Dear Princess Celestia...
Dear Princess Celestia,
Have you ever wondered what it is like to kill another pony? Wow, right there that means that I can never send any of these letters but, I don't know, I just feel like writing my thoughts out like this. I suppose it is my scientific and analytical mind that brought this on. I have to keep my thoughts on this matter organized and, well, I have always felt the most organized when I am writing to you about what I am feeling.
You're probably wondering why I ask. It’s nothing special really; it all began when I was scanning the library shelves for something to read. I came across this book called The Anthology of Evil: Equestria's Most Notorious Killers. I had never read a book like that before, and seeing as how I am a student of learning itself, I took it off the shelf at once. What I read disturbed me at the same time that it fascinated me. I think the description of The Canterlot Killer's murder of the family of four unnerved me the most. I mean, what drives a pony to do something like that?
Well, that is exactly what I'm asking myself these days. What goes through a pony's mind that makes them want to kill another living being? Why do they feel the need to tear the life away from an innocent pony? What goes through their minds as they watch their victims take their final breath, knowing that they are the reason behind it? I don't know why, but it's torturing me, not knowing the answers to any of those questions. Normally I'd just look it up in the book, but none of the stories had any interviews with the killers themselves. They were all executed and the interviews they had with you before their executions aren't public records. I'd ask you for them but I don't think you'd be very keen on letting me read them without a really good reason. I don't think you'd ever let anypony read them, which is unfortunate. I want to know why.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm writing to tell you about a dream I had last night. I had just finished re-reading the book about the killers again before bed, so that's probably what triggered this dream. I dreamt that I was standing in my basement with Pinkie Pie strapped to a table. She was crying and her mane was flat, which was confusing to me since she's always so full of life and her hair is so vibrant. I remember that her left hind leg was bleeding. At first I didn't know why her leg was bleeding, but then I looked down and saw that I was holding a bloody knife. Well, it wouldn't take Starswirl the Bearded to deduce that I had been the one who had cut open her leg! I don't know why I did it, I suppose that is just the nature of dreams: you do things that you don't normally do, but I did it. However, I wasn't done with her. I cut off her left ear and right cutie mark with the knife. You wouldn't believe how much blood there was; it was really fascinating. She was begging and pleading for me to stop. "Twilight," she would say. "Why? I thought you were my friend! I thought you liked my parties."
"I love your parties, and I love you as a friend," I responded. "But this is for science, Pinkie Pie. Doesn't that make you happy, knowing that you are a part of something larger than yourself?"
Well, she kept on crying and bleeding right up to the point where I ended it all and stabbed her in the heart. I woke up directly after that covered in sweat just like I had been covered in Pinkie Pie's blood. It took me a few seconds to register that I hadn't actually killed Pinkie Pie, that I wasn't a monster who would betray her friends like that.
But why didn't I feel bad about the dream? Normally when I dream about doing something bad to other ponies, I feel terrible afterwards, like I am the scum of Equestria, even though it was only a dream.
So why was that dream so exhilarating?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
More dreams like the one before, only this time I killed Applejack. This is the third such dream I've had this week. The worst part is that I know I should feel bad about these dreams, or should I? They are only dreams after all, so why do I keep having them over and over again? Although, it’s not even that that's bothering me. What’s bothering me is that I almost can't wait to go to sleep at night because I'm almost excited to have another one of those dreams. Is something wrong with me?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm writing this in my bathroom where I have locked myself in and I am never, ever coming out! I am not fit to be around anypony ever again!
I guess I should probably explain myself. I was at the spa today with Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy and I just... snapped. I almost killed Rarity. Aloe had just left to go get some more beauty products for Rarity's hair, and I saw a hoof file on the tray next to a reclining Rarity. I just had to kill her. It wasn't a curiosity issue this time, it was a need. I needed to kill her. I needed to take that hoof file and stab her in the throat, watch her life drain away before me. I imagine she would have had a look of utter betrayal and horror on her face as the last thing she would ever see would be me standing above her. I imagine that I would look very pleased with myself somehow.
