Breakaway

by koolaidguy23

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Original Character, Spike, Comedy
Length: 11027

Regular Show characters are forced to adjust their lives to equines and vice versa. (Screenplay)

Followed by an unrequited love story from ten years ago, Rigby faces complications at the park on Earth that could mean the fate of his job. But hey, at least they have a whole other universe to reapply to! Whether it turns out well or not, both Mordecai and Rigby are given new jobs in Ponyville, a land where life is oriented entirely to ponies, until Princess Celestia's team from her school find a way to return home. That is, if they ever get home.

Before you begin reading, there are two things you have to acknowledge:
~This is a screenplay fanfic, but the writing style is adjusted to come close to that of a story. It does not follow the "write only about what you see and hear" rule.
~It contains a lot of fan-made content.
~You don't have to be a fan of Regular Show to read this.

Published 2012-01-05 20:52:38 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-03 23:45:42 UTC

Prologue

PROLOGUE
EXT. SCHOOL - BAKE FAIR - DAY

(SUBTITLE)
Ten Years Ago, Junior Baker’s Fair, 2001

(SUBTITLE) (CONT'D)
Regular Show Universe, a.k.a. Earth

Camera fades in at a young Rigby, the raccoon. Despite his young age, he is still 13 and is only slightly shorter than his current age. Then there's Jasmine, or "Jazz" the raccoon, who looks notably similar in size to Rigby except with long hair, a hairbow and a few female characteristics.
Scene cuts to Jazz sitting on a bench, chatting with the kid next to her, who had black straight hair matching a black leather jacket over a white T-shirt. His name is Zeke. Despite his sharp looks, he is still naive and immature like the rest of the class. Rigby confronts Jazz, holding a pink card with a heart on it behind his back.

RIGBY
(young, strainy version of his voice) Jazz! Jazz! Long time no see!

JAZZ
Oh hiya Rigby! (energetically) Say, aren't you gonna have the most super-fantastic time of your life?

RIGBY
Sure am, sis! See how much taller I've gotten?

JAZZ
Not really; no.

RIGBY
I think I grew like...a whole inch this year!

Zeke mutters to himself in the conversation.

ZEKE (TO JAZZ)
(flatly) And you grew like...a whole lot weirder this year.

RIGBY
Who's this jockie?

JAZZ
Oh this is Zeke. He's just a silly little friend of mine from music class.

A clock transition of the same scene reveals the surprisingly stronger progress Rigby has made since then. Unlike the others, who were making cookies and cupcakes, Rigby was the only one who baked a whole cake.

RIGBY
Hey Jazz! Jazz! Look at my cake! Look at mine!

Camera pans to Jazz, who had her back turned to Zeke.

JAZZ
Hey Zeke! What do you think of my super awesome sweet cupcake?

ZEKE (TO JAZZ)
It's beautiful. Just. Like. You.

The whole table exaggeratedly baws in the adorableness of what he just said.

RIGBY
Yeah well look at my cake! It's got layers of vanilla, chocolate, and ice cream on the top, with chocolate pudding in between!

Zeke cracks his dry humor by repeating the exact same quotes to Rigby with the exact same tone.

ZEKE (TO RIGBY)
It's beautiful. Just. Like. You.

The crowd laughs. When it settles down, Zeke continues chatting to Jazz.

ZEKE (CONT'D)
Hey Jazz! (opens his wallet) I have two tickets to tonight's Rock-A-Thon. Wanna go?

While Rigby was already concentrating on making an artsy icing design, Zeke's request was easily enough to catch Rigby's eye, despite his short attention span.

Jazz completely pauses from her design.

JAZZ
(Gasps) Oh my gosh you did? Pretty please let me go! C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon!

Shaking him by his jacket sleeve, Jazz was making a face reforming grin that Zeke just couldn't let down.

ZEKE
Well I guess we can hang out for a little before we go.

JAZZ
Yes! See ya around, Rigby!

Both of them step from their seats and abandon the Bake Fair along with their partially completed recipe. The camera pans back to Rigby, whose mouth was agape from his nerved reaction while his hand squeezed the tube of icing to finish the hedgy ring atop his sweet masterpiece.
Cutting to Rigby's perspective, he lifts the back of the cake to angle it to his face, revealing his artwork. Painted white, a pink icing heart backgrounded a white silhouette of Rigby and Jazz holding hands to accompany the quote underneath it. "I like you."

Panning to the left shows his hand crafted card. Though he is the one who made the card, he picks it up and rereads what he wrote. It reads "Will you go out with me?"

After closing his card, the scene cuts back to a close-up of himself again. Visually enraged, Rigby gives into his stubborn and arrogant self again and lets his dejection get the best of him.

RIGBY
(Grunts) Uggghhh. What's the point?

Upon this quote, he tucks his hands underneath the cake, and fully out of self-intentions, he tips over the cake to destroy his whole afternoon's work as if he signed Jazz out of the girls of his interest. Cut to black exactly when the cake splats on the table.

END OF PROLOGUE

Act 1 - Everybody was Gone Food Fighting!

ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. BENSON’S PARK - FRONT PORCH, PRESENT - DAY

(SUBTITLE)
Present day, 2012

Benson, the anthropomorphic gumball machine and the boss of the park, stands outside giving orders as usual. The whole team, including Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscleman, and Hi-Five Ghost all sit on the porch with their attention on him.

BENSON
(Glances at the team) Alright so you guys, I have an announcement to make, and this is good news. City High School is having a class reunion out here this evening at the park, and I'm getting paid for it.

RIGBY
Aw yes! (hi-fives Mordecai)

Both of them face Benson again, fazed.

MORDECAI
Wait. How is that good news?

BENSON
I never said it was good news to you.

A momentary silence and a trade of facial expressions make Benson restate his comment.

BENSON (CONT'D)
(Sighs and facepalms) Though if you do everything right for once, I'll make it up to you.

RIGBY
How ‘bout mid-night video game privileges?

BENSON
Fine, whatever, just do your jobs this time.

Skimming his clipboard, Benson announces everyone's roles.

BENSON (CONT'D)
Skips, Pops, you two are in charge of the decorations. Muscleman and Hi-Five Ghost, you're in charge of the sound system.

MORDECAI
And what are we in charge of?

BENSON
You and Rigby? I hate to say it, but you two are gonna be in charge of baking.

MORDECAI
Baking? (stammers) But I've hardly baked before!

RIGBY
Um, I did. A while ago. It's easy.
Benson tosses a dessert cookbook off-screen with colored tabs sticking out of it. Mordecai catches it at the “palm” of his wings.

BENSON
Here. (leaving the scene) I tabbed all the desserts they ordered. This isn't really something you can screw up since the directions are right in front of you. There'll be doughnuts, cupcakes, cookies, oh and finally (turns around)...a chocolate pudding cake.

The sound of those last three words together made Rigby's pupils dilate, then shatter.

BENSON (CONT'D)
Just don't mess it up. I'm outta here. (leaves the scene)

MORDECAI
(without eye contact) Rigby, I'm gonna need some serious help with this one. Cool?FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
INT. BENSON'S HOUSE - THE KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

With the sun now fully above the horizon, Mordecai scurries through each room multiple times in the search for Rigby, who apparently vanished.

MORDECAI
Rigby! Rigby! Where'd you go? We have to start baking now if we're gonna get midnite video games!

Mordecai continues calling his name, now searching through hiding spots in each room instead of general viewing areas.
MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Rigby! (voice growing nerved) This isn't funny anymore! We're gonna get in a lot of trouble for not getting this done! And I can't do this by myself cause I don't know how!

At the edge of giving up the search and avoiding the possibility of getting fired, Mordecai enters the kitchen again to bake everything himself. He steps to the counter to pick up the cook book where he left it, only to find a sloppily written note on a page ripped out of spiral bound notebook resting on top of the cook book. Uneased by the possible outcome, Mordecai reads it.

