Chapters Luna's Existential Crisis
He had appeared again, just as he always had.
Princess Luna, watching from the shadows, quickly ran a hoof through her mane. Not like it helped, or anything--it always waved in its own, otherworldly wind--but she felt a bit more confident anyway.
Ha. Imagine that. The Princess of the Night, once upon a time the most feared being in Equestria.... afraid of a midnight picnic. (1)
"Midnight," she greeted him, walking up towards the spread blanket. Oh, beautiful, beautiful Midnight.
The black alicorn turned, eying Luna appreciatively. She wore no regalia; but her simple presence was enough for him. (2)
"Good evening, Luna." The Lunar princess smiled at his informality, one of the many things she loved about him. He returned his gaze to the stars. "It is not every night that the Neighbular galaxy (3) is so clear. It is beautiful."
Luna stepped closer and brushed up against him. She could feel his heart start racing.
She took a breath to steady her nerves, and slowly, tenderly, leaned in to kiss him.
This moment was brutally ruined by a distinct sound of sharp tapping. Scowling, Luna turned to see Pinkie Pie, tapping on a random sheet of plywood and beaming brightly.
"Time to get up, Princess!" she chirped happily. Luna cocked her head in confusion. That wasn't Pinkie's voice; it was male...
Luna's eyes opened. She was in her bed—alone, as usual—and the sun was on its way down, making way for the moon that she soon had to raise. The tapping sound came again, and she turned her head towards the door.
"Princess?" the servant called hesitantly.
Fine... fine... "Fear not, I arise," she grumbled. She shook back the covers of her bed and gently lowered herself to the floor. With smooth motions born of years of practice, she gently slid on her tiara, shoes, and other regalia, and headed out to greet the Night.
* * *
Breakfast (or dinner, depending on which princess you asked) was eaten in relative silence.
Luna broke the silence with a tentative question. "Tia? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have a very special somepony?"
Celestia might have missed a beat, but her voice was as calm and collected as always. "I... do not often think of such things," she responded slowly. "My royal duties keep me quite occupied."
"But surely you've considered it?"
Celestia shook her head. "I cannot say that I have."
Luna pouted. Thousands of years, and all of them spent alone? That made no sense. Had her sister no heart?
Though, in all honesty, Luna did realize that hers was a different situation. Most ponies slept through her night, so it wasn't as though she had ponies lining up to meet with her or invite her to lunch or other perpetual busy-ness as her sister had. She did, however, witness most of the romantic occurrences. Nighttime always did seem more appropriate for that sort of thing. Perhaps that had rubbed off on her? Luna shook her head and returned to her breakfast.
* * *
"Thank you so much for inviting me again, Luna," Twilight said, looking over her star maps again.
"Oh, Twilight, there's no need. I merely enjoy your company.” A soft smile played at Luna's lips. “And the company of anypony who loves the Night."
There were a few moments of silence as Twilight compared the charts and the view in the telescope. Luna tried very hard to keep a straight face until... there it was. The younger unicorn gasped in excitement as she found a new star not recorded in the book, and she quickly grabbed her notebook to record her discovery.
Luna smiled contentedly. It was always refreshing to find somepony who loved the thrill of discovery. Constellations were easier to find, but stars gave her much more pleasure. Once, Luna had had the brilliant idea of adding a new star every night until somepony noticed, with the prize being a new consolation immortalized in the heavens in their honor.
She had reached 56 before giving up.
They observed in silence until Twilight broke it with a question. "Luna? Do you still get lonely at nights?"
Luna raised an eyebrow. "Still? What do you mean?"
Twilight's eyes widened. She hadn't exactly meant for that to come out that way... or for it to even come out at all. Luna simply had a way of being wonderfully informal; and that, combined with the peaceful night, had the effect of shutting down the verbal defenses Twilight normally had in place. Hastily, she tried to verbally backpedal onto safer territory. “Well, what I meant to say was... uh...” One quick glance at Luna's eyes revealed that she wasn't getting out of this one so easily. Twilight took a breath, steeled herself, and spoke. "I mean... what with... well... I figured that you were alone for most of your nights, what with everypony sleeping and all, and that might possibly be one reason you... uh...."
"Des̷c̕e҉ǹde̷d?͘" Luna suggested softly.
"Yeah," Twilight said, relieved that she hadn't been the one to say it (and that Luna had chosen such a gentle euphemism). "The night is something really, really important to you, but you didn't have anypony to share it with. Everypony was always asleep. That hurt, didn't it? I think that if Rarity's designs were to go ignored, she might turn crazy and sadistic, or if nopony came to Pinkie's parties, she might, oh, I don't know, turn into a serial killer or something.” Twilight tried to giggle at the joke, but it fell as flat as Luna's expression. There was a brief pause. “You didn't have any friends, did you?"
Luna's mouth tightened in one corner. "No, Twilight Sparkle. I did not."
Now feeling more than mildly uncomfortable, Twilight changed the subject. "Pinkie Pie has found a very special somepony. And he has to be really special if he can keep up with her."
Luna smiled. She had seen that particular night that they had met (she had a special place in her heart for those six that had lifted her again from her de̸s̛cȩnt, and often kept closer tabs on them), and had also seen the night where he finally asked her out, to which Pinkie had responded with a mini, personal party. If Luna's memory served, it was a party entitled something along the lines of, 'I finally have a coltfriend because he finally asked me out and I said yes because he's the bestest best pony in the whole wide world and I love him very much'. They had a lot in common, those two... It seemed that those who had suffered the most had the most laughter to give. (4)
Twilight interrupted Luna's musings. “So that means you've never had a very special somepony, have you?”
Luna suppressed a small snort of laughter as she shook her head. “No.”
“What if you did?” tumbled out of Twilight's mouth before she could stop it.
Luna looked at Twilight askance. “What do you mean?”
Twilight blushed furiously, realizing that she probably had gone too far, but by now it was far too late to turn back. “Well, sometimes when I'm done studying, before I sleep, I like to think of what my special somepony would be like.” She took a deep breath to steady herself, ready to share something profoundly secret and usually kept, well, close to her heart. “I don't think I'd mind what he was, but I think a pegasus would be a bit too flighty. I wouldn't want somepony exactly like me, but we have to have a lot in common, you know? He would have to love reading, of course, and deep intellectual conversation... ” She smiled, lost in her thoughts. “And I want him to feed me hayfries when I'm studying.”
