Celestia and Cthulu do 'Things'

by Jet Howitzer

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex
Length: 3406

What do you think it's about?!

Original Title, changed due to moderation: Celestia Calls Upon Cthulhu by Chanting a Passage from the Necronomicon and Continues to Fuck His Brains Out
Was the title not specific enough? (To my regular fans: I'm sorry. But it was funny!)
Oh, and Morgrad is best character. That fucker steals the show.
Listen to this. It's what I played while writing it.
Anyway, this is a piece of shit I wrote for fun. Don't take it seriously, since it was written purely in jest. A 'sequel' of sorts to the story Cthulu is a Pretty Cool Guy, by DarkWing

Published 2012-11-05 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-05 04:50:01 UTC

Chapter Marklar: Marklar fucks Marklar

Chapter Marklar: Marklar fucks Marklar

(This is a work of pure fiction, dredged from the depths of my mind at the request of DarkWing. It’s not my fault, I swear.)

The ancient and musty tome rested on the pedestal before the white alicorn, her horn glowing subtly. Her voice echoed through the large chamber, her sibilant noises seeming to seep into the very fabric of reality. Each page that was turned revealed yet more archaic runes.

“Hey, Celestia. You do know who this will summon, don’t you?”

Celestia continued her chanting, ignoring the talkative book’s comments on what she was doing. Of course she knew who this would summon. That was the whole point. With a resounding crack of energy, the magic of her horn was released, the magic seeming to dissipate throughout the room. Celestia knew far better than any other being alive, save for a select few, what she had just done.

“Aw shit, you’ve done it now, wench. And, by the way, you misspoke the third quarter of the fortieth word of the eighth passage. I corrected it for you, so you know.”

“Silence, Necronomicon. I have no more use of you.” A quick spell sent the tome back to its rightful place in Celestia’s personal vault, where nopony could ever hope to find it. She’d learned her lesson well enough when it came to her little ponies and the power presented by that seemingly innocent tome. Now she just had to play the waiting game. Unlike last time, she didn’t want the ponies of her domain to know who was coming, so she modified the summoning just a bit. Rather than have Cthulu walk through most of the castle, he’d appear just outside the door.

Sure enough, a tentative knocking sounded just moments later, signaling the arrival of the entity in question. Dropping her voice into the most seductive one she could muster, the princess called out to the waiting diety. “The door is open, darling. Come in, and see if you can drive me mad.” Unexpectedly, the tentacled entity took its time entering, hardly even registering what he was doing. Something seemed a bit off about what he was doing, and so the goddess raised an eyebrow.

“Celestia, I’m really sorry, but you caught me at a bad time.” He was still fumbling with the door as he spoke, his attention clearly elsewhere. “I really do enjoy your company, please don’t think I don’t, it’s just that… well… we only just spoke a couple of weeks ago. And… Well… Let’s just say that I need my ‘alone’ time.” The princess raised an eyebrow, and slowly, she caught what the god was saying.

“Oh. You mean… Right now? Here?”

“Well, I was in my chambers. But now I’m here, and I CAN’T GET IT DOWN!” The princess couldn’t keep the smile from her face, and soon it turned into a chuckle, that then grew into outright laughter. “Oh, sure! Just laugh at poor ol’ Cthulu. It’s not like he has feelings! It’s not like he’s trying to make nice with the world!”

“Please, Cthulu, listen to me.” She took a moment longer to control her laughter before she continued. “I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you.”

“But I’m not laughing.”

“Alright, yes. I am laughing at you, but also at myself. See, I was calling you here to take care of a need that I have that you’re trying to hide right now.” Cthulu slowly turned his head towards Celestia, still keeping his body pointed away. “There’s no need to hide, Cthulu. I’m not exactly ‘unfamiliar’ with male anatomy.”

“Yeah, but you’re... watching me, and stuff. It’s not quite the same when someone’s watching.” The embarrassment the god was showing brought a smile to the goddess’s face, and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing once again.

“Please, Cthulu, there’s no need to hide. I’m certain that what you have is sufficient for what I require. And besides, you’re certainly not my first lover. Although you have potential to get onto my ‘interesting’ list.” The princess licked her lips before she began advancing on the blushing god. “All those tentacles, and you have such... control over them. My, what times we could have.”

