding, you are now alive and well in my world."

"But why? Why am I here?" I asked.

"Because, Mr. Marshall... What you asked for is readily given here. The brutality of your life is quite different than what is seen here, though I remember a time when this was not so. Yes. I know much of your world. As the Princess of the Night, it is also my duty to come to my subjects in their dreams. I have learned much from yours, John Marshall."

"I haven't had a dream in days, I don't even-"

"You do not remember every dream you have. Yours bring me sadness, but also hope." I was silent. Hope for what? She answered the question for me.

"Hope that you will find good in your life... and also to help others find more light in theirs." Oh? And how was I supposed to do that? She continued.

"Live your life here, John Marshall. Live your life to the fullest in my realm and continue to make yourself a service to my subjects. When I hear tales of your heroics, I am gladdened by my choice to bring you here." I stood before the princess. So many questions filled my head, but none of them could come out. I remained in dumbstruck silence.

"You... But... I..."

"Collect your thoughts when you go home tonight. For now, we must proceed to Captain Shining Armor's office."

I followed the princess in a daze. She was the reason I was here? Did Princess Celestia not know? What in the world was going on? How did she take me from my unconscious into another world?! What did she have planned for my future? Questions that would have to remain unanswered for now, I supposed.

We eventually came to a simple door and we stopped.

"Mr. Marshall, here is where I leave you. Push your questions from your head before you come into this room. Captain Shining Armor does not take your being here lightly and will likely ask you many questions about your past. Your best chance at this will be to stay on your toes and expect an interrogation. I trust you, John. The captain does not. Am I clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. I will see you again soon." And with that, the Princess of the Night walked away without a single backward glance. Shaking my head, I turned toward the door and knocked.

"Enter." a voice called from the room. I tentatively pushed open the heavy wooden door and stepped into a small office. A white unicorn with a blue mane sat behind a desk and eyed me like a hawk eyes its prey.

"Sit." he ordered. I obliged. "Do you know why you are here?" Ever the smart ass, I tried to lighten the mood.

"No, but I have a feeling its not for the sexiest man alive competition." The captain was not amused.

"You are here because you are an alien to this land and reported as some kind of soldier. Regardless of your current status in Ponyville, you are a threat until I have established otherwise, are we clear?"

"Crystal." I could tell this wasn't going to go well.

"Good. I am Captain Shining Armor. It is my responsibility to task the Canterlot Royal Guard wherever they are needed and head security for the royal family. I take this job seriously."

"I can tell." I said curtly.

"You will NOT interrupt me when I am speaking." he growled, his eyes briefly flashing angrily. "To start, I want you to list your entire military experience from beginning to end." I crossed my arms and began.

"Right. Well, at age 20 I enlisted in the United States Army. I climbed rank just about as quickly as I could. It also helped that Airborne School and Air Assault were written into my enlistment contract. After two years in an airborne infantry unit, I had the good fortune to be sent to Ranger School and upon completion, I was selected for transfer to the 75th Ranger Regiment, 3rd battalion.

"In addition to takin' several specialized schools that the military offered, I earned the rank of sergeant and had a total of three combat deployments to areas of conflict worldwide. I was quietly discharged from service after budget cutbacks downsized my unit and they deemed me as 'nonessential'. In reality, it was probably because my prick of a commanding officer didn't like me.

"I was then approached by a private military contracting service which offered me similar jobs for a lot more pay. In the two years I was with that company, I was deployed four more times to other assorted locations and took several other short jobs, one of which, I gave my life for some low-ranked asshole of a diplomat. Any questions?" The captain was unphased.

"Plenty. What is Airborne School?"

"A few weeks of bullshit where the Army teaches you to jump out of a big flying machine." He blinked.

"Ranger School?" My tone grew in volume.

"When I learned to be a part of the most mobile and rapidly deployable light infantry unit in the Army of the United States of America." He shuffled his papers on the desk and coughed.

"Anything else you would like to tell me?" My voice finally started to ring with the contempt I had for this conversation.

"Yeah. After I was wounded in action the first time, my commander told me that I fought bravely, killed a helluva lot of bad guys and should be proud that it took em so long to put me on my ass."

Shining Armor released the quill he was magically using to write his notes and straightened in his chair.

"Sergeant, this line of questioning was meant to determine your level of experience and potential as a danger to the people of this country. If you don't do some serious fast-talking immediately, I'll have you thrown into a section of the dungeons that has been vacant for the last hundred years. Start." I uncrossed my arms and leaned towards the desk.

"Listen here, chico. I ain't a part of the army no more, I ain't in the mood to play games and I damn sure don't wanna hurt anyone I've met in this world, present company excluded. That being said," I relaxed back into the chair again.

"Your sister is a good friend of mine and has made me feel more welcome to this world than just about anyone. You have my solemn promise that as long as I live in the general area, she won't be in any imminent danger. I'll do my best to make that applicable to all the other folks in Ponyville, too." The Captain of the Guard's eyes remained cold and calculating.

"Twilight never said you were a killer." I scoffed and threw it back in his face.

"She never said you were an asshole, but look what happened."

Then he did something I could never have expected. The sonofabitch smiled.

"Sergeant Marshall, what I see in front of me is someone that has the potential to be a powerful ally. I have things that need done. Things a royal guard can't necessarily do. If what you're saying is true, I hold no doubt in my mind that you are the stallion for the job."

My hands went to my face. I fucking knew this was coming.

"What?" he shrugged.

"Well, you just seemed so intent on keeping your new friends safe; I just thought you'd be interested to take care of some dangerous items, but I can see you aren't." Wait just a damn second...

"What're you talkin' about?" Curiosity may have killed the cat, but you don't learn much without chasing a few mice.

"First, I need you to understand that this information doesn't-" I cut him off.

"What? Leave the room? Get to the wrong ears? I'm human, not stupid. We can keep secrets, too. Just tell me already." He didn't look happy at the second interruption, but he continued.

"A few years ago, an army of changelings invaded Equestria. Although their main assault was defeated and they were scattered, we continue to find evidence pointing towards individual changeling remnants taking up residence in the towns around Equestria."

Changelings? Really? I just shook my head and laughed.

"And just what the hell is a changeling?" I asked.

"A bug-like creature that resembles a pony. Using a special form of magic, they can perfectly mimic the characteristics of any pony in existence... My wife... included." Ok. This was serious.

"And they're dangerous?"

"No. Unless you count being able to mimic anypony they choose, assuming that pony's identity and feeding off the love it receives as dangerous." I finally stopped chuckling.

"Who is it?" The captain shrugged in reply.

"We have no clue. That is why we need you to find them... and eliminate them."

"Whoa whoa whoa, there. You want me to kill someone?"

"Weeeeell... Technically, 'something', but yes. Its the only way to ensure the threat is over and the changeling hasn't just jumped to another pony. You also need to find the pony they replaced." My head was so full of questions.

"Now, wait a second. The one they replaced?" Captain Armor nodded.

"Yes. The one they replaced. They would be hanging in a cocoon somewhere in the house. The best we can tell, it would be a sort of suspended animation. They're still alive, just frozen in place and unaware of their surroundings." Ok... I was beginning to get a picture of what needed to happen.

"How am I supposed to kill it?" Again, the captain shrugged.

"Its not like we can just let you haul something out of the armory and let you parade around Ponyville with it. Get creative." I scratched my beard and pondered the factors before looking at Shining again.

"Question. Do y'all have a blacksmith?"

His nod was all I needed. I took his quill and a sheet of paper and started a rough sketch.

It was late in the afternoon before Twilight and I met up again. When she finally saw us, she ran forward to greet her brother.

"BBBFF! Its so good to see y- What's the matter?"

Shining Armor swallowed back the sick look on his face. When I told him how much I would work for, he immediately refused and low-balled me. 500 bits for a death? You have to be shitting me. After explaining a few things to the good captain, he reluctantly agreed that 10,000 bits was a fair price. I wasn't even sure how much that really was, but it sounded good. That decision was not boding well for the captain's stomach.

"I'm fine Twiley... I... I uhhh... must have eaten something." HA! Yeah. The bill. Twilight laughed.

"Ha! Your cast iron stomach is getting old, big brother!" Shining smiled and embraced his sister.

I stood by, watching the siblings talk and laugh with each other. Memories of my younger brother jumped to mind. Fighting. Fun. Card games. Hah... Trivial Pursuit. He loved that game. It didn't even matter that neither of us knew half the answers in the 80's edition, he still busted that thing out whenever he could. Crazy as it sounds, I missed him.

What would he be doing now? I chuckled to myself thinking of him at my funeral. Probably workin' his silver-tongued magic on the women that showed up, too. You're welcome, Stewart. Twilight finally turned to me.

"Are you ready to go, John? The princesses had business to get to. Princess Celestia wanted to spend more time with you, but felt we should probably head back to Ponyville." I nodded.

"Sounds good. You sure you don't wanna spend some more time with your brother?" The captain smiled.

"I have some work to take care of as well, but it was nice to finally meet you, John. Take care of my sister for me, ok?" He extended his hoof for a handshake and I took it. Our eyes met; his saying very plainly 'don't fuck this up'." I've seen that look many times before. I hoped that my eyes were saying something to the effect of 'well, no shit' back at him.

"Take care, Captain."

"You too."

We turned and started walking away from each other.

"So what did you think of my brother? He seemed really excited to meet you when I told him about you." Twilight offered.

"I'm sure he was," I said, deciding to sugar coat the exchange for her sake. "but it seemed like he really was focused on some... important matters. He really is a good guy. Really friendly when you get to know him, but you can tell he takes his job as Captain of the Guard VERY seriously." Twilight laughed.

"Yes, he does. But he HAS wanted to do this all of his life. He's been the Captain of the Guard for quite a while now and he has yet to complain once. 'Its MY responsibility!' " she said, doing a great impression of her brother. I laughed.

"Hey now, your brother was cool and everythin', but the world don't need a second one!" We laughed together as we came out into the courtyard. The very same chariot awaited us, a team of fliers all hitched up and ready to go.

"Y'all ready for the ride?" I said aloud to them.

"Foal's play, sir! We'll have you back in Ponyville before you know it!" I smiled as I helped Twilight into the back and began to board. Loud, running hoofbeats sounded behind me.

"Sir! Mr. Marshall! Sirrrrr!!!" I turned around to see a small, out of breath pony. Recognizing him as one of the servants that brought up lunch, I climbed back down to listen to him.

"The princesses left a note for you, sir... Have a safe flight!" He gave me the letter and was gone in a flash, disappearing behind the doors and into the castle.

"What is it?" Twilight asked.

"I'm not too sure." I opened the small, folded letter and began to read. The writing on the first one was very flowery... almost old-fashioned, but still readable.

John Marshall,

My sister and I had the pleasure of meeting you today and though I would have liked more time to hear of your experiences, the royal duties forbid us from making an excess of free time during the day. My sister and I both agree however, that you have a strong heart. You may not see it yet, but you are capable of good things. We expect these good things from you, John Marshall. We will be watching you as you make your life in Equestria.

Princess Luna

Folded up with the letter was another sheet of paper. Pulling them apart, a pair of golden tickets slipped out into my hands. The writing on this one was much more clear and measured and the tone was less official.

Parties and events around Canterlot can be a good way to make friends. Someone of your fame (or infamy if you prefer) would make an excellent addition to the guest list at this year's Midsummer Night's Ball here at the castle. We look forward to seeing you there!

Princess Celestia

Oh, wonderful. Something made me want to look up. You know that unexplainable feeling folks get when they're being watched? Looking at one of the upper windows, I noticed both princesses stood watching... Smiling down at the creature leaving their home.

"Ladies," I thought to myself, "I shall not disappoint."

Voices

A ball. A party. Dancing and socialites. A formal function. The only human in Equestria was an esteemed guest of the royal family at a popular function for the rich and fabulous. The gravity of the situation didn't hit until I made it back to Ponyville. Rarity was out for a walk when she saw us come in on the chariot. I thanked the fliers for the smooth ride. After my opening comment before the flight, they seemed a little more personable than before and we spent the entire time bullshitting back and forth.

"Y'all ever get some time off duty, you come on over this way... We'll drink a few beers and share some war stories!" The pegasus on the right, Broken Arrow laughed.

"You got it, sarge! From the sounds of it, that'll be a night to remember!" I laughed and punched him on the shoulder lightly.

"Yeah yeah... Hell, this whole town could tell ya that much!" The fliers laughed again. This time Red Cross spoke up.

"Arrow, we've got to get back soon. Captain was gathering the guard for something."

"Well, y'all have a good one and fly safe!" I told them before they left.

"Keep your feathers clean, Sarge! We'll see ya one of these days!" I laughed again and shook my head as they took off. I sure hope they get the chance to come on out. It would be good to have a guy's night out for once. The only guy I knew at the moment was a minor. As the chariot took off, Rarity came trotting up behind us.

"Well, it would seem you make friends easier than we thought you could." I turned around at the sound of her voice.

"Well, I had six pretty fast after I got here, didn't I? Oh, hey darlin'! Check it out! Met the princesses and I'm still in one piece!" She gave a small smile.

"Well, what did you expect? They aren't the type to bite off heads." Hah, not after you get to know em, but Luna had me worried there for a moment. I just shrugged and stepped towards the white mare.

"Never can be too careful." She rolled her eyes.

"Well, I just thought I would come by and see how everything went." Twilight smiled.

"Oh, the princesses took an immediate liking to him. They even invited hi-" I interrupted Twilight in mid-sentence.

"They... invited me to stay in the castle longer than just the day, but I uhh... politely refused." Rarity looked suspicious for a few seconds, but let it go.

"Well, that does sound like you gave an excellent impression! Twilight, did you get a chance to see your brother?" Twilight looked back at Rarity after she got done burning me a look.

"Yes, I did! He's doing great, but Cadence was too busy to visit. John actually spent more time with Shining than I did." Rarity gasped.

"John! You monopolized all of his free time!? How could you?!" I shook my head.

"It was more business than ya think." Rarity shrugged the comment off and started off at a trot towards her home.

"Well, I must be off. Lots of work to do, yet. Ta ta!" Once she was out of earshot, Twilight glared at me.

"Why did you cut me off like that!? Rarity would have wanted to know about the ball more than anything!" I held up my hands to calm her down.

"Easy now, hun... There's a method to my madness here, ok?" She frowned and crossed her arms... Hooves. whatever. She looked like she was waiting for an explanation.

"Look, let's go somewhere else and talk about this, ok?" Twilight rolled her eyes and started to walk towards the library. We got in the front door and in a flash, she had me back against a wall with a frown. I sighed.

"Ok, look. She's been so intent on making that suit; if she finds out I've got this ball coming up, she'll go crazy and try to do everything over again. All of her hard work will all of the sudden be inferior and she'll do it over again. Am I right?" Twilight's expression softened slightly.

"Yes, I suppose you're right, but when are you going to tell her? You ARE taking her, aren't you?"

"What? Why would you say something like that?" Twilight rolled her eyes again. The girls seemed to have to do this a lot with me.

"John, look at all of this work she's going through. Look at all of these plans she's made and sacrifices she's done for you."

"Well yeah, when you put it like that, she does deserve to go. Her or Fluttershy."

"That's not what I'm getting at, John!" I shook my head. All of everything that has happened today, I can hardly think straight anymore.

"Rarity has done nothing but talk about you since the rest of us found out about you. All of the good things, all of the bad things. Complaints. Praises. Everything. She already told me-"

Fuck... here it comes.

"-that she likes you."

What in the world was I gonna do? After a few moments of silence, I finally started to leave.

"Where are you going, John?"

"Back to Fluttershy's. Its been a long day and I can't even begin to process this right now." Twilight looked worried.

"Are you ok? Its not still your head is it?"

"No... I mean yes... I mean... I'll be ok. Its like I said. Its been a long day. I need to get some sleep. All of this excitement really took it outta me." Twilight sighed.

"I suppose its not often you save a filly's life, meet the royal family, and find out about an admirer all in the same day." Yeah... No shit.

"Thanks, Twi. I really appreciate it." Suddenly remembering what I was getting paid to do, I decided to use my local library.

"Oh, hey Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any books on changelings?"

She smiled and nodded. Good. Loading me up with six or seven large texts ranging from studies to storybooks, Twilight sent me on my way.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Rainbow Dash was pounding on the door.

"John! JOHN! COME OUT!"

It had been three days since Scootaloo was saved and I met the princesses. I hadn't left Fluttershy's home for anything. The first day went by uneventfully. No one came over. No one really seemed to care that I wasn't showing up. Not even Applejack. She wanted me to start work out there at Sweet Apple acres a few days before and I never went in. I hoped I still had a job.

The second day, Twilight came by and wanted me to come into town for a bit. I turned her away pretty quickly. 'Oh I think I'm just gonna stay around the house for a bit.' is what I said. She didn't seem to like it, but she accepted it anyways. I took this time alone to learn everything I could about changelings. A few of the books Twilight gave me looked to be theoretical or just plain works of fiction, but the more recent ones had some good stuff in them. Details on behavior, anatomy and physiology, prey, habitat, disposition...

From what Shining Armor was saying, I almost expected something that was more like a bug. Apart from the shell and strange wings, there wasn't really much difference. Anatomically speaking, of course. They still communicated through pheromones and some kind of 'hive-mind' connection with each other. At any rate, the lungs were in the same place. The heart was in the same place. I could figure out the rest.

Now, Rainbow was hollering at me to go outside and talk. I take it folks around here were actually worried. After another five minutes of Rainbow shouting 'OPEN UP!' she finally left.

Fluttershy came back from the woods a short while later. Tired, she found a place in the living room to sit.

"Was something wrong, John? I heard shouting earlier."

"Just Dash wanting me to come out."

"You can't avoid everything forever."

"I know. I just need a little alone time every once in a while. Helps me straighten out my thoughts." Fluttershy smiled knowingly and leaned forward.

"Oh. Well, then you must have found out..."

"About what?" I said quickly. She looked embarrassed.

"Uh... No, you must not have. I've said too much. Its not my-"

"Do you mean about Rarity?" Her face froze.

"Oh... So you do know." I threw my arms up in frustration.

"What am I gonna do?! She's a pony! I'm a man! It doesn't work like that!" Fluttershy blushed and smiled.

"You didn't seem to mind so much last week, did you?"

"I WAS DRUNK!" She giggled.

"I've already told you, John. Here, it doesn't matter as much. I'm sure the princesses would have told you if it did... Right?" I pondered this for a few moments and shook my head again.

"No. No, it doesn't matter. She's a great girl and everything, but no." Fluttershy looked sad for a moment.

"As her friend then, I'm going to ask you to please not lead her on... She doesn't need another broken heart, ok?" I nodded, but quickly remembered.

"Oh, Fluttershy! What am I gonna do about the ball?!" It took me a few seconds to realize I hadn't told her about it yet. Digging into my pockets, I produced the two tickets and held them out for her to see. She gasped.

"She would die if you didn't take her to that!" I hung my head.

"I know."

"Well, then see how it goes. You never know, John. It might be just what you need to get past this thing you have against dating."

"I don't have a thing against datin', Fluttershy... I have a thing against- You know what? Ok. I'll do it. Just to see. How 'bout that? I'm gonna jump in, head first."

Lord knows what would happen. I mean, I already started noticing certain things about ponies here. The sway of their tails. The shape of their... Flanks... The way Rarity's hips shift back and forth when- DAMMIT! Reality would always come back to slap me upside the head, though. But Fluttershy was right. I needed to go. I needed to enjoy myself and cut loose with a mare that likes me. I grumbled a little as I walked to the bedroom. I called back to Fluttershy.

"How serious is she about me?" She sighed and smiled.

"She really thinks you're the only stallion for her. You've got to understand, Rarity has had a few coltfriends before. They all disappointed her in the end. To her, you're the rugged, mysterious stranger. Well-mannered, but wild. Cultured, but not stuffy.

"You're easy John, but you've never treated her as anything less than a lady. She really likes you because of that. Not to mention, you... well, you flirt so much that she thinks you're interested as well." I grabbed my smokes and headed for the door.

"I'm going outside. I need air." Fluttershy curled up for a nap.

"Could you wake me up when you come in... Please?"

"Sure."

I closed the door behind me and stepped outside. Fluttershy was so good to me. The other day, she brought a box of matches back from town with her. Who'dve thunk it? Matches in Ponyville. One of these days, I was gonna fix her up with something good. I started to light my cigarette and look arou- was that a raindrop?

Looking around at the sunny, blue sky and the fluffy, white clouds, I found it hard to believe it was raining. CCR was playing in my head as I looked up and saw Rainbow Dash standing on a black cloud directly above me. Jumping up and down on the little dark puff, she shook out a torrential downpour and a few lightning bolts. With literally buckets of water falling on my head and thunder still ringing in my ears, I cupped my hand over the smoke and tried to keep the flame going.

After a few more bounces, the cloud apparently dried up and Rainbow lighted on the ground in front of me.

"Well, Dash... I wanna know... have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day?" She chuckled.

"Well, duh... Just look at yourself!" Not getting the joke, she continued. "Its about time you came out of the house anyways. What, you couldn't hear me yellin' at you in there? I've been wanting to get you in the sunshine for days!" I looked her in the eye with a blank expression. Then, I made a big show out of looking down at my soaked clothes.

"Really?" She laughed.

"What? You looked like you needed a shower!"

"Funny." She pushed my shoulder playfully and sat down next to me.

"What's eatin' you? I know, jeez, you haven't seen the coolest pony ever in a few days. Honestly, I was expecting streamers and balloons!"

"You're kiddin' right?" She frowned.

"Seriously, John. What's up?"

Fuck. What's with these ponies? Always wanting to help. Always trying to figure out my problems. Can't a guy just grumble and brood in peace? I groaned and put my head in my hands.

"Girl issues. Just figuring out how to take care of business."

"Oh." She said looking lost. "Well, I'm not big into the mushy stuff and I have... Like... No game, so I'm no help." I laughed.

"Did the all-cool and almighty Rainbow Dash just admit at being bad at something? This must be a first!" She laughed mockingly and rolled her eyes.

"At least I'm honest about it." Quickly changing the subject, she excitedly jumped to her hooves. "So you wanna check out something cool?" I shrugged and nodded, welcoming the switch in conversation from girls.

"Whatcha got?" In answer, she took off into the air and shot straight up into the sky, leaving a rainbow colored trail in her wake. Kicking a few clouds apart so that her audience (myself) could see everything, she stopped about 300 yards up and called down to me. I could barely hear what she said.

"I'LL BET THEY DON'T DO THIS WHERE YOU'RE FROM!"

She took off like a shot, leaving a lengthy trail behind her. Suddenly changing direction, she came back, arching wide and completing a lot of complica- Oh, I saw what she was doing. In the sky, a rainbow began to trace JOHN MARSHALL in big cursive letters. It was an amazing sight to see, that lone mare just dodging and zooming and rolling. It looked complicated as hell, but beautiful all the same. Finishing as quickly as she started, she came in for a rapid dive right at me. I almost flinched. Almost. At the last second, she flared out her wings and landed lightly in front of me.

"Well?! Did you see?!" I clapped slowly.

"Oh yeah... I saw what you did there. Very cool!" She beamed at the praise.

"Bet you haven't seen anything like THAT before, have you?!" I laughed and nodded.

"Actually, I hate to break it to ya chica, but yeah, I have." She looked crestfallen.

"What?!" I put my hands up to calmly reassure her of her awesomeness.

"Now, hold on there. We can't fly. That was some impressive flyin'! Skywriters don't do it nearly as quickly or all in one pass... Bravo!" That seemed to make her happy, but she wanted to know more.

"So how DO you fly?"

"Airplanes, Dash... Airplanes. Jets and propellers and big metal wings. They're all bigger than Fluttershy's cottage and some of them are amazingly fast."

"How fast?"

"You know the sound barrier? Not a problem." Dash crossed her hooves.

"I can break the sound barrier. No sweat." I laughed in her face.

"Yeah right. You go on an' keep tellin' yourself that." She looked mad.

"SERIOUSLY! I CAN! The first time, I wasn't even out of flight camp yet!" I looked at her like she was crazy.

"You kiddin' me?"

"NO! Second time was a few years ago." Wha... really?

"And since then?"

"I did it for the Royal Wedding a few years back too! Cadence and Shining Armor loved it!" Okay, this was just insane.

"Pics or it didn't happen!" Dash scowled and took off into the air.

"Just ask your MAREFRIEND! She wouldn't have gotten those diamonds on her flank if I didn't!" What... the... fuck. As if just remembering another important detail, she added more. "I saved her life with the second one I did! YOU'RE WELCOME!"

"IS THERE ANYONE ALIVE THAT DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS?!" RD laughed uncontrollably as she flew away, leaving me in my extreme frustration.

Everyone. Everyone knew about it. Oh, that's right. They ARE best friends, after all. I quietly asked myself the million dollar question.

The hell you gonna do, John?

Easy.

Nothin' you CAN do.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the day came and went uneventfully. Fluttershy was humming sweetly to herself in the kitchen while she made a salad for supper and I went to the bathroom. I washed my hands absentmindedly, thinking of everything. When I grabbed a towel, I chanced a look in the mirror.

Good. God.

The face that started back at me was hairy and haggard looking. In the couple months I had been here, my hair had grown past my ears and my face sported a rough beard that Jeremiah Johnson himself would be proud of.

I damn sure can't go to the ball like this. I came out into the kitchen just as Fluttershy was putting everything on the table. Angel even got a plate, but as usual, he turned his nose up at it. I shot him a look and cut my eyes to his plate. He must have understood, because he sighed and complied.

Fluttershy munched away happily on her food while I picked through mine.

"Fluttershy?"

"Yes, John?"

"Where do y'all go to... Get your manes taken care of?" She looked confused.

"Do you mean like a salon? There's one in the spa, or you can go to Ly..." She stopped suddenly and blushed. "ra..."

Shit. So basically, I get a pedicure and a hair style or I go to the first mare to proposition me and get an awkward haircut. Great.

"Is there anything else?" Fluttershy swallowed and paused for a second.

"Well, um... No." I sat for a few moments, thinking.

"Its just as well. I've been meanin' to go see her anyways. Still have to apologize for the other night, right?" Fluttershy smiled and nodded. We ate the rest of the meal in quiet, giving me some time to think over what I needed to do in the coming days.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey y'all, we've got a visitor." After calling that out, I set the remains of my MRE on one of the Humvees we had lined up across the road.

There were about twenty of us, give or take. Those that weren't already situated, climbed up into their designated spots. Philips walked out to the side of the road block and began to swing his chemlight. At my signal, Watkins flipped on our spotlight and pointed it at our flag.

Hey, Americans here. Stop the fucking vehicle, please?

We could hear the car's engine pick up and increase in pitch. Shit, he was gonna run it. I grabbed our megaphone and shouted at the driver in what I hoped was his language.

"WARADEGA YAA DEE WULIM! WARADEGA YAA DEE WULIM! STOP YOU SILLY SUMBITCH!!!"

The car sped up further. I heard gears shift. I looked up at Jacobs.

"Warning shots." He sent a burst of fire over the roof of the car with his M2, but the driver didn't waver.

"MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT! TAKE IT OUT!"

The little car met a wall of lead, given freely by myself and the nineteen other guys at the checkpoint. It began to swerve out of control, falling to pieces as bullets continued to impact the metal and glass. Finally, it careened off the road, hit a small hill and rolled a few times before coming to a stop close by.

Grabbing four guys, I started toward the car, rifle at the ready. As we came closer, I heard a cough. Not an expected cough, a juvenile cough. I turned to look at Applejack long enough for her to return my quizzical expression before I ran up to the car. Rainbow flew up next to me.

"John, Its done. You want me to go ahead and call it in?" She said.

"WAIT!"

A look inside told me everything I needed to know. It was a family of five, not car bombers and they were all dead. All of them except a little orange filly in the back seat. She was still barely breathing when I pulled her out of the car and cradled her broken form in my arms. Coughing blood onto her chin, She opened her eyes and looked into mine.

"But... But you saved me. That was... awesome."

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I jolted awake. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Swiftly brushing them aside, I stood up and walked out of the bedroom. Fluttershy was coming down the stairs.

"Is everything ok? I heard shouting!"

"Its fine, Fluttershy. Just a bad dream." She yawned and turned to go back to bed.

"Its still very early, John. Maybe you should try and get some more sleep?"

"No... I'll be fine." I said, noticing my hands were shaking badly. "I'm gonna just get ready for the day."

The sun came up over the hill just as I finished speaking, creating soft bands of yellow light on the walls. I heard Fluttershy's soft hoofsteps go back upstairs as I reached into the fridge for some milk.

One thing that was nice about Equestria: The milk was always fresh and always whole. Either they hadn't thought to skim milk, or they just didn't care enough. Whichever it was, a big glass of milk filled you up and kept you going. I sat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands.

I hated that dream, but there was nothing I could do about it. Just one more thing to remind me of the past. I absentmindedly reached up to my neck where my most recent scar was. What would happen if someone here knew about my dreams? I knew that I shouted. It always scared away anyone that happened to be in bed with me. Either that or they would ask me about it and I would politely ask them to leave. This time was just... weird.

Did I see Rainbow Dash? And Scootaloo... What the fuck was up with that? I shivered. The princess said she saw my dreams. Did she see this one?

I got up and stepped outside for my first cigarette of the day. I exhaled the smoke slowly, relaxing. The shaking in my hands was leaving slowly. 'Put it from your mind, John. You have to push it out and keep going.' I closed my eyes in a silent prayer for strength before jumping up and heading back inside. I needed to get dressed and get moving. Applejack was probably already working on the farm.

Man in Black

Ponies smiled and waved as I made my way through town. I was glad. Just one more step towards being kinda normal. I was almost to the boutique when Twilight spotted me and waved me down.

"John! Its good to see you out and- What did you do to your hair?" I laughed.

"Its nice to see you too, Twilight. I was out and around town and found out that a one, Miss Lyra runs a barbershop, so I figured I'd take a little off the top. What do you think?" She shook her head.

"You look... Different." My smile faded slightly.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Twilight shrugged.

"I don't know, you can definitely see a lot more of your face. Where did that scar come from?"

I knew what she was talking about. I had a long scar across one cheek that almost completely hid inside one of the smile lines. With a beard, it was invisible. When I smiled, it was almost invisible. Now, it was obvious.

"I got bit by a dog a long time ago. Seriously, what do you think?" She looked at me thoughtfully.

"You look younger. I mean, I don't really know what humans look like other than you, but that's what I would guess." Better than nothing. "Hey, not meaning to change the subject, but Rarity has something to show you."

Oh goody.

I nodded and waved goodbye as I went to Rarity's. I wasn't as much apprehensive about go- Okay, I was apprehensive. I was going into the home of a mare that was smitten with me. She's also wanting to show me something. Wonderful. That's all you need, John... Open the door and have her standing there in some kind of swanky pony lingerie... Yeah. My mind went there.

I shook my head a few times to get the image out of my mind before opening the door to the boutique. The bell announced my arrival to the shop.

"I'll be with you in a mooooooomeeeent!" A sing song voice called from the back.

Her voice.

I swallowed back my trepidation and smiled.

"No rush, darlin'. I'm waiting patiently."

I heard something fall over in the next room, then fast hoofsteps.

"John? John, is that you?" she rounded the corner to see me with my arms crossed leaning against a wall. I smiled at her combined look of surprise and glee. In the back of my head, the little voice was chattering away.

You silly bastard. How could you miss this? Just look at her, she's legitimately excited that you're here!

She ran forward and threw her hooves around my shoulders in a hug.

"Oh John! You really must warn me when you're about to disappear like that!"

"Aww, you do care." She pulled away and looked up, noticing my face.

"You really changed yourself. I like it." Something told me that if I looked like Grizzly Adams for the rest of my life, she would like it. Grinning and shaking her head, she took my hand and led me towards the next room.

"I HAVE to show you something. You'll LOVE it, I just know!" Pulling me through the doorway, she paused a moment to get something. A length of cloth glowed blue and hovered over to us, securely tying itself around my head and covering my eyes.

"Whoa whoa whoa, easy there, chica... I better not pull this off to find myself locked up in a cage as your pet." She hit my arm lightly.

"Oh nooooo... You've already discerned my evil plan!" I laughed. Smartass.

She guided me through God only knows how many rooms before we got to the destination. I could see lights turning off through the fabric over my eyes.

"Okay," she finally said, "Are you ready?" I smiled and nodded.

"BEHOLD! My original creation... I've been slaving over this for countless hours, getting it just so!" The cloth fell from my eyes and in the center of the room, a lone spotlight fell upon... The suit displayed on a human-shaped manikin, no doubt made by Rarity herself.

"Rarity... This is... Wow!" she sat back and watched my reaction with pride in her eyes and satisfaction in her smile as I moved to see the outfit up close. It looked like something I could find on Earth. I was thankful that the styles were somehow practically identical.

This particular outfit was a full black, three piece suit. A three button jacket sat over a vest and a plain white silk shirt. Upon closer inspection, the French cuffs were held with a pair of simple but amazingly handsome silver and onyx cufflinks. The pants were neatly creased down the leg to a pair of shoes that looked like they might have Armani written on the sole. All of it professionally crafted and if it wasn't perfect, it was damn close. To bring the whole thing together, a solid, royal purple tie laid down the center of the breast of the suit. It wasn't close. It WAS perfect. Only one thing bothered me about the whole thing.

"Hey Rarity?"

"Hmmm?"

"Is this... cashmere?"

"Why yes it is, good eye!" I frowned.

"So here's my other question: If leather is illegal, why can you have goat hair?" She laughed aloud.

"John, the difference is some poor cow had to die to make your boots. The goats that provided the wool for this suit were in fact paid handsomely. Trust me." I smiled at her and put an arm around her neck.

"Darlin'... Thank you." She blushed.

"Oh don't thank me yet. Put it on! Let's see-" she stopped and wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Urgh! My goodness, what have you been doing all day?! You smell like... like... like a locker room!" I frowned.

"Well, I did work all day. Sorry I didn't have time to shower before I came through." She pushed me out of the room and down a hallway.

"You can't just put the thing on NOW, you'll ruin the fabric! Go upstairs, third door on your left. For goodness sake, take a SHOWER! Leave the door unlocked and I'll bring you a towel."

It was useless to protest. After sniffing under my arm, I had to agree. Shit, I couldn't believe Lyra didn't say anything while I was there in the barber chair. I got into the bathroom and looked around me.

Decadence wasn't exactly the word I would use to describe it, but it was damn close. A large tub sat on the floor over on the far side of the room with a large, chrome showerhead. A number of scented soaps and shampoos were lined up perfectly on a pair of golden shelves. The sink and medicine cabinet were probably the most simple of the fixtures in the bathroom, though they were still mostly made from silver and marble. I pulled open the shower curtain and turned the knob marked 'H' in the bath. I couldn't help but think about how deep and long the tub was. Shit, I could swim in this thing.

Once the water had sufficiently warmed up, I pulled my clothes off and hopped inside. Damn, it felt good. The water fell across my shoulders perfectly, hitting my back with enough pressure and heat to release some of the tension that had been building. This mare was all about creature comforts. I heard the door open and I flinched. I could almost see a shape moving around through the shower curtain.

"Rarity? What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing!" She called. "Just brought you a towel! Are you finding everything alright?" I chucked a little to myself.

"I'm good, but if you'd still like to hop in and help, I'm sure there's room in here for two... This bathtub is huge!" I didn't hear anything at first, but I looked down in time to see the hot water dial glow blue and turn all the way up.

"OHHOTDAMNSHIT!OUCH!HOT!" It quickly turned back down and I heard her tittering laugh.

"Keep dreaming, loverboy!" I heard the door close behind her as she walked out. So fickle.

Making sure to wash everything off, I turned off the water and opened the curtain. I grabbed the large purple towel she'd left for me and started to- Where the hell were my clothes? Everything... Jeans, t-shirt, socks, everything was gone.

"Well shit." I muttered quietly. I dried off and tied the towel around my waist. Luckily, it covered all of the details. Carefully, I opened the door and looked out into the hallway.

"Rarity? Rarity, I need my clothes! Rarity!" I heard voices downstairs.

"Girls, what are you doing back here so soon?" I heard a familiar voice pip up.

"We were out all day trying to get cutie marks, but STILL NOTHING!" Another little voice was heard, this one was new.

"We're heading up to my room to get supplies. Apple Bloom says we should try out "tattooing", but we don't know how."

"Sweetie, WAIT!" Little hoofsteps started to get louder and louder as the fillies came upstairs.

"Wait? Why?"

Before I could retreat to the bathroom, three little fillies ran to the top of the stairs and froze in the hallway, wide eyed. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked happy to see me. The new one, a little filly with a white coat and a curly pink and purple mane, just looked confused.

"Why are you in my sister's house wearing nothing but a towel?" She said with a... Ok, I'll admit it, an adorable squeaky voice. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're... Rarity's little sister?" She nodded. "She never said anything bout you." I heard Rarity rushing up the stairs. The filly rolled her eyes and the other two giggled.

"Well all Rarity ever talks about anymore is YOU!"

"SWEETIE BELLE!" The little filly cast a devilish grin towards her big sister as she came to the top of the stairs.

"She's even DREAMED about you! I can hear her talking in her sleep at night." She tried imitating Rarity's voice. "Oh, John! Take me away and-" She never finished the sentence.

Muffled by a piece of cloth, she was carried away by an extremely red-faced Rarity.

"Sweetie Belle. Go to your room. Have fun. Play. Whatever you want. But WHATEVER you do, STAY THERE WITH YOUR FRIENDS!" Sweetie tried to say something else, but all that came out was 'mmmmfff! mmmf!'

"I'll take that as 'yes big sister! I promise! And if I don't, I won't have ice cream for a week!" The little filly looked terrified.

"MMMMMFFFFF!!!"

"Then stay there." Closing the bedroom door and turning slowly towards me, the mare revealed her embarrassment.

"I... I..." I smiled and shook my head.

"Ahh, younger siblings. Don't ya just love 'em?" She looked sheepish.

"Yes... well, you should try it sometime."

"Oh, I did." Rarity looked up and started down the hallway. I followed.

"You had a sibling?" I nodded.

"Yep... A younger brother."

"What's he like?" I laughed.

"He was about like Sweetie Belle. Except not nearly as adorable and he threw a lot more punches." Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Oh goodness, it couldn't have been that bad." I laughed again.

"Oh it was. Little jerk knocked me silly a time or two. I couldn't ever do anything back to him and he knew it, so he tended to throw his weight around."

"Well, why couldn't you do anything?" I rolled my eyes.

"Mostly because I was always the big brother. And I mean big. Two hundred and fifty pounds big. My mother woulda called the police if I beat the tar outta him, mostly because there wouldn't be much left." She sighed softly.

"You had an interesting family, I take it."

"Very."

She led me back into the room with the suited manikin. Magically removing it's clothes, (neat trick) she hung them neatly on hangers and brought out a privacy screen.

"Put it on... I HAVE to see how it looks." Five minutes later, I was fully clothed in the original work of Miss Rarity.

"Done yet, darling?" Ohhh yeah.

I stepped out from behind the screen. Unsurprisingly, the suit was done to perfection. She smiled happily as I came into view.

"What do you think? Turn for me, I need to see if there is anywhere I need to make adjustments." I fastened a button and stepped towards her, offering a short bow.

"Il est parfait, mademoiselle." She blushed.

"Oh, my little design? Pshaw."

"The greatest tailors in London's Savile Row couldn't do a better job, nor could they grace their customers with such stunning beauty." she giggled and reddened further.

"Flattery will get you nowhere... But if you insist, I shan't stop you!"

I laughed and straightened up.

"Rarity, its amazing. You're amazing. What do you think about it?" She paused.

"Well, the outfit itself is good... but not yet perfect. There are always minor details. You do wear it well, though. Quite the debonaire gentlecolt." I looked at it on myself a few seconds before continuing.

"I've got a question for you... Formal balls here... Aren't they strictly black-tie events?" She laughed and shook her head.

"Oh, heavens no. Here, there is much more room for personal expression. Why, could you imagine what a gala would look like if the colors were merely black and white? No variety! No spice!"

"That's what I wanted ta hear." She finally started to catch on.

"What do you mean?" She said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Well, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to wear your creation to the Midsummer Night's Ball here in a couple months." her eyes doubled in size.

"Wha... wha... wha?"

"And it just wouldn't be right without the lovely Miss Rarity accompanying me... Right? I got the tickets; guests of the princesses themselves. What'dya think?"

Rarity sat on the floor, her mouth open and her eyes unfocused.

"I... I don't... I don't even..."

"You alright, darlin'?" She shook herself into the here and now.

"Yes, yes I'm fine... Oh my. The Midsummer Night's Ball. Personal guests of the princesses? I... Oh... OH MY! GIVE ME THAT SUIT! NOW! I HAVE TO MAKE ADJUSTMENTS!" I held out a hand.

"Rarity, the suit is amazing. What you need to do is focus. What will you be wearing?" She gasped.

"My goodness! I didn't even think... Oh my!" When she was sufficiently distracted, I snuck off towards the door. I didn't quite make it halfway across the floor when I was magically lifted up and sat down right back in front of her. She was bouncing excitedly in place.

"John, this is so exciting! I can't believe you would think to bring me! Just think: The two of us arriving at a Canterlot ball together! A night to remember at the very least! Thank you SO MUCH!" She stretched her neck out and kissed me on the cheek. Oooookay, it was time to leave.

"Rarity, you've been workin' so hard on all of this stuff... Besides, it would be my pleasure and honor to escort ya to the ball." She beamed. "Now, I don't mean to run off, but where are my clothes?" She moved off towards a random clothes rack, distracted again.

"Oh, umm... They should be dry out on the clothes line by now... Do be a dear and show yourself out, please? I must prepare!" I smiled as I opened the door to the outside. I don't care what anyone says, its nice to make someone so happy, but I was still treading a fine line. I just hoped I could end this as painless as possible when the time came. I grabbed my clothes and changed in the yard. It was getting late and I needed to get back to Fluttershy's so I could get some sleep before work tomorrow.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

My second month of work was just like I expected it to be. Hot and sweaty. We finished up with the entire south field after a couple of weeks and were now most of the way through the western slopes.

I had never seen a place this big. The Apples were sitting on what would have been a multi million dollar operation anywhere else. I couldn't understand why they weren't living large.

I also couldn't figure out why this thing with Rarity bothered me so much. I mean, I had gone with her around town and had fun or just talked. A lot of the time, we would go and meet up with another of Rarity's friends and just go out somewhere. I had fun, of course, but as things with her warmed further, my frustrations with myself increased.

I spent most of the days out on the Acres trying my best to figure it out myself. Big Mac was enjoying the silence at first, but he started to look worried whenever I would blank and stop talking.

We were in the middle of loading up another cartful of apples when I looked up at him.

"Hey Mac... I need to talk to ya about somethin'." He stopped and looked at me, but not with his usual blank faced stare. He cocked an eyebrow and frowned.

"Mac, I don't know what to do about this situation I'm in. I've asked some of the girls, but what I really need is another guy's input. That means you. Mostly because the only other guy I can talk to is an eight year-old dragon, you know?" He smiled a little, so I took it as a sign to keep going.

"What the problem is... is there's this girl. She's gorgeous, nice, generous, smart... The package deal, right?" He smiled and nodded. "There's just one slight problem. I'm a man. She's a pony. You follow what I'm sayin'?" He rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Look, where I come from, men just don't do that kinda thing. Its a serious no-no. Sure, there's a few guys that do, but they're a bunch of fuckin' weirdos, you know? Its nothin' against y'all... I mean obviously, this is a different world, but I've still got this hang up... I don't know what to do.

"She's head over heels for me and I'm startin' to go the same way, but shit, what happens when things get really serious? What happens when she starts to see white dresses and hear wedding bells? You know what I'm sayin' here? I don't know if I can do it, man... I just don't wanna mess up something good because of my personal shit."

I paused. He was still digesting everything I said.

"I mean, its been so long since I've actually felt like this. I'm tellin' ya Mac, I'm no angel. There's a trail of broken hearts in my wake, but none of them are anything like this girl." At that, Big Mac smiled and sighed. He picked up a huge bushel of apples and dumped them in the cart before opening his mouth and shocking me with the most words I've ever heard him put together.

"Rarity is one special pony, John. Its gonna take a special kinda guy to handle her and treat her right at the same time. If she's really all that to yew and yer really all that to her, there's only one thing I gotta say: Ya ain't back at home anymore. Go for it. End yer trail o broken hearts. I ain't so sure if she's the settlin' down type, but yew could probbly make her purty happy. I been watchin' ya. Its eatin' at ya. Only somethin' ya care bout a whole lot is worth that kinda heartache."

I stared in awe... Damn.

"You're a real smart fella, ya know that Mac?"

"Eeyup!" He said simply, beaming with pride.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I was on the way back to Fluttershy's forty bits richer and sweating like a whore in church. I had close to a thousand bits saved up now. A long ways away from building a house, but at least I had some spending money.

I continued to muse about the upcoming ball and everything else, when a familiar jet engine-like whine came over the sound of the wind. A light breeze blew over my face as Rainbow made a low pass overhead. When I finally looked up, she was backstroking through the sky, casually grinning and humming a tune.

"Hey Dash, what's up?" She grabbed a cloud and clung to it, propelling it along with her wings keeping pace with me as I walked.

"Ohhhh nothing. Heard about you takin' Rarity to the ball." I kept walking.

"Old news, Dash... Where you been?"

"Oh, I knew about it pretty much right after it happened, I've just been too busy to gloat. I mean... Well you know we are like... Best-"

"Best friends?" I interrupted. "Yeah, I've kinda figured that one out already." Dash laughed at me.

"Finally figure out what was holding you back?"

"Nope, but there is always tomorrow."

"Well, you'd better hurry up. She might not be waiting for you when you finally pick!"

"What in the hell are you talking about?" I said, instantly curious. Too bad it was too late. Dash was already zooming out somewhere else, leaving me once again to stew in my thoughts.

Goddamn, was there any way to keep a secret in this town? I know I'm not helping things by tellin' folks, but still.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I got home a little before dark. I opened the door and stepped inside, hunting up a chair to sit down in. A couple of days ago, I had the foresight to pick up some beer, bottled in a far off place. The bottle said 'Trottingham'. I chuckled to myself about the gratuitous amounts of equine puns around here.

Well, they might be puns to you, John, but they're pretty much normal to everyone else around here. I spotted a map in the library the other day and nearly shit myself when I saw "Saddle Arabia". Too much in common. Just too much.

