Veil

by Jam0kid

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Slice of Life
Length: 12516

What do you do when you have nothing left to live for?

Taking antidepressants leaves you worse than you were before. There was nothing wrong in the first place, but then who would know that?
Nobody listens to the eccentric one.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-31 01:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

I squinted my eyes as I held the solder in between the LED and the electronics board. It was a simple task, make a circuit with a light and add a battery snap to power it.

But of course, I burn my hand again. I couldn't feel it though; I had been taking anti-depressants for a long time now. Long enough to take 5 times the recommended dose and look like nothing is different in the eyes of everyone around me.

But even though I looked fine, there were still problems. The pills changed me. Made me numb to almost every pain, but not emotion. I was as low a point emotionally as ever and the pills that I prescribed myself weren't working at all. If anything, the addiction to them made my problems worse.

Connor noticed that I had burned my hand with the soldering iron and knew that that would swell up bad if I didn't get water on it… he always was the smart one; the caring friend everyone wished they had. I was lucky Connor was around, even though I took his friendship for granted at times.

A fine example of this is whenever we are in the school's library, I often give him a hard time about his minecraft creations not being 'up to snuff' in my view, when in reality they are better than most modern art pieces put together. I knew I was a bad friend, but couldn’t ultimately say sorry for what I had done; I was a coward.

"Jesus! Get that under the tap, bro!" he said pointing to my lightly burnt hand. "Umm… yeah. Okay." I replied as I hurried to the sink in the corner of the classroom. The reason I sound so shy is because I’m just one of those people. I relate to Fluttershy, my favourite pony in the mane 6. It was something I had just grown up with, I guess. Being shy, I mean.

The boys behind me were snickering at me behind my back; again. This isn't the first time. They always laugh at me at every single possible chance they can get, whether it be dropping my books or something more serious like self-harm.

Connor knew how much I was hurting; not physically, but emotionally. He could see right through me and my coat of false happiness that the pills provided. “You alright?” “Yeah… I’m fine. Well… I would be if it wasn’t for those laughing assholes over there.”

“Forget about it; they’re just joking around.” They weren’t. Not to me. If only they knew how I was feeling, then how would they act? Would anything change?

“Come on; class is over anyway.” I nodded, and began to pack the things off bench to the shelf behind me. Common clean up routine, nothing strange about that at all. Other than my missing computer and new headphones.

I knew what had happened to them; I left my laptop, or netbook rather, on the desk. It was open, and displaying my Derpy Lava Lamp screensaver. Of course the bullies would have my netbook; they always look for every chance to toy with me.

Now the problem was finding them and my netbook. I didn’t care about my headphones; even though they cost me like 50 dollars, the cost of happiness is priceless.

By happiness, I mean the world of Equestria and the joyful smiling beings that it nests. It’s like I realised that this world sucks. It is colourless, boring and everywhere you look is hate.

After 20 minutes of looking with Connor, we found them. On the top of the roof looking down at us. And there it is. My netbook dangling from the self-proclaimed ‘Head Bully’. I knew he would throw it, no matter what I said. “Well, shit. Aren’t WE in a pickle?” he said mockingly.

He released it and I watched it fall. It collided with the ground and broke into nearly 20 different pieces. But the screen was still flickering my screensaver; Derpy. And then, it flickered for the last time. It was completely destroyed. That was it.

The end of my joy; my colour. I knew my day would be just that little bit darker. See, the thing is, I couldn’t care less about the $800 potato, and all I cared about was the connection with the citizens of Equestria.

“Fuck! What have you done!?” I began to frantically to try and salvage what was left of my netbook; left of my happiness. It was hopeless. Too many pieces to get it repaired by the IT technicians at school.

I hadn’t cried in weeks. It felt like the world was going to end. If not our world, then Equestria. If the IT technicians could fix it, emphasis on if, it would take days. But the chances were slim; I would have to get a replacement. All the work I had done, gone. All the music I have of Alex S, gone. I don’t know how I’m going to continue to function.

I threw my bag onto the bed and let out a sigh. My roommate wasn’t in for the first time for days. Jack O’Brien: the sportiest kid I know. He hates my little pony, but I play the music anyway; just to piss him off. He deserves it, I think, because he always wakes me up at 6:00am so he can go to sport.

The pills had worn off. The first time I have had a clean mind for as long as I can remember. I pulled out the shoddy replacement they issued me for schoolwork and placed it onto my desk. I plugged in the power cord and opened the lid to be greeted with a generic windows background.

At least I can get some of the essentials of the internet: music, wallpapers and most importantly, the episodes.

I put on some music. Alex S is my favourite artist.

I sat there for a while and revelled in the soothing electronic music. Like if I listened long enough my problems would go away.

I eventually took off my school clothes and put on something more relaxed; jeans and a red and black flannel long sleeve shirt.

Much better.

I glanced at the almost full bottle of anti-depressants, thinking about them being a possible escape. I took the bottle in hand and opened the lid. I emptied its contents on the desk and counted 18 little white pills.

Should I?

If I’m correct, the more I take the happier I get, so taking all these pills will make me ecstatic.

Well, not happy; these pills only make you think you are happy. But in reality…

I filled my cup with water and threw 3 pills into my mouth. Mouth of water, gone. nothing.

3 more. Nothing.

3 more. Starting to get dizzy.

3 more. Music is starting to sound strange.

3 more. Huh… nearly the end of the song.

3 more. And that’s my cue; time to sleep.

I collapsed on the bed, and the room swirled into blackness.

I opened my eyes and groaned because of the ridiculously bright light. it took me a few moments to adjust and get my bearings. I’m in a forest, around noon judging by the sun high in the sky. Now comes the problem.

Where am I?

I still have my clothes, that’s a start.

I began to run forward through the brush, occasionally looking left and right to look for some signs of life. It seemed like I had been running for 20 minutes now; I was tired and starting to think that survival was the only thing to worry about was finding some sign of life.

It was strange; I had so many pills. I should be throwing up and stumbling right now; not running straight with a clear head. Maybe I had just gained a resilience to it that is so advanced I can take a handful of the things and still survive.

I can’t think about it; I just have to keep moving or I’m going to die out here. Alone. No one should die alone. Although, I guess nothing has changed since I am at school. I still have the only person I need; myself. I wish Connor was here, though. He always knew a way out of a situation, whether it be avoiding a fight or a confrontation all together.

“HELLO!?” I screamed at the top of my lungs; scaring off all the birds in the area. No response. I was starting to get scared. I had no idea where I was, and no idea if I would make it out of there at all.

I was exhausted. After almost an hour of wandering aimlessly through the dense forest, I sat on a fallen tree and buried my face in my hands. I just let it all out; the fear in the situation, not having Connor around… I just cried for what seemed like forever. By the time I was done crying, it was dusk.

