How to Break Everything- With Pinkie Pie

by ianv64

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2143

Pinkie Pie demonstrates her amazing methods of 4th wall breaking, and destroying the laws of stuff

Hey! Pinkie Pie here! I'm gonna show you how to completely be just like me! With these methods, you'll master the art of breaking the fourth wall, walking on air, "Bugs Bunny" Method, and other logic killing techniques. That's a Pinkie Pie promise!

Published 2012-11-01 02:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-29 23:47:55 UTC

How to Break Everything

"I did it!" Pinkie Pie shouted as Fluttershy opened the door to her cottage.

"You did what?" She asked.

"I finally finished producing the last copy of my DVD!" Pinkie kept shouting with glee.

"DVD?..." Fluttershy asked puzzled.

"Yeah! See?" She took a DVD case out of her saddlebag It showed her coming through a dimensional hole, as if she were looking at someone through the DVD.

"That's pretty good editing with the dimensional thing Pinkie." Fluttershy complimented.

"Editing?...OH! No. That's not exactly as edited as it seems. You see, I got a cameraman to take a picture of me as I broke the fourth wall. He then cut out part of the darkness, and edited in a fancy background."

"Fourth....wall?" Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Here, maybe you could learn some cool stuff from it!" Pinkie Pie shoved a DVD in Fluttershy's hooves, and bounced off.

Pinkie Pie bounced off as happily as ever, taking her normal path to ponyville. She saw a video store along the way, and had a great idea.

"This DVD does WHAT?!" Asked the store clerk.

"It teaches you how to destroy logic!" Said Pinkie.

"That's not exactly possible..." He said.

"Sure it is!" Pinkie Pie ended up behind the store clerk behind the desk, startling him.

"Okay...How much are these anyway? And how much of a cut do you want?" The store clerk seemed to be rethinking his quick negation of the DVD.

"50-50 is good for me. twenty bits per DVD. I get ten, and you get ten." Pinkie kept a smile, as she always did.

"Okay then, I'll put these on the shelf." He said. Pinkie bounced off.

After she was completely out of view, the store clerk picked one up, and took it in the back, to check it out.

He opened the back room, and started the DVD player, inserting the disc into the sliding tray. It played.

Intro music played as the video played.

"Pinkie Pie here! Welcome to the best DVD you will ever watch. Today, I'm gonna teach you how to break the laws of physics." The store clerk looked insanely skeptical, but kept watching anyway.

"First lesson, is mentality training. If you don't feel super duper confident about this DVD, don't worry! You'll get there. Let's start with a training exercise. This is called the first logic break."

"Clever..." The clerk chuckled.

"So, the first thing you have to do, is take logic, just like this okay?" She was pretending to grip a ball of air with her hooves.

"C'mon, try it." She said again.... "Do you wanna do this or not!!?" She shouted. It's as if the TV spoke to him. He began to grab this imaginary ball of air, as Pinkie seemed to pause herself like she was watching him through the other side.

"Good." She said..."Now, you have to...." The clerk stopped, and put his hooves down. "OH FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!" Pinkie said through the TV. He put his hooves in the grabbing position again. "Good, good....Now that you've got the ball of logic, take it, and throw it out the window, like this." She literally pretended to throw a ball out of a closed window. After she "threw logic" The window shattered, as if a ball just went through it.

"My leg!!" A pony shouted in pain. Pinkie Smiled nervously, trying to act like nothing happened. She literally took logic...and THREW it out the window. "Now you try." She said.

The clerk made the throwing gesture at the stores back window. Nothing happened.

"No, no. Like this." The clerk was getting extremely frightened. It's like Pinkie was actually talking to him. She trotted towards another window. "Okay, take logic. Say it out loud if you have to."

"Take logic..." The clerk said, making the grabbing gesture.

"Throw it out the window." Pinkie threw logic out the window again. It didn't hit anypony this time, but the window sure did break.

