Chapters Episode 12: Iron Will on The Daily Show
In his almost fifty years of living Jon Stewart had to overcome many obstacles. As an entertainer one very prominent difficulty he faced early on was having to get up in front of an audience; the fear of having many people focused on you is one that has resonated in mankind for generations.
Fortunately for him this was a fear he learned to conquer through decades of experience. Sure he'd come off as humble by saying he still felt nervous every now and again but deep down he knew the second he was on stage addressing a crowd he was in full control.
Which is why it baffled him that he could stand in the same historic location that Dr. King gave his famous "I have a dream" speech and talk to 215,000 people with no problems, but sitting on his couch with two kids staring at him was more than he could handle.
It was almost dinner time in the Stewart household and Jon was occupying himself by sitting in the adjacent living room couch while reading the day's newspaper; a tradition in itself for last minute conversation starters. He was still only on the second page because, try as he might, he was unable to get much reading done knowing that his kids were glaring at him.
Very delicately he peaked over the right hand fold the paper to see if his they were still watching him. He immediately caught two pair of sad eyes looking at him and swiftly ducked his head back in the news section.
"Pleeeeeeeeeease, Daddy?" Nathan said.
"No." Jon responded.
"Pretty please, Daddy?" Maggie added.
"Double no." He said back.
After a lengthy moment of silence Jon peered over his paper once again on the off chance that the two gave up and went on their way; no such luck. They continued to look at him with the same big puppy eyes which they both knew was his weakness. This back and forth between Jon as his two children had been going one for almost twenty minutes now and they showed no signs of letting up.
He tried to finish the second paragraph of the article he was one when he felt a heavy weight on each of his legs. When he looked over he saw that each of his kids and clamped on to him like a monkey on a tree branch. They were becoming increasingly hard to ignore
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase!?" They said to Jon who ignored their pleading.
The reason why they were literally begging at his feet was due to they're not being allowed to see their beloved nanny Trixie who was locked up in the guest bed room. This was not a form of punishment on their part but rather the other way around; Trixie was the one who was in trouble.
It had been almost a month since Trixie accidentally stranded herself in the human world and in the short amount of time she had surprisingly made herself a valued asset to Jon. She didn't teach him much in the ways of magic and her powers were rarely useful to him, but what she lacked in magic she more than made up for as a caretaker.
Her willingness to help watch over the children made life very easy for Jon, so much so that he was considering keeping her full time; but her presence wasn't without its ups and downs. Aside from being a constant pain in the neck she had also caused Jon some problems on occasion
The most recent of which was when Trixie, blinded by her own hubris, teleported Jon to Cloudsdale, not realizing that only a Pegasus could walk on its terrain. The results were not good.
In the end Jon forgave Trixie and decided not to tell the family what she had done on the assumption that if they ever found out they might turn on her (especially Tracey who didn't like the idea of having magic in the house to begin with). The last thing Jon wanted was for everyone to hate her and cast her out like so many others in her life had done. But at the same time he felt that she deserved some king of punishment.
As much as he didn't like to admit it Jon had accepted Trixie into his life in a way he didn't anticipate and could not explain. For all her faults he was slowly seeing her not as a housemate but as a member of the family; almost as if she too was one of his children.
So to that end he made a compromise to punish her in a manner most fitting; the same way he'd punish his actual son or daughter if they did something wrong...every day till he saw fit Trixie would have a serve a mandatory 30 minute time out in her room. On average a time out would last ten minutes but since she had almost killed him he felt it should be longer.
This of course didn't sit well with Jon's actual kids since it meant they couldn't play with their new best friend, hence their constant begging that he let Trixie out early.
"Please Daddy!?" Maggie said. "Can she come out now!?"
"No, sweety." Jon answered as he lazily shook the leg she was on.
"Why not?" Nathan asked.
"Because she's still in time out." He answered again.
"But why!?" Maggie urged.
"I can't tell you...but let's just say SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID!" Jon yelled over his shoulder in a loud but non angry tone.
A voice from upstairs picked up on this and yelled back.
"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Trixie yelled from her room, but Jon didn't respond. He went back to reading his paper when at that moment both Nathan and Maggie leapt on the couch taking either side of him.
"She did say she was sorry!" Nathan said.
"Yeah! Come on Daddy it's been like...a hundred minutes!" Maggie said, confident that her estimation was accurate.
Jon was about to tell them that if they kept asking they would share the same fate as Trixie but when he looked over at his daughter he caught her giving an almost cartoonish facial expression, complete with watery eyes and pouting lips. He quickly turned away only to see his son give the exact same look. He had to choice but to cave in.
"Oh, alright," Jon conceded. "She can come downstairs."
"REALLY!?" Both children said in unison, their sad demeanor vanishing without a trace.
"Yeah really." He said getting up to stretch his back. "It's almost dinner time anyway...I don't want PETA thinking I'm starving animals."
"YAAAAY!" Maggie exclaimed as she jumped up and down on the sofa while her brother turned around to face the stairway.
"HEY GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" Nathan yelled. "YOU CAN COME DOWN NOW!"
His words echoed throughout the house but nothing happened. Thinking it was because Nathan had said it and not himself Jon decided to give Trixie the official "OK."
"It's alright, Trixie." Jon called out. "You can come down now. I've decided to let--"
Jon was caught off guard by a bright light in the middle of the living room, followed by the sudden appearance of the now free Trixie. Her unexpected entrance caused him to stumble backwards in shock.
"SON OF A--" He said, trying to regain his balance. At the last second however he tripped over the nearby ottoman and landed awkwardly on the sofa.
Regret immediately started to set in but if nothing else at least his kids were now happy, as evident by their swift departure from the sofa in favor of greeting Trixie in a loving embrace. Both were hugging her in such a way that she was now off the ground by a few inches; Nathan eventually released her but Maggie continued to hold onto her like she was an oversized teddy bear but Trixie didn't mind.
"I really wish you wouldn't do that." Jon said as the paper he was trying to previously read landed softly on his head.
"Oh Stewart one would think you'd be used to my magic by now," she said arrogantly while still being held from behind. "I mean really I thought you humans were good at adapting...perhaps you're just a bit slow."
Both of Jon's children began to laugh at Jon's clumsy disposition; though to him it seemed like his kids were laughing with him while Trixie was laughing at him.
"Oh you think that's funny huh?...I'll give you something to laugh about," Jon said as he got up and hunched over with a crooked smile. "I think it's time for a visit from...the...TICKLE MONSTER!"