Luna couldn't hold back a small laugh. Twilight blushed again, now completely and thoroughly embarrassed. “OK, then, what would you want in a very special somepony?” she challenged.
Luna sat back, thinking. “I fear my views of the nights have twisted mine standards... He would be perfect. He would be kind, he would be strong, he would remember things like anniversaries—I have seen enough of those to know how important they are, especially in this day and age.”
Twilight nodded. She had learned that from personal experience. (5) Subconsciously, she scooted closer to Luna.
Luna looked up at the sky, and took a deep breath. “But most of all, he would love the Night.”
Twilight snuggled closer to Luna and rested her head against her. “I'm sure he's out there somewhere, Luna. I bet he's just dying to meet you.”
Luna laughed softly, somehow managing to keep her mirth regal. “I have my doubts. But feel free to keep wishing, Twilight Sparkle."
“On every star, Princess.”
Luna laughed again, this one loud and full, as she wrapped a warm wing around Twilight. Together, they watched the Night.
* * *
As per her schedule (which she had quadruple checked), Twilight stayed in Canterlot that night, and, since she couldn't just visit Canterlot without talking with Princess Celestia, stayed there for most of the day, and didn't leave until late afternoon. It was evening by the time her chariot landed back in Ponyville, and so Twilight opened the door to the library softly, so as to not wake up Spike. Spike, however, had had plans of his own, and was waiting up for her. Well, he had tried, but he was asleep on the chair by the door. He was, after all, still just a baby dragon. Twilight couldn't help but smile as she saw him and his sweet gesture. She was tempted to bring down a blanket and just let him sleep; but, knowing that that position would leave him with a really bad backache in the morning, she gently prodded him awake. “Hey, Spike.”
One eye opened blearily and glanced around the room, until it landed on who had woken him. “Twilight!" He shot to his feet, all tiredness forgotten. At least, he attempted to. Having forgotten he was on a chair, Spike misplaced a foot and very nearly fell face-first onto the ground, and would have had Twilight not caught him. Still as shameless as ever, Spike grinned at her. "How was Canterlot?”
“Oh, it was... fun.”
“Just fun, eh?” Spike asked, as Twilight let him back down on the ground.
Twilight sighed as she loosened her saddlebags and set them on the ground. “The night was beautiful, and Luna was kind as always, and Celestia discussed some great new experimental theories with me. I could tell you all about them...” She paused as she saw Spike suppress a yawn, “maybe tomorrow,” she finished.
Spike could tell there was more, and waited patiently.
Twilight sighed. “I'm just thinking of Luna. Last night, she just seemed... sadder.”
“Why would Luna be sad?” Spike wanted to know. After all, being a princess definitely had its perks. Heck, being an assistant to the student of a princess wasn't such a bad gig in and of itself.
“I think it has to do with her not having a very special somepony.”
Spike's brow furrowed. “Not even a crush?” he asked.
Twilight shook her head.
Spike sat down, bewildered. He personally found himself partially defined by his crush on Rarity, and not having some secret desire--somepony else to live for and impress--as part of an identity was a very foreign concept to him.
“So tonight, I'm going to wish that she finds her own very special somepony, on every star.”
“That's a lot of stars,” Spike said thoughtfully.
Twilight smiled. "Then I'd better get started."
* * *
Two hours later, Spike's eyes flickered open. From the other room, he could hear the quiet sounds of, "I wish Luna could find a very special somepony. I wish Luna could find a very special somepony. I wish Luna could find a very special somepony."
Making a mental note to ask her to wish on every star that his personal shining star Rarity would one day notice him, he pulled his head under the blanket and drifted off to sleep again.
Luna's Existential Crisis
Luna flared her wings, flapping them lightly before stretching them out completely. A slow smile of contentment spread across her face. Whoever the imbecile that invented sunbathing was, he certainly hadn't known about the beauty of moonbathing. The night was cool, the stars were out, her deck chair was comfortable, and the moon was full—all in all, a perfect night.
“Princess?”
Correction: now it was perfect.
“Yes, Starry?” she asked, keeping her eyes closed and not even deigning to look at him.
“I have brought you refreshments,” a male voice replied.
“I am otherwise occupied, Star.”
“I can see that, your highness.” There was a pause, and suddenly Luna felt a gentle nuzzle on her cheek, and his warm breath against her lips as he whispered, “But perhaps I can be of some assistance anyway.”
Luna suppressed a giggle, but she kept her appearance stoic and her eyes closed. “Very well, Starry. Assist thy princess.”
There was silence for a moment, and then she felt his warm breath on her cheek and the gentle fragrance of a chocolate-dipped strawberry in front of her lips. Extending her tongue gracefully, she took the strawberry, using more of her tongue than necessary. As she did, her tongue brushed against something else soft. She opened one eye accusingly. “Didst thou just feed thy princess with thy mouth?” she demanded angrily.
The other alicorn stammered, lost for words, and his eyes dilated fearfully. “I... well... I mean... I apologize, your highness, I certainly overstepped my boundaries...”
He was hushed when Luna placed a hoof on his lips. “Thy princess did not command thee to stop,” she whispered huskily.
Now with a different kind of look in his eyes—one of pure desire—he levitated over another strawberry, gently placed it in his mouth, and leaned in teasingly, holding it just out of reach of Luna's tongue. She rose slightly, getting closer and closer to her prize—and she wasn't thinking of the strawberry anymore.
Suddenly, she was no longer on a deck chair. Luna squeaked in surprise as she found herself falling through the air and landing face first on the cold, marble floor. She groaned as she realized that she had merely fallen out of bed.
Again.
And interrupted a lovely dream.
Again. (1)
Luna sighed as she lifted herself to her hooves. She checked the window, and saw that it was still light. A small smile played at her lips. Surely she had enough time to dream again, right?
That smile vanished as she checked her clock. She was scheduled to get up in three minutes.
Her eye twitched, and she picked up the offending item and crushed it with a single mighty hoof.
And, sure enough, two minutes and forty-five seconds later, there was a light tap on the door. “Princess?”
Now dressed in her full regalia, Luna opened the door to see that same unicorn as before, this time holding a clipboard.
“Your schedule for the day, your highness.”
Luna looked over the schedule. Ah, yes. Open Court tonight. How could she forget? On second thought, it's not that hard when nothing ever happens.
“Is there anything else you desire?”
