The Pandoran

The Pandoran

Chapter 4: Reflections of the Mad

Fan-fucking-tastic. Evets looked at the gashes in the back of his legs once more, taking in the severity of the damage. That griffon had done a number on him, and now that he had his mind back it was becoming obvious how badly he had actually been injured. After he had stomped on the meat’s throat he had dragged it back in and gotten to work chopping. The meat was now lying in a neat pile with the feathers, skin, and bones in another.

One of the talons he had chopped off early in the fight was now crunching in his mouth, distracting him just enough to ignore the fact that he was probably bleeding out as he worked. The entire time this had been going on Angel had been hard at work taking care of Fluttershy, but now that she was comfortably settled, though still unconscious, he had turned to the mess of blood and feathers that littered the room. Fluttershy can’t see this. The message came in clear to Evets, though he actually had no idea what to do. Psychos didn’t clean up the bodies of the dead, preferring to simply chop off or carve away what they needed and leave the rest to rot in the sun.

Take care of this. Now.

“I’m a chopping man, not a hiding man! I chop meat! Chop it, salt it, and turn it into jerky! I MAKE FUCKING FURNITURE FROM THE BONES!” He roared at the rabbit before realizing that he really did need to hide the chunks. And clean up the blood and feathers. And fix the broken floor boards. God help him if the Pegasus found out that he had killed the damn thing, even if it had attacked her.

The thoughts stopped him in his tracks. Here he was, pondering the disposal of a body so that he didn’t offend or upset the yellow pony he called boss. On Pandora he would have chopped up any boss with delicate sensibilities. What had changed? Was he going soft? Evets pulled his mask off, looking at the tarnished device. He had fixed it as best he could when he had gotten it back, and in the fight it had gotten scratched up even worse. For all of his time on Pandora this mask had been with him, covered in the same dirt and grime as he did. It had become a part of him. And yet looking at it now, all he could see was a filtration mask with an upside-down V on it. He felt no attachment to the thing.

He dropped it to the floor and prodded the pile of flesh and bone once more before his attention turned to a knocking at the door. Angel looked to the door, then to Evets. Slowly the man walked to the door, pausing to pull his mask on as he went. He opened it carefully, looking out with one eye before it burst open. A force like a rocket hit him in the chest, knocking him backwards into the pile of bloody feathered chunks. He opened his eyes slowly, glancing down to see colorful streamers and confetti covering his chest.

He looked up to the door and saw a pink pony with a now flat and droopy mane and a horrified expression on her face. In front of her was a pink cannon, smoke fresh from a barrel. Evets stood up gently, trying his hardest to keep the bloodlust that had begun to surface down, and began to move towards Pinkie Pie. “Hey there,” he said, punctuating with a bit of soft laughter, “You wanna move a body?”

******

Twilight paced on the ground floor of the library, her body still trembling from the incident that had started her day. She been waiting desperately for a response from Princess Celestia, any kind of response, and with the sun just past the horizon she began to wonder if she should write another letter. A belch and the sound of burning parchment echoed from upstairs, and the purple unicorn rushed up to see what had arrived.

Spike was sitting on the floor clutching his belly, a large brown package next to the baby dragon. Twilight ignored him completely and tore open the package, taking out the book she sent (which was now dog-eared and bookmarked in several places), another smaller book entitled Empathy for a Monster by somepony named Crowquill Symphony, her notes, and a letter bearing the royal seal. She tore open the letter as her assistant trudged downstairs while mumbling about his stomach.

My Dearest Twilight Sparkle,

I read your letter and the material you sent with it, and I must say that if what you’ve written is true, then we may very well be facing an undeniable crisis. Unfortunately, we do not possess the military means to combat such a creature, and as such I’m afraid that if an offence was necessary it would come down to using the Elements of Harmony or Luna and myself intervening. Before such drastic actions are taken, I would like to ask that you attempt diplomacy with this ‘psycho’ as the book so aptly names.

Twilight almost dropped the letter as she read the line. Diplomacy? She wasn’t one to question the Princess, but from what she had seen it would be almost impossible for anypony but Fluttershy to deal with Evets. If anything, the encounter in town had shown that even if it diplomacy was possible he would still cause plenty of trouble. Despite her concern, she read on.

In order to assist you in this endeavor I have enclosed a book by a Ponyville author, something of a one-trick pony mostly known for writing fairly cliché romance pieces and absurd fiction. Luna has also told me that he is apparently fat, but I don’t think that’s relevant. He is actually a descendent of the pony who wrote the book you sent me, and in his book he goes over the mindset of something like the creature you described, discussing the topic in great detail.

However, if this avenue does not yield promising results, I have bookmarked certain passages of your book that could be used to determine a strategy against the creature. I pray that it will not come down to violence, but if it does I would at least like for you to be ready.

