Cadence Has Horny Problems

Cadence Has Horny Problems

(A travesty, written lovingly by writer)

“Have a nice day, milady!” the two guards at the gatehouse chanted in unison. Cadence curtsied and smiled sweetly before trotting on underneath the portcullis.

“Thank you!” She called back. “You both have a nice day too!”

When she had passed, the guards beamed at one another.

“Such a nice girl, isn't she?” the unicorn remarked.

The other guard, a dapper white pegasus, crooned and made a face. “Aww, look at her. Out to visit the commoners and everything. Even while she's busy planning her wedding, she's got time for the regular ponies, like you and me. Now that's what I want to see out of royalty. None of this 'too busy raising the sun' crap.”

The unicorn nodded pensively, his lip curled in smug satisfaction. For a moment, the two guards shared the silence, watching the young alicorn as she trotted away.

“...Say,” the unicorn murmured. “How d'you think she gets her mane all done up like that?”

The pegasus frowned, tilting his head. “What, her manestyle?" He reflected momentarily. "Not sure. Looks natural enough, if that's what you mean. She probably has access to the Royal Groomers, though...” A grin passed over his face. "Now, if you wanna talk pretty, those mares are easy on the eyes. I got to visit their shop down in Ponyville last month, and..."

He turned to the unicorn, but paused mid-thought. His fellow guard was still watching the Princess as she cantered over the drawbridge.

“...You think it's natural?” The unicorn clicked his tongue in dissatisfied apathy. “Maaan. I wish I had a mane that nice.”

The pegasus thought to roll his eyes. Instead, he settled for a brief snort. “Yeah, you should get it done up sometimes. I think you'd look pretty,” he remarked drily, turning back to face the road.

The unicorn guard turned a shade of pink, and scuffed a hoof.

“Aww, jeez. You really think so?”

An awkward silence overtook the two guards. Slowly, ever so slowly, the pegasus turned his head until he was looking the unicorn straight in the eye.

“...I guess that's a no, then?” the unicorn added quickly.

The pegasus turned his gaze back to the Princess in front of them, shaking his head and sighing.

“H-hey! So what if I like feeling beautiful?!”

Princess Cadence trotted over the timber monolith that was Castle Canterlot's drawbridge, humming a little ditty to herself.

The sun was shining.

She was getting married in two weeks.

The birds were singing.

She was getting married. In just two weeks.

The grass was the purest, most vivid shade of green she'd ever seen.

She. Was getting married. In two weeks!

She resisted the urge to squeal in excitement, but allowed the thought to continue reverberating around her head as she reached the other side of the moat. Her. Cadence. Regular old Cadence, totally not-special in nearly every way (well, aside from the fact that she was royalty), getting married to the colt she'd had a crush on forever. Her one true special somepony and her, married in front of all her friends and family. The ultimate expression of love.

The very thought of her special day made her blush and smile in equal amounts, and the more she thought about it, the more the feeling brimmed and spilled out of her. She wanted to giggle and jump around, not unlike a certain lavender unicorn she had once taken care of.

So, as soon as she was around a corner, and out of sight of the guards, that's just what she did.

“Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!”

It was a feeling she couldn't contain or hide, even if she had wanted to. True love. True, true love. For so long she'd been toying with the idea that one day, she might get married to somepony. But only in her dreams had she dared to believe that it would be Shining Armour, her one and only.

Cadence stopped jumping about. There was nopony around for her to want to stop, but she was getting rather giddy even for her own liking. Taking a moment, she inhaled deeply, and felt a rush of energy surge through her as she charged her horn.

Oh yes, she sighed to herself. My life is perfect. My Prince will be perfect. Everything is perfect.

And with that satisfying thought, she vanished with a soft poofing noise and a puff of smoke.

Poof!

Cadence re-appeared, and gasped immediately fell five feet onto the cold, hard, ground. The fall took her quite by surprise, and she expressed it with a series of PG-13 curses that, even though they were wholly in her naturally benign and kind fashion, were deemed far too robust for this novel.

“Ah! Son of a buckin' apple!”

What the ground said, on the other hand, was beyond the control of censorship. Cadence gasped as the patch of earth she was sitting on writhed beneath her.

“Owch! Git off me!” said an irate, accented voice.

Cadence leapt to all fours, hurriedly scooting off of whatever unfortunate pony she'd mistakenly teleported onto.

“Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, and - ”

She looked down at her unfortunate victim, and froze.

Sprawled on the ground was an orange-coated mare with flowing golden locks, and a very, very familiar stetson. Some way behind her was an alarmed-looking little filly with a bow wrapped neatly in her red mane, and Cadence blinked at both of them in confusion as the unfortunate mare picked herself up.

"I know you," Cadence said slowly. "You're Applejack, right?"

“Yeah, that's mah name,” Applejack said, grumbling and dusting dirt off of her coat. “What of it–” she glanced up, and upon noticing Cadence's flittering wings and long horn, her green eyes widened.

“O-oh! Your highness! Ah'm sorry!” Applejack fell back onto both front legs again. Cadence, being a rather modest young mare, immediately ducked low to help her up.

“No, no, no, there's no need for formalities," she gushed. "If anything, it's me who should be apologising!”

Cadence hadn't seen Applejack - or any of the elements of harmony, to be exact - since she'd attended Twilight Sparkle's birthday party. She was one of Twilight's best friends, although admittedly, Cadence only remembered the mare for her tattered old cowpony's hat, which struck her as rather warm and down-to-earth. Well, that, and the fact that Applejack had put away two other stallions in a hard cider-drinking contest at some point during the night.

The farmer winced. “Well, if y'must,” she said, grimacing and pulling herself up again. “Applebloom, come and say hello to the Princess!”

The young filly, who had watched the exchange with shocked, awed, bugged-out eyes, took a few steps forward and did a polite curtsy.

“Hello Princess,” she said shyly, scuffing a daffodil-yellow hoof along the road.

