Polka Time

by Seran

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cranky Doodle Donkey, Random, DJ P0N-3, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3807

Pinkie Pie's musicaly inclined uncle Polka comes to visit. (a "what if Wierd al had an episode

Pinkie pie is musically talented, but where exactly did she learn? her friends find out as her uncle, a famous polka artist, decides to pop by and practice singing around them. how will Ponyville react?

this originally came up as a, "what would an episode featuring Weird Al Yankovic look like" after he said he hoped to be in one.

co-written by KiKi (my sister)

Published 2012-11-01 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-01 04:50:01 UTC

it's polka time

It was a quiet morning as the ponies all made their early routines. Twilight Sparkle, a very smart unicorn with a purple mane and a streak of pink going through it, stepped outside to collect her mail. Coffee being held by her powerful magic she takes a sip as she opens her mail box.

“HI TWILIGHT!” shouted the pink pony who stuck her head out of mailbox. Twilight gasped, taking half the mug of coffee, both choking and burning her throat. “He’s coming, he’s coming” the pink pony sing-songed as she hopped out of the box.

“Who’s coming, Pinkie?” twilight asked in a coarse voice, coughing and wheezing, trying to heal from the coffee incident.

“My uncle Polka, that’s who silly” Pinkie said with a letter falling from her hair.

Twilight took the letter and read it to herself. The letter read “

Dearest niece,

How long has it been since we last saw each other, it was years wasn’t it. I am currently on tour from Fillydelphia and heard the concert hall is under heavy repairs due to their last concert and I haven’t a place to play. But Ponyville was close by and I heard you moved in there a while back. I am hoping to spend some time with you as we prepare for our next gig. Maybe you can help me write another song, just like old times.

Love

Polka Pie

.”

“Your uncle is Polka Pie from the ‘Weird pony polka troupe’?” she asked in astonishment.

“Yup’ Pinkie gleefully answered, “He’s pretty famous, he has concerts all around Equestria.”

“I’ve heard, somepony actually wrote an essay about his unique style of song writing.” she started to recollect, “He seems to take an everyday item and write a full song about it. My personal favorite is his songs is the library and me”

She began to recall the lyrics to the song. it was a love song about a student in love with his book. But he would sing and the chorus would end in an abrupt “SHHHHH”

“it makes me laugh, I have it on record, along with a few others.”

“so can you come to his welcoming party?” Pinkie pie asked with a smile.

“sorry” she said rubbing her neck. “I was about to clean my library, so much dust gathered on my shelves this last weekend.”

“oh,” Pinkie responded with her head down. “Oh well, gotta go prepare.” She arose and trotted back to the shop.

Twilight walked back inside grumbling to herself, “Why didn’t I drink orange juice?”

Arriving at Sugarcube Corner, she got a call from the delivery pony. She struggled with a box “I... brought you a… package”

The box was unmarked and was resealed with tape at least three times. On the box, tied by a string was a small envelope. She hesitantly took the envelope and read its contents. “open the box.” The pink pony looked ever so suspiciously at the box. She slowly reached for the box and as she touched it…

“HI Dear Niece” popped out a light brown stallion with dark curly mane and tail and two accordions, one at hoof and the other as a cutie mark. He looked at the ever exited mare, “hurray I’m in the right house this time.”

“Uncle Polka!” shouted the mare.

The stallion took his accordion and started playing, “Hey, Hey, Hey, How do you do…” he sang out a tune, greeting his niece, the chords were lively and the sounds were joyous. Pinkie pie remembered her childhood as he bounced around playing the accordion.

Ponies from off the street heard the commotion and peaked in. once seeing the stallion they rushed in to listen to his music. They gathered about to listen, as he finished his song. Polka looked around to see many amazed faces in the shop. He awkwardly smiled as he counted the faces.

Suddenly one of them shot up and asked. “Are you having a concert here in Ponyville?”

“That’d be so cool,” another one agreed. The group got ever closer and closer, cornering the tan stallion to the wall.

Polka walked backwards, accordion hanging around his neck, sweat coming down from his forehead. He was in an uncomfortable position.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” sounded a high pitched voice. “my uncle is not going to perform here in Ponyville, he is on vacation and would like to keep it that way.” It was pinkie pie coming in to rescue her uncle form the ravenous crowd of fans. The crowd took her word and walked out the door, heads low to the ground.

Polka sighed, “thank you Pinkie,” he said in relief, “I’ve never been that close to such a large group of fans.” He wiped the seat off of his head, “usually the guards keep them at bay.”

Pinkie smiled, “don’t worry uncle; Ponyville is the friendliest place in all of Equestria. No pony will tackle you, unless you ask them to.”

