Hit to the head of the universe

by Lolsternater

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 3657

Basket balls are the key to universle travel.

Meet Todd, a simple boy going to high school, having fun with friends, and dreaming of places other then home. One day, he takes several hits to the head in a basketball game and comes home to find a talking pony. He's gone crazy.
WARNING: Has naughty adult pony words. Not for foals.
(The idea came to my head after I took a couple of knocks to the head from, you guessed it, basketballs. Except I didn't get knocked out. It still hurt though)
Thanks to Bookworm again for proof-reading!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-08 22:26:39 UTC

Crazy level: Wait, what?

Hit to the head of the universe

Written by LOLSTERDarkMoon

Crazy level: Wait, what?

Meet Todd, a simple boy living his life at high school while hanging with friends. His routine would consist of getting up in the morning, staring at the ceiling for half an hour, getting out of bed, getting dressed, and having something to eat before heading out the door.

Today was the same as always, wake up, stare, dressed, eat, walk out front door. His family was usually gone by the time he woke so he never had to talk much at home. School was in walking distance of Todd’s house and he took that fifteen minute walk as his everyday exercise, so he didn’t have to do more lately.

Having no one to talk to at home made getting out the house much quicker, and got him to school before everyone else. Todd would just sit outside of the first class he had that morning, and wait while checking out what his favourite people on YouTube have been up to. This wouldn’t last long before his friends started to show up. This first was almost always Arthur.

“Morning Tod,” He Arthur said, dumping his bad next to him. “Watching more YouTube I see.” Todd just gave a nod while keeping an eye on the video. “So, how is your brony fanfiction you’ve been going on about?”

As much as Tod hated to admit it, he loved to write, and somehow ended some sharing that same affection for a show about talking ponies. So with the idea there he wrote about whatever came to mind. Todd had tried to get his friends to read it but most weren’t bronies or had better things to do.

Todd paused the video and looked up. “Why do you even care?” Todd answered.  “You’re not a brony, so why do you want to know?”

Arthur gave the same smirk every morning Todd asked.

He also gave the same answer. “Oh you know, so I can go through it and mock you about all your horrible grammar and spelling!”

He chuckled to himself, always at the ever old conversation that happened every morning.

Todd just rolled his eyes and went back to the video. In the time it finished, most everyone else was there, and the teacher came as if on cue to open the classroom. The students pilled in and took random seats like it was every day. The notices were read out, and we were sent to our first real class. It being Monday, that was P.E.

Todd joined his close friend Eli as they made their way to the gym. “So, what do you think we are going to do today?” asked Todd. “Five bucks says its basketball again.”

He gave a smirk, hoping Eli would take the bait.

“Todd, it’s always basketball; and you don’t even have five dollars.” Eli said simply not even looking at Todd.

Todd tried again to seize the moment. “Well it’s that or you read my story. So which will it be?”

Eli rolled his eyes, trying to make sure Todd didn’t notice but failed.

“I will read it when I have the time. You know I don’t have internet at my mum’s.” said Eli.

“Yea, I know that. But you said you were at your dad’s this week. Come on, please?” Todd grabbed onto Eli’s arm and got down low. “You know you want to.”

He tried his best puppy dog eyes and sad face.

Eli sighed annoyingly. “That’s not cute or sad. It’s just ugly. Now piss off, you’re hurting my arm.”

Todd let go of Eli’s arm, but only for the sake of Eli’s already demising sanity thanks to Todd and ponies.

They arrived at the gym, sorting into the teams that were written on the whiteboard. Once everyone was ready, the gym teacher came out with a big full of basketballs.

The gym teacher was in his usually flat mood, not showing whether he cared or not, and dumped the bag in front of the class. “Right, grab a ball each and practice shooting hoops. I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

After a big rush for the ball sake, everyone split off towards a different hoop with three or more other people. Todd was with some guys he was friendly with in class, but quite friends yet. They spent a few minutes failing to get any balls into the hoop and instead spent a long time chasing the rolling ones.

Todd had failed to score yet again, but came close. The ball was bouncing around beneath the ever avoiding hoop, and since no one had yet to score, Todd figured it was safe to retrieve it.

Once he had the ball safely back under his control, he dribbled back to a good distance to shoot from. On the way back however, he was struck right on top of his head. Tod turned to see the basketball responsible fly through the air, and landed in the hoop, followed by cheering.

