Rage Quit Luna.
Featuring Gamer Luna.
Princess Luna flung open her door to her royal bed-chamber and just as quickly closed it as she skipped inside. Fifteen straight hours of nodding, standing, smiling, "Greetings, Ambassador" "Hello Mayor." "How good to see you here again." Blah, blah blah.... Being polite was one thing, but that was torture.
Obviously her sister has had centuries of practice of being upright and patient with the royal guests. But facts were what they were... she didn't have the patience her sister had. But all that aside....
"Now, I have all the rest of the day and night to myself." She said for herself. Off came her royal-gown and she found then adorned her cotton PJ's.
To the side of her gigantic soft bed, she reached down and pulled open a drawer, stuffed to capacity with snacks and junk-food.
"Sister has her banana's.... I have chocolate-popcorn!" Not just chocolate-popcorn, cheese puffs, and two cans of M-Energy... not that she was still quite sure what was in it that made her so jittery afterwards, but it tasted good.
Conveniently using her magic, she dragged out the comfy-chair from under the other side of her bed, and uprighted it. It was a cream-white color with no arm-rests, but every part of her sank into it the right way, and that was all that mattered.
Sitting on her comfy-chair she levitated herself in from of her desk. One press of a button, a central PC tower awakened with a deathly blue LED glow...
"Come on, go." Then followed a split-second later, her 30in 2560x1600 monitor lit up.
She drew from the front of her desk a tray, containing her keypad, mouse/pad, and all her related peripherals. She crowned on herself, the headphones, and away onto the internet she went.
"Let's see, what to do, who to slay.... who 2 pwn." First to her Steam account. Sure, plenty of potential victims, but nothing *new* to play on.
Next she went to Newgrounds.... in her favorites were plenty of shooters, tower-defense, zombie slaying...
"Hmm... I do think, I ought to venture and find untested waters."
[f-r-e-e g-a-m-e-s] *Enter* And instantly a 50 page list displayed.
"Mm, they all look the same... Hm, QWOP?" *click*
"Sounds harmless enough. Let's see... You are Qwop, our.... Use QWOP keys to move your legs.... Click to begin. That's it? Just the Q W O P keys? Sounds easy enough."
She brought her wireless keyboard on her lap. *Space* On the screen all there was a dark-skinned bipedal creature.
"So... now what?"
She pressed one of the only four keys allowed.
"Oh, okay so that moves your legs, that way." *UH* The bipedal figure fell. [press space to restart.]
"Yay. Okay, round two." *UH*
"Hmm, well..." *UH*
"Sigh." *UH*
"Come on." *UH*
"Yes you're very talented, now actually run." *UH*
"Oh come on, that was sad." *UH*
"MMmmm, that was pathetic." *UH*
She considered briefly closing the window.
"No, I can do this. I can-" *UH*
"Fall flat on my face."
"Come on." *UH*
"Grrr, what a pathetic sound."
"Okay Q, O," *UH*
"Yes awesome, you can utterly fail."
"Run forward." *UH*
"NO, Forward!" *UH*
"Rest break." She opened one can and easily drank down the sweet content at her pace. But she stared at the screen. Another few sips, but she still stared at the screen.
"Yeah, I can do this. I've defeated hydras, dictators, giant alligators, goblins, and wizards. Surly I can run a track with four buttons." She drank more from the can, slightly bobbing her head.
"sigh... Alright, lets try this again." Back on her comfy chair and keyboard in her lap. [space]
"Now just go forward." *UH*
"No you inept hominid, for-ward!" *UH*
"No, stop falling down and run like the normal bi-pedal hominid you are." *UH*
"Come on!" *UH*
"You're supposed to RUN. You ought to have at least mastered WAL-KING by now." *UH*
"What an annoying sound." *UH*
"What was that? What just happened!?!" She said seeing Qwop do a flying-forward backflip. *UH*
"Nope, your finishing this. You will run." *UH*
"NO! RUN!" *UH*
"This had to be, the most pathetic hominid... I've ever seen, of all time." *UH*
"SON OF A... *sigh*. Go-" Qwop did the splits in the air, then flipped. *UH*
"NO. What am I even doing, to get him to move?" W.... w,w,w,w,w,w
"No, this isn't happening." Qwop body was now stuck balanced on one leg , and the rest of the body layed suspended in the air. Luna tapped the Q O and P keys to only slightly rock the body sortta forward.
