Chapter 1 View OnlineManiac's laughChapter 1 Chapter 1 I opened my eyes, same dull white ceiling, same overly-bright fluorescent light making me close my eyes again and sit up. Same dreary white walls, same pristine white sheets, same locked door that made this room my cage. My memories were suppressed by the dreary white days of nothing. The earliest point I remembered was waking up, just like today and staring around at the room. I got out of bed, my feet lapping against the cold floor. "Hello me, hopefully today will be better. Yeah, hopefully" I said in a monotone. I walked over and knocked on the door, there was no answer like always, but it never hurt to try. "Yay, another exiting day of nothing at all" I scoffed sarcastically "You'd think that they'd get bored of watching me just doing nothing" I looked around, hoping that there'd finally be a reply. and of course, none came. It was frustrating, doing nothing all day, looking at no color, not even a book or anything "Damn stiffs, why won't they even let me have a single magazine, what did I even do to deserve this?!" and then, I decided to do something I hadn't in a while, something silly. Looking at the poorly disguised camera I blew a raspberry and walked back into bed, trying not to laugh at their imagined response. "What did he just do??? Why would he do that? It makes no sense" I whispered to myself, the scene playing out in my head. As I lay in bed I heard something, a sharp rasping sound, coming from the door. walking over I decided to have a little bit more fun. "Knock knock" I stated A seemingly surprised voice replied "Uhh... who's there?" "Me" I said simply "Me who?" "What? Me isn't good enough for you? What about rock paper scissors? OH WAIT I can't see you... Hmmmm, charades? WAIT the problem of vision comes in again... Perhaps tic tac toe" the other voice apparently did not expect that "Who are you?" "I'm me, I told you that already silly, OOOOOOH, do you mean my name?" "Well of course, what else would I mean?" "Oooooh, you shouldn't have asked that, I can think of at least 20 right off the bat, but back to the subject of names, what was yours again? I don't quite remember" "I never told you my name but since you asked... I think... it's Jason" "Well howdy Jason, I don't rightly know mah' name" "You don't know your name?" "Nope, I don't remember anything but this room" "How long have you been here?" "Hmmmmmm, I lost count around fifteen thousand days, but then again I'm probably wrong since there's no real 'night' or 'day'. Stop telling him so much, you don't need to GIVE OUT info. OH I'm right, why should I tell YOU?" "Uhh... because me and a few others are here to get you out?" "And if I don't want to go out?" He stopped, he apparently hadn't thought of that. The door clicked open and swung outwards to revel a large man, around his late 20's with a square jaw, 5'o clock shadow and a gun strapped to his back, he was wearing a muscle shirt and actually had muscles and his camo slacks made this guy a sho-in to win the 'best big buff army guy stereotype' award this year. he took one look at me and seemed surprised. "Have you ever heard of scissors?" he asked "Yes, why?" "Well mainly because you hair could be used as shoes" "OOH IT CAN?! cool, I really have needed shoes, the floor is FREEZING in here" He didn't reply, but instead stepped back and looked both ways along a black corridor. "Coast's clear" he said in a perfect army impression "Hey, has anyone ever told you that you could win an award?" "For what?" he took the bait "Well first of all you look exactly like a solder boy stereotype, and second of all HEYLOOKOVERTHERE!!!" I pointed to his left and he immediately turned and unstrapped his gun. "And second, most gullible!" I yelled back, running down the right corridor. He cursed as I rounded the corner, laughing like a madman, which I may very well be. "Get back here you little clown!" "As if flabby muscle headed solder boy stereotype guy" I dove into a closet and he stomped right past, his boot steps echoing off the walls of the surprisingly grey corridors "I was expecting white, not grey, maybe they got different painters for the different rooms, OH then there's be one room that was neon pink, I definitely need to see that" unfortunately, the echoing worked both ways, so he heard me, hiding in my little cubby and started tramping back "whoopsy daisy" I picked up a bucket, feeling that somehow I was copying something. I got on the top shelf and when the solder opened the door I said "hey Jason, what's soaking-wet and clueless?" and then, not waiting for a reply I dumped the water on him and yelled "YOUR FACE!" slamming the bucket down on his head for good measure. I leapt off the shelf, using his bucketed head as a landing pad, making him topple backwards with a loud 'THUD'. I couldn't help but laugh as he tried to get the bucket that was lodged on his head off. And before he could accomplish the feat I ran off again. "YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH" "Now now, don't insult your grandmother like that" I tried not to laugh as the raging muscle head chased after me, fuming with rage and soaking wet. "WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA WRING