How Everypony Loves Pinkie

by Azure-Spark

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 2527

When Pinkie Pie left home, she promised her parents she'd write home. Read Carefully.

When Pinkie Pie left home, she promised her parents she'd write home. A few years after the fact, she decides it'd be best to keep them informed of how she's doing.

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Second Place in the EqD Nightmare Night 2012 Fanfic Competition

The Key is in the Subtleties

(Some pieces of subtlety may have been lost between Google Docs and here, but I don't dare touch this after what this version's accomplished.)

Published 2012-11-01 07:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-01 07:00:01 UTC

How Everypony Loves Pinkie

How Everypony Loves Pinkie
A letter from a pony to her parents
[Dark]

Dear Mom and Pop Pie,

Has it really been that long? It feels like just yesterday that I left home for Ponyville. I hope you’re doing alright back home. How are my sisters? I mean, they’ve probably left home already, too, but they don’t write me, so, you know. Where are they, anyway? I forget who said it, but one of them sounded real excited about going to Manehattan last time I was home. Either way, don’t worry about me. Nothing’s wrong here. It’s not like that’d stop me from leaving to come visit.

Everything’s going just great here at Sugarcube Corner. You remember Mr. and Mrs. Cake, don’t you? They’ve been sooo nice to me! I’ve got my own room now, not like that spot in the storeroom when I first got here. Oh, and I’ve learned a lot about baking. Cookies, brownies, pastries, cupcakies, I can make all kinds of good stuff now!

Learning all of that wasn’t easy though. There’s all kinds of measurements, and ingredients, and you have to know what kind of spices to use sometimes, or when not to stuff the cake batter with funny-sounding stuff like paprika just to see what happens. I’m still learning the specifics of some recipes. And then there’s cups, and pints, and teaspoons, and tablespoons, and pinches and dashes— Why are they called teaspoons and tablespoons? If you wanna eat something small, you can still use a teaspoon at the table. I don’t get it.

Ponies all over town stop by every day just to have a taste of our sweets. Sugarcube Corner is kind of famous or something. And it feels just so good to put a smile on their faces. I mean, what could be better than watching somepony eat something you just made and go “Mmm!” Nothing, that’s what! That’s one of the big reasons I love it here. Baking is like my second calling or something!

My favorite thing to bake has definitely got to be cookies. Sure, I’ve got a song to remember how to make cupcakes, and another one for brownies, and cake, and— well, I’ve got lots of songs to help me remember. But I think I’ve got to be the best at baking cookies. Except for a few times when I got some of the ingredients mixed up, they’ve always turned out super-duper scrumptious! And not all of those other times were even my fault. I mean, sure that paprika thing— which I swear Mr. Cake just won’t let me forget— that was all me. But sometimes, when I ask for my friends to help, or my friends’ friends, they’re even newer at baking than me. I can’t blame them, of course. That’d be unfair and mean. But that doesn’t mean it’s any more fair to blame me!

Even with all those songs and lots and lots of practice, things don’t always turn out so good. But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying myself! That’s why I can’t really get mad or anything when somepony helps me out in the kitchen. Most of the time, the Cakes are really encouraging too, unless I screw up and get something all over the kitchen. I always, always clean up after myself though. You taught me that, remember Momma? That’s the same reason I always wipe my hooves on the doormat before I go inside, and I always wash my hooves before I sit down to eat.

If you want, I can ask the Cakes if we could send you something, with my employee discount of course. Remember that one time I decided to try and make my own cake for my birthday? That was nothing! These ponies really know their stuff, and I can guarantee you’ll just love anything they make. I’ll try to remember to put an order form and a menu in the envelope when I mail this out.

Cooking has its own rewards sometimes, too. Like, I learned not to rush things too much because of it. Have you ever tasted half-cooked pancakes? They’re not actually as bad as they sound. It’s kind of like cream-filling, but bitter. Bitter-batter, bitter-batter. Go on, say it! I bet you can’t without at least smiling!

