A Lightening Situation

by PheerthaniteX

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2393

Some short parodies of Cupcakes to ease the tension of the story.

WARNING: Contains mild gore in some chapters.
When it comes to fanfiction, two stories are shunned by the internet, My Immortal and Cupcakes. While the former is so hopelessly bad nothing can be done for it, the latter presents interesting ideas to lighten the mood of its grimdark nature, like explaining why anypony in Ponyville would write something so cruel, or asking yourself, "What would happen if this happened to Pinkie?" These topics are explored in this series of one-shots about Pinkamena Diane Pie's insane adventures of cannibalistic baking.

Published 2012-01-19 11:47:19 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-22 00:55:07 UTC

My Little Cupcakes

A/N: Alright, this one takes place during “My Little Dashie,” so if you haven’t already read it, I suggest you do, because not only will it help this chapter make sense, but it’s a great fanfic anyways. I strongly suggest you grab some tissues, because it is very likely at least one part of the story will cause you to shed a tear.

It’s already been thirteen years. I’ve had Dashie for the better part of a quarter-century already. And those thirteen years have been the best of my life. Obviously, there had been hard times for us, like a few years ago when Rainbow found out about My Little Pony, but we’ve always pulled through the few arguments we had. I decided as a birthday present, I’d get her a computer and a WI-Fi- connection for us to use. I figured that if she knew about the show now, there wasn’t any reason to keep her away from the internet. We both absolutely loved having the entire world at our fingertips... and hooves. Apparently the site Equestria Daily was still up and running, so we would commonly visit there to see what the fandom had created.

Of course we would eventually come across the worse parts of Fanwork.

Before I had met Rainbow, I had noticed a lot of people mention “Cupcakes.” Thinking they were referring to the song Pinkie had sung to Applebloom, I paid no attention to it, figuring a lot of people just didn’t like it. One day we were on the site when someone started flaming on how it was the worst story he’d ever read, so naturally, we were intrigued to find out what it was about. As we read the description, Rainbow started looking a little nervous.

“I’m not sure I want to read this; it seems a lot scarier since I’m in it,” She murmured, but I just patted her on the back, responding, “Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be fine! It can be like when we watch horror movies together!”

“Al-alright. But if I don’t get any sleep tonight then I’m blaming you for it.” She threatened, giving me a playful shove at the same time. We clicked the link, and began reading the most controversial fanfic to hit the internet.

The Air was warm, the sun was shining, and everyone in Ponyville was having a glorious day…
-------
… The cupcakes could wait; Pinkie had a friend to make.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?” I asked, then looked over at Dashie, who seemed to almost be in a catatonic state

“Never… again,” was all she could say.

“Oh calm down. If anything, this is payback for all the times you made me watch those movies that terrified me out of my wits,” I joked.

“I’m serious right now. That was possibly the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen, and I only was able to get to the part where she cut off my wings. That is a lot scarier when the victim character is yourself, Pops, and not some random teenager that you have nothing in common with. It makes everything seem a lot more real”

I was horrified at myself. How could I screw up as a parent like this? I was supposed to protect her, not force her into reading something that would traumatize her. “Dashie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have made you read it. I can’t believe I keep failing you lie this; I must be the worst father you could have!”

“It’s alright. That thing will give me nightmares tonight, but it’s okay. You didn’t fail me at all. If anything, it’s my fault for not resisting reading it more.”

After a while we had everything sorted out, and were able to act as if nothing had happened. A couple months later, Dashie said she’d like to try to read Cupcakes again. This time it was me who was hesitant for her to read it, after what she had said the first time, but she just replied, “If someone like you can just read it and shrug it off, then I think I can too.”

I eventually let her go read that story, and once she was finished, she seemed to like it. It was crazy. She’d make Cupcakes references all the time, wrote her own sequel to it, which got featured on Equestria Daily, and would even quote Rocket to Insanity, singing “Giggle at the Ghostly” in an insane manner. At first it was funny, but after a while, I couldn’t take it
anymore. I figured the only thing that could stop he from loving her fanon was even more fanon. I would constantly show her insane shippings with her involved, send her clopfics centered around her, and many other things until she quit making so many jokes.

What I’d give to be annoyed by her boasting again.

Yo dawg, we heard you like fanfiction, so we put a fanfiction of a fanfiction inside of a fanfiction, so you can read fanfiction while you read fanfiction!

Dashie's Scheme

A/N: Bet you never expected Rainbow herself to be the writer of Cupcakes, did you? Yes, I realize she’s an extremely cliché fangirl in this one, but this is much better than my EmoDash idea.
Also, this one is meant to make little sense in covering up massive plotholes. The bad writing is intentional
That was it. The final straw! If winning the best young flyers competition AND saving their lives didn’t make Rainbow dash a member of the Wonderbolts, then she would try a new approach.
A pity story.
The cyan pegasus pony immediately began brainstorming ideas for how to make her life seem utterly ruined. After a sleepless night of ghastly ideas, each more gory than the last, she finally settled on something that would get her on the Wonderbolts for sure.

