Fallout: Pony Land!

by MarcusFirehaven

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6
Length: 2513

Twilight Sparkle is making a spell, tests it, and a courier ends up in Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle decides to make a spell, and the courier is doing something stupid. Guess what happens next?

On hiatus for a while as I am lazy. I am also bad at judging distances, which apparently applies to chapter length as well, which is why chapter 3 was so short. I had a ton of schoolwork that needs to be done.... Needed to be done. I keep trying to write other things. I apologize for delays, but it is for the better.

Published 2012-11-28 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-29 18:13:03 UTC

Expositionings!

In the Mojave, the Courier was doing his daily 'stupid shit', as Cass put it. The Courier is out with ED-E and Arcade.

"Why are we out here again?" Arcade asked, "I only follow you because I thought sending you out alone would be tantamount to murder, yet you have proven capable to kill everything that is a threat, why am I still following you around?"

"Because you is science, I is a stupid." Said the Courier, before he tripped.

"*BREEP BOOP BZZT BEEP*" ED-E beeped.

The Courier then popped up holding a small turtle above his head, proclaiming "Es una tortuga!"

"That's why." Arcade stated.

---Ponyville Library---

"Hey Spike!" Twilight yelled to the named assistant, "I went over all the variables, this dimention window spell I'm making should be ready for testing!"

"Alright, I'll get Fluttershy... Why do we need her?" Spike asked.

"Because it was modified from the teleportation spell, and Fluttershy can tame any possible creatures if it becomes a door instead of a window."

"Okay."

---five minutes later---

"Okay, I am going to start now!" Twiight exclaimed (no entendre intended if any could be made) as her horn started to glow.

---Back In the Mojave---

"I love turtles!" The Courier exclaimed, "I'm use this Transportalponder portal gun thing to get it home now!"

"... Did he just speak fucking Spanish?" Arcade asked incredulously.

---Ponyville Again---

A portal was started to form, but was still not clear.

"Did he just speak fucking Spanish?" a voice said, though the creature that said it was not seen.

"It's working!" Twilight exclaimed.

Then it got all explodey.

---a few minutes later---

"mmmmmseñor tortuga es rapidamente... PINEAPPLE!" the shorter creature mumbled, then yelled as he popped up.

"EEP!" squeeked Fluttershy.

"*breep..." beeped guess who?

"I expected no less after we fought cowboy aliens..." Spoke the tall thing in a strange armor.

The two strange beings got up and started to get their bearings, while the strange eye bot just booped in protest. The shorter wore a strange outfit that looked cool (NCR elite ranger armor with all traces of NCR removed or painted over) and a Stetson like Applejack (he is four feet five inches tall). The taller one wore the strange armor (Enclave power armor). The robot was strange, and there was a turtle. Needless to say, they haven't seen weirder.

"I've been woken to worse than this. I am bored now. I's Marcus, who are you?" said the shorter man.

"They speak common Equestrian! Amazing!" Twilight exclaimed as she floated over a quill and piece of parchment.

"What name?! What name!?"

"hmm... doesn't seem that advanced in terms of linguistic abilities..." Twilight said as she wrote it down.

"Actually, he is sort of retarded, taking two shots to the brain does that," the taller man said, "I am Arcade, he is Marcus, and the robot is ED-E. Now, he asked you what your name i-

"Oh! My name is Twilight Sparkle," said Twilight Sparkle, who then had a look of shock on her face as what he said registered. "SHOT! He was shot twice in the head!?!"

"Yep!" Marcus said cheerfully, "I don't have to worry of it happening again cuz I haz no brain! Or heart. Or spine!" After saying this, he popped over to Fluttershy faster than even Pinkie could move, picked her up, and hugged her as if he was holding a giant stuffed animal. Fluttershy just squeeked at the spontaneous hug. Twilight was just staring in shock at what he said, then noticed the large gun on his back (the Dinner Bell) and revolver at his side (a Ranger Seqouia).

"How are you still living!?!" she then levitated Marcus's guns off of him, as well as the Gauss rifle from Arcade's back, then said "And why are you carrying these around?"

Marcus and Arcade nearly dove for cover when she had the guns pointed at them, which she didn't mean to do. Arcade just backed away a few steps, while Marcus pulled out a chainsaw out of his bag on his side (it's a messenger bag... yes, he was trying to be clever). That made Twilight drop the guns in fear. When that happened, Arcade ducked for cover, ED-E beeped in a way implying he was cussing Twilight out, and Marcus used himself as a meatshield for Fluttershy, who was confused by the action taken.

"IS LOADED! DON'T DO THAT! IT GO BOOM AND SHOOT!" Marcus yelled at Twilight, Fluttershy and Twilight' eyes widening with realization of what could have happened.

Then Pinkie came in.

"Hey Twilight, I was going to get supplies for pranks when I heard yelling, and I thought 'Oh my goodness! Something is gonna blow up!' then I came in to see the awesome explosion and told you this!" Pinkie chatterboxxed.