"Throw it...out the window.The clerk tried it. It worked. He heard it shatter.

"Good job!" Pinkie said, who was right beside him.

"Holy mother of Celestia flying on the sun with ice-skates! This is freaking crazy!" Pinkie was quite the teacher.

"Alright, let's do some one on one tutorials in person." Said Pinkie. They went through the broken window, and walked towards an open area.

"The next thing I'll try to teach you is how to teleport." Pinkie said. "Okay, first things first. You have to get used to doing it the easy way." She pulled out something from her saddlebag. It looked like a futuristic three pronged arm with a handle.

"What is this?" He asked.

"Well, you shoot this two times. Once to make a destination of where you want to be, like in the air, in a tree, by a building wall, or the floor. Then you shoot one where you are at. So, by your feet, or somewhere you can easily get to, usually a low wall, or the floor...I think it's called the Portal Gun."

He tried it. He shot the first hole at a brick wall. Then the next near his feet. He walked in, and came out through the brick wall.

"Holy Celestia!" He said.

"Okay, well, don't get too used to that." Pinkie said. "That's not how actual teleportation works."

"Oh..." Said the clerk. "How does it work then?" He asked

"Well, you have to really focus on your destination, whether it be 100 feet away, or 100 miles away. But you have to make it not obvious. You shouldn't teleport in the open. Teleport in a hiding spot, it's always cooler!"

"I'd rather not right now...." He said.

"Okay, we'll let's get to my favorite! The fourth wall break!" She smiled almost devilishly.

"The what break?" He asked.

"Okay, the fourth wall....That's like....Well....It's what separates a character in a show from the people watching it. For example, me and you are in a show, mostly targeted for younger kids, but have a large audience of older teens, and adults. It's called My little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and was created by a brilliant woman known as Lauren Faust. And what's funny is that this isn't really the TV show, this is just a story some guy named Ian Vinson is typing as we speak."

The clerk's mind was smoking, and sparking. He didn't believe it.

"I'm outta here..." He said.

"But don't you wanna break the fourth wall?!" Pinkie called out as he walked away.

"Nah,I'm good." He said. "Tsk, fourth wall..." He chuckled.

"Come on, Ian! You couldn't let me finish teaching him how to be awesome?!" Pinkie asked me.

"No Pinkie...No.... No one REALLY needs to be able to break the fourth wall besides you anyway.. Equestria would be under destruction.....By the way, the store clerk is taking your DVD'd off the shelf..." I love being the writer...

Pinkie frowned and pouted, and trotted off. Okay, Fade the screen to black, and commence ending sequence...

YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE???!!!

*******SURPRISE GUYS!!!! ENJOY THE INTERESTING ADDITION TO THE SHORT FIC!******

I exhaled in complete accomplishment. I got a lot of Positive feedback from my fanfiction. It a success. I just wish it would get featured. Well, I'll have to make an epic one later. I exited my web browser to occupy myself with another Idea of a fan fiction. I started up my word processor, and the mouse moved itself before I could touch it. It went to the format bar, and made relatively large font. It began to type on it's own. "Pinkjuy ifrds..." I was extremely confused....It spammed the backspace button. "Darn hooves..." It typed after erasing the previous line. I looked down at the keyboard. No hooves, or any physical object even. It repeatedly hit backspace again. "Pinkie is watching you..." It typed. My eyes widened like dinner plates. I felt a cold chill travel down my spine in fear. I began to shake.

"Are you afraid?..." It made another sentence. I replied in text.

"kinda." I typed after hitting enter.

"Well, don't be. Look behind you for a nice surprise :)" Wait...What?... I turned my head as slow as ever. When I got about halfway, I noticed a pink figure in my peripheral vision. No way.... I fully turned around. It was Pinkie Pie. Outlined in cartoon animation and everything.

"Happy Birthday, Ian!!" She shouted. It was my birthday.... Holy crap.

