Captain Kirk, Equestrian!

by Phoenix Quill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human
Length: 17710

Captain Kirk is used to riding equines in his off time, not being one.

While on a routine mission the Enterprise is called to check out an anomaly in deep space.
However, through a chain of events, that are completely not Kirk's fault, he and a red shirt fall into the anomaly and awake in Equestria. As ponies.
Can Kirk handle being in a land of ponies and magic? How will he fulfill his contractual obligations to some how rip his uniform shirt? Will Ensign Ricky live to tell the tale? What is Harcourt Fenton Mudd scheming about while in the brig? What is Sulu doing in his off time? Why am I asking you this? And most importantly, can the crew of the Enterprise bring them back, or even survive without Kirk?

Cross over with classic Star Trek
This story takes place a week after the counter clock incident from Star Trek The Animated Series,
And between seasons Two and Three of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic

Published 2012-12-12 11:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-17 03:32:45 UTC

I believe that wormhole is the word, Captain.

Chapter 1, I believe that wormhole is the word, Captain

"Captains log.
Stardate, 6873.5
It has been a week since the so called counter clock incident, where the ship, along with crew was sent into an alternate universe, where time flowed backwards at an accelerated rate, causing the crew to grow younger. However thanks to Commodore April, we managed to make it out, unscathed."

"We are, on route to Star Base K-4. To deliver wanted criminal, and public nuance Harcourt Fenton Mudd. This time for a relatively minor crime, for him any way, of selling illegal stock shares for the fictional ore known as "Unobtanium". He was arrested within minutes of his first presentation on the mining planet Sirus V. The sooner he is off of my ship, the sooner we might be able to get a real mission again."

Kirk slammed his thumb down on the stop button as he swiveled in his chair. "Wow, I'm bored."

Sulu rolled his eyes before refocusing on his control panels, knowing what was coming up next.

"Sulu, are we there yet?"

"No Captain, we are not there yet."

"Uhura? Any word from Starfleet?"

Lieutenant Uhura turned in her seat to address the captain, "No sir, no word from Starfleet."

Captain Kirk groaned and began to drum his fingers on the arms of his chair, he then hit the button to communicate with engineering, "Scott, how are the engines doing?"

Mr. Scott's voice came out of the small speaker, "Engines are fine, and the dilithium crystals are holding up well."

Kirk groaned to himself, "Alright, as you were." Smacking down on the button to disrupt communications he threw his hands over his face, "This is the part I hate the most, the boredom between trips."

The captain stood up from his seat, "I'm going to take some personal time, Spock you have command."

The Vulcan stood and made his way to the captains chair, "Aye captain."

Kirk's mind was troubled as he went down in the turbo lifts, and as minds tend to do, his began to wander, Maybe Bones isn't too busy, then we can go to the rec room, maybe have a quick drink or something. Yeah, that sounds like something to kill time.

"Personal log, Ensign Ricky Smith, Star Date 6873.5
I have been on the Enterprise for almost a little over a year, again I must confess that the rumors about it seem to be true. This ship eats up and spits out everyone in a red uniform like its nobody's business. I have sent in a notice of transfer, and will be leaving this death trap at Station K-4."

Ricky sighed to himself as he ended the log, turned over on his rack to face the opposite wall of his quarters. A big poster showing a member of Starfleet pointed at him with the caption underneath, REMEMBER, YOU ARE EXPENDABLE!

"Yeah, that's comforting." he then pulled a monitor on an adjustable arm closer to him so he can scan the ships leisure tapes to see what he could watch in his off time.

The screen showed some images of entertainment that were deemed good enough for the crew to watch while on board. Some of which were Shakespearean plays that were recorded for replay on the ship, other things were some of the cultural films from other planets, most of which Ricky had never heard about before.

Finally he found a small collection of animated films from Earth, he grinned to himself as he found a collection of old Disney shorts. He ordered the computer to play all cartoons, and shut his mind off.

On his screen Mickey Mouse was dancing at what looked like a party of some sort, but he wasn't actually paying any attention, instead his mind drifted about. His eye caught glance again at the poster on his wall and he started to laugh aloud, "What was it that Johnny said?"

Johnny Miller pulled down on his red shirt to make it look smooth, "Now look kid, don't bother to change your underpants before an away mission, odds are your just going to soil them on the way out to pasture."

Ricky smiled despite himself, "Poor guy was starting to smell so bad that Mister Scott dumped him into a water tank to get rid of the smell. Wow that was funny. Too bad about him getting into that transporter accident, rest his particles."

The screen continued to show cartoon characters bouncing away to the music in their odd way as his eyes drifted closed. "Well, we are only about three hours away from the station, hopefully the universe won't jinx me and have the Enterprise stop anywhere on the way. Then I can get on a safer ship, like the Lexington or the Hood."

The black and white cartoon characters were still playing on the screen before him, he smiled back at them for their effort, "Yeah nothing should go wrong."

It was times like these that Kirk lived for.

Or just really rather enjoyed. Either way he was enjoying himself in the holodeck. He was surrounded by the peaceful woods of Earth in the summer time, all the while riding a white stallion. Truly this was the best way to relax for an hour. Up ahead he saw the path curve back to a country club, he grinned and snapped the reigns to make the horse gallop faster.

Suddenly everything, horse included decided to disappear into thin air, leaving Kirk to fall on his ass as Uhura's voice came in over the speakers, "Bridge to Captain Kirk, come in Captain Kirk."

Kirk groaned as he made his way over to the control panel on the wall and found the button to activate communication, "Kirk here."

"Sir, I am getting a message from Starfleet, they wish to speak with you."

Kirk leaned his arm against the wall, and rested his head against it in a practiced casual manner, "Patch it through."

Silence cackled for a few moments over the speaker before a new voice came through, "Kirk? This is Admiral Prat."

"This is Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. What, is, going on?"

The Admiral paused for a breath before finally speaking to the Captain, "We are getting word that there is an anomaly in your sector, almost directly in the way of your course. We need you to examine it and get as much data as possible before it disappears. Do you think you can handle it?"

Kirk thought it over as he rubbed his chin, "On one hand we are over due for docking repairs as it is, the sooner I get Mudd of my ship the sooner we can go home. But on the other hand, this is the most exciting thing to happen to me in a few weeks; The Enterprise crew will be informed about the change in 10 minutes, send coordinates to our ships navigator. Kirk out." He punched the button down to cut communications as he exited the halodeck.

The captain stepped out of the turbo lifts and made his way over to the Captain's chair, which Spock promptly got out of, "Sir we have already received a transmission of the coordinates and are making our way now."

Kirk rubbed his hands together, nearly cackling in excitement, "Excellent Mister Spock, have we let the rest of the crew know what is going on yet?"

"Negative, I believed that you wanted to do that, Captain."

Kirk grinned as he punched a set of buttons on his seat, "You assumed correct," a small light turned on to let him know that the whole ship can hear him, "This is the Captain speaking, as of oh nine hundred fifteen, we have changed course. We, are now headed, to check an anomaly that appeared on the star charts at oh nine hundred and ten before we stop at Station K-4. I, know that some of you, were looking forward to some down time. But it is going to have to wait. As of now, we are on yellow alert. All active crew are to report to their posts. That is all, Kirk out."

Kirk then pushed a few more buttons on his console before speaking into it, "Yeoman, bring me the roster for anomaly, and probe technical specialists."

A female voice quickly responded, "Yes Sir." before the speaker cut off.

Shortly afterward a woman in a blue uniform stepped out of the turbo lifts and handed Kirk a clip board with only one sheet of paper, "These are all the crew currently on board that know how to operate a manned probe, and are experts on worm holes, black holes and other unusual anomalies found in space."

Kirk took the clip board and smiled at her as she left, "Thank you Yeoman." He then glanced down the fairly short list of names, "Lets see, dead, dead, dead, Spock, dead... Ah here's one that's still among the living, Ensign Ricky Smith."

Spock raised an eyebrow at the captain, "Sir, Ensign Ricky Smith is off duty at the moment, and has been granted a ships transfer. His mind might not be on the job."

The Captain passed the clipboard back to the Yeoman and smiled at her, "Listen... Spock. I think that my experience as Captain of the Enterprise over the last few years has taught me a few things." He winked slyly at the yeoman as she exited the bridge. "One of which is nothing can't be solved by throwing a few red shirts at it."

Spock gave his captain a look of suspicion, "Sir, I believe that is how we lose most of our crew, because they lack knowledge that a more seasoned crew member would-"

"Mister Spock please be quiet. She said that he's an expert. It's just a quick job and he can go back to hiding in his room on the way to the station. Nothing can go wrong!"

At that moment, the universe chuckled at Kirk, and began to debate what it could throw at the Enterprise just to prove him wrong. Suddenly, it was distracted by something incredibly shiny, and stared at it with all the wonder of a child with too much sugar as Kirk and crew plotted their way over to the latest strange, and unusual fluctuation that the Milky Way Galaxy had to offer them.

A half hour later, Ricky finally tumbled out of his sleeping rack and started to search for a clean uniform shirt. He searched in the drawers for a few moments before finding a folded red shirt and slipping it on over his black under shirt. "Better go get some free chow before I hit the station, foods always expensive at those places."

Rick paused as he looked at himself in the mirror, he wasn't an overly handsome man by any means. He was just shy of six feet tall, and had a pale complexion. His brown eyes were dull from the year on the Enterprise, seeing so many friends come and go on the ship. He gave off a sigh and ran a comb through his black hair and gave off a small smile to himself, "At least I won't have to do anything on this mission. Just relax and let someone else handle this, then I'll be at station K-4 before I know it."

He walked to the sliding doors and gave a look to the left, then to the right. Seeing that the coast was clear, Ricky exited and made his way to the dining hall as quick as he could.

The halls had a slight curve as they went around the saucer of the ship, with straight lined halls crisscrossing every once in a while, he made a left turn and went down another hall before making a right and going past five doors before coming to the open door for the crew dining hall.

Ricky could hear the voices of other crew members carrying on, laughing at jokes and talking about some mindless chit chat. When the ensign walked through the doorway, a deathly silence settled over the room.

