And I'm gonna find out who
“SOMEPONY ATE ALL MY COOKIES!”
The scream echoed throughout all of Ponyville, though nopony cared at all.
In the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner Pinkie collapsed onto her rump, sobbing and clutching the empty cookie jar tightly against her chest. “Who would do such a thing?!” she wailed.
“Pinkie dear, what happened?” Mrs. Cake appeared, Pinkie’s scream having half-deafened her.
“S-somepony ate my cookies!” Pinkie cried, holding up the empty jar as evidence. “They didn’t even leave a single crumb!”
Mrs. Cake eyed the floor, searching for some sort of evidence. “There! Look!” She pointed, and sure enough a trail of crumbs lead right for the door outside.
Pinkie shot to her hooves, wearing a detective hat and carrying a spyglass. “Perfect! That will lead straight to the culprit!” she pressed her face onto the floor and followed the crumbs out the door.
Mrs. Cake rubbed her aching ears and sighed, shaking her head and trotted back upstairs.
~~~
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville, the sun was shining brightly, and a pleasant breeze ran through Fluttershy’s mane. She sat down; she’d finished feeding all the animals, and now just wanted to enjoy a relaxing rest under the shade of a big tree.
Suddenly a muzzle worked its way under her rump, lifting her backside into the air. “Oh! Hey! Oh my goodness!”
Pinkie Pie moved forward, sliding out from under the butter colored Pegasus. “Sorry Fluttershy, can’t stay and chat! I’m looking for a thief!”
“A thief?” Fluttershy fluttered back up to her hooves. “Oh my… did they steal anything valuable?”
Pinkie stood up straight and turned just her head all the way around, staring sadly at Fluttershy. “They did! My super special chocolate chip, cream-filled, spiced cookies!”
“Oh no,” Fluttershy murmured.
“Say…” Pinkie narrowed her eyes and turned her body around. “They lead right too you!”
She pressed her nose against Fluttershy’s. “Did you eat them?”
Fluttershy gasped in horror. “Oh no! I would never!”
Pinkie looked at the ground around Fluttershy’s hooves, and then examined the yellow pony’s lips. Not a crumb to be found.
“Okay!” Pinkie smiled. “I believe you! But I still have to find the real culprit!” and with then she bounced off in search of the thief.
“Good luck!” Fluttershy called.
~~~
Pinkie could only stare in shock. The cookie crumbs lead right to… The library! She blasted the door open and galloped in, shoving a terrified Spike out of her way; she dashed up the stairs and tackled Twilight, who was sitting on the toilet.
“AH! PINKIE!” Twilight squealed, as they were both knocked into the bath tub. The shower curtain was pulled off the rod and fell around them; it was purple and decorated with little pink hearts.
“Twilight Sparkle! You ate all my cookies, didn’t you?!” She accused, using the spyglass to check for crumbs on the unicorns lips.
“What?!” Twilight shrieked, “No! I just woke up!”
Suddenly Spike appeared in the doorway. “Twilight where do I put the…. Am I interrupting something?”
Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof. “Somepony ate my cookies and the trail of crumbs leads this way! Did you eat them, Spike?!”
“Who me?” Spike blinked.
“Yes you!”
“Couldn’t be!” Twilight stated.
“Then who?” Pinkie scratched her head. “Was anypony else here today?”
“Rarity stopped by earlier…” Spike said dreamily, and in seconds Pinkie climbed on top of Twilight then dashed out of the window.
~~~
Rarity was carefully threading a needle through the hem of a beautiful ice blue dress, lined with gold and embedded with pale crystals all in the right places. “My Rarity, you are surely outdoing yourself!” She said with a smile, adjusting her glasses with a hoof.
She heard the gentle tinkling of the belle in the other room. “Just a moment!” She called, she was in the zone.
Whoever was out there didn’t want to wait apparently, because a few seconds later the door swung open, blasting off its hinges.
“Oh my goodness!” Rarity shrieked, terrified she backed into the wall, eyes closed and started sobbing. “Take whatever you want! Just leave the dresses alone! And the gems! And the thread! And needles! And fabric! I take it back, don’t take anything!”
“Rarity! It’s me, Pinkie Pie! I don’t want to take your things, silly filly!”
Rarity opened her eyes, and waited for her thudding heart to slow, sighing in relief. “Oh Pinkie, you… you destroyed my door!”
