R.E.D.

by Limey

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 11283

Team Fortress 2 crossover

The level 4 teleporter has been the focus of Engineer's talents for a long time, and now, it is finally ready to be put to practical use. However, it seems that he may have underestimated the range of the device, with unforeseen consequences…

Meanwhile in Equestria, a mysterious stranger with an unknown agenda turns up in Ponyville, and decides to hold a competition to find the most astounding equines in the town. Rainbow Dash is delighted, Twilight however, has a bad feeling about it…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-24 20:11:29 UTC

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"Rise and shine, Engineer. Rise and shine.”

The voice seemingly came from nowhere. It had a strong, smooth French accent, a stark contrast to the small, musty, wooden shack that it reverberated through.

“Whu…What?” Engineer lifted his head slowly from the table.

“aw, Jesus, mah head” he brought his hands up to his face to wipe the sleep from his eyes, accidentally knocking over a bottle of Scrumpy’s and sending nuts and bolts scattering across the table.

“That’s what you get for challenging Demoman to a drinking competition” He moaned.

The tall figure of Spy emerged from the shadows, a smirk plastered across his masked face. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a case of cigarettes.

“Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job.” The lighter clicked as he lit the cigarette and drew it up to his mouth.

“No-one is more deserving of a rest.”

He bent over to examine the over sized teleporters that sat in the corner of the room.

“And all the effort in the world would have gone to waste, until” He stopped and seemed to sniff the air.

Suddenly, the sound of mortar shell screamed directly overhead, causing Engineer to almost jump out of his skin. Spy, however, didn’t even seem to blink. A scowl crept across the features his face.

“Well, let's just say your hour has come again.” His voice took on a more impatient tone.

“You talk like ah’ve been out for 20 years” Chuckled engineer, as he pulled his goggles over his eyes. Spy’s calm demeanour had now completely faded, replaced with a troubling anxiety that was rarely seen by his fellow team-mates.

“We need you to fix up these, new teleporters of yours, so we can grab the intelligence from the Blu base, and get out of there quickly, with minimum mess! The fate of the entire mission and the lives of your team-mates rests solely in your shoulders, Engineer! Do not fuck it up!”

“He heh, don't get your knickers in a twist” he slurred. The level 4 'Super-teleporter' was his life’s work, a teleportation device developed from Telemax Co.’s original model, capable of teleporting an entire team of 9 operatives into the enemy base in one go. Safety in numbers, you see. The briefcase is far less likely to be lost if the entire team is escorting it!

It had taken a lot of trial and error (usually at Heavy’s expense, as he was the only one who could be convinced into being the guinea pig) and a lot of re-working, but after 9 years in development, hopefully it’ll be worth the wait. To be honest, he was a little nervous that it would work, It’s just that, well, he still has nightmares about THAT cat.

“So, wake up Engineer!” The agitated voice of Spy pulled him out of his pleasant daydream. He shook him violently, his shrouded face so close to engineer’s that he could smell that strange French perfume that he insisted wearing

“Wake up and smell the ashes.”

BOOM!

“GAH!!” They both screamed as a mortar exploded what must have been mere meters away from the shack, causing engineer to jump into Spy’s arms, the same way that Scooby-Doo would jump into Shaggy’s.

“Oh! I am I intruding on an intimate moment here?” Standing in the doorway was Medic, his white doctors coat flapping like a cape in the wind. Sitting on his shoulder was the blood-spattered form of his pet dove, Archimedes. Strangely, the bird didn't seem to care in the slightest about the explosions around it.

“Oh Merde!” Snorted Spy, quickly letting go of Engineer and dropping him to the floor.

“If its not too much trouble, we really need to get moving, ja!"

"Medic!"

"Coming! ugh, ze doctors work is never done"

He indicated over his shoulder "as you can hear, things are really hotting up out there!”

“Krauts” mumbled Engineeer as he trudged over to the packed up teleporters and hauled them off the ground. He really didn’t have a clue how Demoman managed to operate as a valued member of the team while simultaneously being in an almost constant state of unsoberness.

“Keeps me focused, mate!” Laughed Demoman.

“What!?”

He took another swig of Cider.

“Well, I cannae work with all those ‘splosions distracting me! The Drink keeps me focused!” He tapped the side of his head.

“…”

“Cheers mate!”

Ask no questions to avoid confusion. Especially when it comes to Demoman’s drinking habits.

He tossed one of the teleporters to Spy.

“This here’s for you” Spy caught it in his one free hand.

“d'accord” he remarked, testing the weight of the device.

“Now listen close, Spy” said Engineer “This here’s important. Once you reach the Blu base, simply set up the device and hit the calibrate button. That’ll connect it too this fella here”

He pointed to his own teleporter, which was clutched firmly in his left hand.

“Then, make sure no mean old mother hubbard gets a chance to tamper with her. Distract em', keep em' away. Use yer' old 'Parisian charm'. Or if that fails, stab em' in the back like the backstabber you are”

BOOM!

“Schizer!” cried Medic as the shed rattled from another dangerously close strike.

"Medic!"

He turned his head towards Archimedes. "Go and check up on Scout Archimedes, less than 2 missing limbs and it can wait till a more convenient time" The bird flew off obediently.

“I see” said Spy to Engineer, nodding slowly. He dropped his cigarette to the floor and stamped it out .

“Gentlemen” he nodded politely to the two men, before turning tail and slipping into the darkness once more.

“Well” said Medic, adjusting his tie “Now zat is sorted, we best make our way to the front lines! The rest of the team are already there, waiting for you. No doubt Blu is too.”

“Well” said Engineer, as he loaded his pistol. As magazine slid in with a satisfying click, menacing smile crept across his face.

“We best not keep them waiting.”

"Medic!"

It was finally here. The day that everypony had been waiting for (for the past month, anyway) had finally arrived. It was a beautiful morning. The weather had been scheduled to be bright, but cool and it looked as if the weather team had managed to get it just right. The birds were singing. The Flowers were as colourful as ever and everypony had a smile on their face. It was going to be a great day.

“You see Spike, this isn’t an event organised by the Mayor Mare or the Ponyville town council.” She said as she once again plunged head first into the mountain of paper on her desk, anxiously examining each scrap, triple checking everything to make sure she hadn’t missed a single detail.

“So what?” said Spike, shuffling through some of the papers with his right hand (at a much less frantic rate than Twilight) occasionally stopping to pluck a gemstones from the leather pouch he held in his left hand and munch on them.

“Businesses and companies like the 'happy cloud Co.' hold these kind of competitions all the time” he said between crunches.

“and you don’t get all worked up about that”

“SPIKE!” She glared at him. “What have I said about speaking with your mouth full!” Spike’s mouth clamped shut, a few crumbs rolled down his chin

“sorry” he mumbled.

Twilight rolled her eyes and went back to flicking through her notes, not even glancing at her scaled companion as she worked.

“This wasn’t even an event set up by a company.” she explained

“When companies get involved, these events are used for advertising and promotion” she waved her hooves around.