Trixie was just about to comment on how offish Jon looked but she found it hard to breathe let along say anything with Maggie now holding her with a much tighter force than before.
"NO! NOT THE TICKLE MONSTER!" Nathan yelled with a playful smile.
"QUICK GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, RUN!" Maggie yelled oblivious to the fact that she was still holding her up.
Just as Jon had predicted the two kids ran off giggling down the hallway carrying Trixie along with them.
"NOT AGAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaain!" Trixie yelled as she eventually disappeared around the corner.
With Trixie and the kids gone Jon was finally alone but it was a hollow victory since he was no longer in the mood to catch up on daily events. With dinner just about done he decided to make himself useful by setting the table.
Slowly making his way to the dining table he caught a view of his wife in the kitchen already putting even portions of food onto separate plates.
"What are we having today?" Jon asked as he laid down some forks and knives.
"Ground beef and cheesy casseroles for us," Tracey answered. "And skinless chicken with asparagus for you."
"Sounds delicious...for you guys," Jon joked as he helped her place the food in the center of the table.
"Yeah well until Dr. Morrow says otherwise it's 'heart healthy' for you." She said, patting him on the chest.
Jon responded only with a tired smile as he followed her back in the kitchen to retrieve the last containers of food. On the way back the silence was broken by Tracey.
"So you and Trixie are still going at it, huh?" She asked getting a nod in return. "You finally going to tell me what she did to get you all worked up?"
For a brief moment Jon thought back to the last time he was in Equestria and how he was almost met with a terrible fate. He grimaced at the thought and placed his hand over the very heart his wife fought so hard to protect. He didn't like keeping secrets from her but at the same time he didn't want her to worry over something that was a genuine accident.
"It's nothing really." Jon said. "Don't worry about it." He made sure to briefly look in the opposite direction to avoid eye contact since she was an expert in reading his face.
"I see...well whatever happened I'm sure you're overreacting." Tracey added. "She does seem sorry so try to go easy on her?"
"Well listen to you," he said with a half smile. "Weren't you the one hellbent on kicking her out of the house the second you got the chance...now you're defending her?"
What Jon said was true; he wasn't the only one who came to appreciate her services. Tracey herself wasn't keen on the idea of having the young unicorn in her own house; if it wasn't for Trixie's expertise in child care she probably would have insisted she go back to Equestria a long time ago. She still was iffy on the concept of having a mythical creature with other worldly powers so close to her kids but even she had to admit she served a pretty good purpose.
"Eh what can I say, she's good with the kids." Tracey said with a shrug. "You know how hard it is to find a full time baby sitter."
With the table almost ready the last thing that was needed was to set down the food filled plates in the right areas. Tracey stepped into the kitchen and grabbed the four sets of plates waitress style, a trick she learned when she was younger. After putting them in the desired locations on the table she spun around and entered the kitchen once again to retrieve Trixie's eating bowl.
Letting Trixie stay with them wasn't without its conditions. For one Trixie was required to wear a cork on her horn when in the company of the children (to avoid any eye to horn contact) and she couldn't use her magic directly on them.
But another term of her living arrangements was she was not allowed to eat at the dinner table. It was simple rule that she had grown up on as a kid: no animals at the dinner table. So instead of dinning with them she had to eat in the corner or upstairs in her room, hence the bowl. Trixie thought it was a bit demeaning though she never made any complaints about it; mostly because it was Tracey's decision and not Jon's.
Tracey was about to reach out and grab the bowl when a thought crossed her mind. At first she brushed it aside and continued her business, but then she looked back at the table. Even though it was now complete, except for anyone sitting down, she couldn't help but feel that it was somehow lacking.
She looked at the bowl that was now in her hands and back at the table. After a quick deliberation she made a snap decision.
"Honey," she called out. "Could you call everyone over please?" Jon obliged and hollered for everyone to gather for dinner.
Soon both Maggie and Nathan found their way to the dining table with Trixie following close by.
"Come on boys and girls this food aint gonna say warm all night." Jon said before sitting down at one of the end of the table.
"Calm yourself, Stewart," Trixie insisted. "Somepony your...age should really learn the virtue of patience less they acquire extra grey in their mane."
The two children sat in their usual spots and Trixie walked over to the corner where she normally ate. She was somewhat confused to find that her corner of the room was completely devoid of dinner. She wondered if Tracey had forgotten to serve her food but before her brain could process any more possible explanations her attention was drawn away by someone calling out her name.
"Trixie, dear?" Tracey said from nearby. "I was thinking that perhaps you'd like to...join us for dinner."
Trixie turned around and saw Tracey pulling up a chair in between Nathan and Maggie. In front of it was a plate with an assortment of food already laid out and a glass of water next to it.
"Great and Powerful Trixie can eat with us this time!?" Nathan asked, his eyes wide with astonishment.
"She sure can," Tracey answered as she patted the seat with her palm. "If she would like to that is?"
Trixie was at a loss for words. It may have been a small gesture but to her it meant so much more.
She knew that her being there had caused the two parents some hardships and that Tracey especially wasn't particularity fond of her from the beginning. So for her to openly invite Trixie to the dinner table made the blue Unicorn feel wanted. It was a feeling she wasn't used to.
She looked over at Jon who gave her a wink and motioned for her to sit down.
Her mouth hung open as she tried to think of a snarky answer; something that conveyed that she would accept her offer but that she ultimately didn't care. Such a comeback couldn't be found...because it didn't exist.
"T-t-thank you," Trixie said with an earnest smile. "I'd...love to."
Episode 12: Iron Will on The Daily Show
Intermission: Trixie joins a lovely dinner
When sitting at the dinner table Jon liked to position himself at the very end so he could survey the entire family, essentially acting like a referee. From where he sat he could clearly see his wife and two kids but from his angle he could not see Trixie, at least not right away.
Jon was trying his hardest not to laugh, for doing so would have undoubtedly killed the mood that was Trixie's acceptance at the dinner table....though the fact that she was too short to see over threshold had already done that.
Trixie was visibly frustrated by this though Jon couldn't tell since he could only make out her horn and a small section of her head. Not wanting her gesture to be for nothing Tracey lightly jogged to the kitchen where she hastily rummaged under the sink. She eventually returned with what she was looking for, a booster seat from when Nathan was younger.
Without asking Tracey effortlessly picked Trixie up with one arm and slid the kiddie chair underneath her. Normally she would have objected to being manhandled in such a way but her attention was on Jon who was trying his best to keep a straight face.