Rick raised an eyebrow as he stepped over to the food replicator and pressed a few buttons on the computer, after a few whirring and clicking sounds a door slid up revealing a tray with salad and coffee. He grabbed the tray and turned about to find a seat.

Across the room he spotted a few other red shirts hanging out and eating their meals, Ricky walked over to them, "Hey Bill, Roy, Ted, Mind if I join you guys?"

They looked at each other for a moment, a shared expression on their faces before Roy spoke up, "Actually, we're done here, you just enjoy your lunch. We gotta go back to our stations."

As they stood up to march out Ricky was unsure of what was going on, he grabbed Ted's shoulder, "Hey, whats going on man? We always hang out on breaks."

Ted squirmed under his grip, "Hey man look you've been marked! You were selected for a mission off the ship! Didn't you know that?"

Ricky gave off a laugh, "Your joking man. I already got granted a ship transfer, I'm off duty till I get on a new ship. Come on, quit kidding around."

Ted looked back at Roy and Bill for support, only to find that they left. "Look, the Yeoman is looking for you, if you don't report to your station they are going to call you out. Come on, let me go..." He gave Ricky a desperate look as the grip on him loosened, giving Ted a chance to slip away.

Rick sat down and stared at his tray, "It can't be true, can it? No... I'm gonna just eat my salad, and nothing's going to happen. I'm going to go back to my room and wait for this ship to get moving again. Simple as that."

He began to stab at the salad, but couldn't find the will to eat the green leafy meal any more, and just sipped on his cup of coffee, "ATTENTION! WILL ENSIGN RICKY SMITH PLEASE REPORT TO DOCKING BAY! RICKY SMITH TO DOCKING BAY. THANK YOU."

Ricky stood up and looked at his salad, "This is it, this is how I die, no great last words, no grand last meal, an uneaten salad and guts full of nerves and coffee."

As he walked out the open doors a fellow red shirt hummed taps on a kazoo.

Ricky held up his ID Card to the scanner and waited for the sliding doors to open, "Come on, hurry up." The computer gave off a reading of his information spitting out facts about Ricky's career, "JUST OPEN ALREADY!"

The doors complied and slid open allowing the Ensign into the docking bay. Mister Brown the dock master was looking over his control panel as he was supposed to. Ricky sat next to him, "So Jeff, what's going on?"

Jeff, to his credit didn't take his eyes off of the blinking lights of the computer control panel as he replied, "The ships Yeoman will be here in a moment, she just went to grab some last minute equipment you might need."

"Well that's just great. Why don't they just paint a target on my uniform while they are at it?"

As Rick sat down he looked over the control panel and pressed a few buttons to begin another log, "Ensign's log, stardate, supplemental. This may be the last time I get to make a log, as I am about to be briefed on a mission off board the Enterprise. I am not sure what exactly it is yet, but I am sure that it has to do with the announcement that the Captain made about a half hour ago. If I don't make it. I want it to be known that, this is all my dads fault for making me join Starfleet instead of letting me go to art school. Hope your proud of me."

With that he punched the stop button and leaned back in his chair as he waited for the Yeoman to step in.

The wait wasn't long, as the doors opened up to reveal the Yeoman making her way over to him. Ricky stood up from his chair at attention as she made his way over. "Ensign Smith I assume?"

"Yes ma'am, what are your orders?"

The Yeoman showed the briefest glimmer of a smile before she continued, "Good to see you are professional about this. Anyhow Ensign, your mission is simple, in about three minutes we are going to approach the latest anomaly to grace our galaxy. As of now, it has been named it E.Q. Four. You will go into shuttle craft twelve, and use its specialized on board probing and scanning equipment to get as much information on it as possible, and most importantly to let us know if it is moving, or dangerous. Do you understand?"

Ricky nodded his head. "Good, now you will be within the limits of the tractor beam in case something should go awry, and in direct communication with the bridge. Do you have any questions?"

He shook his head, "No ma'am, no questions."

"Good, now I just got back from a supply closet, and brought you some rations, and a charged phaser, the rations are for you while you're out there, but the phaser is to add to the emergency kit, the one on board might be dead. Also I have a tricorder for you to use for more in depth scanning if you need it, if not just add it to the landing party kit, understand?"

Ricky nodded and grabbed the items, "Anything else ma'am?"

The Yeoman smiled, "Yeah, try not to worry so much. You trained for this kind of mission, it should be a piece of cake." She patted him on the shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting way. Ricky however could tell that the person that the Yeoman was trying to comfort was not Ricky, but herself.

"This is the Captain speaking, we are now stopped within range of the anomaly. Is the probe operator ready?"

The Yeoman hit the button on the wall, "This is Yeoman Bowser, we are ready and will be launching as soon as the Dock Master gives us the all clear signal."

"Thank you Yeoman, Kirk out."

Ricky opened the door to his shuttle craft and made his way inside, quickly placing the rations on one of the passenger seats he found his way over to a panel on the wall and slid it open. He gently placed the phaser inside the emergency kit and closed it up.

The Ensign walked to the front and sat in the pilots chair before activating the shuttle's control panels. Pressing a button he was patched in to the Dock Master, "Control this is Shuttle Craft Copernicus, requesting permission to exit shuttle bay. Oh please oh please deny me, for any reason at all, stuck doors, technical difficulties. Just anything to keep me here."

"Permission granted, good luck Ensign Smith."

"Thank you." Ricky smacked down on the button to silence communication. "Lets get this over with."

All eyes were on the viewing screen on the bridge. That is, all except for one pair that were looking at his scanner.
Captain Kirk smiled a bit as he sat in his seat and looked at the anomaly, "So... Spock, do you have anything on that... Thing?"

Spock raised an eyebrow as he turned to Kirk, "I believe that wormhole is the word, Captain."

Kirk nodded, "Yes. That. Anything you can tell me about it Mister Spock?"

The half Vulcan took a breath before he started, "Nothing that we didn't already know visually Captain. E.Q. Four is a class one size worm hole. When the shuttle probe is within scanning range we will have more information available.

Kirk smiled a little bit as he nodded. Then hit a button on the arm of his chair, "Scottie, anything to report down there?"

"Aye, the anomaly is making the power fluctuate slightly Captain, but it shouldn' be anything to worry about."

Uhura turned to Kirk as she listened in one ear, "Sir, transmission from the shuttle craft."

"Put it on bridge speaker." Uhura nodded and pressed a few buttons, Moments later Ensign Ricky's voice was coming out of the speakers.

"Copernicus to Enterprise, can you read me?"

"Kirk here, we read you. How are things looking?"

"Well sir, instrument readings are off the charts, according to the data this thing actually goes somewhere."

Spock kept a straight face as he continued to look at his own scanner, "Fascinating."

Kirk leaned forward in his seat as he put his hand to his chin, "Ensign, is there any way of knowing where it goes, and is it stable?"

Silence hung in the air for a few moments before Ricky's voice echoed across the bridge, "According to the read outs I am getting, It can be done, but without knowing what is on the other side, it may have its own laws of physics beyond what we understand. A ship might become an egg or anything else, the laws of that universe rule wherever we would go."

Kirk nodded, "I see. Anything else?"

"No sir, attempting to transmit data to ships computers."

That's when it happened, for a brief moment, the lights flickered off on the Enterprise. "Sulu, what was that?"

Mister Sulu looked into his tactical computer to get a read out, "According to this, the anomaly is beginning to actively pull the Enterprise in. With the anomaly causing ship wide power flux we must pull back the shuttle probe before we lose it forever."

Kirk nodded and leaned into his chair speaker system. "Did you hear that Ensign? Time to come back. We can transfer manually once you're on board."

"Copy sir. Coming back."

The radio cut out as the crew continued about their business, before suddenly a more panicked voice came over the speakers, "Copernicus to Enterprise, I am at full impulse power and I am still being drawn to the wormhole!"

Kirk reacted as swiftly as ever, "Mister Chekhov enable the tractor beam! Bring that shuttle back!"

The navigator and tactical officer started to mash down on some buttons to direct the beam to the small stranded shuttle, "Its no good captain, the shuttle, she is out of our reach!"

Kirk stood up from his chair, and proceeded to ask a very important question, "Do our transporters work still?"

Scottie came in over a speaker, "Aye Captain, for the moment. Do you want me to beam him back on board?"

Kirk then decided to follow up the most logical question with what must have been the stupidest thing ever uttered by a Captain, "Negative, I'm coming down to beam aboard that vessel, its information is too important to Starfleet." He then ran off into the turbo lifts and headed down to the transporter room.

Ricky could not help but stare at the worm hole as he got closer to it. He was moments away from being sucked in. "Enterprise, please beam me aboard."

Uhura's voice came in over the com, "Negative, we are beaming aboard the Captain to try to save you and the vessel. Remain calm and try to keep the shuttle craft in place."

The Ensign quickly adjusted the ships speed to keep it as much in place as possible without burning out the motors. "O.K. I have done all I know how to on this end, but I am still slowly falling into the wormhole."

Suddenly the glowing silhouette of Captain Kirk appeared in the passenger area of the shuttle craft. The form flickered a few times, as if the transporter was having difficulty. Finally after a tense ten seconds, Kirk fully formed and made his way to the front. "Did you try boosting power by shutting off all unnecessary equipment?"

Ricky nodded, "Yes I did. The only solution that I can think of would be to grab the tapes, beam aboard the ship and abandon the shuttle craft."

Kirk sat down in the pilots chair and started to press some buttons, "If we turn off life support for a few moments, and kill gravity on board I can direct all the power to impulse until we are in range of the Enterprise's tractor beam. Do we have any life support belts on this shuttle?"

Ricky quickly opened the emergency kit and pulled a pair out, "Fully charged and ready to go sir."

Kirk grabbed one and put it on, as Ricky did the same, "Activate your life belt, I am shutting off life support and gravity."

Ricky did so, and Kirk hit a button. Everything dimmed as power was diverted to the engines.
The shuttle shook for a few moments as it was held in place. Then it began to inch forward, Kirk opened up his personal communicator, "Kirk to bridge."

"This is the bridge, Spock speaking."

"Spock activate the tractor beam, we should be within your reach in moments."

"Tractor beam activated Captain. At your rate of speed you should reach it within thirty seconds."

