The Taste of Shenanigans

Chapters

Where-ity?
Stuff happens
Basements make good dungeons
Getting quizzical in Canterlot
Getting quizzical in Canterlot 2: The return of Getting quizzical in Canterlot
On moon: What do?
Space Fluttershy the Space Fluttershy in space! (and her space friends)
This ain't Easter, but I'm still going on an egg hunt
The thing that was happening the whole time the other things were happening
Look, we're into double digits now
Epilogue

Where-ity?

CHAPTER 1: Where-ity?

It was a lovely day in Ponyville, with the sun and the birds and all that. Applejack was in the apple orchards, collecting apples or whatever. As she bucked one of the trees, it made a loud ‘CRACK’ sound, and swayed wildly. Then it fell on Applejack and fractured her skull.
“Ow!” said Applejack, and wriggled her way from underneath the tree. As she rubbed her sore head, she noticed a rip in her hat.
“Oh, applefeathers.” she muttered, and then squinted as she tried to think of a solution. “Right. Off to Rarity’s. These apples can wait.”
Applejack galloped away from the orchard, and towards the Carousel Boutique. When she arrived, she pushed the door open and walked in.
“Rarity?”
There was no answer. Applejack sighed, and searched the rest of the building. Rarity was nowhere to be seen, so she went to visit Twilight Sparkle, AKA Ponyville Help Desk.
“Hey, Twi?”
“Hi, Applejack. Are you alright?” said Twilight.
“Yeah, I’m good. Listen, you seen Rarity? I’ve been lookin’ all over for her. Can’t seem to find her anywhere.”
“Hmm… did you look in the boutique?”
“Yes, Twilight, I’m not an idiot.”
“…are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Well, if you like, I’ll come and look for her with you. I need to ask her for advice on mane-styling or something.”
And so off they went to search for Rarity.
After a short montage (think ‘The Last Roundup’), the ponies gave up. Rainbow Dash had no idea where Rarity was. Neither did Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy. The five ponies had effectively covered the whole of Ponyville in their search. They had no luck, so they went to rest at the local watering hole.
“This watering hole sucks.” said Rainbow Dash. “Let’s go to the pub!”
So they went to the pub.
As the afternoon became evening, the ponies were still in the pub. Berry Punch approached Twilight Sparkle.
”Sup?”
“We can’t find our friend.” said Twilight, pouting. “We’ve looked all over for her…”
“Did you look in her house?” asked Berry Punch. “Some ponies live in their houses.”
“Of course we did. That’s the FIRST place we- I -looked” replied an irritated Applejack.
“Have you checked since then?”
“Oh, we forgot. Lol.” said Twilight Sparkle. “We should go and look there again.”
“Then what are we waiting for?!” Rainbow Dash said, and leapt out the door, flying towards the boutique. The others followed, albeit slowly. When they arrived, Rainbow Dash was stood smugly at the entrance, holding a piece of paper in her mouth.
“What’cha got there, Dash?” asked Applejack.
“Only… A CLUE!” she replied, passing the note to her.
“OH! OH!” shouted Pinkie Pie, putting on her investigation hat and pipe. “Investigation time!”
“Hang on, Pinkie… let’s see what this says first.” said Twilight.
Applejack read it aloud. “It says… ‘Rarity has NOT been kidnapped by a mad scientist. She is NOT being held captive in his laboratory. Do NOT investigate.’”
“Aww…” Pinkie Pie removed her hat and pipe, disheartened.
A look of deep concentration crossed Twilight Sparkle’s face.
“Hmm… it seems this search is just beginning…” she said.
“No.” said Rainbow Dash. “That’s stupid. It began ages ago.”
“…yeah, OK, but it appears we have a long search ahead of us.” said Twilight. “Any ideas as to where this lab might be?”
“I know a guy who might know.” said Pinkie. “Follow me, I’ll introduce you.”
“Oh OK.” said Twilight.
Pinkie Pie began to skip away. The others followed. Eventually they reached the bowling alley, where Pinkie led them to a stallion wearing goggles. He was a pale grey colour, with an extremely messy white mane.
“Everypony, this is Dr Madbrain. Dr Madbrain, these are my friends Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack and Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh, zis is a nice surprise! Vat brings you here, zen?” he said.
“We want to know if you know where there might be a secret lab!” said Pinkie.
“Hmm… no. I’m afraid zat I know of no such place.”
“Are you sure?”
“NO! I MEAN YES! I’M SURE!”
“Oh well! Thanks anyway!”
Once they had left the bowling alley, Twilight asked Pinkie “How do you two know each other, anyway?”
“He was my rival in bowling tournaments.” she replied. “We faced each other in the final. He beat me by an incy wincy bit. An incy wincy bit…”
At that moment, Dr Madbrain barged past them, laughing crazily.
“FOOLS! IT VAS ME! I KIDNAPPED YOUR FRIEND, AND SHE IS IN MY LABORATORY!” he shouted.
“HEY!” screamed Pinkie. “WHEN CAN WE HAVE A REMATCH?!”
He just laughed as he disappeared into some trees.
“Why did he just admit that?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Not important.” replied Twilight Sparkle. “What matters is that we catch him!”
“One problem…” said Applejack. “We don’t know where he went. He’s way too far away now.”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “He’s gone to his lab. I know where it is, don’t worry.”
“Wait… what?!” exclaimed Twilight. “Why didn’t you tell us before?!”
“I didn’t know he was EVIL, silly! I thought he was a GOOD mad scientist.” said Pinkie.
“You didn’t even mention he was a scientist…” muttered Rainbow Dash.
“I said DOCTOR, didn’t I?”
“Well yeah, but still…”
So off they galloped again, this time in pursuit of Dr Madbrain.
After a short trek through a patch of forest, the ponies came across a large opening to a cave. Not just any old cave, however. It had neat walls and floors, and passages leading down long corridors.
“Now, Pinkie…” said Twilight Sparkle. “Do you know your way around this lab?”
“Nope.” she replied. “Never been inside. But this is definitely the right place.”
“If you say so…”
As they prepared to enter the lab, Fluttershy let out a small squeal. Rainbow Dash sighed.
“What’s the matter, Fluttershy?”
“Well-”
“Let me guess. You’re scared.”
“Well, it’s just…I’m not sure if… uh… yes.” said Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash looked at the others, as if to say ‘What should we do with her?’
Twilight, looking exasperated, just walked up to Fluttershy and said “Look. If you really don’t want to go in, then stay here. Whatever. But you can’t have milkshakes with us afterwards.”
Fluttershy hesitated, and then said “I’ll just stay here, if that’s OK…”
“Meh.” said Twilight.
All of a sudden a bat flew into Applejack’s eye, picked it out with its claws, and made off with it.
“Agh!” she cried, and lifted her hoof up to where her left eye was. “That hurts.”
Pinkie Pie then reached behind a rock, and pulled out an eye patch. “Here!”
Applejack chuckled, and took the eye patch, putting it on. “You so silly.”
The ponies then entered the laboratory, slowly walking and gazing around.
“Uh, Fluttershy’s still here.” said Rainbow Dash. They turned around, and sure enough, there was Fluttershy, hanging at the back of the group.
Twilight approached her, shaking her head. “…well?”
Fluttershy looked at the ground.
“Scared of something?” Twilight asked.
“Bats.” she replied.
“I don’t believe you.”
“…the dark. And I’d be on my own.”
Twilight looked suspiciously at her. “You want the milkshake, don’t you?”
“Yes.” she admitted. “I thought I could go without it, but I can’t.”
Twilight shook her head again, and they carried on into the lab.

