Cheerilee Has Tourettes

by NocturneD85

Rating: mature
Tags: Cheerilee, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 13924

Our favorite pony teacher has been diagnosed with tourettes

Cheerliee has been diagnosed with the tourettes syndrome and she is shouting vulgarity to all of the ponies of Ponyville. Can her students, friends and the others in Ponyville help her settle or will it all go down hill and lose her job and not able to teach ever again?

*Contains offensive/adult language/toilet humor/vulgarity, read to your own discretion*

Published 2012-11-03 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-10 21:25:38 UTC

Chapter 1

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Another day at school for the little fillies and colts of Ponyville. It was Monday, so another week to drag on and on. Miss Cheerilee, the teacher of the elementary school of Ponyville has been out for a few weeks for reasons unknown to the students and a substitute was provided. The adults on the other hand have an idea that spread like wildfire with gossip and talk around the town. Something that might force Cheerilee out of the job. But the ponies of Ponyville were forgiving and understood once Cheerilee came back from the hospital and announced that she had a case of the tourettes syndrome.

The school bell rung proudly to announce that it was ready to start. The last of the fillies and colts sat in their desks. Some excited, most still sleepy and bored. The substitute was not in, some of the students started to talk among themselves wondering what could of happened or wondering where the substitute was. Just then the front door opened, there stood two ponies. One a dark pink pony with a pink curly hair due and the other a violet unicorn with purple hair. The two made their way to the front of the classroom.

The purple unicorn cleared her throat, "Excuse me class. I would like take this time for all us to welcome back your teacher Miss Cheerliee." Many of the ponies clopped their hooves to the floor happily. "You all know me, I'm Twilight Sparkle and I want to tell you that Miss Cheerilee was indeed in the hospital getting a check up and is diagnosed with tourettes. It's a disorder that affects the brain in some way that makes you do things like clop your hooves every time you blink or say things... Your teacher has the latter..." The children looked at them funny, Cheerlie's appearance was a mess but she insisted she was fine. "I just want you kids to know that whatever miss Cheerilee says out loud, she doesn't mean alright?"

Twilight smiled at Cheerilee and walked out of the classroom turning things over. Cheerilee forced a smile, "I trust that you all gave the substitute the same respect that you ga..." Her eye twitched for a second, "gave me. We'll start today off with a math if you children don't mind." The teacher grabbed a piece of chalk with her mouth and started writing down some math problems. After she was done she turned around, Snips raised his hoof.

"Ye...yes Snips?" Cheerilee's eye twitched.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Snips asked.

"FUCK YOU KID YOU'RE A DICK!" Cheerilee shouted. Quickly she covered her mouth while the children gasped. She tried to quickly apologize, the children knew this was probably what Twilight Sparkle meant so they're just going to have to cope with it. She excused Snips to go to the bathroom, he came back looking stupid as usual. Then Snails asked if he could use the rest room and she excused him. Forty minutes passed and Snails finally came back. Of course he was asked if he was alright, he nodded that everything was fine.

After getting the class to calm down from all the giggle fits of the use of swear words. Cheerilee made the students take a quiz over what the substitute taught them. Cheerilee was shaking. Looking back up at the clock it was only eleven thirty something. The children were busy with their next assignment until finally twelve o'clock bell rang for lunch. The children raced outside to have their lunch and sit with their friends.

Cheerilee started grading the quizzes and so far, she wasn't happy with the results except for a few. She looked at Apple Bloom's test, "ASS!" She wrote on the paper. She looked at Scootaloo's next, "CUNT!" She wrote it on the paper. She continued this.

Finally at the end of the day, it was not a very pleasant one. Cheerilee handed back the quizzes and excused the class then walked back to her desk and laid her head down. The children knew she was miserable but left anyway. Apple Bloom gave one last look at her broken down teacher, then left.

"So... what did you get Sweetie Belle?" Scootaloo asked while holding her own quiz to compare.

"She wrote down a big red D. But then wrote a word with it and it says... Dumb ass!" Sweetie Belle frowned.

"Ah... she wrote Cunt on mine." Scootaloo shook her head.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were upset too and showed theirs. "She wrote Bitch on mine." Said Diamond Tiara, "And Silver Spoon's as well."

"How fitting." Scootaloo mumbled.

Snails and Snips showed theirs, "She wrote down Fucktard on both of ours."

Pip the transfer pony from Trottingham showed his, "What a weird grading scale your teacher has. She put down Faggot on mine."

"Well if she wrote those nasta thins on your papers I got the word Ass Bag + on mine." Apple Bloom showed her paper.

The children sighed, they missed Cheerilee before she became a raging swearing crazy pony.

"The thing is... Twilight Sparkle said we shouldn't take it to heart." Sweetie Belle sniffed, almost like she wanted to cry, "But it does hurt."

"Wait!" Apple Bloom chimed in, "Maybe Zecora will have something to help!"

Cheerilee stuck her head out the window and shouted, "PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" The little ponies scattered in fright and ran home. The teacher had to wash off her face, the tears were unwanted.

Ponyville will never be the same again...

ooo

author's note: I just want to let you people know that this is just a silly story and an excuse to include toilet humor. Yes this is a parody of the tourettes guy. Yes I know, how dare I make fun of tourettes. I just have to say, I know what tourettes is and there are many things that people diagnosed with. Some snap their fingers, some turn their head at times, it depends on the person who has it. Cheerilee unfortunately has the one with swearing and its a lot like trying to hold in a sneeze, its her story to cope with. If you people want to learn more about tourettes, check out http://tsa-usa.org/ if you want to learn more or make a donation for awareness.

I will say, I won't be surprised if there are a lot of down votes for this story. It is a troll story after all.

Chapter 2

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Tuesday eventually came. Cheerilee did not have a good start returning as a teacher but it couldn't be helped. She wanted to hold in her urges to shout profanity but it was just too much to bare. She knew it hurt inside to see her students see a trust worthy pony like herself using vulgar language.

She sat patiently at her desk. But instead of waiting for her students to come in as usual, she kept herself busy. By playing with paperclips hooking them together from one end to the other. Lame she knew it was and something a child would only focus on doing.

She couldn't stop thinking about her visit to the specialist. Her doctor said her sudden urges and constant eye twitching was the result of her own version of tourettes. They offered treatments but also warned that it could greatly affect her mood. For better or for worse. Now she thinks if it were better to just take the stupid treatment. Rather be a zombie drone or a raging swearing pony that gets pissed off at the simplest things.

A lot of strings were pulled to keep her job but if it was to get any worse then she would have to consider on retiring. Problem was, who would hire someone who had to swear? Let alone shout periodically? What was she going to tell the parents of her students? She had support from most of the ponies in Ponyville. Only thing was, did they even know what tourettes was? Or were the just being nice?

The bell finally rang and the students walked into the classroom finally. But not in smiles. More like cautious scared looks.

Cheerilee stood up from her desk, took a deep breath and gave a weak smile but caring look. "I just want to start off by saying... I'm sorry I scared you little ones." Her face saddened, "But you all know the phrase of never giving up right? Well..." She sighed and looked away from her students. "It might start to look that way as you ponies deserve a better teacher..."

Cheerilee poured her heart out into her own explanation. "I'm sure your parents aren't happy with your quizzes from the other day."

Apple Bloom raised her hoof.

"Yes Apple Bloom?" Cheerliee called on her student.

"Mah big sis hung my quiz on the refrigerator..." Apple Bloom twisted her lip, "Was that still an A?"

Cheerliee wiped her face clean, "Yes... you deserved that A Apple Bloom. Just... not the word after that." The teacher sniffed, "All your quizzes are graded by the first letter of what was written..."

"So I got an F?" Pip raised his hoof.

Cheerilee nodded, "I'm sorry Pip but yes... I guess you didn't understand the lesson too well... or the substitute didn't teach that well." She smiled, "You know what... if you don't like your test score I'll throw it out of the grading book. Whoever still passed can keep the grade." Some of the ponies cheered.

"But I want to assure you children. It's like trying to hold in a sneeze and holding in a sneeze never really works. So please, don't be scared." Cheerilee asked.

Snips raised his hoof.

"Yes Snips?" Cheerilee called on him.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Snips asked.

Cheerilee gritted her teeth and shouted, "GO SHIT IN YOUR DESK!"

The children shrieked.

"Fine go, go, go..." Cheerilee took a few steps back, embarrassed from the outburst.

After recess, Cheerilee decided to do a spelling bee with her students. Only that it wasn't going according to plan.

"Scootaloo... your word is..." Cheerilee felt the urge coming on again, "is... is... PISSSSSSSSSSSSS!" She shouted.

"Uh... can you give me the definition?" Scootaloo asked cowering away.

"PISS COMES OUT YOUR DICK BITCH!" Cheerliee shouted.