“WHY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?” I screamed into the vast empty forest. That’s when something I least expected happened. I heard a sound; a voice. It was faint, but it was there. It sounded like it was saying hello. It must have come from where I was running from. I began to backtrack; calling out as loud as I could. The voice replying to me was getting louder and louder too.

I had to stop to catch my breath. I’m not a sporty kind of guy; I play video games and various instruments. The voice was right on top of me. I looked around; left right, nothing. “Hello? I’m lost! Can you help me? Where are you?”

“What are you?” the voice asked. “Wh… what? What do you mean? I’m human, if that is what you mean.”

I heard several branches of the tree above me snap; something was falling.

And then it hit me.

I lost consciousness.

“Wow. You really hit it him hard, didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t me… I swear. Is he okay?”

“He’ll be fine; just needs some rest.”

I let out a groan of pain; my head felt like it had been hit over several times with a brick.

“I guess he will make it. Hey, try to open your eyes.”

I tried so hard but the pain was so severe I rolled on to my side and threw up my lunch. A burrito will do that for you.

“Eeeee! It’s on my hoof!”

Hoof? A hoof?

I opened my eyes and the light nearly blinded me. And when my eyes adjusted, I saw what looked like the Ponyville Doctor and Fluttershy standing over me.

Not knowing what to do in the bizarre situation I have found myself in, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Partly because of joy, and partly because I didn’t accept this was happening.

“Calm down! You have had an accident. This pony here found you out in the woods, alone.”

Fluttershy began to wash the burrito off her hoof. Words can’t express my apologies for that.

I just shook my head. I couldn’t take it all in. “So… um… how did I lose consciousness, Doctor?”

“Well, somepony here says a large branch fell onto your head. But judging by the marks, it seems somepony hoofed you on the head at a high velocity.”

Fluttershy began to cower behind her hair, as she did in the first episode with Twilight Sparkle. I didn’t blame her for hitting me; I would rather wake up in a confined space surrounded by ponies than die in the woods.

“It wasn’t me… you have to believe me…”

“Fluttershy, don’t worry. I believe you. You are my favourite pony in the mane 6, after all.”

That caught them off-balance. The Doctor tilted his head quizzically.

“Umm, how do you know her name? And what is the mane 6?”

I struggle to explain this to others of my kind, so I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to the characters themselves.

So I told them. I told them all about my world, all about how I got here and how I know everything about them. I told them about my problem with anti-depressants too and how they made me take interest in their world.

And then that was it. All I had to tell.

“So now what do I do?”

“We find a way to get you back to your world, of course!” The Doctor said with a smile.

“But WHY WOULD I WANT TO LEAVE? THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!” I said, unable to keep back my joy.

“But… getting back to your loved ones…”

I just shook my head. I knew what I left behind. Sadness and hatred.

“I have a friend named Connor; did he make it here?”

It was a long shot, but spending time in a wonderland wasn’t really worth it if your best friend isn’t there to experience it with you.

“Not that we know of… but you may want to ask the citizens of Canterlot if they have seen him; Ponyville has a railway line, but it costs an arm and a leg for a ticket.”

I knew there was a railway line… now the problem is making enough money to go on this wild goose chase for my friend.

“Human, you may want to ask around for work… I’m sure somepony will employ you.”

“And where am I meant to stay? I mean, I have slept in the street before, I know what it’s like.”

“That is why I asked Fluttershy to house you TEMPORARILY. I’m sure you two will get on like two peas in a pod.”

Wow. First I get knocked unconscious by this pony, and now she is letting me stay with her. She really is the kindest pony in the mane 6.

“Umm… I just hope Angel doesn’t mind your company. She doesn’t really appreciate guests as much as she should… Sorry.”

I smiled and gave her a courteous nod to show my appreciation. I was scared if I said anything I would sound crazy. Like ‘I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND!’. Lucky I model my personality after her.

“Well, there is no point keeping you in bed any longer.” The Doctor said as he pulled the sheets of the bed. Still have my clothes; thank sweet Jesus for that.

My head still ached, but it was much better than when we started this conversation. I don’t know where the pain went, maybe the shock of being in Equestria made me forget about it long enough to heal.

I sat on the side of the bed and stretched my arms.

“Your shoes are in the corner, Human.”

I smiled and said thanks under my breath.

So I stood, stumbled a bit which scared Fluttershy to death, and then slowly made my way to the corner of the room where my shoes were. i then proceeded to put my shoes on. They seem so colourless in this colourful world; like I’m out of place.

“Well, it’s time to get out there and explore, Human.”

Said The Doctor while he opened the door to the hallway.

“Umm… Doc? Thank you.”

Me and Fluttershy stepped out into the world. I guessed she was my tour guide, but Fluttershy is, well… shy. “Come on. Let me show you around Ponyville”. I already knew a vast majority of the town, But a little validation of my memory would be great. I can’t rely on myself here; I need the help to find Connor.

“So… Fluttershy… do you also have the nagging feeling that Pinkie Pie will jump out of nowhere right now and burst into song? I have that feeling.” I knew it was only a matter of time before that happens, so I may as well soak up all the sights before it does.

“Not really… Pinkie Pie IS spontaneous, but today is Gummi’s after after after birthday party, so she is occupied.”

Wow. Pinkie Pie isn’t going to jump out of nowhere and bring the welcome wagon. That is the most relieving thing I have heard all day. Don’t get me wrong, Pinkie Pie is a great pony, I just don’t want to be put on the spotlight.

The streets were busy with ponies. I could see ponies no matter where I looked; and they were looking at me. Similar to Fluttershy, I tried to hide behind my rather long fringe; looking at my feet as I walked.

as looked down at my feet, I noticed my shadow was a perfect circle. That makes sense; I am in a cartoon world, so having a circle for a shadow is logical in an illogical way.

“…and there is Twilight Sparkles house.”

Whoa. I totally forgot I was on a tour.

“Umm… do you think we could stop by and say hello?” I asked, not sure it would be a yes. I am a human, after all. I don’t want to scare her or something.

“Sure! Twi would love to see a ‘real life’ human!”

I’m not sure if that was a compliment or not, but at any rate, I get to see a ‘real life’ Twilight Sparkle.

She took me up to the entrance of Twilight’s house and knocked on the door. There was definitely someone inside the house, I could hear the closing of various books and clip-clop of a pony.

Sure enough, Twilight Sparkle opened the door.

“Hey Twi… I think I found something you might find interesting. He’s a human!” I gave a small smile and waved shyly. I never thought this day would come.

“It’s nice to meet you, human. Please come in.” she said with a large smile. I thought it seemed legit, but I don’t know… she seems oddly agitated. But that is Twilight Sparkle for you; she is always reading, but she is always right as well. Me and Fluttershy entered the house and then stood there in awe.

There were books everywhere. Opened books flooded the room and Twilight was rushing in between them all, using her magic. Searching for something; a book in particular. I have no idea what she was searching for, and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m just having trouble keeping back laughing in joy.

