Gale Wind was punctual as always. Pinkie was not. As always. Waiting at the door of her apartment, he checked his pocket watch, adjusted his bow tie, and decided to pony watch to pass the time. When he saw a girl hopping and skipping
"Sorry! My friend Twilight was a weeeeee bit stressed and so I was helping her out! She's such a worry wart sometimes." She giggled as she approached. Her pink dress skirt and purple graphic T spoke to the exuberant personality she was already displaying. Gale extended a hand for a friendly shake, but was in stead enveloped with a hug. It wasn't a long one, but even he couldn't deny a smile to his face... in spite of his stoic nature. "Come on in!"
She unlocked the door and they immediately went up a set of stairs. She did not do much to hide what was under her skirt. Gale politely looked away; there was usually more than enough reason to be stimulated during these interviews. But he did consider the behavior. It struck him that she wasn't attempting to gain attention, but also seemed to not care.
"So how do we do this interviewy thingy?" She skipped into the room and then turned around. The furniture collection was eclectic at best. It seemed almost like she just bought any bit of furniture that was pink. And none of them were the same tint of pink. A pink table with bits of silver laminated into it; chairs clearly from different decades around it. There was a pink bean bag, a pink love seat, a pink ottoman.
"How do you usually sit when you have friends over? Whatever is comfortable is best." He honestly worried about the fact that not only were there no two chairs alike... he wasn't sure there were two that had the same height. He did not want to 'sit above' her... but below her would likely not be so great either.
"Me? I like the floor. Reminds me of my childhood." She laughed a bit as she plopped down. "No really, it's a nice carpet, and it lets my friends have whatever seats they like!" Considering the remaining options, the bean bag was the best choice. He pulled it a comfortable distance from Pinkie and sat. It was not easy... he hadn't sat in a bean bag chair in over a decade. He had to use his wings to have any hope at all in righting himself.
"Would you like a drink? I am sooo parched. And I love to share!"
He thought on it, a moment thinking it could cause a conflict of interest... but she seemed the sort more at ease when helping others. And that was what was important.
"Cider, if you have it. Thank you very much." She came back with two glasses of amber liquid and once again plopped back to the floor. Impressively, she didn't lose a drop.
"I know that you agreed to this interview through the request of Princess Celestia, but I am unaware of how much you are aware of what this interview is. Why don't you start by having you tell me what you know, and I will tell you the rest."
"Weeeeeell... she told me it was something to do with sexual this or that... and that it it was science and we'd all learn stuff. She also said you did this with colts about ah... ten years ago? I was just a little filly back then! And she said 'It's your choice, but if you do this you must be honest.'" Her imitation of Celestia was rather amusing. "And that's it. What do you know about it?" Her smile made it impossible to tell if she was joking or seriously wondered.
"I know just about everything about it. I came up with the idea. You are right in what you know. I'm from the Gale Wind Institute for Researching Sex, Gender and Reproduction. They were kind enough to name it after me." Gale's tone showed that he wasn't thrilled in the least about it, but Pinkie seemed impressed. "I am collecting information about ponies and what their sexual lives are like. Most ponies want to keep these things secret for one reason or another. And I will make sure that happens. I use a secret code to make sure that no pony learns who is connected to the data I gather." Pinkie gave an 'ooooo' in response to the idea of a secret code. "When I return to Buffaloa in two weeks, I won't know your history from anypony else's."
"So, keeping everyone's secret is super important?"
"Very important. Losing my interviewee's trust the fastest way lose my ability to research forever."
She nodded in surprising seriousness, her chin resting on her hand. "That's so true. Alright, let's begin!"
"It starts simple enough, when were you born?"
"Well....
He took a quick sip of cider before continuing the interview with Pinkamina Diane Pie. The pink earth pony was proving to have quite a history... he’d already moved to a third auxiliary page for notes. She’d never revealed so much to anypony before. No one thought of her as a pony that ‘settled down’ with anypony, but nopony was aware of just how many ponies she’d been with. Till now. That was the key, though. Gale Wind always made sure to have the complete trust of those he interviewed.
“Have you thrown a party or gone to a party for the express purpose of having intercourse?” Gale always asked questions as if the answer was ‘yes’, so to maximize the possibility of an honest answer.
“Ooo, parties! Gosh, never thought of it that way. I mean, I’ve thrown a loooooot of parties in my time. And, I mean, of course I have had a good buck afterwards more than once. Who hasn’t?”
“But, did you ever throw a party just so that might happen?”
She paused... “I guess my Nightmare Night party from three years ago counts.”
He made a few notations indicating her age during the event, “What happened then?”
“I wanted to have a party that would be some craaaazy adult fun, but I wanted to make sure no one knew each other, right? So, I got help from my friend who makes the dresses-”
“The one from before?”