YOUR LITTLE NECK!" "with those ham hands? get real, you couldn't wring a giraffe's neck with those things" I was openly laughing and running down the halls, more concerned with getting a good laugh than actually surviving, and I also found it funny that he had completely forgotten he had a gun. After a few rounded corners and a few more insults, I ran into a dead end. "HAH, dead end, in more way than one!" the man yelled as he tried to grab my neck" I did the most logical thing, I started singing and dodging. "NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN!!!" I was barely restraining my laughter at the big man's rage and annoyance, but I knew when enough was enough, now if only I actually cared "Run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man" I sang as I ran through his legs and down the corridor. "WILL YOU HOLD STILL SO I CAN KILL YOU!" "that's what she said" By this time I was laughing as I ran. I opened another door just after I rounded the next corner to give myself a little breather. I completely forgot about the raging guy when I saw what was in the room. It was a green room, nothing decorating it save a large metal arch and a podium. Walking over to the podium my hair began to stand on end, which is an odd feeling that made me feel like my hair was touching the ceiling, which it probably was. "So this is where they send the short-haired scientists" The podium was surprisingly simple, a button on a metal cylinder. the button was large and red. "Big... red... button... LOGIC SAYS I MUST PRESS!" I yelled as I slammed my hand down on the button. There was a loud beep and sparks started shooting off the archway "I sure hope my hair is fireproof" The sparks consolidated at the center of the arch and made a blue portal-like thingy "huh, and now TO NARNIA!!!" I yelled as I charged through the portal. "Well now" I looked down at the oncoming trees as i suddenly found myself in the air above a forest "SWEET TEA AND CRUMPETS THIS IS GONNA HURT!!!" i yelled right before a branch hit my face "SWEET TEA AND" SMACK another branch hit my face "SWEET tea and" SMACK "Sweet tea" SMACK "OH SCREW IT, SWEET BAGELS IN A BUNNY BASKET" SLAM, I hit the hard dirt of the ground "...WELL PLAYED DIRT!!!" my vision went blurry and I saw a yellow figure approaching me "HERFUGNTUP!" (her-fudge-in-tup) I yelled as I passed out, which seemed to startle the yellow blur quite a bit.
Chapter 2View OnlineManiac's laughChapter 2Chapter 2 I was dreaming, and I knew I was dreaming, the main reason for that being I had tiny flying monkeys wearing sneakers, those propeller beanies that I love so very very much, and tutu's. That and they were singing, one of my favorite songs too, at least i think it is (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCQxl4Ae84w). I started snapping along, watching a circus and listening to music was fun, but the oddity circus was somewhat dull, it's 4-headed men and people with 16 arms were getting somewhat familiar. Especially the lady with clown makeup and pointed teeth "Lookin good sally" I yelled out "MY NAME IS MARIE YOU NUMBSKULL!!!" she wailed "I know" I loved teasing even my own dreams, but she just rolled her eyes and continued walking upside down on the top of the tent. The events of the circus were starting to get blurry, so I knew I was waking up, but I did not expect the sudden pain in my face. "OW, HEY I thought she called me a NUMBskull, SHE LIED!!!" I moved my arm to my face and groaned. I opened one eye and wished I hadn't "Those dang lights ain't got nothin on these" I opened my eye again, slowly this time, and saw, not white walls and ceilings, but a thatched roof and a decorated room, and a bunny, on my chest, staring straight at me. "... HOLY FLYING HUMDINGERS IN A HOME DEPOT!!!" I yelled as I leapt up and sent the bunny flying across the room and into a pillow. I grabbed where I assumed my heart was and tried to calm down. I heard noise, like coconuts dropped down stairs. A yellow PEGASUS with a pink mane covering one eye came down the stairs quite quickly. "What happened? I heard a loud noise and..." She stopped when she saw me standing. I on the other hand was staring at her open-mouthed and wide-eyed. "... TALKING CUTE YELLOW FLUFFY THING WITH WINGS!!!" I yelled, startling the yellow Pegasus beyond belief, she barreled up the stairs and I simply stood there and watched "Awwwwwww, I just wanna hug you" I said as I put on my best 'cute face', confusing every living thing in the cottage, including the dazed bunny. The yellow pegasus peeked out just a little and spoke again "D~did you just... speak?" "Well I THINK so at least, and you?" "Well... o~of course i'm speaking" "Then i'm not trying hard enough" She looked at me confused "Umm... who are you?" She asked tentatively "I am me" "Uhh... o~okay... that's... reasonable..." "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you mean my name?" "Well... yes actually" "I don't know it" "H~how can anypony not know their own name?" She seemed shocked at the idea. I suddenly launched myself at her and hugged like there was no tomorrow, causing her to freeze up "Sorry, you are just too cuuuuuuuuuute OH and it's because I only remember a white room, that's all" "A~a white