“I’m sorry you caught me like this, I have misplaced my most important book: my diary. And I think someone has stolen it.”

“Ask The Cutie Mark Crusaders… they might know...” I chimed in, not sure if this would alter history and send me back to my world or something terrible like that. But she was grateful.

“Thank you, Human. I’ll do just that. Goodbye!” she said goodbye while she was nearly halfway down the street, so she must have something important in that diary. The cutie mark crusaders might have taken it; they did take Rarity’s, so why stop there?

“What’s with all the commotion?” queried a voice from up the stairs. I guess it’s Spike; sounds deceptively like him. I know Spike; and I knew his habits. Probably busy eating ice-cream while Twilight is busy. Why she didn’t ask him to help out is unknown to me.

“It’s okay, Spike, we were just leaving.” Said Fluttershy.

I saw his head pop up from the top of the staircase and his eyes went wide. I really didn’t want to hang around to hear the usual ‘OH MY GOD! A HUMAN!’ that this place constantly greeted me with.

So Fluttershy and I just left him there with his mouth wide open and his head tilted slightly. He was obviously confused.

Fluttershy showed me around all Ponyville. Showed me the town centre and the marketplace and even bought me lunch. She still needs to try to be more assertive, but it isn’t for everyone. I am a prime example. I will do anything to avoid confrontation.

“We should look to finding you a job!” I knew she was right. I was only 16, but that doesn’t really matter now; I can be whatever I want. But that was a good question. What DO I want to do? I never really thought about a job that Ponyville offers… maybe just doing odd jobs around town.

“Well… I don’t really have any idea where to start.”

There was always Pinkie Pie; but that would be a last resort.

I sat down on a bench next to one of the colourful buildings in the town centre. All the ponies in the area were confused. Many of them didn’t know what I was, and I wasn’t surprised. But the ones that did know were more confused than that of the others.

I just kicked one leg over the other and began to think about the situation. Why was I here? Was there some purpose? Why do I have the urge to travel to Canterlot and search for my friend that may not even be here at all?

These questions will just go unanswered until I look in Canterlot.

“I hear you are looking for work.”

I looked up and saw a pony; that wasn’t peculiar. What was peculiar was his mane. He had it in a long Mohawk coloured green and blue; rather unusual colours. I have never seen this pony before, and judging by his cutie mark, which was a guitar coloured blue with 5 good strings and one broken, he looked like a musician alright.

“Yeah. Nice to meet you, mister…”

“Smile. Lenny Smile.”

He offered me his hoof, which I politely shook.

His last name was strange; different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Like his name got straight to the point, whereas other names ponies have are slightly reminiscent of something material or joyful.

“So what do you do, Lenny?”

“I’m a musician of sorts. I try my best to organise and play in concerts around Equestria, but lately I haven’t had any luck. That’s where you come in.”

I could see where this is going.

“I want you to liven up my act. Can you play any instruments? Sing? Dance?”

I couldn’t dance or sing. But I haven’t played guitar in almost a year. But I didn’t tell him that; I wanted to get out of here to Canterlot; and this looks like the only option that suits me.

“I play guitar; 6 years’ experience. But since I came to this world, I haven’t seen any buskers or guitars. If you can get me a guitar, one that a human can play. Then I’ll gladly come with you.”

It was a long shot. I’m sure nopony knows human anatomy, and better yet, making a custom guitar for someone they don’t even know.

“You’ll have it by tomorrow evening. Meet me here again and ill have the best guitar you have ever handled in your life.”

Something about him seemed shifty; like I couldn’t trust him but had no choice. I knew he was the only way to get to Canterlot, be it on the train by myself, or on tour with him as his own personal entertainer. I didn’t like it one bit, but hey; I’m in Equestria.

Chapter 2

Smile was gone as quick as he came. Fluttershy must have been waiting around for me to finish talking, because she made an appearance as he left. I wish some of my friends in my world were like that, but unfortunately they are all self-centred and aren’t people you can trust.

“Come on, it’s getting late. We should go home.” Fluttershy said in her regular voice.

It was getting late; I don’t know how fast the time goes in this world, but it seems like it has been three days since I was in the forest. Like time is doubled or something… So we left the scene of all the busy ponies trying to get back home after either a long day of work, or a long day of play. We went back to Fluttershy’s cottage to be greeted by Angel tapping his foot. He was no doubt angry that his caretaker was out all day; not giving him any food. He was a picky eater though; Fluttershy knew that as well.

I think Angel was scared to see me. He ran back into the house as soon as he saw me, which did nothing to improve my self-esteem. But, it happens.

“Welcome to my home” Fluttershy said with glee. She was ecstatic to have a visitor other than the cutie mark crusaders; they caused her more than a little trouble. I was grateful to have a place to stay, but the double-time thing they have in their world could make sleep very difficult. But I didn’t care.

She showed me to her spare room on the second floor of the house; the one the cutie mark crusaders stayed in. It was like I was about to sleep in history.

I collapsed on the bed and let out a long sigh. I was worried about meeting Smile tomorrow; something about him seemed strange, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Only time will tell, I guess. I wriggled in bed, trying to get as comfortable as possible before I even think about sleep. It was a weird obsessive compulsive; that and making sure everything is spot on. I hear OCD is a side effect of taking anti-depressants; I don’t disagree.

I remembered how afraid I was when I first arrived here… how I scared I was to be alone. It made me think about just how much I don’t fit in with the people in my school. I mean, maybe I just don’t let myself connect: I constantly avoid others. Maybe I should be ‘more assertive’. Funny how that works. TRY to connect, and no matter how different you are, it could always make a difference.

I decided that thinking about it too much was pointless; that life was behind me. I’m here now, and I plan to keep it that way. I should find an escape route or something in case something goes wrong. But what are the chances of something going wrong in Equestria? After thinking about it for a while, the chances are pretty high. What, with the Discord incident, along with all the other shenanigans the ponies get up to, this is almost as dangerous as my world in certain ways. But you never really hear about death, here.

As my mind wandered around almost everything I could think of… I began to sleep.

I had slept nearly all morning and was wondering when Fluttershy would come up to say good morning. I couldn’t be bothered opening my eyes; I was too comfortable and too tired. That and the thin line of light that pierced the window. I rolled over onto my side and began to try and get out of bed. Now in an upright position, with my eyes still unfocused, I begin to hear Jack’s alarm go off.

No. No, this can’t be happening. What about Equestria? What about Smile? Jack began to roll over and stretch out his hand to the snooze button. He hit it as he normally did; aggressively and loud. I began to quietly weep on the bed. I knew what I had lost, but not how I lost it. What had happened?

“Jack, what day is it?”

“Mate, its Saturday. I forgot to unplug the alarm. How strange.” He was a sadistic bastard and he knew it. He has no idea what I have been though, but maybe he knows what happened.

