Ticket to Ride
*****
Dear Diary,
I think I’m gonna be sad... Octavia just told me she’s moving out. I really don’t know what to think about this. I mean, she’s been my roommate for the past two years. I just can’t believe she has decided to leave me like that. Apparently, she told she’s going back to Canterlot, today. I really don’t want her to leave, you know.
I think it’s today, yeah, the day when our paths finally take different ways. Like two perpendicular lines; they only met once, and continue their road. I wish we could be like parallel lines, that even if they never touch, at least they can forever see each other. After everything we’ve lived together, I can’t believe this is how it ends.
The mare that’s driving me mad is going away, and here I am, writing to you, while she’s downstairs, packing her stuff. She said she didn’t want to talk to me nor see me. I think she’s pretty mad at me, but why wouldn’t she? I did a horrible, horrible thing to her, and I don’t think she will ever forgive me.
I love her, I love her very much. It pains me to see her doing this. I have never loved a mare as much as I have loved Octavia in my whole life. And do you know what the worst part about it is? I never shared my feelings with her. I never told her how much I love her, and now I have missed my chance. She’s leaving and there’s nothing I can do about it.
She said that living with me was bringing her down. She said she can’t focus on her job because I’m too noisy, too annoying, and too quirky. I don’t agree with her, although Bon Bon has told me some similar stuff. She just went on and on about how she loathes sharing the apartment with me. Each word that came out of her mouth was like a cold arrow to my heart. I had no idea she disliked me that much.
Do you know what else she said? That she would never be free when I was around. Honestly, can you believe her? She thinks I’m too attached to her and that I don’t give her space. Well, I sort of ask her to do stuff with me most of the time, even if I don’t need help, but Octavia always agrees to do so. Do you think that maybe she is too shy to say no? I don’t know, but that would be my guess. I sometimes follow her around wherever she goes, but only because I care for her!
I don’t know why she’s riding so high, saying that she’s going back to Canterlot, as I told you. If we could barely afford the rent here, how is that mare expecting to pay an apartment over there by her own? My guess would be that she somehow got some extra money out of that concerto she gave a week ago. How am I going to afford the rent if she’s gone? You know how much I hate to borrow money from friends, especially Bon Bon. Hmm, that reminds me I owe her 200 bits. Argh! What am I gonna do?
I say that she ought to think twice before leaving me. She’s not only gonna affect me, but herself as well. Back when she moved in with me, she was this meek and defenseless little mare. I know she can take care of herself and that she has some friends in Canterlot, but I can’t help but worry if she’s gonna do well in her own.
Wait, I haven’t told you how this whole started, have I? Well, earlier today, I was playing my lyre in my bedroom, when Octavia knocked on my door. She said she wanted to have a word with me. The seriousness on her face told me that it wasn’t going to be a pretty word. Little I knew about what she was going to tell me. After the words ‘I’m leaving’ came out from her mouth, I felt like if a hammer pounded hard on my heart. It took me a while to digest it. She even showed me the train ticket she’s gonna use to reach Canterlot.
Of course I chuckled, believing it was all a joke, but Octavia didn’t laugh. When I asked why, she gave me the classic ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line, right before telling me about how she was tired of living with me. She told me that she had already packed, and that she was going to leave later today. I begged her to reconsider, but it was useless. She didn’t listen to a word I say. I even got on my knees and held her hind leg, crying like a little filly. She only pushed me away with tears on her face, ran to her room, and locked the door. I think I shouldn’t have done that.
Before she gets to say goodbye, I want to talk to her and see if I can make her reconsider. I haven’t heard a single noise ever since she went inside her room, so I guess she still has some packing to do. I don’t want to go there and bother her, so I’ll wait until she decides to come out of her room to talk with her.
She’s got a ticket to ride, but she doesn’t care. Now that I think about it, I think I know why Octavia is so upset with me. I now realize why she said it’s impossible to live with me. I’m too dependent of her. My crush for her is so obvious! Anypony would see it even kilometers away! And I’m willing to bet Octavia even knows how I feel. Darn it, I’m so stupid! How could I let this happen? I thought this kind of stuff was left back when I lived with my parents.
I should really stop feeling sorry for myself; it’s not going to help me in anything. She’s leaving, Lyra, and it’s your entire fault, because you’re a stupid pony who doesn’t know how to behave. She has all the right to be mad, of course. I’d also leave if I lived with someone like myself. I just wish I could go back in time and change the things I did. I wish there were something I could do. I don’t want to lose her.
I don’t know what to do, diary. What am I supposed to tell her? ‘Don’t go, I’ll miss you’? Yeah, like if that would make her change her mind. Maybe I could write her a song? Maybe she would find that a bit romantic. She likes music, right? Well, I play the lyre, so I bet I could write her a song… No, never mind. That would solve nothing and who knows if she would even be in the mood to listen to it. Octavia doesn’t care any—
“No… I won’t let it end like this.” Lyra placed the quill on the desk and raised her head, her eyes drenched in tears. “She… she has to listen me.”