Desire? Yes. Need? Yes. Want? Stars, yes. But that desire was something outside even a princess's powers. “Yes. I will need somepony to obtain for me a new timepiece. Mine appears to be... defective.”
The stallion nodded and scurried away to fulfill her order. Luna sighed, and wondered why Celestia had permitted the development of such an enslaving and awful device. Back in her time, the day and night started and ended when the princesses desired.
Well, except for that little eternal night thing. But that had been more of a one-sided decision.
Luna shook her head and continued her walk towards her breakfast.
* * *
After breakfast, Luna walked out to the parapet in her room and stared at the night sky.
“You need not follow me,” Luna said to the unseen Lunar Guards that she knew were watching. “We have a few hours before Night Court is set to start. I merely wish to clear my mind.”
She stretched her wings and began to fly. Her sharp hearing caught the sounds of two sets of leathery wings also flapping in the night.
Luna rolled her eyes but continued flying. She flew higher and higher, finally landing on a cloud, ready for some deep, personal introspection. Her peace was interrupted when she heard the two guards land softly on clouds of their own, and she exhaled sharply. She really wanted to be alone. Funny, wasn't it? Her dreams were where she wasn't alone; but once awake, she wanted to be alone. For now, anyway. Luna stretched herself out on the cloud in a comfortable position. Twilight's comments had been most thought provoking. What would happen if she took a partner? He would be there every night. She, the princess, had done much for Equestria. Did she not deserve a little something in return? And it wouldn't be that hard. Surely adjusting his internal clock to a night-based schedule wouldn't be that difficult. Did not her guards do the same?
Yes. And they eventually had to retire from old age.
Aging.
She banished that thought from her mind. As much as she would have liked to “trade up” every few years, Luna wanted something more. She wanted true love, true love that lasted.
Perhaps it was an unwritten law that immortals couldn't have that privilege. Perhaps Celestia had been right after all.
* * *
She was the princess, guardian, and ruler of the Night. The one who had forgotten more than most ponies would ever learn in their lifetimes. Witness to a whole host of things that only she and Celestia had seen. A veritable wealth—nay, an untapped treasure trove!—of knowledge and goodness just waiting to be called upon... and Luna was spending her time staring at an empty courtyard, and beyond that, an even emptier Canterlot. She brushed off some non-existent dust off her royal shoes, and sighed heavily as she scanned the Great Hall. Normally, castle procedure stated that there should be a guard stationed every hundred feet, but she had since reduced that number to one set of two guards. She simply didn't need them. Stars knew she could probably get away with just one, but they always traveled in sets of two. At least they had each other to do... whatever guards did with each other when nopony was looking. Probably growl at each other, or sharpen their weapons or something.
Being bored had become all too common an occurrence. She began to entertain herself by flicking the beads on her trusty abacus into various patterns, but that soon got old. She reached under the throne to see if Celestia had left any reading material there, but was disappointed to find nothing there. She flopped back on the throne and let out a most un-princess-like sigh.
“You know,” Luna said loudly, to nopony in particular, “I really wish something interesting would happen tonight.”
As if the universe itself was ready to fulfill her request, a strange explosion rocked the night. Luna shot to her hooves, and couldn't hide the anticipatory smile that spread across her face. Summoning the pair of Lunar guards with a brief head movement, the three flew out to investigate.
* * *
Before long, they landed at what was obviously ground zero. A still-smoking crater smoldered in the dark. The three looked down, looking for any explanation.
“Was it a bomb of some sort?” one guard asked.
His companion shook her head. “Doesn't smell like it, and there's no magical residue in the air. Maybe it was a meteor?”
“Too small for a meteor,” the other answered.
Luna made a surprising observation. “It looks like a pony.”
The Lunar Guards spread their wings, ready for action. The mare sighed—probably another pegasus trying to fly too hard, and by the looks of this, any injuries would be far beyond scope of her small first aid kit. On the other hoof, the stallion grinned excitedly—aliens existed, and he was going to be one of the first on the scene! He took a step forward, before he stopped short, his bat-like wings dropping in surprise.
“It's an alicorn,” he said in shock.
“Impossible!” his female companion hissed, leaning in and squinting for a better view.
“Improbable,” the male corrected. (2)
The second opened her mouth to retaliate, but the Night princess cut her off. “Peace,” Luna ordered, raising a hoof for emphasis. Both shut their mouths instantly.
Luna flapped her wings and descended. Sure enough, there was a large, black pony there. The first term that came to mind was “scruffy”. Her blackened wings were ruffled with feathers sticking out every which way. Her coat was in patches; what fur wasn't burned off was covered in ash, and scratches covered the exposed skin. What was left of her mane looked like a scattered bird's nest, though made of much longer (and darker) strands, and her tail obviously hadn't fared much better. Luna was certain that Philomena pre-molt had looked more attractive. Levitating over a stick, she poked the injured alicorn, who didn't seem to move. She knelt down, and held out her silver shoe in front of her mouth. Watching carefully, she saw the condensation form on the pristine metal hoofwear. She was breathing. Very shallowly, yes, but she was breathing.
Luna rose. “Rig a sling. We are taking her back to the castle.”
The mare snapped her hoof in a salute, and pulled her cape off to make a stretcher. As her stallion partner went around behind the injured alicorn with his own cape, he suddenly stopped short and gasped lightly.
“What?” the mare taunted. “You never seen a mare back there before?”
The stallion shook his head. “It's not that... She is actually a he.”
* * *
Outside the hospital wing, Luna stood with her two guards. She looked through the glass at where the new alicorn lay. The doctors had been shocked at his arrival, but had done their best. Thin tubes criss-crossed his body, giving him necessary nutrients and, hopefully, a second chance at life. The ash had been cleaned off his body, revealing (what was left of) a steel-blue coat, much like the shade of the sky on a late evening, when the sun was gone but the world was not yet dark. He was currently still breathing on his own, but other than that, there were no other signs of life. No pupil response, no reflexes, and a weak pulse, but Luna had hope.
“They say that there is a good chance he will recover,” Luna said optimistically, breaking the silence.
“I thought most alicorns were immortal anyway?” the stallion questioned.
Luna looked to the side awkwardly. It was not from the bluntness of the stallion, of course. That had been her idea—informality in her guard—in her quest for making friends. The question itself, though, hit rather close to home. “It is... possible. There have been others, but it seems my sister and I are the only true immortals. But with so few of us, 'tis a bit of an imprecise science.”