“Jack, did you notice anything strange about me while I was sleeping?” He tilted his head. He reminded me so much of the citizens of Ponyville, and that hurt.

“No… what do you mean by strange?” I let out a sigh and shook my head. How was he to know? I couldn’t just tell him, he would think I was insane, and that is what I don’t want right now; someone to think I’m insane and treat me like a total social outcast. So a regular day then?

I got up out of bed and put on my shoes; like I did in the small hospital in Ponyville. I was still in my clothes; my flannel long sleeve over shirt and black tee underneath and my dark blue jeans. It wasn’t strange how I was still in my clothes, I was in them after I hogged down the anti-depressants, so why shouldn’t they be on me now?

“Where are you going at this hour on a Saturday? You never exercise.” Wow. Really? It was all about exercise for Jack. He never knows when to leave alone. I even asked him a question.

“What would you do if someone began to threaten you in the street?”

“I’d get him in a chokehold.” Good one, Jack. Absolute GENIUS. What if he was a crazed drug addict or someone that just escaped from an asylum? One swift movement of his arm and poor old Jack would bleed out in the street. What a damn shame.

I took my guitar from its regular spot next to the door, and I left him there in bed. But not after I turned the light on so he could wake up with some fake sunshine. Now I was in the hallway; no one was up at this hour on a Saturday, but Jack’s loud alarm woke up Darcy Golding and Ted Hunt in the room next to ours. I swear if you compared the sound of Jack’s alarm with that of an atomic bomb, Jack’s alarm would come out victorious.

So there I was. Standing outside my room on the second floor of the Wigan house dormitory, confused as hell as to what had happened. I wanted to go back, but what if I die next time I take that many pills? Well, I might get to stay there forever; who knows?

I went down the stairs and took a sharp right to the door to the outside world; somewhere I could go to forget things. Why I was taking my guitar is because I always play over the road from the school in front of the newsagents. It is the perfect spot, I think, because people are still putting away the change from buying their papers. And apart from it being the ideal choice to make a buck, i feel like it’s the only way I can get a message across. How I’m feeling, how I wish I could feel, that sort of message. But it has been really cold recently; nearly too cold to play, but I play anyway. I just have to slow the tempo down to the point my frozen fingers can get to the right fret in time.

But this time, I wasn’t going over the road. I was going to walk around the lake for once; play my guitar while I walked. Maybe it would give me some clarity; but I doubt it. That long walk around the lake, which I have only done a few times in the past; gives you too much time to think. Time that I would no doubt want to spend on the computer; staying connected with people. People like me.

It was nice to finally get outside in my world, even though the trees were all barren; it’s like it’s always winter here all the time. Cold enough to be, but the sun is out on a regular basis so I can’t complain.

I was nearly half way around the lake and I was still thinking away. I was even thinking about thinking, which is something I normally do; I think too much which is something I just kind of developed after year 7 and 8 in school. I was the odd one out, and the only person I could rely on was myself. So that’s what I did. I didn’t talk to anyone in school, for fear of saying something stupid or getting into something that I can’t go back on. Something like drugs. It’s funny, because that is exactly what I did. I didn’t have a choice; not really. It was the only way I knew how to fit in with the others.

I think that drugs lead me to the anti-depressants. I wouldn’t disagree with anyone that said that, though. It was I mistake I made, and now I have to live with it. Although, if I didn’t take the drugs, I wouldn’t have taken the anti-depressants. I wouldn’t have begun to watch My Little Pony at an almost constant rate. And I wouldn’t have overdosed on them and had a strange dream. A dream. That’s what annoys me. It was so real; I could smell the smells, taste the food…

I was finally around the lake. It seemed like no time had passed at all, but it was now around 8:00 and I was wide awake. I was all out of anti-depressants, so I guess this day would be one that sucks.

So a regular day then?

I was walking down Forest Street, as I do normally after going over the road for ‘supplies’. Things like gummy bears and the cola that is always on sale, no matter how many were left on the shelf. It was good, when I had the money. So I got into the routine; go busking, buy gummy bears. It was a great system.

But this time something was different. It felt like something was watching me, but no one was around. Could just be a withdrawal symptom, but I don’t know; I’ve never not had the pills in my system. But I knew something was following me o I quickened my pace and entered the school grounds.

Back in Wigan house. I was glad I was inside out of the cold, but I’m sure the heaters weren’t on; like always. That annoys me. When the heaters are off and it’s like 6 degrees outside. I kept walking down the hallway of the first floor and entered the small kitchen space where I could turn on the heat, and crank it up. Nothing like 28 degree heat in a room with a closed window.

I went upstairs, everyone was still asleep, which wasn’t strange on a Saturday. But what was strange is that there wasn’t anybody in the showers getting ready for Saturday sport, or whatever the hell they do; sporty people, right?

I took the guitar strap off my shoulder and held the guitar in my left hand so I could open the door to my room. I fumbled with it a bit, and banged it on the door, before successfully grasping the handle. I pushed down on the handle and  pushed in the door with my shoulder.

Jack was gone, which was very different. He loves to sleep in when he can, so him being up and out is something I have never heard of on a Saturday. I put down my guitar, in its usual place next to the door and kicked off my shoes.

What was even stranger was that there was a bottle of pills on my desk, placed on top of a note. I lifted the pills off the small piece of paper. ‘Smile’ the note had written on it, in rather dull handwriting. It was smudged in places, but I could see no finger prints or anything on it.

‘Smile’… Lenny Smile. I think that is what was strange about him. What if he could travel inter-dimensionally? That’s a laugh. It must have been a dream, because I woke up here, in my room, on my bed in the exact same position.

What if I can go back…? How many did I have last time, 18? But this bottle is full. If Smile gave me these pills, he must have wanted me to take every single one; a prolonged effect or something?

So I sat there contemplating it for a while… I couldn’t really decide.

So I decided to wait until Monday. Maybe then I would know what to do; have a bad day, I take the pills. A good day, I wait for one more day. In the end, I will take the pills. It’s only a matter of time.

Finally get to start school again. Same routine; wake up at 6:00am, get dressed, crank some tunes to annoy the shit out of my roommate, go to breakfast, eat breakfast, leave breakfast, go back to my dorm, gather my school things and go to school. I seem to be great at the whole morning thing. It’s funny; people ask me how I get dressed so fast. I tell them years of practice, rather cynically. I really am a jerk.

Start off the day. Feeling GREAT. Glad to have a clear head for once, but not glad to be off the pills for a short amount of time. I think they made me grumpy, or something; I’m never usually so agitated about things. Depressed, sure, but not agitated.

First up is your mathematics. I’m not bad at maths, but I wasn’t always good at it either. After year 6 it just slowly degraded until the point where my schooling is at risk. So I picked up the pace; listening to music the whole time. Not loudly, just loud enough so I can hear what the teacher is saying. It actually helps me remember the formulae.