“Or to find the best candidate for a certain job, or something like that. Have to revise business studies soon to make sure I'm not loosing any valuable knowledge! However, back on topic, this is completely different. The sponsor is not a company, or if it was, it doesn’t want to be identified for some reason, as they are only ever referred to as ‘the Benefactor' in leaflets and posters”

“the Benefactor’ huh? Sounds kinda menacing to me. SORRY!”

He spat out the last word quickly, so to avoid another lecture from Twilight. Instead, he only received an angry stare.

“Also,” she continued “the reward doesn’t seem to benefit them in any way. No new employee, no showing off of a new product, just 100 bits to the winners of each category, ‘Most talented Unicorn’, ‘Strongest Earth Pony’ and ‘Fasted Pegasus’ and that’s it.”

“Too be perfectly honest, that’s a pretty measly reward for such a large competition”

“Yeah, that’s another thing I’ve been thinking about. Anyway, I guess to the entrants it isn’t going to be about the reward. It’s going to be about the pride.”

“oh yeah!”

They heard an exited call from outside and a whoosh of air forced its way through the open window, sending paper flying everywhere.

“As if some ponies needed their ego to get any bigger” The purple unicorn said through gritted teeth. She looked down at Spike.

“Brace yourself”

Suddenly, the window opposite Twilight’s bed smashed as a rainbow blur shot through and thumped into the opposing wall.

“Oof” Grunted Rainbow Dash as she slid down the wall into a heap on the floor. The customary entrance for the athletic Pegasus.

“Sorry Twilight…”

“Don’t worry Dash” she let out a long sigh.

“It’s what I’ve come to expect.”

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Today's the day! The day I prove myself as Equestaria’s greatest flyer!”

“As if that was in any doubt.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, Rainbow Dash” Twilight let out a sigh headed over to another bookshelf.

Rainbow Dash watched her shuffle through the books. She wasn’t the brightest of ponies, but she knew when her friends were hiding things from her, especially Twilight.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothi-”

“She has a bad feeling about the competition” said Spike. He turned to Twilight, who was giving him a stare that could almost rival one of Fluttershy’s.

“What? You gotta learn to stop keeping secrets from your friends. It ain’t healthy, Twi”

She sighed. “Your right, Spike” she turned towards Dash’s puzzled face.

“It just doesn’t feel right.”

Dash’s face softened. She trotted over to Twilight and threw her front leg over her shoulder.

“Aw, c’mon Twilight. It’s a competition! What’s the worst that could happen?”

Twilight raised her eyebrow.

“Heh, heh” Dash blushed and looked everywhere apart from Twilight’s eyes. She quickly decided that it was probably best to change the subject.

“You’re gonna compete, right?”

Now it was Twilight’s turn to blush. Everyone in Ponyville knew that she was the most talented unicorn in the town, and probably the entire country (apart from a few, extra-ordinary individuals). However, it wasn’t something she entirely enjoyed showcasing.

She’d first-hand seen with Trixie what could happen when a pony became too overconfident in their own abilities. They became arrogant and aloof. Such things haunted twilight’s dreams. She had promised herself since the ‘Ursa Minor’ incident that she would never, ever become like that.

“I don’t know, Dash. You know I’m not the type to show off. No offense.”

“None taken. Not everyone’s cut out for it” Twilight rolled her eyes.

Dash swiveled round to face Twilight “But you gotta take part! If not for yourself, for your friends!”

“But-”

“No buts! We're all so, um, honored, to be best friends with such a powerful unicorn!” she prodded her with her front hoof.

“You’re gonna take part in this competition and make us proud!”

“But-”

“You don’t get a choice Twilight, your taking part and that’s that!”

Twilight smiled weakly. She knew when she was defeated.

“Okay, okay, you win. Do the others know about this?”

“Are you kidding? They sent me to check that you were gonna go! We all want you to take part! We all know that you and I can smash the competition” she laughed.

“If they dare to show up, that is.”

“WELCOME TO PONYVILLE’S FIRST EVER 'BEST OF THE BEST' COMPETITION!” *CLICK*

It had been two hours since Rainbow dash had dropped by to convince Twilight to take part in the Competition. Not a long time to prepare for a competition that others had been practicing for the past 3 weeks.

"FIRST UP IS THE FASTEST PEGASUS EVENT!" *CLICK*

Luckily, Twilight was always practicing new spells. She was the element of magic, of course. She decided to use a special spell that acted as a magical firework display, sending thousands of colours (some of which previously she never knew existed) streaking across the sky. She was planning on saving it for a special occasion, but this was probably as special as it was going to get for a while.

"3" *CLICK*

"2" *CLICK*

"1" *CLICK"

She had also decided to leave Spike at home. She knew how tired he was after all that researching up late last night, and she had decided that he needed a serious rest to catch up on his sleep, no matter how much he had wanted to watch her compete (which was very unusual for the lethargic dragon).

“AND THEY'RE OFF!” *CLICK*

Suddenly a blur of pure colour shot past as hundreds of pegasi shot away from the starting line. A roaring cheer erupted from the crowd as families and friends shouted their own message of support to their own special competitors.

“What a peculiar voice! It seems to come from everywhere!” exclaimed Rarity, apparently disillusioned with the pure excitement around her.

She was sat, along with the remaining 4 members of the mane 6 who were not competing, in the temporary seats overseeing the events. She was wearing a pink designer hat (I’ll just embarrass myself if I try to go into more detail than that) and was holding a pair of viewing glasses with her telekinesis, trying to pick out Twilight from the rabble of competitors milling at the side-lines.

“Sure is! Sounds kinda, metallic” replied Applejack. “Creepy”

“He he!” Giggled Pinkie pie “Sounds funny! Like a robot!” her voice changed to match the voice of the announcer.

“I AM A ROBOT. BEEP. BOOP.”

They all began to laugh. Only Pinkie could change the tone of a moment so quickly.

"I do hope we didn't put to much pressure on Twilight" said Rarity, as the pegasi disappeared from view.

"Yeah, we only wanted to encourage her to have a go, but they way shes been runnin' around, she must think her life's dependin' on it!"

"Well, we all know how sometimes Twilight can get worked up about things" said Fluttershy.

"Maybe it would have been best if i'd told her, instead of Rainbow Dash" snorted Applejack.

"Now, now, Applejack" said Rarity "Twilight knows what Rainbow Dash is like. She would have taken that into account before agreeing to sign up"

"I don't know Rarity, you know how irrational Twi can be when she's under pressure. Remember when forgot to send that friendship report to princess Celestia?"

"Oh, yes"  Rarity's face darkened, remembering how distressed Twilight had been. "I hope she doesn't worry too much"

“Oh look” said Fluttershy in her most excited voice. “here comes Rainbow Dash”

They all turned their heads towards the finish line and began to cheer as a rainbow coloured flash shot across the finish line, full seconds ahead of 2nd place.