“Yessirini!” He makes another note. “Well, so I go to her and say ‘You need to help me make a super awesome adult party!’ and she’s all like ‘Is this going to be like last time?’ and I tell her ‘This will be tooooootally different!’ She was super excited, I could tell, ‘cause she didn’t say much. Anyhooves, we set it up so a bunch of her Canterlot friends would come in. She sure has a lot of friends from Canterlot that like this sort of stuff! I always see them coming into her shop at late hours and-” Gale coughed to gently nudge her back on track, “Oh. Right. Anyway, so they went to her shop instead of my place, where I usually have the parties. She was just interested in seeing what happened, so she helped them all disguise themselves. She gave eeeeeverypony fake, magical wings and horns so nopony knew who anypony was! She also gave them these neato masks and flank guards... and changed their colors too. I was green! With purple hair! Can you believe that!?”
She waited for a response; Gale had originally thought it rhetorical. “Amazing.”
“I know, right! So it was soooo cool, because nopony knew who anypony was! I mean, we all knew we were adults... and most everypony was from Canterlot. So I start off by telling everyone the rules of the party. That being there meant that you were okay with anything, unless you say otherwise. I asked each one... gave them a clear stare.” She showed what she meant by staring at Gale. It was more comical than threatening, but the point would have come across. “One colt left. I wouldn’t remember that normally, but I think it may have been my boss.”
“Your boss... which would be-”
“Yup, that’s him... from those dreams and such. I never saw his face, of course, but there was something about it awwwwwfully familiar about it. But! Everyone else agreed, and so things started. I had everyone get naked first, since that’s always fun. There was such a range of ponies there... some were refined, some were pretty... some I think used magic on their boobs.” She giggled, “I can’t blame ‘em, they’re fun!”
“Did it progress much further?”
“Mhm! Mhm! Then we played pin the tail in the tail!”
Gale hid his curiosity, “I am unfamiliar with that.”
“Of course you are, silly, I made the game up!” She giggled again and smiled. “The object of the game is pretty much the same as pin the tail on the donkey. Only the donkey is a pony and the tail is either a nice big toy or if it was a colt, his party maker!”
As obvious as it was, Gale didn’t allow for euphemisms, “What sort of party maker?”
Pinkie groaned... “Come on, you know!” She paused, but he wouldn’t fill in the answer for her. “His... uhg... his penis. It’s such a dumb name for something so fun!”
“I’m sorry. I would be fine if you wished to use manhood, cock, dick or prick.”
“No way! Those names aren’t fun either! If I have to use an unfun, unawesome name, I might as well use the unfunest and unawesomest name.”
He smiled as he continued to take notes. “Makes sense. Please continue.”
“Well... I went first. Because I was the one who was the host. Wowie zowie... the first colt who tried, he went in the wrong hole! Not that I mind, but that’s no way to win. Lucky for me, he wasn’t too big in that department.”
“Short or thin?”
“Both. But that’s nice for that sort of thing, you know? That’s what I think. So I let him do it anyway. He was embarrassed when he realized what he did, and asked if he should stop, but I told him ‘naaaaaaah, go for it stallion! Wooo’” She was a very emphatic storyteller, and was somewhat bouncing in her chair as she made the holler from the story. “Once I did that, other people started playing too! Eventually, one of the other colts asked if he could play, but go from the other end. You know, my mouth? The first one was still behind me... so it sounded like extra fun!”
Gale Wind was writing down his code as fast as possible. The information detailed in this event would be important data. He was struggling to separate himself from the arousal the idea gave him. But it would hardly be the first time that happened. Part of the territory.
“Anyway, he missed too!” She laughed again, “First my nose, then my eye! I’m glad he didn’t try to go with it like the first guy!” She laughed, the idea clearly amusing to her. “So I had to direct him. That was toooo much fun though. It’s the only time I’ve ever done both of those things at once! Best. Party. Ever.”
“How did things finish up?”
“With those two? Well, the first guy went KA-BOOM fairly quick. He had a lot in him, so it was squigly tickles when it trailed down my lips. The second guy took for-ever. Which wasn’t too bad. He tasted good, and he fit nicely there. Not too wide. I hate it when I hurt my jaw.” Just thinking about it made her stretch it from side to side, forward and backwards. “He didn’t have as much when he came, so I swallowed it aaaall up real easy! I think he was older... like... maybe twice my age. Maybe not that much. I’m not sure. Doesn’t matter. I think I also had the normal kind of sex with another guy... and licked up a girl or two. The end of the party isn’t so clear... I had a lot of cider.”
“Do you regret what you did?”
“Regret? That’s just silly. No one knew what I did and I had sex with a ton of people! That’s a great day for Pinkie Pie! I could have only regretted not doing it!"
Gale Wind searched through his questions... that event covered answers to many of the questions, and he never asked a question he already knew the answer.