“Well, I do have quite a bit of control over...” The god started, before he fully realized just what the goddess was implying. “Please! Celestia, they aren’t supposed to be used like that! They aren’t... Well... Ya’know. They aren’t sex organs.”

“Darling, you’re a god. Your body is nothing more than a physical representation of your entity in this plane of existence. It takes on whatever form you would wish it to take. I could be a tree if I wanted. Or, if I was feeling like taking a walk on the wild side, I could be a stallion again.”

“Again?”

“Rebellious youth. And Luna and I wanted to try an experiment.” This time it was the princess who was blushing.

“Only you, Tia. Only you.”

“It was Luna’s idea. And, frankly, she enjoyed it far more than I did. Still, we only do it once a decade. It doesn’t count when it’s only once every ten years.” The princess wasn’t kidding. It was a small subscript written within the laws. If committed only once in a ten year period it didn’t count as incest, and therefore, couldn’t be punished. A loophole that most noblestallions ignored. Mostly because Celestia made it a habit to veto any change to it ever suggested. “Anyway, you can change your form at will. So, on that note, I suggest you do, before I lose my patience. You won’t like me when I lose my patience.”

The god sighed as he realized that the goddess was right. He could just change his form at will. He didn’t like to do that, though, since he often spent quite a bit of time to perfect the way he looked. He didn’t dislike the thought of having all those tentacles waving about with phallic connotations, but when they were near his face it seemed like a less than favorable situation. Something about having all those tentacle dicks near his face seemed wrong.

The change was nearly imperceptible from the exterior, but on the inside Cthulu’s organs were working miracles that defied all known sciences. And even some that have yet to be founded. Like quantum thermo-chemistry. Quantum thermo-chemistry has no answer for what Cthulu did. Quantum thermo-chemistry doesn’t even have anything to do with biology, so I suppose that’s not the best argument I could make. Perhaps theological biology would be a better field.

By the time all was said and done, Cthulu looked no different, and Celestia was growing impatient. “Morgrad, come in here. Bring ‘The Platter’.” Cthulu, by this point, had turned around, his once raging erection having vanished, a pair of pants having appeared to cover up the once proud tool. The sound of gentle impacts on the stone floor echoed throughout the silent room, both heads turning to look at the mudcrab that was slowly approaching the pair, a silver platter balanced precariously atop it’s rocky back. And, atop that platter, was a small foil wrapper, with a small piece of cardboard propped up in front of it.

“Oy, Celestia! When the hell am I gettin’ at that wench you promised me? I’ve sold more condoms than any other living being in existence, and still no action for Morgrad the mudcrab. What gives?” Without missing a beat, the crab turned to look at Cthulu, his attitude unchanging. “And you, freaky fish guy. Five bits fer a rubber. Ten and I can promise no holes. Twenty and I can guarantee that it hasn’t been used before. Fifty and you get a brand new one, not a repackaged one. Since I take em out and add my own lube to em. Makes em better. Sometimes.”

“I’ll pass. I can just make myself temporarily sterile.”

“Whatever, douche. Wench, this still counts. If you entertain guests that can make themselves sterile at will, why the hell do you always make me do this whole charade? I mean, that dragon prick, Eidar, he didn’t need me. Khorne sure as hell didn’t need me. And Tzeentch? That cock monkey just laughed at me. And he didn’t even say why...” The crab fell silent for a moment, before he turned, and began slowly making his way out of the room.

The grumblings of the crab were enough to force the two deities into silence as he cralwed out of the room. The tray fell off his back just as he was entering the small hole that acted as his passage into the room. “Fuck!” Several agonizing minutes later, and Celestia had long since given up on taking advantage of her earlier horniness. All of her energy had been depleted watching the crab try to get the tray through the hole.

Cthulu, on the other hand, was still offering advice.

“Try tilting it at an angle. No, see, rotate it thirty degrees clockwise. No, the other way. That’s not... no, see... Come on. No, the other way! That’s not even a direction something can be rotated!”

The crab was doing his best, responding to each piece of advice.

“What angle!? Which way is clockwise? I can’t even read a clock! Dipshit, just say which way to rotate it! Is this good? I’m trying! What other way? Fuck it, time to flip through the fourth dimension!”