Scootaloo look left then right nervously, "Um... can you use it in a sentence?"

"INSTEAD OF MILK PINKIE PIE TAKES A PISS IN THE CAKE BATTER!" Cheerliee shook. "THAT'S WHY THEY TASTE LIKE SHIT!"

The class erupted in a huge, "EW!"

"Piss... P-I-S-S... Piss." Scootaloo spelled.

"Good... you can stay up there in line WITH THE OTHER RETARDS!" Cheerliee shouted. Then she noticed Pip scratching himself. "PIP STOP TOUCHING YOUR DICK!"

"But I'm not touching my..." Pip tried to explain that his hooves were no where near his crotch.

"YOU'RE TOUCHING YOUR DICK! STOP IT YOU LITTLE PUSSY!" Cheerliee shouted. Then she looked for Snips. "Where's Snips?"

"In the bathroom..." Sweetie Belle said meekly.

"MOTHER OF FUCKING CELESTIA! AGAIN?" Cheerliee shouted in disbelief.

The children nodded.

"THAT COLT NEEDS A TRASHBAG STAPLED TO HIS ASS!" Cheerliee shouted again.

The children giggled.

Chapter 3

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Cheerliee let class out for the day. First thing she did, she took a seat behind her desk. The tears were too strong to hold back. Her throat had a lump in it. She couldn't hold it back. She crossed her arms and slammed her head into the desk. She didn't fight it, she cried. She didn't want anypony to see her, she didn't want to talk to anypony. If there was a place where she could go to where this disorder wouldn't hurt her or the ponies she cared for anymore. She would go there, even if it was an endless void.

Another day, another terrible day of losing her composure. Another day of using profanity. Another day of making her students feel uncomfortable. Or atleast made some of them laugh. That was what she didn't understand, such vulgarity could cause some to laugh? Sure it's crude, but these were children they think swearing is funny. They also think farting is funny, adults still think its funny under certain circumstances.

It felt like hours... Still she cried into the hard wood. Tear drops smearing her face. Staining the new lesson plan she had out with her sadness. After she tired herself out from the misery, she looked at the clock to find it was around six. She cursed out loud then gathered courage to go home. That way some of the other ponies won't judge her or try to treat her like an adult special needs pony. She hated that.

One could only imagine what the students are saying about her. She packed whatever she needed to take home but then remembered. She usually starts cooking dinner as soon as she gets home around three thirty. Now it's practically ten after six. Her best chance was either to pick up something along the way or just make a sandwich. She let out a sigh. She locked all the doors and windows then walked over to the grocery store. A small family own super market called Food King. Pretty much everypony who doesn't feel like buying stand foods just come here for simple things like milk, bread, eggs you name it.

"Okay Cheerilee..." She breathed in slowly, "You can do this. If you have to shout race outside or to the bathroom, it's not a big store anyway."

She entered the store slowly. Like a shy pony she kept her head down and grabbed a basket nearby the front door. She got the usual of bread, cereal, vegetables, fruits. She made her way to the frozen dairy isle and figured she was going to have to settle on a frozen dinner meal when she got home. Then she looked at the other ponies that were in the isle with her. Her eyes widened with terror. There at the end of the isle was Sweetie Belle with her parents discussing on what they should buy. She tried to blend in with the other ponies next to her hoping no pony would notice. She looked in the glass door and saw pizza. Then she looks at the price.

"HOLY SHIT THEY GOT FOUR CHEESE PIZZA ON SALE!" Cheerilee shouted.

She halted. Her eyes wandered left then right. It was no surprise that the ponies in the isle would turn around to see her as she flushed in embarrassment.

"Hi miss Cheerilee!" Sweetie Belle waved to her teacher happily.

Cheerilee put on an embarrassed smile and waved slowly back to her student. But sighed in relief that she seemed to be in high spirits. Before she knew it, her mother and father wandered over to her and started chatting up with her.

"Oh hi there miss Cheerilee!" Sweetie Belle's father greeted her, "Lovely night we're having eh?"

Cheerilee nodded, knowing they were going to ask about her quiz the other day.

"We're so glad you're back teaching our little Sweetie Belle and her friends." Sweetie Belle's mother complemented, "It's just that about hearing about your condition we were wondering how serious it was. Then Sweetie Belle gave us an idea of what you had..." She frowned, "Gotta say... we heard about the treatments they were offering but the side affects sound rather... unlike you."

Cheerliee blushed, "It's just I want to able to continue my career teaching. It's been my passion and dream since I was a little filly."

Sweetie Belle's father brought up, "Well. The treatment is up to you miss Cheerliee." He smiled, "But got to say... you coming back, rather gives some ponies some inspiration around here."

Cheerilee was dumb founded, "Come again?"

"It's like the saying... Nothing hits harder than life. The world isn't all sun shine and rainbows. Because life will always be your biggest challenge and it will beat you to your knees if you let it. All we know and heard so far... You're no coward." He continued.

Cheerilee hesitated to ask, "So... you're not mad?"

"Honey, your dealt with the cards your dealt with." Sweetie Belle's mother put a hoof on her Cheerilee's shoulder as encouragement. "If you need anything and I mean anything don't hesitate to ask."

She could of sworn she stopped crying earlier, but the tears came back but not at full force. She was touched that some ponies did care about her for who she is and willing to accept her no matter. Sweetie Belle gave her teacher a hug to show that she still respected her and loved being her student. She loved it, this is what she missed the most. The honor of teaching that also helps an extending hand for friendship and trust.

"So you're not mad at me Sweetie Belle?" Cheerilee asked.

Sweetie Belle smiled, "N...no you're still my favorite."

Cheerilee excused herself to continue shopping, still a bit of light shined in her debate if she should still teach. She bought a few extra things and suddenly she found herself in the beer isle. After what she's been through she wondered if she get a six pack or a twelve pack? Or just buy a twenty four pack and drown the bad feelings away. She ended up buying more than she meant and got in line to check out. For her luck, she got stuck behind the one pony who was old as Equestria probably was. The old pony mare had a billion coupons to use and the register pony was trying to sort through them all.

"Ma'am we don't accept some of these coupons." The register pony apologized.

"But I got them from the news ad outside." The old pony argued.

"Yeah, from the store across the street." The register pony gently commented.

"WHERE'S YOUR MANAGER! YOU DISRESPECTFUL HUSSY?" The old pony shouted.

"Ma'am... please don't say things you'll regret later." The register pony now was annoyed.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN YOU LITTLE JIZZABELLE!" The old pony bitched.

Cheerilee's eye twitched, she look at the other isles who were moving faster than hers. She looked behind herself, two carts behind her with Mr. and Mrs. Cake with their newborn foals Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. She wanted to strike up a conversation to help pass the time but still the old pony kept getting more persistent and bitchy.

"Ma'am if you're going to pay with a check do you have any I.D.?" The register pony was more annoyed than ever.

"I have no ID DAMN IT!" The old pony shrieked.

"Then we can't process it. You have a credit or debit card?" The register pony asked. "Because these ponies behind you are waiting."

"NO!" The old pony refused to move.

This went on for five more minutes. Cheerilee gritted her teeth, she tried to hold it in, "OH FOR FUCK SAKES WILL YOU JUST PAY FOR YOUR FUCKING GROCERIES AND SHUT UP? YOU OLD FUCKING BITCH!" She cleared her throat, "ITS PONIES LIKE YOU THAT MAKE THE EMPLOYEES OF THIS STORE HATE WORKING HERE! BECAUSE ASS HATS LIKE YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT SO MUCH HARDER NOT ONLY FOR THEM BUT TO EVERY OTHER CUSTOMER! JUST BECAUSE OF A FUCKING COUPON!"

Every pony gasped. The old pony was not happy.

"Oh shit..." Cheerilee thought, sweat beads raced down her face.

Suddenly she heard clopping. Not surprisingly from the employees, but from the other customers. She heard hoots and cheers. The old bitch was humiliated and paid with whatever she had. She blushed in embarrassment but in a way it also felt good. Cheerilee emptied her basket and let the register pony scan her items.

"Thanks for standing up for me." The register pony smiled.

"Er.. uh... Yeah I don't like seeing employees being pushed around by customers just because they have money and time to waste." Cheerliee scratched the back of her head.

"Well I'm honored by the way. You practically stood up for all of us that's why you got all those cheers." She finished scanning the items, "Your total is fifty two bits."

Cheerilee opened her wallet and found herself some bits short, "AH DAMN IT! Only got forty six bits."

The register pony smirked, "Well... I guess we can put some stuff back if you want." She reached for the beer.

"DON'T PUT THE BEER BACK!" Cheerilee shouted. Again embarrassed.

The register pony kept her poker face on, "You know what... since you're cool with us I'll cover the remaining bill." She bagged the groceries and gave them to Cheerilee.