Lighting a cigarette and sipping on the heavy, dark beer, I grabbed the rocking chair Fluttershy kept in the living room and drug it outside to set in front of the house. I took another drag on my smoke and drank the beer as I watched the sun slowly trace it's way to the horizon and sang a little song to myself.

"And, as long as there's stars over Teeeeeexaaaas, darlin' I'll hang the moooon for y-"

"JOOOOOOOOHN!"

I jumped to my feet, looking around for the frantic Fluttershy that was calling for me.

"JOHN! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! I NEED HELP!" I turned to see her flying towards me from the forest.

"John, I need you to help me! I saw a hurt fawn in the forest, but it was too scared to let me help it and I couldn't get the poor thing to calm down. Please help!" I started to move towards the forest.

"Fluttershy, why don't you just fly after the poor thing? You could probably catch it before I could."

"But Everfree is dangerous at night! I can't go into there alone, I just can't!"

"What about when you came into the forest to get me?"

"Just please, John?" Oh hell. It was that look.

So far, I hadn't gotten this look here in Equestria, but it seems some things aren't easily avoided, regardless of which dimension you were in. The curled lip... those big, wide, pleading eyes... there was even a slight whine you might expect from a puppy. I rolled my eyes and took one last swig of beer.

"Fine. Lead the way." She gained in speed towards the darkening forest with me following at a slow jog. Fluttershy took off over the tops of the trees as I finished my cigarette and stomped it out before pushing my way through some of the thick undergrowth.

The sounds of the forest were deafening. Bugs hummed. Birds whistled and sang. Other animals called softly in the darkness. I was almost apprehensive as I pushed my way through vines and briars. A beam of orange light shown down on me briefly as Fluttershy poked her head into the forest.

"John? John! Just up that way!" she pointed with a hoof. "Right over there in the big clearing... Please be careful, he's so scared!" I thought momentarily that maybe I wasn't the best candidate for this after all. Deer are naturally afraid anyways, its not like its gonna run slower for my benefit, right?

I came into the clearing and spotted the small deer. If I was back in Texas, I would have just put a .308 into the poor thing's heart, but knowing Fluttershy, I probably aughta try and run it down. It didn't take long to identify the problem. It's left back leg was turned at an odd angle below the knee. Every time the fawn took a step, his leg would flop around in an obscene manner. Eventually, he just laid down to rest.

Yep. Definitely would have shot you, buddy. I crouched low to try and sneak towards the deer when something stopped me.

If you pay attention to everything, humans can feel their instincts calling to them. We were born to be hunters. That meant a lot of things, one of which was that we needed to look out for other predators. At that moment, the hair rose on the back of my neck and my body froze in place.

Looking around, I started to notice little subtleties. The wind wasn't blowing at all, but the bushes directly across from me were swaying slightly. There was a sound of a snapping twig about fifteen yards to my left, but Fluttershy was still airborne. More importantly, the nature sounds I was hearing when I first made my way into the forest were gone. No bugs. No birds. Not shit. I waited with bated breath for something to make a move.

Slowly, a dark shape moved through the trees on the opposite side of the clearing and a large figure emerged.

It was hard to tell exactly what in the hell it actually was in the fading light. The sun had set and the moon hadn't risen just yet. Whatever the creature was, it was blended into the brush very well. All except for the eyes. Glowing yellow eyes. A shiver ran up my spine as I remained crouched, waiting.

Off to my left, hardly a stone's-throw away, I heard a wolf throw back it's head and howl.

Fuck. Me.

"Looks like you're done for, little guy. Sorry." I whispered, more to myself than the fawn.

I sat tight. At this point, it wasn't safe to move until the pack was... busy. Two more of the wolves started into the clearing at a slow stalk. The fawn was just realizing the trouble it was in. It started to get up and try to run when the first wolf lunged forward. The world is a terrible place for the little things.

"NOOOOOO!!!" What in the good Goddamn was that? Fluttershy lighted in the clearing between the little deer and the charging wolf. Oh shit...

The wolf halted and backed up a little, surprised by the sudden intrusion, and started to circle. I didn't want to take my eyes off it, but I chanced a quick look at Fluttershy. She looked terrified. What the hell was she thinking? I would never... NEVER expect something like that out of her. I tried to see as much as I could.

Other than the three wolves already exposed, I could see two more sets of eyes across from me, plus the two wolves on either side of me. The first wolf lowered it's head and snarled as it continued to circle. Ok John. Do. Something.

I looked around me for something... ANYTHING to use. A thick tree limb was laid at my feet. It would have to do. I barely had time to straighten up when the wolf charged. I couldn't think. No time.

React.

Sprinting forward, I saw the wolf jump and heard Fluttershy scream. I dove, hitting the thing shoulder first with my body weight. Shit, that hurt! The thing felt like it was made out of iron, but I was sure I heard something crack that WASN'T me.

I jumped up and brandished the impromptu club. Fuck, this isn't good. The rest of the wolves emerged from the trees and stood there. Waiting. I knew exactly what they were doing. The same thing I was. Waiting for an opening.

"Fluttershy, are you okay?" A muffled squeak was all I heard.

"That better be yes, or so help me, I'll give you the silent treatment for a month when we get out of here." She choked back her fear long enough to tell me.

"J-J-J-John... I'm s-sorry."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I'm ok-k-kay."

"Can you fly the deer out?"

"N-no... he's t-t-t-t-t-too heavy."

"Put him up on your back and go when I go. I'm gonna make a hole."

"Okay." A small voice said.

"You are going to move THROUGH that hole."

"Okay." An even smaller voice said.

"And for God's sake, don't stop running."

Squeak.

I chanced a look back at Fluttershy and saw her on the ground shaking.

"Fluttershy, move. Now." She shakily rose to her feet and comforted the small deer as she put it on her shoulders. "Tell me when you're ready." I looked back to the wolves. The rest of the pack had formed a ring around us, snarling and tensing for action.

"Ok, John. Ready."

"Ok. Count of three... One." The wolves stopped.

"Two." Fluttershy adjusted the fawn on her back.

"THREE!"

I charged forward in the direction I thought the cottage was. As one, the wolfpack descended on us. Or tried to. Fluttershy was right on my tail the whole way. Good girl. I swung the branch at the first wolf I came to. He was in midair, leaping towards me when the club connected with with the side of his head.

CRACK!

A sound like a gunshot was heard and the wolf fell in a heap in the grass. The second wolf ran up and I swung backhanded right at the creatures face, but it anticipated the move and dodged out of the way. I reached behind me and grabbed Fluttershy, pulling her past me and pushing her into the woods.

"RUN!"

She bolted, moving into the brush and leaving me with the snarling wolfpack. Its okay, John. One down. Six to go, right? The wolf that dodged off was immediately back on the attack. Swinging the branch as hard as I could into it's side, I was rewarded with another resounding CRACK! The wolf shook the blow off, but my whoopin' stick had taken all it could. Broken in two.

Well, shit.

The other wolves were just starting to close the distance as the second one slammed into my chest, knocking me to the ground. It stood over me and I finally got a good look at it.

The damn thing was made out of wood, but it was living, nonetheless. It lunged forward to deliver a killing bite as I reached up to grab it's head and pushed my thumbs into it's eyes. As it howled and tried to get away, I rolled over onto it's chest to get the leverage I needed. I grabbed with both hands and forced it's mouth open as hard as I could. Another loud crack heralded a broken jaw.

Two down, five to go. And they were already on top of me.

Snapping and snarling, the wolves overpowered me and brought me to the ground. I flailed wildly, kicking, punching... and forgetting everything except survive.

BOOM! Was that a cannon?

BOOM! Holy shit, was the cavalry here?

BOOM! Fluttershy can't have gotten help already.

BOOM! A brilliant white flash accompanied the next explosion and smoke filled the air around me. Flames erupted from the ground, scaring off the wolves and encircling me with a bright ring. It seemed like the fire was all it took for the wolves to forget about eating me for dinner and run off. With a few barks and yelps, they disappeared into the trees. Bleeding from cuts and bites all over my arms and legs, I pulled myself painfully to my feet. Wincing and looking around, the ring of fire receded. Over the crackle of burning sticks and leaves, I heard a voice in the darkness.

"We must get you out of Everfree. The Timberwolves will come for you and me!" I limped towards the voice.

"Who... Who are..." A shape moved quickly towards me, catching me as I gasped and stumbled. Looking up at my rescuer, I noticed it was a zebra clad in... bangles.

"My name is Zecora, I magicked the fire. Now move your flank before our situation grows dire!"

I stood and leaned on the zebra. With her help, we moved into the trees to safety.

Author's Note

I was in the middle of nowhere writing these last four chapters without internet or television to distract me... Thank y'all for bein' so patient in waiting for updates. I had no idea the timberwolves were in a recent episode! I based the ones in this chapter on the behavior of the wolves in "Family Appreciation Day"...

She Won't Be Lonely Long

Painful hobbling was a good way to describe the next hour and a half. Eventually, Zecora guided me to a hut deep in the forest. Her home. The door closed behind us just in time to hear a wolf howl in the distance. She must have sensed my twitch because she tried to put my mind at ease.

"Get us here, the Timberwolves will not. They have learned to go away or try it and rot."

Awesome. I coughed a little and winced. The small place was... well, it was small. A single room with a few alcoves was all it consisted of and a large cauldron sitting on a fire in the center of the structure seemed to take up a lot more room than it actually did.

"We must stitch up your wounds with needle and thread. I'm sure your friends would mind if you wound up dead!" I nodded and moved to the place she indicated to sit.

"Nice place ya got here." I said quietly.

"Yes, my home out here in the trees. It is perfectly suited to create these!" She said that last bit and lifted up a handful... well, I guess a hoof-ful of bottles, all filled with a strange liquid. Offering me one, she explained.

"Drink this one first, it really is sweet. It will help heal where I stitch up your meat!" I nodded and took the bottle she offered.

Drinking shit out of bottles that looked like beakers in a high school chemistry lab wasn't usually a smart idea, but she DID save my life and she DID say she knew my friends... right? I shrugged and lifted the bottle to my lips.

Down the hatch.

Surprisingly, the liquid was incredibly sweet. Not Dr. Pepper sweet... More like the Kool Aid guy puked a five-pound bag of sugar into a 20 ounce bottle of tea. I still drank it down to the very last drop. Zecora nodded and handed me another bottle.

"Spread this on your cuts to help numb them out. When I start to stitch, I don't want you to shout." I smiled and dribbled a little into a big gash.

I felt a sharp pain like pouring salt onto a scrape, but almost as quickly as I felt it, the pain was replaced with an intense numbing sensation all the way up my arm. Shit, I never would have thought the stuff worked, but look at that. Should've given the witch doctors back on Earth a little more credit, maybe. Zecora set to stitching up the large cut on my arm, slowly running the needle through each side and tying the flesh closed. At this point, I didn't care that she was using her mouth to do this. Seemed like every other pony without magic would have done the same thing. While she worked, I tried to make small-talk.

"I'm John. Uhh... Ms. Zecora, how long have you lived out here in the Everfree like this?" She stopped and gave me a blank stare, the needle still in her mouth. Oh. Right. Can't talk. Gotcha. She eventually finished that one and set the first suture down.

"For many years I have lived here. Though I've never seen one of you, far or near." I smiled at her.

"I've been gettin' that a lot for a while, but I've been in Ponyville for a couple months now. I thought I was old news." Zecora moved to the back of her hut and brought back another pre-threaded suture kit.

"You were lucky I was out in the woods today. I don't often get out and head on that way." I nodded.

"It does get a little difficult to be around folks when you're so different, but I can't imagine anyone in town bein' rude to you." She sighed.

"I was not always liked by the ponies around. There once was a time when rumors abound!" She started to stitch again as I poured more of the liquid into the deep lacerations in my arm.

"What kind of rumors?" She stood up again to get another suture.

"They could not tell what I was or did. Many thought I would gobble up kids!" I laughed out loud.

"A zebra? Hah... Don't feel bad, a few ponies in town found out that I DO eat meat and for a while they thought the same about me." She smiled and started to sew again.

It was the middle of the night when we were finished taking care of my new war wounds.

"Remove the stitches in a few days. The cuts move quickly through the healing phase." At that point, my stomach grumbled and she regarded it with surprise. "How long has it been since you have last eaten? No wonder how by those wolves you were beaten!"

She began gathering ingredients from around the hut and throwing them into a small pot hanging next to the fire in the middle of the room. It wasn't long before a hot, bubbling stew was filling the room with delicious smells. I eyed it hungrily as Zecora moved to get some bowls and fill them. I took one from her and nodded my thanks.

"This smells amazing." She only smiled and tipped the bowl to her lips. We ate in silence until the mixture (which not only smelled, but tasted amazing, too) was gone. I took the opportunity to look around the small dwelling. Adorning the walls were all kinds of tribal decorations. Masks, staffs, feathers and bowls of all varieties lined the walls and shelves. Eventually, she stood up and gestured towards a cushion on the floor.

"You've eaten as much as you could; I'm sure sleep will do you a little good. And now that you no longer bleed, you may sleep here as long as you need."

I nodded my thanks and finished up. Easing myself down onto the soft cushion was a chore, but once I got down there, ohhhh man. I didn't want to get up. Zecora moved off towards the other side of her home and returned with a blanket. After she left, it wasn't long before I heard her soft snores over the crackle of the fire. Sleep wasn't such a bad idea, you know? I let my body relax completely as I thought about the long ass day. As long as I need, huh? I hope you won't miss this section of floor in the morning.

I woke up some time later. I thought it might be daytime; I sure felt rested enough to have slept longer than just the night. Getting up and moving around wasn't as much of a pain in the ass as I anticipated it to be. This woman needed to open up a pharmacy. I stood up and looked around. Light streamed in through a window next to the door, but Zecora herself was nowhere to be found. I stretched languidly. Lighting a cigarette and stepping outside, I was surprised at how much light was actually coming in.

Still being in the Everfree Forest, it was dark as hell except for a few shafts of light streaming in through the canopy. One beam in particular came through the leaves and fell perfectly through the open window of the hut. At least I was right about it being daytime. Probably around noon or a little after. Hard tellin, but oh well. I took another drag and exhaled slowly, relaxing against a wall. My ease was short-lived, however. A rustle in the brush nearby put me on edge again and I practically jumped a foot in the air. Aw, what the hell was it this time? Thankfully, it was Zecora that stepped out of the bushes. She saw me and smiled.

"It is just me, do not fear. Relax, nothing will bother you here." I chuckled.

"I'll be alright. Last night is still fresh in my head though. Don't think I'll be back to visit for a little while." She nodded knowingly and moved for the door.

"You may stay here as long as you want, but I must tell your friends or their memories you will haunt." I sighed and snubbed out the cigarette.

"That's alright. I think I'll head over that way soon enough. You don't need to make a trip on my account." She nodded and pointed out towards the dark trees.

"That is the way you wish to go. At least, by way of the crow." What? I don't even... Oh. The way the crow flies. Right. Straight that way.

"Thank you for everything. I really do owe you my life, Zecora." She smiled and wordlessly pushed open the door to her shack. Nodding her goodbye, she closed the door as I turned away from her and started walking.

I moved through the trees in the direction she indicated. Nobody just walks in a straight line, John... You could still get lost. Regardless, the town is in that general area. If I find a road, I'll be good. I used to do that all the time back home. My grandmother had about 600 acres out in the sticks that my brother and I used to walk around all of the time. Sometimes it got crazy and we would get lost, but if you walk for an hour or so in the same general direction, you could find a fence-line or a road.

The whole place was overgrown with mesquite and big clumps of live oak which housed all sorts of animals. Deer, coyotes, bobcats... Shit, one time we found a couple of emus that some asshole abandoned out there. As far as I knew, the legs were still hanging up in the saddle barn. The only difference here was the animals were a little more on the dangerous side and I didn't have the old lever action .44, so I stayed relaxed by thinking of those walks.

Shit, the look on that guy's face back in North Carolina when we showed him the first set of emu legs... When we told him 'that's how big turkeys get in Texas' we didn't expect him to really buy that shit. I chuckled to myself as I pushed through the growth. I remember one night we took my brother "snipe hunting." Oh, that was classic. I laughed more.

Snipe hunting was just an excuse to get kids out in the middle of nowhere at night and scare the shit out of them. We got old Jerry Greyson to come out with us that time. We left my little brother in the pitch black with nothing but a pillow case and a little stick while Jerry made cougar noises in the brush. Man, its no wonder my brother was always pissed at me. I still laughed at the memory, but maybe I should have been nicer to him.

I continued to push my way out of the forest. A half-hour went by and there was still no end in sight. Did Zecora point me in the right direc- Wait a minute... I could start to see light up ahead. Another minute and I pushed my way out into the bright sunlight. About time.

A dirt road was laid out in front of me clear as day and I was happy as hell to be out of the forest. Standing in the middle of the road, I looked around. Yep. That is the road to Fluttershy's cottage. Many a trip have I made back and forth over that stretch of dirt in the last couple months. Turning towards home, I stretched briefly and started walking.

I wonder how the deer is doing? Shit, I wonder if they even made it out okay... It wasn't like they were exactly home free when I saw them last. Suddenly a pang of regret shot through my gut. I should have just started for the house as soon as the wolves left. Don't do that to yourself, John. They're fine. You did good. Everything's okay. Think positive. A couple of minutes later and I could finally see the cottage.

Crossing the little foot bridge in front of Fluttershy's place, I couldn't help but feel happy as hell to be back... and eager to find out about her, but my happiness was short lived. I heard a familiar wail coming through an open window on the house. Oh no. I hurried up to the house and looked inside. Fluttershy was there, thank God. She was calmly sniffing back tears as she cradled a limp and heavily sobbing Rarity on the floor of the living room.

"WHYYYYYYYY?!?" Rarity cried over and over, her sobs stringing out her mournful wails. Not to sound cocky as hell, John, but she's probably goin' on about you. I stepped around to the front door and pushed it open. They didn't seem to notice me so I stepped inside, my boots clunking on the hardwood floor.

"So, is someone gonna tell me who died, or am I gonna have to figure that out for myself?" Still crying, the two ponies looked up at me. Fluttershy gasped audibly, but Rarity on the other hand didn't register it at first.

"YOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!" A few sobs later and she jolted upright. "YOU! You're ALIVE?!?"

They both ran forwards and tackled me through the door and out into the yard, knocking the wind out of my lungs. Fluttershy smiled and buried her face into my chest. Rarity wailed harder, struggling to produce comprehensive speech.

"Whoaaa darlin'. Easy does it. It's alright." I said softly into her ear.

Wail.

"I'm right here. You're okay."

Wail.

I just laid there with my arms around the two of them. It felt like forever, but in a weird way it was nice. Nice to know they cared that much about the random guy that fell into their world. When Rarity finally calmed down, I looked down at her and grinned, getting a teary smile in return.

"Hey darlin, check it out. Met the timberwolves of Everfree and I'm still in one piece." She shook her head and buried her face in my shoulder amid more tears. After a moment, she looked back up.

"Well, what did you expect? They aren't the type to bite off heads." she said with a sniffle.

Hah. Bullshit.

Fluttershy and Rarity walked with me into town. Apparently, they told the others about the night before and they figured I was dead, too. Pinkie was ecstatic to see me alive and kickin'. Almost immediately after tackling me in a similar manner as Fluttershy and Rarity did, she was planning a 'Happy Resurrection Party,' I laughed and told her it wasn't necessary, but dinner tonight with Rarity and I would be just fine. Rarity wanted to go over some last minute details before the ball, so I figured bringing Pinkie would keep the mood light and the conversation off of anything serious.

Ponies whispered as they saw all of the new stitches gracing my arms and the blood still on my jeans. Rarity was good enough to fix up my clothes, but she couldn't take care of the blood stains just yet and the black zigzags across my arms were fairly noticeable.

"Darling, I do hope you don't have those long. They look simply dreadful." she said, referring to the stitches.

"Well, Zecora said to give it another day. I'll be good in time for the ball, don't you worry."

We made it into Twilight's home just as Spike was blowing a letter into Oblivion. He was the first to notice me.

"JOHN!" The little dragon ran up and wrapped his arms around my leg. "YOU ALMOST LEFT ME ALONE WITH A BUNCH OF DISTRAUGHT MARES! WHAT THE HAY!?"

"Sorry about that, boss." I said with a smile. Over in the corner, Twilight stomped her hoof.

"Shoot! Quick Spike! Send the princess a letter disregarding the last one! Hurry!" I laughed.

"Now Twilight, don't you know not to count your chickens before they're hatched?" She smiled and came down to see me.

"John, I'm so glad you're alive!" She looked me up and down. "But you look terrible." I laughed aloud.

"Well stitches are one thing, but at least I didn't have mascara running down my face." Rarity was quiet. Odd. Normally, she would have some kind of snappy retort for me. I turned around to see her just smiling away.

Spike sent out another letter and we all sat around the library to talk. Rainbow Dash showed up about a half hour later, gave me a quick hug and took off to Sweet Apple Acres to go tell the Apples some good news. I looked around the room at my friends.

"So, did y'all even think to come look for me, or did you just figure I was dead and that was that?" They looked to the floor and Twilight regarded me with a grim expression.

"We did. Late that night, We all went out with Fluttershy to where you found the deer."

"And?" I asked expectantly.

"Lots of broken branches and quite a bit of blood were all we found. We knew the blood was yours and... well..." Her voice trailed off and she shuddered. I stood up and stretched, smiling at the ponies.

"Well," I continued for her, "I'm still alive. Guess that's a good thing, right?" A chorus of 'mhm's and a bunch of smiling, nodding heads answered me. That was when the little voice in the back of my head started to pipe up again. You know John, you already saved Scootaloo, you volunteered to kill a changeling, and now you've damn near gotten yourself killed over a fawn. There is such a thing as a death wish.

Death wish my ass. Of course, I'm sure that's what everyone else probably thinks at this point. There's no tellin' what these folks think of me. One is like a big sister, one has a crush on me, the rest are friends... Shit, I need a beer. Scratch that... I've got a better reason to drink: Its victory beer time.

"Pinkie, you still up for dinner tonight with Rarity and I?"

"Of course! I would never pass up a chance to go out with two of my bestest friends ever!" The rest of us waved goodbye to Twilight and Spike and made our way outside. Just a little after noon.

"So what did you guys have in mind for dinner?" Rarity fielded that one.

"We'll meet you at that little place just past the market over by Lyra's." Pinkie smiled and waved her goodbye, leaving Fluttershy and Rarity with me. I looked at Fluttershy and smiled.

"Are you coming too?" She shook her head.

"Umm... No. I have to get back. Are you coming home tonight, John?" she asked.

"Don't you worry. I'll be back before midnight." She smiled and trotted off, leaving Rarity and I alone. "Well, chica? What shall we do until dinner?" Wordlessly, she took my hand and led me towards Carousel Boutique. What's going on, John? This is the little voice in your head telling you that you need to look out cause something really fuckin' important is fixin' to happen. Well, no shit.

We walked past groups of friendly ponies hoof-in-hand until we came to her home. I reached forward and opened the door for her as she silently stepped inside, pulling me in after her. Holy shit, John! Where's the resistance? Why aren't you running? I closed the door behind me as she damn near swooned and fainted. I caught her before she fell and (with considerable effort) carried her to a nearby couch. I sat down next to her and held her as she broke down again and started to cry softly. Don't you feel like a dick now, voice?

Her tears wet the front of my shirt and her quiet sobs shook her frame. Minutes went by and she finally stopped. Looking up at me with her big blue eyes, she could only bring herself to say a single word.

"Why?"

Why. Isn't that what everyone wants to know? Why? Why do people like us do the things we do? There are so many answers to that question. Most of us will give you the same answers, but its not really the reason. Why did you do that? Because its fun. Why did you make that choice? Because the chicks dig it. Why do you do the things you do? For the sheer damn thrill of it. But there's always a better answer. One that folks tend to understand better than the others. I looked her in the eyes and told her very plainly.

"Darlin', I told you once that that there would be things folks would find hard to understand and I meant it. But, this... It was just something that had to be done. And I was the only one for the job." She rested her head on my shoulder and sat still for a few minutes. Eventually, she nodded.

"Okay." Her calm acceptance was almost heartbreaking in itself.

"I promise to be better about this stuff, Rarity. I know y'all worry about me."

She nodded. "Okay."

"I haven't been that scared in a long time. It made me realize that I really do enjoy life."

She smiled faintly. "Okay."

"Is that it? Is that gonna be all you say to this?" She looked up at me again.

"Yes." Well okay, then. She got up and moved to another room where I heard her blow her nose a few times. She came back a few minutes later, surprisingly, looking decidedly happy with herself and everything in general. She trotted right up to me and smiled.

"The ball is here in a few days and I think I finally have an ensemble ready... Would you like to see it?" I smiled.

"Sure, Rarity. Anything." She beckoned me towards the next room and disappeared around the corner.

I stood up and started over to the doorway, following her towards her working area. She disappeared behind a screen, I assume to change.

"Hey Rarity, you don't normally wear clothes anyways, what do you need the screen for?" I heard an exasperated sigh.

"You and Spike, both! What ever shall I do with you." I chuckled.

"Well you could always- wow."

The privacy screen levitated and soared away across the room, but that wasn't what I was looking at. Rarity was dressed in a beautiful black evening gown that flowed all the way down past her tail to the floor. Simple but elegant. Classy. Somehow, I expected something a little more... loud, but she continued to surprise.

"I was looking through my closet for ideas and help, when I decided I really just needed to match with you. I know I mentioned personal expression beforehand, but anything else wouldn't have fit. What... do you think?" I was at a loss for words. Slowly, I let it sink in that this was the mare I was taking to the Midsummer Night's Ball in Canterlot. This gorgeous, classy, talented, caring, generous mare.

"Darlin', someone back on Earth once said that if a woman wore black or white out she would be the center of attention. I can't think of a better way to describe it... Other than you look damn gorgeous standing there."

She smiled and blushed. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think that Saturday night needed to hurry up and get here.

God's Gonna Cut You Down

Later that evening, Rarity and I walked out towards the little restaurant to go meet Pinkie. I was glad to see her attitude about everything visibly improved. She was even laughing at stupid jokes again. Well John, you think she's gonna be okay? Poor girl nearly lost her head over you. Yeah yeah.

Honestly, I think Rarity is a lot stronger than lots of folks give her credit for. At least more than her friends know. Through the drama queen antics and the theatricality, she really did feel and hurt like everyone else. It just took some serious shit to do it to her. Yeah, she might could put up a good facade of helplessness, but when she broke down earlier that day it was genuine. When she'd seen me and knew I was alive, it didn't take her all that long to dry up those tears. Now, we were walking and chatting like it was any other day. The only evidence of her earlier sorrow were the salty spots on my shirt.

We came up to the place we would meet Pinkie Pie: Skillet's. It was a good place. Kind of reminded me of a Chili's... Except they served a lot of good food and I liked the atmosphere. One of the waitresses we knew saw us come in and waved.

"Hey, guys! Go ahead and grab your own table, I'll come and find you!"

I love small towns. Everyone knows you... and it was always nice to know the folks that served your food. I grabbed a few menus and led Rarity to our usual table a little away from the rest of the patrons. I pulled a cushion out for her and went to sit down myself. Usually, I looked for a bucket or something to sit on in a situation like this; this place didn't have much in the way of chairs, but our waitress trotted up and I turned to talk to her.

"Hey, Blossom... What's this?" Honey Blossom was moving towards us with a bar stool.

"You come in here so much, Skillet let us unbolt a stool and keep it around just for you!" Sweet.

"You're too good to me. Hey, we're waiting for Pinkie Pie, think you could just bring us out the usual?" She smiled, nodded and walked off towards the kitchen. "I've got no idea why I even grabbed menus. We always get the same thing here." I said more to myself than Rarity. Honey was back with a couple of glasses pretty quick. Water for Rarity and beer for me. Rarity. She looked lost in thought for a moment.

"Hun, you okay?" Shaking herself back into reality, she smiled.

"Of course, darling, of course." She took a dainty sip of water. "So, I sent out a letter to Arrow and Cross. They would be more than happy to bring a chariot out here for the night of the ball." I smiled

Those two guys were great. Ever since that day with the princesses, we'd kept in touch. They even came to town a few times and went out to the bar with me. Hell, even Rarity liked them when they finally met and boy, did they like her. It wasn't long before I was getting dating advice from them, too. I almost halfway expected them to jump on the idea of being our flying limo service.

"I'm sure those guys would do anything for us. That's what I call good friends." She shook her head slowly and smiled.

"I'm sure they would still be scouring the forest looking for you if they knew what happened. How DID you get away?" Oh I was gonna have fun with this. Without even a hint of a smile, I told her a little story.

"Well, Fluttershy took off into the forest to safety while I took on the wolves. I got like... six of them before the rest pulled me down and started bitin'. That's how I got the evil cuts all over and y'all found the blood. Anyways, after I beat 'em all off of me, I ran into the forest and methodically ambushed each and every one of 'em until there weren't any left to chase me. That's when I found a little sharp stick and used hair from my chest to stitch the cuts closed."

She started to laugh and roll her eyes, but my expression didn't change. After a few seconds, her look of disbelief turned into a frown and from there it just got worse. Her expression changed into a look I might have gotten if I had just stood up, dropped my jeans and shit an octopus on the floor in front of her. I waited for a few seconds with a serious look on my face before I started laughing.

"I'm just messin' with ya! Zecora came by and saved me." She rolled her eyes again.

"John, can you never take anything seriously? What ever shall I do with you?" I shrugged and gulped down some beer just as Pinkie Pie came through the door. It didn't even seem like she had to look for us. She just waved at someone across the room as she made a bee-line from the door. How the hell does she do that?

"Hi guys! Did you already order?" I set my glass down and smiled at her.

"Yeah, Honey'll come by here in a minute and fix us up. What's new, Pinkie?" As if forgetting everything else in the room, she took off explaining her entire week.

"Well, last Monday was Roseluck's birthday, so I spent the day baking a HUGE cake for her! Then, in the middle of the party, I was gonna shoot myself across the room, but I got stuck in the Party Cannon! SO EMBARRASSING! Then YESTERDAY, I broke the Ponyville record for the number of bounces on a trampoline. SPIKE said it couldn't be done, but I showed him!" She continued to regale us with stories of the week.

I didn't hear Rarity ask her another question, I was too busy looking at the crowd that had grown in the restaurant. Staring around, I couldn't help but think of the changeling I had yet to find. It had been a month since I got the assignment and I did my research, sure... but I haven't done shit towards actually finding it. Anyone in this room could be the bug. Anyone. Rarity stood up to leave and I snapped into the here and now. Grabbing her shoulder, I pulled her close and held her still.

"Where are you going?" She looked annoyed, but curious.

"The washroom to clean my hooves, is that quite alright with you?" She said sarcastically. I shook my head and let go reluctantly.

"I'm... sorry. It's... no, nothin', nevermind." Her brow furrowed and she walked off... And I watched her like a hawk the whole way. I needed to find this thing soon. I looked over at Pinkie, happily sipping on her glass of soda she seemed to pull out of nowhere. Whatever. It was Pinkie Pie. Going out on a limb, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask her if she knew anything. "So Pinkie, you ever notice anythin' weird around here?"

"Oh, all the time!" My ears perked up. "The number of blades of grass keeps changing around Sugarcube Corner, BUT its only ever one blade at a time! Also, did you know that baby birds snore?! I don't know if ADULT birds snore, but the BABY ones DEFINITELY do. Last week, I found out that even though bubbles are all rainbowy, they dont taste NEARLY as spicy as REAL rainbows!" Fuck.. My head sank into my hands. This was going nowhere. "But so far, the weirdest thing is Caramel. I feel like throwing him a welcome party, but I don't know why! He already GOT a welcome party YEARS ago!" I didn't even know where to start looking for a changeling, how was I gonna- now wait just a damn second...

"What did you just say, Pinkie?" She looked confused.

"Ago?"

"No, before that."

"YEARS!"

"No, no, the whole thing."

"Well, last Monday was Roseluck's birthday party and I-"

"No Pinkie! I mean the part about Caramel."

"Oh. For a few months now, I've felt like he's new to town, but that's impossible... He's been here for years!" My mind was filling up with questions.

"Where does he live?"

"He lives just down the street. He's sitting over in the other section. I waved at him when I walked in!" Gears were turning in my head. Rarity was walking up just as Honey Blossom was bringing out our food.

"Pinkie, what does Caramel look like?" I don't think I've met him before."

"He's the tan stallion with the blue horseshoes for a cutie mark." I think I've seen him before.

"Excuse me." Rarity took a seat as I stood up and started walking.

"John, darling, where are YOU going?"

"I'll be right back." Moving casually through the restaurant, I made like I was going to the bathroom. Avoid eye contact, John. In my periphery I could see tables surrounded by ponies, but there weren't any traces of the brown stallion. I pushed open the bathroom door. Gotta look harder on the way back to the table. I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

I went to the sink and started washing my hands. Before long, I could hear the flush of a toilet behind me and the stall door open. Looking up into the mirror caused a tingle of shock to run through my heart. Caramel walked up to the sink next to me and started to rinse his hooves off. Shit, John. I shook the excess water from my hands and grabbed some paper towels. Naturally, he looked up at the only human he's ever seen and our eyes met. I smiled nonchalantly and walked out. The inner voice was screaming and hollering at me. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! CLOSE John. Too close.

For the rest of the evening, I watched the door like it was gonna sprout legs and take off running. The moment I saw him leave, I would excuse myself from the table and follow him out. Find where he lives. That was the important part. Where does he sleep? He was there with friends this evening. Hopefully, they wouldn't get in the way or change the plans. I was only half paying attention to the conversation between Rarity and Pinkie Pie.

"John? JOHN!" I looked over at them.

"What?"

"Are you okay? You're being awfully quiet. If you'd like to leave, that's fine." Rarity suggested. I smiled disarmingly.

"Y'all don't worry about me, I'm alright." Rarity looked less than satisfied.

"Well, I think its time to leave. It is getting late and the day has just been DRAGGING by." Pinkie nodded in agreement. Well, John, you can't sit here all night alone. That would be too suspicious. I pulled a bag of bits out and paid the bill for the girls. As one, we got up to leave and walked into the night.

The clock up on the town hall read 9:30. Shit, when was he coming out? Pinkie Pie and Rarity felt like standing with me for a few minutes while I smoked a cigarette, but it wasn't long before they left for home. I'd have walked them to their doors, but being a gentleman was the farthest thing from my mind.

I was leaning against the wall in the shadows a few building down from the restaurant. Taking a drag on my cigarette and exhaling slowly, I finally saw the target coming out of the front door, laughing and carrying on with the small group of friends. I almost thought I needed to change position, but they moved away down the street towards the outside of town. Still loudly talking and laughing, one by one they parted off and entered their own homes and I continued following the... well, the caramel pony. Hah. Caramel. Not light enough to be vanilla, not dark enough to be chocolate. Caramel fit.

Just when I thought it was going to be forever before he got to his house, the two remaining ponies came to a step in front of a two story, brick home. It was a nice place, but what I noticed the most was the spiky holly bushes planted around the house, mostly under the windows. Someone either likes those pokey bastards or they don't want folks peeking inside.

Caramel stood with his friend out in the front yard for what seemed like hours, just bullshitting. I patiently waited a little ways off, just far enough away that they wouldn't notice me, but close enough that I could still see detail and hear the conversation.

"Alright, I'll catch you later!" Finally.

I was pleased when I saw Caramel step up to the door and turn the knob, letting himself in. No locks on the door. Someone went to all that trouble to put up thief deterrent, but they leave the doors unlocked. I filed that away for later in the important information part of my brain and moved directly across the street from the house. The top floor window lit up for a few minutes and flashed off. Bedroom? Slowly, my plan was coming together.

I was glad AJ let me off of work for the next couple of days to heal, because I would never have been able to do what I was planning. I stood on the outside of town the next day watching Caramel's house. The front door stayed closed for most of the morning, but I hoped he didn't leave before I got there that morning. Would have been nice if I had someone to stand around and wait out here for me while I left. Yeah, and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass every time it jumped.

A cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other, I hoped I looked about as casual as a human in Equestria could look. At around 10 or so, the door finally opened up and Caramel walked out into the morning sunlight. Bingo. He walked off into the town... probably headed for the market. I snubbed out the cigarette and took a sip of coffee before setting the cup down in the grass at my feet. Okay, John. You've got about 15 minutes to get in there and get out. I had no idea when he would be back, but I was eager to go and I was running out of time. Quick walking towards the back of the house, I started looking for a basement window. There. Between the bushes, low to the ground. I laid down on my stomach and looked in.

Through the darkness, the basement looked like a maze. Stacks of cardboard boxes were everywhere, but I found what I was looking for. A staircase led up from the center of the room up towards the first floor. Good. Now, I have a general idea of where the basement door was. Captain Armor told me to look in the basement for the real Caramel (if this was the real deal) and go from there.

I pushed on the window; of course it was latched from the inside. Okay, back door. I got up and came up the back step and tried the knob. It turned and the door clicked open. Well, would you look at that. I stepped inside and took my boots off. No sense in leaving a trail of dirt through the house for him... it... whatever to see later. Hey, John. Breaking and entering. Been a while since you've done that, huh? I grinned momentarily at thoughts of my childhood, but quickly pushed them from my mind. Focus. Can't start reminiscing now. I picked up my boots and moved quietly through the spacious kitchen.

I looked around while I was in there. Empty bags of sugar littered the counter top. Interesting. I walked on, finding a door and opening it. The basement. Good. I passed that one up and walked around the downstairs. A simple set of furniture and a fireplace were in the living room. Noted. I quickly climbed up the stairs in the living room up to the second level. 9 minutes, John.

Moving upstairs, I noticed the creaks of the steps as I climbed. Skip step 3 on the way up. Skip step 9 on the way up. I got to the top of the landing and looked around. Two doors at the front of the house where I saw the lights come on the night before. The bathroom door on the left was open, but the other one was empty. Bedroom maybe? I moved towards it and tried the knob. It clicked open and swung slowly inwards. The bedroom was a rat's nest compared to the rest of the house. The bed was unmade and garbage was randomly thrown about, mostly in the form of empty bags of sugar. Hey, lots of folks have messy rooms, right? But so far, it was all adding up to mean one thing. 6 minutes.

I closed the door and headed downstairs. Basement time. I opened that door and started down the stairs into the dark area below the house. Light streamed in through the leaves on the bushes outside, dimly illuminating the room. I started sifting through boxes trying to find the cocoon, but the stacked cardboard was just the beginning of the mess downstairs. Small piles of trash were scattered all across the floor. Weaving my way through stacks of old newspapers and shredded boxes, I didn't worry about making more of a mess; it would have been impossible to fuck this place up anymore than it was. 4 minutes before I needed to get out.

It wasn't too much longer before the entire basement was cleared and I was empty handed. Dammit. Even with everything else in the house, I couldn't just kill the thing and run the risk of... well, murder. Sure you can, John. Its not like you haven't ever done it before. Shut up.

I stood upright in the middle of the room. Shit, I needed to figure something out fast. 3 minu- sheeit. I heard the front door open upstairs and the clip clop of hooves on the hardwood floor. I looked straight up at the ceiling. Caramel was standing right above me, but so was something else. A large, green sack was plastered to the ceiling above me against the support beams of the house. Bingo. The cocoon was cloudy on the inside, but I could still make out the basic shape of a stallion through the green muck. There he is. Close enough for government work, right?

I didn't dare take a breath. There was a changeling upstairs. All of the sudden, this harebrained idea was seeming pretty fucked up at the moment. I didn't do this back on Earth. They always told me who the bad guys were and they always had the intel already gathered. Regardless of the quality, intel was something. Oh come on. Military intelligence... Isn't. The hoofsteps stopped somewhere around the kitchen area. Please tell me I didn't make a noticeable mess upstairs. Please tell me I'm not stuck down here for the day. Please tell me I'm not about to get completely owned by a bug-pony. This solo bullshit wasn't part of my job description. I always worked in a team. Always had someone watching my back. And there wasn't any of THIS sneaky bullshit involved. I wish I had my rifle.

After a long few minutes, the hoofsteps moved out of the kitchen towards the front of the house and thankfully, the door opened and closed. Fuck me. I think I just lucked out. Mental note: Make sure someone knows where I am before I leave and do something like this again. I stood stock still for a few minutes to make sure it wasn't in the house anymore. Satisfied, I quietly moved towards the basement window to get ready for my entry later that night. One unlatched and slightly ajar window later and I was ready to get the hell out of Dodge.

Moving quickly and quietly, I surveyed the entire downstairs again. Sitting room, fireplace, couches etc. Okay, time to get out. I pulled my boots on at the back door and pushed it open, walking casually out and around the house. As far as I knew, nobody saw me go in or leave and I was happy with that. Breathing a sigh of relief and picking up my now cold cup of coffee, I started to walk away and lit a cigarette to calm my nerves. Whatever happened to cutting back, John? Fuck you. I shook my head and walked towards the market, thinking to myself of ways to do this better in the future.

If I had to.

I got back into the cottage around noon and found Fluttershy in the kitchen cleaning up after feeding the animals their lunch.

"Hey Fluttershy, my stitches come out tomorrow. Do you think you could help me with getting them taken care of?"

"I would be happy to, John. But you should ask Rarity to do it. She can control the scissors a little better than I can." Oh. Right.

"Just a thought. By the way, tonight I'm gonna be a little busy so don't expect me to be home until late. I won't feel bad if you don't wait up for me." She smiled and nodded.

"Just be careful. You won't be drinking, will you?" I laughed.

"Nah, not tonight. Don't you worry about me, darlin'. I'll be ok."

"Oh. Okay. I have some things in town to take care of, so I'll be back later."

"Sounds good. Have you seen Angel around?" She thought for a moment.

"I think he's sleeping in today. Look on the couch." I nodded.

"I'll take care of the rest of these dishes if you want to go ahead and leave."

"Well... Okay. I'll see you later, John." She left the kitchen and grabbed her bags. "Goodbye Angel Bunny! Be a good boy!" The front door opened and closed and I got to work cleaning up the kitchen. Fifteen minutes and a stack of clean dishes later, I was standing in a clean kitchen.

I wonder if Fluttershy has anything black that would fit me... Lord knows my white-ass arms could be seen pretty clearly in the darkness. I walked into the living room and found the little white rabbit relaxing on the furniture. I sat down on the end of the couch and nudged the little bunny.

"Angel... Angel... Hey buddy, its time to make good on that little favor you owe me." He regarded me with a nasty look, but sat up and crossed his arms giving me the 'Yeah yeah, what do you want?' look I've come accustomed to getting from him.

"You're being sworn to secrecy right now, got it? A single word or chitter or whatever the fuck and I'll turn you into a stew and eat the evidence." He rolled his eyes and held up his right paw. Okay, okay. "I'm doing some pretty dangerous shit tonight, follow me?" He seemed to look intrigued for the first time... Ever.

"You're gonna help me anyway I need, got it?" He shook his head vigorously. "YOU aren't doing anything except for keepin' your mouth shut unless somethin' happens." The rabbit gave me an exasperated sigh and nodded reluctantly. "First things first, does Fluttershy have anything black to wear?" The rabbit bounded over to a closet at the other wall. Digging through the bottom, he found an old, black turtlenecked sweater.

"Oh man, that's... perfect." I picked it up and found a small embroidered marking that made me smile. "Of course Rarity made this." I put it on over my shirt and found that it was pretty snug, but it covered what it need to. "Okay, second thing. And I promise this is it, okay?" He crossed his arms and stamped his foot. 'C'mon... gettin' bored here.'

"If I'm not back here before sunrise, I need you to tell Fluttershy that I'm in trouble. Tell her that I'm in trouble and she needs to get Twilight to send Shining Armor down here to Ponyville and find me at Caramel's house. Do you know where that is?" The rabbit nodded slowly. At least he was taking this seriously, now.

"That's all I'll ever ask you to do, okay? You keep it a secret unless I say and you get to stay out of the bunny fire. You DO know what a bunny fire is, don't you?" Angel looked worried for a moment, but he nodded. "Cool." I picked him up and set him on the couch.

"Thanks bud. And don't forget." He stretched languidly and laid back down for another nap as I turned and headed for the bedroom to sit and gather my thoughts. Shedding the sweater and laying on the bed, I started to outline my plan.

Alright, John. First things first, I should probably wait for the changeling to get inside before I try to get into the house. Enter through the basement. Verify that the cocoon is still there, secure and intact. I can't cut him loose right away, its just never a good idea to have the victims moving around and flailing and talking when you're trying to be quiet. Move upstairs. Verify downstairs is clear. I should probably find a weapon or something.

Digging through a drawer for cutlery would be stupid. Too noisy. What about the fireplace? There should be something around there worth finding. Check it. Move up the stairs, skipping steps three and nine. Check the bathroom for occupants and move to the bedroom door. This is where it gets iffy. Changelings aren't nocturnal, but the books suggested they go through periods of rest in which they go into a 'light, sleep-like state' for a half hour or so at a time. This one doesn't get its rests during the day, so unless it stays disguised as Caramel during the night, it could either be awake or asleep.

I figure, the best way to tell this is if you can hear the wings humming periodically. So, listen at the door for that. Something else to worry about: Horns. Yes, changelings have a unicorn-like horn that they use for magic, but there's a set of sharp... I guess antlers would be the best way to describe them, which they use for defense and show.

Getting the drop on the creature would be practically necessary. From there... Well, I'll play it by ear. Kill it, save the stallion, go home. Shining Armor will probably get the news on his own and I'll see him at the ball anyways.

I rolled off the bed and did a few push ups, working out some of the nervous energy. What happens if it all goes south? I wasn't worried so much about myself as I was everyone else. Yeah, Angel was gonna let folks know what happened, but what about after? Captain made it sound like there were more ponies out there that needed help. More changelings that needed attention. He can't deal with it. The guard not taking care of this shit was understandable. Its not like what I did earlier was perfectly legal, you know?

What about my promise to Princess Luna? Continue being a service to Equestria. Well, I was. But if I died, its not like I can keep doing it. I lay on my stomach on the floor and thought about dying... again. It wasn't fun the first time... and there wasn't another Equestria waiting for me when I wake up this time.

What about Rarity? I promised to be more smart about this shit, right? Well John, its not like you didn't make that promise a hundred times before. I know. Some promises you make just to make the other person feel better. What momma don't know won't hurt her, right? Well, she's damn sure gonna know if you get your ass killed. No kidding.

With a heavy sigh, I stood up and went to the kitchen. Time to find some food.

