Author's Note
This is another of my "Sun Eater" continuity stories, focusing on an individual member of that universe's mane 6. It is essentially a study in grief, and how friends help friends through it. As such, it's not an easy or pleasant read. The language gets a little harsh, and some less-than-optimum coping methods are utilized. (Read: booze.) All the same, I feel that this is one of the most solid pieces from this series, so far. You will not have to have read "The Sun Eater" to understand this piece, and if you have your "mature" filter active, that story will not be available to you, for reasons of graphic violence. While there is no graphic violence depicted in this piece, the reader should still be aware that it is an alternate universe, and several shades darker than Lauren Faust's Equestria.
Thanks for reading,
Mannulus
Let the Wind Lie Still
Let the Wind Lie Still
It had been a good day for Fluttershy. She had managed to place three cats in good homes – and a chinchilla, curiously enough. She'd also gotten most of her housekeeping and shopping done with daylight left to spare. The last thing she had done was swing by Sweet Apple Acres on her way home and asked Applejack to bring by a bushel barrel of apples for animal treats. The sun was only now beginning to sink low, and she was just returning home with her load of groceries.
To her surprise, Rainbow Dash was waiting outside her front door, perched somewhat precariously on a fencepost, staring off into space. She didn't even notice Fluttershy's approach.
“Rainbow Dash, how are you?”
Surprised at Fluttershy's voice, the blue pegasus lost her balance, and almost tumbled off the fencepost. She flitted her wings momentarily, and righted herself.
“Oh, hey! Uh, I'm fine.” Rainbow Dash's words were uneven and distant. Her face looked anxious, and her eyes wandered as she spoke.
“Did you want something?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well, not exactly.” Rainbow Dash's voice shook slightly. “Can I come in?”
“Well, sure. I just got back from the market.” She opened the door, and stepped inside, followed closely by Rainbow Dash, who shut the door behind them. “You seem a little nervous. Is something wrong?”
“Well, that's what I'm here about, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash gnawed at her lower lip for a moment, then looked around the room. “This might... take a little while. Go ahead and put away your groceries. I'll wait.”
“What happened? Is everything alright?” Fluttershy asked, trotting into her kitchen, and removing her saddlebags.
“I'll get to it in a minute,” said Rainbow Dash. “I need to run to the bathroom.”
Fluttershy put away her groceries in silence, a sense of apprehension hanging heavy over her mind. Rainbow Dash was not acting like herself.
“I hope nothing's wrong,” she thought. “I haven't seen her this nervous since the Best Young Flyer Competition.”
Angel came and tugged at Fluttershy's mane. She looked down, and smiled at the little rabbit. Then, she dug through a cabinet, and produced a paper bag of dried, glazed fruit that she often fed Angel as a treat. She dug out a banana slice, and gave it to the bunny, who immediately began to nibble at it happily. She couldn't help but smile. Watching the white rabbit eat always calmed her mind and heart.
She heard Rainbow Dash's hooves on the floorboards of the living room, and moved towards the sound. As she entered the room, she noticed that Rainbow Dash looked downright ill.
“You didn't get sick, did you?” she asked.
“No,” replied Rainbow Dash, shaking her head. "I mean, yeah, a little, but..."
Her head dropped, and Fluttershy noticed it shaking slightly as the pegasus almost whispered the words, "I don't want to do this.”
“Do what?” asked Fluttershy. “What's wrong? I didn't upset you somehow, or something, did I?”
“No, I'm not upset with you Fluttershy. You didn't do anything wrong. Could you sit down, please?”
Fluttershy's eyes widened as she seated herself on the couch, her heart racing slightly as she stared into Rainbow Dash's face.
“Rainbow Dash, you're scaring me,” she said quickly. “Is everything alright?”
“Well, Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash ground her teeth together, and sucked in a breath through her nose. She was standing directly in front of Fluttershy, but she would not lock eyes with her, even though Fluttershy's gaze was rock-steady upon her.
“No,” she finally said. “Everything's not alright. I got a telegram from Weather Manufacturing Services in Cloudsdale, earlier today. They thought I'd be able to find you.” She paused. “And they thought it would be better if you heard from somepony you knew.”