Kirk smiled to himself as he folded up his communicator, "Wow, Captain. You did it! I thought for sure I was a goner, but you actually pulled this off!"

The shuttle jolted as it was taken up in the Enterprises tractor beam and steadily moved closer now. Kirk killed power to the engines and leaned back in the chair as they steadily got closer to the Enterprise, "Well, when you are Captain as long as I have, you learn a few tricks here and there."

Ricky looked out the viewing window at the Enterprise, I guess I was wrong, this wasn't so bad."

Then he noticed that the lights flickered out on the ship, for just a moment but that was all it took for the tractor beam to shut off, and send the powered down shuttle craft straight for the wormhole again.

Kirk ran to the controls and booted up the engines as fast as he could, but the shuttle was moving too fast to the wormhole at this point. He picked up his communicator and called into it as loud as he could, "Scottie, beam us back aboard now! We are getting sucked in and I have the tapes ejected from the console and ready to take with me!"

Silence greeted the two stranded men on the Copernicus. Finally after what felt like an eternity, a voice came in the cabin.

"I'm sorry Captain, transporter is down after that power failure. I'm working on it as fast as I can!"

Ricky and Kirk looked at each other as they drew ever closer to the wormhole at increasing speeds. Kirk talked back into his communicator, "As soon as you can, beam back Ensign Smith, I will wait for the next beaming if I must."

"It dosn' work that way Captain, I'm trying to stabilize power, but it keeps fluctuating before I can get a lock on you!"

"You mean..."

Silence greeted both of them as they careened to the edge of the wormhole. "I guess then, the Ensign and I are headed, where no man has gone before."

Ricky looked at Kirk with confusion as Kirk shut off his communicator, "Permission to speak freely Captain?"

Kirk looked over at him and gave off a small sad smile, "Granted."

Ricky frowned at him before taking a deep breath, "I always hated you. And now, because of you not listening to me the first time, we are going to die. Just thought that you ought to know."

Kirk nodded sagely, "Noted."

The small vessel fell into the center of the worm hole. It felt like they were being torn apart, streached and squashed in impossible ways as they traveled down the wormhole.

Ensign Ricky screamed the entire way.

It was another ordinary day for Fluttershy. There wasn't a sick hydra seeking medical attention, nor was Twilight going crazy with worry making the town fall apart, and most certainly Equestria was not in peril of becoming lost to an over powered nemesis of the country.

It was days like this that Fluttershy liked the most, quiet and peaceful.

The butter yellow pegasus sipped from a juice box and smiled as she watched her animals play in the garden, showing off little tricks to each other when suddenly a loud bang echoed across the sky.

The timid pony jumped before ducking under the garden table and stuttered to herself, "W-w-what was th-that?"

Angel Bunny hopped forward and looked off in the direction of the noise. His nose bounced up and down as he saw something falling from the sky. He bounced back to Fluttershy and pulled lightly on her mane to get her attention, pointing up at the falling object.

Fluttershy wasn't too keen on looking at first, but Angel's persistance paid off as she peeked her head out from the table to see what looked like a giant flaming white object falling down. "Oh Angel, what do you think it could be?"

She usually wasn't a curious pony, in fact she was quite the opposite. However, caution and curiosity fought a battle inside of Fluttershy before she came to an agreement with herself, "Maybe Twilight would know what it is."

And so, the pegasus flew off to the Library as fast as she dared to fly.

In the midst of the Everfree, shuttle craft NCC-1701/12 Copernicus lay smoking in a small crater, two members of Starfleet slumbered within.

Kirk was the first to rise, and streached his arms over his head with a yawn, "Wow, nothing like waking up unscathed after a life threatening situation to make you appreciate life." he started to stand up, and promptly fell on his face, "OW! What the, must have injured my legs." He looked down and saw that his uniform shirt was still clean and unripped, "Well that's just great, how am I supposed to fulfill my contractual obligation to at least once rip my shirt on every away mission now? Wait, did I lose weight?"

Kirk looked down and saw that his pants were indeed much larger than he remembered. He reached down with his hooves to readjust them to be tighter when something came across his mind, "Wait..."

Kirk tried again to stand up and his pants promptly fell to the ground causing him to trip over them and fall again to his face.
He was about to get back up, when Kirk saw a red shirt before his eyes, "Ricky, Ricky Smith? Wake up! We survived!"

Ricky grumbled as he turned over, his eyes opened to take in the sight of a tan pony with blue eyes and blondish brown hair, "Captain, you're a pony. I'm going to wake up in reality now so goodbye."

Kirk's eyes shifted as he looked at the off white pony with black hair, "Ensign, we survived the wormhole, and are now in another universe."

Ricky turned over and looked Kirk over again. Mild amusement began to enter his voice as he looked at his captain, "An alternate universe where you are a pony?"

"Yeah, about that..."

Ricky's gears finally began to turn in his head, as he added up two and two and got twenty two. Quickly he tried to stand up and also fell to his face, "Captain, I can't seem to stand up!"

"Just walk on all four of your hooves, and keep yourself together, there's no need to panic. Don't panic, for the love of god don't panic!"

Kirk then began to panic as Ricky stumbled on all fours to the back of the shuttle. Carefully using his hooves to slide the door open to the small ships head so he could use a mirror.

The mirror was much too high for Ricky to see himself in it from all fours, he reached his forehooves up and pulled himself upright with the sink to get a look at his face. An off white pony with a black mane looked back at him with mauve eyes.

Ensign Smith did not know what to say, and touched a hoof to his face to make sure it was real. When the reflection did the same, he said the first thing that came to his mind in as calm a voice as possible, "Captain, If we ever get back home, I want it to go on record that this is all your fault."

Author's Note

Make a promise in October, deliver in December.

Names and characters from Star Trek, Copyright Paramount
Names and characters from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Copyright Hasbro
Ricky Smith is my character, so Copyright Me.
Names Roy, Ted, Bill, and John Miller used with permission from friends and family.

For those of you that are curious why I write dialog funny, for Kirk, its obvious that this is Shatner's Kirk, and he talks a certain way, and I tried to emulate that in writing as best as I could, as for everyone else, nobody speaks in perfect English, and when we converse we tend not to use proper English at all if ever, and I wrote it down as if people were actually speaking, and not how books convey speech.

Lastly, this story is dedicated to the following,
My father Robert Victor, for introducing me to the universe of Star Trek before I could even say Mama or Dad,

And my mom, Momma B. for hating science fiction with a passion and watching Star Trek with me any way, and actually laughing at the suggestion of putting these two together.

Recent Edit, change of Copernicus's number to NCC-0701/12 to reflect information on Memory Alpha.

How do I hold a phaser with hooves?

On board the Enterprise, crew members ran about in a panic.

Of course they panicked, their captain was missing! And not just for a few minutes, but well over an hour, much longer than the Captain had ever been away from the ship without being on shore leave, held hostage, or fighting another life form.

This was serious.

Worse than the time when Kirk was abducted by the Metron to fight the Gorn captain. Much worse than both times the Enterprise was flooded with Tribbles, and even more terrible than the time when Mudd's love potion turned the Enterprise into a flying harem.

Naturally, the chaos on board was mixed. Security was running rampant all over the ship in efforts to look busy, least they get stopped to go after the captain, Bones was taking a turbo lift up to the bridge, and Scottie was in engineering, attempting to fix the still fluctuating power. Sulu and Chekov had left the bridge at the end of shift, while DePaul took the helm and Riley took over the navigation.
Naturally, Spock stayed and kept control over the spiraling situation.

He sat in the captains chair as upright and stiff as an over starched pair of socks, listening to different complaints as they came in.

Then, it happened.

"Mister Spock, Starfleet is hailing us, they want to know about our progress."

The half Vulcan felt his eyebrow twitch with what was not related to emotions whatsoever, "Give them a full report on the missing Captain and Ensign. The Enterprise will stay here and scan for their life forms."

Uhura nodded and began to speak with Starfleet over her headset. Spock turned to face the bridges science station to see Ann Mulhall was looking into the scanner, "Sir, no trace yet of the Copernicus. Readouts indicate that the craft may have been destroyed on entry."

Spock gave a small nod before pushing the button to speak with engineering, "Mister Scott, progress report."

"The wormhole is effecting the entire ship's power systems, the Dilithium is splitting like bananas comin' outta their peals! Mister Spock, we canna' stay here much longer than a day before we won't have the power to get away from here!"

"Thank you Mister Scott." Spock cut off communication and made his way over to Mulhall and punched a few buttons for a print out.

Ships Computer Starship Enterprise.
Wormhole E-Q-4 Scan results, Non moving, estimated life, one thousand, (1,000) Earth years. Non threatening. Possibly navigable. Life forms, unknown. Searching for emergency beacon or other transmissions from Copernicus and missing crew. Estimated time for search, two hours standard earth time.

Spock folded up the paper and placed it into a file folder by the station before going back to the captains chair. He had just sat down when the turbo lift doors slid open, revealing a more than slightly angry Leonard McCoy, "What the hell is going on? A member of security comes into sickbay telling me that Kirk is gone, and suddenly half the men in sickbay jump out of their beds with a shout and run off! Next thing I know there's a party in the mess hall full of staff I have never even seen before! Spock, chaos is gripping the crew and I have no one to state the obvious to! Where's Jim?"

Spock did not even bother to look the doctor in the face as he continued to read different reports from the ships crew and computers to try and find the next logical move, "You are correct, the Captain is indeed missing. We are not sure where to, but are doing all we can."

McCoy raised his arms up over his head, "Well what are we doing about it? Just sitting here to wait for orders?"

Spock finally turned to face the medical officer with a look of contempt on his face, "No, we wait for more information. If they survived the journey through, then they should be able to contact us through either the communicator, or the shuttlecraft's emergency beacon. Our computer is trying to find traces of the craft. If our scanners can find the shuttle, then we may be able to monitor the Captain well enough to either beam him to us, or send another craft to pick him up."

"So we wait?"

"We wait Doctor, until the next logical step presents itself to us."

Ensign Ricky was handling things surprisingly well for what was going on. In the last half hour of his being awake. He had discovered that Slim Jims were disgusting to a pony, even if they had liked them before, and that walking on all fours was not hard, but made him much shorter. Lastly, that as ponies the would not need to wear pants because of the nature of their build kept their privates, private.