“Woops, sorry about that. I wanted to go for the ‘enraged awesomeness’ approach.”
“The whahahah?”
“Straight to the point!” Pinkie raised a hoof dramatically. “Did you eat all my special cookies?”
“What? No! I haven’t had any sweets today!” Rarity cried indignantly, “I am currently on a diet! I think I’m getting fat,” she fretted. “Do I look fat to you?” She struck a pose and Pinkie critically scanned the unicorns perfect figure. “I stopped at the library this morning to borrow some books on dieting,”
“Hm…” Pinkie scratched her chin. “You look fine to me! Actually, your flanks look a little rounder than usual. You might want to do some exercises,” she then turned tail and bounced out, while Rarity collapsed on the floor sobbing.
“I’m hideous! My life is ruined!”
~~~
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called.
No answer.
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called.
No reply.
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called louder.
“Ah! What?!” Rainbow Dash appeared in the window of her cloud home. “What is it?!”
“I was wondering if you’d eaten my special cookies?”
“I stopped by and had some cookies earlier. What kind are your special cookies?”
“Chocolate chip cream-filled spiced cookies. They’re in a jar with a pink lid marked ‘For Pinkamina’s use only!’
“Naw, I had a zap-apple jam filled cookie. Good luck, though!” she waved as Pinkie thanked her and left.
~~~
Pinkie Pie headed up towards Applejack, who was fixing the fence around Sweet Apple Acres. “Hiya Applejack!”
“Howdy, Pinkie Pie!”
“Did you eat my special cookies?”
“Nnnnope.”
“Okay, that’s all I needed to know, thanks!" And with that she left.
~~~
Pinkie asked around Ponyville, but nopony had seen or eaten her cookies! Dejectedly, she hurried home. She headed up the steps to her room and started pacing. “Who could have done it?” she asked the air.
“I’m so sorry,” a voice behind her said. “But I must admit… It was I. I ate all of your special cookies, and tried to frame your friends.”
Pinkie slowly turned around, and there stood… Princess Celestia!
The white alicorn’s magical mane flowed softly, the light coming in from the window glinting off her golden jewelry; her expression was guilty.
“Princess?! It was you?” Pinkie gasped, horrified.
“What?” Celestia asked, confused. “Oh, whoops, wrong skin.” She gripped her own throat in her teeth and ripped the flesh away, revealing none other than…
“…Gummy?!” Pinkie gasped.
“Yes.” Gummy said. “It was I all along!” he cackled maniacally.
Pinkie blinked. “But… I thought we were friends!”
Gummy grinned. “You thought wrong! AHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Pinkie produced a foam sword, and glared at him.
“Pinkie, the Great Equestrian Foam Sword Fight isn’t until next year.”
“Fight me.” Pinkie narrowed her eyes, and Gummy picked up a foam sword.
(Listen now)
Pinkie glared at her once-beloved pet, gripping a foam sword in her teeth. “…I always knew it would come down to this.”
Sweat on her brow, the pink party pony slowly begun circling the alligator, he started circling her too. They glared into each other’s eyes… the tension was thick; you could almost see the line of electric wrath between them. Not a sound could be heard save for the gentle clopping of Pinkie’s hooves and Gummy’s claws on the wooden floor. A fly landed on Pinkie’s eye, she didn’t blink. Pinkie swallowed and Gummy narrowed his eyes.
They stopped and stood their ground, facing each other.
They glared into each other’s eyes…and charged.
Their foam swords clashed together, a metallic sound ringing from the foamy weapons of doom. Sparks flew in the air; the two backed away and dove at each other again. Gummy dodged at the last second and tried to attack Pinkie’s side, she saw it coming jumped back, then leaped forward at the alligator was knocked back into the wall. He hit it hard and fell like a sack of potatoes, but he scrambled back up to his tiny feet, foam sword ready.
Pinkie charged at him, but he took the opportunity to stab her chest. She fell to the ground and he proceeded to beat her, but she was soon on her hooves again, covered in blood and angry as ever. She impaled him with her sword and he screamed in pain. He slid off of the blade with a gooshy wet sound and the two clashed again. Their swords met; sparks flew off in every direction and Pinkie was gaining the upper hoof.