END OF CHAPTER 1

Stuff happens

CHAPTER 2: Stuff happens

After travelling down one corridor that just lead to a dead end with a creepy painting of Dr Madbrain on the wall, they tried another one. It looked much more promising, as it was wider than the previous corridor and the lighting was better. Also, it had no creepy paintings. Creepy paintings are sort of out of place in a laboratory, anyway. Nevertheless, Applejack was unnerved. She looked around worriedly, before piping up.
“Guys, Dr Madbrain will know this place better than us.”
“Obviously.” said Twilight. “This is his laboratory.”
“That’s what I’m saying. What if he tries to escape?”
Twilight Sparkle stopped in her tracks. “You’re right… we can’t just let him get away.”
She then did a ‘hmm’ face, and continued. “We need somepony to go back to the entrance and guard it.”
“Sure thing!” said Rainbow Dash, and zoomed off back where they had come from.
“Well, I ask going to ask Fluttershy if she wanted to, but whatever.” said Twilight. “Sorry, Fluttershy.”
“I could go and help her.” said Fluttershy. “I’d still get a milkshake, right?”
“You would… but we only need one pony there. You’ll have to come with us.”
They walked again.
After like, ten minutes or something, they came across a flight of stairs, leading up and around a corner.
“This looks about right.” said Applejack.
“Um… Twilight?” mumbled Fluttershy.
Twilight Sparkle turned around and faced her. She didn’t say anything. She just looked at her.
“It’s just… I don’t think I can do this.”
Twilight let out a groan. “We ALL need to do this.”
Fluttershy just turned her gaze away.
“Come ON, Fluttershy. The more of us, the better.”
“Oh… no. I’m not good with confrontations.”
“Fine. Fluttershy, you guard the stairs. Pinkie, Applejack and I will confront Dr Madbrain. If he comes by here, tackle him or something. Can you do that?”
“I don’t know, Twilight…”
“Do it anyway. We’re going.” she said, and everypony except Fluttershy trotted off to save Rarity.
When they got to the top of the stairs, Twilight saw a door with the sign ‘LABATORY’ on it.
“This is it.” she said. “LET’S DO THIS!”
Applejack bucked the door open, causing it to fly off its hinges. Inside the room were a toilet and a sink.
“Whoops.” said Applejack. “This isn’t a science room.”
"He must have spelled ‘lavatory’ wrong.” said Twilight. “Anyway, let’s keep looking.”
The three ponies left the room, and continued walking. A little farther down the corridor, Pinkie Pie spotted a door with a sign that read ‘Dr Madbrain’s laboratory. Don’t come in.’
“Look! Look!” she gasped. “They must be in there!”
“Welp,” said Twilight. “Here goes.”
Applejack bucked the door open, causing it to fly off its hinges. Sure enough, inside was Dr Madbrain, sitting at a control panel, with Rarity trapped in a clear container.
“DARLINGS!” Rarity shouted, slightly muffled. “HELP ME!”
Dr Madbrain slowly looked up from his science machine, and gave a small smirk.
“Vell, vell, vell, vat brings you to my laboratory?”
“Release her, Madbrain.” said Twilight. “Then we MIGHT let you go free.”
“Vhy are you threatening me? Do you veally tink you can just-“
Rarity interrupted him. “GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!”
Applejack rolled her eye. “For Pete’s sake, Rarity, just use MAGIC or sumthin’.”
“Oh yeah.” she said, and then used magic to make a hole in the container. Rarity happily trotted out, looking incredibly pleased with herself. Dr Madbrain, furious, jumped out of his seat.
“NO! GET BACK IN ZERE! I NEED YOU FOR ZE SCIENCE COMPETITION!”
Rarity ignored him and continued to walk towards her friends.
“I’M VARNING YOU. RETURN! AT VONCE!”
“How about no?” said Rarity.
“HOW ABOUT YES?!”
And then Dr Madbrain pulled a lever, opening a panel on the wall. Out from it came a small robot that looked like Sweetie Belle for some reason. Where her horn would be was instead occupied by a circular saw, and it had pieces of Lego for teeth.
“Oh no!” shouted Twilight Sparkle. “His originality will surely destroy us! We’re doomed!”
“I bet I could smash its robotic head in with a single kick.” said Applejack.
“Screw that!” said Pinkie Pie, and did that thing from that Royal Wedding episode where she used Twilight as a gun, shooting at the robot. It had no effect.
“FOOLS! YOU TINK ZAT VILL STOP ME?! TAKE ZIS!”
As Dr Madbrain prepared to pull another lever, Pinkie Pie charged at him, screaming, and proceeded to barge into him. Dr Madbrain fell onto the control panel, pushing most of the buttons down.
“Uh-oh,” said Twilight. “That can’t be good.”
Then Pinkie Pie’s tail began to twitch.
“Thought so…” said Twilight.
At that moment, a loud explody noise came from the ceiling, and it began to collapse. All the ponies, including Dr Madbrain, fled for the exit. As they neared the door, a large piece of debris struck Rarity, knocking her unconscious. Noticing this, Applejack turned around to gallop to her aid, but then more ceiling pieces fell, covering Rarity, and conveniently trapping Applejack’s left hind leg.
“Ah, shucks.” she said.
As she struggled to free her leg, she noticed that the robot had been partially crushed and was laying close-by. Applejack grabbed its head and clenched its robo-jaw down on her leg.
“Ow.” she said, as her leg came clean off.
She then galloped toward the exit as best she could, making it out just as a huge chunk of debris came smashing down behind her.
“Are you two OK?” asked Applejack.
They both nodded.
Twilight gestured towards the stairway. “Madbrain escaped…”
“Don’t count yer eggs before they’re chickens!” said Applejack. “Rainbow might have caught him! Or Fluttershy!”
“Oh yeah lolz!” said Twilight. “Shame about Rarity, though.”
The three galloped in the direction of the stairs. As they passed the lavatory, Twilight grinded to a halt. “One sec.”
“What’s up?” asked Applejack.
“Just gotta…. you know. I’ll be quick.”
“Can’t you hold it?”
“Can’t you SHUT UP?!”
“Whoa, Twilight. That was uncalled for.”
“I’m sorry. I just tend to get angry when ponies STOP ME FROM GOING TO THE TOILET.”
“OK, OK. Go on.”
When she was done, they ran to the stairwell, and sprinted down, Applejack hobbling behind a bit. At the bottom stood Fluttershy, standing next to an unconscious Dr Madbrain.
“Fluttershy! You stopped him!” exclaimed Twilight.
“Well actually, he tripped over me. I didn’t even see him coming…” she muttered.
Pinkie Pie bounced up and down. “You did it! I knew you’d do it! You should guard the stairs at Canterlot Castle- NO! ALL THE STAIRS IN EQUESTRIA! You’re like… the STAIR MASTER!”
“Applejack…” said Fluttershy. “Your leg…”
“Oh yeah, I had to remove that. It was slowing me down.”
Applejack looked down to the floor. “Uh… and about Rarity…”
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie looked down too.
“We couldn’t save her.” said Twilight.
“Oh… that’s a shame.” said Fluttershy.
The ponies lifted Dr Madbrain and placed him on Applejack’s back, before making their way to the exit. When they got there, they were greeted by Rainbow Dash, who was wearing socks.
“Whoa…” she said, hovering a couple of feet from the ground. “What HAPPENED in there? And where’s Rarity?”
“Never mind that.” said Twilight. “Why are you wearing socks?”
“Heh… that’s a long story.”
“Well I’m going to interrogate Dr Madbrain in my basement.” said Twilight. “Will you tell us after that?”
“Yeah… I guess so. Sure.”
And so they went to the library to do those things.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Basements make good dungeons

CHAPTER 3: Basements make good dungeons

The ponies sat, slurping milkshakes, as Twilight Sparkle taped Dr Madbrain to the basement wall. She took one step back, examined him, and then nodded.
“There. You cannot escape. Now, Madbrain… spill all.”
“NEVER!” he shrieked, and began laughing hysterically.
Rainbow Dash smirked. “You got a plan B?”
“Yes.” replied Twilight. “As a matter of fact I have.” She walked up to Dr Madbrain and slapped him. He just continued to laugh.
“You ARE aware that was a hoofslap, right?” asked Twilight, to which there was no reply beyond more laughs. “…they’re supposed to hurt… ‘cause hooves.”
Rainbow Dash butted in. “Screw this! Hey, Dr Evilface, listen. Fess up, and you get a milkshake.”
Dr Madbrain stopped laughing.
“Yeah, OK zen. Vat do you vant to know?”
Twilight squinted intensely. “EVERYTHING.”
“Be more specific.”
“OK. Tell us why you kidnapped Rarity.”
Dr Madbrain smiled. “For my project, of course!”
“Go on.”
“Vell you see… ze town of Scienceville is holding a science competition zis Friday. Zey hold von every year, and each von I have entered. In fact, I vas ze sole VINNER of each von. Until… until ze day ze science died.”
“You lost?” asked Fluttershy.
“Zat is correct. I vas set to vin ze competition vith my model volcano, ven up valks a stupid-looking pegasus named ‘Loopsworth’, who claims he has ze answer for perpetual motion. Of course, nopony believed him. He vasn’t even vearing goggles. However, he did indeed have ze answer for perpetual motion.”
“Was it the toast-on-cat method?” asked Twilight. “Because I tried that on Rarity’s cat and it didn’t work. It just ate the toast in mid-air and then scratched me.”
“No. It vas not zat. I do not even understand how it vorked. It vas some sort of machine zat kept dispensing liquid, vithout running out. it vas rather impressive. Anyway, his entry beat mine, and he claimed ze sixteenth annual Scienceville Science Competition Science Trophy.”
His gaze became fixed on Twilight’s milkshake dispensing machine.
“Can I have a milkshake now?” he asked.
“No. You still haven’t told us why you took Rarity.”
“OK, OK.”
Dr Madbrain cleared his throat.
“After ze competition, I became very sad, and took up drinking. Zen I got bored of zat, and decided to vork on my next project for ze science competition.”
His mouth widened into a sinister smile.
“A robot. But not just ANY robot. A robot capable of FREE VILL.”
The ponies glasped.
“Nooo….” said Twilight. “That’s not possible. It isn’t possible… is it?”
“It is.” he replied. “But I required some pony DNA. Very specific DNA, zat is very rare and only exists in certain bloodlines. Ze DNA zat vas present in your friend.”
“I don’t understand.” said Applejack. “Why would you need DNA for a machine?”
He chuckled. “You vould not understand.”
“No, go on. Why?”
His expression turned serious. “It’s too complicated to explain. Just go vith it.”
“…OK.” she replied.
“Anyvay, as I vas saying, your friend had ze DNA I needed. Her entire family did, in fact.”
“Waaaaaaait one second!” interrupted Twilight. “Her entire family?”
At that moment, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom walked down the stairs.
“YO TWILIGHT!” shouted Scootaloo. “YOU SEEN SWEETIE BELLE ANYWHERE, DAWG?!”
“No, sorry.” she replied, before doing a suspicious face at Dr Madbrain.
“OK THANKS ANYWAY, BRO! BYE!”
The two fillies left.
Twilight waited until they were out of earshot, and then approached Dr Madbrain.
“Got anything you want to tell us?” she asked, prodding his face with her horn.
“Yes.” he replied smugly. “I took Sweetie Belle, made a robot from her DNA, and zen incinerated her. Can I have a milkshake now?”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. I can’t be bothered asking questions now anyway.”
She walked up to her milkshake dispensing machine, and made a vanilla milkshake. She then moved a table up to Dr Madbrain, and placed the milkshake on it, straw next to his face.
“There. If you want more, we’ll be upstairs. The machine won’t run out, so you can have as much as you like.”
Dr Madbrain, already halfway through the drink, spluttered and spat the straw out.
“VAT?! IT DOESN’T RUN OUT?! VHERE DID YOU GET ZIS FROM?!”
Twilight tilted her head towards Pinkie Pie. “Her.”
“VELL VHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM?!”
“Oh, just some guy I know. I think his name was Loopsworth.”
Dr Madbrain’s face went as red as a tomato milkshake, and he screamed.
“LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPSWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORTH!”
“We’re going upstairs now.” said Twilight. “Bye.”
And off they went.
Spike was sorting books, running back and forth frantically.
“Spike, have a rest.” said Twilight. “You’ve been doing that for ages. Don’t strain yourself.”
“Thanks, Twilight.” he said.
Twilight Sparkle looked at her friends. “What were we going to do now? I forgot, lol.”
“Rainbow Dash was going to tell us a story!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
“Oh yes. The socks story.”
They all looked at Rainbow Dash with deep interest and expectation. She cleared her throat, and was just about to speak, when Twilight opened her mouth.
“Spike! Bring us drinks!”
Spike headed down the basement steps.
“OK…” said Rainbow Dash, grinning. “I was outside the lab, when-“
A shriek came from the basement.
“Ignore that.” said Twilight. “Carry on.”
“Right. I was outside the lab and-“
Spike ran up the steps, flailing his arms.
“THAT EVIL DOCTOR DUDE’S MISSING!”
“You sure?” asked Twilight.
Dr Madbrain then called from the basement. “I’m still here!”
Spike shrugged, and returned downstairs.
“Sorry about that, Dash.” said Twilight. “Spike’s a bit dim. Go on.”
“Well… I was outside the lab, right, and I-“
Spike appeared, carrying multiple milkshakes. “I got the drinks. And yeah, he’s still there. I just didn’t see him.”
“Thank you, Spike.” said Twilight, taking the milkshakes. “Now go away.”
Spike walked out of the door, whistling obnoxiously.
Rainbow Dash hesitated, before starting again.
“Right then… I was waiting outside the lab, when I realised it was boring, so I went back home. I played games and stuff for a bit, but that was interrupted when my house exploded. I was knocked about a little, but I was barely hurt.”
“Whoa… you sure you’re alright, Rainbow?” asked Applejack.
“Yeah.”
“As long as you’re sure. By the way, aren’t you upset about losing your house?”
“Not really. I was hardly ever in it anyway.”
“Well… what happened after that?”
“At first I was like ‘Oh no my house’ but then Princess Celestia flew down and she was like ‘Sorry, I wasn’t aiming for your house’ and I was like ‘No probs’ and then she flew off. I had nothing to do at that point, you know, ‘cause my house was gone, so I followed her.”
“NO!” shouted Twilight. “One does not simply follow the princess! You have to have a good reason to see her, and make appointments and things!”
“Nah, she didn’t care.”
“So… she knew you were following her?”
“No. But I’m getting there. See, I thought she was going back to her castle, but she was heading towards the mountains. I was interested as to why, so I kept following her. After a while, she stopped at this one cave and went inside.”
“Please tell me you turned back…” said Twilight.
“Pfft. I went in after her.”
Twilight buried her face in her hooves.
“But yeah, she noticed me then, and she was like ‘Why are you here?’ and I was like ‘Bored’ and she was like ‘Oh OK’. She then invited me inside for a drink. I didn’t have anything else to do, so I accepted.”
“This is certainly an odd story.” said Applejack. “What happened next?”
“I don’t remember. I just woke up in a field. Then I came back here.”
They all stared at Rainbow Dash.
“Is that it? You just… woke up? In a field?” asked Twilight.
“Yep.”
“What about the socks?”
“Oh yeah, I dunno, I was just wearing them when I woke up.”
Twilight began to pace around the room. “Something’s not right. You wouldn’t just wake up in a field with no memory.”
“Don’t fret it.” said Rainbow Dash. “I’m not worried.”
“How can you be so cool about this?”
“Are you questioning my coolness?!”
Twilight sighed. “No, Rainbow. I just think there’s something fishy going on… not that the princess would do anything wrong. Still, I think maybe we should go and ask her about it… just in case.”
Fluttershy tapped Twilight on the shoulder. “Um… what about the guy downstairs? And Rarity?”
“We know all we need to know about that.” Twilight replied. “Besides, Rarity’s dead. You can forget about her now.”
“Sooo… we gonna hand him in? Or what?” asked Applejack.
“Pfft. Just leave him here. I’ll leave a note for Spike, telling him to guard him or something. Anyway, off to Canterlot!”
“Yeah, whatever.” said Rainbow Dash.

