“So I have a question that I’ve been holding out on,” Adam said to Zach once they had continued into the forest. “You know, what with mauling Will and that asshole chicken thing that made me a piece of lawnart.”

“Yes,” Zach said. “And it’s called a cockatrice.”

“A cockapiece?” Adam said confused, turning to Zach with an eyebrow raised. “That’s a shitty name.”

Zach sighed. “No, a cockatrice.” Zach said more slowly, putting emphasis on the t.

“Oh. Still a shit name.” Adam said as he turned forward again. Will was flying above the group with Rainbow Dash, out of Adam’s murderous reach.

“Didn’t you have a question?” Zach asked. He was a bit confused when Adam suddenly stopped.

“Oh yes,” Adam said before clearing his throat. “I just wanted to know,” He breathed in a huge breath of air. “WHY THE FUCK AM I A HORSE?!” The rest of the ponies stopped and turned back to the huffing blue stallion, whose eyes had suddenly turned red and whose hair was somewhat frayed in places.

“Dude,” Will said, swooping down to Adam so he could dip his head down to Adam’s eye level. “Chill. It’s no big deal.”

Adam grabbed Will by the throat with his hooves somehow, and began to wring his neck while screaming into his face, “NO BIG DEAL?! I DON’T HAVE HANDS! I HAVE A FUCKING TAIL! DON’T TELL ME IT ISN’T A BIG DEAL!!” Adam yelled as Will gasped for air. Fluttershy flew up into a tree and began to cry quietly.

“Adam,” Zach intervened, drawing Adam’s attention away from the choking pegasus. “I don’t know why, but I’d like to know as much as you do. Now, if you’d just calm down, it’d be easier to figure out.” Adam stood staring at him for a bit, still holding onto Will’s neck, and didn’t move even as the dark pegasus struggled in his hooves.

“Ther…..” Will gasped, straining to make words as Adam crushed his vocal cords. “There’s… booze… and candy… in town…” he managed to gasp before continuing to struggle. Adam quickly let go of Will’s neck and loosened up, his eyes returning to a deep blue and his coat somehow returning to normal as well. Twilight turned her head to the side a bit in confusion and interest.

“I guess I can deal with it then, if there’s candy.” He said simply.

“What about candy?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

“Of course you would,” Will commented, struggling to stand up while still catching his breathe. “Fat ass.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re a stick and if you lost any more weight you’d die!” Adam exclaimed back.

“Still, fat ass.”

“Toothpick.”

“Planet.”

“Flagpole.”

“I can’t believe I’m friends with two first graders.” Zach said after he slammed his hoof into his forehead, which he learned hurts a lot more now than it did as a human.

“I can’t believe we haven’t advanced the plot at all.” Will said, earning confused looks from the mares in the party. “Oh, I mean, uh, I can’t believe we got sidetracked again?”

“Good point,” Twilight agreed, turning back to face the path ahead of them. “We’ve got a job to do.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam asked as the group got underway again, and Fluttershy returned from the tree she had hidden in. “What exactly are we doing again?”

Will piped up before Zach could answer. “Well, you see. We have to-“ He took an unnecessary, obnoxious breath through his nose before continuing. “SAAAAAVE THE WOOOOOOOOORRRLLLLDDDDDD!”

Zach slammed his hoof into his forehead again.

“I never asked where you two woke up.” Adam stated, ignoring Will purposefully.

“Well,” Zach began, “I woke up in an interrogation room, and apparently Will woke up in the hospital.”

“You should have gotten a membership or something,” Adam commented towards Will. “You’ll be going there a lot.”

“Anyway,” Zach continued, “All I know is that we all fell from the sky, and apparently it wasn’t just us.”

“Huh?” Both Adam and Will asked simultaneously.

“There were multiple meteor strikes across Equestria,” Twilight spoke up from the front of the group. “You three happened to be the closest.”

“So there are others?” Adam asked as they neared the edge of a cliff in the distance.

“We assume so.” Zach said as they arrived at the cliff. The three friends turned their attention to a conversation between the mares that they had ignored, and watched as Rainbow Dash crept up to Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity with a spooky grin on her face.

“You know why?” Rainbow asked as she crept towards them.

“Rainbow, quit it!” Applejack scolded from behind her.

“Because everypony who’s ever come in, has never, come, OUT!”

The cliff suddenly broke away from the land, taking Adam, Zach, and the four land-bound mares with it. Will immediately lifted off with Rainbow and Fluttershy, staying behind as the screaming mares and not so screaming stallions hurtled down the hillside.

“Fuck!” Adam yelled skyward as he hit rock after rock on his way down. “Cliffs are such assholes!”

“Are you serious? You’re getting mad at a cliff?” Zach asked, surprisingly calm despite quickly approaching another cliff.

“Yes! And I blame Will!”

“How the hell is it his fault?”

“Somehow, it is!” Adam yelled finally before the pegasi caught up to them. Will grabbed Zach under his forelegs and, after a mighty heave-ho, stopped his decent and lifted him skyward. Adam kept hurtling down the hillside, looking back up at Will to discover a manic grin on his face. He turned back quickly to be greeted by the edge of a cliff, and, before he could attempt to stop himself and with a volley of profanity, slid straight off the edge and hung comically for a few seconds over a grand abyss.

“FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!” Adam screamed as he fell, seemingly hitting every branch and rock that stuck out from the cliff face. He slammed into the ground at terminal velocity, leaving an imprint in the ground that fit his shape exactly. Will’s laughter could be heard for miles.