Kirk on the other hand was busy trying to figure out how he was going to carry anything without his pants, and as a result belt that he couldn't get off of his pants.

"I just don't understand, I can see that the Tricorder and emergency kit has a strap, but what if I need to shoot something!"

Ricky rolled his eyes as he used his nose to tap on the console buttons in hopes of restoring power, "Just leave the phaser in the emergency kit, that way if you really need it its there."

Kirk slammed his hoof down on the floor of the shuttlecraft before turning around to face Ricky, "I don't think you understand me, you red shirts always think the same way, Oh I don't need a phaser," He said in a mocking tone, "I'll just go down to an uncharted planet and wander away from the search party to get a drink of water from the pool of acid guarded by the angry natives, they wont mind!"

Ricky took a step back from Kirk with a wide look, "Oh, its OUR fault for dying? Really? Hi, I'm, Captain, Kirk! I... cheated on, the... Kobayashi Maru test, because, I, don't believe in the no win scenario! Oh, look! Alien planet! Lets see if I. Can sleep with them, wait, better take a red shirt with me, just in case they are kill happy!"

Kirk butted his head against Smith and scowled, "I, do not... Talk like that!"

"Yeah, you do. Now if you'll excuse me, Captain, I have to try to save our asses before I become another dead shirt for you to forget about." He powered on the slightly damaged console, only for it to explode sparks for a few moments and forced him to shut it back off before causing more damage.

Ricky grumbled to himself as he used both of his front hooves to hold the necessary tools to try to mend the wires. Kirk stepped forward a bit as he looked down at Ricky. "I don't forget the deaths of my crew."

The off white pony picked up a screw driver with his teeth as he tried to use it to tighten a loose panel, "Really?" he said around the tool, "What about Johnny Miller? Or what about Lieutenant Carlisle? Do those names ring any bells? How about Rizzo? Or maybe Ensign O'Herlihy? Do you remember them?"

Kirk paused for a moment and thought as Smith kept tightening the panel, "That's what I thought. Now no offence to you Captain, but I would rather try to get us home instead of go adventuring with you. It's hazardous to my health."

Fluttershy and Twilight were making there way through the Everfree Forest, with a cart load of probing and computing equipment and saddlebags full of books on meteors and other natural items that tend to fall from space, "I can't believe we are the only ones that know about this!" Twilight said with an excited squeak, "Maybe it will contain a new mineral, or it can unlock the secrets of the universe as we know it! Oooh how much farther is it Fluttershy? I wanna take notes!"

Fluttershy calmly smiled as Twilight rambled on about the possibilities of the falling object, and tried to tell her again, "Actually, it looked like a box, or strange enclosed chariot. I think somepony might have crashed while flying." She then pulled out of her saddle bags a first aid kit for emphasis to Twilight that she was prepared.

"Fluttershy," Twilight said with a roll of her eyes, "I told you back at the library that for something to break the sound barrier it must reach mach speeds, and no flying thing can move that fast with a cart. Therefore, it must be from outer space, and there is no life out there, It's scientifically improbable for alien life to develop space travel JUST to see a bunch of ponies. No, it must be a meteor." Twilight said, more to herself with a satisfied nod.

Fluttershy smiled a little bit as they kept walking on, "Whatever you say Twilight."

The trip through the Everfree was, thankfully void of any danger and within a few minutes the two ponies came across a section of the forest where all the trees were knocked over.

At the edge of the clearing, was a slightly battered white thing. It was larger than most carts and wagons that either Twilight or Fluttershy had ever seen before. It narrowed down close to the end that had nose dived into the trees, and had a set of short wings angled back and down on either side. On either side on the top was a pair of cylinders that ran past the rear slightly.

The two ponies stared for a while before finally Twilight spoke up, "Wow, what is it?"

Fluttershy, rather than take the queue and follow Twilight closer to the downed craft, stayed behind and watched as the unicorn made her way closer to the giant white structure. Suddenly Twilight frantically waved a hoof for Fluttershy to come closer.

Fluttershy took a small step forward and timidly called out, "What is it Twilight?"

Despite the quietness of the pegasus's voice, Twilight still felt the need to hold a hoof over her muzzle to shush her, "Hurry over quietly," Twilight whispered loudly to Fluttershy, "I think I hear voices!"

Fluttershy quietly flew over to Twilight, landing next to her as softly as she could and perked up her ears to listen to the voices, "Listen, I don't care if you are the Captain, but under this situation, I am the most qualified when it comes to the technical aspects of this shuttlecraft, and I say we make repairs to get out of here, or contact the ship for help!"

The sound of scuffling hooves came out of the vessel before the other voice spoke up again, "As your commanding officer, and having been in a few tight situations in the past, I believe that we should go exploring! Maybe the local inhabitants are friendly, and can offer some help!"

"You know as well as I do that that is a stupid plan, besides I think I got it!" The sound of sparks filled the air before a small explosion came out near the back end of the metal structure. "Great, another issue! Captain, I'm going to go out and see what that sound was. Please, PLEASE Don't touch anything!"

The rear end of the vessel opened wide into a doorway, out of which stepped a pale earth pony with black hair wearing a red shirt. The pony grumbled to himself a few times as he walked to the side of the structure and looked inside of the panel that had come open, "Blast, the antimatter chamber is damaged! CAPTAIN! Can you check the kits for spare parts?"

Twilight and Fluttershy looked at the strange stallion in silence before Twilight finally approached him, "Excuse me, but do you need help?"

"Sorry but only a fully trained Starfleet probe and shuttlecraft specialist can operate and repair a Class G shuttlecraft." The stallion droned for a moment before freezing. Rickey finally realized that someone spoke to him, someone he did not know, on an alien planet. He tilted his body so that only his head poked around the back side of the shuttle and saw Twilight and Fluttershy standing at a distance, one with a smile, the other with caution on her face.

Ricky reacted the only way he knew, the only way that kept him alive for that year on the Enterprise so far. He screamed and ran back into the shuttlecraft, the door slamming shut behind him.

Twilight and Fluttershy blinked for a few moments in surprise at the eccentric stallion and whispered among themselves, "What's wrong with him?"

"Maybe he's just shy around mares."

"You can't tell me that he is just shy around mares, I mean that was a fear induced scream!"

Fluttershy tilted her head, "Have you ever seen me try to talk to a stallion?"

Twilight almost rebutted but stopped, "Alright point taken but I don't think-"

What Twilight didn't think never got out as the door opened again. This time a tan pony stepped out in a bright gold shirt. He wore a cocky smile on his face as he stepped out, "My name is Captain Kirk, and I represent Starfleet and the United Federation of Planets. We come in peace!" He leaned slightly to his left at the still shaking Ensign and whispered, "If they attack, shoot to kill."

The purple mare stepped forward from the cart behind her and held up her right forehoof in a friendly gesture, while Fluttershy imediatly dropped her bags to the ground. Twilight then spoke very slowly to make sure that the stallions in the ship would understand her, "I am Twilight Sparkle. This is Fluttershy, we came when we saw you crash. Is everypony alright in there?"

Kirk stepped forward and out of the ship, "Everyone is fine, but we damaged our craft in landing, and do not have all the parts we need. We are stranded until we can repair our shuttlecraft or can signal our ship. Do you have a way to help us?"

Fluttershy and Twilight looked at each other, not sure how to take what this pony has told them, Twilight looked up at Captain Kirk and smiled, "Will you excuse us for a moment?" she grabbed Fluttershy in her magic an levitated her to the far end of the clearing so the two of them could talk.

"Fluttershy, this is big." Twilight began as she looked over her shoulder at the ship behind her, "I mean, think of all we can learn from them! If these ponies had mastered space travel who knows what else we can learn from them!"

Fluttershy looked behind Twilight and then back at the ground before finally speaking, "Well, those ponies seem nice enough, but the one in the yellow shirt mentioned something about a federation, and a bigger ship. What if they are dangerous?"

Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin for a moment, "Hmm, you have a point Fluttershy. I have an idea."

The two ponies whispered between each other for a while longer, then nodded and walked back to the craft while Kirk met them half way, "We are going to do our best to help you, but it may take some time." Twilight said with a flourish as Fluttershy looked at an interesting blade of grass, "In the mean time you can stay with us until Princess Celestia can come to Ponyville to meet with you and your friend."

The Captain nodded, "Alright, I will let my Ensign, Ricky know what is going on and have him bring some supplies."
Kirk stepped into the Shuttlecraft and the doors shut behind him. He looked around for a few moments for the Ensign, "Smith? We're going on a bit of a hike, grab whatever we can in the emergency supply kit. Smith?"

Ricky turned his head to the Captain's voice. and dropped Kirk's communicator. Upon contact with the floor the tell tale beeps of its opening and making contact with the ship rang out throughout the vessel.

It has been almost an hour since the computer's initial prediction, and still no signs of the Captain has come through as of yet.

With Chekov off the bridge, he along with the other chiefs of security, Giotto and Freeman, had managed to round up the rest of security and get the ship back into order within the space of time that had passed.

Despite all this, Spock's job did not get any easier. The fluctuating power has been a big hindrance on the Enterprise, not only to those in engineering, but anyone that wanted to use the ships computers was finding that the computers were slowing to a crawl. For DePaul and Riley the power fluctuations were making keeping the ship in one place a constant struggle, as they had to constantly adjust for the pull of the wormhole and readjust as power would lower and rise.

Uhura suddenly started pressing buttons on the board before her in a desperate attempt to get a steady signal, "Mister Spock, we are getting a transmission signal!"

"The Captain?" Spock said as he walked closer to her to examine the panel.

"I'm not sure but I do hear voices," The communications officer pressed a button and the bridge filled with the sound of static, but behind the static a voice could barely be heard coming through.

"Ensign -ith -o Enter-ise C-n you r-..."

Uhura slid a dial up before speaking, "This is Enterprise, can you boost signal!"

Spock leaned up to the nearest microphone and spoke into it, "Spock here, patch the communicator into the tricorder for a power and signal boost and we may be able to see you."

