PROLOGUE
Somewhere in Canterlot…
… at a bar
“CRAZY?! ME?! That’s NONSENSE, Goldie, why just the other DAY, I was—” a large earth pony clad tip to tail in black armor stood by the bar, gesticulating to another earth pony – smaller, unarmored, and yellow – who had just arrived. There wasn’t an inch of exposed hair on the armored pony; his suit included some sort of control panel on his chest, and an apparatus to assist his breathing incorporated into the helmet and mask.
The armored pony froze completely in the middle of his sentence.
“…What the hell…?” the new arrival muttered as he inspected the armored pony, who wasn’t moving a single muscle.
“Interesting friend you’ve got there,” called a cobalt blue unicorn from one of the card tables. The unicorn flipped his red mane to the side as he collected the empty drinks on the table in his magic to return to the bartender.
“Don’t even get me started,” the earth pony sighed. “I’ve only known him for a few days, and already I’ve somehow become his caretaker.”
The unicorn chuckled. “Ain’t it always the way? My name’s Easy Eight,” the unicorn introduced himself after depositing his collection of glassware. His cutie mark was a pair of dice.
“Gold Coin,” the earth pony returned the offered hoof bump.
“Gold Coin, eh? Sounds like another gambler to me.”
“Not a regular player, but I don’t mind a game.”
Easy Eight’s eyebrows rose in appreciation, “Don’t ya now?” He gestured toward the table he had just left, “Why not come join us for a round of poker?”
“Sure thing,” Gold Coin said cheerfully, and began dragging the armored pony away from the bar and towards the card table. With a little effort and a little help from the others at the table, Coin managed to get the stiff stallion into one of the seats.
Gold Coin introduced himself to the other players. Cards danced across the table, and the bits began to flow. After a few hooves, the armored pony jolted, as though waking from a deep sleep. He wobbled in place, and very nearly fell face-first into the table, before catching himself. After shaking some sense into his brain, he stared at Gold Coin holding on to his current hoof of cards.
“Ah, you’re back again,” Coin said, slightly distracted by the game in progress. “Are you back to normal now?”
“I… think so,” his companion responded, “I don’t even know what happened. I was really out of it for a while there…”
The current dealer, a diamond dog in a purple vest, asked, “So, what’s your story?”
The armored stallion looked up at the diamond dog, then at the white unicorn mare and mauve earth pony stallion on each side. “What do you mean, ‘my story’?” he asked.
“You know what I mean,” the dog replied, slightly annoyed. “Everypony has a story. About who we are, what we do, how we came to be here… stuff like that. I’m sure you have one too.”
The armored stallion glanced to Gold Coin. “Goldie, who are all these ponies?”
Coin didn’t look up from his hoof of cards. “Friends. We’re playing poker. The dog is Remus.”
Remus offered a paw to the confused pony. “Pleased to meet you.”
The armored stallion held out a hoof to shake. “Pleasure.”
“So then, Captain Chain Mail is it? What’s your story?”
Chain Mail rolled his eyes behind his dark mask. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me,” Remus shot back.
Chain Mail drew a long breath, and began: “I’m one of the new Elements of Harmony. As part of my job, I was expected to kill Lord Second, the human of legend. I went to a city in the Everfree Forest which was built three days ago, had a sword fight with him, got badly injured, and next thing I know shit was blowing up and I’m suddenly a cyberpony. We got out, and then headed here, except for one day where we had to wait for my friend Explodey to return to normal size because he’s got a healing factor that allows him to recover from any injury, but for some reason he came back small this time.”
The cyberpony gasped for breath, although thanks to his respirator it sounded more like a recording of a fire and steam factory.
“Oh yeah, I’ve been there,” nodded the unicorn next to Remus.
“Of course you have,” Chain Mail glared daggers at the mare.
“That actually is a pretty interesting story,” Easy Eight added.
“Wait,” Chain Mail held a hoof out as though to steady himself, “do you actually believe me?”
“Yeah, of course we do,” he replied. “We’ve all seen some crazy shit before. You’re not the only one on a grand, epic adventure you know.”
MAC (EPILOGUE)
“I’m full of ENERGY! I’ve got ADRENALINE! I’m feeling PSYCHED! I just wanna go out and PUNCH SOMETHING, but I’m a royal guard so I’m gonna do it while DEFENDING THE LAW!”
Mac tried to ignore the loud, armored earth pony on the other side of the bar. Perhaps if he looked busy, the crazy guy would get distracted and go away. Mac sighed as he cleaned another glass. I don’t need this. Maybe I should have listened to my mother and moved to Manehatten…
“AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAH!” Mac flattened his ears against his head. Once upon a time, he would have been able to add additional aural protection in the form of his voluminous mane, but those days were far behind him.
The crazy pony slammed a metal-shod hoof into the floor to emphasize his enthusiasm, which rang loudly despite the red carpeting. Mac shot him a glare as he moved to deliver a food order that had been completed.
On his way back to the bar, Mac walked up to the armored stallion, who was now shouting loudly at another patron; either the newcomer had the patience of Celestia, or the two were already well-acquainted. “…This thing was built in SECOPOLIS, world capital of TECHNOLOGY! Its drugs are even BETTER! Far from UNHEALTHY, these are guaranteed to DOUBLE my lifespan if I get a constant SUPPLY!”
Okay, now he was just picking random words in each sentence to scream at the top of his lungs. Mac cleared his throat and said, “Sir, could you please stop that shouting? It’s making everypony nervous.” Especially me.
“I APOLOGISE, my GOOD SIR.” Mac staggered backward and wandered off to find something to comb what remained of his mane back into place.
Eventually the pony in the black suit of armor stopped shouting, and his little yellow friend dragged him away to play poker with Remus and Easy Eight. Mac breathed a sigh of relief and returned to work.
Soon enough, Mac could hear Remus grilling the two newcomers, trying to learn what they were all about. Apparently, the shouty one was one of the Elements of Harmony, and had recently tangled with Lord Second. That might explain his reference to a place called “Secopolis,” which Mac had never heard of; if Lord Second was behind it, logic and reason were long gone. So the rumors held, and Mac was good at rumors – you had to be, if you wanted to be a successful bartender.
Remus’ new plaything seemed to disbelieve the stories some of the other card sharks had to say, and the ponies at the next table over piped up to give their own opinions on the matter. Oh dear, here we go again, Mac thought.
Remus certainly had a gift for getting ponies to talk about themselves, and soon nearly every pony in the bar had described some interesting factoid or shared a snippet of a story from their exciting life. The ponies all stared at the armored earth pony who had set everything off, every face wearing an expression of deadly sincerity.
As one, the ponies all turned to look at Mac.
He shrugged.
“I serve drinks to you freaks and get paid for it. That’s about it.”