The stallion looked at her, panning once in a while to the crowd that had just left. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind” he said suddenly turning to a smile. “I bet my band mates are already having a good time around town. Let’s go do something fun”

“oh yeah,” pinkie remembered, “I haven’t told you about my friends, well every pony in ponyville are my friend, but I got some super special friends all around town,” She began to list them, “There’s Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash, Cranky Doodle is a good friend too, but he likes his privacy.”

“How’s about we find a nice quiet place to practice.” Polka stated with a grin on his face.

“There’s no quiet place like a library,”

Along the way Pinkie told him all she could about her friends, From Rarity’s crush on Spike, to Twiligh’s favorite songs of his.

Upon arrival, the two knock on the library door, “knock-knock-knock”. There was a call from the mare who lives inside, “Spike can you get that?”

“Alright I’m going,” Said the young raspy voice of her assistant. The door opened and a small purple reptilic creature with green fins rolling down it’s spine. “can I help you?”

“Holy bologna, what is that thing?” Polka shouted in surprise, jumping behind his niece.

“is he knew here?” he asked.

Pinkie Pie giggled. “Relax uncle Polka, he’s just a harmless baby dragon. He won’t bite.” Polka reached out to touch the creature; he got closer and closer until he gave it a Boop on the snout. He retreated and peeked only to see the dragon rubbing his snout. “Come on, let’s go meet Twilight.” Pinkie pie offered as he rushed right on in.

Twilight was opening her cupboard to arrange the glassware. Using her magic, she precariously stacked them along the table as she dusted each one at a time. In comes the mysterious stallion, wielding his large instrument. He approaches, takes a deep breath, and…

“Without speaking she said a million words; one million five hundred to be exact; her I’s were doted, her tees were crossed; and I checked her out immediately; but the librarian still said, Shhh.”

The mare was startled, dropping the glass onto the floor. She let out a scream, calling everyone in the vicinity to her.

“What happened?” Pinkie and Spike asked. They found the mare breathing heavily surrounded by broken glass as the stallion stood of his hind legs playing the accordion happily.

“let me guess” Twilight said in between breaths, “he’s your uncle”

“Yup,” pinkie loudly said with a smile, “meet my Uncle Polka Pie.” She pointed her hooves towards him as he bounced around still playing the instrument.

“Can you please take him out of here?” demanded Twilight. She looked at the broken glass on the floor, “I think I lost my last drinking glass”

“he’s just saying hello.” She giggled, “He always welcomes people with a song.”

“yes, but it has caused too much damage today,” she scorned, “even when saying hello there are limits to what is appropriate.” A glow surrounds the broken glass on the floor. She looked up and sqiented her eyes. “I mean, you weren’t this bad when you met me.” She recalled the lack of property damage she caused upon arrival.

“don’t worry,” the pink mare raised her hoof in assurance, “My uncle won’t cause any more problems.”

“he left…” Spike pointed out as the door swung shut. “Said something about going to a farm”

The two ponies gulped. The pink one gave a nervous grin. “I’ll go get him,” she said as she ran out the door.

Down at Sweet Apple Acres the family was working hard retrieving stray apples. Applejack was going from tree to tree bucking off the over-ripened apples out of the trees, stubborn apples that remained attached at every pass during the season. She needed to concentrate lest they fall onto her head and make a mess. Boring work, but it had to be done.

As she worked she heard the attractive sound of a strange instrument. Like a large harmonica with an organ piano attached to it. She looks over to see a stallion hopping around on his hind legs. The music was entrancing. She felt livened with the sound.

“Hey mister” she called to him, “what is that there instrument you’re carrin’?”

“This is an accordion” he happily responded, “You like it?”

“Ah find it interesting.” She honestly said, “Kinda has a kick to it,” she sees his smile as she her mind came to one question, “are yuh visiting family here in Ponyville?”

“I came to visit my niece, Pinkie Pie?”

“Ah knew it,” she exclaimed, “yuh got the same smile,” she thinks for a second and a bright idea comes to mind, “excuse me, if’n aint too much trouble, could yuh play a bit around me, just to liven the mood as I work.”

The stallion let hi accordion hang around his neck by the strap as he considered the offer. “Okay, I’ve been meaning to practice.”

“Wonderful!” Applejack exclaimed.

The stallion flipped over a nearby basket to sit upon. He looks around and begins.

Bucking the Apple, Apple, Appletree trees, trees.

How many treats can there be, be, be”

Applejack worked happily as she heard songs about her living. The stallion spread the accordion wide, letting it breath like himself. He then started to list many treats and uses for apples.

We got Apple biscuits, apple crumbles;

Apple strudels, apple cookies,

Apple cider gets me tipsy,

Served along with apple whisky…

Soon what seemed like a good time for Applejack turned into a nightmare as he named all the possible ways to use apple, all of them. Not one was missed. Then he came to the closing stanza.

It’s great to get your apples and accessories;

But when you buck them from the tree~s,

(In a baritone voice) you gotta watch out for the bees.