END OF CHAPTER 3

Getting quizzical in Canterlot

CHAPTER 4: Getting quizzical in Canterlot

After leaving several milkshakes on the table for Dr Madbrain, the five set off for Canterlot. Upon reaching the station for the Friendship Express, they were greeted by Derpy Hooves.
“Here’s a letter from the princess.” she said, passing an envelope to Twilight. “Because apparently I deliver stuff.”
“Oh, thanks.” she said, and used her special unicorn magic to open it.
Inside were five first-class train tickets.
“Ooh, nice.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Hold on!” said Applejack. “How did she know we were comin’?”
“You’re missing the point, AJ. These tickets are FIRST CLASS!” shouted Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie began running in circles and warbling.
“OK, let’s just get on the train.” said Twilight.
They stepped on, and made their way to the first class section. The seats were red. As they got comfortable, the train started doing a train noise, and then set off.
“I love the scenery and all, but I kinda wish we could skip this whole journey.” mumbled Applejack.
When the train stopped, they got off, and walked towards the castle.
“Is anyone else worried about this?” asked Twilight.
“Nah.” said Applejack. “We all just think you’re crazy.”
Before Twilight could counter with a harsh yet witty remark about Applejack’s parents, there was a poof of gold smoke, and out from it walked an alicorn. She was golden all over, and all sparkly.
“Greetings. My name is Shinygold Goldenshine. Nice to meet you all.”
Twilight Sparkle’s jaw dropped. “Wh-who are you?”
“My name is Shinygold Goldenshine.”
“Yeah, but what is your… role?”
“I am Princess Celestia’s daughter.”
Rainbow Dash groaned. “Oh, no… this is like something from bad fanfiction.”
“Yeah!” said Pinkie Pie. “Really really REALLY bad fanfiction!”
Then Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made out.
“Whoa.” said Rainbow Dash. “Don’t know where THAT came from.”
“HOLD UP A SECOND!” shouted Applejack. “What do you want with us, Shiny… golden… whatever?”
“I want to join you girls, of course! We can go on adventures, and get up to all sorts of shenanigans!”
“Sorry, lady, but we’re busy.”
Shinygold Goldenshine let out a single golden tear.
“Ignore her.” said Applejack. “Let’s just get on with… whatever this is.”
So off they trotted.
When they got to the castle, Princess Celestia was already outside, waiting for them.
“Hello there, dear friends. What brings you to my awesome abode?”
“We would like to talk to you about something.” replied Twilight Sparkle.
“Oh? Well, come in. We can discuss it over some drinks.”
“That’s very kind of you, princess.”
As they entered the castle, they were guided to a room with plenty of chairs. They were then each served a drink.
“Well then,” said Celestia, with a smile on her face. “What did you want to talk about?”
When they woke up, they were in a cold, dark room.
“What happened?” asked Twilight Sparkle. “And… why are we… ALL WEARING SOCKS?!”
“I dunno… but keep the noise down. My ear hurts.” said Applejack, rubbing the right side of her head.
Her look of discomfort changed to a look of panic.
“WHERE’S MY EAR?! WHERE’S MY EAR?!”
“What?” said Rainbow Dash.
“I CAN’T FIND IT! WHERE IS IT?!”
Rainbow Dash stuck her face close to Applejack’s and squinted.
“Yeah… it’s not there, AJ.”
“NOOOOOOOO!” she screamed. She then looked at the ground and sighed. “I liked that ear.”
“Forget that.” said Twilight. “For now we need to focus on getting out of… ear. Lol.”
Applejack head-butted Twilight Sparkle, knocking her unconscious. The others just looked on, afraid to say anything. Then Pinkie Pie spoke up.
“Oh, look, there’s a door!”
So Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy went through. What led from there was a series of twists and turns, with the occasional secret lever and odd trap door here and there. They gave up when they reached a steel door with a magical horn-scanning device beside it.
“Sooo… to pass this, we need a unicorn?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Well, how about that?”
“Nah.” said Applejack. “I can do this.”
Applejack bucked the door and sprained her ankle.
“Ugh. K, maybe we will need Twilight. Who wants to go get her?”
“Not necessary.” came a voice from behind them.
They swivelled around, and stood there was a white unicorn with a purple mane and tail, wielding an orange leg.
“Hey! Bucky McGillicuddy! You’re alive!” shouted Applejack.
“Oh, wow!” said Pinkie. “She looks like Rarity!”
“That’s because it IS Rarity.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Oh… wait… then… that means…”
Pinkie Pie gasped. “RARITY! YOU’RE ALIVE! ASDFGHJKL!”
“Yes, darlings. It is I. Let me help with that door.”
Rarity brushed her horn in front of the scanner. It beeped, and then the steel door slowly slid open, revealing the outside world.
“Cool, thanks.” said Applejack. “So, why are you alive, anyway?”
“It’s a long story. Well, actually, it isn’t. Here’s what happened.”
She cleared her throat.
“As you know, I was buried beneath a load of debris. Then I remembered I had magical powers, so I levitated the pieces of rubble and got up. In doing so, I accidentally released the robot. You know, that one that looks like my sister.”
“Uh-huh. Go on.”
“Well, anyway, it was trapped before, so releasing it was pretty stupid. It started advancing towards me, so I picked up your leg and smashed its robotic head in. It only took a single swipe.”
“Told ya, Pinkie.” said Applejack. “One kick.”
Rarity glared at Applejack. “Can I finish?”
“Sure. Sorry.”
“After that, I went to look for you lot. The first place I went was the library, where Spike told me you left him a note, saying you’d gone to Canterlot. So, I came here. That’s it, really.”
“But how’d you know we were in this dungeon place?”
“Princess Celestia told me. She said I could go and let you out if I wanted.”
“Huh. Just like that?”
“Well first she made me do… things. But I don’t want to talk about that. I like your socks, by the way.”
She glanced around.
“Where’s Twilight, then?”
“Oh, she got on my nerves, so I knocked her out.”
“I see. Welp, who wants milkshakes?”
They all went ‘yay’ and set off for the library.
(Time passes)
Upon arriving at the library, Spike rushed towards them. “You should’ve seen what just happened! That evil doctor dude escaped!”
“Oh?” said Rainbow Dash. “You sure you didn’t just look in the wrong place again?”
“Yes. I’m sure. He’s gone.”
“Let me guess. He… built a rocket? Made from milkshakes?”
“Very funny. But yeah, he did, actually. That’s why there are holes in the floor and the roof.”
“…huh. Alright then.”
They looked up, and there, in the ceiling, was a big hole. As was there in the floor.
“Oh yeah!” said Pinkie Pie, falling over and giggling like a lunatic. “This place is TRASHED!”
“Yeah… Twilight’s going to freak. Where is she, anyway?”
“In Princess Celestia’s dungeon.” replied Applejack.
“Uh-huh. By the way, before that evil doctor dude escaped, this guy came in and destroyed the milkshake machine.”
“WHAT?!” shouted Pinkie Pie. “WHERE THE HAY DID HE GO?!”
“Well, he said something about needing to confront the princess…”
Applejack looked devastated. “Please don’t tell me we’re going back to Canterlot again.”
“WE’RE GOING BACK TO CANTERLOT AGAIN! THAT MACHINE WAS A PRESENT FOR TWILIGHT! HE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT! I WILL HAVE SOME STRONG WORDS WITH HIM! BLARG!”
“Ugh… well, Rarity? Could you at least fix my hat before we go?”
“Sure, darling.”
“Also, can I have my leg back?”
“No. And I want all of your socks. I like their stripes.”
“Fine.”
So they went to Rarity’s place, where she fixed Applejack’s hat, and after storing the mysterious socks in the stripy drawer, they went back to Canterlot again.

