Roses are Red, and Violets are Blue...
One day we'll cruise down the Gulch avenue.
It's Red versus Red, and Blue versus Blue!
It's I against I and it's Me against You...
It is indeed always Red Versus Blue
You ever have one of those days where you just look at somepony and...and just...want to punch their damn face in? Oh boy, lemme tell you about a day like that I had not long ago...yes, yes, I know that's why I'm currently in a detention cell and am being interviewed, but I felt like my interview needed a bit more pizzazz, ya know?...whatever, it's my story, so listen up little Missy with the recorder and everyone else that'll hear this!
Of course, my favorite colors being red and black, I immediately felt some hesitation to meeting a pony—unicorn, too...I tend to not like unicorns—donned in light blue and white armor. But, I was told that we would be partnered on a mission soon, so I got over my suspicions and decided to approach the mare...
When I found her, she was giving a show to some Humans and ponies. Seemed like some kind of decent-ish magic show, which brought to mind:
"Why the hell is my partner giving a cheap-ass magic show...?"
Perhaps I asked the question a bit loud, though, as much of the crowd turned towards me while the current trick being performed froze in it's place and the Unicorn's sky-blue visor turned upon me.
"...Too loud?"
I blinked and suddenly that blue visor was about and inch from my face.
"Erm...hi, yeah, sorry, but...seriously...what's with the cheap magic show?" I asked, taking a small step back.
All I got in response was a slight tilting of the head to the side, and nothing else.
"Don't tell me you're another fucking Pip and you won't talk..."
"Oh, I talk." her voice suddenly spat. It sounded pompous...and ostentatious...I hate those two words, "I just usually don't prefer to talk down on ponies!" she shrugged and started to turn, "Lesson number 57! 'Don't say anything if you have nothing nice to say'!" she quoted, trying to give a bad impression of Twilight, I think...
"Er...um...Hey! Wait just a second there!" I grabbed the irritating mare's shoulder and spun her right around, "I don't appreciate those remarks!"
"Well, then get over it. I do not wish to talk with you." I swear I could see a very deadpan stare returned to me through her visor...oh wait, that's just my reflection.
"Ma'm..." I shook my head, grinning with a small laugh, "Do you know who I am?" I asked rhetorically, "I'm Artemis! I-" my small speech about my great past was cut off when this blue and white annoyance cut in!
"Yes, yes. You disregard all rules and regulations, place yourself and your entire team at risk every mission, and have the IQ of a Changeling Grunt." She didn't even add any emotion to those remarks...
"Oh, yeah, and you uncouthly seek a very lustful and unbecoming relation with Princess Luna, which, of course, will never happen."
Okay, now pot shots are easy to shrug off, even if they are of my ability as a soldier, but that...that was low and way too far.
"Alright, alright, lemme give you my rebuttal..."
Now, I know that my next move was a bad idea. And that it is grounds for some really bad punishment...and that she probably had the ability to pound my flank into the ground...hehe, that sounded dirty...oh, er, uhm...but still.
When have I ever given any notion that I really cared about any of those things?
Exactly.
With a deft swipe of a hoof, my knife was out of it's sheath and held lightly against the back of the mare's neck.
"I think I'm going to have to cut your tongue out now." I stated casually.
At first, she gave no response, leading me to believe that she was quivering in her armor—I mean, I could feel something shaking—but then a soft, cerulean blue glow caught my eye from directly above.
Since we are never trained to fight one another, save for the use of regulation weaponry, I had no idea that the glow was her Magic flaring up, and soon found myself bent over backwards with a face-full of a dirt, a ringing in my ears, and a strong sense of dizziness.
After leaning back, sputtering dirt out of my mouth while wiping more off my face, I could hear whispers among the crowd.
I have a reputation, you see, and this mare seemed to be making it her goal to ruin it...that sounds familiar, though, huh?