This carried on for five more minutes before Celestia just used her magic to teleport both the crab, and the platter, into a different room in the castle. The fact that the room happened to be the kitchen was not lost on the crab. Still, Celestia knew better than to expect that would be the end of Morgrad for today. He had a nasty habit of ruining things he was near.

“So... Celestia. Are you still interested?”

“Not as much as before, but yes.” Neither entity could meet the other’s eyes, and so began the most awkward thirty seconds of Cthulu’s life. Sure, there had been more awkward moments in his life, but this is the most awkward one that lasted exactly thirty seconds. He knew it was exactly that long since he was a god. When he was bored it was annoying as hell to know the exact passage of time. Moments like this, though, helped to ease the monotony of infinity.

“Do you want to start, or should I?”

“How about we just jump back a bit, and pretend like none of this happened. I’ll pretend like I just summoned you, and you appeared before me, ready to ravage me.”

“I... Um.... Okay. I’ll just go to the middle of the room, then. And cover my eyes, so that I can’t see you, and I’ll be genuinely surprised to see where you are, and what you’re doing.” The goddess nodded, before trotting off to the podium that once held up the evil tome that she had used to summon Cthulu. The god made his way to the center of the room, and then he closed his eyes, and even covered them with his hands.

“Alright, Cthulu, open your eyes.” He did so, and the impressive regal form of Celestia was looking down on him from the podium, the commanding aura she was emanating was a bit arousing, if just a bit different. Cthulu had never really been... intimate before. Sure, he’d had his way with his share of wenches, but this was different. This was... consensual.

“Cthulu, I, Celestia, Princess of Equestria, and Goddess of the Sun, have brought you forth from the depths of the sea. By this merit, I do command thee to enter into my service.”

Cthulu raised an eyebrow before he responded. “On what terms does my service conclude?”

“When I am satisfied both physically and mentally.”

“So be it. The compact is sealed in words of the ancient tongue, unutterable by mortal lips.”

A schoolgirl like giggle escaped the princess before she dropped her voice into the same sultry tone that she had used earlier. “Now then, my tentacled servant, I want you to ravage me. I want you to see if you have what it takes to drive me mad.” Cthulu couldn’t keep the grin from his face, and so he grinned. Then he took a step closer to the mare, and she took several steps back, her eyes twinkling.

With each step Cthulu took, a tentacle emerged from his back, arching up and over his shoulders, their tips already dripping with a thick lubricant. By the time he made it to the mare he had just under a dozen tentacles coming from his back. The mare tried to track them all, but with the intricate patterns they were weaving in the air the princess succeeded in nothing but making herself slightly dizzy.

The first few tentacles just brushed up against the mare, leaving thin trails of slime along her coat, leaving behind trails of shiny soaked fur. The mare shivered involuntarily at their contact, the warmth of the fluid leeching into her frame. Four tentacles quickly lashed around her hooves, immobilizing the mare, and hoisting her into the air. A pair of tentacles then wrapped around her outstretched wings, paralyzing them, and further arousing the struggling mare. This wasn’t quite how she imagined it, but hell if it wasn’t what she really wanted.

As the tentacles around her wings began to secrete some new fluid, a new pair of tentacles began probing the princess’s rear, their exploratory touches sending waves of pleasure through the goddess’s nervous system. She let out a soft moan, and in that moment a tentacle that she hadn’t seen snaked its way into her mouth, the phallic instrument worming its way deep into her throat. The goddess didn’t fear suffocation, but it was still a slightly concerning penetration.

With oddly coordinated movements, the tentacle in her throat began to slide in and out, with each thrust meriting a probe from behind, the penetration she desired being denied. Had she been able to speak the princess would’ve been begging for it, but as it was she could just barely make an almost inaudible gurgling noise. On a particularly forceful thrust of the tentacle in her throat, the princess felt the penetration into her dripping sex. It felt better than any other partner she’d ever had before. It was thick, and flexible, adding to the sensation with the small pulses of blood through the tentacle. It’s wriggling within her snatch left her in a sad state, her body’s desire for more being cruelly ignored by the god who was unwittingly in complete control.

Each thrust of one tentacle was matched by the other, creating a twisted symphony of pleasure. The pinch of her ass being penetrated was lost in the haze of pleasure, and soon after she had two tentacles buried as far in as they could go, and a third moving deeper and deeper. Each second felt like an hour to the mare, and soon her once coherent thoughts were descending into mindless requests for even more pleasure.