"I... can't..." Cheerilee wanted to do this the honest way.

"Trust me... we're cool." The register pony laughed and waved the teacher through. Cheerilee smiled, thanked her and left the store. Everything turned out fine. Still it was awkward.

"Cheri..." Little Pumpkin Cake tried to say.

"Awww..." Mrs. Cake coed her daugher, "She's trying to say Cheerilee."

"Cheri..." Pound Cake tried to say also.

"You two can do it." Mr. Cake encouraged his kids.

"Cheri... FUCK!" The cake twins squealed.

"Bad babies!" Mrs. Cake tried to hush her babies.

Mr. Cake only sighed in disappointment.

The next day was a Wednesday. School started. The kids sat in their seats. Cheerilee again was fighting urges to shout. Snips raised his hoof.

"Yes Snips?" Cheerilee called on him.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Snips asked.

"TOUGH SHIT TOILET IS BROKEN!" Cheerilee shouted.

Chapter 4

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

It has been an awkward few days after Cheerilee herself has return to teaching after being diagnosed with tourettes. Between yelling at her students like a crazy pony and crying to herself when alone. It just doesn't add up. She didn't know what was up or down anymore. Still, she knew that there were ponies that cared no matter how much she shouts at them.

Now it was Thursday. Pretty much just another torture day. The children were busy doing a social studies test on Equestria while Cheerliee excused herself to clean out the supply closet and tidy it up a bit. The test contained ten questions, simple history over stuff they went over. Only problem, her new teaching method didn't really encourage the children to let the information stick in their head. Could say, they were stumped on the test. Apple Bloom held her test up to her face to read the questions.

Question 1. What is the name of our homeland?

Question 2. Who rules our homeland?

Question 3. What city do you live in?

Question 4. How did it get its name?

Question 5. Name one of the stores in the city.

Question 6. Name one of the sites in the city.

Question 7. Who is mayor of the city?

Question 8. How old is the city?

Question 9. What are the elements of Harmony?

Question 10. Who uses the elements of Harmony?

"Simple enough." Apple Bloom thought.

"Psst..." Snips tried to get Apple Blooms attention. "Apple Bloom?"

"Wha?" Apple Bloom turned around and asked quietly.

"What's the answer to number one?" Snips asked.

"Ya'll should know that!" Apple Bloom detested.

"It's easy Snips." Scootaloo waved her hoof also a bit annoyed.

"What about number two?" He asked. The two fillies rolled their eyes.

They heard some stuff drop from the closet, "AHHHHH! SHIT!" Cheerilee shouted, "CUNT!" The kids stopped taking the test for a moment, "MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" They looked at each other, "SUCK MY COCK!" They started to giggle, "PISSSSSSSSSSS!" More stuff dropped onto the floor, "FUCK YOU HISTORY BOOKS!" The kids were too busy laughing their little asses off to even concentrate. "OW! MOTHER FUCKING BOOK HIT ME IN THE ASS!" They heard her moan, "NOW MY ASS IS SORE!"

Sometime later... Cheerilee collected the papers and started to grade them while the children were doing another assignment. First she graded Apple Bloom's and as expected she got almost all the answers right save for a couple of them. Paper after paper the answers and grades got worse. She handed them back and decided to go over them.

"Okay students. What's the answer to number one?" Cheerilee held the answer key up to herself.

"Skyrim!" Pip raised his hand.

"Disneyland?" Snails asked.

"Ohio?" Sweetie Belle said.

Cheerilee sighed, "It's Equestria children. Now question two. Who is the ruler of our homeland?"

"Princess Zelda?" Pip questioned.

"Charley Sheen?" Snips brought up.

Cheerilee rubbed her forehead, "Oh for crying out loud it's Princess CUNTLESTIA!" She gasped at her own answer, "I MEAN CELESTIA! CELESTIA! Moving onto number three!"

"New Jersey?" Sweetie Belle brought up.

"Neo Tokyo?" Scootaloo raised her hoof.

"The mall?" Diamond Tiara said out loud.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Snips asked.

"Zombie land?" Snails said.

Cheerilee started banging her head hard onto her own desk. Minutes later...

"Finally... what are the elements of Harmony?" Cheerilee recovered.

"Dragonzord, mastodon, pterodactyl, triceratops, saber-tooth tiger, and tyrannosaurus!" Scootaloo raised her hoof.

"Celestia I wish..." Cheerilee mumbled. "Who wields them?"

"Tommy, Zack, Kimberley, Billy, Trini and Jason!" Scootaloo waved her hooves.

"That's six so close enough..." Cheerilee threw the answer key away and went back to her desk, "WHERE'S THE FUCKING ASPRIN?"

The rest of the day was a free period where the children played inside with the various toys. Cheerilee was busy reading a magazine to help calm her nerves. Sweetie Belle asked her if she could open a window because of the heat, Cheerilee allowed her too and kept reading. Sweetie Belle opened the window and a weird bird flew in. Sweetie Belle shrieked and ran up to Cheerilee.

"Miss Cheerilee! Miss Cheerilee!" Sweetie Belle squeaked.

"WHAT?" Cheerilee slammed her hooves onto the desk.

"There's a bird in the classroom!" Sweetie Belle shivered.

"WHAT YOU MEAN A BIRD?" Cheerilee shouted.

"It just flew in while I opened the window and..." Sweetie Belle stopped.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cheerilee got up and grabbed a nearby book and threw it at the bird that just so happened to be sitting on the hanging clock. She missed and struck the clock, it fell and broke into pieces. "AH FUCK!" She swatted at the bird with a broom she found, "SHIT!" Again she swatted, "FUCK SHIT FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING BIRD!" She swatted the broom and kept hitting random things from shelves, to books, to over turned desks. The entire place was a mess, the children were too busy watching their psycho teacher try to make the bird go away.

"Miss Cheerilee ya gonna break everythin in the classroom!" Apple Bloom said.

"I'M TOO PISSED TO GIVE A SHIT!" Cheerilee shouted, the bird just then flew into her face and started pecking at her. "AH FUCK! DAMN IT!"

Cheerilee grabbed the bird and slammed it into a wall. The children were in shock.

"Well Snips if you want to go use the bathroom again please flush this thing." Cheerilee held up the dead bird.

Snips took the bird with him and entered the bathroom. Slamming the door behind him.

Just then Fluttershy poked her head into the classroom, "Um... have any of... you seen my bird Pecks?" She noticed the classroom was a mess, "Oh my... I didn't catch you at a bad time did I?"

Flushes could be heard, again and again. Suddenly water started leaking all over the floor and made it's way underneath the door. Then finding its way into the classroom.

"GOD DAMN IT SNIPS YOU BROKE THE TOILET AGAIN!" Cheerilee shouted lifting her hoof from the watery mess. "Atleast it can't get any worse." Suddenly more noises can be heard in the bathroom, the constant flushing stopped and was replaced with water gargling. Soon the blue water was replaced with blackish brown water. "OH FUCK ME!"

"EW!" The children got on top of their desks.

"Oh my..." Fluttershy started to fly as Cheerliee stood on top of her desks. "Shouldn't we check on Snips?"

"THAT LITTLE BASTARD PRACTICALLY LIVES IN THERE!" Cheerilee shouted.

The water rose higher.

"Well kids... tomorrow is show and tell, remember to bring in your favorite thing. Also if things go well the next couple of weeks I'll see if I can push the school board to make a field trip to the Wet Willy Water park!" Cheerilee smiled.

The children cheered, the desks started to move and float from all the water.

"Yay!" Apple Bloom cheered, "I can show off my new swim suit!"

The dead bird Snips tried to flush came floating passed them and came to Fluttershy's attention, she gasped, "PECKS!"

"Oh was that your bird?" Cheerilee tried to put on a poker face.

Chapter 5

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Friday eventually came and it was show and tell. Cheerilee would normally take pride and care into this sort of thing but ever since she was diagnosed cute things like this doesn't work for her anymore. Meaning, she found some of them boring. In her mind she thought constantly, "How can I find this annoying? I love show and tell!" But alas, it was inevitable. She looked at her check list to see who went and who didn't.

So far, Scootaloo showed off her skateboard. Sweetie Belle her crappy karaoke set her dad probably bought her from Big Lots. Diamond Tiara her obvious fake jewelery, but she doesn't know that. Snails some porno magazines he got from his uncle and surprisingly one of them had Fleur on the cover. She had to take those away just as soon as he brought them out.

Pip was up next showing off a shiny helmet he brought with him from Trottingham. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring the whole suit of armor every pony." He slid the helmet over his own little head and raised the metal visor to see out of. Now his voice echoed, "This belonged to my great, great, great, grandfather Sir Ponicus Ramsey. He was a great knight I heard, even served under Princess Celestia himself."