"There we go!" She said, giving Trixie a pat on the head. "See, you can hardly tell."
"I...suppose this will have to do," Trixie said. She adjusted herself while at the same time trying to ignore Jon's stifled giggles. "Though in the future I shall require more...appropriate seating arrangements. After all I am the Great and Po--"
The sound of a loud clicking noise filled the room leaving it in silence. Trixie lowered her head to see that during her speech Nathan and leaned over and bucked the safety belt around her waist. She gave him a confused look till he explained himself.
"...It's so you don't fall down." He said sounding concerned for her safety. The silence didn't last long after that, not with Jon laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair himself.
To show how serious she was Trixie slammed her hooves on the table to lift herself up from her seat. But before she could even say anything she was yanked back down by the booster seat which was also attached to chair. This only made Jon laugh even more.
"Ok, ok everyone let's just calm for a second," Tracey announced. "This is our first of many dinners with everyone present and I'd like it to be a pleasant one!"
All parties agreed, though Trixie took a moment to give Jon a dirty look, and after a quick moment of grace the five were ready to eat.
"Alright let's dig in!" Jon said.
He and Tracey wasted no time. The sound of silverware clanging on ceramic plates could be heard from their side of the table. But on the other side which housed Maggie, Nathan and Trixie, very little eating was taking place. Instead they were to busy talking amongst themselves.
It was Tracey's decision to put Trixie in between her two children. This strategic placement was done to prevent any fighting between the two siblings but her plan had somewhat backfired. When she looked across the table, instead of eating, she saw that the three were too busy trying to converse with Trixie.
"...And this is called a 'fork,' and, and, and this is called a 'spoon,'" Maggie said pointing to the eating utensils. "...Aaaand this is called a 'plate'...oh and this is a 'napkin,' you use it to wipe your face....and this--"
"Maggie sweetheart, I know what all these things are." Trixie said in soft tone. "My world isn't that much different from yours."
"Says the talking magic horse," Jon interjected, getting her attention. "While we’re on the subject, tell me…how do you guys eat food over there without any...you know?" To visually get his point across Jon wiggled his fingers in the air.
"Well if you must know...most ponies just sort of...dig in I guess you can say. It's abysmal really." Trixie said looking at the silverware in front of her. "Now, when it comes to more cultured ponies like us Unicorns we eat like this."
Using her magic she levitated a fork and knife off the table with ease. A simple spell but it left the two children absolutely captivated. She was about to use them to scoop up a helping of ground beef when Tracey intervened.
"Ah, ah, ah! No magic,Trixie!" She said in an authoritative tone. Trixie gave her a look, like she had told her to eat with her hooves tied behind her back. "I'm sorry dear, but not at the dinner table."
"But...I'm Trixie?" She said.
"It's only fair," Jon said with a smirk. "I mean everyone else follows that rule." Ignoring him Trixie looked around then continued to address Tracey
"With all due respect Ms. McShane," Trixie said in a polite tone while exposing both her hooves. "How exactly am I supposed to eat?"
"OH, OH, OH, OH I'LL DO IT!" Maggie said raising her hand in the air. "I'LL FEED HER!"
The family watched as Maggie scooped up a spoonful of her own food then immediately tried to get Trixie to eat it. In protest the tied down Unicorn leaned back, feeling slightly awkward. Spoon feeding someone in a kiddie chair was something she was used to doing not the other way around.
Tracey thought the gesture was equal parts adorable and humiliating. The look of discomfort on Trixie's face was enough to get her to reconsider her stance.
"On second thought you can use your magic," Tracey said, still uncomfortable with the idea of levitation being combined with sharp objects. "Just...please be careful."
"There is no need to worry." Trixie said in a pompous tone. "When it comes to using magic the Great and Powerful is always very careful and diligent." Jon nearly choked on his helping of asparagus.
Now having gotten the green light Trixie began to eat her food with excitement, which caused the kids to do the same.
Since this was her first time eating with the family, as opposed to just being in proximity, Trixie tried her best to act respectful. She listened to what everyone else had to say and made sure to compliment Tracey on her cooking which she very much admired.
Being a traveling entertainer had given Trixie the chance the experience a wide selection of culinary delights but none of them came close to the meals she had in the Stewart home.
At first Tracey had offered to put her on a proper diet of grass and oats but Trixie refused. She wanted the opportunity to consume food that she would otherwise never have the chance to try again; meat-based products being the most obvious example since Equestria was a vegetarian state.
Jon always thought it was weird that she was able to eat food like: pork, chicken, and beef, since she herself was also an animal. What irked Jon the most was how she seemed almost enthusiastic about it. Whenever she ate she usually had larger portions of meat than anything else, like she reveled in the idea of being on top of the food chain.
Jon once asked her how she could stomach eating such things and she responded by saying something along the lines of: "One life form must be sacrificed so another can live...that's just life."
Jon wasn’t surprised; even though she was a pony it would seem that Trixie was a carnivorous predator at heart.
Her favorite dish was Tracey's stuffed chicken breast with mushrooms.
The rest of dinner progressed in a fluent manner with everyone eating and no confrontation. Each family member took turns telling everyone else what they did that day with the children's daily activities being almost identical since they mostly just played with Trixie.
Eventually everyone finished off their plates with a few of them going back for seconds. Both Nathan and Maggie left room for what was about to come.
Much like the format of Jon's show the best was saved for last. Dessert.
Tracey stood to make her announcement.
"Ok kids, should we have dessert today?" She asked, knowing full well what their answer would be.
"YES!"
"YES!" Both yelled in agreement.
To express how serious they were about their answer both were jumping up and down in their seats.
"Ok, ok settle down!" She said. "Tonight you can either have: Fresh baked cookies, pudding, or brownies...I'm only making one."
"Pudding!"
"Pudding!" They said still on the same wavelength.
"Alright, it's decided," she said waving her hand for them to sit back down. "Pudding it is. Now I only have the ingredients to make one kind of batch so what's it going to be: Chocolate or strawberry?"
Again both kids jumped in their seats with answers.
"Chocolate!"
"Strawberry!"
A moment passed before the brother and sister looked at each other from across the table, their conflicting answers caused them to stare at each other intently. It was wise to have Trixie sit in between them after all. The two began to argue and shout profanity at each other, though it never got worse than the phrase "Poop face."
Before she got the chance to scold them the Trixie banged her hooves together got their attentions just long enough for Tracey to continue.