END OF CHAPTER 4

Getting quizzical in Canterlot 2: The return of Getting quizzical in Canterlot

CHAPTER 5: Getting quizzical in Canterlot 2: The return of Getting quizzical in Canterlot

Princess Celestia sat in her throne, trying to solve a Rubik’s cube, when a royal guard entered.
“Your awesomeness, we have an intruder.”
She looked up. “Oh? Well, what are you doing about it?”
“Several guards are pursuing him as we speak.”
“Good. Now get over here and kiss me.”
“Uh… yes, your awesomeness.”
Just then, a pony burst through the doors.
“Celestia! We need to talk.”
“HALT! Who goes there?!” shouted the guard.
“My name is Loopsworth Infinidox.” he said. “And I need to discuss something with Celestia. Urgently.”
Celestia smiled. “Have you finally seen things my way?”
“No. That machine I built for you. You have to destroy it.”
“That isn’t what I wanted to hear, Loopsworth. I want MORE machines, and you know that.”
“You… you don’t understand. See, these machines-“
“Hold on!” Celestia interrupted. “Could you do me a favour and stand to the left a little?”
Loopsworth hesitated, and then shuffled a bit to the side. “OK, listen. The machines are only going to cause conflict, and-“
“One more thing!” she interrupted.
“…yes?”
Princess Celestia grinned. “Tell me… do you like bananas?”
Meanwhile, the mane 6 minus Twilight had got off the train, and were making their way to the castle. Pinkie Pie was at the front of the group, wide-eyed and frothing at the mouth.
“She must really like those milkshakes.” said Rainbow Dash.
“To be fair, they’re the best I’ve tasted…” said Fluttershy.
“I reckon it’s all about the sugar.” said Applejack. “Maybe she’s running low, and it’s driving her crazy… speaking of, could you slow down, Pinkie? I sprained my ankle. Also I’m missing a leg.”
Pinkie Pie took no notice, and continued at her furious pace.
“Fine. Ignore me then. Whatever.”
Applejack adjusted her hat.
“Ugh. This thing won’t stay on. You know, having one ear really does suck.”
As they approached the doors of the castle, a guard stepped forwards.
“I’m sorry. The princess is busy right now. You will have to make an appointment and come back another time.”
“What is she doing?” asked Rarity.
“Royal matters. I’m afraid I cannot elaborate.”
Rarity put on a seductive voice. “What is she doing?”
“She’s playing with a Rubik’s cube. Want to have dinner sometime?”
“No.”
He nodded. “I understand. Now, if you’ll be on your way…”
“I’ll have dinner with you if you let us in.” she said.
“OK.” he said, and opened the doors. “My name is Guard no. 36, by the way.”
“Yes, darling. I’ll… make a note.”
They walked in, and headed towards Celestia’s throne room.
“You know what I don’t get?” said Applejack. “Why all those guards look the same.”
“Don’t think too much about that, darling. It’s one of life’s unanswered questions.” said Rarity.
“Well, maybe the princess can tell me.”
“Please don’t do that…” said Rainbow Dash. “All we need to do is find the guy who broke the thing, and then we can go.”
They arrived at the door to the throne room. Rarity knocked thrice, but before they got a response, Pinkie Pie smashed through the door. The others looked on in surprise, and then followed through the hole she made.
Princess Celestia was sitting in her throne, surrounded by pieces of Rubik’s cube.
“Hello, girls. How can I help you?”
“WHERE’S THE GUY THAT BROKE THE THING I GAVE TO TWILIGHT AS A PRESENT?!”
“I don’t know.” she replied. “Is that all?”
“Well, actually, Princess, I was wondering something.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Go on.” said Celestia. “…is this about waking up in a dungeon, perchance? Or about a missing ear?”
“No. I just wanted to know why all your guards look the same.”
Celestia laughed. “Silly pony. We ALL look the same.”
“…OK, then how about this?” she said. “Why are they all male?”
“Because I’m female. Duh.”
Applejack said nothing.
“Welp, I guess we’ll be off now!” shouted a nervous Rainbow Dash.
“Before you go,” said Celestia, gesturing at a spot on the floor, “could you all huddle together… right there?”
They did. The fools.
She smirked. “So… do you like ba-“
Suddenly, the ponies were launched upwards incredibly fast.
“Shoot.” muttered Celestia. “Didn’t mean to do it that early. Oh well.”
As the ponies zoomed through the air, their grip loosened, and they let go of each other.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Rainbow Dash.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Applejack.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Pinkie Pie.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Fluttershy.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” screamed Rarity.
Then they landed.
“Ugh…” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Is everypony alright?”
Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy nodded.
“I’m fine.” replied Applejack, adjusting her hat. “Except for this immense pain in my back.”
“Um… Applejack?” said Fluttershy.
“Uh-huh?”
“I think I know why your back hurts…”
Applejack looked behind her, and there, lodged into her back via her horn, was Rarity.
“Well, how about that?”
She nudged Rarity. There was no response.
“Oh, and she’s unconscious, too. Great.”
Rainbow Dash looked around. “Where even are we?”
“The moon.” said some random dude.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“Just some random dude.”
“Do you have a name?”
“Loopsworth.”
“Ahhh… so this is the famous Loopsworth. That’s a stupid name, by the way. Why are you called that?”
“That’s what my parents named me.” he said. “So, what did you do to get sent here?”
Applejack did her best to sit up. “This pink one went and broke her door.”
“HEY! DON’T BLAME ME!” screamed Pinkie. “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ASKED DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HER GUARDS!”
“Oh, come on. Your thing was way worse.”
Just then, Derpy Hooves came hurtling towards them and faceplanted on the ground. She stood up, and walked over to Applejack.
“Message from the princess.” she said. ”It says ‘It was the orange pony’s fault.’”
Then she left.
“TOLD YOU!” screamed Pinkie.
She looked at Loopsworth with a blank stare for a few seconds.
“Oh! Hey! It’s Loopsworth!”
“Hi, Pinkie.” he said. “Did you… only just recognise me?”
She ignored the question and went on to explain her problem.
“You know that milkshake machine you gave me?”
“Oh… about that…”
“Well, I gave it to a friend as a present, and then some random dude came and DESTROYED IT! Can you believe that?!”
He laughed nervously. “Well, uh… you see, the thing is… that was me.”
An awkward silence passed.
“OK.” she said. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”
“Oh, I most definitely did. Let me explain.”
They sat down, got as comfortable as possible, and activated story time mode.
“Last year, I invented a machine that was capable of producing an infinite amount of liquid. Any liquid, in fact. You just chuck a glass of whatever in there, and it copies it. I entered the machine into a science competition and judged the reactions. Everypony loved it, so I decided to make a few of them, and sell them to make more money for lab equipment. I installed GPS on every one I made, in case they encountered a problem.”
“That’s great and all,” said Rainbow Dash, “but why did you destroy the one you gave to Pinkie?”
“I’m getting to that. The machines got very popular. Even the princess wanted one. She paid me quite a lot for one that dispensed… a special kind of drink. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but she offered me so much money.”
He looked at the ground.
“Recently, she got in contact with me, and asked for more machines. Ones that would hold several different concoctions she’d mixed up… among other things. You don’t want to know what kind of liquids she wanted them to hold. Anyway, I knew giving her what she wanted would be wrong, so I refused. Then she tried to bomb my house.”
“Wait.” said Rainbow Dash. “Tried? What do you mean by that?”
“The bomb hit someone else’s house.”
“I think… that was MY house.”
“Ah… sorry about that. Shall I continue?”
“Sure.”
“The attempted bombing opened my eyes. It made me realise that my machines were only going to lead to bad things. They would cause major conflict. And I’m talking WARS. At that moment, I knew what I had to do.”
“Destroy them all?”
“Destroy them all.”
“But… why did you have to destroy mine?” asked Pinkie Pie. “It only made milkshakes.”
“They all had to go. Somepony intelligent enough could study the design and produce more of their own. I couldn’t take that risk. I even went to try and destroy the one I gave to the princess.”
“Ooooohhhhh.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat. “Is that why you’re here?”
“Yes. Her machine is now the only one in existence. If only I could get back, I might be able to do something…”
At that moment, a small rocket made from glasses of milkshake descended. It landed on Loopsworth and killed him. Out from it stepped Dr Madbrain.
“Vell, vell, vell.” he said. “Ve meet again.”

END OF CHAPTER 5

On moon: What do?

CHAPTER 6: On moon: What do?