“Hello, Applebloom!" Cadence replied as politely as she usually did to ponies she met on the street, but she couldn't help but be distracted by the fact that they were not on a street, much less a cobbled one.

"Um...” Cadence frowned and looked around. “Where am I?”

“Yer just a little bit outta Ponyville,” Applejack replied, pointing down the road behind her. “Ya go that way ta get to the outskirts of town.”

“Oh, really?” She said, feeling very sheepish. “T-thanks.”

The earth pony chuckled. “Heh, heh. What's the matter? Did ya mess up one of your fancy Princess spells?”

Cadence blushed as she continued to add two and two. This was clearly not the Ponyville Library, her intended target. This was not even within Ponyville, and against seemingly ridiculous odds she had indeed messed up.

Did I really just miss a teleport? She thought to herself, glancing around for a logical reason why she had so badly miss-poofed.

While teleporting was, as a rule, a hard spell to master for most unicorns, experienced teleporters rarely missed. For any unicorn familiar with the spell, teleporting was simply a matter of visualising where you wanted to go, and making sure you channelled enough power to get there.

To add insult to injury, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza was not an average unicorn. She was a winged Princess, Celestia's niece, and with an innate gift for magic at her disposal, she felt rather embarrassed that she'd managed to miss the centre of Ponyville by so much, let alone to have re-appeared out in the middle of the countryside.

Cadence fretted. “Um... yes, I must have. Oh, gosh, I feel so silly.” She bowed her head graciously. “Again, I'm really sorry, Applejack. I hope I didn't hurt you by accident!”

The earth pony chuckled once more.

“Aww, shoot, tweren't nothin'. Ah know ya didn't mean it. Why, ah reckon if it were me, ah wouldn't be able to buck a tree, let alone do some fancy magic without thinkin' about mah big day coming up.”

Applejack's kind words made the young Princess feel slightly less of a fool, and Cadence smiled weakly.

“Thanks,” she murmured. “I was on my way into town to hand out these wedding invitations, and – Oh!” She suddenly perked up. “While you're in front of me, I've got something for you.”

Cadence turned her head, flipping open her loose saddlebag and rummaging in it momentarily, before withdrawing a bold, immaculately decorated pink envelope. She levitated it before her, smiling triumphantly.

“Ta-da! An invitation to my wedding!”

“Ah thought we were already invited?” Applejack said, blinking. “Twilight told us. Celestia asked us Apples to do the caterin', didn't she?”

“Oh, of course," the Princess said graciously. "But the Elements of Harmony deserve formal invitations. And, let's not forget you're my future sister-in-law's best friends.”

“Huh, well how do ya like that for a fluke?” Applejack said, beaming and plucking the letter from the air. “Ya found me just as ah was takin' Applebloom ta' school, and by sheer luck, too!”  She glanced down at the pink envelope, opening it and withdrawing the card within. “Why, look, it's all done up in fancy handwritin' and – yowch!”

Applejack yelped, and leapt a good foot into the air, her knotted blonde tail standing on end. Cadence followed suit with a minute squeak of fright, and the card fluttered to the ground.

“Landsakes, it bit me!” Applejack said, fanning her hoof and glaring at the offending article indignantly.

Poor Cadence looked to the card, then to the startled Applebloom, and then to Applejack, totally lost.

“Huh? What?”

“The letter!” Applejack said, stabbing at the card wildly with an accusing hoof.

“It bit you?”

Applejack looked down at the card momentarily, before carefully picking it up in one hoof and opening it with the the other. “Well, ah... ah dunno,” the farmer said, frowning and looking over the card. “Ah tried ta open it so ah could read it, and it shocked me!” She glanced up at Cadence confusedly, only to recieve just as good back.

"I... I really don't know," Cadence murmured, biting her lip.

"Wait a sec'n," the farmer drawled, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Y'all didn't get these cards from Pinkie Pie, did ya?”

Again, Cadence blushed in embarrassment, recalling the moment earlier that month when she'd picked up the hoof-made invitations from the Wedding Planner's in Canterlot. For whatever reason, there had been a large, pink balloon attached to the stack of hoofmade cards, and given Pinkie Pie's unchallenged title as the Queen of throwing parties, she'd suspected that the baker-cum-organiser-cum-one-mare-band had something to do with their creation. It was a suspicion soon confirmed when the mare told her that they were made in and delivered from Ponyville.

“Um..." she bit her lip, and looked down at the five other cards in her saddlebag. "Yes I did, actually.”

“Ah, that explains it,” the farmer replied with a smug smile. “That mare's playin' tricks on y'all again. Tweren't nothin' serious,” she added casually, opening and closing the card several times. “Only seems ta work once, too. Maybe she was hopin' y'all would read it first, and give yerself a bit of a shock?”

Cadence frowned. “Well, I... I would hope not! These invitations are meant for my most important wedding guests, the elements of harmony! My Sister-in-law's friends! I...” she spluttered helplessly.

Applejack grinned and pawed her hoof against the dusty road. “Aww, shucks. Don't you worry your head about no invitations, Princess. As Granny Smith always says, 'no harm, no foul', and ah can't say I'm not used ta Pinkie's pranks by now."

Cadence fretted, as she always did. She began to make up another apology, but was swiftly cut off by the farmer, who was rolling her shoulders and twisting her neck energetically.

"...Why, ah feel like a million bucks now!" Applejack said, with an appreciative nod. "You know, that little jolt of magic really set mah heart racin', if you know what I mean!” She gave a wry chuckle and glanced down at her sister. “Not to mention, us apples are more than happy just' ta be invited to such a wonderful event. Ain't that right, Applebloom?”

Applebloom, who had been stuck in a state of permanent chagrin up until this point, smiled animatedly.

“Yep!” The little filly replied, bouncing on the spot. “And ah get to help decorate the cupcakes, too!”

The Princess turned her attention to the adorable little filly, kneeling a little and smiling.

“Well, I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful ponies helping me! Thank you, Applebloom!”

Like a mirror of her bigger sister, the little earth filly turned a hoof in the earth, and went all red in the cheeks.