Your caring teacher,

Princess Celestia.

Twilight looked over to the smaller book that came with the note, a simple green book with the title in bold and the name in small italics at the bottom of the cover. She set it aside, turning to one of the bookmarks the princess had left in the guide. Diplomacy would most likely be a dead end tactic for dealing with this new enemy. The first bookmark was on a page with a simple drawing of what the author dubbed “The Buzz Axe,” which she instantly recognized as the weapon Evets had been carrying when she saw him in town. She lay upon the floor and began to read the description of the weapon.

Just outside, a mother and her foal were passing by the library when the foal began to laugh rather loudly. Inside the library, Twilight found herself clinging desperately to the ceiling, her body trembling violently. The foal left and Twilight fell, hitting the floor hard just a few feet from the book. She groaned and pulled herself back towards the book. She couldn’t believe she had been so frightened by laughter. She reasoned that it was entirely the monster’s fault, and decided that the sooner the situation could be dealt with the better.

******

If there was one thing that Pinkie Pie prided herself on, it was her cakes. Next to that was her laughter, something that helped her deal with nearly every scary or spooky thing she had run into. As she stared into Fluttershy’s cottage, with the floor, walls, and human covered in blood, she couldn’t find anything to laugh about. Her little knees wobbled, and she felt her mane fall flat. Evets strode forward carefully, setting his axe on the floor as he moved. Pinkie’s body began to shake as the blood soaked giant advanced, and she started backing away.

“Hold on!” Evets shouted as he extended his open palms. “If you leave now, then I won’t be able to clean this up! I need a pair of hands! Hooves! HELP ME MOVE THIS DAMN MEAT!”

Pinkie was glued to her spot, body trembling like a rock during a landslide. Her mind drifted to the strange spasm she had had the day before just outside the cottage, and the scene that lay before her. Was this it? Was this what her Pinkie sense had warned her about? She wanted to run, even as Evets removed his frightening mask. She felt rough, calloused hands grip her under her forelegs and lift her up. She could see into Evets’ eyes now, green gems twitching slightly as he stared back at her.

I need your help. Fluttershy will go even crazier than me if we can’t move this griffon.

“Griffon!” Pinkie yelped and bounced out of the man’s grip. She landed in front of the bones. Sure enough, there was the skull and its beak, caked in drying blood. “Why? Why would you be such a meany mean pants?” She held the skull gingerly in her hooves and felt tears in her eyes.

Evets was silent for a moment, just staring at the pony sitting near the bones. Slowly he started to step forward, boots clicking against the floor. “I just chop what I need to. Choppity chop to make meat puppets. She lashed out first, drew first blood, sealed her fate.” His brow began to furrow, and his teeth clenched together as he stood over her. “She’s meat now! Help me get rid of it!” He picked up an armful of bloody bones, a few smaller ones clattering to the ground as he began to stride outside. “We’ll dump em in a barrel, hide em in the woods. No one will know! No one!”

Pinkie sat there, her mind more puzzled and mixed up than ever. She knew that whatever had happened here was bad, even if the victim had been Gilda. Cleaning the mess up and pretending that it never happened would be wrong, even if it was for Flutters’ sake. But on the other hoof, Flutters was delicate, calm and peaceful. If she knew of the bloodbath that had happened in her living room, who knew how she would take it?

Besides, it’s only Gilda. She was mean to everyone. Even Fluttershy! She probably had this coming.

The voice startled Pinkie, the same voice from when she was afraid her friends didn’t like her anymore. She couldn’t believe what it was saying, even if it was right about Gilda being mean. She shook it off, and turned her attention back to the piles. Evets had already picked up the rest of the bones, and had started on the skin and feathers.

Still shuddering, Pinkie picked up an empty bucket and began to drop the meat in. She cared for poor, innocent Fluttershy. There was no way that Pinkie would let her friend see this, even if everything about it was wrong.

******

There was no doubt left in Twilight’s mind that even the strongest Equestrian guard wouldn’t be able to fight Evets. The descriptions of the buzz axe had been terrifying, to say the least, and the description of the “Protean Grenade” was even more shocking, though given Fluttershy’s account of her initial meeting, it was safe to assume that he wouldn’t have access to that. After that was a detailed examination of the creature physical ability, from the fact that they could easily shatter bones with their bare fists, throw their axes with surprising accuracy and effectiveness.

The most frightening aspect of this creature was simply how durable it was. The book explained that the average Psycho was able to absorb amounts of damage to their body that would kill any pony, and on top of this they were able to recover incredibly fast. In the end, Twilight was starting to wonder if even the princesses could stop this thing. She groaned and tossed the bestiary away, turning her attention to the small green book. Despite everything she knew about Evets, she was starting to think that communicating with the maniac had a better chance than any combat encounter.