Do you know what the worst part was? I actually reached for the hoof file. I fired up my horn and picked it up. It would have taken just one swipe with it and that would be it; she would be gone forever. No more Rarity. Well, naturally Fluttershy asked me what I was doing and I immediately dropped the file and ran. I had to get out of there. I had almost done it! If Fluttershy hadn't interfered then I would have killed Rarity! I'm not fit to be around civilization! I should just sit here and wallow in my misery forever. Then I can't hurt anypony.
Your evil and insane student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sorry about that last letter, you know how overly dramatic I can get. Don't worry, I didn't spend more than sixteen hours in that bathroom before I came to my senses. Usually when I freak out like that, it's longer. I replayed the events of yesterday in my mind over and over again, analyzing the different scenarios if I had actually killed one of my best friends. Would I have attempted to escape or would I have given myself up then and there? Would I have moved on to Pinkie and Fluttershy before taking out Aloe and Lotus? Oh the possibilities were endless. But no, I can't think like that. I can't think like this at all! I can't kill anypony; it would be the ultimate act of evil! But why is that so appealing? It seems so much more so because of how forbidden it is. You don't kill another pony, you don't even think about it. End of story. But the fact remains that I am thinking about it, and I want to do it. I don't know what brought this on, I've been pondering that ever since my first dream, but the urge is there. I don't know why but it is there.
What's worse is that it is powerful.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
More dreams have come. I find myself falling asleep halfway through the day only to find myself in dreamland standing over one of my friends with a knife. It's gotten to the point where I can almost feel the vibrations of the blade as it pierces the flesh of my friends. It was Rarity again last night. I sawed off her horn and used that to stab her in the heart. I know it's only a dream, but I find myself liking the idea more and more. But I can't do something like that! After the incident with Rarity, I've shut myself off from the rest of the world. I haven't seen another pony in about a week now. I spend most of my time re-reading that book and combing the library, hoping to find a book or stack of old papers that will give me some clue about why a killer does what he does. If I can just answer that question then maybe the dreams will stop and I can go back to normal. But I have found nothing, and as such the questions of why and what it is like are still burned into my skull, consuming my entire being. I am finding that the only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of murdering another pony. Should I actually go ahead and do it? Maybe then these dreams and thoughts will stop. If I answer those burning questions, then maybe I can move on and never speak of this again. I will merely add it to my vast arsenal of knowledge and I can move on to other topics that I know nothing about. I suppose that is why this is bothering me so much, I don't know anything about it and it is going to take more than a book to fix that. There is no simple solution to my questions.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am so sorry, but I have decided to take the leap of faith and kill another pony. Wow, even writing that I feel a rush of excitement! It's like discovering a new spell that nopony has ever even thought of before; it's quite the exciting prospect! Of course, there is a lot of planning that has to go into something like this. I mean, you'd kill me if you ever found out (literally, ha ha) so I have to be extra careful. Do know that I undertake this endeavor with the most seriousness. I would not do it if I hadn't thought out every detail, every pro and con. I made a thirty-six page list about it and I came to the irreversible conclusion that this must be done. I have been having the dreams and urges for two and a half solid months, and I think this is the only way to make them stop. If I decide to kill in a controlled environment then I can avoid doing something stupid. I mean, I almost killed Rarity that one day, and another day when Derpy came along I almost killed her too! No, I have to be more careful than that. I have planned this out down to the last detail. Nothing can go wrong, I'm sure of it. I have planned for everything. Once again, I am so sorry. I know you see all ponies as like your children, so what I am about to do would be akin to murdering one of your children, but it must be done, if not for my thirst for knowledge, then so my dreams can finally stop, and I can go back to living life. Spike is getting worried about me.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Below is a transcript of the recording of the murder committed by Twilight Sparkle
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, hello, this is Twilight Sparkle. I am recording this in the basement of Golden Oaks Library on April 10th of the year 2301 at 10:23 PM. I acquired the pony, whom I have decided to call 'Subject One', three hours ago, and I am currently waiting for her to wake up. The subject is a female pegasus with a light blue coat and dark green mane. She has a simple camera as a cutie mark. The subject appears to be somewhere between the ages of sixteen and eighteen years old. She is strapped down to a table and—
Groaning is heard as 'Subject One' wakes up
Subject One: Wha...? Where am I? What's going on? Why am I strapped down like this? Who are you? What are you doing?