“Heard what?” Fluttershy's voice trembled as she spoke. Her heart felt like it had melted and was slowly draining into her stomach. Her whole family worked in various Weather Manufacturing facilities in Cloudsdale. Whatever this was about, it could not be good.
“There was an accident at the main wind control station. They're still investigating, but it looks like somepony overcharged a primary control compressor.”
“So something happened to Windy, then?” At least Fluttershy knew who was involved, now. Fluttershy's sister, Windy, was head of barometrics at the wind control station.
“Yeah...” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, and shut her eyes. After a couple of seconds, she opened them, again.
“She's dead, Fluttershy,” she blurted out. “Windy's dead.”
Fluttershy's eyes glazed over, and she looked out a window in the direction of Cloudsdale. The sense that her heart was trickling down into her bowels was replaced by the sense that it had hit a brick wall. She felt absolutely nothing throughout her entire being.
“How?” she heard herself ask, which seemed strange to her, since she hadn't even been conscious of the decision to ask the question.
Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head with a hoof. There was a look of deep relief slowly creeping over her face, but it slipped through a moment's shame, and then was quickly replaced with pity. She spoke softly.
“Well, they're still investigating the particulars, but they think somepony left an air compressor running unattended; one of the big ones, you know?”
Fluttershy nodded silently. She had visited Windy at work occasionally before she had moved to Ponyville. The “big ones” that Rainbow Dash was talking about were the primary air compressors that were used to manipulate barometric pressure and major air currents for the entire region. They were each the size of a small house, and the noises they made when charging to full compression had always terrified Fluttershy.
“Nopony noticed the compressor's tank was overcharged, and its safety valve didn't open, for some reason. It exploded. She just happened to be standing too near it.”
Fluttershy sank down into the couch. She didn't even cry; that would come later. Right now, she was too shocked
“Were there any other injuries?” Fluttershy asked, though at that moment she wasn't even sure she really cared.
“A few, but no other...” Rainbow Dash poked at the inside of her lower lip with her tongue for a moment, then found the courage to finish her sentence. “There were no other fatalities.” She finally managed to look at Fluttershy's face. “It was just really bad luck.”
Rainbow Dash shifted her weight nervously in the silence that pervaded the room. “Are you gonna be okay?” she finally asked.
“I don't know,” said Fluttershy. She was so numb to the world that she wasn't even certain of reality. She wanted desperately to believe that what Rainbow Dash was saying wasn't true; to wake up, and find that this had been a dream. As overwhelming as this desire was, however, it could not stand in the face of her friend's pity. As Rainbow Dash sat down beside her, and wrapped her in a wing and a foreleg, Fluttershy felt the warmth of her body, and knew that this was real. It was happening, -- had already happened -- and she couldn't stop it. Windy was dead.
“I got Flitter to cover my work for the rest of the day," she heard Rainbow Dash say, but the sound seemed to come from another world. "I can stay, if you want.”
Fluttershy nodded slightly, but didn't speak. Her mind was invaded by memories of her sister. There were the laughs they'd shared, the fights they'd had, the day that Windy had gotten her cutie mark, and how much Fluttershy had wanted one like her big sister's.
Most of all, though, there was her face. It was the pale green-gray of a summer fog, sharp-eyed, always alert, and it was surrounded by a mane that was like pale jade. Only her eyes had been dark in color; dark, dark green, like the Everfree Forest in the waning light of day.
And they were shut. They were in a vault at the Cloudsdale Hospital Morgue, Fluttershy thought, and they were shut.
“Forever,” whispered Fluttershy, and at last, she began to cry.
It was not graceful. It was a jagged, bitter mix of wails and sobs; the embodiment of perfect despair. This was the kind of pain for which there was no relief; the unique, poignant pain of that which was irreversible, manifest and given life in the pegasus' voice and body. Normally, when Fluttershy was sad, afraid, or otherwise wounded in spirit, the animals would gather around her and attempt to cheer her up, but not even Angel would approach from his tiny bed across the room. He merely hid beneath a pillow and cowered in the face of Fluttershy's terrifying grief.
* * *
Over an hour later, Rainbow Dash still sat by her friend and held her. Fluttershy had calmed, but she still shook and sniffled. She had wiped her nose so many times on her fetlock that the fur there was wet and slick with mucus. It rested on Rainbow Dash's knee, but she simply ignored it.