“Ha! That’s for earlier BEE YEEEETTCH!!” He taunted from above, still holding onto Zach as he did so.

“You’re a terrible human being.” Zach said coldly from below him.

“You want me to get revenge for the hospital?” Will asked, letting his grip on Zach loosen a bit.

“Point taken.”

A scream echoed throughout the forest, making both Zach and Will turn their attention to the source of the noise. It abruptly stopped as they saw Twilight be caught by the other two pegasi, and lowered softly to the ground.

“Oh, it’s just the canon.” Zach stated as Will began lowering to the ground himself. They went a bit faster than the mares, mostly due to the fact that Will simply stopped flying and let gravity do all the work. Zach slammed into the ground next to Adam, just before being used as a cushion by Will.

“You’re an asshole.” Adam hissed, his face covered in dirt and grass. He stood up shakily from his hole, and, other than multiple splinters from branches, was otherwise unharmed.

“Agreed.” Zach moaned from underneath Will. Even after Will had flown off of him, he remained on the ground, catching the breath that had been knocked out of him and glaring at Will. The mares trotted over to them and, after a brief beating-the-shit-out-of-Will intermission, the group was back on their way to save the world.

_________________________________Later________________________________

“Adam! You’re fucking with the canon!” Zach yelled, watching helplessly as Adam bent the manticore’s wing in a painfully odd direction. A whimper escaped its ferocious mouth, and a tear could be seen rolling down its face.

“What? You expect me NOT to beat the shit out of the giant lion-bat thing?” Adam yelled back, biting into the manticore’s ear after he did so. “I thought you knew me better.” He mumbled through the monster’s ear before ripping it free of its head. The manticore roared in agony, and thrashed about even more to try and shake Adam off.

“Seriously Adam! You’re fucking with the universe!” Will yelled as he tried to pry Adam off of the thrashing manticore. The manticore, thinking Will was another attacker, threw its tail into the air wildly and slashed Will across his side with its stinger, sending the unsuspecting pegasus hurtling into the surrounding forest with a small grunt.

“Will!” Rainbow cried, rushing over to find where he landed.

“That’s enough!” A small, strangely authoritative voice rang throughout the forest. All of the ponies and the manticore too stopped and looked at the kind pegasus to whom the voice belonged. Even Will looked up in surprise, despite the blood oozing from his side along with a strange green liquid.

“You should be ashamed of yourself!” Fluttershy yelled up at Adam, who promptly climbed down from on top of the manticore and stood in front of Fluttershy with his head facing the ground. Even though he was nearly twice her size, he melted before her as if she were ten times his. Fluttershy stared into his deep blue eyes, making him rear back from her in petrified obedience. “You will not lay a hoof on that poor manticore ever again! Do you understand me?” She finished, nearly spitting out the last sentence.

“Yes, m’am.” Adam muttered, sinking even further into his sudden state of shame. Every single pony, other than Fluttershy and Adam, was staring at the pair in absolute bewilderment. Will had passed out almost as soon as Fluttershy spoke, just after muttering something about his ‘mind being hit with a hammer and shattering into a million hilarious pieces’. Zach just stood, mute, and stared at his brutish friend cowering in front of the epitome of adorableness. The other five mares stood in silence after Fluttershy scolded Adam like a school colt. The manticore was busy trying to re-attach its ear, with no success.

“So….” Zach tried after a minute of silence. “We should probably get going…”

“Yea…” Twilight agreed, no longer afraid of the manticore that was busy tampering with his ear. Fluttershy flew over to the menacing creature and began tending to him.

“Will’s still unconscious,” Rainbow commented, fluttering over to the main group and leaving Will lying in a bush. “I don’t think he’s doing real well. He’s muttering stuff to himself.”

“Is it anything along the lines of ‘I’ll rip your heart out and consume your soul’?” Adam asked nonchalantly.

“No…” Dash said slowly and cautiously, taking a step back from the calm blue brute. “He was saying something about change or something, most of it was gibberish.”

“Best to ignore it. That’s what I do, especially when he’s awake.” Adam suggested before walking over to Will’s sleeping body and hoisting him onto his back. “Now then, shall we?”

“Don’t you think we should help him somehow?” Fluttershy asked sweetly, returning from her tending of the manticore. It now had bandages all over it, and its ear was nearly mummified.

“Nahh,” Zach said. “He’ll be fine.”

“You’re seriously going to carry him?” Twilight asked, watching as Adam easily began onwards on the path.

“Yea, I am. I may hate him, but I need to keep my punching bag alive. Besides, I’m used to carrying him; he sucks at pretty much everything.” Adam explained, repositioning the pegasus on his back with a few excessively hard nudges. Will’s mane and tail hung down on either side of Adam’s body, dragging along the ground and catching mud. “And besides, who else is going to carry him? You?”

“Well…” Twilight began, but was quickly interrupted.

“Ah could.” Applejack offered, to which Adam gave a quick refusing shake of his head.

“You’d be too nice on him. This way, I can make his trip as uncomfortable as possible.”

“Shall we?” Zach interjected, ignoring Adam’s explanation and urging the group to hurry up. Once Adam had adjusted Will’s position again, and after the entire group ignored a bit of Will’s unconscious ramblings, the group was once again on their quest to, as Will so obnoxiously put it, save the world.

Author's Note

Sorry this is the first chapter for this that I've done in what, 3 months? Four? Something ridiculous. Sorry for the wait for anyone who waited. I've been REALLY busy procrastinating. It's going to get a lot more random from here on out, folks. I'm throwing all rational plot out the window. Or at least I'm going to try to.