Dr Madbrain, smug as ever, looked at Loopsworth’s mangled body and smiled. “I knew he vould get sent here. I just knew it.”
“Uh… how, exactly?” asked Applejack.
He gave her a patronising smile. “Vat’s ze first rule of life?”
“Do what the princess says.”
“Exactly. Vhile in ze library I heard him mumble something about vanting to confront her. Ze fool. He should have known zis vould happen.”
Applejack looked confused. “Then why did you come here too?”
“To extract revenge, obviously. Now he is out of ze vay for good, I can relax. I don’t even need to make a robot from your friend’s DNA anymore. I vill enter zis rocket into ze competition instead.”
“That’s it? Seriously?”
“Yes. Goodbye.”
“Wait wait wait!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “Can we come with you?”
“No. Zhere is only room for von pony.”
Pinkie Pie stood up. “Can we at least have a bowling rematch before you go?”
“No. I von fair and square. Goodbye.”
He stepped into the rocket, and it began to blast off.
Pinkie Pie picked up Applejack’s leg that Rarity had dropped.
“IT WAS A FLUKE!” she screamed, and threw it at the rocket. It collided, causing the rocket to explode spectacularly. The flaming debris, along with Dr Madbrain and Applejack’s leg, fell to the ground. Rainbow Dash walked over and poked him.
“Yeah, he’s dead.”
“What about my leg?” asked Applejack.
Rainbow Dash looked at it. It was burning like a log on a fire.
“Yeah, that’s dead too.”
Applejack’s face was ashen. “B-Bucky… no…”
She looked at Pinkie Pie. “Why did you do that?!”
Pinkie shrugged.
“…well, what do we do now?”
“The only thing we can do.” said Rainbow Dash. “Wait.”
So they waited. Then they got bored, so they stopped waiting.
“Let’s explore!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
“Alright.” said Rainbow Dash.
They began walking in a random direction, with the hope that they would come across something. Anything. Applejack struggled to drag the unconscious Rarity along, and had to stop after like, ten minutes or something.
“Agh…” she muttered, wincing. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
She sunk to the ground, clearly in a lot of pain. “I mean… what’s the point? We’re never gonna get off this thing.”
“Don’t think like that, AJ.” said Rainbow Dash. “We have to stay positive.”
“Why? Staying positive isn’t going to save us.”
“Yes, but as long as we’re alive, we may as well make the best of it.”
“Things aren’t going to get any better, Rainbow. It’s a pointless struggle from here. We may as well just end it now.”
Rainbow Dash walked over to Applejack and hoof-punched her.
“Ow!” she shrieked. “AS I’M NOT IN ENOUGH PAIN AS IT IS!”
“Listen to me, Applejack. We probably won’t ever leave the moon. I understand that. But we live to survive. As long as there’s the slightest bit of hope, we have to stick it out. Right up until the point we physically cannot continue.”
“You say we have to live as long as there’s hope… but what hope is there?” said Applejack, adjusting her hat.
“There’s always hope.”
“Pfft.”
“What about Princess Luna? She escaped, did she not?”
“Yes. She did. But that took a thousand years. I highly doubt we’ll live that long.”
“That’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that there’s still a possibility we can escape. And sulking isn’t going to make it any easier.”
Fluttershy tapped Rainbow Dash on the shoulder. “Look…”
“Hm?”
Sitting against a moon rock in front of them was an egg. It was a faint green colour, but it had an incredible glow, and sparkled like someone had thrown a cup of glitter into your face.
Pinkie Pie stared in fascination. “Oooooh.”
“What the hay is that?” Rainbow Dash said.
Pinkie Pie then pushed past her and approached it, intending to pick it up.
That very second, a bullet penetrated Pinkie’s head, and she flumped to the floor. A dark blue pony holding a sniper rifle stepped out from behind a rock, made her way to the egg, and picked it up, as the other ponies watched in shock.
“Princess Luna?!” they gasped in unison.
“Correct.”
Applejack looked at Pinkie Pie, then back at Luna. “You… just killed her.”
“Don’t worry yourself.” she said. “These are enchanted bullets. She’s just in a coma.”
Princess Luna started walking away.
“Wait!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “What are you doing here?”
She turned back. “My sister sent me here.”
“Why?”
“I ate the last chocolate mousse.”
The others looked confused.
“Heh. I’m not here for long. It’ll be about a week, I reckon. This is nowhere near as serious as the time I beat her at checkers.”
They continued to look puzzled.
“That was two weeks.”
“…uh-huh.” said Rainbow Dash. “And the time you turned into Nightmare Moon? That was like, ages, right?”
“WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT!” she yelled, and shot Rainbow Dash in the head.
“Geez, Luna. I thought you were cool about that.” said Applejack.
“Course I am.” she said, twitching.
There was an awkward silence for a bit.
“So, anyway, when you go back home, is there any chance you could bring us with you?” asked Applejack.
“No can do. Sorry.”
“That’s alright. I didn’t think so.”
Another awkward silence followed.
“Do you want to come back to my moon house?” asked Luna.
“Yes, please.” replied Fluttershy. “That would be lovely. This place scares me.”
“Yeah.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat. “House good.”
They set off for Luna’s moon house, Applejack dragging Rarity along in her back, and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie via their tails in her mouth.
“Um, Luna?” said Fluttershy.
“Yes?”
“What’s so special about that egg?”
“There’s a legend of a pony that once saved Equestria from a huge disaster. Do you know the story of ZXCVB?”
Fluttershy and Applejack nodded.
“Well I will tell it anyway, as if there was someone else present. Even though there isn’t.”
She paused and thought for a second.
“Right, OK. Long ago, there was an invasion from another planet. A group of space squids had gotten into Equestria, locked the princess in her own dungeon, and were turning ponies into squid creatures. Fortunately, ZXCVB and his six shiny emerald dragon friends exterminated the intruders, and ZXCVB used his magical healing powers to restore the transformed ponies to their original state. However, they had missed one of the evil squid guys, who sneaked up on them days later while they were sleeping, and sealed the dragons inside eggs. He wasn’t seen from again. It’s assumed he went back to his home planet.”
“OK, but… why did you want that egg?” asked Fluttershy.
“ZXCVB tried to turn the eggs back into dragons, but was unable to, so he flew around the world to hide the eggs in places nopony would look. That way, they would be safe until somepony figured out a way to cure them.”
“That doesn’t really answer my question.”
“After hiding the eggs, ZXCVB hid himself away in a cave somewhere. He told nopony other than Princess Celestia. They’re pretty close friends. To this day, she is the only one who knows the whereabouts of the cave. She still goes there now to visit him.”
“You mean… he’s still alive?!”
“Yeah. Technically. But he’s being all emo about it, saying that he’ll only return when his dragon friends are brought back.”
“Wow…” said Fluttershy. “But that still doesn’t answer my question.”
“My sister and I have spent months searching for these eggs. We’ve found four so far. Well, five now.”
“Why would you look for them after he went to all that trouble to hide them?”
“Because I know how to turn them back.”
“Really? How?”
They reached the moon house. Luna pushed open the door, and then stood aside.
“Have a look in there.” she said.
Fluttershy poked her head through the doorway. In the corner of the moon house was a cage, and inside it was a space squid.
“See him?” said Luna. “That is the last space squid in existence. You know how I said it was assumed he went back to his home planet? Well it turns out space squids come from the moon.”
“How… how long has he been in that cage?” asked Fluttershy.
“About half a year. I found him, shot him with my rifle and brought him here. Then I interrogated him about how to turn the eggs back into dragons.”
“And he told you?”
“Yes. You just boil them for a few minutes.”
“Oh. Well, how come you’re still keeping him locked up?”
They walked inside. Luna placed her rifle on a table.
“We came to an agreement. He tells me how to restore the dragons, and once we’ve done that, he may go free.”
Applejack spit out Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s tails. “So you have one more egg to find?”
“Yes.”
“Why not just ask ZXCVB where he put it?”
“I told you. He’s being all emo.”
“He sounds like an idiot.”
“He kind of is. But he’s a friend, so we’re helping him. He didn’t even hide the eggs very well, considering he had the whole world to find hiding places. Come to think of it, I have no idea how he got one on the moon. That was probably the best hiding place so far.”
Luna sat on a chair and turned on a computer.
“Make yourselves at home.” she said, putting on a headset.
Applejack got on the sofa, lay down on it lengthways and went to sleep. Fluttershy went and stood in front of the cage. She and the space squid made eye contact, without saying anything.
“By the way.” said Luna. “It’s hard to tell what time it is, but you’re best off going to sleep.” She glanced at Applejack. “…like her.”
“Uh… OK. Thanks, Princess.”
“No problem.”
Fluttershy looked at the space squid once more, then lay on the ground and closed her eyes.

END OF CHAPTER 6

Space Fluttershy the Space Fluttershy in space! (and her space friends)

CHAPTER 7: Space Fluttershy the Space Fluttershy in space! (and her space friends)

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” Rarity screamed.
“Ugh…” grumbled Applejack, rubbing her eye. “…why did she have to wake up?”
“HELP ME!” shouted Rarity, flailing about helplessly.
“OW, OW, OW! STOP MOVING YOUR HEAD! OW!”
“WHAT HAPPENED?! HELP!”
“I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU- OW! WHEN YOU STOP MOVING!”
Rarity stopped waving about, and her screams died down into a soft whimper.
“I-I can’t move my head. It’s stuck…”
“That’s because your horn is lodged in my back.”
Rarity didn’t reply.
“…Rarity?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HELP ME!” she screamed as she began flailing again.
“NO! DON’T DO THAT! OW! RARITY! CALM DOWN!”
She stopped again, then closed her eyes tightly and started chanting ‘I don’t like it’ repeatedly.
“Listen, Rarity. We got launched to the moon, remember?”
She just continued chanting.
“Well we landed… awkwardly. Or more specifically, you landed horn first into my back.”
Fluttershy arose, and yawned. “What’s with the screaming? …oh, right.”
Applejack looked at Fluttershy, and her jaw dropped.
“Uh… Fluttershy? You’re a squid.”
Rarity’s chanting halted, and she also looked at Fluttershy, albeit upside down.
“Ooooh. She’s right, darling. You’re a squid.”
Luna, who for some reason was oblivious to Rarity’s screams, swivelled her chair around, and removed her headset.
“Heh. You’re a squid.”
Fluttershy turned towards the space squid to see him grinning back at her. She then moved towards a mirror and gazed into the reflection.
“Oh dear…”
She looked back at Applejack.
“I’m a squid.”
She wiggled her squiddy arms in front of her face for a few seconds, and set them down again.
”This isn’t happening, right?” she asked. “…EEEEW! TENTACLES!”
Applejack gave the space squid evils. “You did this, didn’t you?”
“Yep.” he chuckled.
“Princess, surely he should be punished for this?”
“Yeah.” she replied. “That was uncalled for.”
Luna used magic to pick up a bow and arrow, and shot the space squid in the squid head. He died a squid death.
“Was that an enchanted arrow?” asked Fluttershy.
“Nope.”
“Heh. That’ll show ‘im.” said Applejack, adjusting her hat.
“No it won’t.” said Rarity. “He’s dead. No lessons can be learnt from this.”
“…true.”
Fluttershy squidded over to Luna. “Please… help me. Turn me back.”
“Sorry, I can’t do that.” she said, shaking her head.
“Why not?”
“Dunno how. Only ZXCVB knows how to do that. He has magical healing powers. I don’t.”
“Well… we have to find him!”
“You know just as well as I do that the only way to do that is to find the last egg. And I highly doubt he hid two on the moon.”
“So I’m stuck as a squid forever?”
“Pretty much.”
Fluttershy began to cry.
“Oh, no, don’t cry.” said Luna. “Here, have a squid chocolate.”
Her mild cry became a volume-tastic wail.
“Please stop! I COMMAND YOU TO PLEASE STOP!”
Fluttershy stopped wailing, but the tears now covered her squid face. “…sorry.”
“That’s alright. How do I cheer you up?”
Fluttershy shrugged.
“Hmm… you know what always cheers my sister up? The misfortune of others.”
And with that, she strode over to Applejack and pulled Rarity from her back. Applejack flinched, then glimpsed at the hole it left.
“OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! WHAT THE HAY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!”
“I’m cheering Fluttershy up. Right, Fluttershy?”
She nodded. “That was pretty funny.”
“Besides,” said Luna. “I just fixed your back problem.”
“I guess so… ow. I’m still pretty annoyed you did that, though.”
Luna sighed. “Play on my computer if you want.”
Applejack’s face lit up. “You sure? I don’t reckon I’d be any good.”
“Nonsense.” said Luna. “You’re wearing a hat. You’ll be fine.”
As Applejack staggered to the computer, Rarity was jumping up and down, panicking.
“There’s blood on my horn, isn’t there?! There is! AAAAGH!”
Luna gestured towards a door. “Bathroom. In there.”
Rarity charged into the door. It flung open, and smacked the wall.
Luna rolled her eyes. “This is going to be a long week.” she thought.
Meanwhile, at Princess Celestia’s castle, there was a knock on the throne room door.
“Come in.” said Celestia.
A shiny, gold pony entered, alongside a royal guard.
“She’s claiming to be your daughter.” he said.
“…right.” said Celestia. “Who are you?”
“My name is Shinygold Goldenshine. I’m your daughter.”
“No. You aren’t.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Is that a fake horn?”
“What?! No, of course not!”
“It is. I can see the sticky tape. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if that gold coat was spray-painted on.”
Shinygold said nothing.
“Oh my me. It is, isn’t it? What about that shine? Let me guess… glitter?”
Shinygold frowned and shook her head. “I’m your daughter, I swear!”
“Oh really?”
“Yes! I’m an alicorn, and you’re my mother!”
“OK. Prove it.”
“I will. How?”
“All you have to do is stand on that spot over there, and I will believe you’re not a delusional idiot.”
“Sure!”
She gullibly trotted over to the spot.
“There! Do you believe me now?”
“Oh, wow! Yes, I believe you! You’re my daughter! Tell you what, daughter of mine… why not have a banana?”
“Oh, yes please! I love bananas!”
Princess Celestia pulled a lever, and a panel on the floor slid open, revealing a pit of spikes that Shinygold Goldenshine swiftly fell into.
Celestia looked at her guard, and smiled. “She wasn’t worth sending to the moon. She’d probably think it was a holiday resort or something.”
The guard laughed. “She was a nutter.”
“She certainly was.” said Celestia. “My surname isn’t even Goldenshine. Oh, by the way…”
“Yes?”
“Did Twilight finish the blueprints?”
“She did.”
“Brilliant. Meet me in my bed in five minutes.”
“Yes, your awesomeness.”
Two weeks later…
Princess Luna’s moon sentence had finished, and she’d returned to Canterlot Castle. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were living in Luna’s moon house at her insistence, and Applejack, although in a fairly unwell state, had become pro at Luna’s computer game. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had awoken from their short-lived comas, and had subsequently made out again. Also, Fluttershy was still a squid. Everyone was filled in on recent events, and was up-to-date with anything and everything that might need explaining.
Rainbow Dash sat on Fluttershy’s squid head, bouncing up and down.
“Heh. You know, Fluttershy, this isn’t so bad. Being a squid may even be an improvement on your old self.”
“Well… not really. What about my wings? They’re gone.” she replied softly.
“Pfft. As if you used them properly.”
“I still don’t want to be a squid. Not now, not ever.”
“Not even yesterday?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“I WAS a squid yesterday. And no, I didn’t want to be a squid then, either.”
Rarity sighed, looking intensely at her reflection as she applied eye shadow. “Just find that magic, sparkly egg and you’ll be back to normal. Then we won’t have to listen to you complaining all the time.”
“It’s not that easy, Rarity.” said Fluttershy. “I can’t just… FIND the egg. If it was sitting outside the front door right now, it would be fine. But it’s probably not on the moon at all.”
“Also,” said Rainbow Dash, “Even if we did find the last egg, how would we know what cave ZXCVB is hiding in? Only Celestia knows… and something tells me we can’t just go and ask her.”
Applejack paused her game. Well, not literally. You can’t pause an online game. She just stopped moving her character, and it got killed.
“Wait a sec, Dash. Didn’t you once follow Princess Celestia to a cave?”
Rainbow Dash jumped off Fluttershy, hitting the floor with a dull thud. “Oh yeah. But I don’t remember anything after that.”
“What happened in there doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you remember going there, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“So you know where it is?”
“Yep.”
“Well there you go! That could well be the cave you’re looking for!”
She returned to her online game, because she was about to respawn.
“That’s a start.” said Fluttershy. “Still need to get off the moon, though. And depending on how emo he is, we might still have to find that last egg.”
Just then, a knock came on the door. Everyone (bar Applejack) shared a worried glance, and then Rarity walked over to the door and opened it. Her jaw dropped so far down that it made her mouth look really big.
“S-SAPPHIRE SHORES?! PHOTO FINISH?! F-F-FANCY PANTS?!”
Stood there in front of her, on a giant red carpet that stretched back down to Earth, were the ponies she just named.
“Hello there, Rarity. How are you feeling?” asked Fancy Pants.
“I’m… I’m…”
She couldn’t manage to assemble a sentence, so Fancy Pants just carried on.
“I bet you’re all wondering why we’re here.”
They all nodded, except Applejack, who just grunted, and adjusted her hat.
“We’re the stars. And we’re here to aid your escape.”
They all (not Applejack) let out a huge smile.
“We’re… we’re GOING HOME!” squealed Fluttershy.
“Are you serious?!” asked Rainbow Dash. “You guys are here… to rescue us?”
Fancy Pants nodded. “When you’re ready, just follow us down this magical red carpet.”
So they all (with the exception of Applejack) began walking down the red carpet.
“AJ!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “Come on!”
“One sec.” muttered Applejack. “Lemme just kill this guy.”