“Aw, tweren't nothin'.”

Cadence couldn't help but fawn for a moment over Applebloom, who was so unbelievably saccharine that on any other day she might have doubted that anypony could be so cute. But of course, today was another day closer to the most important event of Cadence's life that it couldn't help but seem just as gorgeous and beauitful.

“Well, all the same,” she said happily, straightening up. “I hope I'll see you at the wedding, Applejack!”

“We'll certainly be there!” The earth pony replied enthusiastically. “With bells on!”

And with that, Cadence wished them both goodbye and charged her horn once more for a second attempt at teleporting.

“G'bye, Princess!” the Apples chanted in unison, waving.

“Bye!”

And with that, she vanished in a small poof of smoke.

The Apple sisters passed eachother a pleased look, and set off down the road again.

"She's really nice!" Said Applebloom, after a while of solid trudging. She glanced up at her bigger sister, a thoughtful frown dawning upon her face. “Say, do weddin' invitations always bite?”

“Well, no.” Applejack replied, chuckling.

Something strange happened in that moment. In fact, it wasn't until Applebloom realised that her sister was taking her time in answering her question that she turned around, only to realise that she'd left Applejack five or six paces behind her.

“Huh? Applejack?”

Applejack was frozen, mid-stride and mid-sentence. The earth pony gazed into the distance with unfocused, glazed-over eyes, her mouth half ajar as if she'd been about to say something.

The little filly took a few curious steps back towards her.

“...Sis?” she murmured

Applejack came back to life so spontaneously that poor Applebloom jumped in fright.

“– but ah think this was just one of Pinkie Pie's pranks,” Applejack finished, looking down at the earth and smiling. “Wait. Applebloom?” Her older sister did a swift 360, before her eyes flicked up to where the little filly stood.

“How'd y'all get over there?” the farmpony asked, cocking her head curiously.

Applebloom gaped, a good deal confused.

“Uhh,” she said, not entirely sure how to explain what had just happened. “Ah was just walkin' and you just kinda' stopped still for a second.”

“Huh?” Now it was Applejack's turn to be confused. “That's weird. Maybe y'all just walked ahead of me?”

Applebloom was quite confident that this was not the case, but she felt herself wavering all the same.

“Yeah,” she said, slightly unsure. “Maybe ah did. But you were frozen for a second or two. Like y'all was thinkin' of somethin' important.”

Applejack put a thoughtful hoof to her chin, tapping it.

“Well, ah might have been thinkin' of the bogged cart ah have ta get unstuck, and stopped walkin' without realisin' it.” She grinned at her little sister. “Ain't I a silly pony?”

Applebloom scowled at her, but giggled all the same.

“You are a silly pony, sis.”

“Yer right.” Applejack pulled a face. “Who's a silly pony?”

“You're a silly pony!”

“Who is?”

“You is!”

Applejack bore down on Applebloom, seizing the little filly and making her laugh.

And, with the matter unresolved (but mostly ignored), the two apple sisters chased eachother into town..

Cadence arrived at the gate to Fluttershy's cottage at precisely the right time. The butter-yellow pegasus was in the front yard, hovering and pouring a steady stream of golden chicken feed from a hefty-looking bag, her tongue stuck out in concentration. Upon realizing Cadence's presence, her eyes widened to the size of small dinner plates, and she dropped the bag (much to the delight of her chickens), touching back down onto the earth and bowing low.

“O-oh, your highness! I... I didn't know you were coming for a visit!”

Cadence reached back into her saddlebag, fishing out the envelope she had been saving for Fluttershy. “I wasn't,” she said, cutting the pegasus off before she could burst into apologies. “I just wanted to give you... this!” She produced the envelope with a flourish, beaming at the mare.

Fluttershy gasped, and took the envelope from the air gracefully. (How does one take an envelope with grace? Only Fluttershy could manage such a feat).

“Oh, my. You're too kind, Princess!” the shy pegasus said, smiling gently at Cadence and holding the envelope gingerly between her clasped forehooves. “Um, I might have a look later, after I've cleaned my hooves. They must be so dirty from all this work in the yard!”

Cadence glanced down at the pegasus' hooves. Barring a tiny speck of dirt on the tip of her left hoof, they were utterly spotless - and looked like they had recently hooficured. She chose not to point that out, instead smiling politely.

“Don't mention it,” she replied, shaking her head. “You're doing something amazing for me, so it's my pleasure!”

Fluttershy turned a shade of pink and mumbled something inaudable that might have been “Oh, I'm sure anyone could do it.”

Cadence shook her head resolutely. “No, I really mean it! I'd never hoped to have somepony leading spring birds in a chorus at my wedding. You're really doing a wonderful thing for me, Fluttershy.”

“O-oh, thank you,” Fluttershy said, fluttering her wings slightly, and casting her eyes back to her birds. She gasped as she realised that she'd left the bag of feed open, and that all of her animals were now crowding around it, squawking and squabbling incessantly.

“Oh! You two, stop fighting! Henrietta! Don't eat too much, or you'll spoil your dinner!”  The pegasus made to dash over, but she paused, casting an uncertain look at Cadence.

“Um, is it okay if I just...?”

“Yes!” Cadence laughed. “We're friends, Fluttershy. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to get going as well.”

The pegasus zipped back over to her birds, tutting and chiding and scorning. Cadence opened her mouth to add something that might have filled in for a proper goodbye.

And that's precisely when the worst day of Cadence's life started.

Without warning, Cadence's usually clear mind jerked to a halt, as she was hit by the mother of all migraines.

Headaches were a unicorn's worst nightmare, and Cadence was no less affected by them because of her alicorn blood. The proximity of a unciorn's head to a their long and sensitive horns meant that even the slightest headache could feel twice as painful, and this particular ache was worse than the even the worst migraine Cadence had ever suffered. She took a moment of mental energy into trying to recall a quick-fix, but her knees began to feel weak even trying to think. She put a stop to that at once.