"Pinkie!?!" Marcus said with shock.

"HUMEN!" Pinkie responded.

"You know Pinkie?" Twilight said, quite confused.

"She popped out of a box and took thingy I wanted! Then boomed my face with the party cannon!" Marcus explained, then gave Pinkie a glare.

"I needed it to keep the universe from ending by Daleks!" Pinkie explained to Marcus, "plus, I know how people in your world are!"

"Not fair! Apocalypse happend! You met dumb raiders!"

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"You didn't ask and you shot me in the face with cannon!"

"I'm going to pretend Pinkie's part about universe saving never happened, but you are from the apocalypse?" Twilight yelled at Marcus.

"The Wasteland is mostly civilized," Arcade started to explain, "he is also a hero that has stopped a gang of ex-criminals, an evil man who tricks people to go to this terrifying place and forces them there with explosive collars, and stopped an army by uniteing the Mojave wasteland."

"That... makes me feel better... I should probably find a way to tell everypony else about you without freaking everypony ou-"

"HEY EVERYPONY THAT LIVES HERE! I'M A HERO GUY FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE! I HAVE A COOL ROBOT AS WELL!" Marcus yelled out the door.

After a few moments, Twilight then said "There is no mass panic, so that went better than expected."

Adventures in Ponyville!

---Library, still. Twenty minutes later---

Twilight had Spike send letters to the rest of the group after he came back from the kitchen, sad that he missed what happened last chapter. The others are here now, and Marcus is once again holding Fluttershy like a stuffed toy, and Señor Tortuga was on his hat. She then told them he was a courier and from another universe that was shot in the head twice and buried alive

"This guy is why I am here and not practicing my stunts?" A bored Rainbow Dash said.

"He is clearly dangerous, no sane person would wear that crime against fashion!" Rarity saif.

"Ah was told this was important, Ah see nothing dangerous about this feller, other than the chance he's huggin' her too hard" A farm pony named Applejack said.

"He has GUNS and pulled a CHAINSAW out of that bag!" Twilight exclaimed.

"I can believe that, but I think it would be close to over-stuffed by itself." Rainbow Dash said.

Marcus then pulled a suit of power armor, a gauss rifle, a cowboy repeater, a revolver that played a tune as he pulled it out "I love that!", that special tesla cannon from the vertibird crash, and a flaming sword. Rainbow then proceeded to write what she said down and eat her own words.

"How does that make any sense?" Applejack asked Twilight, expecting her to know.

"I have no idea, since they claim having no magic in their world-" Twilight started to explain many things before Mark cut her off.

"Itz the BOTI Bag Compact edition! Same Bigger On The Inside Bag subspace teleportatation quali- quanti- koala... GROODALICIOUSNESS as normal one, less bigness to bug you! Iz pre-war stuff, which made no sense, so stuffs still weigh whatever." Mark explained.

"Why didn't you tell me that!" Twilight yelled at Mark, "I was messing with it for half an hour!"

"You never asked how my stuff worked when it is my thingies!" Mark immediately responded.

Fluttershy then finally found the courage to speak. "um, pre-war?"

"We got in a war a few hundred years ago and blew everything up, now having to contend with drugged up raiders, crazed robots, mutated wildlife, and the occassional crazed ghoul (zombies, but sane ones are perfectly normal). He used to go through that alone." Arcade explained, reminding everyone he was there, "In the words of a wise drunk-"

"Don't fuck with the guy who brings your mail!" ED-E blasted the sound clip of Cass out.

"Thatz me!" Mark added. Rarity nearly fainted at the profanity while Fluttershy was unfazed.

"WHAT VULGARITY!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Well, they live in a wasteland, and studies show that swearing reduces pain." Fluttershy said. The ponies in the room (Spike was lost in his thoughts imagining himself in an outfit like Mark's and shooting mutant zombie robots) looked at her funny.

"That remind me... Arcade! Go to Lucky 38 and send Cass over!" Mark said.

"That's not possible," Arcade started explaining to Mark, "She is in-" and then he faded from existence, generating looks of shock and horror from everyone but Mark and Pinkie Pie.

---Lucky 38 Casino, Mojave Wasteland---

"-another universe and..." Arcade noticed he was in the Lucky 38, "I... am back..."

Cass was staring at the man who just faded into existance in front of him, "I have a feeling this involves Mark?"

"Yes," Arcade said, confused as to how he got there, "Mark wants to introduce you to meet some colorful cartoonish ponies in another universe."

"How the fu-"

---The Library Again---

"-ck do I get... there..." Cass then saw the colorful ponies and Marcus. "Why did I somehow expect this... I'm Sharon Cassiddy of Rose... I need a drink..."

"I can get you some water or-" Twilight started to say, still confused as to how she got here, but was again cut off by Mark, this time with a bottle of whiskey flying over her head.

