Wrong Address, Bright Eyes
It was a perfectly innocent accident that almost destroyed Ponyville. Scootaloo hadn’t been watching where she was going. She buzzed around town on her scooter like any other day, and as the mailmare was trotting out of a doorway they collided. She spat out a quick apology and took off in a hurry.
The grey pegasus’ eyes spun about. She was dizzy, but unharmed. Or so she thought. Her eyes stopped moving, but something was wrong.
Up was down. Left was right. The world was chaos.
Ponyville’s only mailmare took a deep breath. The mail was never allowed to fail. Today she would be more prone to accidents than usual. Tonight she would nurse several fresh bruises. But by Celestia’s beard nopony in Ponyville was going to miss their mail on her watch! She knew this town inside and out. What was the worst that could happen?
Rainbow Dash flopped off the edge of her bed. Sunlight streamed in through the window, splashing softly across the face of her clock. It read two thirty. Dash groaned and bemoaned the fact that she had to get up so early today. Something was off, though. She could have sworn there was something about today that was going to force her out of bed even earlier. Had she slept in and missed something important?
She stepped out of her bedroom just as there was a knock at her door. Of course. Now she remembered. The knock could mean only one thing. It was HERE. It was odd that the mail was late, but if it let her sleep in Dash wasn’t going to complain.
Dash rushed to the door, threw it open, grabbed a brown box out of a pair of outstretched hooves, yelled a quick thank you, and slammed the door. She waited a few seconds until she could hear the mailmare flying away before she pounced hungrily on the package. She tore the box open with extreme prejudice and gleefully took out her new...
Curling iron?
That wasn’t right. That wasn’t right at ALL. Could there have been a mixup with her order? Did they even MAKE curling irons? A very confused Rainbow Dash flipped the box around, desperately looking for some sort of clue. A closer inspection of the label offered one.
This was addressed to Rarity. That explained why Dash had a curling iron in her house, but not what had happened to her package. Getting a delivery meant for somepony else was lame, but figuring out why was less important than figuring out where HERS was. What if... if Dash had a package that was meant for Rarity, then maybe... her eyes shot open. This was not good. This was not good at ALL.
With a loud boom, Dash shot off for Carousel Boutique.
The scent of cupcakes wafted through Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie could tell the treats were just about done. She pulled open the oven and grabbed the hot metal tray in her mouth. She regretted this immediately and flung the cupcakes away with a yelp. The ding of an oven timer rang at the moment the tray miraculously landed on the counter, treats unharmed. Pinkie smiled and sniffed the delicious baked goods as they cooled and she fanned her burning lips. The ringing of the bell attached to the front door pulled her attention away from her creations.
“Don’t any of you go anywhere,” she said, winking at them before heading to the front of the shop to greet the new arrival. Pinkie bounced out of the kitchen and stopped. The door was swinging shut, but there was nopony there; there was only a large brown box with a little white label on the top. Pinkie was pretty sure you couldn’t fit a grownup pony in there, and a foal small enough to fit probably shouldn’t be allowed to send packages without his or her parents’ permission. Whoever had come in the door was probably not in the box, and there probably definitely weren’t any ponies there but her. But there definitely WAS a box.
She leaned over the package, closing one eye and examining the cardboard with the other before letting out a gasp. This package wasn’t for her or the Cakes! It was for Rainbow Dash! Pinkie cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes, glaring at the box. It was pretty hard to read the label like that.
Pinkie turned her head the other way, then smiled. Now she understood. She had been expecting some party supplies, but this could be fun too. There was a problem though, Twilight would be as busy as a bee, so where was she going to find a pony who knew enough about magic to help Rarity?
With one last buck, Applejack finished gathering apples for the day. She gave the bare tree a satisfied nod, picked up the last batch, and trotted toward the farm. She didn’t get far before a loud crash demanded her attention. A familiar grey pegasus had just failed to land and gone skidding across the ground into a tree. A package wobbled precariously on one of the tree’s thinnest branches. Applejack was about to ask her if she was okay, but she stood up and shook it off like it was nothing.
Her head was whipping about, frantically searching the area for something. Applejack calmly walked over and bucked the tree, catching the box neatly on her back. The clumsy pegasus sighed with relief before offering a salute and flying off at top speed.
Applejack rolled her eyes and looked at the curious delivery. A loose flap of cardboard moved in the wind, catching her attention. She started to peel it open, only to be assaulted by a blast of confetti. The sudden explosion of festivity startled her into dropping the box. As soon as it hit the ground, dozens of streamers went flying out in all directions.
A loud squeak caught her attention, and she turned to see Fluttershy cowering in fear of a terrifyingly bright tangle of party decorations, a wing covering her eyes.
“Fluttershy? It’s okay, sugarcube, it’s not gonna hurt you.”
The shaking yellow pegasus slowly lowered her wing and let out the breath she had been holding. “Oh. Um... hello Applejack. I’m sorry, but I have your new hat.”