Sweat dripped down her brow, and Gummy was starting to sweat too. He tried to push her back but they were evenly matched. Time seemed to slow as he was pushed back, eyes widening, and a smile slowly spread across Pinkie’s face.
She was winning.
But Gummy wasn’t going to go down so quickly, and he shoved back, stunning her momentarily. He jumped at her, and she regained her senses and jumped backwards as he hit the floor. She jumped on top of him and proceeded to bash him with the foam weapon.
Gummy scrambled out from underneath her and turned around as Pinkie charged. Once again their weapons were locked, and they were shoving back and forth, trying to knock the other back.
When Pinkie shoved him back, Gummy ducked low and scrambled underneath her, slashing at her hooves with his blade. Pinkie danced in place trying to avoid the slashing, and finally ended up crushing him underhoof.
He struggled madly underneath her before knocking her back into the wall. He pinned her against it, an evil glint in his eyes.
“I loved you!” Pinkie cried.
“Love hurts,” Gummy replied through the sword and then prepared to finish her once and for all.
Pinkie felt a burst of adrenaline and pushed the evil gator back, she turned her head towards her sword, which levitated off the floor and shot straight towards her, landing neatly in her mouth.
And again they charged.
It was an intense battle, and as the angels sang a beautiful, gospel chorus and Satan wept in joy; Pinkie glared at her former-pet.
And he glared right back.
(Now this one for a more awesome experience)
The two slowly begun rising into the air; a circle of flame rose around them as they floated, spinning slowly and they continued their battle. Pinkie felt the heat of the flames on her tail; and could see the dancing orange inferno reflected in his derped purple eyes.
Pinkie suddenly felt a burst of energy and shoved with all her might, sending him back. He quickly came back towards her, stabbing her with his bloodied foam sword. Pinkie gasped in pain, and stabbed at her pet with her weapon which now was sporting chocolate spikes. Gummy screamed when the chocolaty doom slashed his throat.
The entire room was shaking; explosions burst around them; Pinkie’s mane whipped wildly around her face as they floated higher and higher, slashing and dodging with the greatest weapons known to ponykind.
The room was shaking so hard the weapons were knocked out of their mouths; and suddenly the wall burst open and an ocean swept them away, blasting them through the window and into Ponyville but they continued their fighting.
Pinkie bashed with her hooves under the icy black waves, Gummy slashed with his claws, and the two head-butted as they rose up out of the water; floating into the void above the ocean.
Hot winds blew around them as bright orange flames rose into the air; shooting higher than their eyes could make out, giant ice cubes with frozen dogs and cats trapped inside rained from the sky, falling around them and splashing water up onto them.
Gummy latched onto her hair, and she bucked back and forth wildly in midair; until he finally was thrown off and into the fire. He dashed back at her; and their eyes met.
Pinkie saw the devil himself grinning at her from those deep purple eyes, pupils looking in two directions at once; and as he smiled widely exposing naked gums with no teeth Pinkie knew what she had to do.
As he scrambled closer, Pinkie whirled around and bucked him right in the chest, sending him flying high into the air.
Pinkie stood straight and small cones of flame erupted from the bottoms of her hooves, sending her up after him. Higher and higher he went, higher and higher she followed and then he crashed right through the blue sky. The entire sky, clouds and everything cracked and then shattered away leaving them whirling higher and higher into the inky black heavens, nebula swept around them and comets shot past; dark matter danced around them and she caught her former pet as he wriggled and screamed. She pinned him under her fiery hooves and then dove down, aimed towards the sun.
She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun getting closer and closer… and then she pinned him onto the lashing flames and solar flares of Celestia’s creation.
The two went underneath the burning plasma and after several intense seconds burst out of the other side. Flames were whipped off of them as Pinkie and Gummy exploded in a flash of light; going faster and faster. They whirled past a black hole which was whisked right out of existence at the sheer speed.
There was an explosion of fire around them as Pinkie broke the light-speed barrier; and then letting go of him and whirling around she bucked with all her might, sending herself propelling back to earth and sending him screaming into a dying star; his body re-ignited the fire of the star and all the inhabitants of the nearby planet cheered; now they could survive and flourish for another thousand years!
A planet moved in her way and she placed a hoof forward; blowing right through it, it was broken in half, and suddenly exploded, and then Pinkie set a course back to Ponyville.
“All in a good days work for Pinkie Pie!”
The End