It was not at all the prolonged, dull throb that Cadence was more or less accustomed to, but more a sudden and ghastly pounding sensation on the inside of her skull. She let slip a tiny gasp of pain, scrunching her eyes closed and trying more then anything to make her stressed-out, wedding-fuelled mind quieten. But try as she might to think of nothing, fresh surges of agony made her shudder and shake, and she could not help but focus on how much it hurt. A steam train at full gallop would have been less of a wallop. It was an ice-cream headache royale, complete with extra chocolate sauce of pain, and rainbow sprinkles that exploded before her eyes as her vision swam.

Oh. My. Stars. What in Equestria is happening?! her subconscious whined, a minutia of sense in a jumble of flaring nerve endings and magical sparks that made her head thud with pain.

The moment seemed to last forever, but when relief finally came, and her eyes fluttered open, she realised she couldn't have been lost for more than a few seconds. Fluttershy, who had been mercifully distracted with her birds, hadn't noticed her momentary seizure. Inwardly, she thanked herself for that. Subjecting herself to the ministrations of a worried Fluttershy was a fate worse than boredom – she'd probably be sent straight to bed by the overcaring mare.

“I'll see you later, Fluttershy!” Cadence called shakily, as she began to charge energy back through her horn. Thankfully, the headache had subsided as quickly as it had arrived.

“Oh... Yes, goodbye, Princess! I hope you have a nice day!... Angel! Don't do that to Charlene! Um... if that's okay with you, I mean.”

Cadence vanished from Fluttershy's cottage with a soft poof of smoke.

As luck would have it, the second time at teleporting into Ponyville proved to be the charm for Princess Cadence, and she re-appeared with a soft pop, just outside of Sugarcube Corner.

“Better!” she said, glancing up at her horn reproachfully, before trotting on over to the front door of the little bakery.

Although the sign on the entrance to sugar-cube was flipped to 'open', she pressed her face to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mare in question. There was no guarantee she'd be in there, after all, and she didn't want to go barging in unannounced. Mr and Mrs. cake might be offended if they didn't get an 'official invitation' like Applejack's extended family did.

But again, as luck would have it - and luck was having quite a bit of it today - she saw Pinkie Pie zipping around inside, followed closely by a chatting Mrs. Cake, who was evidently instructing her on how to do something.

Right, then. She inhaled deeply and turned to open the door.

“Hiya, Princess!” Said Pinkie Pie, from about two feet to her left. “Whatcha doin'?”

“I'm just going inside to see Pinkie Pie about my wedding invitations,” Cadence replied, putting her hoof on the doorknob. “Do you know if she–”

She blinked, and did a very gentle double take. The Pink earth mare was standing right there, smiling cheerfully at her.

“Oh, I..." She paused. "Pinkie Pie?”

“Hi!” The pink enigma said again, beaming at her.

“Uh..." Cadence mumbled, and felt a tiny anxiety stirring in the back of her chest. "Weren't you just inside?”

“Yep!”

“Then how did you get out here so quickly then?”

“Back door,” Pinke replied happily, rocking back and forth on her hooves.

Cadence frowned, and peered back through the window quickly. No, she was definitely not seeing double. As before, Mrs. Cake was trotting around, though this time she was alone, performing the immensely delicate and difficult act of carrying cakes hither and thither. While such a task would have been made all the more complex by her lack of magic, the earth mare appeared unfazed, even noticing Cadence peering in and offering a jovial wave.

...Riiiiight, Cadence thought. Resisting the urge to question the insanity that was the element of Laughter, she ducked her head down and reached back into her bag, rummaging through it momentarily before turning back to Pinkie, envelope in her teeth.

“Ey ave an in-vit-ay-shun to my wedding for you,” she mumbled.

Pinkie Pie gasped. “Oh, goody! I was hoping these would turn out! Let me see, let me see!”

With reckless abandon, the decorator snatched the envelope from Cadence's mouth and quickly opened it.

“Oooooooo,” Pinkie.... oohed. “Wow, they're so pretty in the gloss finish! You know, these really worked out better than I thought they would!”

Cadence nodded. “Well, yes – I love them, except for one thing.”

“What's that?” Pinkie inquired as she opened the letter.

Cadence paused, hoping her point would make itself evident.

...One second passed. Two came and went without a fuss. And still, the Pink mare browsed the letter, her keen blue eyes darting across the fine, hoof-written calligraphy, grinning to herself. Three, four and five seconds passed in much the same way, until Pinkie closed the card and flashed Cadence a merry smile.

“Wow, These look great! I really like the footnote of 'RVSP: Canterlot Castle'. Makes me feel so important for being invited in the first place! Oh, wait - didn't I do that calligraphy? Hee-hee! Of course I did! I'm such a silly filly!”

Cadence, who had been expecting Pinkie to get an adequate taste of her own medicine, was rather shocked.

“Uhh... would you mind if I see that card again, Pinkie?”

“Sure!” Pinkie promptly presented the letter back to Cadence on two outstretched hooves. Frowning, the Princess accepted it with a burst of telekinesis, levitating it before her and opening it.

“Dear Pinkamena Diane Pie,” the personalised card read. “The proud parents of Shining Armour and Mi Amore Cadenza would like to extend an invitation to you for the union of our darling foals in holy matrimony.”

The rest of the letter contained, among other things, an RSVP address, a dress code, a time and date, and an adorable, foal-era picture of both her and Shining Armour playing together, outlined in a big red heart.  But it did not contain an electrical shock, as she imagined.

“I don't get it,” Cadence said, looking up at Pinkie, stunned. “How did you make it so that it didn't shock you?”

Pinkie Pie's smile vanished.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Cadence re-opened the card, using only her hooves this time. Again, nothing happened.

“Well,” she said, now slightly irate, “When I gave Applejack her invitation earlier this morning, she got a magical shock when she opened the card!”

Pinkie Pie's eyes widened, and she gasped.

“Ooh, really? Wow, that is such a good idea for a prank! I should try that sometime!”