Nothing went wrong in maths; I kept my head down the whole time and took down all the notes I could before my teacher impatiently wiped the board. That really annoys me: teachers that can’t wait to wipe off the notes.

Second is Music. I love music, but not the people in my class. They always berate me and hassle me to try and make me ‘stop liking’ My Little Pony. Like Brony’s aren’t people too, or something ridiculously stupid like that.

It still wasn’t enough to make me take the pills, but they were rather tempting right now. Like I couldn’t wait to get home and think about it again.

The day just went on and on. Physical education, Science… and then finally, the day was over. And trying the pills seemed like they could be an alternative to this dull place. I arrived at my dorm; music was pumping from my room. Must be Jack.

Up the stairs and across the hallway into my room; I know the place off by heart. Open the door, walk in, drop all my crap, take out my loan netbook and turn on some music. That always gets him; he hates it when I take back my speakers when he’s using them. What an asshole.

Now that his music his gone, I can sit happily alone; he leaves the room whenever I play it. A weird thing he does all the time, leaving the room when he doesn’t get his way.

Now I’m all alone. I have the pills sitting in front of me, which is good. Always good to have fucking happy pills you are about to forcefully overdose on so you can travel inter dimensionally to a land filled with unicorns and ponies.

It was definitely tempting. I hadn’t had one in a long while and I bet they taste so good…

I emptied the bottle onto my desk. And I filled my glass with water. I count around 24 pills. These ones are smaller than the ones I got from the pharmacy; that should make it easy to fit in a few at a time. I took the first 6 pills and just held them in my hand for a while. I thought about death; how this could be the last time I look at the world.

I opened the curtain to my window, still holding the pills tight in my hand. It was green for the first time I can remember; the cold never let the trees show their leaves. A smile twitched it’s way onto my face. And then a tear.

I took the water and threw the pills into my mouth. I swallowed.

I took 6 more, and took a mouthful of water beforehand; to keep them down.

6 more pills, I hit my old high-score.

I’m out of water; need to get more. I turned on the tap and held the glass under the water.

Agony gripped over my chest; the pills must be kicking in at a rapid rate. I haven’t had this since I first started taking the pills.

Still holding my arm over my ribcage, providing pressure to try and dull the pain, I the last 6 pills.

Can’t sleep now; I need to get some things first.

I gathered up my guitar, some picks, my capo, my tuner and some spare strings.

Hope this works, or I’m going to die. I was nearly laughing as I thought that; the willingness to die for a chance to be happy.

I fell onto the middle of the floor in my room, the glass shattered in my hands as they clamped tight from the pain in my chest.

‘The corners of your mouth turned up, is always Pinkie’s dream’

And then the music faded.

And then my vision.

Chapter 3

I coughed and the pain in my chest pierced me.

The pain was nearly unbearable.

But I knew I was outside in the dark. With my guitar leant up against the log with me. I pulled the strap over my head cautiously; afraid to make it collide with my injury. I began to rifle through my pockets; I still had everything that I had prepared before the pills.

Jesus Christ; I have no idea where I am. I might not even be in Equestria; who knows? I certainly don’t. I put one leg back and began to lift myself off the ground. The pain came again.

“GAAH!” I stumbled back to the ground; landing on top of my guitar. It made a violent sound, but I knew my guitar would handle it; it has been through worse things than I have.

I need to get up; need to find somebody or somepony.

I need to get up.

I pushed through the pain and stood on my two feet. I examined the guitar, just in case. Nothing wrong with it but a few scratches and scrapes; it would live on.

My left hand found its way into my left pocket and I pulled out two guitar picks; one green, and one red.

The red ones are thinner; better for quiet strumming.

I put away the thick green pick and began to quietly play as I went along; blind in the darkness of the night. Simple chords: D, A, E minor, G and repeat in a time of 3,4. It is a crude progression, but simple and easy to improvise over; which is the only thing I’m really good at doing.

It was calming. Even though my chest felt like it was going to collapse in on itself, I felt like all the worries in the world were nothing. I had to keep my mind on the present; not the past of future.

The sun was beginning to rise. I don’t know how long I was walking for, but the guitar must have just put me in a trance. I didn’t even know I had walked into a field until I heard the birds chirping; doing the Jack O’Brien wake up.

The sunrise wasn’t just beautiful, it gave me a chance to stop and take in some of the heat.

The pain in my chest was there, but I think it has definitely calmed itself down. That was a relief; being able to stretch my arms in the air and have a big yawn was great.

I decided to walk towards the sunrise. I don’t know why, maybe just having some warmth on my hands while I play might give me the enthusiasm to play a song that involves finger-picking. At any rate, I had nothing to do, and having a nice stroll towards the earth’s main source of heat was a great alternative to freezing to death in the woods. Yep. Definitely the better choice.

I couldn’t hear anything. No sounds of construction, cars… only the sounds of the birds and wind whistling in the trees. You don’t get much time these days; to have some real silence, I mean. There is always something that comes along and makes a racket just because it can.

That’s why I hate my room-mate. That, and because he is a down-right asshole. But I don’t tell him that; I’m afraid he’ll hit me.

It has been a while; I’ve been walking for a long time and my feet hurt almost as much as my chest does.

I sat down on the waving grass I the middle of the field and put the guitar down gently by my side. The grass was damp, but I didn’t care. I lay down on my back and took in the sunlight. It felt so nice; the calm wind and the soft sunlight draping across me.

I fell asleep in the field.

I woke up again. I could smell something tasty being cooked; I opened my eyes and let them adjust. I’m in a bed; someone must have moved me from the field when I was sleeping. I was in a small room, it was dark, but the window on the wall, covered by a curtain, showed that it was bright outside.

My guitar was next to the bed, and the things still in my pockets. The pain in my chest was gone; my torso bandaged crudely. I still had no idea where I was, so I decided staying in bed wasn’t helping the situation. I sat up and pivoted until my legs were out the side of the bed. I still had my shoes, which wasn’t surprising. They were a bit torn from walking aimlessly for hours over rocks and other brush, but I didn’t care; they could be worse.

I stood up slowly and quietly and took my guitar in my left hand. I held it carefully, trying not to bump it against anything while I go and look out the window.

I pulled away the light blue curtains and I was almost blinded by the light. I stumbled backwards, accidentally ripping the curtain of its rack.

I landed on my back, rather hard. It hurt, but it didn’t really matter; I needed to find out where I was.

From the lying-down position I was in, I saw toon like clouds wisp past in the air, and as I regained my feet firm on the ground and stood. I knew where I was; Fluttershy’s house.

But where was I before? Before I was asleep, I mean. Is it a place in-between dimensions? What if... a log did fall on me the first time, and not Fluttershy’s iron hoof?

I heard something stirring downstairs; must be Fluttershy. Oh shit! Have to hide the curtain!