"Real fucking interesting." Cheerilee said aloud.

"Anyway... Don't believe me every pony, here in the helmet is Princess Celestia's handwriting. She autographed it." Pip slid off the helmet to show where it was located. The children awed.

"Very good Pip. You'll definitely get an A for this." Cheerilee wrote an A next to Pip's name in her grade book. She looked up at the students, "Okay who wants to go next?"

Snips raised his hoof.

"No Snips you can't use the toilet!" Cheerilee shouted. "You broke it remember?"

He lowered his hand. Then frowned. His eyes narrowed.

Later that day Cheerilee again stood up within the last five minutes of class, "Well I can't say this was a good week children but I just want to say thank you for putting up with me." She gave a weak smile, "I just hope the rest of the year things go easier. I do have to say, the school board isn't liking my progress but I managed to let them hear me out. If the next couple weeks go well, they'll guarantee that trip to the Wet Willy Water park."

The children cheered again.

"Yes I know the water park is fun. But you kids have to know that the trip isn't going to be cheap and there's a catch." Cheerilee frowned.

The children moaned in disappointment.

"So starting Monday when you get back. The school board arranged a candy sale for you children to do." Cheerilee smiled.

The children moaned again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Cheerilee shouted. She gasped, "Um... sorry for that."

The bell rang for school to be let out and to enjoy the weekend.

"No homework tonight children!" Cheerilee shouted while the children ran out the door. "Celestia knows how much I wouldn't like grading it." She muttered. She turned around and walked back to her desk to ready herself to leave. To enjoy the weekend herself and all to herself. The bill to fix the toilet was laid out on her desk. She grabbed it along with some papers she had to grade then locked all the windows and doors. Then left. For once, she was actually happy. Then again anyone is happy for the weekend. She slipped the bill into the school boards mailbox along the way. While walking home, she met up with Berry Punch was invited onto an outing later that night to go clubbing at the new hot spot; Planet Cupcakes. Cheerilee figured she needed to have some fun.

Cheerilee must have looked through her wardrobe atleast two hundred times to find a decent outfit that was appropriate for a mare her age and yet still looks like she wants to have fun. Then again she didn't want to look like some creepy desperate housewife either. She shivered at the thought of last time she went with Mrs. Cake before she even met Mr. Cake. She gagged at the thought. For for some reason, she always kept her old clothes she wore from the eighties at the end of the row. "No..." She shook her head. In the end, she decided on a red blouse to wear to the party. Now to gussy herself up. She hopped into the shower and used her her new shampoo.

She started to sing in the shower. A familiar tune from her time, "He's a cold hearted snake... Look into his eyes. Uh oh he's been telling lies." She scrubbed her hair to get it silky smooth. "He's a lover boy at play. He don't play by rules. Uh oh. Girl don't play... FUCK!" A bit of soap got into her eye. She reached for a towel and rubbed her eye to see correctly. She continued to shower now her eye was sore. "CELESTIA DAMN IT!" She finished her shower and dried herself off. She got dressed up and made some last minute touch ups. She put on some eye shadow that was a bitch thanks to her eye being sore.

"Hey Cheerilee!" Berry Punch waved.

"Berry!" Cheerilee smiled weakly, her sore eye winced.

"Something wrong?" Berry Punch frowned.

"No... just got soap in my DAMN EYE!" Cheerilee grunted.

"Oh..." Berry Punch winced. "Yeah that's a bitch." She smiled, "Come on. Let's get to Planet Cupcakes before it gets too crowded before we can even get in."

"Sounds good to me." Cheerilee laughed. "Haven't been clubbing in years."

"You can take the girl out of the eighties but you can't take the eighties out of the girl." Berry Punch proudly said.

"Damn straight." Cheerilee smiled.

Planet Cupcakes wasn't that hard to find. A giant glowing cupcake with a sign that stretches it's name light brightly into the evening sky. Loud music could be heard from outside. Laser lights beaming left and right. Truly this was the best night club in town.

"So... how did Pinkie Pie come to own this?" Cheerilee asked.

"Doing some stupid reality show that flopped in the end. Who wants to marry a prince or something..." Berry Punch replied while they walked onto the red carpet leading to the entrance. "Weren't you in it?"

"Oh yeah..." Cheerilee blushed, "Most embarrassing thing to be on television and ponies across Equestria seeing you as the older mare that looked desperate."

"So who did that prince choose in the end anyway?" Berry Punch asked.

"I don't remember exactly... All I remember it came down to Rarity and some other ponies." Cheerilee tried to recall. "Well. Can't imagine myself getting that far."

"Was the prince cute?" Berry laughed.

"PRINCE BLUEBLOOD WAS A PUSSY!" Cheerilee shouted. She covered her mouth quickly. She blushed, "In short yes if you liked younger looking stallions who are really older than they look."

"Yeah, I saw that Ponytube clip where princess Cadence kicked him in the nads" Berry laughed.

The two ponies entered and were entranced by the setting. Disco ball hanging from the ceiling reflecting lights everywhere. Ponies were already on the dance floor shuffling. Cheerilee had deja vu from her earlier years, clubs were pretty much like this with the loud music except the fashion sense was different back then. The two headed to the bar first thing and sat down.

A blue stallion with an orange mohawk and glasses hanging over his eyes walked up to them behind the counter, "I'm Teddy and I'll be your bar tender for this evening." He gave a wicked grin, "So what will you have ladies?"

"I'll have a Cosmo." Berry Bunch ordered.

"I'll just have a Long Island Ice Tea please." Cheerilee asked nicely.

"Ah you dirty girl." Berry Punch giggled, "You usually order a coke and nominate yourself the designated pony."

Cheerilee blushed, "I had a hard week that's all." Teddy placed their drinks infront of them and started polishing glasses. Cheerilee took a sip of her ice tea and licked her lips, "DAMN THAT'S GOOD SHIT!" Teddy stepped back a few steps in surprise. Cheerilee waved her hooves, "Sorry, sorry... I got tourettes."

Meanwhile on the dance floor. Pinkie was rounding up her friends and other ponies to dance. She unfortunately had the pleasure of trying to coax Cheerilee to dance, at first the teacher waved off the idea but Berry pushed her to try. They started off simple like the Party Rock Anthem with the shuffling even though there was an accident with Shining Armor taking a huge miss step and falling on top of Apple Jack.

"The macerena would of been safer." Cheerilee said to herself.

Suddenly the infamous song, Gangnam Style came on.

"Oh boy..." Cheerilee sighed.

"SEXY LADY!!! WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!" Pinkie started to sing some of the lyrics.

After a long night... The club closed down unfortunately for a power outage. That's what you get if your electricity runs off of a farmer peddling a bike. So Cheerilee went home and had a peaceful night sleep. But unknown to her. Something out there lurks in the darkness striking on unfortunate victims. Breaking into their homes... and leaving...

"WHAT THE HELL!" Rarity said to herself. She looked around her bathroom to find it a complete mess. Water was all over the floor, plus it smelled funny in there. She was disgusted but found a piece of paper on the floor infront of her. She picked it up with her magic and read. "You just been visited by... The Toilet Breaking Bandit."

Chapter 6

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Saturday morning... 11 am...

Cheerilee never usually slept in, even on a day off she was so used to getting up early for class. Today was an exception, she earned her rest. Her eyes slowly opened to look at the alarm clock next to her bed showing the time. She let out a yawn and got out of bed. She made her bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She debated with herself if she should eat breakfast or make lunch. "Meh... I can go without breakfast for one day." She told herself. She closed her pantry after taking the easy make macaroni and cheese cup. She added water then placed it in the microwave. She walked outside and got the mail and newspaper. It was such a nice day outside maybe she'll go for a nice walk. So far so good. She walked back inside and sat down while looking at the first page of the newspaper. Her eyes narrowed at the headline, "New Threat to Ponyville?"

"Around 11:30 PM Friday night, Rarity; owner of the Carousel Boutique returned home to find her home broken into but mostly her police report said that her own bathroom in a complete mess. Details are spared at the moment due to not being appropriate. Feeling violated, Rarity called the police immediately after finding a letter left by the Toilet Breaking Bandit. Police are still investigating the possibilities of why miss Rarity's bathroom has been targeted." Cheerilee read to herself. She looked up and frowned. Of all the things to make the front page. It was this stupid piece of news. She ignored the side article that read that Derpy Hooves somehow discovered a cure for cancer. Nope every pony was worried about the Toilet Breaking Bandit.

*DING*

Her macaroni and cheese was done. She pulled it out of the microwave and poured the powdered cheese on it. She stirred and stirred until it came out the way she wanted it. Television always calmed her nerves. She sat down on her purple recliner and turned on the news. "Let's see what the weather is today." She said to herself.

"This is channel seven with a breaking news report!"