"Well you really shouldn't..." Cadence began scoldingly, but she paused, realising rather quickly Pinkie's delight was genuine. “Wait, so you didn't give me joke wedding invitations?” she added, feeling somewhat placated.

Pinkie's eyes were already wide, and they practically bugged out as she processed Cadence's question.

“Huh? To your wedding? No way, Jose. Why would anypony do that?” Pinkie Pie took the invitation back, opening it. “See? Look! No jo-wuburuburbrr!”

Pinkie Pie jumped and dropped the card, but not before leaping a good two feet into the air. She crashed back to earth in a pile of static and tangled legs.

Cadence gasped. “Oh my gosh, Pinkie! Are you okay?!”

“Brrr! W-wow! Looks like you were right, P-p-princess!” Pinkie giggled, looking slightly dazed. “That was a real doozy!”

“...But are you alright?” Cadence asked, still tentatively leaning over Pinkie Pie. The injured earth pony bounced to all fours again so swiftly that she almost bowled the alicorn over, beaming as perkily as ever.

“Yep! I'm fine,” She replied. “I've had worse.”

Cadence faltered. “Well, I... wait, you've had worse?”

“Well, there was that one time Twilight tested her mirror image spell on me, and that was twice as bad!” She let out a rip-snorting giggle. “I was all like woooooo, wooooooo! I couldn't even stand up straight for five minutes!”

“Oh. Um, well, it's good to see you're okay at any rate...”

“Yeah! Actually, I feel better than ever. Like I've eaten a whole bag of candy!” She did a mad little dance on the spot. “It's like magic!”

Cadence opened her mouth to reply, but gasped, suddenly aware of a second explanation.

It's like magic.

It was unlikely, yes. In fact, it was highly rare for unicorns her age to get magical overload – it tended to be more of a foal's affliction – but it would explain her splitting headache back at Fluttershy's cabin, and the teleport spell she'd cast before that she'd missed wildly. More importantly, it would explain why Pinkie Pie wasn't shocked until after she took the card... from Cadence's magical grip.

“Oh. Oh no...” She blushed. “Um, Pinkie Pie, I don't think it's the cards that are giving ponies shocks.”

The earth pony pouted and gave pause to her bouncing. “Huh? What do ya mean?”

“I... I think I'm having problems controlling my magic,” she whispered, glancing up at her disobedient magical appendage.

“Y'mean horny problems, right?”

“Yeah, right,” Cadence muttered, still distracted.

“Are you sure?” Pinkie inquired. “Because I could have gotten these envelopes mixed up with my stack of joke envelopes.”

“Well, no,” Cadence admitted, surprised that Pinkie Pie would have noticed such a thing. “But I'd rather not take the chance.”

The earth mare paused, hesitantly. “Do you... do you wanna open another one? Just in case?”

Cadence nodded, and withdrew the invitation she'd been saving for Twilight from her bag by a grip of silvery blue magic.

“Alright, just be care-” She'd scarcely begun warning Pinkie when the elated Earth Mare snatched the letter from her grasp and beaming, tore it open.

Nothing happened. Not even so much as a wisp of magical energy escaped the card, and Pinkie's excited grin soon faded.

“Aww. I was kind of hoping that one would work,” She admitted.

“You wanted it to shock you?” Cadence replied, incredulous. The earth mare gave her a sheepish grin.

“Well, not really. It's no fun being shocked. But I feel so super-duper-supercharged now, and it's just so great!” To demonstrate her point, she did another little cantering dance on the spot. “Oooh! I feel all bubbly!” She giggled in exhilaration. “I bet I can work the whole day now! I'd better go and tell Mrs. Cake – it is Mr. Cake's birthday after all, and I just know he'd be excited to have the day off! You have a great day now, Cadence, I'm gonna go sink my teeth into those cakes!”

And, before Cadence could object, the Pink earth mare bounced by her, bounding through the front door that had been closed only a second ago.

“Uhh... Okay! Bye, Pinkie!” The young Princess called after her, waving goodbye.

The door clicked shut, and Cadence turned away from sugarcube corner, scowling and muttering darkly to herself.

I can't believe it! She said to herself, exasperatedly. Twice today! She glanced up at her horn, crosseyed. “You better behave,” she snarled. “I can deal with you when I get back to the castle.”And with that, the pink princess poofed away once more.

Rarity gasped, aglow with happiness.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squealed, hopping on the spot.

“Rarity,” Cadence said, giggling. “You know you were invited anyway, right? You were making the dresses for the bridesmaids.”

“Oh, I know, darling, but this makes it official, doesn't it? And you want me! To make your dress!” The alabaster unicorn tittered. “Ooh, I can't wait! It will be a dress fit for a... well, fit for a Princess! Oh, and I'll sew roses into the bridesmaid's gowns, and the ringbearer will have his own special tuxedo, and – ”

“Uh, Rarity,” Cadence said, trying to get a word in edgeways. Rarity, oblivious, carried on with her fantasy animatedly.

“And then there'll be you, darling, in woven pink silk, set with rubies and amethysts, just to compliment your colours! You'll be exquisite!” The unicorn gasped. “Maybe I should combine the old and the new, and make your wedding dress white and pink!”

“Rarity!” Cadence said firmly.

The unicorn looked up, slightly stunned.

“Yes, dear?”

“Just white will be fine,” she said with a polite smile, trying to sound as meek as possible. Thankfully, Rarity didn't seem to take offense. If anything, her mollifying words only set the fashionista off on another tirade of faux-pas expressions and excited, self-answered questions.

“Oh, of course, of course! The bride always knows best, dear – but how would you feel trying a magically-woven ensemble, hmm? It'll be stunning – I'll have to get your measurements and make sure you're all tailored up for your wedding dress, so this can be absolutely perfect!”

Cadence laughed and pushed the pink envelope into Rarity's white forehooves.

“Okay, okay! But you have to accept the invitation first!”