Frazzled with fury, Mordecai blares out loud at himself.

MORDECAI
OH THAT'S JUST UNCALLED FOR.

A clock transition shows his desperate attempt at cooking. He mutters, reading the book.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Hmmmm. Let’s see here. (reading aloud) 'Set the oven to 350 degrees' (Turns the knob on the oven accordingly) Got it. This isn't that bad!

Confident about his progress, Mordecai finds himself more contempt.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
'And then beat oil... '

Mordecai grasps the bottle of corn oil and closed-fist punches it.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
(Rereading his mistake) Ohhhh. 'Then beat oil, sugar, eggs, and milk in a large mixing bowl.' That makes more sense!

To correct his mistake, Mordecai puts the concerning ingredients in a mixing bowl. Then Mordecai grasps the mixing bowl and closed-fist punches it.CUT TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
EXT. MORDECAI'S TENT - NIGHT

On the front lawn of Benson's house, a tent was pitched for the two friends. DISSOLVE TO:
I/E. MORDECAI'S TENT - SLEEPING AREA - NIGHT

Rigby is intensively playing the video game on the portable TV from his sleeping bag. Mordecai lays watching, with his arms crossed in disappointment. Five seconds of silence precede their conversation.

RIGBY
What?

MORDECAI
Oh Nothing.

RIGBY
Oh.

A few seconds of silence return with the pitter-patter of buttons from Rigby playing hisvideo game.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
You know you didn't do too bad. The chocolate chip cookies turned out fine.

MORDECAI
Those weren't chocolate chip; I dropped them on the floor!

RIGBY
Dude, lighten up. You have nothing to worry about now.

MORDECAI
Other than what happened this morning? Other than Benson kicking us out of the house for the night? Other than my new food poisoning record? Other than the nerve you had, to just go "I'm going with my 'girlfriend'?" Do you have any idea that we (raises voice) actually could've been fired this time? I'm tired of taking the blame of all the problems you set me up for.

RIGBY
Oh. Chelsea? She's not my girlfriend anymore.

MORDECAI
Wait. She actually is real?

RIGBY
Yeah, I just looked for a girl named Chelsea after I wrote the note! I broke up with her today. Don't get defensive on me just because ya can't get none yourself!
Mordecai didn't find that amusing.

MORDECAI
I'm not jeal- (stammers) I mean ok I guess I'm a little jealous about that, but, (pauses) my argument is still valid. And on top of that, you break up with her on the same night? You're weird. Remember Jasmine? Your first crush on someone?
Rigby pauses the video game to make eye contact.

RIGBY
(exasperated) Don't you ever! Ever! Ever bring up my Jasmine in something like that! I was like, twelve! So what that I never actually talked to her! What have you been up to then? Hmmm? Where's your girlfriends been in the past ten years? Is it your looks that've been holding you back? No, It's your attitude! (scoffs) Well, it might be, I mean, it's a tough life when your dad was a human that fell in love with the blue Angry Bird and you have to live as the offspring of such a horrific outcome-
Though Mordecai was already dumbfounded, Rigby is interrupted by a nearby lightning strike. Mordecai turns around for reasons unknown to Rigby yet.

MORDECAI
(Struggling to close the zipper on the screen) Rigby?

RIGBY
See? Even the clouds are agreeing that I just pulled the biggest burn on ya-

MORDECAI
Rigby!

The TV sparks, and smoke hisses from the speaker terminals.

RIGBY
Yo what happened to the TV?

A meteor shower is seen in the background through the mesh of the tent.

MORDECAI
Rigby, you drillbit! You left the door open! The TV shorted from the rain!
Camera looks down, revealing that the tent was flooded, and the sleeping bags were actually floating on top.

RIGBY
(defensively stammering) But I closed it!

MORDECAI
Correction: You closed the mosquito mesh, not the screen. Numbskull.

Rigby slumps forward, accepting the blame as he facepalms himself. An intense crash rumbles the earth as the two are startled to draw their attention outside the tent.

RIGBY
What are we gonna do now?

MORDECAI
"We"? Really? After- (another meteor strike briefly pauses him) flooding the tent, and kicking us out of the house, you still have the nerve to rely on (startled by a 3rd meteor crash) me for a plan B?

Facing the house, the left bedroom window opens. Benson, the boss of the team, is revealed behind the translucent glass.
BENSON
Guys, you're gonna get killed out here. Now would be a good time to get in the house, before I get filed a lawsuit for this.
Benson closes the window and his translucent shadow behind the glass fades.

MORDECAI
*Sighs* Let's just forget video games tonight and just hit the bunks; I'm not in the mood for this.

RIGBY
What bunks?

MORDECAI
(forsaken groan) You know what I'm saying.

Both Mordecai and Rigby are stopped in their tracks by a bleeping ball, flashing red.

RIGBY
(mutters) Or maybe we wont.

The ball releases a funnel of dark matter, engulfing both Mordecai and Rigby in its path. They both scream throughout the free-fall into white light at the end of the whirling tunnel. Mordecai flops full-body into a cement column and Rigby somersaults out like a tumbleweed.

EXT. MARBLE CASTLE - SIDE ENTRANCE - DAY
After regaining consciousness, both Mordecai and Rigby find themselves on a lawn in front of a non-weathered two-tone castle in front of an iron double door secured with unarmed guards.

RIGBY
A-am I dead?

MORDECAI
I don't think this is what being dead looks like.

A quick pan leads a fullscreen shot of the whole city, revealing that it's unprecariously embedded on a cliff.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Let's just ask someone where we're- are those horses wearing knight armor?

Rigby approaches one of the armed guards.

RIGBY
Hey do you mind telling us where we're at?

An unanswered silence was enough to draw his attention again.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
That was a question. (Still nothing, Rigby exasperatedly yells) Why won't you answer me? (Chuckles) Oh I feel like such an idiot-

MORDECAI
(Flat interruption) Because you are one.

RIGBY
No, because they're stuffed. Haven't you ever heard of this before? They take the skin off a dead animal and make a statue out of it. (Climbs on the guard) Then they dress them up. Giddy up horsey-

The guard, making its first movement, bucks Rigby off his back, catapulting him to the same column that Mordecai hit, but Rigby on the other hand, went head first and went instantly unconscious. Cut to black on impact.

INT. TWILIGHT’S LIBRARY - BEDROOM - DAY

The scene opens from Rigby's perspective, who awakens on a lumber bed with Mordecai staring at him.

RIGBY
Mordecai. Ah I had the weirdest dream.

Twilight Sparkle trots over to greet Rigby.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Hi!

Her welcome wagon startles him off the bed, claws clinching him to the timber ceiling.

RIGBY
(Shudders) Candy colored talking unicorns? What kind of backwards universe is this?

MORDECAI
No it's okay! It's okay! And you're lucky that everything just happened to work out. This chick...erm...pony used to go to the princess' school. So until their teachers, or whomever they get in touch with, make some sort of spell that can take us home, we're supposed to live here.

Twilight nods her head in agreement. Releasing himself from the bed, Rigby lands on Mordecai's head.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I set up a bed in the living room for you to sleep. Though I will need you to give me some info about what happened. But don't worry about it now. Just make yourself at home.

RIGBY
Awww so we actually are stuck in this universe? Ahh crap.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
(Unamused) Well we did give you a free place to stay; you could at least thank us for that.

RIGBY
(Heading downstairs) Us?

Losing his balance, Rigby falls off the open staircase, but his fall is saved by a cyan pegasus pony who makes her first onscreen appearance.

RAINBOW DASH
Trust me, we both know what it's like to be far away from home, but seriously, it's not that bad. Take a look around for yourself.

RIGBY
(Sighs) Fine, it's not like we had anything else planned today.FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
INT. LONGHORN BAR - TABLE OF NINE - NIGHT

Opening shot: fade in to a popular sandwich bar/restaurant with a unicorn pony statue standing on its hind legs. Then it fades to the table view of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Spike, Rigby, and Mordecai all seated at the same circle table.