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Help Fluttershy with some animals. Sit around the house. Lots of pacing. Jesus, John. You need to calm down. You never used to do this before a mission. What's wrong with you? Shit. Maybe it had something to do with the lack of help, the lack of good knowledge, and no boomstick? Truth be told, I didnt really know what was so weird about this. Three months ago... Literally RIGHT before you got here, you killed a man. This is nothing. Sure. Nothing. Because pointing a gun barrel at someone and pulling the trigger is so much like killing something in its sleep with whatever you had to bludgeon it with.

I was over thinking it. The only part that doesn't get easier is the time right before the green light. The anticipation. The waiting. That's when you get the time to really let what you're doing sink in.

Just don't think about it. You've got this.

Easier said than done.

Darkness started to creep in around the cottage. Sighing, I went into the front room to find Fluttershy on the couch reading a book.

"Fluttershy, I found this sweater in a closet today." I said, showing her the turtleneck. Looking up from her book, she took a moment to figure out what I was talking about.

"Oh that. Rarity made that years ago. She gave it to me last winter when it froze so badly."

"Do you think I could borrow it for a while?"

"Oh, of course! I don't think I need it. If you do, you should take it."

"Thanks. I'm going to head out for the night. I'll see you later!" She smiled and went back to her book, oblivious to what I was going out to do. I walked outside, pulling the door shut behind me. Putting the sweater on, I stood out on the lawn and turned to face the house.

"I will be back. I will be back. I will be back." My little ritual done, I moved out towards town, determined to see this through to the end... and drink a beer on the front porch when all is said and done.

The long walk ahead of me gave me plenty of time to over think again, but nothing pushed its way into my brain. Nothing important anyways. Arrow and Cross were coming into town in a couple of days to pick Rarity and I up. Arriving at the ball in a Royal Chariot... How cool was that? If something like this ever comes up again, I'd have to get Rarity to make me a couple of American flags to hang up on the front corners. Represent the homeland, right? I laughed out loud at myself and my train of thought jumped to something else.

Man, I miss eating meat. I wonder if there's a place in Canterlot where I can at least get some fish or chicken. Beef sounds really good though. My mouth watered at the thought of a medium-rare steak. Oh, hell yes. The trip seemed to go quicker than normal, but I still got into town just as the sun went down. Okay, get into position.

The trick to not standing out, regardless of the situation was to act like you belonged where you were. Granted, humans don't really 'belong' in Equestria in the first place. Not to mention everyone knew me by sight, but that was besides the point. It would look ten times worse if I was creeping around in the shadows.

A few folks were out and headed home. It was about that time anyways. As long as nobody saw me go into my waiting area I was good. I approached the house at a steady pace. Making sure no one was around and watching, I ducked into a small corner and sat down on the grass in the shadows. No smoking John. You don't need to smell like smoke now. Recon. Dammit, John... You need to take more time for recon next time.

I waited for what felt like several hours, tensed and ready to go. Scanning the parts of the street I could see, I noted every movement in the back of my head. Anything that looked out of place was checked, double checked and triple checked until I was satisfied that it belonged there. After an eternity of waiting, I could hear the clip clop of hooves coming up the street.

Talking.

Laughing.

I lucked out that the changeling worked a routine. The two ponies, "Caramel" and his friend that walked with him the night before came into view and headed towards Caramel's door.

"Hey man, you take care. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Right! Later, Caramel!"

The changeling moved towards the door and opened it, leaving his friend to walk off into the night alone. Routine wasn't something you wanted to follow if you were serious about avoiding detection, but it seemed the creature was comfortable in his secrecy. Good. He won't expect the next few minutes then. He closed the door behind him and the street was quiet again. A few minutes later, just as expected, the lights on the upstairs came on, stayed lit for a few minutes and went out. Okay. Give it about ten and head inside.

The anticipation was killing me. Subconsciously, my hand went for my cigarettes. No, John. When its over. I silently cursed myself and waited it out. After eight long, agonizing minutes I slowly stood up. Leaning out to make sure no one was around, I quickly crossed the street, the toes of my boots making a soft click on the cobblestones.

Back in the shadows again, I moved quietly towards that back of the house where I left the basement window just open enough to allow entry. Crawling through the holly, cursing it silently the entire time, I slipped into the basement and landed quietly on a flattened box. I crouched there in the darkness, listening for any noise upstairs. Satisfied with the silence, I quietly walked over to where I saw the cocoon earlier.

Still there, aren't ya buddy? Striking a match and holding it up for light, I could see the green, fluid-filled sack knew he was. I'll be back for you in a minute. Slowly moving my way up the stairs, I became conscious of every little sound. Every creak. Every pop. Every step. My entire body tensed to turn the knob on the basement door.

The dark house was silent and I could hardly see three feet in front of me, slowing me down further. It was a good thing I came in here beforehand... Navigating a strange house in the dark was a bitch. Probing the darkness softly with the toe of my boots, I tried carefully to not make any noise tripping over shit that might be laying out.

The downstairs was clear. No nothing. No movement, no life. Nada. Moonlight streamed in through the window in the first room, bathing the furniture in a soft light. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glint of metal. The fireplace. I walked slowly towards it and found what I was looking for. A small stand was set up just to the right of the couch, holding various items.

A small broom. Shovel. Fire poker. Fuckin' right. Removing it from the stand, I hefted the heavy brass rod. It would have to do. And boy, I bet it would. Crude, but in the right hands, it could do considerable damage. Shit, you would be surprised what something as simple as a rock could do to someone's head.

Back to the stairs. I didn't dare take my boots off. Barefoot fighting was not fun and the boots I had on my feet could be used as better weapons than my bare feet. Steel-toed boots would have been better, but I've been kicked with enough Ariats to know that they hurt pretty fuckin' bad. I moved up the stairs slowly. One. Two. Skip. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Skip. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Good. I paused again at the top of the landing. No noise. No movement. Go. I slowly moved past the bannister and moved for the door.

I crouched on the outside of the bedroom and listened intently. Silence. I waited. Frozen in place waiting for any kind of indication of the status of the changeling inside. I heard a slight shift behind the door and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as my senses sharpened.The water faucet in the bathroom was dripping slowly. A dog barked outside. Clouds moved over the moon and dimmed the available light even further.

A soft snore arose from the room. Okay, John. Its now or never. I paused in my crouch. A couple of slow breaths entered and exited my lungs and I turned the knob on the door silently. Pushing the door open slowly and moving into the room, I could make out a covered form on the bed.

The changeling.

It.

I moved forward quietly and lifted the poker, ready to shove it into my target. I paused over the dark shape. A couple of deep breaths. One. Two. Three.

I put all of my weight into the tool, shoving it deep into where I guessed the heart would be. There was relatively little resistance, surprisingly enough. Isn't there supposed to be some kind of shell? Not if he isn't changed back. I pulled the poker out and reached forward to pull the sheets back.

Only to find a couple of pillows.

Nothing... Awwww FUCK.

Before I could turn around, a heavy weight landed in the small of my back, knocking me to the floor. Dammit, John... Why? Why are you so fucking stupid? The changeling's hiss and buzzing wings were loud in the silence of the house.

Don't think.

Don't think.

React.

I tried to roll, but the creature was heavy and balancing itself well on my back. I swung wildly behind my head with the fire poker in my hand and felt something connect. A high pitched squeal escaped its mouth and it staggered off of me onto the floor. I pulled myself up to a crouch and stood up. The changeling was messing with something; its form was low against the floor. Now, John.

Now.

I dove across the room and was immediately kicked in the shoulder. Pain exploded through that side of my body, but the adrenaline was running thick and I didn't give a shit anymore.

It was surreal. I felt myself get up on my hands and knees and leap onto the things back. It knew I was back there and immediately started to try and buck me off. Its wings fluttered like crazy, but it failed to dislodge me. Think, John! THINK! It stopped bucking momentarily and I took the poker and held it against the creatures throat, grabbing both ends.

The book said the neck was flexible, but tough and quite possibly, one of the more vulnerable parts. Was I strong enough? I pulled with all of my might on the poker, trying to strangle the creature under me.

It wasn't working. The creature screamed wildly and redoubled its efforts to throw me off. I'd never ridden a bull before. Not like this, but I held on for dear life hoping that it would tire out soon. Suddenly, something snapped inside my head.

Fuck.

This.

Bug.

"C'MON, BOY! I'VE TAKEN SHITS BIGGER THAN YOU!" It screeched again and readied itself for a strong buck. I kicked out as hard as I could into its knee joint and earned a little crack. The bug fell sideways with me still on its back. With all of my strength, I lodged my free knee in the back of its neck and pushed.

No?

Fine.

Fuck you.

I relaxed a little and pulled the fire iron up violently, killing the screech with a crunch.

I lost my grip on the iron and the changeling skittered away from me across the floor, beating its wings wildly and crashing into the walls. I pulled myself to a wall and sat down with my back against it, catching my breath and watching a dark shape move around the floor. The clouds parted and exposed the room, letting light shine into the room and allowing me to see my quarry more clearly.

Its fanged jaws opened and closed repeatedly; I could have guessed what it was doing. The crunch was my poker breaking the shell and completely closing off the changeling's lungs from the air.

The bug's fluttering wings slowed as it suffocated. Its erratic movements tapered off gradually until it was still. The deed was done.

Still panting, I reached into my boot. Pulling out a horribly bent smoke and striking the last surviving match against my face, I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag.

"Goodnight, Gracie."

Author's Note

My pre-readers had a concern with how this just seemed to fall into John's lap. There was no real build up, and honestly, there could be another complete chapter written to draw this out.
This is true.
But it was really meant to be like that. Yeah, I know, plot development and all that, but sometimes... IRL... Shit just falls into your lap and you gotta move on it. Intel sources are usually the last thing you would think of; Pinkie being the VERY last pony that he would ever ask about something like this.

In short, I know... Its sudden. But shit tends to happen.

Finally, I found a really sad fic that hasn't gotten a whole lot of recognition. Yeah, its a little different. The author even admitted it was a little contrived, but it was good nonetheless.
Auld Lang Syne. Check it out. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/76032/auld-lang-syne

Drunk On You

I read the morning paper over a cup of coffee at Rarity's place. The big story about the mystery fight in Caramel's place happened too early for yesterday's paper to cover it, but it was front page material today. The investigating guardsponies declined a whole lot of comment, but did say that the changeling did not die of 'natural causes,' there were signs of a struggle, and Caramel as he was identified didn't seem to be in any position to inflict the damage, nor was he in any condition to comment. When I saw that he was in a stable condition in the local hospital, I smiled into my coffee cup. The article ended with a comment from the investigating sergeant.

'We know that somepony else was there on the night in question and we urge them to come forward and be recognized for this deed. This investigation will continue until we have the whole story and the identities of all involved.'

"Snowball's chance in Hell, chico," I mumbled into my coffee.

"What was that, darling?" Rarity asked. She was cleaning up breakfast dishes while I relaxed for a minute.

"Nothin'. The guards think they can get whoever was in Caramel's place to come on out and sit with them, but they've probably got a better chance of curin' cancer."

"Its scary to me. Of course, it is a dangerous creature, but was killing it REALLY necessary?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Maybe it didn't give them a choice." She shook her head.

"Well, then why didn't they stay in the house and speak with the guards? Either they would have been prosecuted for murder," she shuddered at the word, "or they could have stayed and been recognized." I frowned.

"Nah. No one wants to go to jail. This one just wants to be left alone. If they wanted to be recognized, they woulda been there when EMS showed up so they could answer questions. This one doesn't want to be found. Probably put in an anonymous tip and hauled ass," I took another sip of my coffee. "which is why I don't think it was criminal. They wouldn't have called it in. Lowers the success rate of getting away with it considerably."

"You seem to know a lot about the subject," she said slyly. I shook my head again.

"Nah. That's just the way some folks are. Don't want any hoof-bumps or pats on the back and they damn sure don't want to be looked down at. They'd rather stay nameless than be exposed." She smiled and walked over; a warm pot of coffee levitating beside her.

"And what about YOU?" She said with a smile as she warmed up my cup. "Aren't YOU that kind of person?" I winked at her as I took a sip.

"You kiddin' me? Not only am I already world renowned here, but I love the attention. Besides, I'm runnin' out of ways to impress you. I'd need every bit of excitement I could find!" She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"What would impress ME is if YOU could settle down and ease out of these 'adventures' of yours." I shrugged in reply.

"Not my fault I'm an adrenaline junkie. I used to jump out of clouds for cryin' out loud. I need to do something wild once in a while to take the edge off the boredom." She sighed yet again.

"Yes, yes... Adventurous spirit and all that." She returned to the sink for a minute of silence before speaking up again. "Right. Well, we have an awful lot to complete in preparation for tomorrow evening. I can hardly believe the ball is almost here! I want to be completely ready for it well in advance." I looked at her blankly.

"We are ready. All we have to do is get dressed, get on the chariot and go." She laughed aloud at that one.

"Oh, darling, I have NO idea how humans do events such as this, but things here are much MUCH more involved than simply throwing on a dress and going." Oh darlin', if only you knew... "Why, I have to get my mane done, I have a hooficure appointment at the spa, I have to make sure the dress is cleaned and pressed, I have to..."

I stopped paying attention somewhere around there, but something made me think there was a laundry list of other things to go before she was done, so I interrupted.

"Okay, hun... I get your point. Busy day for you then, huh?" I stood up and started for the door.

"Oh, you don't know the HALF of it! I also need to- Wait! Where are you going?" I turned back as I pushed open the front door.

"Thank you for breakfast hun, but I really need to check on a few things and take care of some last minute details myself... I'll see ya later."

Really, I didn't have that much to prepare for. I basically just needed to shave, do something about my hair and call it good. I started for the first (and really only) thing on the list: Lyra's. The bell rang as I pushed the door open and the cheerful unicorn appeared at the counter.

"Hello and welcome to- John! Here to pick up a few pre-ball essentials?" I smiled as I stepped up to her.

"Yeah, just lookin' for a little bit of a shave and something for stylin' hair... well, a mane." She laughed.

"Style it?! What's there to style? You barely have enough there to call it a mane anyways!"

"Oh, just hook me up, Lyra. Please?" I pleaded. She looked around the shelves for a moment and finally levitated a small bottle over to me.

"Here," she said. "Take this. Its got all the hold but still looks pretty natural." Just what the doctor ordered.

"Alright. Mind if I just borrow a razor and a mirror? I can shave myself, I just need the tools, ya know?" She motioned me over to a mirror and levitated a razor with some shaving cream over to the sink.

"So, is this something humans have to do often?" she asked taking a seat in a chair nearby.

"Some more than others. Usually men will shave everyday if they want to look presentable, but there's a few that can pull off facial hair pretty well." She looked intrigued.

"Some can't?" I laughed.

"Oh yeah. Some people have bald patches on their cheeks or weird spots where it gets really patchy. It really doesn't start growing well until you get older anyways. Hell, I remember thinking I had a really badass beard goin' on when I was 17. I looked at pictures 10 years later and couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it looked." She chuckled at that.

"Its amazing what growing up a little will do to your perception." I nodded and brushed the lather onto my neck and cheeks.

"Yeah, I was always jealous of the folks with the full beards... You know, like I had when I first got here a while back?" She nodded.

"Yeah, that was something alright... How long do they get?" I paused for a second before cleaning my right cheek of the bristle that had grown.

"As long as you let it get, I suppose. If I never shaved again, It could probably cover my stomach before I died."

She stayed quiet for a while watching my hands manipulate the blade and slowly cut the hair from my cheeks and neck. Giving the razor a final rinse in the sink and washing my face off, I looked up into the mirror. A halfway decent-looking guy with a halfway decent-looking goatee stared back at me, showing me all the spots on his neck so I could make sure he didn't miss anything.

"Nope... you look pretty good there, chico," I muttered to my reflection. Lyra smiled approvingly.

"If you had to say, what kinda look are you going for with this?" I thought for a second and shrugged.

"I don't know. Honestly, all of the formal events I've been to have been in dress uniform and everything had to be perfect. If I had to say anything, I'd be trying to be... well, me." She chuckled.

"Oh yeah? So alien-Ponyville bad-boy again, right?" Ha! Right. That's a laugh. I cleaned out the sink I used and chuckled.

"Thanks for everythin', Lyra. What do I owe ya?" She shrugged.

"I didn't have to do anything 'cept sell you something. Five bits and we'll call it even, kay?" I smiled and dug out the money.

"I 'ppreciate it, hun. You take care now, right?"

"Oh, as long as you come by and visit every so often, things will be fine. Bye, John!"

I stepped out into the late morning sun and lit a smoke. I still had a few more hours to kill before the day really got started. I couldn't wait.

Rarity insisted that we meet at her place tomorrow afternoon to get completely ready and walk together to the chariot. At the moment, I was waiting for them to show up any minute. I walked through the market for a time just looking around and smoking a cigarette when I saw someone point upwards with a hoof.

"Look! A castle chariot! Who do you think's coming to town?" I smiled and started towards where the guys were going to land. They were unhitching themselves as I walked up.

"WELL! Ain't y'all just the ugliest sonsabitches I ever did see!" I half shouted with a grin. Arrow looked up in mock indignance.

"So says the only thing on the planet worthy of the nickname 'Baldie!' " We laughed and shot the shit for a few minutes as the two pegasi removed their ceremonial chest plates and helmets. Before long, a pair of ordinary ponies stood in front of me, waiting for the word 'go'. Cross cast his eyes about town before looking back to me.

"So what do we have to do in this little hicktown, anyways?" I smiled and put a hand on each stallion's shoulder.

"Gentlecolts... We do the only thing that's worth doin' in a little town like this... We drink!" Arrow laughed and nodded. Cross raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you have some things to take care of?"

"Already done, chico. All I need to do is show up tomorrow at the young lady's place, get all fancied up and escort her to the castle." Cross shrugged and fell into step next to me as I started on my way to Lucky's.

Lucky's was the only bar in town worth going to. The Oak Room was where all the pretentious assholes and younger types went. Lucky's was pretty much a dive which made it unpopular, but had enough of a good honkytonk feel to make it enjoyable. Either way, it wasn't the place to pick up girls and the smell of stale smoke and sweaty laborers usually kept the crowds down. Basically, folks went to The Oak Room to order expensive drinks, talk to ponies, and have an alright time. Folks came to Lucky's to get hammered drunk and pick fights.

We stepped inside at the right time. Not a whole lot of ponies were there yet and we had our pick of where to sit at the bar. Hell, Berry Punch wasn't even here yet. I guess there's just something wrong with us. We took our spots in the middle of the bar and waited for Lucky to come by.

I'm telling you, Lucky was about as awesome of a bartender you could get, not to mention the shamrock cutie mark made him more than qualified to serve liquor in my opinion. One night, I got a little buzzed, showed him my shamrock tattoo and told him about my Irish ancestry and what it was supposed to mean. Since that night, he's always referred to me as Mr. Irish.

"Well, well, well... If it isn't Mr. Irish himself. Little early for you and your buddies to be in here, isn't it? Who are these guys anyways?" I frowned and jerked my head towards the two sitting on either side of me.

"Oh, these guys? My glorified cab drivers." That comment was greeted with laughs and a couple of jokes thrown back, but I was unphased. Friendly ball-busting isn't something to get pissy over... Especially on a day like today. I shook my head and looked up at Lucky.

"A shot and a brew for each of us and keep 'em comin'. First round is on my tab." Lucky went off to do his thing and we settled in for a good time. I looked back and forth at my friends. "So, what's new with y'all? Anything wild goin' on in the wonderfully dull land of Equestria?" Lucky set our beers down and Arrow took a long pull before he answered.

"Well, Cross went and got himself a promotion, believe it or not." I looked over at him with mock surprise.

"Oh yeah? What's that make ya now, Cross? Cab-driving squad leader?" He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, sarge. No, I'm actually getting moved into an investigative position within the guard." I slapped him on the back.

"Awesome! Way to go... So I guess you could tell us a little about this mystery changeling here in town, huh?" Cross shook his head as he took a drink.

"I'm not there yet, sarge... Even so, the entire guard has been given a direct order not to comment about any operations or investigations," he then looked around and lowered his voice, "or whether they exist or not, if you catch my meaning?"

"You mean to say they aren't doing anything?" he nodded.

"Words of the Captain himself. At least that's what our lieutenant says." I scoffed.

"Oh come on... I was a soldier, too. I know how bad the rumor mill is on this kinda shit. Hell, half of my unit thought we were getting orders to invade a country for a month before the major called 'em all a bunch of dumbass gossips. Captain's probably just playin' his hand a little close to the chest is all." Cross slowly shook his head.

"Yeah well, the whole thing has the rest of the company a little spooked. Things don't just die like this around Ponyville. We've either got some kind of hero out there or a dangerous killer. Too early to say." I shrugged and picked up my shot glass.

"Yeah yeah... seriousness aside, this stuff isn't gonna drink itself... What are we drinkin' to?" Arrow slammed down an empty beer bottle and somehow picked up his shot glass.

"TO PRINCESS AND COUNTRY!" Cross and I echoed him and as one we clicked the glasses together, tapped them on the bar and tossed back the mild liquor. I looked up at the clock and saw the time. 2:30. Plenty of time to cause some trouble.

"Hey Lucky! You got anything stronger than this?"

6 o'clock rolled around and the bar was loud. Louder than usual. Apparently, three friendly guys getting drunk and telling old Army stories was enough to draw a little more business. Folks sat around and listened to Arrow, Cross and I hoot and holler about the good old times... and get steadily more intoxicated.

"So no shit, there I was out there in the desert. Our truck.. that's kinda like a wagon that don't haveta be pulled, ya see... Well, our truck was stopped and we were out takin' a few minutes for lunch in what was SUPPOSED to be a clear area. All of the sudden, there was enemy EVERYFUCKINWHERE. Shootin' at us and yellin' and runnin' and screamin' and shit... Anyways, we're all pinned down and requestin' fire support. Just our LUCK that a couple of planes were in the area." Someone piped up.

"Hey, what's a plane?"

"It's a big ass flyin' machine that brings all sorts of hell with it, lemme tell ya... Anyways, we're pinned down for 10 or 15 minutes all tryin' not to get our asses shot off when all of the sudden we can hear the most BEAUTIFUL sound you could ever hear at a time like that... BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

A few ponies gasped and Arrow shook his head and drank.

"Fuckin'... The hillsides all around us just erupted in fire and explosions and shit! It was GLORIOUS! I still wish I'd gotten to buy those flyboys a beer or two," I paused and drank. "I guess I can settle for these two though, right?" A few ponies chuckled at that and someone in the crowd piped up.

"What made you want to go join and do all of those things?" I took a long drink and shook my head.

"I'll tell ya. But first," I drained my eighth beer... and reached for my eighth shot for the day. "What're we drinkin' to, gents?" Arrow and Cross both shrugged and I waved my hand dismissively. "Aww, hell.. I got it. Alright folks!" I lifted the whiskey high over my head and let the room quiet a little. "Here's to YOU and here's to ME! And if we should ever... EVER disagree... Well, then TO HELL WITH YOU AND HERE'S TO ME!!!" That earned a raucous cheer from the small crowd as ponies raised their glasses and drank. I chuckled a little as I turned towards the stallion waiting for an answer.

"You asked me why... Why I would join up and do all these things. Arrow, Cross, why did y'all join up?" Cross shrugged.

"Its an honor to serve the princesses at the very least." Arrow nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, and we get to protect Equestria and her citizens... Just like THIS GROUP OF GOOD FOLKS RIGHT HERE!" The crowd let out another cheer and I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah... Yeah, there's that. Me? I didn't do it out of some sense of honor. I DAMN sure didn't do it for the PAY." Folks around the bar laughed as I muttered quietly to Arrow, "at first..." He just rolled his eyes and took a swig of beer. "What I DID join up for was something more... base than that." The group of stallions around us quieted and some put on thoughtful faces.

"I didn't join for glory.. not honor. I could say I did it to protect the rights of my countrymen. That I did it to defend them, but I won't sugar coat it... I signed up for the sheer damn thrill." A couple of heads nodded. "I joined up because when you're two steps away from death and lookin' him in the eye... and there were quite a few times that I was... you never... EVER feel more alive. Guys, I'm sure when y'all were fighting off changelings during The Incursion, y'all must have felt what I'm talkin' about." Arrow and Cross both nodded in unison and quietly drank their beers. I looked up at the gathered ponies and started again.

"I was someone that did things and saw things that few have... or would ever think of," I said softly. "Fewer still have the courage to face it. Its kind of an honor thing, sure. A point of prestige, I guess." Lucky walked up and set another shot down for each of us. "Hey, Lucky. Why don't you pour one for all these folks. On me. You know I'm good for it." The dozen or so stallions collected their drinks from him at the bar and I stood to raise mine, nearly falling over.

"SO. We raise our glasses to the boys and girls that do have the courage. Raise it and remember that when you folks sleep peacefully in the night, ponies like these," I gestured towards Cross and Arrow who stood sheepishly on either side of me, "ponies like these boys right here are makin' sure you stay that way. To those that do and have. To those that will... and to those that have fallen doin' what they lived for. Na'zdrowie."

As one, we threw our glasses back. I looked up at the door and saw a gorgeous white mare with a nicely styled mane standing stock still, listening and watching me.

"That boys," I said to Arrow and Cross, "is my cue to git on outta here." Arrow leaned over to me.

"She's been standing there for the better part of an hour listening to you talk... I figure you missed the cue, buddy. Go on and take that pretty filly home.. We've got this." He then leaned away from me and smiled up at Rarity. "HEY! YOU'RE COLTFRIEND IS ON HIS WAY OUT, DON'T YOU WORRY!" I patted him on the back.

"Thanks asshole. I'll see y'all tomorrow." I turned towards the door and started to stagger out. "THE REST OF Y'ALL TAKE CARE AND ENJOY THE EVENING!" I stumbled my way to the door towards Rarity. The look on her face told me that if she had arms to cross... they would have been at that moment.

Author's Note

Please let me know in the comments what y'all think about my first chapter in months. Do I still have it? Yea or nay?

Wonderful Tonight

It was 4:30 in the afternoon on the day of the ball. Rarity had kindly taken me home with her and put me on a familiar piece of furniture with a familiar trash can next to it. Not that I needed it... Overreacting? Maybe a little. When I got up to make coffee that day, I found a note rolled up in my favorite mug telling me to get 'sorted out' and to 'compose myself' in time for the ball. Yeah, she was still a little bit pissed, I think.

I found my suit in what resembled a dry cleaning bag with another note asking 'pretty please would I get ready before she comes home?' I got my shower taken care of, got myself all cleaned up and sat back down in the kitchen with nothing but a pair of boxers and a shirt so I could get a good look at the newspaper. Still no clue on who the mystery hero was. Still no comment from the Guard. Still no comment from Caramel. Shit John, you may have actually pulled it off. Now all you have to do is not fuck up. At 5:00 Rarity finally came into the boutique.

"JOOOOOOHN! OHHHH JOOOOOHN! I HOPE YOUR HEAD IS KILLING YOUUUUUU! Are you ready yet?" I waved at her from the kitchen

" 'Bout as ready as I need to be right now," I said calmly with coffee in hand.

"What does that mea- GOOD HEAVENS we've only got 2 HOURS! WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED?" I rolled my eyes.

"The bathroom is ready for you if you need it. I've just got to put on the suit."

"And WHY haven't you?"

"I... Because wrinkles?" She waved her hoof dismissively.

"Never MIND that! I put a Wrinkle-Free Spell on it! It will wear JUST fine so put it on." I was dumbfounded.

"A wrinkle-free... What?" She smiled triumphantly.

"It was something I've been working on for a few months now. Twilight lent me a hoof a few days ago and it was only a matter of time before it was perfected!" I shook my head slowly.

"Unicorns..." I muttered.

"What was that?" She said flatly.

"Nothin' hun! I'll go put it on right now." I moved quickly towards the bag and unzipped it.

"See that you do. I'll need some time to get ready. Are you going to be... FIT to visit the castle tonight?" She asked with a condescending air.

"I'll be fine, chica. You just take care of your pretty little self and I'll take care of me, okay?"

"Good." She nodded curtly and trotted towards the upstairs while I grabbed the suit and pulled it out of the bag. It only took a few minutes to put on everything. I was more worried about the last piece... the tie. If anything, that needed to be perfect purely because it was all I really had control over. The only problem was the last time I tied a full Windsor knot was about 10 years prior for my grandfather's funeral. I sat down and waited patiently for Rarity to finish. An hour passed. Then thirty minutes. Well shit, John. It seems this little bit is pretty universal too, huh? At 7:30... thirty minutes before we planned on being all the way out in Canterlot I heard hoofsteps coming down the stairs.

"Gee, sugar. It seems like we may actually be somewhat on time. I don't know what it is, but you ladies take forever to... Wow."

I looked towards the bottom of the stairs and stopped in mid-sentence. For once, the voice in my head agreed with me. Is awestruck a good word to use here? I think so. Use it. Just... wow. Her normally well-styled violet mane was done up even more than usual. The long, slender black dress flowed from a plunging V-neck all the way down her white-furred body to just barely an inch from the floor, covering everything but a hint of white at the bottom where her hooves were. The center of her chest was graced with a beautiful diamond necklace and a pair of gold and diamond earrings hung from her ears, almost perfectly framing her face. Speaking of, her makeup choice for the night was relatively simple as well. Just enough mascara to make her gorgeous blue eyes pop with vivacity.

The whole image was almost too much for me. If I said it once, I'll say it again. You are a lucky sumbitch, you know that? Uh huh. The mare standing across the room from me radiated beauty and her attitude gave nothing but class. She grinned at the sight of my continuously dropping jaw.

"Well? Was it worth the wait?" I could only stumble my way through a single vowel.

"I... I... I..." She giggled and a faint blush crept onto her cheeks before she cleared her throat and remembered that she was supposed to be mad at me.

"Oh darling, don't you KNOW how to tie that?" She said referencing the purple silk tie around my neck. I couldn't think of anything to say... Except humor and flirt.

"Well ya know, I was just about to... Then I saw you and just about everything kinda... drifted out of my head." She smirked.

"Oh please... Here, let me help you." In a few short seconds she strode over to me and I knelt to give her a better angle to see. When she was practically on top of me, the tie glowed a bright blue and began to tie itself slowly in front of me. Her face was inches away; her eyes flitting back and forth between the tie and my own. I didn't notice her finish. It was as if all that existed were her and I.

"Rarity?"

"Yes?" she replied softly.

"I..."

There was a knock at the door and she hurried to answer. I sighed heavily and stood up to follow. I saw her step back into the room to grab a small purse and call for me.

"John! Its time to go!" I poked my head around the door frame and saw the two Royal Guards.

"Mr. Marshall?"

"Sirs?" Arrow grinned and looked from Rarity to me.

"Your chariot awaits."

The trip into the castle was fairly quick; Arrow and Cross knew we needed to get there soon, so they piled on the steam and hauled ass. We arrived on the steps of the Canterlot Royal Palace at about 8:30. I stepped off first and held out a hand to assist Rarity.

"My, what a gentlecolt!" she said, her voice laced with surprise.

"A side of me you forgot about?"

"More like a side I hardly see anymore. You're USUALLY a lush," she said. Arrow snickered behind me, but I just smiled and offered her my arm.

"Arrow, Cross... Y'all go ahead and enjoy yourselves for a while. What time will you be here for pickup?" They looked at each other and back to me. Cross frowned.

"Oh no, sarge. We're standing at attention until you get back. You go have some fun." I was aghast.

"The hell you-" I noticed some other ponies walking up and lowered my voice. "What in God's name are you gonna go and do that for?" Cross shrugged.

"Part of the job." I shook my head and whispered to the two.

"Look, you boys get the fuck out of here and do something. I don't care what, just do something. At 10:30, you can come back and stand here like you never left, okay?" The two pegasi snapped sharp salutes and took off to go park the chariot and I turned to Rarity.

"Do you believe those guys? They were really gonna stay here and wait for us." She smiled and nodded.

"It's what they do. They were just happy to do it for you." I sighed heavily and walked away with her on my arm. I hadn't had friends like that (excluding present company and the others back in Ponyville) in years. Like the guys that would spend free weekends with me fixing a pickup for hours and not expect a dime in return. That kind of friend was hard to come by. When Rarity and I reached the steps, this function turned into a whole new ballgame. Eyes all around turned to look at the gorgeous mare on my arm.

"What did I tell you, Rarity? You're gorgeous." She turned towards me.

"No John, they're looking at you. We aren't in Ponyville anymore where everypony knows you, remember?" she whispered back. That's when I noticed the pointing and whispering. That's when I noticed all of the flash photography and the crowd part to allow us entrance.

"Oh."

We stepped inside and joined the reception line to meet the princesses and I continued to receive looks.

"Darling, don't worry so much about it. It won't take us long before you're talking to ponies from all over. Just PLEASE be on your best behavior," she pleaded in a whisper. I smiled and looked around at the ponies that were still talking behind their hooves.

"Right. And I suppose I'll just start up a conversation with some random, rich, stuck-up asshole just as soon as they're done making wild-assed speculations about me, right?" She nudged me with her shoulder and gave me a reassuring look.

"What's the matter, John? You seemed excited to be here before."

"Well, there's something about first impressions that folks usually pay attention to... Something about basing their entire perception of you in the split second they hear about you and when I got here... YOU know." We finally stepped up to the princesses and were recognized.

"Ah, Mr. John Marshall and Miss Rarity of Ponyville. How nice to see you both again!" Princess Celestia smiled down at us and Princess Luna regarded us with kind eyes. Rarity stepped up and bowed before embracing the white alicorn.

"Oh, Princess Celestia, it has been forever since we've seen you in Ponyville... You absolutely MUST make the trip more often. I just KNOW that Twilight would very much like to spend some time with you!" The princess beamed at her subject.

"I was planning to come eventually, but duties seem to appear out of nowhere these days." Rarity bowed again and stepped aside so I could step forward and address the princess.

"Princess Celestia, thank you so much for the opportuni-" She held up a hoof and smiled.

"John, it is my pleasure to have you here at the castle. Besides, when ponies started to hear of your name on the guest list, they decided they had to come and see you. Before we knew what was happening, there was barely enough room to fit everyone in attendance inside the ballroom!" I smiled and bowed.

"All the same, thank you again, ma'am." I then stepped over to talk to Luna. "Princess, you look beautiful as always. I have to say, that night sky is something else. Do you really make them all?" She nodded.

"I do. Every night is unique... The sky is a canvas and the stars are a new painting for all to see."

"Back where I come from, the night sky stays the same. The stars never change unless you take into account of the Earth moving. The seasons change and you can see other parts of the sky, but nothing ever truly moves." She smiled at that... the first time I had seen one on her. "Thank you for hosting this tonight. It's my pleasure to be here." I then held out my hand and she set her hoof in my palm. I bent to kiss it when I heard a voice in my head that wasn't my own.

Your dreams give away your feelings for the ponies in our life... and that creature that is no longer.

I looked up at her in confusion.

You have dreamed about the death of Caramel in too great a detail for it to be coincidence.

My eyes grew a little.

Think me not a fool, John Marshall. You do this land a service, though your methods are perhaps gruesome. I only ask that you not forget yourself and those you love.

I nodded almost imperceptibly and drew myself to my full height. Never, ma'am. She smiled and cocked her head to the right. I looked and saw a beaming Rarity waiting for me.

"You had best go and enjoy yourself. Never forget: That beautiful pony over there has dreams, as well." I smiled and nodded before walking to my date.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

"Well, what? Let's go meet some folks!"

It didn't take too long for ponies to warm up to the idea of talking to the human. Hell, it seemed that what did it was just being my witty, charming (not) self. Apparently, the Commander of the Griffon Kingdom's military was there and the old hawk was talking about fighting wars out in the border territories far away. I tossed a joke out there and we quickly started to become fast friends.

"Son, you may just make a good griffon yet!" I shook his hand... talon... whatever and smiled. Diplomacy is easy. So much easier when there aren't so many rules involved. I know that many others have had this thought... If I could pick a single world leader and sit down with them and a 6-pack of beer? Boom. World peace. I shook my head and smiled at him.

"Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to just be a human, but your home sounds like it might be an experience and a half." He considered this for a moment before grinning widely.

"Well, if you ever find yourself in that part of the world, you're welcome to a warm meal and a warm bed anytime!" I smiled, but couldn't help but think this was just him saying it to say it. Not doubting him or anything... No, actually, I was doubting him quite a lot.

"Well thank you very much, sir. Y'all have a nice evening now."

"Enjoy your evening Mr. Marshall," he said as he looked past me. "And you may not be from my world, but I guess real men can pick the best regardless of species. Good fortune with that one, friend... I'd wager she's got a hundred more standing in line behind you waiting for the chance sniff up her skirt." I looked over my shoulder and saw Rarity walking over to collect me.

"Well, commander.. I'm not too worried in that department. What kind of man would I be if I wasn't calm, cocky and confident?" He laughed aloud.

"Well said! Good night to you, sir!" I turned away from the group and nearly walked right into Rarity accompanied by a very well-dressed stallion.

"John Marshall, this is a good friend of mine, Fancy Pants." I stifled a laugh. I mean honestly, when the last person you've met was Commander Cyclone of the Griffon Kingdom, Fancy Pants just sounded kind of... comical.

"Nice to meet you, sir," I said extending my hand.

"Oh no, Mr. Marshall, it is all my pleasure. Rarity here speaks of how charming you are... not to mention that you're... well, if I may, something not of this world. I had to be one of the first to meet somepony so interesting!" I smiled.

"Sir, I appreciate it, but as many times as I hear how interesting I am, I still just think of myself as the most boring person here. Honestly, I'm just this beautiful young mare's escort for the night." Fancy Pants chuckled to himself.

"Charming AND humble. Miss Rarity, you certainly do seem to have yourself a winner with this one." I felt my face develop a twinge of red and saw Rarity's cheeks blush as well as we laughed nervously. "I say, why don't you both come to see me here in Canterlot one day? There's plenty to do here in the city and I daresay it would be nice to see some fresh faces every once in a while." Rarity and I beamed.

"Oh, Fancy Pants, we would LOVE to!" He smiled and nodded.

"Good! I must be off... It seems my lovely Fleur de Lis doesn't know what to do with herself without me, hah! Mr. Marshall, it was a joy to meet your acquaintance. I look forward to knowing you better!" I shook his hoof and he left.

"Rarity, I know that they say this is a 'social function', but it doesn't have to be like this the whole time, right?" She looked up at me.

"This is an excellent opportunity to make as many contacts in high society as you can. Use this to your advantage!" she said quietly.

"Look, I asked you to come because I wanted to spend time with YOU, not because I wanted to know ponies."

"Silly, you invited me because I made you a wardrobe. You said so yourself."

"Yeah well, you also happen to be stunningly beautiful, classy, charming and a bunch of other things I can't think of at the moment," she blushed, "and I would like to spend some time with this lovely mare in front of me if that is at all possible." I then started to pull her towards the ballroom floor.

"What? I don't... but you... John, what are you doing?" I left her off to the side and motioned for her to wait while I spoke to the quartet providing the hall with music.

"Excuse me, folks... Can I make a request? I need a waltz." The ponies looked at me like I was crazy. "You know, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3?" The grey mare behind the cello rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Yes. A waltz. We know. The question is, how do you propose to dance on two legs?" I turned and called back over my shoulder.

"Watch me!" I walked over to Rarity and looked down into her eyes.

"We're gonna try something new, okay? Well, new for you, I suppose." She raised an eyebrow. "Right hoof, my left hand, left hoof, my right shoulder... Got it?" Rarity nervously stood on her hind legs and placed her fore hooves where instructed as I placed my right hand just above her tail. She gasped and looked at me like I was groping her.

"JOHN! Mind yourself!"

"Don't mind him, darlin'. He's more of a gentleman than I am," I said with a smile and a wink.

Ponies from around the room turned to see the two of us standing in the middle of the floor, waiting for the song to begin. It worked out perfectly. On her hind legs, Rarity was maybe just a half-inch taller than eye level with me. When the song finally began and I started to lead, Rarity was a beat behind, but quickly caught up and after a minute, she was comfortable with the simple steps and we were moving across the floor as one. Slowly spinning, she cast a glance at the rest of the room.

"Dear me, I'm afraid I'll be too dizzy to go much longer."

"Just look at me, hun. Nothin' else. Her eyes met mine and she smiled briefly.

"They're all watching us, you know." I smiled back.

"Let them watch. Who knows? Maybe we'll even start a trend. Upright dancing! It'll be the latest craze." She grinned and stifled a laugh.

"Yes, and I suppose you would be the one to teach everypony how to dance, wouldn't you?" I scoffed.

"No, thank you. Sounds too boring to me."

"You sound too much like Rainbow for your own good." I rolled my eyes and kept dancing. We didn't speak anymore, but her eyes were saying unmistakable things to mine. Before I knew it the performance started to wind down and the violinist held the last note. I slowly dipped Rarity backwards, eliciting a slight squeal of surprise. For a few moments the gorgeous mare stared into my eyes... and I finally made my decision. I leaned closer and-

"Sergeant Marshall... I have to congratulate you on an excellent display and if I may, a gorgeous choice of date." I pursed my lips and sighed. Shining Armor. His namesake must be a gigantic cock-blocking robot designed in a secluded Canterlot lab. I lifted Rarity to her hooves and before I knew it, she was blushing and walking off to do something about her makeup or some shit.

"Well Captain, sometimes it's nice to make life just a little more than business. You outta try it sometime." Shining smiled and put a hoof on my shoulder.

"Well, if you'll come this way, we can take care of that in an instant and you can get back to that nightmare called 'The Midsummer Night's Ball'." We walked through a long hall towards his office.

"You know, Cap... I swear I would have thought someone like you... You know... Husband to a princess and all that... would be enjoying the party. Or at least not killing it for the rest of us." He cleared his throat loudly.

"My wife is currently seeing to a hospitalized pony in a place I'm sure you're familiar with." I stopped.

"Caramel?" Armor nodded.

"He's proving difficult to wake up and treat. The long time in the cocoon didn't do much for his heart, let alone his brain. In addition to mastering love magic, Cadence is a very accomplished healer. We're hoping Caramel comes too soon." We reached his office and he closed the door behind me.

"Sit," he ordered and I obliged him. "I would like you to tell me the actions you took once you got the assignment. I crossed my arms.

"Do you want an AAR or do you want me to just tell you plainly?" The confused look on his face told me at least that they don't refer to them as 'After Action Reports' here. "Fuck it. Look, I didn't do shit to find him because it would be literally like finding a needle in a haystack. Not only that, but a needle that can turn into a fucking piece of straw at will, you follow? Apart from breaking into EVERY HOME IN TOWN, I couldn't do anything.

"Finally a few days ago, a break landed in my lap. My source, who will remain anonymous, clued me into a possibility. After brief surveillance of the individual, I noticed a pattern emerge and took my chance to and try to find proof by recon of the dwelling. Needless to say, I found Caramel in the basement. I opened a window when I left to give me a way inside when I came back. Which I did later that night. I crawled in through the window, made sure Caramel was still there, went upstairs, killed the changeling and called it good. Left and sent in an anonymous tip to the local guards and they found the place." Shining Armor spoke up.

"So you still have no reliable methods of identifying a changeling?"

"No. Not without breaking into a home or watching the market hours and hours and hours trying to figure out who's buying all of the sugar... I'm sure you saw the volume of sugar bags in the house." He nodded and shuffled some papers on his desk.

"Before we wrap this up, how did you do it?" I looked at him with my mouth halfway open.

"Pardon?"

"How did you kill it?" I was quickly getting pissed.

"With the fucking rope in the Conservatory, what the fuck does it matter?" He must have missed the reference.

"We need to know. Can't figure it out ourselves." I rolled my eyes.

"You mean to tell me that there was a fucking fire poker laying on the floor next to the thing and y'all didn't fuckin' figure that shit out?"

"Sure I did. I just needed you to tell me something that no one else could. We've released just about every other detail about the scene other than that." I scowled.

"Alright, enough of the cloak and dagger bullshit. Where's my money?"

"On your chariot being guarded by the two stallions that brought you here."

"Good. We're done here then." Shining Armor held up a hoof and motioned for me to wait.

"Marshall... What did you feel?"

"Excuse me?" I said in a deadly whisper as I moved to stand up.

"What went through your head when it died? What did you feel?" I quietly leaned across his desk and gave him my answer.

"I felt its fucking throat crush. I felt its lungs cease to draw breath. I felt the smoke in my lungs and a smile on my face. Goodnight, Captain."

I slammed the door behind me and took off for the party. I needed a fucking drink.

Somewhere in the area of half a bottle of chardonnay later, I was feeling alright and looking for Rarity. I finally found her talking to a young stallion, light brown with a silver ingot as a cutie mark. Rarity seemed to be enjoying herself... Good. I walked up and decided to make myself known.

"Hey, sugar! See you've met someone new?" She looked at me in alarm and drew me closer.

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Not nearly enough. Who's your friend, here?"

"This is Silver Streak. He's an up-and-coming jeweler here in Canterlot." The stallion offered a hoof and I nearly missed when I reached for it to shake.

"Charmed I'm sure, Silver." Rarity excused herself from him and led me away from the young pony.

"John, please tell me you aren't drunk." I leaned across the bar that had been set up and snatched a bottle from behind the counter.

"Nope, but this oughta do it." I got a few gulps of the mystery liquid before Rarity magicked the bottle out of my hands and back to the wall.

"That's ENOUGH, John!" she hissed angrily.

"Dress me up, but ya can't take me anywhere, eh darlin'? You can thank Captain Armor for that one." Rarity gave pause to her anger.

"Twilight's brother? What does he have to do with-" Her voice stopped as she turned her head to look at something. I leaned around to see and got a look at three larger stallions looking over at us and chuckling.

"Friends of yours?" I asked calmly.

"No," she replied icily, "more like old flames." I grinned at her.

"Ohhhh you mean like boyfriends?" She shook her head.

"One of them is a stallion named Prince Blueblood. A short-lived infatuation that left me humiliated. The other two are both old 'boyfriends'. I didn't know that they all knew each other, but..." Her voice trailed off.

"But what?"

"But it seems they made a little game out of me." My temperature started to rise.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you've seen tonight how I'm drawn to particular social circles... and particularly handsome stallions..."

"Uh huh." I could see this going badly.

"Well, let's just say they had a little bet. The one that got the farthest would win somewhere in the area of a thousand bits and I would be left humiliated once again." I was livid.

"AND?"

"And one got a kiss on the cheek before I figured out his true nature. The other nearly forced his way through the front door of my boutique the night I told him 'no'." I reached back across the bar for the bottle of awesome and took a couple more swigs before she could catch me. "John, what are you doing?"