Twilight Sparkle: And I thought I was the inquisitive one. Nervous laugh. Subject One whimpers slightly.
Subject One: Please let me go. Whatever I did to you, I'm really sorry!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, you didn't do anything. I guess you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, which is fortunate for me because you looked like the perfect subject.
Subject One: S-subject? No I... I don't understand. What do you mean 'subject'?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh that's right, you wouldn't know, would you? Well, to put it simply, I am doing an experiment of what it is like to kill somepony, and you are my test subject. Does that answer your question?
Silence for a few seconds
Subject One: Is this... is this some kind of joke or something?
Twilight Sparkle: No, I'm afraid not.
Subject One: Look, you don't have to do this. You can just let me go and we can forget all about this! I can go back to my life and you can go back to yours and we'll just part ways.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, yes, we could do that. However, I don't want to. I have to know what it is like to kill another pony; I'll go nuts if I don't!
Slight weeping is heard from Subject One
Twilight Sparkle: Don't be sad. I promise you that it won't take too long. Are you a bad pony?
Subject One: A bad pony? No! I didn't do anything to deserve this!
Twilight Sparkle: Well that's good then, isn't it? Your soul will go to paradise, and I will have my answers; we both win. But I'm afraid that we have to get started now.
Subject One: Please don't do this.
What sounds like a cart being moved is heard followed by the sounds of a unicorn horn (Twilight Sparkle's) firing up.
Subject One: No!
Twilight Sparkle: I have decided to begin by making an incision in the middle of Subject One's left foreleg. There are no major blood vessels there and I can get a basic understanding of Subject One's tolerance for pain.
Subject One: Please don't do this! I'll do anything to—
Subject One begins shrieking in pain as Twilight Sparkle begins cutting into her foreleg. There is no audible noise coming from Twilight Sparkle but there is the faint noise of her horn coming through the screams.
Twilight Sparkle: Subject One clearly has a low tolerance for pain as the cut in her left foreleg is only a millimeter or so deep. However, the screams might be more terror than pain. I am not quite sure one way or the other. How am I feeling though? Well, I don't really feel bad about it. My ears kind of hurt from the yelling, but she seems to be calming down a bit now. I'm not quite getting the rush I expected when I first planned this out but then again, we haven't really gotten to the detailed parts quite yet.
The sobs of Subject One have increased in volume.
Subject One: P-p-please let me g-g-go. I'll d-d-d-o whatever you want me to, j-j-just let me go.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I mean, you'd turn me in right away, and I'd be in big trouble, so frankly I have better odds of getting away with this without incident if I just keep you here. I'm sorry, but I just can’t stop now.
Twilight Sparkle clears her throat.
Twilight Sparkle: Now then, I am going to continue with a long cut along the stomach of Subject One. The blood should flow more freely, and it will be a good starting point if I want to examine her insides at a later juncture.
Subject One is heard whimpering as Twilight Sparkle's horn fires up once more. Subject One's whimpers increase in volume before dissolving into full-fledged screams. Twilight Sparkle clears her throat once more. Subject One begins openly sobbing.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, uh... that's a lot more blood than I thought would come out. I think I must have cut a little too deep. Uh, she's bleeding all over the floor. I should have planned for that. Maybe I... I... wow that's a lot of blood. Oh Celestia, what am I doing? No, no, I have to keep going with this. If I quit now I'll just, uh, I'll just get in trouble and that will be the end of my advanced studies! Okay Twilight, focus, you just gotta focus on the...
Subject One (sobbing): Please let me go! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! My baby sister is gonna miss me if I'm not home in time to tuck her into bed! I need to tuck my sister into bed, she's gonna—
The sound of a knife penetrating flesh is heard followed by silence.
Twilight Sparkle: Time of death of Subject One is 10:56. I decided to end it quickly because I realized that I started this to see what it was like to kill a pony, not torture one. I don't know why I didn't just do that to begin with. I didn't need to make those first two cuts. I could have just stabbed her in the heart in the very beginning and gotten the same result. Aside from that, how am I feeling? Well... empty.
End of recording
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I wrapped Subject One in a tarp and buried her behind the library.