And upon hearing that line Applejack bucks a tree, dropping a nest of angry insects upon her head. she screams running around, “the Bees, augh, not the bees, AAAUUUUUGH,” she rushed to the barn.

“Those are hornets” corrected Polka. “I should really get out of here.” He says to himself. He wonders where he could go to practice, and probably meet some good ponies to meet.

Pinkie pie rushed to Sweet apple acres, in time to see Big Macintosh pulling the nest safely from the head of his sister. “What the hay happened here,” she asked.

Applejack looked at her with distain as she spit out a hornet. Her mouth and tongue swollen she could barely speak. “Yth b’gn’ n’gle,”

“What”

“Ah, think she’s sayin’ your uncle” said Big Mac confused by the statement.

Pinkie feigned an innocent smile. She didn’t bother asking where he had gone, she just rushed into town.

Down near town square it was time for lunch. A particular customer came to the café, along with a female mule friend, for a quiet lunch. They sat on outside tables, staying in view of the townsponies.

“What are you going to order today, Matilda?” asked the male mule,

“I don’t know, maybe just a salad,” a breeze passes by, the female mule shook. “Brrr, It’s so windy out here. I hope the waiter comes soon.” At that moment a tan stallion walks on over to the table. “I think he’s here.” She looks to him questionably. “You’re not the waiter, are you”

“Nope,” said the stallion, “just a friendly musician.” He pumps his accordion, ready to begin. “Would you like me to play something?”

“That would be splendid,” said mantilla, “won’t that be fun, doodle?”

“I don’t know,” he looks over at her smile, something he can’t seem to say no to. “alright, maybe one song”

“Alrighty,” he said, but then he wondered what song he could start with. at that moment the mule’s wig flew off in the breeze. An idea sparked in his mind. He started his song. It was a quick and lively tune, with high note being complimented by low every other key stroke.

Your youthful days have gone and passed,

You aren’t much to look at

But one thing clear to see,

Your hairline has passed receded

Did you brushed too many times

Did you spend too much time in light?

Have you washed it with too much conditioner?

We don’t really know.

But what we can see that you are…

[THWACK]

Before he could finish that sentence the offended mule kicked him with all his might, sending him flying in a sitting position. The giggling ponies now looking at amazement of the distance he got.

“Well that wasn’t very nice,” said Matilda to the red-faced mule.

“There are some things one can never sing to another.” Doodle said with steam coming out his nostrils.

After a few minutes a pink mare came running by, “have you seen astallion holding an accordion” she asked ponies, upon reaching the café and asking, she got an answer.

“That stallion sang a rude song about my hair” said the still Cranky Doodle. He tussled his in embarrassment and anger. Pinkie pie felt sorry for him.

“Where did he go” she asked frantically.

“Who knows, I kicked him towards the sun.”

Rarity was taking out the trash, snapping at the filthy job she had to do every Wednesday, when she heard the sound of a wavering accordion coming from the sky. The sound stopped at her doorstep, as she moved the can out of the way, to keep a mess from happening. He slid into her house causing a crash of mannequins and cloth.

Rarity rushed in, “oh, my dear stallion, are you alright?” she started picking the pieces of fallen objects with a bright glow of her magic.

“I’m fine,” he said, “been kicked out of fancier places.”

As he turned over she couldn’t help but notice the instrument he was holding. “Are you a musician?” she asked. “I mean with that large instrument and all, you must know how to play it well”

“I was on my way to play in Canterlot when the concert hall was structurally damaged.”

Rarity’s eyes flared, she smiled in a gasp, “you were going to perform in Canterlot?” she asked. She visualized the type of concert he would perform with that accordion.

The lights would dim, in center stage a spot light would appear. The wavy haired stallion would come out onto a stool, all dressed in black. He would then start at the sound of a bongo riff. He would start with a slow tempo, following will be the mid tempo of a Prancian melody. Then in come the helping hoof of the orchestra. It would be the greatest concert known to ponykind.

“oh, you must play a melody for me while I work, it will be grand.” She says with a smile, prodding him to agree. “I have much sewing to do, the music would help things get done smoother, along with inspiring me to create new ensembles.”

After a common agreement the white unicorn mare sat on her sewing table and began to sew, hastily awaiting the music to start. The stallion stood there thinking of what to sing about, nothing came so he does what he does when he’s stumped. He began to play the Chicken Dance. The moment he started playing the upbeat song the mare was spooked, her hoof slid into the needle.

The sounds that escaped the mare were un-ponylike.

Rushing out of the boutique he saw a pegasus with the strangest rainbow colored mane. She had a few clouds surrounding her, and she mumbled on about a, “stupid rain for hire contract”. She seemed in a bad mood, so he decided to cheer her up a bit, maybe with some music.