The sound fizzled out on the speakers for a moment before Uhura saw a green light come on the panel before her. Quickly reacting, the Lieutenant pressed the button for the viewing screen. When it came to life with the image of the interior of the Copernicus, audio quickly followed filling the bridge with the voices of Ricky and Kirk talking in the back ground.

DePaul and Riley had to resist the urge to high five and cheer at knowing that everything turned out fine, and instead settled on smiling widely at each other as Spock moved back to the Captain's chair, "Captain, we are receiving audio visual signal, Is everything well with you?"

Suddenly two ponies stepped on screen wearing a red, and gold shirt respectively, "Everything is fine," the pony in the gold shirt said in Kirk's voice, "but our shuttlecraft was damaged, can you lock in on our signal and beam us back?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at the two ponies, "Sir, is that really you? Or is this some sort of human joke?"

The pony in the red shirt began to sweat vigerously, and made his way off screen as the tan pony leaned closer to the camera on the tricorder, "Yes this is really me. It's this universe, when we awoke we were ponies, I'll chat about it later now tell me, Spock, can you beam us back?"

Spock got up and began to pace slightly on the bridge as his mind began to whir faster with the information he was given, "Captain, the wormhole is causing power failure all over the ship and draining the dilithium crystals. It is impossible at the time to get a strong enough signal to beam you out."

Kirk slammed a hoof down on the floor, "Then get out of there! Get to K-4 and make repairs as quick as you can. We have made contact with the life on this planet. They offered us lodging and help, we can stay with them while we wait for contact."

"Captain, what about the prime directive?"

The pony on the screen rolled his eyes as the other one moved about in the back ground gathering supplies, "Spock, we can't stay with the ship. According to the ponies we met the forest we crashed in is dangerous. We are going to seek shelter in a town not far from here. Do not send a shuttlecraft after us, I repeat do NOT send a shuttlecraft. The wormhole causes damage to the matter-antimatter chambers and dilithium crystals, if you send another shuttle it will become stranded with us."

Spock nodded, "Very well Captain, we should be able to make repairs in and come back to this spot at stardate 7879.9."

"Excellent Spock," The signal began to fade, "Take care of the ship... I'll be fine, Kirk out."

The screen faded out to black as the signal died out. Spock lowered himself back into the Captain's chair and folded his hands together in front of him. Raising an eyebrow he said one word, "Fascinating."

"A universe where everyone is a pony." Riley put in. "What are your orders Mister Spock."

Without missing a beat the first officer acted, "Helmsmen, set course for Station K-4, Lieutenant Uhura, contact Starfleet and let them know that the Captain is alive and we will be coming back for him once repairs are done."

"Aye sir." with the order given the whole ship engaged in motion as they set back on course for station K-4 as quick as possible.

Author's Note

Special thanks to Memory Alpha for being a good resource on everything Trek!

For those that do not know Copernicus is a real Shuttlecraft from Star Trek, and made one appearance in the animated series.
Here is a picture, and a link for more information.
I decided it is a class G because the regular box shaped ones were class F.

NCC-1701/12 Copernicus

What's In A Name?

Harcourt Fenton Mudd, Alias Harry Mudd sat in the brig as he ate the rather large three course meal. "This is preposterous, how am I supposed to survive off of such, meager rations!"

The two security guards that were watching over the brig glanced up from their game of rummy at the disgruntled prisoner. "What do you expect? You're in the brig, not the Andorian Hilton."

"And besides," the other guard piped in, "you have just eaten two meals worth of food, since you got here that food replicator has had to work overtime."

Mudd spooned up another slice of meat and chewed on it for a few moments. "You know," he paused to swallow down the food. "that's part of your problem. Replicated food never is quite as satisfying to a man, especially one who enjoys the finer things in life."

The two guards rolled their eyes as one lay a two down on the table. "Bill, let me just knock him out. One quick phaser shot and POW sleeping till we can unload the layabout."

Bill shook his head as he picked up the card. "Nah, you gotta let it go kid. Not everything is worth getting in a fight over."

Suddenly the sound of choking came from the cell caught Bill and Ted's attention. The pair of guards quickly stood from their seats and saw Mudd desperately grasping at his throat."Lower the force field, I'll perform the Heimlich maneuver!" Ted ran off to the cell as Bill lowered the field to let him in, where Mudd's face was contorted with so much fear that his eyes were bulging. The security guard quickly got behind Mudd to perform the maneuver, when suddenly the prisoner's hand swept down and grabbed Ted's phaser, before the guard could react he received a stun shot to the face.

Bill reacted as quickly as he could, and reached down for his own phaser, but it was too late as the second guard was mercilessly knocked out with a second blast.

Mudd smiled to himself as he walked out of the holding cell. "Ahhh! Once again, Harcourt Fenton Mudd is free! Free to roam about the ship in any way he sees fit! And how I see fit is to get off of it." He looked down at the sleeping guards and made a deep frown as he shook his head. "Well it's such a shame you had to learn the hard way, you should never trust me." Mudd burst out in laughter and quickly grabbed Bill and dragged him into the holding cell, and looked the two over. In a surprisingly swift move, Mudd swooped down and grabbed Ted's Starfleet card, and tossed the pilfered phaser to the table as he walked over to the wall console.

The scoundrel twirled his mustache as he searched the console for a few moments, and finally found a place to swipe the security card. Moments passed before a drawer slid open reveling his confiscated belongings. He looked at the jewels and other small trinkets that were taken from him with greedy eyes, but quickly shook his head away from them before grabbing what he was after, a small wand like device with a scanner on one end, and what looked like a set of lights on the other. Mudd looked to Bill and pointed the device at him with a grin. "Now don't worry, this won't hurt at all..."

Before he could use the device, the door leading out of the brig slid open suddenly. "Hey guys end of the shift, head on over to," he stopped mid sentence and viewed the scene before him. Mudd was frozen, unsure of what to do he reached down with his hand only to find nothing there. He then saw the phaser he had left on the small table was several feet away, too far. The red shirt quickly pulled his own phaser off of his belt and shouted, "what's going on here!"

Mudd gave a cautious grin and lowered the device back into the drawer. Slowly he turned around with his hands over his head to look at the lone security officer. "Now now, let's not be too hasty good sir."

The guard was clearly in no mood to talk as he pointed the phaser directly at Mudd. "Keep your hands where I can see them! Now tell me, what did you do with Bill and Ted?"

Harry kept his usual smile as he carefully watched the guard. "Sir, you cut me to the quick! Why how do you know I did anything at all? They might simply be in the bathroom or perhaps Ted got a case of food poisoning, god knows this ships food might cause a case of indigestion or two."

The guard came closer to Mudd and kept his phaser aimed dead on target. Carefully, he pressed a button on the intercom on the wall and spoke calmly into it. "This is Joe Uribe in security, send more guards for our guest in the brig. I've got a phaser on him, and need help apprehending the prisoner."

The speaker remained silent for a few moments before a voice called out, "Confirmed, maintain location lieutenant."

Joe smiled wide at Mudd as he held up the phaser, being sure to keep his distance. "Not one move from you, or I'll shoot." Mudd raised his hands even higher at this statement before stepping back slightly, only for Joe to raise the phaser even higher. "I said not one move! I don't use warning shots or stun settings. Last chance, don't move."

The air seemed to thicken up with the tension, on one end a fat, balding, mustached man stood with both hands over his head with an uneasy smile being given to the balding man across the room from him. "So, you must be what? Pushing seventy?" Mudd asked out of jest. "A bit old to be security."

Joe shook his head at him and nearly pulled the trigger then and there. "As if you have room to talk, I'm only thirty five. You must be pushing fifty?"

"Terrible thing, losing your locks at such a young age," Mudd commented with a slight frown before smiling wide again. "I mean, I have my excuse, I'm getting on in years. But it must be hard for you to find the right woman, losing your hair so young."

"I have a wife and two kids. Now quit talking."

Instead of silencing himself Mudd smiled even wider as he slowly began to lower his hands. "Ah I see. Already married with two children, how nice. But what if daddy could have a full head of hair?" As Mudd spoke his right hand slowly lowered into his jacket, reaching for one of the secret pockets that security managed to miss in their search. "I have here some Xellian hair tonic, very rare, costs a fortune if I might say so myself. I'll gladly sell you this bottle for only, oh how about fifty credits?"

Joe lowered his phaser slightly and stepped forward, images of him standing with his wife and kids on a grass hill with long hair billowing in the wind filling his mind. That's when three more security officers came in. "Good work Uribe, get him in a cell."

Quickly, the three guards grabbed Mudd and goose stepped him into a cell, activated the force field and walked away to help out Bill and Ted. As all this happened, Joe continued to stand stock still by the doorway. The hand holding the phaser continued to slowly lower to the ground as he realized that it was over.

Sulu smiled as he made his way back to the door. "Good work Lieutenant, keep an eye on him with these two while I help escort Bill and Ted to sick bay." Joe nodded numbly and mumbled something as the trio left the brig, leaving him with two other members of security to guard Mudd. Images of himself with a full head of hair running through his mind.

Back on Equestria, the quartet of ponies continued their forest trek through the Everfree. Twilight Sparkle and Captain Kirk lead the group while Kirk talked in vague details about his ship. Behind them, Fluttershy was keeping a steady pace and listening politely to the rambling stallion, but kept turning around to keep an eye on Ensign Ricky.

Ricky couldn't help but curse his luck as he wondered how he became stuck with not only all of his supplies, but Kirk's supplies, and Twilight's cart of equipment in tow behind him. "As soon as I get to where we are going, I don't care who sees me, I'm going to dump this stuff off, run to a bath house, spa, hot spring or whatever they have here, and relax until this is all over. No, better still, I'll punch Kirk in the face and throw him in a lake. How did I wind up pulling all this any how?" As Ricky continued to curse his current situation in his mind, he suddenly realized that the rest of the ponies seemed to have forgotten about him and continued to pull away ahead of him. "Hey, can we stop for a minute, I need to catch up to you!"

Twilight turned around and looked back at him and smiled at him kindly. "No it's fine, we should rest here for a moment anyways." Ensign Ricky ran as quickly as he could in his new body, and as soon as he caught up to the group Ricky dropped the harness for the cart and sat down to relax. As he did, Twilight cleared her throat to speak. "So, listen, we're nearly there, but before we go any further, I think we need to get your stories straight."

