I'm a Pony. And I Must Scream.
I woke up. I had my eyes closed but I was sure it was dark in the room. I didn’t feel my body. My legs, my arms... It felt like there was nothing. Just my head. I thought it was just a hangover. I usually drank a lot so it had to be this.
I opened my eyes. Something was not right. My roommates, Dave and Paul were staring at me.
“Guys? Were you watching me sleep?” I asked. My voice didn’t sound natural. It was a bit... scratchy. And feminine. Yep, definitely the hangover, I thought.
“Josh?” Dave asked me. Both of them were gazing at me, curiosity on their faces was beaming at me.
“Yeah... Guys? What’s going on?” I was getting a bit nervous. I was awake but still couldn’t feel my body. I thought I might be in hospital or something but no, it was our room in students’ hostel.
“You look cool, Josh,” Dave said, drooling.
“Like twenty per cent cooler!” Paul exclaimed and then they high-fived.
“Are you all right, guys?” Actually, I was wondering if I was all right but still, they seemed to behave more weird than usual.
“Yeah, totally!” Dave said, laughing awkwardly.
“This is our best day ever!” Paul added and then they high-fived again.
I couldn’t get up. “Guys? Something’s wrong with me...” I was began to panic. I couldn’t feel anything down my neck.
“You are totally all right, Josh!” Dave assured me and then walked up to the mirror hung on the wall. He took it and then brought it to me. “Look,” he said, putting the mirror in such a way that I could look into it.
For a moment I felt as if I was on an acid trip. But I was sure I had never taken anything. And I surely wasn’t drunk. But the cyan creature in the mirror was still glaring at me. I opened my mouth. The image in the mirror did the same.
Oh my God..., I thought. Could I be this weird blue creature with a rainbow-colored mane?
Paul took my blanket off me. I looked at my body. It was... blue. I looked in the mirror, then at my body, then again in the mirror.
Gears in my head were slowly turning. My roommates were just staring at me, grinning awkwardly.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” I yelled. One of them quickly shoved a pillow in my mouth. I calmed down. Yelling couldn’t help me. I studied psychology for a reason. But I couldn’t just accept the situation.
A few seconds of awkward silence passed. Dave finally pulled the pillow out of my mouth.
“OH MY GOD, I’M A RETARDED HORSE!” I yelled, causing them to shrink back.
“Dude, you’re not a horse!” Dave laughed.
“You’re a pony!” Paul said.
“Yes, a retarded horse! And I can’t move! And I’m naked! What the fuck, guys!?” I was absolutely terrified. I couldn’t really tell what was worse – being paralyzed or a horse.
“Dude, you’re Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” Paul said as if it was something obvious to him.
“What now?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“A character from a TV series,” Paul explained.
“Yeah, we are fans of this,” Dave added. They were creeping me out. They looked happy, not terrified. If my friend had woken up as a horse, I’d have been terrified!
“Yeah, we are bronies. We watch ponies all the time!” Paul said. They were like two-headed monster with both heads talking one by one.
“You never talked about this, guys,” this was the only thing I could say. Actually, we rarely talked.
“Well, we thought you would laugh at us,” Dave explained. “But now you are one of us.”
“I’m not one of you!” I shouted. I could be a character from their stupid TV series but I didn’t have to like it.
“Well, you are a pony now,” Dave stated and both began staring at my hindquarters.
“Guys, for God’s sake! Do something! Help me! I’m paralyzed!” I shouted. They seemed to barely notice my problem.
“Dude, I’d totally want to be you, right now,” Dave said, drooling.
“Me too,” Paul said, rubbing his crotch.
“Jesus Christ, guys! Help me! DO SOMETHING” Maybe it was good I was paralyzed. I’d have surely mutilated at least one of them if I had been able to.
“Alright.” David took out his phone and took a photo of me. “I’m gonna send it to Equestria Daily. I’m sure it’s gonna make it to the front page!”
Dave turned on his laptop, while Paul was taking photos of himself with me in the background.
“Dudes. What the fuck?” I was losing my patience. Were they going to help me?
“Chill out, Josh,” David said softly, “I’m gonna ask about that on some pony forums. Maybe they will know what to do.”
Sure. More pony fans. I was certain that they would write something like ‘Ohmygosh! I’d like to be you, guys!’
Well, it turned out that my rommates were the dumbest bronies ever.
“They wrote I’m a troll,” Dave said, almost nonchalantly. “Well, I’ve seen that coming. But there is a good news.”
“Yes?” I asked expectantly.
“My photo was accepted by Equestria Daily. But they captioned it with ‘The best Rainbow Dash plushie ever’,” Dave looked pretty excited.
“Great...” I sighed.
But it was Paul, who was concerning me much more than David searching through the Internet.
“Paul?”
“Um, Josh, would you mind if I...” he struggled to say something.
“What now?” I asked impatiently. In a hindsight, I should have remained silent.
‘I don’t know how long you are going to be Rainbow Dash, so... Maybe I could, you know... buck you?” he finally got his point.
But I didn’t get it. “Buck?”
“Yeah, buck,” he said, more confident than before.
“I don’t think I understand...” I was confused. He couldn’t mean...