END OF CHAPTER 7

This ain't Easter, but I'm still going on an egg hunt

CHAPTER 8: This ain’t Easter, but I’m still going on an egg hunt

When they stepped off the red carpet, Fancy Pants made it vanish.
“Well, this is my home.” he said. “Would anypony like a cup of tea?”
“IT’S A TRAP!” shouted Fluttershy.
“Oh, hush, you.” said Rarity. “Yes please, Fancy Pants. I would absolutely adore one.”
“Will you take sugar?”
“No, thank you.”
Rainbow Dash nudged Rarity. “Shouldn’t we be leaving?” she whispered.
“We will. After this cup of tea. I promise.”
“Do you Pinkie Promise?”
“…no. Just a normal promise.”
Three hours later, and after lots of posh conversation and other Canterlols, Rarity finished her final cup of tea.
“That was lovely. As were the others. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Fancy Pants replied. “I would offer you more, but I’m afraid to say that we’re now out of tea. We used to have a machine that had a never-ending supply of the stuff, but some guy came and smashed it up not too long ago.”
“I see. Thank you anyway, Mr Pants.” said Rarity.
She looked at the faces of her friends. All of them were tired and grumpy.
“Yeah, I guess we’ll be off now. Thank you again!”
“My pleasure.”
“What was all that about?” asked Rainbow Dash quietly as they left Fancy Pants and his celebrity friends.
“I’m just being polite, Rainbow Dash. Maybe you should try it too sometime.”
A royal guard appeared and approached Rarity.
“Uh-oh…” said Applejack.
“Hello, sir.” said Rarity. “Is there a problem?”
“What? …no. I just noticed you over there, so I came to ask you if you wanted to go on that date tonight.”
“Ah, it’s you, darling. I’m sorry. I didn’t recognise you. All of you guards look… well… you know. Guard no. 35, was it?”
“No, he’s guarding the castle’s dining hall. But you’re close.”
“…Guard no. 34?”
“Nope. He’s with the princess. I’m Guard no. 36.”
“Ah, of course. I’m sorry, darling. Numbers confuse me.”
“That’s OK. So? Would you like dinner? Tonight?”
“What, like… now?”
“Yep.”
She looked back at her friends. They clearly didn’t care.
“Ugh. Fine.”
Guard no. 36 let out a small ‘hooray’, and then he and Rarity set off for a restaurant.
“What now?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Can we look for that egg, please?” replied Fluttershy.
“Do we have to? It could be anywhere. Is it really worth looking?”
“Can we at least check the egg shop?”
“There’s an egg shop here?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“Yep.” said Fluttershy. “I’ve been there before. It’s right next to the circular saw shop.”
So they went to find the egg shop. It took them longer than it should have, because Pinkie Pie got distracted by the sugar and balloon shop. When they got there, Applejack noticed a sign on the door.
“No hats? What the hay’s up with that?”
“Just take it off then…” said Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, right. I’m not going in without my hat.” she said, adjusting her hat.
“Then at least make yourself useful and check the circular saw shop.”
“OK.”
As she went in there to look for the egg, the other three entered the egg shop.
“Welcome to my egg-porium.” said the egg merchant cheerily.
“Hi.” said Rainbow Dash. “Do you have any green, sparkly eggs?”
“No. But I think the circular saw shop next door does.”
“Oh! Awesome. Thanks.”
“No problem. Please come egg-ain.”
“Please stop making egg puns. They’re not funny.”
“Really? I thought they were egg-cellent! Egg-ceptional! Egg-tastic, even!”
“Egg-tastic? That’s not even a pun.” said Fluttershy.
She looked at the others. “Let’s leave now.”
They nodded, and left. A few steps later, they entered the circular saw shop. Applejack was nowhere to be seen, however. At the back of the shop was a door, and above it, a sign that read ‘DANGER ROOM’. From the room came shrill sounds of whirring blades.
Rainbow Dash slowly pushed it open. “AJ? You in there?”
There was seemingly no response. A lot of the saws were active, and could easily drown out words, so she called her again.
“Applejack! Are you in there?!”
Something that sounded like a ‘yes’ emanated from behind a bloody saw. They rushed over quickly. Behind it, in a small crimson pool of despair, was Applejack’s head. The rest of her body lay a few feet away.
“Hi, guys. I… kinda fell.” she said softly.
“Oh my gosh!” screamed Fluttershy. “Did you find the egg?”
“I sure did! It’s right over there… next to my body.”
“Yay! Are you OK?”
“Not really. Could somepony help me? You know, before I…”
Her voice trailed off. Following that, her eye closed, and then her hat fell off.
“Ah, crud.” said Rainbow Dash. “Pinkie Pie, grab the egg. Fluttershy, you take her body. I’ll get her head.”
They each picked up their respective things, and galloped out of the shop.
One suspenseful hour later…
Applejack’s eye opened to see the library, and three of her friends surrounding her, all of which were distorted and slightly yellower than usual. What ensued were a sharp stinging sensation, and the taste of apples.
“What the hay?!” she gargled.
“Oh, good, you’re awake.” said Fluttershy.
“What’s going on?!” gargled Applejack. “Why is everything all weird?!”
“Isn’t it obvious?” said Rainbow Dash. “We’re keeping you alive by preserving your head in a fishbowl filled with apple juice.”
She stared blankly through the glass.
“It was Fluttershy’s idea.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Wait a second! How am I breathing?!”
“Oh! Fluttershy stuck a tube into your ear that goes just above the juice surface.”
“Ponies can breathe through their ears?”
“Apparently so.”
Applejack sighed/gargled. “Uh… one more question. Why are we in the library? …in Ponyville?!”
Pinkie Pie laughed. “Because this is where we always come when there’s a problem! Duh!”
“Wouldn’t it have made more sense to go to… you know… A HOSPITAL?!”
“Oh yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “We didn’t think of that! Let’s go there!”
“Yeah…” gargled Applejack. “Good idea.”
“Oh, actually,” said Rainbow Dash. “Pinkie, you take Applejack. I need to show Fluttershy where that cave is.”
“Can’t that wait?” gargled Applejack.
“It can, but I want to do it now.”
“Whatever then.”
Rainbow Dash flew out of the door carrying Fluttershy on her back. As Pinkie Pie was about to pick up the fishbowl, Rarity burst through the door.
“Oh, hi Rarity! How was the date?” asked Pinkie.
“It was alright.” she replied.
“Did he get lucky?”
“Yeah, he did. We went to a casino and he won big on the roulette wheel.”
Rarity noticed the fishbowl.
“…did much happen while I was gone?”
“Oh! Yeah! We found the egg!”
“That’s wonderful! Where was it?”
“The circular saw shop.” gargled Applejack.
“That’s an odd place for an egg. And, um… may I ask what happened to you, darling?”
“…the circular saw shop.” gargled Applejack. “That’s what happened to me. Speaking of, can we PLEASE GO TO A HOSPITAL NOW?!”
“No need.” said Rarity. “I can fix you up easy-peasy.”
“You sure? I doubt even Twilight would know a spell that could fix THIS.”
Rarity laughed. “I may not be a powerful unicorn, but you forget… I’m an excellent seamstress.”
Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash arrived at a mountainside cave.
“Is this it?” asked Fluttershy.
“Definitely.” replied Rainbow Dash, as she landed gently at the entrance. Fluttershy jumped off, and looked around.
“This is pretty high up…” she said nervously.
“Yes. It is. Just go in the cave already.”
They walked inside. Torches decorated the walls, and at the end of the shorter-than-expected passage lay a coffin.
“What?! He’s dead?!” shrieked Fluttershy.
“Of course not. He’s just emo, remember?”
Rainbow Dash knocked on the coffin. The lid creaked open, and a jazzy-looking pony with a pale blue coat and purple, polka-dotted mane poked his head out.
“You’re not Celestia.” he said. “Go away.”
He began closing the lid.
“Wait!” said Fluttershy.
He sighed. “What?”
“You’re ZXCVB, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, um… I got turned into a squid, and I would really really appreciate it if you could use your special healing powers to turn me back into a pony again. You know, if that’s OK with you.”
“Listen.” he said. “I’m not coming out until my dragon friends are cured. End of story.”
“But we found all the eggs! And we know how to turn them back!”
“Really? You have them all? Let’s see them, then.”
“Oh, right. Uh, well, we only have one with us at the moment, so…”
“Goodbye.”
“WAIT!”
“What?! I’m not leaving here until I have my friends back! That’s it!”
“OK, fine, but… can you at least turn me back? You don’t even have to leave your coffin.”
His eyes turned bright yellow, and then out of his eyes zoomed two shooting stars that hit Fluttershy in the squid face.
And then Fluttershy was a pony.
“Now get out!” he shouted.
“K, thanks, bye!” said Fluttershy, and they left.
The two of them soared away back down to Ponyville, with Fluttershy sticking very close to Rainbow Dash on the way. They were making their way to the hospital, when Fluttershy noticed Pinkie Pie waving them down by the Carousel Boutique. They glided to the ground and approached her.
“What happened?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Is she not in the hospital?”
“Rarity fixed her!” said Pinkie Pie excitedly. “Come see!”
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy shared a worried look, before walking inside. Rarity was standing proudly next to a neatly stitched-together Applejack.
“Look, she’s as good as new!” said Rarity, beaming. “Fabulous lace, is it not?”
“She even stitched my hat to my head so it won’t fall off anymore.” said Applejack.
Fluttershy nodded her head slowly. “That’s… nice.”
“Oh, hey! You’re a pony again!” said Rarity.
“Yes! I am! Thank you for noticing! Turns out we didn’t need that egg after all.”
“So I got decapitated for nothing?” said Applejack.
“Yeah. Silly pony.” said Rainbow Dash. “So, what should we do now? Every possible objective we could have had has been completed.”
Applejack shrugged. “I reckon we just go back home and continue with our normal lives.”
Just then, Twilight Sparkle crashed through the window, rolling over, and then standing up in a mighty pose.
“Did you forget about me?”
“Oh yeah, heh.” said Rainbow Dash. “I guess we did.”