Kirk nodded slightly as he put on his serious face. "I agree. We, need to know more about your culture, if we are going to blend in properly."

"That's right, now the first thing we need to do is come up with good names for you both."

"Names?" Ricky asked as he sat down by the rest of the group. "I'm sorry, but what's wrong with Rick, or James?"

Kirk narrowed his eyes at his ensign before giving a heavy sigh. "Forgive him, he's never been planet side before. What kind of names are common on your planet?"

Twilight couldn't help but laugh as she was reminded once again that she was speaking with aliens. She quickly coughed into a hoof before putting her serious face back on and continuing. "There's nothing much wrong with those names if you are a gryphon, or were raised in a gryphon country like Gryphonia. But around here, ponies usually have more descriptive names. You both speak regular Equestrian, but do either of you know other languages?"

Ricky shook his head vigorously to answer no, while Kirk raised a hoof. "I speak Esperanto."

The other three ponies looked at him cautiously for a few moments before Ricky responded. "SIr, isn't that a made up language?"

"Tio ne konsistas! Ĝi simple neniam populariĝis en la galaksio."

Twilight nodded rather impressed at the phrase. "That's very close to Gryphish, I suppose you get to keep your name." Kirk grinned wide at his luck, as Twilight turned to look at Ricky with a frown. "Unless you can speak that language, I'm going to call you, Sitting Target."

"What? Why sitting target? Twilight gave a deadpan look as she pointed at his flank, showing the red and yellow striped target with multiple arrows lodged in it. "That? What? No, there's no way I'm going to be going around as a walking bulls eye! That's exactly why I wanted to transfer to a different ship!"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion at what Ricky had said for a moment before it all came together in her mind. "Wait, is it dangerous for you on your ship?"

"Well, not so much on the ship, but when the Captain orders us to go on a mission, things tend to get a little-"

"WAIT!" Twilight interrupted as she zoomed past Fluttershy to get to Kirk and Ricky. "Did you just say another ship? How many more ships are there? How much have you explored?"

The two stallions looked into the eyes of the excited mare with confusion and shrugged a bit as Ricky stepped aside to let Kirk do the talking. "There's roughly two thousand ships in all of Starfleet, but only a dozen in our fleet are constitution class like the Enterprise."

Twilight sat wide eyed with stars sparkling in her pupils. "You don't say? And, you have seen everything in your universe?"

"No, we are still exploring. We haven't even finished mapping out the Alpha Quadrant, but I think that within the century, we might-"

"Sir, I think you might be telling too much."

Kirk thought about it for a few seconds before nodding. "Sorry, you're right. Prime directive stands clear, I shouldn't talk too much Miss Sparkle." He looked to his right, and noticed that the shadows were beginning to stretch thinner as the sun set. "I think we need to move on, come along ensign!"

As they began to stand, Fluttershy suddenly got everypony's attention. "Wait, what about his name? We can't have Ricky going around with an alien name."

Twilight and Kirk looked at him for a few moments, before finally the answer came to her. "I've got it, we'll call you Redshirt! You're wearing one, it sounds Equestrian, and it's a nice name. Now come on, we're nearly there!"

A few moments later, and the four ponies reached Fluttershy's cottage. Kirk and Redshirt looked at the structure for a few moments without moving before Twilight tried to get their attention. "Hello? Equestria to space federation, are you receiving me?"

"Sorry," Kirk said as he shook his head slightly. "I knew that the structures would be primitive. I just wasn't prepared for a cottage that's so... natural looking."

Twilight smiled as she lead them to Fluttershy by the front door. "Yes, well not all our buildings are like this. But Fluttershy takes care of a lot of animals, and this place is perfect for somepony like her."

Back on the Enterprise bridge, things were no picnic under Spock's watchful eyes. With only another hour to star base K-4, and little to do for the entire crew, some took the time to enjoy themselves. So long as they were off duty, and happened to be wearing red.

"I can't believe that he's finally gone," someone said before gulping back his drink. "I mean, I don't hate the guy, but Kirk is... well,"

"Kirk is a jerk," someone said to a roar of laughter. "No really, he is! Do you know how many violations against the prime directive he has under his belt?" There was a slight murmur of agreement as the red shirts kept the party going. "Look, all I am saying is that so long as he's outta the picture, we're not going to be used as meat shields to protect the officers from now on!"

Another cheer of agreement swam through the air, only to die suddenly when the doors to the room slid open. Everyone turned to see the chief of engeneering walk in and place his hands on his hips. "Well now, ain't that a fine lookin' party you've got here," Scotty said with a slight smile. "I see you're celebratin' the fact that your beloved captain is safe and sound."

Silence rang in the air of the recreation room before a few fake coughs and sniffles broke out as they tried to play it cool in agreeing with Mister Scott. "Yes, clearly ye be happy that he's alrigh' and not a thing else is goin' on here." He then picked up a glass of brandy and gave it a sniff. "Otherwise ye'd be breakin' out the good stuff." He then suddenly broke out into laughter as he threw the glass down to the floor. "Ye' should be ashamed to be in that uniform. The whole lot of ya!" How dare ye' call yerselves red shirts! Why, if I were a red shirt, and I suddenly was to find that my captain was somewhere that he couldn't send me to commit suicide, and was still perfectly safe 'im self, I'd have got the good stuff." He then looked down at his uniform and pulled his shirt away, and acted as if he was just now noticing the color of his shirt. "Oh would ye' look at that. I am a red shirt." A round of nervous laughter broke out as the doors slid open to show the ships doctor, and two other red shirts walking in with a case of alcohol each. "And I did bring the good stuff!"

A shout of hurrah echoed through the small chamber as the sea of red moved on to get a glassful of scotch from Scotty. The only one in the room that wasn't in red was Doctor McCoy himself, nursing a bottle of Romulan Ale to himself. Finally, a chance to get hammered. God knows you don't need many excuses when you're the ships surgeon of Enterprise.

It didn't take too long for Twilight to find Spike and bring him back to Fluttershy's. It did however take slightly longer to find the right words to send to Princess Celestia. By the time Twilight had come up with the right words that, at least to her didn't sound crazy, it took her even longer to convince herself that she wasn't crazy. By the time she finally got Spike to send the letter, he was only convinced that she was crazy. Not for what the letter said, she didn't tell him about where Kirk and Redshirt came from, other than that she found them in the forest. No, what convinced him that she was crazy was the fact that Twilight had spent the last hour talking in fragmented sentences to herself while mussing her mane with her hooves. So, he knew that it must have been Tuesday.

Ensign Ricky, or Redshirt as he was supposed to be called now, was keeping himself busy with trying to hide away the supplies that he'd brought with him in a shed as Kirk continued to stare off absently to the horizon. The sound of animals filled the air as the sun slowly sank over the horizon, casting the land in a sate of limbo. A chill ran up Redshirt's back and he shuddered slightly. Unsure of what it all meant, he ignored the feeling and successfully closed the door to the shed. "Sir, all items are secured."

Kirk nodded slightly, but didn't say anything for a while. Redshirt slowly cantered up beside his captain and sat down. Kirk however continued to stare off into the nothingness, as if he were looking for something that wasn't there, or never would be. Finally a sigh escaped from his muzzle and Kirk laid down on the grass. "I do remember."

The ensign looked to his left and saw Kirk was poking at the grass with his hoof. Unsure of what he meant, Ricky took the bait to continue the conversation. "I don't follow, what do you remember?"

"All those names you mentioned," Kirk said with a frown. "I do remember them all. Maybe not immediately when asked, not even all the time." He gave off a sigh as he lay his head on his forehooves. "But I do remember them all. In my quarters, I keep a list of everyone that's died under my captaincy. Because I do blame myself." He then looked Ricky dead in the eyes, and the ensign jumped back slightly as he took in the grave features. "Is that what you wanted from me? To know that I do know these things?" He then looked back at the horizon as the sun finally slipped away entirely, then began searching upwards for the stars to come out. "But before you begin to gloat, and continue to judge me harshly, think of all the lives that were saved. All those times I've cheated death, saved my own skin for the price of another so I could save the ship."

Redshirt thought it over for a moment before he gave a solemn nod. "The needs of the many, outweigh the-"

"Shut up I was talking," Kirk said with a slight snap. He then quickly stood back up and stretched out his back before trotting back to the cottage. "Well, great talking with you Redshirt, but I think it's time for me to do something."

"Let me guess, either fight or make love to the locals so you have an excuse to rip your shirt?" Redshirt deadpanned.

"Why should I choose between one or the other?" He then gave the ensign a wink before trotting away. "I'm headed to where those lights are in the distance, this town's gotta have some sort of watering hole."

Redshirt got up on his hooves and followed after his captain with a fast trot. "I don't think that's a good idea captain, we're supposed to stay inconspicuous."

"You're right, it's not a good idea ensign. It's a great idea!" He then took off at a gallop, leaving Redshirt behind to wonder if he should follow him to keep the captain out of trouble, or stay behind to keep his own skin. It didn't take him too long to suddenly find himself galloping after Kirk, shouting after him to wait up.

Author's Note

I took too long to write this.
Like, really really really too long.
For those of you that are new here, welcome! For those of you that stuck around through the terrible highatus of this story, welcome back! I'm sorry to all about how jarring the writing differences may be from previous chapters, and this one. But hopefully I'll get this one finished soon! (Yeah, I already have an ending ready to go!)

For she had the stars in her hair

There was a list of problems the size of the sun with Twilight's idea; chief among them was that it didn't work. The main reasoning behind that was for one simple reason; the diarch of the sun was absent from Equestria on important business with the dragons. However, she had left the kingdom in good hooves, her most trusted adviser of over three decades. Unfortunately he was sick and Luna had to take over.

Princess Luna sat on her sisters throne with a dark look on her face, seething as she weighed the consequences of her problem. On one end, action could cost a small amount of respect from her lessors. However, doing nothing was not an option at the moment, for inaction would drive her mad. Finally, with a decision in mind, Luna arose from the throne and cleared her throat to say, "Our coat has an itch; we must find the royal back scratcher."