Rainbow Dash shot over to the group, casually performing somersaults as she did so, bathing in the applause from the crowd.

“Thank you, thank you!” she called “All in a day’s work for Rainbow Dash, Equestaria’s greatest flyer!” she hovered over to her friends, who were beaming at her.

“How’d I do?”

“Marvellous as usual, darling!”

“Yippie! We should have a party to celebrate!”

“That sure was fast, Dash!”

“Yay”

“Uh, Dash” said Applejack, scratching the back of her head with her front hoof.

“Shouldn’t you be over at the awards ceremony, or sumthin’?”

“Nah, they do that at the end, when all of the other events have finished”

“Oh, and why’s that?”

“I dunno, something about a winners group photo, I think”

The rest of the day seemed to fly by. Big Mac won the strongest Earth pony event, pulling his cart of rocks across the finish line in first place. Applejack wouldn’t stop blubbering on about how proud she was of him until Twilight’s event.

To say she thrashed the competition would be an understatement. While the other Unicorns used tricks such as disappearing rabbits (Much to Fluttershy’s distress) and floating wardrobes, Twilight put on an entire firework display. The sky was lit up with the brightest colours and the most complex patterns imaginable, as she cast the spell with such skill that only Celestia’s star pupil could achieve.

The awards ceremony had been great too. Each competitor had been given a pouch of 100 bits and a golden medal by the Mayor, studded with gems and rubies. Dash couldn’t sit still, constantly somersaulting and thanking the crowd as hundreds of cameras flashed at her. Big Mac just sat there in a dream-like state, happily thinking to himself how he had made his family proud. Twilight awkwardly smiled and waved at the crowd. She was relieved when she was finally allowed to step off the podium and leave.

“I still can’t believe some of those colours that I saw! It was like staring at a pile of magical glowing gems floating in the sky! Only better!” said Pinkie.

“And those patterns! Oh! You must teach me how you did the patterns, you must!” said Rarity

“It was nothing, really!” Twilight was blushing so much that it was literally showing through her fur. To say that she didn’t like the flow of compliments would be a lie, but there was still that niggling thought in the back of her head that told her it was wrong.

“Excuse me”

The group turned to face a particularly bored looking Gryphon. Her body was covered in shiny brown and white feathers and a pair of dark, menacing sunglasses covered her eyes.

Rainbow Dash frowned “Gilda, is that you?”

Gilda scoffed “Yes, Dash, it’s me. Not everyone has time to sit around and play games all day. Some people have jobs to do”

"Um, if you don't mind, I really need to go to the toilet. Back in a sec" said Fluttershy, almost tripping over her legs in her attempt to get away from Gilda

.

Rainbow Dash frowned even more. It had been a long time since she had last seen her old friend, and they hadn’t exactly parted ways on good terms. “What happened to you, Gilda? I didn’t think being an attendant at an Equestrian competition was your idea of ‘cool”

Gilda stared at Dash. Her claws clenched, and her teeth gritted, but it was subtle enough thaat nopony noticed. “I grew up. Maybe it’s time for you to do the same. And besides, I’ll have you know that there’s more to this job than meets the eye”

“Anyway, what I came to tell you” as she paused, she looked over Twilight and Big Mac.

"Is that its time for your photos"

Two male earth ponies appeared from behind Gilda. One had a dark green coat, a rusty coloured mane, and a crowbar for a cutie mark. The other was pearl white, and had a blue lightning bolt and as a cutie mark. He also had a blue mane, too. Both were wearing grey fedoras and similar sunglasses to the ones that Gilda was wearing. Around the green ones neck hung an unusual camera which gave off a unsettling green aura from its lens.

Dash back-flipped back on to the podium. "Gimme your best shot!" she said as she struck her most heroic pose.

The stallion raised the camera with its front hooves. The sound of the shutter was heard, but there was no flash, instead, the lens colour changed from green to red and strengthened in brightness slightly. The device then beeped and the lens returned to a dim red.

Dash jumped back off the podium, slightly annoyed at the lack of noise. She had been expecting something a little cooler from such a flash looking camera.

"Huh, isn't like any picture I've ever had taken before"

Next it was Big Macs turn, maintaining the calm and coolness that was characteristic of the giant farm worker. Next, Twilight steeped up to the podium.

She felt uneasy as the distrust of the competition that she had early suddenly return. The camera ominously glared at her as the lens once again changed from green to red. She felt a strong discomfort shoot through her body, almost as if the device was staring into her very soul.

BEEP

Twilight jumped off the podium. Had Mac or Rainbow Dash felt it too? She made a mental note to ask them later.

"So" Rainbow Dash prodded the green pony with her hoof. "How long till we get the photos?"

Despite the sunglasses, Twilight could read the expression on the pony's face like a book. Rather than answer Dash's question, he looked over to Gilda for help. Why did he look so dumbstruck over what should be such an easy question for such a professional looking stallion? Rainbow Dash was about to prod him again when Gilda responded.

"About a month" said Gilda, giving a huge uneasy grin.

"A month!?" Cried Rainbow Dash, flying straight up to the Griffon and hovering inches from her face.

“Yeah, these things take time, y’know? Lots of magical processes to go through, yeah, processes”  she didn’t sound very convinced. Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes.

“A month and everything should of fallen into place…” She backed away from Rainbow Dash, feeling confident that the answer she had given was good enough.

“So yeah, about a month and they’ll get delivered straight to your doors, assuming that wall-eyed freak isn’t still delivering the mail. The Benefactor sends you his best wishes” Gilda regained her confidence. She she walked off with the two earth ponies following closely, towards the everfree forest.

“Hey that’s no way to talk about Derpy!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.

“Whatever!”

The group of ponies stood there for a while, taking in the strange events that had occurred over the passed 5 minutes, as spectators continued to file out of the park. Fluttershy tip-toed up to the group, making sure that Gilda was definatley gone before speaking up. “What happened?”

Rarity turned to her. “I’m not entirely sure”

“Eeyup”

Send my regards...

'How had it come to this?'

Sniper peered over edge of the wooden watchtower towards no-mans land, his eyes shifting from left to right, looking out for the tell-tale flash of blue that would reveal his enemies position.

'What went wrong?'

He sighed as he took a sip of coffee from his favorite mug. A gift from his mother.

He hadn't seen her in a long time, not since dad had found out about his, 'special talent'. There wasn't a day that went past that he didn't think about her, how much he missed her.

Another sip.

Not his dad though. As polite as he acted to him on the phone, he couldn't care less about the stupid tosser. He could go to hell for all he cared.

He sighed again.

Sniper had never asked for the life of a professional assassin. When he was young, he was always interested in books. He loved the way they could carry him to a different world. A world of magic and wizards, perhaps. A world of crime and mystery, maybe. A world without his dad's stupid rants. He always enjoyed his own company, a trait that would come in useful later in his life.

However, no-one can make a career out of reading books. Sniper had never really been very good at conventional subjects, subjects that got people good, honest jobs out of. Despite his interest in literature, he was no good at English, he couldn't tell his elements from his compounds, and as for maths, well.