“Next we water the petunias,” said a pink mare with lime hair. The pegasus followed. The mare tried to then make some conversation, just to liven the mood. “Have you been hearing about the stallion going around singing songs?”

“Pinkie pie is a mare” rebutted the rainbow maned mare.

“No, the one with the accordion”

“Oh, him,” she then gave a devious smirk, “I’m not one for polka, but I have something planed for him if he shows up.” She winked at the earth pony.

Polka sneaked up to the Pegasus and blared his accordion. The Pegasus kicked a nearby cloud without hesitation, launching a bolt at the stallion leaving him blackened and dazed. He tumbled his way back into town.

Pinkie Pie ran in the direction of the boutique, seeing as she heard a horrible scream coming from there. The paramedics were already rushing there as she galloped.

“What could he have done?” she said to herself. “I don’t remember him being such a nuisance.” She thank back to a previous encounter she had with him as a filly.”

_____________________________________________________

The Pie family was surrounding the dinner table, the father absent as he retrieved the mail from the box just out the door. Their plates full of hay covered with rock salt, was left untouched as they waited for all to be present. Pinkie was the most upset. Her hunger was getting to her as she took licks of her hoof, upsetting her mother.

Finally the father arrived bringing the mail with him.

“Rock order, Rock payment, junk, junk, more junk.” He paused at an envelope with no return address. He opened it and read its content. “Oh no” he said quietly, “OH NO!”

“What is it dear?” asked his wife,

“My brother is coming to visit…” he began to sweat, “today.”

The wife was surprised, “Children, quick, to the cellar, just like we practiced,” the three fillies looked at each other, “NOW!”

The family quietly walked to the cellar. Pinkie was most excited, last time they were in there they ate beans and yams from a can for a week. They opened the door and heard a noise come from in there.

“Here’s Polka” out popped a light brown stallion. The couple screamed, the fillies giggled as he played his accordion.

_____________________________________________________

She rubbed her chin, “they always seemed to scream when he came over”

In town he tried to remember who the other ponies Pinkie told him about were. “Let’s see,” he murmured to himself, “there was the librarian, the farmer, the mule, the fashionista, the rainbow pony.” He tried to remember the last one. He walked forward without paying attention until he bumped into a soft pony.

“um, sorry for bumping into you,” said the soft voice, “I wasn’t looking where I was…” she looked at his figure, it was familiar to her, she couldn’t put her finger on it.

Polka grabbed his accordion and with a smile revved up to play a song for the nice pony.

She let out a scream and passed out. The stallion stood over her gently pushing her leg to wake her up. He shifted his eye and with an awkward smile he paced away as the paramedics passed by and picked her up, Making room alongside Rarity.

“There you are” shouted Pinkie, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you mister. You’re in trouble.”

“I was looking for your friends, hoping to cheer up their days” said Polka.

“Without me?” answered Pinkie.

Suddenly a female voice came out and interrupted. “I didn’t think they could die of boredom before you started playing,” the white mare with blue striped mane and tail and purple shades said.

“It’s you” polka said with a growl.

“Vinyl, what are you doing here?” asked Pinkie,

“My tour got cut short after my bass caused cracks in the concert hall’s foundation. But I didn’t expect to see this accordionist here.”

“I’m a Polka Pony, and I would like to see you do any better than me” wagered Polka,

“Fine, a battle of the bands, right here, right now.” Vinyl dropped her brief case, which unfolded into a large turntable and speakers set.

Polka blew a whistle calling his band mates over. They battle had begun.

Vinyl chose a set of records that brought a fast rhythm and low bass to mix together. The polka troupe blared their instruments with a steady pace leaving the ponies surrounding them entranced an dancing with one another. Vinyl was being out preformed, she upped the ante by bringing in a wavering bass and deep thumping bass, all mixed in perfect sync.

The battle continued on for a few minutes as the instruments started to break down. The banjo strings snapped, the brass began to wear. The records warped and the table overheated. The combined heat was enough to cause a small explosion. Up top the rubble of the large speakers, stood the triumphant accordion player with his worn instrument.

“Yeeha, that was fun” said the disk jockey mare as she climbed out of the rubble. “You guys rock. We should hang more often.”

“Sure, but there is one thing I must do first.” The stallion triumphantly as he rushed in the direction off the hospital.

“Aren’t you going to chase him?” Twilight asked Pinkie as she walked to see the commotion.

“Nah, after what he did today, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Fluttershy awoke in the hospital bed, thinking to herself, “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself in front of my favorite artist too much.” She turns to her bed side to see a very annoyed Rarity her hoof in a sling.

On the other side of the bed was a package. Fluttershy opened it out of curiosity and found a signed photo of the Weird Pony Polka Troupe, along with an autographed banjo from Banjo “Joe”, his band mate, and a sheet of banjo notes. Fluttershy tried playing it a bit before bursting out in a schoolfilly sqee.