The stallion nodded. “I can imagine. I've never even seen a male alicorn before.”
“Neither have I,” Luna said. “Perhaps there will be much he can teach us.”
The female guard frowned. Something didn't feel right about this whole situation. She ruffled her wings gently, a nervous pegasus gesture.
“At any rate,” Luna continued, “he needs a name. At least until he can tell us his.”
The stallion tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmm... Something night related, but powerful sounding... you know, 'cause he's an alicorn and all... How about Piercing Darkness?”
“Sounds like a rapist's name,” the mare muttered. (4)
This earned her a glare from her male companion. “Then you come up with something better,” he challenged.
The mare thought for a second. “In that one book, the colt named his friend after the day he met him.”
“We are NOT naming him 'Sunday',” Luna said flatly.
“Well, since we found him about midnight, we could call him that,” the stallion suggested.
“Midnight,” Luna said, rolling the name off her tongue. How strange that he should choose that name. And yet, it felt so appropriate. “I like it.” She turned, placing a hoof gently against the glass where the unconscious alicorn lay. “Sleep well, Midnight.”
The mare cast one look back through the glass and frowned. She rolled a wing out nervously. Something wasn't right, and it was definitely him.
Next time: The alicorn awakens, the guards get names, and we see just how much sap bt can write before his stomach can't handle it anymore. May Celestia have mercy on all our souls.
Luna's Existential Crisis
Luna had stayed up most of the day, awaiting the release of Midnight. To be honest, there's not much that bothers an immortal alicorn, and being sleep-deprived wasn't one of those bothersome things. Midnight, on the other hoof, had slept most of the rest of that time, probably an after-effect of his stressful landing.
What with paperwork, a few final tests, travel time, and miscommunication between the Lunar Princess and the Solar Guard, neither alicorn made it back to the castle before breakfast (or dinner, once again depending on which pony was asked). Low on formality, the two merely entered the dining room unannounced, sending servants scurrying for tableware and food. Luna greeted all with a gentle smile, while Midnight looked around and stared, trying to take in all he could of this wonderful place. And one of the things he had to take in was another, larger, white alicorn, who had frozen with her fork halfway to her mouth.
Princess Luna had seen her sister in many states; among them tired, frustrated, exuberant, and surprised; but one she had not seen before until now was pure shock. Celestia even dropped her fork from her magic, so great was her shock.
For a fleeting moment, Luna was worried that Celestia had been awestruck by Midnight's beauty as well, but her eyes... they were not wide and dilated with excitement, but small and fearful, as if something unexpected had happened. It was but a split second, though, before Celestia's expression was its normal, graceful self; leaving Luna to wonder if she had even seen anything at all.
"Welcome, Luna," she said, picking up her fork gracefully as if nothing had happened. "I was afraid I wouldn't see you this evening."
“Have I ever missed breakfast?” Luna playfully retorted. She turned to Midnight and held out a hoof in introduction. “Sister, this is Midnight. He is the pony I mentioned I was bringing here.”
If there was one thing Celestia had obtained from years of governing, it was the ability to hold a good poker face. “Good evening, Midnight,” she said, giving him a gentle nod.
Midnight returned the gesture, smiling hesitantly.
Luna turned to one of the servants. “Set a place for him next to me.”
If the servant was surprised by such an unusual request, she didn't show it. She merely nodded and returned to the kitchen.
Luna slid into her seat and gestured for Midnight to sit as well. He watched Luna sit before hesitantly copying her movements.
“This is... nice,” he said, bouncing once as he enjoyed the comfortable seat.
“Have you never had such a seat before?” Luna asked playfully.
Midnight shook his head. “Never. Or if I did, I don't remember it.”
Luna glanced over to Celestia, gauging her reaction, but for some reason, she didn't look surprised. If anything, there had been a tiny nod, as if confirming something she already knew.
Her musings were ended when the servant returned, bearing two full plates of food. He set them gracefully down in front of the two. Luna looked down, and her eyes widened.
It was quiche. Of all the things that could have been served this morning, it had been quiche. Luna could not suppress a snort, then a giggle, and then a full-blown laugh that sent her rocking back and forth as she tried to recompose herself.
“Why is that funny? Is quiche funny?” Midnight leaned over and sniffed it cautiously before giving it a gentle lick. “It tastes ok,” he said hesitantly.
“No... It is nothing,” Luna said as she composed herself and lifted her fork. “Never mind.”
“It is tasty nothing,” Midnight said quietly to himself, licking his lips. He then looked around at the two alicorns, both of which were using magic to use their cutlery.
“How do I...” His voice trailed off, embarrassed. Apparently, this was something easy for them, and he was just confused.
Luna picked up on his intention, and was surprised. “You have never used magic before?”
“If I have, I don't remember,” he answered truthfully.
Celestia saw one of the Solar Guards roll his eyes. Unicorns would more likely forget how to walk than how to use magic.
“Then I will teach you,” Luna said gently. She scooted over and placed her horn against his. Her horn glowed with a gentle light.
Midnight giggled. “That feels funny,” he protested.
“Shh,” Luna said. “Just feel the magic flow.” And just as Celestia had done for her so many, many years ago, she helped him draw up the magic from deep inside him. His horn also began to glow, a cobalt blue that was almost divine to see.
She backed off, but his horn continued to glow. “Now, just try to pick up that fork,” she said.
“The pointy one, right?” he asked.
“...Yes. The one with three points.” Luna glanced down at the long row of seven utensils lined up in front of Celestia, and was silently grateful that breakfast was a more low-key affair with only three.
Midnight closed his eyes and concentrated. A glow faded in around the fork, but it quickly faded out.
“I think something happened,” he said excitedly.
Luna couldn't suppress a smile. He was so innocent.
“Good job,” she said. That is what ponies said nowadays, right? “Try it again.”
Midnight closed his eyes, and the glow came again. One end of the fork wiggled a bit.
“Draw more power,” Luna gently instructed, looking more at Midnight than the fork. “Feel the magic flow through your body, and pull it out through your hor-”
Her instructions abruptly cut off as she heard the familiar sound of metal embedding itself in wood. She jumped out of her seat and onto the table, lighting her own horn as she looked around through narrowed eyes for the attacker.
However, the guards were not looking for an attacker, and neither was her sister. Instead, they were all looking up. Luna noticed this, and quickly looked up as well.
