So, What's Your Story?

by Lithl

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure
Length: 2053

Everypony has a story. Who we are, what we do, how we came to be here... I'm sure you have one, too

Everypony has a story. About who we are, what we do, how we came to be here… stuff like that. Some ponies blend in with the background, but they have their own grand, epic adventures, too.

Meet the ponies in the background, and hear their tales of glorious adventure.

Story based on scenes from Human chapter 14, Pay Evil Unto Evil by DannyJ. Reading Human is not a prerequisite for these vingettes, however be warned: Human is very much a crack-fic, and that may rub off on my writing here.

By and large, these stories take place a thousand years in the future of Friendship is Magic, however time travel and ageless beings tend to muddle that a bit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-21 03:33:16 UTC

1 Prologue

PROLOGUE

Somewhere in Canterlot…

… at a bar

“CRAZY?! ME?! That’s NONSENSE, Goldie, why just the other DAY, I was—” a large earth pony clad tip to tail in black armor stood by the bar, gesticulating to another earth pony – smaller, unarmored, and yellow – who had just arrived. There wasn’t an inch of exposed hair on the armored pony; his suit included some sort of control panel on his chest, and an apparatus to assist his breathing incorporated into the helmet and mask.

The armored pony froze completely in the middle of his sentence.

“…What the hell…?” the new arrival muttered as he inspected the armored pony, who wasn’t moving a single muscle.

“Interesting friend you’ve got there,” called a cobalt blue unicorn from one of the card tables. The unicorn flipped his red mane to the side as he collected the empty drinks on the table in his magic to return to the bartender.

“Don’t even get me started,” the earth pony sighed. “I’ve only known him for a few days, and already I’ve somehow become his caretaker.”

The unicorn chuckled. “Ain’t it always the way? My name’s Easy Eight,” the unicorn introduced himself after depositing his collection of glassware. His cutie mark was a pair of dice.

“Gold Coin,” the earth pony returned the offered hoof bump.

“Gold Coin, eh? Sounds like another gambler to me.”

“Not a regular player, but I don’t mind a game.”

Easy Eight’s eyebrows rose in appreciation, “Don’t ya now?” He gestured toward the table he had just left, “Why not come join us for a round of poker?”

“Sure thing,” Gold Coin said cheerfully, and began dragging the armored pony away from the bar and towards the card table. With a little effort and a little help from the others at the table, Coin managed to get the stiff stallion into one of the seats.

Gold Coin introduced himself to the other players. Cards danced across the table, and the bits began to flow. After a few hooves, the armored pony jolted, as though waking from a deep sleep. He wobbled in place, and very nearly fell face-first into the table, before catching himself. After shaking some sense into his brain, he stared at Gold Coin holding on to his current hoof of cards.

“Ah, you’re back again,” Coin said, slightly distracted by the game in progress. “Are you back to normal now?”

“I… think so,” his companion responded, “I don’t even know what happened. I was really out of it for a while there…”

The current dealer, a diamond dog in a purple vest, asked, “So, what’s your story?”

The armored stallion looked up at the diamond dog, then at the white unicorn mare and mauve earth pony stallion on each side. “What do you mean, ‘my story’?” he asked.

“You know what I mean,” the dog replied, slightly annoyed. “Everypony has a story. About who we are, what we do, how we came to be here… stuff like that. I’m sure you have one too.”

The armored stallion glanced to Gold Coin. “Goldie, who are all these ponies?”

Coin didn’t look up from his hoof of cards. “Friends. We’re playing poker. The dog is Remus.”

Remus offered a paw to the confused pony. “Pleased to meet you.”

The armored stallion held out a hoof to shake. “Pleasure.”

“So then, Captain Chain Mail is it? What’s your story?”

Chain Mail rolled his eyes behind his dark mask. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me,” Remus shot back.

Chain Mail drew a long breath, and began: “I’m one of the new Elements of Harmony. As part of my job, I was expected to kill Lord Second, the human of legend. I went to a city in the Everfree Forest which was built three days ago, had a sword fight with him, got badly injured, and next thing I know shit was blowing up and I’m suddenly a cyberpony. We got out, and then headed here, except for one day where we had to wait for my friend Explodey to return to normal size because he’s got a healing factor that allows him to recover from any injury, but for some reason he came back small this time.”

The cyberpony gasped for breath, although thanks to his respirator it sounded more like a recording of a fire and steam factory.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been there,” nodded the unicorn next to Remus.

“Of course you have,” Chain Mail glared daggers at the mare.

“That actually is a pretty interesting story,” Easy Eight added.

“Wait,” Chain Mail held a hoof out as though to steady himself, “do you actually believe me?”

“Yeah, of course we do,” he replied. “We’ve all seen some crazy shit before. You’re not the only one on a grand, epic adventure you know.”

3 Wild Hooves

I'm the last living descendent of an old family of nobles, And I'm travelling across the land seeking out the ancient vault where my ancestors hid their greatest treasure, which I need to retrieve before I can prove my legitimacy and claim my place among Canterlot royalty...

4 Remus

I'm actually over six hundred years old, And I've been journeying to seek out an order of monks who might know what caused my unexplained immortality...

5 Wicked Sickness

The government runs a secret bioweapons program, And I'm working with a retired cop and a sassy female sidekick to try and uncover the truth behind their conspiracy...

6 Charming Masquerade

The changelings are having a civil war, and I'm a no-nonsense mercenary type who's working with the rebels to assassinate key individuals in the enemy's ranks, some of whom are undercover here in this very city...