"Defending your honor."

"John, NO!"

"Too late."

I strode over to the three ponies and joined in their laughing.

"HAHAHHAHHA!!! What's so funny guys?" I said loudly. The large brown stallion next to Blueblood laughed.

"Oh my friend here just told me the most amazing joke!" I played along... briefly.

"Oh really?" I said blankly before Blueblood spoke up.

"Yes. It's quite lengthy and you don't seem especially worth the time, but it pretty much revolved around your marefriend over there being... How should I-" I cut him off in mid-sentence.

"Listen here asshole, if I wanted a joke I'd follow you to the bathroom and watch you take a piss, got it?" I must have struck a nerve because he puffed out his chest and started spewing some pompous bullshit about being 'royalty' and not needing to deal with 'commoners'. The alcohol in my brain tuned the rest of it out.

"Bro. Shut up, okay? I've killed people for less than what you're doin' and that's a damn fact. As for the rest of you... You included," I pointed at Blueblood, "If I ever hear of you doin' anythin' to or sayin' anythin' about that young mare over there, I'll kick your asses so hard, you'll have to unbutton those collars to take a shit, you followin' me?" The previously silent grey stallion opened his mouth and smirked, so drunken reflex dictated that I grab him by the tie, pull him closer and shut it for him. He cast a terrified look at my flaming eyes and whimpered.

"Fuckin' pussies." I muttered before shoving him roughly away from me and walking back to the bar. Rarity was there with Silver Streak. Again. Alcohol and testosterone flowed freely through my system and before I knew what I was doing, I was nose to nose with him.

"Try it. Try anything with her and you'll answer to me, chico. That ain't a threat either. That's a damn promise." I pulled a stunned Rarity away from the dumbfounded stallion and made my way quickly for the door.

It was almost 11:00 when we walked out the door towards the pickup spot. Rarity was struggling with my actions for the night.

"John, what has gotten INTO you?! You spent the night perfectly fine, you met many MANY ponies and they liked you! We have a WONDERFUL evening, you leave for thirty minutes and come back a completely different person! You drank too much, CONTINUED to drink when I asked you to stop, threatened a nice stallion that was only TALKING to me. YOU owe HIM an apology. Other than that, I would thank you for standing up to Blueblood and his friends, but your reaction was so OVER THE TOP that now we will probably be BLACKLISTED! Do you have ANYTHING to SAY for yourself?!" I hiccuped slightly as I turned to her.

"Rarity," I said with a frown, "can we just go home?" She studied my face for a moment.

"John, what's the matter?" I repeated myself. I could start feeling a lump in my throat. Push that shit back, John. Drunk and crying is never attractive. Don't make a scene.

"Rarity, I just wanna go home... Can we go home?" She looked me in the eye, face full of worry. After a short pause, she nodded.

"Of course we can John, just give us a minute." Out of nowhere Arrow and Cross swooped low with the chariot and came to a stop in front of us.

"Hey sarge! We got called back a couple hours ago beca- Is he okay?" Rarity shook her head.

"No and it'll get worse before it gets better. My boutique please."

The trip seemed like it took forever and the more we flew, the more the world spun. I vaguely remembered reading in some book that alcohol is absorbed into your bloodstream at a constant rate of speed, so while there was a large amount of liquor in my stomach, it wasn't all processed yet and I was slowly getting drunker without actually drinking anything. When we finally got there, it took both of the guards to carry me into Carousel Boutique. I was barely conscious for most of it and could only hear voices.

"Don't put him in here. Take him upstairs to my bedroom. I need to keep an eye on him." Slowly we made our way up to the second floor hallway.

"Where do you want us to put him?"

"On the spare bed... Hold on." The loud thunk I heard shortly afterwards must have been the bed from another room dropping to the floor.

"What do you want us to do with the bags?"

"What? Oh, set them in my study. They can sit there for the night." I was set down on the bed and rolled onto my side. A few minutes later I heard voices again in the hallway.

"Do you need us to stay? Are you sure he's gonna be alright?"

"No, it's fine. I'll stay up with him through the night. As furious as I am with him, he's going to have to wait until he's sober enough for me to properly exhibit my anger."

"What happened to him?"

"I haven't a clue. He went with the Captain after we danced and came back moody and upset. Ended up insulting a prince and assaulting a couple of ponies. All I know is that he's hurt. Somehow."

"Wow... I know Captain Armor can be intense, but DAYUM."

"And you're SURE you don't need us to stay? You're gonna be okay with him alone?"

"Positive. The only thing HE needs to worry about is if I strangle him in the night. Thank you boys... I'm sure he would thank you if he could."

"We'll let ourselves out, then... Goodnight."

I heard the footsteps trail off down the hallway and down the stairs as Rarity came into the room and started removing clothing from me. I wasn't much help, but eventually, she got me down to the boxers and put me under the covers. I reached for her.

"Rarity... Raaaaaaaaaaarityyyyyy... Rare..." She came and sat on the edge of the bed.

"John? What's the matter, John? What do you need?"

"Rarity... Rarity... I... I'm drunk." She sighed.

"Well of course you are. Tell me, John... Tell me what happened."

"I... I'm drunk... Blueblood... He ain't gonna say SHEEIT anymore!" She didn't seem amused.

"Yes, yes John, you're the big hero again... Now tell me, why did you do all of these things tonight?" I struggled with the answer.

"I..... I....... I'm drunk."

"Was it something to do with Twilight's brother? John? John!"

At that moment I was dead to the world and limp on the bed. Her words never made it to my ears.

I woke up the next day feeling like absolute dog-shit in a strange room. I would have been a little nervous about my well-being, but everything in here matched only one place I've ever been in... Carousel Boutique.

I looked around at the room and tried to reorient myself. I was lying in a huge four-poster bed with a canopy. The windows let in a warm breeze and a clock on the wall said 1:36.

"Fuck..." I muttered quietly to myself until the realization actually hit me. Oh, FUCK... what did I do last night?" I moved to get up and noticed a warm body next to me.

"Ohhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuck..." The sheets rustled as I slipped out of bed and fell over. The room was... still spinning? Shit, John! Just how much did you have to drink last night? I pulled myself up on the edge of the bed and a tired-eyed Rarity yawned and sat up. I spotted a folded set of clean clothes for me on another bed near the door.

"John? John, no... Back in bed." I shook my head vigorously. "John, you need to be careful." I stood up and slowly started towards my clothes.

"I'm fine. Really," I said in a drunken slur.

"John, I need to speak with you about last night."

"No you don't. You don't need to say anything. It's okay."

"No John, it's not okay. You were screaming in your sleep. You woke up crying. I want you to-" I put up a hand to interrupt.

"No."

"John, this is serious! I moved you to my bed because you wouldn't calm down! What HAPPENED?! You just kept repeating yourself over and over. 'The brakes were out. Why were the brakes out?' What does that even MEAN? I want to help you!" I shook my head again and watched the world tilt lazily side to side as I fell over pulling my jeans on.

"No."

"John, WHY won't you let me HELP YOU? It's like you're a completely different person!"

"No."

"Where are you going?! You don't mean to leave here like THAT do you?!"

"Yep."

"John wait!"

I had my shirt in hand and closed the door behind me. I stumbled down the stairs a little, but made it to the door where my boots were set neatly on a mat. Sweetie Belle stepped out of the kitchen and looked up at me, wide-eyed and silent.

"I... I'm sorry, darlin'." She just cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. I pulled my boots on and closed the door as she called for her sister.

Where are you going, John? What are you gonna do?

You should already know the answer.

I stumbled into the dimly lit bar a little after 2:15. Lucky saw me and called out.

"Mr. Irish, it looks like somepony gave you a run for your money last night!" I barely acknowledged the comment and sat at the far side of the bar.

"Lucky, I need something. Anything. Leave the bottle." His brow furrowed.

"You've already got an outstanding tab here, John... I can't-" I interrupted him.

"I just came into some money. I'll take care of it and this just as soon as I can, okay? Right now... I don't wanna think." He brought over a bottle of well-liquor with a glass and regarded me with a concerned, yet fascinated stare.

"Are you... already drunk? What's troubling you so bad?" I shook my head and uncorked the bottle.

"Memory. I just need some magic-eraser for it and I'll be okay." He shook his head.

"Well, there isn't much magic in that bottle, but it'll probably do the trick just the same." He walked away and I put a cigarette in my mouth.

"God, I hope so."

I put the bottle to my head and pulled the trigger.

Smoke Rings in the Dark

"I know I must be going
'cause love's already gone.

And all I'm takin' with me are the pieces of my heart...
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark."

Clunk tap.

Clunk tap.

Clunk tap.

The old jukebox in the corner was interesting enough. Just like the ones you see every once in a while back home. A bit got you five songs, but since I didn't know any of the ones on the list, I handed the coin to somepony else and had them pick something for me. My only request was that they be something about heartbreak and sorrow. A mournful tune came over the bar as a soft voice sang of heartache and love lost.

Fuck.

"You know, when I had this in mind, it seemed like a much better idea than it seems right now." I said aloud. A fellow patron looked up and shook his head.

"Never does, son... It never does."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin'."

I went back to the bottle. Equestria's shittiest bourbon was going down quicker and smoother than it was probably intended. Half an hour later, an intoxicated John Marshall was out of liquor.

"Lucky! Luckyyyyyyy! LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKYYYYYY!!!"

I vigorously beckoned the patient bartender over to where I was seated.

"What's the problem, Irish?"

I upended the bottle to show him the damage.

"Its all gone, Lucky... Ever... Every.. Ev... Every drop..." I finally said. "All gone... Its all gone and I STILL don't feel any better." He shook his head slowly.

"John... That bottle was 70 bits and you're too drunk to move. I'm cutting you off. I'm sorr-" Before he could finish, I interrupted.

"WHAT?! You... You're SORRY? No, I'M sorry, Lucky! What in the blue fuck am I supposed to do NOW?" He shook his head again.

"You can stay here and sober up or you can leave. Like I said, I'm sorry Jo-"

"No! No... FUCK YOU, Lucky... FUCK. YOU." Lucky nervously looked around for his backup, a burly looking stallion bouncer when the door slammed open and in walked Rarity.

"Oh my God, Lucky," I said to the unwitting and now confused bartender. "Your lack of a doorman is seriously ruining my life."

The beautiful pony marched her way up to me; her nose turned up at the idea that she was in such an establishment.

"John," she called to me. "John, we are going immediately... you've done an admirable job of making a fool of yourself today, but it simply must end now." I shook my head and made to stand up.

"Okay, okay I'll go."

"LISTEN to me John, because this is important. Do you understand?" I looked around.

"That sounds like a good reason for you to not tell me now. Impossible to remember either Jack or shit at the current moment." She groaned in frustration.

"John, doing this to yourself is not going to solve your problems! You must come to terms with the individual you are and whatever your past contains!" I shook my head.

"Rarity, I'm ashamed of what I've done. Things you couldn't imagine and that I hope you never have to ex hic ex... experience. I'm not making excuses for myself, but... but-" my ramblings were lost on deaf ears as we pushed our way into the daylight.

"John, we'll do anything we can; doctors and psychologists... We can even talk to the princesses about it to see-" At the mention of help, I broke. I had enough.

"You don't get it do you, Rarity?!" I half shouted at her as I stopped and turned. "I don't want any fucking help! I don't need ANY. FUCKING. HELP. I've TRIED it before. They gave me pills to make me happy and they just messed me up more! They tried to talk to me and tell me how to change myself and all it did was give me another reason to HATE myself! I was a burden when I got here and I'm still a burden now... Only you want to make me more of a burden by putting me in therapy? Help me out with this, please!" I swayed back and forth looking at her; the single tear rolling down her cheek was lost on me.

"John, please. Please just let me help you. You... You're special to me." I shook my head.

"Rarity, you're special to me, too. But I can't do this to you."

"What ever do you mean?" Her large eyes spoke to me. They conveyed a message of fear I had never expected from her.

"I... I just need to think for a while. Could you... Could you wait for me at Fluttershy's?" She nodded slowly and sniffed back another tear before trotting towards town. I watched her walk away as I planned my next move. What came next? Well, first of all John, you aren't thinking clearly right now. Food and a few hours to compose yourself would probably be a good idea, right? Whatever you do, don't decide anything with this much alcohol-

"Oh please get on with this." A voice interrupted. I turned to see who the offending pony was only to find the very stallion I accosted the night before.

"Excuse me?" I said loudly.

"No sir, I don't believe there is an excuse for you," Silver Streak sneered at me. "You should have left that poor girl alone long ago and drowned your sorrows somewhere else." I was confused.

"Just who in the hell asked you?" I asked pointedly

"I am here with Rarity's well-being in mind. She doesn't need you anymore. She has me."

"What are you talking about?" Silver rolled his eyes and put his hoof to his forehead.

"You certainly aren't the brightest individual, are you? She and I are meant to be and there isn't anything you can do about it. You aren't even a pony! How did you think you could even stand a chance in this world?" I was dumbstruck. "Now, you've gone and destroyed everything yourself. She deserves a prince... How could she ever choose a peasant like you?" My blood began boiling and before I knew it my fists were clenched. I didn't even get the chance to notice Rarity galloping towards me before I started to move towards Silver.

"John? JOHN, NO!" the white unicorn mare yelled, but it was too late. I half staggered, half sprinted towards my target shouting as I went.

"What did I tell you last night? I told you! I fuckin' TOLD you!"

Silver's eyes went wide a split-second before I brought a closed fist against his lower jaw with a heavy right cross. If I was sober, I probably would have made a "Blazing Saddles" reference, but hell, Mongo only pawn in "game of Life," right? I just swayed on the spot and watched Rarity rush forward to take care of the downed pony... that and wonder why my hand wasn't working properly. After a few moments of shock, I turned on my heel and walked towards Rarity's Boutique. Alcohol or not, my decision was made.

"All aboard for Appleoosa!" Called the conductor of the train. I didn't have much time before they left, so I hastily wrote my letter, left it on Rarity's bed and hauled ass. Now, I was sitting in the caboose of the Friendship Express in pretty good privacy.

I gave instructions to let no one in and not tell a soul who I was or where I was going, but the conductor didn't seem to express much enthusiasm for my plight until I handed him a small sack of bits... I could still hear him telling folks to mind their own business and stay out of the back if they knew what was good for them. Don't you just love having disposable income?

I felt for the large knife at the small of my back to remind myself that the important thing was coming with me. Shining Armor may have been an ass, but his blacksmith really knew how to work metal. I gave him probably the most basic instructions for making the blade I wanted and he came through beautifully.

So now, all I had to show for my life here in Ponyville was about twenty-five hundred bits, a knife, and a duffel bag full of clothes. I left my farewell and instructions with the other bag before I took off. Now, as the whistle blew and the train lurched forward, my thoughts wandered towards Carousel Boutique and what would happen when they were actually read. They still tumbled around my head.

Dearest Rarity,

I meant to make this decision with you, but the truth is I'm a coward. I can't face

you after all of this now. There is a large sack in your study next to the window. Split it

between you, Fluttershy, and Applejack. Y'all need it and y'all deserve it for putting up with

my ass this long. I can't be who you need me to be, and I understand that now. I hope y'all

have a great life.

With love,

John

Dammit John, what are you doing? This is ridiculous! Its not the right decision and you know it. I don't care. John, you wrote that note drunk and it shows. God, it sounds pathetic. Fuck you. Seriously, John. Why don't you just go and cry a river of angst to go drown yourself in. Yeah... Yeah it did sound a little dramatic. A little? C'mon. I lulled myself to sleep with these thoughts, not realizing the worst was yet to come.

I slept poorly. Thoughts of Rarity in the arms of another pony destroyed my heart, but I worked hard at pushing it out of my head. It was gonna happen eventually, John. It always does. You've done this before, just hang in there and relax. A few hours at a time, I would nod off only to wake up and see the sun just a little farther along the horizon until it fell out of sight and the stars twinkled softly in the darkness.

I lit a cigarette and thought about where I was going and how I would live. A new job? A new life. Maybe I could find a quiet place to work on myself. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but anything was possible in this place as far as I knew. Perhaps there was a magic spell that could fix my brain. Even so, Twilight probably would have been the best chance for that one... Oh well, what are ya gonna do, eh?

The moonlight illuminated the area around the train revealing a drastic change in scenery. Cactus, rocks and sand started to replace the flowing green hills I was familiar with. Everything was starting to look more like home than Ponyville. I whispered a few lines of a song I'd known all my life.

"The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. The prairie sky is wide and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. The sage in bloom is like perfume, deep in the heart of Texas. Reminds me of the one I... Love..."

As if I needed to feel more stupid, right? I shook my head and tossed the remains of my smoke out the window of the train before settling down in a seat and closing my eyes, praying for something better than a cat-nap.

I was jerked awake by the braking train. A loud knock sounded from the other side of the door to my car.

"WE'RE HERE, SIR! TIME TO WAKE UP!"

I stumbled to the windows and looked outside at something... ridiculous. Appleoosa, huh? This place looked like it belonged out west in the 1880s. Small wooden buildings sat in the dirt and the townsfolk walked around in old western attire. The hell was up with this? I grabbed my bag and stepped off the train into the hot sun.

The streets were dirt. Not even gravel, just dirt. Ponies stopped and stared at me as I stepped off the train and walked past them. Before I could make mention that pictures did indeed last longer, I had to remind myself that I hadn't made an appearance anywhere besides Ponyville and Canterlot yet. Besides, something made me think that cameras hadn't quite made it here yet. Then, I spotted it.

The saloon.

I was about halfway there before a stallion in a stetson and a vest trotted up with a nervous smile on his face.

"Howdy, partner! Welcome to AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!" Christ... Its the welcoming committee.

"Howdy." I said blankly as I walked around him and towards the bar. I thought for a moment I could get him to leave, but he continued along beside me for another minute.

"What brings you all the way out here? Heck, I'd even give you a tour of AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!"

"I think I've had my fill, thanks."

"But Sheriff Silver-"

"Jesus Christ, I just got off the train and I would like a stiff drink. Now. Okay?" The stallion turned and pointed at the saloon.

"Well, then that's the place to go! Its the best saloon we have to offer here in AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!" I shook my head.

"If you aren't on medication, you should be." I started to walk away as the stallion ended his greeting.

"If you ever need anything just look for Braeburn, that's me, and I'll lend ya a hoof!" I waved casually as I walked away.

"Right on."

I pushed open the swinging doors and started towards the bar, boots sounding awfully loud in the silence that greeted me. Grabbing a stool and signaling for the barkeep, I turned towards the room to see everypony's eyes on me.

"Uhh... Howdy?" I said with a shrug. A few folks nodded politely, but most of them just sat in silence. I shook my head and lit a smoke as I turned back towards the bartender.

"What'll it be, Mr. Marshall?" I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped.

"How did...? Nevermind. Three fingers of whisky." He just looked at me like I spun a cartwheel. I rubbed my forehead before grabbing a tumbler and holding up my hand as a comparison.

"Just fill it to about there. And throw a couple of ice cubes in there, please." He nodded and set to work before I asked him my next question. "So, what's a fella gotta do to get a job in this here town?" He came back shortly with my drink and frowned as he considered the human before him.

"How long you plan on stayin'?" He asked.

"Till I find someplace better to be." I said casually as he poured himself a drink.

"Well, I can't help you there, less you wanna stick around for a time. If its greener pastures AND work yer lookin' fer, ya may as well get on with a caravan headed fer Las Pegasus."

"Las Pegasus? What and where is that?" The bartender must have thought I was joking because he squinted at my face and studied it for a moment before answering.

"Well, its a big ole city out there in the desert. Bout two days walk west o' here. Only reason that place even survives is the magic they use to bring the water up from the ground. Iffn ya ask me, it'd be better fer everypony if the place sank into the sand and disappeared. Full of vice and dangerous folk, just like every other city, cept this one was built on it, the others just attracted it. Gamblin', fightin', stealin'... you name a problem and Las Pegasus got it." Sounded like my kinda place.

"Don't worry about me, old timer, I've been to places like it before. Any word on when the next wagon heads out?" The old barkeep scratched his chin with a hoof in thought before shaking his head.

"I don't rightly know, but you'd find out pretty quick if-"

"I think I can help you there, hun," a voice interrupted. A female voice. The bartender looked over my shoulder with a frown.

"Dusk, you got designs on this here stranger?" I turned to face a pretty yellow mare with a fiery red mane and a smile. She looked me up and down before talking to the old barpony.

"He looks like he could handle himself, I guess he could come with us. That is if he doesn't mind leaving bright and early tomorrow." I shook my head and sipped on my whisky.

"No ma'am." She smiled and nodded.

"Good. South end of town at dawn. Make sure to bring some water in that bag of yours." Then she turned and headed for the door. "Sunny, I'll buy his drink today. Just make sure he doesn't get anymore. He looks like the type that might not show up if his head hurts too much." I took the jab in silence, but somehow I felt challenged.

I was famous in my younger years for drinking more than anyone else and still getting to work with a smile on my face. No, it wasn't quite the same here, but luckily, I was smart enough not to drink before days that work needed to happen on Applejack's farm.

Applejack.

A pang of regret shot through my gut. She was expecting me on the farm today and I didn't think to let them know I was leaving. That would have been the first time I've ever just walked away from a job. Good job, John. Hope they understand that your selfish bullshit was more important than their backs.

I shook my head and downed more of the whisky. The Apples were made of tougher stuff than that. They don't need me there anyways. Hell, that job was probably just for charity... Still.

"I'll be there, sugar. Don't you fret," I said more to myself than anyone else. "Sunny, one more glass and then I'd like to rent a bed for the night."

"Sorry, but the lady said-" Before he could continue, I interrupted him.

"I heard what the lady said and now that you've reminded me, I'll have to ask that you leave the bottle," I said as I turned to look pointedly at Dusk. She smiled shrewdly as I downed the rest of the first glass.

"Bright and early Mr. Marshall. Just don't oversleep or complain or you'll find yourself without traveling company quickly." I merely nodded in reply.

"Yes ma'am."

She walked out of the bar and disappeared into the bright outside and I looked back at Sunny.

"So what's her deal?" The barkeep just shook his head.

"That, young buck is Dusk Fire and I seen that look on her face before. She's taken a likin' to ya, son. Be careful 'round that one. She's wild." I shook my head.

"Do you know who I am, old timer? I can handle myself. Besides, she's barkin' up the wrong tree." The old pony just shook his head and went off to tend to the other patrons. That left me ample time to sit and reflect.

I staggered my way up the stairs that lead to the rooms Sunny kept for the folks that wanted to stay the night.

"Now youngun, this here is where you'll be spendin' the night. I don't care what yer current state is, if you break it, you buy it, understand?" I gave him an exaggerated eyeroll in response.

"You listen here, chief. If I break anything in here, I'll pay ya double for it. That is how confident I am in my facilities." He looked at me in disbelief.

"Uh huh. Well you just make yerself at home then and trash the place. I could use a few new tables and stools out there in the front. You need anything else before I shut it down fer the night?" I looked around the room as he opened the door.

A bed and a dresser with a small chair and table in the corner. About all I'd need for the night... Except for one thing.

"Could you bring up a few cups of water? That and I'd like someone to wake me up 'bout an hour before dawn." The old pony nodded and gently pushed me inside.

"I'll take care of that fer ya. Git yerself some sleep now, ya hear?" I nodded and walked over to the bed. I didn't bother with my clothes, just plopped down on the mattress and got comfortable as the lights were blown out and the town simmered down for the night. The room slowly shifted from side to side from the alcohol and I laid still with a small smile on my face as sleep took me.

I slept easily, bothered only by random dreams and the odd noise coming through the open window. A cool breeze flowed in, billowing out the sheer curtains and slipping across my cheek as it eased through the room. I heard the door open and shut, no doubt Sunny was bringing up the water I asked for. Imagine my surprise when a warm body eased its way into my bed and began breathing in my ear.

"Sunny. Bein' an old guy and all... I'd feel bad if I had ta hurt ya, so this is yer warning: My gate don't swing both ways and you ain't good-lookin' enough to consider if it did. I'll thank ya to leave my water on the table and exit my room." There was a quiet moment before I could feel a smiling face plant a soft kiss on my neck.

"You guessed wrong, Mr. Marshall." I opened my eyes slowly.

"Miss Fire... To what do I owe this midnight visit?" She nuzzled the bottom of my chin and gave another soft peck on my scruffy jawline.

"You fascinate me, Mr. Marshall. There's something I can't quite put my hoof on, but I think I could.. figure it out given the opportunity." I sighed gently.

"I do tend to have this effect on women." I said nonchalantly. I felt a hoof press against my chest.

"Well do you intend to lay there all night, or are you going to show me just how interesting you can be?" She whispered playfully. Too bad for her, I had enough of the banter and thought better of the situation.

"Ma'am, its been a long day-" she interrupted me with a soft hoof pressed against my mouth.

"A long day doesn't always have to end in a frown." Annoyed, I pushed her foreleg aside.

"Look, I don't know what you expected from me, but-" again she interrupted, rolling over onto me forcing my back to the bed.

"I expect you to show me how a real stallion loves a mare," she said. For a moment, her face was illuminated by the moonlight streaming in. Her fiery red hair mussed and her eyes staring into mine seductively. It was almost too much.

Almost.

I rolled her roughly onto her back and pinned her legs to her side.

"Dusk... I can't. For that very reason. A real stallion wouldn't do this behind the back of the mare he loved. I'm sorry."

For a moment she looked angry, but it slowly faded to something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. She slowly leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips as I let her up. She walked slowly to the door and stopped.

"She's a lucky mare to have your heart," she said quietly before slipping into the hallway.

I eased back onto my mattress and closed my eyes.

"If only I was lucky enough to have hers."

Lost Highway

Now boys don't start to ramblin' round
On this road of sin are you sorrow bound
Take my advice or you'll curse the day
You started rollin' down that lost highway

The streets of Appleoosa were almost deserted. Shopkeepers hadn't quite woken up to open their businesses so the only ponies to be seen were part of the caravan I was leaving with. An older stallion and elderly mare climbed up in two of the wagons; my guess was they would be driving. Then, a dozen or so younger stallions started to hitch themselves to the three wagons. Dusk was checking the packs lashed to the side of the wagons, lost in thought and fumbling with a knot. I slung my bag over a shoulder and moved to help. I barely had my hands on the strap before she shoved me roughly with her shoulder. I smiled slightly.

"Just givin' you a hand."

She tied it quickly and moved to the next one. "I don't need help."

I started checking the rest of the knots.

"Sorry. Just figured I'd make myself useful. By the way, I'm here on time, so I'm sure the old barkeep will be happy to hear about you paying for the room and the tab from last night." She rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Guess you lucked out, huh?"

"Nah," I said. "I just do my damnedest to make a good first impression." She shook her head.

"Yeah right." I stood silently for a second.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night, I just-" I didn't get another word out before she turned quickly towards me. The fire in her eyes was evident.

"If you ever bring up last night again, I'll tie you up and leave your flank on a hot patch of sand." She stared angrily into my eyes, begging me to reply. I nodded.

"Yes ma'am." She stalked off and started yelling at the group of ponies at the wagons.

"IF YOU'RE NOT PULLING, YOU'RE CARRYING! WE LEAVE IN 30!"

I sighed heavily. When was the last time I carried anything of any weight? Six years? Eight? I approached a relatively large pack and hoisted it onto my shoulders, straining my injured hand.

"Fuuck..."

"WAS THAT A PROTEST?!" She started moving in my direction. I shifted the pack on my shoulders, wishing for a backpack with straps that sat a little closer. It wasn't like it was too different, just a little wide for a human. Quit yer bitchin', John. You used to march with more than this in the infantry. What is this, 60 pounds? Hump and grunt. I tightened the straps and straightened up. Dusk was eying me again.

"Ready to quit?" I spit out some dust and shook my head.

"No ma'am."

"Well, you'd better figure it out quick. There's no quitting after this and you won't get paid if we have to carry you." I adjusted my boots and took a few steps towards the rest of the ponies. Some of them seemed indifferent, but a couple looked up and scoffed. One stallion on the lead wagon spoke up.

"Look at this! The human wants to make the Desert Run. What's a greenhorn like you know about this, boy?" I lit a cigarette and squinted at the stallion.

"Greenhorn? Where I come from, them's fightin' words." The stallion laughed at me and straightened his harness.

"We'll see what happens, human. Just know that there won't be anyone to pick you up when you fall!" I turned away from him and walked to the rear wagon. Pricks exist everywhere, John. What're ya gonna do? Yeah yeah.

The crisp morning air slowly gave way to warm. It was upper 80's by 1100 and even more when we broke for food and water at noon.

"ALRIGHT EVERYPONY," Dusk called out. "FIFTEEN MINUTES! WE'VE GOT A LOT OF GROUND TO COVER STILL BEFORE NIGHT!" I turned to look in the direction of Appleoosa.

I don't know what I expected to see. We'd already gone about 12 miles and the last stand of shade trees probably would have blocked it if I could even see it. What's the matter, John? Regretting some decisions? Like leaving the closest thing you've had for a home in years? I shook my head and leaned against the wagon while I took a drink from one of the bottles Sonny filled up for me this morning.

Dusk started her way back towards us to check up on the caravan's status. She looked at Cookie, the elder mare and jerked her head towards me.

"Well? Two legs better than four or what?" I heard a chorus of laughing from the lead wagon. Cookie shrugged and spit out a sunflower seed shell.

"Almost as good so far. He's actually pretty quiet. I like 'im."

I smiled at the elderly mare and Dusk stalked off. It was gonna be a long trip.

I shrugged the pack off and lit a cigarette. My knees weren't sore yet, but I had a feeling that would change by tomorrow. I heard Cookie clear her throat and shift in the driver's seat.

"So young sir, what made you wanna come out with us? I'm not sayin' ya shouldn't, I'm just sayin' its mighty peculiar you comin' along and just signin' up like this is all." I shrugged and puffed smoke out into the heat.

"Figured like it was a good idea at the time." The old lady cackled loudly.

"Oh hehehehehe! I supposed you ain't one for havin' good ideas all that often then, eh feller?" Got that right.

"It is what it is. I'm here now, huh?"

"That you are, youngun, that you are!" I looked her over. Not quite Granny Smith's age, but still getting up there in years.

"What makes you wanna do it, ma'am?" She leaned back and popped some more seeds in her mouth, pausing only in her story to spit out the hulls.

"Well ya see, Appleoosa ain't the only settlement out here in the west. There's a few other spots what don't have a train to bring in any goods, sos we ride around deliverin' em to other towns from our's. We stop in Las Pegasus to pick up things for the return trip, plus a little more to make money for the trouble and we head back to start it all over again. It's a good honest livin' and I think it keeps me young" She looked wistfully at the caravan. "Truth be told, I don't reckon I'll make many more trips like this, but them folks out there need their stuff and these folks right here need to eat, so I'm gonna stick around and fix 'em their vittles as long as I can!"

"I like that." I told the old lady. "Seriously. A lot of folks think the older generations just sit and need taken care of. You still take care of more ponies than most ever could." She smiled broadly at that.

"Well, I do try." I wasn't satisfied.

"No, it seems to me you do better than try. Heck, I'll bet this wagon train would fall to pieces if someone like you wasn't here to take care of it like you do. How long you been doin' this?"

"Oh, for about 20 years or so now. My husband did it with me 'til bout five years ago. Heck, all our younguns all growed up and hoofed it for greener pastures. They're all doin' good for theirselves, now."

"You're an amazing mare, Cookie. Glad to have you out here." She smiled again.

"I knew I liked you, boy."

It wasn't long before the call came out to get moving again. I shouldered the pack and moved out with the rest of the group. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

Twenty two miles.

We walked twenty two miles today before stopping for the night. My legs felt like jelly, but I had to keep it moving. The rest of the caravan looked tired as hell too, so maybe it wasn't just me.

A couple of ponies started making fires with some dried wood they found around the area. I threw my duffel bag to the ground and eased myself down slowly to relax. Damn, I need a drink. I barely had my eyes closed when I heard footfalls coming towards me.

"Eat up, youngun. We've got us another big day tomorrow." I opened an eye to see a plate of- Oh God, the smell. I hadn't smelled anything so heavenly in forever.

Cookie had walked over with a plate of beans and warm biscuits. No, the biscuits weren't fresh, but it was the principle of the circumstance.

"Now, I know it ain't nothin' fancy, but it'll fill you up." I took the plate graciously.

"Ma'am, I probably haven't had a meal like this in 8 years. It looks and smells amazing." It was true, too.

My aunt and uncle would always have the younger guys in the family come out every spring and work cattle. I hadn't gone back for that in forever, but I would always remember what Aunt Barb always made us for dinner after a hard day's work. Beans, biscuits, chicken fried steak and gravy. And it was always the most delicious thing I'd ever had. I could forgive the lack of steak, of course.

Cookie smiled and went off to serve anyone who was still waiting for food as I ate up every last bit of the spartan meal. It's not like she could have given me the worst food I've ever had. That was a tie between the Army and an ex-girlfriend of mine that fancied herself a Martha Stewart, but couldn't even boil water if she tried. She wasn't around for very long. Hell, the Army wasn't even all that bad. About the time I was getting out of the service, MRE's were getting pretty fuckin' good.

I scarfed down the beans and sopped up what was left with the biscuits. God, yes. I washed the corners of my mouth with a little water and set everything off to the side to settle down for a smoke and some sleep. Once again though, footsteps approached, but this time it wasn't Cookie. The old stallion trotted over and sat down across from me.

"Howdy." I said simply, acknowledging him briefly out of manners before drawing my knees up to my chin and closing my eyes. The night air was getting a little cold and I didn't think to bring a blanket or something. Apparently, the old pony was horrible at reading nonverbal cues, because out of nowhere he started talking.

"Young buck like you shouldn't have that kinda look in his eyes," he said with a smile. "I been all over 'Questria and heard a lot o' good tales, but when I heard 'bout some alien causin' a stir in Ponyville, I thought I was goin' crazy. Now, here you is, nice as ya please. I says to myself, I says, this seems to be somepony worth knowin'. So why don't ya tell me a little 'bout yerself?"

What? No.

No.

"Sorry sir, but I'm powerful tired and I don't feel like pullin' up all that shit at the moment. If you'd kindly let me sleep-" A snicker caught my ears.

"Don't expect him to say anything, Boxes. Just look at him." It was the same stallion from this morning. "Doin' things other than gettin' drunk and bein' stupid don't appeal to him." I smiled and closed my eyes.

"You sound like you know me. You're absolutely right. Goodnight."

I thought that would end it. Motherfucker decided to dump fuel on the fire.

"I mean look at 'im! He's weak. Can't wait to go to sleep so he doesn't miss his beauty rest."

Please, shut up.

"You're the most useless, lazy drunk I've ever seen. I'll bet your momma was so-"

"Please stop." He continued regardless.

"Oh? Did I touch a nerve? Your momma was probably dyin' to get you out of her house. I'll bet she was relieved when you disappeared seein' as no one could ever love a disgusting waste of space. Go back to Ponyville and drink your life away like you do all the time." Dusk stood silently to the side, her eyes flitting back and forth between the stallion and I unsure of what to do. I looked up at the pony's cold sneer and rolled onto my side away from him. No John, not tonight.

"Goodnight." The stallion scoffed at my reply.

"He doesn't even defend himself. You're pathetic."

Breathe, John. This kinda shit gets you in trouble. Don't say a damn thing.

Slowly, I felt the anger ebb away and I started to block out the jeers coming from the pony and his sycophantic asshole friends.

"Goddess, all he needs now is a cardboard box to sleep in and he'll fit right in with the rest of the refuse in Pegasus.

Don't listen to it, John. Think of happy times. Think of the friends you-

"Jeez, he's probably gotten his little heart broken by some tramp back in Ponyville. You know what guy? I'm sorry, but anypony that would love you is probably not worth it anyways."

That's done it. I rolled over to face the stallion. He looked at me with glee that he finally aroused enough anger for me to bite at the bait. He was looking for a fight. I stayed on my side while I spoke to him.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want or what you have to gain from this exchange," I began calmly. "But I want you to know one thing. You can say whatever you want about me. I'm a big boy. I can take it. You can say horrible, nasty things about me all day, but if I ever hear you say anything about her again, I will bleed you. My life is my business. The things I've done and had done to me are over and done with and I can't change them. But she deserves better than to be used as an insult from your tongue. Now, goodnight." He started to say something else, but I rolled over again, ignoring him. Deflated and defeated, he turned away to leave, but decided to throw in one more jab.

"Whoever it was, she must be something. Let her know there's a real stallion out here waiting for her. Probably good enough for at least a quickie."

I stood up.

No.

No.

John, no.

I could hear Rarity screaming to me as I brought a closed fist across Silver Streak's jaw. A fist that was still swollen and hurting. I didn't have to speak loud. Everypony's eyes and ears were pointed at me.

"I killed my first person at the age of 24. They told me I did a good job. I killed my next person and six others a few months after that. I still see them in my sleep. Shortly after that, I played a part in killing a family. They said it was an accident. Oops. There were so many after that, I got good at it. So good in fact, I took a job where I could get paid a lot more to do just that." I reached under the back of my shirt and pulled the blade from its sheath. The razor sharp edge shimmered in the firelight.

"When I got here, my life took a turn for the best. I found a peaceful existence. I found friends. What's more is I found the perfect mare, I couldn't deal with my problems and didn't want her to deal with them anymore. She had someone else anyways. So I left. I took off in search of a new beginning and left my heart there. I don't care about anything anymore. I self-medicate with alcohol. I forget as much as I can whenever I can. Now, I'm going to tell you this one more time since you know how serious I am. Say another word about her and you'll get to see what your insides look like before you die."

The caravan was silent and still. Nothing moved but the sparse grass shifting slightly in the cool breeze. Blinking a couple of times, Dusk looked around and stepped between us.

"Okay, okay. Bed time. Y'all settle down there. Somepony kills somepony and I gotta do all the paperwork, so go to sleep."

I remained standing, staring down the stallion until he turned away and went off to his fire. Sliding the knife into the sheath, I felt myself calm and start shaking slightly. I was on the ground with my eyes closed when I felt a blanket get thrown over my shoulders.

Dusk.

She settled down at my back and propped her head up on a bag of fabric. At least she was warm.

"Goodnight, ma'am."

"Goodnight, Mr. Marshall." She replied softly.

Broadhoof was a small settlement a good forty miles from Appleoosa. It was a quiet lazy little town that looked like it needed a fresh coat of paint. We rolled in about four hours past sunset and quickly found the saloon. First things first, though, I needed to unload my pack and make sure the wagons were secure for the night. We moved them into a local barn that was expecting us and made room so we didn't have to post a guard. I still wanted to sleep in the back of one. Definitely a helluva lot cheaper than trying to find a room across the street. Hey, it's not like I've never NOT slept in a bed, right?

"Okay folks, go enjoy yourselves. We've made good time, so we're leaving at 9 tomorrow morning." Dusk called out. Her order was greeted with a raucous cheer as ponies staggered their way into the bar. "John, I'd like a word with you alone."

I was surprised. The mare was ready to jump my bones, then all of the sudden she doesn't want anything to do with me. Now, she's sleeping next to me and wanting to talk in private? Silently wishing for her to make up her mind already, I waited back until the rest of the ponies made it through the swinging doors of the saloon.

"John, I just wanted to ask you something." I turned to look at her expectantly. Her face was worried and drawn. "Are you okay? Honestly?"

I... I didn't know what to think. This was incredibly strange from Dusk. At least it was for me. I'd only known the mare for a few days and she didn't strike me as the concerned, caring type. I said all I could with a shrug.

"Seriously, John. You unloaded an awful lot of trouble last night. I don't think anyone should know that kind of pain." I shrugged again. "Is that all you can do? Just move your shoulders around?" I sighed.

"Dusk, I've been livin' this life for a while. I knew what I was doin' when I started it, I know what it's like to live it. I'm makin' it. Slowly but surely, I'm makin' it." She shook her head.

"It doesn't seem that way to me."

"No, it probably doesn't. Granted, it hasn't done me any favors recently either, has it? But I'll keep going. I don't wanna stop and I don't want to think about it anymore. What do you say about a drink? I'll buy this time." I smiled at her and got a small one back. "C'mon. If we're lucky, there'll still be a spot at the bar for us."

I put my hand on her shoulder and walked with her towards the bar. "The Rusty Kettle" it was called. Hopefully, the place wouldn't give anyone a nice case of tetanus. We were several yards from the door when I heard a faint yell.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Dusk and stopped.

"No, what are you talking abou-"

"THERE! There it is again!"

Slowly, a sound grew louder and louder until we heard a female voice piercing the air.

"JOOOOOHNN MARSHALLLLLLL!!!" Gee, that sounded kinda familiar, but where was it coming from? At the last second, I looked up in time to see a rainbow-colored streak swoop low overhead and start circling back.

It couldn't be.

"Someone you know?" Dusk asked curiously.

"Yep." Just then the rainbow came back in low and stopped right in front of us. A light blue pegasus mare with a rainbow mane hovered in front of me with a scowl on her face.

"Just what do you think YOU'RE doing?" She said to me in an accusatory tone. "And who's SHE?!"

"It's nice to see you too, Dash."

Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie

But we buried him there on the lone prairie
Where the rattlesnakes hiss and the wind blows free
In a shallow grave, no one to grieve
'Neath the western sky on the lone prairie.

"WELL?!" Dash looked at me, hooves folded across her chest. "Don't you have anything to say?" I looked at her for a minute before I shrugged and answered.

"Welcome to Broadhoof?" She looked at me in disgust. "I don't know, Dash. What do you want me to say?"

"How about 'I'm sorry'? How about explaining why you just took off? You scared everypony half to death just leaving like that... What, you couldn't even say goodbye?" I shook my head and tried walking around her to go into the bar.

"Dash, I'm not in any kind of mood for this, so-" She grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me back to face her.

"So that's it then? You're gonna just ditch us and hook up with this nag?" Dusk looked like she was about to throw down.

"Who are YOU callin' a nag, you-" I had to end it fast.

"ENOUGH! Dusk, go inside. I'll talk to you later." She glowered at the both of us before she turned and stomped off. I turned to the angry pegasus mare waiting for an answer. "Look, Dash-"

"You thought you could just leave all of that money and everything would be fine? Are you serious? You don't do things like that to friends. ESPECIALLY my friends! What would Rarity think of you, now?" I shrugged.

"Probably say something like 'That's very becoming of you, John." Dash landed and stomped her hoof angrily into the dirt.

"What's the matter with you? You LOVE that mare! Now, you can just drop her like she's nothing?" A tear started to well up in my eye before I knew what was happening.

"She's everything, Dash. But I can't drag her down and I damn sure can't compete with that Silver."

She looked at me quizzically for a moment before shaking her head. "Look, whatever the reason, you need to come home. Everypony's worried about you." I shook my head.

"I really can't. Not yet. I just... I've gotta work some shit out. What are you doin' here anyway?"

"I came to make sure you were okay, ya stubborn mule!" she said angrily. I laughed aloud.

"Well, come on in and have a drink. My mood might take a little upswing." I finally got out and around her and pushed my way through the doors.

This saloon was just like any other I'd been inside.

Random tables.

Drunks and card players.

Bar.

I noticed the card players a lot more, mostly because... Well, cards. A unicorn sat at the table shuffling the deck with his magic while the rest waited patiently for their hands to be dealt. I wouldn't have thought they could do it without fingers, but it seems anything is possible because one by one, they picked up the cards and studied them intently. Bits were thrown on the table and the game began.

"You ever played that, Dash?" She scowled at me and walked past towards the bar. "Yeah, I think I'll settle for a drink, too." The bartender was cleaning glasses and serving beers right and left when Dash and I leaned up to the bar.

"Two shots of whiskey, boss." Wordlessly, the stallion poured a couple of drinks and walked off. I took the shot with a smile before looking at Dash.

"Look, I know you're mad and I know I kinda screwed up. The thing is... Shit, I don't know. I just need some time, I guess is all." She shook her head.

"I don't get it," she said finally.

"Me either, but I don't get half of the bullshit I do anyways." She scoffed and shook her head slowly at that.

"You're just a stubborn mule."

"Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that. So here's the question I have: How did you find me?" She threw back the whiskey and laughed in my face.

"You're talking to the fastest flier in all of Equestria! You only had a three-day lead on me. I made it to Appleoosa the day after you left it and slept there. Caught up to you just now. No sweat." I nodded in approval.

"Not bad, Miss Dash. Not bad at all." I waved down the bartender again and got two more shots and a couple of beers.

"Look John, I don't know what's wrong, but I'm still trying to-"

"I really don't wanna talk about it, Dash." She was quiet for a minute before she slammed a hoof down on the bar and looked at me angrily.

"No offense, but you need us. I don't know if I could drag you all the way back, but I will if I have to. Until I have to, I'm stickin' with ya." I frowned and studied her face.

"Are... Are you serious? What about your job?"

"Took time off. It's not like they need me anyways. They have other weather ponies." I took another drink and lit a cigarette.

"What about the others?"

"Unlike YOU, I told them I was gonna come and get you. They know I'll be back." I stopped and thought for a moment.

"Well, I guess we could use you anyways. We've got plenty of gear to haul." She choked on a little beer.

"I am NOT working for your new fling."

"Good. Because there isn't a new fling. So you're not gonna work for no one." She looked at me like I was stupid.

"I just SAW you walking in with her!"

"So? I walked in here with you didn't I? Last I checked we weren't goin' for a roll in the hay." She drained the rest of her beer.

"Speaking of, what's your deal with Rarity, then? You LOVE that mare. Are you just crazy or something?"

"Dash, she's with someone else!"

"Yeah, after you left."

"What? You know, doesn't matter anymore. It's not like I can compete with that. Fuckin' rich, high society stallion. Way out of my league." Dash shook her head slowly.

"Dude, that Silver guy is TRASH. He's a total jerk. What you need to do is go back there, kick his flank, and get your mare back."

"I DID kick his ass! I laid him out in one punch!" Dash laughed.

"You did not! No way!"

"What, Rarity didn't tell you? That was the last thing I did before I left Ponyville."

"Sweet Celestia, that's good to hear," she said with a grin. "You've got more backbone than I give you credit for."

"Yeah yeah."

"You're still a chump, though," she added.

"Yeah... Yeah, I know."

"Where are you even going anyways? Just this and then back, right?" I looked at her and frowned.

"Uhh, actually I was planning a brief stay in Las Pegasus." She didn't look thrilled.