I threw it under the bed and kicked it under. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice. The door began to open and Fluttershy’s head popped through.

“Umm… what’s with all the noise?” She was so innocent, but I couldn’t help myself but lie; I am GREAT at lying.

“I THOUGHT I SAW A MONSTER.” My eyes jumping back and forth. She tilted her head quizzically. I missed being here so much; I even missed how confused ponies get around me. Afraid of her seeing it, I just left the room and went downstairs.

Angel was eating what looked like lunch, but I don’t really know what rabbits eat; I’m not really an animal person.

He stopped eating his food and looked up from the platter laid before him his eyes went wide and he hopped away; back up stairs. I assumed, to my room.

“It’s a new day! Oooh, and where did you find that guitar?” I felt like the most important person alive at that moment, but I didn’t tell her much. In fact, I lied. That’s two in one day.

“Oh, I put it together upstairs from some supplies I found. Don’t worry, it was all just junk.” She looked worried. Like all her stuff was important or something. I didn’t take anything, but I think that saying that freaked her out.

I apologised for using some of her things from the spare room to ‘make’ my guitar. She didn’t mind; she said what I said. ‘It was all just junk; don’t you worry about it’. I can’t get over how calm her voice was; how kind she was. She the best.

I think I had outstayed my welcome for the day; time to get out and explore a bit more. I do still have a meeting with Smile, and I don’t want to be late. So I left the house. I took my guitar with me; thought I could show it off to somepony. I wouldn’t need Smile’s guitar, the one that he wanted to give me around this time this exact afternoon.

I brought the guitar from around shoulder and pulled out the two picks again. This time, I choose green. Play a little louder; enjoy the music.

By the time I finished playing my song, I was at the centre of town; not a bad effort considering there was a bit of traffic; ponies seem to be everywhere this time of day. Must be some kind of event the citizens of Ponyville have planned for today, or something. So I decided to ask one of the ponies.

“Hey, umm… excuse me, is there some kind of event? Everypony seems to be going somewhere in a hurry.” The pony I asked didn’t stop to answer me. Instead, he just kept on trotting with a quickened pace. What a jerk. Must be really important.

I was at the centre of town; it was rather deserted but there was Smile sitting on the bench where we first met. He looked like something was wrong. He was tapping his front hooves rapidly; like he waiting.

He saw me coming and his face lit up. He was waiting for me.

“Hey, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for hours!” It wasn’t my fault; I had to travel inter-dimensionally just to get back here. He didn’t have to be aggressive about the way he said it.

“Hey, Smile, where is everypony going?” He showed his teeth. He was definately angry.

“Empty your pockets. Now.” His tone was almost like a razor; he wanted something. But all I had in my pockets was a few guitar picks, some strings and  my tuner. And the note. The note that said ‘Smile’. Is that what he wanted? Did he want the note? If so, WHY? What would he gain?

I can’t trust him.

I emptied out my pockets and held its contents out in my hand. Like I thought. Guitar picks, strings, my tuner, and the note.

“Do you have any idea what could have happened?” No. No I fucking don’t, asshole.

“Bringing this here could have destroyed not only your world, but our world too!” Wait… no one ever told him I was from a different world…

“Give me the note. Give it to me, now.”

I only had one question for him before I gave it to him willingly. “Who wrote this?”

“DOES IT MATTER!?” He was yelling now he needed the note; and I think he was willing to go to drastic lengths to acquire it. I didn’t know what to do.

I CAN’T TRUST HIM.

“Yes, it matters Smile. From the moment I met you, I couldn’t trust you. You have a chance to change that right now; tell me who wrote the note!”

I began to get aggressive myself. I was nearly ready to beat the living shit out of this pony with the body of my guitar which was still banded around my shoulders; but would I get away with it? No one is around; they all left somewhere. And he still hadn’t answered any of my questions.

“I don’t know who wrote it. And if I DID know, I wouldn’t tell you.” Something was very wrong.

“What does the note say, Smile?” He was almost started to panic when I said that.

“I don’t know. All I know is that if I don’t destroy it, we might not see tomorrow.” There was doubt in his voice. i was done here; in Ponyville. I need to get to Canterlot and see the queen; she has to know what is going on.

“I’m keeping it, Smile. And if you don’t like it, you can go FUCK YOURSELF.”

He lunged at me with his teeth bared and eyes wide. I hit him across the left side of his face; flat with my guitar. One of the strings snapped off and whipped me in the face; cut my cheek.

I ran. I ran as fast as I’ve ever run before. I knew he was chasing me. He needed the note so bad he was willing to kill to get it. I put the things in my hand in my right pocket while still keeping a sprint.

I knew where I was running. The station. I was getting to Canterlot and nopony was going to stop me. I just didn’t care anymore; didn’t care I might be killed by this lunatic. Didn’t care that I was going to phase back home when I sleep.

I made it to the station, but he was hot on my trail; there was a train in the station, but I had no idea where it was going. I decided to go for it.

The train was nearly half way out the station; already beginning to pick up speed. I jumped from the platform and time seemed to stop as I grabbed onto the railing of the caboose. Smile was right behind me; jumping from the platform. I now had a footing safely on the cart behind the railing; Smile took my place behind the railing.

“THE NOTE!” He yelled as he hit me in the chest with his hoof. His hind legs were losing their grip; he slipped and he had to give up all the abuse he was giving me and focus on staying on the cart at the back of the train.

I stood firm and held my guitar by its neck; like a sword. I swung as hard as I could; and hit him in the throat. He flew off the train and landed on the metal bar of the tracks. He was gone.

Well… this note must be pretty damn important, huh?

I entered the train. There were ponies everywhere. They all looked high class; wearing top hats and monocles. And the fillies were wearing the most elegant dresses; like Rarity put the effort in to make every detail beautiful.

They all gasped as they saw me. I was a different race and I just invaded their little party. I wasn’t sorry; I just avoided a near death experience and I was feeling pretty badass.

“Excuse me, this is a private party. Nopony else is allowed.” I looked at the posh white mare who had just told me to leave.

“Oh… right… sorry.” I began to walk to the other side of the cart; pushing past ponies all over the cart.

I was a little embarrassed; walking like a stranger through this crowd. I checked to see if the blood had stopped leaking from my cheek. It has.

I already at the other end of the cart; I pulled down the lever and made my exit.

I had just entered a sitting cart. There were few ponies scattered around in the seats here; must be because all the others were having some sort of party. I walked slowly along the aisle and took a seat across from a pony sitting alone.

“Hey… I remember you!” I then realised who I was sitting in opposite. The infamous Twilight Sparkle.

Chapter 4

I sat there, in the train, for a long time. Twilight was going on about all her favourite books or something; not my favourite conversation topic. So I just sat, listening on and off, staring out the window at the cartoony trees passing by.

