Tales of Pony Insanity

Tales of Pony Insanity

Contraemotion

Axôlú

_--_--_

Oh, hello there. I don’t get many visitors in the mental ward. At least, not after most of them had already visited me. Believe me, the expression I wear and my tone of voice, what you call ‘anger’, is how I express tranquility. You’re in fine hooves, ignore the sneer. So you wish to hear a tale… something about my experiences? Based on that little notepad, you probably want to know why I’ve been sent here. Well, I haven’t been sent here at all. No, rather, this simple mare chose to reside in her immaculate tomb. Please, have a seat on the floor. It’s a bit cold, but you’ll get used to it. I’ve told this tale before to many ponies, but most of them refused to understand. That was sadness there, when I just smiled.

If you haven’t already guessed, this is my special talent. My cutie mark, formed near birth, a bright yellow frown and a deep blue happy face, defines my expressions. The other ponies always expressed their emotions opposite to me, and so I learned. I taught myself at an early age how to interpret them differently. That interested look I see on your face? For me… that’s boredom. Excuse that, I’ve gotten off track.

I recently learned this spell; a memory spell, if you will. It’s—yawn—quite fascinating, to be able to share the entire experience. Just let me touch my horn to your skull. Of course it doesn’t hurt. Don’t worry; the only pain you will experience is mine.

_-_-_

I walked along the dusty road, frowning at the thatched rooftops of my soon-to-be home. After Appleoosa, a new town would be more than a relief. At the memories, my mouth curved upwards like the more superstitious of the cowfillies had lifted me from my home and thrown me from their settlement. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, returning the frown to my face. With a dragging scuff of an amber forehoof, I made my way to the tallest building. I presumed it the town hall; where the mayor could lend me a home, and hopefully a restraining order for the entire population of Appleoosa.

A pink mare leapt in front of me and interrupted my thoughts. My neon-teal mane blew back from my face as I lowered my eyelids in surprise at the excited furry onslaught. Pink. So much pink. It was like looking at sapient blue-eyed cotton candy, which, based on her attitude, she probably was.

My ears flattened, my pupils contracting. This mare certainly was amusing; I couldn’t help but shrink back at her hyperactive behavior. The mare grinned at me, forcing her forehead against mine.

“HI! I’ve never seen you in Ponyville before and I know eeeeveryone in Ponyville oh and my name’s Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie gasped as her hooves lifted from the ground in an affront to physics. “That means you aren’t from Ponyville which means that you’re new here and that means I need to throw yooooooou~” she paused, still levitated about a hooflength from the road. “A PARTY!”

My lips curled further downward, tears forming in my eyes. This Pinkie Pie was certainly a friendly mare, I’d have to get to know her better. “Of course. I’d be more than happy to come to a party,” I sniffed. If this was the kind of greeting I received from everypony, I’d be one happy mare.

“Awww, who’s a frumpy-wumpy filly. Auntie Pinkie can cheer you right up! See ya’ later, crocodile!” She chirped, catapulting herself from her midair position towards a strange gingerbread-like house.

“But I’m not even related to you.” I articulated, thoroughly confused. I continued on my journey to the town hall, glaring at the passing ponies. They seemed nice enough, maybe I should introduce myself.

“Hey! You!” I snarled at a similarly colored unicorn. Her curled blue mane and tail sprouted from her lemon-yellow body, magenta eyes adorning her face. She stared back at me with what I knew was fearful surprise. She pointed a shaking hoof at herself. “Yea! You! What’s your name?” I smiled slightly at her reaction.

“My name’s Bell Perin.” The mare relaxed, replacing her terrified frown with an inquisitive smile. She stepped forward, holding her hoof out to shake mine. I let my frown return and took her hoof. “I haven’t seen you before, are you from out of town?”

“Yes.” I hung my head. “Somepony named Pinkie invited me to a party today.”

“What? Why are you crying?” Bell lifted my muzzle and her hooves gently wiped the tears from my eyes. “Pinkie Pie’s parties are the most fun in Equestria.” She smiled warmly. I deepened my frown.

“No, no, I’m quite happy. I express happiness by crying and frowning, see?” I poked my cheek with the edge of my hoof.

“Oh.” She squinted. “That’s strange... other ponies won’t know that.” Her eyes widened and a grin broke out across her muzzle as she raised a forehoof. I imagined a candle bursting into flames above her head. “I have an idea! What if I went with you and smiled at everypony? I could keep them from getting the wrong idea.”

“That’s an excellent idea,” I said in monotone before yawning.

“Then why did you—oh, opposite emotions, right.”

We trotted together, side by side, towards the town hall. I continued to leer at the ponies, who subsequently veered away. Bell gave them all reassuring smiles, but they distanced themselves from us nonetheless. Maybe I should inform her of our temporary failure.

“This isn’t working, Bell.” I whispered cheerfully.

“You’re right, wait a second.” She inhaled deeply. “Hey! This mare experiences the wrong emotions! She’s not angry at you at all!”

The ponies immediately halted. They stared at us, many with raised eyebrows or cocked heads. That was certainly a way to attract attention. We calmly cantered away, heavy stomps in my case and light hooffalls in Bell’s. The townsfolk returned to their business, paying us no more heed.

“It’s expresses, not experiences.”

“That’s what I said!” she whispered back.

The remainder of the walk to the town hall proved calming. Vendors sold various foods and accessories in their brightly colored stalls. I took in all the pleasant scents; the aroma of a thousand flowers, of the multitude of goods made by the hooves of many hardworking ponies. There was a certain atmosphere in Ponyville that I could appreciate. Living here wouldn’t be nearly as bad as Appleoosa. Of course, the ponies near the stalls expressed distaste with my facial arrangement.

“We’re here!” Bell sang. “Need any help with the mayor stuff?”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it, but I’ll be fine” I whimpered.

_-_

“We don’t like your kind ‘round these parts, missy”