RIGBY
...And-then-and-then, we were like 'Immunity Sword which is immune to all rule changes' and BAM! He went down. Guess he couldn't handle our awesomeness.

BOTH MORDECAI AND RIGBY
Ooooooooohhhhhhhh!

APPLEJACK
Heavens to Betsy. It doesn't sound like your universe is all the best at being um...how the hay should I put this?

RAINBOW DASH
Laid-back?

FLUTTERSHY
Friendly?

RARITY
Psshhh. Rational?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Considerate?

SPIKE
Fun?

PINKIE PIE
Like party-ev'ry-day-fun?

MORDECAI
Oh come on! Plenty of people on Earth have made a living by spreading the will to "party every day"!

Screen briefly cuts to a photo of Gene Simmons from KISS

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Besides, it's usually us and Muscleman who fall under that category. We usually end up taking the blame for everything. Wanna hear about the hot dog story?

RARITY
I don't wanna hear anymore of this. If you ladies excuse me, I'll be in the fillies’ room. (Leaves the table)

RIGBY (TO RARITY)
(Raises voice) Well if you're done, can I have the rest of your diced apples?

APPLEJACK (TORIGBY)
Those are potatoes.

Mordecai falls out of his hay-seat, broken into uncontrollable laughter.

MORDECAI
(Still laughing) He seriously thought those potatoes were apples! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It hurts! It hurts!

RIGBY
(Grimaces Mordecai) Anyways...(Picks up the mustard bottle from the table.) You should have seen what we did to the talking hot dogs! They were gonna take over the world. They were gonna eat us alive! And I was like, no you're gonna eat yourselves alive, ya sick lameos!

Rigby pounds the yellow bottle to the table gushing a stream of mustard, heading offscreen. Consequently, a gargly deep voice was enough to pause the conversation.

WORKHORSE (O.S.)
Alright, which one of you scumbags did this to my face?
With an anticipated close-up, a camera pan reveals a beefed up, well fit workhorse who was over five feet tall with a burgundy coat, and a cutie mark of boxing gloves. To avoid any involvement, everypony within that divider of the restaurant pointed hooves at Rigby. Dropping his mustard bottle on the floor out of impending doom, Rigby drew everypony's attention with eye contact and utter silence.

The workhorse answered without words. He snatches two beef tomatoes offered by the diamond dogs, who are the only ones still facing each other, giggling. The workhorse proceeds and chucks the ripest at Rigby's face.

RIGBY
(Distraught scream) OWWWWW! (wipes the seeded juice off his face)
The workhorse charges back his arm for the next round but is interrupted mid-throw. Cutting to a close-up of Mordecai, his war face turns on and throws a whole pineapple that was heavy enough to knock him off balance without even bruising. He topples the workhorse to the ground. The tomato heads off target, hitting that one bearded tennis pony at the back of the head, while the pineapple splatted on the ground, pulsing a wave of pineapple juice between Lyra's table and the spa twins' table.

LYRA (O.S.)
My poodle skirt! Somepony's paying me for a new skirt!

Bon-Bon takes Lyra's side out of naiveity and aimlessly chucks a grapefruit behind her booth with uncontrollable rage. Eventually the now widespread food fight becomes detailed beyond comprehension of a single witness.
A projectile jelly-melon nearly tips Applejack's hat before its spikes cling it to their table.

APPLEJACK
These rootin-tootin trouble makers really have lost their marbles.

RAINBOW DASH (to EVERYPONY)
(Stands at a vulnerable height) What in the hay do you all think this is? A cartoon show?!
Rainbow Dash gets smacked in the face with a whole breakfast dish, with the egg yolks covering her eyes and home fries covering her mouth like teeth, making a mask over her own face. Incidently, Fluttershy already fled the scene while nopony was looking.

PINKIE PIE (TO RAINBOW)
Ya gonna eat that?

RIGBY
You know what? Let's just get the hell outta here. This is just beyond ridiculous.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
My sentiments exactly.

The ponies leave the restaurant, standing at the front door.

FLUTTERSHY
Wait! Where's Rarity?

RIGBY
She was still in the bathroom!

The front door opens again, revealing Rarity, with her head slouched over her front legs.

RARITY
(Hinting sarcasm) Oh I thank you such good friends for (lifts head) KEEPING MY COAT GOREGOUS AND PROTECTED!

She lifts her head, revealing the repulsive mess she actually meant. There was a mini pizza face-down on her chest sticking by the dangling cheese, a blotch of spaghetti sauce on her neck, cherry punch stains from her hooves to her shinbones, and a smeared cheesecake face-down on her short snout.

RIGBY
(Trying to change the subject) So I work tomorrow, Twilight? Because after this day, I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be working than touring anywhere else.

PINKIE PIE
Yeah fuzz-ball! You get to work with me!

APPLEJACK
(turns her head) And blue feathered one? You get to work with me.

MORDECAI
Heh working for ponies. Something I never thought I'd be doing. This is gonna be interesting.

Camera fades to black as the pony crew leaves the restaurant.

END OF ACT ONE

Act 2 - Equestrian Candyball League

FADE IN:
EXT. TWILIGHT'S LIBRARY - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Panning to the center of the library, the circle bed shows a sound asleep Rigby tied to a bucket of water by his leg. Facing opposed from the window, beams peak out from the sunrise. A shadow cast of Mordecai walks across the screen with a square object wrapped around his wing. From offscreen, a loud thwack of flat surfaces startles Rigby awake, tipping the bucket only enough to pulse cold water on his coat, full-body.

A few coughs to clear his throat delay his question.

RIGBY
(Agitated) Oh what was that for?

Facing the real Mordecai instead of a shadow, he is holding a heavy book pulled off the shelf and on the wall, now facing Rigby.

MORDECAI
That was for the Angry Bird comment the other day. Now come on! We can't afford to screw up our jobs this time!

Rigby groans in bed.

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. PONYVILLE - CENTRAL PONYVILLE

With the sun fully raised, Mordecai has now taken off to greet his new work boss, Applejack. From Mordecai's point of view, he unrolls a map scroll to navigate.

MORDECAI
(Thinking aloud) Hmmm...three blocks past the spa and make a left...on 4th? No that doesn't make sense!

Continuing from his point of view, Mordecai rolls up the map, revealing Snails trotting before him.

MORDECAI (to SNAILS) (CONT'D)
'Scuse me but um, I'm running late here. Do you know how to get to uh, (unrolls the map again to reread the name) Sweet Apple Acres?

SNIPS
Shoiyr! It's er uh, just off the d'oiyt road on toid, Then ye-

MORDECAI
(Interrupts) Wa-wa-wait, slow down kid. It's just what?

Snails interjects, dropping a steel tesla coil dish from his mouth to speak.

SNAILS
He said off the dirt road on 3rd street!

MORDECAI
Oh! (Snickers insincerely) Stupid me! Thanks!

Mordecai scurries his way to the farm, making a left on the dirt road.

SNIPS
Snails, that was probably yoir most brilliant moment in all of TV histowy!

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - TRELLIS ENTRANCE

Mordecai finally enters the farm, five minutes late. According to the notes on the back on his map, Applejack is waiting inside the barn. A moving crack of the door along with a call of her name brings the orange mare over.

MORDECAI
Applejack?

Mordecai holds his wing out to shake hands, and Applejack forcefully does so.

APPLEJACK
Well howdy'er partner! Before you get kickin' here, I just need you to get y'erself orientated! Now if my'uh memory is serving me correct, you said you were a groundskeeper before, right?

MORDECAI
(Double-takes and scratches his head) Well kind of.

APPLEJACK
We'alrighty then! You'll be perfect! Just shake the apples off the tree n tell me when yer done!
Mordecai grins cheesily, accepting Applejack's orders.