"Oh fucking my!" Cheerilee said to herself.

"Good afternoon ponies in Ponyville, I'm News Flash outside of city hall. Apparently somehow, city hall was violated earlier today as in the same manner of Miss Rarity's store the Carousel Boutique. The restroom of city hall has been soiled, ravaged, and apparently left in unsanitary conditions. A note was left at the scene that says that city hall has been visited by the Toilet Breaking Bandit." A crowd naturally formed behind the news pony checking out the scene. Derpy Hooves was waving behind News Flash while Snips was waving his butt back and forth while Snails was chuckling like an idiot.

"What seems to be a juvenile act... has affected some of the ponies with trust. Not knowing who the bandit might be. It could even be your neighbors or even... your friends. I'm News Flash signing off."

The news report returned to its normal programming. Cheerilee missed the weather report. She turned it to the Life Time network as a commercial came on. "On Life Time for women. A television movie like no other. She was a single pony that tried to make ends meat by being a lawyer while taking care of two children that she had because she was raped in her teen years. Now she's with a stallion that beats her everyday with a rod. Follow her story as she learns courage to stand up for herself and be her own woman as well as having an affair. The story of Misty Clopper. Tonight at eight."

Cheerilee rolled her eyes, "These Life Time movies are all the same. It's either a woman getting raped, being pregnant, being abused by her husband, or having an affair." She smirked, "Those they mentioned a rod it might sound okay." Cheerilee decided that was enough for television for that moment then finished her macaroni and went outside for a nice walk. Along the way she ran into Pinkie Pie.

"HI MISS CHEERILEE!" Pinkie surprised her.

"CELESTIA FUCK!" Cheerilee shouted while she held her chest.

Pinkie Pie kept that stupid happy look on her face, "How you doing today?"

"Fucking dandy how are you?" Cheerilee brushed herself off.

"I'm doing awesome today!" Pinkie smiled, "Tonight we're going to have dinner at Twilight's at six! So if you're interested in coming please do!"

Cheerilee weighed her options. Dinner with friends or spend a quiet evening home alone. Then again these were ponies that understood her. She smiled, "Alright. Should I bring something?"

"Ofcourse! Every pony is bringing something!" Pinkie giggled.

"So what should I bring?" Cheerilee asked.

"We don't have any pony for mashed potatoes!" Pinkie laughed. "Make enough for probably ten to fifteen ponies!"

"Alright. Mashed potatoes it is." Cheerilee smiled.

Pinkie turned and left. Cheerilee spent the rest of the day at the park enjoying herself. No pony giving her the stink eye of disgust or sympathy. She fed the ducks. She bought an ice cream cone for herself. And figured she walk a bit more to burn off some calories. She arrived home she figured she start on the mashed potatoes. She looked in her pantry to find an unopened box. What luck. She mixed and stirred, mixed and stirred. She added a bit of chives to the mix and some butter to melt. It sure smelled good. She looked at the clock. It was almost time for the dinner party! She put on her best blouse, fixed her hair and make up. Then rushed out the door with her big pot of mashed potatoes. She arrived at Twilight's house just in time.

She knocked on the door. Twilight answered. "Oh hello Cheerilee. Thanks for coming!" Cheerilee enjoyed the welcome. Twilight allowed her in. "Put your food on the table with the rest alright?" Along the way she passed Apple Jack, Derpy, Bon Bon and Lyra. The usual crowd. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said hello.

Cheerilee walked into the kitchen area. Whatever the other ponies made it sure smelt great. Or was it the thing that she made? She found a spot and placed it near the other food but found out something. "Hey what did every other pony bring by chance?"

Twilight pulled off a few of the tops, "Uh... apparently mashed potatoes." She smiled weakly, "Oh well. What did you bring?" She pulled off a few more tops, "Uh... guess we got more potatoes." She pulled more and more off to find out there was more mashed potatoes. Cheerilee grew confused yet frustrated while Twilight was trying to make heads or tails with this.

"What is this?" Cheerilee shouted. "SHITLOAD OF MASHED POTATOES DAY?"

"Just calm down Cheerilee I think there's a reasonable explanation for this." Twilight looked for Pinkie. "Pinkie when you invited ponies to the dinner tonight? You did cross off who was bring what right?"

Pinkie rubbed her chin then stopped, "Oops..."

Twilight frowned, "Oh sweet Celestia... Already my dinner is a disaster."

Pinkie smiled, "Well we can always order a pizza!"

Twilight sighed, "Fine..."

The night went on with pizza and the different kinds of mashed potatoes. Twilight planned for this night to be a party game night as well. There was pictionary, charades, truth or dare, and clue. Suddenly it started to rain outside. Along with thunder and lightning. Just then the power went out.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cheerilee shouted. She blushed, "Sorry..."

Suddenly there was a scream upstairs.

"HOLY SHIT AGAIN!" Cheerilee shouted.

"Rarity?" Twilight called.

Rarity ran down the stairs, she had a disgusted look on her face. She ran up to Twilight and breathed heavily. She pointed to the bathroom area, "I think you need to look at this." Twilight did so, every pony joined her and saw in the bathroom. It was a complete mess. The toilet was flooding all over the floor. Toilet paper wads stuck to the walls. And apparently someone tried to flush a copy of Popular Science down but got stuck. Also the head was cracked spraying water every where. On the floor, a note was left. You've been visited by the Toilet Breaking Bandit.

"OH MY CELESTIA!" Twilight shouted.

"No pony move! This is now a crime scene!" Dash shouted.

"I'll call the police!" Pinkie Pie tried the phone. Only to find out... "The line is dead."

The guests gasped.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cheerilee shouted.

"That storm outside is really picking up!" Apple Jack observed while looking outside the window.

The guests gasped again.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cheerilee shouted again.

"So it come to this..." Twilight said, "The Toilet Breaking Bandit wants to cause harm to our trust in each other. But I can a sure you something. The bandit has to be in this room and the bandit has to be one of us!" She brought a hoof down to the floor wanting justice.

"Why's that?" Dash asked.

"Because there's no window in my bathroom." Twilight pointed out.

"Please Twilight... catch that son of a bitch!" Rarity pleased.

"And like I said... there's no going in and out of here. The bandit has to be in this room." Twilight claimed.

"Any pony want more mashed potatoes?" Pinkie asked.

Chapter 7

Cheerilee Has Tourettes

By NocturneD

Note: Onto the seventh chapter!

Twilight's house, 8:36 p.m.

Twilight was pacing back and forth along the row of pony guests. "Yes. Apparently the Toilet Breaking Bandit is crafty. So far, he was known for two burglaries including this one. Only thing, he didn't steal anything. Only thing he stole was our trust in each other. I'm sorry every pony but... every pony here is a suspect." Twilight looked at her guests, "The number of guests are too high and we might never figure it out... So going over the clues..."

"Snips did it." Sweetie Belle came out.

"DRAT!" Snips tried to make a break for it only to get punched in the face by Dash. He fell backwards, Dash sat on top of him and started punching him over and over again demanding answers why.

"WHY DID YOU DO IT YOU BASTARD?" Dash punched Snips again.

"Ow!" Snips cried.

"TELL ME!" Dash screamed.

"RAINBOW DASH NO!" Twilight shouted.

"RAINBOW DASH YES!" Scootaloo shouted.

Snips was arrested that night. Then police brutality happened. Then he was finally taken down to the precinct. He was put into a cell where he sat next to a row of mean looking ponies. Starting from the biggest; Bubba, medium Bubba, Bubba junior, the criminal formally known as Bubba, little Bubba, diet Bubba, Bubba Cola, and Bubbles. Snips didn't have a good feeling about Bubbles. The following week he had over five hundred hours of community service but still had to attend school. Tough shit on Cheerilee's part.

The night was still young. The party was just let out and ponies apologizing for Twilight's bathroom. Cheerilee was wandering around the shopping area until she noticed the Apple family passing her. Apple Bloom and Apple Jack bid farewell, Big Macintosh on the other hand slowly walked along side of Cheerilee. "Mighty fine night out huh?" He asked.

"Mmm... yeah if you don't count my student getting beaten." Cheerilee mumbled.

"Mind if I walk ya home?" He asked.

"Well..." She pondered, "I'm not exactly heading for home right now. Figured I just stroll around the shopping district a little while."

"Alright." He nibbled on a piece of straw, "Mind if I join ya? Hate to see a lady wander alone on a night like this."

Cheerilee blushed a bit, "I guess."

"Great." He nibbled a bit more, "Where ya feel like going?"

She let out a small laugh, "Oh just to the stands that are still open."

"Sounds like a plan then." Big Mac chuckled.

Unfortunately when they got there all the stands were closed.

"AH FUCK!" Cheerilee swore.

"Yup." Mac nibbled.