She hadn't spoken a word to Fluttershy since she had first cut free her woe. In truth, she had no words of comfort to offer. The accident report attached to the telegram had given more details than she had told, and she silently thanked Celestia both that she had forgotten to bring it with her, and that Fluttershy had not asked whether her sister had suffered.
If Fluttershy did ask, she still wasn't sure she would have the courage to tell her what little she knew.
What am I supposed to do? Lie to my friend about her dead sister? thought Rainbow Dash. That'd be a hell of a way to puss out.
“When's the funeral?” hiccuped Fluttershy. They were her first intelligible words since her breakdown.
It had been so long since Fluttershy had done anything but weep that it took Rainbow Dash a moment to orient herself to the question. FInally, she spoke, being careful to speak softly, and rubbing Fluttershy's shoulder. “It said your brother-in-law had been notified. He should be the one making arrangements. He has your address, right?”
“Yes,” the grief-stricken pegasus said quietly.
“He'll probably send you a telegram, then,” said Rainbow Dash.
“What about their daughter?” mumbled Fluttershy, and it seemed like she would break down again. Remarkably, she held together.
I guess she's just out of tears, thought Rainbow Dash.May as well tell her now.
“I accidentally left the telegram at home, but I'll bring it to you tomorrow so you can read all of it. Do you... Do you want to know the rest?”
Fluttershy slowly shook her head, mouthing the word "No." Rainbow Dash sighed in relief.
Thank you, merciful gods, she thought.
Just then, there came a knock at the door.
“I'll answer it,” said Rainbow Dash. “You go wash your face.”
Fluttershy rose, sniffled once, and walked towards her kitchen.
Rainbow Dash stepped to the door, and opened it. There stood Applejack. A cart sat behind her on the path, loaded with a single barrel of apples.
“Howdy, Rainbow Dash,” said Applejack pleasantly. “What are you doing here?”
Rainbow Dash checked over her shoulder, and then turned back to face the orange pony.
“Fluttershy's sister was killed in an accident at the wind control station,” she whispered. “Weather Manufacturing gave me the job of telling her. Can you believe that?”
Applejack shut her eyes, and dropped her head. She stomped once in frustration, and then raised her head. “That's some real bullshit,” she whispered. “Still, if I had my druthers, better you tell her than some stranger from the telegram service.” She paused. “Or Celestia forbid she'd of just read the damned thing with nopony here, at all.”
“Yeah, I know,” replied Rainbow Dash. “I guess I just wish... Ah, to hell with me. I'm just being a little bitch. I've already done the hard part.”
“No, don't kick yourself. Ain't no job I'd want none of, neither." Applejack whispered, “Musta really sucked, but it sucks a hell of a lot more for Fluttershy. Where is she?”
“She's in the kitchen.”
Applejack squeezed past Rainbow Dash and moved towards the kitchen.
“Oh, no you don't, sugar cube,” said Applejack softly, as she reached the kitchen door.
For a moment, Rainbow Dash was worried Fluttershy had been caught in some act of attempted self-destruction, but she quickly realized that there hadn't been nearly so severe a level of urgency in Applejack's voice.
“Leastways, not without me, you don't,” said Applejack, stepping into the kitchen.
Following behind Applejack, Rainbow Dash immediately understood the true nature of the situation. There was a bottle of rum open on the counter. It was open, and a shot glass sat beside it, its inner circumference glistening with a ring of tiny runnels from where it had already been filled and emptied.
Rainbow Dash walked over and gave Fluttershy a neck hug.
“That's probably not the best thing for you right now, Fluttershy.”
There was silence for a few moments.
“I already took two shots,” Fluttershy finally said, her neck still wrapped up with that of the blue pegasus. In spite – or perhaps because -- of her grief, she allowed herself a single, bitter laugh. It metamorphosed into a quiet sob, and Rainbow Dash reached up and lay and foreleg around Fluttershy's neck, opposite the side she had already embraced with her own.
Applejack poured herself a shot, and turned it up.
“Looks like I better catch up.”