Midnight's fork lay buried up to the handle in the ceiling, quivering ever so slightly.
“Oh,” she said softly. The ceiling was many stories high, and the wood was of the strongest oak and had stood since her return. If he was able to drive a fork in that...
“I did it!” Midnight's face was the picture of youthful exuberance. “I did it! I lifted the fork! Did you see that, Luna?”
“I... I did,” Luna answered slowly. What kind of pony couldn't remember how to use magic but had so much of it? This made no sense.
Celestia pushed herself back from the table. “I'm afraid I have a few more evening petitions,” she said by way of excuse, “but Midnight, please consider yourself an honored guest in the castle.”
Midnight smiled gratefully. “Thank you, your highness.”
When Celestia had left, Midnight leaned over to Luna, who was still processing the fork incident. “I don't know her name,” he confessed sheepishly.
Luna cracked a smile and turned her attention from the fork. “Fear not. There is much I can teach you.”
* * *
A few days later, Stone trotted down the hallway in full armor, ready to arrive at his station. One of the rules of the castle was a guard may not leave his or her post until their replacement is ready and in position. This was, of course, a procedure of common sense; but it was still drilled into the recruits' heads from day one. Today, Stone had gotten to work early, and had drawn the shift guarding Princess Luna's personal chambers. Not the easiest, and certainly not the most entertaining shift later into the Night; but there were much worse shifts, and he figured G wouldn't be too annoyed. The one day he had accidentally drawn the cleaning shift? She had expressed her anger by regaling him the entire night with graphic descriptions of her last estrus cycle. He remembered that as if it had been yesterday.
Which, incidentally, it had been.
Shuddering briefly at that horrific memory that would probably never leave his mind, Stone walked up to the Solar Guard he was to replace. Although the masking enchantments embedded in their armor made them all look alike, it was impossible to hide incriminating mannerisms; and the stallion quickly identified this pegasus as one of the Kicker clan, known for coming from a long line of guardsponies and demonstrating professionalism above all else.
So it came as a mild shock when he smiled gratefully and gruffly said, “Good luck,” before he turned and walked away.
Still holding his position, Stone turned to the other guard. “What was that about?”
The Solar Guard didn't say anything.
Stone rolled his eyes, but remained at attention. As a general observation, Solar guards didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor.
“Midnight,” the Solar Guard finally answered.
The Lunar stallion cocked an ear.
“It appears Luna has become infatuated with him.”
“Already?” Stone blinked. “I've heard of love at first sight, but that's ridiculous.” His look of surprise turned slightly devious. “Well, on second thought, it makes sense. Imagine you're a member of a very rare species, and you run into another of your own species of the opposite gender, and I mean, hey, I would. Wouldn't you?”
The Solar Guard glared at Stone impassively.
The Lunar Guard shrugged. “I'll take that as a 'no'. So, you play for the other team, then?”
There was no verbal response, but the glare intensified.
Stone sighed and returned to full attention. Solar guards were just no fun to play with.
A few minutes later, the Solar Guard decided to speak again. “He is important enough that she woke up early to care for him and to show him around.”
Stone scoffed. “Impossible. Her Royal Highness just doesn't 'get up early'. She won't be awake for another two hours, and she won't come out for another...”
His response was interrupted by the doors bursting open, and two alicorns stumbling out. The smaller female was dragging the larger male, and both seemed very excited.
“And you MUST see these gardens. There are flowers from all over Equestria, and it is quite beautiful to behold!”
“They must be something special, if one of your beauty defines them so,” Midnight answered.
Only the strict, heartless training the guards had received allowed them to keep a stoic look on his face at that line. Stone guessed that had the illusionary charm not been there, the younger Solar guard's face would have taken on a greenish tint. As it was, he himself couldn't hide a brief shiver.
Still talking animatedly, Luna dragged him down the hall, telling him all about the gardens.
There was a brief moment of silence, before the Lunar guard broke it. “If I hear anything that sappy again, I am probably going to remove my armor and throw myself out a window. And I'm an earth pony under this fancy getup.”
“Imagine hearing it all day,” a female voice said. The stallion turned to see his partner, dressed in her Lunar armor and ready for duty. G had shown up exactly fifteen seconds before she would have been considered AWOL.
The other Solar Guard nodded thankfully and left, with a spring in his step that certainly wasn't there before.
There was another brief silence. Solar Guards may not like talking at all while on shift, but the Lunar Guard has a different standard of perfection.
“Glad you could make it, G,” Stone said. “Cutting it a little close, though, eh?”
The mare rolled her eyes. “I've been here a while, Stone. You're just too dumb to notice.”
“Riiight....”
“No, seriously. I've been here most of the afternoon, just watching this foal.”
Stone couldn't hide a sly grin. “Funny, you never struck me as a mother figure.” That may have been true, but that still earned him a strike in the helmet with her hoof.
“You know what I meant.”
Stone rolled his eyes. “That doesn't sound stalker-ish at all.”
G huffed. “I don't care. I've been watching him because I don't trust him. It's too convenient.”
Stone didn't say anything—G had begun to rant, and he had long since learned that when that waterfall started, the best (and safest) course of action was to simply let her go, put on an angry face, and nod and grunt in agreement every once in a while.
“Two were enough," she continued. "Then, along came three. And there's another alicorn filly in some school in Trottingham, so that'll be fun, too.”
Stone couldn't help but smirk. That had been an interesting transition. Once Cadence had been officially accepted as Her Royal Highness Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the Guard was rife with rumors about how there would be a third guard force formed, one that was to guard her and help enhance the love in the city. There were even concept art of the bright white armor that the Love Guards would be wearing, complete with sickeningly sweet little red capes and golden wings on top of their magically pink fur, completed by a red and white striped mane and tail.
Stone knew. He had started most of those rumors.
“And there's another thing,” G said. “Every other alicorn has been female. The castle has records, I looked them up yesterday.” She paused. “And if you make a crack about me reading, I will gut you like a griffon guts a fish.”
That explained how she knew about the new filly from Trottingham. Stone tried to make his face look as innocent as possible. The thing about her threats was, he wasn't entirely sure when she was serious and when she wasn't. Also, she knew exactly where he lived and what time he slept.
Well, to be perfectly honest, when every single guard lives in an underground bunker because you've faked your death to join the Lunar Guard, you tend to know your neighbors really well. But that was an irrelevant tangent.