“Oh, buck means fuck. We, bronies say buck so we don’t have to swear,” he explained. Yep, he meant that.
“Oh my God! Paul! You are... Oh! God! How can you even think... Ah! No, no, no!” I was angry and disgusted at the same time. My roommate wanted to have sex with me just because I looked like a horse.
Paul saddened. But I was not going to comfort him.
“So maybe I could at least rub you between your legs?” he continued.
“Jesus Christ, Paul!” I shouted. Speaking of Jesus, I wondered what would my priest say about the situation.
“Oh, Josh, come on! Don’t be so selfish! You’re paralyzed! You won’t feel a thing!” Paul interjected.
“No! Just no! For God’s sake, no! If you had a paralyzed woman in here, would you rape her? No! So don’t touch me!” I ranted and then realized that Paul was touching a place on my body, where most likely was a vagina.
“Paul, don’t touch it!” I shouted. He withdrew his hand.
“Come on, Josh. You won’t feel anything!” Paul asked me, begging in his voice.
“No!” I stated firmly
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad.
“It’s me, Jenny!” a familiar voice of my girlfriend could be heard through the door.
That was not good for sure.
“Guys! Tell her I’m not here! She can’t see me like this!” I begged them.
“Josh says he’s not here!” Dave shouted through the door and then facepalmed. “Sorry, Josh.”
“Open the door, now!” Jenny shouted.
“Guys, throw me under the bed, quick!” I suggested. They shoved me on the floor and then pushed me under the bed. I was safe.
Dave opened the door.
“Where’s he!?” Jenny stormed the room. Our room was small, so she knew I could be in only two or three places.
She looked under the bed.
“Oh my Gosh. What’s this?” she asked, staring at a blue horse. That was me of course.
I hoped that guys could make up some believable story.
“It’s, it’s...” Dave had no idea what to say.
But there was Paul. “It’s our sex doll!” he exclaimed.
Jenny probably gave him a confused look but I couldn’t see the scene from under the bed. But what followed, shocked me.
“Really? Can I have a look?” she asked, drawing me out. I was trying to cope with the story, pretending to be just a doll. She couldn’t use me, right? All I had to do was stay calm.
“Wow! It’s Rainbow Dash!” she exclaimed. Great, my girlfriend was a brony too and I didn’t even know that!
“Yeah. It’s twenty per cent cooler than normal dolls!” Paul said happily and then high-fived with Dave.
I calmed myself down. She had already seen the doll, so she was going to leave the room.
“Guys, so Josh is not here?” she asked, looking around suspiciously.
“No,” Dave said.
She walked up to the door and turned the key. “Wanna have some fun?” she asked, biting a key in a seductive manner.
That was it! My girlfriend was going to have sex with my roommates and I was going to watch it as a paralyzed Rainbow Dash! Could it get any worse?
Yes, it could. It always gets worse.
“I’d like to watch you buck the doll,” Jenny said and then sat on the bed. “Go on, guys.”
Dave and Paul looked confusedly at each other. They gave me hope that they wouldn’t do that in front of my girlfriend.
“Sure!” they exclaimed in unison.
Someone hated me...
****
I woke up in a bar. I had hands, I was drunk. Phew! That must’ve been a dream, I thought. Paul and Dave were sitting next to me.
“Guys! I had a weird dream! I was a horse and you were about to rape me!” I said, happy it had been just a dream.
“Josh, this is a dream,” Paul said.
No...
****
Yes.
My roomate had sex with me in front of my girlfriend. Thankfully, I was paralyzed so I couldn’t feel a thing. I gritted my teeth and somehow fell asleep during the scene. That was good too.
But now it was Dave’s turn.
I swore to God that I was going to kill them when I get my body back.
****
I felt dirty. My two roommates raped me. My girlfriend turned out to be a perv who likes watching men banging sex dolls. I was a blue horse and I was paralyzed.
Somebody please, kill me, I thought.
****
I woke up in my bed. I felt my body. I got up instantly. I was naked but I had my hands, my arms, MY body!
“Oh my God! It must’ve been a dream! A terrible dream!” I was the happiest man on Earth at that moment. “Dave? Paul?” I tried to find them.
I looked at their beds. Instead of my roommates, there were two white stallions with manes matching my roommates’s hair. So that was not a dream.
“Josh! We are ponies now!” Dave said.
“Yeah! It’s cool!” Paul added.
“But I can’t move my legs.” David flinched. “I can feel my torso and hindquarters but I can’t move my legs! And you, Paul?”
“Same here. It’s so cool! We are ponies!” Paul exclaimed.
I opened my wardrobe and took my wooden kendo sword out of it. I walked up to the middle of our room.
“Alright guys,” I began. “If you feel your hindquarters, I’m afraid it might hurt a little. So, who goes first?”
****
Pinkie Pie was bouncing around Discord. Both of them were in a room with a weird computer-like machine in there.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Discord said, quite irritated. “I can change them into ponies but they can’t move.”
“But they all are having fun, are they?” Pinkie inquired.
“Yes, these two guys are gonna have fun,” Discord answered, grinning.
THE END