"Come on, come on, come on. WHAT IS THIS!?" Qwop finally sprung in the air and landed face down... 2 meters behind the starting line. *UH*
"This isn't possible. I've slain Rock-Worms, Tiamat, Leviathan, and this thing isn't even trying to stand straight." *UH*
"GO FORWARD!" *UH*
"Whywhy?! Urgh!" *UH*
"Stand upright... HUMAN!" Qwop leaned ahead then his body did a flying backflip two feet ahead. *UH*
"GGRRRRR! How can you be so usless!? Run straight!" *UH*
"NO!!" *UH* Luna buried her face in her hands. She felt her heart surge and a bucket of fury well up inside her stomach.
"Why do I feel like I'm just jerking off the keyboard?" *UH*
"NO!" *UH*
"NO!!" *UH*
"RUN FORWARD YOU WORTHLESS HOMINID." *UH*
"YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF..." *UH*
"URGRRRRRR" Qwop's left leg spun around, he leaded forward, then fell backwards.*UH*
"NOO!!!!111!!!1!11 NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!" Luna began punching the cushion of her chair in frustration.
"Come on GO! Oh wait... I got it! I got it! I got it! ...I don't fucking got it!" *UH*
"ughhhh...." Luna sipped again from her M-Energy drink.
"Go forward you f-" *UH*
"YOU FUCK!!!" Out came the Royal Canterlot Voice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Downstairs, Princess Celestia, her numerous guards, and her invited guests, stood in a moment of uncomfortable silence. That WAS obviously Princess Luna's voice... but did they all really hear a certain word from her upstairs?
"Well-" Princess Celestia began, diverting the attention."
"Shall we-"
"YOU GODLESS, SHIT! USE YOUR LEGS!!!" They heard again from elsewhere from the castle.
Princess Celestia blushed and awkwardly grinned, to her guests.
"If I may suggest we should take-" She started.
"GO FORWARD YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!"
"Your highness, perhaps we could-" Began the aristocrat
"HOW DO YOU GO FORWARD?!!!"
Princess Celestia looked around as if looking for a quiet escape.
"DIDN'T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU TO AT LEAST WALK?!!! GO!!!"
*Squee* "This isn't happening." The princess said under her breath.
"NO, YOU RUN FORWARD, OR I'LL BURN YOUR WORLD ALIVE!!!"
"There has to be a reason-" Princess Celestia began.
"BACKWARDS IS NOT... NO!!! ARE YOU DOING THE WORM? YOU'RE DOING THE WORM!!!"
"NO, NOT THE FLIP!!!"
"WHY CAN'T I STOP YOU FROM DOING A STARTING BACKFLIP?!!! GO!!!"
"NO NO NO NO NO NO, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!
"I'll never live this down." Princess Celestia sighed in despair.
"Please shall we, entertain some fine Canterlot dinning?" She asked.
"FORWARD, OR REMOVE YOUR LEGS AND BURN THEM!!!"
"Yes, post-haste." the aristocrat answered.
"YOU'RE A BAD HOMINID. NOT FIT FOR DROWNING!!!"
Everyone quickly left the castle.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Back in Luna's room.
"ughhh... This game couldn't possibly get harder. or more frustrating."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!?" *UH*
"THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!" Qwop's body straightened up high, and fell flat back down.
"TUCK AND ROLL, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! *UH* Qwop fell backwards while his legs just spun around.
"THIS ISN'T EVEN PLAYING, THIS IS ME GETTING PWNED BY A PIECE OF SHIT!" *UH*
"FUCK THIS!!"
She clicked the close button.
"sigh..... that was fucking horrible. I never want to do that again."
She sat... defeated. Humbled by a dark-skinned, bipedal, hominid that for all her frustration, didn't even exceed three and a half meters.
The End...
for now.