They were so serene; I love the vibrant colours they all have; all shades of green… makes me wonder about home, and how whenever I sleep, I travel back inter-dimensionally. That fact keeps me awake. I wish I had something to perk me up; an energy drink or something. I don’t drink coffee; can’t stand the bitter taste.

I guess I just have to rough it out; staying awake the whole trip. It will be difficult, but I believe that playing computer games all night, without any nourishment of any kind is relatively good training. I’m just worried about boredom, and how that will probably make sleep look like a great thing to do.

“… and that is how I saved the town with my friends.” I snapped back; Twilight must have been talking for a good hour; not bad effort in my books. I usually can’t keep a decent conversation for more than a few minutes; I always run out of things to talk about

“That’s awesome Twi. Hey, what are you doing on this train anyway?”

“Just travelling to Canterlot; I need to speak with Princess Celestia. I can’t really talk about it; a private matter.” I understood perfectly. I think she knew I would be here. But the question is, does she know about the note?  If she does, then there is no point in hiding it. Worth a shot, I guess.

I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket and held it firmly in my hand. I thought it over… what if she wants the note? What then?

I exhaled and placed the paper on the table at our train booth; right next to 2 empty cups of tea and a dirty napkin. Her eyes widened.

“The note… so you do have it. I had my doubts, but at least it’s in good hands.”

That raised more questions than it had answered them. So I decided to start from the beginning.

“Twi, what exactly IS this note? And why did Smile try to kill me for it?”

“I really shouldn’t tell you… I think Princess Celestia would love to talk to you about it, though.”

Well that didn’t help at all. I really just wish that someone would answer some damned questions I have; I’m starting to get restless. Literally and figuratively; it’s almost midnight and I haven’t closed my eyes. The closest I got to a break was when I went into nearly a trance-like state. And still, it wasn’t enough. I needed something to perk me up, and I don’t think I will find it here on this train car.

I took a stand, and took the note off the table. Back into my pocket it goes.

“Hey, before you go, do you want me to fix your guitar? It’s missing a string.”

I know how to fix guitars; I’ve had so many broken strings I’ve lost count. Restringing has nearly become something I commonly do; that and buying new guitar picks. Seriously; guitar picks. Lose them every time.

“That would be great… thanks.”

I pulled out the spare pack of strings and pulled out the silver E string. Twilights horn flashed and then, all of a sudden, the guitar was stringed and in tune. Maybe she knows her stuff, or maybe magic is just about the greatest asset a musician could wish for.

I pulled out the red pick and plucked the new string with it. Sounds fine… much better than what it used to be. I mean, I’m good but I’m no miracle worker when it comes to maintenance.

I thanked her, and began to walk to the end of the train cart. I didn’t know what I’d find in the next train, but I hoped to god it was food and maybe some drinks; to keep me awake.

The door to the next cart opened as I pulled, as expected. But what wasn’t expected was the party popper going off in my face. That gave me a heart attack. And to top it off, I fell backwards ripping the tablecloth off one of the tables a pony was sitting at, landing hard on my back. Lucky I was holding my guitar in front of me; I could have landed on in and caused some serious damage. To me and the guitar.

Well… let’s assess the situation right now. I’m on my back, on a train car, with a tablecloth with white polka dots draped over the top of me, after getting jump-scared by a damned party popper set off by the one and only Pinkie Pie. I knew she would pop up eventually, but not literally ‘popping’ up. Damn she is good at making an entrance.

“WELCOME TO THE PARTY! I’M-“

“Yes. You’re Pinkie Pie, and I’m just passing through… unless you have something to keep me awake during the trip… then I’d be happy to stick around.”

I could nearly swear I heard music by The Living Tombstones… sounds awesome. Something you can listen to easily, and enjoy listening to at the same time.

“WAIT RIIIIIGHT HERE.”

She hurried off deep into the heart of the train cart. I couldn’t see past the ponies, it was another packed function. I think I know where all the ponies were going in the square before I met Smile… were they ALL coming to the train? That would explain a little, but not a lot. I still don’t know WHY they are here or why they are going to Canterlot.

All of a sudden, she was back from the jungle of a crowd, brining tidings of chocolate and fizzy drinks. My favourite. I downed the family sized chocolate bar fast; and the drink went down faster. This won’t have any major repercussions in the future; I can almost guarantee that.

Damn was I wrong. After like a minute of mingling with the guests, I had the severe urge to vomit. I rushed to the window, opened it, and hurled a projectile of browny-fizzy stuff outside. I don’t think anyone noticed though… I would HOPE not, because I have a chance to start anew in this alternate reality, and I don’t want to get a bad reputation in my first few days.

I closed the window and turned around. All the ponies were still partying away, having fun at what seems to be Gummi’s after after birthday party… although I haven’t seen the little guy yet, I would assume he is somewhere in between the dancing hooves.

I was going to crash any moment; the drink and chocolate gave me a little energy, but not enough to really keep me up until we get somewhere I can sleep without worrying. I mean, if I sleep on the train, and I wake up in my world, and I come back, am I on the train still? Or am I on the tracks in the middle of nowhere?

I made my way to the next cart. I was disoriented, but I could see there were beds. They look so nice, but I can’t sleep here; somepony might own one of the beds. I haven’t got the right.

Next car… storage. Nice. I placed my guitar down on the ground. I didn’t want it sliding off a wall or something during the night because of the train’s movement, that could wake everypony. I sat down in between the wall of the train cart and some boxes and closed my eyes.

I didn’t want to go back.

My hand was bloodied from the shattered glass from the cup which was now pieced on the floor next to me. I had everything; my guitar, my picks, the note… all but the strings in their packet. Instead they were on the guitar; Twilight’s doing.

The room was lit only but my roommate’s alarm clock’s flashing LED lights. The time was 5:00pm, and I assumed it was Friday. It always seems to be Friday.

My roommate was out, which wasn’t unusual for him; he is always out of school doing ‘sport’. But then, that doesn’t explain why the boarding house was still quiet. It’s a Friday evening and there are no sounds of people playing the latest mainstream games with each other? Unlikely. In fact, that is a completely ridiculous circumstance.

I rolled over onto my side. I was in pain; my head, my hand and my chest. What happened to my chest? I began to crawl to my swivel chair; to get a hold of it and lift myself up onto it. I succeeded.

My glanced to where the pain was coming from; right about the second rib from the bottom of the ribcage. Something was obviously sticking out from my shirt; it looked spikey and bloody. Could be a rib itself, I mean, it hurts like it could be.

I lifted my 2 layers of shirts and was taken aback from just how much damage there was. I was wondering where the rest of the glass went; I was absolutely sure that a few shards on the ground and in my hand wasn’t enough.

I reached for the pliers on my desk and could nearly feel the chunk of glass cutting though a few layers. The pain was terrible, but the blood I was losing was the least of my worries. I mean, a hunk of glass in my chest… that is a problem.