"Aww, you remembered! Wait... What the hell am I saying?! I'm completely shocked that you even exist. I'm going to faint now." I instantly plopped on the floor unconscious.

................

My head hurt as I groaned back to consciousness. I opened my heavy eyes, waiting for my vision to focus

"I had the weirdest dream just now." I told myself. "I thought I saw Pinkie Pie wishing me happy birthday." I chuckled to myself a little. I paused. "I really need to top talking to myself..."

"I say the same thing sometimes!" Said a unfortunately familiar voice. Pinkie Pie... She smiled at me and stared with her wide eyes. It was a little creepy after a few seconds.

"So...You're real...How did you get here?" I asked.

"Well, I read about humans, and wow! They're really funny! I bought this book and it's HILARIOUS!" She showed me a book called "Physics 101". I see what she did there.

"That's real here." I said. "We're bound to the laws, and forces explained in that book."

"If that's true, then how do you think I got here?" She retorted. I lifted my head up in complete shock.

"Mother of God..." I said taking off the most random pair of sunglasses I was apparently wearing. "I know exactly why you're able to get here." I said. "Do you know what today is in human time?" I asked her. I knew exactly what day it was.

"Let's see..." She trotted towards my calendar. "Ian..." She said sounding displeased.

"What?" I asked. And then I realized she was looking at my calendar. I became embarrassed.

"Why does Twilight have those weird balloon like things coming from her chest?"

"Oh! Uhh....Don't worry about that...That's uhh...... Uhh..." I began to blush

Pinkie smiled, and laughed. "Oooh, I'm telling Twilight." She joked.

"Well, anyway, It's December 21st, 2012" I said.

"What's that mean?" She asked. She wouldn't know. Today is the day that was predicted for the world to end.

"Doomsday...The world as we humans know it, will cease to exist. The process of destruction is still unknown.It's said to be random, and happen out of nowhere." Her eyes widened too. "For now, have fun, and get what you can out of Earth."

She ran off, and went to do everything she could I guess. I don't know what that would be. In fact, If she can break the laws of physics, than THAT might be how doomsday happens.

"Ian...." She said, sounding guilty.

"I thought you were gonna explore Earth." I replied sounding like someones mom.

"I did..." Wait...but that means......fuck.....

"I broke it...." She continued sounding sad. I looked outside. There was a black hole that would eventually suck the world up, and kill everyone.

"HOLY PRINCESS LUNA IN A BATMAN SUIT FLYING A FIGHTER JET MADE OF SOCKS IN THE 11th DIMENSION!!" We....are...screwed....

Pinkie hugged me. "I'm sorry Ian...I didn't mean it." She began to tear up.

"Aw, don't worry. I hated this planet anyway. It was nice to meet you in person though Pinkie." I began to return her embrace. I cried a little bit, but not because I was sad, but because I get to FUCKING hug Pinkie Pie. BYE EARTH!!!

Suddenly, I looked back out the window, and a portal of light ripped open, bigger than the black hole. I saw a human like figure come from the sky. Angels began to sing. It was none other than Chuck Norris. He descended on a flying motorcycle, and threw it in the black hole, leaving himself in the air, flying like goku. He seemed to put his palms together. He charged his energy. I ran outside with Pinkie.

"KAAAAAAA...MEEEEE....HAAA...MEEEEEEEEEEEEE....HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Chuck Norris just obliterated the black hole with his most powerful attack that no one ever knew about. He descended to the ground. His golden aura was blinding as he walked over to me and Pinkie.

"I wouldn't let my favorite pony die in a planet like this." He said. They then made the most powerful brohoof. As their brohoof was completed, a blinding light shined in every direction, engulfing everything it touched. Eventually, I felt the whiteness fade back into my room. I was at my computer desk. I must have dozed off thinking of an idea for the real finishing of my Pinkie Pie fanfic. I think I know exactly what I'll be writing.