"Damn. Do you know what you're getting into? I mean, Ponyville is nice and all, but that's not the gold standard for the rest of Equestria." I was puzzled.

"What are you talkin' about?" She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Come on, you can't be that naive. What, you thought this place was only sunshine and rainbows?"

"Well, I mean-"

"No, John. You've seen Ponyville, you've seen Appleoosa, and you've seen part of Canterlot. Las Pegasus is a whole other ballgame." I shrugged at her explanation.

"Look Dash, you come and stick with me and you've got nothin' to worry about."

"You're still gonna do it? C'mon John, let's just go home."

"I already told you, I'm staying on the trail."

"But John-"

"You tellin' me that you're chicken, Dash?" I laughed and reached for my beer, but she already grabbed it and drained it before I could say a word. She lightly tapped me on the side of the head with her hoof.

"Nobody calls me a chicken, John!" Hah, that was easy.

"You wanna hit the poker table?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"Not for me, but I'll watch you."

We walked over and sat down. The dealer looked at me with a frown.

"What's it take to buy in?" I asked.

"50 bit buy-in. You know the rules?" I looked at Dash and smiled.

"I'm gonna guess that you deal me two, five community cards, two blinds, four rounds of bidding, winner takes the pot?" The unicorn smiled.

"So you've played before?" I looked at Dash again with a sly grin.

"Once or twice."

I stumbled back to the wagon with Rainbow in tow three hours, eight beers, and six shots of whiskey later with a little more money in my pocket.

"Goddamn it, Dash! I was so close to gettin' that guy! Why wouldn't ya let me stay and kick his ass!" She shook her head and leaned on me for support.

"Because you *hic* mule, you were about to lose EVERYTHING!"

"I was six hundred bits up! That bastard was cheating. I'm gonna go back there and-" I started to turn, but she stopped me.

"Don't do it John, go sleep it off." I turned back around to head towards the barn.

"Yeah, you're right. I'd probably kill him anyways." Dash laughed at that.

"Are you kidding? I would have had to save your flank. That guy was gigantonormous!"

"Pfft. I still think I coulda taken him."

We made it to the barn without further incident and found a comfortable pile of hay to crash into. Flopping down and staring at the ceiling, I let myself relax while the room tilted from side to side.

"John," Dash said as she lay down next to me. "When we get to Las Pegasus, its gonna be different. If you think its going to be anything like Ponyville, you're dead wrong." I sighed wearily and lit a cigarette.

"Dash, I'm gonna tell you somethin' that I haven't really mentioned to anyone else. Equestria... It's a lot like where I'm from." She turned towards me and frowned.

"What do you mean?" I shook my head.

"You ever heard of Saddle Arabia?" She nodded. "Where I'm from, it's Saudi Arabia. You know Manehattan?" She nodded again. "It's Manhattan back home. Philadelphia, Spain, Germany... Just a few places back home that sound a lot like the places here. If I'm right, and I've got a good feelin' I am... Las Pegasus is goin' to be an awful lot like Las Vegas." She was silent for a moment, so I continued.

"I've never been to Las Pegasus, but I can tell you that it's probably an oasis in the middle of the desert. Neon lights, casinos, huge hotels, and tourists galore. Las Vegas was the same way. Long time ago, it was run by organized crime syndicates makin' a fortune on people and their desire to strike it rich on the gambling tables and games they offered.

"After a while, the government cracked down on 'em, but they still run a few things behind the scenes. Not on the same scale, but Vegas is still this shinin' light in the desert night... pullin' people in and beggin' them to spend their money. Drugs, crime, just about any vice that you can think of. Still dangerous to people that blunder into it, but folks for the most part make it out unscathed, if just a little lighter in the billfold. You know... just a few hundred bucks shorter than when they came in.

"What I'm tryin' to say is yeah. I've seen Ponyville, Canterlot, Appleoosa. Yeah, I thought this place was different than home, but I know it's not so different now and with that knowledge, I'm still not scared of what it could be."

She was quiet for a minute. Probably still trying to wrap her mind around what I had just revealed to her. Finally, she spoke up.

"John... That's pretty intense."

"Yep."

"So... is there anywhere like Ponyville?" I laughed and took another drag on my cigarette.

"Ponyville is just like any other small hamlet. Everyone knows everyone, not a whole helluva lot as far as crime. Relatively isolated, but not too out of touch. About like a small farming community like you'd find in Iowa or Nebraska I would think."

"Have you been everywhere in your world?" She asked incredulously. I just chuckled.

"Nah, I did quite a lot of traveling, but didn't ever go everywhere."

"Was that like when you were going to war and stuff?" I nodded.

"Yeah, that was the big reason. Spent time in Germany, England, the middle east... Went to a bunch of places I'm not really supposed to talk about like Central America and Korea. Other than that, I was just a mobile person. Moved a lot when I was little and it just kinda stuck with me." She looked interested.

"Was it always as dangerous as you make it sound?"

"You know, because of my lifestyle it was dangerous. No place is really as bad as it sounds. Granted, I've been in some of the most dangerous places in the world, but there are plenty of places out there that were just fine. That being said, 'civilized' countries were always arguing about war or such. I guess in that respect it could be that bad, but it really just depends on where you are. Kinda like here." She frowned.

"You always made it sound like death was behind every corner." Nodding slowly, I continued.

"Well, in some places it was. Hell, in some of the safer places things happened that were just horrible. Like there was this huge race held every year. People came from around the world to participate in this marathon. Twenty six miles of running through a big city. Well, one year a couple of bombs were set up near the finish line. A few people died and hundreds were hurt pretty bad. A lot of people didn't know if they could be safe anywhere. There were shootings in schools with dozens of people killed. Some of them were just little kids."

"That's... that's horrible," she finally said.

"Yeah. Of course, for the longest time, my job was to keep things like that from happening."

"So you were one of the good guys?"

"I certainly hope so."

"I think you're one of the good guys, John." I smiled and gave her a hug.

"I do try."

The morning came too early. Dusk was moving around the wagon checking packs and loading the new cargo before the rest of the crew was even stirring. I rolled off the haystack and stumbled to my feet before walking over to her. Dash was still snoozing comfortably where I left her. I swear, that girl could sleep through an earthquake. Dusk saw me coming and looked away quickly.

"So... Is that her?" I had to think for a second to understand what she was talking about.

"No. No, she's just a friend."

"Oh."

"There anything that needs to be done?"

"Nope. We leave here in an hour or so. The diner down the street is open if you wanna get something to eat really quick before we leave."

"Okay. Would you like anything?" She looked at me drowsy and frazzled.

"Coffee, please?" I smiled.

"Sure thing, hun. I'll be back in a bit." She smiled and went back to work while I went to try and wake up sleeping beauty.

"Dash? Dash!" I nudged her a little on the shoulder. "Dash, let's get some breakfast." She stirred and yawned loudly before grumbling.

"Where?"

"Small-town diner 'cross town. C'mon, I'm buyin'." She picked herself up long enough to yawn again and groan.

"What time is it?"

"Bout an hour 'till sunrise. C'mon, we gotta get some food or we'll be dying before lunch."

Walking out into the early morning darkness, we looked up and down the street to find the place. Slowly, we made our way down the road and found it: The Copper Kettle. We staggered inside wordlessly and made our way to the seats in front of the counter as a pretty mare walked up with a tired smile.

"What can I get you two?" Dash waved noncommittally to me and let her head hit the counter. I took that as a sign to order for her.

"I'd like three scrambled eggs, couple pieces of toast, and some biscuits and gravy. She'll want the eggs and toast only."

"You want anything to drink?"

"A glass of orange juice and a glass of milk for the both of us, please." She finished writing quickly and smiled.

"We'll get right on that, sweetie." She hustled off to get everything started and I leaned against the counter.

"Ready for the day yet, Rainbow?"

"No."

"Me neither. Let's hurry up and get that way, huh?" She groaned again. "You're gonna want to talk to Dusk about setting you up with a pack to carry. The wagons took on a little more supplies, so there's plenty there." Another groan.

A few minutes later, the waitress came by to give us our food and drink. When we finished, it was almost time to head back out so I flagged down the mare.

"Could I get a couple cups of coffee to go and the ticket, please?"

"Sure, darlin'."

I paid the lady and grabbed the coffee on my way out of the door just as the sun was about to peek over the horizon. The wagons were already pulled out into the street and the crews were distributing the weight and pulling their harnesses on.

"Hey Dusk." I waved at her as I walked up. "Here's your coffee. Dash is gonna join us until Las Pegasus and she's willin' to carry. Got a pack for her?" Dusk looked surprised.

"Sure thing. Couple of unclaimed packs for y'all right over there." I nodded and walked away. "Hey John!" Dusk called after me. "This is the last leg of the trip so we'll be stopping early and leaving early tomorrow. Just a heads up."

"You got it, boss."

Cookie waved at me from the top of her wagon as I pulled my pack on and helped Dash situate hers.

"Mr. Marshall! You gonna keep me company on the trip again?"

"Yes ma'am! In fact, I'd like you to meet this young mare right here. Cookie, this is a friend of mine, Rainbow Dash. Dash, this is Cookie. She's makin' dinner for us tonight." Dash yawned and waved slowly.

"Nice t'meet ya." I laughed.

"She's not really a morning person."

"Well, some folks just have a harder time wakin' up than others. He he he! Hang in there Miss Dash!" Cookie said as she grinned at the barely awake pegasus.

Dusk called out the order to move and we started off with the sun at our backs. Cookie looked back to Rainbow and gave her a little encouragement.

"I hope you enjoy yourself on our little trip. Mr. Marshall sure does seem to really like it out here." Rainbow shook her head and looked at the countryside.

"He's just crazy. Pay him no mind."

We stopped before sundown to get ourselves ready for the early morning. Dusk explained that basically, we needed to get to Las Pegasus during the day to change loads and head back for Appleoosa. Cookie was already slaving over a pot of beans and warming the biscuits over the fire. I found a comfy looking spot in the ground and waited patiently with Dash and Dusk who, surprisingly, were getting along just fine. I quietly contemplated life to myself over a cigarette and a little whiskey when Cookie walked over slowly with a plate for each of us. She was looking a little ragged, something I would never think could happen.

"Keepin' you busy over there, ma'am?"

"Oh... You have no idea Mr. Marshall. Those foals eat like they ain't never seen food before. I don't know if I can keep up with you youngsters much more."

"Hang in there, ma'am. And let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay?" She walked off and I heard Dash and Dusk talking about the trip and what was to come.

"What are y'all plannin' on doin' in the big city?" Dash rolled her eyes and looked at me.

"I'll be keeping an eye on this stubborn mule and hopefully making it out of there without incident. I keep hoping he's just gonna up and decide to come home." Dusk looked at her expectantly.

"Somepony waitin' for y'all?" Dash nodded.

"Friends. And a special one for him." I shook my head.

"Dash, I'm tellin' you. She's not waitin' for me. That Silver guy is a-" Dash cut me off and looked at Dusk.

"A complete and total jackass. He's got nothing on John."

"What's she like?" Dusk asked her with a sly smile. Dash just rolled her eyes again.

"Oh, she's something else. How she ever fell for this guy is beyond me. She's a big clothing designer. All about class, culture and glamor. The kind of pony that would and HAS called ponies like us 'uncouth'." Dusk laughed loudly.

"John, I never would have taken you for the type that would go for a mare like that!" I shrugged.

"I don't have a type. Confident, beautiful, and talented. That's all I really need." Rainbow laughed again.

"That's ANY of us, John!" She then thought for a moment. "Except for maybe Fluttershy... Not really all that confident. Hey, what's wrong with me?" she said, putting on a mock scowl. I squinted at her and frowned.

"You know, the back of my head hurt for a week, right?" She blushed.

"I didn't know you then! I still thought you were some kind of dangerous thing that was gonna hurt somepony!"

"Yeah... Uh huh." She cuffed me lightly on the shoulder.

"Whatever." She smiled and looked at Dusk. "Truth is, John here couldn't even really see himself in love with a pony for the longest time. Thought it was 'unnatural' or something. Way to make us feel like some kind of animal, right?" The girls laughed as I shook my head.

"I'm gonna get some sleep. Y'all are too much."

I watched the fire slowly die as I lay on the rocky soil. My eyelids started to droop to the sounds of crickets and popping coals when I heard a loud clattering of pots and pans behind one of the wagons. A few moments later, a mare screamed. I bolted upright and ran to see what the commotion was about.

Behind the wagon, a shape laid on the ground in the darkness and a few ponies stood around it silently. I rushed forward and felt a hoof touch my shoulder. Brushing it off quickly and pushing towards the shape, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and the flickering firelight and I could finally see the old mare's face pinched in agony.

"Someone! Anyone! I think she's havin' a heart attack!" I put my hand on Cookie's shoulder. "Someone help me!" Her chest froze and she stopped breathing.

I rolled the elderly mare onto her back to start chest compressions, but I knew deep down it was too late. I put my hands on her chest and started pushing. John, have you ever done something like this on a pony? How do you know you're even doing it right? I don't, but I have to try. She's gone, John. After another minute of pushing, I felt a tug on my shirtsleeve. Rainbow was trying to get me to come away. She's gone, John.

"She's gone, John... It's okay." I hung my head and stood up, breathing heavily. Dusk leaned against my side and I put my arm around her.

"I'm sorry."

Nobody got much sleep that night. The morning started a lot earlier than we planned. Dusk explained to the rest of the crew that Cookie would haunt them forever if we buried her in Las Pegasus, but we wouldn't be able to keep her all the way to Appleoosa. A few stallions and myself started digging and didn't stop until a little before sunrise. Cookie was wrapped in a clean white shroud and her favorite blanket. I took a couple spare boards from a wagon and made a makeshift cross to mark where she was. Dusk thanked me and stood over the grave as we lowered Cookie down to her final resting place.

"We'll bring a real tombstone out on the next trip. It's the least we can do for her." I nodded. "She really liked it out here on the trail. I think she would have hated to see the day when she couldn't do it anymore." I nodded again.

"Does anyone have anything they wanna say?" I asked the small gathering. When nobody answered, I started to fill the grave with shovelful after shovelful of dirt, humming an old sad folk song to myself while I slowly worked. Dash's ears perked up and she cocked her head to one side.

"Does that have any words to it?" I nodded.

"Yeah, but I don't sing." Dusk looked at me and smiled.

"Sing it for her. She wouldn't mind." I sighed and cleared my throat, singing as best as I could while tossing the dirt.

Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie

These words came low and mournfully

From the pallid lips of a youth who lay

On the bloody ground at the close of day.

Oh, bury me not and his voice failed there

But we took no heed to his dying prayer

In a narrow grave just six by three

We buried him there on the lone prairie.

Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie

Where the coyotes howl and the wind blows free

Where there's not a soul that will care for me

Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie.

I heard a sniff from one of the mares and stopped. The last handful of dirt lay on the ground next to my feet. I picked it up and held it over the small mound of dirt in front of me.

"You were a lovely mare, Cookie. May the wind always be at your back and the sun always on your face. May you be in heaven long before the Devil knows you're dead."

Wordlessly, ponies started to filter away from the small grave. I shouldered the shovel and started back towards the wagon. With a rueful smile, I shook my head.

"Next stop, Las Pegasus."

Neon Moon

If you lose your one and only
There's always room here for the lonely
To watch your broken dreams dance
In and out of the beams of a neon moon

We made it back to camp and settled down to eat some breakfast. One of the other mares decided to take over Cookie's duties and somehow, she fucked it up royally. I looked at the grimacing faces around the camp as ponies tried to choke down the concoction that posed as beans before I turned to Dash.

"What do you think?" I asked her.

"I think it needs to be put out of its misery."

"I was hopin' you'd say that." I took my plate and dumped it out on the ground.

"Where are you going?" she asked loudly.

"I'm gonna find something edible."

In truth, there was plenty out here that you could eat; the problem was just knowing what it was. I got about 60 yards from the camp before I found a stand of prickly pear cactus that didn't look too intimidating. I cut off about six of the cactus pads before I heard the snake rattle its tail.

Now where in the fuck is that little critter?

About six feet to my right, I saw it move. Not very quickly at first; I guess it was still too early for him to be warmed up quite yet. I looked from the small pile of cactus at my feet to the four-foot reptile.

"Fuck this."

It was still trying to escape when I put my boot down on its head and lowered my knife to a few inches behind its head where its body started to narrow down.

"Sorry, Fluttershy," I said aloud before picking up the snake's body and cleanly cutting its head away. It was still writhing in my hands when I walked back into camp. Ponies looked at me with wide eyes as I sidled up to a random campfire. Calmly slicing and pulling out the innards of my prey, I tossed a tin plate on the fire and laid the prepared snake on top of it to cook while I prepared the cactus, methodically trimming off the needles.

"Where did you go?" Dash asked as she trotted up.

"Nowhere. You want some?" I gestured towards the already prepared cactus pads as I worked on the others.

"What is it?"

"Nopales. They're okay grilled, but you can eat 'em raw, too."

"What does it taste like?" She asked, eying it suspiciously. Then, she finally saw the snake on the fire. "What is THAT?"

"Do you wanna know? It tastes like chicken."

"No thanks." She said quietly.

"The cactus tastes like... almost like green beans or okra. Try it." She selected one of the cleaned pads and took a bite while I turned the snake over with my knife. A few ponies visibly recoiled when the meat started to sizzle. I laughed at them. "Don't worry, it's not gonna bite you." Dash looked at me again, munching contentedly on her new meal.

"How do you know all this stuff?" I shrugged in reply.

"Anyone that spends any time out in the wilderness should know what's good to eat out there. I'll bet more than half of the ponies out here know about drinkin' water in the desert." Dusk was holding her nose as she walked past.

"What about it? You mean the sickness and poisons it could have?"

"Yep." I said nodding to her. "Eatin' cactus gets pretty iffy, too." I saw Dash stop in mid-chew and smiled to her. "You're alright, but don't ever eat one of those," I said pointing at a big saguaro. They aren't good. Some of these plants do some crazy shit to your brain."

I pushed the snake around a little more, making sure that it was cooked all the way through. It was already starting to water my mouth just thinking about the searing meat.

It was still a somber morning for everyone, but eventually we broke camp and hauled out. The huge skyline of Las Pegasus was in sight and we were eager to get going if only to get the rest of it over with.

The closer we got to the city, the more the other ponies looked determined to finish. Dusk assured us that even though we might be late, but we would still get there before the close of business. I was ready to be done. My arms showed the telltale signs of sun exposure more than any of the others and my legs were getting sore as hell from the load I carried.

"First thing I'm gonna do when I get there is buy a huge plate of hay fries," a pony said.

"I'm getting a cold pint of beer. Forget your hay fries," someone else piped up. I laughed and lit a cigarette.

"I'm findin' a hole to crawl into for a couple of days. Y'all don't even know how much my feet are killin' me." A frustrated Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and scowled.

"I just wanna fly around the city and stretch these out. Walking like this all day sucks. I don't know how any of you do it."

The banter continued for hours. Slowly, the conversation devolved into more... entertaining subjects to ease the tensions of the day. I looked over at a stallion and posed the question:

"Okay, okay... I have a little game. Sapphire Shores, Princess Celestia and your first grade teacher. You gotta fu-" Dusk raised her voice over the group and cut me off.

"We're almost there, fellas. Just a couple more miles!" I looked up at the sun and realized just how long we'd been walking. It was probably about 4 PM and Las Pegasus was right there in front of us. Probably another hour or so and we'd be there. I turned back to the stallion to figure out just what he would do, but Dash walked up next to me.

"So, we dump off this stuff and head home, right?" I looked at her and slowly blinked.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before. No. Let's hit the casinos. I feel like findin' my fortune out here in the desert."

"And if you lose it all?"

"Well, then tough titty, I guess." That got a laugh from a couple of the guys while Dash burned me a look.

"And how long are we staying?"

"Until I don't want to anymore." I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You're gonna have to face her eventually," she said quietly.

"Yeah... Yeah, but not today."

The minutes ticked by slowly. Anticipation of the days ahead were enough to push the night before from my mind. Just outside of the city proper, we hit actual roads for the first time and took a slight turn towards a large warehouse.

Dusk hopped off her wagon and lead us into one of the main bays where we were supposed to park. We unloaded the wagon and packs full of various goods and left them on the designated concrete pad in a nice grouping. A pony that we didn't know walked up, presumably the foreman and approached Dusk.

"About time you showed up. We were about to close down shop for the night." Dusk nodded.

"We were delayed. Lost a good mare last night and had to spend a little extra time at the last stop." The workpony shrugged.

"Well, let's get this wrapped up. My boys need to go home."

The packs were inventoried and invoiced over the span of an hour. There wasn't much variety as far as what was in the different bags; most of it was agricultural goods like apples, wheat and corn. The 'hoofmade' textiles and homemade sweets went to specialty shops around Las Pegasus and all of the food went into cold storage in the warehouse somewhere in the back. While everything was totaled up, the wagons were loaded again and Dusk got an official invoice from the company along with a huge check from the goods. Dusk waved at the crew and started the wagons out into the evening. Again, we pulled down another road and headed for a sit up building. The words "24 Hour Bank" showed brightly on the sign as it lit up. Dusk pulled Dash and I to the side and stopped.

"You ever seen Las Pegasus before?" I shook my head and lit my very last smoke. "Watch." She said simply.

A few moments after we turned our attention to the city, the tall buildings all flipped their lights on in stages. One by one, the city became a dazzling light show that lit up the night to the point that we almost couldn't tell that the sun was going down. Even above the city in the cloud level, lights were shined up from the bottom to strategically turn it all into an amazing show of lights. Dusk walked off to talk to the bank teller while Dash stepped over.

"Whatdya think, Dash?" I asked her.

"It looks amazing."

"That's how they get ya," I said laughing.

"How are we supposed to sleep in a place like this?" She asked incredulously.

"Eh... I'll get a room or somethin' at the best place we can find."

"How much is THAT gonna cost?"

"Probably a couple hundred bits a night."

"Are you SERIOUS?!" I nodded at her.

"Don't worry, that's just the first night. We'll find somewhere else tomorrow. I just wanna live the high life for a bit." I then hefted my duffel bag and smiled at her. "No worries. I've got us covered for a while." Dusk walked up after a few minutes while we admired the view of the skyline.

"John, four days' pay got you 350 bits. Miss Dash, you got 175 for two days." I took the sack that was offered to me and put it with the rest.

"Well then, I guess this is it. It was a pleasure, Miss Fire." She smiled and shrugged.

"It's work. Hope you find something worth spending all that money on." I laughed and pulled her into a brief hug.

"I'll see ya again. One of these days maybe." She smiled and nodded.

"Maybe. You're always welcome to work with us again anytime. Just go easy on the bars here in town. They might throw you in jail if you get too rowdy."

"You got it." Dash waved goodbye to the rest of the crew and we walked off towards the Strip, parting ways with our traveling companions as we moved towards the bright lights and sounds of the city.

The Las Pegasus Strip was a sight to behold. Ponies laughed and partied in the streets as the night life really geared up for the tourists looking for excitement. The neon flashed brightly and lit up caricatures of happy stallions beckoned travelers into the various casinos in town. I looked over at Rainbow, the look of amazement on her face was priceless.

"What's the matter? Never been here before?"

"No... This is awesome!" I laughed.

"I figured you'd like it."

"And how did you know that?" She asked.

"Call it a good guess, maybe. Where to first?" I should have known what her answer would be. If I could feel my stomach growling, then she definitely did.

"Let's find some place for food. I'm starving!" I gestured to the street.

"Pick one."

"They have food in the casinos?" She asked curiously.

"Well, they don't want you to leave," I explained to her. "Food, hotels, gift shops, just about whatever you could need." She searched the street thoughtfully.

"There. That one. The one with the winged cloud." A spectacular white and gold flashing sign just down the street read "The Silver Cloud."

"Looks good. Let's head on in then."

The short walk was considerably lengthened by the amount of ponies we had to wade through. Frustrated, Dash flapped her wings and hovered over my head as I navigated the crowd.

"There are so many ponies... How could anyone like this place? Its too busy."

"Some folks are just like that, I guess. You're used to open skies. They're used to bright lights, lots of sounds and lots of ponies. For me, I guess it's just excitin'. I don't mind quiet small towns, but being in a crowd... it's electrifyin'. Just don't get anything stolen from you and your none the worse for wear."

After a few minutes, we made it into the front doors and looked around. It wasn't nearly as crowded as the street, but ponies were still everywhere, all walking, talking, laughing and gaming. A pretty mare with a tray walked past and I waved her down. At first, she looked at me in surprise, but composed herself quickly and smiled.

"Is there any way I can help you two?" I smiled and nodded.

"If you could point us in the direction of the restaurant that would be great." She walked over to me and pointed with a hoof towards a far wall.

"They'll be able to take care of you back there. Enjoy your stay at the Silver Cloud!" I thanked the mare and started off, Dash in tow.

"What kinda food would they have?"

"Just about anything you would eat. Probably more. These places are usually four or five star restaurants." I said.

I looked around at the place as we walked. Instead of cameras in the ceiling, there was a series of catwalks and ponies with binoculars stationed at regular intervals, all watching the ponies on the floor of the casino, carefully making sure nobody was cheating or causing a stir. It wasn't long before something else caught my eye. A crowd of ponies gathered around a roulette table, watching the spinning wheel and hopefully not losing their bits on a bad bet. Groans of the ponies that lost drowned out the cries of excitement of the few winners. I tapped Dash lightly on the shoulder and waved for her to follow me.

"C'mon. I'm gonna figure something out really quick."

"What? No! John, FOOD!"

"Hang on."

I approached the crowded roulette table and edged my way in. A few ponies regarded me with a curious stare, but quickly turned their attention to their gambling. Dash pushed her way towards me.

"What are you doing?" Ignoring her question and posing another towards the croupier.

"Excuse me. What's the table limit?"

"Two hundred bits," he said shortly before shuffling the chips around the table. I looked around at the other ponies at the table and asked them another question.

"Do any of y'all know where I can find a chip exchange at?" Most of them ignored me, but one stallion was all smiles. Apparently, he was one of the recent winners. He waved to me and pointed across the casino floor towards the other wall where a large booth could be seen in the wall. I waved, smiled and turned to push my way back towards the restaurant with Dash hot on my heels.

"Well?"

"Well what? Let's eat!" We stepped into the restaurant and the host smiled and approached us.

"Good evening. Is it just you two needing a table?" Dash and I answered simultaneously.

"Yes." The pony smiled and grabbed two menus.

"Right this way, please."

I left Dash with enough money to cover the bill and the tip while I went to the chip exchange. She was in the process of ordering more food when I was already done and waiting. I figured she would be okay by herself for a while. I approached the counter and a stallion with a bow tie greeted me.

"Welcome sir, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, can I get about five hundred bits in chips, please?" I handed him a bulging sack and he trotted to the back to run it through a counting machine. A few moments later, he returned with a tray of chips and a smile.

"Here you go, sir, enjoy your evening!" I nodded in appreciation and started back towards the restaurant. Dash met me outside and together, we moved back towards the roulette table.

"Hey, good news. Little bit of luck and we're set. We've already got enough to cover us for the next week or two." Dash looked at me hopefully.

"So we don't need to do anything, right?"

"I didn't say that, but yeah. If I don't want any money when I leave, we can just sit around, but where's the fun in that?" She sighed in resignation.

"Okay... Where are we going first?"

"Where was the table I was at when we first got here?" She pointed with a hoof towards the middle of the casino.

"Over there." I walked towards the roulette table again, ending up in the spot next to the croupier.

"Welcome, sir." I looked over at Dash and smiled.

"Evens or odds?" I asked.

"What?"

"Evens or odds?"

"What are you asking?" She said, confused.

"Simple question: Evens or odds?" She threw her hooves up in exasperation.

"I don't know! ... Evens!" I waited for the next round of betting to be over. When the officiator called for the bets to be placed, I put a hundred on even.

Having Dash with me made it better. After we played a little roulette, we went past another familiar game.

"That's Blackjack," I said to Dash as we walked past. "Careful when you play that one. You can do well for a while and then take a serious nose dive. From then on, you'll just be chasing that 'one good hand' that's supposed to win big. It almost never happens. People lose their life savings spending money on chasing the win. That's pretty much any game in here." Dash frowned.

"You'd think something like that wouldn't be allowed." I shrugged in reply.

"It makes the country a lot of money in taxes. It's pretty good if the government doesn't have a steady income. On top of that, casinos in a lot of places donate money to charities and businesses that eventually bring in more customers. Kind of like how the lottery sometimes goes to the education system and building roads."

"What's the lottery?"

"Nevermind."

I kept walking until we had gone around the entire casino floor. A room tucked off to the side piqued my interest and I waved for Dash to follow me. The small specialty shop had a lot to offer, from souvenirs and curios to different smokes and sweets. I walked up to the counter and asked the salespony a few questions.

"Howdy. Do y'all get a lot of business?" He nodded and smiled.

"Sure, lots of ponies like to get something nice for family back home or a special somepony if they have the coin to spend." A pang of guilt shot through my gut at the special somepony part. I instantly thought of the one I left in Ponyville.

"Right... Uh... Is there anywhere I can buy tobacco?" The stallion nodded and bent below the counter. What he brought out next surprised the absolute shit out of me. I expected another big tin of pipe tobacco or something. No, he brought up a tray of factory made packs of legitimate cigarettes, all with familiar brand names. Mareboro, J&K, Lucky Swings and others. My eyes got big.

"How many of those do you have?" He shrugged and looked at me funny.

"I don't know. Got a pretty good stock in last week."

"Is tobacco really that big of a business around here?" He shook his head.

"No, they're really just a small factory to supply shops like mine. Not a huge demand, but they make up for it in price."

"How much?" I asked tentatively.

"About ten bits a pack." I let out a low whistle and dug for my coins.

"I'll take eight packs of the Mareboros." The pony looked at me in shock.

"R-really? Ummm... Okay." He walked to the back room for a minute, leaving me to twiddle my thumbs and wait patiently. He returned later with a small box on his back. "Do you need anything else?"

"Yeah, a box of matches." He set the matches on the box and totaled it all up.

"Okay... That'll be 95 bits altogether." I counted up the money and slid it across the counter towards him. He smiled and nodded. "You have a good day, sir."

"Thanks." Dash walked up as I dumped my purchase in the bag.

"What did you get?"

"Supplies. C'mon, I saw a poker table back there that caught my eye."

I stared down the stallion across the table from me. Throughout the game, if I had a hand worth playing and bid on it, the rest of the table folded. Undaunted, I stayed in the game and waited patiently for a taker. Now, I had an ace and a queen off-suit and the stallion was guarding his hand closely. A couple of the other players were in for a couple rounds of bidding before they were out; seeing the cards on the table and the bids we were placing discouraged anyone from attempting a bluff, leaving us to duke it out over the considerable pot.

He was stone-faced and staring at the ace on the table. I thought about that for a second. Yeah, I got one of those too, buddy. I was up a few hundred bits at this point in the night after Dash and I played some of the other games, but I was looking for another good win to pad it. Hell, there was a cool 200 bits already in the pot, meaning I could have the week paid off pretty quick. The cards on the table told me everything I needed to know. An ace, two and seven. Nothing for me to worry about as far as straights or flushes yet, but also nothing to get me worked up about.

A waitress walked up with the drink I ordered: a tall whisky & coke that was mixed pretty strong. I turned to her and smiled.

"Thanks, doll. Keep the rest, it's yours," I said handing her some bits for her trouble. She smiled and walked away, leaving us to the battle of wills currently playing out.

I had a pair of aces and a queen and already had my bid in.

He was stalling for time.

I watched his eyes dart back and forth from his cards to the table to me and back. Dash whispered in my ear from behind my seat.

"What's going on?"

"I'm just waiting for this guy to fold." I said with a smile, just loud enough for the table to hear. He squinted at me in defiance and called.

The dealer burned a card and laid the Turn on the table. A jack. The stallion didn't say a word and his face didn't change, but when I raised, he immediately called. There it is. Aces and Jacks. nothing out there to give him a flush or a straight, that had to be it.

"What are you gonna do?" Dash asked me.

"Shhh."

The dealer burned another card and set down the last of the community cards, called the River. A queen.

Fuck yes. My best bet was he had a two pair, but mine was better. I put another twenty bits on the table and the stallion smiled slyly. Had to be it. He called again.

"Okay, players. Show your cards." At that, he triumphantly sat down an ace and a jack, just like I thought. The dealer moved the community cards to show what he had.

"Aces and Jacks. And you, sir?" I closed my eyes and shook my head for a moment. The stallion across from me laughed aloud and started to move for the pot, but I set my cards down face-up on the table.

"Aces and Queens. Mr. Marshall wins." I heard Dash say a quiet 'yes!' behind me.

"John, that was nice!" I leaned back in my chair and shook my head.

"No, it was stupid. I got lucky. I usually make it a rule to never depend on the River to make the hand."

The next cards were dealt and I looked at mine. Pocket Threes. Shit. The blinds put in their chips and the rest of us limped in to see what the flop would bring. It produced almost nothing and the ponies checked around the table to me. Naturally, I raised. Almost immediately, three of the other players folded. All except the two across from me. The stallion I played on the last hand was trying hard to read me.

Once the Turn came out, I had to bite my tongue to contain myself. Another three. I looked at the cards and evaluated where I was again. No straight or flush draws, so I was still good to go. The ponies checked around again to me and I raised another twenty. They followed suit and the dealer placed the last card on the table, a six and I looked around at the other players.

One looked irritated. Probably had nothing.

My nemesis on the other hand remained stone-faced. Just maybe. I bid another twenty and the first pony folded, but Chuckles over there re-raised. Interesting. I had to think for a minute. Hasn't he been bidding on shit all night? Bluffing? I couldn't remember every detail and he was always stone-faced until he got something he liked. I didn't see that yet, but I was still thinking about how to approach this. I lit and took a drag from my cigarette. A nice, filtered real cigarette. It had been so long since I had something like this.

"Fuck it." I muttered to myself and matched his forty bit re-raise. It's my best hand tonight anyways, right? The stallion looked angry almost. No fucking way. When the dealer called for hands to be shown, I put my threes on the table.

"Trip 3's. And you sir?" Chuckles shook his head and tossed his cards onto the table before standing up and walking off. Got it. I scooped up my winnings, tipped the dealer and started to walk away, just a little bit richer.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I looked up and saw my nemesis (I really like that word) standing there, looking a little perturbed. "Where do you think you're going?" I shrugged and took a drink.

"Thinkin' I'm just gonna spend all night relaxing now." The stallion shook his head.

"Not until you gimme a chance to get my money back." Uh oh. I could already tell where this was going.

"Hey, guy. Nobody likes a sore loser. Just let it go. You had a bad beat." He stomped his hoof in anger.

"No! You walked in here, took my chips and now you think you can leave?" I smiled.

"Actually, you left. I just won." I looked up and saw a pony with his binoculars staring directly at us, but the stallion failed to notice.

"I don't care WHAT you did, you and me are gonna have a problem if you don't cough it up, now." I nodded towards the pit boss coming over with a pair of guards flanking him.

"No problem he can't handle for ya, I'm sure." Quickly, the sore pony started to walk off.

"This ain't over." Uh huh. Like I ain't never heard that before. Dash stepped over and touched my side.

"What's his deal?"

"Just not used to losin' I guess." I said casually.

"Now what?"

"Let's get another drink and head to the room."

After cashing out, we went to the hotel area and I got a room. I even paid up front for the first week; something that gave us pretty good treatment as far as service goes. The mare at the desk set us up with a nice room on the twelfth floor. Dash enjoyed herself immensely ordering random cakes and snacks from room service. I just had to look around for the mini-fridge. It was stocked with enough liquor to put me in a coma and I was fucking thankful for it. Ever since the gift shop, I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I needed to go back to Ponyville. And so you're just gonna drink yourself into a stupor, huh? Really classy. Fuck off.

I opened a small bottle of rum and took a gulp. Grimacing at the burn, I stepped out onto the balcony to smoke. The city was still magnificent, even more so from a vantage point. I looked back through the sliding glass door to see Dash passed out on the bed with a few empty plates around her and snoring loudly. I turned my attention back to the city and thought about Rarity. Dammit, John. why did you ever leave? I don't know. She's back there. You done fucked up. I know. So, you gonna go back yet? Maybe try to make things right? What's the point? The point is YOU need to quit feeling sorry for yourself and man the fuck up. ... Yeah.

I stepped back in for a second to move some things around. Make sure the money is all stashed in a good spot, make sure everything's cleaned up. Tuck Dash into bed. Grab another bottle.

This time, I pulled a comfortable looking armchair outside with me to settle into with the thoughts of home still hanging in my head. It's never gonna be the same, John. You'll never have what you could have and it's nobody's fault but yours. I got up and paced around the balcony drinking and smoking furiously in an attempt to kill the thoughts invading my mind.

Running away from your problems isn't new to you... You're gonna have to face it eventually. When the world started to shift lazily from side to side, I slumped into the chair and put my feet up on the railing. With my mind still whispering nagging thoughts into my ear, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Dawn rolled around and the rising sun pierced the morning sky, driving away the darkness. I woke up with little effort right where I left myself. I stepped inside and stretched out a kink in my back. I still wasn't fully recovered from that little adventure in the desert.

Something didn't feel right about today, though. I walked around for a second and noticed that Dash was missing. Calmly, I checked the bathroom. Nothing.

"Dash!" I called. "Dash, where'd you go?"

The bed was made, so she had to be awake somewhere. Probably out flying around the city for her morning workout, but still. I stepped out the door to check the restaurant, but as soon as I opened the door, a note fell from the crack jammed into the frame. I stepped on it and heard the crackle before I noticed it and bent to pick it up. The message was an untidy scrawl that I recognized as Rainbow's hoofwriting and reading it told me more than I needed to know.

John,

I'm heading back to Ponyville. I tried to convince you over and over to come home, but you wouldn't. I have to get back to the others. This last week was fun and all, but this isn't the place for me and it isn't the place for you either. I need to be with my friends in Ponyville, just like you. Please come back. Rarity might not seem like it when you get here, but she misses you a lot. I'll make sure to send her your love.

-RD

Fuck.

So now Dash was gone. Alone in Las Pegasus. It was gonna happen sooner or later, John. The guilt piled up even further. Oh man... Go home, John. Just swallow your pride and go home. For the most part, they'll forgive you. I shook my head and walked downstairs. No. No, I'm not going back.

The next week was a haze of neon lights, bars, and other assorted bullshit. If there was alcohol to drink, I drank it. I stumbled into my room every night to sleep, woke up and did the same thing the next day.

In each one, the ponies would stare at me and in each one they would eventually stop. Apparently, drunk, heartbroken and depressed wasn't quite as entertaining as they would like. Tonight, I was going to this place called 'Light City'. Fitting, considering the inside wasn't quite as dingy as the other places I'd visited. Neon signs adorned the walls from the ceiling to the floor and lit the place up like it was Christmas. Of course, I wasn't worried about that. The jukebox played good music and the bartender still worked hard for her wages. That's about all you really need in a good place to drink anyways. Regardless, there were fewer ponies in this spot than the others... a definite plus.

A couple of ponies sat at a table close to the far wall, another sat at the bar and that was it. A slow night, apparently. I bellied up to the bar and waved down the mare behind the counter.

" 'Scuse me, ma'am? A bottle of Holling's and a shot of Wild Pony." She eyed me for a second and brought over the drinks.

"Fifteen bits."

"I'll just start a tab, thanks." She nodded and wrote something down before stepping to the side and washing a few glasses. There was a long pause between songs playing over the speakers and she looked up at me.

"I've heard of you." I took a swig of beer and lit a cigarette.

"You and everypony else."

"No, I've heard of you in here. Recently. Made a stir out at the Silver Cloud about a week ago." I thought for a moment about what she said. Had it really been that long?

"And what did I do to get such notoriety?" I asked, slightly bemused.

"Well, you pissed somepony off, for starters."

"If you're hearing about it, it must have been someone worth pissing off." I said with a chuckle. Wait... Chuckles.

"You could say that," she said ambiguously. I waited for further explanation and got nothing but silence.

"... Well? Spill it. Who is this asshole and what does he do?" She looked around furtively before stepping closer.

"They call him 'Sharky'." When she paused to look around again, I started to laugh. I couldn't control myself. "Stop laughing!" She hissed at me. When I finally calmed down and sighed, I looked up at her.

"Darlin' I'm gonna need another beer before I hear this." She brought another over and leaned back in to talk to me.

"He's called Sharky. Part of an organized crime syndicate active here in the city." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah yeah. You know there may be folks around here that are intimidated by that bullshit, but I ain't one of them." She shook her head at me.

"You don't have to be scared. Just be careful. I'm surprised you haven't heard anything from them yet." I shrugged.

"Well, I woke up with a horse head in my bed this morning, but that's normal." She looked at me with a mixture of shock and disbelief and I put my hands up. "Joking. Seriously speaking though, what's this gang gonna do? Beat me up?" She shrugged.

"Or worse. Probably not. The law is looking for him right now, so he could be lying low. That said, he never was one for subtlety."

"No kiddin'. Well, hey darlin' as much as I'd like to keep chattin' it up with ya, I need to get to drinkin' or the night's gonna be over before I have the chance to, so maybe you could just bring me another shot... or five?" She walked off and came back with a drink and went back to cleaning the bar.

"Why are you drinking tonight?" I could tell it wouldn't be nearly as quiet as I'd like it to be.

"Stuff and things," I said dismissively.

"Mare trouble?"

"And then some."

She was quiet for a long while after that, content with letting me rack up a little more of a tab every half hour or so. When the room finally started to tilt a little, she posed another question.

"Are you even worried about him?" I stared at the bottle in front of my face and shrugged.

"Why should I be?"

"Because... He's dangerous?" I continued to look at the bottle. I couldn't think of Fishy or whatever the fucker's name was. My mind kept drifting back to Ponyville. To her. John, you wanna go back. Go. Swallow your fucking pride and go, you stubborn bastard.

"Well?" The bartender asked loudly and I snapped out of my stupor.

"Huh?"

"I said he's dangerous. Doesn't that matter?" I shrugged again.

"It is what it is." She shook her head and walked away. I looked at my bottle again and for some reason... Couldn't quite put my finger on it, but for some reason I just didn't feel like drinking anymore. I pulled out a large sack of bits and looked at the mare behind the bar.

"What's the damage?"

"Huh?"

"How much do I owe you?" She tallied up the copious amounts of liquor I already drank and came back to me.

"90 bits." I fished out a hundred fifty and left it all on the bar.

"Keep it. Take care. Thanks for the heads up." She looked at me like I was a fool.

"YOU take care. You need luck more than I do, now." I waved at her and stepped out into the breezy night. I looked around long enough to get my bearings before starting off in the direction of the hotel.

You know what to do, John.

Yeah. Took me this long to figure it out, but yeah. I do.

I made my way slowly out of the elevator onto my floor. The hallway looked an awful lot longer than it should, but no matter. My bed was only a few minutes away at this point. In my slightly intoxicated state of mind, I didn't notice the pry marks on my door.

I didn't notice that it was barely shut.

I didn't notice anything wrong with the scene until I stepped into the room.

The entire place had been torn apart. Bedsheets were thrown around and the mattresses were slashed. The drawers of the dresser were pulled out and dumped around the floor and the chairs were tossed haphazardly around the room with the tables lying over on their sides.

I stood frozen in the doorway for a few moments, taking much too long to assess the situation than I should have. When I finally realized what had happened, I jumped forward and searched the room desperately. No. No it can't have happened.

I found the black duffel bag, upended and empty, all the clothes strewn around the floor and the pack of cigarettes trampled. The bits were nowhere to be seen.

"Motherfuckers," I growled and bent over the mess that was a good bag when I heard a soft clop on the carpet. My carpet. In my room. I spun around quickly and was met immediately by a hard hoof to the jaw, knocking me on my ass. I struggled to stand up, but was quickly pinned on either side by the intruders. Still dazed, I couldn't make out who opened my balcony door and stepped inside. Slowly, my vision came into focus and I saw the stallion step closer with a wicked grin.

"Mr. Marshall. The human. How nice to see you again." I looked at him before recognition dawned on me.

"You?! You're that asshole from the casino!"

"Yes. Me. What, you think you can just get away with messing with me? YOU think you can just come into MY town and make a fool out of ME? In the middle of the Silver Cloud?!" I laughed at his face.

"You don't need MY help in that department. You're doin' a pretty good job on your own there, chico." He nodded at one of the goons and I got another hoof to the face. I groaned and looked at him again, that fucked up grin still plastered to his face.

"Jesus, all this over a thousand chips? Gimme a fuckin' break here." Sharky nodded again and my captors wordlessly began mercilessly kicking the shit out of my ribs.

"The chips aren't the point here. It's the principle. You disrespected me." I scowled at the stallion on my right before looking back at Sharky.

"You've gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me. Whatdya think you are? Some kind of boss? Yer a two-bit thug wannabe." The stallion smiled and nodded again to his cronies. They started hitting me again. Repeatedly. Harder and harder, not letting up for a second. A minute went by and the 'boss' raised a hoof and had them stop.

"Mr. Marshall, I think you'll realize I'm just a little more than that. Besides. Better to be a cheap criminal than a bastard monkey with no teeth." I got another vicious kick to the face and tasted blood. I could already feel my face swelling. "But, Mr. Marshall, you'll live through this. If only to stand as a warning. Nobody messes with me."

I spit some blood in his general direction and scowled.

"You might scare everybody else, but yer gonna have to try just a little harder with me." Sharky smiled a big, toothy grin before slowly walking around to my head.

"Night night, Mr. Marshall."

His hoof came down and the lights went out.

Keep the Wolves Away

Well the workin' man does his best to provide
Safety and shelter for kids and a wife
Givin' a little of his soul every day
Makin' overtime to keep the wolves away

My eyes opened the next day while the daylight spilled into the room around me. I started to lift myself off the cot and look around, but a hoof gently pushed me back down.

"Easy, Mr. Marshall. Relax for a moment. Take a few breaths; you're gonna be okay." I looked around again, this time seeing the chocolate-colored pegasus mare.

"Where am I?"

"You're in the Las Pegasus Royal Guard Barracks. I'm Rain Maker, one of the resident medics. Take it easy for a minute and I'll bring you something to drink."

As she trotted out of the room, I sat up slowly. Royal Guard Barracks, huh? The sterile, white room was glaring into my eyes when I realized I was in something that looked like a drunk tank. I felt myself over, making sure I still had everything important. Luckily, no one found the knife at the small of my back and breathing a sigh of relief; I pulled up on of the legs of my jeans and put it safely in a boot. A minute later, the mare returned with a cup of water that I graciously accepted. She sat down and regarded me with a concerned look.