APPLEJACK (CONT'D)
But as for now, applebuck season isn't due anytime soon so until then, ye won't be a hurtin y'erself. You'll just be using the ol' seed drill for now!

MORDECAI
Oh. Is that good?

APPLEJACK
Should be.

AJ points her hoof at the seed drill, showing off its massive weight delving its iron points to the ground. Mordecai's beak gapes open so hard that it falls off.

APPLEJACK (CONT'D)
Get y'erself all harnessed and you can begin, A-sap.

FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN
EXT. CELERY FIELD - NOON

Forcing all of his weight on the drill, Mordecai finds that his unfit self is barely enough to break the friction of it. Struggling with more weight at each attempt, his back answers to the intense labor with a crack. Out of instinct, he unbuckles the harness, but the taut leather snapped from the force, dropping him onto the loose soil. On the peak of the mound, he flopped flat on the soil because the 45 degree arch on the mound matched his 45 degree thrown out back. With a successful attempt to stand again, he turns his head back to see what he did to himself.

MORDECAI
(Sickly, not painfully)'UAAAHHHH!

A thrown apple knocks the wind out of him and pushes him to the ground again. He drops into the next cavity facing the opposite direction this time, cracking his back the right direction again. Facing the trees, three fillies sync their steps, maintaining the same direction through the greenery in the woods. They all wore saddle bags and pirate themed attire. Scootaloo wore an eyepatch, Sweetie Belle wore a bandana, and Apple Bloom wore a captain's hat.

CRUSADERS
97, 98, 99, 100!

SCOOTALOO
(Scans the premise) I don't get it! Where's the "x"?

SWEETIE BELLE
Why would there be an "x"? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of the map? Besides, how do we know if we were counting our paces right? Do you count two hooves, or four hooves?

SCOOTALOO
I don't know! (Taunts) Why don't you ask the "captain?" After all, she is the boss!

APPLE BLOOM (O.S.)
(Singsong) Found it!

A quick pan shows Apple Bloom pointing at the marking with her hoof, smiling.

SCOOTALOO
(Dryly) Well what do you know? There actually is an "x"!

Sweetie Belle answers Scootaloo with a shove.

SWEETIE BELLE (TO SCOOTALOO)
I never said there wouldn't be one!

Applebloom calls out their names.

APPLE BLOOM
Hello! Cutie mark pirates, treasure, right here!

SWEETIE BELLE
(Reluctant) Oh yeah, right.

A cacophony of hooves digging is all you hear as the dust covers the screen. When it clears, it presents a wooden trunk inside the hole. They struggle to push it out of that steep hole, as the trunk was shaking from the three maxing out on their physical abilities.

A blue wing slaps itself on the trunk's door.

MORDECAI
Need some help? (Unlatches the trunk and lifts open)

APPLE BLOOM
Why thank ye' partner!

SCOOTALOO
Well this is it! The life changing moment of our lives!

MORDECAI
What are you three doing here anyways?

Worked up, the crusaders ignore Mordecai's question.

SCOOTALOO
From now on, we're gonna be...
The three peek inside at the same time.

SCOOTALOO (CONT'D)
(Crestfallen) Worthless.

Viewing overhead, the trunk is not only empty, but new and clean. The only thing that occupied that box was a paper note in a fourfold showing no age or signs of yellowing whatsoever. Sweetie Belle unravels it, only to get it snatched by Apple Bloom.

(NOTE)
Dear worthless trio. Me and Silver Spoon set this glorious prank to remind you who's boss. If you actually got this far without figuring that out, then it's safe to say this treasure is as empty as your heads. Tootaloo, blank flanks! - Diamond Tiara

All three of the crusaders let a dreary grunt and throw themselves to the ground.

APPLE BLOOM
Eh, forget it. Another weekend wasted. Face it, we were never meant to be cutie mark pirates from the start.

They sigh at the same time.

CRUSADERS
Worst weekend ever.

MORDECAI
(Scratches the back of his head) Yeah tell me about it. I got sucked away from home by some portal...thing. And now I can't even continue working because my harness snapped.

Mordecai shows them the leather harness, pointing at the strap that gave.

Sweetie Belle flings herself to be the first to see.

SWEETIE BELLE
Oh wa-wa-wait! I got something for that! Scoots! Open my bag and get that mending glue for me, would you?

Scootaloo shoves her head in, rummages through the bag, pops her head back out with a tube of glue clamped on her teeth and spits it out.

Mordecai has the eye of surprise as he watches the crusaders finish the mend. Revealing that it appears to be fixed again, he forcefully stretches it taut to test its durability.

MORDECAI
Whoa. (Pulls it once more) I'm...impressed. You know, if you're looking for your special talents, you should consider this. I don't know why you didn't think of this before.

SWEETIE BELLE
You mean, fixing things?

An emphasis backdrop snaps behind her at the instance.

SWEETIE BELLE (CONT'D)
That's it! We should be Cutie Mark Crusader repairmares!

MORDECAI
Cutie Mark Crusaders? (Scratches his head in a pause, then snaps his finger) Oh yeah your sister told me about you three!

APPLE BLOOM
Oh right, right! Yer the new one here! So? How's your first day on the job?

MORDECAI
I'm quitting. It isn't cut-out for me,(Looks away) or my species for that matter. (Returns eye contact) I got one row done. That's it. Come to think of it, Rigby is working at a bakery, and he hates baking with a passion.

He pauses to think for a few seconds.

MORDECAI (CONT’D)
He probably thinks he's in hell right now.

SNAP TO:
INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - KITCHEN - NOON

Extreme close-up of Rigby's face.

RIGBY
I think I'm in heaven right now!

A quick zoom out reveals him sliding a batch of cupcakes in the oven, with four more batches waiting. He glances at his chef hat, and he turns his head to face Pinkie Pie. She was watching the mixer, holding the power button down to keep it running.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
Yo Pinkie! My batch incoming!

PINKIE PIE
Oki doki loki!

Rigby zips over, lifts Pinkie's hoof away with his right hand to shut the mixer off, readjusts the speed gauge to high.

RIGBY
And while you're doing that, I'll show you this awesome drink that I made.

PINKIE PIE
Oki doki loki soki broski!

Rigby hops on the counter and frontflips onto the floor in front of the refrigerator. He takes out two cans of soda, a jar of pickles (wrapped around his tail), an ice tray, and a bottle of hot sauce.

Placing the ingredients on the counter next to the blender, he grabs Pinkie's attention.

RIGBY
(Hyper) Now gather around! I'm gonna show you the best smoothie ever. I call it...the Rig Juice Smoothie!

With the pink pony's eyebrow raised on Rigby, he began using the ingredients he lists.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
Two cans of Soda! Ice cubes! Some hard candy...for texture! Sugar coated bran flakes! Two whole apples! A grapevine! Pickles...for the color! And can you guess what the last one is gonna be?

PINKIE PIE
(Points her hoof at Rigby) Hot sauce?

RIGBY
No! It's- oh wait! How did you guess that?!

Pinkie Pie giggles. Then without a word, Rigby chugs the whole bottle of hot sauce in the blender as its color saturates the unprocessed drink. Pinkie sits against the wall on her haunches.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
It's easy as one, (plugs in the blender) two, (seals the lid) three! (hits the ice crush button on the blender)

Grinding the pickles, the smoothie recolors itself to lime green. The blender loudly hums, so Rigby and Pinkie have to shout over it. That is, if they can interpret what each of them are saying.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
Now what you're about to drink is gonna be, hold your applause, magic in smoothie form!

PINKIE PIE
(Misinterpreting) Of course my hooves are warm, silly! Ponies aren't cold blooded!

RIGBY
Homies are cold blooded sometimes, I know! That's why I stay away from bad neighborhoods!

PINKIE PIE
I tried slaying a dragon too! It didn't work out that well!