The Air was warm, the sun was shining, and everyone in Ponyville was having a glorious day…

… The cupcakes could wait; Pinkie had a friend to make.
Now, all that was left was to send the story to Equestria’s most trusted newspaper, the Equestria Daily. Soon, the story would be breaking news across Equestria, and the Wonderbolts would ask her to join them.
One month later, Rainbow Dash was getting irritated. She had still not seen her story in the news headlines, and was about to unsubscribe from the newspaper. She picked up the copy that had been delivered today, and as she glanced at the front cover, a devilish ear to ear grin struck her face. The main article had a picture of Pinkie Pie being apprehended for “her” actions, with a massive story on how she would torture ponies and finally kill them, turning them into pastries. The only reason she was caught was because a heroic pony managed to sneak into her hidden lair and steal a journal that she kept for documenting the atrocities she committed.
Surely by now the Wonderbolts had heard of her terrible story, and were devastated by their saviors death. If they saw her again they would certainly allow her onto the team. Rainbow bought a ticket to the next Wonderbolts derby. Once she was in the audience she snuck into the Wonderbolts locker room, where Spitfire was just putting on her outfit’s goggles “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Rainbow squealed, attracting the attention of the orange pegasus pony. Spitfire looked at Rainbow with a puzzled look for a minute, then finally said, Hey, you look like that pony from the news that got tortured and killed. I swear there was something familiar about that young mare.”
“Actually, it’s funny you bring that up, because I am that pony that was tortured and killed!” Rainbow exclaimed, “And I was wondering if you would let me join the Wonderbolts. You see, I had always wanted to join you guys when I was alive, but now that I’m dead, that can’t happen. So I was wondering if you could honor my wishes by making me one in honor of my bravery and sacrifice!”
“Oh, well, we’d love to let you join us, but according to the story, your wings were cut off, so you can’t fly,” Spitfire sorrowfully answered.
“But my wings are right here! And I can use them! See?” Rainbow then began flying all over the locker room.
“It’s probably just a setup, and you are just wearing a harness with a wire on it. But I’ll give you credit for the great special effects. Even if that was real, our manager doesn’t let zombies become Wonderbolts. I’m sorry,” Spitfire said. Rainbow finally gave up and returned to her home to come up with other plans to join the famous flyers.
30 years later
The Air was warm, the sun was shining, and everyone in Ponyville was having a glorious day. The town square was bustling with busy ponies filling the streets. All of them seemed to have somewhere specific to be; especially a certain pink, poufy haired pony. Pinkie Pie walked out of the Ponyville Maximum Security Detention Center with an evil look on her face. “She thinks she can just get rid of me like that? I will show her!” She began laughing maniacally. Pinkie went to Sugarcube Corner, opened a trapdoor, and stepped down into a basement decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Pinkie had a number to draw.

The end?

A/N: Yes, Yes, I know, this chapter is horrible. But by the time I realized how bad it was, I was almost done, so I decided to finish it anyway. The next one will be better, but I’m running out of the ideas I started with (which wasn’t very many) so if you have any you would like to see in this story, send me a PM about it, and chances are it will be used.

In Which Thineselves numerical digit is recognized

A/N: So something I’ve wondered for a while since reading Cupcakes is: What will Pinkie do when her number comes up? Well, this is my take.
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS BLOOD AND GORE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Finally, all of Pinkie Pie’s friends were eternalized with her. Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight had come quite soon after Rainbow Dash, but Fluttershy’s number hadn’t come up for a few months. In a way, she was almost sad for her harvest. Fluttershy had always been so sweet and innocent, but hey, her secret ingredient had to come from someone, right?
All this talk of cupcakes had reminded her she had a number to draw today. As she went to her basement, Pinkie wondered who could be the lucky winner. She finally reached a large party hat full of small paper slips with numbers on them. She reached a hoof in and when she pulled it out, she matched the number up with a name on a very long list. Pinkie was quite shocked when she found out that the number matched up with her name. “Well, that’s no fun. I was really hoping I could have some company this week…” she murmured, not at all phased by the fact that she would have to ruthlessly kill herself. Pinkie slumped over to the main room where she would do her business.
“I guess if I’m doing this to myself, I don’t need to strap myself onto the device… That’ll at least save some time,” Pinkie noted with a bit of lament in her voice. She grabbed a scalpel and began trying to reach her flank, but it was just to hard. She figured that if she didn’t have to restrain herself then she didn’t have to do everything by the book. The harvest was what mattered, so Pinkie injected herself with the numbing agent and laid down on the floor, waiting for the numbing agent to take effect, scalpel still in hand… err… hoof.
Once she couldn’t feel anything below her shoulders, Pinkie began making an incision in the shape of an I over her gut, opening it up when she was finished. Most ponies would be horrifies to see their organs right in front of them. But Pinkie Pie was so used to seeing living organs that she simply admired what great pastries they’d make. The first organ she thought to remove was one of her kidneys, so she cut all of the arteries and other bodily tubes attaching it to the rest of her body, an expert on organ removal. Once it was loose, she yanked it out and did the same with her other one. Then she began to work on her personal favorite, the liver. Once it was out, she began going lightheaded from blood loss. This led Pinkie to come to a terrible revelation: By the time the harvest was over, she’d be dead, and then she wouldn’t be able to make any more cupcakes.
Pinkie began frantically putting her organs, trying to attach them back to her body, but it was fruitless. She was already suffering from massive blood loss, and wasn’t able to grab any adrenal shots. As blood began pouring out onto the floor, Pinkie did something she hardly ever did... She began crying. Not because she was going to die, but because no one knew about her secret, she would not be able to be turned into cupcakes. Her lifelong ambition to have everyone to come into this place eventually become the secret ingredient for cupcakes would now fail, and there was nothing she could do to fix it now that she was laying on the floor, numb from the chest down and bleeding out at an alarming rate. Soon her tears mixed in with her blood, and her heart quit beating. Pinkamena Diane Pie’s last thoughts were of misery, not the misery of dying a slow and painful death, but her lament at not becoming a pastry.
Eventually, the cakes found the entrance to Pinkie’s lair, as the smell of death had become overwhelming. They were horrified to see not only the cut open and rotting remains of Pinkie, but the stuffed bodies of her five friends.
A/N: Mwahahahahaha! Not including the author’s notes, I noticed this chapter has 666 words. It’s a good thing I’m agnostic, otherwise I’d probably be paranoid right now.