It was just a few moments after her announcement, and the arrival of the golden scratcher that a scroll appeared before the throne. "What's this?" she exclaimed in confusion, her itch now forgotten. "A written communication from our sister?" With the sound of a light snap the seal was broken, and Luna's eyes began to gloss lightly over the note. A few words stuck out to her from Celestia's words about what Twilight had reported to her, and an eyebrow raised slightly in confusion.

"Why wouldst an alien being be," she stopped and looked around to see if anypony had caught on to what she had muttered aloud, only to find that the solar guardians that usually stood stalwart at the throne for Princess Celestia, had used the opportunity of the letter taking her eyes off of them to sneak out of the room. Luna huffed slightly as she turned back to the letter; muttering to herself, "We truly must get ourselves our own guards," before reading what her sister had to say.

It seemed like an innocent enough letter, Celestia elaborated in brief that the negotiations were tricky, but going as well as expected. She went on to tell of how she had received a letter from Twilight requesting help, and that Twilight Sparkle's letter was attached. Curious, Luna began reading the other sheet of paper, and began to feel more confused by the minute. Why would Celestia deny an opportunity to meet a being such as this?

The reason why, of course, wasn't too hard for anypony that knew Twilight Sparkle from her time in Canterlot. It wasn't because she was a liar, or some terrible thing like that. But simply that anypony that knew Twilight at all, knew that she was more than likely on the edge of a nervous break down at the drop of a hat.

Celestia knew this as well, and even though she had a favored love for her student, akin to an aunt would her favorite niece, she also knew that she had better things to do for Equestria than to indulge in what was likely her student finally losing her sanity for the final time, and decided that maintaining peace between her country and one full of dragons that would eat her subjects should they feel inclined to do so was more important than investigating her student's claims. That, and she really, really did not want to be the one to be forced to send Twilight to a sanitarium. So she passed the task to the only pony she knew deep down would do the right thing, and keep herself out of the picture.

The Enterprise was now slowly revolving around Star Base K-4, and everything was well in hand. The crew was happy, running efficiently and following procedures by the book. In other words, it was agreed silently throughout the ships crew that all in all, losing Kirk to the wormhole was the best thing that's ever happened to them. Naturally, there were a few that weren't doing so well; for example, McCoy, Sulu, and even Chekov all had the captain on their minds, and felt that their duty to bring him back as soon as possible was priority one.

Everyone else on the bridge felt bad that he was gone, but quickly got over it when they really sat and thought about it for longer than a few moments. And of course, Spock felt nothing at all. "Maintain orbit around the star base Mister Sulu," he said calmly before lightly pressing a button on the captain's chair. "Brig, prepare mister Mudd for delivery." The voice on the other end confirmed before closing communications, and Spock got up to exit the bridge. "Sulu, you have the helm, Doctor, please accompany me to the brig."

McCoy muttered something before getting in the turbo lift with Spock. The pair stayed quiet as the lift descended to the brig, one of them not knowing what to say to ease the uncomfortable awkwardness at the pair's missing friend. The other simply not knowing about such things as the fact that he was currently sharing an awkward silence with the ship's doctor.

Not too far off, Mudd himself looked truly miserable as he leaned against the cell walls, feeling dark pit growing in his heart as the seconds went by. It won't be long now. These incompetent fools with phasers will transfer me to slightly more competent fools that are better shots with phasers. Twenty four hours from now, I'll be in the federation re-education camp, where I'll be made a model citizen. He shuddered at the thought, even as the brig doors opened to let in Spock, McCoy and a small troupe of security guards.

"Alright, I want this transfer to be clean," Spock said with his usual straight, nearly robotic face. "Do not let him touch you, even if he seems ill or dying. Doctor McCoy here will be scanning his body at all times in case of a medical emergency." As he spoke, the doctor held up the medical tricorder, and Mudd grinned softly to himself. "Keep your phasers on high stun, if he makes a move, do not hesitate to fire."

The red shirts all nodded as they adjusted their phaser settings, and the guard in charge of the brig stood by the controls; and as soon as the word was given, Mudd's cell was opened, and it's sole occupant casually stepped out with his hands in his pockets. "Ah, a marvelous idea, a stretch of the legs on the way to my next cell."

The guard rolled his eyes as the small troop of security guards marched Mudd out of the brig and into the hall. Suddenly, Harry doubled over and gave a mighty cough, and everyone quickly drew their phasers to open fire. "DON'T MOVE! One move and we will shoot!"

Mudd however didn't react, and simply continued to cough violently. He reached out a hand and gave a mighty weeze before falling over in a heap on the floor. McCoy quickly shoved a red shirt to the side and checked over the fallen over felon and scanned him with a tricorder. Nothing happened, all readings were cold. He then reached out to check his pulse and found that there was none. "He's dead Jim. I mean, Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow in surprise and said the only thing that came to him. "Fascinating. It would seem that there's going to be a change in plan." He then began to walk away, signaling a red shirt to follow he began issuing commands. "I want his body moved to the ships morgue, I will leave you responsible for that action. I myself will be informing the station master at K4 about these new events."

"My god man," McCoy said in his most dramatic voice. "A man just died here, and all you can think about is the procedures?"

"Procedure is an important part of how things are done," Spock said coldly. "Now, what is your name?" He asked the red shirt next to him.

"Lieutenant Joe Uribe," the man said with a flat tone.

"Mister Uribe," Spock said as he continued in the direction of the turbo lift, "Keep an eye on the body, I want it moved off of this ship as soon as possible."

"What do you mean they're gone?"

"Well it's like I said," Fluttershy commented as she, Spike and Twilight headed into town at a gallop. "You and Spike were in the other room, and I was making more tea for our guests, and they were gone."

Twilight gave a groan as they continued toward town. "Princess Celestia could be here at any second, and without those two we have no proof whatsoever that they even exist! We need some kind of clue."

It was almost as if on cue that the sound of a scream pierced the air, and the trio quickly headed in that direction to find a small mob of ponies standing in a circle. As they got closer to investigate, Redshirt suddenly broke free from the mob and fell in front of them. "You can't believe how happy I am to see some friendly faces."

"What happened?" Fluttershy commented softly before Twilight started to push forward to get into the center of the mob. There, she saw Kirk, in what appeared to be a hoof to horn fight with a random unicorn she'd never seen before.

Kirk was being held in a magical field and being thrown around from one side of the mob to the other, only to get up and stagger forward and hold a hoof up. He looked as if he were about to say something, when the mare slammed a tamborine upside his head with a surprising amount of kinetic energy. "I don't get it," Twilight said as she took in the scene. "What started all this?"

"Well," Redshirt said with a frown, "It all started a few minutes ago;"

Earlier,

"There doesn't seem to be anything really dangerous going on in this town," Kirk said with a clear amount of disappointment. "Maybe we should just leave."

"Oh I don't know," Ensign Ricky said with a smile. "It's really nice here." He continued to walk around the square, meandering his way towards a small group of musicians. "I think I'd like to retire here if I could."

"I'm sure you would Ensign Ri- I mean, Redshirt," Kirk said with a sigh as he followed. "But we have a commitment to Starfleet back home." The pair of them continued to talk to each other as the musicians began to parade through the crowd. The two of them seemed content to ignore them, until a green unicorn mare happened to pass between the two of them shaking her tambourine.

It was as if something was activated in Kirk. With the failed attempt at getting into a fight still looming over him, a new thought came to his mind as he followed the green mare. "Uh, Miss tambourine mare?"

The pony continued to dance as she played her instrument, using different parts of her body as contact points for the instrument to hit as she went from stallion to stallion with a seductive smile on her face, and collecting bits that were thrown at her as she did what she did best. Always with same smile on her face, one that was inviting, a come hither look that suggested a wild and dangerous time that no stallion could resist. And Kirk was one of them.

He suddenly left the side of Redshirt and began to follow the mare as she continued to dance and sway with her instrument, and he tried again to get her attention. "Miss tambourine mare?" Again, she ignored him and continued as if he wasn't there. Not used to being ignored, Kirk fell to his knees and threw his forehooves in the air and shouted as loudly as he could, "MISS TAMBOURINE MARE!"

"WHAT?!" She finally replied and stopped playing, but the look on her face was anything but serine.

"And he said something to her, but I didn't catch it, and then she started beating him up."

Twilight looked on in awe as the unicorn grabbed Kirk and threw him into the side of a building with extreme force. The mare then slammed the tambourine into Kirk's face and walked away in a huff. "And don't you ever dare step hoof towards me ever again!"

Twilight quickly went over to the injured pony and looked him over for any severe injuries. "Are you alright? Anything broken?"

"Only my pride," Kirk said with a frown before coughing into his hoof. "She never tore my shirt."

Twilight made a pained face, when she suddenly felt Spike's claw tap her on the side. "Uh, Twilight, I think Celestia got your letter." She turned into the direction he was pointing in, and saw a pair of royal guards marching toward her.

"Excuse me," one of the guards said in a gruff voice. "But we are under orders from Princess Luna to collect you and the ponies you claim to have discovered this morning."

"Princess Luna?" Fluttershy questioned the guard. "But I thought we sent the letter to Princess Celestia."

"Celestia is busy with an important diplomatic mission," the guard said without missing a beat. "Princess Luna therefore shall be handling this in her stead." Everypony involved all looked at each other, before Redshirt shrugged.

"I guess we see Luna then," Twilight said with a small sigh. Everypony began to pile into the carrage, only for a hoof to halt Fluttershy from entering.

"We apologize," One of the guards said as he held out his hoof. "But we are under orders to only bring Twilight Sparkle and the two ponies she says she found."

"Oh, um, well, that's fine then," Fluttershy collapsed immediately. "This is more Twilight's thing than mine anyway."

"But you were there with me when we discovered the crashed," she stopped and leaned closer to Fluttershy before whispering, "the you know what."

"Oh, no, it's fine, really," Fluttershy insisted. "Bring Spike with you instead, I've got to go home anyway. Angel gets angry if I leave without feeding him first."

"Well, if you say so," Twilight said with a slight frown. "What do you guys think?"

"Fine with me," Redshirt said. Twilight then looked at Kirk, who was busying himself by looking into a small compartment in the carriage. "I think he's fine too," Redshirt said with a frown before sitting in one of the seats.