The unicorn gave a mock cry of delight, withdrawing the card from its immaculate paper sheath.

“Absolutely, I'd love to come! Would I be remiss if I bought along a gift for the happy couple? Maybe a lovely bracelet, or something you could wear on your honeymoon –  Owoooch!” A visible jolt of blue electricity coursed up through her body, and Rarity's perfect coiffure puffed into a static frizzle.

Cadence gasped in horror and embarrassment for the third time that day.

“O-ow,” Rarity muttered, little streams of smoke sizzling from the singed end of her tail.

“Oh, no, not you too!” She groaned, slapping a forehoof to her head. “I knew it wasn't the invitations! I'm having magical overload!”

Rarity shook her head and coughed a little, trying to clear the soot from her lungs.

“Wh-what just happened?” she inquired politely, slightly shaken.

“I... I think I'm having problems with my magic,” she admitted. “I must be super charging things with electricity... I've already done that to two ponies today already! I'm really, really, sorry.”

“O-oh,” Rarity replied, levitating a comb to herself and beginning to run it through her now-frizzed purple mane. “Perhaps you'd better go and see Twilight, deary. I bet she'll be able to help.”

“Actually, I do have to see her today,” Cadence said. “I'll do it when I give her her invitation.”

“Um, meaning no offense, Darling, but perhaps it would be better if you did it sooner rather than later. That was quite the shock you just gave me!”

Cadence blushed furiously, and opened her mouth to apologise again, but was rushed down by an overly modest Rarity.

“Oh, no, dear. Don't think a thing of it! Why, you must be so awfully distracted with your special day, hmm? As a fellow unicorn, I can sympathize. Sometimes,  I get wound up about my work, too, and all of a sudden – poof!" The unicorn's blue eyes widened, and she fanned her forehooves outward to mime a puff of energy. "And just like that, I've accidentally turned an entire dress green.” She leaned forward, beckoning Cadence to her and whispering conspiratorially. “Luckily, green is in this season.”

Cadence merely smiled, too overwhelmed by Rarity's affable nature to argue. “Well, wonderful then!” she said. “I guess I'll drop back by tomorrow to get my measurements done?”

“Please do, darling!” Rarity replied, clasping her forehooves together and resting her chin against them, before letting out a wistful sigh. “And then we can sit down and have a lovely cup of tea, and you can tell me all about the lucky stallion, and how dreamy he is, and how beautiful your special day will be!”

Cadence blushed and nodded.

“Why does everypony keep calling Shining Armour 'lucky'? I mean, I think I'm the lucky one here!”

Rarity fawned in delight. “Oh, how adorable of you to say! Well, lucky or not, I must know absolutely everything about the wedding, darling – you simply must tell me over a nice cup of earl grey!”

Cadence smiled. She loved earl grey. “That sounds wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Of course. Do take care of yourself, won't you?” Rarity called from the front door, waving an immaculate white hoof as the young Princess departed.

No sooner had she closed the door to the boutique, than Rarity shuddered involuntarily, her breath escaping her in an excited gasp.

She blinked once.

“Oh... phew. It's rather hot today, isn't it?” She mumbled to nopony in particular, before turning back to her sewing machine.

Cadence reached the footpath and began to channel energy through her horn. But, just as her magical energy approached its peak, she felt the beginnings of an ache rising in the base of her skull. Unwilling to sample from the ice-cream bucket of headaches again, she cut the process off quickly and scowled.

Well, I suppose it's flying, she thought to herself, flapping a few times to ready her wings.

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of town, a pegasus known as Rainbow Dash swayed atop a cloud in a gentle, victorious samba.

“Are you sure you're ready?” Asked a very tentative voice from behind her.

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Of course I am!”

How could she not be? Today was the day. More then that, today was the day. The most awesome, day that had ever existed in the history. She'd been preparing for months for it, and she could hardly contain her enthusiasm or excitement.

Wonderbolts Flight Camp Tryouts.

She glanced back at the pegasus behind her.

“Don't get too jealous when I'm in the wonderbolts, will you, Raindrops? You can still be my wingmare anytime.”

The fellow pegasus offered her a grin, and the aviators perched atop her nose glimmered a little in the afternoon sun.

“Of course. You can be my mine anytime too, Dash.”

Dash reached down to her thigh, and spun a little dial on her iHoof, turning up the music. Oh yes, she felt the need; the need for speed! (And guitar riffs...)

♪ Revvin' up your engine,

Listen to her howlin' low!

Metal under tension, ♫

Beggin' you to touch and go!

She fell off the cloud, into a steeply-pitched dive, letting out a long, drawn out whoop fall from her lungs as the world picked up pace around her.

Cadence flapped along slowly, pondering her continued magical problems. It was hardly far to Twilight's house at all, so she didn't mind at all, and she probably needed the exercise anyway. All that time being cooped up in the castle planning her wedding had made her forget just how wonderful a leisurely fly on a lovely day could be.

Something blue flitted against the blue sky in the corner of her vision. She glanced over to look, and gasped in delight.

A rainbow! Like an infinity of gorgeous colours, Cadence stared, far too amazed by the moment to even worry about her own problems.

“Oh my gosh,” she mumbled to herself, totally awestruck by the magnificent banner of vibrant, flaring light. “...Wow...”

She ran her eyes from one of the beautiful, prismatic trail of light from one end to the other, smiling as she tried to remember an old nursery rhyme about a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The smile faded somewhat as she saw the rainbow being led by a little fleck of blue.

Huh. That was unusual. She didn't remember any foal's stories about a 'blue something' at the end of the rainbow. And was it just her, or was that rainbow getting closer?

She slowed slightly, squinting hard. Now that she was starting to pay attention, she saw that the rainbow was getting awfully close. In fact, it was a little closer than close. Too close for comfort even, and it was gaining on her hard. As the strange prism of light grew in her vision a little, and then a lot, she saw that it was not the rainbow she had imagined it to be, instead being the pegasus who would be in charge of performing the one and only sonic rainboom.