Pliers in hand, I placed their jaws on the glass and clamped down. This was going to hurt. I pulled outwards and the glass broke in half. But not after cutting through more of me.

“GAAH! FUCK!”

My eyes started to tear up. I wasn’t prepared for that kind of pain. Proof of this is when I fell off my chair sideways… rookie move using a swivel chair for medical purposes. But still, a chair is a chair, and I’m not one to argue with petty things like that.

I propped myself back up onto the chair and dabbed off some of the blood with my hand-towel. Time to finish the job. Wait… where are the pliers? No time; I’m bleeding badly here.

I grabbed the shard sticking out of me with both hands and pulled away again.

“FUCK!”

Profanities. Damn are they common when you are in pain… I mean really I have more decency than that, but it REALLY HURT. And now I have bloodied hands and a hunk of glass to prove it.

I’m still bleeding though. That is a problem. I stood, staggered and limped to the cupboard. I opened it up and took out a generic black tee. I then proceeded to rip in half vertically and wrap it around my chest. It will slow the bleeding, I think, until I find something to actually stop the bleeding. Or at least until the blood seals the wound after time, that would be easier and solve my problem.

Situation assessment mega happy fun time mode:

I’m back in my world, which I regret deeply. I hate it here.

I’m in a severe amount of pain.

I still have the note.

What is this note?

I sat back down on the chair and swivelled around until I was facing my desk. I took out the note and placed it down on the desk in front of me.

‘Smile’

Yep. Even from this angle it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Damn I wish someone could help me out here in this situation, but I’m not in Ponyland; not in Equestria. The one place I have friends... Friends… Connor.

I started up my netbook. Not the loan one; my original one had been fixed early this morning by the I.T Technicians at school. It still had all my work on it, all my music, all my videos… and not a single video wasn’t MLP FIM related.

Derpy loading screen, CTRL+ALT+DEL, *PASSWORD*, enter computer mode. I opened windows media player and put on Alex. S’ Party With Pinkie while simultaneously opening Skype so I could chat to my good ole’ pal Connor.

Skype flashed to life after a 5 minute wait; typical school issued computers. They don’t even have any decent graphics drivers; just GMA 3150. That won’t even render a gif, but strangely enough, it loads movies in high definition nearly instantly.

*CONNOR IS ONLINE*

Brilliant… but how do I start this conversation out? Oh, yeah, I went to Equestria today. What are you up to? Somehow I don’t think that will work out the way I hope. Maybe getting someone else’s view on this… lying is the answer.

In real life, face to face, I can’t lie to save my skin. But when it comes to the INTERNET, I am nearly as charismatic as Fancy Pants from Canterlot. It’s like… levelling your speech skill to 100 and having it degrade over time because of a constant de-buff from being around people.

‘Hey Connor. I have a friend, and he is well… sick in the head. He keeps dreaming about faraway lands and a piece of paper with the word Smile written across it. And to top it off, one of the antagonists in his dreams is also called Smile and is constantly trying to steal the note like some kind of villain. Any idea on what this could possibly mean?’

I didn’t expect him to answer. Only to go offline or something relative.

While waiting for the message, I decided to revise some of the episodes of MLP FIM; look for Smile. I couldn’t find him anywhere. And then, it was 9:00pm.

Where is time going these days?

‘Hey Bro. sorry I haven’t messaged you; I was eating dinner.’

Who the crap eats for three hours?

‘Yeah, no worries… but how long does it usually take you to eat food? Damn.’

‘… Long story. Anyway, I think the note has something to do with his name. Like it’s a piece of him or something and he needs it back. Smile, I mean.’

That makes sense… in an odd way. If it was a piece of him, how did it get onto my desk under a bottle of happy pills? I mean, if he were serious about keeping it, he wouldn’t have just let it go easily. Someone must have taken it from him or he lost it. My only conclusion.

‘Cheers, Connor.’

‘But what if he were to change the name of the note? Would it become his?’

I looked down at the note on the desk. ‘Smile’ What if I were to change it to my name? What does it do? What would alter?

If Smile was willing to kill me for it, I think that it must be worth a shot.

‘Thanks again, Connor.’

I eased back in the swivel chair an opened up the desk’s top drawer. I hoard pencils; I lose then nearly constantly, just like my guitar picks. I took one of around 20 pencils with erasers on the end and closed the drawer again. I could hear them all sliding and banging around in there.

It was sharp. Around a 1 in 5 chance of a pencil being pulled from my desk being sharp. They are either dull or unused.

I looked at the note again.

‘Smile’

I flipped around the pencil in my hand; made the drawing end the eraser. And began to rub out all traces of where his name had been written.

It was gone. A blank piece of paper now staring back at me. It wouldn’t be for long, though…

I flipped the pencil again and wrote my name. My handwriting, as always, was terrible. I’m too used to a keyboard and all the joy it brings. Making writing easy for as long as I can remember.

I had written my name in his place.

And it was strangely satisfying… like a weight was off my mind.

But the paper was still there, just a piece of paper to me. Now it just had a different scribbled name on it. Nothing had changed. There was no new owner; there was no piece that made me complete... just a piece of paper.

I was sad. I don’t know why, but writing my name… letting me know who I am… might be the piece of me I was looking for all along.

But then, that sounds cliché and I refuse to accept it.

I retrieved my wallet from the second drawer and I pulled out its contents; $25 Australian. Just enough to get some more pills and return to the other world.

I couldn’t wait; I was up and out of the house in under a minute. A new record.

I was over the road shortly after, and in the Pharmacists shortly after that. I got a bottle of pills with my fake prescription and paid with a discount because I go to school just over the road and have ‘mental health issues’.

I stepped out of the Pharmacists and staggered a bit; I’m still in pain from the broken glass after all and moving around isn’t helping that at all. There was no one around, so I lifted my shirt subtly and checked how my makeshift bandage was holding out.

It was soaked with blood, and my wound wasn’t giving me a break; literally dribbling out the bottom of the torn shirt-bandage.

God damn it… I have to keep together until I get back to the house and take the pills. I’ll be fine in the other world; I always am.

I nearly fell through the front door, and I did stagger a little and trip over a skateboard left lying around by one of the self-proclaimed ‘skaters’. So you know how to ride a board. Please do tell me how much you know about them. They make me angry, but I hide it… I hide it well.

Getting up those stairs was like climbing Everest. What with the blood loss and pure hate of skaters.

I stumbled through the door of my room and took my roommates glass. I filled it with water from the tap and opened up the bottle of pills. New tactic: pour them all into the water and chug the water. It’s a plan.

I emptied the bottle into the glass and tilted my head back with the glass. It was quickly emptied by my superior drinking abilities.

No mistakes this time. I put the glass back on his table quickly, took my guitar, my picks…and my note.

I lay down in the bed and closed my eyes.

I was going back again, and this time I was going to get some answers.