Twilight looked at the guards with frustration as Spike sat down next to her. It didn't bother her so much that Spike was allowed to come, but it annoyed her immensely that her friend that had helped make the discovery wasn't invited to go. Giving off a sigh of disappointment before just giving in herself. "Well at least somepony important will help us."

Princess Luna sat down in a room and quietly waited for Twilight to come in to see her with the pair of ponies that she claimed were aliens. "Very well then, we have prepared to put our best hoof forward," she said to herself as she glanced over the small table she had prepared. "We have the small edible treats to show our hospitality, and I have Celestia's favorite boiled leaf water to show our good intent." She clapped her hooves together in excitement. "And then we will show Celestia that we are good diplomats as well, and get the respect of our guards at last for opening interstellar boarders for Equestria for the first time!"

"I'm sorry, your majesty," The guard in the room said with a frown. "But wouldn't it be better to validate these claims?"

"Oh but that's what we are doing Sergeant," Luna said with a smile. "See, this cake?" She pointed to a rather ornate looking cake in the center of the table. "It has a spell cast on it of our own design that will make anypony who eats it tell the truth."

"Impressive," the guard said with a raise of his eyebrow. "But, aren't you worried that they might suspect?"

"Oh they won't suspect a thing," Princess Luna said with a smile. "This spell hasn't been seen by anypony in over a thousand years. Even Twilight Sparkle won't suspect a thing."

"Alright," the guard said as he went to the door to open it. "Then shall I bring them in?"

"Thou may," Luna said as she put her best regal face on.

Just outside of the door, Twilight was making preparations of her own. "Now listen you two, Princess Luna hasn't been apart of Equestrian society for a while;"

"How long of a while?" Redshirt asked with a tilt of his head.

"A thousand years of exile on the moon," Twilight said with a wave of her hoof. "But that's not the important part, what is important is that she might still use much older traditions than anypony uses these days."

Kirk began to laugh at the word, 'anypony,' before being shushed by Twilight as the door began to open. "Just remember, be on your absolute best behavior." She turned to face the door as it began to open, then faced Kirk and gave a stern look. "Especially you."

Kirk gave his best innocent look and Twilight just shook her head before smiling at the guard. "Her highness Princess Luna expects you," he then stepped aside and the group lead by Twilight entered. Spike was just about to go in after them when the guard stopped him with a hoof. "Sorry little dragon, but only Twilight and her supposed discoveries only."

Spike raised a claw in protest and thought of barging in anyway, only for his face to fall slightly. "It's alright, I'm used to being left out of Twilight's adventures."

The guard watched as Spike sat down on a bench, and couldn't help but feel sorry for the little guy. "Uh, hey." Spike looked up at the guard expectantly. "I can't let you in here, but my shift here is about to end. How would you like to hang with me and the other guards that are coming off duty."

Spike rubbed his chin in contemplation for a few moments. Finally he asked, "Can I get my own sword and uniform?"

The guard smiled as his replacement came to take over the post. "Kid, I think we're gonna get along fine."

Inside the room, the trio of ponies all stood in a row. They all looked around expectantly for the princess, only to find a table full of food. "Where is she?"

"Greetings visitors!" The shout from the far corner of the room startled all three ponies, sending the ensign flat on his back in a faint. "We have been expecting you, and we have prepared for thee a glorious feast!"

Kirk bowed low to the ground before Princess Luna. "Your highness, it is an honor to meet you. I am Captain James T. Kirk, and the pony beside me is Ensign Ricky Smith."

"Strange names," Luna said with a frown. "But thou seems well mannered. I bid thee to rise," Luna said casually as she walked over to the table. "Please have a slice of cake and tea, our sister says that these are all the rage at parties today, and we can discuss the details of where you come from, and how to send you back while we make merry."

Twilight shrugged slightly and helped herself to a small slice while passing another to Kirk who was busy trying to figure out how to use his hooves to pour himself a cup of tea. "Here, let me help you." Twilight offered with a nervous smile as she poured the tea into a cup for him.

Kirk nodded in thanks and took a bite of cake before sipping on tea. He didn't even notice that his hooves did this without him having to think about it. "Wow, this cake, it's delicious!" He then took another sip of the tea and shrugged. "But I think I've had better tea before. But-" he stopped as he realized what he'd just said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"'Tis alright," Luna said with a smile. "Now tell us the truth." She paused for a moment to look over the pair, then pointed at Twilight. "You first, tell us, where did you find this pony?"

"He says he isn't a pony," Twilight said, nearly blurting it out before slowing down to speak properly. "I found him and his cohort in the Everfree forest inside of a crashed ship."

"Excelent," Luna said with a small nod. "At least you believe that to be true. Now you, where do you come from."

"Riverside, Iowa, United States, Earth, United Federation of Planets." He droned dully as he stared at Princess Luna with half lidded eyes.

"And why are you here?" Luna said with a steely smile.

"Our, ship had, encountered a wormhole. That's a mass of gravity in space, usually an unsteady portal leading to unknown dimensions or places in space."

"We know what a wormhole is Kirk," Luna said with a bored expression. "We raise the moon each night, and hath been observing the movements of the stars eons before thou existed!" She paused for a moment to calm down when she noticed her voice level was going up. "Now, art thou on a mission of peace, or conquest?"

"Princess Luna, I don't think that,"

"Silence Twilight Sparkle," Luna said in a harsh tone. "Thou needs to watch, and observe." She then pointed a hoof at Kirk who backed away from the dark mare slightly. "Again speak, is it peace, or conquest thou art here for?"

"We do not look for war, nor seek to conquer this planet," Kirk said with an almost remarkable sense of calmness. "We simply seek a way to repair our vessel so we may return home."

Luna nodded to the statement before grabbing herself a small sandwich from the table. "Well, we must admit that Equestria isn't exactly the most technologically advanced country on this earth," she said with a frown. "However, we might be able to return you home. But it will take some time to research. "

"What was that?" Ricky said as he began to stand up, only to fall forward from trying to stand upright. "Oh, still a horse," he mumbled before sitting upright.

"Ah, thou has recovered." Luna said with a smile. "We have determined that your captain's story is true, and we insist that you stay with us while we find a way to help."

"Can I share your room Princess?" Kirk said with a smile and a wink before slamming his hooves over his mouth.

The comment seemed to have flown straight over Luna's head as she carried on. "No, we believe that we have enough accommodations for you to have your own room," she said matter of factly.

Ricky looked on in awe at what had just happened and quickly walked up to Kirk and whispered, "What are you doing?"

"I can't help it, there's something in the cake that makes me tell the truth."

"Captain, can't you do something to get your mind off of your libido, that pony looks serious." They both looked at Princess Luna as she drank deep from a cup, only to have a blot of whipped cream on the end of her nose. She looked at it cross eyed and tried to lick it off with her tongue.

"But, I can't help it," Kirk said with a shake of his head. "She has the stars in her hair."

"She's also a giant magical horse," Ricky said with a frown. "Can't you try to remember that at least?"

"What's going on here?" Twilight said as she joined the pair of ponies discussion. "I can't keep up the small talk with Luna for much longer."

"Uhh, well you see," Ensign Ricky said with a frown. He looked to his right to try to get an answer out of Kirk, or a way he could explain it without being crass. The only problem was that he wasn't there.

The two of them began looking around when they spotted Kirk standing next to Princess Luna who was giggling lightly at whatever Kirk had just told her. "Oh my, but thou doth have a sense of humor. No, we haven't any stallions, it's been ages since we've been involved with a stallion. "

"Well," Kirk said with his most charming smile. "Sounds like you could use a man's company this evening."

"We're sorry, but what did thou just say?" Luna asked as a white light filled her eyes.

"Whoa hang on, er- I mean, Forgive my captain Princess Luna," Ricky said with a bow. "He's not himself late, no that isn't right. He's always like that." He actually started to sweat hard as the room darkened and Luna leaned in closer to the trio of ponies.

"Oh yes," Princess Luna said in a much louder, much darker voice. "I think I have a room for you, Kirk."

"So, what's next Stalwart?" Spike asked as he adjusted the guard helmet and sword he was wearing.

"Oh, you're gonna love this," Stalwart said with a grin as he opened the door in front of him. "In here is the dungeons where we keep only the most dangerous criminals against the crown."

"Whoa," Spike said as he jogged to catch up to the guard. "You mean even more dangerous than the legends of Hades?"

"Er, well, no," the guard admitted as he walked through the doorway. "But, they might not be the world destroying masterminds on god tier level as the ones in the garden, or Hades," Stalwart said with a grin. "But they are regular ponies just like, well not you as much as me, but still. Even a regular pony with enough drive can become a threat to the crown."

"Whoa," Spike said in awe as he re-adjusted his uniform and ran after the guard. "You mean, anypony can be a villain, and doesn't have to be an ancient power of evil?"

"Uh, sure," the guard said with a shrug. "But it also means that anyone can be a hero, not just some chosen one, or something like that," he said with a smile. "Oh hey, Spike, I want you to meet Lock'n Key, She's in charge of the prisoners down here. How's it goin' Lock?"

The mare in charge of the dungeon was a thestral that had a bored look on her face. She looked over at the pair and gave a tired, but friendly smile. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing much, just showing the guard's tour of the castle to this little guy," Stalwart said with a smile. "So, anything new happen down here today?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I've got a new one today," Lock said with a small grin. "Tried to flirt with the crown, possibly to gain her respect, or maybe to try and do... something." The mare opened a magazine and began to read through it. "He's got a couple visitors right now, but go on in and have a look around."

The two of the guys shrugged at her before opening the next door to lead them into the dungeon proper, only to see Twilight and Redshirt sitting outside of a cell. "Now don't worry we'll calm her down, but you kinda did this to yourself."

Spike was surprised to see them there at all, and immediately ran forward calling their names. "Twilight, Redshirt, what happened?"

"Well," Twilight said with a frown. "Somepony couldn't help himself in front of Princess Luna."

Spike leaned into the bars, and saw that Kirk was leaning against the far wall, nursing a large lump on the side of his face with a bag of ice. "It was worth it, for she had the very stars I love in her hair."

Author's Note

Man, I'm a pretty slow writer, but now that this mid hump is over, I'm pretty sure that the rest of the story will be finished soon. Cheers to you!