However, if there was one thing he was good at, it was marksmanship. He first found his talent at his local boy scout group, getting 88 points from 10 shots on his first go with a training rifle. He perfected his skill round his mate's farm, eventually taking up a career as a tracker of dangerous game in the unforgiving Australian outback. There, his companionship with his own mind flourished, loosing many of his emotions for other people in the process.

That was why he was such a good assassin.

And here he was. 40 years old working, for a mysteriously aggressive Demolition company called RED, and stuck in the middle of nowhere with:

-A Black Scottish cyclops, who is always drunk.

-A crazy German doctor.

-A masked psycho with a flamethrower.

-A lanky Frenchman, with an unsettling habit of appearing from nowhere.

-An overweight Russian, who is in a relationship with his gun.

-A mad soldier with a collection of fake medals.

-A Texan with a strange fetish for advanced mechanics.

-And a kid from Boston, who apparently loves himself.

Trying to capture a briefcase full of 'vital intelligence' from a group of blood-thirsty, heavily armed, and equally insane group of mercenaries. Who just happened to be working for a company called the 'Builders League United'. Seems that the global construction industry is a lot more competitive than it first appears.

"Hey, Sniper"

Sniper took his gaze away from no-mans land to look straight down at the ground below him. Standing there was the huge form of Heavy weapons guy.

"Where is Engineer?" his voice was demanding but friendly at the same time. Heavy was one of the friendliest guys sniper knew even if he was a little slow, but heaven forbid if you made him angry. You weren't coming out of that without at least one broken face.

Sniper groaned. "Well how the bloody hell am I supposed to know? I'm supposed to be keeping watch for..." He froze as he noticed a flash of blue out of the corner of his left eye.

'Shit'

The wooden planks above Sniper's head exploded into splinters as a bullet tore into the roof, forcing him to duck down.

"I know bullet when I hear one!" Heavy said, snapping from his relaxed stance to one of high alert.

"Quickly! get that bloody Engineer down here right now! He should be in his tinkering shed!" Shouted Sniper, keeping low inside the frail structure of the watchtower. Heavy nodded.

"Right away! Come, Sasha" the huge man ran off towards the shack that Engineer had decided to set up shop in, carrying his huge weapon as if it were merely paper. 'Practical Solutions' he called it, as if it was some kind of convenience store. Bloody hell, what was wrong with that man?

A rocket whistled past the watchtower, slamming into a nearby shack and reducing it to sawdust. This place really wasn't designed to withstand an attack the magnitude of the one that was being launched against them now.

But what could they do? They had only arrived here last night, under the cover of darkness. A ghost town, situated only a mile from Blu HQ. It had seemed a little to convenient, especially to the saner members of the team. These suspicions had been proven to be true when mortar shells begun to rain upon their heads at 5am in the morning. Luckily, they had a thing up their sleeve that the blues certainly wouldn't be expecting.

Most of the men had chosen to drink and play cards during this time, INCLUDING the one who should've been hard at work, making sure those teleporters were completely safe and fully functioning.

Sniper, however, was out surveying the town. Finding the best sniping spots, stashing supplies in convenient locations, and enjoying a bit of piece and quiet to read his new book, 'of Mice and Men' by the American author John Steinbeck. He was used to isolation from his previous job, and had taught himself to enjoy his own company.

"Better find a better spot" he said to himself. Important rule of Sharpshooting: when spotted, get the fuck out of there.

He tossed a grenade in the direction of the attacking forces.

"That should keep em' busy" He waited for the explosion of the grenade before jumping through the trap door in the floor and sliding down the ladder, bullets whizzing past him on all sides from the mercenaries who were brave (or stupid) enough to keep their heads up during the storm of shrapnel.

'How had it come to this?'

He grinned.

'What more could a bloke ask for?'

"Hurry, schweinhund!"

Engineer hurried after Medic, one hand on his head, trying to stop his hardhat from flying off, the other holding the packed up teleporter that literally could decide the fate of the entire team. If this didn't work, they could be trapped here and overwhelmed by the blues, who outnumbered them a hundred to one.

Or worse. They could end up being teleported somewhere completely unexpected. Into space, deep under the sea, 30 thousand feet up in the air. Even inside solid rock.

He decided it was best that he didn't voice his worries to his comrades. No need to unnecessarily panic the team about something that they had no control over. Anyway, he had complete confidence that it would work.

The two men ran down the narrow streets, the sound of gunfire and explosions growing louder and more defined as they neared the front lines. They heard the sound of heavy footsteps behind them.

"Ah! there you are" came a cry of delight from behind them. Rather than stopping, the two men slowed to a jog to allow the chunky Russian to catch up.

"Hallo Heavy, what a pleasant surprise" Medic frowned.

"What are you doing here, though?"

"I am here to fetch the Engineer!" he shouted over the explosion of a stray sticky bomb. They must be getting close. Either that or Demoman needed some serious help with his aim.

"Well, I'm afraid I've beaten you too it!"

"Howdy" Engineer waved sheepishly at Heavy.

Medic skipped round a large crater that was blocking his path. It seemed that Blu's mortar teams had done an exemplary job of re-constructing the landscape of the town.

"Now hurry friends! too the town square! that is the agreed meeting point!"

"Too the rendezvous!" shouted Engineer and the three ran down the ash choked street, towards death, glory, or whatever else awaited them in the smoke.

"And, Calibrate"

Spy's fingers drifted gently over the large red button on the side of the now humming teleportation device. The rotary fans spun softly and the machine began to hum delicately. He pressed his finger down and quickly stood back, watching the device with a mixture of excitement and curiosity.

Slowly, the fans began to spin faster. The device began to emit a gentle red glow and the low hum began to grow louder.

"Go, go, go!"

Spy looked up at the now vibrating ceiling as another squad of Blu soldiers scrambled about on the upper floor. He scowled. Such thoughtless noise, such inelegance. Maybe they would be acting differently if they knew that there was a Red Spy in their base.

Spy had managed to sneak into the base disguised as a Blu Engineer, who's job was to fortify the base against a possible Red counterattack. That had made the chunky form of the packed up teleporter on his back easier to explain, especially to some dumb heavy who wouldn't know a nut from a bolt. The real Blu Engineer was lying face down in a drainage ditch with his throat cut open. The work of a true professional.

The teleporter was now humming furiously, the gentle glow had advanced to a furious level of brightness that hurt his eyes, and sparks began to fly off in every direction.

"Engineer never seemed it relevant to mention that the device would get this loud" muttered Spy too himself, looking nervously around the room.

'If the Blue's don't manage it, I'll kill that drunk bastard myself'

"Hello?" came a voice, echoing down the maintenance stairs.

Spy froze.

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"Whas' goin on down there?" came the voice again. footsteps.

"Merde!" Spy's eyes flicked around the room, looking for an escape. He could disguise himself as an Engineer again, but he doubted it would be enough. Regardless of what he was wearing, if he was caught down here with that thing, he was dead.