RIGBY
(Stops shouting over the blender) You know what? I'm just gonna come over there because I can't hear a word you're saying.

Attempting to hop off the counter, Rigby trips over the power cord on the blender. Flung off the countertop, the active blender clashes against the counter island on the floor beside Rigby, and lands with the pitcher still attached and powered, except without the lid on anymore. The rattling pitcher transmitted its noisy vibrations up to the countertop.

PINKIE PIE
(Shouts over the humming) You ok, fuzz-ball?
With the main ingredients like the hard candy processed, Rigby is able to understand her now.

RIGBY
Don't call me that!

When Rigby sits up, he scans the room for the blender, only to see a long, green, kitchen tool that rattled its way off the counter drop on the rim of the blender's pitcher. The lack of motion blur gave Rigby enough time to decipher what it was. A stove lighter.

Without even a chance to gasp, Rigby slips two pans with baked yet uniced cupcakes off the counter and rushes to Pinkie to give her one.

PINKIE PIE
What's this for, fuzz-ball?

RIGBY
(Tone of drill sergeant) TAKE COVER!!!

Rigby dives for the ground, covering himself with the cupcake pan like a medieval shield. Oblivious of what's going on, Pinkie takes Rigby's word and shields herself as so. The lighter then drifted into the epicenter of the whirling juice in the blender, and the lighter's fluid gave in to all the combustion it can get.
From outside, the bang can be heard, along with the splatter of green smoothie juice on the bakery's windows.

Upon opening his eyes again, they find the whole kitchen spattered with Rigby's concoction along with shards of glass on the floor surrounding where the pitcher exploded, but there appears to be no real damage. Rigby turns his head to see Pinkie Pie take a bit of a cupcake off the tray, now iced with his "Rig Juice Smoothie".

PINKIE PIE
Mmmm! It does taste like magic!

Rigby smiles back at her.

FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
INT. TWILIGHT's LIBRARY - LIVING ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

From an overhead view, Mordecai climbs on the round bed with Rigby exhaustively.

MORDECAI
So I hate to ask. How well did your day go?

Rigby turns around, holding an icebag on his head.

RIGBY
Actually it was pretty awesome, other than this massive headache I got! (Clamps his teeth shut) I need to cut back on sugar for a while. How's your day?

MORDECAI
Pfft. Awful. I already quit. Good thing Twilight's friends here are understanding, you know.
Mordecai was answered with a loud snore.

MORDECAI (TO HIMSELF) (CONT'D)
Though I got another plan.
Tiptoeing upstairs, Mordecai soundlessly makes his way up to Twilight's bedroom. Twilight was observing the stars with her telescope and taking notes. She turns around to see Mordecai talking to her.

MORDECAI (CONT'D)
Ummm, Twilight? Do you know anything about pony politics?

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. TOWN HALL - SPECIAL EVENT STAGE - MORNING

The event stage was occupied with an audience for an unknown reason. There was no banner or anything to label it. Rigby, on his way to the Sugarcube Corner for his second day, couldn't help to be distracted by it. After all, the audience was blocking his path.

RIGBY
What's all this rubble about?
A purple/violet pony in the audience turns to answer his question.

BERRY PUNCH
It's the first debate of the mayor's election this term!

RIGBY
Debate? (Raises eyebrow)

That's all he got from the pony before the audience let out an applause. Facing the stage, Mayor Mare steps up to the podium.

MAYOR MARE
Good morning everypony! And as you all know, my election term comes to an end this week. So after a long time running unopposed, I'm still proud to say that it won't be like that for this year! So I'd like to present to you my first competitive running mate, Mordecai!
The audience applaudes, but as soon as Mordecai climbs onstage, it abruptly cuts off.

RIGBY
(Gasps) Mordecai? What now?

He steps up to the next podium with Mayor Mare.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
(crossing fingers) Please don't embarrass yourself don't embarrass yourself don't embarrass yourself Mordecai!

MORDECAI
(Stacks his note cards on the podium) Ladies and gentlemen, I-

MAYOR MARE
(Whispers) Fillies and gentlecolts.

MORDECAI
Fillies and Gentlecolts! (Reading note cards) I come from a far away land from here, and even though my time in Ponyville has been short, I can guarantee you that I can fix the mistakes I can't let slip my mind!

Crowd cheers for Mordecai.

RIGBY
Hey, maybe he's got something here!
In front of the audience there are three debaters at a table who ask their questions. There's Doctor Whooves, Cheerilee, and Derpy Whooves.

CHEERILEE
Alright I guess I'll go first! Mayor, what are your plans concerning the education system in our city?

MAYOR MARE
Similar to the plan we already have.

DOCTOR WHOOVES
But what about those who haven't found their special talent yet?

CHEERILEE
(Interjects question) Well there aren't many of those left. You can't force young ponies into adulthood, you know.

DOCTOR WHOOVES
(Sighs) Very well then. Now Mordecai, you understand very well that you need experience in such a field to get some attention from the voters, correct?

MORDECAI
(Sweating) Um, yes?

DOCTOR WHOOVES
Well without that experience, how can we possibly expect you-

CHEERILEE
(Interrupts) But maybe-

DOCTOR WHOOVES
(Stammers) Wait I'm not finished! (Boldly) How can we possibly expect you to maintain a city in a foreign country when you're not even the same species to experience them in the first place?
The conspired audience chats about it. Then absolute silence kicks in over the anticipation.

MORDECAI
(Sweating frantically) Well um, working conditions are different and uhh...
With apprehension, five more seconds of silence kicks in.

CHEERILEE
While I don't understand Whooves' harshness on the question-

DOCTOR WHOOVES
(Interjects sternly) Well of course it's harsh! It's a debate for Pete's sake! Not a day care!

CHEERILEE
But I do understand the conjecture. (Restating) Why is it that being different becomes your advantage?

His answer was nothing but a silence.

MORDECAI
(Chokes) Well...I never thought about it that way.

Laughter spreads through the audience with an exception of Rigby, who facepalmed in shame.

MAYOR MARE
Well unfortunately I'm gonna have to cut it short because it seems that one of the debaters has wandered off, and nopony has found her yet.

Both Doctor Whooves and Cheerilee turn their faces to see the third seat empty, where Derpy was sitting.

MAYOR MARE (CONT'D)
In the meantime, let's celebrate this debate with a word from our sponsors!
The audience applaudes with their hooves stamping as a stubby green unicorn steps on stage, wearing a suit. Stepping up to the Mayor's podium, the two candidates exit the stage from the right. Mordecai steps off slouched over, dismal. In the meantime, the green pony makes his speech, by reading off of prepared note cards.

SNIPS
Fellow unicorns, are you tired of using all of yoir madgic on the simplest things at home? Would you give anything to get a little more enerdgy on yoir forehead? (Flips card) Well now you don't have to! Featuring the laitest technologery from the labs in Canterlawt, the MegaHorn! (Points hoof to the right)

Panning to the stage on the right, the curtains rise. Fanfare plays at the appearance, but it slows to a stop like a record player to accompany the audience's disgust. He is wearing the same steel helmet with the tesla coils that Mordecai saw carrying with his teeth yesterday, attached with two wire clips - one on each coil by the probes. A foot pedal is linked where the cords join together supposedly to the controller.

SNIPS (CONT'D)
(Flips card) It's so simple, evuen the numbest of all numbskulls can use it. (Picks up controller for everypony to see) Simply adjust yoir degree of magic with this controller here and (Flips card again, mispronouncing the word 'lead' in the sentence) unless you're the lead dog, the view...never...changes? Hm, since when do they make dogs out of lead?
Camera turns to Snails, with that same dopey look on his face he always makes. A rising hum indicates the unit is powered.

SNIPS (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(Shouts over noise) Alright Snails, batter up!

Snails takes his hoof to the pedal and is instantly electrocuted to the point where his coat and mane spiked in every direction possible to ground it. The electricity finally cuts off of its supply, releasing Snails. Fully charred, he coughs black smoke.