"Okay...so you wanna dance, hmm?" wiping the last bits of dirt off my face, I stood up and turned to this pain in the flank, spotting my knife stuck in the dirt a few steps ahead of me, "Alright then, let's dance."
"So cliché." was her only response.
Sprinting ahead, I dipped down and scooped up my knife, holding it at the ready for when I came into range. Of course, I never got close enough, as the same blue glow appeared again, except this time it surrounded her entire body. Bracing myself while sliding to a halt only moments before it happened, I realized that this Unicorn probably contained enough magical power to rival even Twilight, who, so I'm told, rivals even Luna.
Only thing in my mind at that point was simply, "Well, buck."
A sudden burst of wind created by whatever spell this blue mare had just cast knocked me backwards, head over hooves, tumbling across the dirt until I managed to stab my knife into the ground and ride the rest of the wave out. Of course, the crowd which had gathered to watch the spectacle wasn't as lucky and they all soon found themselves scattered across the yard with spinning heads.
'Oh, what the hell did I get myself into again?' I thought, shrugging off some flecks of dirt while the great and powerful unicorn before me floated off the ground and a surging blue glow sparked around her body.
Looked like something ya'd see right before being vaporized.
"Again...well, buck."
As if on cue another, smaller shockwave burst forth, forcing me to shield my eyes from more dirt. Before blocking, though, I noticed that some kind of spark, kinda like lightning, zipped from her body to into the ground. When the dust settled, I quickly found out what that was...
"Watch...in AWE!!!"
Cracks burst across the surface of the ground everywhere as a blue, ethereal glow seemed to seep out like steam.
"Oh, come on!"
Needless to say, the whole frickin' ground broke into chunks and started floating into the air, with me still standing on it, might I add. All the while the blue bitch mockingly stared down at me and the crowd probably shit their respective panties.
The unicorn slowly raised a hoof, that sparking blue energy still surging around her, then quickly pulled it down as one of the larger chunks of earth practically exploded and fractured into a couple hundred smaller pieces which—and I could only assume at the time—all had my name on them.
"Okay, this is just...just ridiculous..."
I grabbed one of the swords handed to me by Thel after training with the guy and activated the energy, sparking one of my two best friends in the whole world to brilliant life. Just in time, too, as the first couple of bullet-fast rocks zipped my way. A swat there, a slice here, and a sidestep thrown in now and again. Usual stuff against projectiles like these, really. I WAS glad they weren't all swarming me at once like I was expecting.
Then again, She does like putting on a show.
Before I could say, "By the love of Luna," the speed and frequency of those rocks far more than doubled, and I quickly—again—found myself face-down in the dirt, except this time everything stung like a mother fu-hm? You want me to what? Fine, fine, I'll tone down the language.
After spitting out more awful dirt I peered over to the mighty mare, who remained floating and glowing like some pompous villain straight of of DBZ. I think she returned it with a mocking smile.
"No one can best the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
I snarled, glowering in frustration, "Gimme some weapons and I'll make you eat those words." I shouted, eyeing my dropped energy sword handle.
As the air hummed and practically vibrated from the sheer amount of magic emanating from Trixie, she deliberated allowing me an actual weapon to fight back with. I guess her desire to put on a show was battling with her desire to "put me in my place."
In the end...
"No, I think I'll just bury you now."
My ears fell like a deadmare. She...wasn't the honorable type, hmm?
"Ey, Wolfie!" Distracted for a moment from the slowly advancing and floating armada of Earth—lead by the Queen of all that is Annoying—I noticed that a familiar Pegasus had managed to get close to the battle.
And he had all my favorite gear.
"Give'er hell."
Of course I would. But first I had to escape these flying pieces of doom...they were like the size of an Elephant! Quickly, I dashed backwards, activating my newly integrated thruster pack to quicken the pace at which I evaded. Good thing, too, as my tail barely escaped being pinned under the massive rock.
"Toss em to me! One by one!"