END OF CHAPTER 8

The thing that was happening the whole time the other things were happening

CHAPTER 9: The thing that was happening the whole time the other things were happening

Twilight Sparkle walked over to Applejack and head-butted her, knocking her down, but not unconscious.
“Ow. You cut my face.” said Applejack. “Thanks…”
“HA! VENGEANCE IS MINE!” Twilight shouted, and then calmed down. “So yeah, anyway, what happened with you lot?”
They told her about everything that happened. Well, most of the important stuff, anyway.
“Wow. That’s all very interesting. Can I tell you what I’ve been doing?”
“Please do.” said Rarity. “We haven’t had an anecdote in a while.”
“Right. K then. Here it is. Prepare yourself for my really good story.”
“We’re prepared. Tell it.”
“OK. After I woke up from the unconscious state that SOMEPONY put me into, I began to search for an exit from the dungeon. It took a while, but eventually I found it. Once I opened the door, the princess was waiting on the other side. She said she needed my help for something, and then led me to a secret room in the castle. In it was a machine… like the milkshake one I had. Princess Celestia then asked me if I could recreate the blueprints from it, because… you know… I’m so smart. So I did. It didn’t take me very long to finish them.”
Rainbow Dash looked worriedly at Applejack. “This is exactly what Loopsworth was talking about.”
Twilight continued. “After I’d done the blueprints, the princess then asked if I, her favourite student, could help design and build a machine that implemented the blueprints. A much, much bigger machine.”
“So you did?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yep. I built it over in the wastelands. I’m pretty proud of it.”
“What… is it?” asked Rarity.
“A giant Celestia robot that shoots lava from its mouth.”
Applejack fell over due to shock. “H-how giant, exactly?”
“It’s as tall as… I dunno. But it’s really big.”
“You fool!” shouted Applejack. “Don’t you see what you’ve done?!”
“I’ve done the princess a small favour.”
“YOU’VE BUILT HER A GIANT ROBOT VERSION OF HERSELF THAT SHOOTS LAVA FROM ITS MOUTH!”
“Yeah… and why is that a bad thing?”
“She’ll use it to dominate the planet! She’ll start wars, and gazillions of ponies will be killed!”
“Come on, Applejack. This is Princess Celestia we’re talking about. She’s the nicest pony in Equestria.”
“She sent us to the moon, Twilight. That’s not something nice ponies do.”
Twilight shook her head angrily. “I’ve had enough of this. I’m going. And you know what? I’m telling the princess what you’ve been saying about her.”
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Please don’t do that!”
“Then apologise.”
“OK, OK. I’m sor-“
An extremely loud engine noise drowned out Applejack’s apology. The ponies rushed outside and looked toward the sky. There, casting a shadow over the majority of Ponyville was the Celestia robot. Twilight Sparkle smiled proudly as the others looked on in awe.
“There she is. The Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000. Beautiful, isn’t she?” said Twilight.
“Very creative name…” said Rainbow Dash.
Rarity leant in towards Twilight. “You didn’t tell us it could fly.”
“Didn’t I? Oh. Well it can. It’s practically an airship.”
The noise of the engine died down as it got farther away.
“I wonder where she’s going…” said Twilight.
“Probably to destroy her enemies.” said Applejack.
“I told you. She’s not going to do anything bad.”
Derpy Hooves approached them. “Letter from the princess.”
Twilight took the letter and opened it. Then Derpy left.
“What does it say?” asked Pinkie Pie.
Twilight read it aloud. “Dear my most faithful student, thank you for building that giant robot me. I’m going to crush my enemies with it now. – Princess C (P.S. That’s Celestia, not Cadence)”
Twilight looked up from the letter. “Applejack… you were right.”
“Well yeah.” she replied.
Rainbow Dash shot up and started flying in circles. “Come on then! Let’s go after her!”
“Nah, I’m alright.” said Applejack. “I’m going home.”
Rainbow Dash landed back on the ground. “Oh you have got to be kidding me! After all this you’re just going to give up?”
“Give up what? It’s not our responsibility to save the world, you know.”
“I hate to say it, Rainbow, darling, but she’s right.” said Rarity. “Besides, I have a lot of work to catch up on.”
Rainbow Dash was unimpressed. “Fine. Well I’m going, anyway. Who’s coming with me?”
“That depends,” said Pinkie Pie, “Will there be cake?”
“What?”
“…will there be cake?”
“Uh… yeah. Probably.”
“OK then!”
Rainbow Dash looked at the two ponies who hadn’t given an answer yet. “Twilight? Fluttershy? What about you?”
Fluttershy shook her head. Twilight Sparkle just looked sad.
Suddenly all of a sudden, ZXCVB appeared.
“ZXCVB?!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “What are you doing here?”
“I realised being emo is childish and silly, so I decided to go for a walk. You know, in the sun and everything.”
“Nice! Good for you! Do you want to come and help us defeat Princess Celestia?”
He looked confused. “You what now? Defeat? Why?”
Before she could answer, he groaned and buried his face in two of his six hooves. “She’s going to kill her enemies, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
“She does this every so often. I usually have to go and convince her not to.”
“Seriously?” asked Applejack. “Convince her how?”
“Special favours. The kind of which I’m not putting into detail.”
“Will you come with us, then?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Sure. Where is she?”
Rainbow Dash tilted her head towards the trails that the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000 had made. A thick stream of black, smoky clouds, giving off a strong sense of doom. Rainbow Dash and ZXCVB flew up, and hovered in the air as Pinkie Pie retrieved and climbed into her flying contraption from S1E05. Then they all went up. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight waved goodbye as they disappeared into the doomclouds.
“I hope they stop her before it’s too late.” said Fluttershy.
“As do I, darling.” said Rarity. “I hope they bring back some of that cake, too.”
Meanwhile, on the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000, Princess Celestia was reading a magazine in the eye section/cockpit.
“Nice day, isn’t it, your awesomeness?” remarked the guard driving the thing.
“Yeah. Sure is. A nice day to GO ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Hahahaha. You comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you.”
She returned to her magazine. As she turned the page, Rainbow Dash bit it and ripped it out of her hooves.
“Hi Princess. Whatcha readin’? EVIL PLANS OR SOMETHING?!”
Celestia sighed and looked up. “How did you get in?”
“Through the door.”
“It’s password protected.”
“Yes, but the password was your name.”
Celestia was not amused. She pulled a lever, and from the ceiling came a gun. It pointed directly at Rainbow Dash’s forehead. As she prepared to press a ‘shoot’ button, ZXCVB shouted “WAIT!”
She looked at him, and then smiled. “ZXCVB! You’re out of your cave! It’s nice to see you!”
“Nice to see you too.” he replied. “Listen… don’t kill her. Don’t kill ANYPONY. Please.”
“I’d love to let them live,” said Celestia, “but it just so happens I’d enjoy killing them more. Keep in mind that these are ponies that have done me wrong, though. I’m not a heartless monster.”
“Please! I’ll even do you special favours!”
“NO!” she shouted. “Enough with the special favours! You always do this to me! I’m sticking to my plans this time. End of story.”
“But… I’m your friend. Do it for me.”
“WHO ARE YOU TO TRY AND TEACH ME ABOUT FRIENDSHIP?!” screamed Celestia, and pointed the gun at him.
“Just… just calm down.”
“I am calm. And I’ll still be calm after I’ve poured lava all over the whole of Phonyville.”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Phonyville?! What’s that?!”
“The changeling kingdom.” said Celestia. “Anyway, I’ve had enough of this. You’re all going to die. Sorry.”
She pressed the gun button. It shot ZXCVB multiple times, killing him quickly and leaving his body full of holes.
“Now you look like a changeling! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
She pointed the gun at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who were already running away. She then fired at them for several seconds, but no bullets hit. They were too far.
“Dash! What do we do?!” screamed Pinkie.
“I dunno. Hide or something.”
“Where?!”
“Uh… here!” Rainbow Dash said, and climbed into a suit of armour.
Pinkie Pie hid behind a lamp. The two ponies kept very still as a guard walked past them. When he was out of earshot, Pinkie whispered “Psst!”
“What?” said Rainbow Dash quietly.
“When can we un-hide?”
“Not yet! Just wait.”
Back at Ponyville, Twilight was sitting glumly in the Carousel Boutique as Rarity rushed about making a dress or whatever. Applejack was also there, but she was just eating an apple.
“Twilight?” called Rarity, head in a drawer as she rummaged through it.
Twilight didn’t reply.
“Twilight? Have you seen my ruby-encrusted diamond silk with golden sequins anywhere?”
Rarity lifted her head from the drawer and glanced at the sulking pony.
“What’s wrong, darling?”
“I’m sad, Rarity.”
“Well yeah. Why?”
“I trusted the princess. And now she’s going on an evil crusade… I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW!”
Twilight Sparkle then began bawling cryfully.
“Calm down, and help me find my material.”
“OK… sorry.” sniffed Twilight.
She stood up, revealing the ruby-encrusted diamond silk with golden sequins. “I was sitting on it.”
Applejack found this hilarious, and started laughing hysterically, bits of apple evacuating her mouth in the process.
“Applejack!” shouted Rarity. “Please, keep your food to yourself!”
“Sorry.”
Rarity shook her head in disgust, and then picked up her material. Twilight Sparkle was pacing around the room, and Rarity had to weave around her to get past.
“Hmm…” said Twilight. “Do you think the princess would stop in exchange for something?”
“Like what, darling?”
“Rarity’s boyfriend won a shedload of money.” Applejack pointed out.
Twilight’s face lit up, and Rarity glared at Applejack.
“Yay!” shouted Twilight. “Rarity, get your boyfriend and bring him to the library. Applejack, get Fluttershy. We’re going to bribe the princess!”
Rarity let out an exasperated sigh and headed towards the door. “He’s not my boyfriend, by the way.”
Applejack chuckled to herself, and also went for the door. She bit into her apple enthusiastically, and then winced.
“Agh… bit my tongue.”
“Lol.” said Twilight, and walked out of the door with Applejack. She closed it behind her and then set off for the library.