"Mind telling me what happened?" she asked. I felt my face. The pain I was rewarded with told me everything I needed to know about how I looked.

"I pissed off the wrong pony, apparently." She chuckled.

"Las Pegasus has a way of finding ponies that you don't want to do that to."

"Yeah. Some asshat that didn't like it when I pointed out he was a sore loser," I said with a wince. Moving my face too much hurt like hell.

"Well, making someone look like a mule isn't usually advisable." I looked at her pointedly.

"Oh really? I just figured he was doin' it so well on his own, he had to know already." Her gaze moved over my face.

"Well, he must have not thought so." I sighed and took another sip of water.

"I guess my next question would be: why am I here?" Slowly, she explained the situation.

"You were found by hotel staff in your room, unconscious. The royal guard was contacted and we picked you up."

"Y'all make a report?" I asked, curious.

"Word was sent to the Captain of the Guard this morning. We're waiting on a reply." Almost as quickly as she said it, somepony walked in with a piece of parchment. Rain stood up quickly and snapped a sharp salute.

"Lieutenant! Any news from Canterlot?" The older stallion nodded slowly.

"We're to take Mr. Marshall to Canterlot as soon as possible. Is he ready to travel?" The subordinate nodded once.

"Yes sir, I-" Quickly, I interrupted and stood up.

"No, I don't think I'll be goin' just yet." The lieutenant looked at me in alarm.

"What did you-"

"I said, I'm not goin'. I'll report back in a couple of days and go then." The officer looked angry. Like nopony had ever talked to him like that before.

"By order of the Royal Guard, you are to accompany me immediately!" I laughed.

"What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" He scowled menacingly.

"You're surrounded by a garrison of Her Majesty's Royal Guard. What's stopping me?" I laughed in his face at that.

"Sir, with all due respect: Go fuck yourself. I'm not a citizen of Equestria, I'm not a subordinate of yours and even if I was a member of the Guard, you wouldn't have authority over me and you damn sure wouldn't be in my leadership. Now, I'm not askin'," I said, drawing myself to my full height, "I'm tellin' you that I'll be back to 'surrender myself into your custody' another time." I grabbed all of my salvaged personal effects including my clothes and smokes and grabbed somepony's pack from the main room, cramming my stuff inside of it. "And I'm borrowing this."

I started to walk out of the barracks with the stallion sputtering and spitting in my wake. I tuned him out. John, what are you doing? I thought you already decided to go home?

Shit changed. I've got something to take care of.

I came back to Light City that evening after dark. Just as before, when I was stalking the changeling, I could in no way be subtle about public movement, so I had to settle with incredibly casual. I stepped into the bar and immediately caught the attention of everypony inside, bartender included. I came up to the bar and sat down on a stool.

"Miss, do you remember that amazing tip I gave ya last time?" She scanned my face and saw the grotesque bruises Sharky left the other night. Her eyes softened knowingly.

"Yes," she said finally.

"Mind buyin' me a beer while I ask you some questions?" She walked off and popped the top on a beer while I lit a smoke. They might have smashed the packs, but most of them were just bent a little... It all smoked the same, trust me. Hesitant at first, the barmaid placed the bottle in front of me and leaned her forelegs on the bar so we could hold our hushed conversation.

"So what happened?"

"Stuff. I wanna know everything you got on that Sharky character." She shook her head vigorously.

"No."

"I'm not gonna say a thing. You gonna say somethin'? They won't hear it," I said as I waved in the direction of the other patrons across the bar. "Just between us. Talk to me." Again, she looked around and frowned.

"Okay, okay." I turned my ear towards her and kept watch while she talked. "He's wanted for a lot of things, but mostly bribing local police, various acts of violence and a few extortion jobs." I nodded, signaling that I was still listening.

"Where is he usually? I imagine the police haven't caught him yet because of the bribes. Like you said, he isn't subtle."

"If he's not out mixing in the casinos, he's in the Lucky no.7."

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a small bar a few blocks west down the next street North along the Strip."

"Does he keep an entourage with him?"

"Just a couple of stallions, but that's a private bar and a syndicate hideout. You won't find any friends inside." She added quickly.

"Won't need 'em." I said, draining the rest of the beer and standing up. "Thanks for the drink."

"Mr. Marshall, don't do anything. He's dangerous. You've already seen this." I looked her dead in the eyes, holding her gaze for a few seconds before speaking.

"You and Sharky both made the same mistake." She looked at me, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You've both assumed that I'm nothin' to worry about."

With that said I tossed the cigarette butt on the floor and ground it out with my boot, my knife rubbing comfortably against my ankle while I stepped towards the door.

"Mr. Marshall," she called back to me. I turned around as I touched the swinging front door. She walked around from behind the bar and came up to me.

"He'll be using the back door... Be careful." I nodded and walked off wordlessly into the night.

Lucky no.7 was easy to find. It was just like she said: a couple of blocks to the west. It was the only bar up or down the street that I could see, but nobody moved around outside of it aside from a burly bouncer. Casually, I ducked into the alley that ran behind the row of buildings, looking for a place to observe from. Five minutes later, I was perched on the third floor fire escape of an apartment building across the corner from the speakeasy.

The alley was empty. I had almost expected a doorman at the back, but some kind of surveillance even more so. Nothing stirred back there for hours, but I kept my focus on the door, glancing around every once in a while to make sure no one else was coming along to see me.

It was well past midnight when the back door finally opened and out came Sharky and several other ponies. After a brief conversation and some laughing, they split ways. I heard their last words to each other: an arrangement to meet up and get ready for another job. Well boys, it's too bad you won't be seein' him much longer. I put out my cigarette and started my quiet climb down.

Sharky had already made it to the end of the alley by the time I climbed down and started my pursuit properly, careful to stay in the shadows and not make too much noise. He walked slowly and alone. His self-assurance in a place like this would be his mistake. My words to him the other night played back in my head. You might scare everybody else, but yer gonna have to try just a little harder with me.

A few blocks more to the west and the town continued to get a little more seedy. Trash blew in the wind and the buildings were in a state of disrepair. My target came to a street corner and stopped, looking around expectantly. Slowly, out of the shadows came a mare. I couldn't see her that well, but in the quiet night, I easily heard the conversation.

"Hey baby. You lookin' for a good time?"

"Oh yeah, sweetie. Why don't we go back to my place and work something out?"

"I'm yours for the night, handsome!" I felt myself deflate. It was a goddamn hooker.

John, I'd say tonight is scrapped. Follow him to his place and come back when she leaves.

I followed, listening to the conversation and keeping my distance just in case.

"You remember the place, right girl?"

"How could I forget?" So... It's habitual.

"You just wait for tonight, doll... I'll give you something you'll die thinking of." Something about the inflection in his voice sounded to me like it would be just a little more than his dick. I continued to monitor him intently. A short walk later and Sharky and his escort turned towards a small house and walked up to the door. 247 Oak Leaf Street. Done deal, John. now bug out. No... Something isn't right. Sharky opened the door and pushed the professional girl inside roughly.

"Hey!" She said in protest.

"Shut up, bitch," he said quickly and closed the door behind them. Shit, John. Now what? Gonna be a Peeping Tom? This isn't good. I quickly approached the house and saw a light flip on towards the back. Muffled talking could be heard through the window of the room. I sat under the windowsill and listened in.

"Hey baby, it's all good. You know I like it a little rough!" the mares voice rose up again in reply.

"That's gonna cost extra this time, stud. My boss doesn't like it when you mishandle his girls."

"If he wants to say anything, he can say it to my face. He knows where to find me." I heard the bed creak as the two ponies flopped onto it and started to get busy. I moved around to the back of the house and looked for a way in. The back door I found was locked. This isn't Ponyville, John. They're a little more cautious here. Yeah, yeah.

I found a window to open and inspected it for weakness. The panes looked weak as hell, but they would still make noise if I broke them. I pulled my knife out of the sheath and started to work on the molding between the panes. If I could get one loose, I could reach through the hole and unlock the window. It was then that I heard the headboard in the next room start bouncing off the wall. You're too busy to hear anything now, chico.

I worked slowly, trying to quietly whittle away enough wood to loosen the glass from the window. Get in, get some intelligence and get out. It took a couple of minutes, but finally the pane fell out into my palm. After setting it down in the grass, I reached inside and flipped the latch to release the window, allowing me to slide it up. Softly and quietly, I climbed through; once again careful not to make my presence known. After I got in, I pulled the blinds behind me, concealing the open window.

The room I came into looked like a small office. A couple of filing cabinets stood in the corner and a large desk sat facing the door. I poked around a little in my search for something that would give me a clue to what his habits were. I saw the closet and desk as potential goldmines, but was interrupted by the sound of a voice traveling through the house. I noticed too late that the headboard wasn't making any noise anymore.

"I'll be right back. Gonna grab something to... enhance the experience."

Fuck.

I quickly slid under the desk, almost completely hidden, but not if he came in and spent any time looking around. My heart jumped in my chest when the door opened and the light came on. With my knife at the ready and tensed to strike, I waited for him to find me coiled under the desk.

Fuck John... Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Shit Fuck Fuck

Sharky's hoofsteps drew close, started to come around the side of the desk and I tensed further. Easy, John... Easy.

I heard a cabinet open and some keys jingle before he moved away and towards the closet. Things were shuffled around inside and I heard the telltale click of a lock and a door creaking open. A safe, huh? Worth inspection. A few moments later and the keys landed on the desk with a clatter and the door to the room closed behind him. I waited for a couple of beats before coming out of my hiding place and snagging the keys from the desk. After a quick search of the closet, I found the wall safe partly hidden behind a couple of coats. Fur coats. Well, son of a bitch. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. The guy was into a lot of shady bullshit, why not illegal furs?

The safe opened easily and inside I found a lot more than I expected. Several small packets of white powder sat atop a huge sack stuffed with bits. My bits. I thought to myself. I heard a loud snort from the next room and shook my head. Before too much longer, the headboard of the bed started banging against the wall again. Shoving the drugs in my pocket and tossing the bits into my pack, I closed the safe and made for the window. Raised voices stopped me in my tracks.

"What are you doing?!"

"Shut up!"

"That hurts! Get your hooves off me!"

"Shut UP!" I heard a struggle and a cry of pain. I fucking knew it. Strangled cries squeaked out of her mouth and the bed slammed harder against the wall. What to do, John... Be a good guy tonight, or play it safe? I hesitated at the window. No. I had to, now.

Quietly, I moved to the door and pushed my way into the hall, knife at the ready. She cried out again and I heard the sound of him hitting her. I eased the pack off my back and creaked open the bedroom door to peek inside. Sharky had his hooves pressed against her throat and was seriously gettin' after it. Slowly and carefully, I moved into the room in a slight crouch, quietly stalking up behind the pony. I saw the mare's eyes bulging and her struggle became weaker and weaker. Sharky had his perpetual grin plastered across his face. Fucking psychotic asshole. Anything that would have been in my mind keeping me from harming a pony was gone and I set my jaw.

Ready, John? 3.... 2.... 1.... Go.

I leapt from behind him, throwing my arm around his neck and catching him completely by surprise. My full weight against his back caused him to collapse on top of his victim. In a quick movement, I slid the knife between the two bottom ribs, aiming for the kidneys or the bottom of a lung. A surprised cough escaped the stallion and he tensed. Gripping his sides with my knees, I rolled off the bed, pulling him off the mare and crashing to the floor with his back on top of my chest. I lost my breath for a second, but never let go of my grip. As soon as he was removed, the mare coughed and sputtered; her voice was hoarse and weak. Sharky struggled briefly on top of me, his legs flailing uselessly in the air as I pulled his head back towards mine and whispered in his ear.

"Better to be a monkey with a knife than a prick mob boss with a mean streak." His eyes opened wide in recognition and he coughed a few more times, producing a little blood.

I slid the knife out of his side and plunged it back in lower all the way to the hilt. I felt his body shudder under the trauma I was causing to his system. I twisted the blade in his side, shredding anything around it and inflicting massive amounts of pain that caused him to cry out... as much as he could. I could feel the wind whistling through the hole next to my arm, blood bubbling and frothy with air. For the first time, the smile was replaced with shock and terror.

I removed the blade and plunged it back in, closer to the heart this time and further tearing apart the wounded lung.

"Wha.... wha.... wha..."

"What's the matter? Monkey got your tongue?"

"Wha.... wha..... wha..."

My reply was to remove the knife from his side, turn it over in my hand and hold it in front of his face, showing him the color of his own blood.

"How's it feel, Chuckles? Think you're ever gonna smile again?" He started to struggle harder while the drugs in his system barely kept him conscious. "You let me live. You shouldn't have. I'm not all that sorry to say that I won't be extendin' you the same courtesy."

"Wha... wait." He finally croaked out. Quickly, I jammed the knife into his throat, opening his windpipe and severing his carotid artery. The tip of the blade didn't stop until it slammed against his spine. I felt the life ebb from his body slowly, eventually going limp. I held him tight for another thirty seconds, making sure I didn't feel a heartbeat or his chest rise with breath. When I was satisfied, I pulled my knife out and pushed his lifeless form off me. The hooker was wheezing slightly on the bed, still largely unaware of what just happened.

I wiped the blood off my knife on Sharky's dead body before slowly standing up and getting a good look at the poor mare. She looked at me and her eyes went wide at the sight of all the blood. If she could have screamed, she might have, but her throat was still in too much pain to form words. I looked at her stoically and eased her fears... Slightly.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, but if you say a word about this, I'll make sure somepony visits you in the night. Do you understand?" She nodded slowly and massaged her neck. I moved out into the hall to grab my bag. Dumping most of the bits into the pack, I left about three hundred or so in the sack and tossed it on the bed.

"Take that and get out of town. Get a train ticket and don't stop until the railroad ends." She nodded again. "Go. Now." The stern tone I had taken with her galvanized her into action and she picked herself up and left the house as quickly as she could. I thought I scared her enough to keep her trap shut, but you never can tell. Cleanup time, John.

I moved with a purpose. Quickly, I pulled the sheets off the bed and wrapped the body inside of them. I drug it to the hallway towards the middle of the smaller house, ignoring his personal items on the walls. Pictures, presumably of family members, adorned the hallway... just like any normal house. Not my fault you're blood is a psychopathic asshole.

Once making it to the hall, I stripped out of my bloody clothes and put on some clean ones, tossing the stained evidence on the pile of sheets. Searching the kitchen cupboards produced a bottle of kerosene that I dumped all over the pile of shit in the hall, making sure to use every last drop. I noticed that the oven in the kitchen was a gas range, so thinking quickly, I pulled it from the wall and kicked the hose loose, slowly filling the house with gas. I walked back into the hall and lit a cigarette, looking at the bloody mess at my feet.

"Burn in hell, motherfucker."

Dropping the match on the pile and moving to the back door, I started counting down from thirty. I opened the door and stepped into the night.

25... 24... 23... 22...

I picked up the pace as I made my way around the side of the house.

18... 17... 16... 15...

I turned my fast walk into a jog once I hit the street, putting as much distance from me and the house before the attention of the neighborhood would be on me.

10... 9... 8... 7...

The rough estimate proved to be close to correct. A deafening explosion rocked the residential area and I darted into the nearest alley out of sight from the street, once again walking calmly into the night.

It was early morning the next day when I arrived in Canterlot. The chariot landed in a familiar courtyard and I stepped off to walk inside. My transport flew off quickly to report back at Las Pegasus, leaving me alone in the growing light. As I started for the main doors, they slowly opened and out walked the one and only Captain Shining Armor. He strode forward with a confident smile, meeting me halfway between the landing area and the enormous double doors.

"Well, well. If it isn't John Marshall. A pleasure as always to have you here." I blinked owlishly, tired from the journey.

"I'm sure the pleasure is all yours."

"Still an abrasive drunk, I see." I smiled icily at him.

"Still a fuckin' prick, I see." He chuckled and shrugged off the comment.

"You mind telling me why you were so late coming back? I believe I sent for your transport here early yesterday." He said accusingly.

"I had to put some affairs in order before I left that place in the dust. I'm sure you understand." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Yes, it seems that no matter how hard you try, there's always something to take care of. Some kind of trouble."

"Trouble... Sure. At any rate, what does the illustrious Royal Guard need from me that's so damn important?"

"Well Mr. Marshall, this doesn't have anything to do with your extra-curricular activities whatever those might be, but we do need you to do something." He said finally.

"Another changeling to kill, or are you out of the contract killing business?" The captain shook his head.

"No, but close. I do have something to show you, though."

We made our way into the castle and headed down a flight of stairs into a sub-level of the castle that could only be one thing: the dungeon. We took a right down a long corridor lined with solid metal doors. A hundred yards down this long hall, two guards stood on either side of a door. When I approached, I read the words painted on the exterior in red letters.

Extremely Dangerous: Do Not Handle Without Supervision

Shining Armor pulled me into a side room and we sat down. The interrogation room was set up like a police station interview room and sitting chained to the chair while facing the one-way mirror was a changeling drone. Shining looked at me expectantly.

"Well? What do you think?" I shrugged at him.

"Okay? The fuck do you want from me, then?" He closed the door and approached me slowly.

"I felt like you should have a more official role in the activities of the Royal Guard... and the princesses agree. You would be quietly given the special agent rank and authorized a secret clearance in order to grant you access to-" I cut him off there.

"I don't want your position. I don't want rank, I don't want clearance, I don't want shit from you except to leave me the fuck alone. Now tell me what you want so I can say fuck no." Shining Armor shrugged.

"It would be a simple information extraction. Our current operations are privileged information, but essentially, we need more information before we can plan the mission." My interest was piqued.

"I would need to know what kinds of questions to ask. What's the mission?" Shining looked uncomfortable at first, reluctant to say anything.

"Basically a maneuver to find and remove the changeling threat on a... greater scale." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You want me to torture this creature in order to get the information necessary for you to invade and exterminate a race?" Undaunted, Shining Armor continued.

"We haven't had any luck getting it to talk. We need somepony with experience and-"

"That's the thing, Shiney... I don't have that kinda experience." He shook his head.

"Perhaps not, but you've shown a considerable ability to adapt to many adverse situations effectively and deal with other problems creatively. My ponies can't do that nearly as well."

"And you think that would qualify them to attack the enemy at its home?" The captain was silent. "With all due respect... and I mean with ALL due respect... Your best ponies are close to detectives in their skill level and most of the rest are barely better than security guards." His chest puffed out and I held up a hand. "No, captain. You're not gonna convince me otherwise.

"Equestria, other than its problems, is a peaceful place and has been for centuries. You have little to no experience in war other than theory and the brief defense of Canterlot a few years ago. If you'll remember, y'all got yer asses handed to you and YOU weren't even in a position to lead. Your ponies aren't ready for war and they never will be."

He stopped. Instead of protesting, he looked at the creature through the window. I continued my explanation.

"And I'm willin' to bet that your morbid curiosity with death is a sure sign that you've never had a hand in it... or a hoof I should say." He sighed heavily. No longer the tough exterior that he usually showed, he looked more worn down. Tired. A far cry from the hard-ass I usually had to deal with. I let him talk.

"Mr. Marshall... John... The Incursion showed us how unprepared we would be for anything of that type. We need an edge. I have to protect my ponies. It's my responsibility to keep this place safe."

"I understand, but at the time, security is what you need to focus on, not running off into the woods, beating your chest and getting slaughtered for the sake of doing something." He looked at me desperately.

"Then HELP us. Get the changeling to give us something. ANYTHING. Name your price and its yours. We need this." I sighed and shook my head.

"Captain, you're lucky I'm even considering it at this point. It's fast approaching the time when I'll tell you to shove it up your ass." He looked up at me with a somber face.

"If it helps to motivate you, we found this one in Ponyville, too. Lurking around the Carousel Bouti-" I turned and walked out the door to the hallway. My hands shaking, I pulled a cigarette out of a pack and put it in my mouth. The matches wouldn't strike and I dropped four before I finally got the smoke lit. After a deep drag, I walked calmly back inside and pulled Shining Armor close to me by his gold-plated chest piece.

"Tell me everything."

I waited patiently for my face to heal up. A few days after my conversation with Shining Armor, I was getting ready for the interrogation. My blood boiled at the thought of the changeling caught looking into the window of the boutique. It wasn't long before I had the guard move the creature to the cell I wanted to work in. The sterile white of the room Shining had set up wasn't intimidating.

The tools I asked for raised a few eyebrows at first, but the captain quickly signed off on everything I desired. In exchange for my 'specialized services' I was to be granted a home in Ponyville, built to my liking with a small sum of money in addition. The castle architect was sent out to help me draw up designs and make sure it stayed well within the allotted budget. It was still not excessively expensive, coming in at just under what my first job paid out because the material costs were kept low and affordable for the most part and labor wasn't hard to come by. Personally, I was just happy at the prospect of having a place to call my own.

When I wasn't busy with other things, I was spending the time using the Royal Guard's gym, trying desperately to get myself back into the shape I used to be. Pushups and sit-ups every once in a while weren't cutting it and I'd lost a combined twenty pounds since I'd arrived in Equestria. My diet mostly became as much protein I could stand in the form of eggs, beans and fish.

When the day finally rolled around for the job, I woke up and pumped out a couple dozen pushups. A quick workout like that tenses your muscles and makes them look bigger than they are at rest. Shining Armor came to get me in the barracks where I stayed.

"Are you ready, John?"

"More than ready."

We took the trip down to the lowest levels of the dungeon. Updated from the throwbacks of the medieval ages, these rooms were stonewalled, reinforced and slightly modernized. It was installed with another one-way mirror and speakers I specifically asked for. The former so that someone could watch without being seen and the latter for blasting loud noises and music into the room. The soundproofed door made sure nothing was heard outside.

The changeling was moved into the room the week before, given only minimal food and water and subjected to the loudest and most obnoxious music we could find as per my request. At this point, it was suffering from a mild case of sleep deprivation and the beginnings of starvation. The chair it was tied to was the only thing standing in the room other than the small cart full of tools I asked to be wheeled in.

The live and captive changeling was a special case. When they know they're caught, they disguise themselves as ponies in order to elicit feelings of guilt or conscience... even sympathy, hence the "Don't handle without a boss present" sign on the first door.

I stood outside of the room with Shining Armor and looked at him, determined to see this through.

"Are you sure you're ready?" He asked apprehensively.

"Are YOU sure you're ready? This is a whole 'nother ball game. Its more than just killin' somethin'." He nodded so I patted him on the shoulder. "Then get ready to start writing." He walked off into the side room and took a seat, looking at the changeling intently. I stepped in to look at my victim.

"How long since it's had contact with something?"

"About four hours."

"Has it slept at all?" Shining shook his head.

"Briefly a couple of days ago. We started up the speakers a few hours later."

"Good. Shut them off." Shining did as I asked and killed the noise. With a look of surprise, the changeling started turning its head, now confused at what was happening, but still too tired from the lack of sleep and sugar. I stepped out of the room and closed the door, this time pushing open the interrogation room and walking inside. As soon as the door opened, the changeling transformed into an elderly mare.

"Please, sonny... Let me out," it moaned. "I haven't done anything wrong!" Once I stepped into view however, it flashed back to its normal form, hissing at me angrily.

"Yeah, you know who I am." I said calmly. "Do you know what I do to things like you?" It hissed again and tried to buzz its wings. "Yeah, I'm guessing you do. I'm sorta famous around here." Without missing a beat, I picked up a hammer and smashed it down on the creature's knee, causing it to cry out in pain.

"Now, I know you can speak my language, but you ain't. You should probably start that real quick." It started to hiss again and I smashed the other knee, eliciting a similar reaction as before. "Now, look here. I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I already know the answer to. I'm also gonna ask a few questions that I DON'T know the answer to. You don't tell me the truth and you get hurt. It's a pretty simple game, really. You lie and you piss me off. The only rule about this game is that you don't piss me off. Are we clear?"

It hissed again. I crouched in front of it and held the hammer above a foreleg.

"What was that? I didn't quite understand you?" In a flash of green fire, the changeling transformed into a carbon copy of myself. The only difference being that both knees were broken and bloody. I held the hammer over the copy's hand. I watched the face distort as it voiced its opinion.

"You will NEVER stop the changelings! The Legions will find a way to capture Equestria. Long live the Brood!" It cried in my voice. I looked at it with my head cocked to the side.

"Right. You know, that's great and all but you've gotta figure out how to do that first. So, what is your name?"

"I'm John Marshall." Quickly and viciously, I swung the hammer several times down on the hand, hearing the cracks of bone and bringing a cry of pain.

"No. What is your name?"

"Cl... Cl... Clax."

"Clax... Now we're gettin' somewhere. Now Clax, I'm gonna tell you something. This hammer ain't the only thing I have to hurt you with, okay?" The John Marshall copy nodded. "Okay now, what were you doin' in Ponyville?"

"No!" I smashed the other hand several times in reply. "I'll tell! I'll tell! I was looking for somepony!"

"Who?"

"One of the Elements. We know that they are around Ponyville. We know they are a formidable force." It explained.

"Yeah, yeah... Why?" The changeling immediately stopped talking and was stock still. "Okay. Have it your way." I walked over to the tools and selected a pair of bolt cutters. Showing them off, I walked back to the fake me and slipped the cutters over a finger. "You wanna talk yet?"

Quickly, the changeling changed back. Seeing that I was without a finger to cut, I shrugged and went for one of the horns.

"You wanna rethink that one?" I barely left enough time for it to think anyway before putting pressure on the cutters and biting into the horn. The changeling hissed defensively and squealed in pain. Instead of thinking of this, I imagined dehorning a cow. A loud snap cut through the room and the changeling shrieked. When it changed back to me, there was a small piece of skull missing. Quickly it began to talk.

"We're planning a.... a.... an invasion."

"And so you're looking to disable the Elements of Harmony?"

"Yes!" I stepped outside quickly, leaving him alone for a minute. Shining Armor came out of the side room shortly after.

"Did you hear that?" I asked him, incredulous. He hung his head and shook it lightly side to side.

"I knew it. I didn't know how, but I knew that it would be something bad." I looked at him for a second.

"Hey, your sister can handle herself. Don't worry."

"I know, I know. What now?" He asked.

"Gimme the sugar." Shining then produced a bowl of sugar from inside the room. The sweet crystalline substance would be sure to drive the changeling wild. He handed it to me and walked back in the interview room while I walked back inside of my room.

Almost immediately, there was a change in it. Hungrily eying the bowl, he had to have already smelled the presence of a food source.

"Yeah, I was told you hadn't had much to eat in a while. This is yours, but there IS a catch. You have to tell me which of the Elements are targeted." Clax looked hesitant at first, but I was intent on learning this information. To give him something to think about, I set the bowl on the floor and picked up the bolt cutters again.

"NO! No! Wait! ...I'll tell you."

"You seem really eager to talk. What, not afraid of gettin' into trouble?" The copy shook its head.

"If we're captured, we are disconnected. I have nothing but the pain, now."

"Alright then. Let's see what we can do for you, but first you have to tell me who the targets are." He opened his mouth and started to blab.

"The yellow one is not currently an option. The army has no counter for the phenomena known as "The Stare." The pink one is a possible choice, but her abilities to disregard basic rules of nature make her almost impossible to corner and catch. The rainbow pegasus and the farmer are too strong to risk a direct confrontation with and the Element of Magic is too powerful even alone. This leaves only one option: the dressmaker... Generosity."

"Is the plan now abandoned?"

"I don't know. I was disconnected after capture." I nodded.

"How many changelings are there?"

"The numbers grow by the week. There are legions of us." I nodded my head and looked at him again.

"So as long as the Elements of Harmony are active, you will not attack?" I asked. The changeling shook his head vigorously.

"And we dare not attempt another incursion such as the last one." Without saying another word, I picked up the bowl and set it in the changeling's lap. As I walked out, his cries of frustration could be heard in the hall before the door sealed shut behind me. I frowned as I walked down the hallway, waiting on Shining Armor.

Rarity... Son of a bitch.

Doctor My Eyes

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me.

It was another week in Canterlot before I caught a ride back to Ponyville. Shining Armor asked me question after question regarding my knowledge of warfare, continuously feeling out the possibility of an assault into Changeling territory. I made myself quite clear on multiple occasions that he shouldn't do it, but finally, I convinced him not to.

"Look, the numbers are against you! You can't expect to win with this kind of action."

"I already told you this, John. I have to try!" I shook my head and grabbed his shoulder.

"Shining, I don't like this at all. You'll just end up stirring up a hornet's nest that you can't escape. Just let sleeping dogs lay!"

"But they're NOT sleeping! We know they're planning something. We have to-"

"We also know that the only time they'll ever try anything is if the Elements are out of action. Last time, they got the drop on you. Don't let it happen again and it won't." He sighed heavily and looked me in the eye.

"What would you have me do?" I bit my lip and thought for a moment before answering.

"Step up the guard on the border and around the princesses. Have them check in periodically. Use code. Nothing written down and nothing that can be guessed. As soon as a guard post goes quiet, you'll know."

"Know what?"

"That they've been infiltrated. Put trusted lieutenants from Canterlot in command and make sure to screen the runners. Have them all know different codes for the different posts and look for discrepancies."

"What if they bypass the guard completely and go straight for the girls? Shouldn't we step up patrols around Ponyville?" I shook my head.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. Once they see that, they'll have to change the plan. They'll know we're onto them. I'll stay in Ponyville and guard the best I can." Shining gave me a look.

"And how good would that be against a large changeling force?"

"You would be surprised. Besides, you heard it from the bug itself. The girls are too strong. Somethin' big starts headin' into town and we'll be ready."

He walked with me to the courtyard where Arrow and Cross were waiting. I climbed up and looked over to my shoulder to the Captain. He looked from Cross and Arrow, then back to me.

"Even so, I want you to take these two. They're a couple of my best and I know they'll help." Cross looked up.

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

"Granted."

"What in the Goddess' green world are you talking about?" Shining looked back to me.

"Marshall will fill you in. At this point, you two are officially under his command... if that's alright with him." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Just remember what I said, okay? Beef up the border and escorts. Use code. Do NOT provoke an attack." He nodded reluctantly.

"Have a safe trip, John. Good luck to you."

"Same to you, Cap'n"

About halfway to Ponyville, I had Arrow and Cross set us down so I could fill them in.

"Look guys, the Captain says this is all need-to-know info and I think y'all need to know. The changelings are probing for weaknesses. They're lookin' to make another try." The two guards sat stone-faced as I explained.

"The changelings won't move as long as the Elements of Harmony are still active. So, we're gonna head to Ponyville and make sure to keep those fillies protected. Now, Shining gave y'all to me, but the way this is gonna work is y'all have complete freedom to do what you like. Just do your job and I'll be happy, okay?" Arrow piped up.

"How do you want us to handle this?" I shrugged at him.

"However you see fit. Only thing I have to say is lose the armor and look as civilian as possible."

"Split up?" Cross asked expectantly. I nodded.

"Arrow, you'll shadow Miss Pinkie Pie, Cross, you'll shadow Miss Fluttershy. Don't make it obvious, don't make it uncomfortable for them and for God's sake, don't lose focus. We'll be here indefinitely. That means until Canterlot figures out a more long term solution for us, we're here. Clear?"

"Why don't we just relocate the Elements?" Cross asked.

"We don't want this to be well known and we don't want the enemy to figure out a different plan. This way, we know what they want and how they're gonna try and get it. It'll buy us a little time on figurin' somethin' else out."

"Will there be like... time off? I've got a-" I interrupted Arrow quickly.

"If either of y'all have a marefriend, come and see me. We'll figure something out. It probably won't be the time you want or the way you want it, but we'll work it out. Any more questions?" They both shook their heads and I nodded. "Good. Let's get there and get to work."

They got hitched back up and we took off. I felt the pace quicken at this point as the urgency of the situation hit the guys. Now, they just wanted to get to Ponyville that much faster.

The closer we got to Ponyville, the more anxious I got. Here I was, basically dedicating myself to protect a pony... A pony that more than likely doesn't want anything to do with me

Is there anything you can do about it, John? No. Maybe. Then maybe you should do that something. If not, there's nothing for you to worry about right now, so stop being so strung out over it. Yeah, yeah.

Another hour ticked by and we were nearing the town. The chariot started to drop beneath the clouds and who else but Rainbow Dash was already next to us, flying us in.

"Good to see you finally figured out what's important in life, John!" she called out.

"You've got no idea, Dash. Good to see ya!"

Arrow and Cross brought the chariot down on the far side of town near the hospital. Together, we pulled the chariot just inside the tree line of the Everfree and broke down some tree branches to cover it up and keep it away from prying eyes.

"Hey Sarge," Arrow started, "before we get too involved here, we have a location for your place. Wanna head that way first and move from there?" I nodded sharply.

"Yep. Stash your armor there. If there's enough concealment in the area, we'll move the chariot around nightfall."

We walked along the outskirts of the forest for some time, ambling along and staying away from town. Eventually, we hit a familiar road; it was the path to Fluttershy's cottage. Arrow looked to me and pointed just a hundred yards or so past it towards a new building.

"What do ya think, John?" He asked.

"It'll work. Y'all come on inside and get outta that armor."

I got to the house and immediately noticed there was only a small lock on the door. I made a mental note to upgrade and turned the knob to go inside. The house, like any other, looked much bigger on the inside than the outside. The hardwood floors were bare of any kind of run or furniture except for a small table with a note. I walked over and picked it up, finding the key under it. I dropped the key in my pocket.

"Y'all go on upstairs and put your things in the bedroom. I'm gonna look around." They moved off into the house and I walked to the kitchen to read the small letter.

John,

Hope you find the house to be adequate. Followed your plans the best we could without going over budget. Your key is the only one in existence. If you would like a copy made, please send word and it will be there in a day. Although you refused initially, I felt it was more than appropriate to officially induct you into the Royal Guard as the acting commander of your task force. You already know your duties and we expect that you will perform them admirably. Stay steadfast and strong. The kingdom counts on you.

-Capt. Shining Armor

Goddammit... That's the last thing I wanted. I reread the note several times before crumpling it and tossing it towards a corner. Shit Rusty, no pressure right?

Slowly, I meandered around my new home. Spacious... Modern... it was something I could get used to and definitely something I could see living in for the rest of my life at some point. Arrow and Cross came down the stairs to find me waiting at the door.

"Y'all ready to go?"

"Ready," they chimed in unison.

"Okay, let's head into town. I'll introduce y'all to your charges."

The market was busy as usual for this time of day. I greeted the familiar setting with a smile and a little resurfacing apprehension. Arrow put a hoof on my back and looked at my face.

"You alright Sarge? Nothing's changed. You'll be okay." I shook my head.

"Naw, man. Everything's changed. Just hope it's not to late to change back."

We walked through the market stalls, slowly surveying the crowds. A few ponies saw me and smiled. A few still looked confused, as if they expected me to stay gone. Other than that, it was a normal day. A minute or so in and I heard the first familiar voice so far. Applejack was at her kiosk calling for business.

"Git yer fresh apples here! Right here! Fresh picked apples and fresh baked apple pastries!" She fell silent and I looked around to see just where she was. A few stalls over, she was waiting with Applebloom and talking to another familiar pony, Fluttershy. My apprehension was gone for a few seconds as I strode confidently around the last couple of vendors between us and stood behind the yellow pegasus. Applejack had her back turned, but her little sister spotted me right away. The look of glee on her face was almost irresistible, but I put a finger to my lips and winked at her. Grinning ear to ear and biting her lip, she waited for me to strike as I reached out slowly with one hand towards Fluttershy.

"Oh Applejack," I overheard her say, "It's okay if you can't find it. I'll just come back another time."

"Ah swear it's here somewhere, Fluttershy. Just lemme find it!"

"Oh. Okay."

I paused for a second and looked at Applebloom for a second before wrapping my arms around the yellow mare and bringing her off the ground in a tight bear-hug. She didn't even scream the poor thing. The only sound she made as she went limp in terror was a quiet 'eep'. I buried my face in her mane and squeezed her tight for a few more seconds before turning my head towards her ear.

"Didya miss me, darlin'?"

A slight gasp was heard and I set her down. Applejack turned to look at what the noise was, but froze when she saw me. Fluttershy almost immediately spun around and wrapped her hooves around my waist.

"I'll take that as a yes!" I said with a laugh. Unable to contain herself anymore, the littlest Apple ran out from behind the stall and jumped from the ground to Fluttershy's back, then to my shoulder, putting her hooves around my head and squeezing hard.

"AH MISSED YOU MR. MARSHALL!"

"I missed y'all, too. Just needed some time away to figure it out." I heard Applejack chuckle and I smiled at her. "You want in on this too, AJ? There's plenty to go around." She shook her head and smiled.

"Ah think I'll be fine. That bein' said, I think we need to talk. All of us. Twilight's got a meetin' in the library and everypony's gonna be there." Applebloom jumped off my shoulder and walked around to her sister, still smiling at me. Fluttershy finally let go and took a step back before looking up at me with a placid frown.

"First," she started, "you need to come back to the cottage with me. The girls can all talk to you later, but I need to tell you something." I nodded knowingly.

"Yes ma'am." I turned to Applejack. "Looks like y'all are gonna have to wait. Anyways, I'd like y'all to meet my friends Arrow and Cross. They're new in town, so y'all might be seein' em around here a little more from now on. Anyways, I'll be back in town later today. Library at three?" She nodded once.

"That'll do fine."

"Alright. I'll see y'all later. Boys," I said to the partners, "y'all make yourselves at home. I'll find ya later."

Fluttershy visited a couple more stalls with me in tow. Pinkie Pie ran up just as we were leaving and gave me a tight hug before running off. I looked up for Arrow and saw that he was already tailing her. Nodding in satisfaction, I walked off with Fluttershy towards the edge of town.

The walk to the cottage was quiet. If I tried to ask a question or make small talk, she would either stay silent or give me a one word response. It was harder than hell to gauge just how well this one would go, but mostly I was getting the feeling that she had a lot to get off her chest.

The cottage came into view after a while and Fluttershy walked towards the door calmly and purposefully. I closed the door behind me and stood inside looking around. The yellow mare pointed silently towards the couch against the wall and nodding my head, I sat down.

She placed her bags in the kitchen, came back and started pacing slowly back and forth. After a minute, I decided to break the silence.

"Fluttershy, I-"

"Wait." She said calmly. I nodded and leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees and watching her walk back and forth in front of me.

"John... I'm disappointed in you."

Even though I knew what was coming, her words cut deeper than I would have imagined possible. My head dropped to my chest and I felt like a young man being scolded by his mother.

"To think that you left behind your responsibilities and commitments just to escape your problems."

"Fluttershy, I-"

"We didn't know what happened to you. We thought you would never come back or that one of us did something wrong. We didn't know anything until Dash came back and told us where you were and what you were doing."

"Fluttershy-"

"Even so, we had to hear it from her! That letter you left was garbage, John. You don't just do something like that to your friends! Weren't your exact words to just 'cowboy up'?"

"Fluttershy, please."

"You hurt us, John. You hurt me. I hope you know what you've done."

She had stopped pacing and was now standing in front of me, staring down into my eyes with a sad look on her face. I had so much I wanted to say to her. So much that I couldn't form words. They stuck in my throat with the lump that started to form. Her expression softened slowly. I looked up into her big eyes and choked on my words.

"Oh John..." She moved slowly around to my side and put a hoof around my shoulder. "You're not bad, John. You're just hurt and confused. You have to let us help you. You can't just keep running from problems." I nodded against her cheek and choked back the hurt.

"Would you like us to help you?"

I nodded again.

"Will you let us help you?"

I nodded.

"Do you know how much you mean to us? All of us?"

I hesitated before shaking my head.

"Oh John, we love you. Some of us even more. We don't want you to feel like you have to run away from us." I exhaled heavily and pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, John. We make mistakes. Then we make up for them." I nodded again and put my head in my hands. "You're going to need to start doing something about it, John. You need to start being you. This isn't you. What happened that made you do this?" I shook my head and slowly eased out the words.

"Fluttershy... I can't tell you."

"Yes you can. We can help you, but we need to know."

"No... I don't want you to hate me. I don't want you to be afraid of me." She hugged me tighter.

"John, I couldn't hate you. I just couldn't."

"I... I... can't." After a few moments she sighed.

"John, I promise that I will not judge you. I can't. I promise that no one else will know about it until you're ready for them to know." After a few seconds, I nodded. "Was it something that happened to you where you're from?"

"No."

"Something that happened here? Recent?"

I nodded.

"Is it something we know about?"

"Probably."

"Tell me, John," she pleaded. I sighed and rocked backwards for a second to look at the ceiling. Jesus John, you're really gonna tell her? Yeah. I leaned back forward to look at the floor.

"You know what I used to do for a living, right?" I started calmly.

"You were a soldier. I remember. I haven't heard much else."

"After I was a soldier, I worked for a company that paid me to do some of the same things. We did good things. Sometimes. But what it came down to was I got paid a lot of money to be good at... killing people. And I did, Fluttershy. A lot of people." She recoiled slightly before shaking her head and moving closer, putting a hoof on my hand.

"When I came here, it was a chance to be something better. A quiet life, you know? But goddammit, when Shining Armor heard about what I'd done and that he would pay me for a few things, what was I supposed to do? I tried to say no, but he said you were in danger. That Ponyville was in danger."

"Oh, John..."

"I spent the last few months trying to find anything I could about the changelings. What they were like, what they did, what was the ... most available and efficient way to... kill them. I found it. After months of looking, I found it. Fluttershy, you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." She was silent.

"Caramel is in the hospital because he had been in a cocoon for a few years. The Caramel you've been seein' was an imposter. So, I broke into his house one night before the ball. I broke in and killed it." She held me tighter.

"I'm so sorry."

"It didn't bother me. At all. It was done. But when I went to the ball, I got asked some questions. It made me remember things. Stuff I didn't want to think about. The night was goin' so well. I don't know... It's my fault. I just... I don't know. I shouldn't have done it. I just hurt. So goddamn much. I started drinkin' and I did a bunch of stupid shit. Now, I'm not so sure of anything anymore."

She was still quiet when I finished. I couldn't say anything else. Hell, there was nothing left to say.

"Please don't hate me, Fluttershy."

"Oh John, I know what you used to do. Twilight told us when you left. We know about you and we still love you." I sat back again and pulled away from her.

"I love y'all, too. And I ain't leavin' again. I might have to do some things I don't like, but I'm gonna stay right here." She smiled and nodded.

"As long as you can let us be there for you, it won't be that hard."

The walk to the library was quiet, but pleasant. We passed a few more busy ponies going about their day and finally stopped in front of the library. I looked to Fluttershy, who was still just as calm and strong as before.

"So," I asked her. "What's gonna happen?"

"We agreed that when you came back into town we would all come together and sit down with you. Rainbow came to tell us as soon as she saw you, so everyone's in there waiting."

"Is it gonna be bad?"

"We missed you, John. Not all of us are mad. Really, just two and Applejack isn't really mad, she's just disappointed."

"I can probably guess the angry one." I added quietly.

"She was heartbroken, John. When you left, she didn't know if you'd ever come back. When Dash came back without you, it was just one more thing." I nodded.

"So everyone's in there?"

"Everyone except us." I took a deep breath and held it with my hand on the doorknob. I looked over to Fluttershy's assuring face, exhaled and pushed the door open all at once.

I stepped into the library and immediately six pairs of eyes turned towards me. I took a few more steps in and stopped to look at my friends. They were all still here. They were all still smiling... Kind of. I looked at each of them. Rainbow... Twilight... Pinkie... Applejack... All of them smiling serenely in greeting. I felt Fluttershy touch my arm as she walked past and took her place between Spike and... Rarity. Our eyes met briefly and she looked away. Twilight gestured towards the last empty seat in the room.

"Please sit down, John. We need to talk to you. All of us." I gave a nervous laugh and walked slowly around the room.

"Hah. This ain't one of these bullshit interventions is it? I swear I'm not on drugs or anything." Rainbow laughed, but the rest weren't as amused. Rarity stood up and started for the door.

"I could have told you, Twilight. HE, MOST of all wouldn't take this seriously. You can enjoy his presence as much as you like. I have a large order that needs my utmost attention." Pinkie Pie opened her mouth, but Twilight quickly motioned for her not to protest.

"Rarity," I turned towards her to stop her as she moved quickly for the door, but she rounded on me as soon as my mouth opened.

"NO, John. All of the things we have done for you... All of the things I'VE done for you... You should be ashamed of yourself. Trust me when I say I could live a thousand lives and be perfectly happy in each of them if you never spoke to me again." With that, she slammed the door behind her, leaving the rest of the room in silence. I slowly walked over and took my seat. Twilight shot a worried glance at the door.

"I was afraid of that. John, you have to understand... When you left, we were hurt. Some more than others." I nodded slowly.

"It's alright. I should have taken this seriously." Twilight looked around the room and smiled.

"Well! Now that we're all in and settled, I feel like we should start. John, we all have things that we need to say to you. When you left-" I held up my hand and cautiously interrupted her.

"Twilight, if I could? Really, this isn't necessary. I understand that y'all have a lot of things to say. Fluttershy has told me plenty already. But I'd just like to say one thing. I'm sorry. I've been a lot of things in my life. Stubborn. Foolish. Stupid. When I left, I wasn't thinkin'. I wasn't bein' rational. I don't have excuses and I don't have explanations.

"AJ, I left the job y'all gave me out of the goodness of your hearts without a word. Rainbow, you were to bring me back and I practically blew you off. Pinkie, Twilight... y'all deserved at least an explanation. I know it's gonna take a helluva lot more to ever come close to fixin' this with y'all... But I'm gonna do my best." Unable to contain herself any more, Pinkie jumped up from her seat and ran over to me, threw her hooves around me and squeezed.

"I'm just happy to see you back!" She said in her characteristically bubbly voice.

"It's good to be back, hun."

"I was just so sad, cause I knew you were sad! It made me want you to come back so I could throw a party and cheer you up! Don't leave again, please?" With that, Pinkie shot out of the door and disappeared. AJ and Dash were already walking over.

"Well shoot, John. We just figured you was hurtin' somethin' awful. Granny's gonna need some convincin', but you still got a job with us whenever yer ready ta come on back!" I smiled.

"I appreciate it, hun." Rainbow shook her head and smiled.

"I already chewed you out for ditchin' us like that. I'm just glad we've finally got you back!" she chimed in. The two mares walked out and took off to do their thing, leaving me with Fluttershy and Spike. Twilight looked put out.

"Whats the matter, hun?" I asked her. She pouted briefly before tossing her notes into the air.