'Damn you, you single minded fool'

More footsteps.

"What is problem?"

"I think something fishys goin' on down there"

"Ha! do not worry, little man. It is just Engineer. I let him go down earlier"

"You idiot! didn't it ever cross your mind that he might be an enemy spy?"

"He was acting a little strangely...Oh! this is bad!"

The footsteps became louder and faster, as it begun to dawn upon the defenders that their defenses had been breached.

'Come on, where are you?' Spy became more urgent, lifting boxes and throwing over tables, looking for any possible opening he could use to escape.

He had to get back and warn the team not to use the teleporter. It wasn't safe to use, not anymore. As soon as the Blu team found it they would shut it down, and if there's one thing you never do, you never, EVER enter a teleporter with no exit node. No one knows what happens, because, well, whenever someone goes through one, they are never seen again.

"The teleporter, of course! how could I be so stupid?"

"INTRUDER ALERT! RED SPY IN THE BASE!" the sharp voice of the administrator screeched as alarms rang out across the base, alerting every single mercenary assigned to it of the presence of the sharp-suited interloper.

How had he not thought of it before? While the 2 nodes were still functioning, he could use the teleporter for a quick escape.

'Maybe your hair-brained experiment has not completely gone to waste, Engineer'

BANG! The door to the staircase shuddered.

'But if he hadn't calibrated it yet, it wouldn't make any difference'

"Open this door!"

Spy ran over to the teleporter. Shielding his eyes, he searched for the small green light that would tell him if the device was synched with the one on the other side. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack, what with the light show that was the distracting side affect of Australium powered device.

BANG!

There it was! ready for operation.

'I take it all back. god bless you, my hard-hatted friend'

Spy stepped onto the device, and drew his revolver, pointing it directly at the door. He drew a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it on one of the many sparks flying round the room. If he was going to leave, he was going to leave in style. A Sudden realization popped into his head.

'What about the briefcase?'

The door burst into splinters as a Blu Heavy elbowed his way into the room. Following in his shadow was a Scout. As soon as he saw Spy, he recognized him. Not even that mask could hide his distinctive lanky physique and his sharp, matching facial features.

"YOU!"

Spy fired his revolver, hitting the Heavy squarely between his eyes, killing him instantly. He fired another shot towards the Scout, but missed as he dived behind a wooden crate.

'To hell with the briefcase'

Slowly, Spy's vision became filled with red swirls as the teleportation process began to take affect. He began to laugh uncontrollably at the thought of meeting Junior in a place like this, I supposed he always reckoned himself to be a tough guy. Once again, he had stared death in the very eyes. Once again, he had returned its gaze with a one-fingered salute.

The Scout left the relative safety of cover as he began to fire his pistol repeatedly at the de-materiaising Spy, but it was too late. The bullets just passed through him. The Scout screamed at him in frustration.

Oh! It was all coming back to him now. The Brooklyn apartment, the cheap wine, the beautiful woman.

'Ah, Mon petit chou'

And not to forget the insults and anger from the 5 year old infant who had just found out that the strange man with the strange voice had just made sweet love to his mother. He began to laugh even harder.

"Goodbye, Junior" he wheezed. He thought he was going to die of laughter

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME, YOU BACKSTABBING FREAK! I'LL SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!" Screamed the scout, dropping his empty pistol to the floor. He drew a baseball bat from his back and lunged crazily at Spy, who was now almost completely surrounded by crackling red energy.

"Send my regards, to your mother!"

The Benefactor

"Why in Tartarus is that stupid thing so slow?" Complained Gilda.

She was flying just above the tree line of the Everfree forest, looking out for any of the more dangerous resident creatures that may threaten the convoy which she was leading. The timber wolves had been trouble enough, without another creature ambushing them.

She hated the Everfree. The place was nothing like what she was used to, it was way too natural, if there was such a thing. Back in the Gryphon colonies where she hailed from, everything was straightforward and simple. There was day, there was night and there was prey. that was all anyone had too worry about, apart from the occasional thunderstorm.

Here though, nothing could be taken for granted. One section of the forest could be calm at one point, while a few meters away another could be consumed by the most terrible lightning storm. The place was saturated with a type of sorcery that even the most powerful magic users feared, and rightly so.

However, the discomfort she was feeling was nothing compared to the fear that the two earth ponies below her were. The majority Equestria had no natural cycles, as their entire ecosystem was tended by the equine residents themselves. the Running of the leaves, Winter wrap up, all of these things were essential for for the survival of the largest nation of the known world.

The idea of it raining without a weather team scheduling it was way too alien for them, so when it began to spit lightly as they trotted down the forgotten track they almost jumped out of their skins.

"Calm down, you cowards, it's just rain"

"Yeah, but its raining all by itself!" cried the white one.

Behind the two ponies was the large metal box that they had been operating within just a day ago, monitoring the entire 'best of the best' competition from inside it, hidden by a large marquee during the event and sneaked out during the night. She knew the purpose of the competition was something to do with the Benefactors plans, but what those plans were, she had no clue, apart from that they almost definatley augured ill for the citizens of Ponyville.

'Ponyville'

She snorted in disgust.

Large rubber tank treads protruded from the sides of the 'tank', on which the machine moved slowly down the muddy track. While others may have looked at the machine in wonder, imagining what kind of magic or technology allowed it to move on its own locomotion, Gilda could only think about how painstakingly slow it was creeping along. Slow wasn't her style.

She pondered on why she was doing this again. Why was she working for some weirdo who refused to show his face even to his own henchmen?  Why did she spend all of yesterday watching a bunch of lame ponies take part in some pathetic contest? And why was she traveling up this track, supervising a couple of morons and a big metal lump on wheels traveling at the grand old speed of 'Snails pace'?

Oh yeah.

To get back at Rainbow Dash and her stupid friends.

Ever since they humiliated her at her own party, Gilda had brooded and festered, imagining all of the horrible ways she could get back at her. It had taken all of her reserve to prevent herself from lashing out at the cyan Pegasus yesterday.

At first she had contemplated killing her in her sleep. 'Too nice'.

How about torturing her in the most painful ways imaginable, before turning her into grotesque cupcakes and feeding them too her friends? 'Close'

How about putting her friends in said situation and letting her know that it was all her fault. That it had only been possible due to her own pride?

'Perfect'

A couple of years ago, Gilda would have been disgusted about having such thoughts about her old friend. She would have called herself mad and taken some time to examine her mind, maybe even booking herself in for 'Griffon therapy'.

But she was a different Griffon now, and she knew exactly what she wanted. She'd had a long time to think this over. A long time indeed.

"There, up ahead!"

Gilda snapped out of her pleasant daydream to see the silhouette of castle Whiterun loom up ahead. An old castle that had origins that could be traced back to the time of the 3 tribes, before the union of the Earth ponies, the Pegasi, and the Unicorns had taken affect to birth modern Equestaria as it was known today. What the castle had been used for, and which of the pansy-pony tribes owned it, was anybody's guess.