Stone pulled himself back to listen to G's rant, which was still going strong. “There are records of their birth, their growth, a notice if they accepted royalty or not; these ponies are tracked from birth to death. If the alicorn so much as sneezes , they write it down.”
“They can not accept royalty?” Stone asked in surprise. Alicorns were royalty. Everypony knew that.
G rolled her eyes, annoyed that her rant was interrupted by her partner's ignorance. “Birth alicorns can refuse royalty and remain members of the general population. Four of the sixteen birth alicorns in the last three centuries refused. Truth be told, most ended up in Las Pegasus as actors or in sideshows, but still. Always females. Then, all of a sudden, this male falls out of the sky. Literally—boom.” She stomped a hoof for emphasis. “Out of the sky. Isn't that just a little bit suspicious to you?”
The stallion nodded his assent. “Oh, more than a little bit.”
“I mean, one male now. The other... oh, seventy-five alicorns on record are all females.”
“That would suck. Even today's male ponies have better odds,” the stallion grinned. This earned him a quick kick to the ribs, and while the enhanced armor did protect him, the mare's enhanced armor boosted her kick, and the two canceled each other out and it stung.
G continued as if she hadn't just inflicted bodily harm. “I don't trust the guy. I don't care what the Princess says. It's weird. He's too smooth. He's too innocent. He's too... good. I don't know. It's too convenient. It's not normal, and it's certainly not natural.”
“And that's your gut feeling?”
The mare nodded.
The stallion exhaled slowly. “You know, G, I feel kindof bad judging him before I know him, but you've never led me wrong before.” He paused, and then his mouth split into a wide grin at yet another memory. “Except for that hot sauce thing, but you kindof got burned by that, too.”
The mare couldn't restrain her mouth twitching in annoyance. “I told you, that was a shipping error!”
The stallion shook his head. “Well, whatever happens, I hope Luna ends up all right.”
The mare rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Or maybe he's poisoning her slowly until she dies. You're a guard. You gotta think of these things.”
Stone opened his mouth to make a disparaging remark about G's sunny and pleasant disposition when, as if on cue, two alicorns flew by the window. Both were laughing happily as they twirled in tandem. Even Stone, though but an earth pony, knew that two ponies who flew like that were more than just platonic friends.
G narrowed her eyes, knowing that a snarky remark was inevitable. And, true to his nature, Stone did not disappoint.
“D'aww...” he cooed. “That's adorable. Well, it seems like she's enjoying herself. I guess he can't be too bad. Unless you think he's poisoning her through laughter?”
His partner glared at him. “You know, Stone, it's kindof funny. You've got a tough name, but you're a sappy little gelding, you know that?”
Stone rolled back his head. “You say that.... but you know you want my body.”
G disproved this statement when she kicked him between his hind legs, dropping him flat on the ground and leaving him writhing in pain. Smirking, she couldn't help but verbally kick him while he was down. “For a force made up of mostly male ponies, you'd think they'd make armor that protects that area a little better.”
“Heh... Totally worth it,” he wheezed.
Author's Note
Wow, how long since I've updated this?
You know what took forever on this story? That stupid breakfast scene. The Lunar Guard dialogue, on the other hand, was written way back when the Winningverse was first started (hence the Kicker clan reference).
Either way, let's see if I can get this story back on track.
Luna's Existential Crisis
Luna opened her eyes. Groaning lightly, she checked the clock. She smiled as she read 6:56 pm—there was still time for a little bit more sleep before she had to wake up for her royal duties.
And, of course, time for cuddling.
She gently stroked one of the dark hooves wrapped around her body. Funny, isn't it? Arguably the most powerful mare in Equestria, ruler of the Night and Keeper of Dreams... and she liked being the little spoon.
And, as luck would have it, she wasn't the only one awake.
“Good morning, Lulu,” he said softly.
“Good morning,” she responded, settling deeper into his embrace.
“You're such a great cuddle-buddy, you know this, right?” Midnight asked.
Luna giggled and opened her mouth to say something, but her stomach decided that right then and there would be a good time to announce its hunger.
Luna blushed slightly, but Midnight took it all in stride. “Oh, oh... Looks like somepony has a rumbly in their tumbly,” he said cheerfully. “Tell you what. I'll make you a quiche for breakfast.”
“A quiche?”
“Of course! You've never tried my homemade quiche?”
Luna shook her head.
“Oh, Lulu! You haven't lived, then!” He happily hopped out of bed. It was amazing how he was able to put his excitement in everything, even the mundane things like waking up. “Come on! The quiche won't make itself!”
As they walked down the halls, Luna couldn't help but feel happiness as Midnight trotted beside her. “I only use the greatest ingredients, you know. It's a secret family recipe from way back when. Learned it from Great-granny Dreamer when I was a little colt.”
There is where a little yellow flag should have gone up in Luna's mind, but she was too busy giggling to notice.
“And quiche just isn't complete without some of my homemade hummus!”
Luna laughed. “Surely, you are perfect.”
At this time, almost as if it were scripted, two Lunar stallions walked by, each giving a slight bow to Luna as they passed.
Luna turned to watch them as they passed, two shining (pardon the term) examples of how a Lunar Guard should behave. Her smile flickered as she noticed that Midnight was also staring, but his eyes seemed to show a little more than admiration.
This suspicion was confirmed by his next sentence. “I gotta say, the best part of the Night is all those Lunar Stallions.”
“Not me?” Luna asked, pouting lightly, giving him a playful nudge.
Midnight laughed lightly. “Well, you're my best friend, of course, but some of them are way cute.”
The last word of that first clause actually did cause a little yellow flag go up in Luna's mind. The second clause raised another.
“They are... something else, are they not?” Luna managed to say.
“They sure are! Which one's your favorite?” The way he wiggled his eyebrow indicated that the question was not referring to their personality.
“I...” Luna stammered. “I have no favorite.”
“Well,” Midnight continued, “if you asked me, I'd say Aegis Shield is the best looking of all. I mean, have you seen the way he rocks that armor? I'd say his flanks are the only thing tougher than that solar steel! Wouldn't mind doing extra training with him. And that jawline...” His voice trailed off and his eyes went up, obviously lost in another place.
Luna bit her lip. “So, you like... you like both, then?” she asked. Strange new sexual customs were more common in these days than before, many of which she didn't understand; but if they were happy, so was she. And if Midnight had an eye on another stallion, she could be ok with that, right? Wasn't love about overlooking your partner's small faults?