Also, I’ve made a whole bunch of new friends. There’s Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, annnd Rarity. Oh, and Twilight Sparkle. And Spike, Twilight’s personal baby-dragon-assistant who’s way more adorable than he wants to be. Everypony except Twilight and Spike was already here in Ponyville, when those other two came here from Canterlot that is, but I just never got to know them! Now we’re like best friends, all of us. Well, most of us. Applejack’s had some problems with Rainbow Dash and Rarity, but I’m pretty sure those have gotten sorted out after a while. Actually, we all have our little problems here and there, but that’s part of what makes us so special. First it was just Twilight, but now all of us get to send these neat little “friendship reports” to Princess Celestia! See, I told you something cool like this would happen if I moved somewhere closer to Canterlot! And we’ve been writing them for like a year or two now. We even got to write one after last year’s Nightmare Night.

Nightmare Night was a blast. I went as a chicken last year, which was really fun since nopony bothered me for picking up candy dropped on the ground. This year, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Any ideas? I was thinking something silly again. Oh, maybe I could go as Gummy, and he could go as me!

That reminds me, did I ever tell you about Gummy? He’s my pet alligator. Don’t worry, he’s harmless, or at least toothless. He just chews on everything. And I mean everything. He’s so silly. Actually, he scares ponies sometimes, but at least I’m never too far away. I don’t think they appreciate it when he starts nibbling on them, but I know he’s just playing. Maybe they don’t like him because he’s scaley like a dragon. I’ve seen some ponies look at Spike funny...

So much has happened since I last wrote, I can’t imagine I’ll be able to write about it all. I guess I can just try to hit on the important parts, but then I’d pretty much be done already. My friends, holidays— you probably knew this, but we got to put on a Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant last year in Canterlot— and then Sugarcube Corner... It’s a shame there’s no way to talk to you from here. Then I could just ask and answer all your questions. I mean, assuming you have some. If you don’t, that’s fine! I really have no idea how you miss me. Wow, that sounds so sad. I really, really need to come visit sometime soon.

There really oughta be some way to just magicify your memories and put them on paper that way. Twilight’s really good at magic, I’m sure she’d know what to do.

Oh, speaking of really good at magic, I can’t believe I almost forgot! Guess what? The Cakes had a baby! Actually twins, sorta. Their names are Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. One’s a boy, one’s a girl, one’s a pegasus, and one’s a unicorn. Can you guess which is which? I’ll give you a hint: Pound Cake has his wings, while “she” has her magic.

Pumpkin Cake is just great though. When she first came home, her and her brother were such a hoofful, but I’m getting better and better at taking care of them. Who’da thought I’d end up as somepony’s babysitter? Not even her parents thought that! I mean, it sounded like a good idea when I first heard they needed somepony to do it, but they sort of came to me last. But that’s okay, because I did good enough that they let me keep going!

Sure enough, Pumpkin’s just this little angel now. And she’s really advanced for her age! Even my friend Twilight, who’s like a super-smarty taught-by-the-Princess kinda pony, says Pumpkin’s “aberrantly” smart. I think that means “exceptional” or something..

My first hint was just a week ago. She started walking, all on her own! Which is weird, because nopony ever had time to teach her or anything. But, you know, look out! Genius baby coming through!

I think she got bored of that though. She still hasn’t stopped levitating and teleporting herself around, even though Twilight and Rarity said she would a long time ago. But that’s okay, because that just means she’s practicing using her magic. And practice makes perfect, right?

Lately, she’s even learned how to talk. Not just like “goo-goo ga-ga,” but full sentences! I’m so proud of her. I never learned how to talk until I was like three, right? Pumpkin’s not even a year old yet!

Isn’t that just amazing?

Nothing I’ve ever done will even pale in comparison to our little genius. We’re thinking of sending her to some boarding school someday. Or some smarmy, rich university. There’s got to be plenty of places she could get into, no problem. Why, I bet she could even take Twilight’s place as the prodigy of the Princess someday. Oh, or maybe Princess Luna has an opening! I’ll have to ask Twilight about that.

Good thing she has Auntie Pinkie Pie here to take care of her, of course. Her Mommy and Daddy are always busy, or away, or maybe they just don’t have time to care anymore. It’s a crying shame, of course. They’re missing out on their sweet little angel and all her wonderful little powers. I’m sure they’d be just as proud as I am if they could only see all of the things she can do now. Anypony should consider herself lucky to be able to get near her!