And she realised that she was going far too fast to avoid crashing into her.

"NA NA NA NA NA, NA NA, NA NA NA-NA NA," the Rainbow yelled at her.

“Gaaaah!” Cadence screeched to a halt, ducked, and hid underneath her forehooves. None of this had the desired effect of getting her out of the way, of course, but rational thought was the last thing on her mind, and like a deer in the headlights she froze.

Rainbow Dash did another few barrel rolls mid-air, just to stretch her wings out.

"HIIIIGHWAAAY TOOOO THEEE DANGER ZOOOOONE," the rainbow-maned pegasus yowled. "DA NA DA-NA-DAH-DUN-DAH-DUN-DUNNAH DUNNAH DAH!"

The best part of being out in the middle of the sky was that nopony could hear you sing, not particularly when you were going so fast.

Through the blue tint of her flint goggles, something appeared on the horizon.

"NA NA NA NA NA – huh? What is that?"

By the time she'd recognised who and what the 'something' was, she was within fifty feet of it, and had absolutely no time to react whatsoever.

In the end, Cadence ducking was the only thing that saved Rainbow Dash from becoming a pegasus shishkebab. The blue streak yelped, banking hard and barely avoiding the lethal point of Cadence's horn.

“SORRYCAN'TSTOPGOTTASEETHEWONDERBOLTS!” It yelled as it went by.

Cadence, who had been sent into a somewhat clumsy spin by the tiniest shockwave that followed the racing pegasus, shouted at the top of her lungs. “WAAA-IT! Rainbow Dash! I have a letter for you!”

Like a streak of teal lightning, the pegasus banked hard again, pulling back in a turn so fierce that Cadence was surprised it was possible. She held the message high and flinched away, praying that the daredevil pegasus wouldn't crash into her.

Rainbow Dash skimmed Cadence once more, and she felt the envelope being ripped from her grasp.

“'KAYTHANKSBYE!”

There was a slight whoosh, and the Pegasus accelerated, shooting off into the distance again and blasting Cadence with some serious rainbow-coloured afterburn.

Some way out of Ponyville, Rainbow dash glanced down at the letter in her forehoof. She didn't have time to stop and read it, and instead settled for simply scanning the hoofwriting on the front of the card as she whizzed through the sky.

“To Rainbow Dash, an invitation to my special day,” she thought to herself. “Huh. I guess I'll say thanks and sorry later.”

And with that last cursory thought, she began to fly at full speed in the direction of Cloudsdale, not daring to be late for her very own special day.

A slightly frazzled Cadence landed on the footpath outside of Twilight's Treehouse, her wings tucking herself back against her body tightly as she resolved never to fly around Ponyville again unless she absolutely had to.

Poking her head through the door, she looked around.

“Hello? Twilight? Are you in here somewhere?” She called out, into the empty hollow. A small gasp echoed from a back room, followed by the sound of galloping hooves.

“Caaaadaaaaannncee!” hollered an excited, high-pitched voice that steadily grew in volume as its owner charged from room to room, before finally bursting out from an adjacent door to reveal an elated, beaming Twilight Sparkle.

The young unicorn mare beamed, bounding over and crouching low. Cadence did the same.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves, and –” they both turned around. “Do a little shake!”

The two giggled and turned back, embracing each-other. Ignoring any idea of formality, the little unicorn was nearly bouncing with joy as she spoke, the words tumbling from her mouth in a torrent of bubbly happiness.

“Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, Cadence!” Twilight babbled excitedly. “It's happening! It's really happening!”

“I know!" The Princess gave a little squeal of excitement. "I can't wait either!” Her eyes drifed skywards as she sighed happily, imagining the day itself. “It'll be so amazing... I just know it will be!”

“I heard from Pinkie Pie about how many hoops that you've made my poor brother jump through for the ceremony!” Twilight giggled. “I hope he's alright.”

“He's fine,” Cadence said, smiling and rolling her eyes. “In fact, most of the decorations were organised by him.”

“Good,” Twilight said. The lavender unicorn gulped anxiously and blushed.  “...You know, I can't believe we get to be sisters, too!”

Cadence, who had admittedly had other things on her mind, suddenly remembered that she was talking to her future sister in law, and turned a slight shade of rose. She distracted herself by diving into her saddlebag, fishing out the last of the little, pink invitations that had been causing her so much trouble.

“So, I guess that means we're going to be related, huh?” She said, passing the invitation to Twilight very carefully by hoof.

Twilight's eyes lit up as she accepted the invitation, but unlike the others she did not set about opening it right away. Instead, she gazed up at Cadence with a distant and watery smile.

"Yeah..." she murmured. "I guess we are."

The lavender unicorn sniffed and dried her eyes. Cadence smiled and turned away, feeling a stinging sensation rising in the corners of her own vision.

What more could solidify them as sisters at that point, she thought. She had known Twilight Sparkle for successive years of her life. She was twelve or thirteen years her elder, but it had been a very long time since she had viewed Twilight as a child. The little lavender unicorn's incredible mind had seen to that. There were no words that could describe how much she loved the curious, bubbling foal - the book-driven, young filly - the studious young mare, and it felt like an eternity ago that Cadence had been introduced to Twilight Sparkle through Princess Celestia.

Cadence's marriage to her brother was the shining hallmark that proudly marked of the end of an era, one where they were both foals and young fillies. It was a time of fun and learning and young love, and she would miss some things in it. But it was the beginning of another era, and that was one in which they would both be sisters for life.

Now Cadence was the one sniffing. Resisting the urge to dissolve into her emotions, she looked down at Twilight, smiling gently.

"Go ahead and open it," she said, gazing gently into the unicorn's bright and slightly watery eyes.

Twilight Sparkle nodded, not saying a word. Sitting on her haunches, the element of magic slid her hoof along the edge of the pink paper envelope, removing the precious invitation. She glanced down at the letter, and her eyes glazed over with wonder.

“Wow, these look great," she breathed. "I just think I might frame it-yow!”