Not looking for a confirmation, I dashed again with the thrusters, except this time upwards, then landed on the piece which almost flattened me and used it to kick further back towards my friend Backdraft and all my weapons. This is when I finally turned, hooves ready to catch the first weapon...except he threw them a lot earlier and faster than I anticipated and took the first one, a magnum, to the mouth.
After dropping it out of my maw and clipping it to my right thigh, I glared at Drafty and waved a hoof at him threateningly, "Thanks, good throw, ass!"
He merely shrugged, grinning, before tossing two different devices to me at once. This, I was ready for.
Grabbing them—another magnum for the right and my other energy sword for the left—I locked my eyes onto the levitating mass of cerulean blue guarded by ever more rocks. Armed with just a pair of pistols and a pair of swords, this was going to be interesting.
"Looks like a straight up one on one throwdown is out of the question..." I muttered, quickly plotting a plan of attack, "There's no way I'll be able to penetrate her wall of-pfft!" I'm sorry, just couldn't help but laugh at the innuendo it sounded like! "Hah, break through her rock-wall defense...I'm ganna have to provoke her into doing something reckless." I turned back to Drafty, who had taken refuge beside the bath house with a group of the audience.
"Wait...audience...she has a thing for showing off!" I grinned, relaxing my stance and deactivating the energy sword, "Hey Miss Sparky!" I raised my arms in something some may call a "come-at-me-bro" fashion, "Is that all the Great and Powerful Trixie I've heard of so much can do? Simple levitation? Laaame."
"You mock Trixie?" she scoffed, "Trixie does not need much power to crush you, though."
"But still! It's just too simple...gimme something more interesting to fight for!"
I could almost hear her growl in frustration, "Trixie does not need to follow commands from you."
Not looking good...at least she stopped advancing.
"But come on. I am pretty known around here, as well as the whole UNSC and ONI, so...how much rep do you think you would get if you made this fight all the more memorable?"
This time, she actually pondered the idea.
"Like, throw in some overly flashy teleportation, or toss some magical energy...explosion-thingythings and stuff...or something..." I furrowed my brow, as I am sure she did too, "Okay, okay, I'm not an expert in magic."
"More flair?" Trixie thought aloud, "Fine. Boulders and brute force was never Trixie's style anyway."
I grinned, "Exactly!"
She slowly levitated to the ground, dropping every boulder and pebble with a myriad of thuds and clatters. This plan seemed to be working great!
"Trixie made sure she was the best at everything she does, Miss Artemis, so do not feel disappointed when you are defeated." She reached her forehooves up and slowly unclasped her helmet, "Though do try to make this as fantastic a show as you can!" She lifted the helmet, then tossed it only to have it disappear in a flash of blue light, "Oh, um, please. Must remember to add that please..."
I was almost laughing at how well my plan was working at this point. But I held it in, of course, I mean, didn't want to seem too confident now. But still...my plans tend to go awry at some point, so I was admittedly quite skeptical.
"It will be a glorious battle, don't worry. But I AM a very adept fighter, you know." I bounced on my hooves and put the front pair up—I call 'em Punchy and Jabby!—and awaited her first move.
"Yes, I know."
Hmm...maybe this plan won't fail...
Then I blinked before suddenly receiving a very good, close look at Trixie's features promptly followed by a backhoof to the jaw.
Already forgot about that damn teleportation...I am such a moron sometimes!
Spinning on my hooves with vision exploding like one of Vinyl's raves, I barley managed to catch a glimpse of another flash before once again having my face say hello to another right hook. Fucking teleportation man...
"Well that was disappointing..."
After shaking my head, I found that Trixie was standing over me with a deadpan stare, and that one of my teeth had chipped and was resting on my tongue...sonuva...she can pack a mean punch!
"Not done yet." I muttered, reeling back and rolling to my hooves again, "I'mma tough little sucker, so you'll need more than two jabs to decommish' me."
I swear I saw her lips curl into the tiniest of smiles before responding, "Good show."