Sprouting from the castle were large antenna and steel drainage pipes. Wires trailed from the open windows, crackling blue energy running down them like a waterfall of electricity. A stark contrast with the original Gothic architecture.

The castle itself sat upon a steep mound, supposedly to tire out wingless attackers trying to assault the grand structure.

"Oh, great"

2 hours later and they had finally reached the castle. A pretty impressive time, considering the lumbering metal monstrosity had halved its speed when it began to scale the mound. Gilda wasn't even sure that it was going to make it at some points, what with all the coughing and spluttering noises, and the great gouts of smoke that it occasionally belched out.

Gilda strode up to the castle doors and knocked three times in quick succession. After a minute, a rusty voice came through the intercom.

"Who goes there?"

"It's me, Gilda, open up"

"What's the password?"

Gilda groaned. Why was everyone around these parts complete morons?

"There is no password! Now quit fooling around and open these doors!"

A chuckle came over the intercom, then a wheezing cough. Then another minute of silence. Finally, the voice answered.

"Proceed"

The huge ominous doors to the castle swung open, loudly creaking as they did so. revealing the dark interior of the castle foyer. A swarm of bats left the relative safety of the foyer, screeching loudly as they escaped into the rain.

'Touche'

Gilda rushed quickly into the castle, momentarily abandoning her two colleagues and the metal box, which still maintained its sluggish speed despite the lack of incline. It wasn't exactly warm in there, but it was a stark improvement on the Everfree forest. Although to be fair, what wasn't?

She shook herself like a dog, dispelling the rainwater that had drenched her beautiful feathers.

"If I ever get my hands on that old fool, I swear to any nearby gods that I will rip his throat out, eat it, and I will ENJOY IT"

She turned back to the convoy, which was now waiting behind the her, ready for her next instructions. The two Herbivorous ponies had looks of distaste and horror on their faces.

"Come on! we've wasted enough time already!" said Gilda obliviously.

The group marched (and trundled) down the long hallway. The floor was covered with a huge, dirty red carpet, which was in turn covered in caterpillar tracks and countless hoof-prints. The walls were along one side were covered in huge portraits, each one easily the size of a small shed. The paint on them was cracked and worn, and a few had large red curtains drawn across them. They obviously belonged to a line of noble, but now forgotten unicorns. Some were big, some small, some fat, some thin.

But one trait that they all shared, was that they all sported a silvery, grey mane.

Other than the portraits, the castle was completely undecorated and boring, and very run down. Along the other wall was a line of doors, each leading to a different area of the castle. Titles such as 'Testing', 'Manufacture', 'Digital operations' and 'Staff toilet' were printed across the front in bold lettering.

They came to a garage door with the words 'T4N-K Storage' printed on it. Gilda nodded to the white pony.

"Bolt, go park the tank"

Bolt nodded and trotted over too the door. He keyed in the code with his hoof and led the T4N-K into the garage.

Gilda and the Green earth pony continued down the long corridor. Overhead, a huge flock, of what must of been at least a hundred strange metallic orbs skittered from one rafter to another, their purpose unknown even to the most senior employees

Finally they reached the end of the corridor, which had been becoming narrower and narrower the further they went on. it also became much darker, and by the time they had reached the end the only light source was a dying light bulb just above the black door against the end wall. Here, the walls were in much better shape than they were at the start of the corridor. They were smooth and crisp as apposed to cracked and crumbling.

The door had two words written on it in gold, Coppergate gothic font:

'Dr. Grey-Manne: CEO'

Gilda approached the door. Without warning, it beeped and opened slowly.

Automatic doors.

'I'll never get used to this guy's gadgets'

"Gilda, my dear" came a voice. It was the voice of somepony who had complete confidence in their own authority. The voice of somepony of who demanded respect and fear, without even needing to raise their tone.

"Do come in"

Gilda entered the office. It was relatively empty, apart from a small desk that was covered in scrap paper. Some pieces had intricate diagrams on them, others were completely covered in complex equations that hurt Gilda's head if she stared at them to long.

Grey-Manne sat at the desk, his pale blue eyes boring into Gilda's very soul. Like the rest of his family, he had a dark, silvery, grey mane, which was well groomed and waxed. his fur colour was also grey, this time a very light shade and he wore a pair of round-rimmed spectacles. His cutie-mark was that of two screwdrivers, crossed over.

Along the back wall were hundreds of monitors. You could see every major city and town in the kingdom from these screens. Ponyvillie, Stallionrad, Manehattan, even Canterlot. There really was nopony beyond Grey-Manne's cold, calculating gaze.

"Crate Cracker, you may leave us" said Grey-Mane monotonously, his stern face not revealing a single emotion.

The green earth pony handed Gilda the camera that was handing around his neck. He then turned to his master and nodded dutifully as he left the room, The door closing automatically behind him. Grey-Manne dropped the quill he was holding with his telekinesis and relaxed, leaning back in his chair. He smiled at Gilda.

"You're the only one of my employees that I fully trust, Gilda"

He got up from his seat.

"Not because you have done what I have asked without question, on demand"

He walked over to Gilda, who was staring straight ahead, the same way a attentional guardspony on duty does.

"Not because you are easily the most capable creature here, who's track record in the field of operations speaks for itself"

He drew his muzzle close to her ear, breathing heavily. Gilda shifted uncomfortably. She hoped this wasn't going where she thought it was going.

"But because of your passion for hate"

Gilda raised her eyebrow. This wasn't what she was expecting.

"You see, I posses a rather special talent" Grey-Manne took the camera from Gilda's claw with his magic. It always gave her the heeby-jeebies when a unicorn used there magic near her. It made her feel uncomfortable, as her natural strength was nothing to it.

"I come from a long line of mind-readers, a closely guarded secret, of course. My family used this skill to take advantage of society, pulling strings as we see fit. What do ponies want? What are they feeling?"

He looked straight into her eyes again.

"What are their dreams?"

He laughed.

"We became the best politicians and entrepreneurs. We made the right friends in the right places. We made the most bits. And when we reached the top, we threw the best parties too. I myself became an inventor. I used my talent to scan the minds of geniuses and bring their knowledge together in perfect, glorious, mechanical harmony. I created things to amaze ponies. To help ponies" His eyes had glazed over. He was completely immersed in his memories.

"I felt none of the greed that my ancestors felt. I didn't want money or power. I wanted to be loved by everypony. Gray-Manne, the greatest inventor in all of Equestaria!" he threw his legs into a dramatic position. Gilda yawned, but Grey paid no attention.

"But then it happened. they abandoned me. called me a 'cold-hearted monster' because of one silly little accident. One accident! They chased me straight out of town, and smashed up my beautiful inventions as if they were cursed. It was then I realized"

He snapped out of his daydream, directly addressing Gilda this time.