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia
It has been one week since the death of Subject One and I think I've just about gotten over the shock of what I've done. I expected that once the shock wore off that I'd feel... something, anything, but I don't. In fact, I don't even feel worse. The empty feeling that I got directly after the kill is gone, I just feel like Twilight Sparkle. Does that mean that I am going to kill again? No, I don't think that I will. Once was enough.
Your murderer of a student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I think I'm going to stop writing these letters now. I mean, what else is there to say? I killed Subject One, I don't feel bad about it and thus I've answered all of my questions. I suppose I just have to move on to the next subject now.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
Okay, I know that I said that I was done with these letters, but I think I may have a huge problem on my hooves! I think that Fluttershy knows what I've done. How do I know? Well, I don't really. To make a long story short, her, Rarity, and myself were at the spa again (I am happy to state that I didn't have the urge to kill Rarity this time) when Fluttershy shot me this look. I've never seen a look like that on Fluttershy's face before, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that it said 'I know what you've done you monster'. It was this kind of sad glare that hit me right where I live. Maybe I imagined it, but I have to keep an eye on Fluttershy. If she truly does know what I did, then maybe she told other ponies about it and if other ponies know then well, I'm finished aren't I?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I decided to talk to Fluttershy today, or rather I decided to have tea with her to see if she'll let slip what she knows. It was a simple little get-together, like we've done a million times now, only this time I went in to see if she truly does know what I've done. My conclusion... well, I don't have one. She didn't really say anything that indicated that she knows one way or the other. She mostly just talked about how her animal friends are doing. I didn't get an answer even when I tried to steer the conversation to what she thought about me. I asked her what she thought about me as a pony and she assured me that I am a wonderful pony whom she is honored to call her friend. However, I noticed that look again. Am I imagining it? I don't know but if she does know, she's hiding it. I don't know how she could have figured it out.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
The following letter had significant water damage when it was found. It is presumed that the damage came from tears. The repaired parts are in red.
Dear Princess Celestia,
What have I done? I killed her! I killed another pony as if I had some right to discover what it was like. My curiosity is no justification for the ultimate act of evil that I committed. She had a baby sister who is doubtlessly confused and hurt that her sister just disappeared like she did. I can only imagine what she would feel if she ever found out that I killed her sister. I played Creator and took away life without any reason to do so. I would turn myself in now but I'm scared, Princess. I'm really, really scared. I think I'm going to Tartarus for what I have done. I didn't mean to. I
The water damage to the rest of the letter was too severe. Salvaging the remains was impossible.
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sorry for freaking out there like that with my last letter. I cried all over it, can you believe that? I have to learn to control my emotions better if I'm going to continue to live life as if I hadn't done it at all. I'm starting to doubt that Fluttershy knows. I mean, surely she would have confronted me with it by now or, at the very least, turned me in. But then again, Fluttershy doesn't like conflict. If I simply came out and told Fluttershy what I had done then she probably wouldn't cause a big ruckus about it. But then again, she would probably ignore me and do her best to stay away from me if she did know. Until I know for sure, I can only live my life as normally as possible. Spike doesn't seem to know, so that makes things simpler.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
Am I going mad? I thought I got away with it, but did somepony see me bury Subject One behind the library? At first I thought that Fluttershy was the only one who could possibly know, but I was at Sugarcube Corner today and Mrs. Cake gave me the same look! It didn't stop with her though; I kept getting that same disappointed glare from half of the ponies in town today. If all of them know then why haven't they gone screaming to the police yet? It doesn't make sense that I'm just imagining their glares, but I can't think of any other reasons for why they keep looking at me like that. Either I am going mad, or they know.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
I feel sick. I haven't eaten in a few days, and sleep has been even rarer. Every time I close my eyes I see the face of Subject One staring at me, pleading me to not kill her. I am beginning to wish that I could take it all back, that I could resurrect Subject One so she could go home and be with her sister but I can't. I can't bring her back and I can't erase what I've done. I've considered performing a memory spell, but I can't cast it on myself and another unicorn would need to know what memory they were going to erase or at the very least why and that would give me away. I can't risk anypony finding out. I imagine that even Rainbow Dash would turn me in if she ever found out what I've done.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