"Thank you, Trixie," she said with a nod. “If you two don't stop fighting none of you will get anything!"
In a gesture to show their cooperation both children placed their hands over their mouths and sat back down as quickly as they could.
"Ok good," she said. "Now unless you two can agree on a flavor I think we should put it to a vote."
"In that case…a full endorsement for chocolate from me." Jon said, lifting his hand in the air.
"NO!" Maggie exclaimed, disappointing that her dad could betray her like that. Nathan on the other hand was elated.
"Alright, alright, if anyone wants to participate in the vote you can...I will too just to be fair!" Tracey announced sitting back down. "Ok...all in favor of chocolate…raise your hand."
As expected both Jon and his son raised their hands in the air, with Nathan clearly more invested.
"And all in favor of strawberry?" She continued, raising her hand in the process. Unsurprisingly Maggie raised her hand too but the in addition a last minute participant joined the fray, acting as the swing vote needed to break the tie.
It was official:
Chocolate got two raised hands. And Strawberry also got two raised hands plus a hoof. Nathan looked devastated.
"TRIXIE WHY!?" He asked.
"I'm sorry honey, but Trixie had to do it," she said. To show she meant it she gently patted him on the head, rustling his light brown hair. "I'm more of a strawberry girl myself."
"Well then it looks like we have a winner," Tracey said heading back in kitchen. "It'll be ready in about 20 to 30 minutes."
As a post celebratory gesture Maggie called for Trixie to give her a high five which only served to make Nathan feel more defeated.
"No fair!" Nathan sulked as she crossed his arms.
"Get used to Nate." Jon said giving his son a playful chuck on the shoulder. "This kind of thing is going to be happening a lot around here."
"W-what do you mean, Daddy?" He asked looking distraught.
"Son...in my lifetime I've learned many things," he said after taking a sip of water. "One of them is that woman tend to band together as a team on issues such as this. Trixie's a girl, so with her here us guys are outnumbered three to two. You know what that means?"
"More strawberries!?" Nathan asked in horror.
"Exactly!" Jon answered. Nathan looked over to catch his sister sticking her tongue out at him.
"DADDY! Can't you get a friend from work who is a boy?" He asked desperately. "Like a boy pony who could help us?"
"First of all son they're called colts." Jon corrected. "Second of all that's gonna be a problem?"
"Why?" He asked.
"Because he's never had a colt on his show before," Trixie answered on his behalf. "Every guest your father's had from Equestria have been female....haven't you noticed?"
"We're not allowed to watch Daddy's show." Nathan said.
"Why is that?" She asked, momentarily surprised to see Tracey poke her head back into the room. She was also mixing some ingredients in a bowl with a wooden spoon.
"Because whenever those two watch the show they always seem to pick up a new swear word or two." She said shooting a quick look over at her husband who innocently avoiding eye contact.
"Yes well it's not surprising when you think about it." Trixie continued. "In my world the population is mostly girls."
"Wow, really!?" Maggie asked in astonishment.
"Indeed." She answered. "I believe it's about an 8:1 ratio."
"...Daddy what's a Ray-she-oh?" Maggie asked.
Jon didn't answer, instead he was crunching the numbers in his head based on the couple of times he's been to Equestria. To a certain degree he believed her to be true. Even though he had done so he could hardly recall ever talking with a colt.
"Daddy you need to get boy on your show!" Nathan demanded as he tugged on Jon's arm.
"Ok first of all...for the record not every guest I've had on my show has been a girl." Jon said defensively. "As a matter of fact my very first guest was Spike the Dragon; a boy. And second of all...you guys just gave me a great idea."
Without waiting for anyone to ask he stood up made his way to the stairs.
"Trixie I'm tagging you in." He said patting her on the shoulder. "Keep the kids in line while I make a phone call...think you can handle it."
"Of course," she said with a smug grin. She took a moment to brush the shoulder that Jon had touched. "Better than you could I'd guess."
Ignoring Trixie's remark he quickly gave each of his children a kiss on the cheek before lightly jogging upstairs to his study room. He had an idea of who he wanted on his show next.
Episode 12: Iron Will on The Daily Show
Intermission: Jon's simple request
With a full stomach Jon plopped himself in the armchair located behind the desk of his study. He was tempted to just sit there for awhile but he knew if he did he'd fall asleep. It wasn't that late but he was already starting to feel the effects of his wife's cooking.
Getting back to business he picked up his study phone and began to dial a series of numbers that only he knew. While the phone rang he gently rubbed his stomach and took a deep breath, finally after it seemed like no one would pick up voice finally answered.
"Hello and thank you for calling the Equestrian pizza emporium." Celestia clearly said. "May I take your order?"
Jon paused for a second wondering if his royal friend was being serious or not. If she was trying to pull a prank she was doing it wrong on so many levels.
Clearing his throat he decided then and there to show her how it's done.
"סלסטיה יש תחת גדול ושמן!" Jon said. He was speaking in Hebrew which caused the tone of his voice to change drastically. "והכתר שלה עשוי מפלסטיק!"
"OH! I'm sorry but I believe you have the wrong number." She said sounding very apologetic. "I do apologize for this inconvenience."
"Celestia it's me...Jon." He said, his voice once again to its normality. "And FYI when you make the 'pretend you've called a pizza place’ joke you're supposed to change your voice NOT talk normally."
There was a silence on the other end of the phone but Jon could swear he heard her blush.
"I-I see, well I thank you for your input." She said now sounding more professional. "Now then...did you need my help with something, Jon?"
"Yeah I want to place an order of half peperoni and half mushrooms." Jon teased. "But seriously yes I do need your assistance with-- uh, but first I'd like to perform a little social experiment if I may?"
"Oh, of course," She said. "Sounds rather exciting really."
"Alright just bear with me for a moment," Jon said, thinking about how to phrase his question. "I want...I want you to give me five random names of people you know. It can anyone from a family member to one of your subjects from Ponyville but you can only pick five....and GO! "
"Very well let me think," She responded, pausing for a moment to give it some though. "Alright then...how about: Twilight, Granny Smith, Sapphire Shores, Golden Harvest, and...let's say Nurse Redheart."
"Good, now tell me...what are the genders of those five individuals?" Jon asked. Celestia took a second to recall her answers.
"Hmmmm...they are all female now that you mention it." She answered. She was now starting to see where Jon was going with this line of questioning.
"Exactly my point." Jon said, throwing his feet on his desk.