"Sorry for bringing you out here Macintosh. Sometimes this is just a stress reliever for myself." Cheerilee admitted.

"Nuttin wrong with that." Mac smiled. "Sometimes I go for walks too as well to clear my head."

"What for?" She asked.

"Oh..." He pondered, "Sometimes Apple Jack can be too demanding and it drives me up the wall once she gets her way." He mumbled, "Or when Apple Bloom whines about her cutie mark."

"Time and time again I tell her that it will come in. And time and time again she doesn't listen." Cheerilee rolled her eyes.

Mac just had to laugh at that, "She just doesn't get it."

After some more wandering around doing jack shit. They ventured back to Cheerilee's house. She invited him in for coffee though Big Mac didn't know what that meant. Coffee this late at night? He asked if tea was an option. Cheerilee shifted her shoulders and went with it. Big Mac sat on the couch waiting for his tea. In the meantime he flipped through the channels until he noticed a guitar next to the TV. He got up from the couch and picked it up, "Pretty 80's..." He saw that it was a shiny blue with a few stickers on it. A smile formed on his face as he sat back down on the couch and started playing with a few strings at a time. And started to sing...

There was a mushroom...
A sad little mushroom...
There was a meadow...
Ready to cry...
There was a sparrow...
Gray little sparrow...
Then there was an eagle...
Silent and high...
And then the lord said...
Laugh children laugh
Lord said
Laugh children laugh
Lord said
Laugh children laughAt this point the tea was ready. Cheerilee poured the tea into the cups and brought them into the living room to hear Big Mac play a song. Nothing she really heard of.

And the lord said
I created for you
A world from out of the blue
A world you can have with joy

"Here's your tea." Cheerilee smiled.

"Why thank you." Big Mac continued his little song for a bit longer. He finished playing and set the blue guitar next to the couch. "Mighty fine guitar you have there."

Cheerilee blushed, "Yeah it belonged to some pony that I idolized back then. He was about to throw it out but gave it to me." She smiled, "That was one of the best days of my life."

"And the others?" He asked.

"Becoming a teacher." She gave a weak smile.

Big Mac smirked, "Um. How's that tourettes thing going?"

Cheerilee saddened by this question, "It's like trying to hold in a sneeze. Can't really tell when it's going to happen."

"Oh..." Big Mac was trying to come up with something encouraging to say. "Seems like you do it when during conversation though."

"Again..." She sighed, "It's random. Sometimes I shout out of nowhere with no warning."

"So how has every pony been treating you?" Big Mac then took a sip of his tea.

She sighed, "Sometimes I think they are only pretending to understand it. But I know they don't want me around except for a few ponies."

Big Mac shook his head, "I disagree."

"No." Cheerilee said, "Because of this. I can't even look at my students in the eye anymore. I swear, swear, swear. And their fragile little ears are learning this foul stuff." She sniffed sadly, "Sometimes I think about just packing up and leaving."

Big Mac put down his tea onto the coffee table resulting in a huge clank, "Now... hold on there Miss Cheerilee. That's not true."

"Why not?" She asked quietly to herself.

"I'd be lying if I wasn't but... foul words don't hurt kids. It's just how its used." Big Mac said confidently, "My grandpa used to swear all the time and I turned out fine."

"PISS!" Cheerilee shouted. She covered her mouth in embarrassment.

"Cheerilee?" Mac asked.

"FUCKING BULLSHIT!" She shouted at him. "PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Was that the tourettes or was that you trying to tell me to piss off?" Mac raised an eyebrow.

Cheerilee shook her her head. She sniffed, she was crying again. "I...think you better go."

Mac sighed, "Alright... I can take the hint. You want to wallow in your sorrows huh?"

Cheerilee didn't answer. "Just... please go. I just want to sit here alone."

Mac stood up, "Before I go... I just want to say something else."

Cheerilee's stained face looked up at him.

He wasn't happy, more likely disappointed. "You're not going to believe this but... I used to have a tiny crush on you." This sharpened her attention. "Before you taught my little sister I would often go to the malt shop after my chores were done just to catch a glimpse of you. You were always so cheery with your past students. And I thought. That teacher, is teacher of the year material right there. Probably one of the best teachers out there." He gave a weak smile, "And you continued your career for a few more years and the more the students and parents admired you for your talents. It just seemed like a privilege once I heard my baby sister Apple Bloom got to be in your class. That was great." He smiled, "Knowing you wanted to be a teacher when you were younger. When it was time for you to be your own pony, you took on the world and you did. But somewhere down the line you changed..."

Cheerilee just kept shouting cuss worlds. Still tears strolled down her cheeks.

"You stopped being you. You let this tourettes thing stick a hoof in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started shoving ponies away so you can cry yourself to sleep hoping that this might be a bad dream."

"It's not that..." She grunted. "SUCK MY ASS!"

"Let me tell you something... The world isn't always sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place." Mac's voice started to pitch higher, "And it doesn't care how tough you it will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it. You, me, or no pony is going to hit harder than life. But it's not how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." He shook his head and continued, "How much you can take and keep going forward. THAT'S HOW WINNING IS DONE!"

"What does this have to do with anything?" She whined. She grunted, "BITCH!"

"Now Cheerilee if you know what you're worth, now go out what you're worth. But you got to be willing to take the hits. And not pointing hooves at every pony thinking they feel bad for you." He threw his arms around in the air. "Cowards do that and that ain't you! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!"

Silence hit the room for another thirty seconds. Big Mac wasn't feeling easy, Cheerilee only cried harder.

"Now matter what happens..." He slowly shook his head, "Your a teacher. You're the best thing in my little sister's life. The one thing she can turn to if her family and friends weren't there. But until you start believing yourself... you're not going to have a life." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry... where's your bathroom?"

Cheerilee nodded and held her hoof to the direction where it was located. Mac excused himself and did his business. She looked at her blue guitar, the thing that brought her happiness in her younger years. Big Mac played it very well, but truthfully she was an amateur with it. Her younger years were devoted to listening to music, hanging out with friends and did whatever a teenage girl did back then. But then responsibility took over and she strived to be a teacher. Ever since the tourettes, she thought every pony in the town was just being nice to her and not knowing of her condition fully to understand it. Still a smile was on their faces most of the time.

She pulled the guitar close to herself and started playing a little tune to herself.

In this house... I get so cold... and lonely...
Lying there, awake at night, muttering if only...
If you weren't angry, So I might ask you...
To bunk with me tonight...
Bunk with me tonight, oh bunk with me tonight.
I'm asking, will you bunk with me tonight...

Slowly, she heard a clopping sound. Calm, yet not angry. She looked up to see Big Mac smiling back down at her. She played some more strings...

Will you bunk with me tonight?

Mac only nodded in approval. Somehow he knew that Cheerilee might have found a new inner strength within herself. He nudged his snout with hers. He enjoyed it, and truthfully she did too.

The end...?

Well that was a nice little chapter now wasn't it? Well people it was fun entertaining all of you. Most of you took this story not so seriously and a joke and I thank you.

songs used:

Mushroom Song - Giant Gila Monster
Bunk With Me Tonight - The Simpsons

BONUS CHAP

It was finally the big day for the school field trip to the Wet Willy Water park as promised by the school board by raising enough money by selling candy bars. Though there were some complications involving Pinkie Pie eating the candy before she could even send to the school as the Sugar Cube corner was sponsoring the sale. Then there was a case where laxative was accidentally added to the mix and the first two hundred customers beat Snips to the toilet. He was so made he could shit himself. The chaos was over finally and everything was worked out.

Each child got on single file onto the bus and took their seats. Chaperones were required for the trip so Cheerilee asked Big Macintosh, Mr. and Mrs. Cake as long as it was alright they could bring their kids. Everything was going fine until Snips of course asked to use the bathroom again for the fifth time in twenty minutes. Cheerilee told him to shut up and go shit in a bucket. After so much hassle on the bus with a bunch of rowdy kids they finally arrived at the stupid water park.

"Now kids remember when we get the gate show the guard your ticket to let you in okay?" Mr. Cake instructed.

"Uh. I lost my ticket." Snails raised his hoof.

"You were not issued a ticket yet Snails." Mr. Cake sighed.

Mr. Cake and Big Macintosh hoofed out the tickets to the children and the rest of the adults so they could proceed into the water park. Only to find out that it was closed for repairs. The security guard stopped them to tell them the bad news.

Cheerilee was pissed, "CELESTIA FUCKING DAMN IT!"

The security guard said sternly, "Ma'am. I'm sorry but it suddenly came up that the pipes are about to burst. So it was a decision by the owner to close down the park for the rest of the day. We will happily honor your tickets if you want to come at a later date."

Cheerilee looked back at the students to see their disappointed faces. She looked back at the guard with a disastified look, then back to her students, "Come now children. Back to the bus."