“Wow, it got in!” said a happy classmate. “Hey guys, I bet if we all hit Todd with the balls, those will go in too!”

Almost all my fellow friends and classmates looked towards him with an evil grin.

Todd did not approve. “I swear, if you assholes hit me with a single fucking-”

That was as far as he got before he was swarmed with about 24 different balls from everywhere.

None of the balls made it anywhere near the hoop, most of the class groaned with sadness. Eli, however, had yet to throw his. “Don’t worry guys; I’ll get it in no probs.”

Before Todd had a chance to complain, his vision was filled with orange, then blackness.

A few hours later, Todd came to in the nurse’s office; lay out on the bed. His head a torrent of pain and confusion, but that was always there so he was otherwise fine. The nurse came in from her coffee break and sat in her office chair. She was about forty and had been at this school for a long time. A myth was that she used to be so beautiful that students would beat each other up just to go see her.

Those myths were long gone however. Age was a merciless enemy against all young perverts. The nurse looked over at her computer screen and sighed.

“About time you woke kid, schools almost over in less than an hour. You can go home now, but don’t bother showing up tomorrow, your brain won’t need any more punishment for a while. Now get out of my office.”

So she wasn’t the nicest nurse in the world, she was still damn good at her job and that’s what kept her there. Todd picked up his things and left before she had a reason to kick him out. The day was still showing off its brightness outside, so Todd had no reason to head home in a hurry.

He wandered the streets for a good half hour, then got bored and turned for home. He arrived home and unlocked the door, just wanting to crash on his bed and surf the internet for the rest of the day. Todd raced up the stairs and opened his bedroom, eager to forget the world.

Once he walked in and had a good look around, he stopped. Something wasn’t right, it could be the clean washing he still hadn’t put away, but that was always there. Maybe his phone was beeping as usual; no, he had charged it this morning to solve that. Maybe it was that horse shaped heap of purple on his bed reading a book he had never seen. Yes, that sounded right.

Wait, he knew something about lavender heaps shaped like horses. Looking closer he saw he was correct, it had a horn. It also came with large purple feminine eyes, and a large forehead; and it was too small for a horse. It was a lavender, female, unicorn. Tod only knew of one of those, and it was called Twilight Sparkle.

Todd stared for a good ten minutes, not even blinking once in case she disappeared. There was Twilight Sparkle, sitting on his bed, reading. His mind was stuck on a broken record, playing the same message: ohfuckthereisTwilightSparkleinmyroomonmybedreadingwhyissheherehowdidshegetherewhatdon’tifuckingdosomethingohrightbecauseohfuckthereisTwilightSparkleinmyroomonmybedreadingwhyissheherehowdidshegetherewhatdon’tifuckingdosomethingohrightbecause.

Eventually Todd took control of his frazzled brain and took to action. He dropped his bag, which was starting to hurt his arm, and continued to stare. Another ten minutes later, he grew bored of the same message and set his brain to a new challenge. ‘Right, I might be crazy, but there is a pony in my room. I need to know whether I need help or not, so, what next? Umm, talk to her maybe? I guess that’s as good a start as any.’

He cleared his voice and tried to speak. “Hellomynameistodwhatareyoudoinginmyroom?” Todd slapped his mouth with his hands and looked back at the unicorn, expecting it to have some shocked or surprised expression. But she didn’t even move. Just kept reading her book and leaving a few notes here and there.

Once his heart had calmed, Todd tried again. “Hello? Can you hear me?” He crept closer, taking small steps. “Helllloooo! Is anybody theeerrrreee?”

His words seemed to go right through her as she made not a single notice of his presence.

Feeling somewhat sad that he was being ignored, Tod tried a more direct approach. He stepped forward bravely and did what only the mad would do. He stuck his hand in-between Twilight and a book, and started waving. He did this for a while, with no result. It seemed she couldn’t see him, or hear him; but could she feel him?

With not a lot of choices, he chooses a quick poke to the cheek to do the trick. He brought his hand up, finger at the ready, and pushed forward, his finger landing on her soft fur. This seemed to work as she quickly brought a hoof to her face, as Tod quickly withdrew his finger. Twilight took her eyes off the book and looked around.

Feeling that this was the big moment, Todd gave the biggest and friendliest smile he could. His efforts were in vain, however, as her gaze gone right through him. She shrugged and looked up.