END OF CHAPTER 9

Look, we're into double digits now

CHAPTER 10: Look, we’re into double digits now

Applejack and Fluttershy were the first to reach the library after Twilight. Spike brought them a board game, and they all sat down and played it until Rarity and Guard no. 36 arrived. Then they stopped playing it. This caused Spike to get annoyed because he was in the lead at the time.
“Ugh. Come on, Spike.” said Twilight. “If it’ll make you feel better, you win by default because we all forfeited.”
“No. If I didn’t win myself, it doesn’t count.”
Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at him and he stopped complaining.
“So Twilight,” said Rarity, “What is this plan of yours?”
“Well, we go to the princess and bribe her. Do you have the money?”
“Yep.” said Guard no. 36. “All here.”
“Good good.”
“But Twilight,” said Rarity, “How do we even get to the princess? She’ll be really far away by now, not to mention in the air.”
“Easy peasy. Everypony get in this crate.”
“…what?”
“Just do it.”
Applejack scoffed. “I ain’t gettin’ in no crate.”
“Oh, Applejack, please!” said Twilight.
“Nope. Sorry. I’m off. I have trees to kick, anyway.”
Applejack left, and Twilight looked at the others. “Will you get in the crate?”
“Sure, darling. But why?”
“You’ll see.”
All of them excluding Spike entered the crate that happened to be there. Twilight used her magic to close it.
“No! Twilight, what are you doing?!” squealed Fluttershy.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be able to get out.” she replied. “OK, Spike, we’re ready!”
Spike inhaled deeply, and then blew out a mass of green flames that engulfed the crate. Instantly it vanished into hyperspace, and then reappeared in the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000.
“OK! Jump out!” shouted Twilight.
They popped out of the crate in front of a confused Celestia.
“Oh… hello, my most faithful student. And one of my guards. What are you… doing here?”
“I know what you’re doing,” said Twilight Sparkle, “And I’ve come to negotiate with you.”
“Uh-huh… what is it you propose, exactly?” said the still confused princess.
“Money. If you stop this reign of terror, we’ll give you money.”
Guard no. 36 held out a pile of cash.
“I see.” said Celestia. “All of this… for me?”
“Yes, your awesomeness.” said Guard no. 36. “I won it at a casino. It’s all yours, provided you end this now.”
“Well… if there’s one thing I like more than power, it’s money.”
The others breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.
“JK, power’s better. Hahaha.”
Celestia shot Guard no. 36 and took his money away. She then looked at Twilight Sparkle in derision.
“I can’t believe you thought that measly mound of money would sway me. I’m rich! Still taking it, though.”
Celestia then aimed the gun at Fluttershy. She screamed, and dived behind the crate. Rarity and Twilight galloped away. Celestia turned her attention to those two, and shot at them, but they escaped unscathed just as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did.
“UGH! THAT’S IT! I’M SICK OF MISSING!” Celestia roared furiously, and ran after them.
“Rarity! Quick, hide behind that lamp! I’ll get inside this suit of armour!” said Twilight.
As they tried to do those things, they noticed the places were already occupied by their friends. Before they could continue running, though, Princess Celestia caught up with them.
“Oh, look! FOUR of you. I wondered where those two had gotten off to.”
Realising they’d been rumbled, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie stepped out from their hiding places.
“P-Princess! Please… go easy on us.” begged Rarity.
“Ha. No.” said Celestia. “I’m so glad I had Twilight install that torture room. This will be fun.”
“What?!” cried Twilight. “You told me that was going to be a happy safe fun room! The safest, most happy and fun room of them all!”
“Oh, it is. IT TOTALLY IS.”
As she finished the sentence, a group of guards appeared and began dragging the ponies towards the happy safe fun torture room. Princess Celestia followed, whistling a creepily cheerful tune. When they got there, they looked around the room in horror at all the nasty devices it contained. The purpose of each device was not clear, but they still looked awful. As the guards chained them to the windowless walls, Celestia picked up what looked like a screwdriver, and began rolling it back and forth between her hooves. The guards departed, and Celestia approached Twilight Sparkle.
She pressed her face against Twilight’s, and the most sadistic smile any of them had ever seen spread across her face as Twilight trembled. “Don’t worry, Twilight. The pain will be shared between all of you. You’ll be able to rest while I’m busy with the other three.”
Just then, Celestia’s look of evil ecstasy switched to a look of panic.
She dropped her screwdriver-esque device. “…THE YELLOW ONE!”
Princess Celestia darted out of the room and back to the cockpit. Fluttershy was sitting in the driver’s seat, next to two guards whose necks had been broken. Out of the window were clear sights of Ponyville’s landmarks.
“You… you turned it around…”
Fluttershy, upon hearing Celestia’s voice, jumped and looked behind her. The deranged pony princess charged at Fluttershy. Both of them screamed (one scared, one angry) as Celestia rammed into the seat. Her horn smashed into the control panel, missing Fluttershy by mere centimetres.
“AGH!” cried Celestia, as she got electrocuted. As she yanked her horn out, the system malfunctioned big time, and everything went quiet.
The engine had stopped.
Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Then Celestia screamed “NO! MY AWESOME ROBOT!” as the Celesti-matic-a-tron 5000 began falling towards the ground. The sudden angle change threw them off balance and they tumbled about the place helplessly. The robot hurtled towards Sweet Apple Acres pretty darn fast. And then it crashed.
After an ambiguous amount of time, Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes. In front of her were Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, and Big Macintosh with a pair of metal-breaky scissors. Her chains had already been cut, so she went to stand with the others, as Big Macintosh broke Rainbow Dash free.
“Hey, what happened?” asked Twilight. “Why’d my robot fall? I was sure I’d got all the calculations right.”
“Princess Celestia broke it.” replied Fluttershy.
“Oh. Good. I was worried I did something wrong. And hey! The crash landing worked out fine too! That WAS the safest room of them all. You know, I could totally make a living from engineering.”
Rarity burst into tears. The others started too. Even Big Macintosh.
“Uh… what’s wrong? We’re all OK, aren’t we?” said Twilight, using her social skills to notice something was up.
Granny Smith and Apple Bloom approached her. They were crying too. Granny Smith shook her head solemnly at Twilight.
“…where’s Applejack?”
Everypony cried louder.
Then a light bulb spawned over Twilight’s head. “Oh… the robot landed on her, didn’t it?”
Granny Smith nodded, so Twilight joined in the cry-fest. Then she stopped, as she remembered about Celestia.
“What happened to the Princess?!”
Fluttershy stopped crying too, because talking and crying at the same time is really hard. “She flew out of the window before it crashed. So did I.”
“Ah. Well, now that everything is somewhat concluded, what does everypony say to going bowling?”
“YES!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia was sitting in her throne, attempting to solve a jigsaw. A guard entered.
“Your awesomeness, do you have another plan?”
“No…” she replied humourlessly. “I’m done with evil plans.”
“Forever?”
“No. Of course not. Just for now.”
She stared at her puzzle, as if it was going to solve itself. Then she sighed, and smacked it away, causing pieces to scatter around the floor.
“Screw this thing. And speaking of screwing, I have a job for you.”

END OF CHAPTER 10

Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Twilight Sparkle returned to her magic studies. She never did become a full-time engineer. Spike didn’t do anything new either. They’re kinda boring.
Rarity got over the death of her ‘boyfriend’ shortly after the crash. She just forgot about him, and made multiple trips to Fancy Pants’ house after he acquired more tea.
Pinkie Pie won several bowling tournaments, and although she never got the rematch with Dr Madbrain, she beat plenty of other bowling scientists.
Rainbow Dash, having no home to live in, moved in with Pinkie Pie. They subsequently got married.
Fluttershy gathered all of the magic, sparkly eggs, and turned them back into magic, sparkly dragons. She looked after them as if they were more pets or something.
Applejack died, so her family was forced to sell Apple Bloom to make money.
Princess Celestia continued to rule Equestria. Contact with Twilight Sparkle remained, because Twilight’s a suck-up and Celestia loves it when ponies suck up to her.
Luna was oblivious to the giant robot events, because she was too busy being great at games.
Scootaloo kept looking for Sweetie Belle. She was never informed of her fate in the incinerator, because no-one ever tells kids anything.