She opened the book, looking over the introduction and table of contents. As far as she could tell, the pony who had written it was completely insane, making absurd and macabre jokes and puns. She reluctantly turned to the first chapter, casually examining it with low expectations. By the time she finished the chapter she had begun to take notes.

Some of the writing was complete nonsense, and yet some of the points and example given were creative, insightful, and actually quite brilliant. She tore through the book, reading each chapter several times (with the forgivable exceptions of chapter 4 and 7, entitled “Drugs and Diplomacy” and “Engaging the Enemy- with Sex!”) and filling page after page with notes. In the end she passed out with her face in the book, still lying on the floor with piles of notes and strategies for dealing with Evets.

No matter what happens, she assured herself, I’m sure we’ll be able to handle this now.

******

It had been surprising enough when Evets had convinced Pinkie to help him clean up. When he convinced her to help him cook the meat to “stop predators from attacking the cottage from the scent of blood” he began to wonder if she had ever done this before. Given her unique mental state, it seemed more than likely that she would have hidden a body at least once in her life. The fire crackled in the night as Evets scooped another chunk of meat into his mouth, savoring the flavor. It wasn’t as sweet as that blue unicorn he had eaten, and the meat was much tougher, but compared to dead rats and skag meat it was delicious.

He looked over to Pinkie, her mane still drooping and a terrified look on her face. He assumed that since she hadn’t left she was paralyzed with fear, and took the opportunity to talk. “I guess you don’t want any?” His voice still sounded a bit insane, but at the very least he wasn’t laughing.

“Meat is icky.”

“Have YOU ever eaten meat?”

In the time it took Evets to blink Pinkie Pie was an inch from his unmasked face, her eyes wide and unmistakably angry. “Of course not! It’s wrong to hurt other creatures! Nopony should ever hurt anypony else!” The psycho was a bit taken aback. “And you! You’re a grumpy mean jerk pants for being so violent and rude to everypony! If you don’t stop doing that then I WON’T BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!” She glared at him, panting heavily in the aftermath of her outburst.

The two of them stared at each other for a while, Pinky venting her rage and Evets both intrigued and annoyed. She had snapped. Gone berserk, insane, just like he was prone to do. She hadn’t turned violent, but perhaps that was a sign that she had some hold on her lunacy. A hold he didn’t have. A hold he couldn’t have.

“Where’s the bloodlust? You don’t chop, you don’t kill, HOW ARE YOU JUST AS MAD AS ME?” He screamed as he stood up, and began to clutch his face in a tight grip. “My mind is meat, useless meat. How are you sane?” He began to laugh, but it was twisted even more than usual. Everything became clear to him at the sight of her. He was long gone, but so was she. How could she control it? Why couldn’t he?

His sobs mixed with his laughter, tears flowed from wide crazy eyes. He stared into the stars, and then screamed. It was a beastly primal scream, and he felt the bloodlust rise within him. He drew his buzz axe and began to chop at a nearby tree, each swing leaving a deep gash. His laughter grew angry, and he swung again. This time the head of the axe embedded itself in the trunk of the tree, while the handle remained in his grip. He stared at it for a second, then screamed out “FUCK! FUCKING WORTHLESS!” He threw the handle into the woods, laughing angrily the entire time.

He sat down again, burying his face in his hands. He felt the rage growing, felt it preparing to consume him. And then it stopped. He felt his subconscious laughter slow and stop, and felt something warm wrapped around his waist, ending in a warm lump resting on his back. He turned, spotting the cotton candy mane of the pony who was embracing him. She had tears in her eyes as well.

“You’ve never had any friends have you?” She hugged him tighter as she spoke, “It’s no wonder you’re so mean. You’ve always been a grumpy monkey because no one wanted to be nice to you.” She began to sob softly, and Evets let her. He sat there and turned his attention to the fire.

The two of them sat there until the sun came up, with Pinkie eventually passing out with the man still in a tight hug. Evets ran a hand over his head in the morning light, and felt the stubble of hair growing. He looked around for his mask, picked it up and stared at it for a while. In a way, this mask had been an identity for him. Every Psycho decorated their masks in a similar fashion, with the upside down V motif. It was the symbol of the vault, but more than that, it was the symbol of Pandora itself.

Pandora. A place of violence and hatred. A place where friendship and love had no meaning. A place where trust was repaid with a knife to back. This place that he now resided in, this land of harmony and peace, was nothing like it. There was no place for a man like him here. He sighed and dropped his mask. It seems I’m going soft, he thought to himself.

The sunlight bathed the madman and the pink pony in a warm, loving light, Evets finally drifted off to sleep.