“Say again?”
“Oh, it’s just, um... I think the mailmare made a mistake. I was expecting a package today, so when one showed up I just kind of... opened it. I didn’t realize it was yours. I’m sorry. But if you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with your old hat?”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that none. The hat ain’t for me anyhow. It’s about time mah sister gets a hat of her own, so I went ahead and sent off for one. Lil’ bit of a mixup with the postal service explains this mess, too. Must be somethin’ Pinkie ordered.”
Fluttershy shuffled her hooves. “Um... if I got your mail, and you got Pinkie’s... then who has mine? I’ve been told the container is perfectly safe and well stocked with food, but I still can’t help but worry.”
“Container?”
“I know, Spike. That’s part of why it’s so dangerous. They actually take a lot of special precautions when shipping it to make sure there are no accidents. It even comes in some sort of special container that has all sorts of unique properties.”
“Yeah I know, you already told me that part. I mean what does it DO?”
“Oh, well to put it simply: it animates a golem composed of whatever materials it comes in contact with. The properties and personality of the golem can vary wildly. Most water golems are peaceful and obviously made of liquid. Ponies... don’t like to talk about fire golems.”
“Oh, I get it! But then why are you going to pick it up without magic? Won’t that make some kind of pony-golem?”
“If it was active, maybe. The reason I’m not using magic is because I don’t want to activate it. If even the tiniest bit of magic touches it, it becomes receptive. I can’t even safely levitate it.”
With that, Twilight reached into the brown cardboard box and pulled out the unusual white container. Unable to resist her curiousity, she pushed the lid open just an inch. There was nothing she had to do today that couldn’t wait a few minutes, and she didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to examine the artifact.
An angry cloud of bees shot through the opening and swarmed about Twilight’s head. For the first few seconds, before she had time to realize what was going on, she didn’t even scream.
Rainbow Dash glanced out the window for the twelfth time, tapping a hoof impatiently. “Are you SURE you haven’t gotten any mail yet today?”
“For the millionth time, yes. I am expecting a package today, but it has not yet arrived. Now hold still. I do so wish you’d model for me more often,” Rarity replied.
Dash grumbled incoherently. Rarity smiled and adjusted the dress. The doorbell rang, and Dash tried to fly toward the door. Rarity held her still with her magic.
“Honestly, can’t you stay still for one minute? I’ll be right back, I just have to get the door. It’s probably the mail you’re so enamored with for reasons you aren’t willing to share.”
The dolled-up pegasus wriggled uncomfortably, but said nothing. Rarity was gone and back in just a few seconds, but to Rainbow Dash it felt like an eternity. She focused her eyes on the brown box floating next to her friend. Rarity was talking, but Dash wasn’t listening. The shipping label had Twilight’s name on it. Her anxiety leaving her, she relaxed a bit for the first time all afternoon. She slumped toward the floor and breathed easily for a while. And then she remembered she still didn’t know where HER mail was.
“Hey Rarity, I know I said I’d help you or whatever, but-”
“My word! Would you look at this? I know it’s a very advanced model, but this doesn’t even look like a curling iron! Is it just me, or is it glowing?”
She was right. The strange device didn’t look like any hair accessory Dash had ever heard of - not that she knew of very many - and it was most definitely glowing. It also most definitely wasn’t Rarity’s new curling iron, since that was back on the floor of Dash’s living room.
An ear splitting scream from somewhere outside set Dash on high alert and caused Rarity to lose her concentration. Without her guiding it, Rarity’s magic flung the contraption to one side of the room where it landed in a bucket of gemstones. A blinding light filled the room.
Applejack and Fluttershy reached the edge of town when they heard a blood-curdling scream. It sounded like Twilight, and it came from the direction of the library. After exchanging a worried glance, the two set off at a gallop. It wasn’t long before another scream erupted from the direction of Carousel Boutique.
Fluttershy’s body shook uncontrollably with more panic than she’d felt in weeks. “Oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness... what should we do?”
“Easy there, sugarcube. If there’s two sources of trouble, well it’s lucky there’s two of us. We split up. You go and help Twi’, Ah’ll go see what’s wrong with Rarity.”
Fluttershy steeled herself and nodded, taking to the air while Applejack changed direction and doubled her speed.
Twilight was curled into a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth when Fluttershy entered the library. The library gave off an very disorganized and disheveled vibe, even more so than usual, with more books on the floor than on the shelves.
Spike ran up to her, tears streaming down his face. “Fluttershy! It was HORRIBLE! There were bees... SO MANY BEES!”
“Bees?” Fluttershy gasped. “Oh no... that means this is my fault! I’m so so sorry! I just... they were sick, and I didn’t know what to do. I knew an expert, and I sent them to him for help. If I could’ve done something myself, this wouldn’t have happened.” She looked around trying to find the bees, knowing they must have been scared to be trapped in an unfamiliar place. “Where did they go?”