"Ponies are weak creatures, and I am ashamed to call myself one. They lack the drive to do what is necessary to advance, too evolve. Is it worth it? Is it worth to never advance, to continue to live in ignorance, just because it is the safe path? of course not. It is a crime against science and progress to do otherwise"

He snarled dramatically.

"They will pay for what they did to me..."

"And that is why you trust me" said Gilda.

Grey-Manne smiled so subtlety that Gilda didn't notice. This was what he had been waiting for. Drama school really did pay off eventually.

"I know what its like to suffer humiliation at the hands of ponies, to suffer at the hands of your supposed 'friends." Gilda was staring at the ground. She didn't particularly like to allow that memory that memory to surface at the best of times. A tear dropped from her eye to the floor. It was rare to see the proud Griffon let her emotions get the better of her. How could she let those stupid ponies comprise her like this?

Grey-Manne patted Gilda on the back. Gilda looked up. She knew in her heart she had blown it. She had let herself get swept up in her memories, and now it would cost her job, and her only chance to get back at Rainbow Dash.

Gone from his face was the hatred and the anger. Instead, it had been replaced with the expression a father might give to comfort his daughter.

"Ive acted like one of them sir, Ive let myself down"

Gray-Manne laughed.

"You really think you can hide your emotions from me with a straight face and a toneless voice? You crack me up Gilda, you really do. Take the rest of the day off, it looks like you've earned it"  He said as he hungrily eyed the camera floating in front of his face.

King of the hill

Sorry for taking so long to update the story guys, I've had a lot on my mind recently, what with GSCE mock exams and the fact that I got a little tired of writing. If you've been following this story from the start, you may want to go back and look over the previous chapters as I have edited them quite a bit. oh, and don't forget to comment! (and thumb up if you like it, this story has more favorites than thumbs up for some reason.) Also, I've added music to certain parts of the story, as I know that I like to listen to music when I read. Hopefully its not too out of place!

Character quick reference

Tavish DeGroot - Demoman

Jane Doe - Soldier

Youtube Video

A trail of fire streaked over Engineer's head as 4 missiles launched themselves into a group of attacking soldiers, sending body parts flying everywhere.

"Whoee! Nice work Sally!" He cheered, giving a thumbs up to his beloved sentry.

As if trying to make its master proud, it rotated and fired its twin mini-guns towards an approaching enemy sniper. The sniper thought he had not been noticed, but in reality nothing was beyond the stern gaze of a well maintained level 3 sentry turret.

"Heh heh heh" He pushed the front of his hard hat over his eyes, with 'frontier justice' resting on his lap. He was sat upon the head of Bluarch Mann, which had fallen from the shoulders of the statue that marked the center of activity in the town.

"I need ammo! I need ammo!" cried Heavy, running from the front lines as fast as his legs would carry him.

"Well, help yourself, there's plenty to go around" He gestured towards his dispenser calmly.

Sally fired at a Blu scout that was running across a plank leading across two roofs. The scout cried out in pain as his body was riddled with bullets, he then fell from the walkway to the ground with a satisfying crunch.

"Ah, thank you!" said Heavy as he thrust his meaty hands into the dispenser draw, making the thing shudder with every rummage "You are truly credit to team!"

"Hey, watch it!" said engineer. Heavy tipped his head to one side.

"What is noise?"

"What noise, I can't hear over all these damned explosions!" He stood up and strained his ears. He heard a low hum emanating from behind him. He turned.

"What in tarnation?"

Engineer's teleporter node was positioned right behind the huge statue, in order to shield it from any shrapnel that could shred the delicate mechanisms within it. It had begun to spin and glow, indicating that the device had been activated from the other side.

Suddenly, the device flashed and a bright silhouette of light appeared above it.

"Gaaah!"

Spy slumped to the ground in front of the teleporter, his suit scorched in multiple locations. The teleporter beeped thrice and ejected superheated steam from hidden vents on its underside.

The two men ran over to Spy.

"Spy! what in hell are you doin'?" Said Engineer as Heavy hauled Spy too his feet.

"The teleporter...discovered...*COUGH*...scout..."

He hunched over as he was attacked by a vicious coughing fit. Heavy began to pat him on the back softly, the same way a mother pats a baby's back when it gets indigestion.

"There there leetle man, nice and slowly"

Spy continued to cough for another half a minute as shell and projectile fire echoed around them. He sighed, regaining his composure and brushed down his suit, picking a piece of plaster out of his pocket. He breathed in deeply.

"So, you were sayin'?"

Spy marched straight up to Engineer and slapped him straight across the face.

"Ow!"

"As I was saying, the plan has, failed" Spy's shoulders drooped. A part of his ego died inside as he spoke the words.

"I was caught out because of the racket that machine gave of. Which you didn't seem fit to mention to me! I barley escaped with moi putain de vie! If you excuse my french"

"Humph. Didn't seem that loud to me" Said Engineer, rubbing his sore cheek.

"Well it wouldn't would it, you metal headed bastard! You've probably gone half deaf the amount of time you spend with those damn machines!"

"Now now children" said heavy pushing the two apart. "We have more important things to worry about"

"You're right Heavy" said engineer, rubbing his head. It was still throbbing due to his excessive consumption of alcohol the previous night. Live every night as if it was your last, that was his motto. If only there were some hookers...

"So, you're the smart one, whats the plan? We can't stay here" said Spy, scowling. He was happy to be alive but he still couldn't get over the fact that Engineer had forgotten to tell him about the noise of the teleporter node. However, he was still a genius when it came to problem solving and if there was anyone that could get them out of this mess, it was him.

"The way in?"

"The bridge was destroyed by rocket fire 20 minutes ago" said Heavy. "The canyon to east that we agreed as escape point has been cut off by enemy forces. It seems that the Blu babies were better prepared than first thought"

"Uhh I bet they were plannin' this all along" said Engineer, scratching his chin. "Anything else?"

"I got nothing"

"Well that's it then boys. Its been an honor" Engineer said solemnly. "Hell, I never thought I'd go like this"

"You two disgust me, truly" said Spy, brushing between the two men "Where's your will to survive? God knows how you've - we've survived for this long?" There was a grin on his face.

He wrapped his hands around their shoulders and drew them close. "How many times has it seemed as if it were the end, only to pull through? How many times have you stared death in the face, only to return its gaze with a one fingered salute? I should know, I only did it mere minutes ago! The impossible is always possible, if you want it hard enough, if you never give in" Heavy was smiling, Spy's motivational speech reinvigorating his morale. Engineer however, was less convinced.

"I still don't see how wishful thinking's gonna get us outta this mess"

"Come on, Engineer, you may be a fool but your no idiot! think!"

Engineer began to pace up and down, rubbing his chin softly at the same time. Sally fired another cluster of rockets, this time towards the window of a concrete building, the entire top level of the structure exploding into dust. Whoever had been lurking up there certainly weren't lurking no more.

Think, think think. He looked down at the teleporter. 9 years of trial and error it had taken his to build that. 9 years destroyed in the blink of an eye. They hadn't even managed to get the briefcase. He kicked it.