She disappeared in another flash of light, but instead of finding a hoof to my face, instead her hoof found my hoof, "Gotcha!" I slid a read leg underneath her body and twisted, grabbing her outstretched hoof and throwing her into the air, only to have her teleport again!
"Nope!" As I was already bent over from just throwing her, I kicked a rear hoof straight up and curled in, feeling—and hearing—a grunt and crack as I think I dislocated her jaw. After landing, I quickly spun around and found Trixie now spread eagle on her back.
"Good show, indeed!" I mocked triumphantly.
"Yes..." she rubbed her jaw, fixing the damage, "Now time to get even more violent..."
I furrowed my brow, "What?" before suddenly finding my two pistols being lifted from my person, "Hey! Give those ba-gah!"
After the magnums were casually levitated off of my armor, what felt like a miniature explosion occurred directly in front of me and I was rocketed off me hooves straight back, whereupon I slid on my rear hooves a good thirty yards before finally skidding to a halt.
"And now, we hope Trixie does not accidentally hit your head."
Quickly realizing what was about to happen, I reached down with both hooves and whipped both energy swords out, activating both and holding them in a crisscross before in just in time to stop a pair of bullets which would have definitely turned my head into a pile of mush.
"Dob't you mean on purpose!?" I shouted angrily.
"Sorry, but I am not the element of Honesty, you know."
'At least she doesn't have my ammo...' Thought with a grin, looking down at my filled ammo pouch...which wasn't there, "Wha? Where is it!?"
"Looking for this?" I looked up to find Trixie levitating me ammo directly beside her.
"You little bit-whoa!" I just barely managed to swivel my head out of the way of another bullet, "Don't cut me off again, or I'll have to cut your head off!"
She only grinned and motioned her hoof at me with a "Come at me bro" style while her—MY—levitating pistols opened up fire at me. I almost felt betrayed!
Immediately, I started my hell-dash towards the blue ball of annoyance, one sword trailing behind me and prepared to slash, while the other was in front of me and prepared to block anything I couldn't dodge. Trixie, meanwhile, fired and reloaded both pistols while standing there with her hooves crossed and a look of concentration on her face. Mental Strength verses Physical Strength? Hah, it's almost poetically metaphorical.
Of course, being as agile as I am, I soon managed to come dangerously close to Trixie. Dangerous, as in I could slash her stomach open in a moment, and she could put a bullet through my brain in an instant. Either way, I'm sure both of us wanted to fight to end soon.
And I was right, as while I mad a quick jump for Trixie, swords positions to impale her, she struck her hooves out to pin me down so she could put two bullets through my head. What eneded-up happening was two mares of severely opposite everything standing in a twisted game of Twister. I had an energy sword edged against her neck and another a millimeter from her stomach, while she had the barrel of one magnum against the back of my skull and another against my chest where my heart sat beating a mile a second.
...Right forehoof to blue, left ear to red!
"...So, who's reaction do you think will be faster?" I asked.
"Trixie's brain, or your muscle?" she asked, panting in the same manner I was.
"I'm betting on my muscle." I proposed, "Your thoughts?"
"While you are indeed fast, Trixie will side with her brain."
"And your mental capabilities seem to be quite...powerful." I admitted, sighing, "So what now?"
There was a long, long moment of silence before something finally happened.
"C'MON! JUST FREAKIN' KISS ALREADY!"
Both of our heads snapped to look at the source of the voice to find good ol' Backdraft out from behind his hiding spot with his hooves around his grinning mouth so his suggestion could be heard.
"...Bet I can I run him through with my swords before you can pin a bullet through his head." I challenged, glaring darkly at my friend.
"Trixie does not even need to think on such a proposition."
And so, both of us immediately disengaged our game of Twister and started a game of Cats and Mouse. Unfortunately you guys had to show up and throw us both into detention cells before we could finish, but...eh. I guess killing the poor guy woulda been too much.
Oh well, I'm looking forwards to that mission with her, at least! What was this mission, again, by the way?...
Oh...oh boy.