"Thanks"

"Why do you have-" Twilight began to ask Mark, but then he pulled out an absinthe bottle, several glowing bottles of soda, 76 toy rocket ships, and a car bumper modified into a makeshift sword, just to point out that they have been over this, "Right..."

Everybody else from the Vanilla game companions were eventually sent over. Fluttershy loved Rex, and everybody was surprised when... bollucks, what was the supermutant's name? They were surprised by her, then remembered they were with the male human version of Pinkie Pie. The companions that stayed were Veronica and ED-E.

"Well, introdunctions are made, I'm go do things now!" Mark said as he ran out the door.

"Should we be stoppin' him?" Applejack asked the group.

"Only if he attempts to bake. Cooking is good, MAGNIFICENT even! Vut you even have him pour flour in a bowl for the purpose of baking, it'll somehow catch fire." Veronica explained.

Pinkie's eyes went wide as she realized "Sugarcube corner is that way!"

The Ick (short chapter warning!)

---Sugarcube Corner---

"Why did you need this job again?" Mr. Cake asked Mark.

"I has boredom, and when I have bored I annoy people, and robots who aren't ED-e respond to annoyance with lazers." Mark said, as he poured flour into a bowl, which smoked but didn't catch fire, but neither noticed.

"Okay... what does that have to do with it?"

"Get bored, find something to do, end up having to defend city from zombies. Don't want to fight pony zombies today, too bored." Mark replied.

"Ah." Mr. Cake replied, understanding... somehow.

He then walked back out front to help customers.

Neither noticed ED-E watching them through the window.

---six and a half seconds later--

"What is going on in here!" Mr. Cake yelled into the kitchen.

Mark was firing a flamethrower (pun accidental) at an amorpheous monster made of cookie dough.

"I HAZ THIS UNDER CONTRELZ- contrap- cancan- I GOTS THIS!" Mark yelled, not skipping a beat,

The dough used this minor distraction to sneak in a quick jab.

"It suckah pawnched me! IT SHALL BURN MORE! BRIAN BLESSED MODE ACTIVATED!" he yelled as the dough shrinked in terror at what it just activated.

MARK then proceeded to pull a giant hammer out of his bag (Oh, Baby!) and mashed the dough, somehow missing the bowl it is in, but not it itself. The dough then got angry(-er) and grew about 10 feet taller.

It then wrapped a giant tendril of chocolate chip cookie dough around MARK as he pulled out a Holy Hand Grenade.

"LOOKS LIKE I AM IN NEED OF SOME DIVINE INTERVENTION!!" MARK yelled as he pulled the pin and counted to 3 before throwing it so hard that it went into the Ick.

An angelic chorus announced the resulting explosion that spread the Ick into an even layer across the kitchen and in some parts of the lobby. MARK then tasted the dough that was in the bowl still, and then spat it out.

"EEUUGH!! THIS DOUGH HAS HAD SALT PLACED IN IT INSTEAD OF SUGAR!! WAS MERELY UPSET AND THE SALT CORRUPTED IT INTO A MONSTER!! IT WILL BE MISSED, FOR IT WAS MOSTLY MISUNDERSTOOD!!" MARK exclaimed, at the top of lung.

Pinkie then burst through the door, yelling "DON'T LET MARK BAKE!", then everyone else got in, Veronica looking the most panicked of the group.

"You are a bit late for that, Pinkie..." Mrs. Cake said, the back of her head covered in cookie dough.

"You should have seen it!" Mr. Cake exclaimed, "He-"

"*BREEP BOOPBOOP ZEEP!*" ED-E cut Mr. Cake off, then played a holographic projection of what happened.

---2 minutes later---

"That was awesome!" Veronica stated, "What else did you record?"

ED-E then projected a hologram of Mark and a shady man.

"You need to stop selling drugs! They are no good for peoples!" holo-Mark told the shady man.

"What? Why? My drugs make people feel groodalicious!" The sahady man replied.

"If by groodalicious you mean dead!" holo-Mark exclaimed as he dropped to his knees, "Think of the children, man! The CHILDREN!"

"I have no idea what you are on, but where can I get some?" Then the hologram cut off.

Veronica, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash burst into laughter at this, then the others looked at them like they were crazy.

"Why are you laughing?!?" Twilight asked the three in quistion, "Drugs are bad!"

MARK then said "I ENDED UP CONVINCING HIM TO SELL STUFF USED TO MAKE DEM TO GUYS WHO HELP PEOPLE!"

"My ears! Why must you be so loud?" Rarity asked.

"Oh God, he activated 'Brian Blessed mode'... before you ask, he is this huge ham who is loud with just his presence. He's going to just get louder until we fix him or he loses his voice, which won't stop his annoyance since he knows sign language and charades." Veronica explained.

"This is gonna be fun." Spike sarcastically said.