“Well...” Midnight rubbed his hooves together nervously. “Not exactly, no. Just... just colts.”
Luna stared.
“You didn't know?”
Luna stared.
“I thought you did.”
Luna stared.
“Please say something.”
Luna finally managed to speak, and her voice rose in anger as she spoke. “So... all the time we spent together, all our outings, our date nights, our cuddling, that meant nothing to you?”
“I didn't know you meant it like that,” Midnight said, raising a hoof defensively. “I thought we were just friends?”
“Just... friends ?” Luna hissed. “I shared everything with you! Secrets I have not even told my sister you know!”
“I know, but...”
“I love you, Midnight!”
Midnight looked down and nodded before placing a hoof on her cheek. “I know. And I love you too. But not like that. I'm sorry, I really am, but you're a mare, and I'm just not attracted to you like that. We're just... friends.”
Her Royal Highness Princess Luna, Diarch of the Night, with many, many years of diplomatic engagements and negotiations under her belt, responded in what would be considered a perfectly normal manner in such a situation.
She screamed.
One of her servants came bursting in, closely followed by a solar guard. “Your highness!”
Luna sat up and caught her breath. “I...” She looked around. Her bed was empty, the time was early, and she had been dreaming. Stars above, it had all been a dream. “I had a bad dream.”
Oh, she sounded like such a foal...
The mare cocked her head, a look of worry crossing her face. “I thought you controlled the dreams?” she asked.
Luna suppressed a sigh and shook her head. She did no such thing. Visit them? Yes, hence the title 'Keeper of Dreams'. Create them? No. Dreams were a thing in and of themselves. Sure, night was made for dreams, but night was also made for loving, and that was also out of her jurisdiction.
But seeing her servant's face, it suddenly occurred to Luna that she might as well have told her that the sun raised itself. This was apparently an important part of the servant's beliefs; and Luna, being the kind pony she was, did not feel like completely destroying somepony else's world this morning.
“I mean... I must have mixed up a dream jar. I was expecting a dream about a sandy beach, and a large group of muscular stallions playing volleyball together.”
Much appeased and looking much calmer (albeit with a slight blush in her cheeks), the mare nodded and bowed again. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Luna rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Ensure that there is extra chocolate at breakfast this morning,” she ordered. She also mentally added a cursing on whoever thought that chocolate was a dessert. It was clearly meant as a pick-me-up, and what better time for that than early night? And after that nightmare, she deserved something special for herself. Seriously. Aegis Shield? What a silly name. “Protective shield shield”? Really? Whose mother would be so unkind? (1) And most importantly, there's no way Midnight would be like that, right?
Right?
She shook her head as she left her room. The only way to know for certain was to be there when he awoke.
* * *
Dressed in her full armor, G entered the common room and her eyes instantly flicked over to Stone, who was sitting at the end of a table, holding the large responsibility tag in his mouth.
“You picked a good one, right?” she demanded. For some reason, Stone always seemed to be first there, and therefore the one to draw the lot of shifts. Sure, she could have looked at the board, but she liked hearing it from him.
Stone nodded, grinning widely. “We're chariot drivers tonight.”
G rolled her eyes. “Yay,” she said sarcastically. “Because everypony loves standing around in harnesses all night.” Luna never went anywhere at night unless it was a special occasion, and that pretty much never happened, barring Nightmare Night, of course. Sometimes she wondered why it was still on the responsibility board when the reason the position had been created in the first place was to have a quick getaway in case of attack or war—and that hadn't happened in forever.
“At least we get to listen to music. I've got a new track I've been working on that I want to show you.”
G grunted noncommittally. “If you spent half the time training that you did singing, you might be a decent guard.” She jerked her head. “Come on. Those hitches aren't gonna tie themselves.”
* * *
G listened to the music with moderate interest, and was impressed against her will. Of course, she couldn't say that to his face, so it came out a little bit differently. “It doesn't suck as bad as the rest of your songs,” she said. “Maybe you're not a failure at life, after all.”
Stone grinned, knowing what that had translated to. “Aw, thanks, G, you're too sweet.”
“If I wasn't wearing chains right now, I would kick you.”
“We ask that you do not,” a third voice broke in behind them. Both spun around to see Princess Luna, in her normal regalia with her wings spread majestically as she entered (2), walking slowly up to the chariot. “For I will have need of both of you tonight.
Both bowed. “Yes, your highness?”
Luna gave a dignified little jump and landed directly in the middle of the chariot. “Take us to...” Luna cleared her throat and rephrased her command. “Take me to the hospital.” She smiled, pleased with herself.
G already knew which one she referred to, but decided to ask, just in case. “Which one, your majesty?”
“The one with Midnight, of course!” Luna said, as if it were obvious. “We... I wish to see him.”
That second correction was right, G thought bitterly. The one night she actually decides to go somewhere... and it's to see that pony. G turned around and hoped that her expression of disgust was not as obvious as that of Luna's delight.
* * *
Regulations required that when either Princess had business at any location, the chariot would be hidden in an easy-to-access place, and the two drivers keep guard of Luna by hiding in the shadows or in natural hiding spots. Chariots were replaceable; princesses were not.
Unfortunately, hospital rooms are designed for efficiency, and for appearing cleaner than they are. Their dark fur stood out like a beacon against the white walls, and so, after scaring the hiccups out of one filly and nearly giving one stallion a heart attack, both guards decided to simply stand next to Luna, who seemed lost in thought.
And thus they stayed, watching ponies and injured patients go by, for approximately an hour, until finally, G couldn't take it any longer.
“Um, your majesty?” the mare couldn't help but say. “Permission to speak freely?”
“Granted,” Luna said distractedly.
“Shouldn't... uh.. Wouldn't... uh...” This had to come out right. You don't just correct a princess, after all. “Aren't there royal duties to perform?”
With just a shadow of bitterness in her voice, Luna replied. “Nopony comes to Night Court. Ever.”
“But...”
“Calm down, oh mare-who-is-known-by-a-single-letter. I know what I am doing.”
Frowning, the guardsmare returned to attention by the door. She didn't have long to wait. Not thirty seconds later, all three spun around as a doctor holding a clipboard in yellow magic walked through the swinging doors. “Your majesty? The subject has woken up.”
The way he said it made it sound as though that sentence wasn't finished, and so Luna prompted for more. “And?”