“I think Twilight teleported them away, but I’m not sure. It’s all a blur. One minute everything was fine, and then she just screams and... and... and...”
Spike broke down sobbing against Fluttershy’s shoulder. Twilight continued staring vacantly and rocking in place.
Applejack bucked the gem golem as hard as she could, but it had no noticeable effect other than the ringing pain in her hooves from striking a surface that was as hard as steel. The monstrosity towered over her, at least twice as big as she was, ready to strike.
The thing was shaped almost like a bear, but an awful lot more angular. It certainly acted enough like a bear. Standing up on its hind legs, it made a screeching noise meant to approximate a roar and swiped a heavy paw down toward the farmer.
Rainbow Dash flew in from the side and tackled her out of harm’s way without a second to spare. The gem golem turned to swing at the unconscious Rarity, lying funnily enough across her fainting couch, when the door to the room smashed open.
Pinkie Pie had bucked her way into the room carrying... a tray of cupcakes.
Dash’s eyes widened with fear for her friend’s safety. “Pinkie, get out of here! This is no time for a party!”
“I’m pretty sure this is EXACTLY the time for a party, Dashie. We need to throw a ‘hooray the big scary monster got eaten’ party just as soon as you tell me where Twilight’s magic thingy is,” Pinkie said without shedding an ounce of her exuberance.
Applejack ran toward the door while she had the chance. “Pinkie, have you lost yer mind? He’s gonna eat us, not the other way ‘round.”
Dash ignored Applejack’s sane questions. This was an insane situation. Unless you were talking magic or crazy, your ideas didn’t apply here. Luckily, Pinkie was talking crazy. “It’s in that bucket of gems over there!” she shouted, pointing a hoof across the room.
Pinkie’s face scrunched up in concentration. “It’s Pinkie Pie at the twelve yard line. She’s gonna need a strike to win this one.” She grabbed a cupcake in one hoof and leaned back, winding up like a baseball pitcher. She threw the treat with astonishing precision, landing it squarely on top of the magical mystery machine. “GOAL!” The room once again filled with a bright light as the golem morphed and changed. Hard and shining gemstone shifted into soft and fluffy pastry.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack stared slack-jawed at the strange turn of events.
“What are you girls waiting for? Everypony, eat now while he’s cupcakes! We’ll need help with cleanup later, but the three of us can get most of him now!”
The six friends laughed, holding their stomachs. With the exception of Pinkie, none of them wanted to see a cupcake again for as long as they lived.
“So we got all of him, right girls? If anything bigger than a crumb is still out there, he’ll regenerate,” Twilight said.
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yupperooni. I made sure that tasty meanie got what he dessertved. Didja deactivate your watchamacallit?”
“Mhm. It’s back in the special container it belongs in, so it should be safe. I... don’t think I want to study it now.”
Everypony was quiet, almost afraid to ask the question bothering all of them. It was Rarity who finally spoke up.
“So Pinkie, dear, how exactly did you... well how did you do any of that? I’m more than willing to accept ‘Pinkie Sense’ as to how you knew there was a doozy happening, but how were you so well prepared?”
“Oh, that’s easy. Earlier today, I got a package. Except I didn’t because it wasn’t for me. It wasn’t for the Cakes either, so I knew the mailmare had made a mistake, but if I turned my head sideways and squinted real hard it LOOKED like it said it was for me. So I thought about what our names look like if you squint really hard at them sideways, and I thought my name would look a lot like Applejack’s. Then I remembered her talking about her sister’s new hat, and Rarity talking about her new hair thingy, and Fluttershy talking about her poor little bees, and Twilight talking about her magic doohicky. Twilight would be too busy freaking out about bees to help, so I had to go find another super smart pony to ask about the magimawhatsit. I learned all about magical golems and how the thingy makes them out of what it’s touching and I figured a big giant cupcake monster would be a lot less scary than a big giant anything else monster.”
Twilight blinked. “O...kay then. Who in Ponyville knew so much about ancient magical artifacts?”
“The Doctor.”
“Who?”
“Exactly!”
“Wait a second, Pinkie,” Dash said. “About the package you got. Who was it supposed to be for?”
“Well if you turn your head and squint, it looks kinda like it’s for me, but if you look at it with your head turned normal and your eyes un-squinty it was for you!”
Dash gulped. “Did you... did you look inside?”
“Of course not, silly filly. It wasn’t for me. Opening other ponies’ mail is rude.”
“Where is it now?”
“It’s still on the floor where I left it, unless Mr. or Mrs. Cake moved it.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes grew very, very wide. “OKAYYOUGUYSITSBEENFUNIGOTTAGOBYE,” she said, rocketing off at a ludicrous speed.
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I wonder what she’s so embarassed about? She seems awfully insistent on making sure whatever it is doesn’t fall into the wrong hooves.”
“I have no idea,” Twilight said, “but I’d rather have opened her package by mistake than Fluttershy’s.”
Fluttershy blushed. “I’m... not so sure that’s true.”