All this time I spend taking care of Pumpkin, all the time I miss out on with my friends, it’s all worth it. And I’m sure they understand. After all, they do come and visit, and they ask me things like “How’s Pumpkin?” and “Can Pinkie come out to play?”. Silly Rainbow Dash, you don’t have to say it like that. I’m right here, you can see that. Besides, I’ve got Pumpkin with me, so you already know I can’t leave.

Now I spend all my time at home. It’s fun, too! We play games like peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek or tag. Well, hide-and-seek or Marco Polo. It’s kind of hard for me not to look for Pumpkin when I’m supposed to be hiding. Sometimes she gets mad if I don’t play by the rules though, and I can’t blame her. I just need to try harder. What fun is a game if not everypony plays it right?

Don’t worry though, I’m still taking care of myself. I get to eat and sleep and take a bath every night, of course. And when the Cakes go for groceries, I get a quick break sometimes when they come back and Pumpkin wants to look at what they got. I don’t go anywhere far though. What kind of pony would I be to just abandon some helpless, wonderful little filly?

I’d be a terrible, bad, bad pony, that’s what I’d be. And I should at least get a stern talkin’-to just for thinking about that! No, worse! Abandoning a child, that’s just despicable.

Where was I? Oh, yes, Pumpkin. Her favorite food is oatmeal, her favorite thing to do is play with her magic, and her favorite book is “The Little Colt Who Cried Wolf”. Could you maybe send me my old copy? Our last few got sort of smashed or burned.

All I really need is this babysitting experience, anyway. I mean, I was a little filly once, and you took really good care of me, so now I get to return the favor to somepony. Maybe someday I’ll even be a mother of my own. Wouldn’t you like that? Grandkids?

Nopony’s ever going to replace Pumpkin, though. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear. Such a little angel, such a sweet young filly. I really am sorry.

That’s for the future though, right? One day, Pumpkin’s going to grow up and be her own mare, and she’ll be able to take care of herself. One day soon, I might even be able to say “bye” as she goes to school. Maybe even daycare or preschool. She’s still months-old though, so that might have to wait. And the Universities will be so disappointed if we do that.

This is all assuming Pumpkin wants to. I can’t send my little baby off on her own too soon, when she’s cold and alone and scared! She needs love and nurturing, just like any other filly. Maybe even more than that. Twice— no, ten times as much! She’s a gift, she’s gifted. She needs all of the attention she can get.

Oh, if only somepony could be a kid forever. It must be wonderful, having somepony take care of you no matter what, love you no matter what, stay by your side no matter what. Parents are like special-someponies that way, I suppose.

Sometimes, I think Pumpkin wishes I could be a filly like her. She doesn’t really have anypony her age to play with, besides maybe her brother. It’s a shame she seems so scared of the world outside. I’m sure there are plenty of other fillies like her out there, waiting for a friend. Maybe if I could convince her to leave the house for a bit, I could show her my friends.

Convincing her might be a lot harder than that sounds on paper. She’s scared. Really, really, really scared. I know how that feels. And I know it’s not hard to work around. It’s like you’re so scared that everything you do feels wrong, and everything you say feels like a horrible, horrible mistake.

Really, I’ll just settle for getting permission to open the windows. I miss birdsongs, clouds, the sun and the sky. I mean, all that stuff is beautiful and all, but so is Pumpkin! Maybe I just want a little more variety or something. I’m sure she’ll understand.

Eventually, we’ll get to all of these places, me and Pumpkin. She’ll go outside, my friends can come around, and we’ll all be in it for the better.

Anyway, I’m sure you don’t want me going on too long about all of this. I know Pumpkin doesn’t, and I should get back to her anyway. It’s thirty-seventh playtime soon, and I don’t want to be late again. Oh, and I think she wants me to help her finish learning to read. Not that she needs any help, from what I can tell.

Much love,
Pinkie Pie

P.S. Now, Mom and Dad, I don’t want to be mean or rude or anything, and I know I’m your First-born, but I’m also all grown-up now. Be honest, do I really have to keep writing these Letters?