“Oh my, is that the time?” she said looked shocked at Todd’s bare wall. “Well I better get some lunch.” And with that she left his bed, and walked through the wall. Todd returned to vegetable mode for a few seconds, staring intensely at the wall, and back to where Twilight just was.

After he recovered, he noted that her book was still lying on his bed. Checking back at the wall to make sure she didn’t randomly reappear, he jumped on his bed and flipped through the book to the beginning.

“Hmm, Twilight’s diary, this should be good.” Tod smiled to himself as he relaxed and turned the first page.

Crazy level: Dude, what did you smoke?

Hit to the head of the universe

Written by LOLSTERDarkMoon

Crazy level: Dude, what did you smoke?

The diary was filled with some strange shit, from confessions of feelings to a large number if names, to rewrites of letters to Princess Celestia. Todd found it to be quite interesting, and worth a laugh at all the rants Twilight had written about each pony from her first days.

There was even a selection of photos of a gentleman’s public showers. Todd had forgotten about the unicorn downstairs, well in her world anyway, who had nearly finished her lunch.

“So Twilight, when are you going to be done with this mind enhancement stuff?” asked an ever bored purple dragon, named Spike.

Twilight sighed, as she had explained this multiple times. “I’m done when I’m done, Spike. This is far beyond the average magic I usually work on, and the princess asked that I try it right away. I can’t just ignore a direct order, now can I?”

Spike groaned in response, clearly not happy with being stuck in doors all day.

Twilight felt bad for her trusty assistant, so she had an idea. “Why don’t you go and see what Pinkie is up to? She’s properly throwing another party or something. Why not go help her out?”

Spike was out the door before Twilight even finished the question. She smiled to herself and headed back up the stairs.

She entered her bedroom and sighed at the mess, books lying everywhere, scrolls and quills on every surface, in fact the only clean place was her bed. Twilight decided that a quick clean-up was in order. Some magic to her horn and everything seemed to be lifted off the ground and into the air.

This also meant zero gravity for Todd. The diary was fun enough, but you don’t let the opportunity to float around freely go past. While keeping a close hold on the book, Todd started to do flips and drastic turns. It was almost like swimming, even though air is nowhere the same as water, the air seemed to have the same thickness.

Twilight has always been in full control of her magic, never letting it get out of hand. So when her favourite diary starts going off on its own, she would no doubt panic. After cutting the magic supply off, everything fell back to earth, including an upside down Todd.

The diary did fall, but only a few feet before it floated back up again. Twilight knew she wasn’t doing this, but who was? Perhaps a closer inspection would find answers. She got down low and slowly stalked the book, getting closer as it waved around randomly.

Once close enough, Twilight pounced, hoping to knock the book out of the air. Well she knocked into something, just not the book. Todd never saw her coming and was sent into his wall, still holding the book. Twilight smacked into the invisible object as it came to a stop in the middle of the room, getting a surprise yelp from her.

“What? Who’s there? What are you?” Twilight asked fearfully.

Todd finally picked himself off the floor and looked at the scared mare before him. This could be his opportunity to communicate!

“Hello! Testing, testing. Can you hear me?” he waved his arms around for added expression.

All Twilight saw was the book waving madly, possibly trying to scare her away. She wasn’t having any of that, this was her home and no one can come in here and try to chase her off! Using her magic, she grabbed a bowling ball from a nearby self, and began to wave it around the book.

All Todd saw was Twilight focusing on her horn. Oh no, he thought. She’s not trying to use a spell is she?

After achieving nothing, she felt confused. She was certain that whatever was there was touchable. Maybe the bowling ball was being affected by it? She drifted it over to her and gave it a poke to make sure it didn’t faze through her.

When she did this, Todd suddenly saw a bowling ball appear from nowhere. Twilight shrugged and threw at back at nothing. For Todd, this nothing was his head, and it hit dead on.

Twilight turned to focus on her room, hoping the thing would just leave. But before she even began to lift everything again, she her something fall to the ground behind her.

She turned to find a very strange creature, almost ape like, knocked out on her floor with a very nasty bump on his forehead.

“Oh dear, what have I done?” panicked Twilight. “What if this thing was asking for help? Or, or, it was trying to warn me! I need to get it some help!”

Twilight picked up the strange being and started to carry him towards the door out of her bedroom. As she was going, she heard a thump. Looking back, the creature looked like it was being pressed against something.