room?" She managed to squeak out "Yep, it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too boring there, but now i'm out, maybe i'll remember it sometime. And maybe the monkeys with propeller beanies will stop flying around my head. BUT I LIKE PROPELLER BEANIES, but I don't really like monkeys" The yellow pegasus obviously had no idea what the heck to say, other than "Huh???" "OH, nothing, just talking to myself, HEY, I never got to thank you for helping me" "H~helping you?" "Well DUH I fell from the sky and hit..." I paused, counted on my fingers "3 branches... or was it 4... I don't remember" "Oh, well, your welcome then I guess" "Now then... whatchawannado?" "Uhh... promise you'll stop hugging me?" "Awwwwwwwww, why? It's fun and your sooooooo fluffy" "Because it kinda makes me uncomfortable..." "OH, well why didn't you say so" I let go of her and she seemed to relax quite a bit "Well... I guess we could visit twilight... She may be able to help you remember your name" "Sounds like a plan to me TO NARNIA!!! WAIT the readers don't want that TWICE... uhh... TALLY HO! YEP, that one WORKS!!!" She looked at me confused again "SO, talking cute yellow fluffy thing with wings, where is this twilight located?" "Umm... she's probably in the library, and my name is Fluttershy" "Okay then talking cute yellow fluffy thing with wings whose name is Fluttershy" "... Just Fluttershy works, if your okay with it that is" "Okay then Fluttershy" I decided not to tease her any more... for now "shall we set off?" she nodded and got up. i got up as well and started to follow her. ________________________________________________________________________ Walking through town was an interesting experience to say the least, the stares were somewhat odd, but what really surprised me was the sheer amount of color. I ended up running up to every single pony and staring at them for a good 3 seconds before moving on, most likely freaking out every single pony along the way. "WOW there's a lot of color here" "Yes..." "OOOOOH ORANGE!" I yelled as i ran up to an orange pony, who jumped back in surprise. I was generally keeping up with Fluttershy in her progress towards the library. EVENTUALLY we made it to the giant tree in the center of town "BIG tree... it would take one MASSIVE beaver to take that thing down" "... Th~that's the library" "No, that's a tree, definitely a tree" "The library's inside..." "OOOOH a library IN a tree.. Is it colorful? Is it carved by crabs? Giant mutant crabs named chuck?" She looked at the outside of the tree library "...I guess it's colorful..." She looked back at the dust cloud where I used to be. "Oh... My" she whispered as she rushed off into the library "SO COLORFUL! however there is a severe lack of avocado" I yelled from in the library, looking around rapidly "Umm... Hello?" A startled unicorn said as she saw me "HELLO!" I stared at her "CUTE FLUFFY PURPLE HORNED THINGY!" she stared at me, apparently not sure weather or not to take offence at that, I didn't give her much time to mull it over as I hugged her. "HEY WHAT THE?!" About then Fluttershy walked in "Oh... my... i'm sorry Twi, I think he just... uhh... likes colors..." "You don't say?" Twilight said looking at me oddly "And what is 'he'?" "I'm just a human" "... What's a human?" they both said in usion "A bit hard to explain, so i won't, just say i'm essentially a big hairless monkey" they both looked at my very long hair "Well, everywhere but the top of the head" "That's just your mane?!" Twilight exclaimed "It's been a while since i've gotten a haircut, blank white rooms with just a bed and toilet are SEVERELY lacking in scissors or anything sharp for that matter" "Wait what?" Twilight managed to worm free of my hug and she turned to look at me "Oh, that's just it Twi, he was apparently locked in a white room for as long as he remembers, and he doesn't even remember his name" Fluttershy scooted over to near twilight as she spoke "So, we kinda hoped that you may be able to get him to remember his name" "What??? How could anypony not remember their NAME?" "I asked the same question at first" Fluttershy mused "Ask the poodle jerky doing the samba" They both stared at me oddly "What? They might know" "... Okay, I think pinkie may be a better..." Twilight thought for a moment "BAD IDEA BAD IDEA BAAAAAAAAAD IDEA" "OOH, pinkie sounds like fun" they both looked terrified "Uhh... maybe that could wait until I search your memory for your name first" "Awwwwwwww, okaaaaaaaaaay" I pouted. Her horn glowed and the flying pinapples stared at me "What, it's her not me" Twilight decided to ignore that and was about to cast the spell "Oh, by the way you may want to make it selective and just for my name" she paused the spell "Why?" "OH, because i'm what's known as 'insane' and if you were to try to read ALL my memories you probably would be too" "... Good to know" she said as she resumed casting the spell, suddenly, as she was casting it a name entered my mind. "HOLD UP" I broke her concentration quite fast and her spell was stopped "What now?!" "I remembered" she put on an 'are you serious' face "YEP!" then I suddenly looked out the window and gasped loudly "CUTE FLUFFY PINK THINGY WITH BALOONS" Twilight and Fluttershy had looks of horror on their face when I launched out the door.