"That's not how it was supposed to go. None of this is in the book... We were supposed to go around the room and each say what we planned. I even accounted for Rarity's ten minute speech!. NOW what am I going to do with the next twenty minutes?" I gave a slight chuckle.

"Sorry, Twilight. I guess we'll just have to roll with the punches." She crossed her hooves tightly and heaved a sigh. "Did you have anything you wanted to say to me?"

"No," she said. "I was just going to moderate. Honestly, I could have guessed that this was something you would do eventually. You exhibit many of the classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, not to mention the possibility of alcoholism. These things take time and therapy, which you really haven't done since you came here. It was only a matter of time before this really started to affect you and your relationships. I am glad to see that you're back, though."

"Well, it's like I said. It's good to be back."

"Are you going to be leaving us again?"

"Yes, but you'll all know in advance. And I'll be back for sure." She smiled and nodded.

"Good! You're a good friend to us. We just wanna make sure you're okay." I smiled and leaned forward.

"Thanks, Twilight. Hey, do you mind if I borrow Spike for a bit?" She looked to the ceiling for a moment and nodded.

"Sure. Why?"

"I'd like to talk to him for a minute. Maybe take him to go get some lunch?"

"It's fine with me as long as he wants to go." I stood up and beckoned for Spike to follow me. He hadn't said a word yet and I was worried about what would come out when he finally did. I looked back at Fluttershy and Twilight and waved.

"Y'all take care now, I'll see ya later."

Spike followed me outside to the front of the library where we sat down in the grass and I lit a smoke.

"You probably got a lot to say to me. If not about me leavin' y'all, then at least about me leavin' HER behind like I did. It's gonna sound kinda strange, but I wanna hear it. I need to. Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna sit here and listen. What's on your mind?" He was still quiet. Just sitting on the ground messing with his claws. Finally, he looked up at me.

"I don't really know what to say. I could tell you about how everyone was worried that you wouldn't come back. I could tell you about how every time I went to go help Rarity in the boutique she was either just finished crying about you or just angry with you about something. Then, she seemed to forget about you when she started seeing that one guy, but about four days ago she was crying about you again. I wasn't worried about you. I figured you could handle yourself. But I was mad at you. Now, I don't know what to think." I nodded slowly.

"I get it. And I'm sorry I put y'all through it. Can't really do much beyond that except show y'all that I'm not leavin' like that anymore."

"That's good enough for me, I guess." He said reluctantly.

"Still friends?"

"Sure." I reached over and patted him on the shoulder, careful not to bother the spines on his back.

"So," I said slowly. "What has Rarity been sayin'?" He shook his head.

"I can't say. Mostly bad stuff, but if I know her, I think she misses you a lot."

"Any chance of makin' it up to her?" I asked hopefully.

"Maybe. But you'll have to work hard at it." I sighed.

"Yeah, I figured. Alright." I stood up and turned to face him. "You want some lunch? I'm pretty hungry." We walked off together into the market to find a place to eat. I started to feel better about things, but I knew the hard part was still on its way.

The question reverberated through the library.

"What?"

I was just as confused as the girls were.

"Princess Celestia has asked for us to go to Canterlot to talk about something urgent!" It was early evening in Ponyville and everyone was gathered in the library again.

"I wonder what it could be about," Twilight mused aloud as she paced back and forth in front of us." I had my own ideas, but the general consensus was it was an important occasion.

"Maybe the Crystal Empire is in trouble again?" Rainbow suggested.

"Cadence and my brother are there all the time keeping it safe... I don't think that's what is happening." Twilight said.

"When do we need to go?" Fluttershy questioned quietly.

"The princess said as soon as possible, so probably tomorrow." The girls all nodded and left to get ready. I walked past Rarity who completely ignored me and went to Twilight.

"What do you need me to do?"

"You should come with us. It may be good to have someone else there to help." I nodded and headed for the door. Random thoughts about my current assignment jumped through my head. What If Celestia knows and wants to warn the girls? This isn't gonna be good. What if the changelings actually attacked already? Doesn't seem logical, but still...I stepped out of the library for the second time today and found Fluttershy talking quietly with Rarity. I cautiously walked forward.

"Well ladies, what do y'all think?" Initially, Rarity looked startled, but quickly put her nose into the air.

"Fluttershy, I shall discuss this with you later." She said curtly and started to walk off towards the boutique. Fluttershy caught my eye and jerked her head towards Rarity as if to say 'well, get going.' I nodded and turned to start following Rarity as I called back to Fluttershy.

"I'll meet you back at your cottage here in a few. Got somethin' to show ya." She nodded and started home while I chased down my quarry.

"Rarity... Rarity, slow down. I wanna talk to you." She didn't acknowledge me. "Rarity, c'mon. Sweetie, Please just listen to me." She whirled around and glared at me, stopping me in my tracks.

"NO, John. I will NOT listen to you. I have no reason to listen to a heartless rogue such as yourself."

"Rare, don't be like this. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinkin' and I know I can do better." She put a hoof to her chin and mocked thought before she posed a rhetorical question.

"Hmmm... Now, when have I heard THAT before? Oh yes, that's right. The FIRST time you got completely intoxicated and slept in my home. No, John. Your word isn't good enough for me anymore." She turned back around and left me standing in the street. I was frustrated and at a loss for what to say.

"Rarity!" I called to her. "Rarity, please!" Without stopping, she shouted back to me.

"Too late for manners and charm now, Mr. Marshall."

"But... I love you." I said quietly into the fading light. She paused halfway through a step as if she heard me... Felt me say it, but continued on her way without a backwards glance all the way to her door. Almost imperceptibly, she turned her head to look at me, seeing me standing in the evening before getting into her home and closing the door behind her. I walked to Fluttershy's feeling rejected, tired and angry. Goddammit, John,. what the hell were you thinking? I said it when you left; You'd lost your chance. What? Can you blame me for trying? It's done. Get over it. No. Fuck that. I'm not gonna just stop. I'm done with the giving up bullshit. Done. It's too late, John. Day late and a dollar short is the story of your life.

Once I got to Fluttershy's, my mood had improved slightly. She met me at the door with a quizzical expression.

"John? What was it you wanted to show me?" I smiled and gestured for her to follow me.

"You'll see when we get there." She closed the door behind her and started to walk hoof-in-arm with me in the direction of my new home. A few minutes of walking passed before she asked me the question I was waiting for.

"So, did you get a chance to talk to Rarity?" She asked carefully. I sighed and shrugged.

"It was a pretty one sided conversation. She really didn't wanna listen to me." Fluttershy nodded.

"I'm sorry. It's like I told you. She's really hurt."

"Has she said anything about me to you recently?" She started to nod, but stop.

"Ohhhh no, John. She hasn't... said ANYTHING... to me... n-nothing."

"You always were a horrible liar, Shy." She looked scared for a moment.

"N-no... I'm being... serious. She hasn't said anything."

"You don't have to tell me, hun. I'll drop it." She looked relieved.

"Oh. Okay."

When we got into eyesight of my new house, Fluttershy got curious.

"I saw this when the crew came in to build it. What is it? Is... John! Is this yours?!" My smile must have given it away.

"Yep! Built and bought for me. What do ya think?" Fluttershy smiled and hugged me.

"Oh John, I'm so happy for you! But, how did you get that kind of money together?" I hesitated before answering.

"Work." However simple and misleading, it was still truthful.

"Gosh, I'm really going to miss having you in my cottage." I squeezed her a little harder.

"Well, I can come over whenever you need me. I'm just down the road here. Don't ever feel like it would be a burden, okay? I'd do anything for you." The crickets chirped in the late summer night air as the moon and stars started coming out for us to see. Silently, I swore to myself that I wouldn't ever leave this behind again.

Not my friends.

We took a train to Canterlot the next day. I ended up staying at Fluttershy's for the night at her insistence. Apparently, as long as she was alive, I would NOT be sleeping on a floor. Now, we were on the way to Canterlot and things were mostly cheerful in the car. Rarity wasn't saying much and she damn sure wasn't saying it to me.

After a while, I figured it would just be better to spare everyone the awkward train ride and go bother the conductor or something. I ended up helping to shovel coal for the engineer and talking the day away. Before I knew what was happening, we were pulling into the Canterlot Royal Transit Station. I waved goodbye to the crew as I hopped off the engine car and waited for the girls to come out. I smiled when I finally saw them hop down to the platform. They were all smiles; the scene was almost picturesque.

"Well ladies," I said walking up to the group and wiping the coal dust off my face. "I'm followin' y'all. Don't know my way around nearly good enough to get there myself." Twilight turned and pointed a hoof in the direction we would go.

"The castle is right over there, but we have another entrance. It saves us the hassle of wading through guardsponies and puts us closer to the throne room." I nodded and followed the girls up a side staircase out of the station and into the castle grounds. Twilight broke into a run once the door to the throne room came into sight and the other girls followed suit. I settled for a quick walk, falling behind quickly. The girls ran in, but AJ stayed behind to wait for me.

"C'mon John! We need to git in there and see what the trouble is!" Reluctantly, I bumped up my pace to a quick jog.

"I'm comin', hun. Hold yer horses."

Once we were all in the throne room, the Princesses Celestia and Luna stepped out from an archway at the back and took their places on the thrones.

"My faithful student, Twilight," Celestia began, "I am sorry to call you here on such short notice, but this message is an urgent one and this is the only room we can be sure it won't be overheard." Twilight stepped forward.

"Princess, what is happening?" Celestia traded a glance with Luna before turning back to her.

"An old enemy has resurfaced. The Changeling Hordes are believed to be growing in strength again."

Oh shit, John. Cat's outta the bag, now. The girls gasped loudly before Celestia continued.

"Your brother has dispatched additional support for the borders, but I worry it will not be enough." After the girl's initial shock subsided, they steeled themselves and stood defiantly.

"Well shoot, Princess... We'll just use the Elements of Harmony and drive them critters right back outta here!" Applejack said proudly. Luna's eyes narrowed and Celestia nodded.

"Yes Applejack, that certainly is an option. However, until they make their move, there is nothing to use it on. With the changeling's abilities, that may be too late." Luna explained softly. Celestia nodded in agreement and turned back to us.

"We ask you to be ever vigilant now more than before. If one element is gone, there is nothing to stop a full invasion." The girls nodded. I just stood in the back with my arms crossed. "We have arranged for a special train to leave Canterlot and take you home to Ponyville. At the urging of Twilight's brother, you will continue to live your lives as if nothing is wrong. The train leaves tomorrow. Until then, I have arranged for you to stay in the Royal Canterlot Hotel Suites here in the city.

"While normally, we would put you here in the castle; the only rooms available are housing dignitaries here for the World Summit Banquet this weekend. Someone will be there to meet you." The girls nodded and turned to leave. Without a word, I moved to follow.

"Mr. Marshall, you may stay right where you are." Oh shit.

"Yes ma'am," I replied immediately. She waited until the girls got out the door before she continued.

"Captain Armor believes you are a most capable guardian. Why would he believe that?" I cleared my throat and looked at the two royal sisters.

"Ma'am, Captain Armor has already been briefed in my experience and knows I am more capable of discretely guarding any high-value individuals than most in this world. While you may remember desperate times here, the ponies under your command do not. Captain Armor swallowed his pride and listened to my advice on this matter. He knows my experience level enough to trust it. That's all I can say."

"Perhaps you already know of my sister's role as Princess of the Night?" Celestia asked. "You have many troubling dreams, Mr. Marshall. Some of them are of before your time here. Violent. Graphic. Some still could only be from recent events. Do you have anything to say?" I shook my head slowly.

"No ma'am. I figure you already know just about everything at this point. It would be pointless to argue." Celestia burned me a serious look.

"We have also decided to trust you, Mr. Marshall. Your methods are highly unsatisfactory, and we do not support them. You are not permitted to continue this. You are however, as Shining Armor said, the only man that can keep them safe without drawing anymore attention to our knowledge of the plans. We will not promote open conflict. DO you understand?"

"Ma'am, I don't want open conflict. In fact, I discouraged the idea. I just want those girls to stay safe." Celestia nodded.

"Then make sure they do. Now, I must go. Do not disappoint us, Mr. Marshall."

"Yes ma'am." The Solar Princess walked out of the throne room, but Princess Luna remained. "Did you also wish to speak with me, princess?"

"You regret your actions... Most of them, at least. I do not wish to bring this up again. I do remember desperate times in this world when violence between cultures was common. I have fewer qualms with your actions than my sister does, but perhaps this is because they are still fresh in my mind. What does concern me is the mare you love. I brought you here, John Marshall. I do not wish for you to be upset in your coming trials. She still dreams about you John. Remember this. You should be with them now." I exited the room quietly into the hallway where I found everyone waiting patiently.

"What did she have to tell you, John?" Dash asked bluntly.

"Nothin'. Just a few questions."

The girls and I spent the day out on the town. More like the girls did and I was their shadow. When we settled into the lobby of the Royal Canterlot Hotel Suites, everyone was still excited about the day and working out what to do about the Princess' most recent warning. The suites were every bit the classy hotel and as if on cue, a young receptionist came down to address the girls.

"Excuse me ladies, my name is Quick Cut. Anything that you require, I will provide. Check in is at 3:00 PM and checkout is at 11:00 AM. Please feel welcome to visit our restaurant during your stay and if desired, our full service bar might be of interest to you. Please enjoy your stay."

It was an hour later and Rarity was tossing back another martini. She had begun to slur and lean side to side. I walked over to her and touched her shoulder.

"Hun, you should slow down a little."

"What's THIS?" She exclaimed loudly. "Is the Great and Powerful Drunk John Marshall suggesting I stop drinking?!" She drained her glass.

"Seriously, Rarity. This is completely unnecessary." She got another drink and turned to look at me.

"Look familiar, John?" The other girls looked worried. Applejack actually walked over to Rarity and they had a hushed argument. When AJ walked away with a worried look on her face, I knew tonight was gonna get interesting. Rarity continued drinking.

"Rarity, if this is a way to teach me a lesson or something-"

"Teach you a LESSON?! John, you are incap- inca- urgh... incapabububu.... INCAPABLE of learning ANYTHING!" I got up to the bar and grabbed the barpony as he walked past.

"No more for her, please? What does her tab look like? Close it out and give me the check, please." Suddenly, she levitated a bottle at random from the shelf and filled her empty glass from it. The scotch looked delicious to me, but Rarity was in for some trouble.

"YOU think you can just... do whatever you wish and just come back with an APOLOGY? Well, forget that tripe!" She lifted her glass to her lips and drank. It almost looked like she was going to gag at one point, but she carried on until the glass was empty once again. I tried to count the drinks she already had. What John? Anywhere between 8 and 12? That used to be a pretty good night for you, huh?

It was all catching up to her fast. She had gone from slurring and stumbling over her speech to practically falling out of her chair. The other girls looked shocked that Rarity would ever be doing this in public.

"Barpony!" Rarity called out, "One for the road if... if you please." He shrugged and poured another drink for her. All I could do was scowl at him and throw a sack of bits across the bar and close her tab. Rarity leaned back on her stool and called out to her friends.

"GIRLS! I do be- believe that I shall call it a night, as they say. Au revoir!" With that, she crashed to the floor. After all of her attempts to stand were unsuccessful, she gave up. "I think I shall be sleeping in here, tonight. Could somepony bring a bed down, or will I have to just MAKE one?" It was officially something I never thought I would see. Rainbow's face said it all. Rarity's actions had officially embarrassed Dash in a public setting.

I walked over to Rarity's still form and touched the top of her head. Still just as soft as ever. Her eyes snapped open and she blinked owlishly before scowling.

"Do NOT try ANYTHING, sir! I've got friends, something you seem to have trouble with." At that, she moved to hit me across the face with a hoof. It didn't take much to catch it of course; the girl telegraphs like crazy. I waved over Twilight and we stood over Rarity.

"Y'all go ahead and enjoy yourselves. I'm gonna make sure she gets to bed alright."

"Do you need any help?" I bent down and lifted the intoxicated mare from the floor, putting her in a half-assed fireman's carry and ignoring her protests.

"Nah, I think I got it. I'll see y'all in the mornin'." I turned and walked out of the bar and started towards the rooms. We were on the third floor in suites 321, 322 and 323. I got to 323 and carefully opened the door to reveal a gorgeous suite. The luxury was lost on me, mostly due to Rarity's next drunken revelation.

"I don't even CARE anymore! Why? Why do I have such HORRIBLE luck with stallions?" I dropped her on the enormous bed and tucked her in.

"Jesus Rare, is that was this is about?"

"What ELSE would it be?" She almost yelled at me, a wail noticeably creeping into her voice.

"Whatever it is, you just need to sleep."

"I-" she started, but grimaced and shook her head.

"What?"

"I... I... I-" before she could get it out, the poor mare vomited all over the floor next to the bed. I looked up at the ceiling and shook my head.

"Why God? Just why? Is this my punishment?"

"I think I'm going to vomit." She finally stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You feel any better?" I asked her.

"... No."

"Alright, give me a minute." I found a bunch of towels in the main bathroom and grabbed one to clean up the mess. Luckily, she hadn't eaten much, so wiping it up didn't pose a problem. Once the mess was dispatched, I pulled the covers off her and lifted her again. I felt a hard series of taps on my shoulder and quickly got her to the toilet. More vomit.

"Damn girl, just how much did you have to drink?" A half-whine, half-sob echoed around the toilet bowl before she finally came up for air. "Feel better now?"

"Some. My mouth tastes horrible." I filled a little glass with water and held it up.

"This is gonna help with the taste. Probably gonna help with tomorrow, too." She groaned and I tilted the glass slowly into her mouth. "You wanna brush your teeth?" She only nodded in reply. I slowly made my way back into the room and found her dedicated 'Vanity bag'. "I could always say this about you, Rare. You don't pack light, but you are prepared for just about anything." When I got back to the bathroom, she was quickly fading out of consciousness on the cool tile floor and muttering incoherently.

"Feels pretty good, huh?"

"Uhhhhhhhhnnnnn."

"Okay, let's get you to bed." I tucked her in again and sat on the end of the bed, watching her. In a random moment of clarity, she looked over at me with half-lidded eyes and smiled.

"You're still a complete ass. You realize this, right?" She said.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be here. Get to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"John, did you mean it?"

"What's that, hun?"

"Did... Did you mean it?"

"You gotta tell me Rare. What did you want to know?"

"Did you... do you really..."

"What? Rarity?" I was answered with a snore. I shook my head.

Well John, enjoy it now. In a few short hours, she'll forget this ever happened. I lit a smoke and settled into a chair where I could keep an eye on her.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for the wait, folks... Hope I can make it up to ya!

Runnin' Outta Moonlight

I wanna hold you till the break of dawn
Hear the crickets sing a riverside love song
Hey baby, all we got is all night
C'mon now, we're runnin' out of moonlight

The day went smoothly enough. I woke up to the smell of breakfast and coffee. Best way to start the day, honestly. Rarity kicked me out pretty quick afterwards. Something about an order needing to be filled and me being a distraction.

"Well, what are your plans for this evenin', darlin'? I kinda wanted to talk to ya about somethin'." She smiled slyly at my query.

"Open at the moment. Why don't you just tell me now?"

"Ehhh... The setting. It's just not... magical enough." She laughed and walked into the design room.

"Well, you just come and fetch me later, darling. I shall be waiting," she said blowing a kiss over her shoulder. I reached out and made a catching motion.

"I'm gonna save this for later. Might need it, ya know?" She rolled her eyes at that.

"Okay, loverboy. Stay out of trouble!"

"Auf wiedersehen, meine Schöne."

I met up with Cross and Arrow later that day. Of course, I had to brief them on the newest developments.

"Well boys, the princesses have been clued in. The elements know basic details, but not the whole story. They already know the things we want them to, so do your best to avoid answering questions as much as possible."

"Do we need to still worry about being inconspicuous?"

"As much as possible, but don't worry if your charge is aware of your presence. Unless asked otherwise, you're to be as close as necessary. Feel free to introduce yourselves and hang around, but don't be obvious about your roles and don't interfere in their daily activities."

"Have our responsibilities changed at all?"

"No. Your charges remain priority. As soon as we're done here, find them and stay with them."

"Were the princesses angry at all?"

"At myself and Captain Armor, specifically, but they trust our actions and decisions. Anything else?" Arrow looked up.

"Yeah, where do foals come from?" I rolled my eyes in reply.

"I'll tell you when you're older. Anything that ain't smart-assed?"

"No sir," they chorused.

"Good. Stay on top of things. Might get somethin' soon."

The two snapped salutes and started to take off when Cross looked at me with a grin.

"So, John... Are we to understand that Rarity is now under nightly surveillance by yourself?"

"Need-to-know basis, chico... And you don't need to know." He laughed and shook his head.

"That's what I like to hear, boss!"

I laughed and started for Sweet Apple Acres. God knows I needed to head that way and visit the family anyways.

"Well AJ, I don't know what to tell ya. I just don't need the work anymore."

I stood outside of the Apple family's farmhouse at the Acres. All of the siblings stood on the front porch wearing frowns.

"Why? I mean, don't ya wanna help?" Applebloom asked sadly.

"I really do sweetheart, but I've gotta do some important work for the princesses. It has to do with keepin' everyone safe in Ponyville. I'm sorry Applebloom, but don't you want everyone to be happy here?" She nodded slowly, still looking glum. AJ and Mac nodded in acceptance.

"Well, what about just one more day?" I smiled and nodded.

"I'm sure I could spare the afternoon."

Not two hours later, I was back out in the field with Big Mac like nothing happened. He hit the next tree with a resounding thud and apples showered to the ground around us. We spent the day talking... At least I was. Mac was content to nod along, smile, and offer up his standard 'eeyup's

"I tell you what, Mac. Big city might not be for everyone, but sometimes I miss it. Don't get me wrong, I love the country. I love the quiet and the relaxed feel. It'll always be home, but the city is just... Excitin'. See, you're shakin' yer head, but you've gotta be there. Live it for a few years."

"Nnnnope."

"Las Pegasus was wild. Non-stop action if you wanted it. Only bad thing about it I guess was me gettin' robbed." Mac looked up in alarm.

"Really?" he said, the slightest amount of concern tinged his voice.

"Don't worry about it. I handled the problem. Just had to deal with a couple o' fish is all. Anyways, like I was sayin', I miss it, but I don't think I'm gonna head back that ways for a long time. I miss y'all too much." Mac smiled a little at that.

"Eeyup."

"And now, everything with Rarity is gettin' patched up. Y'all been so good to me... I don't know what to say 'bout it other than thanks." Mac just smiled and shook his head. "Yeah yeah, you're right. Nothin' really needs to be said. I got it."

He smiled and we worked for the rest of the afternoon, stopping only when the sun was nearing the end of its descent to the horizon. Once we made it back to the house, I waved goodbye to the family and started to walk down the path to the gate when Applebloom spoke up.

"So, can I ask 'im, sis? Please? Can I ask 'im, now?"

"Now, Applebloom, you heard him this mornin'. He's really busy, remember?" Turning on my heel and walking back to the porch, I knelt down in front of the littlest Apple and smiled.

"Well, what did you wanna ask me, hun?"

"Well, Applejack and Mac are really busy with the apples, Rarity never wants ta go, so I wanted ta ask you... if you could take us campin'? Sweetie and Scoots really had fun last time and we all wanna go again! You DO go campin' don't you?"

"Of course I do," I said with a laugh. "And I'd really like to take y'all, but you'd better ask your sister if it's okay first." She looked up at AJ with a grin wider than the Rio Grande. I could have sworn I saw a small halo appear over her head. Rolling her eyes and nodding, Applejack acquiesced.

"Alright... But missy, you'd best mind yer behavior or Granny's gonna tan yer hide!" The bouncing began and didn't stop for as long as I was in sight. Shaking my head at the little filly and her joyous celebration, I managed to focus on my next and hopefully last event of the day.

Rarity was probably either busy as hell still, or waiting patiently for me to show up for our little unofficial date. My mind raced at what might happen tonight. Hell, what was I gonna do? What COULD I do? I pondered this and many other questions as I lit a cigarette and started the walk back to town, slowly enjoying what little time I had to get everything together.

Rarity.

God, I hope you'll know how I feel, tonight.

And I hope this wouldn't be a terrible time.

I knocked on the door to the boutique and waited patiently for an answer. In the meantime, I was having an inner conflict with myself.

Alright John, this ain't any different from anything else you do... Just grab a hold of your balls and be you. Yeah, except she's not a random slut you met at a bar and used for a night, you've never tried getting a girl with a bit of class in your life. You'll fuck this up sure as shit. Bullshit. I might not have the longest list of worthwhile lovers, but this is different. Well, fuckin' do it then. Actions talk, bullshit walks.

I knocked again.

It's gonna fuckin' happen, chief. This one is special. I ain't gonna screw this up. Do it, then. Prove me wrong, but you've done nothin' but love and leave. Why change now? Cause now I WANT to. Now, I have a reas-

Finally, Rarity opened the door. She looked disheveled; like she had been working since the moment I left this morning and didn't stop for anything.

"John? What are you doing?" she said, looking over her reading glasses at me. My mind went completely blank. "What is that in your hand?" Well, OBVIOUSLY she was referencing the flowers I picked up before heading over. Maybe the picnic basket I made up.

"What? Oh, you mean this stuff? Well, these here flowers are for you, my lovely lady and this here picnic basket is full of all sorts of nice things I thought you would like after a hard day's work." She moaned in anguish at that.

"I'm not even finished yet... It's almost halfway done, but the deadline is in TWO DAYS! I'll NEVER finish on time."

"Oh sure you will, darlin'. You just need to stop for a second and enjoy yourself. C'mon and relax for a bit." She bit her lip as she weighed her options.

"Oh, fine. Come on in then. Let us see what you've brought." I shook my head.

"No, ma'am. You find a vase for these here tulips and come with me. I'm gettin' you outta this house tonight." She looked annoyed for a brief second before she sighed in resignation.

"Fine then. Wait here and I'll be out in a minute."

"I've got all the time in the world, gorgeous." With a nod, she took the flowers from me and disappeared into the house.

Jesus John, she looks like hell. You sure it's a good time to drop something like this on her? Of course it's not. Everything's just gonna end up smellin' like heartbreak, alcohol and regrets. Nah.. She needs this. Besides, if it's not goin' well, I'll call it off and just try to get her to enjoy the evening.

A few minutes later and she emerged from her home. Her mane was all fixed up and she wore a light scarf around her neck.

"Alright, Mr. Marshall. Where, pray tell are we going?" I gave her my devious grin and offered my arm.

"Well, Miss Rarity, if you'll allow me to escort you, I have an amazing spot picked out just fer us."

We walked out into the dusk hoof in arm, casually chatting back and forth about whatever came up. Y'all guys know what this means when you're dealing with an overworked female, I'm sure. She spoke mostly about her customer base and the orders she had to fill while I listened and interjected when I could.

"Not to be a braggart, but my styles and clothing lines have become somewhat of a commodity in many circles to be sure. Even then, you would believe that as professionals that understand deadlines and having to fit them into schedules they could at LEAST give me some kind of advanced notice."

"Don't you say something about it to them when they order?" I asked calmly.

"Of COURSE not. Especially not those that are repeat customers and certainly not any that could bring me further into the spotlight. If I imposed restrictions on when and how long it would take, I could lose business. Worst of all, I might miss my grand entrance into the world of high fashion as a serious designer. I would be ruined if I missed an opportunity to make that leap and become a household name across Equestria!"

We continued to meander closer towards the edge of town and eventually into the woods outside of Ponyville. Rarity looked at the sky with concern before stopping and turning to me.

"Are we really going into the forest at this time of night? Couldn't we just have done this at my home?"

I laughed and pulled her close.

"Honey, if I wanted to just sit in a kitchen and talk about nothin', we could have done it at MY house. I keep tellin' ya, I've got somethin' special planned. Besides, ain't nothin' gonna hurt you while I'm around. Least not without a helluva fight." She nodded reluctantly and let me steer her down a small path into the trees. The sun finally fell past the horizon after we got under the tree cover. It was dark and spooky, but it wasn't like we were wandering around the Everfree. I figured out that one quick before I planned the little trip. This patch of the forest was safe as houses.

"Joooooohn," Rarity whined slightly. "I don't feel like getting my hooves dirty tonight, please can we just go back?" I shook my head and grinned as we got closer to the destination.

"Nooo, ma'am. In fact, this is where you don't get to look. Here." I turned towards her and lightly tied a small blindfold around her head. "Trust me, okay? You're gonna love this." That was the straw that broke the camel's back right there. She didn't resist, but she could barely hide her frustration anymore.

"John! I am TIRED of playing this game with you, I'm TIRED of walking around on a mere whim, and I'm TIRED because I'M... JUST TIRED! I demand that you explain yourself immediately!" I blocked out the rest of her tirade as I guided her off the path and into some light brush. It was a matter of seconds before we were exactly where I wanted to be. Rarity continued to voice her disapproval of the situation.

"I mean REALLY! Just out of absolutely nowhere, you decide that I need a break and we walk ALL THE WAY OUT HERE just to wander around a forest because you THINK I will enjoy it?! Do you even KNOW ME?! THIS simply will NOT do if you intend to-" At that moment I lifted the blindfold and stood next to her, smiling.

We stood together at the edge of a small clearing. The glen was lit by a magnificent moon and too many stars to count at once. A brook trickled nearby as the near silence gave way to a chorus of crickets playing our own personal symphony. Rarity was awestruck.

"John... This is... This is beautiful!"

"I knew you'd like it," I said with a grin. After a moment of enjoying her reaction, I set down the picnic basket and unfurled the small blanket on the soft grass. She sat gracefully as I knelt over the basket, rummaging for a bottle opener. With a pop, the bottle of wine was opened and set aside to breathe. Just a few minutes later and two glasses were carefully filled. I chose my spot close to the object of my attention and took a small sip from my glass.

"Well, madamoiselle? Is this sight good enough for your divine gaze?" With a sip, she looked towards me with a blush.

"It is indeed something to inspire awe. What made you want to bring me out here?"

"I thought it would be nice is all. Wanted to get you away from work for a bit. Spend some time with my favorite lady." I said with a shrug. "I'm glad you like it. From what everybody else was sayin', I was almost scared you would have cried about a chipped hoof or something."

She huffed and took a small sip of the wine.

"Well, the company and comfort has much to do with my levels of pleasure. Although, I can't say any stallion has ever thought to do something like this before."

I laughed and took another sip of the wine. I didn't have anything to say to that. Lots of things to think about, but not say. Jesus, John... What are you doing? Just hurry up and tell her before the dazzle wears off. C'mon, really? Remember, yank your balls out of the cage you threw 'em in and make a fuckin' move! Yeah, yeah. I leaned sideways to bring myself closer to her and my heart jumped a little in my chest. Goddamn, John... You're in love, ain'tcha?

"John?"

Her voice broke me out of my little internal dialogue and I turned to answer her. Her face wore a nervous expression. I could tell something was coming, but my mind didn't anticipate her next move quick enough. Quickly leaning in, she pressed her lips to mine, eliminating the distance between us in a flash. She held herself there for a few seconds, her eyes screwed shut as she kissed me. Finally leaning back, she opened her eyes and blushed. The look on my face must have been priceless. As soon as her mouth touched mine, my heart leapt in my chest again and my mind stopped working. I sat there with a blank expression on my face while I tried to collect my thoughts. Damn, she beat you to the punch, huh?

As things started to swim back into focus, I could feel her looking at me. Gauging my thoughts. Reading my reaction. I looked back up at the sky. In my periphery, I saw the corners of her mouth start to droop and her brow furrow.

"I... I'm terribly sorry.. That was rather forward of me... I... I'll just-"

She started to stand in mid-sentence, but I placed my hand on her shoulder and she froze in place. Slowly, I pulled my arm back and patted the spot next to me. Come on and sit back down darlin... I might not be able to say it right now, but that's what I want. We stayed there in silence for a minute. Staring up at Luna's night and realizing the cliche situation for what it was, I finally broke the stifling quiet. I didn't know what to say or how to say it anymore, so I just started.

"Honestly speakin', I had a little bit of an ulterior motive for this... And I was kinda anglin' for that result. I've been wanting to kiss you like that for a long time, but I just haven't had the courage or the opportunity to do it. I keep screwin' up and gettin' torn further from you. You have no idea how much I just wanna be right here with you for as long as I can. Even if it's just for a second, it would be worth more than all the gold in Equestria. You know what I'm sayin'?"

She was quiet. I turned to look at her; my heart once again leapt into my throat as her big, bright sapphire eyes came into focus at the center of my vision. There she was. The mare I had fallen in love with. She was the same mare that shamed me, and then got involved with another man. The lady I longed for.

Our gazes locked for a few seconds. She leaned back in, her eyes half closed. Her warm muzzle got closer and closer before she closed the gap completely again and kissed me. Not a rushed excited kiss like the first one. This was more than that. I could feel passion and fire. Tenderness and desire. I felt her warm breath as she exhaled through her nose and that was it. My mind was gone again. Boom. Gone. Completely. At that point, it didn't even matter that she was a pony and I was a human. She had personality. She had feelings. She had a soul.

And she was a helluva kisser.

She started to break the kiss and pull away, but I couldn't just let it stop there. It had been so long since I felt like this... well.. at all. No romance. No love. No desire. This feeling was more than just basic primal urges and male behavior. I put my hand gently behind her head and pulled her back in close, desperate for this moment to last even just a few seconds longer. This elicited a muffled yelp from her throat, (I guess she wasn't expecting me to do that..) and I grinned slightly through the lip-lock. After what felt like an eternity of bliss, it was my turn to break the kiss. I leaned my forehead against her's. Eyes closed, we panted softly in the night, catching our breath.

"When you left, I knew I made a terrible mistake. You are different from all of the other stallions I have ever met. It's not just because of the way you look either. You're a decent man, John Marshall. I went to Canterlot with the girls and that Silver character from before. He was horrid. Under the style and glamour he was just another jerk. A gilded weed. I spent the day telling myself and Twilight all of the things he was doing wrong and everything you would have done differently. I missed you. And regretted ever making you feel the way you did."

I was stunned. Everything she had was just laid out on the table.

"Rarity... I was hesitant at first. I was new to this place. I was new to everything and everything was new to me. You were new to me. This," I said gesturing around "is new to me. I didn't think that feelings for you were possible. I didn't even think it was right at first. But I knew it was real the night of the ball. I knew it was more real than anythin' I'd ever known when I left town. I knew what I started to feel for you was true when drinkin' a bottle of whisky didn't push you from my mind. All it did was make me miss you a hundred times more."

She smiled and kissed me lightly.

"You really should learn to control yourself." I smiled.

" 'Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.' " She wrapped her hooves around my head in reply and kissed me harder than before. Passion. Lust. My hands and her hooves explored as much of each other as we dared. I couldn't think of anything at the moment.

Only her smell.

Her taste.

Her touch.

Her warmth.

Eventually, we stopped to catch a breath once again.

"Is that a John Marshall original quote, sir?" I grinned.

"Nah, but it's a pretty smooth line, darlin'. Just roll with it." I leaned back in and kissed her again before laying back on the ground and relaxing.

With a heavy sigh, she shifted closer and laid her head on my chest, gazing at the heavens with me. The night sky above us was scattered with more stars than I have ever seen. I silently thanked Luna for making it so beautiful.

"Just so breathtaking..." She said looking up.

After a moment's pause, I replied.

"Yes. Yes you are."

Author's Note

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKturN4Beyg#t=33

Hard Workin' Man

A slight drizzle started as I pulled up in front of the building where the company keeps administration and tech support. I frowned slightly as I peered through the windshield of my old, beat up Chevy truck. I might have been living in Chicago, but damn, it wasn't like I was used to this weather already. The cold rain in this place never failed to chill me to the bone.

I shook my head and reached into the back seat for my plain black zippered jacket. I was already shivering in anticipation of being drenched. As an afterthought, I figured it was a good time for a cigarette. I pulled up the leg on my jeans and reached into my left boot for the pack of Marlboros I kept inside. Taking one from the box, I put it to my lips and lit it; my zippo making a satisfying click as I closed it and put it in a cup holder. I took a long drag, held it, and exhaled in a heavy sigh as I looked out of the rain streaked window at the building I was going to enter. I closed my eyes and reflected on the days events. I got the call to come in last night.

The cab pulled up in front of my building on Kinzie Street. I was renting a nice studio apartment there in Chicago, meaning I pretty much had to pay a fortune for it. Thank God it was only temporary, but hey, when you took ladies home after a long night at the bar, it usually pays to see an approving glance at your place of residence. After a couple of snickers and a glance from someone downstairs, then the elevator ride up, I stumbled in the front door with a young lady on my arm. We were laughing at our lack of coordination. I tend to laugh at the stupidest shit when I'm sober, but when I'm drunk, everything is fair game. I flipped on the lights and what she saw must have surpassed her expectations.

"WOW!!" she said, still laughing. "You really got it goin' on here!"

I laughed again, directing her to the couch in the living room.

"Yeah, that's what they say. You want another drink, darlin'?"

"O-M-G! I love your accent! Where was it you said you were from?"

I cringed inwardly. Damn people and their damn text language. When did someone decide that was cute?

"West Texas. Beer?" She nodded vigorously as I brought her over a Bud Light Lime and opened myself a Rolling Rock. I slowly walked her way, the sound of my boots making the typical heel-toe sound people associate with wooden saloon floors and old-western cowboys. Clunk tap. Clunk tap. Clunk tap. Didn't matter where I decided to go in town, there was always one girl that couldn't resist tryin' out a cowboy. Hah, well they needed to listen to a little Chris LeDoux. Clunk tap. Clunk tap. Stumble. I flopped down on the end of the couch next to her amid more laughing.

Finally, we settled down and I waited for the questions. Usually, they were a little silly. Turns out lots of folks around here still think we ride to the bank on horseback. I always laugh at that one. Have you ever thrown a lasso? Nah, not since I was little. There really isn't much need for em anymore. Well, do you have cows? Nope, I usually just worked other folk's cows. Where is your cowboy hat? Ha ha, up in the closet. Do you all have six-shooters? Hah. Nope, but if you wanna see my gun, all you have to do is ask (WINK). Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This one however, cut to the chase.

"So... Is it true what they say about yall?" She said, with a sultry glance in my direction.

"What's that?" I said with a slight grin. I could tell this was goin' to get interesting quick.

"That everything is bigger in Texas? Everything?"

I nearly choked on my beer, but quickly gained composure.

"Wanna find out?"

She grinned as she stood up, set her beer down on the coffee table, moved over to me and sat down, straddling my lap. She proceeded to pull her top over her head and expose those lovely assets I'd been checking out all night. A low whistle escaped my mouth. She grinned, leaned in close and said "I would love to find out."

I wrapped my arms around her and lifted, keeping her in position, but now en route to my bedroom. Clunk tap, clunk tap, clunk tap. "Yeehaw!" She yelled playfully. I laughed and kept moving, finally dropping her on the queen sized bed. I pulled off my shirt and started to unbutton my jeans when I heard my phone ring.

Dammit. Not that ringtone. Why in the hell did it have to be THAT ringtone?

I closed my eyes and willed it to go away. It didn't. Dammit. I lifted a finger to my lips and shushed her. She pouted. Whatever, I need to take this. AC/DC's Highway to Hell continued to play until I felt sobered up enough to take the call.

"Hello?"

"We need you packed up and ready to go. Come to admin at noon to pick up travel documents, intelligence dossiers and a bunch of other paperwork."

I silently cursed the world for the horrible timing. Dammit. I wasn't worried about the woman in my bed getting undressed. It was my father. The man's 60th birthday was tomorrow, he was spending it in a hospital bed, and now, he gets this for a present.

"Yes sir, I'll be there at 1130 waiting."

"Good. We'll speak then." Click.

My shoulders slumped. I hung my head and reached up to scratch the short beard growing on my face. The girl on my bed froze.

"Bad news?" I nodded.

"Here." I reached into my wallet to get some money. "Here's some cab fare. I'm sorry, but you have to leave."

Boy, she was pissed. She jumped up with an almighty huff, snatched the cash from my hand, put her shirt on and headed for the door.

"HEY, I said I was sorry."

"You're an asshole!" was all I got in return. That and a slamming front door.

Whatever. I had calls to make. First one was my mother.

My mother and I had a strained relationship. After I made it through college, she was intent on setting me up with a little apartment five minutes down the road where she could still keep an eye on me and I could "start my life." I had different plans. When I came back with a copy of my enlistment papers, she freaked. She figured I was throwing my life away for nothing. Me? I just wanted to do it. She never really got over the fact I just took off. I think she took it as a betrayal against the family. When I told her I started working for The Company, she just broke down and cried. "MY OWN SON A KILLER FOR HIRE. BOY, I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT!" She couldn't believe I would risk my life like that for money.

It wasn't like that. We were hardly contracted for search and destroy missions. Mostly, it was high-profile security jobs for ambassadors and diplomats. I never told her about the other jobs. I was sure she would disown me if I did, but it wasn't any of her business what I did anyway. Still, I could understand her concern for my soul. Something for St. Peter to look at and figure out for himself I guess.

I dialed her number. It rang. And rang. And rang. Finally, she picked up, sounding incredibly tired.

"Hello?"

"Hey, momma. Its John."

"Hey, boy.. You should be asleep."

"You too. Still at the hospital?"

"Yeah. He's not doing too good."

"Lemme talk to him really quick, please?"

I heard the phone fumble a little and a weak voice came over the line.

"Son?"

"Hey dad. How's the heart treatin' ya?"

"Like hell, but that's about right."

"Yeah, yeah I guess. Well, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday early. I.. I uh..."

He sighed over the line. "You have to head out don't you?"

"Yeah. I don't know where yet. Just remember, the key to the safe box with my will and everything are.."

"I know, son. I know."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Get better."

"I will. Here's yer mother." Momma was already crying into her hands.

"John, don't do it. Come on home and forget this nonsense. You don't have to play soldier anymore!"

"We've been over this momma. Its just somethin' I wanna do."

"IT CAN'T BE THAT SIMPLE ALL THE TIME! YOU HAVE TO HAVE A REASON! WHAT, DO YOU WANT TO DIE!?"

"I'm not gonna die momma. I'll come and see y'all here in 4 months. Bye."

Before she got another word in I hung up the phone. I hated doing that to her, but the argument would have gone on for hours. I thumbed through the contacts in my phone, coming up with my brother's number. I called him and his phone went straight to voice mail. After all these years and he still couldn't keep the damn thing charged.

"Hey, guy. I've gotta leave again. Take care of the parents for me, ok? I'll be back in a few months and I'll come visit y'all then. Take er easy, buddy." As an afterthought, I added "AND CHARGE YOUR FUCKIN' PHONE, DAMMIT!"

I tossed mine onto the bed and went to my closet. In it were three large, black, Pelican brand cases. I lifted each of them up and onto my bed. I opened the longest one first. It held my rifle. I did a quick safety and functions check before looking for any rust spots or imperfections. There were none and the rifle worked perfectly. I put it back, closed the case and turned to the smaller one. I opened it up and did a similar inspection on my pistol. Also in fine working order. Placing this one on top of the rifle case, I opened the large cube-like box. In it was everything else I needed. My vest, my magazine pouches, my knee pads, thigh holster, and medical kit among other things. I quickly verified that it was all there before placing it all back and closing the lid. I carefully stacked the crates in my kitchen and moved back to my bedroom. I pulled my combat boots out from the back of the closet, grabbed a pair of khaki cargo pants and a black polo and set them in the bathroom, ready for tomorrow.

For a drunk, I sure was thinking clearly. Of course, this isn't uncommon. Sometimes things just snap and you start moving. You get a drive. Something that focuses you and gets you to your goal regardless of the gratuitous amounts of tequila you drank. Satisfied with the basic prep, I went to the kitchen and got the coffee maker ready to go first thing in the morning. Humming an old Folger's ad in my head, I finished up and went to bed, not even bothering to take my clothes off. Sleep didn't come as easily as I hoped it would. There was enough liquor in my system to notice that the room was still spinning a little. Damn, I love that feeling. Gonna miss it. Finally, I guess my eyes just got tired of waiting and closed themselves.

My alarm went off at 6 am. Loud piece of shit. I fumbled for it blindly and ended up knocking everything off my nightstand. Well, NOW I was awake. Dammit. I threw up my hands in exasperation and went to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, I made a quick decision of whether or not to shave. The beard wasn't long, but it wasn't exactly short either. I walked into the kitchen to start the coffee pot and flip on the TV. Usual bullshit on the news.

Someone dove off the deep end and shot up a school, 4 dead.

Someone was arrested in connection with the rape of a 12 year old girl.

5 more bodies turned up in the Chicago River.

Some politician put his foot in his mouth and the press was tearing him a new asshole.

I went to the bathroom again, turned on the hot water and stripped. While the shower warmed up, I couldn't help but look at the tattoos adorning my body. My forearms, Greek. My shoulder blades, a Texas and US flag. Left bicep, a shamrock with crossed sabers. Lower back, a little Latin for the classical fans. Closing my eyes and shaking my head at myself, I climbed into the shower. It felt amazing to be in the steam, just relaxing the muscles and waking up the body for a long day. I took my time showering. After thirty minutes, I stepped out and toweled off. I felt like a new man again.

The news was still on. Except there were no more terrorist attacks and no more sadness, just a Hollywood starlet checking herself into rehab. Again. With Dr. Drew giving us a little commentary and information about it. Again. In the ticker across the bottom of the screen, words scrolled by.

'12 dead in suicide bombing near Istanbul today.'

'Colombian drug cartel suspected in slaying of 30 Bogota Police officers this weekend.'

'Congress is working towards making unmanned drones available for civilian police use.'

I grabbed a coffee cup, filled it and walked back to the TV. Now, THAT is news. When did it become more important to know about the personal life of a diva or movie star before you knew what was happening in your own country? I guarantee, a good number of those folks who do the Jaywalking segment with Leno disagree.

I contemplated putting the khakis on. Nah, that can wait. I pulled on my jeans, cowboy boots, and the polo as a last minute attempt to look semi-presentable. I went to my bedroom and pulled out my suitcase. In it, I threw random hygiene items and clothes. When I was satisfied with my choices, I grabbed it and my pistol case and headed down to my pickup. It was an old Silverado I just didn't have the heart to get rid of yet.

That truck and I have been on some wild rides and it still had some sentimental value. Besides, regardless of how much that thing got beat to hell, it was still the most reliable truck I've ever owned. Hasn't failed me yet, unless you count at the gas pump. Fuel was spiking just under five dollars a gallon now and I wasn't sure if I could keep up with it. After putting the pistol and my suitcase in the backseat, I went back up to the apartment. I had to clean up a little. If you've ever left dirty dishes in the sink and been gone for a week or two, your first day back in the house was probably pretty bad, huh? After taking care of the two beer bottles from last night and turning off the TV and coffee pot, I cast one last glance at my home.