"And what point would that be?" Celestia ask.
"That 'Equestrian Interviews' has neglected a particular interest group...men." He answered only to stop and think of how odd it sounded. "Huh...this must be how woman feel all time over here...Equestria really is in Bizarro world."
"Well Jon…I will admit that is a problem but do need I remind you that you're the one who picks the guests?" She asked trying to sound not at all abrasive. "Besides you're first guest was spike...I'll admit I may not be an expert on Dragon anatomy but I am certain he is male."
"Ok it's true that I'm the one who picks the guest but you got to admit the odds are pretty stacked against me." Jon said picking up the list of names Celestia had given to him when they first met. "I mean I'm willing to bet that there are way more woman than men written available to me...I'd guess about an 8:1 ratio?"
"Hmmm...yes that does seem about right." Celestia humbly admitted.
“You see my point then? My show has become the opposite of a sausage fest.” Jon said. "Oh and as far as Spike goes…he’s great...but if I had a choice I'd also like a male guest who's already hit puberty."
"Well you do have a choice," She said cheerfully. "And if you really need a man in your life that badly I'll be happy to assist you."
"Thanks?" Jon said. "But uh...yeah for my next guest I'd like someone who is...a real man...you know?"
"I see...and what exactly is your definition of a 'real man.'" Celestia asked before taking a sip of her tea.
"Well let's see," he said. "Big, strong, has a penis...you know the basics." Jon didn't hear it but Celestia almost choked on her beverage."
"I...I see." Celestia said taking a deep breath. "Well luckily for you I have the perfect candidate."
"Really?" Jon asked.
"Oh indeed!" She said with a slight grin. "His name is Big Mac...Applejack's older brother. I believe you'll find he possesses all the...qualifications you mentioned earlier."
Ordinarily Jon would have blindly accepted her suggestion without a second thought but this time he knew better. The thought of interviewing Big Mac gave him chills.
"Nice try your royal Highness!" Jon said. "But I've talked to him before...if possible I'd like a guest who'll say more than two words."
"Yes I suppose that would be in your best interest." Celestia said, sounding almost disappointing. "I guess that rules out Snowflake as well."
"Beg pardon?" He asked.
"Oh, never mind; just a thought." She responded.
"Look...If you could find me someone who's big and strong like Big Mac but who's also a bit of a loud mouth that would be perfect." Jon joked not expecting she'd take it seriously.
"Well...actually there is somepony like that," She answered honestly. "Yes I believe I know the perfect guest for you!"
"Is that right?" He said in a suspicious tone.
"Yes indeed, we've actually spoken about him before...do you remember Iron Will?" She asked.
"Vaguely." He answered. "Isn't he a minotaur?"
"Yes he is but he's also a motivational speaker." She answered. "I would imagine you'd be hard pressed to find another man who talks as much as he does."
"Sounds good to me!" Jon said, standing up. "Can I ask him in person...I've never met a Minotaur before."
"Unfortunately that won't be an option this time." Celestia said. "You see he makes his living going from place to place so it's difficult to pin point where exactly he is at any given time."
"Oh I see." He said sitting back down.
"But not to worry I'll use a spell to locate him myself and have him in your studio by morning." She added.
"And if he says ‘no?’" Jon asked trying to cover all his basses.
"Oh I don't that's going to happen." She assured him.
"Why is that?" He asked.
"Because if I know him as well as I think I do he'll just be dying for the chance to appear on TV." Celestia answered.
Taking her word for it Jon agreed to the arrangement and after saying their goodbyes hung up the phone. With a tired yawn he made his way to the door where he stopped briefly to look over at his small book shelf.
Fueled by curiosity he walked over to grab his book of mythical creatures that he had on hand. A few turned pages later he was once again looking at the passage for Minotaurs. Looking back at him was the same frightening image of a half man half bull creatures wielding an axe.
"Yeesh," Jon said to himself. "I hope he's friendly."
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Episode 12: Iron Will on The Daily Show
Interview: Please welcome to the show Iron Will
The Daily Show Interview transcript archive:
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Iron Will
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
On the day of the show, that would feature Iron Will as a guest, Jon found himself reminiscent of his very first Equestrian Interview with Spike.
On the paper to two had a lot in common: Both where mythical creatures, both were male, both were non-ponies, and both had seemingly uninteresting occupations. But most importantly Jon had no idea what food to put in their gift baskets.
Like before, Jon pondered as to what exactly constitutes a proper meal for a Minotaur and if they had any dietary restrictions. He was part bull yes but if the book he read on fantasy monsters was any indication he was also human. Last time he let something like this pass without a second thought his personal assistant lost her necklace but with Iron will the consequences had the potential to be so much worse.
In the end he just had his interns, who were stuck between grass and the discarded corpses of his defeated enemies, figure it out.
The first two segments of show went smoothly with very little problems or mishaps...at least on stage. In the back however the stagehands were having trouble dealing with the guest of the night. He wasn't causing trouble but rather was getting anxious for his debut.
For the convenience of those who were scheduled to appear there was a monitor in the waiting room so they could see the entire show up to their appearance. It only made him more anxious.
As the crowd's deafening cheers escalated in anticipation the camera switched gears from its last commercial break to a quick zoom in on Jon who was distracting himself by twirling his notes against the smooth surface of his desk. When he looked up at the incoming camera two of his notes flew from his grasp and onto the floor.
Jon looked over to see them one last time before speaking.
"Welcome to the Daily Show my guest tonight!" He said over the crowd. "A Minotaur and motivational speaker who travels all over Equestria giving advice on how to be more assertive." Directing the fans attention Jon proceeded to point to the incoming video.
Youtube Video
"I bet he's a real nice guy in person," Jon said with a hopeful smile. "Please welcome to the show, Iron Will!"
The crowd began to cheer as the camera switched to the left to show the backstage entrance. At first someone did appear but it wasn't Iron Will but instead a goat. It briefly popped its head out to have a look around before disappearing back into the dark.
Jon was about to go investigate when the actual scheduled guest finally made his appearance. With a powerful leap a tall creature made its way to the center of the stage, striking a pose in the process; it was Iron will himself being followed by five goats ranging from black, white and various shades of middle grey.
Just as he predicted Iron Will had the head of a bull and the body of a human, though it's worth noting that he was part bull from the waist down, and was covered with blue fur.
Both he and his goats were also wearing some accessories. The goats looked like secret service members with their neckties, and tiny headsets while Iron Will himself had roughly the same outfit but with a pair of sunglasses which he used to counter the many flashes of light from cameras.