"If it aint broke, don't fix it"

The machine beeped again.

'aint broke'

"That's it!" cried Engineer.

"What?"

"The teleporter!"

"Did you listen to a single word I said?"

"Yeah, but this node still works! We can use it to get out of here!"

Spy looked at Engineer in horror. He knew that only bad could come out of this. "But we could end up anywhere! Anywhere! do you how many locations in the universe support human life?"

"Not the exact percentage, but whats the alternative, huh?"

As if on cue another building collapsed behind them.

"Fine, fine, I guess your right. certain death vs almost certain death" Spy stepped towards the teleporter

"Ah ah ah!" Said Heavy, blocking Spy's way with his outstretched arm. "You weren't planning on leaving everyone else behind, were you?"

"No, of course not" said Spy.

"All right, its settled. Heavy, Spy, go fetch the others and make it quick. If were going to go out, we might as well go out with a bang!"

'C'mon, Cyclops, C'mon'

Red Scout jumped across the rooftops of the ruined town houses. He was surprised that they didn't give way, but then it wouldn't be a problem for him if they did anyway. Born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts, Scout was the youngest of 8 brothers and learned from an early age how to solve problems with his fists. He had an extremely light build, which allowed him to run at incredible speeds compared to his older brethren. He was also very tough and confident, especially for his age. Some might say a little too confident.

"Ha! I'm running circles round ya!" He laughed and vaulted over to the next rooftop. In pursuit were 3 Blu scouts. They appeared to be of Japanese origin, and each was wearing a Blue hoodie as well as the same hand-wraps as Scout was. They each held sharp, ornamental knives, eager to gut the cocky American at the first chance they got.

Scout laughed again. Oh, how good it was to feel the air in his hair again, to feel the rush of adrenaline that only comes when you are running for your life. Cyclops better show up soon though, as he'd run out of rooftops soon.

Sooner rather than later it seemed, as the building in front of him was struck by a rocket. The already weakened building groaned and collapsed in on itself, giving Scout mere inches to bring his breakneck pace grinding to a halt. He teetered at the edge of the roof, swinging his arms to try to keep himself balanced.

"Whoa!"

He took a step backwards.

"Now we have you, dog"

"Aw crap"

Scout swiveled round to see the three Japanese men leering at him, their blades glinting in the harsh sun. They crouched into position, readying to pounce on their hapless prey.

"KA-BOOM!"

The next few seconds would be played out in Scout's dreams for the rest of his life. From the left of his field of vision, a grenade flew straight in to the side of one of the pursuer's head, the explosion ripping apart his upper half in an explosion of gore, staggering his comrades.

Tavish DeGroot flew down, wielding a massive claymore above his head. Screaming an incomprehensible war cry, he landed and slashed off a scouts arm in one swift motion. The scout screamed in pain, looking down at the at his armless shoulder with a mixture of pain and surprise.

"How's that feel, ya blockhead?"

Demoman landed a powerful kick on the mans chest, throwing him straight off the edge of the three story building. He turned to the last scout, who had only just began to register what was going on.

"Don't fret boyo, I'll be gentle!"

Demoman thrust his massive claymore through the mans chest. He gurgled a curse in Japanese before slumping lifelessly to the ground, blood pouring from his mouth.  Demoman yanked his sword out of his torso.

"Aw thanks cyclops, you really saved my skin there! If i-" said a relived and grateful Scout.

Demoman held up his hand, gesturing for Scout to shut up. Thrusting his sword into the splintered wooden paneling, he pulled a bottle of Scrumpy from his combat webbing and began to chug it relentlessly. After about a minute or so he finished it, smashing the empty bottle against the floor.

"Ok, continue where you left off laddie"

Jane Doe's boots squelched in the mud of the trench, his eyes flicked around under his low rimmed helmet, searching for any signs of life. There were dead bodies everywhere, victims of the hardened veteran's pump action shotgun and rocket launcher. The Soldier had held the trench single-handedly for the entire morning, every time a squad of attackers had entered it he had reacted with speed, dispatching them with skill befitting of the self-made war hero.

Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War 2, Soldier was rejected by every branch of the US military. Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to Europe. After arriving and finally locating Poland, Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a Nazi killing spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the war in 1949.

After that he drifted, hiring himself out as a mercenary or sometimes simply participating in wars such as Vietnam for fun. Sooner or later he caught the attention of the Administrator, who was desperately in need of a war hero to bring her mercenaries back into shape, especially after that other Soldier had crossed the unspeakable line. Given the opportunity to fight for someone who actually valued his skills as a warrior, he jumped at the chance.

"What was that?"

Soldiers ears pricked up at the sound of squelching footsteps in the distance. Ordinarily, Soldier would have ran down the trench to meet them immediately, but there was something about those footsteps that made the few hairs that he had stand on end. Nothing ever gave soldier that feeling. Except for one man.

No, he was imagining things. He couldn't be here. Besides, it would be madness running down the trench now, as a thick smog was descending upon the battlefield. He could run straight into an enemy ambush.

Another squelch. He did walk in that distinctive way.

"This is my world, you are not welcome in my world!" boomed Soldier, hoping that his sudden verbal attack would scare or shock the enemy, revealing his position. Instead, it was met by a horrific laugh.

"So, he is here"

Soldier tensed and brought the shotgun up to his shoulder, focusing the iron sights down the dark corridor of the trench. Another squelch.

Minutes passed, but Soldier did not take his eyes from the trench passage for one second, reminded of the danger by the constant squelching. He feared no man, but that thing... Soldier dared not fire his weapon. It had an uncanny tendency to dodge bullets and rockets, which partially explained how it had managed to garner so many victims. It was bad enough fighting along side it.

Slowly the smog began to lift, revealing the dark silhouette of a man. As it cleared it became obvious that it was a Blu team soldier, the distinctive helmet and the blue trench-coat giving it away. He was splattered with distasteful amounts of blood, even by solider's standards and where his grenades should have been were instead a gore spattered cutlery set, complete with a knife, fork and spoon.

The sleeves of his trench-coat had been torn clean off, revealing arms knotted with muscle. Under his fingernails were a dark red filth that doesn't even need naming. What Jane had first thought to be stubble was in fact dried blood, revealing the mans cannibalistic eating habits. In his left hand he carried a Shovel covered in, you guessed it, blood.

The man lifted his head, so Soldier could see into his eyes, into his very soul. What he saw could only be described as an voracious hunger for human flesh. The man licked his lips, his wet tongue moisturizing his his dry lips.

Soldier fired his shotgun multiple times into the mans chest until the weapon clicked dry. The man stumbled back a few steps, but other than that he seemed unfazed.

"What the hell have you become!" cried Soldier. He felt a new emotion that he had never experienced before in his life. Terror.

"I am Painis Cupcake"

His mouth stretched in to a horrifying grin and his eyes shone with pure joy.

"I will eat you"