The doctor looked up. “He seems weak, but we haven't talked to him yet. We thought you would like to see him first.”
Something awoke in Luna, a feeling of... what was that? She wasn't sure what it was, but somehow she knew that she would need to take care of Midnight.
“Remain here,” she commanded her guards. “I will see him alone.”
* * *
At Luna's entrance, the male alicorn rolled over to meet her eyes. “Hello. Are you my savioress?” he asked. His voice was not loud, nor was it rough. Had she been pushed to give a description, Luna would have to say it seemed 'saturated with innocence'.
Luna blinked, unsure at being addressed like that. She settled on, “I could be called that.”
A smile graced his lips. “I thank you. You are surely as kind as you are beautiful. What may I call you?”
* * *
Outside the recovery room, a sudden, crippling wave of nausea washed over the mare standing guard, and she gagged violently.
“G? You ok?” her partner asked. A brief look of worry crossed his face. He had worked with G for a few years now, and she had never once gotten sick. Ever. Not even germs wanted to get on her bad side.
“Ugh...” she groaned, licking her lips gingerly. “Must've been something I ate at my cousin's today... Great guy, terrible cook.”
Stone nodded sympathetically. “Want to take a quick break?”
“I'm sick, not dead,” G growled with a firm sense of finality. “I'm staying.”
* * *
Princess Luna paused, not sure how to introduce herself. Should she introduce herself as the Princess? The Night Princess? Just Princess Luna? The Mare of the Night? The Starbringer? The Nightwatcher? The Queen of Dreams (even though that was a misnomer)? The Keeper of Dreams? One of her many other titles and aliases? Finally, she settled on a simple, “I am Luna.”
“Luna...” The alicorn rolled the name off his tongue. “A lovely name for a lovely mare.”
* * *
“G? Are you sure you're fine?”
“Shut it, Stone. I'm fine.”
The stallion sighed. “G, you're laying on the ground, quivering, in the fetal position. I don't think you're telling me the truth.”
This observation earned him a swift kick in the knee. “I said I'm fine,” G growled.
* * *
“Why am I here?” the alicorn queried. “Do you live here? I didn't take your bed, did I?”
Luna couldn't hold back a gentle laugh. “Of course not! We live in a castle.”
He looked around at the strange place, with its white walls and charts. “Then where am I now?”
Luna raised a hoof and directed it all around the room. “This is a hospital. You are here for healing purposes.”
A look of confusion crossed Midnight's face. “Was I in an accident?”
Now it was Luna's turn to look confused. “You... don't remember?”
Midnight shook his head. “No.”
“Nothing at all?”
“No, Luna.”
"How about your name?"
The stallion opened his mouth, only to shut it again a moment later. "I... I can't remember." He looked up helplessly. "Do you know my name?"
Luna felt a surge of... something. “I do not. But we had taken to calling you 'Midnight' until we knew otherwise."
"Midnight..." The stallion repeated the name to himself a few times. "That feels right. Thank you, Luna."
"You're welcome."
Now that that was settled, he noticed a few more details. "What does that thing on your head mean?"
"This is my tiara," Luna said, a little surprised that she should have to explain this. "I wear it because I am a princess."
"And what does a princess do? Am I one?"
Luna suppressed a laugh. "No. A princess is a leader. She leads and guides her subjects. She shows them care, she teaches them, and makes sure they are happy."
Midnight considered this, and then looked up. "Will you be my princess?" he asked.
Luna smiled. "Yes. I will be your princess. Welcome to Canterlot.” And, she silently whispered, perhaps your lover, too.
* * *
The stallion raised a hoof hesitantly. “G?”
“Shut it, Stone,” the mare growled.
“But...”
“I'm fine , Stone.”
“G...” he said disapprovingly.
“Luna help me, I will buck you into next week . I said I'm fine, Stone.”
Stone sighed. “G, look at yourself. You're crouched over a hospital trash can and you've thrown up everything you've ever known but your cutie mark in the last ten minutes; and at the rate you're going, that's next.” His voice took on a playful, sing-song tone. “I think you're lyyying to meeee...”
“You're going to be 'lying' on the ground in pain if you don't shut your mo- *hrk!*”
A unicorn orderly walked by and paused as she watched the Lunar Guard have another attack. “Uh... is she ok?”
“She's fine,” Stone waved a hoof dismissively. “She might have anorexia, though.”
The orderly was not amused. “It's bulimia. And that's not funny.” (3)
Stone returned to attention. “Sheesh,” he muttered. “Tough crowd tonight.”
* * *
The two guards snapped to attention when Luna walked back out through the doors. Well, Stone did. G raised a hoof in salute from her position over the trash can.
“How is he?” Stone asked.
“Midnight is awake,” Luna said, “but remembers nothing. Not even his own name.”
G found this startlingly convenient, and her suspicions rose even higher. He was planning something; she knew it.
Luna continued, “The doctors say he will be released in twelve hours, and I wish to stay until then. After that, I will take charge of him myself.”
Stone nodded, but G had a slight issue with that. “Our shift ends in three,” G pointed out.
“I will wait alone.”
“That's against protocol,” she protested.
Luna's eyes narrowed. “I set protocol.”
G shut her mouth. Frankly, she wondered why she had even brought that up. If Luna wanted to spend more time with the memory-less freak that fell from space, more power to her. Nopony would ever accuse G of being a studious pony, but today, after her shift ended, she intended to do a little personal digging in the Canterlot Archives. Something was wrong here, and she intended to find out just what it was.
If she ever stopped puking, that is.
Author's Note
Oh. Celestia. Why.
As long as I'm playing with overused fanfiction tropes, I decided to do a terrifying self-insert! Yep, my avatar was there in that chapter!
1) Could be worse. Could be Cleff Scratches.any other story with Lunar Guards, that name should at least look familiar. Though the honor of the first story to get me interested in the ponies of the Night (and, incidentally, ponified swearing) properly belongs to the story Night Guards , Aegis Shield's stories got me interested in the Lunar Guards themselves and their little culture; and they definitely influenced my writing.
2) Screw you, Life and Times of a Winning Pony , for making the phrase “popping a wingie” jump into my head every time I proofread this chapter.
3) It really isn't. But I almost added a line for Stone, “She can read minds?”, because that is pretty funny.
First scene was heavily influenced by this Not Safe For Woona collegehumor video.