Chapter 3View OnlineManiac's laughChapter 3Chapter 3 A/N sorry for the wait, but it's been hard to write because of several things which i will nto go into detail about. Twilight and Fluttershy rushed out of the tree, letting the door hang open, and ran up to me. I was hugging a flamingo that had balloons tied around it's neck, I was quite content "what? i can't hug a flamingo in peace?" They were both just staring at me "SHUT UP BILLY!" i yelled at the giant cherry that was badmouthing flamingos "FLAMINGOS ARE PEOPLE TOO!!!" "Who are you talking to???" twilight was staring at me oddly, Fluttershy had run off for some reason "billy of course" "who's... nevermind" "OOH, wait... that's a tree" Twilight facehoofed "let's get you back inside before something bad happens" "describe 'bad'" "well for one you meeting pin~" she stopped herself before she could finish "a certain pony i don't want you meeting yet" "pin? like a needle? wouldn't that hurt? WAIT pinball machines are FUN!" "yes, yes, now let's just get you inside and we can keep talking there" she moved behind me and tried to push me back towards the tree "HEY! that's MY cotton candy" "excuse me?" "SEE!" i reached behind myself and pulled out a pink pony with ballons on her flank and a pink poofy mane. Twilight blinked and stared at the pony, then at me, then at the pony again "Hiya!" the pink pony exclaimed "waaaaaaaaait, you aren't cotton candy" "nope silly, i'm pinkie pie" "ooooooh, well that explains a few things" Twilight was still staring, as though she expected something catastrophically bad to happen "it's okay Twi, nothing's gonna happen, the author said so" Twilight opened her mouth to try to say something, but closed it again and just kept trying to get me back in the library "OH, by the way, my name is sam, but you may call me KING FLUFFLE OF THE FLUFFLIANS" Twilight just ignored me and both Pinkie and i were levitated off the ground and into the tree "now then, we should wait until fluttershy comes back to continue" "why?" i asked "because she's getting some ponies that will probably need to hear about this" "OH, you mean a marshmallow, an apple, and a cloud?" Twilight blinked "uhh... just stay here and try not to destroy anything" Twilight said as she rushed out the door "oki doki loki" Pinkie chimed in "OOH, Hey sam, do you know how to make cupcakes?' "nope, but he might" i pointed behind her She turned her head around, defying the laws of reality with her neck "YEP, good call, Mr. Cuppy would definitely know" "you call him Mr. Cuppy? i call him cherrybob" "LET'S GET BAKING!" _________________________________________________________________________________________________ A while later, fluttershy and Twilight returned to chaos, somehow pinkie and i had managed to get frosting EVERYWHERE, get a porcupine stuck in bubble gum and then to the celing, and duct tape a chninchilla and a cherry together. Twilight and Fluttershy were standing there with their mouths opened wide as a few more ponies came up behind them "my dear, what in the name of fashion happened in here?" a white unicorn with three diamonds on her flank and a curly purple mane spoke, looking in from behind Twi and Fluttershy "what in tarnation?!" another pony, this one orange with a pony tail and a setson Peered in at the gigantic mess The last of the new ponies didn't say anything and just shrugged "WE MADE CUPCAKES" Pinkie popped up between Twilight and Fluttershy, surprising both "pinkie, how did you two MAKE this mess?" twilight said, staring at the mess and pinkie in turn "oh, it's a long story" I sloshed my way over, trailing frosting and smiling widely "hello" The white pony took one look at me "OH my stars, what in equestria happened to your mane?" "oh, i haven't had scissors in yeeeeeeeeeeeeeears, so it just grew out" She seemed a bit wobbly "or any hair-care products for that matter" As i spoke i licked a white sphere on a stick "and what in heaven's name is THAT?" she said, pointing to the sphere "a jawbreaker on a stick" All five, except pinkie, looked at me confused "what's a jawbreaker?" twilight asked "it's pretty much sugar that's really really hard and flavored" "and i told you two not to destroy anything" "we didn't, we just coated it in frosting" she facehoofed again "just... forget it, meet rarity," she pointed to the white unicorn "applejack" the orange pony "and rainbow dash" she pointed to the pegasus that hadn't said anything "the fastest flier in equestria!" "how do you know our the fastest? for all we know I'M faster... oh wait, no wings, nevermind" which was met with another facehoof from twilight. "the princess needs to hear about this" twilight spoke, but i was busy pretending to be a dog, using my hair to make ears. everypony was staring at me. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!" i yelles before i jumped out the nearest window and ran away screaming about carnies. "... we should... head after him... shouldn't we?" applejack asked a bit tenatively "we should" twilight walked out of the chaos that was her library and statted chasing after me. "eeeeeeeeh, what's up doc?" i asked a pony while nibbling on a carrot