SNAILS
(Dry coughs) Dusty!

SNIPS
Hold up, Snails. I er uh...know I got something wrong here.
Zooming out, it is revealed that Snips didn't plug the Megahorn cable into the controller, but instead, the cable was jammed directly into a power outlet. The audience laughs at the nonlethal amusement.

Cut to a view of Mordecai, Rigby, and Twilight now in the same scene off-stage.

MORDECAI
I found out I'm still on my denial stage. Rigby, Twilight, now would be a good chance for you to run.

RIGBY
Pfft. Whatever man, I'm off to the S.C.C. Be back at eight. (Leaves the scene)

FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
INT. TWILIGHT's LIBRARY - LIVING ROOM - LATE AT NIGHT

From outside, all you can hear is a repeated thunk. Rigby creaks the door open, greeted by Twilight.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Hi Rigby.

RIGBY
Mordecai still mad?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Eeyup. Right upstairs.

Rigby heads upstairs as so.

INT. SECOND FLOOR

RIGBY
What the...?

The source of the pounding was revealed. Mordecai was repeatedly pounding his head into the wall of the library.

MORDECAI
Leave. (Pound) Me. (Pound) Alone.

RIGBY
Mordecai I just have to ask. What in the right mind gave you the idea to become mayor?!

MORDECAI
Because...(Pound) it pisses me of that I'm a bird, and all these jobs are set up for ponies, and not birds. Weather control, Applebucking, magic, all of it, strictly for ponies. So other than tailoring, that's pretty much my last choice. (Pound)

RIGBY
Oh. Well I got lucky. My job is apparently what I've dreamed of! Woo!

MORDECAI
(Pound) Not...(Pound)...helping.

Twilight has to state the obvious.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well pounding your head repeatedly against the wall isn't gonna help either.

Mordecai brings his head to a stop, facing the two.

MORDECAI
(Paces back and forth) Well this world wasn't built for us. I just wanna go home, where we belong.
Twilight, remember when you said the princess needed our info so they can hear our side of the story? Well now is a good time, so take notes. 'We were bombarded by a meteor shower, and then a giant funnel went and-'

Twilight lifts a hoof, signaling a stop. In fact, she didn't even reach for a parchment.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Look, I didn't wanna break the news this early, but you cornered me. I received a letter from Princess Celestia this morning. She said her team believes the possibility of finding a spell for a cross-universal portal is inevitable. The project was called off earlier this afternoon.

The announcement disdains Mordecai deeply.

MORDECAI
(Grabs Twilight by the shoulders and shakes her about) What?! (Raises voice) You mean we're stuck here forever? (Shaking Twilight by the shoulders) With no way getting home?

RIGBY
(Dismissive) Heh. I can live with that.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Okay, okay, okay.(Defensively) I'm sorry. But I'll make it up to you, Mordecai. Remember Rainbow Dash? Well this year she was drafted into her home town's sports team-

RIGBY
Wait. (Lifts shades) What sport?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
(Faces Rigby) It's called "Candyball." It's a very popular sport in this country. And all my friends are gonna be there! Well except Pinkie because she has to work that day.

RIGBY
Dude, I don't like you being this angry. It's gonna keep me up all night. And I actually get tired now.

MORDECAI
(Groans loudly) Shouldn't you be angry too?

RIGBY
No. Because I'm not the one that complains about everything. (Hops on the bed) Now I'm not making any space on this bed until you say "yes." At least say that! I'm not gonna let myself lose any sleep over something stupid like this.

Mordecai shows his furious groan again, until it is put down with a sigh.

MORDECAI
No! This serious! How do you possibly think that-

RIGBY
(Imitating robot voice) INITIATING #COVER-BED SEQUENCE. (Stretches arms over the mattress) BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP.

MORDECAI
(Pounds his head one more time into the wall.) Heh. Fine.

Fading out, Mordecai's face remained indifferent about the request.

EXT. CANTERLOT - CANDYBALL FIELD - DAY

Opening shot: A whole fullscreen view of Canterlot dissolves into a view of an Ivy-League style stadium, made of the same marble used for the castle. Supported with arch columns, the bleachers follow a white-yellow palette. Each quadrant of a bleacher level populated by the thousands, and there were three bleacher levels excluding the cotton cloud overhang for the pegasi. With a left-to-right pan of the rowdy fans, the commentator begins.

MIKE PUNT (OVER MIC, O.S.)
Welcome, fillies and gentlecolts, to game number 9 of the candyball season! (Onscreen close-up) I am Mike Punt, your official commentator of the Equestrian Candyball League.
The solid white stallion wore a crimson red tie with only the collar of a shirt tucking it in, without the shirt itself.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
This may be the game that will determine whether Cloudsdale's Clydes will make it to the playoffs next week! The face-off will begin in ten minutes.

A dark outline of Mordecai, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy all sit in one row of bleachers in the foreground like a silhouette.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Whoa.

APPLEJACK
This here is one hay-of-a die-hard fan herd.

Fluttershy whimpers.

RARITY
Dazzling sight.

MORDECAI
How many people do you think are here?

RIGBY (O.S.)
Thirty.

Everyone stares at Rigby for a second. Camera directs to him on the far right.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
Alright, thirty-five.

MORDECAI
(Dryly) Aren't you supposed to work today?

PINKIE PIE (O.S)
I didn't want fuzz-ball to miss out on seeing my bestest friend play! So I'm dropping him off here.

Camera redirects to Pinkie, nuzzling Rigby.

PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Be back at eight, fuzz-ball!

Pinkie Pie hops off her seat and leaves the scene.

MORDECAI
So, where's the rainbow one fuzz-ba- I mean, Rigby?

RAINBOW DASH (O.S.)
Right here.

Azure outlined hoof-boots clack on the bench behind the group, blocking most of the view of the field. The group turns their heads. Showing a body shot of Rainbow dash, she was wearing the official Candyball uniform under the Clydes' color palette - glossy indigo body plates over a grey elastic jumpsuit. The suit was like a mash-up of sleek Stormtrooper body armor somehow stylishly matching a motorcycle helmet.

RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
(Strikes a pose) So what do you think of the suit? Am I awesomelicious or what?

The rest of the group agrees with a "yeah" or a "yah-huh," except Rarity, who was afraid to even turn her head to see for herself.

RARITY
I don't wanna even look at it- oh my it's actually quite expressive.

APPLEJACK
Just a heads up, Rainbow. You gotta think like a tiger, not a cheetah. This is Bermareda you're up with. Not some dinky little-

RAINBOW DASH
Bermareda? Their defense in Candyball is like, the worst in Equestria.(Scoffs) Don't worry, it won't be much of a jawbreaker!

RIGBY
Sure will be, Rainbow uhhhhh... (Scratches head) Dash!
Rainbow nods to Rigby's butt-in of the chat, which was paused briefly by the commentator's update.

MIKE PUNT
Face-off will begin in five minutes. Players are now being called to their huddles.

RAINBOW DASH
Just need to borrow this for the time being.

She yanks the hair scrunchie from Applejack's ponytail. However, Applejack didn't exactly approve of this.

APPLEJACK
Hey what in tarnation?!

RAINBOW DASH (O.S.)
That'll help.

With the strands of rainbow hair on her tail mixed together, she knots her tail to a bun for the momentum. She whips it back and forth a few times to test the knot.

RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Wish me luck! (Flaps away to the huddle)

APPLEJACK
She coulda just said something first. Yeesh! (Turns to Rigby) And you, furry one, I gotta bone to pick wit' you.

RIGBY
What d'ya got against me? I barely know you!

APPLEJACK
This here. It's the homework my little sister got back. She claims you helped her.

Applejack shows him the question.

APPLEJACK (CONT'D)
Keep your advice away from the Apple family, got it?