"I will be back. I will be back. I will be back."

I grabbed up the last two cases I was bringing with me and without a backwards glance, I locked the doorknob, deadbolts, and headed back down the elevator. Throwing the cases into the pickup with the others, I lit a cigarette and looked at the city surrounding me. It was a pretty amazing sight, but all I could hear were traffic noises and wind. I wanted to be back in Texas. To go stand outside on the prairie and not have a single living soul for as far as you could see. Here, there were close to 3 million people, not counting the commuters. I shook my head and hopped into the truck, readying for the shitty traffic I was bound to encounter.

It seemed like it happened so quickly. Quicker than 9 hours anyways. Now, there I was sitting in the parking lot. I looked at the clock: 11:45. I hopped out of the pickup and locked the doors. You always locked the doors. Not like back in Stephenville, where I went to college. Those kids usually came from smaller towns. We're talking about populations of 500, 300. They never locked the doors because they never had to worry about thieves. Here? Shit. You locked the doors and hoped the assholes didn't break out your windows.

I pulled the hood over my head, the cigarette in my mouth and my hands in my pockets. I couldn't wait to get my ass inside. Upper forties to mid fifties are tolerable for me. The rain kills it. Throwing my smoke casually into a puddle, I pushed open the front door and entered the simple lobby. The desk guard asked if I needed any help. I waved and said my usual thanks, but no thanks before hopping into the elevator and taking another ride, this time, thirty floors up.

With the ringing of a soft bell, the doors opened and I entered a small reception area. The lady at the desk recognized me and smiled. "Hello, Mr. Marshall. He's in his office waiting for you." I gave her a winning smile; I was gonna see if I could get a feel for what was going on. "Well, howdy Miss Richards. Anyone else in there?" She smiled and nodded. "Looks like the rest of your team. Think you guys are in for some fun?" I shrugged. "We'll see. You have yourself a nice one, Ashley." I strode through the long hallway past workrooms and cubicles moving towards the back of the floor. Finally, I spotted it. The large double doors to the boss' office. I pulled open one and stepped in. Immediately, fifteen pairs of eyes were on me.

"Nice of you to join us Mr. Marshall."

Ballad of a Southern Man

It wasn't a hard place to find. Hell, you could see some of it from town, it was so big. I came walking up the dirt road through the main gate. It was just a little past dawn and already the lights were on in the house. I stepped up to the front door of the main house and knocked. An elderly voice called from the back of the house.

"HOLD YER HORSES, HOLD YER HORSES! Ahm a'comin'!" A smaller, young voice called from nearby.

"Its alright granny! I got it!" Little hooves ran to the door and opened it quickly. A small filly, sort of creme colored with a red mane stood there in the doorway.

"Howdy!" I said with a smile. All I got was a gasp and a slamming door in my face. Ok, what did I do wrong? I could hear voices on the other side of the door.

"Granny Smith! Its that human Applejack was tellin' us about! "

"What in tarnation d'ya mean?"

"The human! That John feller that you been seein' in the paper!"

"Oh gracious! He's supposed to be workin' out in the south field with yer sister!"

"Well he ain't! He's right here at the door!"

"You run on and git back on those chores, youngun. I'll take care o' him."

"But granny..."

"Nooooo buts!"

The door opened again slowly. An elderly mare (she had grey hair and wrinkles. I assumed she was elderly) stood in the doorway eyeing me like I was a mischievous teenager. I smiled and introduced myself.

"Howdy, ma'am. I'm John. I believe your... granddaughter, Applejack, told you about me comin' to work for y'all, didn't she?" The green pony frowned.

"She sure did, but ya shoulda been here three days ago to start!" I bowed my head and explained.

"Well ma'am, I got real busy with some important business. I'm awful sorry about that, but y'all don't wanna hear excuses. I'm here now, an-" She interrupted me.

"And late! What kinda work you done all yer life where ya can just show up whenever it struck yer fancy?!" Shit... Granny was serious. I shook my head.

"No excuse, ma'am. If you'd kindly point me in the direction of your granddaughter, I'd happily work the rest of the day for free to make up for it."

She went back to sizing me up, one eye bugging out of it's socket, trying to take in everything it could. She reminded me of my grandmother. If they were anything alike, Granny Smith would start shouting something about how we needed to get the guns because the yankees would be coming up the drive any minute now. She just turned and went back into the house.

"Don't be silly, you'll git paid fer yer work. South field. Be ready fer some rough work, youngun." I turned and looked around. With the sun at my left shoulder, I started off towards the expansive apple orchards. It was warming up nicely and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was almost summertime. The birds were out and singing and the rolling green hills were a sight for sore eyes.

I came to the first row of apple trees and to my surprise, there was already a full crop of apples waiting in the branches. I lit a smoke and started my way through the acres of apple land. Eventually, I could hear thumps, the sounds of hooves against tree bark. Moving towards the noises, I had to wonder what was in store for the day. She had said 'applebuckin'' but I knew I couldn't do that bullshit. So, climbing? Not in these boots. What then?

I came around one row of trees and was met with the visage of a huge draft horse. The big muscled stallion casually lifted a back hoof and kicked the apple tree behind him, causing every ripe apple in the tree to tumble out of the branches and into the bushel baskets placed around the trunk. If he noticed me, he didn't show it.

Casually shaking his mane and chewing on the piece of grass in his teeth. He finally started to walk over to me. All of the other ponies I had met here (princesses aside) had their ears about level with my chest. This guy was at eye level and looked like he would enjoy pulling the Budweiser carriage solo for an afternoon stroll in the park. And he was still coming my way.

I stood my ground. There was no way he didn't see me. Why was I stressing about this so much anyways? Maybe because he looked like he could kill me with a pinkie finger... Or a hoof. Whatever. He probably knew I was coming up anyways. He came to a stop about two feet away from me, just looking at me. This seemed to be a common theme for meeting the Apple family.

"Uh... Howdy?" I said with a smile. All he did was nod. "I'm John. The uh... guy AJ hired to come on out here and help out?"

"Eeyup." So... he can speak.

"Uh... Well, where do I start?" The horse of few words pointed with a hoof towards the tree he just kicked.

"Put the baskets in the cart. Put the empty baskets next to the next tree." I nodded.

"You got it, boss." I bent down to start picking up the baskets and lift them into the big cart. The red stallion just watched me work.

In just a few minutes, I had the baskets empty and set around the next tree. He gave me an approving nod before pulling the cart over and moving to kick the apples to the ground. One casually placed hoof later and the baskets were full of apples once again. Sensing a long day of silence coming up, I tried to strike up some polite conversation.

"So, AJ never said anything about you. What's your handle?" He looked over at me, slowly chewing on the piece of grass hanging from his mouth.

"Big Macintosh." he replied simply.

"Big Mac, huh?"

"Eeyup." This was going nowhere. A couple of trees later, I tried again.

"So is there anything fun to do around here?"

"Eeyup."

"Like what?" He brought a hoof up to his chin and thought for a moment. I nearly held my breath waiting for a sentence longer than a couple of words.

Then he just shrugged.

"You don't talk a whole helluva lot, do ya?" He smiled.

"Nope."

"Why not?" After a few seconds, he answered me.

"Don't have much to say."

"About anything? You don't have any dreams? Hobbies? Girlfriends? NOTHING to talk about?" Again, he scratched his chin in thought. Then, kicking a tree and sending the apples cascading to the ground, he simply said.

"Eeyup. But I don't know you all that well." Well shit.

"Fair enough." He smiled again and we set back to work.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was right above us when we finally heard the dinner bell. Big Mac harnessed up the cart for the third time that day and we started towards the house. After working all day, I wondered how much time we could get for a lunch break and how fast I needed to run to Fluttershy's in order to get a meal.

"Hey Mac," he looked up, "How long do we have lunch before we get back to work?" He frowned.

"Couple of hours."

If I jogged there, I could eat and sit for a few minutes before coming back. Nothing I haven't done before, right? I will say this, two hours was a generous break. We got out to the main house as Granny Smith was out ringing the bell again.

"Soups on, younguns! Git yerselves on up to the house and cleaned off afore it gits too cold to eat!" Applejack came out of the orchard behind us. I waved to them before heading towards the gate.

"I'll see y'all here in a few."

"Now, just WHERE do you think yer going?!" I stopped and turned in time to see Granny Smith scowling at me. "You git yer caboose in ta this here house RIGHT NOW, MISTER!"

"Pardon?" Did I do something wrong?" AJ laughed at the confused look on my face.

"Oh come on, John. Granny went ta all uh this trouble ta fix up some grub and y'all won't stick around?" I was taken aback. Shit, everywhere else I've worked didn't feed us except for special occasions.

"Well, sure I'll stay if y'all are offering." Granny scowled again.

"Well, of course we're offerin'! I done tole ya that already!"

Applejack smiled as she held the door for Big Mac and myself.

"You won't be disappointed!" she said.

The kitchen was alive with movement and the smell of cooling food. Two huge apple pies sat in the middle of the large table surrounded by loaves of fresh baked bread, jugs of milk and other assorted dishes that smelled just as good as the last. In short, I was standing before one of the best spreads I've seen since I'd been there.

I took a seat on one side of the table. Immediately, the young filly I met at the door that morning jumped into the chair next to me. Granny Smith sat at the head of the table, Applejack sat at the opposite end and Big Mac sat across from me. A good family meal plus one.

I pulled a small napkin off the table and laid it in my lap. The bread was passed with a pat of butter and everyone chatted and joked with each other. I couldn't help but smile at the whole thing. Granny Smith must have noticed my face.

"What're yew smilin' at, boy? Aintcha never seen what a dinner table looks like?" I laughed aloud.

"Not at all, Missus Smith... Its just been years since I've had the pleasure of sittin' down for a good meal with good folks like this." The elderly pony shook her head and muttered something about ponies these days. I just smiled and ate. The youngest Apple was staring intently at me, but I did my best to ignore it.

"Well now," Granny Smith spoke up. "What dy'all have done so far fer the day?" Applejack looked up from her plate to me and her brother and back to Granny.

"We got bout a quarter of the back forty finished up before lunch. I figure with John helpin' out Big Mac, we're gettin' it done a whole lot faster than I woulda thought." Granny nodded slowly.

"You git the rest o' that half finished up and call it a day." She turned towards me. "Well, it seems like yer pullin' more than yer share o' weight out here, Mr. Marshall. How do you feel about 40 bits fer the day's work?"

I... well, I wasn't exactly sure how I should feel about that. I mean, just what was considered a fair wage around here, anyways? I looked at Applejack. She nodded and smiled. I looked at Big Mac. He frowned.

I turned back to a smiling Granny Smith and said, "Well sure, ma'am. That sounds just fine." The room was quiet for a few minutes while we all ate. Finally, the little one spoke up.

"So is everythang everypony says bout you true?" I stopped eating and smiled.

"Now, just what is everypony saying about me, little lady?" Applejack cut her off before she could say anything.

"Now, Apple Bloom... Its rude to ask questions like that!" I held up a hand.

"She's fine. Its ok. What were you sayin' now, Apple Bloom?" She grinned at her big sister before continuing.

"Well, somepony at school told me you were an ALIEN! You've got ten cutie marks and you eat ponies for dinner and you really REALLY like to get drunk and f-"

"APPLE BLOOM!" I could only laugh as the elder sister chewed out the younger. When everything quieted down, I turned to little Apple Bloom and smiled.

"Well, Apple Bloom... You can tell yer little friends at school that I AM an alien. I'm an alien from a place called Texas where we all talk like this and wear hats like yer sister's. We don't eat ponies, but we DO eat cows and chickens and pigs and just about everything else!" She gasped so I grinned and kept going. "I even ate a SCORPION once!"

"What about the cutie marks?" I rolled up my sleeve and showed her the shamrock.

"This? Isn't a cutie mark. Its a tattoo. Lots of humans pay to get them in their skin, but they usually don't have anything to do with a special talent." Her eyes got really big and I leaned back in my chair. "But drinkin' isn't something little fillies like you and yer friends should be worried about, got it?" She swallowed and nodded. Granny Smith stood up and started clearing up dishes.

"Alright, Apple Bloom. Help me git all this cleaned up and you can spend the rest of the day with yer friends." The little filly jumped up at her grandmother's call and set to work. As if remembering something suddenly, she ran back, jumped up and gave me a small hug.

"Thanks fer savin' my best friend, Scootaloo." She took off back to work before I could think to say anything in return. Memories of last night's dream flashed into my head briefly. Applejack and Big Mac smiled and started for the door.

"Hey John, we still got a little bit before we gotta git back to work. Come on out to the porch and sit a spell." I followed them outside and lit a cigarette. After a few moments, I noticed that the elder siblings were the ones staring this time.

"... What?" AJ answered me.

"Was that true what you said bout eatin' cows?" I took another drag.

"Yep." They looked horrified.

"That's... that's just..." I stopped them.

"Its normal there. We raised the cows and ate em. Nothin' personal, we just eat meat." Big Mac sat on the edge of the porch and looked off towards the fields as AJ shook her head. Finally, she looked up and asked another question.

"What about the thing about the hats?" I chuckled.

"Slight exaggeration, but kinda true."

"And... the scorpion?" I busted out laughing at the worried look on her face. Big Mac didn't look amused. In fact, they both started to look sick. Wiping a tear from my eye, I nodded.

"Yeah, haha... Yeah, I ate a scorpion once. Someone at work bet me a day's paycheck that I wouldn't do it. I took the challenge. We found a little brown scorpion under a rock later that day, so I took a knife, cut off the stinger and tossed it in my mouth out in one of the fields. Best sixty bucks I'd ever won!"

She looked sick. Big Mac shook his head. Finally, looking up, Applejack asked me one last question.

"What... Did it taste like?"

"Horrible, but it didn't ruin my appetite any, if that's what yer askin'." I laughed and followed the siblings as they moved out to the fields. Maybe we could finish work at a decent time.

It wasn't a few hours later before the day's work was finished. Applejack took me up to the house where she paid my wage and thanked me for the day's work. I finally found out what Big Mac was frowning about, too. I got outside and the big pony brought me a fifteen pound sack of apples to take home.

"You work pretty hard. We don't need these, so yer welcome to take em with ya." I smiled and thanked him as I left. I think I'm gonna like this job.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

My perception of the world continued to change. It was still heaven compared to home, but the new car smell, so to speak, was wearing off. I mean, as much as it COULD wear off. I was still in a different world inhabited by talking, magical ponies. I don't think that's ever gonna wear off. It was, however, starting to feel more... normal.

I made my way into town through the market goers packing up their wares and carts and heading home. I finally came to the place I was looking for: a little building I spotted a certain unicorn exiting the other day. The unicorn with the lyre cutie mark. Leaving my bag of apples just inside the door I stepped inside and looked around.

Pictures of mythical creatures lined the walls that didn't have windows or mirrors and the lights seemed a little dim. A bell rang against the top of the door as I came in and a flurry of hoofsteps immediately started in the next room. A light voice sounded from that area of the building.

"Come in and relax! I'll be there shortly!" The aquamarine mare eventually came out of a side door and stepped into the room.

"What can I do for you today? Haircut? Wash? Someth-" She froze when she finally spotted me. I smiled and stepped closer.

"Howdy, Lyra... I see ya remember me?" She didn't move, but a faint 'Uh huh' escaped her throat.

"I was told you ran the only barbershop in town, so I swung by." She looked surprised. "That and I came to apologize. That whole thing at the party... It was all my fault. I didn't mean to cause ya any embarrassment." She blinked a few times before finding the words she wanted.

"Uhhh... Well, uhh... Apology... accepted?" I smiled.

"Well that's good to hear." We stood looking at each other for an awkward amount of time before she shook herself into the here and now.

"Oh, how silly of me. You need... a haircut I guess, don't you?" She said, beckoning me towards a stool.

"Please. Its gotten a little long for my taste. I really need my face shaved too, but if y'all have a straight razor, I can do that." She nodded and pulled a cloth sheet over my shoulders.

"How much do you want off?" I looked at myself in the mirror and thought.

"Hmm... Leave half an inch on the sides and back... make it so the top is... Well, how about this, start with the sides and top and we'll go from there." She smiled and began to trim, We were quiet for a little while until I finally felt I should break the silence.

"So, you had a dream about me, huh?" I saw her roll her eyes in the mirror.

"It was more LIKE you really. Same hands and everything, but some things were different."

"How do you mean?"

"He was bigger. A little taller, but he looked really... I don't know. Stout. And much darker."

"Darker?"

"Yeah. Like he had more hair all over himself." I shook my head.

"I still think you dreamed up Bigfoot." She stopped for a moment.

"You said that at the party! What's a Bigfoot?" I laughed.

"Bigfoot is this huge ape-man that a bunch of people think is out there. No one's ever REALLY seen him, but everyone that 'has' basically says he's seven feet tall, hairy and walks on two legs. Like a monkey man." She laughed. "Bigfoot is just an old mythical thing... Like a lot of the creatures you have on the walls around here. Chimeras... Manticores... Minotaurs... stuff like that." She stopped and looked at me.

"What do you mean, mythical? I took those pictures myself!" Hahaha... Uh huh.

"Seriously, you're startin' to sound like all the other crazies." She started to get frustrated.

"Look, you don't have to believe me, but you can ask anyone else around here and they'll tell you the same thing."

Come to think of it, I was talking to a unicorn. A talking unicorn. A few days after I met the princesses of the land of the talking ponies. Which happened to mention the Griffon Kingdom. Yeah, its time for me to shut up.

"Well, Bigfoot ain't from around here and you had a DREAM about it!" She laughed and kept cutting my hair. With the back and the sides done, she stood back and looked at her work.

"Ok, what am I doing here?" I looked at my head.

"Well basically, I want more hair on the top than the sides, so you have to cut it so it kinda gradually gets longer as you go up. Think of it like the difference between a hill and a cliff." She nodded and set to work, magically lifting her clippers and comb to trim the hair.

"So what's it like where you're from?" she asked. "Is it kind of like here?" I spent the rest of the barber session telling her about Earth and life in the good ole U.S. of A. She laughed... and gasped, but mostly laughed.

"So now, we come to the next part. My face..." She looked at the beard growing wild on my neck, cheeks, and everywhere in between.

"You know, you could probably leave it and no one would care. Its not like we have any other humans to base it on."

"Good point," I replied. "But I would still feel weird going to something like I am."

"Going to something? Where?"

"I've been invited to the Midsummer Night's Ball by the princesses themselves." Lyra's eyes got big.

"Wow! Its definitely no Grand Galloping Gala, but still... Good job, man!" I smiled.

"So you can see why I needed to look... Presentable?" She smiled.

"Of course." Digging in a drawer, she found an old razor and started to sharpen it.

"So who are you taking with you? Twilight? Applejack?"

"Rarity, actually." She paused briefly, but continued working.

"Oh... Well, duh. Figures, the way she talks about you." I turned in my seat.

"You know, I just don't get it. She's the type to chase sophistication and class. Where I come from, I'm practically the bottom of the barrel. Folks like me are either found drunk in a bar, working shit jobs, or PNG'ed everywhere else... What does she see in me?" Lyra brought over the newly sharpened razor.

"You apparently have more class and sophistication than you think. She says you speak more than one language. Do you?"

"Actually, I know only bits and pieces of a few different ones. I learned Spanish a long time ago and forgot most of it. Still know a few words, here and there."

"Do you at least have basic manners?" I sighed.

"My mother taught me everything she could as far as etiquette goes. Said one day it could help get me married off."

"Well, it seems like its working." Lyra said with a grin. I shrugged and she continued on, passing me the razor and watching as my fingers manipulated my face to make the cuts clean.

"Aren't you some kind of soldier? Soldiers are like the next best thing to royalty around here. In fact, one of the princesses married the Captain of the Guard a while back."

"Yeah, but I was enlisted. We were the guys always goin' to the pub and gettin' into fistfights." She thought for a moment.

"One last thing: How do you treat her?" I paused.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, Rarity and I aren't exactly gal pals or anything, so I don't know stuff that Twilight or Fluttershy might know, but from what I hear, her last few coltfriends were real jerks. They showed up, wowed her with some glitz and she jumped into their hooves without really thinking.

"Long story short, they were all really bad coltfriends. I think now, she's just ready for a good sir knight to come galloping into town to sweep her off her hooves. Seems like you've had the luck of being him, so far. Saving Scootaloo, fixing up Fluttershy's place, audience with the princesses... Mystery and heroics are pretty attractive to some ponies."

I thought for a bit while slowly ridding my face of hair. Cheeks... Neck... Thinking twice, I asked if I could borrow a pair of scissors. A few short minutes later, a well-groomed man sporting a conservative haircut and a short goatee stepped out of Lyra's.

I paid the mare the going rate, plus a tip. Ten bits. No wonder Big Mac threw a sack of apples at me. Probably thought I would run out of money before I made it once through town. I stopped outside the door and called back inside.

"Hey Lyra!" she came to the door with a smile.

"Yeah?"

"What did Rarity say to you that night at the party?" Lyra laughed a little and blushed.

"You ask her. I'm just gonna forget that night happened!" I smiled and waved.

"Alright, y'all have a nice one, I'll see ya again before the ball for a trim!"

"Bye!"

I turned and headed through the town, feeling halfway fresh and groomed. Now, I was on to Rarity's.

If I Die Young

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

I was dozing peacefully in the comfortable vinyl armchair when dawn broke through the curtains and lit up the room around me. My eyelids snapped open and the soft orange glow of the rising sun greeted me warmly.

I stretched and surveyed the room lazily. Rarity was still snoozing peacefully, a small frown tugging at the corners of her mouth. I got up, walked over to the drapes and looked back to her. If I was feeling a little more mischievous, I probably would have thrown them open, but it just didn't seem right. Maybe another time.

I walked back to my spot and sat down quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping mare. Fishing a smoke out of my boot, I lit it and stared at the dark ceiling. What are you still doing here, John? Probably aughta leave. No, I'll stay right here.

A few minutes passed and I finished the cigarette, tossing it into the garbage can that I moved to the bed for Rarity in the night. She didn't use it, but there wasn't any use in not being careful, right? Rarity's soft snores steadily droned on as I watched her chest rise and fall.

Yeah... I'd better get outta here.

I almost made it to the door when I heard something stir behind me.

"Ohhhh, my head," Too late now, buddy. "What happened last night?" I turned and leaned against the doorway.

"I don't know, darlin'. What's the last thing you remember?" She looked up slowly at me.

"What are YOU doing here?" she said, wincing from the pounding she probably felt in her head.

"Absolutely nothing," I replied. "Figured you needed someone to make sure you were okay. Should've known better. Anyways, you felt like it would be a good idea to drink yourself silly."

"I remember."

"Whatever the case, I figured you didn't need to die in your sleep or somethin'. I'll see ya later."

"Wait," she said, stopping my withdrawal from the room. She climbed out of bed and rubbed her temple gingerly. "Thank you.... John." I put on my sweetest smile and bowed dramatically.

"It was ALL my pleasure." I got an eye roll in response.

"No... John. I... I mean it. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

There was a knock at the door and I turned to answer it. Fluttershy stood patiently in the hallway.

"Oh. I just thought I'd come see if Rarity is alright, but I didn't know you were already here." I smiled and stepped past her.

"It's fine, Fluttershy, I was just leavin'. She might still need ya."

"Oh... Okay." I turned to leave, but remembered a crucial detail.

"Hey, Shy? When's our train leavin'?"

"Um.. a couple of hours I think. Twilight is still in her room. I think she's awake... You could ask her," she said quietly.

"Sounds good. Take care, ladies."

Twilight and I made it to the train after breakfast down in the restaurant. The Friendship Express was empty besides us and we waited patiently for the rest of the girls to join us.

"So John," Twilight started cautiously, "How was Rarity this morning?" I sat quietly in my bench and stared out the window.

"Fine. Hungover, but she'll live."

"Oh... Good."

Ten minutes later and an especially bubbly Pinkie Pie bounded her way down the center aisle, coming to a stop in a nearby bench.

"Goooooood morning, friends!" She said gleefully, but stopped and looked around. "Where IS everypony?!" Twilight shrugged.

"I haven't seen Rarity all morning, Fluttershy was with her, and I think Rainbow and AJ are still eating." Pinkie shook her head vigorously from side to side.

"We'll NEVER get back like THAT!" A pink blur streaked away like greased lightning, leaving us alone again. I relaxed and leaned my head on the backrest. Twilight turned to look at me again. She opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it. The trepidation was heavy on her face, but she finally asked what she wanted to know.

"Have... You know... You and Rarity... made up yet?" I glanced at her face again. She almost looked hopeful.

"No. Not really."

At that, we heard a few yells and general complaints from Dash and Rarity, Pinkie carried the rest of the girls onto the train. Applejack still had a mouthful of breakfast and tightened her hold on the pile of toast balanced precariously on her plate. Tossing her friends into the seats and dashing off towards the engine, Pinkie squealed gleefully.

"PONYVILLE, HERE WE COME!" she yelled back to us as she zipped away.

Not a moment later, the train lurched forward and Pinkie zipped right back, tossing herself into the seat between Fluttershy and Rarity with a snort and a giggle. I smiled and stretched out across my spot. Applejack munched slowly on her toast, warily eying Dash who grumbled about wanting more food. Even so, it wasn't long before the girls were chatting happily again. Twilight, of course, wanted to talk about the recent development with the changelings.

"I'm more than willing to do as the princess says, but I still think we should take some kind of preventative measure." Applejack nodded.

"Yeah. Them folks in Canterlot are plumb crazy if they think I'm just gonna take this layin' down. Them changelings always got somethin' up their sleeves!" It was Rainbow's turn to interject. She jumped defiantly to her hooves.

"Let 'em come! We can take whatever they got!" Twilight shook her head at the outburst.

"You heard the princess. We won't know where, when, or how many there will be. It will be when we least expect it." She paused and turned to look at me. "John, the princess said you were in charge of security. Do you know something that we don't?" I heaved a sigh and rested my elbows on my knees.

I looked up at the girls. All of them looked to me expectantly.

"The truth is, we know more. Twilight's brother and I have been tryin' to figure out what's been goin' on for a while, now. Recently, we got a break. The thing is, for y'alls safety and for this plan to work, you can't know exactly what's goin' on, but there are things you can do. Don't trust strangers. Don't leave yourself alone with anyone. Always travel with someone. Don't go anywhere alone. All the most basic things you can do to avoid anything. Stay in well-lit areas if you have to move at night. There are a couple troopers in town workin' with me, but you probably won't recognize 'em."

The girls were looking uneasy.

"Honestly, I wish we didn't have to put y'all through this at all, but just know that if anything goes wrong, we're gonna have it handled. I know trustin' me isn't easy, especially with recent events, but believe me when I say y'all are in good hands."

The car was silent. I glanced at each of them in turn, all anxiously looking at each other. Fluttershy's eyes met mine and a flash of fear showed on her face. I gave her a reassuring smile and leaned back again.

"Don't worry about anything, hun. I've got it."

I settled down in my seat and closed my eyes again. I heard the rustling of feathers and hoofsteps on the wooden floor before something soft jumped into the seat next to me and leaned against my shoulder. Fluttershy, still scared, was moving as close as she could to me just to feel even a little bit safer. I smiled and put an arm around her.

"Nothin's gonna happen to you, hun. Nothin' at all." The train's rhythmic bumps and noises soon had me snoozing gently. As my eyes drifted shut, one thought flashed through my mind.

Nothing was gonna happen to these girls.

Not if I can help it.

The train ride went smoothly enough and my eyes snapped open the moment the steam released from the engine once we reached the Ponyville Station. I stood and stretched out my legs and arms.

Fluttershy was still mildly frightened, bless her heart, and she stayed within arm's reach while we stepped off the train and onto the platform to wait for the others. The girls gathered around and looked about cautiously. Twilight finally broke the silence.

"I know there's not much we can do, but we can trust John and his team to keep us safe." Rainbow puffed out her chest and looked around defiantly.

"I still don't think we should need an escort. Nopony can catch me!" With that, she took off and sailed back to her home in the clouds.

"Well," Twilight continued, "Everypony needs to be careful, but we can't let this interfere with our lives." She pulled Pinkie towards town and asked her about Sugar Cube Corner as they walked away. Applejack waved at all of us and galloped towards her home, probably to talk to her family about what was happening, leaving me with Fluttershy and Rarity.

"Alright ladies, I'll walk y'all wherever you'd like to go." Rarity closed her eyes tight and touched her head.

"Well, I for one am tired of everything giving me the most dreadful headache. Even talking is simply unbearable." And yet she continues to talk... I shook my head and started through town towards the boutique, both girls in tow.

Once we reached the thickly crowded markets, my senses went to high alert. Nobody gave us a second look and no stares. Nothing obviously threatening, but I stayed vigilant. So far, we were okay. I did my best to steer the girls towards the outskirts of the crowd so I could keep an eye on everything easier.

Eventually, we came past an alley and my ears picked up the sounds of a scuffle coming from somewhere in the shadows between a couple of buildings. Rarity and Fluttershy didn't seem to notice anything until I started to reach for the small of my back.

"What's the matter, John?" Fluttershy whimpered quietly.

"Stay here. Don't move. If I yell, run to the boutique and stay there until I come to get you." Rarity nodded nervously and put a hoof against Fluttershy to keep her relatively calm. Slowly moving into the alley and lifting the back of my shirt, my fingers closed around the grip of my knife and I moved towards a shape in the darkness. I started to hear voices.

"What... What did I ever do to you?" a young voice cried.

"You were born," a cold voice replied. I heard the whacking of hooves against flesh and crying as my eyes came into focus on three large colts beating a younger, smaller one, his blue coat matted with blood. He curled into a ball, helpless against the onslaught of kicks from the large bullies. I took my hand off the knife and rushed in.

"HEY! Git offa him, you little shits!" The older looking, bigger colt pushed a hoof into the victim's side and looked over his shoulder.

"Get out of here, jackass. This doesn't concern you," he sneered. I could hear the young pegasus under him crying.

"Like hell it doesn't!"

I lunged forward as hoofbeats came galloping up behind me. Unaware of the new observers, I grabbed the leader by the mane and drug him off, kicking out at his accomplices.

"You little fuckers aughta be ashamed of yerselves! Pickin' on ponies smaller than you. The hell is wrong with you!?" I berated them until they were thoroughly cowed. The one I had by the hair flailed uselessly in the air. I turned him over in the air and beat his flank with the back of my hand.

"I'll bet your momma would be doin' the same thing if she was here to see this. Learn your lesson and don't EVER do this shit again!" I popped him a couple more times and dropped him on the ground He scurried off to join his cronies, tears streaking his angry face.

"I'm gonna tell my pa on you!" I scoffed.

"What? You gonna tell him that you were pickin' on a defenseless colt and someone bigger and badder than you came along to give you a taste of what you're dishin' out?! Get the fuck outta here and don't EVER let me hear about you doin' this shit again or I'll have you thrown in a cell!" The bully galloped off with his friends yelling something over his shoulder about how I was gonna be sorry.

"Fuckin' figures," I muttered to myself. After they were gone, I turned to see the young colt crying on the ground and casting a momentary glance towards me.

"Jesus, they really worked you over, son... Do they always do this?" He nodded and let out a wail. His school bags were in ruins on the ground, art supplies broken and lying around him. I turned again to see Fluttershy and Rarity looking at the scene in shock. Quickly snapping out of it, Fluttershy rushed forward to console the poor child.

"Oh Blue, I'm so sorry. There there," she cooed. I sidled up to Rarity and whispered to her.

"Y'all know this kid?"

"Yes," she replied. "His name is Blue something. We know he was badly bullied, but we didn't know to what extent, the poor dear."

"Wait!" Fluttershy called as the small pegasus dashed out of the alley past us, rushing away and wiping the tears from his bruised eyes. Slowly, Fluttershy walked over.

"Oh, I wish he would just talk to me. This has been going on for too long."

"Has anyone told his parents?" Fluttershy nodded.

"It seems like they don't care enough to help. At least not his father. It's so sad." I shook my head.

"Alright. Well, let's get to the boutique. I'll think of something to do about this."

Rarity insisted that we make ourselves at home while she went upstairs to nap and 'freshen up'. I walked around her kitchen making coffee while Fluttershy asked questions about the changelings.

"What can you tell us?" I shrugged and lit the burner under the old fashioned stove-top percolator.

"Honestly, I've told you just about everything. There are two other stallions in town that are with me working to keep y'all safe. I'll have you meet the one I assigned to you pretty soon." She looked surprised at my statement as I walked back to sit with her at the table.

"Assigned to me? Why?" I shook my head.

"No special reason. You're just all alone out there on the edge of the Everfree. Figure it would be good to have someone with you at all times out there." She seemed to accept that answer.

"Well... What can we expect?"

"At some point, they'll make a move. Don't know when, where, who... But we already caught two here in town." She looked alarmed.

"Really?! Where?"

"Well, the one you know about. The other I can't say." She frowned.

"How do you know they'll be coming?" I shook my head again.

"The one we captured told us. He's in the Canterlot Dungeon now."

"How did you get him to tell you?" I tensed.

"That's... privileged information. I'm sorry."

"You didn't have to hurt him, did you?" I paused to light a cigarette. Thinking better about even answering the question, I blew smoke at the ceiling and gave her a stoic look. "John... Did you?"

"I can neither confirm, nor deny that force was used in extracting the information we needed." She looked concerned.

"You've never spoken like that before. What's wrong?" Damn, she was good at this. Images of the tortured changeling flashed through my mind.

"Nothin'. It's just been a long couple of days." I got up to pour the steaming coffee after a few minutes of silence. Bringing the cups over, I smiled at Fluttershy. "Don't be worried, hun. Equestria's best are on this. Me included." She gave me a small smile and sipped from the hot mug.

"Good."

After a couple of hours reading the paper and chatting back and forth, Fluttershy and I tried to think of ways to help the young colt from this afternoon.

"You said his parents were indifferent. Do they really understand what's actually going on?" She shrugged.

"He always goes home in tears or bruised. Sometimes with blood in his fur, sometimes with black eyes. I've given up trying to get his father to listen to me. He sees it as his son just being weak. I think there's a whole case of abuse and neglect within the family as well as at school," she revealed. "It's slowly breaking him down."

"What about the school? Can't someone there help him?"

"Only on school property. Cheerilee does her best, but once they go home, there isn't much they can do." I thought for a moment.

"Maybe I can go talk to the classes. God knows I've got enough stories to tell."

"John, I couldn't see you being a bully at all... You're too good," she said with a warm, soothing smile.

"No, no. About being bullied." She almost looked like I made a joke.

"What, you? I don't believe you!" I nodded in answer.

"Up until I became an adult. Even a little afterwards. It can happen to anyone, Fluttershy, you should know that much. I think I even heard a story about Dash being bullied, just not really badly." Fluttershy thought for a moment about that before nodding slowly.

"Even Pinkie has been before. Did you ever hear about Gilda?" I shook my head. Flutters started to say something, but a voice from the other room made us look up.

"She was simply DREADFUL. The entire time, we didn't believe that she could be so bad, but she was especially mean to Pinkie. Pinkie even went as far as to throw a party for her in order to lift her spirits, but she finally exploded. No one has seen her since, but we will ALWAYS remember her. So gruff and angry. A true bully," Rarity stated from the doorway.

"I see you're back to your usual self," I said with a smile. She put her nose up and huffed.

"Yes, well it is amazing what a shower and a short nap will do for a pony's health," she said dismissively. I laughed and stood to get her a cup of coffee.

"True story," I said. "And I can say that from my own experience."

"Well, I'm sure you certainly have plenty of THAT," she said haughtily. I looked out the window at the slowly fading light.

"Hey Rarity, What do you say we walk Fluttershy home and come back here? It's gettin' awfully dark." She nodded curtly.

"You're right. Fluttershy, dear, we really should get going."

As one, we moved to the door and headed out into the late summer air. The cool breeze blew from the north, a sure sign that summer was coming to an end soon. I started to walk the girls towards Fluttershy's, but we ended up wandering through the town aimlessly as the night grew darker and darker talking about anything that came to mind. We were at the edge of the public playground when we finally turned towards the road to the cottage.

Rarity was happily chatting away to a smiling Fluttershy when I noticed that something wasn't right. I scanned the playground in the darkness. What was wrong? What didn't look right? Movement caught my eye and I froze. A small shape swung back and forth from the swing set in the center. I held up my hand to silence the girls. The creak of a rope under stress reached my ears and Rarity's ears perked up.

"What was that?" She thought out loud I moved slowly towards it until I recognized what it was.

"NO! FUCK, NO!"

I dashed forward as fast as my legs could carry me. The girls' cries of shock fell on deaf ears as I tore off towards the small pony hanging from the rope. In a single fluid motion I lifted him with one arm and quickly slashed the rope with my knife. Immediately, the young colt started coughing and sputtering, tears rolling down his blue cheeks flushed from the attempted strangulation. I laid him on the ground and pulled the rope over his head.

"Jesus Christ... Jesus, Blue... Blue, it's okay." The colt sobbed between coughs. Rarity and Fluttershy gasped audibly. "Blue... Blue are you alright?" More sobs answered me and the little colt put his head against my chest, crying into my shirt. I held him close and squeezed gently, shushing the poor kid. "Oh buddy, It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, you're okay now. Nothing can get you. I'm here. Nothin's gonna hurt you anymore."

Rarity and I left Fluttershy's cottage quietly. We got the little pegasus to calm down and go to sleep after a while. Fluttershy promised to take care of him until we could contact someone at the castle to take him. We walked down the path without a word. After a few minutes, Rarity stopped.

"What's the matter?" She shook her head slowly. "Rarity? Are you okay?" Slowly, her lip began to quiver and she hung her head, her shoulders shaking as she cried silently. "Oh, darlin'..." I moved towards her and put my hand on her shoulder. She put a hoof around my neck and cried into my shoulder. Seems this is happening a lot these days. Fuck off. She went limp in my arms and cried uncontrollably. I ran my hand through her mane and breathed steadily. I could smell her perfume. A strange thought at this time, but I missed it so much.

"I... I don't know anymore, John," she said between sobs. "Why? Why would this happen? What could do this to... to a child?"

"It shouldn't ever happen, sweetie. No one should have to feel like that. It's okay, though. We were there for him. He can get help now. Everything will be fine." She was racked with a fresh wave of sobs and I knelt next to her, squeezing her tight. "I'm gonna do everything I can, sweetheart... Everything I can to stop stuff like this." I finally got her to calm down and we headed for her home. I stopped at her door and she turned to face me. Sniffing back another tear, she looked into my eyes.

"Please, John. Please don't leave us again. Not like that. Not in any way. We missed you so much. I missed you."

"I missed you." She looked up at me, concern shining in her eyes.

"Sometimes we don't know what you're thinking. I'm still frightened of the prospect of you leaving again. I know Fluttershy is, too." I turned to walk away, lighting a cigarette.

"Someone's gotta stick around to make sure y'all don't get into too much trouble." She stood in the doorway as I walked away into the night.

"John!" She called out suddenly. "John, would you please stay here tonight?"

"What's wrong?" I called back after a moment.

"I..." She started anxiously. "I would... just feel better if you stayed here." I walked back to her and leaned against the door frame.

"I'll be right in." Her smile told me everything I needed to know.

I snubbed out the cigarette on the ground and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Rarity sat down on her couch and looked at me expectantly.

"Well? Come sit. I wanted to ask you something."

"What would you like to know?" I asked as I moved to take the spot next to her.

"I... I get the feeling you knew what Blue was going through. Had you... had you ever... well..." I sighed.

"What? Been bullied? Wanted to kill myself? Seen someone kill themselves?" She grew noticeably uncomfortable. She tried to back out.

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it... It just seemed like you were very... personally invested when it came to the colt and the bullies especially." I shrugged.

"What they were doin' was wrong. Everything about that was wrong. He was bruised, bloodied... All probably because he didn't fit in with everyone else. Whatever the case, doin' somethin' like that to a child is wrong. Someone so young shouldn't have to worry about shit like that."

"You were seething."

"Someone as innocent and vulnerable as that little guy... It reminded me of... well, of me."

"How?" she asked, leaning towards me in curiosity.

"A number of things. When we're young and can't take care of ourselves things can happen. Terrible things. Things you don't bring up in polite company. At any rate, it's why I hate people that hurt children. It's crime that should never go unpunished. Violating the innocence of someone that hasn't even had the chance to even live..." She thought for a moment.

"I remember you telling me... a while ago... the reason you do the things you do is because no one else will. Or can. I think I understand. If you hadn't done something, maybe nobody would have."

"Yeah. The question is, what are we goin' to do now?"

"I... I think you have more experience with this than I do." I scratched my chin for a moment. Rarity looked at me harder. "John... have you... ever thought of doing that?"

"... Yes."

"Why?"

"Sometimes... Sometimes living just hurts too much. Moving hurts. Thinking hurts. When you think, you just remind yourself that everything you do is useless. You're a failure. Don't try anything because you'll only fuck it up worse than it already is. It's terrible. When someone feels bad enough to try and take their life, they need help. They hurt. Bad. I used to stand at the edge of cliffs and wonder if it was worth stepping away. I drank to feel okay... if just for a few hours."

"That's terrible." I decided to tell her something that no other living soul had ever known.

"I... I got a call from a young woman one day. I knew her. I slept with her on a few occasions. She told me that I was going to be a father." Rarity cocked her head to one side.

"I didn't realize you had a family. You never talk about them." I sighed and frowned.

"I don't have a family. After she told me that, she went and had a surgery to... to get rid of the baby. I didn't know how to feel." Rarity was silently watching me. "That night, I put a shotgun in my mouth. I was gonna spray my brains across the walls of my bedroom. I took the safety off, loaded a shell... Put my lips around the muzzle and pulled the trigger. Click. I threw it on the ground and walked out.

"I found out later that the primer was bad. A one in a million chance. I shudder every time I think about it. I know about how bad a person can feel. I know about the horrible things people do to each other. I gotta help him, Rare... I have to." She smiled and put a hoof on my knee.

"You can't save the world... But you can save somepony. You saved him. You saved Scootaloo, too." I gave a nervous laugh.

"Don't forget about the deer that nearly got me killed." Rarity laughed out loud.

"That was a time I do NOT want to remember. You saved Fluttershy that day, too." I nodded.

"I might get another chance to save y'all again pretty soon."

"I know you will. It's in your nature." I don't know what came over me, but I started to ramble.

"When I was in war, we had somethin' we would tell each other." Rarity looked at me, interested. "If you can't be safe, be deadly. If I have to, I will. To keep you safe. I have to. I'll die for y'all, but I'd rather not. A wise man once said 'No one ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making some other poor bastard die for his.'" Rarity was quiet for a moment.

"Well, this conversation took a dark turn."

"Sorry."

"I think it's time for bed. You still have your bed up in my room if you want it." I nodded.

"That will do fine."

The vehicle got closer. It was a small car, moving at a good clip. I signaled to the man with the spotlight to flip it on and point it at our flag we set up. Hey, Americans here. Stop the fucking vehicle, please? Philips began swinging his chem-light. We could hear the car's engine pick up and increase in pitch. Shit, he was gonna run it. I grabbed our megaphone and started yelling what I could remember in Pashto.

"WADAREGA YAA DEE WULIM!!!! WADAREGA YAA DEE WULIM!!! STOP YOU SILLY SUMBITCH!!!"

The car still increased in speed. I turned to look at our .50 gunner.

"Warning shots." Seven rounds left the M2, two of which were tracers fired directly over the vehicle. It continued its increase in speed. "MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT! TAKE IT OUT!"

As one, the entire group lit up the little car. Sparks flying, glass shattering, and smoke rising from the engine, the car careened off the road, hit a small sand hill and rolled five times before landing upside down a mere twenty-five yards away. Philips was still swinging his chem-light. I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him. If the look on his face wasn't just fear, it was "I think I shit myself."

I grabbed four other guys to go with me to the car and search it. We started the slow approach; rifles at the ready and both eyes-

I jolted awake and lept from my bed. Rarity's screams were loud and shrill.

"JOHN! JOHN, DO SOMETHING!"

I ripped the knife from its sheath and jumped into her enormous bed, throwing myself between her and the room, scanning for targets. Anything that could be dangerous.

"Where?!" She blindly pointed with a hoof at the closet door standing slightly ajar. I pounced from the bed and threw myself against the wall next to the door, steeling myself for a fight.

1... 2... 3!

Throwing open the door the rest of the way, I stood knife at the ready only to see darkness. I stood there tensed for a few seconds before taking a step into the small space. With a squeak and a squeal, the largest squirrel I'd ever seen jumped off the clothes rack onto my shoulder and bounded out of the open window it came in through. My shoulders slumped and my heart raced. Slowly, I turned towards Rarity positioned on the bed and scowled.

"Uh... heh heh. Sorry?"

"Mhm." I let myself fall back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling waiting for my heart to go back to normal.

"I'm really sorry, John."

"Okay. Go to sleep."

"Jooooohn," she whined. "I'm reaaaaally sorry. I didn't know what it was."

"It's fine. Go to sleep." She was quiet for a few more seconds.

"John?"

"Mmm?"

"Will you come over here and sleep?"

"... Why?"

"Because... I'm scaaaared," she pled. I was unsympathetic.

"It was a squirrel."

"I know... I'm just scared."

Five minutes later and I was in bed with Rarity, my arm around her while she snoozed peacefully. The scent of her shampoo wafted into my nose and pleased my senses. For a moment before I closed my eyes, everything was good again.

Author's Note

This chapter comes at a time where bullying is once again at the fore-front of the Brony community. Too late do things like this get taken care of and the people that suffer for it are the ones left behind when someone makes the tragic decision to end their lives because of bullying. This chapter was inspired a year ago by a story written by a friend of mine. The character is his and I would credit the man for it if he wanted the credit. Its relevance is seen today in the faces of small children, teens and adults alike.
At the time of this chapter being published, Michael Morones is still unconscious and in serious condition due to a thankfully interrupted attempt to hang himself from his bunk bed after enduring constant torment from classmates simply for liking a show that we all know and love.
This is where I stand on my soap-box and ask you all to do the world a service. Witnessing someone being bullied or abused is one thing many of us if not ALL of us have done. Next time, step in. Stop it. No one should have to endure the pain it causes, regardless of who they are.
'All that is necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.' -Edmund Burke