Dick Figures of Equestria
“What is wrong with your body?” Twilight asked as Rainbow Dash trotted up to her in the park, her legs twitching like she was having a siezure.
“HEEeeeyy twII! How you fLY?” Dash said, her voice changing pitch constantly. As she said it she pointed her hooves at Twilight and then proceeded to wave her hooves in the air like she just don't care.
“What is wrong with your voice?” Twilight asked in concern.
“There ain't Nothing wrong with MY voice, Shortaaaiiee.” Dash said, her body making a new pose on each word, ending with a limb wiggle. She then proceeded to dance with her hooves in the air and her head hung low.
“You're making some weird sounds.” Twilight said, pointing at Dash.
Dash flinched, “Oh, uuuh thAt.” she said rolling her hooves around, “I swallowed a BEE or Something.”she gyrated her hips as she said it and then leaped into the air, staying there in a cross legged position. “Maybe a ROBOT FROG.” she dropped to the ground, “III don't know, but IT sounds sick as FUUUUUUCK!” Dash then proceeded to pump her hoof in the air.
“Whatever, Dash.” Twilight said, “I got a serious problem.”
“Yeah mare, turn up the problem!” Dash sang.
“DASH!” Twilight yelled.
“Sorry.” Dash said in a surprisingly normal voice but then quickly corrected herself, “SOORRAAYEE”
“No, really,” Twilight said, narrowing her eyes at Dash, “I'm having some mare problems.”
“Then I feel bad for you girl.” Dash crossed her hooves.
“My marefriend dumped me last night.” Twilight explained.
“OH MY LUNA!” Dash said, looking horrified.
“Thanks, Dash, I know, we were together for a long ti-”
“A DRAGON!” Dash interrupted.
They looked over to the overturned trash can to see Spike crawl out with a banana peel in hand. His eyes focused on them and he said, “Konichiwa.”
Dash was shaking and had her hooves raised in defence, “NATure's ninJAAAA.”
Twilight gave her a flat stare and clapped her hooves in her face. Dash snapped out of it and shook her hooves in the air as she yelled, “OOOOOOOoooohhh shiiiiIIIIIIITTT!”
“You sound really stupid.” Twilight said.
“YEAH RIGHT! MY Voice sounds tight as fuuuuck.” Dash said as she did a few more dance moves. She then turned to the park and yelled, “HEY PONIES! You like the sound of my VOOIIIICEE?”
From all around, mares, stallions and foals yelled and cheered. Dash took this attention in stride, “I can't Hear you. I said, Do you like the sound of my VO-O-O-OIICEE?”
Music began blasting and everyone started to dance. Dash soon found herself grinding against a few mares. Dash then brought two mares over to Twilight, who glared at Dash, “Yo TWI, I got you a mare friend and a mare for your marefriend.” she then turned to Derpy who stood nearby and said seriously, “and you can go home.” Derpy trotted away sadly.
All of a sudden, carts pulled up and massive speakers appeared out of nowhere. “YAYA!” Dash cried. Spike was in the middle doing the monkey vine, “Yeah, shorty, Make-a dat ass Clap!”
Twilight thought to herself and then turned to two mares nearby. She coughed and then tried to imitate Dash's voice, “You're looking Very PR-” she coughed as her voice cracked, “Ah Fuck.” she said before being slapped by one of the mares.
Spike then appeared and pointed to the mares, “You need to be with grown-ass stallion!” Twilight narrowed her eyes at him and he flipped her off like a whip. He then proceeded to walk off with the two mares in tow.
Meanwhile, Dash kept dancing, “Yeah, Yeeaaah, Yeaaa-” she stopped as she began to choke and then fart. A bee came out of her ass and screamed, “I'm FREE Mother Fuckeeeer!”, as it flew off
Dash just stared at the bee, “Oh damn, it was a bee.” she said, her voice back to normal. She turned to the mares around her, “Yes, mare! I like your movements!” but her voice had lost it's charm. The mares just stared at her and then the party stopped. The carts packed up and everyone left in a stampede. “Soyanara!” Spike yelled as her threw down a smoke bomb.
When the smoke cleared, Twilight trotted up to Dash and spoke in a monotone voice, “Oh, Dash, I'm so sorry for you, you had everything. Woooww.”
Dash ignored her tone, “Yep, well, looks like everything's back to norma-” she was cut off as she let loose a small fart. The two of them jumped in surprise. Dash then let loose some more farts in a more musical tone. Twilight just stared at Dash, “Why am I friends with you?” she asked, partially to herself.
“'Cause I'm Awsome.” Dash replied.