Instead of walking across the stage he instead took giant steps by way of flexing for the audience. Jon met him half way where he hesitantly offered to shake his hand. The Minotaur stopped posing for a moment to oblige him with a powerful hand shake and a hardy slap on the back; then it was right back to flexing.
This brief moment of interaction left Jon with an idea of just how big his guest was. Though he was large Iron Will was around Jon's height but his horns and muscles created the illusion that he was taller.
After a small amount of time passed Iron Will took his seat at the desk with Jon who was ready to begin. For the first time in an episode of "Equestrian Interviews" a guest actually sat down in the chair normally, as opposed to needed a boost or using a cloud.
After the crowd's cheers began to die down the interview officially began, but not before Jon self-consciously adjusting the height of his swivel chair to look even taller by comparison.
"Nice crowd you got here." Iron Will said giving them one last quick pose.
"Oh yeah they're great...but you...Y-you know I-- just once I wish I'd have a guest from Equestria...who wears pants." Jon joked to set the mood. "Seriously I'm not sure if we should put a sensor bar on you or not."
The Joke went over well with everyone in the room, but the goats, having a quick laugh.
"Thank you for joining us here today Iron Will," he continued. "You know uh, we don't normally get you Minotaur types here on the show."
"Oh really? And why might that be Jon?" Iron Will asked clearly willing to play along. "You afraid of us or something!"
"Not, not at all! I love your kind," Jon said switching now to an aristocratic voice. "I just wouldn't want my daughter marrying one of your kind."
Both shared a laugh with Iron Will using much more volume in his voice.
"But really it's great to have you here," Jon said shaking his powerful hand once again. "Also this is very interesting for the show because this-- you are the third non-pony I've gotten to interview from Equestria and--"
"Oh is that right?" Iron Will interrupted.
"I--yes, yes it is." Jon added. "Which is great because I think...if I interview seven more I win a free sub."
Iron Will laughed with the audience while at the same time slamming his hand against the desk.
"So Will...by the way can I call you will?" Jon asked while extending his arm forward. "So will, I wa-want to ask...uh who-- what's with the goats?"
"Oh them?" Iron Will, said looking behind. "They're just Iron Will's stagehands what help me from show to show, but right now their acting as sort of my body guards in this new world."
Jon didn't answer right away but instead stared at his guest, which earned him a slight chuckle form the audience.
"...I would think you'd be the last person who needs a body guard," Jon said, motioning to his muscles. "You know cause...for a second I thought they were like...you're groupies or something."
"HA! Trust me Jon someone like me..." He said pausing to flex his arms. "Could get somepony much better looking than them."
Jon peaked over to see if Iron Will’s claims would get a reaction out of his followers but they instead just stayed in place, occasionally tilting their head to look around.
"It's like Iron Will always says," he continued, his voice rising in volume. "'If you want the ladies to check you out, all you need to do is flex and shout !'" To show he meant business during his rant Iron Will leaned over to get closer to Jon.
"Ok I'm going to stop you right there," Jon said, still reeling from being yelled at. "If you're thing is rhyming I should warn you we already had a guest who did that. A young lady by the name of Zecora and she's waaaay better than you."
"No need to worry Jon!" Iron will said too much enthusiasm. "Iron Will's words of wisdom are but a smaaaall part of Iron Will's program!"
"Speaking of your program," Jon said making a gesture with his hands on the desk. "It, it involves...it's where you go from...uh, town to town advertising your services, correct?"
"That's right!" Iron will said, pointing at Jon with both hands. "Looking for something to fill the void in your otherwise dull, dull lives? If so come look me up! Or as it says on some of my leaflets: ‘Looking for a thrill? Come and learn from Iron Will!'"
For reasons that escaped Jon the audience began to cheer at Iron Will, almost as if they were trying to match his own level of intensity.
"Could you explain what exactly it is you teach in these different towns?" Jon asked. "What do you-- what exactly does your program entail?"
"Well Jon my program, which I advise you all look into, are lessons on how to be the very best 'you' you can be!" He said, addressing more the audience than Jon. "For years I've been going place to place all over Equestria teaching ponies the skills needed to more assertive, through workshops and day to day lessons."
To emphasize his point he flexed at the audience, earning him frightened looks.
"Do you teach them through common household chores, Mr. Miyagi style?" Jon asked now throwing is hands up in a comedic stance. "Are you out there just going lik; 'Pony-san, paint the fence?'"
"Well I don't know who this Miyagi is but we aint having them paint no fence." Iron Will answered. "When I'm up there my goal is to get them to be true alpha males...you know to be more like me."
"And when you say more like you ," Jon said hesitantly. "I'm guessing you mean--"
"I mean more like this!" Iron Will said now standing up and looking straight ahead. "HEY CAMERA GUY, GET A CLOSE UP OF ME RIGHT NOW OR ELSE YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF IN A WORLD OF PAAAAAAIN!"
Immediately the cameraman who was the closest made the necessary adjustments needed to zoom in on Iron Will, giving him exactly what he demanded. He would have ordered a close up that got his good side but he felt it wasn't necessary; since to him every side of him was his 'good side.'
"Now then...since I have your attention I would like to briefly talk to the audience, if I may. I'm going to list a few key words and I want you all to raise your hand if any of them accurately describes you." Iron Will continued, stopping to clear his throat. "Weak, pushover, cowardly, frail, powerless, flimsy...now if any of you raised your hands at any point then I suggest you enroll in one of my 'POWER CLASSES' ...patent pending...where I will teach you the secret techniques to stop being a loser and start being a bruiser!"
"How...interesting," Jon said from off camera. "Hey can I--"
"For example! In one of my 'Power Classes' you get to learn you're ABC's!" Iron Will interrupted. "But these aren't your Grandma's alphabets OH NO! With Iron Will you'll learn how to be A ggressive, B old, and C onfident."
Standing up Iron Will took a step forward in the direction of the audience.
"And that is Iron Will's ABC's!" He added. "Common folks! Say it with me! Aggressive, Bold and Confident!"
In an act of showmanship Iron leaned forward and placed his open hand behind his ear so he could hear the audience better. When no one responded he began to flare his nostrils in anger.
"I said...SAY IT WITH ME!" He yelled in a way so everyone could hear him.
"Aggressive, bold, and confident!" The audience yelled back in almost perfect unison.