* * *
Later that night, the three ponies sat huddled around Fluttershy's fireplace. The warm, coruscating glow of a low blaze provided the only light in the room, and kept the late autumn chill at bay. Applejack had commandeered the bottle, and in so doing had kept Fluttershy from drinking herself into a stupor.
“Looks like the rum's about gone,” said Applejack.
“Good,” said Rainbow Dash.
“To be honest, Fluttershy, I wouldn't have taken you for the kind to keep the stuff around.” Applejack admired the mostly-empty bottle as she spoke.
“I keep a bottle for emergencies,” said Fluttershy. “This counts.” Her words were dejected and even quieter than usual.
Applejack cursed under her breath. Between Rainbow Dash, herself, and the small portion of the rum that she had allowed Fluttershy to drink, they had managed to mostly stabilize the yellow pegasus' emotions, but every little thing seemed to remind her of the situation. Applejack knew as well as anypony that there was little to be done for that, but it still irritated her that she couldn't pick her friend up out of her grief.
Hell, took me long enough to drag my own orange ass up that hill, she thought.
“Well, she don't need to have no more of this stuff, neither way,” Applejack muttered aloud.
“Hmm?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.
“Nothing,” said Applejack. “You wanna finish the bottle?”
“Applejack, I don't drink, except during Cider Season -- and that's just because I like cider. You know that.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, that's you, ain't it?” Applejack smiled. “Nothing that could slow you down.” She turned the bottle to her lips.
“Well one of us has to be the sober one,” said Rainbow Dash. "Gods, if everypony knew how dysfunctional we all are, they'd take the elements away from us."
“You know, Windy didn't drink, either,” said Fluttershy. “You two were alike, in some ways, Rainbow. I don't guess you ever met her, did you?”
Rainbow Dash looked into the fire that danced in front of the three ponies.
“No, there was one time. She came to see you home from flight camp, and I talked to her for a few minutes. I remember she was really nice." She thought for a moment. "She was pretty, too. Like, beautiful, even.”
“Yeah,” said Fluttershy. “She was always the pretty, outgoing one. Everypony acts like I'm something really special to look at here in Ponyville, but in Cloudsdale, she was the one that got all the attention. The funny thing is that I never resented her for that. I liked the fact that it kept all that attention off of me. I guess I never wanted to be in the spotlight, even as a filly.”
“That doesn't really surprise me,” said Applejack. “Sounds like your sister was something special, though.”
“She was,” said Fluttershy, smiling slightly. “Always the straight-laced type, though. She always said I was too loose with stallions; that I should have more respect for myself. If she knew I was sitting around half drunk crying over her, she'd kill...” Fluttershy's voice trailed off at the word “kill.” She mouthed the word “me,” but didn't speak it.
Applejack drained the last of the bottle, and put it down.
“Well, I don't know if she knows or not, Fluttershy, but if she does, I don't reckon she's too terrible upset with you for hurtin' that she's gone.”
“I don't know, Applejack,” said Fluttershy. “She was always telling me to keep my chin up. I never once saw her cry. She was really tough. That was one of those ways she reminded me of you, Rainbow Dash.”
“Oh, do tell,” said Rainbow Dash, playfully, and to the surprise of all three ponies, Fluttershy laughed a little.
“Well... Oh! There was this one time when she was still on the Cloudsdale weather patrol. She would have been about the same age you are now, Rainbow. Somepony misjudged the wingpower on a tornado they were building. The team lost control of it, and it went wild. Most of them got thrown out of it, but there was one pony who was stuck inside it. It wasn't headed towards a populated area, though, so Windy's supervisor said to just let it spin out. She said it was too dangerous to go in after anypony.'
“Well, Windy told her to... ahem... go fuck herself, and she dove right in. Somehow, she managed to get that one last pony out of there.” Fluttershy paused for a moment. “He was so grateful, he married her.”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash both burst out laughing, and before long, Fluttershy was laughing, too. After a minute, their mirth settled, and Rainbow Dash spoke.
“I'm not too much like her, then,” she said. “I don't know if I would have the balls to dive into an out-of-control twister. I've been in a couple of those, before. Barely got out alive, both times. It's not fun, at all.”
“I think you'd surprise yourself, if it came to that,” said Fluttershy, smiling slightly.