RARITY
Speaking of those troublesome fillies, you won't believe what they did to my once-called creation room back at the boutique this morning.

FLASHBACK TO:
INT. CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE - CREATION ROOM - MORNING

Close-up of Rarity carrying on with her job, the thick suede fabric came to a complete stop. The machine itself answered with grinding gears as the suede billowed up further.

RARITY (PRESENT V.O.)
My sewing machine got itself caught in a knot, with the suede felt stuck in it. Now you all know suede is very expensive and can't go to waste. So I was desperate.
In the flashback, Rarity was waving her hooves, moaning.

RARITY (FLASHBACK)
Of all the worst things that can hap-
Her front door slams open, imprinting the wall. The three uninvited guests casually enter with loud yellow construction suits, starting with Scootaloo.

SCOOTALOO
(Cheerfully) Well no need to worry. With our proper tools and experience, we can guarantee a perfect fix!

SWEETIE BELLE
That's right, and with our help, you'll be ready in no time.

Rarity, knowing Sweetie Belle's clumsiness, darts to guard the fabric-hungry sewing machine for her life.

RARITY [FLASHBACK]
Out of my room. (Hoof-stamps the floor) Now.

Silently, Apple Bloom signals a nod to the other two, who answer back with the same gesture, the three overly determined fillies manage to shove the fully grown mare out of the premise and barricade themselves in. With Rarity's undetermined attempts to kick the door open, her legs ran out of steam.

APPLE BLOOM
Sorry Rarity!

Sweetie Belle ignores the upsetting muffled mourns of her sister from behind the door and continues.

SWEETIE BELLE
Scootaloo! Status report!

Scootaloo tugs the fabric with her teeth, stretching it taut.

SCOOTALOO
It's jammed.

SWEETIE BELLE
(Rummaging through her bag) Uh huh, so we gotta loosen it up. I'll get the scissors just to be safe.(Turns around) I'll just- What are you doing?!

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom are seen pounding the sewing machine with sledge hammers.

APPLE BLOOM
(Pauses) You said "Loosen it up!"

SWEETIE BELLE
That's not how you loosen up a sewing machine's needlehead, ya needlehead. You gotta take the fabric out first.

SCOOTALOO
Don't you think we tried that?!

SWEETIE BELLE
(Swings her head) Apparently not hard enough. Hold it by the other end. I'll get it out.
The three play a tug of war that goes on for three desperate struggles. On the third try, the base of the machine sheers off, throwing all three fillies to the ground. Hoping on her hooves again, Sweetie Belle is freaked, yet enthralled by the aftermath of their attempts. Racing back and forth, the sewing machine was now demoted to a carpenter's jigsaw, and it was fully out of control. As the crusaders disperse in a frenzy, the jigsaw wasn't actually slicing the floor. It was cutting the floor, then it was stitching itself back up.

From outside the room, Rarity was vigorously pounding her hooves against the door.

RARITY (FLASHBACK)
Sweetie Belle? That doesn't sound so good. Sweetie Belle! Open up! This isn't funny anymore!
The sewing machine jigsaw then crashes through the door and crosses between her hooves. As it escapes the scene, Rarity nudges herself through the shattered hole in the door, which is notably only the size of Angel Bunny. As soon as she opens her eyes, she has to shake her head in disbelief.

RARITY (FLASHBACK) (CONT'D)
(Bloodcurdling scream) MY INSPIRATION ROOM!!!

Revealing an open window, the Crusaders appeared to have snuck out while offscreen.

SWEETIE BELLE
(Stammers sheepishly) Keep going keep going keep going!

RARITY [PRESENT V.O.]
I've no idea as to why Sweetie Belle or the rest of her silly little innocent friends would be so vulgar and arrogant to anyone.

END OF FLASHBACK

MORDECAI
(Introverted) Yeah...I wonder. (Swallows) So what's Candyball? How's it played?
As Applejack was about to answer the question, her words were cut off by Fluttershy, who peeked her head out from behind Applejack's back.

FLUTTERSHY
(Hyperventilates) It's only the most brutal and terrifying sport played in all of Equestri- OH ANGEL BUNNY GET ME OUTTA HERE! (Shudders)

Angel pops her head out for the first time and pinches her tail to pop her upright on her seat.

APPLEJACK
Now, now; there's no need to fuss there, girl. They all know it's in good fun.
Applejack shrugs back at Mordecai.

RIGBY (TO MORDECAI)
Psst! They told me about it. It's like a fusion of football, hockey, soccer and dodgeball in one game.

The unrealistic way Rigby explained Candyball was enough to for Mordecai to forget the guilt as he returned the response with a crooked puzzle on his face.

MORDECAI
Wwwwwwwww-what?

Rigby passes a little pamphlet labeled “Equestrian Candyball League ”

MIKE PUNT (V.O.)
Fillies and gentlecolts, the players are in formation of the field and the face-off is now clear to begin.

The field, which similarly shared dimensions with a football field, is being veiled with a 60-foot tall retracting steel cage that surrounds the whole perimeter of the viewing. The mesh fence rises from the trapdoors.

Cla-cla-cla-cla-cla-cla-clac, cliclicliclicliclic.

Completed with the clashing of the cage fence, Fluttershy flinches again; this time behind Twilight.

MiKE PUNT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Formation is ready, with the Clydes in possession of the ball.

Clop-clack clop-clack clop-CLASH!

MIKE PUNT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And they're off. T-bone receives the ball to punt it to RD. RD laterals it to Suns and is taken down by Barbs' tackler, Lawn. Decent start for the-

Rainbow Dash dips by with the ball, through an open pocket.

MIKE PUNT (CONT’D)
Fortunate day for RD! Her accidental reception may have saved her on her first day! Aiming for a 30 yard kick, she shoots for the stars, doesn't she. (Buzzer alarms)

Rainbow Dash makes a gutsy move by trying to return home, which would give her the extra two points.

MIKE PUNT (CONT’D)
Precise little punt there. She might have this one in the bag. It's difficult to keep up with this multicolored pony.

Rainbow Dash, as a motion blur, darts herself to the mesh of the net.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
Conversion successful! A harsh yet exciting development of a fanbase has already boosted her short-lived career. No ordinary day job out on the field, isn't it?

Instantly removing her helmet, she twirled the helmet around her hoof with her extraordinary speed.

Facing the scoreboard, a clock transition showed the scores from 5-0 into 20-22.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
Well it’s been a long half time show featuring BureauBeat, but it all comes down to the last game. Like always. But if the Clydes get the last three pointer, they still have a chance. Especially since they have the ball, but with 30 seconds remaining. Unfortunately for the team, It's gonna take more than T-Boning to bring forth this miracle.

Players occupy positions, with the Clydes in offense formation.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
And the cover seems effective. T-Bone fakes the punt, passes it to RD to center-ooh! I don't believe It what a lucky shot by thirty five yards!

CROWD
(Chants, holding banners, signs, etc.) RD! RD! RD! RD!
Rainbow Dash only scored this lucky shot because she was facepounded by losing track of the ball, which apparently made its way into the net. She shakes into consciousness again, realizing that she is the one that has to kneel in the green to pin the score and win the game. Though she didn't. She aimed for the extra two-point conversion by returning to her net, out of her own proverbial arrogance.

MIKE PUNT
RD better give into the thousands of fans' demand if she wants to keep her good name high. Apparently she's aiming for more than that.

The beige pony cuts in front of her, despite the fact that she was at her top speed at Mach 1. Whether it was a tackle or a fumble, the overseer commentators couldn't decipher it either. To make matters worse, the ball appeared in the scene as well.

In reality, she was tripped by the right wing defense, and she fell as a result of misdirection. The ball hit the defender pegasus, not Rainbow Dash.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
Let's take this to our imaging ponies to review that last play.