Satisfied by their participation Iron Will sat back down and the show went back it its original wide angle view to get both the quest and host in the same shot. To try and make light of the situation Jon was hiding under his desk, intimately peaking up to see if it was a safe like a groundhog checking its shadow.
The crowd found it humorous but Jon's now aching back told him it was a bad idea.
"Is it over?" Jon asked after sitting back down.
"And that is just lesson one of my assertiveness class," Iron will continued. "In lesson two I really delve into the idea of--"
"Alright, alright we get the idea!" Jon insisted as he lunged over like he was trying to grab any more words from escaping his guest's mouth.
"HA! Sorry Jon but Iron Will can't help it!" He confessed as he once again leaned forward to yell in Jon's face. "It's just the way Iron Will is!"
"Ok two things," Jon said waiting a second for the audience to stop chuckling. "One: why do you...feel the need to go around...and,and,and teach people to be more domineering....and two..."
Instead of finishing his thought Jon reached into the inside of his sports jacket, eventually finding what he was looking for in one of his pockets.
"...you need of one these." He added, offering Iron Will some of his breath mints.
For the first time in his life Iron Will felt an audience turn on him; instead of submissive complacency they were now laughing at his expense. It might have been a humbling experience were it not for his massive ego which would not allow it.
After shooting the audience an intimidating look, which did very little in stopping their laughter, Iron Will continued to address his human friend from across the table.
"To answer your first question Jon," He said giving the audience one last look. "The reason why Iron Will does all of this for a living is because the good folks over in Equestria could use a little toughening up...I don't know if you've noticed but the ponies back home...well they're not exactly the rugged type."
"I know exactly what you mean." Jon said nodding in agreement. "I mean all these ponies walking around with their rainbows, heart shapes everywhere...purple hair, and pink bodies...why one could almost get away with saying they're rather...effeminate."
"Tell me Jon!" Iron Will demanded as he slammed both fists on the table. "Do you humans have your own version of wimpy ponies in your world?"
"Yes we do," Jon answered. "They're called the British."
"Hmmm good to know!" Iron Will, thought out loud while the crowd laughed. "But tell me this...are there a group of humans who are...JUST LIKE ME!" To further perpetuate his point he made sure to yell as loudly as he could while showing off a variety of poses.
"...Yeah," Jon said, nodding somewhat dishearteningly. "...Americans."
By just mentioning the country alone the audience began cheering with a few of them trying to initiate a "USA" chant, though it never got past a few people.
"Even...even thought it would seem our two worlds...are similar in many aspects are there--do you find yourself a little out of your element?" Jon asked. "I'm guessing you're more used to talking to ponies instead of--"
"Well...it is very different," Iron Will admitted. "Iron Will has never been in front of a human audience before...nothing in my life has trained me for this which, I suppose, just makes that more impressive that I, Iron Will, am so darn good at it!"
Like a boxer taking a victory swig Iron Will then proceeded to finish off the remaining water from his complimentary "Daily Show" mug.
"How bout you, Jon?" He asked, oddly taking attention away from himself. "Have you ever had to perform outside of what your're used to?"
"You mean have I ever done comedy in front of an audience of ponies?" Jon ascertained.
"Yeah, have you?" Iron Will pressed. "From what I hear you've spent some time in Equestria."
"No I haven't and I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. I mean I don't...I don't think it'd be very pleasant," Jon continued. "As a comedian I've dealt with hecklers...before in my life...but being heckled by something that can control the weather or casts spells...no thanks."
Both the crowd and Iron Will laughed at Jon's whimsical assertions, which gave him just enough time to think of a new joke to try out.
"Although now that I think about it this makes for some pretty good material." He added. Before continuing he changed his voice to that of a bad Russian accent to try and imitate Yakov Smirnoff. "In America you throw rotten tomatoes at comic...but in Equestria they use magic to turn you into rotten tomato!"
Even though the cultural references we're lost on him, Iron Will still found himself laughing at Jon's comical impressions.
"Well I'll tell you this, brother!" Iron Will said. "If you do find yourself in front of a pony audience here's my advice...get yourself some goats."
Leaning to the side Jon caught a quick glance at Iron Will's followers who were still standing around, looking in pointless directions.
"Yeeaah well...thanks but again I don't think it'll ever come to that," Jon said offhandedly. "Besides here in the entertainment industry we have our own legion of mindless drones that'll do whatever we say...we call them 'interns.'"
The ones who found the joke the most humerus was the interns themselves since they knew it was true.
"So you...uh, tell how all of this began," Jon said trying to turn the attention back on his guest. "Tell us how you began your career as a motivational speaker...give us your back story."
"Jon...I'm glad you asked that," Iron Will said with a devious smile. "Because you and anypony else can now know everything there is to know about Iron Will by simply purchasing my new 'tell-all' book!"
Signaling for assistance my snapping his fingers caused one of this decked out goats to hand him a hefty book which he promptly slammed on the table, almost causing Jon's mug of water to spill over.
"Right here is Iron Will's first official published book entitled 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,'" he continued. "In this book you the consumer will have the chance to learn my techniques on life while at the same time getting to know a little about yours truly and how Iron Will got to where he is today! Go ahead Jon give it a look."
Jon wasn't at all eager to pick it up. Not because he had any qualms about its content but because there was a thin layer of drool on the spine from where the goat assistant had passed it via its mouth.
"This is...impressive." Jon said, hesitantly picking up the large book. "So...so,so,so is it more of a book biography or a kind of self-help book?"
"It's both if ya think about it! In this book Iron Will uses examples from Iron Will's life to show how even the wimpiest of ponies can be strong and fearless!" He answered. "For example, in chapter three Iron Will tells the readers tips on how to not get pushed around by strangers in public...for example...let's say somepony bumps into you and doesn't say 'excuse me'...what do you do?"
"Well..." Jon said taking a moment to think. "Since it was an accident I'd probably just let them go about their business but if it was intentional I'd use my words and calmly explain to them how--
"WRONG ANSWER...words are for nerds!" Iron Will yelled. "When someone bumps into you then you get in their face and bump them right back! Iron Will tip number 57: "If somepony tries to push you around, grab them back and knock em to the ground!"
Never before had Jon hoped that his kids weren't watching his show.
"Another example!" Iron Will continued. "Let's say somepony is standing in the middle of the hallway and refuses to let you pass. What do you do?"
"I'm guessing the answer isn't to walk around him?" Jon asked.
"Tip number 45," Iron Will said. "Get out of my way or I'll make you pay!"