Cthulu, unaware of this change in the princess, simply continued, his own body slowly succumbing to the lust building up within his body. Unbeknownst to him, his tentacles began exuding a lust increasing slime. Most beings would need to ingest, through various means, quite a bit of the fluid for it to have any effect. Sadly, for Celestia, she was deeply penetrated enough for this to take place within seconds, her body quickly absorbing this new, and delicious, fluid.

Her already lust addled mind was thrown into overdrive as the lust amplifying fluid reached her brain. Her first climax came soon after, her entire body seizing up as the magnified waves of pleasure echoed through her entire body, no nerve ending going unstimulated. As the wave moved through her body, she involuntarily clenched her body, slowing the onslaught of tentacle flesh. They kept going, though, merciless in their assault.

The tentacle in Celestia’s throat began pulling out, much to the dismay of the mare, but then she felt something far better reach up from her belly. A whorelike moan escaped the mare as the tentacle in her mouth pulled out, only to be replaced by the one emerging from within the depths of her body. It only thrusted a few times before it quickly pulled back down her throat, the previous tentacle quickly taking its rightful place back within the mare. Celestia’s second climax followed shortly after, her eyes rolling up into her head as fireworks exploded within her brain.

Cthulu, though all of this, was having quite a bit of difficulty containing himself, his inexperience in the field proving to be a weakness that not even god-hood could accommodate for. Still, he persevered, if only for the sake of the mare who had gone out of her way to request his services. A small clenching of muscles along the god’s back signaled that he was nearing his end, and so he accelerated his pace, looking on in fascination as the mare experienced a third orgasm, her entire frame growing rigid as the waves moved through her body.

Determined to reach his peak at the same moment as the mare, the god began slowing his pace, while subconsciously increasing the release of his lust increasing fluid. The muscular clenching along his spine grew more intense, and Cthulu knew that he didn’t have much longer before he’d reach the end of his endurance.

As he reached his peak, the mare did too, her body convulsing one last time, milking the god for all that his body could produce. The orgasm lasted for a full minute, Cthulu’s body forcing out more cum than he thought he’d produced in his entire life. Each tentacle contributed to the orgasm, splattering thick ropes all over the mare, leaving her white coat the same color, but turning her mane white as well. With his orgasm reached, the tentacles suddenly lost their strength, leaving the mare to drop to the floor in an undignified heap.

Several long minutes dragged by before the last of Cthulu’s tentacles receded into his body, each one having made a popping noise as they escaped the mare’s body. As the last tentacle entered his body, Cthulu finally allowed himself to fall over, his body drained of most of its fluids, and all of its stamina.

Both god and goddess fell asleep in the aftermath, waking hours later, refreshed, and happy.

“Cthulu... That was... Wow. Best. By far.”

The god simply blushed, looking away from the mare. “You were good too, princess.” The level of awkwardness in the room skyrocketed as Celestia finally became aware of what was all over her fur, and she couldn’t keep from giggling as she used her magic to clean her body. Cthulu didn’t know it, but Celestia hadn’t just magicked the cum away. She had put it into several bottles. Bottles she was saving for later.

“When I summoned you I was pretty sure that you’d be good. I didn’t expect you to be better than that changeling queen with a penis. I mean, she was good, but you? Sweet Me! You’re amazing!” The god blushed even more at this praise, and then he glanced at the sun through the only window in the room. The princess noted this, and she couldn’t keep the frown from her face. “Soon you’ll be heading back.”

“Yes, but sooner still if you release me from my binds.”

“Well, I’m not satisfied till we enjoy a last cup of tea together. What say you?” Cthulu just nodded, and within just a few minutes a pot of tea was ready for the duo, after they had moved to Celestia’s quarters, of course. No sense in drinking tea in that filthy room.

As Cthulu poured the tea for Celestia, he was stunned to see something fall out of the pot and into Celestia’s teacup. A bit of magic later, and Celestia found herself staring at a long rubber tube. It was sealed at one end, and there was a note written on the side.

I ALWAYS MAKE SURE THE CLIENT GETS THEIR CONDOM, WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR NOT!

Futa Chrysalis? Go ahead and suck my tentacles. That’s right. Suck. My. Tentacles.

(LOL WTF AM I DOING!?)