With the audience's eyes on the retractable screen, an indigo unicorn with a monocle intensely lights his horn to an unnatural level to most unicorns. Unlike normal magic spells, this spell lacks one property. It doesn't sparkle. The light from the horn glared a motion image on the white screen from a relatively distant position.

The motion image rendered a slow motion view of Rainbow Dash being spiked by the ball and losing altitude from the blow, resulting in the same position Rainbow Dash was laying when she flopped on the ground and the ball at the same coordinates. In this false evidence, the beige colored defense pony doesn't trip anyone. But the audience isn't going to know; it's official ECL evidence. Taking a gasp, the thousands of fans were bummed, but they were also oblivious of the scheme that would fool the referees.

MIKE PUNT (CONT'D)
Well it looks like the Clydes tanked yet another game that had a fiery start. But until the referees finally decide, this play is still lingering in review.

Rainbow Dash lifts her head up, seeing stars due to her crash landing.

Close-up of Rainbow Dash's friends again.

APPLEJACK
Heh. (Sternly) Does she really have to try to be the ultimate winner of everything? Anypony seen Rigby anywhere? I'm no longer getting annoyed by any excessive chattering.

RARITY
I think he was muttering something on the lines of 'they better got nachos up in this piece.'

MORDECAI
But that was like fifteen minutes ago.

Close-up of Applejack, but in focus with the, with an infuriated Rigby stamping his way to the reviewer box. Refocus to Applejack.

APPLEJACK
Well that's apparently not all that the furbrain's doin'.

Rigby stoops up to confront with the "Imaging Pony." He had a dark indigo coat with a red-yellow two-tone mane.

RIGBY
Alright put it out. Right now, forest fire. I saw what you did.

PHILAMENTIS
The name's Philamentis and what do you mean? That I went back in time fifty years ago to splice up the family tree of the Clydes members so they all got bred with a bunch of stuck-up shut ins who understood the idea and/or philosophy of time travel but failed to even do that and stumbled upon a world fused with Alice in Wonderland and the Wizard of Oz but instead of flying monkeys there were flying cats then yeah we can go with that.
Rigby stands motionless for a second or two.

RIGBY
Look if you think your little mind projector tricks are gonna fly around here then think again! It didn't fool me and it's not gonna fool anyone else!

PHILAMENTIS
Take note of this you hopeless hairy polecat mutt. I have a physician’s degree in two majors. One in Optics and one in Psychology. And apart from my personal competitions of Dungeons and Dragons with some of my old professors on-campus during lunch hours, everypony likes me. They listen to me. They see me like an inverse tangent function approaching a vertical asymptote. They never question my knowledge because as far as they're concerned, they won't bear to blare an explanation to a flaw to my logic, and ultimately don't refute an upheld belief due to the fear that they don't wanna be like despicable fools like you.

RIGBY
(Wryly) You went to school in Bermareda didn't you?

Philamentis hides the centerpiece of his chain that held the school name of "Bermareda".

PHILAMENTIS
(Hastily) Look. Have you ever heard of the Rule of Three? It's the law that putting anything in threes makes a person sound smarter. Many famous people in history followed and prolonged its usage. Ferris, Tesla, Shakespeare, anything in between. So now I'm giving you a count to three to get out of my face, and if you were smart, you will do so. One...

RIGBY
Well, it’s unfortunate you have to meet my two friends. (Unrolls right sleeve) Doctor Face Smasher Number One... and (unrolls left sleeve) Doctor Face Smasher Number Two! And my friend...they're gonna make you the most unique pony in all of Equestrimahcallit!

PHILAMENTIS
Two...

RIGBY
I'm being serious. Put'em up.

Two security guard ponies lift Rigby by his limbs, against his will, and take him back to his seat.

GUARD 1
Is this kid one-a yours?

All four of the ponies and Mordecai nod in sync.

GUARD 2
Keep your little pal outta trouble, ladies. Your buddy here was caught trespassing in the referee box.

APPLEJACK
(Sheepishly) Pardon us for our little mishap.

The guards drop Rigby at the vacant seat and depart about.

APPLEJACK (CONT'D)
(Raises voice) Won't happen again! Promise!

FADE TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
EXT. CANTERLOT CANDYBALL FIELD - SUNSET

Opening Shot: The sun sets over the distant sea, reflecting over the ripples in the waves of the calm water body. The game was already over, and the field cage was retracted in the ground. With the camera still fixed at the sunset, Mordecai and the group, reunited with Rainbow Dash, have a brief discussion about the game as they depart through the main gate.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well whatever happened out there, you'll get them next year, right Rainbow Dash?

RAINBOW DASH
I coulda swore I just lost my balance.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well I wouldn't be surprised if you just aren't able to remember it.

APPLEJACK
I agree. After all, it was a headshot. Now don't let yerself be stinkin' up the good fun!

RAINBOW DASH
(Lets out loud groan) Ehh, fine. (Mutters to herself)

More disappointed fans cleared the arena, with the exception of the ones who decided to stick around to watch the orange ball fall over the horizon in the west; including Rigby, who was sitting next to Pinkie Pie in the nearly empty field.

PINKIE PIE
So what you were trying to tell them was that you were just trying to get some stubborn mule to crack?

RIGBY
Well...um...yeah... (Sighs, faces Pinkie) I guess I don't know what got into me.
Pinkie faces Rigby, make brief eye contact, and ultimately turn away from the awkwardness.

PINKIE PIE
Nice sunset though.

RIGBY
Looks like the same sun setting the same way like back on Earth.

PINKIE PIE
You have a princess that controls the sun too?

RIGBY
A whatie that controls the...who now?

PINKIE PIE
Nevermind silly Fluffy.

RIGBY
Whatever silly Pinkie. (Short pause) Pinki Pie...where did that name even come from anyways?

PINKIE PIE
A pie landed on my head when I was born. A lot of ponies names come from that freaky-deaky concept. (Whirls hoof) It's tradition! (Wraps Rigby with her foreleg)

RIGBY
(Sarcastically) Heh. Small world.

PINKIE PIE
Let's see. We got...Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, there's Junebug...

BACKGROUND PONY
Fi, fiffyfi!

PINKIE PIE
(Waves) Hi, Cinderblock! (Faces Rigby again) That's Cinderblock. He just moved in with Rusty Anchor.

RIGBY
(Plaintive) I get it, I get it.

Pinkie raises an eyebrow in discern.

RIGBY (CONT'D)
See I did it again! Ughhhh. Why am I always the one that messes everything up?

PINKIE PIE
It's ok, it's ok, Fluffy. (Snickers) It's...kinda cute when you're angry. Besides, I can understand that you're far away from home.

RIGBY
Well not really. It actually was a rough life out there. I like it he- no. I love it here. No one here to yell at us, and a job that I really like doing. Sounds like a perfect life for me.

PINKIE PIE
Well if it makes you feel any better, I grew up on a rock farm far away from here.

RIGBY
Wow...that just made my old job look like gold.

PINKIE PIE
Why does it matter? Everything worked out in the end, right?

RIGBY
Well, not really.

Pinkie Pie reaches in her bag and unnaturally takes out a whole acoustic guitar from it. (a.k.a. hammerspace) And starts strumming a rhythmic harmony.

PINKIE PIE
You know what I do when I can’t get my feelings out with words? Sing about it.

RIGBY
Well I don’t really sing much, but for you, okay.

(Rigby)
Ever since the end of October
I begged my life to not be over.
I’d watch the sun set, planted in the sand;
The minute hand revolving again and again.

(Pinkie)
I’m sure your loss was hurtful at first.
But now the best evolved from the worst.

(Rigby)
Is it really so right to be fearful
When people like you are so cheerful?

Take a hoof and palm
And sing along
So you can feel the life tonight
Oh Pinkie,
We’re like sugar and spice.
Oh Pinkie,

(Both)
We’re like sugar and spice.

At the ritarando ending of the song, the two pucker up and kiss.

This last sequence of Act 2 ends with a closing iris.