During his explanation Jon was multitasking by skimming the pages of his book till he came upon a chapter that caught his attention.
"Soooo about this section," Jon said, pointing to page in the book. "This chapter is called 'Origin story,' what's that about?"
"Oh that? That's just the story of how Iron Will first discovered who Iron Will was meant to be." He answered looking somewhat nostalgic. "You see it all started back when I was in school...it was in the first grade and I just finished taking a math test. When I went to have my teacher grade it she gave me an 'F.' When I asked to her to let me retake it she said 'no' but that didn't stop me...Iron Will remembers it clear as day. Iron Will looked her in the eyes and said, 'Give me a bad score, this means war!' And ever since then I've devoted my life to helping others."
As much as Jon would have loved to pick his story apart bit by bit he felt it would have been in poor taste. That and the interview was almost over.
"That...was a very touching story." Jon said in an unconvincing tone. "Thank you for sharing with us."
"No problem little man!" Iron Will said. "But Iron Will's career hasn't been all success and fortune...there have been some hard times as well."
"Is that-- what kinds of hardships did you face?" Jon asked.
"Well for example Iron Will's very first official performance didn't turn out so well." He admitted.
"Why? What, uh, what happened?" Jon asked.
"Well this is what happened...Iron Will had finally gotten permission to set up his stage in the park of this one town." He explained. "It was to be Iron Will's first time addressing the masses. Everything from the lighting to the pyrotechnics was in place and Iron Will even had some posters for the goats to put all around town...but when the time came for Iron Will to do his thing--"
"Let me guess," Jon interrupted, "Low audience turn-out?"
"Worse actually," Iron Will corrected. "Nopony showed up."
Iron Will chuckled at his own past misfortunes which made Jon feel better for laughing so hard at his story.
"Wh-wh-what happened!?" Jon asked. "I mean...uh, uh, how--"
"Well remember when Iron Will said the goats were in charge of putting posters all around town? That was the first mistake." He explained. "Turns out while I wasn't looking they ate them all."
At that point Jon had just calmed down from his last onslaught of laughter when another one came causing the host to spin to the side of his desk to laugh to himself.
"And that...is when Iron Will learned to never have the goats do anything that requires average level intelligence." He said causing his coats to slump their head in shame. Once Jon had regained his composure he was right back to asking questions.
"So...so I noticed...I noticed that you uh, you said you needed permission before you had the chance-- before you could do your performance." Jon ventured. "Who did you need permission from? Was it like...you had some legal issues or, or, or, like what was it?"
"Oh no you see for Iron Will to perform in a town he first needs to either get permission from city hall or a special kind of license that allows for a stage." Iron Will explained. "Some towns are harder to get into than others but for the most part they don't like Iron Will's style of performance...something bout being too loud and disturbing the peace or something."
"Yeah I can see where they're coming from." Jon said with a straight face. "Seriously the last time you addressed my audience I think a car alarm or two went off."
In Jon's experience setting up a joke that involved the crowd was a quick and easy way of getting some laughs and this time was no different.
"Now I've come to learn that you've also spent time in Ponyville," Jon contained. "I've uh, actually been there a few times myself, lively place great uh, great people...but did you, uh did you have any problems performing their or like…was getting a zoning permit just as bad as other places?"
"Not all at all, Jon." Iron Will said rather proudly. "Getting into Ponyville was a piece of cake! Iron Will didn't even need to sign papers or nothing?"
"Is that so?" Jon asked.
"You betcha," Iron Will added. "And it's all cause Mayor Mare...she handled all the technical stuff and told Iron Will to set up wherever he wanted."
"Oh wow how nice?" Jon said. "Why did she go to such great lengths to have you?"
"Oh don't you know? Iron Will and Mayor Mare are good friends...we go waaaay back." He explained. "When Iron Will was younger he attended school to learn the art of talking in front of a crowd. At one point Iron Will took a public speaking class and that's where Iron Will met Mayor Mare...she was studying to be a politician and we really hit it off...so when she found out that Iron Will was trying to set up a show in her town she was more than happy to accommodate...afterwards we even met up to talk about the good ole' days."
"Oh well congratulations," Jon conveyed by doing a slow applause. "You know I had her on the show before and she was just...a delight to have."
"Iron Will saw that interview actually," he confessed. "Iron Will remembers thinking at the time how much good if would do for me if Iron Will got to be on your show too...I mean if she can hijack your show why can't Iron Will!?
"Oh I...uh I see?" Jon said as he thought back on how she indeed turned the interview into her own personal ad campaign at one point. "I would...I would love to hear more about how you two were friends."
"Well actually you can!" Iron Will exclaimed as he pointed to his own book. "All you need to do is go to fifty four where Iron Will talks about his life in school!"
Taking his suggestion seriously Jon turned to where the chapter would have been only to quickly double take back and forth between pages. His look on concussion caught Iron Will's attention.
"Something the matter?" He asked.
"Yeeeaaah there is," Jon answered as he continued to shuffle through page after page. "You seem to be missing some pages."
"WHAT!?" Iron Will screamed as he ripped the book from Jon's hands.
After looking at it intensely he made a shocking discovery.
"What a minute," He said. "Are these...bite marks?"
Turning around he looked at his goats who said nothing and gawked blankly. Iron Will didn't back down but instead narrowed his vision to a grey goat who was trying to look away. After a lengthy and uncomfortable silence the goat in question burped.
"NOT AGAIN!" Iron will screamed
Everyone in attendance began to laugh, even Jon who finished much sooner than they did. To keep things going he called out for Iron Will to sit back down so they could finish.
"Iron Will it's been great having you here today!" He yelled over the crowd, standing up to gesture for a handshake. "Thank you very much for being here and sharing with us your life experiences."
"Hey no problem!" Iron Will responded while still keeping a watchful eye on his goat assistant.
"And I think if we've learned anything here today it's this," Jon summed up. "If you scream loud enough you can have whatever you want."
"Now you're getting it!" He said as he shook Jon's hand.
"Again thanks for being here," Jon added. "The book is 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,' it's on the bookshelves now. Iron Will everyone; we'll be right back!"
The crowd stood and cheered as Jon leaned in to whisper something in Iron Will's ear. The camera panned away at an average speed to get a final shot of the stage where Iron Will was now striking some more poses, with Jon clumsily imitating for comedic effect. Soon the 'Daily Show' logo appeared on the screen for those watching at home and disappeared with the cheering of the crowd fading in favor of another commercial break.