Cadence's happy smile died on her lips as the little unicorn blinked, frowning at the paper. She sighed once again, feeling the moment around her shatter like a pane of crystal glass.

“Well, I guess it was bound to happen,” Cadence said, peering at the envelope glumly.

“Princess,” Twilight said slowly, her big purple eyes widening as the cogs in her head turned. “Are you unwell?”

Knowing better then to ask how the brilliant young mare would deduce such a thing, Cadence opened her mouth to deny the claim. But something gave her pause before voicing the lie. She didn't want to be dishonest, not truly, and if there was anypony who could help and ease her embarrassment, it would be Twilight Sparkle.

“...Well,” she replied, feeling awfully silly. “I'm not exactly sure... But I think so." She blushed. "I think I'm just little worn out from all these preparations I've been doing. After this, I'm going to go home and have a nice rest, just in case. I don't want to start getting sick now, do I?”

Twilight, whose face had shown a whole spectrum of emotions in the space of a few seconds – hurt, worry, concern and then satisfaction – assumed its naturally happy look.

“Well, that's good,” she said, levitating the card open. “That would be just awful! If you got sick before your -”

Twilight stopped mid-sentence, staring into the near distance, her mouth still half-open.

Cadence, who was still smiling, continued waiting for a few seconds for Twilight to resume speaking. When she didn't, the smallest of frowns creased her cheeks, and she tilted her head forward slightly.

“Uhh... Twilight?” she inquired.

“– wedding,” Twilight resumed suddenly, making Cadence jump, “it just wouldn't be as special, and you'd feel so yukky.” The unicorn shuddered, and continued. “Why, if you got really sick, you might even have to re-organise the whole thing! Wouldn't that be horrible?”

Cadence stared blankly at Twilight, mouth half-open in an unspoken question.

“Uhh... Twilight, are you feeling alright?”

The little mare's perky smile faded a little bit.

“Yes, I'm fine, Cadence. Why, what's the matter?” she suddenly sounded worried. “Do I look pale?”

“No, no, it's just –”

Cadence paused as something entered her nostrils. She only caught the faintest whiff, but it was one that made her stomach twitch in concern for its contest. She look a long breath, and no sooner had she done so than a blindingly bitter hit her olfactory senses with all the force of a charging buffalo, and she burst into a fit of coughing, waving a hoof in front of her nose.

“O-ho my sta-ha-hars!” She gagged, alternating between speaking and choking. “What in Equestria is that smell?”

The unicorn frowned at her, and blinked.

“Wait. You mean this?” Twilight waggled her tail a little bit, and the smell intensified. Cadence wretched.

“YES!” She gasped back. “THAT!”

Twilight Sparkle's mouth dropped open in incredulous disbelief. “Really, Cadence? You're the element of love. I'm surprised you don't recognise oestrous when you smell it.”

Cadence continued to cough and wipe the tears out of her eyes, while her brain processed the unicorn's patronising words. When it finally had, she stared at Twilight in dumb shock.

“I beg your pardon?” she said, mortified.

“Oestrous,” Twilight repeated. “You know. Hormones secreted by the body that make you sexually receptive. It's spring, so it was going to happen sometime... I guess it's just now that I feel like... you know.” She tumbled both forehooves one over the other in her best attempt at miming roly-poly.

“I know what it is!” Cadence replied hurriedly. “I just... what? You weren't like this five minutes ago!”

“Yeeeeaah, exactly,” Twilight said, turning a forehoof. “Sorry about that. It's just that time of the year for me, and it can happen this way, you know, especially for unicorns. You can just be doing some magic, or reading a book, and then, hey! It's that time again...” She gave a nervous, unsure laugh. “And, um, to be honest, I'd been considering just sitting in my library this cycle, reading it out like I always do, but... now that you're here, I was wondering...”

Twilight looked away in a very nonchalant manner for a moment, shifting her weight from hoof to hoof nervously. “Seeing as how you'd undoubtedly know a lot about this sort of thing... And, um, we're going to be family and all, so it wouldn't be weird... I thought maybe you'd like to... you know. Help a sister-in-law out?” At this, she looked back at cadence, cocked her head slightly and grinned hopefully.

Cadence blanched, feeling sick to her stomach. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“Yes!” the librarian said spiritedly, ignoring shame like it was a middle child.

Cadence's eyes widened, and she whinnied in horror, staggering back and lashing out with a powerful shove of her telekinesis.

Twilight gasped and ducked. The bolt of pink arcane magic screeched overhead, thudding into the bookshelf behind her and fizzling into nothingness, with only one or two books falling from the shelf. After a few seconds of awkwardly hiding behind her forehoooves, Twilight peeked around, and, upon observing no damage, looked up at the Princess again with her best puppy-dog eyes.

“Woah, woah, Ca-dence!” she whined. “C'mon, I wasn't going to actually act on my urges! It's estrous! I mean, can't we at least talk it over? I'd feel a lot better about it if... we... did." With these last few words, her face sank as she noticed the look on Cadence's face.

Cadence, who was still frozen to the spot in shock, dropped her magical guard for half a second and gave Twilight a worried frown. "W-well..." her voice petered off into nothingness as she considered the prospect.

Advising her sister-in-law on something so gross was hardly going to end without some unpleasant feelings. She had been so frightened by Twilight's awkward raising of the subject that she hardly knew what to say.

Not to mention the fact that she, Princess Cadence, the most Royal and Honourable element of love, knew absolutely nothing about oestrous.

Twilight continued to protest, unawares. "...And I just feel like it'd help a lot, you know? Besides, it's totally normal for young mares to fantasize over their babysitters!”

The Princess stared in horror for a moment, and then replied by emptying the contents of shelves A through L on her head. She then turned and fled from the library screaming, bulling through the door so hard she sent some unfortunate soul on the other side of it sprawling into Twilight's garden.

The unfortunate Princess vanished from the library garden path with a loud crack.

17/01/13 - Revamped this story to make it work! This and the next chapter should really get the story going.