Lyra stood up and trotted outside her room. Her hooves acted like if they had life of their own, with a sole objective: stand in front of Octavia’s room. As she walked through the hallway, several thoughts ran through her mind. What if Octavia gets upset? What if she doesn’t listen to her? What if she only makes things worse? Lyra knew the sea of possibilities, but she aimed for just one. Even if the chances were lower than finding a tree in the middle of the ocean, she had to try. Each hoofstep grew with determination and fear at the same time as she approached closer to Octavia’s room.
There’s only one thing I can tell to her right now. If it doesn’t work, then…
Finally, Lyra arrived to the fateful destination; the place where everything would be settled once and for all. It was now or never. Her heartbeat increased as she stared at Octavia’s door. She gulped and shook her head. It wasn’t time to be a coward. There was no turning back now. Slowly, she raised a hoof and gently knocked once on the door.
“Tavi?” Lyra’s faint voice called. “I-I know you’re not in the mood to talk, but… please just listen to me.” She didn’t receive any answer but silence. Lyra waited a few seconds before she could clear the thoughts in her mind. Taking a deep breath, she sat on the floor.
“Listen, I know how you’re feeling. First, I wanna apologize for my behavior, but just saying that won’t help, right? Well, I also want to apologize for being a rock in your way. I didn’t realize you wanted your own space. I realize saying this won’t make you change your mind. I respect you and the decisions you make. If you want to leave, then leave. I only wish happiness for you, so if moving out makes you happy, then who am I to stop you?”
Lyra tilted her head, looking down at the wooden floor.
“However, there is just one thing I want to tell you, and I bet you already know by now. It is something that I’ve kept for myself ever since I met you. It hasn’t been easy, I tell you, but here it goes… “
“I love you, Tavi.”
“I-I’m not just saying this out of desperation. Ever since I put my eyes on you, you’ve awoken feelings inside me that I never felt before. Do you think it has been easy living with you for the past two years, having a crush like this? Believe me, it’s not. Right now, I don’t even know what to feel anymore. You’re leaving me, Tavi, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’ve been a terrible roommate, and I’m sorry. I’m not saying this to you only because I want you to stay. I’m telling this because I believe that you deserve to know how I feel. I have never told anypony about my crush on you, not even Bon Bon. As I said, I realize this won’t make you change your mind, but I only wanted to tell you that. I love you, Tavi. I love you with all my heart. It does pain me that you’re leaving, though. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it, soon enough.”
Lyra leaned closer to the door. Tears had formed on her face ever since she started speaking. Her eyes leaked like two waterfalls. Her heart rhythm did nothing but accelerate. She hadn’t received any answer from Octavia, yet.
“So… if there’s anything you would like to tell me before saying goodbye, now would be a good time to do so.” Lyra pressed her hoof on the door, pushing it a little. She noticed the door wasn’t closed at all. “Tavi? Are you there?”
Lyra pushed the door and opened it. She leaned her head inside and took a peek inside Octavia’s room. Her belongings were nowhere to be found, and neither the mare in question. Lyra stepped inside the room. “Octavia?” she called, but nopony answered. She looked around the room, but the only thing she saw were the empty wardrobes, a desk, and a bed, with a folded paper on it.
For a second, Lyra felt like an idiot. She had opened her heart and poured her feelings on those words for nothing. Octavia wasn’t there and Lyra didn’t even know why. She didn’t hear Octavia leaving or even the front door opening. She was alone, stranded in an empty apartment, with nothing but the scent of Octavia’s room that filled the air. Her eyes didn’t notice the paper on the bed until a few seconds later after she realized Octavia wasn’t there.
Lyra walked towards the bed and levitated the folded paper with her magic. As she did, a yellow scrap fell from inside the paper. Quickly catching it with her magic, Lyra checked the scrap in question. This… this is a train ticket! But… what’s the meaning of this? She assumed she would find the answer to her question within the paper she was holding, so she decided to read it.
Exactly twenty seconds passed before Lyra received the message from the paper. Between those twenty seconds, Lyra had dragged a hoof to her mouth and cried more than she ever did before. She had buried her head on Octavia’s former bed and whimpered. She cried loudly, but it was a different kind of weeping. None of the tears Lyra shed were filled with sadness. Her tears had a different flavor.
The beacon of hope shined brighter than ever.
Dear Lyra,
If you’re reading this note, it means that I have already left. I am sorry that I didn’t say goodbye, but I think it was for the best.
You will find a train ticket enclosed to this note. You have two options: you can either throw it away, or you can use it. However, there is only one rule if you decide to use it.
You can use the ticket only and just only if the Lyra I once loved and cherished ever comes back.
I’ll be waiting for you, my dear Lyra Heartstrings.
With love,
Octavia