Already frustrated, she pulled hard with her magic, but didn’t get anywhere. Twilight trotted back to take a closer look. It was still knocked out so it wasn’t resisting. She tried going the other way and took a bit of distance before hitting something else.

This is getting annoying. She thought to herself. She pulled back, bringing the thing away from what it was hitting, and slammed it into the invisible wall. She tried this again, and again, and again; getting nowhere.

With frustration, Twilight threw the limp thing onto her bed and decided to go get help instead.

Crazy level: Well, there goes my sanity

Hit to the head of the universe

Written by LOLSTERDarkMoon

Crazy level: Well, there goes my sanity

Todd awoke the next morning, on the floor in fact. His head filled with a rock band who loved the drums, and a wallowing pain to accompany it. The room had been desecrated with piles of books, some floating on top of where other books would fit. All of this packed tightly in this small room.

Amongst the books was a soft snoring, that of someone who spent hours with no sleep. Knowing all too well that it could only be a crazy unicorn, Todd decided to head upstairs and grab something to eat before he became a test subject.

In the kitchen, a cup of tea sat waiting for him as well as a note. The note read: ‘Dear Todd. I’m going up to Auckland for a few days to do some extra work. You know how it goes, don’t burn the house down again and head back to school tomorrow. Don’t think a single day off means a week.

Dad.’

This couldn’t be worse timing for Todd. Not only was he stuck at home all day with a creature he knew could get dangerous, but he was home alone.

While sipping his tea, he heard movements for below, “Well great,” Todd thought to himself, “Here comes the apocalypse,”

Downstairs, Twilight awoke to her larger bedroom, with books surrounding the bed and ink spilled across several notes. She laid on her back to stare at the ceiling but was met with a rather interesting sight. Someone’s backside and legs were poking through the ceiling and looked to be in a sitting position, causing a blush from Twilight. She grabbed the legs with magic and gave it a tug to bring down from up there.

Todd had nearly finished his tea when he felt something powerful grab his legs, and pull him down. He slid under the table he was sitting at and found he couldn’t move his legs, just his upper body.

Now Twilight was really confused. The legs had come out of the hole easier than expected, but even stranger, there was no hole even there. Now the legs she could see the entire body dangling in mid-air, somehow keeping it self-straight like it was resting on something.

“Um, hello there?” Twilight asked nervously. “Can you hear me?”

The creature stopped squirming and looked around, like it was trying to pinpoint the location of her voice.

“Down here,” she said, hoping it would notice her. Instead it looked to its right with a frown.

Well, Twilight is definitely up now. Thought Todd, so why hasn’t she come upstairs?

He was then flipped and planted on his face. It was then did he hear the muffled voices from below.

Beneath the carpet, floor boards, and universal willy-nilly’ness; Spike walked into Twilights room.

“Hey Twi, I was hoping you had another of those rubber things. Rarity-“ Spike stopped talking when he saw what Twilight was so focused on.

His irises grew in almost double in size at the strange creature. Twilight was distracted long enough for the spell to fail and give the creature time to stand up, slipping into the roof again, and started walking.

Taking the chance to move while he still could, Todd got down stairs before he was strapped to the floor again. He nearly flew down the stairs and down the short hallway to his room; the fear of being grabbed again was increasing with every step.

Todd got in through his door and closed it behind him, leaning against it in case something tried getting in. Once sure nothing was going to beat down the door, he was ready to get on his net-book and forget this whole madness.

Turning around he was met with Twilight and Spike standing there, staring at him, frozen in place. Todd stood where he was, meeting their gaze; not sure whether he was in danger of being hurt, or looking like an ass.

After watching a strange creature run through a few walls without leaving a dent and walk on air, Spike was very unsure with the creature once it stood before him. This was weird even with living-with-Twilight standards. His reaction was one he had perfected long ago.

“Twilight, what have you done this time?” Spike said, pointing at the creature, “I know you love finding new things, but summoning random aliens is not cool!”

Sorry for such a short chapter, but I've been very busy lately. I'm sure you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

HOLD IT!

Hello my dear readers! I have some sorrowful news concerning this story. Because of me getting really stuck into Lands of Time, I haven't the giddy, silly, attitude to write this; since LoT is a serious story. As soon as I finish LoT I will get right back into this story since it is such fun! I can't say when I finish LoT but I might write small bits of this at random times if my mood calls for it. I hope you all have a good day!

The author

Tim