In their response they moaned. Cheerilee asked, "If any pony has to use the restroom use it now."

No pony did.

Ten minutes later...

"Miss Cheerilee! I got to use the bathroom!" Snips raised his hoof.

"Oh fucking Celestia Snips why did you not use the toilet back at the pool?" Cheerilee shouted from the front of the bus.

"I did not have to go." Snips smirked.

"Can you hold it in?" Cheerilee sighed.

"I really got to go now!" Snips called holding his ass.

"When is the next rest stop?" Cheerilee asked the bus driver.

"Not until the next turn in ten minutes." The driver responded.

Unfortunately the driver missed the exit and had to use the next one.

"Hey Snips I dare you stick your ass out the window." Scootaloo challenged Snips.

"I need a toilet not a breath of fresh air!" Snips shot back.

"Come on I'll give you five bits!" Scootaloo held up five bits.

"Alright!" Snips lowered the bus window and stuck his plot out the bus window. "Hey this feels pretty good!" He grunted then a huge stream of diarrhea launched out of his ass to hit an oncoming carriage going the opposite way on the road. The windshield was covered, the driver crashed into a tree them the entire car exploded.

"The hell was that?" Cheerilee shouted. She turned around to see Snips with his ass out the window. "SNIPS WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF THERE!"

"I can't hold it in any longer!" Snips shouted.

"GET BACK IN HERE BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS!" Mr. Cake shouted.

"Before you hurt yourself dear!" Mrs. Cake also shouted.

Meanwhile a passing truck with large panes of sharp window glass was hanging out of the truck in a half assed fashion. Perfectly angled window level of a school bus.

*SLICE*

Snips felt a weird pain, he pulled his ass out the window to discover. His ass was completely sliced off. He shouted, "MISS CHEERILEE! I HAVE NO ASS!" Blood squirted everywhere and the children screamed.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cheerilee screamed.

So instead of driving home. The students looked for Snip's ass on the road wondering where it could have went. Apple Bloom found it and tried to wrestle it away from a coyote. Then it was a race off to the hospital to re attach Snip's ass. Unfortunately the doctor put it upside down then had to cut it off again. He sewed up Snip's ass now he looked like the Frankenstein's monster with the stitches.

Cheerilee was pulled into a board meeting the next day.

This was strike one hundred and three.

Author's Note

Gotta get in on the april fool's bandwagon

Bonus CHAP 2

"Here I am again..." Cheerilee sighed. Again she stood in front of the school board officials. A half table stood across from her containing at least five well dressed earth ponies, mostly middle-aged but stern looking. In the center, the head official; Mayor Mare adjusted her glasses then let out a cough while she shuffled the papers in front of her.

"Pardon me." Mare excused herself. Instead of a professional way that every pony used to see, she placed her hooves under her chin for support. "So miss Cheerilee. Reason why we called you in again is because we heard some testimonies about a few unfortunate events that happened during school hours."

Cheerilee remained in her seat behind her own appointed desk. Again and again, pulled into the same office to explain herself while her condition would get the better of her. She could not fight it anymore, even more if she wanted to or tried. "Yes. Yes I know."

"Well. We want to go over them just in case." Mayor Mare flipped to the first page of the report. "I do not know how this is possible but apparently an accident during a field trip. You failed to tell a student to sit down and..." She adjusted her glasses, "To pull his bottom from the school bus window, instead a passing glass truck passed by and the student... well. I don't think I need to read the rest of this."

Cheerilee arched her neck forward to talk while her hooves crossed, "For the record, I did tell the student to sit down. I was about to march back there and pull his rear end from the window until the incident happened, matter of fact two parents also warned him. After that, his bottom was cut clear off. We had to stop the bus to find it, one of my students found it and had to rip it away from a coyote so we could get it re attached."

"The board would like to confirm that Mr. and Mrs. Cake's story matches." A grey stallion in a black suit sitting next to the mayor mentioned.

"Though does not help the students family tried to sue the school. Thank Luna that we settled." A yellow mare with a green mane brought up.

"Next case. Apparently, the same student mentioned before. Has been performing questionable behavior in the school bathroom." Mayor Mare read off the list. "You sent in a complaint quite a few times about the student vandalizing school property. But apparently, because of the previous law suit, if we try to suspend him his family would try to file another one."

"LITTLE SHIT IS BREAKING SCHOOL PROPERTY!" Cheerilee shouted, she shrieked and fell back to her seat covering her mouth.

"While I agree, the law is for some reason not in our favor because we have a teacher with a questionable condition still teaching." The grey stallion brought up.

"I'm still capable of teaching. The families and children of Ponyville accepted my disorder and continue living their lives." Cheerilee defended herself.

"But ever since we kept you on, incidents like these are up by... four hundred percent." The grey stallion scoffed.

"No offense, but because of Snips and his constant vandalism, you can't see that he's the real problem? He just loves pressing my buttons! Everyday since then, it was always him asking at dumb times. Can use the bathroom Miss Cheerilee? Every sticking day, every hour he's doing something stupid. Like last week, he threw a fire cracker and water was leaking everywhere. He tried covering it up with news paper. Then the next day he somehow filled the room up with water and when I opened up the door a tidal wave came in!"

"Any other stories?" The yellow mare asked.

"Yes. Because one time I did not let him go, his family's lawyer came to me the next day saying I have to let him use the bathroom no matter what or else the school might face a series of law suits. PIECE OF SHIT! Then he has the nerve to tell me that I keep an unfit classroom!" Cheerilee explained, "Then there was another time he could not leave the bathroom and I had to teach with the bathroom door open. The smell was so horrible, my student Sweetie Belle passed out from the smell! Heck he even summoned an urban legend through the bathroom mirror." With her hooves waving wildly, she really ramped up, "We even had a field trip to the Sugar Cube Corner. And guess what? Snips asked to use the bathroom and... well guess."

"Snips broke their toilet too?" The grey stallion asked.

"He somehow ripped their only toilet out of the wall. I don't know how he did it, he just did." Cheerilee explained, "How come no pony is doing something? ASS SANDWICH!"

"Because his family is quick to sue and somehow makes it our fault." The yellow mare frowned.

After a few more minutes of arguing. The school board just shook their heads, after many attempts Cheerilee would not budge from her place. Her words of, refusing to give up even if a student is misbehaving. The teacher pony thanked the board for giving her another evaluation and chance. She had the weekend to herself finally to enjoy herself as much as she could.

Monday morning. The start of a beautiful new week.

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Can I..."

"FOR FUCK SAKES SNIPS!" Cheerilee slammed her hooves on her desk. Her teeth gritted like rocks as she heaved in and out while her chest rose up and down.

"But I really got to go." The green unicorn twiddled his tiny hooves together innocently.

"NO YOU DO NOT!" Cheerilee hollered back as her eye twitched.

"YES I DO!" Snips hollered back.

Cheerilee gave herself a face palm and shook her head. Took a deep calming breath. Her green eyes opened slowly to see the familiar students in front of herself. Same as usual. They got used to their teacher shouting by now and treated it like it was no big deal anymore.

"Fine Snips. Go. But I will warn you." Cheerilee frowned, "You abused your bathroom breaks for far too long. It's not even eight thirty and already you're asking me if you can use the restroom. I would let you go without permission." The teacher scowled, "But seven out ten times you end up breaking the only toilet in this school in some form. Just last week you summoned an evil demon through the bathroom mirror and now every pony is too scared to go in there, even the janitor. Yet somehow you still ask."

"Hey Candy-Stallion is a nice pony once you get to know him." Snips defended himself.

"Snips he has hook for a hoof and has bees living inside of him. He is horrifying as shit!" Scootaloo threw her hooves up into the air and yelled.

"Scootaloo don't swear in my class." Cheerilee pointed out then twitched, "ASS!"

"Sorry Miss Cheerilee." Scootaloo apologized, the other children had a good laugh from their teacher's outburst.

"Matter of fact, that's him right dare!" Applebloom waved to the seat next to her. Occupied by a tall black stallion with boney features. Wears a black heavy coat. His eyes a deep black abyss color. His breath was easy to see as suddenly the temperature in the room somehow went down. A faint sound of buzzing was coming from him.

"Yeah why is attending class like the rest of us?" Rumble asked.

Candy-Stallion let out a low grueling voice, "I want to get my education." That voice sent chills down every pony's spine.

"Okay then." Cheerilee took a step back. "Got to remind myself to ask Twilight to do some holy spell to rid the bathroom of evil spirits."

"Can I still go?" Snips raised his hoof.

Cheerilee just could not win. "Go. Just... Go. But Snips?"

"Yeah?" Snips asked.

"I want a parent-teacher conference with your folks." Cheerilee replied.