7 Thunder Twister

I'm the only survivor of a devastating attack on my home town by a vicious gang of criminals. I've dedicated my life for the past twenty years to hunting down and murdering every member of that gang...

8 Toodle Doodle

I am also a time traveller, but I came here from exactly two thousand and five years ago, just after Nightmare Moon was first banished. I've only been here in the future for two weeks, and modern Canterlot really scares me...

9 Summer Withers

I'm really an alicorn! I never wanted to be one though! I just want to be normal! My life is so hard and nopony understands me...!

10 Raven Shadow

I was framed for murder by my best friend, and I'm on the run from the law...!

11 Brawny Racer

My wife was kidnapped by mobsters, and I'm here searching for information on where they might be keeping her, so I can go off on a rescue mission...!

12 Windy Nova

I sometimes black out, and when I wake up again I'm covered in blood...

13 Light Charmer

I'm being stalked by a supernatural entity that feeds off my fear, and if it gets strong enough it will open a portal to its home world and Equestria is doomed...

14 Tuxedo Moonlight

I keep living the same day over and over...!

15 Lemonade Munchies

I eat other ponies, and when I do, I gain their memories...!

16 Brilliant Sashay

I'm a government agent, here to assassinate a pony who's investigating our bioweapons program...

17 Mud Heart

I hunt aliens for a living...

18 Spectre

I actually am an alien...

19 Carrot Muffins

My father was abducted by aliens...

20 Honey Blossom, Storm Flicker, and Crystal Sparkle

I'm several fillies in a trench coat...!

22 Star Shimmer

I'm a celebrity faking my own death and living a quiet life of retirement...

23 Candy Surprise

I'm the reincarnation of Commander Hurricane...!

24 Strong Racer

I'm not really a mare...!

25 Shadow

I'm the most wanted terrorist in Equestria...

26 Brave Banner

I have super powers, thanks to being exposed to normally lethal levels of gamma radiation...!

27 Red Thunder

I'm half plant...!

28 Custard

I am literally the fattest pony currently alive...

29 Honey Song

My mother was Princess Luna...!

30 Boulder

My family are all ninjas...!

31 Treasure

I can drink fifteen gallons of milk in under six seconds...

32 Rockin' Hopscotch

I'm actually in a hospital bed in Ponyville, this whole world is a fever dream, and when I wake up you will all die...

33 Mac (Epilogue)

MAC (EPILOGUE)

“I’m full of ENERGY! I’ve got ADRENALINE! I’m feeling PSYCHED! I just wanna go out and PUNCH SOMETHING, but I’m a royal guard so I’m gonna do it while DEFENDING THE LAW!”

Mac tried to ignore the loud, armored earth pony on the other side of the bar. Perhaps if he looked busy, the crazy guy would get distracted and go away. Mac sighed as he cleaned another glass. I don’t need this. Maybe I should have listened to my mother and moved to Manehatten…

“AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAH!” Mac flattened his ears against his head. Once upon a time, he would have been able to add additional aural protection in the form of his voluminous mane, but those days were far behind him.

The crazy pony slammed a metal-shod hoof into the floor to emphasize his enthusiasm, which rang loudly despite the red carpeting. Mac shot him a glare as he moved to deliver a food order that had been completed.

On his way back to the bar, Mac walked up to the armored stallion, who was now shouting loudly at another patron; either the newcomer had the patience of Celestia, or the two were already well-acquainted. “…This thing was built in SECOPOLIS, world capital of TECHNOLOGY! Its drugs are even BETTER! Far from UNHEALTHY, these are guaranteed to DOUBLE my lifespan if I get a constant SUPPLY!”

Okay, now he was just picking random words in each sentence to scream at the top of his lungs. Mac cleared his throat and said, “Sir, could you please stop that shouting? It’s making everypony nervous.” Especially me.

“I APOLOGISE, my GOOD SIR.” Mac staggered backward and wandered off to find something to comb what remained of his mane back into place.

Eventually the pony in the black suit of armor stopped shouting, and his little yellow friend dragged him away to play poker with Remus and Easy Eight. Mac breathed a sigh of relief and returned to work.

Soon enough, Mac could hear Remus grilling the two newcomers, trying to learn what they were all about. Apparently, the shouty one was one of the Elements of Harmony, and had recently tangled with Lord Second. That might explain his reference to a place called “Secopolis,” which Mac had never heard of; if Lord Second was behind it, logic and reason were long gone. So the rumors held, and Mac was good at rumors – you had to be, if you wanted to be a successful bartender.

Remus’ new plaything seemed to disbelieve the stories some of the other card sharks had to say, and the ponies at the next table over piped up to give their own opinions on the matter. Oh dear, here we go again, Mac thought.

Remus certainly had a gift for getting ponies to talk about themselves, and soon nearly every pony in the bar had described some interesting factoid or shared a snippet of a story from their exciting life. The ponies all stared at the armored earth pony who had set everything off, every face wearing an expression of deadly sincerity.

As one, the ponies all turned to look at Mac.

He shrugged.

“I serve drinks to you freaks and get paid for it. That’s about it.”

2 Easy Eight

I'm actually a time traveller from the distant future, and I came back to collect several pieces from an ancient tablet that was scattered throughout history in an attempt to restore the space-time continuum...

21 Dapper Dress

I'm from an alternate universe where everything is the same except mares and stallions are switched...!