“That was the funny thing about her, though. If you'd think nopony would dare fly in it, that's where she felt most at home. She used to say that the mistake most pegasi made was in trying to control the wind. She said you could never really control a thing like that; you had to let yourself be a part of it.” Fluttershy rolled her head to the side, and wiped her puffy, reddened eyes. She looked like she was in deep thought.
“Her cutie mark was a pair of tornadoes twisted into the shape of a heart. I only just now really understand what that meant.”
Applejack could only sit and marvel wordlessly at Fluttershy's description. She couldn't begin to imagine what it was like to fly or to be a "part" of the wind. She had spent her whole life learning to be a part of the earth; to sense its moods and understand its cycles and flow. The sky was a world that she could see, and she well understood that it was inextricably linked with the mud, the soil, the plants, the trees, and everything the earth brought forth. Somehow, though, that great, blue expanse would always remain somewhere just beyond her ken.
“When the wind is a part of you,” Fluttershy continued, “and you're a part of it, you don't have to control it because you both want the same thing.” Fluttershy sighed, then looked at Rainbow Dash. “That's what she always said, anyway. Seeing her fly, I believed it. It was like watching you, but less precise, like her mind and body were separated, somehow.'
“When I see you fly, it seems like every motion is balanced on a razor's edge; like you're calculating every movement to be perfect. It's elegant and sublime, like one of Rarity's dresses, or something. With Windy though, it was all loose and fluid and wild. The intensity was the same, but it was a different feeling.”
“Wish I could have seen her fly,” said Rainbow Dash. “Sounds like she was pretty bad ass.”
Fluttershy's eyes hardened, reflecting the ethereal waltz of the flames. “That's what pisses me off,” she whispered through gritted teeth. “I mean, an air compressor? Seriously? I thought she was invincible.” She twirled a lock of her mane around her hoof, her face painted with thoughtful but intense melancholy.
“I wonder how Mom and Dad will take it?” she asked, seemingly of the blaze that crackled in the hearth.
“However they have to,” said Rainbow Dash. “We're more concerned that you can take it.”
“I think I can,” said Fluttershy. “I'm just dreading the funeral. I don't want to see her face, and know it's the last time. I don't want to have to say goodbye.” Fluttershy's voice cracked as she finished her sentence, and she paused for a moment. “I don't know; you said it was an explosion. It may be... closed casket.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, it shouldn't be. At least I don't think so, from what I read.”
Fluttershy looked down at the floor. “What... What did you read?”
Applejack tensed throughout her body, worried that whatever Rainbow Dash was about to say might trigger Fluttershy to break down again, as she had several times over the last few hours.
Rainbow Dash sighed, sucked air through her teeth, and thought for a moment before she spoke.
“Well, they sent a copy of the accident report with the telegram. The explosion itself wasn't what got her. She was... struck... by a piece of flying debris, like a safety railing or something.” Rainbow Dash swallowed, and cleared her throat. “She was... pinned to the wall. That's why they couldn't get her to the hospital in time. It said they were 'unable to extract the foreign body.'”
Fluttershy winced, and hung her head.
“So, it wasn't quick, then?”
“The report didn't say,” said Rainbow Dash. “Maybe she was knocked unconscious. I don't know. You'll have to ask somepony who was there.”
After several seconds, Fluttershy looked up. “That's okay, Rainbow Dash,” she said, wearily. “It's over now, whatever happened.”
Applejack felt the tension flow out of her body as she realized that Fluttershy had at last regained her composure. She would be checking up on her regularly for the next few weeks, whether the pegasus liked it, or not. For the moment, though, it seemed for the first time since she'd arrived at the door that her friend really would be okay.
“They're shutting down all non-essential compressors at the control station until they've checked the rest of the safety valves,” said Rainbow Dash. “They're gonna look into the accident a little more closely. I'll have them send any more information they find directly to you.”
“With the compressors out of sorts, I reckon there's gonna be a few still days, then?” asked Applejack.
“A few,” said Rainbow Dash. “We're a little ahead on rainfall for the month, but I can push a few clouds over to the fields, if you need 'em.”
“Nah; we just harvested. Let the wind lie still awhile. Won't hurt nothin.'”
“Yeah,” Fluttershy said softly, staring into the fire. “Just let the wind lie still.”
finem