They know, they all know! I went outside today and I got that glare from everypony and I mean EVERYPONY! They all stopped and glared at me, silently judging me for what I did. I wanted to scream at them to stop, I wanted to cry out that I was sorry and that they shouldn't blame me for what I did. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to. Well, needless to say I haven't been outside since. Every time I peek outside there is always somepony there who glares at me. I'm beginning to see the glares in my sleep if that makes any sense at all. I can feel the piercing gazes following me wherever I go, silently telling me what I already know: that I am evil, plain and simple. I took the life of another pony! There is no higher crime in our land. It's only a matter of time before one of them snaps and turns me in. I can only ask that you don't think too low of me as you watch the hangmare's noose tighten around my neck.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear princess Celestia,
Have you ever wondered what it is like to kill two ponies? I know this sounds crazy, but I kind of want to do it again. I almost feel that it is in my best interests if I kill another pony because if the town does know then that means they will find out if I do it again. This kill could be a message to them all that I'll kill them if they interfere. Their glares have not gone away, and I think this may be the only way to stop them. Even Spike knows now. Should he be the one to kill? If I tell them all that I am even willing to kill those closest to me then they'll keep quiet! Or will they turn me in instead? I don't know what to do, but the urge to kill is once again rising inside of me. The judging glares are mixed with the parasitic urge to kill again...
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
* * * *
Dear Princess Celestia,
What a relief. Nopony knew about what I had done! The bad news? They all do now. How do they know? Well, I attacked Rainbow Dash. I found out that nopony knew when my friends came to me to see how I was doing. Applejack said something about how I didn't look too good (an understatement if my reflection is any indication) and how they were all worried about me because I haven't been outside of the library for three weeks now and I've been refusing to talk to any of them about it! If they tell me stuff like that then they certainly don't know about what I've done! I was so relieved that... I attacked Rainbow Dash. I suppose that with the nervousness of the glares gone that my urge to kill skyrocketed now that I believed that I could get away with it whenever I wanted. I was right, the look of betrayal on her face was something to behold. Applejack bucked me off of her the second that she realized what was going on. I have quite the bruise from that. She began yelling something at me about how I betrayed Rainbow's trust by going at her with a knife and that she might turn me in and have me arrested.
In a moment of weakness I told them all. I don't know why, but I just snapped. I just said it right there; "I killed a pony." The others didn't believe me at first, said that I was sick and that I needed to lie down. Fluttershy even said that she would bring me some carrot soup and that would make me feel better. I can't feel better though, I never can again. Not only did I tell them what I did, but I showed them as well. I dug up Subject One and presented it to them like a filly would present a science project to her teacher. None of them really knew what to think at first. They all just stared silently at the mostly decomposed corpse of Subject One. Even with the amount of decay, it was still obvious that something had stabbed her.
Pinkie was the first to leave. She didn't say a word, she just walked away. I don't know where she went or what she did, but she just left. Rarity and Fluttershy left me after that. Rarity was silent but Fluttershy was openly crying. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her that this was just a moment of weakness and that I was not a monster, but I am. I am a monster and this is my reward for that. I think what hurt the most was seeing their faces. I didn't know that ponies could look so betrayed and horrified.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash both hit me before they ran off. I can only assume that they're going to turn me in. I expect the police at any moment.
Princess, even though I'm never going to send these letters, I see this one as a final friendship report. I learned that if you commit a heinous enough crime that your friends will leave you. It'll hurt them, but they won't stand by you. It's only what I deserve.
For the last time, your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
Princess Celestia finished reading the final letter just as the sun reached out to her, telling her that it was time for it to go to sleep for the night. Celestia gently put the letter down and looked out the window, hoping that the images before her were merely a nightmare and that she would wake up to discover that this horrible reality was not just that. However, she knew that she would forever remember the image of two groundsponies putting the final nail in a small coffin right underneath the gallows that had not been used in decades until today.
Celestia heard the door open behind her and in a few moments she saw that her sister was beside her. Luna nuzzled her sister, hoping to comfort her in one of the worst hours of her life.
Luna looked up at her older sister. She was always so regal, so collected even in the darkest of hours. However, the look of utter helplessness in her sister's eyes was unmistakable.
