Rarity meets Brad Paisley
A fashionista's worst nightmare.
A fashionista's worst nightmare.
It was a fairly normal morning in Ponyville, the birds were singing, the flower triplets were taking their anti-anxiety medication and a certain dress maker was getting ready to start her day. She had a huge order to fill and thanks to Sweetie Belle's latest "art project", she needed to pick up some fabrics from Button Stitch's Fabrics and Refrigerator Repair shop. The mare that ran the shop reasoned that since not ever pony wore clothes, that she needed another source of income, but that is a story for another time.
Continuing the story, Rarity stepped out her boutique and was confronted by an odd sight. It was a creature of myth known as a hoo-man holding out a guitar and staring at her. "Can, I help you?"
"I'm Brad Praisley, are you Rarity?" The strange creature spoke in an accent not too dissimilar from the Apple family.
"Yes."
With her answer the hoo-man gave his guitar a test strum and broke out into song. To say that the fashionista was confused would be an understatement; however, since ponies are prone to break out into song at moment’s notice, she didn't question why he was beginning to sing.
Kevin wasn't really all that popular in school
But I remember well the day I thought
Now, that guy's pretty cool
He pulled into the parking lot and everybody cheered
'Cause he'd gone and painted his entire Chevy Cavalier
"What in Equestria is a Chevy Cavalier?"
Camouflage, camouflage
It disappears when it pulls out of his garage
Camouflage, camouflage
"Distasteful, I will have you know that camouflage as a pattern on anything is far from Elegant."
Well, I asked Jenny to the prom
And her mom knew how to sew
So she made a matching tux
And gown from Duck Blind Mossy Oak
"While I disapprove of the ensemble at least they were smart enough to coordinate."
We took pictures in the backyard
Before we went to the dance
And the only thing that you can see
Is our faces and our hands
"At least no one will have to see that crime against fashion."
Camouflage, camouflage
You should've seen the way it popped with her corsage
Camouflage, camouflage
Ain't nothing doesn't go with camouflage
"As a designer, I beg to differ."
You can blend in in the country
You can stand out in the fashion world
Be invisible to a whitetail
Irresistible to a redneck girl
Suddenly Applejack appeared as if drawn to the music like a magnet. "Whooo!"
Rarity shocked by her friend gushing and swooning over the strange biped. "This behavior unbefitting of a lady."
"I. Can't. Help. It." The earth pony muttered as she fell under the hypnotic spell of the music.
Camouflage, camouflage
Oh, you're my favorite color, camouflage
"OKAY. DARLING WE UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE OF ICKY BLENDED EARTH TONES!" The unicorn was ignored by the human.
However, by this time a train from Appleloosa pulled into the station and the mass of ponies gathered around the country singer.
You can blend in in the country
You can stand out in the fashion world
Be invisible to a whitetail
Irresistible to a redneck girl
The resulting mares and buffalo cows threw whatever they had with them at the boots of Brad and gestured for him to call them. Rarity was growing more annoyed that this creature seemed to have a pied piper effect on uncivilized ponies.
Well, the stars and bars offend some folks
And I guess I see why
But nowadays there's still a way
To show your Southern pride
"What do stars and bars have to do with anything!!!" The white mare couldn't take anymore as her anger and annoyance over such a song praising such a drab and disgusting fabric pattern.
The only thing as patriotic
As the old red, white and blue
It's green and gray and black
And brown and tan all rolled into
As if conjured up from magic her Spikey Wikey came out of nowhere and performed a piano solo for this song praising a crime against fashion.
Camouflage, camouflage
Designed by Mother Nature and by God
It's camouflage, camouflage
You're my favorite color, camouflage, yeah
The crowd erupted into shouts of "YEE HAWS" and "GIT R DONES."
Rarity fainted and as she blackout she thanked Celestia that it at least wasn't a song calling green plaid wonderful. 'Eww, gross, gross.'
Brad Paisley looked down and gave a smirk. "Look like my job is done here." With that said, he struck a super sentai pose and teleported out of there.
Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle Prince Blueblood snuggled with his girlfriend The Great and Powerful Trixie as they watched Rarity's mental breakdown on a giant crystal ball intently with much enjoyment.
"HA HA, that's almost as funny as the time you turned her mane into a rat's nest. It also serves as my long awaited revenge for being covered in cake."
"All that's left to do is pay Mr. Paisley a sum of one chest full of gem stones."
"My dear, not that I'm complaining, but I do find it a little odd that he would settle for such a meager fee. It's also like gems are worth something in his world. The chest cost more than the gems."
"Let's not dwell on such trivial things. Now, Trixie demands a you rub her shoulders."
The stallion complied as the two continued to laugh at the misfortune of others and Trixie planned her own revenge against a certain purple pony.
Hours Later
Rarity woke up in her bed. "Thank heaven it was all a dream." Then she sat up and saw all of her friends with a concerned looks on their faces.
"Ya took a mighty big spill there."
"Oh, Applejack I had the most horrible dream. It was about a weird hairless ape singing a song about icky camouflage and...and you were there..." She pointed a hoof at the farm pony. "...and you were there too Spike..." She pointed a hoof toward the young drake to the side of her. "...and you were there as well Mister Praisley." She was about to point a forehoof at the human, but stopped. "Wait, MISTER PRAISLEY?!?"
"Yeah, I felt a little bad once I got home to my mansion. So, I came back to make sure you weren't hurt." He said in a sincere tone.
"Say, I'd like to make up for my behavior, can I get some something commissioned?"
"Of course, darling, what can I make for you?"
"Well, I'm goin' hunting with Ted Nugent and I need a jacket and pants set done up in...camouflage."
Rarity fainted once again albeit this time her landing was a mattress.
The ponies and dragon looked at Brad. "Was it something I said?"