"Okie-dokie." The little green unicorn scurried off into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Cheerilee let out a disappointed sigh. "Okay children. Might as well start today's lesson with cursive hoof writing." The teacher reached up above the bulletin board and pulled down the screen with her teeth to show off the cursive letters. "Now as you can see. Cursive is a lot like regular writing. You might have seen your parents or famous movie stars sign their names on things. Think of it as another way how to write. We will be starting it off easy by practicing the alphabet, starting with the letter..."

Just suddenly Cheerilee was disrupted by a loud rude noise from the bathroom. Trying not to deviate too far from her lesson, she ignored it and went on with the lesson, "Like I said before children this is how you make an upper case A and lower case A in cursive. In a way its roller coaster for your pencil."

"Wow." Scootaloo smiled.

"That sounds neat." Rumble grinned.

"Boring." Diamond Tiara sighed.

"PISS!" Cheerilee shouted as her eye twitched. Her students, either chuckled or remained silent, pretty much used to their teacher by now. Just then another loud rude noise erupted from the bathroom. The children laughed except for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Then suddenly another rude noise erupted. "SNIPS! STOP IT!"

"I HAD TACOS LAST NIGHT!" Snips yelled back. "OH DEAR CELESTIA! I CAN'T CONTROL IT!"

"Hey those don't sound like natural farts." Button Mash brought up.

"Then what do they sound like?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"You know when you put your hooves to your maw then blow really hard?" Button explained, he provided an example by blowing into his hoof. This caught Cheerilee's attention of course.

"Button Mash! For all we know he could have a serious problem." The teacher frowned.

"No he doesn't." Button Mash crossed his fore legs. Just then another huge fart ripped through the air and Snips moaned. "He hides a Joy Boy in there that's duct taped to the back of the toilet and sometimes orders pizza."

This made Cheerilee suddenly realize that it was a huge possibility. Because of her tourettes she really could not make a safe call that Snips could really be faking everything as she was already on thin ice more than enough times. Her once happy smile then changed to an annoyed grin.

"Excuse me children. For the next moments could you please be quiet?" The children nodded, they were just as annoyed of Snips as their teacher. She walked over to the door that lead to the bathroom and pressed her ear to the door. Waiting for something to give her a clue. Another few rounds of farts later she zeroed in on a peculiar sound.

*BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP*

"Alright an extra life." Snips said from inside. "Whoops. Hope no pony heard that." Another loud farting sound erupted.

The teacher pony's annoyed frown then bared teeth. "That is... IT!" And with that, Cheerilee tried gripping the doorknob with her hooves. Locked as usual. She shook her head angrily, "I'm done. DONE WITH THIS! SNIPS!" She banged on the door.

"What?" He called from inside.

"FINISH UP AND GET OUT HERE! YOU COCK!" Cheerilee shouted.

"Do I have to wash my hooves?" Snips asked.

"IT BE NICE!" The teacher growled.

Just then a huge flushing sound soared through the ears of the young ponies. Then the water running from the sink, scrubbing, scrubbing, then using the blow dryer. The door opened slowly as the green unicorn peeked his head out. The teacher looking down at him, no more games, no more funny business.

"Are you done?" Cheerilee frowned as her eye twitched, "FFffff..."

"Yeah." Snips nodded.

"We will talk after school. No more bathroom breaks for you for the rest of the day, I do not care anymore." The teacher snarled. "Now sit down in your seat... FAGGOT!"

The students started to laugh at Snips. Cheerilee then shouted, "SHUT UP BITCHES!" The students quieted down.

Later that day. Miss Cheerilee sat behind her desk grading papers as usual. The only student left was Snips, obviously in trouble. The clock slowly ticked, then tocked. Snips looked up at the clock, it was around three: fifty, his parents would be arriving shortly. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Just then there was a knock at the door. "Come in." Cheerilee called without looking up from the papers she was grading. "Snips, you might as well grab a chair and sit in front of my desk too."

And with that. Business went down. Cheerilee inspected Snips's parents from where she was sitting. Snips's father; was a very large earth pony and apparently looked like an older version of him, same mane color, same fur, same buck teeth, except also sporting a weird wide curly mustache.

"Thank you for coming uh... Mr. Snips." Cheerilee tried to smile. That was the weird thing about her student Snips. His last name was also Snips. Very original. "And you too Mrs. Snips." She eyed the student's mother up and down. A very, well, overweight unicorn female. Yellow fur, red curly hair, out dated framed glasses "Um... I see that you lost weight."

"Thanks for noticing." Mrs. Snips smiled while the sound of creaking was coming from her wooden chair.

"I'm going to cut to the chase and pretty much tell you about your son's behavior lately. Um." Cheerilee nodded, "Apparently, your son abuses his bathroom privileges."

"So?" Mr. Snips asked.

"So. From hearing stories of other children, Snips here does not use his bathroom times to actually go to the bathroom." Cheerilee explained, "Just today, I heard sounds of a video game coming from inside the restroom. Apparently, your son was playing games in there for I do not know how many times. And that's just one thing. Other times I walk in after he's done and... let's say he left a huge mess behind... on the walls."

"And?" Mrs. Snips asked.

"I could go on forever honestly." Cheerilee clapped her hooves together. "He orders pizza and has the pizza pony hand him the pizza through the little window. Caught him gambling, throwing bad graded papers down the toilet, lighting stuff on fire, goes inside the stall then locks it, then crawls out of it underneath. He took another students cape and clogged the toilet. He threw firecrackers down there, he ripped it out of the wall one time, he carved his name into the stall."

"That could be the other Snips." Snips brought up.

"There are no other Snips." Cheerilee frowned at her student, then back at his parents. "We let this slide way too many times, I knew we had some bad blood with you and the school board but... I'm all out of options. I'm suspending your son for the rest of the year until he can properly learn how to respect public property. Also, the school board is not going to be paying for anymore damage done to this school thanks to your son."

"Well. This is pretty serious." Mr. Snips frowned.

"It is." Cheerilee crossed her fore legs. "I know it might be rude to ask but what is your son like at home?"

"Well he's fat." Mr. Snips brought.

"Okay that's a little too much." Cheerilee frowned.

"Oh wait, sorry I thought you wanted me to describe him." Mr. Snips chuckled. "Well, he spends all his time in the bathroom."

"Not surprising." Cheerilee rolled her eyes.

"Actually his bedroom is a bathroom. We live in a tiny house, because its a cheap motel room." Mrs. Snips explained, "Snips never really had a bedroom of his own because our house was the cheapest we could afford. Even with two jobs for the each of us, we could only bring in so much. And with Snips getting his butt cut off recently, that really put us in the hole."

"Oh my..." Cheerilee continued to listen.

"I do not like having to put my son to bed in a bathtub." Mrs. Snips sighed. "And with my husband having to work odd hours, it really puts a strain on our relationship with our son."

Cheerilee looked over to Snips who was twiddling his hooves, "Is that true Snips? You wreck up the school bathroom because you hate your house?"

"It's true..." Snips sighed, "I hate it! I can never have any peace at home either! Every night I have to listen to ponies yelling next door or jumping on beds for some reason. It sucks!"

"Look Snips." Cheerilee sighed, "I'm sorry for your home life and how things are not working for your family. But that is no EXCUSE to destroy public property."

"Sorry to tell you this Miss Cheerilee, but even with the money we got from the settlement. It's not enough to turn things around." Mr. Snips explained, "But even with our son destroying property. We will hold up on our end as parents and punish him."

"Well. Next time, he breaks our toilet one more time. We're going to be sending you the bill, I'm sorry but the school board spent too much money fixing this place up." Cheerilee explained. "I will stand by my call on the suspension. And when he is ready, I will honor it."

"We understand." Mrs. Snips nodded.

"Just one more thing Miss Cheerilee?" Mr. Snips asked.

"Yes?" The teacher pony asked.

"Can I use the bathroom?" He asked.

Cheerilee felt her eye twitch the growled, "TOUGH SHIT DICK LICKER!"

The teacher flopped onto her bed after another hard day. She let out a torturous moan, "W-why?" From the short time from her coming back, few things have changed in town and in Equestria. The royal wedding, the Equestrian games coming up, even Twilight's coronation to princess. Still, life treated her unfairly.

"Why is this so hard now?" She asked herself, "Does fate just want me to quit?" She turned over as her eyes gazed onto a pamphlet sitting on her nightstand. She lazily reached for it and slid it to her face, "Crystal Kingdom huh? Probably time I take a vacation."

What's the worst that could happen?

Author's Note

With special guest appearances by Button Mash and Candy-Stallion.

yeah, another nonsense chapter. don't have to take it into canon if you don't want. la la la. toilet humor, shouting, more toilet humor, hopefully this stops... or will tourettes Cheerilee go Equestria Girls world to ruffle stuff up?